Stupidest Thing I've Ever Heard

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said... is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

— High School Principal, Billy Madison

Sometimes when a plan or idea is proposed, the regular insults and even a facepalm just don't cut it. Nope, they've crossed the line into what can be called a Crowning Moment of Stupidity, and the witness feels the need to comment on this.

Variations can include "dumbest", "most idiotic", "most ridiculous" etc., but the same basic message applies. Sometimes, a verbal response isn't even necessary, and Facial Dialogue does all the work.

However, if it's said too liberally or about something that everyone in-universe knows actually isn't stupid, they, in turn, open themselves to ridicule, as seen on The Internet where it's become so overused that it's turning into the I'm Your Worst Nightmare of insults.

May be combined with Who Would Be Stupid Enough?. Contrast Crazy Enough to Work. If the person being castigated winds up being correct, this can become The Cloudcuckoolander Was Right. If a prediction we know comes true is met with this, it's a form of It Will Never Catch On.

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Examples:

Anime & Manga

• In the dub of Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam, Haman says this when Kamille suggests that killing Earthnoids isn't justified.
• In Hunter × Hunter, Kurapika says this when Leorio asks why he would need to be a Hunter to take revenge on the Phantom Troupe, ignoring all the benefits exclusive to a Hunter that would help him.
• In the dub of The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan, Haruhi says this verbatim about Ryōko worrying that if Yuki gets closer to Kyon, she'll drift away from Ryōko. Haruhi says Ryōko and Yuki are close enough that they shouldn't worry about that.

Comic Books

• X-Men:
  • Danielle Moonstar uses this against Cyclops early in New X-Men: Academy X, when the latter suggests keeping from their students that the corpse of their recently deceased teacher has been stolen and that he might return as a brainwashed zombie.
  • Not the Exact Words, but in Astonishing X-Men, Kitty Pryde attempts to inspire one of the students with a heartfelt speech about how mutantkind would never want a cure for their mutation. The kid's response, understandably, is "Ms. Pryde, are you fucking retarded?" since mutants in Marvel are the subject of bitter Fantastic Racism (to the point where we've once seen mutant children being lynched by fundamentalist anti-mutant bigots), and, to cap it all off, mutation is quite often Blessed with Suck in its own right, dipping into either Body Horror, What Kind of Lame Power Is Heart, Anyway?, or both at the same time.
• Ambush Bug once told Superman about his origin — an alien scientist decided to save his greatest possession from his exploding planet and loaded it into a rocket, sending it into outer space. Supes thought it was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard.
• In the Gail Simone run on Red Sonja, Red Sonja reacts with this sentiment upon meeting Osric the Untouched, who basically has her traditional background of divinely-granted swordsmanship skills in exchange for having to be the subject of a gender-inverted Best Her to Bed Her vow. Doubles as a Discontinuity Nod and/or a Take That!, since the idea that Sonja basically can't have sex unless she's beaten or else lose her warrior skills has long been a controversial aspect to the character.

Comic Strips

• Dilbert:
  • The Pointy-Haired Boss asks an employee a question using a nonsensical mashup of technical jargon. The bewildered employee replies that his question makes no sense, adding, "What the heck is wrong with you?". Dilbert satisfies the PHB by giving him an even bigger trainwreck of technical jargon, which stuns the co-worker into traumatized silence.
  • In this strip, the PHB declares that he's going to smack people who say stupid things to him. Dilbert responds with the trope's title, which causes the boss to smack himself and convinces Dilbert that maybe he should give it a shot.

