Funny / Two Best Friends Play Let's Play 2017

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Parasite Eve 2

• The running gag throughout of how important Coca-Cola is. Episode 13 even gives it a Tokyo TV-style ad spot! This reappears every episode where they mention Coca-Cola.
• Pat's nemesis appears once again: the basic puzzle. He immediately put Woolie in charge of the puzzle department.
  Pat: Aw fuck!
• In part 1, Woolie accidentally compares black people to asbestos. It doesn't go well.
  Woolie: More black! More black! More asbestos!
  Pat: (long pause) ...Did you just compare black people to asbestos?
  Woolie: ...Um... (Pat starts laughing) No? Wait, no.
  Pat: They get in your lungs? (laughs more)
  Woolie: T-They're good for... (trails off)
  Pat: Insulation? Is that what you're going- is that what you're doing now?! This is episode one, man!
• Pat freaks out at the possibility of "fuck your mouth" becoming a thing associated with him in Part 2.
• Their continued amusement at the nature of M.I.S.T as a secret organization, despite the fact that they seemingly subvert or violate this secrecy at every point imaginable, such as making special badges for their agents that state the organization name that nobody is supposed to know about and making deals with random civilians to exchange Bounty Points—decried by Pat as a borderline nonsensical "internal thumbs-up system" used by this secret FBI organization—for guns and money.
• Part 4, Woolie remembers that his mom told him that the game added the sound of crying babies so you become desensitized by the sound and neglect your children while you play. Woolie is still not sure what agenda could that pursue.
• Part 5 begins with Pat's discussion on vomiting getting temporarily derailed by a random falling object in the background, and the ensuing search/discussion on the matter.
  Pat: Everything in my pants is still here...
• In Part 6, it takes a moment for sleepy Pat to connect the dots:
  Woolie: Would you rather a guy who hates guns be in charge of your gun authorization?
  Pat: Kind of, actually. I'd get a kick out of that character. There's a video game that--okay, okay, yeah.
  Woolie: (incredulous) What the fuck is wrong with you?
  Pat: My memory is not great I am sleepy.
  Woolie: I'm literally talking about Parasite Eve 1!
  Pat: (gritting his teeth) It took a second for me to remember...
• Woolie's most valueless sentence.
  Woolie: I don't understand pajamas, I mean I understand them.
• Woolie makes a conversation on the logistics of having sex with a gun uncomfortable with one sentence.
  Woolie: Hey, you know what's cool?
  Pat: (laughing) I'm afraid of where this is going. Like, that progression of sentences makes me really nervous.
• Part 10 starts with Pat recommending that viewers visit a Shock Site from his youth only to immediately backtrack. After Woolie brings up the Gauntlet, Pat declares he's too old to keep up with the modern internet sub-culture.
  • Pat is not happy that everyone has put forth the same idea on what his Stand does: Makes everything he says false. The worst part is that while everyone else can game it to come out on top, Pat's fucked over no matter what.
• Part 11: Pat is not thrilled with the new boss design. At all. "This is, in fact, really stupid."
• Part 13 has Pat and Woolie baffled by how widespread discussion of mitochondria seems to be with Pat finally having to admit there's no way it's just because of Parasite Eve. The two later come to the realization that it's a joke critiquing the American education system's general knowledge approach not helping with future careers, i.e. teaching non-biologists about cell structures.
  • After Aya finds Kyle's handgun on the Blizzard Chaser after its boss fight, Pat assumes that Kyle became the Blizzard Chaser, despite the Blizzard Chaser appearing in a cutscene that takes place before Aya and Kyle even enter the mine.
• Part 16 has an extended discussion of the bonobo monkeys and how their society is at peace due to their response to every social situation being "Let's fuck". The next part begins with Pat longingly commenting how nice it would be to be part of their society.
• In Part 18 Pat starts reading Bowman's slurred speech in a Swedish Chef-esque voice only to erupt in angered bellows when he reads "You would defy the plan of god?"
  • In the fight itself, Pat one-shots Bowman with his grenade pistol. Pat and Woolie erupt in delighted laughter at the anti-climax.
  • Pat declares that the characterization of MMO healers as All Loving Heroes is completely wrong; they're closer to the chain-smoking ex.
• Part 19 has Pat run in terror form his nightmare enemy: A sliding tiles puzzle.
  Pat: I can't get far enough away from it fast enough!
• Part 21 has them falling back on an FAQ to solve a puzzle while discussing how in the old days doing so would have been a dirty secret, done in hushed voices with the recording paused; now they just blatantly read it out loud.
  • Pat muses that it probably says something about his character that he prefers slaughtering millions of enemies to doing one puzzle. Woolie says it works out for comedy LP purposes since it frees them up to chat about Taxi. If they were falling back on the "original" purposes of LPs as "educational", they'd be out a job.
  • During their trip to Japan, Pat and his girlfriend got constantly lost and confused in the Japanese subway system. At one point Pat knew the train that pulled in was the wrong one but his girlfriend wanted to get in on the logic that since they were already going to get lost, they might as well start being lost sooner.
• Part 22 sees a discussion about cringe videos and Pat expresses interest in getting some existential cringe. Woolie recommends one and Pat immediately reverses course and declares he has no idea what that video is about.
  • Pat then points out that his girlfriend and Woolie have a bizarre need to experience such bizarre cringe videos, comparing them to the hedonists in fantasy novels who are so decadent, they turn to self-mutilation for pleasure.
    Pat: Why would you seek that experience out!?
• Part 24 sees the two dumbfounded by the idea that they might actually be on track for the good ending.
  • Pat loves how Japanese games use space lasers or some other nuke analogue while Woolie expresses disgust.
  • Pat is exasperated by the idea that they saved the life of a soldier after all of his cells self-immolated. To top that, he declares he'll be able to walk shortly while still smoking.
• In Part 25 Pat is enraged when Kyle takes off his mask to reveal himself... despite wearing the same clothes as usual. Woolie doesn't even buy it's really him and is similarly angered. They're also both pissed at how stupid the motivations of the enemy are.
  • The Heel–Face Turn of Kyle shortly after leaves them even more baffled and angry. They can only assume the reason he went face after shooting Aya was because he wanted to keep the loli Eve all to himself.
  • "We're doing it again, Woolie. Gotta kill that baby."
  • Woolie is delighted when he discovers that after the intro to the final boss... they have to reload the save before that and go save an NPC. Pat is not pleased.
    • The knife-in-the-dick discussion from Part 22 returns, with Pat declaring this story is equivalent to shoving it straight through.
• Part 26 has Pat reveal that the Medicine Wheel they missed is required to get the free javelin they spent most of the last part trying to get. Woolie replies with a long, drawn-out groan before explaining that he had just automatically ignored the equipment recommendations out of habit.

Resident Evil 7

• Pat expresses relief at Matt having returned to the channel, just because it means he can go back to talking shit about Woolie behind his back.
• Matt admits that if he sees a ghost he'll just off himself. Pat decides to roll with it by saying it's to fight the ghost in ghost form.
  Matt: I'll fight you on your own level, COME ON!
  • And then the conversation segues from fighting the ghost to, depending on how she looks, "Getting some stuff going".
• In Part 2: Pat and Matt's complete shock and disbelief of seeing Ethan REATTACHING his leg.
• While Pat is being chased, he takes a family picture lying around and after a shovel to the face he takes a few steps only to grab another trivial object which grants him another shovel to the face.
• During the first Jack Baker boss fight, their elated reaction to Jack jacking Ethan's car and attempting to kill him with it.
  Matt: [ecstatic] HE'S DOING SICK BURNOUTS!
  (...)
  Pat: This may be the stupidest ever.
  Matt (as Jack): My favorite movie is Tokyo Drift!
• Matt apologizes to the dead police officer, lamenting his death... as Pat first knifes and then teabags his corpse.
• Pat is momentarily stunned speechless by a door decorated with a dozen scorpions.
  Pat: Man, fuck this!
• After going back to the second floor of the mansion, thinking Jack wouldn't be there anymore, Pat goes off on a tangent about Captain America pushing steroid use to kids. Then...
  Pat: (opens Rec Room door only to run right onto Jack) FUCK! Why are you doing this!?
  Matt: Shut up! Just shut up!
  Matt (as Jack): I heard you talkin' mess 'bout Captain America!
• During their first encounter with one of The Molded, Pat backs into the previous room as it emerges and shuts the door behind him. After a bit he tries opening it and upon exposing it to light it dies offscreen, making it look like he killed it with the door.
• Coming up to the game's second confrontation with Jack, talk - naturally - turns to wrestling; the boys manage to come out with perhaps the biggest understatement ever made, declaring that Scott Steiner is a "very confident man".
• Part 6 sees the boys progress to Marguerite's Old House area, with her creepy crawlies; having had a pulsating wasp's nest pointed out to him by Matt, Pat wanders over to it and promptly hacks into it, spawning a horde of fresh wasps. Pat immediately declares that to have been a bad decision.
• Near the end of Part 7 Pat goes to store some items and accidentally uses one of his first-aid meds. Just like he said he would.
  • The episode is filled with the boys muttering "Muh precious an-tique coooin.." at each other to the point Pat is uncertain why it's so funny anymore.
• Part 8 opens with Pat 'taking a hit' Psychostimulants for the first time. He and Matt proceed to happily freak out and act like they 'took a hit' of something else as he runs around and finds a bunch of items that he missed.
  • Later on, Matt suddenly starts talking slower and with a noticeable lisp and Pat asks if he's having an LP stroke. When asked to clarify, Pat says the difference is one is purely fake.
  • Soon after, Matt asks what Yawn was susceptible to and Pat answers immediately.
    Pat: A shotgun.
  • As in the previous part, Pat accidentally uses a health kit while looking through the maps. After both shout in shock, Pat angrily reloads the game while talking about how they will just cut that from the video. Which they don't.
  • The boss fight sees the use of the Secret Pat Technique: Hide In A Corner.
• Part 9 has Matt comment on the wheelbound grandma disappearing yet again and idly predicts that she's the Final Boss. He is entirely correct.
  • She later gives both of them a jump scare by showing up in a dark room. Matt is pissed; Pat wants to high-five her for a good job.
  • Matt would love if they found a bouncy castle behind the house. A cursed bounce castle. "Several children died in this bounce castle."
• Part 10 has Matt getting annoyed by the deathtrap. Not how convoluted the whole thing is, but a very specific gripe about the robot clown being impossible to program like that.
  • Due to the rope not being burnable when he first got the candle, Pat assumes it remains so and instead searches the entire room, pixel by pixel, to find an interactive spot that doesn't exist. He notes that this must be infuriating for anyone who knows how it works.
• Part 11 sees Pat accidentally use chem bullets to destroy Lucas's claymores, much to his dismay.
  Pat: Patrick is sad now because Patrick is stupid.
  • Matt and Pat both point out how ludicrous the "Happy Birthday" deathtrap is. Not just the puzzle itself, but the fact that Lucas was able to perfectly reset it without any sign of damage after using it to burn Clancy alive.
  • They also bring up that, from Lucas' perspective, Ethan is somehow completely breezing through his elaborate deathtrap.
    Pat (as Lucas): Holy shit, he's crushing this thing.
    • Of course, Pat's cruising through the motions of the deathtrap has the side effect of causing him to forget what's waiting for him at the end, leading to his death.
• In Part 12, Pat reveals that the complaints of viewers about him missing items in LPs have reached new levels of passive aggressive. They're now just e-mailing him zoomed in screenshots of the items.
  • While talking about this, and bragging about how he understands item placement now, Pat ends up missing a chem fluid, a strong chem fluid, and a separating agent, which are illuminated and at eye level.
• Part 13 has Pat debating whether to cure Mia or Zoe, with a major factor in Mia's favor being that she has long hair while Zoe's is short.
  • In fact, Pat stretches out the words long hair and short hair so much, it almost seems as if he's throwing shade at another of the best friends who has the inverse preference.
• In Part 16 Pat is thrilled that he didn't miss an item, per the discussion in Part 12. After he reloads his save due to equipping the wrong shotgun, he forgets about the item and misses it.
  • Just four minutes into the video Pat does poorly killing a Molded and considers just restarting the video to hide his embarrassment. And he gets even angrier shortly after when he discovers he equipped the wrong shotgun, making him worry he's having a slow-running mental breakdown.
• In Part 17, while facing the large Corpulent Molded, Pat keeps laying bombs at its feet and immediately detonating them. Despite this he seems confused as to why there are explosions happening.
  Pat: [baffled] What is exploding?
  Matt: You!
  • Matt gleefully points out just how heavily armed the Umbrella Corps operative they meet at the end is, complete with multiple vaccine vials in his flak jacket. Both Pat and Matt erupt in shocked shouts when they learn it's actually Chris Redfield.
    Pat: Either the BSAA is like punking Umbrella super hard... or Umbrella is punking Redfield super hard by naming their ops after former STARS members.
    • They try to insist it wasn't actually him until they reach the voice actors section of the credits.
      Matt: Chris Redfield! It just says Chris Redfield!
      [Beat]
      Matt: What the fuck!?
      Pat: Well, this is now very confusing.
      Matt: It's very confusing... Why does Chris Redfield have six voice actors in Japanese!?
• Banned Footage starts with Pat explaining the prompts are slightly different because they had to switch to PC. On PS4 the game would crash every time they pressed the button to access the DLC; it was effectively the "Crash" button.
  • They find 21 Bloody Hilarious.
  • The very first round ends in a draw, resulting in Clancy and Hoffman both getting their pinkie fingers cut off. Truly, misery loves company!
  • 21 ends with Lucas using a cheating pair of trump cards against, and they die. The loading screen has two hints; outlining the "Love Your Enemy" trump card (which forces the opponent to draw a card, even if they already have a 21), and how if you have a weak hand, you can still win if the opponent goes over 21. They die again, because Pat realizes the Love your Enemy card could force the opponent to go bust if they had a perfect hand, but uses it before the final draw, thinking survival was all a matter of winning hands early on The even better (or worse) part? He doubled Hoffman's bet in the penultimate round, bringing him over the kill threshold, which would have also won the game, only for Lucas to nullify it. So Pat had two ways he could have won, and squandered both in the same round.
• Matt and Pat's reactions to several unscripted jumpscares in the Daughters DLC, like at 17:04 and 19:31.
  • Pat loves how the Bakers are sweet, loving people while Lucas is still the exact same piece of shit as in the main game.
  • Pat tries to put on a Louisiana accent only to sound like a 1920s newsreel announcer. After hearing that, Matt can only make that voice as well when trying. They're also unsure why they keep making a "myeh" noise.
  • In Part 2 Pat decides "on a whim" to cheat massively in order to find the true ending for the DLC. As he points out, the required chain of actions is absurd in its specificity.
    Matt: [as "Zoe" completely violates the logical chain of events] I want her to say "What the fuck am I doing?"
  • Pissed with the story's conclusion, Pat declares Eveline can suck his dick... and the immediately withdraws this statement. He starts to say she can only do it when she's old and creepy only to withdraw that too.
    • Matt notes Zoe must have been safe in the trailer because she was outside the "Eveline of affect". It takes a few seconds for Pat to realize.
• While playing Ethan Must Die, they get on the topic of Shaquille O'Neal's flat-earth jokes, a topic Pat finds so funny he can barely speak from laughing so hard after discussing it after a while.
  • Unlike the base game for some reason, the game over screen for this mode is accompanied by a short snippet from the game's theme song Go Tell Aunt Rhody. Given the nature of this mode, that little snippet gets a lot of airtime. It doesn't take long for Matt to start gleefully singing along or acting like he's a remix DJ in the face of Pat's continued deaths.
    Pat: The fact that that sound clip plays every time makes me want to fuckin' stab a bitch.
• And while playing Jack's 55th Birthday, their reaction to Jack's sudden projectile vomit and the note about Marguerite serving her blissfully ignorant kids ''literal garbage'' is absolutely hilarious.
• Bedroom starts with Pat really excited that there's an instant fail condition (eating the food) and pushes forward with it happily.
  • Pat starts to lie down so he can call in Marguerite only to realize belatedly he had left half a dozen things wrong with the room, including having the lantern in his hand.
  • After fucking the room with his face to find an interactive spot that doesn't exist, Pat is enraged when he realizes he already knew the combination.
  • It takes roughly seven minutes from Matt suggesting Pat combine the lantern hooks for Pat to actually do so. The rage of the comment section is near palpable.

Tony Hawk's Underground

• Woolie's player character, a 16 year old version of himself called Little Woolz, has a tendency to eat shit during tricks due to Woolie's trouble with the inverted controls.
  • This is best shown during Part 1, where Lil Woolz has to do tricks in front of Chad Muska in order to impress him.
    Woolie (as Lil Woolz): Look how good I am! Are you looking?
    (Woolie proceeds to fall on his face off of a roof as Matt laughs at him)
    [...]
    (Lil Woolz follows Muska to an area where Woolie had previously skated at)
    Matt: This is your hood!
    Woolie (as Lil Woolz): I know this spot really well.
    (Woolie immediately falls flat on his ass directly in front of Muska's car as Matt continues to laugh his ass off)
    Woolie (as Lil Woolz): I-I really can do it. Just-just stick around.
• It's clear that the game isn't emulating smoothly because of the slowdown that occurs rather often. Matt notes that this makes Eric Sparrow sound like a stoner during an early cutscene.
• Matt's mock outrage at the fact that not only can you get off your board in-game, but you can extend combos by doing so.
  Matt: Tony Hawk is shaking his head in his grave, going, "No one should ever be allowed to get off their board. Your feet need to be stapled onto the fucking board."
• The absurdity of the game is beyond words. Eric Sparrow is beyond belief, as he seems to love burning cars and killing police officers, without much incentive.
  • Later on Matt and Woolie starts comparing Eric to famous manga villains.
    Woolie: I could've sworn that Eric signed up with Behelit Skateboards.
    Matt: Yeah, I was thinking that too.
    Woolie: Y'know, I'm pretty sure that video they showed of him doing a sick-ass Darkslide to the castle in the sky kinda convinced him.
• In part 1, Woolie and Matt are taken completely off guard by the fact that you can drive cars in a Tony Hawk game, which is further compounded when they realize a gang leader is handing the wheel of his expensive street racer to a high-school age on a skateboard he just met.
  Woolie: I don't know how to drive! Why would you do this, Johnny Turbo?! This is insane!
• In Part 3, Matt and Woolie are befuddled when they are given a mission by an Asian chef with a bizarrely racist accent. They spend the entire mission commenting on it.
  Woolie: So, uh... what year was this game again?
  Matt: 2003.
  Woolie: Ooooooo-kay.
• In part 4 Matt addresses the Fridge Logic of going to the competition if to get to the competition you have to chill with Tony Hawk and impress him.
• Upon discovering that Lil Woolz can climb ladders, the duo start praising the game's "new tech".
  Matt: I didn't know skaters knew how to do that!
  Woolie: We've come such a long way!
• In Part 6, Lil Woolz has to pick up 3 girls for a party in a tiny flower kart, while convincing them to go with him by doing skateboarding tricks. The janky driving controls and the overall ridiculousness of the situation causes Woolie to attempt to go on a ramp with the kart to impress the girls, causing the entire kart to be stuck at a 90 degree angle, with the girls and flower pots managing to stay on, somehow.
• While trying to catch a pro skater in Hawaii, Lil' Woolz proceeds to spend a good 12 seconds grinding in circles on a flower bed at increasingly fast speed. Woolie gets cocky.
  Woolie: Look! Look at how crazy I'm doing! Can you see it? You can't even see the speed, of my tricks! (immediately bails)
• Woolie getting a mission to grab the letters for the word "Hikawale" has a few moments in a row. While fretting about how long the word is, he bounces off a wall trying to get the "H"
  Woolie: I missed the first one!
  Matt: This bodes well!
  • Woolie then decides to just get off his board and run to all the letters. He still manages to wind up on a half-pipe and bail.
• Upon reaching a Vancouver hotel, Woolie proceeds to crash through several windows while completing missions, prompting Matt to lose his shit each time.
• In Part 10 what little patience they had with Eric Sparrow has run completely dry. In no small part due to him stealing their big trick and then getting drunk and winding them up left behind in Russia and cut from their sponsor.
  Eric Sparrow: You were always bitin' my style.
  Woolie: I'm gonna slit your throat with my board, I'm gonna crack it in half and jam it up your fucking throat. And then I'll do a kickflip with it!
  Matt: I'll watch him.
• In a return to Woolie's famed insistence on coloring the pictures in Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, he apparently spends an extended period of time trying to customize his board to put a Reboot logo on it.
• In the finale, Lil' Woolz defeats Eric in their final battle the only way it could've possibly ended. By getting off his board and running to the final marker, while Eric bounces back and forth between two obstacles just short of the finish.
• In an epilogue to the LP, they watch a YouTube video of the game's alternate ending. Instead of accepting Eric's final challenge, the player character just knocks him out with a punch to the face and takes the tape, to Woolie and Matt's resounding glee.

