Funny / Bob's Burgers

A perfectly normal Thanksgiving dinner... well, for the Belchers anyway.

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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Season One

Human Flesh

• Bob is just not good with dates.
  Bob: Today's your birthday?
  Linda: *pan out to her holding balloons* Yes, Bob.
  Bob: *wearing tinted glasses* Today's my birthday?
  Linda: *pan out to Bob holding balloons* Yes, Bob!
  Bob: Your due date was today?
  Linda: *pan out to Linda and Bob wearing hospital gowns with Linda holding a baby* Yes, Bob!
  Bob: How'd it go?
  Linda: How do you think it—good, it went very well.
  Bob: That's good. Boy or girl?
• Bob tries to tell Gene that heavy children don't get molested. Gene is quite understandably unconvinced.
• Hugo claiming that the restaurant will be shut down if their burgers show more than the 4 percent of human flesh allowed by the FDA.
• The kids are stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel while their parents make out below them.
  Gene: You're a couple of sluts!
  Tina: I think it's nice.
  Louise: Can you get this thing moving?! I'm getting scarred for life up here!
  • Right as the episode ends, one can see that the Ferris wheel starts moving immediately after Louise tells it to.

Crawl Space

• Louise entertains Bob with a spot-on imitation of Gloria's voice. When Linda tells the two to knock it off, Bob loudly claims that they love Gloria... before immediately whispering to Louise that they hate Gloria.
• Gene's pretty sure he knows who wrote The Chronicles of Narnia:
  Bob: It's not by Salman Rushdie.
  • Gene not only gets it wrong but actively refuses to be corrected. First he acts as if Bob is wrong, then when Bob tells him to just look it up he pretends he just did and claims he was right.
• Bob realizes he's stuck in the crawl space, which means he won't have to deal with Gloria. Triumphant music swells at this realization. Unfortunately, both his good mood and said music are undercut when he also realizes he farted.
• Gene playing the sounds of his grandparents having sex for his report on prohibition.
  • What sells it is the happy look on his face, even while being told to go to the Principal's office immediately.
• Bob tells Linda she nags like her mother. Linda denies it while she herself is nagging.
  Bob: (In the wall) What was that, Nag-atha Christie?
  • Gets funnier later when he makes up even more of them, like "Spiro Nag-new", "Nag-ety Ann", and "Secretary of Nag-riculture". Linda can't help herself but chuckle when he gets to that last one.
• Tina's dream of having a threesome with zombies devolves when she starts imagining they sound like her grandparents.
• Louise holds a seance for her father and invites a few girls from school to participate. Bob actually goes along with it, pretending to be a ghost. But despite both Bob and Louise stating repeatedly that he's the ghost of her father, the girls completely fail to realize who he is and ask him if he's one of the ghosts from a list of random movies. Bob gets so fed up with their incompetence that he threatens to eat their souls, all while an amused Louise watches on.
• Bob's The Shining inspired delusions.
• Al's Maxim magazine.
  Gene: The women of Coyote Ugly. I don't even think they're alive anymore.
• Bob turning Louise's Kuchi Kopi nightlight into a Companion Cube due to his increasing isolation-induced madness. At the end of the episode, although free from the wall, Bob refuses to give it back to Louise. Louise winds up jumping on top of Bob to try and take back Kuchi Kopi, remarking on how embarrassing this is for her.

Sacred Cow

• Bob sneaking the cow into the apartment in the middle of the night, and then telling Linda she "won't even notice it's there". The cow then promptly urinates on the rug, creating a puddle so large Bob has to take a step back from it.
  • Made even funnier by Gene rushing in, thinking he's in the middle of having a dream, stating it's the best dream he's ever had, joyfully screaming "Everybody pee on the floor!" and pulling his pants down.
    Gene: WHO'S WITH ME?!
• Bob pointing out that beef is made from steers, not cows, and that the "cow" the filmmakers brought is in fact male. And that they didn't milk it, no matter what they think.
  Randy: Then, uh, how do you explain that udder?
  Tina: Whoa, what an udder...
  Bob: Get away from there, Tina.
• Randy advocating for the cow by gluing a wig to its head and leaving it outside in the freezing rain.
• Bob discovering that cattle can't walk down stairs.
• The film crew and the Belchers finding out who kidnapped the cow: an elderly couple who make their intentions clear while doing an Evil Laugh on camera. Both groups are disturbed.
  • The irony that the film crew didn't want to make the couple's life miserable since they ran a made-up cheap zoo with clearly abused animals and still want to make a big deal out of Bob trying to supposedly kill the cow for the 100,000th burger.
  • Despite the crew arriving on the scene midday with no opposition, Randy insists that the Belchers rescue Moolissa at night for dramatic effect.
  • How do Bob and Randy save Moolissa? By siccing Louise and Gene on the elderly couple like they're attack dogs.
• Bob's attempts to keep the cow safe, culminating with the cow barely avoiding being run over by the Animal Control officer's car. The car manages to stop in time but the cow gets a heart attack out of it and dies.
  • The officer runs out of his car, screaming that he didn't hit the cow. Once he's been assured it was a heart attack, he runs to get some papers from his car...then just drives away.
• Bob's dream of making out with a cow, and his family watching him lying on the street, wiggling his tongue around.

Sexy Dance Fighting

• Louise gets the Capoeira teacher to come cheer up Tina after the bowel incident and tells Bob "You're welcome". Then she puts a knife in his hand and whispers "You're welcome".
  • In the same episode, Louise tells Bob she is going to try and get Tina to come back. She proceeds to shout that Tina is dead to the family and should never come back.
    Bob: Thanks Louise, that was.. very helpful.
  • The fact that Louise spends the rest of the episode post-bowel incident trying to get Bob to kill Jairo for revenge.
• Linda refers to Tina's Capoeira demonstration as a "Karate concert".

Hamburger Dinner Theatre

• Linda refusing Bob sex, in song.
  • The fact that Bob would rather have Linda go to a strip club instead of dinner theater speaks volumes about their marriage.
• The Belchers are asked to tone down the gore in their show. In response, they put up a banner saying "2 shows left! Now w/ 20% less gore!"
• The restaurant gets robbed during the play and the customers think it's All Part of the Show.
  • Right afterwards a woman asks Bob if he could break five dollars so she could tip them, and he just completely loses it. Even better, she's still dense about the situation by the time she leaves.
    Woman: Could you break a five? I'd love to tip out the cast.
    Bob: NO! I CAN'T BREAK A FIVE, LADY! I WAS JUST ROBBED! DID YOU NOT JUST SEE THAT?! YOU WERE STANDING RIGHT HERE, IDIOT!
    Woman: Oh, you people commit!
    Bob: GET OUT!!

Sheesh! Cab, Bob

• Gene's Internet Adventure.
  Bob: Guess who learned a lot about transvestites last night?
  Gene: I was only on that website for like two seconds!
  Bob: What? No, I was talking about me. I picked up a group of transvestite hookers who showed me a side of this town I never knew existed. And Gene, you're banned from the computer for two days.
  Gene: After what I saw, I'm fine with that.
• Bob might have been a pimp for a trio of prostitutes.
  Louise: You're gonna need a bigger hat.
• Bob on crack. The whole scene is just Bob stumbling around the kitchen as walking Mood Whiplash, and it's fantastic.
  Bob: I may or may not have tried crack.
  • Linda's less upset about the fact that Bob tried crack and more upset that he did it without her.
• Jimmy Pesto agrees to let Jimmy Jr. attend Tina's party on the condition that Bob shave his mustache and give it to Jimmy in a bag. Bob's response is probably one of the best zingers in the entire show.
  Bob: If you want a bag of hair so bad, why don't you just pick it out of the food you serve here?
• Bob shaving off the 'stache.
  Linda: Awww, Bob, you made yourself ugly to save Tina's party!
• Jimmy Pesto's nickname at the Desire Dungeon: "Baby Num Num", acquired because of a diaper fetish.
• The sheer fact that the episode's main conflict is resolved by Bob kink-shaming Jimmy Pesto into letting his son attend Tina's party.

Bed and Breakfast

• When Linda turns the house into a bed and breakfast, the entire family has to share a bed. Tina welcomes Louise to the bed, saying, "This is where I thrash", and proceeds to do so. Apparently she spends every night flopping in place like a fish.
  • Earlier, Gene ends up getting a little too close to Bob in the bed.
    Bob: Gene. Gene. Your foot is down the back of my underwear.
    Gene: It's warm down there. My feet are cold!
    Bob: (matter-of-factly) Yes, but it's my ass.
    Gene: Mmm.
• Javid remarking on how crazy Linda is behaving... then talking to his beetles.
• Teddy trying to make an order for a bacon burger after his face has been swollen shut by horny beetles. It quickly turns into a game of charades.
• Teddy beating up the Fuzzy Buddies that Louise summoned on him to flush him out of her room.
  • After getting over it, he intends to go out with the one in the owl costume, believing that it's a woman. Turns out it's not, but he perks up after hearing the fox was a girl...but she already left.
• Gene keeps the gimp mask that the BDSM couple left behind. When Linda tries to confiscate it, Gene forgets to unzip the eyes and sprints straight into the wall, groaning in pain for the last few seconds of the episode.

Art Crawl

• Linda's "Pink Elephants On Parade"-esque dream sequence. Complete with music.
• Bob forcing Edith and Harold out of the restaurant with the pictures of anuses.
• Louise trying to cut Gene's ear off a la Van Gogh so he could be a better artist. What really sells it is how enthusiastic Gene is about it.
  Louise: If you're going artsy, then you're going all the way. Someone's cutting off an ear.
  Tina: I need both of mine. I wear glasses.
  Louise (to Gene): Welp, what's your excuse?
  Gene: Don't got one. Have at it!
  • And Bob coming out of the restaurant (because he needed a break from looking at Gayle's paintings) just as Louise is about to cut Gene's ear off.
    Bob: What are you kids doing?
    Louise: What knife?!
    Bob: What do you mean, "what knife"? Why are you holding a knife?
    Gene: She's turning me into a real artist!
• Bob. Just Bob. He seemed like a demented madman in this episode, especially the Big "OMG!" and his "Anus!" chant.
• "And I can only paint THE TRUTH! The robots are coming!"
• Tina painting Dr. Yap in the nude. She took some "artistic license."
• Louise and Harold's shouting match.
  "YOU smell like ointment and pee!"
• "You can't have a 28-year-old albino friend!"
• Edith refusing to let Harold drink water from Bob's even though he's choking.
• "Bob, you are in direct violation of my wife."
• Gale's flashback depicting how she got her inspiration for the anus paintings, complete with Celine Dion-esque music as she looks at a gopher's butt.
• Louise trying to tell Bob to "shut his mouth" after bribing the police with the money she earned from running an art stand.

Spaghetti Western and Meatballs

• After performing a skit about talking things out rather than using violence, Tina tells her costar Jocelyn that if she ever really gossiped about her...
  Tina: I will punch you...and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again...
  Jocelyn: (slowly backing away) Oh, my God. What a psycho.
• Tina sees Jocelyn gossiping to Jimmy Jr., and quickly makes good on her earlier threat.
  Tina: I Warned You, skank!
• The entire scene in Mr. Frond's office after Louise and Gene's food fight, including Frond using his A.B.S. by pinching Bob in the eye, and Louise throwing a doll at Gene.
  Mr. Frond: HEY! Don't throw Repressed Memory Emily!
  Louise: She won't remember this.
• "BANJO! He's strummin' for you..."
• Gene attempting to deal with a school enemy (a kid Gene is angry at for stealing his punchlines), by imitating the western movie Banjo. He attempts a Death Glare, but Louise just thinks he's having a stroke.
• Choo-Choo gets fed up with Gene and challenges him to a fight after school, including dramatically taking his shirt off and shouting "This train is going off the rails! Choo-choo!" Gene then realizes he was way off in his assumption that Choo-Choo's nickname came from being a noisy chewer.

Burger Wars

• The Belchers have to resort to a "Group Heimlich" when Fischoeder nearly chokes on a burger.
• There's a dramatic zoom when Fischoeder demands Bob pay his rent by Friday... then another one when Tina offers to wrap up the remains of his burger, and a third one when Gene offers some fries.
• After a montage of Bob and Jimmy Pesto spying on each other, Bob insists he couldn’t care less about what Jimmy is up to... while watching Jimmy through a telescope. Linda tells Bob he needs to grow up... then asks to peep through the telescope.
• Bob ends up in a brawl with Jimmy Pesto, which Mr. Fischoeder takes bets on. When the two tire themselves out and it ends in a draw, Tina actually wins some money because she was the only one to bet on the fight ending with "both of them hugging each other".
• Jimmy Pesto tries to interrupt Fischoeder's rant about how delicious Bob's cooking is, and Fischoeder keeps shushing him.

Weekend At Mort's

• Bob getting drunk at Jimmy Pesto's and falling asleep in a casket in Mort's funeral home. When the kids hear him snoring, they think he's a zombie and try to incinerate it in the crematorium.
  Louise: It's trying to sweet talk us!
  Tina: That's classic zombie.
• Bob constantly referring to Mort's date as "Lady Mortician" (her name is Samantha, for the record).
• After Linda refers to their stay at Mort's funeral home as a "Haunted Honeymoon," the kids start booing and waving their arms around like ghosts. After a minute, Mort starts making spooky hand motions in the background.
• Jimmy Pesto's Pastafarian night.
  Bob: What? Lin, our song is not "Ziti Tonight".
• Gene tries to get out of going into the basement by saying that he forgot who sang "Funkytown" and needs to look it up. Later, he suddenly blurts out that he just remembered the song was done by Lipps, Inc.
  • Which implies Gene genuinely didn’t remember, but needed an excuse anyways.

Lobsterfest

• Gene reading Tina's "mating list" after Linda tells them that they might have to repopulate the Earth.
  Gene: Gay, gay, mythical creature... gay mythical creature...
• Drunken Bob during the "Bobsterfest" party is a source of much hilarity, like asking the crowd to crowd-surf him away from an angry Linda.
• The flashback of Bob acting as Hugo's wingman during the party, including showing crude diagrams of how to have sex with a woman.
• Despite suffering a violent allergic reaction to shellfish, Gene insists that he's always looked like this to his dad. When Bob takes a look at one of Gene's old baby pictures, he's surprised to see the puffy-faced newborn Gene does look a lot like Gene's current condition.
• When Gretchen breaks up with him, Hugo is in such a bad mood he tries to shut down Bob's restaurant over a broken spindle.

Torpedo

• After Bob's lists off the things Mr. Fischoeder owns, Louise says she's going to marry him.
  Bob: No you're not.
  Louise: I wanna be rich!
• Gene trying to remember the name of the restaurant he works at when being given an opportunity to give free advertising. When Gene finally remembers the name, Mr. Fischoeder refuses to let him say it. But the true gem is Bob—the entire time, he's going absolutely mental in the background, shouting the restaurant's name in vain and practically having a seizure when Fischoeder cuts Gene off.
  Bob: Gene, are you kidding me?! The name of the resturant is Bob's Burgers!
  Gene: Well I call you Dad! I think of it as Dad's Burgers!
  Bob: You live above it! You work in it every day!
• Tina's attempts to get cozy with the entire baseball team (as only Tina can).
  Tina: My brother won again! (butt slap) Guys, take off your shirts!
• Tina stealing a jock strap from the Wonderdogs' locker room.
• Tina makes quite a leap in logic that completely derails the previous conversation:
  Bob: What it is, is helping people enjoy baseball more. It's entertainment.
  Tina: I'm confused. Are you and Mom getting divorced?
  Bob: What?
  Tina: Oh my God, you are.
  Gene: I call Mom!
  Louise: I call Dad!
  Tina: (dejected) You guys took both of them.
• Bob and Mr. Fischoeder talk while using the bathroom. Bob awkwardly notes that Mr. Fischoeder doesn't hold his penis in place when he pees, instead standing with his hands on his hips.
  Bob: You... don't hold your... when you pee.
  Fischoeder: Why? It's not going anywhere.
• When Bob asks Mr. Fischoeder for advice on confronting someone who's doing something illegal, Mr. Fischoeder can only awkwardly ask, "Is it me? Is it abortions?"

Season Two

The Belchies

• Gene, as he licks the old machinery in the taffy factory: "I can taste The Korean War!"
  • Followed by Andy and Ollie, who are licking the same taffy puller: "I taste rust!" "I taste Andy's spit!"
• "Ironic detachment is great, nothing means anything!"
• Taff. Just, just Taff. There's nothing more heartwarming than a young girl bonding with a man made out of taffy with a disturbing face.
• "If boys had uteruses they'd be called 'duderuses'."
• "I'd like to thank this brick and Questlove."
• Bob finds out the hard way that Linda snuck a penis pill into his casserole. He's stuck with a Raging Stiffie for the rest of the episode.
• Linda asks Bob's penis to lead them to the kids, using the absolutely infallible logic that it made the kids, so it can help find them.
• Linda calling Bob's penis "Girl".
  Bob: Wait, wha, why is it a girl?
  Linda: Because it's a pretty brunette, like Catherine Zeta-Jones.
• Taff sticking to Bob's erection.
• Linda saying she's gonna sleep like a baby. A horny baby.
• Bob's horrible luck with the sex dice.
  Bob: I got "lick" and "foot" again.
  Linda: Come on, lick it like you like it!
  Bob: No more lick foot.
  Linda: This little piggy goes all the way home.
  • Linda rolls "hug" and "chair." Bob winds up sitting on her lap, and it's not so much sexy as detrimental to Linda's well-being.
  Linda (struggling): Get off! GET OFF!
• After Teddy sees Taff stuck on Bob's body.
  Teddy: Whoa! Your sex night took a weird turn, eh, Bobby? (Bob narrows his eyes, Teddy quiets down)
• Linda asks an injured Bob: "How's your penis?" Doubly funny in that she asks him in front of the kids.
  Gene: Mine's a nightmare, if anyone's wondering!
• The Sleeping Dummies the kids set up so they can sneak out of the house; Louise used a convincingly-shaped pile of clothes and an inflated balloon, Gene leaves a full bag of trash (causing Linda to exclaim "I knew he didn't take out the garbage!"), and instead of anything even remotely resembling her sleeping form, Tina just left a post-it note on her pillow simply reading 'Tina', apparently thinking it would somehow fool her parents.

Bob Day Afternoon

• Mickey's initial ransom demand is some pizzas from Jimmy Pesto's Pizzeria, but shortly after receiving them, multiple gunshots are heard from the bank: instead of Mickey losing his temper and shooting a hostage, he instead shot the pizzas multiple times, then proceeds to throw them out of the bank and yell to the crowd outside how much Jimmy's pizzas suck. As for why he shot the pizzas, it was basically just to make a point. Bob is naturally ecstatic about this turn of events.
  • Later, when he gets Bosco to suggest burgers as a replacement ransom demand, he asks Tina to mark the bags so that the people outside and the media will be aware of their contents, hoping he could get some free publicity that way: she then draws a weird fish-like scribble (well, she claims it's a fish) on both of them since Bob didn't specify it'd have to be something that would identify his restaurant and she couldn't think of anything else she could draw. Upon seeing the drawing, Edith refers to it as a "weird penis", and newscaster Olsen Benner later refers to Bob's restaurant as "Rocket Fish Burgers".
• Louise: IT'S MY DADDY!! MY DADDY'S IN THERE!
  • The cop behind her takes his headset off every time she screams.
• Gene's Imagine Spot about attending a robot college.
• When Bob is first getting ready to deliver the burgers to the bank, his entire family starts clinging to him and screaming for him not to go. Bob and Sergeant Bosco are both getting increasingly pissed off, while his family gets increasingly panicked, until Bosco screams through the bullhorn, shutting everyone up. Then Linda gets in the last word:
  Linda: Come back safe, Bobby. Don't leave me with these freakin' kids.
• Later when everyone is calling over the bank at once (Louise, Linda, and Gene, in that order), Bosco is understandably incredulous:
  Bosco: How many extensions do you people have!?
  Tina: (picking up the last extension) Four.

Synchronized Swimming

• Bob proves his point that Teddy will eat anything by tricking him into eating a piece of sponge.

  Teddy: Don't feed a guy a sponge, Bobby. Don't feed a guy a sponge!

  • What sells it is the look of mischievous delight on Bob's face as he holds up the rest of the sponge. If that doesn't prove he's Louise's father, nothing will.
• The kids complain that they might have to take summer school.
  Louise: What's next? Summer church? Summer dentist?
  Gene: Summer trip to grandma?
  Tina: Summer camp? Wait, I'd go there.
• When the kids are horsing around in the pool instead of listening to Linda...
  Tina: Marco.
  Gene: Wahlberg.
• When Linda finally gets the hint that the kids don't actually care about their "independent study"...
  Andy: Louise said this class was a joke.
  Ollie: Yeah, say something funny.
  Linda: Louise, Tina, Gene, get over here now.
  Ollie: Ah... good one.
• The entire last sequence, but especially Louise's attempts to get out of the swim demonstration... culminating in Louise making a "doody" in the water.
  Bob: You did a Caddyshack? Nice move.
  Louise: What's a "Caddyshack?"
  • And to top it off, Louise named it Jezebel.
    Linda: Aw, my little grandoodie.
• When Bob was getting stressed out of running the resturant by himself.
  Louise: Dad’s freaking out.
  Bob: I’m not freaking out!
  Customer: Totally freaking out.
  Bob: SHUT UP!!!
• "Oh hey, Tom Selleck."

Burgerboss

• Bob's painkiller freak-out while playing Burgerboss.
  Bob: CHICKEN LEEEEG!
• When listening to the Burgerboss music, Gene remarks "That's the song I want to lose it to!"
• Bob's blatant disinterest in Darryl's bullying problems.
• Bob high on painkillers. Full stop.
• When the kids attend a birthday party uninvited, Louise and Tina come up with convincing lies about how they know the birthday boy. Gene, on the other hand...
  Mother: Uh, how do you know Kevin again?
  Louise: Church.
  Tina: Soccer.
  Gene: Desert Storm.
• After Bob hurts his hands, the kids make mention of things Bob needs his hands to do. Louise mentions a hitchhiking trip the two planned to take across America, which isn't too funny on its own, but the thought that Bob and Louise have seriously talked about hitchhiking across America in the future is both amusing and oddly endearing.
• Bob and Jimmy Pesto hosing down their sidewalks turns into a makeshift "pissing contest".
  • Linda refering to said pissing contests as "peeing races", which accidentally leads to a bit of karma for Jimmy Pesto when it loses him a shot at joining the yacht club.
• Linda and her porcelain babies.
• Tina wonders what the flags hanging at the yacht club are for. Gene's answer: "You get one for every octopus you kill."
• At one point the Belcher kids are seen carring The Birthday Boy on chair with the kid yelling in fear, “I'm not Jewish!”

Food Truckin'

• The Belchers trying, and ultimately failing, to get the food trucks away from their street.
  Linda: Bobby, they're everywhere! We're outnumbered! I told you we should have had more children!
• When Gene recognizes Randy as "the documentarian who hates our dad and glues wigs on cows", Tina wonders if he's talking about Werner Herzog. Even funnier if one has heard Paul F. Tompkins's (Randy's voice actor) Herzog impression.
• When the family is out on the road, Gene and Louise freak out a random motorist by holding a sign up to the window reading, "Not our parents! HELP!"
• This exchange:
  Tina: I don't want to die a virgin!
  Randy: Me neither!
  Tina: Wait, that gives me an idea...
  Bob: No! No!
• The "Oil Spill" song. It's really about the singer's vagina. Bob and Gene weren't kidding when they said she wasn't very subtle.
  "Oh, it's hot and wet and slick, and it's makin' everybody sick!
  Oil spill! Oil spiiiiiill!
  It's on my fish, and it's on my crabs! It's oh so close, but you can't grab!
  Oil spill! Oil spiiiiiill!"
  • It gets even funnier when one learns it's a reference to Tori Amos, specifically her performance of the song "Icicle". For those curious, her performance of that is also about as subtle as getting hit with a bag of bricks.
• The spot-on skewering of hipster culture when Tina goes to give out burgers to concertgoers.
  Hipster 1: Nice glasses.
  Tina: Thanks. I need them to see.
  Hipster 1: Ha! Is this organic?
  Tina: Sure.
  Hipster 2: Is it grass-fed?
  Tina: Yes.
  Hipster 3: Cruelty-free?
  Tina: Yep.
  Hipster 4: Is it bison?!
  Tina: That one is...
  Hipster 5: Do these pair well with an I.P.A.?
  Tina: It goes well with all letters. I.P.A., C.S.I., P.T.A., I.R.S., H.M.O., O.M.G…
• This exchange:
  Gene: It's not a lie if you lie to vegetarians! You taught us that!
  Bob: I...I did teach you that...
• The Belchers and Randy try to flip the truck right side up, but it tips too far on the edge of a hill and rolls down it, into the path of a drum circle.
• The Belchers' poses as they escape the exploding food truck. Special mention to Louise, who is tucked under Bob's arm, stretching out her arms as if she's Superman.
• Randy and the Belchers try to play the "Quiet Game" when they're forced to walk back to town.

Dr. Yap

• Gene and Louise's war over the jawbreaker.
  • Hug of War: "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!"
  • One of their contests involves listening to Teddy's rambling anecdote about realizing his bath towels were slightly mismatched.
  • "Rubby rub ear ear!"
• Dr. Yap: [In an autotune voice] Children lead to intercourse.
  Bob: Hmm. I wouldn't phrase it like that.
• Everything involving The Prince of Persuasia, especially his list of tips over the credits, with highlights including "Push her in a lake!", "Be the tallest guy in the room and brag about how long your buttcrack is" and "Never make her pancakes. Make her make you pancakes, in the middle of the night!"
  • Dr. Yap putting the "Trap your princess" step from the initial three step program into action.
• The entire sequence of Doctor Yap torturing Bob by pulling his tooth out with no anesthetic out of jealousy, mostly Bob's panic and confusion.
  Bob [To Doctor Yap]: Why did you just kiss me?
• "Let's all kiss our sisters!"
• While Dr. Yap is crying, he makes an extremely high-pitched squeal that sounds like a velociraptor.
• Gayle’s cover of One Way or Another.

Moody Foodie

• When he takes a nap to get his mind off the bad review, Bob has a nightmare about having to get a new job and becoming a smart-alecky office worker.
• "STALKING DAD! QUIETLY! STALKING DAD! QUIETLY!"
• Bob forcing himself into the Moody Foodie's house to cook a makeup burger.
  • He's barely able to stop the Moody Foodie from calling the police. The Moody Foodie drops his phone and bites Bob while he tries to put it further out of reach. Gene mistakes the confrontation for a tickle fight and accidentally helps Bob subdue the Moody Foodie.
  • After the ad break:
    Bob: Listen, kids. Taping people to chairs is bad, okay? Never do this.
  • Gene drawing a smile on the piece of tape covering the Moody Foodie's mouth. The Moody Foodie struggles while giving some pissed off mumbles.
  • While Bob tries to cram the burger into the Moody Foodie's mouth, the doorbell rings.
    Bob: Are you expecting someone?
    Moody Foodie: Oh, that must be my next kidnapper.

Bad Tina

• When Bob agrees to go to see "CAKE" with Linda, he caps it off with "Okay, fine, but I'm gonna complain the whole time." It's just so infinitely relatable.
• Bob teasing Linda over the phrase "crap-attack". What makes it great is that Linda reacts as if she's hearing it for the first time every single time Bob says it.
• The Pesto twins find tampons in their lunch after Gene and Louise switched Andy's bag with Tammy's.
  Andy: Cool, Mom packed tampons for lunch.
  Ollie: Ooh, share!
  • They also freak out and mistake Tina and Tammy for "bathroom clowns" after Tina gets a makeover.
• The ending has Tina telling "an erotic friend fiction story" to the school, about how butt-touching was banned and that she managed to revoke it by going around touching people's butts, and then they start touching each other's butts. It's called "Buttloose".
  • During Tina's story, Mr. Frond and Ms. Jacobson hook up (well, the former grabs the latter's butt). Back in the real world, the two (who are currently trying to get Tina to stop reading) promptly run into each other, resulting in quite a bit of awkwardness as Tina reads out that part.
  • This is followed by her new friend-turned-enemy Tammy trying to make fun of Tina, until Tammy farts and Louise turns it around. And then Tammy can't stop farting as everyone laughs at her. She runs out of the cafeteria crying and farting, and some of them hurt.
  • Tammy's farts are so bad that even Bob makes note of them.
  • The final scene of the episode has Tina complain about how there's nothing more embarrassing than having her parents at school... after having read her friend-fiction out loud to the entire school.

Beefsquatch

• In a flashblack, Gene teaches his classmate Peter to dance, or tries to at least:
  Gene: What kind of God would give you those legs AND NO RHYTHM?!
• The three previous times Gene declared, "THIS IS ME NOW!" (as a cowboy, as a David Bowie-style glam rocker, and a Buddhist monk).
• When Bob takes the kids to the TV station, anchorwoman Pam and Louise have this exchange:
  Pam: Oh Hello! Are you a little bunny?
  Louise: [Sniffs] I smell fear on you.
  Pam: Okay, I don't like this one.
• The "Beefsquatch" chanting.
  Hugo: (flossing) Beefsquatch!
  Gretchen: (painting her toenails) Beefsquatch!
  Mr. Fischoeder: More scotch!
• Linda's failed attempts at stopping the broadcast by "swearing". And when that fails, she just flashes the camera. "A-boobity-boobity-boobity-boo!"
  • And while the town is stunned by what's happening, Hugo is frantically trying to DVR it before they cut off the broadcast.

Season Three

Ear-sy Rider

• When Louise sees Mudflap open a beer bottle with her boobs:
  Louise: Now I want them.
• Louise's screaming at Logan at the shoe shop he goes to. There are three female clerks talking to him, and one of the shoes Louise tosses is avoided by Logan, but it hits a clerk in the face and knocks her down in the background. This is all pretty silent as she keeps screaming to Logan.
• When Mudflap is giving birth, Linda has a conversation with Cynthia Bush about painful child birth.
  [Linda points at Tina and Louise]
  Linda: These two? Piece of cake.
  [Linda points at Gene]
  Linda: That one? The whole cake.
• "It was spring. I know because the azaleas were in bloom. The azaleas are beautiful in Macon. Second only to their crank, that sweet Macon crank."
• Louise's Laughing Mad moment turns into a Failed Attempt at Drama when she thinks her bunny ears were destroyed.
  Louise: REVENGE!!!!
  Dump guy: Is this it?
  Louise: No.
  Dump guy: Are these it?
  Louise: It's pink with ears. Its a hat.
• The Belcher kids talk about cooking meth.
• Critter explaining how he got his badges.
  "For not being associated with the White Power Movement".
• Tom Bush rather bluntly tells Mudflap that she's named for a truck part.
• The Badass Boast in the bar.
  Mudflap: The One-Eyed Snakes don't bluff!
  Louise: Neither do the Belcher kids!
  Tina: Except when we do.
  Gene: Yeah, let's keep shouting stuff! Screw inside voices!

Full Bars

• "Run! It's Helen Hunt!" Gene when the HELL Hunt shows up.
• Louise's plan to put hot sauce in the teen boys' underwear backfires when she finds out only one of them was actually wearing underwear. Cue one of their pursuers suddenly collapsing in pain, clutching his crotch.
  • There's also how she got this idea—Gene apparently did this to himself... while trying to eat a taco on the toilet.
• While Teddy freaking out when he discovers that his guinea pig got crushed to death is a Tearjerker, it quickly becomes a funny moment when Gretchen, claiming she has good lungs, decides to give Frances CPR... only to end up choking and coughing.

Bob Fires the Kids

• A couple sends back a box of Bob's childhood toys. Because the box was labeled "Bob's Toys", they thought it was vibrators.
  Tina: If you think about it, any box could contain vibrators.
• Mickey the Bank Robber's calypso singing as he's digging a hole to the bank.
• Mickey thinking that double jeopardy protects him from getting arrested for robbing the same bank twice.
• Cooper's story about how he met Beverly, ending with describing her as "a fairy queen pooping under a tree."
• Bob literally pushing the kids out of the shop and trying to make them have fun.
• Bob mistakes a groaning refrigerator for Tina.
  • "I wonder what Gene's doing. Probably farting."
• Louise capping off her summary of the episode by arguing that blueberries should be decriminalized, completely oblivious to the fact that she was working on a pot farm.

Mutiny on the Windbreaker

• Gene using the loudspeaker to gain the passengers' attention.
  "ABANDON SHIP!!!...for Bob's Burgers!"
• The awkward look on the family's faces when the Captain asks if the restaurant is seamen-friendly.
• Linda, Tina and Gene imagining getting drawn in the nude, while Louise imagines herself laughing at the cruise ship as it sinks.
• Louise getting insanely long, Flo-Jo-style finger- and toenails.
• The head chef's French timer, which serves as a Scare Chord.
• "I am the spaghetti."

An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal

• The kids listing their holidays by order of importance: Louise's birthday, Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Hanukkah, Snow Day, Amateur Night, Veterans Day, Tooth Fairy Eve, St. Patrick's Day, May Day, Groundhog Day, Season Premiere of Game of Thrones, Opposite Day, Day of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Carnivale, Angela Lansbury's birthday, Bath Night, Black Friday, and finally Thanksgiving.
• Bob's My Neighbor Totoro inspired dream while under the influence of absinthe.
• Mr Fischoeder rewarding the kids for the most convincing performances pretending to be his children with arcade tickets. Unsurprisingly, Louise knocks it out of the park.
  Louise: The only prize we need is your love, father.
  • Tina, on the other hand, not so much. And as usual, Gene is in the middle.
    Gene: Here, father. Let me refill your glass. You must be dehydrated from being so wonderful.
    Mr. Fischoeder: (gives him a ticket) Take it down a notch or two.
    Tina: Hey dad, remember when we did that thing that was fun and memorable?
    Mr. Fischoeder: That's pathetic!
• Bobs hilariously overenthusiastic selection process for picking out a turkey for dinner, including holding it aloft yelling "YOU ARE THE ONE!!!"
  Gene: That turkey is our mom now.
  • The kids compare it to The Bachelor, except the winner gets eaten. Louise quickly claims that such happens on the actual show, it's just off-camera.
• Linda's stilted attempts at acting as Fischoeder's wife.
  Mr Fischoeder: This is my lovely wife, Linda.
  Shelby: Pleasure to meet you, Linda. Oh, I like that name, Linda.
  Linda: AND I'M LINDA!
• Tina raises her eyeglasses when Bob asks everyone to raise their glasses.
• In a heartwarming moment, Linda and all three kids hug Bob after realizing just how hurt he is over being ignored all episode... cut to Mr. Fischoeder pathetically trying to spin the story to make it sound like he's just found out Linda was "cheating" on him with Bob.

The Deepening

• "I recall you raise either chinchillas or children! Which is it?"
  • Gets even funnier when one considers that he just saw the Belcher kids last episode.
• Tina remarking that when she talks, people listen... as her family walks away while completely ignoring her.
• Mort's attempt at comedy. Keyword being attempt.
• Mr. Fischoeder got a shark attack survivor to cut the ribbon for the shark's opening ceremony, but she was only provided a pair of left-handed scissors, and that's the arm that she lost in the attack. She then proceeds to sarcastically thank the "jackass" who got them for her, stomp over the ribbon and walk off.
• The shark ripping off the prosthetic arm of a shark attack survivor. Then Louise catches it.
  Louise: Thank you, God!
• Mr. Fischoeder tries to gather an audience for the now-rampaging shark:
  Mr. Fischoeder: Good time to grab a hot dog, or some popcorn!
  (The shark immediately destroys the popcorn stand)
  Mr. Fischoeder: Oh, or a hot dog!
• Bob's attempts at stopping the shark make it stronger.
  Bob: Okay, we gave the shark spikes/Okay, we made the shark faster/OKAY, NOW THE SHARK IS ELECTRIFIED!!
• Bob, Teddy and Mort making their bellies talk when they're supposed to be stopping the shark.
• Teddy gets swallowed by the shark yet he has time to talk about the original ending of "The Deepening".
  Teddy: The shark was supposed to die of cancer but it tested bad. It didn't have enough "pow".
• Bob literally grasping at straws.
• The close up of the shark's eye with ice cream leaking from it after its stopped.
  Louise: I've had dreams like this.
• Tina's empathy for the shark results in a lot of great moments, but this is perhaps the best one:
  Tina: It's confused, it doesn't know why we want to kill it. It just wants to go home.
  Bob: Tina, it's just a machine. It's dumber than our toaster.
  Tina: Our toaster is also confused. It doesn't know why we put bagels in it.
• Bob finally killing the shark by jamming its internal mechanisms with soft serve ice cream. Teddy then proceeds to brutally stab it over and over with a butter knife while ice cream sprays everywhere.
• Bob finding out that "The Deepening" was a bit more fanservice-y than he remembered.
  Bob: Jeez, this movie is like, 90% nude carwash.

Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks

• Of particular note is the opening scene where Tina, driving for the first time, manages to be so scared out of her wits that she rams the only car on the lot, with Bob shitting bricks the entire time. Essentially, there are few characters on TV that are as funny when they're uncomfortable/awkward as Tina.
  • The sheer length of the scene. Overly Long Gag doesn't even begin to describe it.
  • "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."
  Bob: TINA, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TURN AWAY OR STOP! THE BRAKES, TINA, THE LEFT—YOU'RE ABOUT TO HIT THAT CAR! THE BRAKES!! HIT THE BRAKES!!!
• "Can you believe he was poisoned with a shovel?"
• Linda's "Diarrhea" song. Can be heard here in all its glory.
• Any time Tina freaks out and goes "Ah! Ah! Ah!..."
• Tina's fantasy sequence about going to "Hell Jail".
  Tina: What's for lunch today?
  Lunchlady: Your LIES!
  Tina: Nooooooooooo! That's what we had yesterday!
• Bob's reaction to Chase (the insurance agent) trying to get them into his insurance fraud scheme.
  Bob: You are the worst insurance agent.
  Chase: But the world's greatest uncle!
• Chase playing along when Bob and Linda fakes the kids dying in a flooding accident, only to reveal that he knew the whole time.
  Chase: Bob, you're a terrible actor. You closed the door, you didn't even try to revive your kids.
• Tina's "Everything is Okay" face.

The Unbearable Like-Likeness Of Gene

• The break up practice scene that culminates in all of the children screaming.
• Tina and Louise screaming while they run down the school hallway, trying to stop Courtney Wheeler from proclaiming her crush on Gene.
  • What's important to note about that scene is that it's one of the few times Tina and Louise have ever been on the same page about something.
  • The other important note about that scene is that this is the only time in the series where we see Tina actually moving her arms to run like a normal person, when every other time she holds them straight down at her side, in an even more awkward variant of Airplane Arms.
• The "congenital" conversation.
  Gene: We've gotta get our congenitals to class!
• Tina's flashback to hearing Courtney talking on the phone in the school bathroom and getting confused about whether Courtney was talking to her. Even when Courtney makes it obvious, Tina still doesn't know.
• Linda chewing on Tina's hair.
• The Grease parody montage.
• Tina and Louise inhaling helium throughout the later part of the episode. Bob finds out when they smuggle a balloon into the hospital... and he asks for a hit from it.
• When Courtney interrupts Gene's performance and tries to get the room to join in...
  Courtney: All the ladies in the house now: Silent Love!
  Tina: (on helium, weakly) Silent Love?
• All of Courtney's party guests still glaring at Gene in the hospital waiting room.
• The prominence of Lenny DeStefano in the episode. Even Bob likes him.
• The fact that David Wain AKA The Warden is the girl that falls for Gene makes the whole episode that much funnier.
• Courtney's dad tries to have a bonding talk with Bob about how their children make such a cute couple. Bob's response is a pointedly dodged, "They are...certainly standing next to each other."

God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins

• When the Belchers find out that Chet has been living in their uncle's storage unit, Gene happily cries out "we won a caveman!"
• Tina, sympathizing with a guy who thinks he used to be a mannequin.
  Tina: So one day you woke up and discovered you were anatomically correct? I just went through that.
• "She didn't have nipples, and brother, she didn't need them."
• Linda being genuinely invested in Chet's story of Nadine, to the point of exclaiming "Oh god!" when Nadine broke her hand.
  • When Bob unintentionally hurts Chet’s feelings by being more realistic about where Nadine might be (i.e. a dump), Linda is furious with him. She tells the kids to go to bed so she can talk to Bob alone, while Bob pleads with them to stay.
    Linda: Kids. Bed. Now. I wanna talk to your father.
    Bob: No, kids, stay. Please stay.
    Linda: Go!
    Bob: Stay!
    Linda: Go!
    Bob: Stay!
    Linda: You go!
    Bob: Gene, STAY!
    Linda: NOW!
    Bob: TINA, DON’T MOVE!
    Linda: YOU GO!
    Bob: LOUISE, STAY!
    Linda: GET OUTTA HERE, I GOTTA—!
    Bob: DON’T LEAVE ME!!
    Linda: YOU GET OUTTA HERE!
• The kids manage to locate Nadine, now in the display window of an adult toy store. They bring her back still dressed in the lingerie, fishnets, and handcuffs, and when Chet sees her, he somberly assures her that he understands she "did what she had to do" in "rough times."
• The crowd outside Bob's restaurant thinks that the argument over Nadine the mannequin is All Part of the Show.
• Thanks to spending all their extra Christmas present money helping Chet buy back Nadine, the Belchers have to make do with presents made from some old junk from Uncle Ernie's old store they found in the storage unit. Fortunately, the kids are impressed enough by their gifts; Gene gets an old "EXIT" sign, Tina a shoe-sizer, and Louise a security-tag remover ("Next year, Christmas is on me!")
• When the Nativity scene falls apart, Gene - playing Baby Jesus - shouts this diamond of a line:
  ''"Manger danger!"
• When Chet talks to Nadine's severed head and gives her a goodbye kiss, it weirds out everyone in the audience. Except Teddy, who is strangely aroused by the scene.
  Edith Cranwinkle: Burn in hell, Belchers!
• The final punchline: Chet, the homeless "mannequin-turned-real-man" who was living in Bob's uncle's old storage unit, actually had a studio in Manhattan that was being renovated.
  Bob: WHAT?!

Mother Daughter Laser Razor

• The flashback of Linda changing baby Louise and trying get her to say "Mama". Because this is Louise, you can guess how it goes.
  Linda: YOU KNOW WHAT?! CHANGE YOUR OWN DIAPER!
• The failed attempt to reassure Linda that Louise's favoritism of Bob is just a phase... a nine-year phase.
• Linda tries to read to Louise from "Princess Pigeontoe," a book loaded with a plentiful plethora of the letter "P." Louise is not enthusiastic about it, culminating in Linda screaming the book at her.
  Louise (muffled through her pillow): Just let me sleep, PLEASE!
  Linda: "Sometimes they take a picnic basket OF PICKLES AND PEPPERS AND PUMPKIN PIE-!!!"
• Linda and Louise singing over each other when they reverse parent/child roles for a role play.
• The guy running the Mom/Daughter class ends up locking Louise and her teenage nemesis Logan in the Uter-Room, which has Freaky Friday (2003) playing on a loop.
• Subsequently, Louise makes good on her threat to gut-punch Logan when he gets caught up in the movie and won't stop talking about it.
• While the mothers and children are in a stand-off, Cynthia calls Logan's full name in typical angry-mother-fashion.
  Linda: Logan Barry Bush?
  Cynthia: We didn't think it through.
• The episode ends with an epic Mothers vs. Children laser tag fight, made especially funny with how serious Linda and Louise take it.
• As the Belchers recap their day, Linda expresses relief that she and Louise are finally bonding... cue Louise claiming that Bob's day sounded much more fun, and that she wants to go with him tomorrow.
  Linda: Oh, screw all of you.
• After Tina gets her leg hairs waxed but realizes she only did it because of peer pressure and actually misses them, she imagines losing them as Sarah Connor's recurring nightmare in Terminator 2: Judgment Day where she's desperately pounding on a chainlink fence to get the attention of another version of her when a nuke explodes and turns everyone into charred burning corpses, except in Tina's imagination, it's only her leg hairs that get burned off.
• After Bob agrees to get waxed:
  Gene: Yay, scrotal wax!
  Bob: No scrotal, just leg.
  Gene: Oh, boo!

Nude Beach

• The replacement health inspector's music:
  Tommy: I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex, I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex, I'm good at sex....
• Bob and Hugo's naked decathlon, set to Hugo singing "You're The Best Around".
  Hugo: You've proven yourself a worthy naked adversary, Bob.
• The Reveal of where Tommy went after Hugo's return. He can be seen preparing for a gig at Jimmy Pesto's, all while Jimmy has a look on his face that just screams "kill me now".

Broadcast Wagstaff School News

• Andy and Ollie struggling to fit into one shirt to become Siamese twins.
  • "Back to you, Andy!" "Back to you, Ollie!" Repeat ad nauseum. Over a backdrop of the Vietnam War.
• The kids audition for Wagstaff School News in front of a green screen, which happens to be the exact same color of the jacket that Tina wears, which causes her to appear as a floating head on the television monitors.
  Andy: Aah! Paranormal activity!
• Gene realizes he's gonna grow up to look like Bob, so he embraces it. Not only does he make his voice more deadpan, but with Louise's help he looks the part too, with a mustache, a white t-shirt identical to Bob's, and that ever-important bald spot. Bob!Gene easily steals the episode.
  • Any other kid calling their parents by their first name would be seen as extremely rude. But Bob!Gene saying "Lin! Get in here!" is hysterical. And that Linda enthusiastically sees the humor in it and plays along adds an extra layer of funny and adorable.
  • The Call-Back to the first episode where Bob!Gene tells his family "I love you, but you're all terrible," which everyone but Bob agrees is something Bob would say.
  • "Stop following me!" "Stop following me in front!"
  • After Bob!Gene tells Tina that he loves her and will support his daughter whatever she decides to do:
    Tina: He's good.
    Louise: That kid just fathered the crap out of you.
    Bob: He did... okay. A little preachy.
  • Bob gets out of hearing one of Teddy's boring, long-winded stories by actually getting Bob!Gene to stand in for him, while he goes back into the kitchen.
    Teddy: I'm not sure I appreciate being foisted off like this, Bob! [Beat] So anyway, I end up in the ethnic food section...
  • Bob!Gene getting hit in the crotch with a dodgeball:
    Gene: It's okay, I've had my kids.
  • Louise taking pride in making Bob!Gene's arm hair "look so sad." It somehow makes way too much sense to not be hilarious.
• Tina and Louise in the principal's office:
  Tina: Louise, why are you here? Tammy didn't frame you.
  Louise: Unrelated charge.
  cut to Louise putting on a Hannibal Lecter mask and inserting herself into Mr. Frond's desk
  Louise: And now we wait...
• This exchange when Bob, Linda and Gene arrive at the principal's office.
  Gene: I have no daughter.
  Linda: Oh, don't say that, Gene!
  Bob: Yes, he should say that.
• What gets Gene to finally go back to acting like himself? Poop, of course.
• As the Mad Pooper strikes one final time at the assembly, Louise suddenly smiles behind Tammy... and pushes her right into the path of the falling turd. The entire scene plays out in slow-motion, for added effect.
  • Moreover, it's revealed that Tammy avoided getting hit and actually assumed Louise was saving her to the point of bringing Louise onto the school news to thank her. Louise, meanwhile, just plays along... but at the same time, she pretty much confesses on-air that she miscalculated how she needed to push Tammy for the poop to hit her. This by itself is amusing, but the fact that Tammy still doesn't catch on makes it funnier.

My Fuzzy Valentine

• There's a whole montage of Linda being politely unimpressed by Bob's half-assed Valentine's Day gifts.
• Gene is unimpressed by Bob's recollection of his first date with Linda: "You're the worst storyteller! Where's Maya Angelou when you need him?"
• Sergeant Bosco gets the speed-daters to confess to their darkest and most embarrassing secrets, like Mort admitting that his hair is a Dodgy Toupee and Teddy confessing he can't sleep properly unless he's wearing a Santa costume.

Lindapendent Woman

• Bob attempting to get Teddy to leave the restaurant, tells him to scat. In response, Teddy starts scat-singing.
• Linda and Bob apologize to each other over the grocery store's intercom, when they're just a few aisles away.
• Louise's earlier prank with the balloons and the shrimp cocktail finally pays off.
  Louise: I made it rain shrimp! What did you ever do?

O.T.: The Outside Toilet

• The fact that Jon Hamm still sounds smoldering as a electronic toilet is hilarious within itself.
• The kids succeed in getting the toilet to repeat things back to them, but when Tina tries to get the toilet to say it loves her and it's not a toilet but a regular teenage boy, it simply responds "No."
  Tina: Oh.
• The kids try to work out a plan to deal with Max Flush.
  Louise: Tina, cancel all of my appointments.
  Tina: That's gonna take a while. Gene, hold my calls.
• Max Flush gives the kids the "I'm watching you" gesture, striking fear into Gene's heart.
  Gene: Now he wants to SWITCH EYES WITH ME!!
• The beginning where Gene drops a pretend sack of flour and hysterically begs Mr. Frond for another one.
  Mr. Frond: "I don't know, Gene! Can you have another child?! Well, yes you can, so, here you go.
  • Even better, Gene immediately drops the second bag, so he steals a third flour bag... and proceeds to break that one by tripping over the remains of the first two.
  Mr. Frond: And wipe that baby off your face!
• Teddy insisting Bob's name is 'Bob Burger', thinking that it was his real name the entire time.
• Bob and Linda get hammered on free drinks at a fancy restaurant, and end up struggling to pronounce "taxi". Then on the taxi ride home they realize they were so busy getting drunk they forgot to actually order dinner.
• Gene planting himself on the toilet to keep Max from taking it, and the exchange that follows.
  Bob: If you think you're gonna get Gene off the toilet before he's ready, I've got some bad news for you.
  Tina: He missed his birthday party once.
  Linda: We had a clown.
  Louise: We had to send him in there.
• When Gene tells the toilet goodbye by saying "I love you", the toilet registers it as "vomit", causing Gene repeat "I love you" in a frustrated manner.

Topsy

• Linda unveiling her counterpart to Bob's "Spice-eps", the chest-mounted "Spice Rack". She was at her hammiest.
• After nearly getting electrocuted, Tina has an Imagine Spot in which Topsy the elephant encourages Tina to go through with the re-enactment... and to do something with her hair.
• After learning Jeremy sold her out to Dinkler, this exchange occurs.
  Louise: Oh, you son of a snitch! What's your favorite movie, Squeal Magnolias?
  Jeremy: War Horse.

Two For Tina

• At one point, Jimmy Jr. tries to impress Tina by dancing around in a pantomime horse costume while singing a Spelling Song. Unfortunately, he apparently had some trouble with the lyrics:
  Jimmy Jr.: T is for the way you take my breath away
  I is for the way I like it when you take my breath away
  N is for no one else takes my breath away
  And A is for asthma, that is a disease that takes people's breath away!
• The rivalry between Josh and Jimmy Jr. culminates in an impressive (but somewhat awkward) dance contest.
• Tina suggesting a three-some type agreement.
  Tina: Let's put the "try" in "triangle."
  Jimmy Jr.: Umm, no, thanks. Talk to you later, ok?
  Josh: Tonight was really fun. Until all of this. This was a mess.

It Snakes a Village

• Linda's reaction to finding out that her parents are staying in a swinger's community:
  Bob: Linda, your parents are adults, it's none of our business. I'm telling everyone when we get home.
• When the family is leaving:
  Louise: Can we come back when they're not cleaning the pool?
  Bob: No.
  Linda: Absolutely not.
  Bob: Never.
  Linda: Not a chance in hell.
  • And from the same scene:
  Gene: They need to learn how to have a party without popping so many balloons!
  Tina: Yeah, and without having loud sex.
• The "dirty ducks" scene with elderly people jumping into the pool and throwing their swimsuits off.
• After Gene saves Tina and Louise from a quicksand pit.
  Tina: Gene, you saved me, I owe you my life!
  Gene: No thanks. I've seen it, and I am not impressed.

Family Fracas

• Louise's "pleeeease" going from precocious to demanding.
• Tina's competitive side manifests.
  Tina: Your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it.
  Jimmy Jr.: Leave. Me. ALONE!
• Gene gets called out for eating the free consolation bucket of edible slime in the restaurant.

  Gene: You're just jealous that I have frothy diarrhea!

The Kids Run the Restaurant

• "The Belcher kids are running the restaurant because this time, It's Personal!"
• Before Louise sets up her casino in the basement, Tina and Gene try to run the restaurant normally while Louise vandalizes the Burger of the Day board to read "Top Butt Burger":
  • Gene insists on turning it into a chicken restaurant while Tina insists on only serving people kale and setting up threadmills everywhere so that they'll be the healthiest restaurant and everyone'll leave hungrier than they came in. They get into an argument and settle on "a chicken on a threadmill".
  • A female sailor has the misfortune of visiting the restaurant shortly afterwards, resulting in Tina and Gene trying to push kale and chicken on her instead of the burger she wants, with Gene offering to chickenize her meal for only $2 more and trying to convince her to take his side by pointing to the cardboard chicken hat he made when she claims she has to go back to put coins in the boat meter.
• The whole subplot with Gene's hastily thrown together girl group, the Cutie Patooties. Coupled with Gene's surprise that one of his singers actually has talent.
• Zeke runs out a kid caught cheating by threatening him with a purple nurple.
• Once again, Mr. Fischoeder is a comedic goldmine.
  • His reminiscing on a setback with the same calmness one would use to describe a usual day at work:
    Fischoeder: I once lost $30,000 on a horse. She just ran off with it.
  • And then there's his calm reaction to being sprayed by Bob's gushing wound:
    Fischoeder: Could you point that in another direction?
• Bob fiddles with the stitches between his fingers and ends up spraying blood all over the inside of the car, causing absolute chaos.
  • If you look closely, you can see the horrified motorist driving behind them, unsure what to make of what he's seeing.
    Linda: Augggh, it got in my moouuuth!

Boyz 4 Now

• When they arrive at the concert hall:
  Louise: [confused at the screaming Boyz 4 Now fangirls] THEY'RE JUST BOYS!
  Random Girl: Boys?! WHERE?! [throws up]
  Louise: Oh, come on!
• Louise losing her mind over having a crush.
  Fangirl: Boo Boo's so cute!
  Louise: Cute?! He's the reason faces were invented, you idiot!
• Louise bumps into a woman wearing a shirt with Boo Boo's face on it, then kisses the woman's chest, only to scream.
• Louise tries to get backstage by pretending she's Brenda from The Closer.
• When Gene is unprepared for a second theme in his table-scaping competition, he and his parents scramble to put something together out of things they can find in Linda's purse. The result? A menstruation-themed display full of Linda's tampons, pads, and strawberry jam squirted all over.
  Bob: Show her the tampon straw.
  Judge: I don't want to see the tampon straw.
  Linda: (to Bob) Someone's on the rag.
• Louise slapping Boo Boo, in full slow-motion glory.

Carpe Museum

• Gene had no idea there was such a thing as a "Boob Fetish."
• This exchange:
  Louise: C'mon, pick up the pace, softie!
  Bob: Softie? That's funny coming from the girl who called me Daddy until she was eight!"
• Bob realizing Louise looks up to him is equal parts this and heartwarming as Louise tries everything in her power to deny that she's a total Daddy's Girl.
• Bob having to deal with Andy and Ollie's nose-blowing responsibilities.
• Regular-Sized Rudy is a huge source of these.
  • When Bob finds an upper deck to go to:
    Louise: But, uh, how are we gonna get up there?
    Rudy: We could fly... (Beat) I know we can't fly.
  • And this:
    Bob: Why do they call you "Regular-Sized Rudy?"
    Rudy: Well look at me.
    Bob: (Visibly unimpressed)
  • This comes as his asthma starts kicking in:
    "I think I'm coming around, I think I'm getting better--nope! Getting worse! Getting worse..."
  • Rudy would rather suffer from his asthma attack than have Bob give him CPR.
    Bob: Uh, CPR. I know how to give CPR.
    Rudy: (wheezing) No, thank you.
    Bob: Uh, wh-why don't I just try it? And if you hate it, I'll stop.
    Rudy: No!
    Bob: Yeah, okay, you're right.
  • At the end of the episode, Louise and Bob share an incredibly heartfelt moment on the bus where the former finally embraces her love for her father and gives Bob a hug. The scene holds there for a few seconds... and then Rudy, with a massive smile on his face, leans into frame to join the hug. It's equal parts endearing and amusing.
• Henry and Tina spend the whole episode trying to prove that the other is the bigger dork. They then decide to put it to a vote... and end up tying. They finally concede they're both dorks and try to announce the results to the school, and...
  Tina: You're probably all wondering how the voting came out in the Tina/Henry dork controversy.
  Students: No.
  • The two briefly pause in their endeavor to agree on one thing—the museum director also being a dork.
    Henry: Sheesh. Never ask a dork to judge a dork contest.
• Linda joins in with the workers on strike outside of the museum. Eventually she goes off on a tangent and the rather...strange chants she comes up with have nothing to do with what they are protesting about.
  Linda: SHAKE YOUR HIPS, WIGGLE YOUR BUTT! DROP YOUR PANTS, PICK 'EM BACK UP!
  Protester: No, I don't want to drop my pants.
  Linda: [disappointed] Whhyy?
  • Then, we get this gem:
  Linda: MEN ARE FROM MARS, GIRLS ARE FROM VENUS, I'VE GOT A YUM-YUM YOU'VE GOT A PENIS!
  • Later, the workers can't stand Linda's chanting anymore and want her out. When she refused to leave ("Linda Belcher's here to stay, I don't work here anyway!"), one of them throws a wad of paper at her. As Linda is chased away, however, Bob and Louise run out with Rudy in tow, and Louise manages to sic the protestors on the museum employees. And as one final Funny Background Event, as Bob and Linda talk, two of the protestors can still be seen chasing Linda.
  Bob: Did you come to surprise us but then you get caught up in the chanting?
  Linda: Yep, did Louise get you in trouble with security?
  Bob: Yep, see you at home?
  Linda: Yep.

The Unnatural

• "Hey batta batta hey batta batta, batta batta hey hey! HEY HEY BATTA BATTA HEY HEY HEY!!!"
• Tina becomes addicted to espresso... and it quickly goes downhill from there.
  Tina: I think I can hear my hair growing. Especially the bangs. Hey, maybe that's why they call them bangs. Hey, keep it down.
  • Followed by her withdrawal when the machine goes missing. She snaps at Jimmy Jr.:
    Jimmy Jr.: I have a speech impediment.
    Tina: Well fix it!
  • And later she smashes Linda's porcelain babies with a napkin dispenser with no hesitation to get her to admit what she did with the espresso machine.
  • The episode ends with Tina drinking coffee straight out of the pot in the Sand Flea's lobby, even though the owner tells her it's a week old and he puts his cigarettes out in it. She does two spit takes and goes back to drinking it.
• The "training camp" consists of various boys (including not only Gene but Regular-Sized Rudy and the Pesto twins) doing terrible at baseball while the "Deuce of Diamonds" encourages them.
• Gene's irrational fear of the ball when up to bat.
  Gene: The stitches remind me of Frankenstein!
• Teddy refuses to drink the free espresso given to him by Bob because the tiny teacup makes him self-conscious about the size of his hands. It escalates until the two completely lose their indoor voices.
• The Belchers performing "The Electric Slide".

Season Four

A River Runs Through Bob

• Bob getting nausea and diarrhea from the fish he caught, and is forced to spend the whole hike constantly darting off into the woods. Also Linda's reaction when he can't cover it up anymore.
  Linda: Oh, okay. You didn't eat a raw trout that didn't make you poop and barf your way through the forest like some kind of disgusting Hansel and Gretel!
• When Bob is trying to distract Linda from his being sick, he tells her to "look over there, there's a pelican, and Patrick Duffy!" (from the tv show Dallas) Even later when it has become obvious he was lying, Linda still believes Patrick Duffy was there, and screams out to him for help when they get lost in the woods.
• Bob is disgusted when a desperate Linda eats ants and earthworms in order to stave off hunger.
• "Kiiiiids, we're coming for you! Underwear flying through the air!"
• Bob tries to steal and eat acorns from a squirrel's stash, only for the squirrel to call in some of his buddies. Bob freaks out and collapses from exhaustion, convinced he's about to suffer death by squirrel while the squirrels just crawl over him and take the acorns back.
• Tina's "Thunder Girl" song during the end credits, thanks to her inability to stay on-key and reach high notes without her voice cracking. The dance routine helps too.

Fort Night

• Gene spray-painting the inside of the box fort. He passes out instantly after two seconds.
• Louise's delusional/psychotic would-be best friend Millie, who spends the whole episode dressed in a bunny suit and tormenting Louise and the other kids when Louise finally snaps at her.
• Linda tells Mort and Teddy to help make the dragon costume, culminating with this exchange:
  Linda: You don't have to be good, you just have to be fast!
  Mort: Why can't all women want that?
• One of the Pesto Twins thinking the other has died. Then it turns out the spiders Millie was dropping into the fort were the fake plastic kind.
• Linda insisting that the kids have to be dead when everyone realizes they should've been home from school hours ago.
  Linda: No they're dead I know it they're dead.
• Bob and Linda trick-or-treating in the crappy dragon costume they made for the kids.
• The kids trick Millie into thinking she killed them. She's more worried about getting a therapist (and if she'll like said therapist) because of what she did.
• The "Candy Randy" song.

Seaplane!

• Linda responding to Kurt's sexual advances by headbutting him in the face. When he asks why she headbutted him:
  Linda: I was gonna punch you, but I'm holding wine!
  • Linda then kicks him in the thigh when the plane gets carried out by the tide. And then she punches him in the throat when he makes another pass at her. Then when Bob and the kids finally find them, Bob, winded from rowing, tries to take a swing and winds up punching Kurt in the butt.
    Kurt: Ow! You punched my butt! What is wrong with you people? What were you even aiming at?
• Gus sees Kurt's seaplane about to crash into Wonder Wharf, and just remarks "Looks like Kurt's trying to land with his penis again."

My Big Fat Greek Bob

• When Bob meets Hefty Jeff, the fraternity historian.
  Hefty Jeff: Ask me anything about the history of this frat.
  Bob: Uh, okay. When was it founded?
  (beat)
  Hefty Jeff: Crap. Ask me something else.
• Linda kicking out the kids from Gretchen's "Lady Goods" party when she finds out that the goods are actually vibrators.
  Gene: I want a magic vibrating club, just like any other boy!
• Bob's reaction to Beta house's prank of putting a dead fish in the air conditioner of Alpha house.
  Bob: That's a good prank... kinda... no it's not.
• When the Dean Dixon puts Beta house under probation for the pranks they did:
  Turd: What about Dean Dixon's letter? Shouldn't we lay low?
  Pud: Turd's got a point.
  Turd: Thank you.
  Pud: I'm one semester away from graduating.
  Bob: Oh, Pud. There are no jobs out there. You know that, right?
• When Bob and the kids confront Dr. Yap about stealing Beta.
  Gene: (holds Beta by the tail) Recognize this iguana?
  (Beta's body snaps off from his tail)
  Gene: Oh!
  Bob: Aah!
  Dr. Yap: (Gasp)
  Gene: Recognize this iguana tail?
  Tina: (wearing one of the frat boy's underwear outside her skirt) Or these briefs? Just curious they're mine now.
• After Dr. Yap sucker punches Bob and runs away.
  Bob: We're definitely switching dentists.
  Tina: No!
  Dr. Yap: You're never get a better family dentist who's in your provider network. (laughs evilly)
• Dean Dixon's joke before his introduction.
  Dean Dixon: Hello, I'm Dean Dixon. And you're all expelled! Just kidding. (beat) Except for you, you're expelled. Just kidding.
• Bob trying to stop the Beta house prank:
  Dean Dixon: Now I would like to introduce a truly outstanding young man...
  Bob: Me! Hello. I am the honorary's twin brother. Not identical twins, obviously. But I'm 20-years-old.
  Dean Dixon: Excuse? Um...
  Bob: It's okay, Dean, thanks. Have a seat. (to the audiences) You know what I like about my brother? He's nice, he... he wouldn't hurt a fly, must less, I don't know. I'm just naming animals here, (to Beta house under the stage) an iguana...
  Louise: (Tries to stop Bob from stopping the prank) No!
  Bob: Please have her removed. (back to the audiences) I want everyone in the room to know, (to Beta house) even people who might be under the stage right now, that the Alpha president would not hurt or kidnap an iguana, right?
  Dr. Yap: Maybe he would!
  Bob: No he wouldn't! Those are the kind of things our crazy oldest brother would do though. You know, (to Beta house) our crazy Asian dentist older brother would do. I'd point him out but I have a slow hand. (to Beta house) A slow hand.
  Gene: Dad should leave the jokes to Dean Dixon.
  Tina: Haha! Hahaha! Come on, help dad out.
  Pud: Are you talking to us?
  Bob: Don't set off the spit keg.
  Pud: Um, let's go out and ask him what he means.
  (Beta house crawls out from under the stage)
  Hefty Jeff: (to the audiences) Hi. How are you?
  Dean Dixon: Excuse, who are these young man. I probably should have come to rehearsal.
• Bob inviting Beta house to his restaurant to eat (after forgetting to feed them) at the same time Linda and Gretchen are having their "Ladies Goods" party that's full of cougars (one's a "Cougar-Doodle" that's known to be smart) and they all start dancing while waving vibrators.
  (A Cougar-Doodle persuading Hefty Jeff to dance with her by purring and barking like a dog)
  Hefty Jeff: What is... what is happening right now? What is this?
  Turd: Go for it, man!
  Hefty Jeff: (being dragged away) I don't know what to do from here.

Turkey in a Can

• Everyone accusing Louise for putting the turkey in the toilet.
  Bob: Okay, so really! No one is gonna confess? Louise?
  Louise: It wasn't me.
  Linda: Louise?
  Louise: It wasn't!
  Bob: Fine! So no one, including Louise, wants to admit they did this? I'm giving you guys one more chance to confess, and then I'm grounding everyone, including your mom and Gayle!
  Linda: Bobby!
  Gayle: No, it's fine with me. I don't have any plans.
  Linda: Bobby it wasn't us. It was Louise, come on. Or, uh, maybe Gene.
  Gene: (gasps) How dare you! I put food in the toilet the way God intended. It had to be Louise.
  Louise: Unbelievable. Does everyone think I did this?
  (Everybody admits that they think it's Louise)
  Louise: Then I must be guilty. That's how it works, right!
  Gene: Yep. Perfect system.
  Bob: Well I have to go get another turkey...But I'm not forgetting this. I will figure out who did this. Even though I'm pretty sure we all still think it was Louise.
  Louise: Make sure you save room at Thanksgiving for the words you'll be eating!
• Louise making a chart of the people who could have put the turkey in the toilet. She took pictures of them by surprise, like when Gene was eating a sandwich and Linda coming out from the showers.
  Louise: Dad, if I may, I taken the liberty of drawing up a little chart here. Let's review our suspects: Tina. She stand at nothing for some grown up stuff. Did her table envy drive her over the edge?
  Tina: No.
  Louise: Gene. He thinks there's only room for one bird at this table. A songbird!
  Gene: (gasps) Do-Re-Me?!
  Louise: Or was is Gayle? Dad went after her cats, she went after his turkey. Classic revenge tale.
  Gayle: Classic.
  Louise: Or maybe. Or maybe Linda. Oh, sweet Linda. A lost, suffering wife stuck in a bad marriage.
  Linda: Aw, poor thing.
  Bob: Lin!
  Linda: What? I got caught up in the story, she's good.
  Louise: And that leaves Louise. Who had no motive at all. Thank you, the end. Thank you.
  Tina: (claps, trying to act like an adult) What an imagination on this one, huh. Kids, hmm.
  Bob: So do you know who did this?
  Louise: Oh, no. Uh uh.
  Bob: Then what's the point of all this?
  Louise: Hold on, I just had an idea. (walks up to Gayle and then grabs and shakes her) Was it you Gayle, huh, confess?! Damn it, Gayle!
  Gayle: (screams)
  Louise: (turns to Tina and grabs and shakes her) Or you?! Confess you're guilty as hell!
  Tina: Uh...
  Bob: Louise.
  Louise: What?
  Bob: Stop.
  Louise: Why?
  Bob: This isn't working.
• Teddy claims to have found a rat in a hat in the toilet. Twice. The kicker is that he has actual photographic proof that it happened. It took him a three day stake-out to catch that rat.
• When the turkey is put in the toilet a second time, Gayle accuses herself of doing it because she didn't want to feel left out. Gayle then accuses Linda because she's untrustworthy due to an incident where Linda changed the channel when she left the room.
• When Louise thinks she figures out who put the turkey in the toilet:
  Louise: At first I wondered, who could be mad enough at dad to do such a thing. I mean sure, no one likes him.
  Bob: Louise.
  Louise: And he smells. But then I realized that I was looking at the wrong motive. The person who put the turkey in the toilet was actually angry... at me!
  (Everyone gasps)
  Linda: Oh my, God!
  Teddy: What are we doing?
  Louise: You see, this person knew that I would be blamed and potently punished for this heinous crime. So, was it mom?
  Linda: Don't think so.
  Louise: Correct. It was not. Was it Gayle?
  Gayle: I don't know.
  Louise: No, it wasn't.
  Gayle: Oh.
  Louise: Which brings us to Gene and Tina. At first, I actually believed that Gene was too scared of the shower ghost to go in the bathroom at night. And I believed dad's theory that Tina was too mature to do something like this, if she was acting alone. But what if... (Dramatic Pause) they were working together.
  (Everyone gasps)
  Linda: I knew it.
  Gayle: I can see it, (pointing to Tina off-screen) that one has crazy eyes.
  (Later in the conversation)
  Louise: They worked together to frame me because I have been slowly stealing their allowances over the last five years.
  Tina: Wait...
  Tina & Gene: You have?
  Louise: Yes. Wait, you guys didn't know that?
  Tina & Gene: No.
  Louise: Oh, never mind. Because I haven't been.
  Tina: (relieved) Good.
• Bob having to constantly buy a new turkey. Eventually leading the guy behind the counter to think he's trying to hit on him. The kicker is that you think it's leading up to a Gay Panic joke, but instead, Bob's more concerned that the deli guy thinks he's a bad cook.
  • When Bob sees the deli guy for the third time, he says that Bob wore him down, and is willing to leave his boyfriend for Bob.
    Deli Guy: Oh my god, we're doing this. So, what do you wanna do? You wanna go the beach?
    Bob: No. Maybe. Wait, I'm straight. I mean, I'm mostly straight. You should call Tony.
    Deli Guy: Let's have coffee. No, let's just have sex! Oh, god, this feels so great!
    Bob:: I should just...sorry. I gotta go cook this. Also I'm married. But if I wasn't- who am I kidding; you're out of my league, it'd never work. (Bob walks off with the turkey)
    Deli Guy: I'm gonna see you tomorrow!
    Bob: (still walking away) Probably not. I'll call you!
  • When Bob says he's mostly straight, several of the background characters suddenly turn to face him as if they overheard him.
• This line after Bob's turkeys are found in both of the toilets:
  Tina: A turkey in every toilet. Only in America, huh guys?
• At the very end of the episode, after the mystery of the turkey in the toilet has been solved^note It was Bob sleepwalking thanks to his allergy medication, and having a flash-back to potty-training Tina, Bob starts sleepwalking again, this time mistaking one of Gayle's cats for Gene.

Purple Rain-Union

• Linda's growing frustration with her band, the Ta-Tas, being the last pick for the entertainment at her class reunion. She eventually talks herself into going out of spite... while she's in the shower, and Gene is on the can. This leads to Gene celebrating with an ill-timed "Victory Flush".
• After Gayle finally agrees to come back to the band, she wonders if her cat is telling her not to do it. Louise proceeds to threaten him.
• "My cat was right about you!"
• Linda agrees to let Gayle perform one of her songs, "Let's You and Me make a We-Union". It's pretty blatantly about her high-school crush Derek Dematopolis. And yet it somehow leads to Derek and Gayle making out in the (somewhat crowded) backseat of Derek's car.
  • And the following song "Still Got Two Of My Sexy Parts", especially the followup in the credits.