Fan Works

• Oh God, Not Again! has some:
  Harry: [Dobby's] apparently gotten it into his head that Hogwarts is a walking death trap and therefore I'm better off with my Muggle relatives and in particular my Muggle uncle who could snap at any time and try and strangle me. Therefore, he sealed the portal to the platform and Ron and I got bored so we decided not to wait for everyone to fix the mess and just fly here.
  Draco: That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
  
  George: Besides, the Slytherin team apparently couldn't find anybody to spy as they showed up in person. And full Quidditch gear.
  Harry: Why in the world are they wearing their Quidditch robes to practice in? That has got to be the stupidest thing I've seen all day.
  Fred: All day isn't very long, Harry. It can't be more than ten.
• From Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series:
  Yugi: Tristan, I'm going to regret asking this, but why do you have a motorbike?
  Tristan: Because in the future, card games will be played on motorbikes.
  Yugi: That is the stupidest thing that's ever come out of your mouth. Card games on motorbikes — come on!
  (promotional image of Yu-Gi-Oh! 5Ds displays)
• Turnabout Storm has a double example: Phoenix pulls this out the moment Trixie brings up a storm cloud as "decisive evidence". It bites him back when he discovers that yes, that cloud could perfectly be moved around by the defendant, and this is common knowledge in Equestria.
  Phoenix: She can't honestly think someone can control weather. It's ludicrous!
  Trixie: You have to be the biggest imbecile Trixie has ever laid eyes on!
• Dexter's Lab: Equestria: This is the titular boy genius response to the Canterlot Wedding story, actually to a lot of things that are common knowledge in Equestria. That is until he encounters a Changeling himself that targets him over his diagnostic machine.
• When Harry Potter hears the rumors of how he got so many sphinxes on his island in For Love of Magic, he's shocked by the sheer idiocy of them.
  Adrastia: They say you engaged in a battle for dominance with the males and denied them mating rights unless they entered your service. That is also one of the more popular rumors about how you got your facial scars by the way. Oh, and there is some amusing speculation as to whether you take advantage of your dominant position with the females.
  Harry: What the actual fuck? Have people even seen the size of the sphinxes? They're almost twice as big as a full-grown tiger! Even if I was into the kind of thing, their twats would be way too big for either of us to get anything out of it.
• Harry Potter: Rogue:
  Harry: Along with hiring incompetent Defense teachers, you knew the Prophecy and what I will have to face. So why haven't you made sure I have as much extra training as I can handle? You've known all along that I am going to need it.
  Dumbledore: I wanted you to have a childhood; and there hasn't been the need, you have time.
  Harry: That was the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say! What do you think I was doing in the graveyard with Voldemort at the end of my fourth year? Having tea? The point is no one knows when I'll have to fight him, so I must always be ready. It started in my first year here, for goodness sakes. Don't you see a pattern here? I've faced Voldemort in some form every year I've been at school, except for the one year I faced a Death Eater and Dementors.
• Escape from the Moon: In the sequel The Mare From the Moon, this is Spliced Genome's reaction to learning that being an alicorn automatically puts you in a position of leadership in this world, especially if they try to make her a princess - she admits that she would make a terrible leader, having killed every plant she's ever owned out of negligence. Even a cactus.
• In New Hope University: Major In Murder, Monokuma has all the students hooked up into a lie-detecting machine called the Cricket, and asks them to talk for the next ten minutes. Jane complains that "this is the stupidest thing (she's) ever heard"... only for the machine to register that statement as a lie.

Films — Animation

• The Simpsons Movie:
  Marge Simpson: Homer, in every marriage you get one chance to say, "I need you to do this with me."
  Homer Simpson: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
  • Note that this is Hypocritical Humor since Homer delivered the exact same line to Marge not half an hour earlier in the movie. Quite a very cruel subversion to Meaningful Echo.
• In Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, this exchange occurs after Sheen relates the current situation to an episode of Ultra Lord:
  Nick: Well I'm convinced folks, that is just about THE STUPIDEST THING I EVER HEARD!
  Sheen: No, this is the stupidest thing you've ever heard! (starts jabbering)
• Played for laughs in The Lion King (1994).
  Pumbaa: Maybe he'll be on our side?
  Timon: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard, "maybe he'll be on..." Hey, I got it! What if he's on our side?
• When Kris Kringle hears about the toy-ban in Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town, he rolls his eyes and remarks, "That's the silliest thing I've ever heard of!"
• In Monsters, Inc. when Mike tells Sulley to watch Boo in the locker room while he gets the card-key to her closet.
  Sulley: But she can't stay here. This is the men's room.
  Mike: (beat) That is the weirdest thing you have ever said.
• Almost everyone's opinion towards Emmett's Double-Decker Couch in The LEGO Movie.
  Wyldstyle: That is literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
  Vitruvius: Please, Wyldstyle, let me handle this. (to Emmett) That idea is just the worst.
• In Shrek after Farquaad realizes that Shrek is in love with Fiona, Farquaad laughs at him for having the idea of a princess and an ogre being together.