Batman Telltale Series

• Matt discusses Batman and Catwoman's lengthy history of fuck-fighting and fight-fucking on every rooftop in Gotham.
• The Best Friends shock at the lack of tact one of the party guests shows as she brings up the Waynes' murder.
  Matt: Pearls falling in slow motion in front of your little baby Bruce eyes.
• After noticing similarities between Bruce and Sterling Archer, Woolie desperately tries to make the whole game an Archer story.
  Matt as Alfred: See when I was in the war Master Bruce, we just bombed the shit out of whatever.
  Woolie as Bruce: SHUT UP WOODHOUSE, NOBODY'S TALKING TO YOU!
  • Earlier he had wanted to make choices based on them being as opposite of Batman's personality as possible.
    Woolie: Do it in the way that Ra's al Ghul would be embarrassed.
• When they meet a hobo, Woolie wishes there is an option to disdain his existence while Matt wants an option to make him a new Robin. Later when the meet Penguin they even consider making him a Robin.
• When they use the "Put a Dent in crime" dialogue option.
  Bruce Wayne: You first, Ms. Vale.
  Matt (as Vale): Are you serious about that line, Mister Wayne?!
• Because of a punctuation error Matt thinks Harvey goes by "Da Dent".
• Upon finding a crime scene at the docks, the Best Friends start guessing who the main villain is, quickly devolving into the most ridiculous guesses possible.
  Batman: Blood. Broken nails. Bits of human flesh.
  Woolie: Calling card of the Riddler!
• Matt and Woolie impersonate a crook who knows Batman never drop during High-Altitude Interrogation, then Batman take a pipe.
  Matt (as mercenary): Wait no this isn't the drop thing.
• On giving Mayor Hill's data to Vicki Vale, Matt hopes they'll get some results from the "Gotham Gazette or whatever," leading Woolie to suggest "The Gotham Daily Bugle" and Matt returning with "The Gotham Daily Bugle Planet." Matt proceeds to let out a hearty guffaw when Woolie suggests that the paper is run by "Perry Jameson."
  Matt (as "Perry Jameson"): Dammit, I want pictures of Bat-Spiderman! [...] I don't trust him! He wears a mask and also doesn't wear a mask!
• In the credits of Episode 1, the survey of other players' choices reveals that the vast majority decided to safely arrest Falcone instead of brutalizing him. Matt posits that the minority that brutalized him was just Zack Snyder playing the game over and over again.
• When Hill threatens to have his commissioner on Gordon (he is lieutenant in the game) for Falcone's death, Matt replies the only way he can.
  Matt: That was a zombie thing and you know that! Hill, you know that was the zombie.
• Toward the end of Episode 2, Matt and Woolie break into fevered hysterics when the first thing Mayor Hill says upon being dosed with a toxin that brings out his true self is that he wants to incinerate the poor.
  Matt: Okay, I should see where this goes.
• At the start of Episode 3, they decide to back up Dent because he's the Chloe of their playthrough - that the more they try to save him, the higher the stakes will be raised and the more his face will be inevitably burnt^{Spoilers for Chapter 2}Although they've already passed the scene where he would've gotten his face burnt — up to the point of giving Bruce a choice between saving Harvey and going through a portal to save his parents from Joe Chill.
  • Slightly before this, they have to give Harvey an excuse to leave the hospital, and they pick "I have a date" because it sounds like a dickish thing to say. To their surprise and delight, Harvey is totally on board.
    Harvey: What? Why didn't you say so? Don't keep a lady waiting on my account!
    Matt: Oh, he likes it! He's like, "Yeah bro!"
    Woolie: (giggling)
    Matt (as Harvey): Oh, man, I'm dyin' in this hospital room, but you fuckin' smash that vag!
    Woolie (as Harvey): You didn't tell me you was holdin' up some smash over there!
• Later in Episode 3, after a rendezvous with Catwoman, Woolie pushes Matt toward the less romantic options, leading to this exchange when Bruce answers a call from Alfred:
  Alfred: What happened?
  Woolie (as Bruce): I was crushin' cat puss!
  Matt (as Alfred): What?!
  Woolie (as Bruce): Smell my fingers, Alfred!
  Matt: (opens the dashboard because he's laughing too hard) Oh... okay.
  Woolie (as Alfred): Sir, I don't believe we have the tech to do that—
  Matt (as Bruce): Oh, I installed it last night!
• Matt and Woolie's attempts to create villains inspired by not-quite-Two-Face Harvey Dent leads them to create Twenty-Face, a monstrosity who apparently speaks every word in a different personality.
• While attempting to sequence an antidote for Lady Arkham's drugs:
  Woolie (as Alfred): Sir, we've— we've isolated the big dick gene. We can remove the poison or enhance the big dick gene.
  Matt (as Bruce): ENHANCE.
  Woolie (as Alfred): We can only do one, sir.
  Matt (as Bruce): Enhance the fuck outta that!
  Beat
  Matt (as Alfred): But... but, sir!
  Matt (as Bruce): ENHANCE!!
  [...]
  Woolie: Spend the last of the Wayne fortune.
  Matt (as Bruce): I want a twenty-faced dick.
• Matt and Woolie are amused at all the petty and minor changes Oswald Cobblepot makes after taking over Wayne Enterprises and, by extension, Bruce's personal data. Examples include overwriting the corporate logo with "Cobblepot" in Comic Sans over "Wayne," putting little penguin shadows on all the folders, and changing Bruce's medical records to show him having several venereal diseases.
  Matt: That is terrorism, right there.
• During the conversation with Selina in part 15, Woolie expresses bafflement at how similar she looks to Vicki. He spends most of the rest of the scene wondering whether they always looked similar, or if he's just being dumb.
  Matt: What, you saying all white girls look the same, Woolie?!
  Woolie: Kinda!
  Matt: (cracks up)
• Instead of feeling guilty for accidentally getting Alfred injured and leaving him with one eye, Woolie and Matt end the playthrough feeling extremely pleased with how cool he looks.
  Woolie: You made the right choice!
• In a final conversation with Commissioner Gordon, Matt has Bruce say that it's time to "Take responsibility for what [his] father did." Woolie adds "and continue his legacy," causing Matt to crack up.
  Matt (as Bruce): All of you are going to Arkham!
  Woolie (as Bruce): Burn the homeless. Immolate the poor.
  [...]
  Woolie (as Bruce): Doin' it for you, dad. (as himself): Who looks down from the sky—
  Matt: —and is smiling down at Bruce as everyone gets committed to an insane asylum.
  Woolie (as Thomas Wayne): That's m'boy.
  Matt (as Thomas): I love you, son.
  

Yakuza 0

• The Running Gag of constantly mispronouncing Yakuza as "yakoozy/yakoozies", and to a lesser extent, Nishiki as "Shneaky/Naleśniki".
• Nishiki suggests for Kiryu to get a massage. Of course Matt and Pat being who they are this quickly devolves into another Running Gag about happy penis rub rub parlors.
• When Kiryu's past about how he became Yakuza is shown, Pat is pleased to point out the only reason a good guy like Kiryu would end up as a criminal is because his criminal dad was swimming in money, respect and puss.
  Pat (as Kiryu): BUT YOU'RE SO COOL!
• The two of them hanging a lampshade on how goofy the skill point system is (in which you literally spend money on yourself to somehow improve your fighting skills):
  Pat (as Bacchus): Invest in yourself literally. Eat the money.
• During Kiryu's attempt to leave the Yakuza, the Friends portray him as less of a hothead and more of a polite employee just trying to turn in his papers.
  Kuze: The boss's favorite show's on TV. If you got something to tell him, you'll have to tell me instead.
  Pat: Oh, I can wait man. I mean what is it, 44 minute show? We can just shoot the shit, right here.
  Matt: Ah, alright, I see— okay, you're punching me. I'd rather I get punched by the boss.
  Pat: Boy, HR's gonna get a strongly worded letter written about you, Kuze. I'm not asking for severance.
• Pat's first encounter with Mr. Shakedown in Part 6 goes... less than spectacularly.
  Matt: Welcome To (cracking up) Die!
• In Part 7, they encounter a sidequest about stopping a ring of schoolgirls from selling their panties to dirty old men. The absurdity and blatant Very Special Episode nature of the quest, especially the resolution, has them both thoroughly amused.
  • Pat also wished Kiryu paid the man to creep her out so Kiryu has a more active role.
  • And thanks to a mispronunciation of "burusera", the boys eventually develop their own head-canon that Steve Buscemi is the ringleader of Japan's used panties cartel.
  • Almost immediately after, they glimpse Mr. Shakedown again and assume they can use the Golden Rifle — one of the best weapons in the game, which Pat randomly won in his very first gambling machine earlier — to beat him easily. It barely makes him flinch.
    • Their reaction to winning the Golden Rifle is priceless. Neither of them can believe they just won a gun that apparently has infinite durability. Shortly after they a cop performs a stop-and-search while they're carrying a gun.
• Part 8 has Matt cracking a joke about visiting Paizuri Street:
  Pat: Paizuri Street? Alright, yeah. You're very familiar with that street.
  Matt: I research it constantly. Get maps of the area. There's a lot of places to go. ...actually, there's only one place to go, straight down the middle, but...
  Pat: It's a big street.
  Matt: [laughs] That ended well, I feel.
  Pat: It sure did.
• In Part 9, they get engrossed in another sidequest to recover a little boy's stolen game. Much like the burusera mission, it keeps ramping up to more and more ridiculous extremes, culminating in this exchange:
  Yakuza: Damn, I was about to make someone else's kid cry for the sake of my own. What kind of monster have I become?
  Pat: You're a criminal! YOU PULLED A GUN ON ME!
  • Followed by their sudden giggle fit when the yakuza (who turned out to be the little boy's dad trying to get the game for him) rewards Kiryu with a casual offering of a samurai sword.
• Halfway through Part 10, during the resolution to Officer "Stop-And-Search" Kikuchi's side quest, Kikuchi runs up to save Kiryu from getting stabbed by thugs and ends up getting stabbed in the arm himself. Immediately afterward:
  Kikuchi: Do you even understand how dangerous it is to use knives like that?!
  Pat: ...To a man who just stabbed him on purpose?
  Kikuchi: Someone could get killed!
  Pat: Yeah, that was the idea!
  • When Kikuchi reveals that he usually runs away when he gets scared, and it's only due to Kiryu's support that he was able to fight:
    Matt: What does that officer's report look like? "Saw several crimes. Ran away."
  • And then when the quest is over, the Damsel in Distress they were helping showers Kikuchi in thanks for saving her life... and then turns around and gives Kiryu the reward for saving her instead. Pat is quick to lampshade the unfairness.
  • Near the end, they decide to help a rookie Dominatrix learn to be more assertive, since she feels rude when she tries to berate her clients. When Kiryu asks why she even became a Dominatrix in the first place, she launches into a melodramatic Motive Rant that catches both of them off guard.
    Matt: This is like a Metal Gear boss backstory.
  • Pat cracks up when he realizes that one of the men harassing the Dominatrix is actually named Chauvinist Pig and that Matt wasn't making it up.
  • Matt's reaction to seeing a new heat move from The Beast Style.
    Matt: Ooooooh! That's A New One! That's a Whoppah!!
  • After beating up said men, they want it to zoom in on the Dominatrix and it would show her being inspired and then say "That's Rad." What makes it better is that they say it in unison.
• The entire resolution to the Dominatrix quest in the next video, with Pat spending half of it almost in tears from laughing too hard and Matt wheezing like there's no tomorrow. By the end, Matt sums it up as "revolutionary."
  • The amount of times Matt wheezes throughout the Sub Story is hilarious in of itself.
  • Matt and Pat start laughing like crazy when kids walk up to Kiryu training the dominatrix and ask if they can play.
  • When they finally get to see the Masochistic Man and The Dominatrix go at it, Pat decides that he should read the line of the Dominatrix while Matt will be the Masochistic Man. It's as hilarious as it sounds.
    Matt (as the Masochistic Man): Please forgive me, oink! Mistress you're fantastically gorgeous today, squeal! Please, oink, abuse me some more, oink oink!
    (Pat wheezes and is slowly losing it)
• In Part 13, just before a climactic battle, Pat mistakes a large tonfa Oda is holding for a "sex machine."
  Pat (as Kiryu): Is this how I'm going to prove myself to the organization?
  • The dramatic scene of Tachibana turning off all of Kamurocho's lights as a show of power gets the two of them excited, as the odd wording of his dialogue afterward seems to imply that rather than a lot of connections, he might just have superpowers. Or a Stand.
  • Pat predicts during Majima's introductory cutscene that something terrible is about to happen to the Dogged Nice Guy businessman, simply because there has never been a cutscene in a Yakuza game that has gone on normally for that long. Matt speculates that the woman sitting next to the businessman is just going to pull a knife and decapitate him out of nowhere.
  • Followed by their excitement and disbelief when Majima precedes the ass-kicking of a Jerkass patron by calling on the stage orchestra to essentially play his battle theme.
  • Pat explains the hostess con, where the hostess forces men to spend all their money over expensive drinks and do things their wife can't be mad about, except of course spending all their money.
• In the middle of scouting a rival club, Matt descends into laughter and Pat is left speechless when they spot a half-naked man humping the air in the middle of the very fancy club. He remains there the rest of the scene and is never explained.
  Matt: I can't look away!
  Pat: (restrained) I'll look at him again. (Beat) Why is he there?! Talk to me!
  Matt: What does it want?!
• In episode 16, Matt and Pat's reaction to discovering the game's global agent dispatch sub-system. Several seconds of Stunned Silence followed by a wheezing laugh from Pat and a Big "WHAT?!" from Matt.
• Episode 18 starts with Majima pretending to be a young woman's boyfriend to interview her father. When asked how the two of them met, Matt and Pat choose to have Majima say that the girl crashed into him on the street with a piece of toast in her mouth. They're delighted when that turns out to be a valid response that the girl goes along with, even though the father recognizes it as an anime cliche.
  • Matt was told on Twitter about a supposed sidequest that has Majima gathering ghost porn. Pat is so dumbfounded by this that he starts asking every NPC for the rest of the video if they need or have ghost porn.
  • Majima talks to a street performer disguised as a statue, who compares his act to a classy strip club where you can look, but not touch.
    Pat: All the classy strip clubs around here, uh, you can touch.
    Matt: Slap away!
    Pat: And they also have weird beds, if you need to rest for some reason.
  • Much like the Dominatrix quest, the street performer quest is one hilarious beat after another, mostly centered around Pat's bemusement at the implausibly stupid crowd and the lengths they have Majima go to distract them.
• In Part 19, Majima gets a young man involved with a forger who's linked to a Chinese Triad and fails to see what could go wrong.
  Matt: I can't wait to find his dead body outside his wife's house.
  Pat: I am also highly excited for this.
  • At one point, they stumble across a sidequest with two cultists standing in front of an alley. As they approach, however, Mr. Shakedown slowly walks out of the alley at random, prompting both to gasp in shock. Then Pat tries to charge him for his money, only to trigger the sidequest automatically and teleport Shakedown somewhere else, to their mutual disbelief.
• Part 20: Matt and Pat's reactions to the Order, especially when they find out their leader is a stereotypical New-Age Retro Hippie Gonk who openly coerces beautiful women into sex during ceremonies.
  • During the aforementioned proposition, Matt misreads "Rapture awaits" as "rupture awaits", prompting a sputtering laugh from Pat — which becomes a full-on giggle when the guru turns to leave and Matt reacts as if he's about to walk through the wall.
  • This exchange after the guru scene:
    Pat (as Majima): Where's she goin'?
    Matt (as a Cultist): (excitedly) Oh, he's gonna PLOW her!
  • Pat brings up how he always regrets not starting a Cult when he learns how much money and women their leaders get, and vows to start one when he reaches his mid-life crisis.
  • Their solution to stopping the daughter from falling into the old guru's grasp? Have Majima pretend to be their god manifested in front of her and the guru, then proposition her for sex instead.
• In episode 21, Matt finally finds the Face/Off sidequest. Even better is that Pat called it first, if only pleading that it not be.
  Strange Man: It's because... my wife and son can't recognize me.
  Matt: (stunned) This is Face/Off!
  Pat: (quietly) Damn it...
  Strange Man: Six months ago, my face was surgically altered.
  Matt: YUB-DAH!
  (Both start cracking up)
  Matt: NO! IT CAN'T BE!
  • Obviously, Matt continues to make Face/Off references throughout the rest of the quest, to Pat's dismay.
  • During the final quest dialogue Matt points out a dog in the background which, to their delight, promptly rotates 180 degrees.
  • Sagawa has some... choice lines when chatting with Majima about his past, causing a dumbfounded Matt and Pat to crack jokes about buttsex with Shimano and chickens.
    Sagawa: Heh. Meybe we're overthinking it. Could be he just can't get enough of fucking that ass of yours.
• Part 22: Majima goes on to meet the lady who was writing in the bathroom, and fights several punks who pretended to be her... only for the woman to actually be waiting for him, and Majima just walks past her.
  Matt: How stupid is h— Oh, that's because she was on that side of him, so he couldn't see, 'cause he only has one eye!
  • Their first meeting with Mr. Libido is a riot, with his first title being "Walking Erection" and all the sex jokes. But the crowning jewel is this...
    Pat: (stunned) ARE YOU GONNA TEACH ME THE THIRD FUCKIN' STYLE?!
  • They also lose their shit over the AV-watching minigame and Majima's reaction afterwards.
• Part 24 climaxes with Majima finally locating Makoto Makimura, the apparent Nice Guy he's been tasked to kill. When it turns out he isn't home, Majima stumbles upon his picture, revealing that he's a massive, muscular badass who could put Mr. Shakedown to shame and whose hands are referred to as God Hands. Matt insists that they can take him for the rest of the video.
  Matt: This guy looks like a pussy!
  • When they finally fight him, Matt loses it when he finds out that the Boss Subtitle for him is actually called "Massive Man".
• Though it's a very dramatic scene, Matt and Pat's reactions to the revelation in Part 25 that Makoto Makimura is actually the blind girl, and The Big Guy was taking her name to protect her makes the scene rather darkly funny.
  Pat: (flatly) Somehow I think Majima's perception of this job is changing.
  • Followed by their elation that Majima's overpowered Breaker Style can defeat the squad of menacing Yakuza kidnapping Makoto in about five seconds.
  • Once they transition back to Kiryu and learn his present status, Pat accurately summarizes Kiryu's story thus far:
    Pat: Thanks, Tachibana. I appreciate you committing many crimes in order to save me from the crime I didn't do so that I can do more crimes for you that I actually do.
• In Part 26 Pat keeps choosing the wrong answers to Oda's questions on how to conduct proper business etiquette, causing them to lose their shit as Oda repeatedly admonishes an absolutely crestfallen looking Kiryu.
  • An earlier scene of Nishiki making fun of Kiryu's ridiculous white suit leads to him looking similarly bothered.
  • They go for a few rounds of karaoke, leading to a scene transition of Kiryu staring at a photo of his orphanage in the most melodramatic way possible while sitting at a bar.
  • Earlier in part 26, Matt's reaction to the dual heat move between Kiryu and Nishiki is... interesting.
    Matt: Whooaa! Oooh, oooh no..!
    Pat: Are you okay, Matt..?
    Matt: I just wasn't expecting something so cool!
• "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME RAINCOAT BOY!" is an early highlight of Part 27.
  • Their entire sequence of interactions with the phone sex minigame.
• Part 28 involves a subquest dealing No Celebrities Were Harmed versions of Michael Jackson and Stephen Spielberg, complete with Engrish exclamations. And there are numerous closeups on said Spielberg lookalike, who falls deep into the Unintentional Uncanny Valley.
• In Part 29, they realize that despite Oda's promises of vastly different things, working in the real estate business is exactly like working in the Yakuza. And so are most other industries.
  Pat: The distinction was largely meaningless!
  • Followed by their discussion about the construction industry giving you the perfect method to dispose of bodies.
    Pat: Oh, they're just in the foundation of this building! No one will ever dig this up!
    Matt: Man, there seems to be an arm sticking out of the side of that brick building.
    Pat: Okay, who fucked that up? How many times do I gotta tell ya — arms inside the brick.
    Matt: Man, my new apartment's great, except for that weird smell coming from the closet. Oh, there's someone buried in there.
    (Beat)
    Pat: Okay, your warranty's still valid. We'll clean that up for you.
  • Pat's Angrish and Matt's groaning as they struggle to comprehend the real estate management sub-game, which is needed to advance parts of the story and unlock the fourth combat style.
• Their continued inability to grasp the real estate system continues to plague them throughout Part 30, including their befuddlement that Kiryu apparently buys properties by proudly showing the money to the building itself.
  • Upon learning that Marina wants to be "as secretary-ish as possible" for Kiryu:
    Pat: I have a few things to tell you about what a secretary usually does.
  • While trying to befriend the convenience store clerk, Matt makes a sidequest Call-Back that results in a bit of Fridge Horror for their business plan.
    Matt: I really wish we could spend more on properties, but someone started taxing us way more.
    Pat: Oh, Jesus Christ, Majima, are you taxing my fucking businesses? Majima, you motherfucker! Fifteen fucking percent, are you fucking crazy?!
  • Pat has a minor Freak Out when he encounters the panty-selling girl and the masochistic man from many parts earlier, and realizes that all of the characters he encountered in sidequests are stepping up to help him as employees in the real estate firm.
    Pat: It's the guy from the dumb sex dungeon! OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE ALL GONNA WORK FOR ME!
    Matt: All the warriors!
  • The Freak Out continues as Pat encounters more characters, until he tries to recruit the clerk girl and is instead given the store she works at.
    Pat: I just got the— Wait. They just gave me— (sputters)
    Matt: Gave it to you?!
    Pat: They just gave me the store.
    Matt: They just gave you the deed to the store!
    Pat: ... Why does the clerk have the ability to do that?!
• In Part 31, Matt has some interesting comments about the softcore porn video they watch.
  Matt: Oh, it's a different shape! IT'S EXPLODED ASSHOLE!
  Pat: (losing it)
  Matt: YEAHHH PLAY WITH THAT, BITCH!
  Pat: Well this is what it will look like when we're done!
  Matt: ...She says, to Kiryu.
  • Near the end of the episode, a series of ramblings leads Matt to bring up an incident where Pat asked him where to buy a hammer.
    Pat: I remember that. (Beat) How do you remember that?
    Matt: (laughing) 'Cause it was one of the most ridiculous questions someone's ever asked me!
    Pat: Yeah?
    Matt: Hard to forget it.
    Pat: What was that about? Why did I need that?
    Matt: You needed a hammer!
    Pat: But why?
    Matt: I don't know! I assume for pounding nails into your penis!
  • At the end of Part 31 they point out how Stephen Spinning's promise of "never-before-seen-results" for their business is not actually reassuring.
    Pat: Oh, my god, we all lost our homes. How did you manage this, Steven Spielberg?!
    Matt!Stephen: Never-before-seen-results!
    Pat: With the fucking crystal skull?!
• Towards the end of Part 32 the two start up a substory about Kiryu mailing postcards to a radio show while acting like a giddy 10 year old the whole time.
• While checking up his real estate in Part 33 Pat gets caught off guard by a sudden Money Battle, which involves mashing the X button to counter the money shooting out of the Leisure King's face by blasting out your own money to protect Kiryu's property. It looks as ridiculous as it sounds. Pat is in complete shock while Matt laughs in delight.
  Pat: What is happening!?
• Part 34 features the boss fight against the Leisure King, which ends with Kiryu grabbing a handful of yen bills out of the air and forming them into a fan for himself, revealing in the most badass way possible that the cash he gets from fights isn't just a gameplay contrivance.
  Matt: (cracking up) Complete domination!
  Pat: Wait, the money that I'm punching out of people is real? It's not just, like, a fucking thing in his head?
  • Matt is really determined to try the phone-sex minigame again, leading to this unfortunate line when they come across a different substory:
    Matt: Sex first, then child later.
• Part 35 starts with their latest phone-sex minigame target to declare she has a sexy face. Pat gives her a massive meh and starts asking if she was hit in the face with the stun gun.
  • They stumble upon a glorious sidequest that forces Kiryu to buy porn for a child. They're amused from the start from the sheer absurdity of it and how dramatically Kiryu treats it, but as more women start showing up to interfere and humiliate Kiryu, it gets even better.
    • Their reactions when Marina shows up to the porn quest.
      Pat: OH, MY GOD.
      Matt: Yes. It had to end this way.
      Pat: Noooooo!
      Matt: The destinies are entwined.
      Pat: Why are you hanging out in the homeless park?!
      [...]
      Marina: I take my break at this park every now and then. I usually read or just relax on that bench.
      Pat: Oh, you just take you break next to that burning trash fire?
      Matt: This is so far away from our office!
    • And then the rules for the sidequest pop up, revealing it to be a Stealth-Based Mission.
      (Stunned Silence for several seconds)
      Pat: ... My mouth is like, wide open.
      Matt: You have to- this is a stealth mission to... buy a child porn.
      (The last page of rules reads "Begin your dubious quest".)
      Matt: BEGIN YOUR DUBIOUS QUEST, YOU SHITBIRD!
• In Part 38, they take the opportunity during a very serious scene — Awano making veiled threats toward Kiryu's former orphanage to blackmail him — to make some rather morbid jokes.
  Pat: Wow, what a nice orphanage with all these friendly children.
  Matt: It'd be a shame if it blew up.
  Pat: And all the orphan parts went everywhere.
  Matt: Yeah, then people have to clean up orphan parts and be like, "aw, there's an orphan part in my soup."
  Pat: Damn, gross. Can someone adopt this leg please?
• In Part 39 they have a field day with all the Ho Yay between Kiryu and Nishiki.
  Pat: Is Kiryu just gonna turn around and slap the gun out of his hand, and... just stomp his balls?
  Matt: Maybe he'll grab him by the waist and give him a kiss. Be like "...don't worry about it bro".
  Pat: Oh! Oh! Get those smoochin' lips! (makes kissing noises)
  Matt: Get those smoochies! Muchas smooches for El Conkisstador.
  Pat: (continues making kissing noises)
  • The sexual tension is so thick they start seeing subtext that isn't even supposed to be there.
    Nishiki: I wouldn't even still be alive right now if I didn't have you beside me!
    Pat: ...Oh my god, I read that as "inside me".
    Matt: ...I read it as well. In that way.
  • Pat figures that Kiryu's noble stoicism while Nishiki has his gun in his face is actually just a huge act trying to call Nishiki's bluff.
    Matt: I bet you Kiryu's secretly like, "Whew I talked my way out of this one!"
    Pat and Matt (as Kiryu): (nervous laughter)
    Pat (as Kiryu): Oh, I'm about to shit my pants!
    Matt (as Kiryu): Eyy, I thought for sure he'd fucking kill me!
    Pat (as Kiryu): That was very spooky!
    Matt (as Kiryu): Oh, ho ho ho! I have a high charisma stat!
• Part 41 has Matt and Pat discuss the potential reasons for a bar or cabaret club to be completely empty at peak hours.
  Pat: Like, you'd be fuckin' freaked out, right?
  Matt: 'cause you'd assume there's a viral attack going on and you're the only one...
  Pat: Did somebody spread Ebola on the toilet seats again?
  Matt: All over?
  • This discussion is immediately followed up by Pat commenting on the fact that the cabaret club they're visiting only has three girls.
    Pat: You've only got three girls? That's crazy, damn. If you're the best they got then where's Helga, out back, chewin' wood chips?
• Part 46 ends with the final moments of Chapter 8, where Lee is killed with a car bomb, Majima and Makoto are severely injured from the blast and almost die by Sagawa's hands, and Majima is knocked unconscious with the butt of a gun. And then it cuts to the end card of Majima cheerfully smiling during 24 Hour Cinderella, while the actual song plays in the background.
• Part 48 shows that Matt and Pat are convinced that Tachibana will be a boss. Why? Because of their physique. Then they absolutely lose it come the twist.
  Pat: Yeah see? Look at the pecs. He's going to fight me for sure.
  Matt: Yeah. Yeah, if he had a little pudge, then it would be like 'Nah, I'm not gonna...'
  The camera pans down to Tachibana's left arm, revealing the bat tattoo
  Matt and Pat: OOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!
  • This conversation of Matt's, prompted by Pat voicing his concerns that Tachibana will eventually be revealed to be faking his prosthetic arm.
    Matt: Imagine if Woolie was always like, "Yeah, I have a big peg leg."
    Pat: Yeah.
    Matt: And then he just burst- His leg just bursts out of his clothes and it's like this big muscle leg-
    Pat: Yeah.
    Matt: And then it's like, "Fuck you, Woolie."
    Pat: Yeah.
    Matt: I'd hate that.
    Pat: It's got all sorts of cool tattoos on it, (Matt snickers) and fuckin'... fire comin' off of it and shit.
    Matt: It shoots green goo.
    Pat: "How'd you get your leg so thick?" "Oh, it's from running with my arms behind my back like an asshole."
    Matt: "So I was having it power up my leg. My weird peg leg."
    Pat: But it's only the one leg - his other leg's super normal.
    Matt: It's super normal.
    Pat: Emaciated, even.
    Matt: (Laughs) Yeah. It's like my own- It's white, too.
    (Beat, while Matt bashfully chuckles in the background)
    Pat: ...Is this what you're pushing? Every part of Woolie's body you can't see right now is probably white?
    Matt: Or robotic.
    Pat: Oh yeah? Yeah.
• Part 51: Gives us Nugget, a chicken that was mistaken for a turkey to be given as a prize to a bowler who successfully bowled a certain number of turkeys. Upon meeting him, Kiryu decides not to eat the bird and instead decides to have him take on a management role in his real estate empire. Matt, in particular, is thrilled with this development.
• Part 55 has Pat attempt to defeat yet another Mr Shakedown with Majima, only to realize too late that he has no restoratives left to help him win the fight. Not only was Majima beaten in a Curb-Stomp Battle, but it happened within Sagawa's line of sight. Pat and Matt don't let the opportunity pass:
  Matt: Your boss was like "That shit was mega embarrassing".
  Pat (as Sagawa): I can't believe that happened to you right in front of me, Majima.
  Matt (as Sagawa): Why don't I hire Shakedowns? I'll have a whole army of Shakedownmen.
  Pat (as Sagawa): There's two per fucking region. I don't know why I don't just... hire these... these Shakedownmen.
  • A bit later, Pat and Matt get a notification of the game shutting down in 15 minutes because of a license verification failure. The two are caught off guard by this, then laugh it off when the notification disappears.
  • Matt getting excited at the escalation at the brothel, going from masked man coming out of the water to crossdressing geisha.
  • Their bafflement at Camilla Grove.
    Pat: Is this just a fucking porn town?
• Part 58 has Pat's reaction to the revelation that Oda was the one who sold Makoto and later found out that she was Tachibana's little sister, and then that he planned to kill her en route because if he let her meet Tachibana, Oda knew he'd be meat on the plate.
  Pat: Oh no... oh my God. OH. MY. GOD. Oh. Ohhhhh, man...oh, he's gonna kill you so bad, Oda!
  • Pat doesn't try to underplay that Oda is pretty much a dick by everyone's standards.
    Pat: What do you mean "to her?" I'm aware we're all criminals and we all have to necessarily believe in some kind of moral relativity but...
  • Later, they realize that the seriousness of Kiryu and Makoto's deep conversation about her past and her brother is undercut because not only are they having it in a Love Hotel, but due to Makoto's blindness and Kiryu's awkward demeanor, neither of them are looking anywhere near each other at all while they are talking to each other.
• Pat and Matt realize they can't solve the plot like usual for this series.
  Pat: I'm gonna blow up the Empty Lot.
  Matt: But it's still makes an Empty Lot!
• Matt's complete bafflement on how hot the tea kettle looks in every scene.
  Matt: It has ki!
• Part 66 has Kiryu and Majima begin their final assaults to save Makoto and take out the heads of the Dojima family respectively. Kiryu's part ends at him confronting Shibusawa before bouncing to Majima who's mid-assault of the Dojima base. The gameplay ends with Majima engaging Lao Gui after he killed Awano. The video ends by switching to Majima at the cult's base, choosing the 'do the hustle' option and doing Mr. Libido's dance.
  Majima: Munancho!
  • Matt points out that storming Dojima HQ is basically just subjecting the goons to the Majima Everywhere system from Kiwami. They then discuss the awesomeness of using the Majima Everywhere system as real life viral marketing, such as having a Majima cosplayer popping up at promotional events for other games, and other forms of "Majimadvertising".
    Matt: Make sure to write "Majima" on your dead baby's gravestone!
• In Part 67 Kiryu delivers to the Big Bad an And This Is for... beating. Pat disagrees with a certain choice being the first one.
  Pat: Wh— No!
  Matt: Yeah, Oda!
  Pat: That dude is slaver, a rapist, and a murderer!
  Matt: Your brother Oda!
  Pat: (as it shows Makoto) She's cool.
  Matt: I want it to cut to a Mr. Shakedown, "you killed him"!
  • Another golden moment comes when Majima barges in on Shimano and the head of the Omi Alliance, as Pat remarks that the man at the table looks nothing like the Omi leader from Yakuza 2 and that they must have switched. Within minutes, Shimano shoots the Omi leader dead prompting Pat to quip "Well, that answers my question."
• Part 68 has a fantastic moment where Majima absolutely levels two of his goons for harassing Makoto, suggesting that they should shoot an erotic video of her for cash after having their way with her and then offering to let Majima join in. Matt and Pat get distracted from how horrible the situation is by the fact that the game goes from sad wistful music to intense music right back into the sad wistful music without missing a beat.
  • How do they close off the Yakuza 0 LP? Majima heads over to Soft Demand, where all the available videos are for the various members of the Zaibatsu and friends (Liam's video is [LOCKED]), and watching one of Kiryu. Which turns out to be him singing Bakamitai while looking wistfully at a photo of Nugget. Majima gets off to it.