Bob and Deliver

• Tina fantasizing about receiving an A+ and a gold star on an assignment, then morphing into a gold star herself and flying through the roof.
• Bob losing controlling of his class and threatening to pepper spray them.
  Bob: You're animals! You're all animals!
  • And then Bob's comment to Mr. Frond immediately after.
    Bob: Kids are horrible. Why do we keep making them?
    • Which gets even funnier considering that Bob is the father of the three most disruptive kids at Wagstaff.
• Bob, disappointed how the Home-Ec class just watches videos instead of doing any actual cooking, tricks them into getting interested in cooking by making kettle corn.
  Bob: Oh, anybody want some microwave popcorn to go with the movie? (rips the microwave popcorn bag making the kernel drop onto a frying pan) Whoops, I ripped the bag.
  Zeke: (groans) Now we can't have popcorn! Idiot!
  Bob: Hey, everybody, (turns on the stove and heats the popcorn) maybe there's another way to make popcorn.
  Jocelyn: He's trying to microwave without a microwave.
  Zeke: Mr. B's lost. God, he's lost it!
  Tina: Let's see where he goes with this.
  Jocelyn: Oh, my God! What's happening?!
  Bob: We're cooking, Jocelyn. That's what's happening.
  Jocelyn: What's cooking?
  Zeke: Aw, poop, he tricked us!
  Tina: Or, aw, poop, he taught us.
• Louise and Gene are annoyed that the students Bob is teaching likes him.
  Student: Your dad is really cool.
  Gene: He's married... to a friend of mine!
  Louise: What the heck happened here?
  Tina: I'm not sure. I think dad might be a great teacher.
  Peter: Your dad rules.
  Louise: Hey! I don't appreciate your lack of sarcasm.
• Bob trying to convince Zeke that he has a talent for cooking.
  Zeke: (sobbing) GO TO HELL! GO TO HELL!
• Pretty much everything Hildy the lunchlady does.
• Gene makes up his own nonsensical Hash House Lingo while working in the student restaurant. What makes it even funnier is Zeke picks up on it.
  Gene: Give me a bald Kelly Ripa in a canoe with a brick!
  Zeke: Chicken taco... no sour cream... plus a brownie. You got it!
  Gene: Really? I didn't even know what I meant.
• Mr. Platt's failed attempt to kick Bob out of his small and crowded car.
  (after Bob gets out of the car)
  Mr. Platt: Got you. Ha, ha!
  Bob: No, you didn't.
  Platt: Well, yes, I did. I pushed you out, and you're fired. So, double burn on you.
  Bob: I got out on my own.
  Platt: Well, then, uh... you're rehired. Get back in the car.
  Bob: No. I'm not falling for that.
  Platt: No, just... just sit down on the edge of the seat here.
  Bob: No, I'm walking away now. Thank you.
• Teddy getting a guy to dance with him.
  "Bob, I got this guy to dance with me, just using my body!"
  "Yeah, its alright."
• The ending credits where Teddy gets drunk and dances in the bounce house, leading to him vomiting and telling everyone not to go in it.
  Teddy: Someone threw up in the bounce house. Kids, kids you can't go in the bounce house, someone threw up in it.

Christmas in the Car

• Tina describing the kids' obsession with capturing Santa.
  Tina: We're chubby chasers.
  Bob: Tina, don't say that.
  Tina: ...Fat fetishists?
• Bob has to correct Gary (the angry truck driver) that it's "kick your ass", not "bang your ass".
• Linda put up the first tree the day after Halloween. When Bob points this out:
  Linda: Oh, put some mistletoe on my butt and kiss it, Bobby.
  Bob: O...kay?
  Louise: Yeah Dad, stop ruining Halloween by not celebrating Christmas.
  • Linda then puts up the second tree the day after Thanksgiving. When Bob points this out:
    Linda: (nostalgic) It feels like just yesterday was Thanksgiving.
    Bob: Oh my God.
• Linda's Dutch Baby.
  Linda: Oh, look, it came out in 22 minutes! Oh, it's a preemie just like Jesus.
• The Belchers have an awkward whispered conversation while trying to hide from the candy-cane truck. Gene claims to have the best legs and butt in the family, Tina confesses to being the one who pooped and didn't flush, not her father, and Louise wants to know where babies come from.
  Linda: (whispering) You all come from my vagina.
  Gene: (whispering) I knew it! You owe me ten dollars, Tina.
• Gene ends up blowing their cell phone's battery trying to get through to the radio station so he can request "Jingle in the Jungle", and triumphantly cheers for the "Christmas miracle" when the DJ ends up playing it anyway. The song itself is pretty amusing.
• Everything about Teddy and the fridge.
  • "...That's a dumb place to keep bowls."
• Gary's sob story about his frustrations from having to work on Christmas turns out to be an excuse to get Bob to drop his guard so he can punch him in the gut. Gary turns out to have a mean punch for a short guy.
• Teddy is more preoccupied with making sure Bob reads his Christmas card than getting out from under the Belcher's fridge.

Slumber Party

• Louise's wild stories to drive off Jodi and Harley, which include a violent twin brother of Gene's that speaks in farts, and Linda having "Whooping Butt".
• Jodi's germophobic freakout when Linda playfully grabs handfuls of sprinkles while the girls decorate cupcakes.
• The anticlimactic nature of how Louise gets Abby to go home. She makes up wild stories to scare Jodi and Harley... and for Abby, all she has to do is say she won't let Abby braid her hair.
• When Bob returns from driving Harley and Abby home, his hair looks noticeably different. Turns out Abby braided it, and Bob likes the result so much he keeps it for the rest of the episode.
• Little King Trashmouth ends up in the bathtub. Gene immediately starts yelling "CODE ORANGE, CODE ORANGE!" You have to wonder about the code system in the Belcher household.
• When Louise and Jessica are fighting each other with pillows, they respectively use Tina and Gene as shields.
  Tina: Gene, is this your first time as a human shield?
  Gene: Yeah.
  Tina: It's my third time. You're doing really good.
  Gene: Thank you.
• The Belcher kids consider Bob and Linda's memory foam pillows to be heavy weaponry in pillow-fight terms, to the point of having special code-names for them. What code names did they give these pillows? Fat Man and Little Boy.

Presto Tina-O

• "Magic can take you places you've never dreamed of." "Like Delaware!"
• Tina's attempt at an Evil Laugh.
  Louise: Do you have something caught in your throat?
  Tina: That was my evil laugh. I also have something caught in my throat.
• Louise and Gene's reaction to Tina and Jimmy Jr.'s improvised magic act.
  Gene: Huh. I thought we were getting revenge.
  Louise: More like revenge on us, having to watch.
• Bob's revenge on the magician includes licking a platter of cold cuts in his dressing room. Later he finds out Sazerac farted on the meat.
  Linda: I hope you learned your lesson, Bob. Don't lick meat.
  Gene: Disagree.

Easy Commercial, Easy Go-mercial

• Louise getting Randy (who's been hired to film the commercial) to admit that he's a hack.
• The Belcher's terrible attempts at filming a commercial, and Bob's reaction to the end result.
  Bob: Oh my god...
  Linda: "Oh my god, you love it"?
  Bob: Oh my god, we're screwed!
  Tina: "Oh my god, we're screwed, you love it"?
• Anything Sandy "Can-Can" Fry does or says.
  Louise (angry from not being the director of the commercial): I was being sarcastic, Sandy.
  Sandy Fry (cheerfully): And I was ignoring it, small tiny person.
• The Belcher kids start angrily doing the Can-Can to spite Bob for airing the re-cut commercial that barely features them. Then Linda joins in, followed by Bob himself, who keeps going until he gets a cramp.
• When the Belchers see Bob being attacked by irate customers at Jimmy Pesto's, they go to defend him... but not before watching him get pelted with food for a bit, 'cause they're still mad.

The Frond Files

• Louise's story is a parody of The Terminator. Mr. Frond sends a robot duplicate of himself into the past to stop Louise from executing the Brownie Chair Surprise, where she put a brownie on Frond's chair during a school assembly, making it look like he crapped his pants.
  • Louise mocks Future Darryl, first for his cheesy peach-fuzz mustache, then for showing up just to provide a warning and some exposition and not having a plan or at least some cool futuristic weapons.
  • Robo-Frond's Weaksauce Weakness is the creamed corn served in the cafeteria.
• Gene's story: Fart School for the Gifted, which is every glorious "Screw The Establishment" '80s music flick wrapped up in one segment.
  • Mr. Frond dressed as Mrs. Garret from The Facts of Life, and his portrayal in the story as a Dean Bitterman.
  • The climactic "Farts Will Set You Free" song at the end of the story, which features Gene literally blowing the roof off the school with the "Super Fart" he had recorded on his keyboard.
• Tina's story features her as a hall monitor who has to defend her fellow students from a horde of basketball players turned into zombies by a faulty "Jock Itch Vaccine".
  • Mr. Frond locks himself in his office during the zombie attack and refuses to let the kids in with the justification that the survivors will need his guidance. This backfires when he gets eaten by the zombified nurse.
  • Tina flirting with the zombie horde.
    Tina: If your butts fall off, pick them up and put them back on.
• At the end of the episode, we find Louise actually tried the "Brownie Chair Surprise" when Bob notices as Mr. Frond leaves his office that he's got squashed brownies stuck to the seat of his pants.
  Bob: *barely containing himself from laughing* Linda, get your purse. And Gene's keyboard. Let's get out of here.

Mazel Tina

• Tina's explanation of why she wants to go to Tammy's Bat Mitzvah so badly:
  Tina: It's about becoming a woman and it's a really great party. ... Plus, rumor has it this one's gonna be packed with B.F.O.S.
  Bob: What are B.F.O.S.?
  Tina: B-F-O-S. Boys From Other Schools.
  Linda: What's wrong with the boys from your school?
  Tina: I need fresh faces. (quieter) And fresh butts.
  Gene: You'll take the butts you're given and you'll like it!
• Tammy on the phone planning her Bat Mitzvah:
  Tammy: WHAT IS IT NOW, RABBI ROSENBERG, WHAT IS IT NOW?!
• Gene thinks going to a bat mitzvah means he can finally get circumsized. And he "Knows Some People" who can do it.
• Janet gleefully announcing to a furious Tammy that she quits (per Louise's anonymous advice) so that she can become a star in New York.
• When Tammy calls her mother's perfume "Weird":
  Mrs. Larsen: It's not weird. You like it, right?
  Mr. Larsen: Um, yeah, I like it. I wear it. It's bisexual.
  Mrs. Larsen: Do you mean unisex?
  Mr. Larsen: It's the same thing.
  Mrs. Larsen: It is not the same thing.
  Frida: My swim-aerobics instructor is bisexual.
  Mr. Larsen: Thank you, Frida.
• Tammy and Louise arguing about the band when they first get stuck in the large Tammy head decoration.
  Louise: No one can hear us over the terrible band!
  Tammy: The Klezbians are not a terrible band!
  Louise: Yes, they are!
  Tammy: How dare you!
  Louise: OH, HELP!
• When the band announces a short break:
  Tina: Excuse me, but there's no break on the schedule.
  Emcee: Uh, I gotta call my dog sitter.
  Tina: But it's time for me to lead the Macarena. So, hey, Macarena or hey, you're fired.
• After Tammy finally breaks down at seeing all her friends and family enjoying the party without her, Louise reveals that her headset is working again.
  Louise: I fixed the headset.
  Tammy: Oh. (realizing) OH! You're a genius!
  Louise: I know.
  Tammy: Well, what are you waiting for? Get us out of here!
  Louise: Oh, it's broken!
  Tammy: No! (sobbing)
  Louise: Okay, I fixed it, I fixed it. But you watch your tone.
  Tammy: I'm sorry.
  Louise: And you better start inviting my sister to all your dumb parties.
  Tammy: I can't give you a guarantee.
  Louise: All right, then it's broken.
  Tammy: NOOOO!
• Tina leading the guests in the Chicken Dance while still donning the headset and clipboard:
  Tina: Come on! Keep up! What part of the chicken dance don't you understand?
  Jimmy Jr.: Tina, you're kind of getting an attitude.
  Tina: Hmm. Let me check the schedule for mouthing off to the party planner. No. Not on here. So zip your lips and shake your hips.
• When Louise and Tammy are stuck in the Giant Tammy Head and trying to break through the floor, you can hear Louise cry out:
  Louise: OH MY LITTLE LEGS!
• Bob and Linda getting distracted by the other caterers, and suddenly finding themselves at a wedding being held at the same venue.
  Bob: We are not in the same hall as we were a minute ago.
  Linda: It's like the end of The Shining in here. We could get lost.
  Bob: Where did everybody go?
  Linda: Wait a minute, this is a wedding!

Uncle Teddy

• Teddy pulls out a huge hair clog from the Belcher's sink, which Gene and Louise adopt as a pet. In the end credits, it's seen dancing.
• Jonas keeps breaking out his melodica and playing music, even though he's not very good at it.
  Tina: Wow, it's almost like music!
• Linda's comeback to one of the burger fanatics complaining about them hogging the jacuzzi.
  MeatCute: Ugh. The sign says to limit your soak time to 15 minutes!
  Linda: That sign says, "No running," and you're running your mouth, MeatCute!
• Linda and Bob pouring burger condiments into the jacuzzi to get back at the burger fanatics.
• Teddy throws Jonas' moped off a cliff in a fit of pique, then immediately regrets doing so.

The Kids Rob A Train

• Bob, trying to avoid talking with Linda and Rick by trying to befriend a kid riding his bicycle:
  Bob: Look, I'm perfectly happy enjoying my wine, staring out the window at that... (sees a kid outside the train) kid on a bike, going the same speed as us? And we are friends. I call him "Ramon". (to "Ramon") Hi, "Ramon"!
  "Ramon": What?
  Bob: Hi!
  "Ramon": I can't hear you.
  Bob: What? I...
  "Ramon": I...
  Bob: I can't hear you. I'm in a train. Okay, have a nice bike ride.
  ("Ramon" throws a rock at the train window)
  Bob: Ramon just threw a rock at me. (Beat) We're still friends.
• Bob attempting to guess what his wine is blindfolded:
  Bob: This one is probably... wine. I would say red. Or it could be white. I'm also realizing that I'm not as good at this as I thought I'd be.
  Rick: No, you're not.
  Bob: Chablis is a wine, right? (Beat) You guys aren't answering me. I'm gonna say that's a good sign. I'm going with Chablis.
  Linda: Oh, I'm sorry, Bobby. You're not good at this.
  Rick: Poor Bob. I can't see your sad, pathetic face right now, but I bet it's crying.
• Ethan getting suspicious of the kids:
  Ethan: Wait a minute. Something's up. Why are you out of breath?
  Rudy: Well, my trachea constricts due to the histamines that my body produces-
  Ethan: Okay, okay, Rudy, stop talking. (to Louise) Why are your shoes muddy?
  Louise: Because I'm-I'm poor. Oh, I'm so poor.
  Ethan: (to Gene) And why are you in your underwear?
  Gene: Because I am rich.
• Linda tricking the snobby wine taster into drinking from the spit bucket.
• Louise talking to the chocolate bars, showing that some of her father's habits have rubbed off on her.
  "Don't worry, I'm gonna get you out of here! 'Yaaay!' And then I'm gonna eat you! 'Noooo!' Shush!"

I Get Psychic Out Of You

• Those sounds Linda makes with every prediction. Even Bob comments that she sounds like Jerry Lewis.
• Even though Bob doesn't believe in Linda's powers, when she predicts he's going to fall down a flight of stairs Bob starts taking the stairs down to the basement very carefully, first by scooting along the wall then by crab-walking down the steps. Either he doesn't want to give Linda something to gloat about, or a part of him really does believe.
• One of the many uncover cops staking out the Wharf Arts Center is playing in the string quartet. Sgt. Boscoe thinks the guy is good enough he should quit the force and play violin professionally.

The Equestranauts

• A line that pretty much sums up many a Brony: "Oh my God, why am I analyzing this show?"
• The Belcher Family trying to stop the the Equesticles from giving Bob an Embarrassing Tattoo.
  Tina: Don't tattoo my dad!
  Louise: Counterpoint: Do tattoo him!
  Linda: Make it say "I Love Linda".
  Gene: Or give him some more nipples! You can never have enough! Ask a cat.
  • Tina tries to bust down the door but it's revealed that it's unlocked.
  Horseplay: Yeah, it's so we don't have to get up when every time someone else arrives.
• When Bronconius gloats to Bob that he'll never get Tina's doll out of the hotel safe because the combination to the safe is based on an obscure reference to "The Equestranauts" that only he knows, how does Bob get the safe open? He calls the hotel front desk and has security open the safe for him.
  Bronconius: Oh, well, that was actually easy.
• Bob, after going through all that trouble getting Tina's doll back, forces Tina to play with her doll after she decides she's too old to play with it.
• The entire cast singing "The Equestranauts" theme song during the credits.

Ambergris

• When Tina has identified the strange waxy scented lump (ambergris from a whale) they found on the beach with the Internet.
  Tina: Hey guys, remember that lump we found on the beach?
  Gene: My name is Gene!
  Tina: No, I mean the smelly lump.
  Louise: His name is Gene!
• Gene spends most of the episode trying to steal a piece of ambergris and eat it.
• Mickey casually admits that pretty much everyone working at Wonder Wharf is an ex-con, especially the lady who sells snow cones, who's seen violently stabbing the ice in her cart with something approaching a Slasher Smile on her face.
• Louise going Gollum for the Ambergris, basically Sanity Slippage without the Nightmare Fuel. She even makes gibberish gollum noises when she thinks she's cornered Tina and even says it again for her like it's normal.
• Pretty much everything involving Calvin Fischoder's even-more-eccentric brother Felix and his attempts to renovate the bathroom at Bob's Burgers.
  • Felix hires a Brazilian DJ for the "Unveiling Party", who ends up crashing in Bob's living room for a few days.
  • The unveiling of the new bathroom. Not only does the fancy jet-black interior clash with the rest of the restaurant, but Bob can't tell the toilet, the sink, and the trash can apart because they all look virtually identical.
  • When Felix throws a tantrum and locks himself in the Belchers' new bathroom, Calvin gets him out by drumming on the door and singing a childish song about how great Felix is while everyone else chants "Felix!" Felix comes out all cheered up, though he thinks Bob's chanting was a little flat.

The Kids Run Away

• Gayle's poetry:
  Gayle: SQUAAAAAAAAT!
• Dr. Yap having to wear a face shield to floss Gene's teeth. When he's done, it's speckled with tooth gunk.
• Louise fending off Dr. Yap while he Screams Like a Little Girl.
• Louise tells Dr. Yap to wait ten minutes before telling Bob she ran away. Cut to Yap rushing over to Bob, seemingly immediately after Louise has fled. As Yap explains the situation, however...
  Yap: She told me to wait ten minutes before I told you. But I'm a grown man and she's a little girl, so I waited eight!
  Bob: You waited eight minutes to tell me my daughter ran away?!
  Yap: Don't tell Louise I didn't wait the full ten.
• Louise trying to check into a hotel using Bob's credit card and an ID with a school picture on it. She claims to be a Vietnam Veteran.
• The entire "Gayle Force Winds" sequence.
• "Bribe Louise? We don't have that kind of money!”
• After discussing their plan to drive Louise to madness, Bob and Linda realize that with the kids gone, they can finally have sex uninterrupted. Not only is Linda so matter-of-fact about it, but Bob of all people cheers as if he's won the lottery.
  Bob: Let's go!
• Dr. Yap reluctantly going along with the over-the-top roleplay the Belchers do to get Louise to her dentist's appointment, where she's a secret agent being implanted with a microchip full of top-secret plans and Bob, Linda, and Teddy are enemy agents.

Gene It On

• The cheersquad adviser, Mr. Ambrose the librarian, who wanted to advise drama, attempting to enforce drama rules by turning the entire cheerleading competition into a Bring It On ripoff.
  • When he reveals his reason for leaking Gene's routine to the other school.
    Mr. Ambrose: Because having you cheers stolen five minutes before you perform is incredibly dramatic! Now you really have to scramble!
    Todd: You are the worst cheer adviser.
  • After Mr. Ambrose gets injured saving the kids from the failed attempt at the "Pigwheel", he ignores the paramedics telling him he's not that badly injured and insists on being carried away in a stretcher while groaing in (imagined) pain.
• Linda's ridiculous ideas for cheer-leading maneuvers. Even GENE can tell at first glance how dangerous and impossible the "Pigwheel" (six cheerleaders stacked on top of each other piggy-back and doing a cartwheel) is.
  • When Gene needs a new cheer routine, he decides to do the Pigwheel and introduces it to his squad:
    Gene: (showing the flip book of the routine) It's never been accomplished before except by stick figures.
    Todd: I don't want to be "that guy," but if we do that, we're all gonna die a tragic death in front of our families.
    Mr. Ambrose: Stop, no, I never meant it to come to this! It's too risky! Do it! Do it!
• Tina attempting to do a somersault as part of her cheerleader audition, and smashes headfirst into the judges table.
  • And in the restaurant before school:
  Linda: Okay! Gene, Louise, why don't you go to tryouts to support Tina? I'm sure she could use it.
  Gene: Okay.
  Louise: Oh, no way. I'm busy.
  Tina: By the way, with a cartwheel, are your hands or your face supposed to touch the ground first?
  Louise: [pause] Actually, I'll make time.
• Gene has to lift Tammy during a routine. It goes as well as you'd expect. When the inevitable happens, Gene gags and nearly drops Tammy.
  Tammy: Well, don't squeeze, newbie!
  Jocelyn: Don't breathe in, you'll die!
  Tammy: That hasn't been proven 100%!
• When Tina and Jimmy Jr. reconcile, Louise (who's just had way too much pie) declares she really IS going to puke and proceeds to vomit on the window of the rotating restaurant.

Wharf Horse

• Tina has flashbacks to riding on the carousel and falling off (or nearly falling off) Mr. Goiter as a baby, a grade-schooler, and a teenager.
• "You can't just run away from a kidnapping and go shopping! This isn't Florida!"
• When Felix tries to disrupt Tina's bike-locking to Mr. Goiter (her favorite horse in the carousel)
  Felix: Leave now, or I will make you leave!
  Tina: Oh, I'm sorry, do you have the ability to make 13 year old girls poop out keys?
  Gene: He might. Don't look into his eyes!
  Louise: (To the onlookers) This guy's trying to make my sister poop!
  Felix: No, I'm not.
  Gene: Girl-pooper! Girl-pooper!
  Louise: Girl-pooper!
  Felix: SHUT UP! THIS IS BOARDING SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN!
  Gene: Boarding school sounds fun.
• When the contractors start smashing the other horses on the carousel:
  Tina: Lady Big Nose, no! (smash) Mr. Down There Hair! (smash) Henry Human Feet! (smash)
  Gene: His feet were more human than mine!
• Bob lampshading how suspicious Felix's Evil Laugh is.
• When Bob tries to get Tina to stop protesting:
  Bob: Tina, I know you love the carousel, but I have to tell you something. (whispers) They're tearing down Wonder Wharf to build condos.
  (Crowd gasps)
  Tina: NOOOOOOO!
  Bob: Uh, you weren't supposed to hear that. It's for the best. You understand, right, honey?
  Tina: DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
  Bob: Yeah, so, great.

World Wharf II: The Wharfening

• While it's also terrifying given Felix is in a position to shoot both him and Bob dead, Calvin's sheer disregard for the danger he's in is also quite funny. Special mention goes to when Felix goes to untie the two from the pier... and Calvin proceeds to mock his apparent cowardice by clucking like a chicken.
• Louise slapping Linda to calm down:
  Louise: You have to pull! Yourself! Together! You have two children and a Louise to take care of!
  Linda: Okay, okay, stop slapping me! Oh, no, wait, one more.
  (Louise slaps Linda again)
• Teddy gets carried away with interrogating the host at Pierre's, putting the guy in a headlock until he throws up and passes out.
• Bob's major regrets during the song "Bad Things are Bad"? Dying Alone, leaving Linda a widow, and not knowing who wins Game of Thrones.
• Bob manages to distract Felix's crazy Gold Digger girlfriend Fanny by having her sing one of her songs.
• Calvin gets in an amazing jab against Fanny:
  Fanny: Shut up! I can't think!
  Calvin: What else is new?
• Calvin and Felix are thoroughly baffled at the Belcher family’s mutiple attempts at a Dying Declaration of Love.

Season Five

Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl

• Gene and Courtney having their respective recollections of when she asked him to help with his play. Gene claims that he politely told Courtney to leave him alone, she apologized for being annoying and slid out of frame. Courtney, offended, remembers Gene yelling at her and farting loudly, which everyone present agrees is more believable.
• Gene calling Working Girl "the sassy sister film to Die Hard."
• When Tina chooses to perform in Courtney's play instead of Gene's play, she explains that Jimmy Jr. is in the play as Jack Trainer and she wants to get together with him, despite her playing Katharine Parker. Gene immediately points out a huge problem with her plan with Courtney and Doug backing him up:
  Gene: But your characters don't even end up together.
  Tina: We're all allowed to interpret the movie differently.
  Courtney: No, they definitely don't end up together.
  Tina: Eh, to each his own.
  Doug: No, they really don't.
  Tina: Well, comme ci comme ça.
  Doug: All right, well, now you're just saying words.
  Tina: C'est la vie.
• All of the utterly ridiculous songs from both musicals. All of them.
• Ms LaBonz slapping Doug over his apparently phony promise to have Carly Simon attend the school play.
  Ms LaBonz: You probably think this slap is about you!
• When Linda goes to check on Tina before the play, Jocelyn gets stuck in the door because her shoulder pads are too big.
  Doug: Just kick her from behind!
• Bob's explanation for why he pushed Doug:
  Bob: Hey, I was just pushing you away from Linda, she's crazy!
  Linda: THAT'S RIGHT, HONEY!
• Louise's "Russian" accent and the delivery of her lines:
  Louise: Shush! I am Karl. The one with beautiful hair!''
• Gene gets tired of everyone not living up to his standards as well as reinterpreting the roles in their own way, so he fires everyone and turns it into an one-man play, resulting in a "fight scene" where he repeatedly switches sides and punches himself in the nose. Bob's reaction is as expected.
  Bob: Oh my God.

Tina and the Real Ghost

• Someone finally lampshades the show's tendency to have pun-based businesses when Bob tries to call an exterminator, notices the name, and wonders aloud what's wrong with all the exterminators in town.
• Bob is less than pleased at the thought of Tina "dating" a ghost.
  Bob: Every father's dream.
• Tammy tries to pass off the lesson she learned from being scared by Tina's prank that she should be herself... i.e. bossy and obnoxious. Everyone else tells her to cut the crap.

Friends With Burger-Fits

• The kids have frozen the floor in the basement, making it ice, and invited the kids to play and push each other on it. Linda finds out, loves this, and has arranged a sort of ice-wrestling tournament for all the kids and is trying to get them fired up.
  Linda: [Sweetly] Everybody got their pillows? Everybody safe?
  Kids: Yeah.
  Linda: (Yelling) NOW LET'S RUMBLE! IF YOUR BUTT TOUCHES ICE, YOU'RE DEAD!
  Rudy: Really?
  Linda: [sweetly] No, no, you're just out, honey.
• Linda's song about best friends.
  Linda: He crashes on your couch when he loses his job / Guy pulls a knife, and you jump in front / You take the blade right in the gut, ow! / Then he holds your hand till the medic comes, yeah! / You feed him soup when he breaks his jaw / You help him pee when he has that thing, / He's your best friend!
• After waking up from a bizarre nightmare about his burgers killing Teddy, a groggy Linda assumes he wants to just plain kill him. She's surprisingly prepared. She even plans to homeschool the kids after doing the deed.
  Bob: Good God Linda, you had all that ready?
  Linda: I'm just being supportive.

Dawn of the Peck

• The competing theories on why the birds are attacking humans: Teddy thinks that their "pecking order" has been thrown out of whack because the turkeys, chickens, and geese were all stored together; Linda thinking that Thanksgiving is punishing them for not staying at home with Bob; and Micky believes that the birds have decided to overthrow the human race.
  Bob: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!
  Linda: We didn't do Thanksgiving right. We didn't listen to you and now it's attacking us.
  Bob: That makes sense.
  Teddy: No, it's biological!
  Mickey: No, it's the beginning of the Turkey revolution, Bob! (whispering) We gotta pick sides.
• The kids are trapped in the Scramble Pan ride, which was left on when Mickey fled the birds. The Pesto twins try to escape, but simply wander into another cart and think they traveled through time. Louise also tries, but ends up right back where she started.
• When the gang escapes from Wonder Wharf, Linda decides to "give the bird to the birds". The Belcher children, the Pesto twins, and Regular-Sized Rudy ask if they can as well; Linda agrees, but just once since it's a holiday. Cue the children flipping off the birds (all conveniently obscured) to triumphant music.
  Louise: It's so insulting!
• Rudy saying he wants to go with Teddy and the Belchers to rescue Bob.
  Rudy: I kinda want to see how this one ends.
  Louise: Oh, Sweet Rudy. You probably won't live to see the end.
  Rudy: Oh...
• Bob getting literally "fall-on-his-ass-drunk" while staying at home, and being completely unaware of what's going on with the birds. Including not seeing the horde of birds following him until he encounters the "cyclops bird" after getting a turkey for Thanksgiving. Bonus points for drunk-singing and drunk-dancing to Donna Summer while police sirens flash and blare outside.
  • The scene where Bob does a dramatic scene with a turkey baster is just awesome. Not that kind of Awesome. (Well, maybe.)
  • Bob singing and dancing to Donna Summer during the end credits, especially with his raspy, off-key falsetto.
• Mickey breaking down and needing Louise to slap him.
• Finally, after everything is done, Bob is upset that the others have lost their appetite for turkey.
  Mickey: I can still smell it, Bob. They're inside my mind nose.
• The fact that the Fischoeder brothers forget that they're being recorded while saying incriminating things. Twice. The first time is when Felix states that he purchased a "bunch of dangerous birds" for the Turkey Trot, while the microphone is on. The second one is when he admits that there were still people at the Wharf when he closed the gates, while a news camera is still rolling.
• In the final scene at Fischoeder Mansion, when the Fischoeders are preparing to eat dinner, a brief shot reveals that Felix is so short that when he's sitting on a chair his legs don't reach the floor.

Best Burger

• Bob wonders what he was thinking signing up for the cooking contest. Cue a flashback to him and Linda drunkenly signing up for the contest.
• When Bob realizes Gene forgot to pack the main ingredient for the burger:
  Bob: GEEEENEEE!
  Gene: DAAAAAD! Wait, what are we doing?
• The text message that Linda gets from the kids after they steal black garlic from an expensive food store:
  "Have garlic. Broke the law. You fix later. :)"
• Gene freaking out while having to run past all the free and cheap food at the festival to get the black garlic to his dad in time.
  Vendor: Free cupcake-flavored ice cream, served on a waffle!
  Gene: You're killing me!
  • Four words: Hot Fudge Car Wash.
• Jimmy Pesto enters the competition as well, despite being out of his league. Not only does he overload his burger with oregano (and try to pass that off as the gimmick), but he somehow finishes cooking it with half the time left and leaves it under a heating lamp for the remaining ten minutes. When the time comes for the judges to taste the burgers, they all have the exact same reaction to Jimmy's—that is, spitting it out immediately.
• When the three judges are tasting Bob and Skip's burgers, the third judge, who is an old man, said that their burger has exquisite (for Bob) and exceptional (for Skip) "mouth-feel", which Linda points out that his comment is creepy.
  • Linda trying to comfort Bob on the judge's results when Skip is likely to win:
    Linda: You got a "Fantastic" and a "Ooh", but [Skip] got an "Amazing" and a really weird "Ah", and [the third judge] liked both your "mouth-feels". I say it's a tight race.
  • When the judges decides the winner:
    Bob You know what. I did my best, I held my own with Skip, and no matter what happens, Lin, I feel pretty good.
    Chuck: And the winner is: Skip Marooch.
    Bob: Oh my God, I feel bad!
    Linda: Aw, dammit! (slaps a cooler off the table) Piece of garbage!
    Bob: How could we lose?! Are you kidding me?!

Father Of the Bob

• Linda reminding Bob that it's been 7 years since they last visited Bob's father. Gene says he remembers it because he was still breastfeeding.
  Linda: No you weren't!
  Gene: Not with you.
• The reason they hardly ever see Bob's father? Bob can only stand to be in his presence for 15 minutes before his obnoxious attitude drives him off. Gene says it's like speed dating, but with your dad.
  Bob's Dad: *at the grand opening of Bobs Burgers* Well good luck... I give it three months.
  Bob: I'm gonna go inside.
  Bob's Dad: *at Bob's birthday* You're a lot fatter than I was at your age.
  Bob: Gotta go.
  Bob's Dad: *meeting the newborn Gene* Aw, cute kid... So you named him Gene, huh? Is it too late to change that?
  Bob: I'm gonna leave now.
  Bob's Dad: But this is YOUR house.
  Bob: That's okay.
• The kids milking their grandfather for Christmas money.
  Big Bob: Who's your favorite president?
  Gene: Bill Pullman. "Today we fight for our independence!"
• When the kids compete to see who can give their father the best gift, they discuss the prize—a made-up award called the "Mistle-Tony". They then discuss the Mistle-Tony as if it's being given out at an award show, complete with them deciding who to bring as guests.
  • Tina gets beat to both of her choices. She opens her mouth first, but Gene hastily claims Linda, and Tina just goes silent again. Tina then tries to claim Bob, but Louise calls dibs on him and gets fiercely defensive, telling Tina to pick someone else. Poor Tina can only remark in defeat that she doesn't know who to pick anymore.
• The burns Tina and Louise give each other during their contest for the Mistle-Tony.
  Tina: And then I can use this dish towel to wipe the floor with you. Because I just won the Mistle-Tony.
  Louise: Um, when you see this trap, you're gonna want to shut yours. Period. End of burn.
• Bob struggling to keep up with the line dancers while making amends with his father.

Tina Tailor Soldier Spy

• Troop 257's "secret handshake" just involves doing the "pull my finger" gag three times in a row, then cheering "Troop 257!".
• Gretchen convinces Linda to dye her hair blonde, with hilarious results. Linda becomes convinced that being blonde is making her dumb.
  Linda: (singing to herself and patting her hair) La la, lala la blonde, Lalala la la lala blonde...
  Bob: Lin, you messed up this order.
  Linda: Blonde?
  Bob: That's the third time today you've got a order wrong, and we've only had three customers.
  Linda: Blonde?
  Bob: Yeah, and I found a bunch of cheese slices in the cash register.
• Tina and Louise making amends at the end.
  Tina: Also, I made this friendship bracelet for you.
  Louise: Well, I'm not really a jewelry person...
  Tina: You don't have to wear it.
  Louise: (puts on the bracelet) No, I'm going to wear it forever. Back off!

Midday Run

• Tina "handcuffs" Zeke with a Chinese finger trap. Zeke can't figure out how it works.
• Zeke's dorky but enthusiastic little dance he does in the Wagstaff Whaler costume. And Mr. Frond's mortified expression when he realizes that, for once, he was wrong to doubt Zeke.
• Bob's desire to be a better artist leads to him getting a crash course from the Cranwrinkles... which involves Edith posing in the nude. From Bob's reaction, it's not a pretty sight.

Speakeasy Rider

• The kids determine who will drive the go-kart by drawing "straws"... from "Gene's hairy mole".
• Tina manages to be a great go-kart racer by flirting with the kart while driving. It weirds out the other kids listening on the radio.
  Tina: Hi Mr. Car. I must feel different than your old driver. Because I have a girl butt. Or so I’m told. Good job wheels. You too steering wheel! And engine? You did your part.
  Sascha: ...Tina, I'm going to mute my headset now.
• This conversation Tina has with one of the rich boys who wants to recruit her as his team's driver:
  Sascha: Wanna take a little walk and talk? I have a proposition for you.
  Tina: I'm taken. Well, it's complicated.
  Sascha: Honey, if I was hitting on you, you would know. Because you would be TERRIFIED.
  Tina: ...Trust me, you're hitting on me.
• Gene gets WAY into waving the flag at the go-kart track. Gus (one of the employees) even mentors him.
  Gene (waving flag): Flutter flutter flutter! Shimmy shimmy shimmy! And SNAP IT OFF!
  Gus: Hell of a snap-off, Gene!
  Gene: Yea, but my shimmy was shabby.