Films — Live-Action

• Billy Madison provides the page quote, which was a response to Billy comparing the Industrial Revolution to a completely unrelated children's book that dawdles on into a tangent, and the question wasn't even about comparing it to a book, it was about discussing modern novels that got their influence from the Revolution. The applause Billy got after showing support for the school's football team did nothing to mask his "insanely idiotic" answer.
• In X-Men, after Professor X tells Wolverine about the X-Men and their mission to protect the humans who hate and fear them, then tells him several of the team's code names:
  Wolverine: What do they call you? "Wheels"? This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
• In Dr. Strangelove, after they get the codes from the psycho General Ripper to trigger a nuclear strike on Soviet Russia:
  Major T. J. "King" Kong: Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. You sure you got today's codes?
• Fight Club:
  Guy #1: I heard Tyler Durden was born in a mental hospital and sleeps only one hour a night.
  Guy #2: I heard he has full facial reconstructive surgery every three years.
  Narrator: (deadpan) That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.
• Spaceballs: It later turns out that this is, in fact, the combination President Skroob has on his luggage.
  Dark Helmet: So the combination is... one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!
• From Dungeons & Dragons (2000):
  Snails: I got a new name for "dumb": "Ridley"! This is the Ridleyest thing I've ever heard!
• Murder by Death has Sidney Wang after Dick Charleston presents the theory that Lionel Twain murdered himself.
  Sidney Wang: Very interesting theory, but leave out one very important point.
  Dick Charleston: And that is?
  Sidney Wang: Is stupid. (laughing) Is most stupid theory I ever heard.
• At the end of the film What's Up, Doc?^note Also an Actor Allusion, since Howard is played by Ryan O'Neal, who starred in Love Story, where the line comes from.:
  Judy: Love means never having to say you're sorry.
  Howard: That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
• In Heathers:
  Veronica Sawyer: I'd like to ask you a stupid question.
  Jason Dean: There are no stupid questions.
  Veronica: Okay. So, aliens land on the Earth and say they're going to blow the whole place up. The same day, you win the lottery. What do you do with the money?
  (beat)
  J.D.: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.
• Taxi Driver:
  Wizard: Look at it this way. A man takes a job, you know? And that job - I mean, like that - That becomes what he is. You know, like - You do a thing and that's what you are. Like I've been a cabbie for thirteen years. Ten years at night. I still don't own my own cab. You know why? Because I don't want to. That must be what I want. To be on the night shift drivin' somebody else's cab. You understand? I mean, you become - You get a job, you become the job. One guy lives in Brooklyn. One guy lives in Sutton Place. You got a lawyer. Another guy's a doctor. Another guy dies. Another guy gets well. People are born, y'know? I envy you, your youth. Go on, get laid, get drunk. Do anything. You got no choice, anyway. I mean, we're all fucked. More or less, ya know..
  (beat)
  Travis Bickle: I don't know. That's about the dumbest thing I ever heard.
• In Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Chekov has traveled back in time to the 20th century and been captured by the Feds. But they don't quite know what to make of him:
  Agent #1: What do you think?
  Agent #2: He's a Russkie.
  Agent #1: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. Of course, he's a Russkie, but he's a retard or something.
• The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl is often thought of as one of those movies that's So Bad, It's Good by viewers, but one line at the end is rather hilarious:
  Mr. Electricidad: OK, kids, who's next? Remember, there are no dumb ideas.
  Linus: Maybe we can freeze his circuits!
  Mr. Electricidad: That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. We're in the middle of Texas in August!
• In Dirty Dancing, this is Johnny's response when inexperienced Baby suggests to fill in for Penny.
• In The Dark Knight, although he doesn't say it, this is clearly Lucius Fox's reaction to Wayne Enterprises' lead accountant threatening to expose Bruce Wayne as Batman. The deadpan delivery of Morgan Freeman sells it perfectly.
  Lucius: Let Me Get This Straight.... You think that your client—one of the wealthiest, most powerful men in the world—is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan... is to blackmail this person? Good luck!