Persona 5

• The protagonist's response to a strange and apparently supernatural app showing up on his phone multiple times is to just keep deleting it, which cracks Pat up every time.
  Pat: I want to go into the Velvet Room, and Igor's like "STOP DELETING IT OFF YOUR PHONE. STOP IT."
• The instant they see Sojiro Sakura's hat, they declare him a pimp. The fact that he doesn't want a man in the passenger seat of his car, or to save a guy's number in his cell phone, only cinches it further.
• Upon hearing the drunk harasser from the protagonist's flashback declare that people need to follow where he "steers the country":
  Pat: IS THIS GUY THE PRIME MINISTER?!
  Woolie: Ohhh did we get fucked super hard?!

Night in the Woods

• The intro which depicts Woolie as Mae and Matt as Gregg, with the latter loudly exclaiming to do crimes with the former doing Woolie's "YEYEYE". Matt voicing Gregg's lines in the series itself helps make the character's moments even funnier due to both of them being Adorkable Keets.
• Some of the Comments can get a good laugh out of the viewer.
  AfroMetalMizu: "Matt and Woolie's Night in the Woods" sounds like a yaoi doujin.
• Woolie referring to the Blue Bird Night Light in Mae's House as the Twitter Night Light.
• Woolie quickly gets obsessed with the Furry Confusion of the game's setting, yelling about various squirrels and cats passing by. He only settles down when Matt compares it to Pluto and Goofy.
• Their belief that Mr. Chazokov only puts his Telescope on the roof just to only spy on people.
  Matt as Mr. Chazokov: So many animal tiddies...
• Woolie being bothered by how pepperoni pizza isn't random.
• Their Reaction when Bea gets the nearest slice from Angus while eating pizza and see him trying to reach the other slice to no avail.
• After hearing from Gregg that Angus has a date with "Sword People Online" they don't waste any time making jokes.
  Woolie: Sword People Online? Aw man...
  Matt: That's the worst...
  Woolie: Doing a big 40 man raid, (whispering) and everyone's Kirito!
• Woolie laughing his ass off after the diner scene when they see a non-anthropomorphic cat walk by and meow.
  Matt: Look at that cat! Walk by the arm!
• Matt and Woolie seemingly getting off track just to discuss if there is any greater system than the buddy system.
• They get a field day when they first use Mae's laptop and are bombarded with adware.
  Matt: Hot Angry Singles!
  Woolie: Uncomfortably close to your location.
• When asking Angus to fix Mae's laptop, Mae refuses to tell what "things" she has on her laptop they decide to paraphrase a rather famous line.
  Woolie:Oh Smithers, you are really good at turning.
  Both of Them:Me on!
• In Part 4, Woolie acts out all of Mae's drunken dialogue. The accuracy and sheer commitment to the act is impressive, with Matt wondering if Woolie's had many of the drunken conversations personally.
• Part 5: Mae is talking to her Mom at church who asks Mae if she's "met the new pastor." This triggers some intense flashbacks for Woolie.
  Woolie, under his breath:"'Darlington, have you met the new pastor?' 'No, I have not.' 'Do you want to?' 'Not particularly, I mean yeah sure let's go do that'."
• Part 6: Matt's giving Germ Warfare a voice that sounds like Beavis or as Woolie puts it, Adam Sandler's Buffoon character.
  • In a later part, they both immediately begin to wonder if his Germ Warfare voice will be the only thing they will be remembered for.
• Their first hangout with Gregg is pretty great.
  • After getting the keys for the food donkey Matt laughs his ass off at the Keymaster option and the following line "I will unlock your ass!" makes him laugh even harder, especially Woolie's accent which alludes to The Pagemaster.
  Matt laughs in the background
  Woolie: I am the master of keys, I have come to unlock all the asses!
  Matt as Steve: Yeah I heard that about you!
  Woolie: It's like the page master except with keys and asses,
• Part 7: While playing DemonTower, Woolie mistakes the little symbol on top of the grave containing the level key for the word "OK", and asks Matt to make sure to put "OK" on his tombstone when he dies. Matt agrees, on the condition that Woolie make sure that his grave has the word "YE" on it.
  Woolie: It's like, is that Matt?
  Matt's gravestone: YE!
  Woolie: Are you dead?
  Matt's gravestone: YE!
  Woolie: You enjoying being dead?
  Matt's gravestone: YE, 's nice and quiet!
• Part 8: Matt adding his share of embellishments to his already goofy voice for Mrs. Miranda.
  • Mae's furnace ramblings about scuba diving causes Woolie to launch into his own heated rants about dolphins, causing Matt to crack up.
• Part 10: Matt and Woolie debate whether hanging out with Germ would take up the whole day or not, causing them to miss out content with Gregg or Bea. Woolie decides to take the chance. It ends up just being them standing in the parking lot for a few minutes.
  • The subsequent doodle Mae draws afterwards causes Matt and Woolie to crack up.
  • He also alludes to it when they hang out with Gregg.
    Woolie: I can tell you a lot about parking lots I drew one today...
  • Woolie's reaction to Mae and Lori M. laying between two railroad tracks as trains pass by.
    Woolie: Yeah, no. Never.
• Part 11: When Mae gets into an argument with her mom, Woolie sees he has the option to tell her to "Eff off."
  Woolie: The suburban catty fucking North American in me wants to see where this pathway goes, but the West Indian in me feels that's a game over death sentence.
• Part 12: Woolie confesses that, due to his mom, he was not allowed to celebrate Halloween, he did trick or treat passing his green clothes as a crocodile man costume and put the candies in his pockets once. Matt says he wishes he could bring Woolie in mock up trick or treat to make up for it.
  • They begin to crack up once they find out that Angus' Idea of a spooky face is just him smiling.
  • Matt makes some interesting observations about the interface for the pretzel stealing minigame:
    Matt: So she has a gigantic 30-liter ass and a tiny little paw.
    Woolie: It's the biggest cat badonkadonk you've ever seen.
• Part 14: Mae, being voiced by Woolie for the LP, vocalizes her frustration towards her Aunt Molly for not believing her about the ghost. Matt cracks up because Woolie is literally on the exact same page as Mae in terms of how aggravating the whole thing is and how suspicious Molly is acting.
  • It gets even better when Woolie, still frustrated from the conversation, has Mae interact with a war memorial. What follows is a mini-rant about war from Mae which, from the way Woolie reads the lines, has Matt laughing so hard he has to move from the mike.
• Part 16: Woolie talks about how since he had to go to Saturday services and thus missed out on Saturday morning cartoons when he was a child. He then talks about how he once saw the Mega Man cartoon as a kid for a split-second and how the idea of there being a Mega Man cartoon just blew his mind.
• After meeting God (maybe?) in a dream, they subsequently wonder who it really is.
  Woolie:Selmers?
  Matt laughs his ass off.
  Matt: Germ Warfare? Gregg?
  • Later on, they both come to the conclusion that it's Sharkle. And they immediately try to paraphrase what was said to them earlier, while trying to imitate Sharkle's voice.
    Matt: It was Sharkle! Sharkle, was that cat guy! (Immediately tries to imitate Sharkle's laugh.)
    Woolie (Imitating Sharkle): The Universe is forgetting you!
    Matt (Imitating Sharkle): I will show you things blind and terrible!
    Woolie (Imitating Sharkle): Little Creature, mot because I'm caring.
  • Earlier, Woolie refuses to get off the bed. Referring to it as the safest place to stay and do nothing.
• Part 23: Matt and Woolie discover a cult in the middle of murdering one of their own for messing up their plans. The whole thing is unsettling and horrific... and then the main character accidentally outs herself, leading to this:
  Cult Member: Mae? Mae Borowski?
  Woolie: OHHH FUCK!!
  Matt: THEY KNEW INSTANTLY!!
• Part 24 is pretty somber and quiet throughout, but Woolie does get one big laugh when he is presented with two dialogue choices, each of which involve Mae insisting she needs to go into the woods alone.
  Woolie: How 'bout neither of these things?
  Matt: I think they shut her down regardless.
  Mae: You all wait here. I'll go.
  Everyone else: ...
  Gregg: Anyway.

LA Noire

• Part 1: As one might expect, it only takes a few seconds for the crew to start dropping "MRAH" and "gams" into conversation.
  • Woolie promises not to let his hang-ups about people messing up crime scenes rile him up, given the time frame the game is set... and then Cole casually picks up the murder weapon of a crime scene with his bare hands. Pat launches into hysterics as Woolie groans.
    Matt: They didn't invent gloves yet!
  • As they're driving to the murder suspect's house:
    Matt: You should just drive your car into his house, and say, "Where's the gun?"
    Pat: Yeah.
    Matt:(As Schroeder) You have the gun!
    Pat: (As Cole) Where's the gun?! - and you're like, threatening him with the gun.
  • Since the game is open-world, Woolie decides to test out some of the destruction physics only realize too late that most of the fences in the game are invincible when he nearly traps himself in a vacant lot.
    Pat: You stupid motherfucker. You've trapped yourself in this lot.
    Woolie: This is gonna be another crime scene, I guess.
    Pat: It is now!
• Part 2: Cornering a fleeing petty criminal on a rooftop, Woolie ignores the instructions on safely apprehending him and ends up violently headbutting the man off the rooftop to his death. Matt and Pat are beside themselves, as they didn't even know it was possible to do that.
• In Part 3, Pat starts hyping up Captain Donnelly seconds before he appears as the best character in the game. Within two lines, Woolie immediately agrees.
  Woolie: Did he just walk off the set of Boondock Saints?!
  • Woolie completely botches the first interrogation sequence multiple times, with Pat completely botching it as well by telling Woolie an incorrect answer the third time they go through the interrogation.
    Pat: Are we idiots?
  • Later, Woolie shouts in joy upon hearing his partner's last name is Bekowsky.
    Woolie: I was hopin' I'd work wit a Polack!
  • Their first crime scene in the Traffic arc features a car with an absurd amount of blood inside, baffling everyone.
    Matt: (sputters) Did he explode?! Did Kenshiro get to him?!
• Part 5 opens with a conversation about Woolie's bad driving, which turns into a discussion about friends watching porn together, ending in this:
  Matt: And we'd be watching that for a bit, and everyone would be like "I gotta go home." "Yeah, me too." "Me too". They all fucking go!
  Pat: See, that's normal.
  Matt: That's normal!
  Pat: Yeah, that's average.
  Matt: Unlike what fuckin' Austin makes me do.
  Pat & Woolie: Yeah? Huh? Yeah?
  Matt: (Beat) ... Hey Woolie, where are we going?
  Pat: Away from that train of thought!
  Woolie: Okay!
  Pat: He makes you do it!
  • For whatever reason, Woolie decides to obey traffic laws and stop at all of the red lights, despite the long distances one has to cross in this game. Pat insists that he's doing it out of spite.
  • The uncomfortable sexual talk continues as they find an object in the garage to examine.
    Matt: It's that little, uh, dildo thing.
    (Woolie picks it up, only for it to turn out to be a massive spike-like thing)
    Matt: That's rough. It's for- It's for really strong- It's like for Zarya.
    Woolie: I mean...
    Matt: (starts cracking up)
    Woolie: I don't know what you want me to do with that information...
    Matt: It's up to you.
  • Also in Part 5, their reaction upon encountering one of the most... Infamous examples of the actors exagerating their expressions for the sake of the interrogation mechanic.
• In part 6, our boys realize the victim of the current case of car theft happens to be a child molester. Matt's immediate outrage is as amusing as it is admirable.
  Phelps: We'll be in touch, Consul General.
  Matt: Yeah, you bet we will!
  Bekowski: Let's nail this kid, Del Gado, and wrap things up.
  Matt: *Outraged* How about you abandon who stole a car and fucking arrest that piece of shit!?
  • And a little before that point, Phelps' opening remark on the "Lie" prompt strikes a chord with the group:
    Phelps: You fuck young boys, Valdez?
    (Woolie and Pat crack up while Matt sputters)
    Pat: That's my favorite fucking line in the whole game!
    • Said line quickly underwent Memetic Mutation in the comment of pretty much every other video they posted ("You fuck young pies, Woolie?" for instance).
  • After a grueling car chase after the culprit of the case, which results in the perp's car losing a wheel, Woolie is not sure if he should keep ramming his car. Pat tries to explain how the guy's car is out of commission, while Matt excitedly insists for Woolie to "Finish him off!".
• In Part 7, Woolie thinks he's gotten all of the evidence in the crime scene, and that if he missed anything, it can't have been important. Later, realizing that he must have missed what he thinks is a minor dialogue clue, he enters an alley he didn't walk into — and immediately finds a huge knife still soaked with fresh blood, sending everyone into hysterics.
  • Later, after a car chase made all the more exciting by Woolie's infamous driving, the suspect - accused of running over a man and fleeing the scene - tries to flee on foot and is swiftly compacted into a corner and crushed under Woolie's wheels.
    Matt: (gleefully) CRUSH HIM TO DEATH!
  • Made even better is the fact that the suspect is totally fine once the cutscene kicks in and Phelps arrests him, which sends Matt into hysterics.
• Their elation in Part 8 when they find that Bekowski has gotten stuck in place walking into a fellow cop on the stairs.
  • Speaking of Bekowski, his face happens to glitch out and fail to load in the first seconds of a cutscene. The boys' reactions are priceless.
    All: (Gasp!) WHOOOOOOOOAAA!!!
    Woolie: That was awesome!
    Pat: OH, HE'S A REPTILIAN! HE'S A SECRET REPTILIAN, BEKOWSKI!
    Woolie: Perogies, are you secretly a lizard person?
    Pat: Blink your other eyelids!
• Part 9 opens with some fun during an interrogation:
  Phelps: Give me something, Belasco, or I'll take you back to the cells and tell the whole station you're a child molester.
  Pat: (sputters)
  Matt: What the fuck!
  Pat: Escalation!
  Matt: You didn't even do that to the child molester!
  • During an interrogation with the owner of a printing company, Pat plays off some old-timey concepts of female health.
    Phelps: You better give me something before I bring the whole department down here.
    Leitvol: Don't be hysterical, Detective!
    Pat (as Leitvol): Get your wandering uterus back in your fucking cervix!
• In Part 11, Pat gets straight to the point with a suspect's wife.
  Pat: Hey bitch, why's your husband such a big raper?
  Matt: Why is your husband such a dirty gyppo?
  (Beat)
  Pat: Alright, you go down that angle all by yourself, Matt.
  Matt: Yeah, you just say RAPER! You go down that alley, sir!
  Pat: (laughing) Okay, we'll see who gets in trouble first!
  • Matt and Pat have to get out in front of Woolie's skepticism that the game could get darker than the cases from his current desk.
    Woolie: You guys say there's some real shit coming, but we've had two cases of kid-touchin' already, I dunno what the fuck else is coming.
    Pat: ...Well I mean, the second desk is Homicide.
    Matt: Remember, Woolie, these are crimes involving cars.
    Pat: You're under Traffic! The only reason this is your problem is because a car was used!
  • At one point, Woolie is tasked with escaping a gangster's goons afteer Bekowsky taunted them one too many times. In trying to lose them, he makes a stop near a Street Crime, much to Woolie's frustration and Matt's delight.
    • Said sidequest has him chase down a mentally disturbed man to arrest him unharmed. The man tries to scale a drainpipe, and he kicks Phelps in the face when he tries to climb right under. After a bit more climbing, he stops, causing Matt to eagerly predict that he's waiting to kick him again — which turns out to be true when Woolie pauses before climbing up, sending all three into hysterics.
    Matt: What a fucking mind game!
  • They finally corner Mark Bishop and get into a foot chase through a film set, during which the following exchange occurs:
    Bishop: This is all a big mistake!
    Woolie: I didn't mean to fuck those kids!
    Pat: And video tape it! And watch 'em in the bathroom!
    Matt: I deed not do it! I DEED NAHT!
  • During the climatic battle on the Intolerance set, Bishop gets shot by gangsters only for the game to continue unabated. Matt expresses his confusion upon spotting him, while Pat misinterprets Bishop's corpse as a dead gangster. As if to correct the mistake later, Bishop immediately runs right into Woolie's gunfire in the next scene.
• Roy getting as much hate as he can for the Best Friends pleasure.
  Matt: Cole is like, "Roy, every group of people we meet can you not?"
  Pat: You just walked me into a room so you can slap an actress around and then watch me see a doctor shoot her full of drugs.
  • Earlier, just as they are entering the Blue Room club, Roy asks a question that Woolie is all too ready to answer.
    Roy: Cole, this is Alfonse. He's a French negro from Africa, can you beat that?
    Woolie: Canadian negro from Grenada?
  • Now that they've reached the Homicide desk, Woolie finally gets to see how real the cases can get. His reaction to the first case being a fully nude woman bludgeoned and hacked to death is a good start.
  • Woolie specifically chooses to drive in the beginning of the homicide desk, to introduce his latest partner to his style.
    Woolie: (flying off a cliff) Time to teach this partner-
    Matt: Everything Cole Phelps is about.
    Pat: (talking over Matt) The Cole Phelps way!
    Woolie: (crashes into a gate and then a car) He hasn't had a chance to meet me!
    Pat (as Phelps): (cracking up) Rusty, I-I... y'know, there's some rumors about me from Traffic...
    Matt (as Phelps): I'm here to tell you they're all true.
• In Part 12, there's this incredibly fun description of the protagonist.
  Pat: Cole Phelps is that special kind of asshole in that he's completely right, and I hate him.
• Woolie gets a newspaper in Part 13 revealing more of the overall plot and is in genuine shock at how Fontaine dismisses the death of a whole family in an arson he helped cause. Pat and Matt crack up at his outrage.
  • Because they've been skipping all the street crimes, the fist fight with Jacobs is the first time Woolie has had a fist fight since their very first recording session. Woolie proceeds to struggle with the controls as Cole gets beaten to a pulp while flailing hilariously. Woolie pauses, and attempts to pass it off as Pat's fault, as Pat initially refused to look up the controls on his phone. After Pat gives him the controls, Woolie resumes the game, and is promptly beaten to death.
  • Matt joking that Cole would pin the murderer but since he is a child molester he'll have to let him go like the others, escalating to Woolie saying criminals will run to have sex with young boys to get away with things.
• Part 14 begins with a cutscene of a woman getting brained by a guy with a tire iron. Matt is quick to point out the continuing escalation in these case introductions.
  Matt: Woolie, you thought shit was raw in Traffic.
  • Their adoration continues for Captain Donnelly, as while addressing a crowd of reporters, he calls criminals "The Sons of Cain." At this point, they want Donnelly to be their PR man.
    Woolie (as Donnelly): Zaibatsu! You have the lord's work to do!
    Matt (ditto): Another skull for the skull thrones, boyos!
  • They are baffled when the suspect is shown burning incriminating items right after the interrogation, after Phelps and Rusty go across the street to talk to a potential witness who lives literally across from Moller. They could clearly see him stuffing things into the incinerator in his backyard when they turned around.
    Matt: We're not even out of earshot, Moller!
  • Woolie comments that he can understand Rusty's argument about how husbands are the most likely murder suspects of their wives. However, he takes issue with how incessant the old cop is about closing the case, along with his eagerness to work the husband over. The guys conclude that it's because he wants to punch out for the day and go get a drink.
    Rusty: Just an angry husband that went overboard on some broad that wouldn't put out.\\