Late Afternoon In the Garden of Bob and Louise

• When Bob is attempting to convince Louise to get along with Logan while he's working at the restaurant (since the deal he and Cynthia made was that he would give Logan a summer job at the restaurant if she gave Bob a spot at the community garden), he tries to get Louise excited about the family being able to grow and serve fresh produce at the restaurant. She proceeds to remind him that fresh vegetables aren't that exciting for a young kid like her.
  Louise: Dad, I'm nine. I spit out vegetables and hide them around the house.
• The song "Happy Crappy Place", especially the plants.
• Bob trying to come up with a sweet nickname for Louise (and failing miserably).
  Bob: Uh, thanks for participating. Love you...cutie pie?
  Louise: Ugh.
  Bob: Sorry, I'll think of a better one than cutie pie. You're my angel...dust. Sorry, that's a drug.
• Gene experiencing a teenage high-five.
  "Wow, that was hard! I never knew high-fiving was so violent and satisfying! My hand is a man now!"
• Louise taunting Logan from inside the walls.
  Louise: I'm in your head, Logan. There's a lot of room in here!

Can't Buy Me Math

• One of the activities Linda planned for a week of Valentine's Day is "sexy cooking". She wants to do it at work during a lunch rush, and Bob refuses. Ignoring him, Linda seductively says she's hidden a strawberry somewhere on her body and wants Bob to find it. Turns out the strawberry is in her apron, and wants Bob to eat it. Understandably, Bob doesn't want to, due to sanitary reasons. Linda eats the strawberry herself, but immediately gags.
• Not only does Linda use way too much bubble bath for her and Bob's sexy bathtime, but Gene has to use the bathroom, then Louise. And Louise admits that she sometimes pees in the bathtub.
• Tina repeatedly trying to kiss Darryl even after they win "Cupid's Couple".
• Bob realizes he left the curtains open and has been dancing in his underwear in full view of the customers at Jimmy Pesto's. And then he decides to continue anyways for Linda's sake, culminating in him taking off his last article of clothing in front of an aroused Linda... and a thoroughly disturbed Edith^note One has to wonder if this is Laser-Guided Karma for Edith given she made Bob draw her nude not three episodes ago.
  Edith: ASS!

The Millie-churian Candidate

• Louise's attempts to get Jimmy Jr. to win the election involved creating a cheesy campaign video with him singing about why everyone should vote for him. When that doesn't work, they do a smear campaign on Millie that leads to people feeling bad for her. So what does Louise do? Create a smear campaign on Jimmy Jr., in the hopes that people will think Millie was the one responsible for it.
  Narrator (Gene): Wagstaff has questions for Jimmy Jr. Why does he dance all the time? What's he hiding? Does he have to go? Why doesn't he stop dancing and go? Tell Jimmy Jr. to go to the bathroom already! By the way, here's his 5th grade picture (flashes an embarrassing photo of him with Braces of Orthodontic Overkill) it's terrible!
  • Louise's logic behind this:
    Louise: Negativity backfires, which means it also, uh, "front fires".
  • The initial response to the first commercial endorsing Jimmy Jr.:
    Regular-Size Rudy: Oh barf.
    Ms. LaBonze: I wanna slap that kid.
    Regular-Size Rudy: I know, right?
    Louise: (realizing her plan isn't working) Oh...
  • When all the commercials cause Jimmy Jr. to reach an all-time low...
    Tina: (to Louise) You turned Jimmy Jr. from hero to zero! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO GO THAT WAY! (bangs fists on table)
• Millie murmuring "Power... Power..." while she rubs her sandwich between her hands until peanut butter is smeared all over her hands like soap. All the while Henry looks on, disturbed.
• When Louise, Tina and Gene are going through Mr. Frond's files because of a tip they got about Abby, Gene goes through his Zen garden.
  Mr. Frond: Who touched my Zen garden?! It's gonna take all afternoon to re-zen that thing.
• When Bob and Teddy tie in their competition to see if Bob's knife is better than Teddy's hammer, Linda decides the tie breaker will be who can make a hole in the counter quicker.
  Bob: We're really going to regret this!
  Teddy: I'll fix it later, with my hammer!
  Mort: (Walks in as they're both destroying the counter)...I'll come back later.
  Linda: Bye, Mort!
  • Their final tiebreaker challenge consists of taking turns to intentionally damage the other item for 5 seconds before switching, and Bob somehow believes that since knives are made by forging them with hammers, Teddy repeatedly smashing it with a hammer would just make it stronger. He's Instantly Proven Wrong when Bob hacking away at the hammer's handle doesn't even mark the rubber handle but Teddy turns his expensive new knife into a mangled pile of scrap metal in a few swings. Bob is still impressed in the end and admits that Teddy's got a really good hammer.
• In the end where Henry reveals that he intentionally planned for Louise and Millie to run against each other, and get both of them disqualified.
  Louise: How could you play with people's live like that?! Who the hell do you think you are Henry Haber?...You're going to be an amazing president.
• Gene's reaction to the claim that Millie almost choking Abby was just an improv game.
  Gene: That's impossible. The only losers in improv are the audience.
  • Gets even funnier when one learns that many lines in the show are improvised.
• Louise almost gets the Pesto twins to vote for her, but then she mixes up their names.
  Ollie: I'll vote for you, Louise.
  Louise: Thanks, Andy.
  Ollie: I'm Ollie! Oh, forget it!
  Andy: Which one am I?

The Gayle Tales

• "Gayle of Thrones" - Louise's Game of Thrones inspired story, featuring Bob as Bobdor, and Louise as a knight, taking on the Mortain with one quick swing of her slapping sword.
  • As Gayle and Louise cross a cat litter dessert, they find themselves surrounded by Night Talkers, Teddy versions of Night Walkers whose long, rambling stories will bore you to death.
• The not-so flattering portrayal of Linda throughout the three stories, as the kids are mad at her for grounding them.
  • In Gene's story, "Lindette" is a loud and shrill country singer who loses her future stardom to "Jo Gene and Gayle," becomes an alcoholic, and ends up marrying a random drunk (Bob).
  • In Tina's story, Linda is Lord Bob's loud and obnoxious American fiancee he's marrying for money. And they end up having a kid with a tail because they're cousins.
  • In Louise's story, Linda is "Lindaria," an evil hag who gets eaten alive by her pit of ravenous porcelain babies.
• In Gene's story, Lindette puts a rattlesnake in Jo Gene's guitar. Rather than ruin the act as Lindette had hoped, they run with it and incorporate the snake's hisses and rattles into the song, and it's a big hit. When they take their bows, the snake also takes a bow.
• Tina’s story features a dance called the “Heinie Liney“, where the dancers waltz while tapping each other with their butts.
• The prank the kids pulled on Linda that got them grounded in the first place. While at the grocery store, Tina and Louise asks Linda if she can get them some ice cream. Linda opens the freezer and Gene pops out from the bottom shelf and grabs Linda's legs while shouting "FREEZER FRANKENSTEIN!" which startles Linda so much, she topples into a huge display of Maxipads and farts, causing everyone in the store to laugh at her. Even Bob thinks it was funny.
  Bob: Lin, you fell into a pile of Maxipads and you farted. It's pretty funny
  Linda: It wasn't funny. Everyone laughed at me.
  Kids: Yep!
  Linda: Then I had to buy all those Maxipads. Oh, it's gonna take me weeks to get through those. And then I farted again when they handed me my bags.
• Scott Bakula keeps showing up in all three stories, mostly because Gayle specifically mentioned him.

Li'l Hard Dad

• Tina blames waiting until the last minute to do her book report on writing the due date on her arm and repeatedly washing it off in the shower.
• Linda comes up with increasingly ridiculous ideas for Tina's presentation to distract from the fact that Tina's barely read the book. These include singing, tap-dancing, and dressing Tina in a crude dog costume, with Teddy's wheelbarrow as a dog sled.
• The needlessly dramatic RC helicopter battle at the climax, complete with "Ride of the Valkyries" as background music in a Shout-Out to Apocalypse Now.
• Terry showing just how serious he can be.
  Gene: "Sky-sassin"? That sounds brutal.
  Terry: (dramatic closeup) War is brutal. (normal) Of course, we advise that you absolutely do not aim these at people. (dramatic closeup) Unless you hate them.

Adventures in Chinchilla-sitting

• The kids trying to find the chinchilla and going door-to-door to ask for directions to get to Jonas.
  (at Jonas' house)
  Jonas' Father: Uh, Jonas is at his friend Clay's house doing homework.
  (at Clay's house)
  Clay's Mother: Clay is at Jonas's house doing homework.
  Louise: What the?
  Clay's Mother: Isn't he?
• Arguably Gene's best jab against Tammy:
  Gene: You're in eighth grade? I thought you were someone's mom.
• "I... wish my radio worked!"
• After the kids sneak into the teen party, everyone else is disgusted that Gene (who infiltrated as a pizza delivery guy) is actually using the bathroom.
• Tammy ends up freaking out alongside Tina about being at a high-schoolers' party.
• Jonas's crush Vanessa slips on Wayne's vomit at the roller rink.

The Runway Club

• Tina gets an impressive zinger at Tammy when the latter accuses the former of stealing her look.
  Tammy: Tina, you need to take that thing off right now! Sparkle jelly bracelets are my thing since yesterday when I bought it!
  Jocelyn: Yeah!
  Tina: Tammy, I understand your disappointment. I'm a little disappointed too; before I saw it on you, I thought this bracelet was classy.
• Teddy butts his way into Linda and Bob's conversation about Sally, the girl selling magazines at the restaurant.
• Linda rather bluntly informing Sally that her magazines are a scam:
  Sally: So, are you guys gonna buy any magazines?
  Linda: No, Sally, 'cause your life is a lie.

Itty Bitty Ditty Committee:

• Bob, Teddy, and just about everyone else can't resist making jokes about Linda's unshaven armpits.
• After Darryl kicks him and his sisters out of the band, Gene's attempt to angrily slam the door to the music room is foiled by the door closer.
  Gene: Stupid safety... door-closing... thing!

Eat, Spray, Linda

• Tina getting rose petals from Mort only to find out there's only six petals:
  Bob: That's, like, six... six petals.
  Tina: Yeah, not a lot of funerals this month. Mort said to check back around the holidays.
  Louise: Maybe just one in the hallway, one in the doorway, and then one at the tub.
  Gene: We, we could get some branches.
  Bob: I'm not sure that will have the same impact.
• Gayle freaking out on the phone when Bob tells her he doesn't know where Linda is. To calm Gayle down, Bob lies telling her Linda is back causing Tina to look to see if she's back twice.
• Andrew the bus driver getting confused by Linda pointing at certain directions.
  Linda: Okay, so if I'm gonna walk it, (pointing behind Andrew) I could cut through that way.
  Andrew: You're pointing at me. Where did you learn to point?
  Linda: No, I'm pointing through you.
  Andrew: But it's at me.
  Linda: The other side of the...
  Andrew: Oh, behind me? Well, that makes a lot more sense.
• Linda managed to get sprayed by a skunk two times. The first time, she accidentally woke one when it was sleeping, and the second time, she trips and breaks her glasses and a skunk just runs by and sprays her.
• Louise asking the baker why some of his customer were banned from his bakery:
  Louise: (pointing to a photo) What did that guy do?
  Baker: He wants his crusts cut off.
  Louise: What did she do?
  Baker: She touches everything. Everything.
  Louise: What did he do?
  Baker: He's really racist.
  Louise: What did that baby do?
  Baker: He's just a jerk.
  • Bob getting mad at the baker for making fun of Linda's large hands and starts throwing samples of pumpernickel on the ground:
    Bob: Guess what? (throws a sample) No one (throws a sample) talks about...
    Baker: Hey.
    Bob: (throws a sample) ...my wife's (throws a sample) giant hands...
    Baker: Easy.
    Bob: (throws a sample) ...on her birthday!
    Gene: (grabs a pumpernickel off the ground) Except (eats the pumpernickel, grabs another pumpernickel) for Teddy, because...
    Baker: All right.
    Gene: (eats the pumpernickel, grabs another pumpernickel) ... he also... (eats the pumpernickel, grabs another pumpernickel) complimented... (eats the pumpernickel, grabs another pumpernickel) her wrists! And this pumpernickel is dry! And a little dirty.
• When Linda hitches a ride, she has to ride in a horse trailer along with two horses due to being sprayed by a skunk. Her smell is so bad that the horses move away from her.
  Linda: (to the horses) Oh, like you guys smell so good.
• The epic chase scene through the chalk art festival ends with Linda jumping over a photo-realistic drawing of a gorge while Deidre is stopped cold by it as if it were an actual hole in the ground.
• After Linda finally gets home and enjoys her spa day, Gene asks if he can dip his sandwich in Linda's tomato-sauce bath.

Housetrapped

• Bob gets high on pain medication and starts calling everyone "Gene".
• Linda forcing Bob to reenact what she thinks is Helen killing her husband. A storm prevents them from going on the roof so it turns into an Imagine Spot instead.
  Linda: Bob, you're Larry.
  Bob: No.
  (scene changes to Helen and Larry on the roof)
  Helen: (Linda's voice) Sweet, dead Larry.
  Larry: (Bob's voice) Oh, God.
  Helen: (Linda's voice) I'm Helen. I'm a bad person, and I want your money so onto the boulders with you! (pushes Larry off the roof)
  Bob: (Imagine Spot ends and he's on his back) OW! Ow, my back! Did you actually have to push me?
• Louise's comment when she sees dozens of clocks in the study.
  "Why do they have so many clocks? How much time do you need?"

Hawk & Chick

• Bob having a conversation with the jicama. Then there's the fact that Louise of all people is the only one who can seem to tolerate it on trips to the farmer's market, perhaps because she's no stranger to doing the same with other inanimate objects.
• Bob trying to talk Louise out from following Kojima:
  Bob: This is weird. Let's go home, live our lives the best we can. I mean, we're poor, but we're happy.
• Bob tries to argue that the old man they're following isn't actually Kojima. Kojima then sits at an angle that makes him perfectly resemble Hawk in one of his poses. Bob and Louise promptly freak out.
• Gene complimenting Tina, who doesn't get it at first:
  Gene: Wow. She can't do long division, but the girl can slide a saltshaker.
  Tina: Who? Oh, me.
• Gene trying to figure out the concept of "Hawk & Chick":
  Gene: Wait, so these movies are about traveling barbers who fight weird Japanese monsters? So, it's like a less sexual Incredible Hulk?
• Kojima revealing that he came to town to find his Yuki, his daughter, and Gene misinterprets it:
  Gene: Is that Japanese for getting your groove back?
• Gene trying to distribute flyers for the secret film festival to the people:
  Gene: Psst. You like movies?
  Guy: Yeah, I like movies.
  Gene: Are you cool?
  Guy': What do you mean?
  Gene: Forget it! Keep moving.
  (The guy leaves and Tina arrives)
  Tina: How's it going?
  Gene: Some of these people seem cool, but they're not!
  Tina: How can you tell?
  Gene: You can tell.
• Louise attempting to imitate the sound of crowd cheering but it ends up sounding like a ghost.
• Louise asking Dominic if he could put subtitles on the film:
  Dominic: Oh, sure. Yeah, I'll just add some words to the screen. What do you think this is, future world?
• Bob discovers the greatest tool of the technological age: spellcheck.
  Bob: Did you guys know about spellcheck? It's amazing. It tells you if you misspell something. I mean, it's... Some of it is open to interpretation. But, you know, it's helpful.
• Linda getting mad that despite dubbing more characters than Tina, Tina has longer lines which Linda tries to steal which angers Tina.
  • Linda gets oddly fixated on, of all things, not the fact that Tina has more lines, but the fact that these lines are the mayor's.
• Bob instructing the crowd who came to see the movie on how to act so the movie theater manager will not notice them:
  Bob: All right, don't forget, secret screening, so we cannot look like a line! The manager's gonna come out pretty soon and go home. We're just 40-some-odd people who happen to be standing here. So, look at your phones or up at the sky and whistle or something.
  (Several people are on their phone, looking at their watch, facing different directions, or tying their shoes)
  Guy: Oh. Okay. Like this? (turns to the side and whistles)
  Bob: (to the guy) Great. (looking at the other people) Wait, wait. Too many shoe tie-ers, one of you hail a cab.
  Kevin: Taxi! (a taxi arrives) What do I do?
  Bob: Commit, commit, get in, circle the block.
• The Belcher's improv dubbing when the audio speaker's batteries dies:
  • When dubbing the villagers:
    Bob: (dubbing Hawk) Which way did the Seaweed Monster go?
    Linda: (dubbing a villager) That way!
    Tina: (dubbing a villager) No, that way!
    Gene: (dubbing a villager) Aah! Monster! Green! Green! Aah! Aah!
  • The audience's reaction to the improv dubbing when Bob and Louise are trying to convince Yuki to stay in the theater:
    Male Audience Member: I don't remember this part.
    Female Audience Member #1: Are the actors really bad?
    Male Audience Member: Yes. They're horrible.
    • In an incredibly heartfelt moment, Bob reassures Louise they will not stop talking in the future like Hawk and Chick did. Immediately after, however...
      Female Audience Member #2: Foreign films are so much more complex than Hollywood movies.
  • Bob improv dubbing the Seaweed Monster:
    • "No! (Seaweed Monster smashes a house) Smash this house! Chick doesn't need to apologize for anything. Chick was just a kid. (Seaweed Monster hits a villager) And I hit this guy!"
    • "Seaweed Monster suddenly thinks this might be about something else. (Seaweed Monster is squeezing Chick while she swings her sword at it) And I'm squeezing you. Sorry about that.
    • "I'm the monster again. (Hawk and Chick stabs the Seaweed Monster) Aah, I'm getting stabbed. (Seaweed Monster explodes) I'm getting... I exploded. I'm not sure why I... I explo... I'm dead. I'm gone.
  • The sheer amount of Mood Whiplash in that scene alone is enough to cause hospitalizations. Bob's heartfelt talk with Louise and Koji's reunion with Yuki are juxtaposed with Bob's outright hammy acting that borders on So Bad, It's Good and the audience's reactions to it, to the point that you'll alternate between crying and laughing until you're doing both at once.
• Bob discovering that they had the film festival during a school night:
  Bob: So I should get you kids home, right? What time is it?
  Tina: It's after midnight.
  Bob: Is it a school night?
  Gene: Yes, and I have a big test tomorrow. It's, like, half my grade.
  Bob: Oh, sorry.
  Gene: Hmm.

The Oeder Games

• The whole plot of the episode is that Mr. Fischoeder has a plan that's equal parts ridiculous and awesome to break up his tenants' alliance against him: bait them into an epic water balloon fight to see who has to suffer the rent hike and who wins a rent cut.
• Tina has Zeke and Jimmy Jr. at her mercy... and takes the opportunity to quiz them on which of them would be a better boyfriend.
• Linda suggests using her bra as a double-barreled sling-shot. Then Gene and Louise try it and find it to be surprisingly effective.
• When Gene and Louise make it into Mr. Fischoeder's fancy tree house, they find his brother Felix living in it. Apparently Felix got himself banished from the main house because he has sleep apnea, and "sleep fart-nea".
• The end credits feature the cast singing an off-key version of Nena's "99 Red Balloons" over footage of various characters getting pegged with water-balloons.

Season Six

Sliding Bobs

• In Gene's story, "Robo-Stache" is shown to be very strict, doing things like assaulting a guy for not picking up after his dog, tazing a man for abusing the "take a penny" plate at a convenience store, and shooting a young Teddy in the ass with a laser for "indecent exposure" on seeing Teddy's plumber's crack.
• Tina's story about an alternate Bob's Burgers where Linda married Hugo. In an inverse of the first episode, Hugo's restaurant is accused of using wiener dogs in their hot dogs.
  Bob: Obviously, this is a baseless accusation.
  Hugo: No, it's true.
  Linda: WHAT?
  Hugo: Isn't that how you're supposed to make gourmet hot dogs?
  • Louise is especially freaked-out about the bizarro versions of the Belcher kids, calling Tina a monster for imagining "Charlize" as a Cheerful Child in a pink dress going through a Princess Phase.

The Land Ship

• Tina being the only one interested in the school assembly about the Land Ship.
• Teddy seems way too interested in the music playing when City Hall puts Bob on hold. "They're playin' all the hits!"
• Way back in the first episode, Linda notes that Bob isn't the best kisser. Well, he may not be the best, but he's certainly leagues ahead of Jordan, who kisses Tina as if he's trying to eat her face.

The Hauntening

• The incredibly terrible haunted house Bob and Linda try to put on for the kids. Even when it turns out it was deliberately crappy as part of the Belcher family's larger scheme to scare Louise, Linda still gets defensive about the bad haunted house.
• Linda saying they were gonna do an exorcism for the haunted house, mentioning she was gonna vomit on Bob like she did when they were just married.
• The episode ends with the Belcher kids watching (and riffing on) the video for Boyz 4 Now's new song, "I Love You So Much It's Scary".
  • Tina says that the girl in the video won an essay contest. It had to be under 30,000 words, and Tina wasn't able to cut hers to that amount.

Gayle Makin' Bob Sled

• Linda's Thanksgiving song, and the kids' responses.
  Linda: (singing) It's Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving for everybody, 'Cept for Europeans.
  Gene: Don't worry about the Europeans. They're fine. They've got tapas.
  Louise: And Belgium.
  Tina: And Leonardo DiCaprio, eight months out of the year.
• Bob triumphantly declares that he and Gayle aren't gonna let the blizzard stop them... then an awning full of snow falls right on top of him and buries him.
• Linda and the kids' terrible attempts at finishing Thanksgiving dinner. Linda accidentally rips the drumsticks off the turkey and tries to sew them back on, Gene dumps a bunch of candy on the string beans, and Louise makes the sweet potatoes look more like a sundae.

Nice Capades

• Mr. Fischoeder agrees to pull a few strings and get the Belcher kids use of the skating rink, and he'll do it for a song... as in, he wants to sing a song in their ice show while his brother Felix does an ice-dance.
  Louise: Keep it PG-13.
  Mr. Fischoeder: I'll... try to rein him in.
  • Also, Louise and Mr. Fischoeder negotiate how long his song can be.
  Louise: You get three minutes.
  Mr. Fischoeder: I need five.
  Louise: We'll kill the mic after four, and I'm not joking.
• The Fischoeder brothers' act is pretty hilarious. Calvin sings a song about drinking the holiday stress away on Christmas while Felix in an open-chested skating outfit does a suggestive ice-dance.
• Mr. Fischoeder subtly roasts his brother's jump over him while he's laying on the ice:
  Mr. Fischoeder: Anyone can make it look easy, but he makes it look hard!
• Bob tries to find a last-minute gift for the mall Santa's nephew that isn't a calendar... but since the mall is about to close the calendar store is the only one open.
• At the end of the episode, Louise tells the Mall Santa that she wants a pet shark for Christmas. On Christmas morning, she gets a goldfish instead, but accepts it as a "shark-in-training".
• The credits song features an extended version of Calvin Fischoeder's song, where he sings about bourbon (and just bourbon) for half a minute.

The Cook, the Steve, the Gayle and Her Lover

• Drunk Mr. Frond is worth a couple laughs. He hasn't had alcohol before, and it shows.
• The kids try to break up Gayle and Mr. Frond by singing a "romantic" song in Spanish... but since Tina only knows a few phrases, she ends up saying things like "Me llammo es Tina" and "El perro es grande" while Louise "translates".
• Tina repeatedly shooting down Xander's advances.
• Tina manages to guilt-trip Louise without saying a single word, all while Louise is increasingly freaked-out.
• To bribe Xander into taking the blame for stealing the doll, Louise offers a kiss from Tina. Gene's response is a suddenly very deep, "Oh my."

The Gene and Courtney Show

• Mrs. LaBonz comes up with a number of silly ways to spice up her announcements, like buying a rhyming dictionary and getting another teacher to play the bongos.
• Bob manages to find a place to buy carnations for the school fundraiser... and Teddy proceeds to ramble about how desperate Bob is to get the flowers, which end up costing Bob a pretty penny. After the fact, Bob is quite miffed at Teddy, who genuinely fails to realize that he helped drive up the price.
• When Mr. Frond asks Tina how the drive is going, Tina's reaction marks the return of her "Everything is Okay" face. It's just as unconvincing as last time.
• Bob and Linda greeting each other at the end with nothing to present the other for Valentine's Day. They don't even try to sugarcoat things.
  Bob: Happy Valentine's Day. I didn't get you anything.
  Linda: I didn't get you anything either. (Beat) Wanna go make out?
  Bob: Yeah.

Sexy Dance Healing

• Bob has a bit of an obsession with earning Jairo's "special" red scrunchie.
• Teddy's Comical Overreacting when Bob takes a break from making up the Burger of the Day.
• The kids manage to blackmail Mr. Fischoeder into letting Jairo have his studio back when they overhear him bragging about breaking up an attempt by his workers to unionize.
  Fischoeder: That'll teach me to be honest around children...
• Linda's Muse dance.

Sacred Couch

• Linda loves the Sofa Queen commercial so much that she mouths along with it.
• Linda assumes that nobody will want to replace the old couch... but when it's held to a vote, everyone but her raises their hand in favor of replacing it. She winds up intimidating Tina and Gene into changing their minds.
• While they're browsing for a new couch, Bob mentions that they've looked at 12 couches already and Linda screamed at 3 of them and flipped the bird at one of them.
• Tina and Gene end up getting stuck in high chairs, along with the Sofa Jester (who had minutes earlier tried to stop them from doing this exact same thing).
• The Sofa Queen manages to talk down a despondent Linda... and convince her that their old couch was disgusting and desperately needed to be replaced.
• Just as Louise convinces the family to take the old couch back, it's taken away by a band who want to burn it for their album cover. (Their current name is the Couch Burners.)
  • When Teddy tells the Belchers that someone took the couch, they all let out a Big "NO!". A confused Teddy then says, "Boy, you guys have a strange way of reacting to good news."
  • As the Belchers try to convince the Couch Burners not to burn their couch, the lead singer (mis)quotes the old saying, "If you love something, set it on fire."

Lice Things are Lice

• Tina and Nurse Liz end up wearing rubber gloves on their heads as makeshift protective caps.
• This exchange:
  Tammy: I can't have lice! I go to private school!
  Tina: This is public school.
  Tammy: WHAAAT!?
  • In a similar vein, when the students escape and Tina tells them to split up, she and Tammy are the only ones who go right; Tammy actually thought she was going left.
• Tina is reluctant to hold Mr. Frond down so Nurse Liz can shave his head, but then he lets it slip that he's dating someone other than Gayle, and she holds him down so hard it hurts him.
• In an attempt to stop Liz (who, at this point, is blowing a potential lice infestation far out of proportion thanks to her own boredom) from shaving all of the students' hair, Louise pushes Tammy's head into Liz's, "infecting" her. Louise thinks she's gotten the upper hand, but is hilariously jaw-dropped shocked when Liz immediately shaves her own head.
• Much to Bob's embarrassment, the widow from the funeral party sits down in the one stool at the counter that isn't broken in yet. Much to his relief, the farting noise was actually made by her. She looks a bit confused at Bob and Teddy's sudden cheerfulness, then happily remarks that her late husband would have loved this place.

House of 1000 Bounces

• Bob is on edge because of the pigeon that gets inside the restaurant, and his anxiety escalates to such a degree that Linda and Teddy finally ask him what the problem is. Bob suddenly remembers a horrible experience he had when he was a kid, where he entered a room and was suddenly attacked by a group of pigeons. It turns out he's remembering a scene from The Birds that freaked him out as a kid. Bob doesn't have a fear of pigeons, Bob thinks he's Tippi Hedren.
  Teddy: You wish.
  • The pigeon gets covered in olive oil, and not wanting to drive to a place to get it cleaned, Bob and Linda decide to do it themselves. Linda plans to wash it in the sink, but Bob instead runs a bath in the tub and gets in with it. Linda asks why he did that when they were going to wash it in the sink, and Bob responds that he wouldn't fit in the sink.
• Louise decides to put on Rudy's spoon play with things found in the ranger station's lost-and-found box. They end up bribing the ranger into letting them do it by giving him a part in the play.

Stand by Gene

• Teddy complaining and exaggeratedly mocking that Bob breathes too hard, blaming him for his miss in "NARTS", Bob's made-up game based on HORSE.
• After getting a shock from an electric fence, Zeke spends the rest of the episode with a Twitchy Eye. It doesn't seem to bother him that much.
• From Bob's perspective, Bob deciding to not sabotage Linda is a heartfelt moment where we're reminded of their love. From everyone else's perspective, the scene goes like this:
  Teddy: (makes a farting noise) WHERE WERE YOU?!
• Tina is disappointed that she failed to meet her soul mate on the trip to the farm, and Louise tries to cheer her up.
  Louise: Tina, listen to me. Life is a journey.
  Tina: Uh-huh...
  Louise: ...That's all I've got. I don't have advice, I'm nine.

Wag the Hog

• When Bob goes to confront the bike thief Louise is, as expected, excited at the prospect of stabbing someone (or even just the prospect of getting to threaten to stab someone).
• When Critter gets his hands on a cellphone that someone smuggled into jail by hiding it inside their anus, he and everyone else handling it is gingerly holding it with two fingers, clearly uncomfortable with where it's been.
• Linda is forced to hastily flee the daycare with Sidecar when she makes the other moms think she kidnapped him.
• One of the children at the daycare said his first word during Sidecar's massive tantrum: "help."

The Hormone-iums

• Tina's second Imagine Spot has her as a glamorous movie star at a golden-age style movie premiere, complete with Jimmy Jr. and Zeke fighting for the right to propose to her.
• When the decision on whether to accept Mr. Frond's offer as a permanent soloist position in the Hormone-iums in exchange for doing the role of Mona Nucleosis when it'll cost her invitation to Jocelyn's birthday party and make boys not want to kiss her anymore is too much for her when sitting at the family's dinner table, Tina asks Linda if she can finish eating her spaghetti in her room. She says yes, and instead of grabbing her plate, she scoops up the entire pile of spaghetti in her hand and runs out of the room crying and when Bob follows her to console her, there's a spaghetti stain on her pillow.
• Louise attempts to get Linda to sell her pitch to the Fischoeder brothers. Linda doesn't quite understand what she's talking about. Louise proceeds to channel her inner Bob by saying his usual Character Catchphrase at the exact same time that Bob himself says it, both in response to Linda's misunderstanding.
  Bob and Louise: (simultaneously) Oh my God...
• Linda, Bob, and Louise put on a half-assed Cinderella-themed pitch for Linda's "Wine Shoes". The Fischoeder brothers initially think they're sponsoring a play. Felix seems willing to do so, but only if they make some changes.
• The way the Fischoeders awkwardly leave when Linda starts to feign crying.
• On a meta-level, the epic amount of Ship Tease at the end: Tina plays "spin the bottle", and spins with just the right amount of force to point the bottle at Jimmy Jr... or possibly Zeke, who was sitting right next to Jimmy. To play it up even further, she's seen kissing both of them in the credits.

Pro Tiki/Con Tiki

• Bob and Louise team up to prank Warren by dumping a glass of water on him from the upper floor as he sits at the front door. Warren complains about this ruining a watch that his grandfather gave him... before remarking that he doesn't actually have a watch. Or a grandfather.
• Warren's outrageous jokes about being rich, like claiming that he's had his bones replaced with iron and is thus virtually immortal in response to Louise wanting to work as his bodyguard and stringing the bank manager along with his check to Bob being forged until he almost has him arrested and thrown out.
• Teddy seems to get a little too attached to the sunglasses-wearing pineapple that says "Aloha!" when people walk past.
• When Bob goes to get Warren's money out of the bank, the kids start pelting him with the laminated menus, and prove to be pretty good shots. Apparently, the kids spend a lot of their downtime at the restaurant throwing the menus around.
• Gene hula-dancing in the end credits.

Bye Bye Boo Boo

• Tina's amazing Precision F-Strike when hearing that Boyz 4 Now have broken up.
  "Son of a BITCH!"
• The historian Bob meets has a very blunt description for Jimmy Pesto.
  Historian: He's what we historians would call a douchebag.
• Louise manages to stop the girls from Tina's former Boyz 4 Now fan club in their plan to puke all over Boo Boo... so they just end up puking all over the pier at Wonder Wharf instead.
• Boo Boo doesn't recognize Louise... until she slaps him in the face again. He actually sounds happy to see her once more.

The Horse Rider-er

• Tina's reaction when she's first told she can't go to horse camp is to groan and slowly slide down her chair, which goes on for a while.
• When Tina says "goodbye" to her imaginary horse Jericho, Jericho laments that he wasn't dressed for this moment, and we see he's wearing cutoff jeans for some reason.
  • Also, at some point, Jericho tried to convince Tina that she was the imaginary one, which seriously messed her up.
• Teddy trying to exorcize the restaurant's broken fryer.
• The montage of Tina trying (and failing) to bond with Plops the horse.

Secret Admiral-irer

• Tina offers to read Meryl's mail to her... including the junk mail and the restaurant flyers.
• Sergeant Bosco harshly questioning Joel. When Joel breaks down in tears, Bosco just whacks him over the head repeatedly and tells him to stop crying.
• When Meryl is dancing and finds that one of Bob's "medals" is a slice of cheese, he says it's because he served in the Swiss navy.
• Linda's attempt to get rid of the "cool chefs" who keep trying to pressure a sleep-deprived Bob to hang out with them is to tell them Bob died.
  Linda: HE'S DEAD! GO AWAY, HE'S DEAD!

Glued, Where's My Bob?

• The song "Bad Stuff Happens in the Bathroom", especially in the end credits when they get a line-up of characters from the show singing the song.
• Louise's fantasy about Bob getting free is surprisingly heartwarming, showing that she dreams about Bob lifting her into his arms and giving her a giant kiss, but it still has that typical Louise vibe, with a banner in that back that reads "Louise did nothing wrong!"
• After Teddy breaks down the bathroom door, revealing that Bob is glued to the toilet, and Jimmy Pesto runs out to tell everyone in the neighborhood, Bob looks at Linda and sincerely asks her to kill him.
• Jimmy Pesto's various botched attempts to score some publicity for his restaurant. Eventually he just gives up and chants for Bob.

Season Seven

Flu-ouise

• This exchange while the whole family is trying to make Louise take her cough syrup:
  Bob: How can something so sick be so strong?!
  Gene: Like the economy!
• Louise gets her family's attention with an air horn, reminding the Belchers that nothing can be hidden from her - not even in Bob's underwear drawer.
  Tina: We know about the underwear drawer.
  Gene: And about your underwear. Not so tighty, not so whitey!
• The melted Kuchi Kopi... and its disgruntled expression.
• The family's reaction to accidentally melting Kuchi Kopi and knowing how mad Louise will be.
  Linda: Oh we're dead, we're deeeeead.
  Bob: Oh, God. We should just leave. Town. Get in the car and go far away.
  Gene: I'd love to see Ann Arbor.
• Akkorokamui's song about how she loves to drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink...
• Louise's increasing annoyance at the musical numbers in her dream.
  "No songs about why you hate the fortress!"
• Teddy gets too emotional recalling how he was once overcome with the sudden urge to find a toy from his childhood and freaks the family out by asking if they remember "Mumaluma."
  Teddy: Mumaluma! Mumaluma!
  Linda: Stop saying that!
• Kuchi Kopi is apparently based on a series of books for children, and Clyde the toy shop owner makes Bob and Teddy sit down as he reads one of them, complete with silly voices.
  • Bob asks Clyde why he can't just leave with Kuchi Kopi and read the book on his own. Clyde argues that he won't do the voices right.
  • Bob and Teddy naturally think Clyde's crazy at first, but once they're driving back home with a replacement Kuchi Kopi nightlight, they both praise how he can be any number of things for different people, how deep the message of the books is and how great Clyde was at doing the voices.

Sea Me Now

• Poor Teddy just can't do anything right this episode. He crashes his new boat twice, he forgot that he detached the microphone from the radio for a police officer costume, and he shoots their only flare right into the water.
  Gene: Maybe a friendly fish will swim for help.
• Gene freaking out on seeing they're sharing an island with a herd of grumpy Highland cattle.
  Gene: Tell them we don't sell burgers!
• After hearing the story of Mr. Caffrey, who bought an island and a herd of cattle in a futile effort to win over the woman he loved, Teddy concludes he should buy a private island.
• Teddy sets fire to the damaged boat as they're getting a ride back to the mainland. It's an impressive symbolic gesture, but Louise points out he could have sold the boat for scrap, and Bob points out they left all their wallets and stuff (and the steering wheel to Teddy's truck) on the boat.
• The credits have Teddy singing a surprisingly beautiful rendition of Bobby Darin's "Beyond the Sea"... while the Belchers stand around him holding an elaborate series of props (like Linda, Tina, and Louise with the waves, Bob with a boat, and Gene with a deserted island and some sea-birds on a string).