Literature

• Used in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Of course, Harry decides to do exactly that, train his fellow students in a group he calls "Dumbledore's Army". Not that they are going to take on the Ministry of Magic, but Voldemort.
  Sirius: Our information from inside the Ministry is that Fudge doesn't want you trained in combat.
  Harry: Trained in combat? What does he think we're doing here, forming some sort of wizard army?
  Sirius: That's exactly what he thinks you're doing. Or rather, that's exactly what he's afraid Dumbledore's doing — forming his own private army with which he will be able to take on the Ministry of Magic.
  Ron: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, including all the stuff that Luna Lovegood comes out with.
• Sean Devine in Mystic River says this when his partner Whitey suggests a theory for the murder they're investigating, that Dave Boyle, Sean's childhood friend, killed Katie Marcus. In this case, the theory itself isn't actually that stupid, as there's a good deal of evidence suggesting it, but Sean simply doesn't want to consider the possibility. At the end Sean was right, and while Dave did kill someone, it wasn't Katie.
• Words of Radiance (second book of The Stormlight Archive): Lopen suggests that Kaladin patch things up with Syl by buying her a hat. Syl is a spren, so she's incorporeal and couldn't even wear a hat. Kaladin's response is "That's the most ridiculous piece of advice I've ever been given." Lopen promptly suggests something stupider and says that the hat thing is now only the second most ridiculous, so Kaladin should try it.
• Tress of the Emerald Sea: One of Tress' new shipmates is Ann, an avid gun aficionado. Except, for some reason, every time she pulls out one of her many guns the rest of the crew physically restrains her because they are terrified of what happens when she tries to shoot anything. Therefore, when Tress suggests Ann fire the cannon, everyone is even more horrified than usual. Including Hoid, who is narrating.
  Hoid: That is probably the craziest, most reckless thing I've ever heard someone say—and I was literally part of a secret plot to kill God.