Pat: Case. Closed.

• Matt telling a story about Implausible Deniability where he pierced holes in three honey pots that leaked through the night and since his sister was away he is the only person that can be responsible.
  Woolie: How didn't you get your ass beaten.
  Matt: Well I didn't get any honey, I lost it all! In that weird incident.

• Part 15 sees the continued evolution of the "child molesters get away with everything" Running Gag, as a cocky pedophile openly tells Phelps that he likes young girls, prompting bafflement from the trio.
  Matt: Why are you- why are you talking—?!
  Pat: To the cops in this manner?!
  Woolie: 'Cause it ain't a crime yet?!
  Matt: (giggling quietly) Oh, because he knows he'll get super away with it.
  • Followed by Woolie's rather loud reaction when Rusty makes good on his threat to put a gun to the pedophile's head, and Phelps barely stops him from executing the man on the spot.
  • Captain Donnelly has this nugget of wisdom toward the end:
    Donnelly: Well, young Phelps, you win some and you lose some in police work.
    Matt: That's the worst attitude to take on police work!
• Part 16: By the third corpse, Woolie realize he isn't made to be a cop.
  Woolie: Bucket!!? O.K, hold on, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac is that you?
• In Part 17, they try to drive to another location, only for Rusty to sprint right into another man, who promptly starts bugging out and sending the three into an uproar.
  • A similar laughing fit occurs over Phelps getting struck down by a slow-moving car later on, and the absurd Ragdoll Physics that this entails.
• Part 18's crime scene has very few clues — only footprints, tire tracks, and a dry-cleaning label. The trio are very surprised when the "all evidence found" music cue comes on.
  Pat: Wow, there were shit-all for clues on this one!
  Matt: Yeah, you're fucked. Give up! Press start, give up!
  Woolie: Okay.
  Woolie actually pauses and goes to quit.
  Pat: LP over! Let's all get sauced.
  • Matt is very amused by the idea of a hobo king, comparing him to Mance Rayder. He loves it more and more as the "hobo kingdom" gets more prominent.
    Matt!Secretary: Mr. Phelps, if you want, we can firebomb the hobo kingdom, if you prefer.
  Pat: Whoever runs out's guilty!
  • The episode ends with this little gem:
    Rusty: In my experience, mac, if you give into broads, you'll be giving into 'em your entire life.
    Pat: Haven't you been divorced three times, Rusty?
• In Part 19 the wonky driving physics cause the car to launch off the ground while driving up a hill, then landing on top of a fence, which launches the car again as the doors fly off, then landing on and bouncing off one of the fallen car doors back into the air before eventually landing.
  Pat: Man that fence is strong as shit!
  Matt: Sky mission!
• In Part 20, the guys all crack up laughing when during a questioning, a creepy suspect found laying on top of and kissing the corpse of a murder victim suddenly goes Dynamic Akimbo.
  Matt: That's the pose of a necrophiliac.
  • The exchange leading to Ferdinand admitting he was kissing the corpse.
    Ferdinand: You won't get upset?
    Cole: Try me Ferdinand.
    Matt: We let child killers go away, so...
  • Their reactions to Grosvenor McCaffrey.
    Matt: Mr. McCaffrey, you're under arrest for the crime of smug!
• Glitch shenanigans return Part 21 when, after apprehending a suspect, a bizarre glitch triggers in the following cutscene of the perp being put in the transport vehicle that erases the character models. Woolie is confused and frustrated at the prospect of missing content while Pat and Matt are overjoyed.
  Woolie: What just happened!?
  Pat: No, shut up!
  Matt: Someone is in the back of some pattywagon, somewhere!
  • Matt explains the flaw in Grosvenor's denial when his criminal record is brought up.
    Matt: Remember McCaffrey, when you do criminal things, they write it down somewhere. You fuckin' putz.
• Part 22. Detective Darlington's sense of direction gets him lost in the precinct headquarters again, eventually finding an exit out into a small parking lot where an ambulance has been parked. Hilarity Ensues when they commandeer it and take it to the crime scene, culminating in driving it down the footpath of a public park, causing the park-goers to stampede.
• In Part 23, Woolie is baffled by some of the physical challenges the Black Dahlia Killer is putting them through, especially being made to walk through a tar pit. Appropriately, just as the discussion about this reaches a head, he slips and falls in.
  • As the movie set falls apart around him, Woolie demands to know where Rusty is, since he was helping Cole a moment ago.
    Pat: He's in the car, ass up, with a bottle of vodka in his ass.
  • The trio are amused by how underwhelming Phelps's insults toward the killer are during the big showdown.
    Phelps: You're exactly what I expected! We were looking for a low achiever!
    Matt: Yeah!
    Pat: That'll teach him.
    [...]
    Matt: Uh... you're quite stupid, sir! And your hygiene is questionable!
    Pat: It is below reproach!
  • Woolie expresses mild disappointment that the Black Dahlia killer's death is swept under the rug to preserve history, and suggests that the game might have gone the route of Inglourious Basterds.
    Matt: I shot the Black Dahlia killer in the face, and his head exploded, and I set his house on fire, and killed his dog.
• Part 24 sees Woolie introduced to the Vice desk, and all of the Deliberate Values Dissonance it entails.
  Vice Head: We've got two dead Negroes-
  Woolie: Aw, fuck!
  Pat: *goes Laughing Mad*
  Woolie: FUCK THIS WHOLE DESK!
  [...]
  Woolie: Oh my god, can someone else play?
  Pat: No. It has to be you.
  Matt: Absolutely big you!
  • By the time they reach the crime scene, Woolie is so fed with Roy that he starts begging to shoot him in the cutscene. Pat and Matt decide to twist his words in a different direction...
    Woolie: (Listening to Roy talk about the "two dead Negroes") R1! R1! R1!
    Pat: What? You're going to shoot the dead Negroes? They're already dead, Woolie!
    Matt: Well, what did you want to do to them by pressing R1?
    Pat: Did you want to slap around their bodies and desecrate them? Why would you be like this?
    Woolie: (resignedly) I hate this day...
  • Woolie later gets his revenge by exploiting Pat's vein-based Squick by telling him about a certain vein effect in Requiem for a Dream.
    Woolie: So imagine, if you would, a mini volcano where your veins would be on your arm.
    Pat: *audibly chokes*
    Woolie: And that's what happens when you go max-level junkie.
    Pat: *coughing and sputtering, quick bursts of Angrish*
    Woolie: Yeah, exactly.
    Pat: (forcing his voice out) Is this your revenge? D'oh, my god, my arms are so tense! I'm freakin' out!
  • Searching through the apartment of the dead African-Americans, the race jokes get increasingly bad, until Matt goes a bit too far.
    Matt: (examining a violin) Some primitive Negro club!
    Woolie: All riiiight.
    Pat: Oh, he's gettin' excited. You hear this?
    Woolie: I'm-I'm the fuckin'... I'm usually the one driving the bus.
    Pat: You're usually driving the bus, but now you're at the back?
    Woolie: Oh. Oh! OH!
• Part 25. A suspect's voice and accent reminds the trio of Keith David, Known Hero of this Earth, Protector of the Realm, King in the North and the Andals, Co-Conspirator in the Fight Against the Reptilians and the Skeleton People, Long May He Reign. That Keith David.
  • Another 'invisible cop' bug shows up, this time as Phelps' character model freaks out while investigating a radio in an office. Phelps' model remains still, but the radio remains tilted back, before righting itself all on its own.
• Part 26 has them being tasked to examine the body of a thug they just killed, as if Phelps was trying to determine what happened.
  Matt: Someone with a very large penis must have shot him to death!
• Part 27 has the guys investigating the ledgers at a soup factory, when the entire recording is suddenly interrupted by a Windows 10 system update alert that closes the game window.
• In Part 28, Woolie gets his own "throwing the fire ax" moment when he gets hyped over using a Tommy Gun in the soup factory raid, only to accidentally drop it for no reason and have it fall through the floor as soon as he opens the door.
  Pat: You just threw your gun on the floor to scare them.
  • After the gunfight, the coroner is called.
    Carruthers: A real bloodbath here. What was this all about?
    Woolie and Matt: (without hesitation) Soup.
• In Part 29, Matt starts a discussion while they're examining an unconscious gangster.
  Matt: I don't know, I think a man using a knife is way more manly than a gun.
  Pat: I think if I'm being stabbed to death, I'm not gonna be real picky about how big of a man is stabbing me to death.
  Matt: (giggling) I would! I want it to be the strongest man!
  Pat: Like, that's your final victory?
  Matt: I want the strongest man ever to kill me!
  Pat: Ha, what a pussy, you're stabbing me!
  Matt: You almost tricked me, idiot.
  • Woolie also can't help but point out they are hunting a boxer for not taking a dive and it's pretty blatant Roy only does it to get his money back instead of making sure he doesn't get killed by the Jewish mafia. Which baffles him that Cole rolls with it.
• In part 30. Woolie says he once had morphine at the hospital which makes Pat curious about why he needed it.
  Woolie: Aah you know?
  Pat: What? How is that a resp-what?
  • Their overjoyed reaction to Mervin, a bookie who introduces himself clutching a cigar and possessing a voice that sounds like James Cagney after swallowing a bee while speaking in some of the most stereotypical 40's slang imaginable. Naturally, it does not take them long to start making ever-increasingly exagerated impersonations.
    Woolie: They call me "lungs."
    Matt: Cuz I don't got one!
    Woolie: I got clean lungs~
    Pat: I took up smokin' when I was in da' coal mines!
    Matt: (normal voice) When did you join the coal mines? ("Mervin" voice) When I was three~!
    Pat: I was born in the coal mine!
  • Matt's initial reaction to Mervin's voice, calling back to a similar voice in another playthrough ...
    Matt: Germ Warfare?!
  • They end the episode shittalking Roy in comparison to the other partners only to be overjoyed when Bekowsky and Rusty pop back up.
• Part 31 has Cole investigating a doctor, forcing a patient out of said doctor's office. The patient complains loudly at Cole, and Woolie proceeds to obstruct his path for a few seconds before realizing he can't really hamper him and letting him go. After the interrogation, Woolie brings Cole back over to the patient, now seated, and crouches, making it look like Cole is kneeling right in front of the patient and giving him a Death Glare while the patient is avoiding eye contact.
  Woolie: Muthafucka!
  Matt: Oh, I bet you don't like the pain I'm causing you!
  • Shortly thereafter, on the drive to the next location, we get this exchange:
    Matt: Are you [Woolie] driving?
    [Woolie sideswipes a fire hydrant]
    Matt: Never mind, I can tell.
    Pat: He is.
    Woolie: What?! No, this is the computer.
    [...]
    Woolie: Oh, look guys, we found another bug, ah ha ha...
• In Part 32, they interrogate a suspect who admits to having an affair with the victim, but only after saying he "vaguely" knew her and insisting that he didn't because it wouldn't be polite.
  Henry: Yes, we had... relations.
  Matt: We had big relations.
  Woolie: It was rather impolite of me.
  Pat: I was gettin' all impolite in there.
  Matt: I got impolite in several locations.
  (Beat)
  Matt: Vaguely, I vaguely knew her. My penis vaguely knew her.
  • The entire conversation on phony veterans and where it leads. They end up going from the motivations of such people, to Pat imitating a drunk demanding free hot dogs because he was a vet, Matt and Pat applying the My Girl Back Home trope to a hot dog stand, and culminating with Woolie telling a story about a guy who faked being a super tough, insanely skilled martial artist and how he tried to make it sound like he went to a hidden Kumite in the middle of the woods and came out a day later with a trophy wrapped in a garbage bag.
    Pat: Do we know that guy?
• In Part 34, after 3 parts prior talking about blaming Woolie's bad driving on the AI, Roy actually crashes into another car. The cutscene fades to black and resets with them driving on the road like nothing happened.
  Pat: [stifling laughter] Roy just doesn't know how to drive.
• In Part 35, mention is made of the crime rate in Montreal, which amounts mostly to bike thefts.
  Pat: Hey Woolie, me and you, I'll get a bike, you get a bike, right? I'll steal your bike, you steal my bike, and then we'll report them stolen, get the bike insurance, and then we'll each have a bike, and enough money to buy a bike.
  Woolie: And then what do we do with those bikes?
  Pat: Bike.
  • And following that is a rather crudely executed pun about one of Woolie's favorite fighting game characters.

    Woolie: I thought we should steal them again.

    Pat: Yeah. Cuz I hear how mu - I heard you talking about... the other day about how much you like Baiken.

    (a beat)

    Pat: Ehhhhh.

    Woolie: That was... horrible? You should feel bad. You should feel... really bad.

• The end of Part 35 has Cole kneeling down to inspect a recently-shot criminal who is still muttering about his bad luck and staring blankly at the ceiling. The game doesn't prevent Woolie from manipulating the body's face, however, making it seem as though Cole is shoving the soon-to-be-deceased's mouth out of the way as it utters its last words. Everyone laughs incredulously.
  Matt (as Cole Phelps): You're dead, sir.
  Woolie: Holy shit. Like, mid-death I'm already investigating your shit.
• Midway through Part 36, the trio mock the ridiculousness of the corrupt police higher-ups taking Phelps off the board by suspending him from active duty for his affair with Elsa.
  Matt (as Donnelly): You see Cole, when we fuck other women except our wives, WE DON'T GET CAUGHT!
  [...]
  Donnelly: How could you do it, lad? Your wife, your children...
  Matt: I was pumping her for information, sir!
  [...]
  Police Chief: What the hell were you thinking?
  (Beat)
  Pat: He was thinking, "I really felt like doing this."
  • The Mood Whiplash when, after Cole's life functionally falls apart, the "Case Closed" screen for the last Vice case pops up.
    Matt: You solved the case!
  • Pat and Woolie's joy over the Arson desk being presented as a Wretched Hive full of fuck-ups and terrible cops, and Phelps's clear discomfort over being there.
• Early in Part 37, the boys run into yet another entertaining glitch as a man on the sidewalk gets stuck on a newspaper box, prominently vibrating back and forth. They decide to watch for a bit to see if he can find his way out, and cheer when he abruptly starts moonwalking.
  • When confronting a travel agency potentially linked to the arsons, they decide that the travel booker himself must be the arsonist.
    Booker: Yes, I remember them. They called up to cancel at the last minute. One of the kids was sick.
    Matt: So we burnt down their house.
    Phelps: Do you mind if I take a look at that? [in reference to the ticket log]
    Woolie: List of people I burnt.
    Pat: *laughs*
    Woolie: S'what it says on the book.
    Matt: My burn list.
    Woolie: Family of three! Ah, bah, I burnt those people. Family of five, oh yeah, they got-
    Matt: Oh yeah, the smell. *sniffs*
    Woolie: Nice and burnt.
    Matt: Wafting.
  • The last words of the episode:
    Phelps (while examining an anarchist propaganda pamphlet): Ryan wants the world to be a better place. Don't we all?
    Pat (bewildered): No?
• In part 38, Matt once again is angered that criminal lies about not having an attempted murder charge.
  Phelps: You have a history of violence.
  Ryan: I have no such thing
  Matt: I'm a cop, why wouldn't I have your record?
  • A magical moment ensues when an off-hand comment by Pat about Hershel wanting to solve the case in a hurry and go home collapses into complete confusion between the trio. Matt makes a comment about Hershel wanting to go home to his "beautiful wife", but Pat makes a comment about Cole's wife "who definitely isn't leaving me". Woolie, also clearly not paying attention to what either one of them is saying, blurts out a comment about Hershel's wife "sitting in a chair shitting into diapers". Pat almost instantly reacts with a harshly-whispered "what the fuck?!", with Matt also reacting with complete confusion. However, it seems that they get mixed up over who was talking about which character's wife, with Matt claiming his comments were about Cole's wife and Pat saying his comments were about Hershel's. They all spend the next minute trying to untangle the mess, with Woolie making increasingly flimsy justifications for what he said, Pat getting ever more incredulous and Matt urging Woolie to "hit the eject button".
• In Part 41, they have to chase after a suspect in a trolley car. Said trolley somehow plows through a series of cars lined up perfectly on the tracks, sending them flying. The first thing they do after they manage to stop the trolley is run up to him... and immediately get shot to death.
  • Toward the end of Part 41, Jack Kelso gets chased down by a bulldozer. It takes a few times before they get past the sequence, but in the meanwhile they variously get run over or knocked down and clip into the bulldozer or the railings.
  • After getting repeatedly mowed down by the bulldozer, Woolie defies the entire chase sequence by turning to face the bulldozer, waiting for it to get close and expose the driver, and shooting him in the chest. The scene then instantly and awkwardly ends with a quip from Kelso.
• Part 42 features a cutscene catching back up with Cole and Elsa during Kelso's investigation, prompting this exchange:
  Matt!Phelps: I came for my new issue of Gigantic German Asses!
  Woolie: Again, I think... maybe. I think- I think- I think Cole's more around for the tease.
  Matt: I don't know- You don't know anything about Cole.
  Pat: Wait, what the fuck are you saying?
  Woolie: I think he'd be a subscriber to Gigantic German Boobies, not Gigantic German Asses.
  Matt: What makes you say that?
  Pat: Yeah, what's your clue?
  Woolie: Because... because white men were fearful of giant asses in the '40s?
  Matt: Yeah, but maybe Cole is progressive.
  • Kelso steps out of a building near a small crowd, and Woolie, taking control, veers immediately to the left. This causes Jack to quickly, violently, and unceremoniously shove an innocent bystander into the woman behind him, knocking them both to the ground. Kelso then walks in a small circle and sprints away like nothing happened.
  • Not to mention why Woolie has Jack shove a man so violently he slides across the sidewalk: he wanted to see if he could have Jack interrupt Cole and Elsa screwing each other in the alleyway next to the building. When he sees that he can't, he immediately sprints back and knocks over the same people again, this time so badly that it produces a blood splatter.
• Part 43: Kelso interrupts a... meeting between Curtis Benson and a young girl. Said girl claims that she's sixteen, which makes Woolie uncomfortable. Then she says she's actually twelve. Woolie lets out a very quiet whisper of "Oh my god."
  Woolie: No...
  Curtis: You take love wherever you can get it when you're my age, Jack—
  Woolie: NOOOOOOOO!
  • Soon after, Woolie notes how, despite number of times it comes up, every instance of pedo/ephebophilia has, strictly speaking, little to do with the crimes they've been investigating and is rarely followed up on. This leads to Woolie uttering a statement that Pat immediately calls on the community to take advantage of:
  Woolie: The pedophilia has always just been a bonus!
• Within the first few minutes of Part 44, several thugs storm into the Hall of Records to kill Kelso. One is quickly killed, only for a second to wheel around the corner and One-Hit Kill Kelso with a shotgun, blowing him off his feet as the boys react accordingly.
  • After Kelso meets back up with Courtney Sheldon to interrogate him about the housing scam he accidentally helped start, Pat sums up his character.
    Pat: Courtney, you are stupid and cursed.
  • Everyone bursts out laughing when, seconds into the meeting with Monroe, Kelso immediately shoots him in the knee and kicks him while he's down, insulting him the whole time.
• Woolie's amazement with the downloaded "Nicholson Electroplating" case in Part 45, and the fact that even though it comes at the tail end of the game and has nothing whatsoever to do with the main plot, it's so monumental in Spy Fiction scope that everyone on all sides has briefly dropped what they were doing to resolve it.
  • After killing/subduing a couple of looters, Cole and Phelps make their way to meet the commander and the boys muse on whether or not it's actually safe to be there, Pat suggesting it's fine since the explosion likely wasn't radioactive. As if on cue, the camera turns to view a water tower collapsing and Pat immediately changes his answer to "No Woolie, the answer is no, it is NOT safe to be here."
  • At the end of the episode, Woolie tries to steal another car to get where he needs to go, only to run into yet another glorious bug: Phelps gets in the passenger seat, but the driver impassively remains in his seat (likely due to the rail car blocking the door) and doesn't allow Hershel to get in. Woolie eventually decides to try from another angle and gets out, only for the driver to immediately speed off, leaving him impotently sprinting after it.
• In Part 46, after getting to meet retired detective Mapes, a noted asshole who lies on all questions and whom Hershel mentions was a mentor to Roy Earle, Woolie finishes the factory tour by immediately stealing his car right out of the parking lot and driving it straight through the closed security gate in front of the guards.
  Hershel: How're we gonna look gettin' around in this thing, Cole?
  Pat: Badass?
• A newspaper in Part 47 catches them up on Cole discovering Courtney's body after Fontaine murdered him. Right on cue, Roy shows up to play the Dirty Cop yet again, only for Cole to finally snap.
  Roy: Get away from him, Phelps, this is my case.
  Phelps: Shut your fucking mouth!
  Woolie: YES!
  Matt & Pat: OOOOOH!
  (After Roy talks for a bit, Cole pulls his gun).
  Pat: *stunned gasp of laughter*
  Random Cop: Hey, detectives, can we back it off a notch?! This is getting out of hand!
  Matt: Let 'em- let 'em hash it out.
  Woolie: Holy shit.
  • The final newspaper flashback shows Monroe and Fontaine discussing their last schemes at a time shortly before the final set of missions, which resulted in the former being shot and arrested and the latter getting murdered by Ira. Pat is quick to lampshade the scene.
    Pat: Both of your plans worked really well.
    Matt!Monroe: We're geniuses!
• The discussion at the start of the finale regarding cool ways to pose before death that eventually devolves into talking about Nazi cats. Pat is losing it while Matt and Woolie struggle to stay composed.
  • During the climactic car chase in the rain against all of the crooked cops in the L.A.P.D., Woolie is suddenly and violently halted while turning a corner. While struggling to regain momentum, the trio realize what they hit was another bug.
    Pat: Wow, what did you hit? A garbage can?!
    Woolie: A garbage can! *giggles*
    Matt: Hey, man, they make 'em tough.
  • Once the final shootout commences:

    Pat: Boy, Kelso, you'd better hope the D.A. has your back with all these cops you're killing.
    (Some time later)
    Pat: Seriously, you just killed, like, nine cops.
    Matt: Yeah! And even a ghost, maybe.
    Pat: I even killed the ghost cops.