Teen-A-Witch

• Everything about Mr. Ambrose's secret witch identity. According to Louise, he rides to school on a bicycle with a dog in the basket.
• "Witch, please!"
• Bob discovers that it's not Jimmy Pesto who's been stealing his jack-o-lanterns, but Mr. Fischoeder. Apparently he thinks his tenants are leaving them out for him to take away.

They Serve Horses, Don't They?

• When it's revealed that the discount beef was actually horse, Tina, naturally triggered, starts making strange yelping noises. Linda tries to tell her to take a deep breath and relax, but it only makes her sound like someone choking on a goldfish.
• Hugo taking his investigation super-seriously, even though his "recording devices" are kids' toys (a pink, glittery microphone and speaker for the "wire" and a brightly-colored tape recorder).
• Bob riding the Slip 'n' Slide in order to get away from Jack.
  Gene: Slide, you old bastard!
• Andy and Ollie riding the slip 'n' Slide while happily shouting that it was how they were born.
• The terrible excerpt from Jack's book "Friday Night Meats".

Large Brother, Where Fart Thou

• Bob, Linda, and their accountant Gerald accidentally get high on a plateful of marijuana-laced cookies. Highlights include Linda being convinced that she's peeing and "massaging" the other 2 with bits of tape attached to her fingers which at least Gerald seems to enjoy, a stoned Bob calling home trying to disguise the fact that he's stoned while Gene at the other end tries to disguise the fact that they've pissed off Logan by throwing a rotten cantaloupe at him and he's planning to do something to Louise and both parties being convinced that the other person saw right through their attempts to hide the truth when they hang up and all 3 of them building a couch fort to hide in when Gerald's next customer rings his buzzer and Gerald demanding a seperate room in the fort.
• Tina experiences an entire romantic relationship with a boy she made eye contact with, Joe Harrison, and never speaks a word to. In two hours she goes from interest, to love, to a breakup.
• The scene where Logan gives Gene the Reverse Norwegian Stinkhole is treated like a murder, complete with Shadow Discretion Shot, Scare Chord and Gene's muffled screams.

The Quirkducers

• Linda spends the whole episode obsessed with the "Grandpa Potato" that looks like her late grandfather Bert. To be fair, the resemblance is uncanny.
• This gem from Tina while she's writing "The Quirky Turkey."
  "What's the most erotic temperature to cook a turkey at?"
• The montage of the other kids auditioning for "The Quirky Turkey" has some good moments, like Jimmy Jr. doing an awkward split and Tammy and Jocelyn trying to sing in "harmony".
• Louise's idea for the play's grand finale, which had all of the kid's turkey heads explode in a shower of turkey giblets that splatters the entire audience. It's so outrageous that even Louise is worried that it traumatized them.

The Last Gingerbreadhouse On the Left

• Mr Fischoeder's incredibly transparent lie to get Bob to come over by ordering food. He doesn't order anything specific, just "five foods. Nothing weird."
• Godfrey, the incredibly old, wheelchair-bound judge of the gingerbread contest. Who is also "the fun one" of the group.
  Bob: Is he alive?
  Mr. Fischoeder: Good question.
• The speculation that Mr. Fischoeder wants Bob to come over to use him as a sacrifice in a ritual. When Bob walks into the basement and sees the assembled group of rich guys in tuxedos around a table covered in gingerbread house fixings, he assumes he's going to be covered in candy and eaten.
• The discussion about the prestige of rare-baby-animal-cuddling, and what order to do it in.
• Mr. Fischoeder telling Bob he can "leave his gun on the gun table" and is surprised when Bob tells him he didn't bring a gun. Then, when it inevitably turns out that everyone at the table was concealing a gun anyway and draws, one of the men has a whole shotgun. His only explanation is "Let's just say I have a high butt-crack."
• The millionnaires finally decide that Bob may be right about them taking the gingerbread house competition way too seriously. Well, that's what it seems like, until...
  Fischoeder: Or, counterpoint?
  (Mr. Fischoeder casually aims his pistol at Bob's gingerbread house and pulls the trigger)
• The millionnaires gunning down the gingerbread houses in slow-motion as Oscar sings a beautiful rendition of "Oh Come, All Ye Faithful", all while poor Bob is just cowering in fear.

Ex Mach Tina

• Tina finding out that she's been using her crutches wrong; she's been sticking her arms through the holes rather than supporting her upper body on the stilts.
• Tina having trouble using the robotic screen robot at school (including injuring quite a few people), and ends up locked inside the AV room because the janitor thought she was AV equipment.
• "I guess we're going robot dress-shopping. I've said that so many times before, and now it's true!"
• Tammy tries to exclude Tina's robot from the beach bonfire, claiming motorized vehicles aren't allowed. Louise retorts that trash isn't allowed on the beach, yet Tammy's still there.
  Jocelyn: Oh my God, it does say that!
• The collective looks on the family's faces when Jimmy Jr. kisses the Tina-Bot. Followed by Linda's statement that as much as she'd like to cheer Tina up with a story from her own life similar to Tina's situation, this is literally the first time this has happened to anyone.

Bob Actually

• Tina is not feeling well after a late-night chili eating contest between the Belcher children:
  Gene: Tina dominated.
  Louise: It was like watching someone throw up in reverse.
• There's something hilarious about a middle-aged white woman teaching a hip-hop dancing class.
• Speedo Guy and his sudden infatuation with the lady in a mermaid costume riding a unicycle.
• When Louise confronts Chloe over using Rudy, she tries to defend Rudy, only for them to spend several seconds agreeing that Rudy is the worst runner in the world.
• After Louise kisses Rudy:
  Rudy: Whoa.
  Louise: (slaps Rudy)
  Rudy: Ow.
  Louise: If you tell anyone about this...
  Rudy: Uh-huh...
  Louise: I will end you.
  Rudy: I think I'm sweating.
• Tina's stiff-legged walk as she tries to hold the diarrhea in.
• Ms. LaBonz stealing school supplies and claiming to be bringing it from home, "not the other way around." When Tina catches her taking away an old printer she found in the storage closet, Ms. LaBonz claims she's just taking it home to get it fixed.

There's No Business Like Mr. Business Business

• Gayle's cat, Mr. Business, is being trained for a cat food commercial by his agent, voiced by John Oliver. Mr. Business attacks the agent, leading to a priceless line reading:
  '''SHOOT IT! SOMEBODY SHOOT IT! SHOOT IT! YOU HAVE THE SHOT! TAKE THE SHOT!

A Few 'Gurt Men

• Mr. Ambrose is apparently writing a prequel to Mrs. Doubtfire he calls Mrs. Doubtwater.

Like Gene for Chocolate

• Linda getting sugar rushes at the Spratt's factory gift shop. By the end of the episode, she's so hyped up that she fights with Gene over his shipment of cancelled candy bars.

The Grand Mama-Pest Hotel

• Bob, Gene, Louise and Teddy downing shots of apple juice at Bob's "Dad-chelor party".
  • When the family ends up at a motel, Bob goes to sleep, but is told he'll have to be cool with his face being drawn on since the dad-chelor party rules (you can pass out but you can't sleep) still apply. He tells the kids that he's cool with it as long as it's tasteful. Cut to Bob fast asleep with extra moustache curls drawn on and the word "Boytoy" written on his forehead.
• Linda flooding the hotel's courtyard with suds when she drops bottles of shampoo in the fountain.
• The manager bans Linda for the above infraction.
  Manager: She is no longer welcome here at the Brewster Courtyard Gardens Hotel.
  Linda: But your motto is "You're always welcome at the Brewster Courtyard Gardens Hotel"!
• Linda's disguise to sneak back into hotel: a pair of sunglasses, a bandana and a bikini T-shirt.
  Linda: How do I look?
  Louise: Like someone who swallows cigarettes for free drinks at bars.
• Try not to laugh at Genes' dancing during the "Dad-chelor Party" song in the credits.

Aquaticism

• Tina's terrible attempts at attracting customers to the aquarium.
• Bob's increasingly awkward attempts to be "charming".
• The awkward "singles mixer" that the kids throw, like Teddy showing up in an ill-fitting tuxedo ("It's from prom! Not my prom...") and showing off a dance called the "Tuscaloosa Tornado" which involves spinning around and flailing his arms around violently.

Ain't Miss Debatin'

• Tina repeatedly tries (and fails) to find something that makes her mad enough to get fired up for debate club.
• Sasha's attempts to lure Tina out of her debating head space by dangling Duncan in front of her.
  Sasha: Just calling you back real quick to let you know that Duncan is being so self-deprecatingly charming right now. He's the center of attention but also a little bit alone — no one gets him.
• Meat Man's dramatic death by firecrackers.

Eggs For Days

• Everything about Bob and Linda's jellybean-schnapps hangovers, from Linda needing to barf but being too tired to Bob complaining about how much it hurts to blink.
  Gene: You smell like candy and BO mixed together, like a...homeless M&M.
• When Bob discovers the missing egg in the nest of a mother raccoon, it leads to an entertaining digression on Linda and Teddy's raccoon-watching habits.
  Linda: It's fun, it's like a soap opera.
  Teddy: It's more like an HBO miniseries. Lots of plot twists, some nudity, you'd like it. You just got to catch up.
• Mr. Fischoeder learns about Bob and Linda's schnapps-induced predicament, and reveals one of his own:
  Fischoeder: I lost the year 1996 to schnapps. I still don't know what the Macarena is. Don't tell me, I'll figure it out.
• Linda recognizes the description of the raccoon as "Big Baby Pudding Snatcher". Where'd she get that nickname? From stealing a pudding cup from Linda.
  Bob: Why are you eating pudding in the alley?
  Linda: Where else am I gonna eat it, Bob? The bathroom? That's gross.
• Linda attempts to drive the raccoons out of the crawl space by singing "Rock Me Amadeus".
• Teddy's mad dash at the end to get the rotten egg to the ocean.

Zero Larp Thirty

• Linda feeling she should've been born during the era of Winthorpe Manor.
  Linda: God's done some good work but he screwed up my birthday.
• Linda's reaction to finding the LARPers playing the upper-class characters have gone mad with power and are willing to go to extremes to get their dessert back.
• Bob is invited to hang out with the upper-class LARPers and tells Linda that he won't stay there long, because he doesn't like cigars and brandy... Cut to Bob yelling "I love cigars and brandy!", showing he's not exactly leaving any time soon.
• Linda trying to break the awkward silence after the fight between the LARPers gets everyone kicked out.
• The end credits, with Bob and Linda making up their own lyrics (mostly consisting of the show's title) to the Winthorpe Manor theme song.

The Laser-inth

• Tina finds out the hard way she has a phobia of dolls, and spends much of her time at the Special Girl store freaking out at all the dolls staring at her.
• When Bob tells Gene that the laser show will be better the less he knows going into it, Gene remarks that it's just like the Iraq War.
• It turns out there aren't two Nicks working at the concession stand, it's just one guy who likes to mess with the scalper.
• How do Bob and Gene distract the security guard so they can sneak back into the planetarium? They roll the discarded model of Pluto down the hill towards the employee parking lot.
  Guard: This is why nobody likes you, Pluto!

Thelma & Louise Except Thelma Is Linda

• Ms. Schnurr and Zeke are apparently friends! They chat about Zeke's new shorts before she sends him off to class.
• Gene and Tina try to send Louise notes while's she's (supposedly) in suspension. Gene sends her drawings of an angry anthropomorphic hot dog, while Tina writes to write her a haiku... only to realize the last line has too many syllables.
• Linda ends up with cat face paint after she was forced to use the face-painting booth at Wonder Wharf as a cover-up.
• Mr. Frond's mom point blank asking if her son is joyless, which is apparently a conversation they've had before.

Mom, Lies, And Videotape

• In Louise's story, Rudy's old-timey inhaler, which looks like a tiny bellows.
• Tina's story is Aliens meets Freaky Friday.

Paraders of the Lost Float

• All the Belchers end up wearing pickle costumes because Linda made one and got carried away.
• Jimmy Pesto tries to brush-off getting shot in the gut with a t-shirt cannon, telling Bob "You shoot a T-shirt at a guy like a girl!"
  Louise: (shoots Jimmy in the face with her own T-shirt cannon) So, like that?
• Bob starts to get a little too competitive.
  Linda: It's not a race!
  Bob: You're right, it's not a race. It's a war!
  Gene: It's a race-war!
  Bob: Gene...
• Bob dancing in his underwear to "Hot Pants Rain Dance".

Into the Mild

• Austin the overly-friendly sales clerk keeps bugging Bob while he's shopping around.
• While Bob is having his adventure at the old outdoor sports store, Gayle regales Linda and the kids with a preview of her ridiculous autobiographical one-woman show. Her birth is symbolized by her crawling out of an old garbage bag while wearing flesh-colored tights.
• When Bob manages to scale the wall and break through the skylight, Austin admits that the moisture running down his face is a mixture of Tears of Joy and pee.

Season Eight

Brunchsquatch

• The constantly-shifting art styles (based on the designs for the characters from fan-art) can be pretty funny on its own. One segment has all the characters as Noodle People, while another is done in an Animesque style, complete with slightly-mismatched mouth-flaps.
• One of the drunken "brunch skunks" throws up in a purse... then realizes it might have been her own.
• There's something weirdly funny about Louise refering to Bob by his full name. Nobody else, not even Bob's own father, has called him Robert on-screen until now.
  Louise: I'll break you yet, Robert Belcher.

The Silence of the Louise

• Jocelyn's book report on Charlotte's Web:
  Jocelyn: Charlotte totally dies! And then I used the book to kill a spider, and that, like, really made me think.
  Mr. Ambrose: (sighs heavily) Count it.
  • Likewise, Louise's report on Old Yeller:
  Louise: And so apparently, in all childrens' literature, a really nice animal dies in the end, and that is not cool, reading! Not cool.
  Mr. Ambrose: Yeah, you said it, honey.
• Louise reluctantly gets pulled into a Good-Times Montage with Millie while "hanging out". It's especially funny coupled with the background music, a cheery song with lyrics that include "I'm gonna play with you 'til we die!"
• Teddy and Janine's attempt at a motivational poster: "Today Is Tomorrow's Yesterday." Think about it.
  • Linda insists on ordering two copies of the poster.
  Bob: Wait why would we want two copies of the same poster?
  Linda: Cuz what if we both wanna look at it I wanna look at it.
  • Bob rather bluntly stating he hates Teddy's poster as Linda urges him to keep looking at it until it kicks in. She can't even remember what it says.

The Wolf of Wharf Street

• Bob, who's high on painkillers and convinced Teddy is a werewolf, tries to escape despite his bad knee. We see him stumble down the stairs and cry out in pain, then he pokes his head up to reveal that he only fell half-way down the stairs. Then he trips and falls the rest of the way.
• Linda, Randy, and the kids think they've found the stray wolf that's been spotted in town... and it turns out to be the alpaca that escaped from the Wonder Wharf petting zoo.
• The wolf turns out to be real, and Bob sees it, but nobody believes him. Well, Randy believes him, but Bob admits he doesn't value Randy's opinion and asks for literally anyone else to believe him.

Sit Me Baby One More Time

• Kendra repeatedly trying to kick people in the "tinkle-dink".
• The montage of Bob brow-beating his family into saying that the burgers at other places aren't as good as his.
• After finally getting Kendra into bed, Tina rolls out from her hiding place under the bed as Kendra's parents come in, and hastily claims she was checking for monsters.

Thankshoarding

• The kids make a competition out of being the one to find the coolest thing in Teddy's hoard. Louise's "Magic 8-Ball with all the liquid drained out" proves to be hard to beat.
• Despite Bob's clear and simple instructions, Teddy is such a bad cook and so wound-up about hosting Thanksgiving dinner that he makes a complete mess of things.
• The Belchers arrive to Teddy's place to see he's a total wreck and has some "panic stink" going on. Tina doesn't think it's such a big deal, noting he smells like the inside of her locker. She suddenly realizes that's not a good thing.

The Bleakening

• Linda's Freak Out after discovering her tree top with the ornaments made by the kids was stolen. When it's pointed out the kids could simply make new ornaments, Linda offers this rebuttal showing how she can both love her kids and then insult them at the same time.
  Linda: I want the ornaments that were made when they were still adorable! Not now!
  Gene: I will have you know that I am adorable!
• Teddy does a stake-out hiding in his inflatable Santa decoration. He doesn't see the decoration thieves, but he does discover that his neighbor hasn't been cleaning up after her dog... then he gets overwhelmed by the smell of dog poop and freaks out.
• The song from the end credits of part one. "Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree/Where is my freakin' Christmas tree!?"
• Marshmallow's condemnation of Art after he admits he stole a lot of the decorations for the party, including Linda's tree.
  Marshmallow: And to think I gave you drugs.
  • On that same note, Marshmallow's too pissed off at the Belchers to accept Bob's usual "Hey, Marshmallow."
• At the end of the episode, Linda is still up and dancing on Christmas morning because one of the ravers gave her... something. Then she finally crashes and passes out, snoring loudly, and Bob hastily makes sure his wife still has a pulse.

V for Valentine-detta

• Pretty much anything involving Nat, the eccentric and mischief-loving limo driver. Louise jokingly suggests that Nat is her real mother.
• Bob and Gene end up taking home the leotards they wore for their trapeze lessons... because they peed themselves in fear after getting stuck on the high trapeze.

Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien

• Mr. Frond nudges everyone to try out Ga-Ga Ball.
  Mr. Frond: Join me in the pit, children!
  Louise: Well that doesn't sound terrifying.
• Rudy giving himself a nickname.
  Rudy: But you know what's really cool? Winning. And right now, nobody does that quite like the Rudester.
  Louise: Okay, you need to shut that down. "Rudester" can never be said again.
• Linda and Bob try to discourage Tina from using "banged" to describe besting people in Ga-Ga Ball.
  Tina: What's wrong with 'banged'? I banged you, I banged mom, I'm gonna bang everyone at school!

The Secret Ceramics Room of Secrets

• Tina and Gene's attempts to cover up where they're getting the drywall dust from.
  Tina: Man, all this dandruff is so embarrassing.
  Gene: What's all this cocaine doing at school? Throw it away!

Sleeping With the Frenemy

• Tammy is so spoiled and sheltered, she has trouble grasping such simple tasks as passing Teddy the ketchup or using a sponge (or a "table loofah", as she calls it).
• "That's lip gloss? I thought you always just finished eating a rotisserie chicken."
• Tina worries that if Brett and Tammy hook up, she'll have to keep speaking for Tammy for the rest of their lives. She has an Imagine Spot where she has to prompt Tammy on her wedding day, on her honeymoon, and while giving birth.
• When Dr. Yap shows Gene some old discarded teeth of various shades and sizes, Gene says "What have you done with the rest of Michael Caine, You Monster!?"
• Jocelyn’s knowledge of North American cartography leaves something to be desired.
  Tammy: So, where’s everybody going for Spring Break?
  Jocelyn: We’re going to a place where you can stand in four states at once. I’m gonna stand in California, Hawaii, Canada, and Chicago.
• When Tammy insults the Belchers' cooking, Louise gets pissed enough to the point of not-so-subtly implying she intends to murder Tammy. Doubles as heartwarming given it's Louise defending her family's cooking, something she mocks daily.

The Hurt Soccer

• When the soccer coach gives Louise her uniform:
  Coach: Here's your jersey, it's been in my car for nine weeks. It's listened to a lot of NPR.
  Louise: NPU.
• The coach of the Blue Dragons admits that the people in their soccer league aren't very creative with names, saying there are several colors of Dragons and a lot of Thunders, including the unfortunately-named Brown Thunders.
• Bob and Louise don't do a great job at hiding their excitement when they realize the shut-out rule means they'll get to go back home and watch TV together. At one point, both of them cheer very loudly when their team gets scored on.
• Mara is so bad at being a goalie that it's hilarious to see the ways she lets the Blue Dragons score.
• Tina gets a little too into being the Gold Dragons' assistant coach, hence this reaction to being trash-talked:
  Tina: Hey, Coach Christy, out of curiosity, which one's your car? I'll be right back. (turns to Bob) Dad, can I borrow your keys?
  • For added points, Tina actually tries to make a go at Bob's keys when Bob understandably refuses to let her key the opposing coach's car.
• After Gene and Linda's subplot ends in a minor restaurant fire (thankfully nothing is damaged), the Belchers are told that they can't go inside for a bit... and then Bob and Louise realize they're missing "Supreme Extreme Champions", after which they immediately rush into the apartment.

Cheer Up, Sleepy Gene

• Alex convinces Gene to run away with him, to his little "cabin in the woods", which turns out to be a crude shack made out of trash bags.
  Gene: Cabin in the woods? Oh my god, haven't you ever seen Cabin In The Woods?!
  Alex: No...
  Gene: Well, neither have I, but the music in the trailer was terrifying!
• Bob and Linda discovering that they not only snore in their sleep, they fart as well.
  Bob: Ugh, what is wrong with us?
• At the end of the episode, Linda asks Gene how his sleepover was.
  Gene: It was bad, then really bad, then wet, then suspenseful, and then it was over.
  Tina: Like my second, fourth, and fifth kisses.
  Bob: (Disapproving Look at Tina) Mm-hmm.

The Trouble With Doubles

• Ruthanne's husband Nick has an emotional support dog who's almost as neurotic as he is. He apparently needs it after a traumatizing incident with his college a capella group.
• How does Tina get the other kids to calm down and leave after they watch the terrifying zombie movie? She takes one for the team and shows an embarrassing home video of her as a toddler, singing a song to her poop and crying when she has to flush it.

Go Tina on the Mountain

• The cheesy camp songs the counselors sing, especially the "Weasel Song".
• Gene and Tina have the same reaction to Tina's reoccurring dream about Jimmy Jr. and Zeke swapping heads: "What's up with that?"
• Tammy somehow has the gall to get offended when she thinks Tina calls her "Name caller," despite that she has spent the entire episode mocking Tina by calling her "Fluffy-butt."
• After finally scaling the mountain, Tina finally gets over being nicknamed "Fluffy-butt", which is good because even a crow has learned the nickname.

Are You There Bob? It's Me, Birthday

• Mr. Fischoeder says he can't come to Bob's party because he's got a dog chewing on his leg. When a desperate Linda asks him to bring the dog along, Fischoeder simply says the dog doesn't want to go.
• Bob's horrified expression while eating a wrap from the crappy restaurant as Hugo reads off the owner's health-code violations.
• When Jimmy Pesto gets hit in the junk by a passing cyclist while stepping out to tease Bob one last time, Bob declares it the best birthday present he could get. It's honestly hard to argue with him about that.

Boywatch

• Linda tries to get the attention of a patron who's preoccupied with his laptop by claiming she poisoned his fries.
• Tina is upset that she got her entire Junior Guard squad in trouble trying to prove herself, and that she has to hand in her uniform and whistle in the morning.
  Louise: Well play us something before you bring it back, will ya?`
  Tina: *blows the whistle*
  Bob: Maybe not, it's, it's kind of shrill.
  Louise: You let mom talk.
  Linda: Whaaaa?

As I Walk Through the Alley of the Shadow of Ramps

• Louise convincing the cops that Rudy is a Littlest Cancer Patient. They take one look at his weedy, weak body and fall for it, while Rudy has no idea what's going on.
  Officer: Oh, yeah, I have a cousin like that. He's not asthmatic, he's just...like that.
• The Running Gag of Bob getting misty-eyed whenever the subject of kids riding bikes comes up.
• Linda insists that if Bob screws up helping Louise ride a bike, she'll be there to play the hero. One gets the feeling that she's envious that Bob gets this special moment with Louise that she doesn't.

Mo Mommy Mo Problems

• Linda "casually" eating shrimp.
• Tina freaking out over Ethel's stuffed squirrel collection. Especially after she sees her skin one "like a Fruit Roll-up."

Mission Impos-slug-ble

• Tina's "tough" persona Mathy Kathy, which she plans to use on the Study Buddies. It doesn't quite work out, especially because she takes her glasses off to play Kathy and she's Blind Without Them.
• Linda channeling some serious mafia energy while berating Tina for snitching on Louise.
  Linda: You never go against the family! Never!
  Bob: Easy, Don Corleone.
  Gene: You mean Don Pepperoni?
• Mr. Frond inadvertently providing a distraction by dancing in front of Ms. LaBonz's house to "Groove is in the Heart".
• The Burobu theme song that plays over the end credits.
  There's only one way to win this fight
  Beat the other guy!
  The one rule to climbing the highest heights
  Is to climb up really high!

Something Old, Something New, Something Bob Caters for You

• During Farrah and Connor's ceremony, the wind keeps blowing across the microphone and muffling the officator's anecdotes and the couple's vows (leading to some amusing Orphaned Punchlines).
• When the wind carries away Farrah's childhood Security Blanket "Frankie the Blankie", Gene quips "Looks like Frankie's going to Hollywood."
• The guests finally get to open their small boxes... and Louise awkwardly notes that they're full of butterflies. Dead butterflies. Then everyone has to throw them up into the air to simulate flying, and the high winds immediately fling the butterfly corpses into the sea.
• The montage of the Belcher kids photo-bombing the wedding pictures. The highlight is probably Tina popping up and pretending to laugh awkwardly at one of the other guest's jokes.
• After Tina wins the bet.
  Tina: Well, I won, as predicted. I shutted your butts. Should we go back and see how much grease you have to clean?
  Louise: You shut your butt.
  Tina: You shut your butt.
  Louise: No, you shut your butt.
  Tina: My butt is shut.
  Gene: Mine's wide open!
• The end credits have Bob and Linda reprise their duet from earlier in the episode... during which Gene and Tina smugly watch Louise clean the grease trap by herself.

Season Nine

Just One of the Boyz 4 Now

• Tina keeps crushing on boys and having increasingly elaborate Imagine Spots where they sing her a cheesy pop song.
• When Tina gets caught, someone shouts "Look, a girl!" Then six more girls (including a few in disguise just like Tina) come out of hiding, thinking they've been found out.

The Taking of Funtime 123

• One of the prizes the clerk at the arcade offers Louise for her 87 tickets is a comb "that only hurts a little". Not to mention that a comb is the most useless prize for a girl who wears a hat 24/7.
• Gene apparently spent 45 minutes playing a racing game before he realized he hadn't actually put any money in the machine. At least he had fun'...
• "We're listening." "Wait, we are?!"
• Jimmy Jr. is not impressed by Fischoeder's warehouse of old arcade games.
  Jimmy Jr. It smells weird in here.
  Fischoeder: It smells weird everywhere, sir. That's how you know you're alive.
• Mr. Fischoeder recommending the kids alcohol for stress relief.
• The silly names for the arcade games seen in the background include The Legend of Zelda Fitzgerald and what appears to be a video game adaptation of Manchester by the Sea.
• The ending, where the kids just plop the enormous Wheely Mammoth plush in the TV room, right in front of the TV set.

Tweentrepeneurs

• Zeke's idea for a business venture—a homemade blend of roasted nuts, herbs, and spices... that he calls "Zeke's Hot Nutsack". Frond outright facepalms at the name.
• Edith threatens Tina, who owes her money for a bulk order of googly eyes, with the Eye Am Watching You gesture. Then she does it with the pair of googly eyes she's holding in her other hand.
• When the Dine-and-Dasher comes back one last time to make even and have another meal, Bob deals with him by making him sit at the counter with his hands and feet tied while Tina feeds him his order.

Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street

• When Bob gets into Teddy's decorating war with Glen, he dresses up as Bruce Springsteen. Linda seems to think he was going for Rambo, for some reason.
• Bob and Teddy both take the time out of their decoration war to comment on Glen's attractiveness.
• When Linda sees that Bob and Teddy tied chainsaws (and other power tools) to Teddy's spider decoration, she starts to worry they're taking things too far.
  Linda: I'm not explaining to the kids their dad died in a chainsaw-spider accident!
  Bob: Yeah...
  Linda: And if you chop your hands off, I'm not wiping your butt for you. You know our arrangement!
  Bob: I know our arrangement, I'll be careful.
• Tina and Gene manage to catch the candy thief before he can sneak out of the haunted house... then admit that they tackled a few other guys before catching the thief. Also, the main reason they came in is because a guy puked just outside Mutilation Manor.

Live and Let Fly

• In order to make up for some missed detention, Mr. Frond drags Tina, Gene, and Louise into doing a crappy PSA for the "Empathize Glide", complete with tacky fashion from The '90s and a Piss-Take Rap. It's as funny yet painful as it sounds.
• Kurt's humiliating attempt the last time he tried to the Dice and Slice. He'd had some bad huevos rancheros before flying, and the intense G-forces caused him to soil himself right in front of the judges.
• Kurt repeatedly crying during the montage of the kids' attempts to get him used to being upside-down again.

Bobby Driver

• Gene repeatedly botches his serve trying to play badminton.
• Edith's farting ends up giving away that her pills aren't for "fits", but gas.
• How do Bob and Edith sneak into the retirement home to steal Lillian's quilt square? Edith rather loudly claims that Bob is her lover. Poor Bob just looks like he wants the day to end.
• When Bob tries to compliment Edith, Harold tells Bob "Stop flirting with my wife!"
• How does Louise help Holden get even with his control-freak parents for throwing a boring party? By getting all the other kids at the party to pick their noses when they take one last group photo.

I Bob Your Pardon

• When Linda asks why the turkey pardoning has such low turnout, Louise notes that maybe everyone came down with a case of "I'd rather be anywhere else". Bob chuckles and gives her a hi-five.
  • If one looks carefully, Louise raises her hand for a hi-five before Bob even reacts, as if she expected him to respond the way he did.
• After Bob nearly crashes while on the highway, an entire family driving by flips Bob off for his reckless driving, including the baby.
• Gene hears coyotes, but tries to convince himself the turkey will be okay because the coyotes will just blow themselves up with dynamite.
• When the gas station cashier points out that cranberry sauce usually comes in a can, Bob says that you can use canned cranberry sauce, "If you're hollow inside and your heart is dead."
• The flashback to Bob enjoying the cranberry bog.

  "They're so fresh! They're so fresh!"

Roller? I Hardly Know Her!

• Gene and Alex's game Robot-Wizard Quest. The player is a robot who has to jump over numbered circles without the sum of those numbers exceeding their dice roll. If not, a wizard (represented by a mop with a wizard hat) casts a spell and the robot melts.

Louise: Circles and math. It's the perfect game.

• Gene singing Heart's "Alone" as he watches Alex and Courtney leave to practice their skating routine. Especially the part near the end when he's riding a white horse for some reason.
  • The montage ends with Gene back in the school hallway, a very confused Jocelyn standing a few feet behind at her locker, who apparently heard him sing the entire song.
    Jocelyn: What?!
    (Gene looks startled)
• Teddy thinks the woman outside the restaurant is a ghost pining after her lost husband, who he thinks died a long time ago on the spot where Bob's Burgers is now. His Imagine Spot starts with the implication that he suffered a Piano Drop, but then out of nowhere he's mauled by a tiger.
• Bob finally asks the woman what she's doing outside the restaurant, and learns she's an agoraphobe named Brenda trying to overcome her fear of public spaces. He tries to help her into the restaurant, but Linda scares her off by greeting her very loudly.
  • The second time, Bob tells Linda and Teddy to just not look at her. Teddy tries to concentrate on a spot on the counter, but panics when he immediately loses sight of it. As for Linda, she can't hold it in and greets her loudly again.
• Alex's mom starts chasing Courtney's dad around the roller rink for trying to sabotage Alex's act.
• Bob and Linda spectate a game of Robot-Wizard Quest at the end of the episode. While Linda wants to try a round, Bob immediately agrees with Louise's low opinion on it.

UFO No You Didn't

• When it looks like it might be their last day on Earth, Tina gives Jimmy Jr. a big, wet Now or Never Kiss. Then she kisses Zeke for good measure. At the end of the episode, Zeke asks if he can have another kiss, while Jimmy Jr. asks what he's talking about in a rather concerned tone.
• After Gene and Louise feel guilty for sabotaging Tina and Susmita's project with a bogus alien message, they give Tina the frozen yogurt gift card Henry bribed them with as an Apology Gift, with Gene assuring her they paid for it with their own money.
• Susmita and Henry flirting with each other in Morse code.

Better Off Sled

• The kids are really excited to go sledding.
  Gene: Sledding is the best sport because Lady Gravity does all the work.
  Tina: I've been practicing my "whee"s. Woooo! Oh, wait...
• Linda and Teddy fighting over a tote bag. Bob tells Linda to let Teddy have it, because "he needs it more."
• Linda getting distracted by her daydream about "the Knitcracker".
• At one point, Rudy's cousin Mandy high-fives Rudy so hard he falls over.
• Logan and his friends bring in a basketball player who drops enormous snowballs on Mandy's head, leading to her getting snow down her pants and forcing an ignoble retreat.
• Logan's Oh, Crap! reaction to Mandy and pretty much every varsity athlete she and her friends know showing up to defend the Belcher kids.
• Bob tells Linda they can give the kids her crappy scarf and his nice one and claim they were all knitted by Gloria. When Teddy asks if they're honestly gonna pin Linda's scarf on the kids' grandmother, Bob flatly states they blame Gloria for a lot of things.

Lorenzo's Oil? No, Linda's

• Upon learning that Linda is at an essential oils party, Gayle starts screaming, and continues screaming as she drives to pick up the kids and take them.
  Tina: Aunt Gayle, you're scaring me!
• Gayle's obsession with peppermint oil drives her to straight-up shove a pair of bottles up her nose and spend much of the rest of the episode in a blissful daze.
• Mr. Huggins awkwardly trying to make small talk with Bob and Teddy.

The Helen Hunt

• Bob and Gene celebrate fixing the blind man's sink... and then the hot water tap breaks off, causing a small flood.
• Helen gets her comeuppance thanks to the loose floorboard and an angry cat causing her to drop and break the netsuke.
  • Speaking of the netsuke, Linda's complete inability to remember its name, instead referring to it with terms like Napster and Netflix-y.

Bed, Bob & Beyond

• Gene narrating the rest of the British romcom that they tried to see. At one point, the tour guide tries to introduce himself, pausing while Gene tries to come up with his name. He awkwardly stammers out "Scott...John. Dan. Steve." and thus the character's name becomes Scottjohn Dansteve for the rest of the episode. Meanwhile, the princess becomes Princess Paula McCartney.
  • It's worth noting that the romcom seemed to have been at least halfway if not almost entirely over (they were at a Big Damn Kiss part when the movie was interrupted), meaning that either the movie never bothered to give the characters a name or that none of the Belchers heard the characters' names even once (given nobody bothers to correct Gene).
• Tina accidentally using the phrase "sea men spilling all over the deck".
• The kids awkwardly work dirty laundry and broken beds into all their stories. By the time Louise's story comes, Bob is expecting it, so Louise has to hastily rewrite hers to indirectly work the broken bed into it.

Every Which Way But Goose

• Gretchen's terrible dates include a podiatrist she doesn't so much play "footsie" with as "try to kick him in the crotch".
• Linda feeding Gene airplane-style, while Bob and Louise just snark at them.
• Tina's obsession with Bruce the Goose reaches the point where she writes a "friend-fiction" where she and Bruce hook up and have half-goose, half-human babies. The Belchers are as confused and disturbed as the audience.
• Jimmy Jr. finally confesses why he couldn't go to the dance with Tina: he pulled a "butt-muscle" trying to learn a new dance move he saw on TV.

The Fresh Princ-ipal

• How does Louise get Mrs. Schurr on her side? By letting her use Principal Spoors' private restroom.
• Ms. Jacobson remarks that, crazy as it sounds, Louise's mandate for extra recess actually helped the students get better test grades. Well, most of them...
  Jocelyn: What did I get?
  Jacobson: Let's talk off the air.
  Jocelyn: Oh.
• Teddy helps Bob get over the yips by stealing Jimmy Pesto's underwear for Bob to wear. Apparently he bribed Trev with a fancy new dog house in exchange for stealing a pair from Jimmy's gym bag. Bob can even be seen wearing the underwear (and just the underwear) in the end credits.
• When Bob asks if Jimmy Pesto's underwear is at least clean, Teddy finds out by taking a long sniff of them.
  Teddy: They are not.
  • The sheer fact that the underwear has the Italian flag printed on it.
• As the kids overwhelm Don with their problems and demands, he hastily excuses himself by saying he left an ice cream cake in his car, and runs like Hell.
• Don is so bad at his job that he makes Frond look competent.