Live-Action TV

• Even the mild-mannered Gil Grissom of CSI once said this. Grissom's tone while saying the line is quite possibly the closest thing to facepalming in vocal form:
  Brass: Let me get this straight, Larry. An old man refuses to let you steal his money, so you jack a Hummer and try to run over his taco stand?
  Lawrence Lafontaine: Maybe.
  Grissom: I think this is the dumbest thing we've ever heard.
• From the Cheers episode "Little Sister, Don't Cha":
  Sam Malone: She can do whatever she wants with her sex life. It's in the Bill of Rights.
  Diane Chambers: Where is it in the Bill of Rights?
  Sam Malone: Well, you know, the part about the right to assemble and bear arms.
  Diane Chambers: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
• Felicity had Megan propose a long theory about how Felicity's song preferences show she likes Ben, at which point Ben delivered this line.
• From the Full Frys episode "Inga delikatesser"
  Sture Bergholm: [re: the shop's alarm systems] This is the most stupid thing I've ever heard of!
• Magnum, P.I. episode "Memories Are Forever: Part 1" :
  Rick: I would like to propose a toast... to the luckiest couple in Saigon. Me and TC.
  Magnum: (laughs)
  Rick: No I mean it, we are the last of the bachelors. Everyone else we know is married.
  TC: Orville, I've heard you say some dumb things in my life, but that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say.
• Mork & Mindy:
  Exidor: Look, business is a little slow but we're gonna have our two-for-one sale. Buy two, get one. Who could resist that?
  Mindy: That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
• In The Cosby Show, when Cliff confronts Theo about his grades, Theo goes into a spiel about how being an educated professional was fine for his parents, but that wasn't the path he wanted in life and his family should accept him the way he is. The anticipated "Awww" hug scene is averted when Cliff tells him "Son... that's the DUMBEST thing I ever heard in my entire LIFE! No WONDER you get Ds in everything!" The audience was supposed to realize that Theo was talking nonsense. Mr Cosby ad-libbed the line to shift their reaction.^note This scene becomes Harsher in Hindsight in later seasons, after Theo is diagnosed with learning disabilities.
• That '70s Show has a scene where Kelso explains to Jackie that he cheated on her because she would always insult his intelligence. She responds that it was the dumbest thing she ever heard. Surprisingly, however, Kelso realizes she's still insulting him, and then states that he isn't sorry he cheated on her, and proceeds to break up with her.
• The Colbert Report has an occasional feature called "The Craziest F#@king Thing I've Ever Heard," a parody of Bill O'Reilly's "Most Ridiculous Item of the Day." One example was an event where strongmen pulled trucks by their ear-lobes, prompting Colbert to speculate on the future of "ear-powered" transportation, and the inclusion of "ear-only" traffic lanes. A one-time variant was called "The Most Poetic F#@king Thing I've Ever Heard."
• In an episode of House, Thirteen says something profound and House tells her "that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." As soon as she leaves the room, he adds two extra points to her score, even though she was already on maximum points.
• Subverted in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Graduation Day":
  Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.
  Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.
  Cordelia: I stand corrected.
  • And brought around again a minute later, after Cordelia outlines her own plan:
    Xander: I'm starting to lean towards the hummus offensive.
    Oz: He'll never see it coming.
• From Chuck, the title character has an antidote for a deadly poison in his blood, and the needle broke. So he kisses his (male) infected friend.
  Jill: What are you doing?
  Chuck: I had a theory that the cure might be able to spread by saliva!
  Jill: ...that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. No wonder you failed bio.
• From Coupling:
  Bartender: Have you actually told her that you're gonna marry her?
  Steve: In my own way...
  Bartender: Your own way?
  Steve: She accidentally overheard me saying it on the phone, when I thought I was talking to my ex-girlfriend.
  Bartender: No offence, and, of course, it's none of my business, but that could be the worst proposal in human history.
  Sally: Steve, you're gonna have to be my husband. Patrick prefers blondes!
  Bartender: (laughing) I love this bar!
• Super Human Samurai Syber Squad: In one episode, Amp's idea to prepare himself for a test was literally eating the books. Malcolm stated it was the dumbest idea he ever heard and that's considering Malcolm heard Amp saying really dumb stuff before.
• In the sixth episode of the eight season of Game of Thrones, when it becomes apparent that there is no ruler of the Seven Kingdoms, due to Jon, (aka Amon Targaryen) killing Daenerys, and thus being condemned for killing the queen, it is proposed that the best way to rectify the situation is to choose a new ruler amongst the most powerful nobles of Westeros. Sam recommends that if the ruler of the Seven Kingdoms will represent everyone, then everyone, from peasant to nobles, should be able to (democratically) chose the ruler. Cue mocking laughter from everyone else.
• Young Sheldon: Said by Connie in "Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzygy" when Georgie tells her his plan to get the backroom casino running again. A talk with Dale makes her reconsider.

Puppet Shows

• The Muppet Show: One Muppet Newsflash has the newsreader read out a report about a disease going around suddenly turning people into ducks. He starts saying this, and... well... quack.
• Sesame Street: Bert asks Ernie to go to Mr. Hooper's Store and buy a newspaper, so Ernie decides to plan for the trip. After getting his scarf and hat and earmuffs (in case there's a sudden cold spell), his umbrella (in case there's a sudden storm), sunglasses and suntan lotion (because he gets sunburned easily), and a flashlight (in case it gets dark), Ernie says he needs bubble gum, in case he meets a bear on the way.
  Bert: Ernie, there are no bears on Sesame Street!
  Ernie: Well, you never know, Bert. You know, better safe than sorry, I always say.
  Bert: All right, all right. So maybe you'll meet a bear on the way to get a newspaper. Now, what good will the bubble gum do?
  Ernie: Well, you see, you give the bear a piece of bubble gum...
  Bert: Yeah...?
  Ernie: ...and he's so busy chewing that he can't bite you.
  [Beat]
  Bert: That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard!