  • Their surprise and elation when Ira burns one of the cops from around the corner with his flamethrower.
  • In his displeasure over the Karma Houdinis of Roy, Worrell, and Benson, Woolie decides that all of them were eventually caught in a compromising position with a child.

Tekken 7

• In the story mode, everyone character speaks their native language, even if they're bilingual and having a conversation with a different language speaker. The boys decide to run with this.
  Nina: What do you want now, Heihachi Mishima?
  Matt!Heihachi: I can't understand you!
  • The decision to have the story told through a Framing Device about a seemingly irrelevant, non-fighting detective grates on them quickly.
    Woolie: Fuckin' Dragon Ball, as told through the eyes of Yajirobe.
    (later)
    Woolie: ... (whispering) This is really bad.
    All: *start cracking up*
  • Their reaction to the opening of said Framing Device is utter confusion.
    Pat: What?
    Woolie: Life is...Tekken?
• The button prompt to throw Kazuya off a cliff is amusing enough on its own, but the friends take it another step further by making it a collaborative effort. Woolie and Pat each hover a finger over one of the buttons, and Matt pushes both of their fingers down onto the buttons.
• The complete breakdown that ensues when the story abruptly flashes back to Tekken 4, stated to be "a few months earlier".
  Matt: (giggling) Oh, look at the fuckin' shitty-ass-
  Pat: Wait, are you telling me that Tekken 4 to 7 occur in the span of like two months?!
  Woolie: No, no, no, this is a flashback.
  Pat: Yeah, this is the world war, and he says "a few months earlier!" And it's the end of Tekken 4!
  (Beat)
  Pat: So that means Tekken 6 takes place in like a month!
  Woolie: So they're weeks apart!
  Pat: That means Tekken 5 takes place in- in like a-
  Matt: You can't announce the King of Iron Fist tournament every week!
  Pat: That means there were like THREE or FOUR King of Iron Fist tournaments in one year!
• The intro to Kazuya's first fight has a Jack bot swinging its arms causing him to get hit right as the battle starts. And after beating each Jack its body ragdolls to the floor making it impossible to see your character's low attacks. Everyone loses it from the sheer amount of So Bad, It's Good.
• Part 2. The commentary for Lee and Alisa's chapter consists of Matt and Woolie attempting to comment on various subjects, only to get repeatedly interrupted by Pat grumbling loudly about how much he hates Alisa. Soon, however, the weightless Dark Souls-style Ragdoll Physics of the defeated Tekken Force members become the focus of their attention, just like in the previous part's Call-Back to Tekken 4 with the Jack 4's.
  (A Tekken Force body starts getting pushed up a wall by Lee)
  Matt: Look at the fucking body get in the way!
  Pat: Oh, yeah. This is a high quality Story Mode.
  Matt: So weird, why put bodies (in) at all? I know—It's weird, because like, there's production value somewhere, but then other times it's fucking stupid shit that like I don't know why they thought it was a good idea...
  Pat: (erupts into laughter)
  (Later, another Tekken Force body laying on the floor gets his legs spread very far apart)
  Matt: (deadpan) That guy is spread fucking eagle...
  Pat: Oh, yeah. You're givin' him the business with your foot.
• The sudden appearance of Akuma in the story triggers all sorts of bafflement from the Friends, from general bemusement over how the timelines for both series can't canonically match up to confusion at why Akuma apparently waited 20 years to fulfill his promise to kill Heihachi and Kazuya for Kazumi.
  Akuma: I was merely waiting for you to become stronger.
  Pat: That's not what she asked! She probably meant "kill them before they start a world war!"
  Matt: Or get super strong!
• While Lee and Lars discuss the comatose Jin, Pat finally bursts over a plot point he's been confused about all this time.
  Pat: No, it's still stup- EXPLAIN WHY AZAZEL WAS SUCH A PROBLEM!
  Matt: 'Cause it was a big monster and it scared a lot of folks!
  Pat: You killed millions of people to wake up and kill a monster that was asleep and doing nothing!
  Matt: But he would've gotten up and done shit.
  Pat: Yeah, then you can just fight him then!
• Part 3 starts with the guys discovering that the gallery has a video summary of Tekken 6, which they watch in hopes that it'll explain why Azazel was such a problem. Not only does it not answer that, it doesn't mention Azazel at all.
• invoked Pat summarizes the plot of Tekken 6:
  Pat: Jin causes a world war to awaken an evil that wouldn't awaken if he didn't start a world war.
  • If you're curious, the reason why Jin summoned Azazel was because he thought defeating it would erase the Devil Gene. He was expecting to sacrifice himself, but he was rendered comatose instead, and the Devil Gene still didn't leave him.
• A cutscene in which Heihachi and Kazuya try to pettily one-up each other with devil transformations and satellite lasers gradually sends the Best Friends from startled excitement to baffled exasperation to complete Laughing Mad insanity and so on. The various news reports about all of the disasters happening in an Extremely Short Timespan, and the swinging of public opinion from one side to the other, seal the deal.
  • Subsequently, the detective's monotone narration that everyone simply forgot that they saw Kazuya transform into the devil sends them over the edge, as does Pat noticing the news network's odd logo.
    All: THEY FORGOT! (*collectively break down laughing*)
    Matt: Yeah, what was that?! Kazuya was a jack-o-lantern?
    Woolie: They saw the eye laser!
    Pat: LOOK AT THE TEKKEN 7 NEWS! TEKKEN 7 NEWS!
    Woolie: I see it, I see it! The Tekken 7 News Network!
    Matt: *losing it*
• In the final battle, everyone is baffled by how various retcons have turned Heihachi from part of the series Big Bad Ensemble to the de-facto hero of the story.
  Woolie: Snapped his wife's neck and tossed his kid off a cliff. That's the protagonist!
• At the tail end of the story, when everything's just about to wrap up, Pat chimes in with this gem.
  Pat: Who am I even supposed to root for? These people are dirtbags.
• They all let out a Big "WHAT?!" when Heihachi is Killed Off for Real. Followed by their collective reactions when the credits roll, and they realize the story has ended without resolving almost any plot threads not having to do with Heihachi or Kazuya, much of the cast has simply not been featured, the world war is still raging, and Jin was still in his coma up to the very end.
• Matt's reaction in the special Post-Final Boss when Kazuya calls Akuma all talk.
  Matt: Yes, one thing about Akuma is that he never shuts up.

The Walking Dead: Season Three

• This comment early in the playthrough is hilarious:
  Pat: I gotta say, my experience with these games has left me jaded and cynical. Yes. Me, I know. The fount of optimism.
• When presented with the choice to give Alvin Jr. a middle name in a flashback, Matt and Pat are flabbergasted at the fact that there are any options other than Lee.
  Matt: There should've been one choice, and it should've been Lee.
  Pat: No, there should've been four choices, and they should've all been Lee.
• Pat and Matt's hatred of Gabe is hilarious.
  Gabe: Don't I get a say in this? [staying in their home]
  Pat: No, you're like six.
  Matt: Even if it wasn't the zombie apocalypse, you still wouldn't have a say.
  Pat: "We're moving to Detroit."
• In part 7, the game offer them a choice between creamed spinach and black forest cake, Pat says that he gets where the spinach and values come from but a freshly baked cake in the post apocalyptic world can't be turned down. Matt doesn't even bother explaining.
  Matt: Oh fuck you and your creamed spinach, that lady made a black forest cake?
• Matt getting steadily more exasperated at Javi getting berated no matter what choice they pick can get pretty funny. It comes to a head at the end of part 7 where they refused to let David in due to Clementine firing a warning shot at Javi's hand, which causes Jesus to open the door and berate Javi along the lines of "I thought you were a good man". This causes Matt to walk away from the recording, yelling in frustration.
• A bit of possibly unintentional humor at the end of the episode where a group of zombies suddenly burst through the door, right before the outro plays.
• Pat's confusion as to how the villains are written as they are both needlessly violent yet try to pretend they have a process.
  Pat: Your process was to kill that guy's little girl. For fun! For fun!
• Part 9, their disbelief when not only is a flashback referenced literally minutes after it happened, the game contradicts the choice they made in said flashback.
  • Pat is also flabbergasted that Tripp decides to confess his love for Eleanor when he should be planning for a life-or-death situation, and keeps his head out of the game even after Eleanor turns him down.
• In part 10, Ava revisits Clem after the New Frontier stole AJ from her. She tries to give Clem encouragement to keep fighting and move on, while never addressing the fact that she was the one who stole AJ to begin with. Matt and Pat are both baffled and enraged.
  Pat: YOU STOLE MY BABY.
  (Matt loses it.)
• In Part 10, Tripp finds out the truth behind Conrad's death after Gabe rats Javi out, and he goes absolutely ballistic. And despite the fact that Javi says (and Clementine backs him up) that Conrad was going to kill Gabe and Clementine, Tripp relentlessly defends him. Eleanor starts getting mad at Javi, too, and this leads into Matt saying that characters in The Walking Dead don't listen to each other.
  Javi (Matt): Your friend would’ve shot my nephew and our friend.
  Tripp (Matt): OH! You’ll backstab me, too! I s'pose if I try to kill Kate, you’ll fight me, huh?!
  Javi (Pat): Yeah! Yeah, I…y-yeah…?
  Tripp (Pat): YOU SON OF A BITCH!! How dare you not let me kill whoever I want?!
• In part 11, Pat, who was already losing his patience last video, is done with Gabe acting all moody.
  Gabe: (arms crossed) What do you want, Javi?
  Pat: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!
• In part 12, Matt and Pat successfully keep Fern from attacking anyone after losing her husband, only for David to break her arm, kill her husband who was actually alive, tries to kill Fern, and then pushes Gabe back when he tries to stop him.
  Matt: WHAT.
  Pat: WHOA!
  Matt: THAT'S SO MEAN.
  Pat: HE WAS ALIVE! WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!
  Matt: OH MY GOD, WHAT A HEEL!
  • Fern's face being almost entirely expressionless and blank for the whole scene even as she threatens Javi with a gun just caps the whole debacle off. Matt is flabbergasted and repeatedly asks why no one could be bothered to animate her face.

Late Shift

• Funny moments are inevitable, given the game was made and set in Britain.
• Matt can't stress how unimpressive the bowl looks for being a priceless item.
  Woe: They have fought wars for it.
  Matt: Really?
• At the end of the game Matt and Woolie discuss how the worst moment is probably when you have to walk out from a meeting after transactions have been completed Woolie mentions that the only way to walk away of this place is by doing the moonwalk until you're at the elevator.
• "Memory crearing". Matt loses it a second time.

The Cat Lady

• In a case of Black Comedy, Pat has spoiled extremely poignant parts of the game...despite never having played it before. Among others one character poisoning themselves from fumes in a car and another character jumping off a hospital building. Even more amazing is that Woolie - who had played the game before - managed to not react to those comments, thus leaving Pat in the dark.
  Pat: Sleeping Pills aren't the best way to go. You wanna do the car-monoxide chamber.
• The burnt burger continuity saga.
  • It starts off with Pat trying to microwave a burger and commenting that they're fickle machines. It immediately explodes when he says this.
  • It concludes during the final monologue with the burger as the only thing present on the inventory line, shaming Pat.
• In Part 6 Pat declares he had a successful night at home and then backtracks, commenting his standards for "success" in this game are currently not being actively murdered or committing suicide.
• Pat once again declares his desire for immortality, but not in the face of constant pain. Related to this, if he's old and gets cancer he'll pass on the painful treatments and just take blood from the youths.
• Pat's advice for Woolie to avoid being found dead in an embarrassing manner is to plan a contingency with his girlfriend.
  Pat: There is a bat in the other room, you're gonna cut me down and I want you to fake a murder by thugs. And yes I know it's gonna look like you murdered me but you need to take that risk for my pride.
• In Part 10 Pat makes an idle comment about Susan sending out the Cat Signal to take out the bad guy. In the next part Susan does that by playing the piano.
• In Part 15 Pat says the thing that will disappoint him the most on confronting Eye of Adam is if he has a physical disability. He is not pleased.
  Pat: Fuck off! This is exactly what I didn't want to see!
  Woolie: It's the maximum level of everything you were looking for, dude.

Matt's Bible Black Club

Posted on Matt's solo channel.

• Gomen no sorry... Sumima 'scuse me! Minase!Matt is apologetic in the intro, but he's not sure which language to apologize in...
  • Even better that on a podcast Matt revealed that he had no idea of the joke when the animator requested the lines.
• The entire fact that Matt is LPing a very infamous Hentai game of all things left the majority of fans utterly flabbergasted at the sheer audacity of it.
• Matt already dying because of how awkward most of the interactions are.
  Matt: [reading Minase's text] Take off all my clothes except my shorts then call out to Imari who still has her back turned you son of a...
• When the game use the Not Blood Siblings poorly to Matt's anger.
  Matt: You're fucking cousins! You can't call your sister but she-if she is your cousin. It's like calling a tree the sky.
• Matt decides to substitute a common Hentai phrase with I'm going HOME!
• By part 2 Matt becomes less and less thrilled about the choices especially since it seems to go the same way regardless.
  Matt: [reading the only option left of who you want to see dancing naked is "Big Sister"] Fuuuuuuck.
  • He loses it at the last choice in the video between covering an unconscious girl or ejaculating all over her.
• Part 3 ends with Matt calling the end of the episode when he sees the girl tied up and reads the phrase gigantic vibrator.
• In Part 4 Matt can't even bother reading the whole text.
  Matt:"I drop my pants and" uh, yeah.'''
  • Minase's idea of "justice", blackmailing the bullies and forcing them into a threesome, isn't quite matching Matt's.
    Matt: Like, there is Captain America and right above him, there is Minase.
• Matt's massive, abrupt backdown during Part 5. Just as Reika Kitami begins to use black magic to overwhelm and seduce Minase, Matt jump cuts to the title screen and declares "this was a bad idea!" before ending the video.
  • For context, the scene is actually from a bad end where the nurse forces a a super-concentrated dosage of an aphrodisiac down his throat, rapes Minase, and then leaves him to die.
• By Part 6, Matt is fed up with the "Imari wakes you up" running gag.
  Matt: Ugh, maudit calisse, just all the time with this!
  • Matt replying to comments about how he seems to not like the incest by vehemently saying that, yes, he wants none of that.

Marc Ecko's Getting Up: Contents Under Pressure

• Matt asks Woolie what are the elements of Hip Hop, Woolie then proceeds to just list off the Mane Six and loads of other things
• After listening to a slew of mid-00's urban slang, they pick up the insult 'toy', which they decide is good enough to start using again. Then, out of nowhere, Woolie lets loose with a massive burn on Pat. Matt takes a moment to ask how long was he waiting to use this one.
  Woolie: If Pat were a toy, he'd be a Rubik's Cube: A square that wants colors to stay on their own side.
• During their fight with White Mike, Woolie remembers a joke saying that if there is a white guy hanging with a black gang, you don't want to know what he did to hang with them.
  Matt: I got you free cable.
• Woolie admits he finds it uncomfortable to beat subway workers so Matt decides to kill one by pushing him in front of the train to Woolie's horror.
• In part 5, Matt fails to dodge on the side of a subway and Trane gets combo'ed by five lights in a row, their reactions are priceless. You have to see it yourself, in video orgif form.
  Matt: Get fucked!!!
  Woolie: Cowmbo!
  (Matt Begins to wheeze)
  Woolie: Blaster Combo!

• Part 11 features the return of Trane painting moving subway cars. Matt is frustrated by the platforming session he just went through and flabbergasted at the size of the mural he has to paint, while Woolie joyously sings along to the "subway surfing" song that plays in the background.
• Part 17 features Woolie doing his impressions of The Notorious B.I.G. and RZA as an Overwatch character. Matt notes that it's almost like he rehearsed them specifically for this recording session.
• Part 19 has probably the most tonally dissonant level in the entire game. Trane's hideout is bombarded by the CCK, forcing Matt and Woolie to escape to the top of a burning building while evading pitfall hazards. Then when they get to the top, it turns into a Battle Amongst the Flames between Trane, the CCK mooks, and finally Police Chief Hunt. The only thing that makes this funnier is the awkward lack of dramatic music during the boss fight with Hunt.
  Woolie: This is not what your game should be doing right now. This is the complete opposite of where your videogame should be going.
  • During the rooftop battle, CCK goons kick Trane off the roof, into a hole in the building to his death. CCK goon then jumps in after him in the fadeout
    Woolie: Aww, WHY?!

Battle Chasers Nightwar

• When arriving at the town Woolie visits the local beastiary and meets Beastmaster Raha. He immediately falls in love with her. See his reactions for yourself.
  • What makes it funnier is that when he sees her he was still talking to Matt and when she appears it immediately derails into this:
    Woolie: Fuckin' Shut the fuck up Woolie, shut the fuck up! Shut up!