Roamin' Bob-iday

• The flashback to Bob's last burn-out features him working in the kitchen, wearing nothing but his underwear and an apron while repeatedly muttering "It's fine, I'm fine" to himself in a high-pitched voice. Then Linda comes in to check on him and Bob shouts "Hi, Leslie!"
• His current burn-out consists of doing things like pouring ketchup in Teddy's coffee, walking out of the kitchen while absentmindedly holding a pile of ground beef, refilling the cash register drawer with napkins, making a reverse burger with no toppings consisting of an upside-down top bun gingerly balanced between 2 patties and muttering "perfect" when he manages to place the top patty without making it fall over, finally culminating in an argument with the hamburger who felt he used too much mustard, yelling "I MADE YOU!" back at it, pouring mustard all over it and then trying to kiss it.

What About Blob?

• The episode begins with Gene complaining about how the "revolutionary" sound he made at school was deemed a "major disturbance" by Mr. Frond. The sound in question? Gene vocalizing while hitting the metal part of the lunch table with a fork.
  Mr. Frond: Gene Belcher, dear God in Heaven!
  • Later, after the kids return to the restaurant, Gene tries to make a new sound by hitting the counter stools with a metal mop handle. Mort enters the restaurant, hears the noise, and immediately turns around and leaves.
• The kids waltzing into the yacht club, just as they did in "Burgerboss."
  Louise: And we're gonna breeze right past you now. Thank you.
  Doorman: What? Wait. No. Oh...oh fiiiiiiine.
• Linda and Teddy roasting Bob while trying to train Trev to refuse Jimmy's high-fives. Apparently Bob has a birthmark on his penis that makes it look like he has "a second pee-hole".
• Tina isn't quite over Duncan, Sacha's transfer student friend from New Zealand. Judging by her reaction to him wearing loafers without socks, she thinks Duncan has really attractive ankles.
• Almost all of Sacha's scenes alone count.
  "I'm a member of a yacht club, young man. When I ask for panko, they say 'how panked?'"
  "Wait a second, does that say Glencrest Yacht Club? Oh my goodness. This is crazy. I'm a new member of Crestglen Yacht Club. I'm sure this happens all the time. Stay in touch, okay, bye."
  "You can't make wake in a marina. We're not animals."
  • And then when they flush the bleach into the boat's toilet.
    Tina: But won't that go into the ocean?
    Sasha: No, there's a tank! God, you're so poor!

If You Love It So Much, Why Don't You Marionette?

• Tina showing up in Louise's daydream when she interrupts her playtime to tell her breakfast is ready.
• Bob's recollection of the marionette show. It's even funnier without context.
  Bob: It was long and boring and made me want to stop supporting the arts and start actively working against them.
• Esther's half-assed puppet show about stamps. She apparently does it because she thinks kids are still into stamp-collecting.
• Louise helps Esther get her groove back... then Dot turns the fog machine up too high, and Esther trips and is sent to the hospital with four bruised ribs. She playfully tells Louise that her dragon puppet Vladicus is winking at her... and one of the paramedics chalks it up to Esther being loopy on painkillers.

Long Time Listener, First Time Bob

• Louise introducing herself over the radio as "a pillar of fire with hammer hands. You can't see me, you can't tell me I'm not."
• Linda and Teddy gagging over the sweet potato pies... and yet they don't stop eating them.
• After Clem plays some sound effects, Gene says "Crying baby and sad trombone? Are you Mozart?"

The Gene Mile

• Jimmy Jr. running, flailing his arms and legs like they were rubber. Makes even Tina's own stiff-hanging-arms run look graceful.
• Bob once again talking to inanimate objects, this time his charging cell phone.
• Gene recounting the last time they were late to free scoop Friday at the ice-cream shop. It ends with him letting out both a Big "NO!" and a Big "WHY?!" to the heavens because the only flavor left was rum raisin sorbet.

PTA It Ain't So

• The Belcher kids manage to have way too much fun with a narrow length of PVC pipe, including using it to make "underwater fart noises" and dripping ketchup down the pipe. All three of them insisted they have to get it when they were visiting the hardware store and Bob agrees on the condition that it counts as all of their birthday presents.
• Bob puts up reward posters for Mr. Kim's lost parrot. He made the mistake of letting the kids draw it, and they added a top hat, roller skates, and a fart cloud to their parrot drawing. The only respondent to the ad is a shifty guy with a box holding what is obviously a pigeon.
• Why is Colleen wearing a shark costume when she and Linda expose Joanne? According to Bob, "Linda thought it'd be more dramatic."
• Linda admits that she had trouble with the PTA spreadsheets at first, including confusing commas and decimal points and confusing ones and lower case "L"s.

Yes Without My Zeke

• The Running Gag of Jimmy Jr. yelling "Ow, my penis!"
• Arnold shows off his "skills" and strikes a few karate poses.
  Arnold: How 'bout that?
  Gene: It looks very much like you're about to do the Robot.
• What's Mr. Frond doing at school on a Saturday? Trying on some shirts he bought, because the second floor bathrooms at school have a really flattering mirror. He realizes one of his shirts is actually a women's camo tank-top, but decides it looks pretty good on him ("I'm not not pulling it off...")
• When Bob talks Randy into letting him play Death in his movie, he and Randy get so hyped up about it that it sounds like they're arguing with each other.
• Tina left a note explaining what happened to Mr. Branca's ladder (which they left in the ceiling space), signing from his "secret admirer".

Season Ten

The Ring (But Not Scary)

• The kids' guesses for what could be in the box they find under their parents' bed include a tiny fuel-efficient car or "a single, incredibly delicious grape".
• Nat the limo driver is back, and shares more of her crazy anecdotes, which include being part of a human chain that saved a dog stranded at the bottom of a skate park's swimming pool belong to one of the water park employees who lets her visit the park for free as thanks, living in a lake, and being a former member of a team of women scuba divers/marijuana enthusiasts. We also learn her full name is Nat Kinkle, and she actually has to spell her surname out loud when Bob mishears it as "Nat King Cole".
  • She greets all of her friends one by one; even the one that she tells her, "still mad at you."
• When Nat asks if the Belchers like to hear classical music, she starts humming it.
• Tina trying to act nonchalant on the car by leaning on the door. She slips when the car hits a bump and hits her head, knocking her glasses askew.
• When brainstorming how to distract their parents from the missing ring, Gene taps into his inner Louise.
  Gene: Okay, so we, uh, we stage a burglary, and in the struggle, we stab Dad. But just a little, and Mom is so glad he's alive that she forgets all about the anniversary.
  Louise: I mean, I love that, but maybe for some other time.
  Gene: Christmas.
• Gayle going berserk every time Linda tries to apply her eye drops. She even fights Linda and tries to put the drops on her.
  • Gayle locks herself in the bathroom; when Linda convinces her to come out, she is wearing a shower curtain over her head, and insists on wearing it to the store when they try to get her some booze to get her to relax. Linda makes one last attempt to apply the eyedrops herself in the store by telling Gayle that any hot guys that might be in the store are going to be scared off by the shower curtain, that she'd look prettier with her glasses off, and there's a stray balloon floating in the ceiling to get her to look up. She falls for all of it... and then Linda tries (and still fails) to apply the eyedrops, at which Gayle goes berserk.
• Bob is so mad with the kids for losing his anniversary gift to Linda, he threatens to disown them, ground them for the rest of their lives, dis-invite them from his funeral, and stop talking to them.
• Bob doesn't have a bathing suit ready, so when he helps search the water park he has to strip down to his underwear.

Boys Just Wanna Have Fungus

• While on the trail, Gene offers Bob some cheese and crackers... that he had in his socks. Bob, quite understandably, turns him down.
• Tina slaps herself in the face to try and thwart the temptation to use her new "super-vision" to stare at boy's butts.
• Bob tries to get away from the mushroom hunters by throwing a Woolly Neptune and running away. One of them remarks that such a ploy is kinda demeaning, but the other remarks that it's actually kind of effective.
• Tina and Linda's bad attempts at lip-reading two customers chatting in front of Jimmy Pesto's.

Motor, She Boat

• Karen, the troop leader, is a hilarious source of Too Much Information, from admitting she's getting sweaty at the meeting the day before the boat race to candidly revealing that she's going to put lip balm on the friction burns she got on her boobs from climbing a tree. And sure enough, the next time she's on-screen she has noticeable damp spots around her boobs.
• There's a Running Gag of Tina trying to distract from getting caught in compromising situations by licking things to determine if they're poisonous or not.
• Bob gets stuck hanging out with the "sad dads" whose daughters are in the ruthless Troop 257. He later exploits their desire to get attention from their daughters by getting them to climb a tree as a distraction.
  • Bob may constantly get dragged into whatever his kids want to do, but it'd be hard to call him a pushover after seeing the pathetic display of the Troop 257 dads. Yes, they're that bad.
• When Patty refuses to hug her dad even though she won the cardboard boat race, he ends up hugging Bob just to get it out of his system.

Pig Trouble in Little Tina

• As Linda has Bob gargle to loosen his earwax, Teddy joins in just because he doesn't want to be the only one not doing it.
• Jocelyn not realizing her fetal pig is dead, thinking it's just sleeping.
• When Tina has a Catapult Nightmare after falling asleep in class, one of her classmates thinks she's just freaking out about the anatomy test.
• You'd think Louise would be all about dragging her sister into a blood magic ritual, but when it comes time to prick Tina's finger she's actually kinda squeamish about it, and Tina ends up doing it herself.
• As Tina buries the pig's body, the ghost taunts her one last time, calling her a turd. Cut to Tina, half-asleep, burying the pig and muttering "No, you're a turd..."
  Louise: I feel like I should slap her awake again, but I really want to see where this argument goes.
• Once again, the Belcher kids' Halloween costumes are pun-based. Louise wears a Baby Bjorn to go as The Bjorn Identity, while Gene wears a wig and a cardboard jar of applesauce to go as Fiona Applesauce.
• The dream versions of Louise and Gene who help Tina in her last nightmare are ridiculously on-point. Dream Louise uses her dream powers to give herself 9 extra arms and turn her feet into another pair of arms, while all Dream Gene can think of is to turn into a Blob Monster made of applesauce.
• Not wanting any more guilt-ridden nightmares, Tina goes a little overboard assuring the farmer that she thought the haunted hayride was actually kind of cool.
• Bob and Linda having to wrestle away a chunk of Bob's earwax from Gene when he mistakes it for a piece of his Halloween candy.

Legends of the Mall

• Tina is clearly desperate to go look for boys at the mall. Louise mentions she was scratching at the car window the moment they arrived.
• Tammy and Jocelyn at the mall directory, wondering how it knows "you are here".
• Gene screaming for his life as his Ani-Mall scooter goes out of control — and by "out of control" we mean "crawling along at under 5mph with no breaks". He could have conceivably just gotten off with no problem if he wasn't so scared.
  • When he goes through a rack full of scarfs, he coos at how soft they are, then resumes screaming hysterically.
• Louise manages to stop Gene's Ani-Mall just as it's about to knock over a stand of porcelain figurines. It just nudges one figurine, which almost topples over before righting itself.
  • The porcelain store manager standing in front of the scooter to stop it, then deciding it's not worth it. Again, the scooter is just moving along at a snail's pace.
• Bob gets measured for pants and his waist is 38 inches. He sucks in his gut and has the clerk measure him again; it somehow went up to 39.
• A worker at the pants store advises Bob to wait for his wife to return. Bosco takes the comment as meant for himself and says, "what do you think I've been doing for the last five years?"

The Hawkening: Look Who's Hawking Now

• The Pesto twins seem to be under the impression that Shrek is coming to the screening party, or possibly Spock.
• The Belchers all have wildly contrasting theories as to why Kojima stole the second reel for the director's cut of Hawk & Chick vs. Cephalopod Monster. Linda thinks the print is haunted by the ghost of an extra who died in a freak accident, Gene thinks that Koji was in debt due to partying too hard and had to include a scene featuring his debtor's incompetent nephew, and Tina thinks Koji was having a torrid love affair with the woman in the monster costume and kissed her in a moment of passion.
• When Yuki calls Linda to tell the Belchers where her father is, Linda gets distracted gushing about Yuki's new baby.

Land of the Loft

• Teddy is hilariously jealous of Maya and Becket suddenly becoming "restaurant-friends" with Bob and Linda.
• After spilling her wine, Linda is disappointed that The Earl Grey Murders isn't nearly as interesting to watch when she's sober.
  • Linda trying to suck the wine from the rag.
• The reason Linda's wine gets spilled in the first place: the kids, having grown restless from being inside all week due to the bad weather, want to show Bob and Linda the game they made up, "Throw Louise."
  Tina: All right, now get into position.
  Gene: I'll be the basket.
  Bob: Kids.
  Louise: (As Tina picks her up) Grab my heinie, at least!
  Bob: Kids.
  Linda: Don't really throw your sister, Tina.
  Tina: The game's called "Throw Louise," Mom.
  Bob: Kids.
  Tina: And here we...go!
  (Tina throws a screaming Louise onto Gene, who hits the coffee table as he falls to the floor.)
• Gene seems to be under the impression that Encino Man was a documentary.
• One of the guests on Maya and Becket's party paints a portrait of them while holding her breath.
• Linda convinces Bob that they could sing like Linda Ronstadt and Bobby McFerrin. Naturally, when it's their turn to perform, they sound anything but.
• One of Maya and Becket's friends thinks that the bit where Linda checks her voice-mail on her outdated flip phone is part of their performance.
• Jen takes the kids to her hot cousin Dave's other job... which happens to be at Pickles, the local male stripper joint. Tina is immediately Distracted by the Sexy, while Gene and Louise are convinced the guys in the "Rescue Nine-One-Buns" troupe are real first responders.
• Bob and Linda rush out into the night to save their kids... and promptly fall over on the slippery ice. They wind up having to slide on the ice to get anywhere.

Now We're Not Cooking With Gas

• As seen in a flashback, Bob was really happy to hear he was next on the waiting list for a heritage turkey.
• Louise can't contain her excitement at being asked to look for stuff to burn. Clearly she's delighted at letting her inner pyromaniac loose.
• While looking for things to burn, Linda gets side-tracked going through a box of arts and crafts the kids made, including a crude drawing of a squirrel Gene made that has the caption "I'm nuts for you, Mom and Dad" (that Linda added herself because Gene was only three years old at the time).
  • Linda returns with a home-made turtle, singing about how she won't let it get put on the fire. But when she's told that it might have been made by Gayle, she tosses it in without a second thought. Then she scrambles to get it out when Gene says he made it.
• When the fire department drives their fire engine into the alley to shut down Bob's improvised firepit, Linda says "Maybe they're lost."
• When Bob finally comes to his senses, he agrees to come back in and do Tina's "gratefulness tree". One of the things Bob is grateful for is the fire department letting him off with a warning after getting caught trying to cook the turkey again, only to burst into tears after dropping it in the fire.

All That Gene

• Gene's performance of "The Gene Show" at breakfast is pretty funny, in a So Bad, It's Good way.
• Gene showing off by doing the worm in the middle of the restaurant.
• Louise roasts Bob and follows it up by hi-fiving him with complete sincerity.
• The fact that Large Ham, No Indoor Voice Gene is playing a character named Quiet Eli.
• Gene is surprised to see Mr. Ambrose in the theater group.
  Gene: Mr. Ambrose, you're in this play?
  Ambrose: No, I was looking for the school library when I got lost and wandered into this building, where am I? Yes, I'm in this play!
  Gene: I think I followed that.
• How does Bob get Tina and Louise to help him sell tickets? He offers to let them poke his love-handles for a month.
  • Just the fact that they're obsessed with poking Bob's love-handles. In their defense, the high-pitched squeals Bob makes when they do are pretty funny.
  • When Tina accidentally comes up with the idea to sell tickets to old folks, she doesn't realize it and Louise figures it out, leading to this exchange.
  Louise: Tina, you beautiful brilliant idiot.
  Tina: Thank you?

Have Yourself a Maily Linda Christmas

• Linda is her usual lovably obnoxious self at her post-office job, chatting with a co-worker who is obviously trying to tune her out and handing out chocolate-flavored candy canes.
• The Belchers are so broke, Louise and Gene are genuinely impressed by Tina's low-budget gifts of a collectible figurine from a grocery-store vending machine for Louise and a tub of pink sprinkles for Gene.
  Gene: She got my "pinkles"! My favorite yogurt topping!
  • Gene and Louise then say together what they got for Tina. They both say barrette. Gene says he got his out of Tina's drawer.
• Mike the mail carrier keeps trying to say some form of bad-ass one-liner, then killing the mood by asking someone if they thought it was cool.
• There's a Running Gag when people keep bringing up pranksters sending human poop through the mail.
• Apparently, Gayle makes up all sorts of ridiculous lies about how great her life is to make her parents happy, like being an eyebrow model or getting her house renovated because she thought she had too many bathrooms and had some "taken out". Not to mention her Ambiguously Bi boyfriend "Dirk Moneyrich."
• Bob's mini breakdown when he realizes Linda is saddling him with both her parents and Gayle and she won't be there.
  Linda: I love you.
  Bob (on the verge of crying out of fear): NO YOU DON'T!
• Bob and Tina try to distract Gayle and Gloria from arguing about "the ottoman incident" by singing all the Christmas carols they can think of. Badly. While forgetting some of the lyrics.
• When Mike catches Linda and the kids just as they arrive at the package's destination, Gene whispers to his mother to try and distract Mike by slapping a stamp on Gene's head and passing him off as the package.
• "Another Christmas Eve spent yelling through a gate."

Drumforgiven

• Linda is convinced Teddy is being awkward because he had a "sexy dream" about her.
• "We're in revenge mode! No hugging!"
• This exchange from the Pesto twins.
  Andy: I guess I can move some things around.
  Ollie: I'm moving my thing around right now.
• For Louise's revenge plan, Jimmy Jr. wants to play "Lady in Red".
  Louise: Damn it, Jimmy, this isn't a "Lady in Red" situation.
  Jimmy: Why is nothing ever a "Lady in Red" situation?
  Zeke: Someday, buddy, someday. God, I hope I'm there.
• At the end of the episode, Gene mistakes Louise's glitter-bomb she'd intended for Dino for an apology present and ends up setting it off.

A Fish Called Tina

• Bob and Linda feel great after their workout, but because they didn't warm up or cool down, they wake up the next morning so sore they can barely get out of bed.
• Gene, feeling left out of the Big Fish Little Fish program, pretends to be an eight grader, doing things he thinks eight graders do, like wear a tie and say "algebra" over and over.
  • "SO - ABOUT MY PUBES..."
• Madison working at the Caboose Kabob has trouble not saying "What can I put on your caboose today?"

Three Girls and a Little Wharfy

• The various ways Tina and Gene celebrate Spirit Week.
  • For Pajama Day, Gene wants to go naked because that's how he slept the previous night. Naturally, Bob and Linda veto the idea and force him to wear clothes, but Gene does convince them to let him eat breakfast naked... after which he drops a fried egg on his lap.
    Gene: Oh no... Hmm, that feels nice!
  • For Eighties Day, Tina wears neon colors while Gene dresses as Shirley MacLaine's character from Steel Magnolias.
  • For Crazy Hair Day, Tina wears not one but two barrettes, while Gene recreates Nick Nolte's mugshot.
  • The khaki outfits Gene and Tina wear for Casual Business Day intimidate Teddy, who snaps at them for thinking they're better than him.
• The girls test the trap they built for Wharfy by luring Gene and Tina with a plate of prosciutto and one of Jimmy Jr.'s socks, respectively.
• The Disney Acid Sequence when Bob finally realizes the "everythingness" of food, imagining himself as all aspects of food, from the grass to the cow to even the truck delivering the meat.

Wag the Song

• Tina has missed every Picture Day because she always gets the flu when it comes. A series of flashbacks show her at home throwing up. In the last one she appears to be about to succeed, but as the picture is taken she doubles over to throw up, and the photo barely shows her. When Gene and Louise show off theirs, Tina tries to pass of a crude doodle of herself as her picture.
• The assembly leading up to the song's retirement. When Mr. Frond steps up to the mic, he simply says that there's going to be a forced retirement, without specifying what he means. Ms. Labonz immediately assumes she's being fired.
  Ms. Labonz: You sons of bitches. This is how you spring it on me? I'm not going anywhere!
• The old Wagstaff school song, which is all about whalers slaughtering their catch. Frond wasn't lying when he said the lyrics were a bit raw.
• Gene and Louise's song, "The Pee-Pee and the Poo-Poo". Even funnier is that Gene is talented enough to create an amazing school anthem if he wanted to, but he just couldn't pass up the opportunity to make the school anthem completely nonsensical. Honestly, can one blame him?
• Regular-Sized Rudy's doctor discourages him from singing, so Rudy plans to talk-sing his school anthem entry like The B-52s, a band he's familiar with because of their songs on his dad's pre-date getting-ready mixtape.
• Bob's attempts to cover his windows to avoid the reflection from Jimmy Pesto's new steel awning.
  • In the first one, Teddy holds a piece of cardboard over the window and dithers about whether he should tape it up or just hold it in place, even as the sun burns his hand through the cardboard.
  • Covering the entire window front with newspaper just makes people think the restaurant is closing, even though there is a "We're open" sign. One customer comes to give his condolences, while a realtor comes to sell the place.
  • Bob eventually resorts to reflecting the light back at Jimmy Pesto. He winds up hitting Trev with a beam of light, temporarily blinding him and causing him to drop to the ground as if he's been shot.

Yurty Rotten Scoundrels

• Bob asking Linda to help him pick up a rag so he can talk to her about Gayle. Later, Gene and Louise use the same excuse.
• Gayle's art workshop Art Your Engines has a rather... interesting curriculum.
  • She begins by wearing fake hook hands and telling a story of how she lost her hands in a bear attack and recovered with the help of art. Then immediately reveals she was lying.
  • When she hands her students their smocks, she asks them to take off their clothes first. They refuse, so Gayle only takes off her skirt. "Spanx, you can stay."
    • Also, she only had two smocks, so she also brought a burlap sack as a replacement.
  • Instead of handing them paints, Gayle instead asks them to paint with blood. When everyone understandably refuses, Gayle compromises and orders them to use spit instead. Annie can't produce spit, but Gayle (un)fortunately came prepared with a jar full of her own.
  • Finally, they get to paint with real paints out in the woods. But there's a catch: Gayle will be stalking them disguised as "artistic block", jumping out of the bushes and attempting to swat the brush off their hands.
• The Pesto twins report on the search for the missing cat.
  Andy: We did find a lovely garden. And the roses were in bloom!
  Ollie: Also, we found a dead squirrel. And I felt nothing inside. And now I don't know what's going on with me.
• When the kids come back and hide the cat in the bathroom, Bob notices that they are covered in scratches. Rudy comes up with an alibi.
  Rudy: It's nothing. We jumped into a bunch of thorns because we thought it would be fun. It was as advertised.

Flat Top O' The Morning to Ya

• Jules, the owner of the closed restaurant being auctioned off, is disguised with a very obviously fake mustache. It doesn't match his hair color, it keeps falling off, and he even forgot to take out the price tag.
• Drunk on power (and green beer), Linda and Teddy decide to dye the hamburgers green for St. Patrick's Day. Naturally, no one will eat them. As a last resort, they go to the drunken crowd at the parade and hand out free samples. They end up eating at the restaurant, too drunk to care what color the hamburgers are.
  • Teddy suggesting they say the hamburgers are made of leprechauns.
  • Linda's reaction at seeing the drunk woman about to vomit.
  Linda: You're gonna throw up! (Lady vomits) She's throwing up! She's puking all over! That issss disgusting!
• Gene discusses how to shoplift a whisk.
  Gene: That's just be like "plop!", down the pants. And if anyone asks "Is that a whisk in your pants?", we'd say "That's my wiener, sir", and we'd tip our cap and off we go.
  • And then he's seen with the whisk during the closing credits. Guess it was Crazy Enough to Work.
• "We know about your secret spice dungeon in your butt."
• Jules apparently wants to be a beekeeper... except he's not too good at it. He apparently thought you made honey by mashing bees together. When he laments that nobody told him, Louise rather bluntly points out that nobody should have to.
• The flat top grill is sold to a man who wants to sell Philly cheesesteaks served in waffle cones. Bob (who had previously convinced Jules to let the grill go so long as it went to a good cause) tries to get him to stop talking.
  • On the walk home, Tina insists they visit said restaurant once it's open because it sounds "perfect."
• When Gene first sees the results of Linda going overboard with green dye for St. Patrick's Day -themed food and large parts of the restaurant are covered in it, he asks "Why does it look like a Shrek exploded in here?"

Just the Trip

• The Flashback to the last time the Belchers took a road trip. Gene peeing on a bottle while Tina gets carsick from reading and throws up, which leads to everyone else throwing up (with Gene only doing it because everyone else was).
• While the Belchers are on the road, Teddy is back at the restaurant repairing the ceiling. While there, he decides to help himself to a burger, then acts out a conversation between himself and Bob. Which leads to a fantasy about him marrying Linda and adopting Bob. When the Belchers return, they find Teddy in their bed.
• The Madness Castle. It advertises itself as driving people to madness; instead, it maddens people by how overpriced and lackluster it is.
• Gene's Freak Out as the snake crawls on top of him, compounded by Bob freaking out while trying to save him.

Tappy Tappy Tappy Tap Tap Tap

• Josh thinks Tina is really interested in his dancing due to how attently she stares at him, not realizing she was just Eating the Eye Candy.
• Tina going all bad cop on just about everyone she thinks is responsible for sabotaging Josh.
• The dance class has six kids named Sawyer. Apparently, their parents were big Lost fans.
• When Bob sees Gene and Louise cooking and asks if he died and went to Heaven, Linda says that they couldn't be in Heaven because "I'm wearing a bra. There's no way they'd make you wear a bra in Heaven."
• Bob and Linda compare having to choose between the two kids to the time Gayle asked them whether her boobs or her butt looked better in a mesh swimsuit. Later, Teddy makes the same analogy.
• The burgers Gene and Louise made have ingredients like licorice and gum, and have unnaturally colored patties. Bob and Linda manage to at least fake liking them, but Teddy is less restrained in his reaction.
  • The simple fact that Teddy, who has eaten a sponge without even thinking about it, doesn't even try to sugarcoat how awful he thinks the burgers are.
• The Reveal as to who sabotaged Josh's performance. It was Josh himself, who mistook the sound of his tapping shoe for the sound of the stairs locking down and thus inadvertently left them unlocked.
• After The Reveal and Tina and Josh deciding they’re better as Just Friends:
  Tina: I should have just told you the truth instead of inventing an imaginary crime and yelling at a lot of people and maybe putting one person in a chokehold for like five seconds.
  Josh: Yeah!

The Handyman Can

• Tina and Louise putting cleaning rags under Gene's shirt to give him boobs.
• Louise's Waterworld inspired story begins with a shot of Edith and Harold on a boat, with Edith ordering Harold to blow on the sail.
• When Louise mentions Mad Max: Fury Road, Bob is concerned that it's a movie she's too young to see. Louise assures him she wouldn't know how to stream that movie over and over using Linda's password.
• Tina's story has Bob being way more chummy with Teddy than normal, letting him sit on his lap and even pretending to be a seat belt. Naturally, the real Bob takes notice.
• Bob trying in vain to explain that being threatened by an avalanche when one is at the very top of a mountain is ridiculous.
• Tina ends her story by winning an Oscar for directing Boyz 4 Now’s music video.
• Gene's whole story is a Tokusatsu parody where Teddy turns the restaurant into a Humongous Mecha to fight Pizzilla, a lizard mutated by Jimmy Pesto's bad pizza sauce. Pizzilla's secret weapon is powerful farts (it's Gene's story, after all), and it gets defeated by the robot doing the "pull my finger" joke, which amuses the monster into doing a Heel–Face Turn.

Poops!... I Didn't Do It Again

• While Louise and Bob can't poop outside their own home, Linda has the opposite problem. She once went on a bucket in the middle of a wedding, and another time she went on a portable toilet that fell off a truck in the middle of the road. This sets up a minor Running Gag throughout the series, where it's revealed just how many non-toilets Linda has gone to the bathroom in.
• Louise and Bob share a heartfelt hug as Louise thanks Bob for helping her with her bathroom problem... and then Bob makes the mistake of squeezing Louise after she's taken a ton of laxatives. Nothing of that sort happens, but it's pretty clear that something nearly happened.
• The B-plot is Linda trying to make a video for her parents. She shows the family a video sent to their grandmother wearing banana costumes and singing a song about being "Bananas for Nana". Linda's video is very obviously her copying that video exactly, except with the pickle costumes from the time they were on a parade float.
  • Gene didn't wear a pickle costume in that aforementioned episode (he wore the Beefsquatch costume), so Linda needs to make a fifth pickle for the video. Because Linda didn't have any green fabric, Gene's pickle suit ends up being purple. Outside of one line where Linda offhandedly explains it, nobody takes notice.
• Louise has a dream where she goes to the bathroom, but suddenly find herself on a toilet in the middle of the aquarium. She wakes up and is relieved that it was All Just a Dream. Then Rudy appears next to her bed saying "Or was it?" Then she wakes up for real.
• As Louise and Bob fight over her going to the bathroom in the aquarium, the music score gets more and more tense; it turns out to be a classical music station Bob put on thinking it would calm Louise down. He changes it to a more upbeat song, but by then she has left.
• Louise reports back to Bob after going to the aquarium bathroom:
  Louise: Father, I pooped.

Local She-ro

• Tina has a daydream about New York City while in the middle of dinner. Louise snaps her out of it by sticking a green bean up her nose.
• The souvenir shop keeper shows off his driftwood sculptures, which are just pieces of driftwood with googly eyes glued on them. One is a snake, one an eel and one a worm, and even he can't tell them apart.
• Bob calls the Don Lippo show using the alias the kids chose for themselves, the Pucky Ducky. Complete with quacking Verbal Tic.
• Louise and Gene finally get Teddy unbanned from the Don Lippo show by, as Bob puts it, "pulling a Sleepless in Seattle" and talking about how utterly pathetic Teddy's life is. Teddy's confession that he only goes to church for the physical contact is what puts him over the top; Bob even gives him a free meal because he feels that bad for him.
• Linda going absolutely berserk trying to get her and Tina into Dove Shannon's houseboat community. When her attempt to jump over some concrete pillars fails and she gets stuck in the water she yells at Tina to jump on her back like a stepping stone. When Tina refuses, Linda cries out "You are not my daughter!"
• All Tina does for her report is play Dove Shannon's song about tapioca pudding. She didn't even write a paper. Ms. Jacobson is understandably confused and tells Tina to sit down "so she can process this."
• Jocelyn ruins Tammy's report on New York City by innocently pointing out that she spent the whole trip inside the hotel room because the city "smells like pee and hot dogs."

Prank You For Being a Friend

• Jimmy Pesto teasing Bob when buzzing him into his building. Bob quickly decides to just leave, forcing Jimmy to buzz in Bob for real.
• This gem from Bob:
  Bob: How's your pain that I'm glad you're feeling?
• Louise has Gene and Tina play grown-ups to train Kaylee to get over her fear of authority. Gene is wearing two of Linda's bras, one on top and one on bottom.
• Zeke distracting the lunch ladies while the others set up the prank by asking about creamed corn.
• Bob getting stuck upside down on Jimmy's exercise machine while Jimmy, recovering from hernia surgery, alternates between laughing at him and yelling in pain from laughing. By the time Linda gets him down, his face is red.
• After Louise, Kaylee, and Mr. Frond come to an understanding about the failed prank, Regular-Sized Rudy bursts into the office crying and trying to claim the whole thing was his idea. When Louise tells him he's too late and that no one is in trouble, Rudy immediately stops, thanks them for their time, and then leaves.

Season Eleven

Dream a Little Bob of Bob

• The increasingly elaborate hand-slapping routines that somehow everyone but Tina can perform perfectly. Special mention to Mr. Fischoeder's, which is just as darkly hilarious as one would expect from Mr. Fischoeder.
  Fischoeder: How many people died in the fire? One? Ten? Thirty!
• Louise trying to teach Tina the routine, but Tina keeps tellling her to slow it down... and then slow it down again.. and then again...
  Linda: You're making Mommy sad, Tina.
• When Bob dreams he's tiny, he wonders if he's a superhero now.
• Bob has to lick a cough drop left on the floor to escape ants in his dreams. When he wakes up and returns, he gives the cough drop to Gene.
  Gene: My lucky cough drop! Wait, you didn't lick it, did you?
  Bob: Not technically, no.
• The end credits show Bob and Tina doing the hand-slapping routine. Not funny at first, but the fact that Bob is seen doing it without any screw-ups implies that even he could learn it faster than Tina did.

Worms of In-rear-ment

• The "hamster slide" Louise has built on the living room. She and the other kids don't respond well to Bob suggesting that it's not a permanent fixture, even though it's sitting right in front of the TV.
• Linda becoming more and more unhinged as she tries to get the family to the symphony, no matter what.
• Gene recalls how he got pinworms: he was in the bathroom when a tater tot fell off his pocket. Peter Pescadero, who just exited a toilet stall, hands it to Gene with his unwashed hands, and Gene just eats it right then and there.
  • Tina realizes that she gave Gene a high-five that day after coming out of the restroom and asks if he washed his hands. His response: "Why would I wash tater-tot off me?"
• Later, Gene remembers how he gave the worms to Bob: through his usual post-shower routine of wearing Bob's dress shoes and pretending to be a businessman in the midst of multiple mergers and acquisitions—which he calls "mergies" and "acquizoozies".

Copa-Bob-bana

• Mr. Fischoeder calling the Belcher kids "Burger Children" and Linda "Female Bob".
• Bob asks the Fischoeders if they're there for food.
  Felix: Ooh, I'd love a fritata.
  Bob: No, I mean, do you want a burger?
  Felix: Ugh, no.
• Bob and Linda are reluctant to work on Felix's nightclub, until Mr. Fischoeder promises to pay one-month's rent for free.
  Linda: A month's rent in one night is more than we make in a month!
  • At the end, Mr. Fischoeder gives Bob an envelope, but it's empty because he's just paying for the rent, not actually giving them the money. He was going to give Bob both free rent and a free envelope, but now Bob only gets the free rent.
    Calvin: (taking back the envelope) You blew it.
• Louise claims that the tub is an anniversary gift for their parents (so Teddy won't tell on them). When Teddy points out it's not their anniversary, Louise then says it's their anniversary of the first time they swam together. (Gene calls it their "swim-aversary.") Teddy not only accepts it, he considers remembering the date.
• Tina brags about her new swimsuit, which is an unflattering one piece with a diagonal stripe. She shows how she can make the stripe look straight by leaning to one side, which impresses Zeke.
• When she's locked inside the janitor's closet, Linda has to pee, and goes in the mop bucket. When Bob lets her out, he notes the smell of pee, and Linda claims someone else did it.
• The tub the kids put in the basement as their private pool ends up leaking, and the only thing they can use to sop up the water is hamburger buns. In the end, it ends up saving the party, as the kids have fun playing on the soaked buns.

Heartbreak Hotel-oween

• Once again, the Belchers showcase their originality in choosing Halloween costumes. In the first flashback, Tina is a Toastbuster (her photon gun is a toaster), Gene as Baby Gaga (Lady Gaga with a pacifier) and Louise as a carton of juice with a picture of a beetle (Beetlejuice). In the second flashback, Tina is dressed as Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles with sixteen door handles on her costume, Gene is a cat with a guitar and a "Stevens" name tag (Cat Stevens), and Louise wears the restaurant's burger costume decorated with knives that have "Blade Runner" on them (Blade Bunner).
• Louise's story about getting stiffed on Halloween ends with the couple siccing attack leopards at the kids.
  Tina: I don't remember the attack leopards.
  Louise: Shush-shush-shush-shush. You just blocked it out.
• "Candy justice sounds like a show about a stripper who's also a judge."
• When Tina realizes the person dressed as Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie was a male doctor, she acts surprised that men could be doctors.