Radio

• Dead Ringers: When Gary Lineker interrupts Match of the Day to point out the new host, Gabby Logan, isn't making inane sports commentary, she suggests maybe football coverage doesn't need inane commentary, Gary declares this the dumbest thing he's heard all day, and therefore proof Gabby's getting the hang of it.

Stand-Up Comedy

• Lewis Black used this as one of his most iconic bits, in which he recounts the time he overheard a young woman say, "If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college," and nearly has an aneurysm trying to comprehend just what the hell she meant by it.

Theatre

• In A Midsummer Night's Dream, Hippolyta's reaction to the Show Within a Show (specifically, that the wall seperating the lovers has exited the stage once his purpose was fulfilled) is "This is the silliest stuff that ever I heard."

Video Games

• Subverted in Left 4 Dead 2. Coach comes up with an idea to start up a band's pyrotechnics in order to call for a helicopter. After hearing this, Nick drops this line.
  Nick: Coach, that has got to be the stupidest idea I have ever agreed with.
• In Sam & Max Hit the Road, after hooking it up so he can do so, Sam proudly declares that he can control the rotation of a rotating restaurant on top of the world's largest ball of twine via a pair of mounted binoculars. Max informs him that this is the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard, and gets a shock of static electricity for his troubles.
• Most of Black Whirlwind's stories in Jade Empire allows your main character to respond with this line.
• Monkey Island:
  • In Escape from Monkey Island, Guybrush talks with Ignatius Cheese, who tells him that keeping Ozzie Mandrill out of the Scumm Bar has taken all of his Insult Arm-Wrestling skills. Guybrush comments that "If it weren't for the whole, 'Wife being declared dead' thing, I'd say that was the strangest story I'd heard all week." This gets a Call-Back later when Meathook tells him how he taught himself to paint using his hooks and coloured candle wax. Guybrush replies "That's the silliest story I've heard in hours."
  • A funny bit also comes in The Secret of Monkey Island, when Guybrush Threepwood introduces himself to a pirate in the Scumm Bar.
    Pirate: Guybrush Threepwood? (laughs) That's the stupidest name I've ever heard!
    Guybrush: What's your name?
    Pirate: (beat) My name is Mancomb Seepgood.
  • In Tales of Monkey Island, we have "You want me, an officer of the court, to aid in a jailbreak? Why, the mere idea is so preposterous that it's practically postposterous!"
• In Mass Effect 3, Shepard uncovers a hanar diplomat selling out its planet to the Reapers. Upon being informed of the hanar's rationale (Hanar worship the Protheans → the Protheans were turned into the Collectors and obey the Reapers → thus the Hanar must worship the Reapers):
  Shepard: You BIG! STUPID! JELLYFISH!
  Kasumi: I support religious freedom for all species, but that's just crazy.

Visual Novels

• Kissed by the Baddest Bidder: Mamoru's response to hearing Aida claim that he was born to kill Mamoru and the protagonist: "That's the stupidest reason I ever heard for bein' born!"

Web Animation

• From Red vs. Blue episode "Heavy Metal", when Sarge proposes charging the enemy base single file:
  Grif: Sarge, while that's the most retarded idea I've ever heard, I just wanted to thank you for not putting me in front of the line.
• If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device: In "Warp Grumbling", the God-Emperor of Mankind has this reaction when Magnus the Red tells him that he's been creating a Chaos god of Unbelief and becoming his champion.
  The Emperor: That has got to be the single dumbest thing I have ever heard in my entire life, and that is coming from a half-dead skeleton that has been stuck on a life-sustaining god-couche for the past 10,000 years.