Policenauts

• Part 1 gets off to a strong start with Pat breaking down when he learns the story of this 1994 game starts in the far-off future of 2010.
  • While looking at the main character's desk, Pat repeatedly tells Woolie to look at the gun and put it in his mouth.
  • With his try-hard cool attitude, clothes, and hair Pat points out that Jonathan must seem really lame to the people of the future. And this is on top of him being the only person who still smokes actual cigarettes, meaning he reeks compared to everyone else.
• In Part 2, Woolie moves to retrieve his headphones from underneath the keyboard, hits a few keys at the same time and manages to do... something, resulting in what Pat declares is "my favorite thing Woolie has ever done on a video."
  • Following the first shootout section, Woolie brings up a rather infamous bit of dialogue where Jonathan comes across as a transphobic asshole because of his dismissive attitude towards a strip club employing transgender "biovestites", especially his remarks that futuristic Los Angeles is "unfortunately" famous for them. Pat attempts to defend this by arguing that Jonathan is a Fish out of Temporal Water, only for Woolie to sarcastically counter that he's from the the intolerant era of 2010. Pat then offers a solution to the values dilemma: Pretend the main character is Hulk Hogan.
  • Then he reads the other sign where Jonathan reveals the it's a restaurant that actually makes money selling VR child pornography. Both are a bit shocked about this.
    Pat: Oh, wow! The future's weird! Why is it a fancy little restaurant?!
    Woolie: (whispering) Jesus.
    Pat: ...Huh.
    Woolie: Cuz they sell "cheese pizzas". "CP".
    Woolie: ...Oh man. Alright, we're just gonna have to move on...
• The hits come rapid-fire in part 3: to wit, we have Pat's elation with the existence of a super-drug called "Narc" (conveniently shown on a news broadcast featuring Karen Hojo, Jonathan's wife's daughter, who Woolie and Pat feel certain will become a love interest for Jonathan later), Jonathan's failed attempts to hit on a stewardess, who is apparently experiencing "moon face" and "bird leg," and an encounter with a "Frozener," a human who was cryogenically frozen as an egg and then birthed by a surrogate mother, who apparently receives an identification number tattoo at birth, leading Pat to talk about humans actively creating new races against which they can be prejudiced.
• Towards the end of Part 4, Woolie and Pat suffer a terminal case of Mind Screw when they discover one of Ed's subordinates on the Beyond police force is none other than Meryl Silverburgh^note Policenauts' Meryl is a different Meryl, despite having the same name and looks. Kojima liked her so much that he transplanted an almost identical character to Metal Gear Solid four years later.
  Ed: You're looking at the last member of High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND.
  Pat: Yoooo! (Starts laughing)
  Ed: She took part in the fall of Zanzibarland--
  (Pat and Woolie have a simultaneous and LOUD shout of total disbelief)
  Pat: NO! WHAT?! What the fuck!
  Woolie: (Uncontrollable cackling that becomes a Mickey Mouse-esque guffaw, which then transitions into stunned babbling)
  Pat: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no—what are you—no, no, no, no, no! That doesn't make any SENSE!
  • The episode opens with Pat continuing to mime racism against Frozeners only to admit he hasn't thought of an appropriate racial slur yet. He and Woolie consult and reiterate they need to make sure it's far enough from any existing slurs to avoid awkwardness.
  • After Jonathan comments on how the newscaster is the right age to be the daughter he never had, they coin the term "naughter". Woolie lingers on the concept making the mixed signals of attraction and fatherly longing even creepier to Pat's bewilderment.
    Woolie: [laughing] Could have been my little girl. Guess I'll just have to-
    Pat: Yeah, you're the one focusing on that, you're the creepy one.
    Woolie: Guess I'll just have to make her my little girl.
    Pat: [bewildered] Oh come on, man! What is up with you today!?
    Woolie: [smug] I went for it.
    Pat: He's gonna go for it, too!
  • Pat also imagines what people around Jonathan must be thinking as he watches the news.
    Pat (as Tony): Hey Jonathan, why do you keep staring at that news anchor and crying?
    Pat (as Tony): Jonathan why are you sweating watching the news?
  • Pat starts to wax poetic about how important the idea of Earth as humanity's cradle and how he finds it tragic that some colonists might lose that connection due to never seeing it. And then...
  Woolie: Okay, but what about the ones where they go "We always see it and it taunts us and-"
  Pat: Good! Good! Fuck you, you fucking space colonists! Earth is the shit! The Titans are just protecting the Earth!
• In part 5, Pat admits he'll be the first one to go live in space but also the first to be racist to space colonists.
• At the end of part 6 they freak out over Victor the forensicist's creepy AI head "Gorby". Pat guesses he's named after Mikhail Gorbachev, and freaks out when Victor confirms he's not just named after him but based off his brain patterns.
  Pat: Are we dealing with nuclear AIDS?
• Part 9 ends with Woolie singing the outro theme in place of using the actual music. Which is eventually adopted as the actual outro.
• In Part 10, they finally come up with a racial slur for the Frozeners: Frogurts.
• Part 11 has Pat confirm he would happily go to space for an organ transplant if they were better than the ones on Earth. Especially if they came from the Frogurts; just knock one out and grab what you need.
  • During a conversation, Woolie notes a girl's butt is in the frame and choose to Look at it, triggering a barrage of sexual comments from the two male characters. The fact that there's more than one response to Looking triggers laughter and bewilderment.
  • The director of the hospital is a ludicrously hot woman and one of the options on inspection is "Smell".
    Woolie: Wait, wait, wait, wait...
    Pat: Do it! Just lean right in there, don't ask a question!
    • Woolie is then dumbfounded when they unlock a "TOUCH" option on the woman.
• The director has nothing on their interactions with the receptionist in Part 12. Woolie sums it up as "Lethal Weapon and molestation".
  Woolie: You walked into the building. You copped a feel. You called them a "D". And then you said "Hi".
  • The best part about it all is how very first thing Jonathan says when talking to the receptionist is call her "sugar tits".
  Pat: [screaming with laughter and clapping] When was this fan translation made?!
  • Later, while trying to figure out what avenue of questioning to progress the story, Woolie briefly backs out and cops another feel to Pat's bewilderment. In both cases, the breasts bounce wildly with a cartoonish noise.
  • Pat figures the reason women just stand there and let Jonathan get away with all of his shit is that they find him fascinating. Like studying a caveman.
    • After they get kicked out and come back, the receptionist calls them out on their sexual harassment.
  • As Pat leaves the room to go get a drink, Woolie says something stupid while trying to figure out how to get into the Tokugawa building, then remarks that he's glad Pat didn't hear it. Unfortunately, Pat overhears that last bit and runs back in, accusing Woolie of talking shit about him and making fun of his balls behind his back. Woolie stammers an explanation before deciding that that's the less embarrassing option so, yeah, that's totally what he was doing.
• By Part 13, words are no longer required.
  Pat: What disgusting new space fetishes have we—
  [the screen fades in from black to an image of women in one-pieces and high heels floating around tables and male guests in zero-gravity]
  Pat: Oh, really?
  Woolie: [bursts into laughter] You're about to find out, asshole!
  • Then the "Rebirthers" are explained and both Woolie and Pat can't handle just how creepy it is. Even without delving into the deeper horrors, the surface details alone are enough to stop them for several minutes.
    Pat: I didn't think Policenauts was gonna be like this.
  • After being kicked put of the party by the Big Bad who is being restrained by his girlfriend Chris.
    Woolie as Jonathan: Hey Chris, why don't you tell him about all the boing-oing-oing that went on a little bit earlier today? Think he'll enjoy that?
    Pat as Chris: Yeah.
    Woolie as Jonathan: Fuck.
    Pat as Jonathan: Damn, there is no winning.
  • Earlier in the episode Woolie brings up Lady Cassandra, the last human who has been reduced to a sheet of flesh to extend her life. Pat agrees it's horrific... but since she's alive, he thinks she got a good deal.
  • The outro has Woolie singing along with appropriate lyrics.
    Boing, boing, boing/Cop a feel.
• Pat and Woolie continue to ponder the ramifications of Rebirther technology in part 14, including the possibility of black market gravediggers trying to nab DNA from Marilyn Monroe's skeleton.
  • The conversation got off on a strong note when Pat proposed Ed could clear up his money issues if he just sold a lock of his daughter's hair.
  • After Pat starts shit-talking kids for being dumber than adults, Woolie snidely comments they'll still beat him at Halo.
    Pat: Yeah, and then you can kick their ass because they're small! I am better than a child!
  • The episode ends on this line, which leaves Pat speechless:
    Anna Brown: Well, blacks have naturally higher calcitonin levels anyway, so it's not as bad for me.
    • Pat starts to wonder if it would be bad to Google this as Woolie groans, only for the audio to cut out abruptly.
• Part 15 has Pat deciding the kid likes Jonathan because he's a dinosaur. Then they start debating which aspect of him is the most dinosaur-like.
  • Pat agrees with the comments section that a businessman saying sometimes you need to make deals with crime syndicates is grounds to arrest him immediately.
  • Pat and Woolie are stopped dead in their tracks when Jonathan has this to say about his wax model:
    Jonathan: Look at how they've got me smiling. I look like a fag. I don't smile like this in real life.
    Pat: Remember, our main character is a mix between the Mel Gibson and the Riggs. It's thematically appropriate.
• Part 19 unleashes the rage as Jonathan and Ed act really dumb for pretty much the entire episode:
  • Early on, they're still chasing their near-invincible assailant, who is clearly making a break for the train that's just arriving...so Ed and Jonathan have a quick infodump about how maglev trains work and how Jonathan used to use epoxy for making models and HEY WE SHOULD HURRY UP HE COULD GET AWAY.
  • Arriving in the train station they try to shoot their target only to be shocked when the game auto-locks onto the innocent bystanders. Pat declares it one of the biggest shocks he's felt on the channel.
  • After following him on the train, they come to a car where his blood trail stops (the blood is conspicuously white, indicating artificial blood, and this some time after coming to the realization that Tony Redwood was lying about why he was visiting Home). The car has a bunch of frightened people and one nonchalant guy with his back turned wearing a coat, standing where the blood trail stops, and Jonathan's thought is "nah, it couldn't be him." Even after hearing him speak with Tony Redwood's voice. Home's finest Policenauts, everyone.
  • Their assailant flees to the next car, where he takes a hostage...who just so happens to be Chris. Who is confirmed as Tokugawa's girlfriend. Who very likely made a suspicious phone call to Jonathan's naughter. Who, when put aside by the assailant as he runs for it, keeps begging Jonathan and Ed to not leave her. It's about as transparent an effort to stall for time as can be, and there's not a single thought spared about just how fishy the situation is.
  • During Dave's death sequence the pair completely ignore the drama in favor of mocking everything about the sequence, ranging from claims that Dave finishing his burger was proof of his imminent death to suggesting Woolie try for a boing-oing on Meryl who's in-panel. Then Dave drops his ludicrously trite comment that burgers aren't his favorite thing and the duo erupt into hysterical laughter.
    • Before that they note that Jonathan looks just like an anthropomorphicized Sonic the Hedgehog in that shot. Then they suggest that Dave would've been fine if he just had the burnt burger from The Cat Lady.
  • Unrelated to Jonathan and Ed's death grip on the Idiot Ball, they run into trouble when they find out that the assailant (who they finally confirmed as Tony Redwood - but only because Dave recognized how he moved and shot his gun) has hidden a bomb into an Elles bag, in a store full of counterfeit Elles bags. They have no way of telling the difference without risking an explosion, but Meryl saves the day by happening to have a genuine Elles bag with her...that Dave got her because he thought she wasn't feminine enough. Pat explodes with infuriated disbelief.
    Pat: WHAT A FUCKING BITCH THING TO SAY WHEN YOU GIVE SOMEBODY A GIFT! HOLY SHIT!
    Woolie: [cackling]
    Pat: ...WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT'S THE MOST PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE SHIT EVER!
    Woolie: Dave was a cunt.
    Pat: YOU GOTTA SPEND MONEY TO SHIT ON SOMEBODY LIKE THAT.
  • The bag checking sequence is so calm, both in dialogue, content, and music, that they assume Tony has patched himself up with a soft serve machine, got on a ship to Earth, and started a family.
  • Before that Pat ponders exactly why Ed might be so quick at figuring out a way to tell the lady's bag apart from the counterfeits.
    Pat: See, Ed wouldn't have been able to solve this if not for his down-to-earth knowledge of the community.
    Woolie: [wheezing, having gotten the joke] What? These yeezies ain't real? Whaddya mean?
• Part 20 starts with the oh so engaging purse matching game. Some of the counterfeits are so badly made the guys erupt into laughter, deciding they were made by Jimmy who's a little off.
  • It goes on for so long that Pat suspects Tony has by now killed all of Ed's family, Jonathan's naughter, and is working through the news station crew.
• Part 21 sees them confronted with a problem that could only ever appear in a Kojima-made game: They have to start speeding through Ed and Jonathan's Info Dump dialogue in order to defuse the bomb, because reading through it all takes so long the bomb's timer runs out. This even extends to the part where the timer speeds up suddenly and they have to guess which of two wires to cut in less than ten seconds.
  ( Ed and Jonathan talk about the Poggendorff Illusion in the middle of disposing of said Time Bomb)
  Pat: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT BOGGENDORF!
  • The sheer level of how obviously corrupt the police are leaves the duo baffled. At this point they assume the cover-up is so transparent they probably just have a cardboard cutout of Dave to account for him being a murdered cop. Meanwhile the chief needs to go and have coffee with Tony.
    Pat: [as the chief dismisses Dave as "missing"] This is like I come in and you're dead. And then the next day I come back and Matt's like "Huh, are you sure Woolie was dead? He just disappeared." And I'm like "Yeah, his head was off."
• In Part 22 Pat has to walk away from the mic and scream because the constant dismissal of evidence is just that infuriating. He desperately wants a Renegade option to just start shaking and shouting down the chief.
  Pat: [simmering with rage] What fucking governmental organization set this shit up like this?
  • At the end of the episode their frustration with both the obvious corruption and how long it took the characters to notice the painfully obvious clues culminates with Pat going to soak his head in the sink and Woolie staring blankly at the ground.
  • "That fuckin' monkey was super, super high on space-drugs."
  • After Victor commiserates with the heroes over Dave's death, Woolie speculates what his last name was, including the possibility that it might be Lang.
    Woolie: "You know, burgers aren't my favorite thing. Wind Jammers is".
• Part 23 starts with Pat telling Woolie about the series outro being changed to their humming. The two agree their editor is a dirtbag for pulling that without telling them and that it's really good.
  • Before Jonathan and Ed get the AP raid launched, Woolie and Pat are already calling that they'll get to Tokugawa and find the poppy factory is completely missing.
    Woolie: This is gonna be so upsetting. This is gonna be so upsetting.
    Pat: Oh man, oh man, oh man...
• Part 24 finally gets the Squick ball rolling again with Karen being the one to come on to Jonathan. As the scene plays out, in turns out a photo of Lorraine (Karen's mother and Jonathan's ex-wife) has been sitting on a nearby shelf, facing the embracing pair.

  Woolie: Oh, man. Oh no! What?! Don't do that!!
  Pat: [screeching and howling with laughter]
  [...]
  Pat: Just push the photo down. And then she puts the photo—
  Both, in unison: back up!

  • Gates ends his Frame-Up of Johnathan with a blatant Evil Laugh, which has Pat wondering what was the point of all the set up if they can openly laugh diabolically in front of all the other cops.
    Cop 1: "We're the good guys, right?"
    Cop 2: "Oh yeah, totally."
    [cackling]
    Cop 1: "Did our boss just do the cackle?"
    Cop 2: "Eh, he was pretty happy, had a good day. All's well that ends well, right chief?"
    [maniacal laughter]
• In Part 25 Pat squicks Woolie by asking which is worse for the prosti-clones: Being artificially aged to get the desired results or living their entire life just to reach that age.
  • Later Pat horrifies himself when he realizes they're likely to end up in the incinerator when they're just a little too old.
  • Woolie accidentally calls the reveal that all the dead people are being harvested for organs. Pat is bewildered at the idea of Tokugawa being involved in that much shit.
• Part 26 Pat and Woolie's are horrified to learn Tokugawa's main source of organs isn't the dead in Beyond but children on Earth thanks to Tokugawa's trade with the mafia.
  Pat: I fucking forgot about that thing oh man.
  • The blow is somewhat softened when Pat realizes it's just an early version of the plot twist from Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance and starts wondering why Kojima likes the idea so much.
  • They cannot stand how absolutely vile the bad guys are as the explanation continues, with the reveal that brain-dead women are being used to grow Frozeners earning special disgust.
    Pat: [prolonged groan] This is the most flagrant abuse of a person's indivudal body ever. This is the worst. This is like the worst crime I've ever seen in anything.
    Woolie: Nothing like being born out of a brain-dead womb.
    Pat: And sold.
    Woolie: Holy fuck.
• In Part 27 Woolie declares he doesn't have protagonist syndrome - he views himself as a supporting character in his own life. Pat compares him to Agil.
  • Pat and Woolie are getting tired of the protagonists' stupidity over Chris being a secret agent for Tokugawa.
    Woolie: Ugh God I wish Meryl could just CQC her right now.
    Pat: Through the glass.
    Woolie: Fuck yeah. Ed would be like, "ow", but also, thumbs up.
    Pat: I want Ed to crawl out of the fucking tube with a gun and just shoot Chris and go, "I lived bitch!"
• In Part 28 as Jonathan storms Tokugawa's building, 5 corrupt cops stand in plain view, announce their presence and go down in about one shot each. Pat starts to mock them as roughly 40 cops pop out from behind cover and unleash a shower of bullets causing him to freak out.
  • Pat is increasingly worried that Karen will actually be Jonathan's daughter due to the highly-specific bone marrow requirement... until the doctor reveals Gates is the only match in the colony. They immediately decide Gates was dicking Lorraine.
  • The guys are still baffled at how long it has taken Jonathan to finally realize Chris is working with the villains and call Tony killing her as soon as she mentions their relationship.
  • Pat is really stunned at the Serial Escalation of the villains' plots. "No one has ever had a better reason to kill anyone compared to Jonathan and Tony."
  Pat: I love how, like, we've had all these set-ups for these characters being evil, right? Oh, they're framing you for murder and they're running drugs, but then they're like, 'No, that's not enough.' They're running an organ farm with dead people, and no, that's not enough, they tried to kill your partner. No, that's not enough, they blackmailed this lady with debt into becoming a prostitute and trying to kill people. No, that's not enough, they kidnapped the kid. No, that's not enough, he had to kill his mom, and now one guy's just got all that precious bone marrow in his arms that you need. And I bet— I bet!— that's not enough!
• In the final part, the Final Boss battle with Tony gets Pat and Woolie overjoyed when it's apparently revealed that none of Tony's suspected motivations mattered because he just did it all for fun.
  • Upon hearing him finally slump just out of view after spending the entire game running away:
    Both: OH?!
    Pat: (quietly) Yeah!
    Woolie: (audibly grinning) Oh, that's good.
    Pat: Okay, now go up to him and just shoot him forty more times.
    Woolie: He's like, "don't you want to hear the reasons why-" POPOPOPOPOP POP POP!
  • invoked Finally confronting Gates Becker and hearing his Motive Rant brings Pat to the realization that the villains are insane idiots.
  Pat: Being in space is more important than not stealing that baby's organs! Duh, idiot!
  [...]
  Gates: Here we are in the middle of the century and we're still tackling issues with Beyond.
  Pat: So why don't you go back to Earth, dumbass?!
  [...]
  Pat: So Gates is essentially going, "scientists told us we'd never be able to permanently overcome space 'cause our bodies just die, AND WE SHOWED THEM BY EATING ALL OF THOSE CHILDREN!"
  Woolie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
  Pat: Like, is that the end re- that- is that it?!
  Woolie: We've solved the problem! We solved it! Solved.
  Pat: Problem... solved.
  Woolie: "But the baby-" "Solved." "But the bio-" "Solved." "And the organ-" "Solved."
  Pat: (losing it) But- GATES! Unless you have a ready supply- like, you're stealing organs from Earth! Like, you need a steady supply from Earth! That's not a long-term solution!
  • Pat gets really hyped when it's revealed that Gates' rant was an Engineered Public Confession being broadcast to the whole colony, and both him and Woolie then erupt in one of the biggest cheers on the channel when Ed — last seen in a coma — comes out of nowhere to headshot Gates. And then Woolie gets his own Big "YES!" while Pat goes Laughing Mad over Gates' severed head flying out of the explosion.
    Woolie: OH! OH, YOU GOT GOT! HAS ANYONE EVER GOTTEN MORE GOT?!
    Pat: There was no blood, his head just popped off like an action figure!
  • During the epilogue newscast that shows Tokugawa getting arrested:
    Woolie: What do you even call a biomort case? What do you call that?
    Pat: I don't know. I don't think- Currently, today, Woolie, I don't believe there is a crime that that actually fits.
    Woolie: So, you are charged with eight hundred accounts of first-degree holy shit!
    Pat: Alright, um, we're gonna- you stay in jail while we draft new laws to fit this, then we're gonna charge you with those laws.
    Woolie: Right, at least twelve hundred cases of first-degree what the fuck.
  • The episode comes to a screeching halt when the program crashes and the duo fumble with the implications of Karen calling herself Jonathan's daughter.
    Woolie: [regarding Jonathan's expression] That face is "Thank god I dodged that bullet!"

Dead Space 2

• A good deal of Part 1 involves Matt and Pat reminiscing on when they played the game in the Machinima days. Yes, Pat stomps the shit out of the dead doctor's body again.
  • Matt referring to the Necromorphs as "Ann Coulters".
• Part 2 opens with Matt and Pat encountering a log about patients in an corrupt mental hospital forgetting who they are from day to day.
  Pat: (reading) Orderly Gousetis was bitten three times by Patient Six, who now must be told why he has a broken jaw every morning.
  Matt: Why do I have a broken jaw?
  Pat: 'Cause you keep biting bitches.
  Matt: Ooooooh! Classic Patient Six!
  • Matt and Pat being relatively unfazed by the horrors unfolding around them provides much needed levity in a game as scary as Dead Space 2. Especially when they get to the Residential District.
    Pat: Alright, let's get into the Residential District.
    (Explosion)
    Pat: Where everything is fine.
    (Cue Necromorph stabbing the shit out of a helpless civilian and rushing Isaac)
    Matt: *Calmly* That's fine.
    Pat: *Equally Calm* Wow, that person gets it really hard.
• During Part 3, Pat gets legitimately spooked when a Necromorph Puker ambushes him and relaxes after it's dead. This leads to him getting ambushed no fewer than three times total because he assumed the encounter was over and relaxed only to get attacked by a new Necromorph.
• In Part 4, Pat shoots his line gun at the legs of some necromorphs, only for one to wander onscreen just in time to get clipped in the foot by the barest edge of the shot. Matt busts out laughing because it looks like the horrible space zombie just tripped over the corpses quickly piling up in the hallway.
• In Part 5, Pat was so startled by the Puker from the end of the last episode that he spends a solid six seconds stomping it into necrotic paste. Seems like Pat's being affected by the Marker too.
  Pat: Gotta make sure... Gotta make sure.
  • Deep in the Church of Unitology, they come across a screen showing a slideshow, which depicts "convergence" as several people getting their faces burned off of their skulls. Matt and Pat briefly poke fun at the idea of the guy commissioned by the Church to make the video trying to spin something so Obviously Evil.
    Matt: That must have been a hard slide for them to get the Space-Photoshop guy to make that. He'd be like "Really?"
    Pat: "Is that what you want to happen? Really?"
    Matt: (snickering) The guy's just staring at his desk for like, two hours just like "...wha—?"
• Part 6 sees Pat come face to face with the most horrifying enemy so far: Windows minimizing the game to inform him that the new update is ready to install.
• Part 11 has Matt claiming that the Street Sharks' Catchphrase was "rip your ass." Pat slowly gets more and more amused as he thinks about it, culminating with his laughing fit completely derailing a hallucination scare.
  • Shortly afterward, when Isaac is telling Ellie about the Ishimura incident:
    Isaac: I saw it. I was on board when it happened.
    Pat: And I crushed that shit!
    Matt: Yeah, I did really well. I couldn't talk for the entire adventure, though, I was so, like, hyped.
• The finale has them coming up with names for the last chapters, since unlike the original game there are no subtitles to go along with the numbers. Chapter 14 is dubbed "Ow, My Eye Hurts" after the game's Signature Scene, and they disagree on whether the last chapter should be called "Whoopsie-Doodle" or "Uh Oh, Spaghetti-Os".
  • Pat's quiet humiliation when he tries to fight the final boss using only the Ripper so he can finish proving to all of the commenters that it's the best and most flawless weapon in the game, only to get his ass kicked as soon as Marker Nicole actually starts attacking. For extra fun, it's the first time either of them had ever seen the battle's special death scene.

Life Is Strange: Before The Storm

Posted on Matt's solo channel.

• When chatting with Skip about his band Liam says that the scene would be improved by Skip ripping his security guard uniform off to reveal a "Pisshead" hat right underneath, as if he was jumping at the opportunity to make a career change.
  • Later they wished the smoke coming from the wildfire spells Pisshead.
• During the confrontation with Principal Wells Liam suggests that he should've tried to talk Chloe down by offering her cocaine. Courtesy of the Prescotts. Hidden underneath his tongue. Which has "Pisshead" tattooed on it. From when he used to be the frontman until Skip replaced him.
• During the venting scene where Chloe wrecks the junkyard, Matt tells Liam it's time to hash out every complaint he has about Overwatch's writing every time he hits something.
  Matt: The visuals are so good, but...
  Liam: They didn't give us enough time in Mei's fucking story thing to like anyone! There is no relationship building!
  Matt: The voice acting is acceptable and that's it!
• The Adaptational Villainy of ghost David.
  Liam as David: Remember Chloe I am the emblem that engulfs the world in flames.
• Matt and Liam are a bit puzzled at first as to what the principal is accusing Chloe and Rachel of, as they did several things and don't know which he found out about.
  Liam: We do not play dungeons and dragons at our school!
  Matt: That has been outlawed since the incident.
• Matt and Liam wonder what the effects of drinking tea dosed with muscle relaxants does and whether it causes you to instantly shit your pants.
  Liam: Just instantly her pants shoot to the floor.
  • Matt then makes awkward noises at Victoria as she considers drinking the tea.
  • When Chloe has to take over for her in the play after she flops over like a dead fish Liam suggests that the principal will get up and shoot at Chloe's legs to keep her out of school.
    Liam: You have to play a dancing minigame to dodge the bullets.
• The "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue shows Frank, last seen fighting a knife-wielding Damon, with his dog Pompidou and holding Damon's knife. Liam takes a guess as to what happened to Damon.
  Liam: Pompidou will eat well tonight.

Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite

• There's no intro theme. Instead, we open to Woolie reminding Matt and Pat that they need to Let's Play MVCI's story mode. Matt and Pat refuse, and the intro ends with the two smiling at the Gag Dub (By Jaboody Dubs) of the 60's Spider-Man cartoon they were watching.
• Matt and Pat open up Part 1 with a dual groan, followed up with Woolie making an interesting bet during the rest of Pat's groaning.
  Woolie: Aright, so I wanna make a wager. It isn't even a wager, its just a condition. If we get...when we get through the end of the story mode here, I wanna go back, watch the full intro to 3 vanilla and tell me if that hits you more than the story mode for this.
  Matt: I remember that intro. It's fucking hype as shit.
  Woolie: Okay. I wanna go back to that and contrast with what we're about do, and see what happens.
  • Matt then makes his own, equally hilarious, bet.
    Matt: I wanna make a wager. Will this be worse or better than Tekken 7's awful story mode?
    Pat: Nice try.
  • The guys question the decision to start the story after the Convergence of the two universes has already occurred, which Matt chalks up to the devs trying to save money by not depicting a massive cataclysmic event.
  • During his introduction cutscene, Matt and Woolie express displeasure at seeing Dante's Devil May Cry 3 design for the Umpteenth time.
    Matt: I'm sick of DMC3 Dante, honestly. I'd rather 4 at this point.
    Woolie: I'd rather 1, or 2. Give me 4 with 2's jacket.
  • Pat brings up Woolie's explanation of why there's always an "evil, corrupting force" in fighting games: It allows the two groups to fight without them instead having to be psychotics with no communication skills.
    Pat: So you end up in a situation where it's like "Hey, I'm El Fuerte," and then someone looks at El Fuerte and goes "I hate dudes with masks. I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
• In Part 2, after Thor is teleported away by Ultron Sigma:
  Pat: Kay, bye Thor.
  Matt: Now Thor is wiped from Woolie's, uh...
  Pat: Character roster.
  Matt: Yeah.
  Pat: You gotta buy him back.
  Matt: (laughing) If you play the story mode, it takes characters away from the roster!
  • As Thanos is interrogated, the guys point out some of the incredibly illogical character reactions resulting from how clumsily the story mashes together its universes.
    Chris Redfield: No deal, Thanos.
    Matt: Who are you, Chris, to say no deal, Thanos?!
    (Woolie and Matt start laughing)
    Pat: You're a cop!
    Chun-Li: Give us cause to trust you.
    Pat: You're a cop!
  • The arrival of a Monster Hunter boss infuriates Pat for many reasons: the fact that the actual Monster Hunter character is relegated to DLC instead of being playable for her own sequence, the fact that the gameplay just has Hulk and Ryu fighting the same waves of Mooks followed by a cool cutscene of the boss's defeat, and the fact that the sequence appears to exist just to show off how much detail and budget was put into the unlockable stage.
  • The guys admit they're torn over the developer fixing Chun-Li's face, which was severely warped in early screenshots. It makes the game look better, but steals some easy material for their videos. That doesn't stop them using said screenshot for the series thumbnail.
  • Woolie mocks the shady practice of holding back Black Panther and Monster Hunter to sell them as paid DLC despite both characters appearing in the story:
    Black Panther: Valkanda needs its king.
    Woolie: [In a Wakandan accent] And DLC needs profits!
• In Part 3, Ghost Rider bumps into Morrigan, who duplicates herself and tries to seduce him. Ghost Rider flatly rejects her so she attacks him. Matt wonders aloud who would turn down sex with two hot women. (Woolie's Never Live It Down moment happened because he wanted to buy Marvel vs. Capcom 3 on the day it was published.)
  • Woolie has a pretty interesting interpretation of Ghost Rider's thoughts on Morrigan.
    Woolie: (As Ghost Rider) GET OFF ME, THOT!
    (Woolie and Pat laugh their asses off.)
  • Woolie ends up using Doctor Strange and Arthur, two characters he has little experience with. Arthur goes down quickly, so Woolie keeps spamming the Bolts of Balthak with Strange.
    Doctor Strange (ad nauseam): Lightning, vanquish my enemies!
    Matt: It's a good thing that lightning came in and vanquished his enemies.
    Woolie: Who'd he vanquish?
    Matt and Pat: His enemies.
    Woolie: W-What vanquished it?
    Mat and Pat: Lightning.
    Woolie: Okay, just checking.
  • During the fight, Matt and Pat try to pretend to not know who Storm is due to the game's ban on X-Men and Fantastic Four-related characters, as well as the infamous interview where Capcom employee Michael Evans tried to claim that modern fans may not even remember the X-Men.
• Part 4 starts with Strider Hiryu's nemesis, Grandmaster Meio, dying in a cutscene. Pat notes that the Grandmaster has been killed multiple times (he and Strider both acknowledge this) so this really didn't accomplish much.
  Pat (as Meio explodes): See you in twenty minutes...
  • Matt sets himself up and Woolie knocks him down.
    Matt: I'd have sex with all these characters.
    Woolie: Even the Rocket?
    Matt: Well, not- not Rocket.
    Pat: Yeah, especially Rocket.
    Woolie: Oh, you'd lift that tail up. Shut up, too late.
    [Matt bursts into laughter]
  • When Rocket Raccoon finally gets why a "stone of unimaginable power" is called the Power Stone, Matt calls out Capcom on forgetting their Power Stone series.
    Rocket: Ah, Power Stone! Now I get it-
    Matt: Power Stone! I don't really remember that name says Capcom.
    Pat: Literally called the Power Stone.
  • Matt and Woolie aren't too impressed by Lady Death's redesign for Infinite.
    Matt: Turn around so we can see your sexy skull face. (they see Death's new face)
    Woolie: Wait, what the fuck?
    Matt: Oh I don't like that. Big titties? I don't like that at all.
    Woolie:You're supposed to be a skeleton that doesn't say anything.
    Matt: Yeah!
    Woolie: That's bullshit. I hate this doll.
  • Pat on the other hand is amused by Jedah describing his universe as one where "heroes never truly die".
    Pat: Is that a joke about Capcom re-releases?
    Woolie: Maybe.
  • Again pointing out the issue with starting the game In Medias Res and not actually showing what happened, the guys are baffled when Captain America claims that certain heroes have already died.
    Captain America: We've lost allies and friends.
    Woolie: Who?!
  • Throughout the video, the guys mention newer Marvel and Capcom characters who should be in the game, such as Spider-Gwen, Robbie Reyes, Nero or anyone from Power Stone. Near the end of Part 4, this turns into Matt and Woolie straight up listing off absent characters they'd rather be playing as, like Kamala Khan and Rashid. However, when Woolie asks where Axl is...
    Matt: No one gives a fuck!
• In Part 5 Woolie has Matt look up the proposed Infinity Stone Tournament rules, many of which leave the guys in stitches at how ludicrously overpowered they are.
  • The idea that Thor, by himself, could hold off the entire rest of the cast leaves the guys confused, as does Ultron-Sigma randomly having some Mook as a battle partner
  • Pat points out that the more normal characters are really taking this magi-technobabble really well.
    Pat: I just like Ryu and Frank standing around going "What? Who!? Magic!?"
    Matt: I'd like to think Ryu would just be staring at Thanos, like right up in his face, going "What are you?"
    Pat: "Are you an oni?"
  • Pat fully approves of Frank's stunned reaction when Iron Man tells him to fight Thanos.
• In the finale, the trio are livid over Ultron-Omega, a ridiculous-looking Giant Hands of Doom boss with a health meter so absurd that Pat initially mistakes it for a Hopeless Boss Fight. He's enraged when Woolie loses and is forced to restart.
  • The Best Friends have a ball pointing out the static background characters during the Infinity Buster cutscene.
    Dr. Strange: Heroes, lend me your strength — I will channel it into him!
    Pat: Everyone! Do a cool pose to lend him your strength!
    Matt: Yeah no, that's it! (everyone laughs)
    Woolie: Do your idle stance!
    Matt: It was Ryu that really gave it away.
    Pat: The one that gets me is the Hulk, because Hulk isn't moving.
  • During the credits the guys spot a section for facial captures. Given how bad faces look in the game, they wonder what sort of monsters were being used.

The Evil Within 2

• The opening for the series features Sea Bass, faced with a tripwire in a dark hallway, hesitating before slowly and deliberately grabbing the wire and being reduced to a bloodstain.
• The running gag throughout of Tatiana advising Sebastian needs to buy combat skills every time Pat accesses the upgrade system. Pat finds it irritating; Matt finds it to be great for bugging Pat.
• The friends suggest Seastian might want to take a look at his daughter's body before rescuing her in the STEM to confirm she is not just a Brain in a Jar with a bow on top.
  • Much later Matt points out that while school is always hard for kids, it's especially hard for the brain-in-a-jar kids.
• Matt calling the priest he meets at the church fake from the get go expecting a monster from the simulation.
  Pat: Hey we don't know he is fake.
  Matt: Okay, why is he here?
• Part 4 starts with them coming across a tripwire in a dark hallway and Pat reluctantly noting they may need to recreate their intro. They proceed to do just that.
• Halfway through Part 11 they unlock the shooting gallery and remark on the fact that Sea Bass is taking time away from saving his daughter from a literal nightmare world to shoot cardboard cut outs in his head.
  Sebastian: Hell...yes!
  Matt!Sebastian: My daughter's dying!
• Part 12 five minutes in they find a vending machine and start hitting it to get green goo and Pat guesses that one day this is going to blow up in his face. Mat denies it and before he even finishes talking a grenade rolls out of the machine. Luckily for them it was just a smoke bomb.
  • Matt is on a roll this episode, mistaking a Door to Before for the progression route and stating an enemy was dead only for Pat to activate them immediately on three separate occasions.
• In Part 16 Matt mentions that there's a celebrity called Sea Bass, which makes Pat feel like an asshole. Matt says it's fine... which baffles Pat as Matt is giving him an out on being an asshole.
  • On meeting the psychologist, Pat wonders why she doesn't have superpowers given she knows how this shit works. Then he points out she's the only surviving member of the team despite being a non-combatant and wonders if the monsters are working on Predator logic.
• Early in Part 17 the guys find out that Hoffman was directly involved in Lily being scouted as the Core. For the rest of the LP, Pat periodically demands that Sea Bass either confront her about this or just gun her down.
• Part 19 opens with Pat noting the entire series must be cursed as they were unable to start the game for half an hour.
• Part 20 gives us one of the most instant examples of Tempting Fate the channel's ever had. Pat enters the second room full of electrified tripwires:
  Pat: Hey, I was able to defeat these while they were invisible, don't think you can— (immediately brushes up against a wire, zapping Sebastian) —AAGH! OH NO! (manages to get stuck between two wires, bouncing back and forth between them until Sebastian dies) HOW DI...?!
  Matt: [laughing hysterically] Oh my God, that was so bad that I think you intentionally did it!
  • Even better! Looking closer at what happened, when Pat moved left the first time the game bugged out and instantly teleported him several feet forward into a tripwire which then trapped and killed him. It seems Pat's Stand 'Crazy Talk' kicked in and advanced into an ACT 2 in order to glitch the game purely to spite him!
• They constantly comment that Stefano is like a JoJo villain. In Part 23 they meet Father Theodore and Pat declares he is literally a JoJo villain.
  • Matt points out it's really hard to accept a religious leader's pleas for trust when he's having to shout them over the roaring flames surrounding his church's icon.
• While walking through an area, Pat discovers three Lost praying at a fire and is torn on how to approach them. Matt convinces him to try the smoke arrow, but he gets only one stealth kill before the other two attack. His sprint to make room between them ends up aggroing a half dozen other enemies, ending with one comically leaping out a windshield as Sea Bass dies.
• In Part 31 the lengthy escort mission comes to an abrupt halt as the Lost kill Sea Bass while Hoffman is yelling if he's okay. Pat's response? "Doing great. Doing great."
  • Pat notes that they've recently launched three new LPs and hopes the audience is enjoying them, except for that one. Unless it's this one, which makes things awkward.
• In Part 33, Matt and Pat encounter a flashback of Father Theodore calling Stefano over the phone. Matt and Pat immediately latch on to the idea of how annoyed Theodore sounded while praising Stefano's art.
  • They get super hyped at the callback Boss Rush, shouting "A better version of the first game!" when Theodore shunts them to Beacon, and maintain it as Sea Bass proceeds to wreck the enemies from the first game. While killing the Sadist, Matt notes that he wasn't even that big a presence in the first game, with the Keeper and Laura being more prominent. The fight immediately segues into a battle with the Keeper, which segues into one with Laura.
• Their reaction to Myra melting into wax after being defeated in part 34.
  Pat: Gross. But kind of clean gross? Since all the gore is turning into wax.
  Matt: It could be grosser.
  Pat: Classy gross.
  Matt: (laughing) Yeah, yeah. The kind of gross you can show your mom!
  • Pat and Sea Bass are of split opinions on fighting Myra.
    Sebastian: (pained) I don't want to do this.
    Pat: I do, it's cool.
    Matt: I don't want to do this, but I gotta admit, it's kind of radical.
• During the credits in Part 35 Pat comments that Bethesda has been doing an odd thing recently where they make good games without any bullshit added in. They are still evil and intent on murdering Obsidian, such as offering to let them make a new Fallout game in exchange for burning down their office and selling their families into slavery. And it's a hard choice.

Silent Hill

• In Part 4 their conversation meanders around until The Birdcage is brought up.
  Matt: Man, if you could just combine Silent Hill and The Birdcage—
  Pat: —you'd get something really fucking weird.
  Matt: You'd get Deadly Premonition.
  Pat: Oh. My. God, you're super right!
• Part 5 ends on a high note:
  Harry turns with his gun drawn to see Cybil.
  Cybil: Harry!
  Matt: Shoot her!
• Part 9 opens with them claiming it's their Evil Within 2 playthrough and start calling out all the similarities that could lead to confusion.
  • Later in the episode Matt starts talking about Hoffman while meaning Kaufman, further confusing the two.
• In Part 10 they encounter a bug where an agonizingly loud buzzing tone appears in-game. Matt proposes it's a problem on the disc until Pat points out they're playing the digital HD collection.
• A Meta moment in that they overestimated just how long Silent Hill is, and so were forced to air episodes of Evil Within 2 constantly after the Silent Hill LP ended much sooner than anticipated.

Knights of the Old Republic

• Pat has a raging hate-boner for Carth and is not shy about telling him to shut up.
• Until they get off Taris, Pat and Woolie make a big production of pretending they don't know their character will become a Jedi.
• At one point, Woolie busts in to an alien's apartment and takes his things with said alien's canned line being a plea to not be hurt since he has nothing of value in his home to which Pat replies...

  Pat: You don't now, you fucking Ithorian. (immediately disgusted with himself) Oh I know the fuckin' names of the fuckin'...
  Woolie: That's the... Well it says right there but.
  Pat: (defeated) I know, I know but I-I didn't. I said it without looking.

  • Part 1 also sees the addition of a new entry into the Best Friends canon, after Woolie makes his character demand credits for her help:
    Woolie: I got deep pockets, bitch. That's why they call me "Pockets".
    Pat: (Barely able to contain his laughter) "That's why they call me 'Pockets'..."
    Woolie: Oh, no.
    Pat: Aw, yeah! Your character's name is "Pockets" now! (Chuckling) Pockets the Jedi.
    Woolie: No renaming in this game, huh?
• In Part Two, Woolie encounters a group of street thugs harassing an old man. After starting a fight with them (purely because they talked shit to him), he chucks a grenade at them, murdering the both of them immediately. The old man then thanks him milliseconds after the explosion.
• In Part 3, Woolie and Pat spend half of the video learning about Pazaak, and make some jokes about other card games like Magic: The Gathering and Yu-Gi-Oh! in the process.
  • Pat has to explain the reasoning for holding off going above level 4 on Taris twice because Woolie doesn't believe Bioware would screw a player over that badly on class changing.
• Part 4 sees the boys run into an old man on the corner raving about a 'plague'. It turns out he's talking about the aliens living on Taris and how they need to be wiped out. If you've been following this channel for a while, you can probably guess where they go with it.
  Woolie: Our genitalia don't even fit! I know, I tried.
  Pat: I tried so hard.
  • It comes to a head towards the end of the part, after a Twi'lek sells them a faulty droid:
    Woolie: These fucking lekkies, I tell ya'.
    Pat: Oh, boy. Oh, we're in this now? Okay.
    Woolie: Do we have a choice?
    Pat: We never had a choice. Can't run a business, only good for one thing, am I right?
    Woolie: (breaking out in uncomfortable laughter) No.
    Pat: Aw, yeah?! Now you're uncomfortable, huh?!
    Woolie: You have to infer, and let the viewer's mind...
    Pat: Oh yeah?
    Woolie: ...go where it would.
    Pat: Accounting, that's the only thing they're good at.
• In Part 5 Woolie admits he's interested in Pazaak only for the first player they find to reveal he was banned from the Upper City cantina. Both Pat and Woolie chorus "WHY WERE YOU BANNED?"
  • Pat and Woolie stumble onto a dancer's audition, with Pat treating the ensuing mini-event as though it were a life or death situation. After fumbling the first two dances, the option to take a dive and intentionally screw the dancer over appears for the third.
    (Pat and Woolie burst into laughter)
    Pat: (clapping) Do it!
    Woolie: That is, that is, I mean look. Like you can't just present that to me, Light Side or not, and expect anything else.
• Part 6 has Woolie learning about the Ebon Hawk and asking what a "hawk" is in the context of Star Wars. Pat points out the same question regarding the Milennium Falcon, which Woolie had never realized.
• Fighting Selven in Part 7 Woolie sees that Carth is low on health but Pat reassures him it's fine since the enemy is not even aiming at Carth. Cue Carth dying right away and Woolie following suit.
• In Part 8 Pat explains the concept of an Alpha Strike by listing off the attacks of the original Dragonlance heroes.
  • While killing the innocent Dia for the bounty on her head, Woolie forces his character to not attack and makes the unwilling Carth kill her. Woolie compares it to a cop choosing to stand their ground.
    (Woolie cackles evilly)
    Pat: Oh Carth, you're so disappointed, huh?
    Woolie: What have you done, You Monster!?
    ...
    Woolie: Fucking Carth, man, you fucking psychopath.
    Pat: I can't believe he did that.
  • Woolie making fun of how much Gadon and the Beks are too much of good guys to call themselves a gang.
    Woolie (as Gadon): Well it turns out it's an acronym, you see G.A.N.G stands for Gangs Are No Good.
• Part 9 starts with Woolie declaring he's not paying any attention to an Aqualish's words because it is so hideous. They then imagine that Pockets and Carth are both trying not to vomit while it talks.
  • Pat bails when Woolie reveals his plans for the episode: Pazaak. Then while Woolie is explaining his desire, Carth wants to talk and completely disrupts his train of thought.
  • After defeating the dueling champion, Twitch, they decide Pockets now needs to open a streaming video service.
    Woolie: "Pockets.tv"
    Pat: No, "Pockets.pizza"!
    Woolie: ...That's terrible. I hate it.
    Pat: Yeah it is! But you remember it don't you!? And the tagline'll be like:
    Pat: "Don't have a pizza in your pocket, watch...streams..." [Breaks down wheezing]
    Woolie: ...why not, like "Pock.ets" or something? I like those guys.
    Pat: I don't know if .ets is a stupid- What about "Pockets.money"!?
    [Both laugh out loud]
    Woolie: Noooow we're in it!!
• Part 10 is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Woolie and Pat finally leave the upper city in this episode... but there was no audio. At all. They had to reupload the entire thing. Whoopsie-doodle!
  • Woolie really just wants to play Pazaak with random people. Pat makes it very clear that Woolie will not be doing that while he's in the room.
• In Part 11 their comments that this is the best playable version of the game comes back to haunt them when Mission's level up sound is a high-pitched electronic squeal.
  • Pat points out a Rakghoul hidden "behind that pile of garbage." When Woolie moves, it becomes apparent he's referring to Carth.
• In Part 13, upon encountering Igear, Woolie immediately starts making economics jokes as the game takes a turn for the political, as Igear believes that he deserves ALL of the money that he earns from his shop, refusing to share his profits with other people from his village (even though he doesn't actually get any of the salvage himself; they're given to him by the other villagers).

  Pat: Is a man not entitled to the sweat-
  Both: OF HIS BROW?!

  • This is not long after Woolie sells the rakghoul serum to Davik's contact. He notes that it's a very small act but it's the most evil thing he has done yet.
  • Near the start of the part, they talk to Mission about her brother, Grif, and how he abandoned her to run off with a woman named Lena. They're chuckling at Mission calling her a "space tramp" and begin cackling with delight at the term "intergalactic skank".
• In Part 23 Woolie wonders why he gets Dark side point for killing this guest over the other who were hostile.
  Pat: Um... You saw a person and went "I'm gonna murder you, racial slur".
• Twice, Pat mis-reads an enemy name as "horny kath hound".
• The end of the Matale and Sandral Affair: they're given the option to lie (for no reason but to be a dick) and say that, actually, the Matales did kill Nurik's son. Obviously, they almost immediately do it and get both families killed.
• In part 33 Woolie wonders what would happen if they lie about finding something in the secret temple. Bastila immediately calls you out and says they did discover something important, then the conversation flows normally. Woolie is shocked no one is asking about Pockets outright hiding the discovery of a WMD to the council.
• In Part 41, Pat gives an advice for people who considers lping (or any recording yourself talk for a living) after talking about his pitch of a show about P.Is.
  Pat: Answer yourself this, if you make a joke about sneak dicks, only to one second into it to realize how fucking nefarious it sounds, before even your compatriots even starts to fucking go "hey wait woah" do you haveit within you to think of an alternate pun within about two seconds.
• In Part 42, Pat asks how Star Wars Olympics would play out only for Woolie to scoffs at the idea, as it would basically be cheating given how many species have Force or different advantages. Leading to a really nice and isolated:
  Woolie: You can't have Olympics unless you discriminate by race.
• In Part 51, Woolie goads Matton into killing Eli, then laughs as one of the first dialogue options after the deed was "Did you have to kill him?"
• At the very start of Part 54, Pat reveals that he had been ninety minutes late for the recording session, and Woolie had spent the entire time playing Pazzak offscreen.
• In Part 55 Woolie is so done with the wookie culture being built to fail he chooses to ask for reward kill, have Pockets insulting them and saying she doesn't care anymore.
• In Part 56, Woolie plays the "fill those pockets" scheme for all its worth.
  Woolie:Your honor, may I approach the bench? Your honor...are you suggesting that his execution directly leads to the lining of my Pockets ?
  • As Woolie leaves he realizes the wookies taking back their lands means everyone, including his Pazzak buddy, were kicked out or murdered by the wookies.
  Pat: We demand a goddamn uni-lingual monoculture. And we will achieve it.
• In Part 58, Woolie and Pat help finish up Bastila's quest with her mother.
  • About halfway through the conversation, Woolie realizes that he doesn't care that much about the quest and that he's probably going to end up getting too much light side experience.
    Woolie: Fuck this, I need my dark side points.
    (beat)
    Pat: Take a shit on the floor!
  • As Bastila's mother is about to depart, a caring Bastila decides to give her 500 credits to help pay for treatments having to do with her illness. An irate Woolie asks if she's stealing from his personal bank account.
    Woolie: (gasps) WHAT?! That better not come off of my fucking— is that skimmed?
    Pat: Nah, man. That was shit she was hiding from you.
    Woolie: That better not be fucking skimmed.
• Part 60 has a Selkath on Manaan, Nilko Bwaas, ask for help with a quest. Woolie is skeptical until Nilko brings up that he's willing to pay Pockets 500 credits for the task, at which point Woolie immediately perks up.
  Woolie: That's a decent - that's a decent.
  Pat: Yeah. He'll give you a money!
  Woolie Yeah, yeah, yeah.
  Jolee Bindo: Be careful here, kid. Start poking your nose in—
  Woolie: (clicking past Jolee's dialogue interruption) Shut up.
  (Pat sputters and starts laughing)
• Part 67 has Pockets finally going to the trial Woolie has postponed. She just shows the video that proves her client is guilty beyond doubt and end the case right there.
  Pat: Sith guy is just "why did I even showed up"?
• Part 85:
  • Pat and Woolie wonder how horrible it would be if like the Sith their workplace is a Gambit Pile Up on who kills who first. With Woolie giving a poisoned Red Bull to Pat and Pat poisoning the outside of the can before Woolie take it.
  • Pat runs to the bathroom when the game gives a puzzle.
• Part 87:
  • Woolie finally gets around to finishing Canderous's story, which involves a fight in the desert. Woolie doesn't bother taking any sort of diplomatic approach and just starts the fight before using Lightning Storm to finish the fight in two rounds. On top of Woolie chanting "Fun Button", he also added this right after the fight started.
    Woolie: Well, you know, I tried...
    Pat: No you fucking didn't. You didn't try shit.
• Part 96:
  • Woolie's joy as he gets to finally lock himself on Dark Side route and has Z kill Mission.