Fast Time Capsules at Wagstaff School

• The underwhelming contents of the time capsule: a cootie catcher (Tina: "Think of the ancient cooties it might still hold inside."), a yearbook ("Not super diverse."), a dead mole that Tina first thinks is a stuffed toy (Rudy: "Cute, though."), and a note that falls to pieces before Tina can read it.
  Gene: Tina is killing it out there, and by "it" I mean my interest.
• The items the kids suggest for the time capsule, all of which Tina puts on the "maybe" pile.
  • Peter Pescadero - a diorama of a classroom making dioramas.
  • Regular-Sized Rudy - a poem that is "about kickball but not really about kickball." It made his father cry.
  • Jimmy Jr. - gum, "so people of the future can learn about gum."
  • Andy and Ollie - nail clipping of each other so future people can clone them, or combine them into an Anlie, or an Olldy, or Michelle Pfeiffer.
  • Tammy - lip gloss ("strawberry lemongrass is the flavor of our age!"); later, a paper imprint of her make up.
  • Jocelyn - "My lip gloss is cherry."
  • Arnold - a board he broke in half, though Tina casts doubt on him actually breaking it with his hand.

Bob Belcher and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Kids

• Hugo can't hide his contempt for Bob while inspecting the restaurant.
  Hugo: This prep area is damp!
  Bob: I just cleaned it.
  Hugo: That makes sense. You look damp!
  Hugo: [At the cellar] These lettuce heads are stacked weird.
  Bob: Is that illegal?
  Hugo: No, it's just stupid.
  Hugo: [opening a drawer] What do we have here?
  Bob: Rags?
  Hugo: [tosses rags at Bob] Wash... your... grea... sy... rags!
  Bob: Stop throwing them at me, Hugo! Also, you missed, every time.
  Ron: Good effort, though.
• When Teddy pauses to wonder if he should change out of his pajamas before going to rent a grill, Bob tells him not to because he thinks the people at the store would like it.
• Bob saying using the portable grill on top of his usual flattop would be “like having an affair with another woman on top of my wife.”
  Linda: I am a pretty solid sleeper.
• Tina's note for Pam explaining the fire is a heartwarming reminder that the kids love their father in spite of their trolling... and then we get to the part where the note says this:
  Tina's Note: Sometimes he smells weird. But we're used to it.

Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid

• Everything about the stories Louise, Tina and Bob tell to Gene, food-based parodies of '90s action films.
  • Louise's story is about the Breadator, a bread alien who turns his victims into bread and other baked goods.
  • Tina's is Pear Force One, in which anthropomorphic pears take President Gene Harrison Ford Belcher hostage in his plane and threaten to use giant peelers to peel off people's clothes because they're jealous of apples being a far more popular fruit.
  • Bob's is Parmageddon, where Gene has to stop a giant chicken parmesan from destroying the Earth. Which he does by eating the whole thing.
• Gayle claiming to be lactose intolerant because a psychic told her.
• When Linda is turned into a dozen muffins by the Breadator, one of them tries to eat another to see how delicious she is.
• Gene insisting that Linda play his wife in both Tina and Bob's stories. Bob, Tina, and Louise quite understandably find it disturbing. Linda finds it endearing.

The Terminalator II: Terminals of Endearment

• The reason Gloria and Al call Linda in the first place is because Al needs cream for his eczema and they think airports don't sell anti-itch cream. The exchange between Linda and Bob about this leads to a particularly subdued and glorious burn from Bob regarding how horrible his in-laws are.
  Linda: They don't sell anti-itch cream at airports, Bob. It's one of the things that's wrong with our society.
  Bob: Your parents are what's wrong with society.
  • And then it turns out yes, the airport did sell anti-itch cream so Gloria and Al made everyone go through all this for nothing. Bob was right, his in-laws are what's wrong with society.
• Louise and Gene's Imagine Spots on what they will do with their wing pins. Louise imagines that they give her actual wings that she uses to fly the Pesto twins around. Gene, on the other hand, thinks flashing the pin to the lunch lady will give him extra tater tots. Tina calls out how ordinary Gene's dream is compared to Louise's. Gene responds by claiming Louise shouldn't be upset she didn't think of his idea first.
• Gene wanting to see the ocean from the Montana coast.^note For those who, like Gene, have a poor knowledge of U.S. geography, Montana is a landlocked state.
• How does Bob recognize Linda's phone charger that Gloria won't admit she took? Gene drew a butt on it.
  Gene: It's my commentary on technology!
  • After everyone admits to seeing the butt:
    Louise: I saw the butt. Let's start a club.
    Gene: The Butt Club. No, the Butt Society. [slaps own butt]

Mommy Boy

• Ham and Egger is such a blatant Rocky knock-off, down to its theme song being "Look of the Lion". Bob's rants about Rocky's superiority falls on deaf ears, as Teddy and the Belcher girls think it's the greatest boxing movie they've ever seen.
• Linda's song at the business women group, which trails off to her wondering where to put her name tag. While the other women look awkwardly at her.
• Bob trying to do spa day with Gene, mostly struggling with his facial mask.
• Bob, Tina and Louise end up injuring their hands in their first sparring session, even though they were wearing pillows.
  • Their attempt to make a burger for Teddy afterwards with their sore hands is presented as an inspirational I Can Still Fight! moment, but the burger itself is undercooked and unsightly.

Yachty or Nice

• The kids discuss where Santa gets his toys.
  Louise: Yeah, you do not wanna know where Santa gets all that stuff.
  Tina: The elves' workshop?
  Gene: That's a front.
• When Jimmy Pesto pants Trev, this is his response.
  Trev: Good one, Jimmy. I get it. Humiliating and dominating me.
  Jimmy: Well, you were asking for it by standing there.
• Linda is still obsessing over the mayor.
• Teddy is not okay with giving the Belcher kids their presents ahead of time. In fact it makes him physically ill.
  Teddy: I gotta go, and not because I have nervous diarrhea. Hey, does this yacht have a toilet? And not because I have nervous diarrhea!
  • In a later scene, Teddy is seen throwing up off the side of the boat.
• Bob growing increasingly deranged as he worries Jimmy is planning to pull his pants down. He takes to holding his pants up with bungee cords, and then trying to pants Jimmy as a preemptive strike.

Romancing The Beef

• Linda serves a bickering couple.
  Linda: So, what about a drink? Couple of large wines?
  Woman: Sure.
  Linda: [to man] And for you?
• The sheer amount of wine Linda has stockpiled, from her backup bottles to her emergency backup bottles to her secret emergency bottles.

Die Card Or Card Trying

• Bob asks Louise not to do her "serial killer" face in the Christmas card photo. Louise then demonstrates it.
• Each of the Belchers are obsessed with their Christmas presents, which drives the others crazy.
  • Louise got a wooden ball-in-a-cage puzzle, and is frustrated that she hasn't been able to solve it for eight days. Once she finally does, she tries to throw it away.
  • Gene got a harmonica and is constantly playing it. Tina in particular is sick of hearing it and keeps asking him to stop. At one point she slaps it out of his hand.
  • Tina got a knit hat and is struggling to make it fit.
  • Bob got a juicer and has been using it to juice every fruit he can get a hold of. When they're out going to the lookout point for the picture, all he can think of is to come back home to the juicer.
• After all the trouble they went through taking the photo, Linda finally gets the Christmas cards, proud of how well they came out. And then, in the final seconds of the episode...
  Gene: My wiener is out.
  Linda: What!?
• The montage of Belcher Christmas card photos during the credits.

An Incon-wheelie-ent Truth

• Louise can't wait to get to the flea market so she can buy some blades.
• We finally find out what happened to the Wheelie Mammoth. After the kids got bored with it, it just took up space. We first see it blocking the TV in the living room. Louise moves it to the kitchen, but then Gene can't get to the fridge so he drags it to the hallway. Then Tina can't get to the stairway, so she drags it to the bathroom. Cut to Bob about to take a shower when he sees the Mammoth in the bathtub and screams.
• Gayle calling Linda for her usual absurd worries, like eating too much orange food at once.
• Gayle has decided to wear turtleneck sweaters as pants. The neck makes it easier for her to pee.

Mr. Lonely Farts

• Teddy tells Bob there's nowhere else he'd rather be than helping Bob with the new hood... even at his cousin's wedding. When an understandably-shocked Bob tells Teddy he should've gone to the wedding instead, Teddy just brushes off its significance, calling his cousin cocky just because he found true love.
• How does Gene deal with being left home alone? By pretending to talk to his Imaginary Friend Ken over the phone, using a pair of salad tongs as a headset. When he later breaks them out of frustration when Ken has to go, he considers the idea of calling Ken back with a fork ridiculous.
• One of the activities Gene does now that there's nobody else in the house to stop him is chanting "Holding all the spoons! Holding all the spoons!" while dancing around the kitchen doing just that.
• When Louise thinks that Adam is making preparations to murder them, she assumes one of the things he's doing is "sharpening his gun".
• Louise and Teddy arming themselves against possible serial killer Adam with a butter knife and cheese grater, respectively.

Sheshank Redumption

• The reason the kids got detention. Louise switched Ms. LaBonz's morning announcements with the lyrics to "Baby Got Back" (and Ms. LaBonz actually read the first line before realizing the prank); Gene put a hot dog in the pencil sharpener to make it curly (with the strong implication that he broke it in the process); and Tina pulled Tammy's hair after she called horses "boring zebras." Even funnier is that, in a complete role reversal, Bob admits that he understands why Gene at the very least did what he did, while Linda is the one mad at the kids.
• Bob can't get money out of the ATM because his card was damaged when Louise was teaching Gene and Tina how to open a door with a card as part of her life seminar.
• In keeping with his Two Decades Behind tendencies, Bob tries to get change at the supermarket by buying a pack of gum then trying to cash a twenty dollar check. The cashier has to point out that they don't accept checks, and that the idea of cashing a check is like travelling back in time.
• Everyone thinking that pooping in public is a horrible crime. Sergeant Bosco think's it's worse than murder, and a drug dealer wants out of the holding cell after learning that's why Linda is there.
  • Said drug dealer starts begging to switch cells when Linda hilariously crosses the Despair Event Horizon and concludes that the reason Bob and the kids haven't come for her is that they all died.
• Teddy wants Bob to come to his improv show to suggest "underpants" so he can tell a prepared story about how he changed from briefs to boxers, despite Bob pointing out that is the exact opposite of improv. In the end, he goes and makes the suggestion, but Teddy decides to go with someone else's suggestion (chicken wings) instead, causing Bob to yell out in anger.
• After Bob accidentally reveals to the kids why their mom got detained by the cops in the first place, he tries to convince them to forget that he said anything:
  Tina: There are some things your father tells you that you never forget.
  Louise: And "your mom got a ticket for public defecation" is definitely one of them.
• At the end of the episode, Linda threatens to throw the Belchers' TV into the ocean if the kids or Bob ever tells anybody she got caught pooping in a bush. The threat is enough to convince all of them, even Louise, to promise to never tell anybody.

Y Tu Tina Tambien

• Linda's desperate attempts to make the water booth at the school fair cool. She writes what she thinks are cool words on the cups like "rad" and "skateboard", and tries to make Bob wear a baseball cap backwards.
• Frond is so convinced that no one can dunk him that he starts doing things atop the tank like check on his phone, do his taxes and work on his laptop (with Mr. Branca desperately telling him not to on the last one).
  • When Tina manages to hit the target, Branca at least manages to grab the laptop, while Frond despairs about his phone.
• Louise and Gene recording over the language tape to snap Tina out of her romantic attraction with "Rodrigo". Louise even has Rodrigo eaten by a crocodile.

Fingers-Loose

• Tina "subtly" investigating the suspicious activity. She awkwardly asks the students about any "distracting" activity, then looks in an open locker and stuff keeps falling out.
• Linda and Bob's ideas to help Teddy sneak a burger in the movie theater. Linda suggests using her armpit hairnets, denying that it's gross in any way. Bob comes up with a vest with each individual ingredient of the burger in bags taped to the lining; unfortunately, he can't get the order in which to assemble them just right, and the bags keep falling off.
• The activity being investigated by Tina turns out to be a "hand-prancing" act by Gene, performed at lunchtime in the basesment. Tina is captivated by it and becomes a performer. The whole thing is presented as a kid-friendly Drag Queen revue.
• Frond busts the hand prancing show.
  Mr. Frond: Here's a finger for you. [points to door with his thumb] Back to class!
  Millie: That's a thumb.
  Mr. Frond: A thumb's a finger.
  Millie: No, this is a finger. [flips off Frond; blocked by the back of Louise's head]
  Mr. Frond: Millie!

Some Kind of Fender-Benderful

• Gene singing along to the cash register. "I am a robot. I am a good robot boy."
• The kids sit with Bob as he tries to move the car to the back alley. Gene wants to go to Lake Titicaca, while Tina asks to go to "Vegas, baby."
• Teddy still thinks Bob's last name is Burgers.
• Elaine, the woman two cars ahead of Bob in the accident, is a clown on her way to a bris. Although still wearing her street clothes, she has her makeup on. Bob's attempts to comfort her are undermined by her trick handkerchief.
• The sudden dance number as all the drivers take responsibility for the accident - which turns out to be Bob's daydream.

Bridge Over Troubled Rudy

• Mort teaching Bob, Linda and Teddy how to meditate.
  • Linda keeps falling asleep every time she tries. She really thinks she's got the hang of it, though.
  • When Mort says to concentrate on their breath, Teddy calls him a sicko because he thought he said "breasts".
  • When he successfully mediates, Bob imagines Mort as Falkor and rides him.
  • After Jimmy comes in to taunt Bob as usual and he manages to stay calm thanks to his meditation, he returns later and claiming to have tried meditation himself as well, challenges Bob to a calm-off. He accepts and since Mort is closest to an expert when it comes to meditation (and also because the only other people present—Linda and Trev—would be unfairly biased towards one side), they get him to judge which one of them manages to stay more calm overall. Their score is more or less even in the beginning, but Bob soon takes the lead with an Ice-Cream Koan. Any attempts from Jimmy to call the competition flawed just ends up making him lose more points, to the point that Bob pretty much Wins by Doing Absolutely Nothing. Jimmy responds by angrily storming out and calling the whole thing stupid, despite it being his idea to begin with.
  • Everyone starts cheering for Bob's victory, including Teddy, who claims Bob mopped the floor with Jimmy. Mort proceeds to deduct a point from Teddy for aggressiveness.
    Teddy: Mort, so help me...
• The Blaster Bridge toy entices Louise no end; the fact that it was recalled as too dangerous just makes it more desireable to her. But after all they go through getting it to Rudy's mother's house and finally detonate it... instead of the mighty explosion she was imagining, the bridge just pops a few ineffectual caps and slightly crumbles. Rudy thinks it was totally worth it, though.

Steal Magazine-olias

• Add furries to Tina's long list of fetishes, as she becomes infatuated with a cartoon fox on one of Dr. Yap's magazines.
  Tina: Am I crazy, or is that, like, the dreamiest fox scientist ever?
  Louise: The first thing you said.
  • We then get this gem of a line that a certain demographic can relate to.
  Tina: Is it bad to be attracted to a cartoon fox you don't even know that well?
• Yap takes his waiting room magazines very seriously. The subscriptions are made out to "Dr. Don't Take This Magazine."
  • He's apparently envious of some of his fellow dentists' offices. One has live rabbits, which he argues don't make much sense being in a dentist office.
• Bob thinks cleaning bird poop from his window will be easy. Wrong! His attempts to wipe it off with a sponge on a broomstick just spread it all over.
• Teddy struggling with the high-pressure cleaner.
• Tina has to keep Yap busy while Gene and Louise try to sneak the stolen magazine into his car. All she can do is her trademark moan.

Tell Me Dumb Thing Good

• The main plot revolves around a trashcan that people like to decorate to look like a person. It's just the kind of mundane, inconsequential, trivial yet oddly specific thing that the Belchers, particularly Linda, would get worked up over.
  • Teddy mentioned that once someone put teeth on the trashcan, which made him a little scared to put trash in it, not that people could fit their trash through it to begin with, which Bob comments defeats the purpose of having a trash can to begin with.
• Speaking of getting worked up over trivial things, Bob and Teddy get attached to postings of a cucumber growing in someone's basement, and get concerned that the posts stop updating. Bob even sings a ballad about it.
• According to Bob, the last time the family had no mac and cheese Gene retaliated by calling the police.
• The Running Gag of posts on the community website asking for moving boxes. Louise actually saves the day by luring people to the council meeting by promising them boxes.
• "A woman walking down the street with a bag full of mac and cheese. Bob Dylan had a song about that, I think."
• Tina giving Linda her "third favorite pen". When she's later given a new pen, she says "Hello, fourth-favorite pen."

Vampire Disco Death Dance

• Tina's friends have invented a game, Drinking or Not Drinking, where you make people guess if you're drinking through a straw or just pretending (yes, it's as boring as it sounds). Tina's not that good at pretending to drink.
  Gene: It looks like you're holding in a fart.
  Louise: It looks like you're holding in a stroke.
  Bob: Tina, please stop doing that with your face. It-it's scaring me.
• The kids catch Bob and Linda stomping down the garbage into the dumpster.
  Louise: Look, someone threw away mom and dad.
  Gene: Maybe we can get new parents. Smooth and hairless ones this time.
• Bob's descriptions of Vampire Disco Death Dance just scream So Bad, It's Good.
  • Gene and Louise are interested in seeing it, until Bob says he saw it as a kid and they realize it's an old movie.
    • Louise actually remains interested, if only because Bob explains the movie is rated R. However, she immediately loses interest when Bob clarifies that there's virtually no violence.
• Jocelyn shouting to other cars at red lights. "Hey, I like your shirt!" "Your car is green!"
• The B-plot is about Linda setting up a raccoon restaurant using a child table and chairs someone threw out. Naturally, things don't go as planned.
  • Gene provides jazz music, which is just him singing "jazz" over and over.
  • Louise gets the job of lighting the candles, which she really gets into.
  • When the raccoons end up fighting each other, Linda has no option but to open the dumpster and let the raccoons have at their garbage. Exactly the opposite of what Bob wanted Linda to do.
• Jimmy Jr. and Zeke obsessing over a misshapen Gummi bear.

Season Twelve

Manic Pixie Crap Show

• Tina tells how at school, Tammy and Jocelyn were trying out makeup tips for supermodels and told Tina she wasn't supermodel material. The flashback shows that Tammy and Jocelyn went a little overboard with the makeup.
  • Linda then quickly asked if Tina wanted her to drive by and smack Tammy and Jocelyn down with her car door. And it doesn't seem she was kidding.
• Tina and Gene's alibi for accompanying Louise at the park is that they're playing frisbee. But because they forgot to bring one, they claim to be warming up to it by pretending to throw one. Later, they complain that their "frisbee" got stuck in a tree.
• Gene's reaction to the Pixie Princess Promenade:
  Gene: Whoa. Is that a magical flying sex worker convention?
• Louise, naturally, wants nothing to do with the promenade. While Millie is excited about it and Tina has fond memories about it (and Gene has no idea what's going on), Louise on the other hand seems to suffer actual physical pain just by being near it.
• As a distraction, Gene plans to do a split. Naturally, his legs don't go all the way.
• Gene on twirling: "I used to twirl once, then time caught up with me. Now I get dizzy just watching a rotisserie chicken."
• Tina is peeing in a bush when she spots Louise and the other girls about to throw their wands in the pond. In her hurry to stop them, she accidentally tucks part of her skirt into her panties.
• As Bob and Mort confront Linda about her obsession with "Bottlecap II", Teddy says he has to go because he had a job... and should have left for it five hours ago.
• After Mort convinces Linda to use the dog bouquet to finally grieve for Bottlecap, she then asks if she could also pretend the bouquet is her eighth grade teacher that was hit by a milk truck.
  Bob: Good God, Lin!
• The end credits montage of staged shots of Linda acting as if the flower bouquet was a real dog, doing things like play tug-of-war with it, picking up its poop and having it sniff another dog's butt (with the dog's owner giving Linda a weird look).

Crystal Mess

• The episode opens on Tina moaning. Gene remarks "Did someone switch Tina to white noise?"
• Louise joking that Bob going to the farmer's market is just an excuse to go to his mistress. Then Gene gets in on it.
• As Tina takes Mr. Frond's crystal, she remarks that it couldn't hurt. Then she gets pricked by one of the edges.
• Ms. Jacobson selects Tina and Zeke's and Tammy and Jocelyn's presentations because they're the only teams who didn't just copy from the school website. Which isn't saying much in regard to Tammy and Jocelyn—their presentation was so bad that Jacobson could only remark in resignation that she should've vetted the students' projects beforehand.
  • Tammy casually reveals to the entire class the password to her father's laptop—his favorite movie, Reality Bites. One has to wonder how obvious this was if Tammy could figure it out.
• Gene's borderline obsession with the corner piece of mac and cheese, to the point that his use of the crystal is just to get the corner piece even when everyone else is using it for more climactic purposes. Even as the crystal gets stolen, Gene's concern remains his mac and cheese - he carries it around during the entire montage where the Belchers are looking for the crystal.
• While searching for the stolen crystal, Tina interrogates Jimmy Jr. and tries to pat him down for it. Of course, being Tina, she uses the opportunity to feel him up without any subtlety whatsoever.

The Pumpkinening

• The kids' costumes this year: Gene is a grad-iator, "a gladiator who just got his masters"; Tina is Sher-Loch Ness Monster, "a mystery who solves mysteries"; and Louise is Peter Pan's Labyrinth, with eyes painted on her hands (which freak out Bob and Linda).
• Bob reveals yet another victim of Linda's bowel movements—a convertible.
• Bob and Linda kiss in the kitchen. Louise reacts with horror, while Gene remarks that he didn't even know they were together.
• A kid dressed up as The Grim Reaper really wants those Sour Sack Babies, to the point of coming back to the restaurant twice after his initial visit to try and get more. Bob falls for it the first time, but points out that the kid isn't even making an attempt to look different the second time (he just put a baseball hat on).
• Gayle apparently lost her license after letting one of her cats drive. It's honestly one of the less surprising revelations about her.
• Terry the dog groomer also cuts people's hair, and offers to give Gayle a trim. She puts an upside down Elizabethan collar on Gayle and offers to give her a special shampoo for wire hair terriers because her hair has a similar texture.
• The sight of Linda and Gayle being chased down the street by a tiny Yorkshire Terrier.
• Dane Kang does a whole Emerging from the Shadows reveal when it's asked who wrote the letters. Because only Gayle has met him, the reveal kind of falls flat and Linda has to outright ask who he is.

Driving Big Dummy

• When the kids are bummed about narrowly losing the "employee of the day" competition, Linda acts as if she miscounted, and claims the kids actually beat her by one sale. The kids immediately change their tune as they start gloating and rubbing their "victory" in Linda's face.

Seven-tween Again

• Gene freaks out over a chest hair (he calls it a pube) until he realizes it's a stray hair from when he surprised tackled Bob in the shower.
  Bob: It's not a surprise if it happens every day.
• When Gene tells Louise and Tina how he loves being in the Kids' Club, he described himself as being "young, dumb and full of fun."
• The flashback of Gretchen going a little nuts when she realizes one of her regular customers went elsewhere for a haircut.
• Bob gets rather into the haircutting routine at "Frollicles", and returns to the restaurant drunk off his ass.
• Gene calls Louise and asks her and Tina to perform a convoluted plan to pose as his father and sign him out of Kids' Club (namely involving a Totem Pole Trench). Cut to Louise arriving at Kids' Club with Bob in tow; Louise lampshades that getting their actual father to sign Gene out was far simpler than what Gene wanted.

Beach, Please!

• Mr. Frond's newest incentive is the Wagstaff Mandatory Volunteer Day. He got the idea watching prison inmates picking up trash on the road and thought "Why not the same but with school children?"
  Louise: Thank God you didn't drive by anything worse.
  Gene: Like a Cross-Fit.
• Louise's fantasy of the beach clean up as a beach party, complete with her high-fiving a pelican.
• Gene asking if they should send their jacket sizes to the Nobel Prize committee, assuming they hand out jackets.
• Mr. Frond spends the whole time at the beach calling his cable company. Seems he's somehow being billed for a third converter box.
• Teddy walks into Bob's Burgers backwards so he can reveal his new look. Naturally, he keeps bumping into things.
  • Before turning around, Teddy asks if Mort is in his stool. Mort says no... and quickly moves one seat over.
• A seagull has apparently caught on that Gene always has food on him and follows him around the whole episode.
• The signal for Mickey to sabotage Louise' plan is for Felix to do a peacock shriek, the only animal sound he knows how to do.
• Tammy and Jocelyn are only at the beach cleanup to show their social media followers how environmental they are, but have no intention of actually cleaning up the beach.
  Jocelyn: My bag is clean. I don't want to get any trash on it.

Loft in Bedslation

• Linda mentions starting a college fund for the kids, prompting this response from Gene:
  Gene: Which one of us is going to college? Not it!
• Tina is writing one of her erotic friends fiction about her and Jimmy Jr. having to defuse a bomb by kissing.
• Normally, the Belchers would call Teddy when they need something built, but Teddy is currently in Canada picking up a scooter for his mother. Which she insisted on driving home, so Teddy is driving behind her slowing down traffic.
• Gene has a game called Cash Register Surprise, where he hides a French fry in the register for his parents to find.
  Gene: They love it.
  Bob: No, we don't.
• Louise and Tina trying to build the loft bed by themselves. It doesn't help Tina's nerves when Louise calls the drill a "spinning spiral of death".

Stuck in the Kitchen with You

• With the TV at the retirement home broken, Zeke and the Belcher kids perform their own Thanksgiving parade. Highlights include them rolling on chairs as Shriners, a singing tribute to Broadway, and a float made of medical supplies piled on top of a bed. (the theme is medical supplies.)
• Bob is asked to cook Thanksgiving dinner because the cook for the retirement home just left to have a baby, and the assistant chef also left because he's the father.
• Bob, as usual, goes overboard cooking Thanksgiving, so much Linda and the kids call him "Thankzilla".
  • A montage of Bob's Thanksgiving behavior includes startling Gene by announcing that dinner will be ready in 20 minutes. Gene screams even louder when Bob amends it to 30 minutes.
• Louise gets giddy with excitement when Bob finds an acetylene torch.

FOMO You Didn't

• Tina has trouble figuring out how to use a film camera, so much that Susmita has to talk her through such basic stuff as holding it right side up and removing the lens cap.
• Teddy doesn't like how Bob pours his coffee. He thinks Linda does it more gracefully.
• Teddy is so nervous about being left alone that when Bob tells him to just sit tight and eat his burger, he starts nibbling it like a squirrel.
• While Mr. Branca replaces the model ship, Louise distracts the crowd by showing them how much cheese Gene can eat.
• The closing credits show Linda and Bob moving the couch around in time-lapse, while Gene and Louise jump on it.

Gene's Christmas Break

• Every December, Gene plays his favorite Christmas music every day starting at the crack of dawn. The other Belchers are sick of it.
• Tina can't wrap a present for jack. One time, her present for Linda was mistaken for trash and thrown away. (It was a set of gloves, which Linda could have used while fishing them out of the dumpster.)
• Gene's favorite record, Percy McTinsel-bud's Tinsel Machine. It's every bad '70s Progressive Rock cliche wrapped up in a deliciously ridiculous package.
• Teddy suggests a Secret Santa with him, Bob and Linda. He's quickly disappointed that Mort and Mike join in, and doesn't even bother to hide his anger when he gets Mort. Later he tries desperately to have Bob swap with him, but Linda, the only one taking it seriously, forbids it.
  • In the end, Mort gives Teddy the best present of the group: a plaque for his stool in the restaurant. Bob seems reluctant to have it installed.
• When Gene's record breaks, Louise convinces the Belcher family to record their own version of it in the restaurant when business is slow. Bob is falsetto-belting the song "Teacup Kittens" when two women come in but stop in the doorway first to watch Bob and then to double-check with him that the restaurant is open.

Touch of Eval(uations)

• Episode opens on the Belcher children's assessment of the educational system.
  Louise: Ugh, school again. Punching in on another day of unpaid child labor before we go home for more unpaid child labor.
  Tina: I know, right? Multiply this, spell that, build a pipe cleaner model with that other thing... Oh, darn. I forgot to do that last night.
  Gene: Where's Amnesty International when you need 'em? I mean, probably somewhere important, they're great.
• Ms. LaBonz attempts to trick her students into all giving her a perfect score by pretending the evaluations are pop quizzes... where every answer is "5". It very nearly works, but she gets foiled when Mr. Frond announces over the loudspeaker the purpose of the forms.
  • She then tries to convince her students that they have fun in her class. Rudy and the Pesto twins beg to differ.
    Rudy: On my last report card you said "Don't quit your day job". This is my day job.
    Andy: You call us "this one" and "that one"!
    Ollie: And sometimes you call us The Shining, and I don't get the reference!
• The teachers are bending over backwards trying to please the students to get good evaluations. Louise seizes the opportunity and gets the other kids to blackmail the teachers into having a free day.
  • Jimmy Jr. makes every class dance class, with Jocelyn using the chalk dust from the erasers as a makeshift smoke machine.
  • Regular-Sized Rudy — dear, sweet little Rudy — blackmails Coach Blevins into blowing off PE.
• The montage of Louise doing bad things while Ms. LaBonz screams at her.
  Ms. LaBonz: (Louise is riding the janitor's mop bucket) Louise, stop! (Louise has ordered pizza) No! (Louise has a locker full of water balloons) Bad! (Louise has taped the Pesto twins to the bulletin board) Awful! (Louise is making a bust of herself out of mashed potatoes in the cafeteria) Principal's... (Louise is performing as a living statue in front of the school) Office... (Louise is holding a sign out the window that reads "CALL PRIEST! TEACHER POSSESSED!!") Now!
• Ms. LaBonz makes it clear that she is going to get sweet revenge on Frond for how poorly thought out this entire idea was for the teachers.
  Ms. LaBonz: One day, a reckoning will come.
• Teddy plans to bequeath his arrowhead collection to Bob, who points out it's just a lot of rocks, only some of which are triangular. It's ten boxes full.
• Mort has Bob and Linda list their assets on a napkin to start making out their will. One minute later, they're done, and didn't even have to get a second napkin.
• Linda wants her ashes thrown at sea, so she can travel. She also hopes they fall on a car, preferably a DeLorean.
• Louise's diorama is just a cotton ball on a plain box, which is supposed to be a polar bear in the snow. She has to bring it back because it's their only cotton ball.
• Mr. Fischoeder plans to have his remains thrown into a volcano. He sings a song about it over the closing credits.

Ferry On, My Wayward Bob and Linda

• Tina tells how she lost her shoe at gym class and Jimmy Jr. gallantly returned it to her. Sure, he almost threw it away first before noticing her hopping around, but to Tina it's the most romantic thing he's ever done for her.
• Bob and Linda's plans for Valentines Day are to just stay home and eat leftovers. They're content with it, but everyone else thinks it's sad.
  Louise: Jeez, guys. Do they make a valentine card that's also a condolence card?
  Teddy: They do. I've got that one.
• When Rachel appears to be choking, Gene delivers a classic Gene Innocent Innuendo.
  Gene: Give her the hymen!
  Bob: Gene, no! It's Heimlich.
  Gene: No, it's not.
• Linda gets Bob to jump over the dock to catch the ferry before it leaves, like in the movies. Thing is, the ferry hasn't even pulled out from the dock yet.
• Jen has no idea how to put on lipstick. She smears it all around her mouth and considers putting some on her eyelids as if it were eyeshadow.
• After Bob and Linda get on the wrong ferry and end up on the far side of the island, they ask the port attendant for a taxi. He explains that there are only three taxi drivers in town; two are married so they're off duty spending Valentines Day together, and the third has night blindness and can't drive after dark. Not after the last time...
  Port Attendant: Let's just say nobody died, but one person did.
• The sheepherder Bob and Linda meet has a sheepdog who's allergic to sheep.

Frigate Me Knot

• Linda's story about pooping herself when watching a horror movie with her friends. Made even worse when she talks out loud about what she did while in the bathroom for everyone to hear. The kids mention that she still does it.
  • The end of the episode has Linda reveal it's not likely she'll reconcile with her old "friends" as well as Teddy did with his crewmates. Specifically because she spent a year calling them every night at 2 in the morning pretending she was a serial killer, and also peed on one of their bikes. Bob is horrified by the lengths his wife will go to for payback, and even Linda herself seems to realize it was overkill.
• Gene saying "frigate" like he just learned a new swear word.
• While taking a knot tying class with the kids, Bob gets stuck on the first knot.
  • Bob finally gets it right at the end when it's needed to rescue a crewman who fell overboard. This is how the instructor put it:
    Knot Instructor: He finally did it. He tied the simplest knot.
• When the instructor of the knot class is about to teach how to tie a hitch knot, Gene doesn't fail to make the obvious joke.
  Knot Instructor: Ready for the hitch knot?
  Gene: Hitch, please!
• Louise's obsession with getting a torpedo.

Video Killed The Gene-io Star

• Gene hates Courtney's song and music video because it's exactly like every other song and video... whereas some of the other kids love it because it's exactly like every other song and video, even stating so unironically.
• The ridiculous "Tasty Fingers" dance the kids do for the music video.
• Doug instructing Gene on how to do Rebel Relaxation.
  Doug: Just lean on the locker like you're cool.
  Gene: [puts hand on locker] Like this?
  Doug: Cooler.
  Gene: [puts other hand on hip] Like this?
  Doug: Cooler.
  Gene: [crosses leg] Like this?
  Doug: Perfect!
• Tina and Louise on a sugar high after eating candy during the video shoot.
• The B-plot has Linda and Teddy obsessing over a briefcase left behind by a customer. Bob's appeals to just leave it alone as always go unheard.
  • Bob catches Teddy trying to unscrew the hinges of the briefcase, which surprises Teddy and causes him to dent the hinge. He blames Bob for scaring him, then Linda from not being a good lookout, then Bob again for not taking as long in the bathroom as he usually does.
  • The contents of the briefcase turn out to be... walnuts. This scares Bob more than Teddy or Linda's ideas of what was inside (plutonium and severed hands) because of how bizarre and nonsensical it is.
  • The fact that the guy's name, according to the briefcase, is Billy Bandana.

Ancient Misbehavin'

• Bob can't get any sleep because Linda keeps kicking in her sleep. She explains that she's dreaming she's a 1920s flapper girl. When he thinks she's switched to Charleston the following night, he finally decides to start sleeping elsewhere.
• When Rudy first notices that they're getting much less chances to answer the questions than the other side of the class that Ms. Parado is currently facing due to her circular desk arrangement that's intended to promote democracy, he calls her a "real circle-jerk".
• Millie thinks the counterfeit coins will require the blood of a virgin, leading to this exchange:
  Rudy: What's a virgin?
  Millie: I think it's someone who gives a lot of blood.
  Rudy: Oh. My grandfather's a virgin.
• Rudy's obsession with getting a wind-up dolphin bath toy. He claims he didn't cry in the tub thinking about it.
• Ms. Padaro is telling the story of Icarus, which clearly parallels how Millie and Rudy are pushing their luck with the countefeit coins. What's Millie's response?
  Millie: I do not relate to this story at all.
• The book Bob curls up to in his new bed in the basement is about the history of pepper. When he reads that peppercorns are actually dried up berries, he's so excited that he texts about it to Linda.
• Rudy's song about his plush flounder Pancake.

Interview With a Pop-Pop-pire

• Gene invents the glameridoo. "It's like a diggeridoo but with more sizzle-sazzle." It's actually a series of cardboard tubes with glitter.
• When Big Bob calls to say he's a little late, he adds that he's bringing home some milk; Bob tries to tell him not to, but he already hung up. When Big Bob arrives, he has four gallons of milk, which he says expires the next day.
• Louise's story about the tree incident supposedly takes place in ancient times, "before cars or computers or juice boxes", yet at one point Big Bob gets a call on his cell phone. When the others call her out on this, she changes it to a land line with a really long cord.
• One of the crimes the giant in Louise's story is accused of is shoplifting... as in literally lifting a store off the ground.
• Gene's story has Big Bob making himself an ice-cream float while camping, which he assumes is something all campers do.
• Gene clearly based his story on They Live!, which Bob told him that he was too young to see, but he peeked from the hall anyway.
  Linda: Somebody's been a rowdy, rowdy peeper.
• Linda's story is The Giving Tree, except the tree (played by Linda) gets sick of always giving and simply falls on Big Bob.

The Spider House Rules

• As the episode opens, the Pesto twins are hopping and going "Ow!" because Louise dared Andy to jump off the bus stop as hard as he can, and then hurt Olly so they both feel pain.
• Teddy naturally doesn't take the news that Bob is looking for another friend well. He decides to quit coming to the restaurant if it means saving their friendship. He later texts Bob to say that he's making sandwiches for himself. At the end of the episode, he texts Bob again begging to come back because making a sandwich was too hard for him — he mentions that there was a lot of blood afterwards.
• To distract their parents while Louise looks for the spider, Tina and Gene takes them to their rooms to talk.
  • Gene wants Bob to give him The Talk... about ingrown toenails.
  • Tina tells Linda that she wants to talk about something, but ends up letting Linda tell a story about how she tried to cover up farting in front of a customer.