Web Comics

• 8-Bit Theater:
  • Red Mage tends to trigger this in his "comrades", but the best example may be 1150. "That is quite literally the least practical plan put together by an allegedly thinking creature." According to Black Mage, it's the stupidest thing anyone has ever heard, not just him.
  • Earlier, in #68, the weapon shop owner in Corneria mocks Fighter's idea of "swordchucks" as "the worst idea anyone has ever had."
• El Goonish Shive: At one point Pandora travels into the dreams of one of the main characters and sees this. The very next page she claims that "Well, this is among the stupidest things I've ever seen." And coming from an Immortal who's seen just about everything, that's saying a lot.
• Hamleto the Hamster:
  Orazio: You know, we should do something to protect us against predators!
  Laerte: Why don't we dig a moat around our tent and fill it with crocodiles?
  Orazio: This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
  Hamleto: That's right! Where do we get crocodiles at this hour?
• In Homestuck, Vriska reveals that she was behind Jack Noir becoming omnipotent and extremely dangerous, saying that she created him because she plans to kill him. John's reaction is as follows:
  EB: that is the dumbest thing i have ever heard.
• Manly Guys Doing Manly Things: Used verbatim in this strip, in response to a plan to entrap Sailor Moon:
  I'm just going to stage a 'Best Moon Princess' contest and see if that draws her out.
• Uttered by a villain in a strip of Super Stupor in response to a minion warning him about the resident Little Miss Badass, and how heroes don't send out kids unless they can kick serious ass. He ignores the warning and promptly gets fried.
• The Order of the Stick, "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night":
  Roy: Well, I would say that's the dumbest thing I've heard all day, but as I've been talking to Elan since morning, it might not even crack the top ten.

Web Original

• The Angry Video Game Nerd, when reviewing the godawful Superman video game (not that one, one for the NES) and realizing that he has to buy a subway ticket when Superman can fly.
• Atop the Fourth Wall:
  • On the X-Men story "Holy War":
    Linkara: This is quite possibly the dumbest plan I've ever heard in my life, and I've seen someone deciding to make twin clones of Hitler!
  • Ironically, he would then say the same thing about the evil plan in Future 5: Dr. Know plans on becoming the smartest and most powerful man on Earth by... convincing everyone to not go to college. Linkara saying this is Tempting Fate in its purest form.
• The Spoony Experiment:
  • The villain from the 1970s Captain America serial get this reaction from Spoony when it's revealed that he wants to nuke Phoenix, Arizona to get at the gold repository under the city.
  • And again when Wakka in Final Fantasy X compares the destruction of the Al Bhed's Home to "happy festival fireworks":
    Spoony: ...Happy... Festival... Fireworks!? That could be the STUPIDEST, MOST INSENSITIVE, IDIOT THING any character has ever said in ANY WORK OF FICTION! That's like trying to cheer people up after Hurricane Katrina.... by saying it's a giant happy waterpark!
• Not too surprisingly, Gary Brecher isn't adverse to this kind of hyperbole:
  The War Nerd: There's this Australian wannabe war nerd who says the drones make us look weak, like we're supposed to go in there and hack it out with scimitars like real men. This is about the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard, and considering I've been reading war news all through the Cheney years, that's saying something.
• Rational Wiki refers to it with two pages. "Not Even Wrong," and "Fractal Wrongness."
• In Perfect Kirby, Kirby learns that the Big Bad of Episode III wants to Take Over the World in order to get rid of a coworker he doesn't like, simply because the person in question makes terrible coffee.
  Kirby: That has got to be, by far, the stupidest reason for world domination I have ever heard!