Super Mario Odyssey

• Part 1 gets off to a great start, as the amount of narrative at the beginning gives Matt and Woolie some Shout-Out material.
  Matt: And then he linked the First Flame!
  [...]
  Woolie: I mean, really, that's all Bowser has been trying to do from the get-go.
  Matt: *stutters* Link the First Flame? Or whatever.
  Woolie: And the, the f-
  (Bowser does an Evil Laugh with Mario near defeat.)
  Matt: GOODBAH, JOJO!
  Woolie: The Furtive Plumber.
  Matt: The Furtive Plumber!
  • Matt's horror when he realizes the central game mechanic is basically that of Omikron.
    • Especially when Woolie starts breaking out into renditions of the Training Room song.
  • After abandoning their possessed T-Rex to enter a short substage, Matt takes the opportunity to tease the realistic dragon boss fight later on.
    Woolie: And they'd never terrify the children by making them fight him, it seems.
    Matt: Uh, who, Mario?
    Woolie: Yeah, cause you'd think that would be an enemy!
    Matt: (*struggling not to laugh*) Um...
    Woolie: A giant T-rex in a stage?
    Matt: (Beat) Oh man, you're gonna love the rest of this game.
• In Part 4 Woolie points out that Mario just killed what appeared to be a god over a misunderstanding.
  Woolie: Eons of god life, snuffed out.
• In Part 5, Woolie jumps in a pond while possessing a stack of Goombas only to find out they die instantly in water. His reaction to one of them seemingly offing himself is Comedic Sociopathy at it's finest.
• In Part 6 Matt comments that their new baseball cap and striped shirt combo that Mario is wearing reminds him of their friend and occasional butt-of-the-joke, Austin Eruption.
  Woolie: Yes or you know, little loser boy.
  Matt: (Begins Corpsing immediately)
• Part 8 opens with a nearly four-minute discussion on Goomba mating practices due to the goal of stacking a dozen Goombas up to reach a female one on a tower. Woolie then suggests stacking himself, Woolie, Pat, Liam, and others up with the end goal of seducing Jessica Nigri.
• In Part 9, resident Sky Captain fanboy Woolie freaks out when he learns the Lost Kingdom's outfit is an Aviator Outfit and makes collecting Purple Coins the top priority.
  • They then note that if you circle the Wiggler around the right way it looks like he's eating his own ass. Complete with licking sounds.
  • While traveling as Glydon Woolie decides to just hop out of him mid-air, leaving him to fall into the purple goo.
  • They note that rainy New Donk City looks a lot like Cainhurst Castle, and break out into impressions of the children there.
    Matt: (after blowing up cars with a Sherm) This is a Mario game. It super is. You can't tell me it's not.
• In Part 13, Woolie at first think Mario will see his enemies in a new light after being in their head only to back track and says Mario sees his quest to kill them even more righteous.
  Matt: He sees them in an older light.
  • The friends come up with even more Fridge Horror about the possession mechanic by suggesting Mario takes away a precious memory of their life when he leaves their body.
• They notice that the octopus boss in Part 14 has a suspicious resemblance to a certain angry balding redhead.
  Matt: Man that squid reminds me of something.
  Woolie: Hmm.
  Matt: Like could you imagine the squid shouting at you, "Hey that's Anor Londo"?
• In part 18 Matt tries to say the dragon looks a bit cartoony.
  Matt: Just not really that's complete bullshit what I just said.
• In part 19, Woolie faces the last Broodals, pointing out they might want to cut their losses before Mario wipes out their whole family.
  Woolie: Look at the empty places at the table at diner stare-
  Matt: With food that still set out
  Woolie:- And think about it.

Bully

• In Part 1, Pat reminisces about his university after talking about how the main building at Bullworth looks just like the main building at his.
  Pat: Matt, I went to Concordia, ever been to the Loyola Campus?
  Matt: Yes, I have.
  Pat: Like, the main building looks exactly fucking like that. It's a nice building!
  Matt: Yeah, but it belies the horrors within.
  Pat: Yeah, which is the Psychology Department.
  Matt: Yeah, yeah that fake department.
  Pat: It's not fake, it's just, uh, y'know...
  Matt: It's just useless.
  Pat: (Makes a weird noise, but doesn't deny it)
  Matt: Hey man! My art stuff became all useless! Cause, I wasn't good enough!
  Pat: Yeah, but at least you drew a couple of pretty pictures along the way-
  Matt: NO I DIDN'T!! Absolutely I didn't!!
  • Pat brings up how easy it is to beat up kids because they're small, when Matt brings up that some kids are getting tougher.
    Pat: I see thirteen to fourteen years old that are taller than me and I want to jump off a cliff.
  • Matt and Pat's disgust with the school staff reaches a head very quickly when they meet the headmaster.
    Headmaster: Tell me, why should I waste my time on you?
    Jimmy: I don't know.
    Headmaster: (dramatically) Because it's my calling!
    Pat: Oh, FUCK you, you fuckin' posh motherfucker!
  • Matt finds out he can hide in rubbish bin and witness a kid bullying another using a baseball bat. He decides to wait until the situation defuses.
    Pat: (as Jimmy) I hid in the garbage.
    Matt: That's the Kowalewski way.
  • The headmaster says back in his school days it was normal to castrate the new kid.
    Pat: I think you said the wrong word man! I bet you meant hazing.
  • Jimmy accidentally terrorizes a tiny nerd girl. He then attempts to make amends by casually saying "Heya" as the girl runs off, screaming like a banshee, causing Matt and Pat to lose it.
  • They take an immediate interest in the "humiliate" mechanic, with an excited reaction at finishing a bully with the good old indian burn. This results in said bully running off in an undignified manner only to then trip and faceplant into the hard concrete, which gets a magnificent cackle out of Matt.
• They sometimes begin to refer to Russel as Mr. Shakedown
• In Part 2, Matt and Pat expose their French-Canadian balls on stream by barely scraping together a passing grade in English class for a six-letter word scramble. The fact that they miss words like "owl" and "meow" is heavily mocked by the comments.
  • They encounter a soccer ball in the grass and have Jimmy start kicking it around.
    Pat: What is that?
    Matt: It's some type of sports ball. I-I don't recognize it though.
    Pat: I think Jimmy's getting drunk just by being around it! Oh, what, he's just got a chain in his hand now!
    Matt: What's happening?
    Pat: What is this hooligan aura around this weird spotted ball?
    Matt: What is the nature of this Stand?
  • When they access the Character Customization, they decide to have Jimmy run around in a letterman jacket, a baseball cap... and his underwear and socks. He continues to appear like this in all cutscenes.
    Matt: I don't even know why they think Jimmy's dumb, he looks like he has a head on his shoulders!`
• Granted, it doesn't really involve any knowledge or skill in art, but the fact former art student Matt fails the introductory Art class is hilarious.
• In Part 3, Pat tires of Gary's Obviously Evil Smug Snake antics.
  Gary: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was hanging out in the girls' dorm.
  Pat: You're the one with fuckin' Anime Hair, motherfucker!
  • When protecting Algernon while he's in the Bathroom. One of the bullies says something that makes Matt lose it, while Pat is understandably uncomfortable.
    Wade Martin: You wanna see me lose it?! Huh DAD?! I mean, You're dead!!!
    (Matt Absolutely Loses it.)
    Pat: Oh man, OH MAN...
  • Matt and Pat fondly remembering that they were cheering during Hobo with a Shotgun when a bus full of kids got burned to death with a flamethrower.
  • Matt can't believe that you escape a prefect's grab by grabbing their crotch and squeezing, calling it "almost sexual harassment".
    Pat: Almost?
  • The friends face Biology class, and Pat isn't the best assistant.
    Pat: Fuck it just rush it! Cut it!
    Pat: This is practice for your dark ritual.
• Pat is always quick to point out when a kid is wielding a bat, especially during the Escort Mission in Part 4 when Jimmy picks one up himself and starts bludgeoning attackers.
  Pat: Oh my god, that's disgusting.
  • When instructed to acquire a stink bomb from someone named Fatty:
    Pat: Wait, that's his name? I thought that was a class of enemy.
  • At the end of the part, while returning to their dorm at night, they forget what time of year it is in-game and suddenly see skeletons hanging from the trees.
    Pat: *gasps*
    Matt: What the... Have we gained insight?!
    Pat: What da fuck?!
    Matt: Is it Halloween?
    Pat: Or is it just, uh... one of those schools?
• In Part 5, they return to Jimmy's room, only to find Gary lounging on the bed dressed as an S.S. Officer for Halloween.
  Pat: Oh, wow.
  Matt: That's. Not. Great. At. All.
  Pat: Way to, Way to set the tone buddy!
  • Then when the mission starts proper, they snark a bit before getting into a fight and learning a detail about Gary's horrible costume they couldn't see before.
    Pat: If you didn't know that this guy's the villain...
    [...]
    Pat: HE HAS A LITTLE RIDING CROP?! He's not even just a Nazi, he's like a weird fetish Nazi!
    Matt: Is there any other type?
  • When they first start the mission, they almost immediately get into fist fight with a bunch of bullies that quickly escalates to them fighting Russel. It doesn't end well
    Russel Power Bombs Jimmy
    Pat: *Gasps*
    Matt: Oh my god!
    Jimmy is immediately knocked out and Russel runs off
    Pat: (subdued) Oh wow, there he goes...
    Matt: There goes Mr. Shakedown!
• In Part 6, Pat's definition of a "truant".
  It's a person that skips school and then becomes a tree.
  • Pat is dumbfounded when they discover the massive cage match arena under the school. He's also stunned that losing to Russel gets them a custom game over.
  • About three hours into the game, the guys realize the game's map includes a town.
• On their way back to photography class in Part 7, Matt mentions that he's still burned on photography because of his terrible wedding photographer.
  Matt: Oh yeah, he sent me all of the photos, but none of them were touched up, none of them were put in the album like we paid him to do... um, and all of the photos were crap. You know what he loved to take photos of? One of Lyanna's girlfriends! LOTSA PHOTOS OF HER!
  Pat: Oh, that's suspicious.
  [...]
  Matt: Actually, my face was cut off a lot, 'cause there was a lot of focus on Lisa!
  Pat: Well who cares about you, you're just the groom.
  Matt: Yeah, just the guy who fuckin' paid you, you piece of shit.
  • Pat rather likes garden gnomes... because he's taller than them.
• Early in Part 8, Matt tries to throw marbles in a guy's face to instigate a fight, only to immediately slip on them in front of the angered guy. Twice.
  • They get an errand to collect meat for the lunchlady.
    [Jimmy punches a lady and cops start chasing him]
    Pat: The fuzz!
    Matt: You'll never catch me, coppers!
    Pat: Not on a bi-
    [a motorcycle cop turns to chase Jimmy]
    Pat: -oh fuck.
    [Matt cracks up]
  • Geography class comes up and Pat consults his memory of United States geography before beginning the quiz. The quiz is on Europe and they struggle a lot.
• In Part 9, the boxing competition prize is unavailable to Jimmy and the Preps condescendingly offer him a beach house instead. The friends are both content and amazed by it.
  Pat: Do I own the property?
  • Matt is shocked to realize he's going to fail a panty raid mission, not because it's difficult or he keeps getting caught, but because it's too late at night and Jimmy is going to pass out inside the girls' dorm.
• Part 10 has Petey call Gary a snake and Jimmy a psychopath.
  Matt: How am I a psychopath?!
  Pat: Well, 'cause you'll do anything that anyone asks of you, for money.
  Matt: [giggles] That's true.
  • Pat predicts the only reason Jimmy hasn't knifed somebody yet is that nobody has offered him money to do so.
  • Matt predicts one of the preps is just putting on an accent to appear high class. Mid-sentence, said prep admits that in-game.
• In Part 11, Jimmy confirms their predictions that he will kill someone if asked too, as he misunderstand killing a boy's plant assignment with killing the boy without raising an eyebrow.
  Pat: So I killed the plant by burning the house down with everyone in it.
  • Noting it's starting to snow, the guys wonder what Jimmy will do for Christmas break but all they can think of is a teen pregnancy. They only have Harry Potter to draw on for ideas of what happens at boarding schools, like that one time Harry got pregnant during Christmas break.
  • For a while, Pat has been comparing Russel to Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. The entire time, Matt thought he was referring to Ogre from Tekken.
• Part 12 has Pat confess that while he makes fun of tabletop gamers and their figurines, he still thinks Warhammer is really cool.
  • Pat freaks out at the elaborate ritual drawing on the floor of the Nerds hideout. Matt reassures him that at the very least it's not a pentagram.
    Pat: It's worrying is what it is.
  • The first thing Matt does after getting the bottle rocket launcher is shoot a random adult asking for help and get chased and grabbed by the cops.
    Pat: Notice they go for like a choke slam? You notice that?
    Matt: [snickers] You know, kids learn a lot more if they learn by choke slamming.
• Part 13 has the cook send Jimmy to get the stuff she needs for a "date" with the chemistry teacher, including a sedative.
  Matt: [uncomfortable] This is a fine, fine mission that I can't wait to do.
  • During a mission briefing from the vagabond Santa the subtitles go massively out of sync. Pat points out somebody got paid to do this.
  • Blackmailed into saving the Christmas pageant by the music teacher, the duo discuss how many Christmases they've saved versus ruined. Matt thinks he's net positive at the moment while Pat has neither saved or ruined any.
• Part 14 does not start where the last episode ended due to an "apocalypse winter" causing a complete blackout. They could look at their footage, but not recover it.
  • Their cut from the hobo Santa's lap-sitting is fifty dollars. Pat demands how much the kids were being charged as that averages out to ten dollars per kid just for Jimmy.
  • The pictures of Johnny's girlfriend cheating on him will be his justification for beating her and her fling with a hammer. Johnny Law won't be able to say anything with those pictures as evidence... except to not hit people with a hammer.
  • Matt recounts a story where an entire busload of children started laughing at him for no apparent reason. Pat thinks the proper reaction to such a situation would have involved a flamethrower.
• In Part 15, the footage is suddenly cut during a bike race, with Matt and Pat saying it'll be a mystery until one of them gets drunk during a panel and reveal what happened.
  • During said race Matt gets knocked out of his bike and see Norton trying to beat him with a club.
  Matt: Oh, just not fair.
  Pat: Really? It's more about murdering you than winning the race?
  • Pat points out that while the Geography test was fun, people made fun of them for not knowing European geography. He says that they don't need to since they live in Europe The Sequel, and then declares America has too many states and that too many are the same shape.
• Part 16 has Pat recall one of his high school teachers who taught the class about inertia by having them pull his car out a snowbank.
  • Per fan request, the duo lays down marbles at the dorm exit and pull the fire alarm. The fact that this puts them in combat with the entire dorm takes them by surprise at which point they... go sleep in their bed.
  • They get nabbed by a prefect and sent to English class, which they have been avoiding. The word scramble this time is based on FIGHTS - in a game entirely about fist fighting, it takes them nearly the entire timer to figure out FIGHT(S) and they never get FIST.
  • When the guys found out you could buy outfits, Matt says that it was time to change out of the Reindeer sweater and buys a B-Ball Jersey, then buys a Visor and begins looking for John Cena shorts only to admit he and Pat accidentally made John Cena.
• In Part 17, a prefect greets Jimmy by calling him a good-for-nothing bum just as walks out of the dorm.
  Pat: I just walked out dude.
  Matt: Starting my day.
  • A dog chases Jimmy through the entirety of the Discreet Deliveries mission, running in circles during cutscenes, even chasing Jimmy onto the Bullworth school grounds, only stopping once Jimmy heads indoors.
  • When the Jocks are provoking Jimmy, Pat and Matt point out he took out Russell the cop-killer in the death pit.
  • Pat agrees with the lunch lady's concern that kids will interfere with her date, recalling his desire while single for happy couples to get hit by buses. Matt predicts he actually pushed couples in front of buses, at which point Pat agrees and gets nostalgic.
    Matt: I didn't think there was any way for that not to be dark. But I'm surprised—
    Pat: Yeah, and then when it ended you're like "oh".
    Matt: —I'm surprised where it went.
• Part 18 has Pat figuring out how Jimmy could get more money out of a quest: Promising to break the punk's knees.
  "Jimmy": Okay, you pay me and I won't break his knees. That's what we're gonna go on. Also, you also have to pay me ten bucks for me not to tell the cops that you told me to break his knees.
• Part 19 has a glitch during Earnest's boss fight where due to a Mutual Kill, they trigger the winning cutscene but then immediately redo the boss fight to Matt and Pat's bewilderment.
  • Matt loses on the repeat and Pat offers to take over, only for Matt to angrily respond he can do this since he already won the fight.
  • After the fight, Pat comments that Matt is on the verge of death. Matt says he always is, then realizes Pat meant in-game.
• In Part 20, they wonder if the funhouse's scythes can kill them, which it shouldn't since it's a funhouse and clearly cardboard, but because it's a video game it will. Then the game confirm it by having you try it on the jock where some are impaled by the scythes.
  Matt: Fuck you it kills them
  Pat: He is dead dude, you're killing them.
  • Pat suggests the drinking age should be five, also agrees with Matt how easy it is for people from the States to just go to Canada to get boozed up. Then Pat's mind just drift away.
    Pat: It's super easy in Detroit, driving across the bridge to Windsor.
    Matt: Honestly you could swim.
    Pat: There is a lot guns in this river that shoots.
• In Part 21 they see the asylum where the teacher went.
  [faint screaming can be heard]
  Pat: [baffled] He's just drunk. Like... is this not a little much?
  Matt: It's way, way too much.
  • They complete the mission and get a warm thanks from the two teachers, who then drive away and leave Jimmy behind. At the asylum he just broke into.
    Matt: [yelling] They don't drive me home!?
    Pat: That's fucking great!
    Matt: Sure, you give me sixty bucks!
    Pat: Skulk through the woods, you little gremlin!
  • Pat cannot believe the number of sex crimes they have to commit during one of the Nerd quests, invading the locker room and dormitory of the girls to take illicit photos of the lead cheerleader.
    • During this he stresses that girls should never go hooking. Unless they need money.
  • The next Nerd quest has the Jocks about to murder Jimmy and the Nerds for said photographs. The duo are baffled at how quickly the Jocks found out and how quickly their quest-giver gives up all pretense that he wasn't just sending them to get him pictures.
    Pat: Were you jerking it in class?
  • Pat recounts a story where he worked at a grocery store and a guy came in looking to buy eight hundred pound of potatoes. Which he was then taking with him in a taxi. Turns out they were for a restaurant whose boss had fucked up, leaving them with no potatoes, and they were a french fry restaurant.
• Part 22 has Pat declare furries were created by Robin Hood (1973) and killed by Minerva Mink. Matt counters that Zootopia was a finisher for a furry "combo".
  • Pat is disgusted by how horribly psychopathic Jimmy's behavior towards Mandy is, due to him creating her misery and then offering to fix it for her. He compares it to a mother taking a child's food away then giving it back to make them dependent on her.
  • Matt channels Lil' Woolz and manages to completely eat shit with a stationary bike jump.
  • Their attempt to attack the guy in the mascot costumes leads to them running in circles from a horde of angry football players while trying (and failing) to get a soda from the machine only to keep getting interrupted.
    Pat: This is the dumbest ever.
• In Part 23 discussion of the mascot missions segues into whether the appropriate reaction to a kid threatening you with a knife is kicking them.
  • Having trouble doing a mission as the Mascot, Matt chooses a more subtle costume: The Halloween skeleton. Things go fine until Matt runs over a girl and is promptly chased by cops. He hides in an alley only for a cop car to pull up right behind him as he tries to jump forward through a solid wall... and the cop loses interest just before nabbing Jimmy.
• Completing Mandy's mission and seeing Jimmy request she make out with him in Part 24, Pat doubles down on calling Jimmy a psychopath. He's also still baffled that the cops are more interested in stopping Jimmy from using spray paint than the illicit photos of an underage girl on public display.
  • The duo were unprepared for what happens in The Big Game.
    [the football they sabotaged blows up, apparently killing a student]
    Matt: Oh. My. Lord and Christ.
    Pat: ...You just committed a terror act.
    Matt: A war crime.
• In Part 25 they get forced into their first math class. Pat is baffled not by the questions but by how easy and not math-based the questions are.
  Pat: How is that fucking math!?
  • Pat doesn't care about most soda-based slang terms, but he will fight anyone evil enough to use "coke" for all sodas.
  • Pat tries to tell Matt to save as he's nervous about a power outage, which comes out of his mouth as "powered out nervousy".
    Matt: Are you me today? That's way dumber than anything I've said in the past half hour. I think.
• In Part 26, the boys are shocked and greatly amused by the way Gary reinserts himself into the plot after being Out of Focus for several chapters. He has the gym set on fire, nearly killing a couple of jocks.
  • After that the library is filled with rats. Matt is not happy, both because the in-game rats are cute and he kept several as pets in the past.
  • While riding his moped Matt comments he should probably avoid hitting anybody, including cops, while riding it. He immediately slams head-on into a biker and then starts punching a motorcycle cop.
  • Pat makes it exceedingly clear that he wants Matt to claim the Greaser hideout; Matt makes it exceedingly clear he's not going to. Pat swears he will have his own video game-based vengeance in the future.
  • Matt explains to Pat how the Arkham game series went so bad due to not ensuring the license stayed with Rocksteady. He points out the company that let this happens obviously has a track record of mistakes due to previously hiring him.
• Part 27's continuing asylum sequence leaves the guys exasperated, due to the difficulty and poor design. This includes being able to break windows and not climb through them; orderlies somehow not noticing a disguised Jimmy is a teenager; and going through a part of the asylum that looks like Arkham.
  • Due to the game chugging, Pat is the one who speculates the game is being made as they play it. Matt imagines this as a bunch of monkeys coding things behind the screen as they play.
• In Part 28 the continued bad weather leads to Pat taking ineffectual swipes at Californians, including an accent that resembles no known population.
• Part 29 delights the two when they go to Russell's house for help and find him waiting for them on a motorcycle. And they only get happier when he rams a barricaded gate and goes right through.
  • When the spud gun is brought to bear on the Townies:
  Pat: "He's shooting potatoes at us! He's weaponized the Irish!"
  • The boys are stunned by the elaborateness of the Townies' hideout, reaching a head when they get into the main building and find out it's nearly identical to the Mako Reactor.
  • Coming out of a cutscene, Jimmy appears next to a stationary bicycle whose front wheel and pedal are spinning.
• Pat reminds the audience that as of Part 30 they probably haven't seen Gary in eight hours real time. The fact that he's having this much impact and is getting away with it indicates his Stand is very strong.

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