Clear and Present Ginger

• Gayle fearing that her couch wants to eat her.
• Nat telling her team not to look at the single mother and her daughter at the stands. They all so casually look her way.
• For Nat's limo competition, Tina is going as a prom queen. This gets her thinking about her own prom three years from now and gets a little too obsessed with it, texting Jimmy Jr. on the phone constantly and then having a major meltdown when he doesn't answer. So it doesn't help when the competition is that the prom queen was stood up and is hiding behind a trashcan while the limo driver parallel parks.
  • Despite Tina locking herself in the restroom, Nat still wins becuase she's the only competitor who can parallel park; the others are still struggling as Nat finally carries Tina to the limo.
• Gene and Louise play old ladies that Nat has to drive to the airport for her second challenge. The twist is, she has to do so in the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse, and the old ladies have to shoot water guns at cardboard zombies. To say Gene and Louise are excited about it is an understatement.
  Louise: I think I'm feeling joy for the first time in my life!

A-Sprout a Boy

• Linda asks the kids what they're doing in school.
  Louise: That's what I'd like to know. What are we doing there? Seriously, I don't get the concept.
  Tina: My chair is really squeaky. I've been getting a lot of attention. I think I like it. I'm kind of the "it" girl right now.
• Gene's obsession with Purrbo, a Tamagotchi-like game, is such that at one point he sees Bob as the 8-bit cat from the game, which Bob acknowledges.
• Louise and Tina's storyline has them picking up Linda's groceries while she waits for Teddy's delivery, where they start riding the rocket kiddie ride outside the store and catching jelly beans with a sticky hand. They consider making it a sport, until the manager orders them to leave because they've been hogging the ride from other customers.
• After having to wait for days to receive Teddy's order of Alaskan Salmon, now Linda has to do the same for an order of ribs Teddy sent as a thank you, as well as a separate order of vinegar to soak them in.
  • When first told about the order, Bob asks if he and Linda should just not be friends with Teddy anymore. Linda actually considers it for a moment.

Sauce Side Story

• Bob is trying to make whipped cream for Linda's waffles for Mother's Day. All he gets is a sore wrist and milk-soaked waffles... which Gene gladly takes.
  Gene: Floppy waffles! Floppy, floppy, floppy!
• We learn that Teddy's mother has lots of tattoos. And she rollerblades.
• Bob asks the kids if whoever is driving them to get Linda's grandmother's sauce recipe is someone they know and trust. Louise answers "Well, it's someone we know"... and cut to Gayle driving (while talking about how she just got her license back after it was suspended for unspecified reasons).
• Linda's ideas for turning the tattoo of playing cards that Teddy's mom wants removed. They settle on a lady with long hair in a bathtub — with wheels, because it was originally a racecar.
  • Bob suddenly gets excited about an idea for the tattoo, runs out to the front desk, grabs the chalk and draws the tattoo to make it look like an accordion instead. His excitement is met with dead silence, and then...
  Teddy: Huh. Came all the way out here to do that, huh, Bob?"
  • Bob is concerned that they're using the blackboard where he writes his Burger of the Day, which he works very hard to come up with. Linda says it's fine, she remembers what it was: "Burger Something."
• Lorraine complains that Gloria's side of the family has very annoying, shrill voices... while being very shrill herself.
• Linda tells Teddy that his mother should just make up with her gin rummy group... after the entire episode has revolved around Linda being part of a multi-generational family feud despite not even being present for its beginning. Bob immediately calls her out on it.

Some Like It Bot Part 1: (Eight) Grade Runner

• Gene's obsession with boba naturally results in a lot of Innocent Innuendo about big balls.
• In Tina's Blade Runner-inspired erotic friends fiction, Jimmy Jr. plays the role of Deckard, so naturally his name is changed to Buttard.
• Bot!Tina and Buttard!Jimmy Jr. have an intimate romantic moment sitting together playing the piano... except both of them are absolutely terrible at it.
  Tina: I didn't know if I could play.
  Buttard: You can't.
• Teddy goes ballistic over the graffiti on Bob's bathroom, and threatens whoever did it to take them to his truck and... Linda interrupts him before he goes into any more detail.
• Mr. Grant gushing over the school's new touchscreen, mentioning that he chose it over getting new textbooks.
• In Tina's story, Bob acknowledges that they live in a horrible dystopian future, and points out that the restaurant has reinforced concrete walls and bulletproof glass because of it. When he mentions the secret escape tunnel in the basement, he and the others note that they should have mentioned it sooner. (And Gene says that he never peed in it.)
• When a hole is blown in the middle of Bob's basement during the police raid, his reaction is to calmly note that he has to clean up the mess.

Some Like It Bot Part 2: Judge-bot Day

• While looking through Tina's room, Linda wonders how she got so good at hiding her stuff.
  Louise: Well, maybe it was because you read her diary every day for a month because you saw a documentary about teens and drinking?
  Linda: I had to! I'm a good mom.
  Gene: Yeah, but you didn't have to circle stuff and make comments in the margins.
  Linda: Shush! You don't have kids. What do you know?
• Bob finds Tina's erotic friend fiction when he feels them under her chair cushion, but just before that we get this exchange:
  Bob: This chair feels weird.
  Louise: How do you think the chair feels about you?
  • Prior to this point, Linda, Gene, and Louise tore Tina's room apart looking for the erotic friend fiction, with all signs indicating they've been at it for quite a long time. Then Bob casually walks in, finds out what they're doing, and proceeds to find it within a minute by accident, just by sitting down on Tina's chair. He spends the rest of the episode reminding his family about it every time he gets the chance.
• The family find out Tina's plan to break the touchscreen by reading her fiction... and the note she wrote on the borders saying that she hopes her family doesn't find out.
• Louise, naturally, doesn't try to stop Tina from smashing the touchscreen but rather tries to encourage her to.
• Yuli is back as security guard at Wagstaff, and he's not very good at it. He assumes the intruder (Tina) will stay in one place so he can find them just because he told them to, pauses the search to design a T-shirt online, and lets Tammy in because she kept knocking over and over.
• Gene pausing to take a pee by the dumpsters in the middle of their musical number.
• It takes Tammy a really long time to figure out that Tina wants to smash the touchscreen, even as she's standing right next to it holding a hammer.

Season Thirteen

To Bob Or Not To Bob

• Louise spends most of the episode being jealous of Tina since Tina is the one who usually sharpens Bob's knives and Bob doesn't let Louise do it instead because he thinks she isn't old enough and her hands aren't big enough for the job. This manifests itself as an Imagine Spot where Louise's hands grow while Tina's hand shrink and she shows off her knife-sharpening skills by throwing them at the wall, followed by another scene later where she tells Tina that she's totally not going to have her hands switched while she's asleep, followed by Gene asking Louise why she asked him to find someone who can "Face/Off her hands" if she's not actually going to do it.
• Some of Calvin's previous attempts at getting Felix to confess involved hypnosis and drugging Felix with LSD.
• Mr. Fischoeder saw Hamlet "accidentally". He thought he was going to a burlesque show called Ham Legs, which Gene has apparently also seen.
• Calvin calls his play Hamlet, But Good This Time.
• "Is that what happens in Hamlet? I thought it was about Romeo and Juliet!"
• Linda has a dream about a soccer ball full of penises, and when she falls asleep again after Bob wakes her up, she mutters "oh, basketball?" to herself, implying she's now dreaming about a basketball filled with them.
• Tina is playing Calvin in the play, which means she wears an eyepatch... which means her vision is even worse than usual, so she immediately slips off the row of chairs she's meant to lie on. Linda has to tell her to put her glasses over the eyepatch, but Calvin thinks it adds to the authenticity since apparently he falls out of bed often himself.
• Gene gets the role of Inga the German housekeeper, and as usual, he relishes it. He wants to keep the costume's Fake Boobs forever.
• Calvin obtains an audience for his play by threatening to cancel his tenants' leases if they don't attend. It seems even this wasn't enough, though, as neither Jimmy Pesto nor Mort are in the crowd.
• Felix knows full well that the play is to get him to confess that he stole the trophy, and yet he still brags that Calvin hasn't figured out where he hid it, and that it isn't in the swan pond. How he kept his lips sealed for ten years is anyone's guess.
• At the end, Louise reveals that she'd been learning how to sharpen knives behind Bob's back. Bob is horrified and makes terrified whimper when she admits that the knives are now sharper in places they've never been before.
• As the family has a Group Hug, Teddy wants to join in and tries to hop over the counter, despite Bob and Linda telling him to stay and they'll come to him instead. Teddy naturally falls on his face.

The Reeky Lake Show

• Linda ends up renting the cabin from hell. The website was upfront that there was no TV, power or water. It was not upfront about the lake infected with giardia, or the toilet that smells like "a portal to a fecal dimension", according to Gene. It certainly didn't warn them about the possibility of "Nippin' Nevins" (which, to be fair, usually come later in the year).
• The kids smuggle in the portable TV from the kitchen, but the batteries don't work. Tina was in charge of the batteries, and she took them from the bag of expired batteries that Linda was going to dispose of properly — if only she knew how.
• Tina mistakes the insect repellent for insecticide spray and wastes most of it spraying it at the Nevins, leaving them with too little to spray on themselves when the time comes to rescue Linda. Tina pretends to put some on, hoping the Nevins won't know the difference.
• To distract Linda to get the smuggled portable TV, Louise claims one of the Nevins slipped in through the sink. Linda panics and duct tapes the entire sink. Tina also panics and does her trademark hyperventilating gasps, until Louise tells her it was only a ruse.
• The only game in the cabin is a set of dominoes, which none of the Belchers know how to play.
• Teddy arrives at the restaurant, only to find it closed while the Belchers go on vacation. He is so upset that they would just leave without telling him that he angrily takes out the spare key to their apartment and returns it to them by sliding it under the door. That's when he finds a note on the floor saying that they tried to text him but got no answer (because Teddy forgot to check his phone) and that they left him a burger inside the apartment, and that he can just use the spare key he forgot to return to get it. Too bad that key is now inside the locked restaurant.
• In the end, Louise asks if the Belchers can write an online review of the cabin with a middle finger emoji.

What About Job?

• Bob and Linda hear a noise and think it's a burglar, but it's just Louise accidentally breaking the sugar bowl. They come out armed with a hair dryer and a pillow.
  Louise: So you were going to style his hair and make him comfortable?
• "I'm gonna be a cheese monger. Get me some cheese and I'll mong it!"
• Gene and Tina's stories are very insistent that Louise and Rudy are just Platonic Life-Partners, almost suspiciously so.
• Gene's story makes Louise an assassin, except instead of killing people, she gives them wedgies with a toy grabber.
• Rudy sells smoothies in Tina's story. According to the menu on the back, they come in small regular size, medium regular size and large regular size.
• Tina makes Jimmy Jr. the bad guy in her story because he didn't want to share gum with her.
• Jimmy Jr.'s plan is to unleash a Brown Note to destroy humanity. Apparently it causes people to vomit/urinate/defecate until they explode. Even funnier, said Brown Note is just an unreleased Boyz 4 Now song.
  • The song plays over the end credits... alongside a poorly-timed warning that the song shouldn't be listened to.
• "No offense, but this cow can't play foosball at all."

Comet-y of Errors

• Teddy remembers the last time he saw the comet 30 years ago, where he stepped on a rusty nail, and feels he's been cursed ever since. As proof, he confesses to having stepped on 75 more nails since then.
• Tina wants to make her heart pure for wishing by apologizing to everyone, even for minor things like almost bumping into someone. Tammy takes advantage of this and makes Tina do things like get her hot chocolate, braid and unbraid her hair, and call her grandmother to wish her happy birthday.
• Mr. Fischoeder spends the episode tripping on mushrooms, trying to part the clouds. When he first runs into Bob and Teddy, he happily explains everything before realizing he maybe shouldn't openly talk about drug use, resulting in him trying to hand-wave it as him eating mushroom soup... that gave him magical powers.
• Louise and Gene get more wishing paper by claiming it's for their uncle Buck, cousin Vinny, and Vinny's girlfriend Marisa Tomei.
• Tammy's wish is for World Peace... which is the name of a trendy new mascara.

So You Stink You Can Dance?

• Bob just can't catch a break in this episode. He joins Teddy, Gene and Louise on a trip to catch home run balls off Wonder Wharf, but none come their way. To add insult to injury, Bob gets an Embarrassingly Painful Sunburn (while Gene gets perfectly tanned). The second day when it's Linda's turn to accompany Teddy, the home runs just keep on coming, and poor Bob has to listen to it all over the radio. He has enough, closes the restaurant and rents a kayak to get in on the action, only his rowing skills are subpar and he ends up capsizing; and just when he has a ball fall right next to him, a guy in a jet ski swoops in and takes it. He finally gets one, but has to wrestle it from the jet ski guy.
• While Bob is away, Linda decides to rearrange the menu letters to read "Irregular penis face." Louise naturally approves.

Apple Gore-chard (But Not Gory)

• Ms. LaBonz disciplining at the bus: "Rudy, sit down. There, I said it. I did my job."
• For the Halloween costume parade, the Belcher kids chose a Twister-themed group costume. Louise as Helen Hunt was pretty easy, but Linda went overboard with Gene as Bill Paxton and Tina as the tornado, making their costumes so elaborate they can hardly move around, and when they do the costumes need to be repaired. Linda has to close the restaurant to come fix them, several times.
  • Gene's Bill Paxton costume has toy houses, trees and a cow glued on, representing all the stuff that got blown around by the tornado. When Ms. Schnur points out that all that stuff should be on the tornado costume, Linda tells her that she made a creative decision and is sticking by it.
  • Linda comes back to the restaurant to find poor Teddy waiting out in the cold. As soon as they're back inside, she gets a call that the costumes have to be fixed again, while Teddy desperately begs her not to. He ends up eating a plain bun while Linda is out.
  • Gene is particularly upset that he can't sit down on his costume, because "sitting down is my signature move."
• Louise impresses the kids by going "doy, doy, doy..." through her fist. Bob remembers that she used to do it all the time, until they made a rule against it after it got too annoying.
• Mr. Frond is clearly not into the costume parade. After introducing it, he plans to go inside and asks to be called if any of the costumes is particularly good.

Ready, Player Gene

• Bob finds the kids staring at the window of the store next door, now a virtual reality game place.
  Bob: Gene, how was school?
  Gene: Pretty sure I went there today.
• Gene wants to use the $93 dollars he's saved to buy a turntable for two tickets to the VR store. Bob advises him to sleep on it... which Gene takes as literally sleeping on top of the money.
• Tina and Louise's plot has them building a menu tower, treating it with the customary seriousness the Belcher kids take anything ridiculous. Linda and Teddy, as usual, get roped in.
  • After they succeed in building it all the way to the ceiling, Tina and Louise are at a loss of what to do now. They decide to then tear the tower down, to the dismay of Teddy and Linda.
• The graphics of the VR games Bob and Gene play are... disappointing, to say the least. Their avatars in a rock-climbing game look like potatoes, and Gene's arms and legs switch places while Bob's arms swing back.
• "All that birthday money down the drain! It's just like that time I flushed my birthday money down the drain!"
• Bob's speech to Gene at the end is very heartwarming... except that he's trying to keep from throwing up the whole time.

Putts-giving

• The slogan for Planet Mystery World is "your balls won't know what hit them."
• Linda thinks a mini golf hole with giant ants being attacked by the army is political.
• When Tina goes to the bathroom, Gene advises her not to use the outhouse on the werewolf hole, which suggests he learned that the hard way.
• After they break the animatronic yeti, Gene suggests to Louise they Run for the Border, "staying one step ahead of the Federales, maybe learn a little about ourselves, about life."

Show Mama from the Grave

• Tina's snow pants have gotten too tight, giving her a wedgie that she keeps picking at.
• The cards the kids make for Bob's mom. Louise drew her kickboxing clouds and reads "Hope you're giving Heaven hell", while Gene drew her as Uma Thurman dancing on Pulp Fiction.
  • At the end of the episode, Tina goes first to show their grandma's grave her card. She then whispers, "Be easy on Louise and Gene. They tried."
• Teddy is at the Belcher's home doing repairs when he eats the meat loaf they were saving for dinner that night. Once he finds out, he tries to make another one to replace it. He succeeds, only to be startled by the Belchers' arrival and drop it on the floor. Though if the end credits are any indication, Teddy and the Belchers still eat it.

The Plight Before Christmas

• Louise enters the library's poem reading every year because she hopes to have a poem hung on the wall for a month — a poem that has the word "poop" in it.
• Linda assumes Tina is the star of the Thundergirls play, when actually she's playing a star.
• Gene's music teacher Ms. Merkin couldn't make it to the recital because her sister's appendix burst and had to go to the hospital, and then her own appendix burst as well. The substitute, Ms. Bisselbender, had no music experience, but got hired anyway because she was the only sub to answer the phone.
• Bob goes through sheer hell trying to find the library. First, he gets on a cab, but the driver is hard of hearing and thought he wanted to go to the refinery. Then he reaches the back of the library and asks a man walking his dog to help him scale the fence, but the dog pulls on Bob's pant leg. Then it turns out the library was closed, plus Bob had gone to the main branch, while Louise was performing at the local branch. Finally, he just gives up and runs back to the school to catch the rest of Gene's recital, and by the time he gets there his knees are bleeding from running so much.
• Gene asks himself what would Mrs. Merkin do.
  Mrs. Merkin: [in Gene's head] I don't know.
  Gene: AAAAAHHH!

Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang

• Mr. Frond's latest initiative is Accountability Billy, a doll into which students can report on bullying, cheating, and general wrongdoing anonymously. Unfortunately, Frond ruins one of the few good ideas he's had by thanking Rudy over the PA for reasons unrelated to Neil Roberts being reported for making threats. In fact, he does it twice.
  Mr. Frond: Remember, everyone loves a tattletale.
• Gene has a jingle stuck in his head, and annoys everyone — especially Louise — by singing it constantly. By the end, Louise is caught singing it.
• Linda sincerely believes that 20 million people die every week in snowstorms. Bob points out that if that were true, there'd be no one left.
• Bob's attempts to text the handyman Teddy sent to fix the heating Go Horribly Wrong.
• Tina tries to call Mr. Frond to explain that she didn't cheat on the test as she things Chelsea claims, but Frond is doing aerobics and struggling to ignore the phone.

Oh, Row You Didn't!

• Bob becomes obsessed with Quincy Cox, a man who is rowing from New Zeland to Nova Scotia and is stopping by his restaurant for a burger. Linda then points out that he only heard of him yesterday.
• When Quincy enters the restaurant, it's clear that rowing alone for months hasn't been very good for his body or mind. He has trouble standing up and talks about how he kept throwing up on himself and getting in arguments with a seagull. Small wonder that, once he takes a bite of one of Bob's burgers, he decides to just up and quit rowing.
• Ralph, the reporter from "I Bob Your Pardon", is interviewing Quincy, and he's not making him feel any better by asking him the top ten worst things about rowing.
• Linda keeps turning off Ralph's voice recorder, then denying that she ever touched it. She suggests that it might be the batteries, and that they should smash it open to check.
• This exchange when the family finds out Bob is rowing Quincy's boat:
  Quincy: How does Bob feel about capsizing?
  Tina: Probably doesn't like it?
  Louise: Counterpoint: he loves it.

Stop, Or My Mom Will Sleuth!

• Tina wants to come up with a secret signal they can use to greet Linda while she's volunteering at school. She comes up with a simple hand wave. Louise sarcastically asks if she's with the CIA.
• Everyone keeps assuming Louise has booby trapped her room, so they're disappointed when Bob goes in and nothing happens.
  Gene: Must've been a malfunction.
• Linda asks for the school's absentee student log, saying that she finds it exciting. This is Ms. Selbo's response:
  Ms. Selbo: Are you okay, Linda? Have you never seen anything exciting?
  • Later, Linda tries to get Ms. Selbo out of the office by saying that they're handing out batteries at the teacher's lounge. Selbo doesn't buy it, but leaves anyway because she has to pee.
• The one who stole the Borubo Mash Missile was Ms. Selbo, who saw her nephew play with one at a birthday party and it kept hitting kids in the "boybeans".
• In the subplot, Teddy decides to update his business cards for two reasons: He changed his phone number and wrote the new number on each of his own cards (but it got smudged) and he used to call himself "The Handy Hubby" before his divorce, so he crossed out "Hubby". Bob agrees that a business card that just reads "The Handy" with a phone number doesn't send the right message.

These Boots Are Made For Stalking

• Tina's attempts at looking cool for the teens. She goes into a coughing fit just trying to take their orders, then tries reclining on the counter with an awkward smile on her face.
• Louise gets upset that Gene left his dirty socks on her room, so as punishment, she makes him wear one on his collar like a tie. Naturally, Gene loves it.
  • What's more, Gene dares Louise into wearing a sock on her collar too, saying that she's not strong enough to take it. Soon, the two of them are wearing dirty socks all around their necks. They only give up after it gives them a rash.
• Tina follows the teens to a Greek diner and goes inside to try and talk to them, while the rest of the family watch from the car. Needless to say, it all Goes Horribly Wrong.
  • Before going in, Tina considers singing a song from their favorite band.
    Gene: Everyone loves it when you sing out loud in public. Just ask mom.
    Linda: [singing] They doooo! But seriously, don't do that.
  • As Tina goes over to the teens, she suddenly grabs a pitcher of water to serve them.
  Louise: Her training is kicking in. She's like the worst Jason Bourne.

The Show (and Tell) Must Go On

• Gene ate a whole block of cheddar, which causes him to spend most of the episode constipated.
• The montage of Louise's previous show and tells, which include a fake robotic arm, a picture of a monkey that dances the macarena, a shark tooth she claims she got from fighting one, and a burger she claims was made with human flesh.
• Linda warns the kids to beware of cannonballs because they might explode, presumably confusing them with shrapnel shells. When Bob explains that cannonballs don't explode but are propelled by explosions, Linda argues that they're just waiting for someone to pick them up and then they explode.
• Teddy sets up a projector to show the hurling game at the restaurant to impress Kathleen. He tapes the screen in front of the kitchen window, making it hard to serve the food since the burgers keep getting caught on it and forcing Bob to peek under it and it inevitably falls off later, forcing Bob and Linda to spend several minutes to try to reattach it.
• Louise ends her show and tell by describing the bruise on her butt as looking like Australia (or "Ass-tralia"), and draws a picture on the chalkboard, which Ms. LaBonz scolds her for.

What a (April) Fool Believes

• The Belchers pranking themselves during breakfast.
• The montage of Mr. Fischoeder's past April Fool pranks on Bob, including rearranging the restaurant interior upside-down, having the restaurant filled with opera singers, turning the interior of the restaurant into a skating rink, dressing as Linda, and covering everything in bubble wrap.
  • For this year's prank, Fischoeder put a fake backdrop of the kitchen on the serving window.
  Mr. Fischoeder: It's called trompe l'oeil. That's French for "Ha ha! I got you, Bob!"
• Felix thinks Bob and Gene can't follow him up his spiral staircase because they're not coordinated enough. They prove him wrong, although Bob did have his doubts in the beginning.
• Felix's attempt at doing lunges. While it turns out he was doing it as part of Calvin's elaborate prank on Bob, he seems to have a lot of trouble doing so.
• Tina was worried that her date with Jimmy Jr. was a prank. Turns out he didn't even know it was April Fool's Day (he thought it was in May).

Crows Encounters of the Bird Kind

• Tina thinking Fortune 500 companies make fortune cookies.
• Linda was in the bathroom when she hears Tina scream about not getting her Thundergirls lightning badge, and forgot to close her fly. She tries to zip it back up, but it somehow doesn't close right, and by the time the rest of them are done with their conversation, it's open again. Linda says she's just going to keep it open at all times and get cuter underwear.
• Linda catches Gene and Louise doing dares in the restaurant and scolds them... for not letting her in on them because she loves doing dares. As a kid, they used to call her "Dare-y Queen". Well, she used to call herself that, anyway.
• Bob and Tina hide from Ranger Dainko inside a public restroom. The audience isn't shown, but apparently, it's unspeakably gross. For instance, the entire roll of toilet paper is damp somehow.
• Linda's final dare is to take orders from the customers while walking backwards, wearing glasses and eyes drawn on paper on the back of her head and her bra facing backwards.

Gift Card or Buy Trying

• Tina recalls the time she wore a bedazzled barrette. She barely has it on for a second before taking it off for being too flashy.
• The first thing Tina considers buying is a Boyz 4 Now concert DVD with bonus content and a song titled "Bonus Content".
• Louise keeps suggesting cheap gifts to Tina so she can buy a $25 archery set that is 5 dollars over her allotted share of the gift card. These include a coloring book, a set of markers, and an extra-large women's bathing suit.
• Linda's imaginary conversations with the sewing machine (voiced by Tim Gunn of Project Runway).
• Bob's Imagine Spots of items he considers buying.
  • When trying out a kettlebell, he imagines himself lifting it nonstop until his biceps outgrow his shirt sleeves, ending with him ordering an XL shirt and then asking for an extra X.
  • While looking at a knit cap with a built-in flashlight, Bob imagines using it to save his family while lost in the woods at night, the light shining like a searchlight. Then he turns on the light and is severely disappointed.

Crabsolutely Fabulous

• Linda is trying to develop a 21-day habit, but she doesn't quite grasp the concept and tries to do a new habit every day. The first day, she's drinking ten glasses of water a day, which makes her go to the bathroom a lot. The next day, she's trying to build up her vocabulary by saying "capricious" constantly, but barely uses it correctly.
• The kids' first day in the wrestling ring goes as well as you'd expect from three kids who have no idea what they're doing.
• After learning that sea cucumbers produce noodles out of their butts to defend themselves, Louise gets the idea to use "butt noodles" on their act, hiding pool noodles inside their costumes to attack Teddy with.

Radio No You Didn't

• While the story of how Bob's grandmother Alice foiled a German spy ring is Played for Drama, the family's comments provide some much-needed levity.
  • Louise gets impatient when Bob talks about Alice folding laundry.
  • After Alice is startled by a knock on the door:
    Gene: The spy sends messages on the radio, but doesn't call before coming over? Rude Nazi!
  • Gene talks about how he would handle being cornered by a Nazi spy.
    Gene:' Diarrhea.
    Bob: Out of fear or to defend yourself?
    Gene: Both.
    Tina: Good one.
• The episode concludes with the kids arguing over who gets to inherit the radio, with Tina trying to pull the "eldest child" card and Gene proclaiming his desire to run away with the radio and marry it.
• For the end credits, the Belchers dance to a big band rendition of "Radio Gaga".

Mother Author Laser Pointer

• Bob's reaction to walking in on Bea Cromwell having Linda on an armlock.
  Bob: [deadpan] Yep, this is what I thought was happening.
• Ms. Schnur catches the Belcher kids with Mr. Frond's cat.
  Louise: This is... our science experiment.
  Gene: We made it.
  Tina: Came out pretty good, didn't it?
• Linda's suggestions for new Snail & Newt books, including going to couple's therapy and joining Guns N' Roses.

Amelia

• The Belchers are struck speechless when Louise is at the dinner table reading.
• Louise's nightmare where Wayne keeps stealing her answers and his mouth gets bigger and bigger.
• Bob and Pat, the masseuse Bob hired to massage Linda for Mother's Day, try to sneak the massage table up the stairs quietly.
  Bob: [to cover up for the noise] Ah, don't make so much noise, Gene! Your mother's sleeping!
  Pat: Oh, smart. But now you have to pretend you have a son named Gene for the rest of your life.
  Bob: What? No, I do have a son named Gene.
• Louise tries to talk to Linda while she's being massaged, but keeps getting interrupted by Linda's drooling.

Season Fourteen

Fight at the Not Okay Chore-al

• Gene's comment on the kids doing chores.
  Gene: Didn't we already try this, and we were all like "Naaah"?
• Bob tries to get the kids to sleep with one of their old bedtime stories, Pepperoni the Pony. Tina then requests that Pepperoni be really buff, resulting in the hilarious sight of a horse with enormous chest muscles. At one point he does a Pec Flex as a distraction.
  Tina: So hot.
• For their version of the story, Louise gives herself a pair of giant boots with spurs on the back and the front, while Gene has a portable player piano.
• Calvin Fischoeder's character in the story, Mr. Goldoeder, claims to be a sharpshooter, but simply says that whatever gets hit by his (bean) bullet is Exactly What I Aimed At.
• In the story, everyone uses bean shooters instead of guns, so there's an audible gasp when the final shootout is to be done with lima beans.
  Tina: Lima beans are big and they hurt really bad.
  Gene: And they only taste okay at best.
• Gloria's appearance in the story as "Big G," the one Mr. Goldoeder answers to, and the comically huge pair of boobs she's got.

The Amazing Rudy

• Both Rudy and his father fussing about their clothing and needing to go to the bathroom at the same time.
• For getting a B- on science class, Gene gets to pick what to eat for dinner. He wants a "loaded baked potato lasagna", despite the others' skepticism over such a dish. When it's served, everyone but Gene is clearly reluctant to eat it.
• Louise got brass knuckles last Christmas. Bob wonders why Santa Claus would give her such a dangerous gift... in Linda's direction.
  Linda: Maybe Santa is from the streets.

The Pickleorette

• Bob is forced to be the limo driver and has to pretend to be someone else, so he adopts a Swedish accent. Gayle suggests a backstory for him in which he's an escaped convict.
• Gayle is dressed in her Renaissance Fair costume. She also sleeps in it.
• Tina finds an old board game named Veterinarian on the street, and is enthusiastic about her and her siblings playing it. Gene and Louise aren't in it, until they start winning, while Tina keeps losing.
• At the Oyster Shack, Gayle asks to take the empty shells home.
• When she hears that male strippers are going to perform in the restaurant, Tina takes Gene and Louise to the crawl space to spy on them. Unfortunately, the strippers get up on the counter and Tina can only see their legs through the vent. Watching Tina try to catch a glimpse is the best thing Louise has seen all night.

Running Down a Gene

• Before finding the perfect song in a dream, Gene was working on songs about zebras wearing bras and tater tots with legs. Both feature on the song in the closing credits.
• Gene's attempts to recreate the song dream, including: appearing as an octopus eating lollipops, being surrounded by talking salami, and having multiple Lindas singing "The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round."
• Louise and Tina's attempts to catch a cricket driving Linda crazy include putting sugar on the hallway. Bob is worried that this might attract ants. Linda, not so much.
  Linda: Ants I don't mind. Ants don't make noise.
• Gene finally remembers the dream song and performs it for the family, but their response is underwhelming.
  Louise: The lyrics weren't great, and the harmony wasn't great, but other than that it's a good song.

Bully-ieve It Or Not

• While assuring Zeke that everyone has done some things that they aren't proud of, Jimmy Jr. reveals that he used to mess with Ollie and Andy by telling them that there was actually only one of them and that it freaked them out for weeks.
• In order to get Will to forgive him, Zeke has to lick the "Booger Wall", a wall on the side of a staircase where students have left their boogers. Zeke is about to do it when Will stops him, saying that him being willing to do it was enough. But Zeke still feels so sorry that he licks the wall anyway, which disgusts everyone. And then he chases after them threatening to get licked by his "booger tongue", clarifying that it's horseplay and not bullying.

Escape From Which Island?

• "Are you in the Illuminati? You can tell us, we're on the waiting list."
• When Bob asks why Fischoeder's group the Babylons didn't bring guns to the island, which would have helped with the situation with Hubert, Calvin replies that their insurance covers guns and drugs but not both at once.
• Bob gets tied up as bait to catch Hubert, who has gone feral. He gets covered in meat, including on his eyebrows and mustache.
  • Mr. Fischoeder feels sorry for Bob and unties him... but not his ankles, because he thought it would be funny.
  • When Bob and Fischoeder get tied up, Calvin asks if getting tied up twice is a record for him. "It's not for me."
• Tina can't believe cocktail parties are real, since she's only seen them in movies and TV.
• Linda teaching the kids how to behave at cocktail parties, by acting out how not to behave.

The (Raccoon) King and I

• Louise charged kids candy to watch the festival concert from Gene's room. Gene insists on getting 10% of the candy, which he thinks means he bites off 10% of each piece.
• After only clapping at the two concerts she's seen before, Tina wants to shout "Whoo!" instead. Her practice whoos... leave something to be desired.
• Gene and Louise sell hastily made merchandise t-shirts.
  Arnold: Is that Magic Marker?
  Louise: What makes you say that?
  Arnold: My own eyes?
• Linda cuts through a wine shop to rescue Little King Trashmouth. She's apparently a frequent customer, as the guy in the counter greets her as Wine Lady.

Wharf, Me Worry?

• The kids play around with Clamstradamus, a talking clam in front of the fired clams shop that tells people's futures.
  • Gene's prediction that "on your birthday, you will get a call from someone you know!"
  • Tina doesn't want to play with Clamstradamus, but instantly changes her mind when some cute boys walk by.
  • Once they find themselves locked inside the booth, they decide to settle in for the night.
    Gene: I call this corner.
    Louise: I call this corner.
    Tina: Dammit!
• The B-plot has Linda try to take a good photo of Teddy for a handyman website, but Teddy is so awkward on camera that all his pictures make him look like a serial killer. Bob even mentions that he has "murder eyes".

Fraud of the Dead: Zombie-docu-pocalypse

• While Tina shoots a documentary about Louise, Gene shoots a documentary about the documentary, and plans to do a podcast about that documentary.
• Tina lingers a little too long closing the back door when she sees zombie Jimmy Jr.
• After watching the movie, Bob hopes everyone who worked on it gets thanked in the credits. Instead, the only one thanked is Ken.

The Nightmare 2 Days Before Christmas

• Linda's complete and utter horror when she sees the Christmas tree isn't on the roof of the car anymore. Jon Roberts manages to channel as much despair as humanly possible to the point you'd think Linda saw someone die in front of her (which she's seen twice):
  Linda: Where's the tree?!
  Bob: Oh my God.
  Linda: WHERE'S THE TREE?!
• When the Belchers pick out beds in the mansion, they come across a wide variety of rooms.
  Tina: (in the master bedroom) Is everyone else's bed as big as our kitchen?
  Linda: (in a room with two small beds) What? No, these beds are small. Wait, do you have a bigger one?
  Tina: Uhhh, no, good-night!
• The family goes out to cut down a tree with Bob holding an axe.
  Louise: Well, the good news is that axe seems pretty heavy, so Dad lacks the upper body strength to go full Shining us.
  Tina: Yeah, half-Shining at most.
  Bob: I don't know. I think I could Shining all of you if I had to.
  • When he later puts the axe away...
  Bob: Yeah, the axe is going back in the shed with the machete, and I think I saw a hand grenade in there, so...no one go into the shed.
• After Linda fails to carry the tree up the slope:
  Linda: NOOOOOOOOOO!! [A hawk shrieks] Oh, shush!

Mission Impossi-Bob

• While Bob is out, the kids convince Linda to make the "Beef-hemoth", a giant hamburger. Every time they call it by name, a graphic of the name appears behind them.
• Teddy's desperate ideas for hiding Bob from his client, including inside his shirt, his pants, and that old standby, wearing a lampshade.

Jade in the Shade

• Louise comes to the breakfast table very excited.
  Louise: Yes, yes, yes! Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Today is going to be so great!
  Tina: And I thought Gene was excited for pancakes.
  Gene: PANCAKES!!
  Louise: Oh, pancakes, schmancakes.
  Bob and Gene: Hey!
• Linda's name for her and Louise, the Bootlegging Flappy-Bappies.
• When the street performers decide to have a competition at Bob's Burgers.
  Tina: I think I'm gonna throw up.
  Gene: The least fun street performance.
• After Doug the juggler finishes his act, which includes an apple and a sword.
  Gene: Are you gonna finish that apple and/or let me play around with your sword?
  Doug: Sure, whatever.
  Gene: Yay!
  Doug: (about to throw sword) Here, catch.
  Bob: No!
  Gene: Boo!
• After Mr. Fischoeder gives Louise her cut of the sale of the Jade Jellyfish.
  Mr. Fischoeder: Now, be a lamb and please stop breaking into my property.
  Gene: No!

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