Western Animation

• The Simpsons
  • During "Lisa on Ice", Lisa declares an academic alert saying she's failing gym is the dumbest thing she's ever heard. She then attempts to scrunch it up and throw it in a nearby trashcan. She fails.
  • "In Marge We Trust", Rev. Lovejoy has a vision with four Saints:
  St. Lucian: Tell us, good Reverend, what great deeds have you done to inspire the hearts of men?
  Reverend Lovejoy: Well, I had the vestibule recarpeted.
  St. Donickus: (angry) I've appeared in over eight thousand visions, and that's the lamest reply I've ever heard!
• American Dad!:
  • "Finances with Wolves":
    Francine: If you gave me $5,000 of your bonus, I could start a business selling my muffins.
    Stan: ...this is the worst idea I've ever heard.
  • "Tears of a Clooney":
    Stan: Francine, I'm sorry, but that is the craziest, most unsettling thing I've ever heard in my entire life. (beat) And we're totally gonna make it happen!
• From the Justice League episode "Panic in the Sky":
  Batman: This is the single dumbest plan I've ever heard!
• South Park:
  • This as a stock line delivered whenever Cartman gets an idea.
  • "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe"
    Farmer: People's been saying they've been seeing UFO's around the black Army, CIA helicopters and trucks.
    Officer Barbrady: That is the silliest thing I've ever heard.
  • As well as:
    Mayor: An animated Christmas card? Kids, that just might be the dumbest idea I've ever heard, ever!
  • In the 6th season episode "Red Hot Catholic Love":
    Kyle: Cartman, that's the dumbest thing you've ever said... this week.
• Freakazoid!: Freakazoid gets this opportunity after The Lobe tells him all about his plan to use a giant cloud to turn people into zombie clowns. Freakazoid scowls, and simply replies, "Well, if you don't mind me saying so, that is the stupidest plan I've ever heard of!" and rants about its ridiculousness until the Lobe is reduced to tears. This is almost immediately subverted when, after the Lobe leaves, Freakazoid immediately starts laughing and exclaiming that the plan is a brilliant one.
• Hey Arnold!: Helga treated everyone to dinner at Chez Paris and didn't realize until they received the check at the end that her coupon was for Chez Pierre across the street.
  Phoebe: The wrong restaurant?! Well, Helga, I suppose the only thing to do would be to tell the management the truth.
  (Beat)
  Helga: Phoebe, that is the stupidest idea I have ever heard in my entire life!
• Rugrats: In "Chuckie's First Haircut", Chuckie is terrified at the thought of getting his hair cut. Tommy suggests that he just go through with it instead of living in fear.
  Chuckie: You know something, Tommy? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
• The Secret Show: When Doctor Doctor infiltrated a contest to pick a world anthem, Victor Volt theorized she intended to hypnotize everyone with her song. His fellow agents scolded him for believing someone would use such a ridiculous idea. Doctor Doctor proved him right.
• In the Futurama episode "The Cyber House Rules", when Leela says that she's getting an eye surgery:
  Zoidberg: Wonderful. And while you're under the knife, you could also get an ink pouch to help you escape your enemies.
  Fansworth: That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, you imbecile! (raises a rolled-up newspaper to hit Zoidberg, Zoidberg sprays ink at his face and runs off)
  • Later on in the episode, Fry asks Leela if she'd rather be like the rest of the Planet Express crew, or have no "severe mental or social disabilities whatsoever". Leela declares this the dumbest thing she's ever heard, and everyone else agrees with her.
• In The Critic, this is Jay Sherman's reaction when he learns about the "Cabbie Exchange Program", where cab drivers from New York are switched with drivers from Iraq, to ensure that no cabbie speaks the language of the city they're in.
• Codename: Kids Next Door:
  • In the episode "Operation: L.O.C.K.D.O.W.N.", a lockdown of the Treehouse has been enacted, Count Spankulot had supposedly escaped from jail and is loose in the Treehouse, but the real culprit turns out to be Numbuh One transformed into a Spank-Happy Vampire, having already spanked Numbuhs Two and Three, and the lockdown will only last until morning... unless you use the Quadruple Emergency Bypass Code, which can override any Treehouse computer command and can lift the lockdown earlier. Numbuh Two remembers the code after Numbuh Four, fearful he will be the Count's next victim, chews him out for forgetting to put in an emergency exit, which leads to this exchange:
    Numbuh Four: Why didn't you say so before!? You have to use that code so we get out of here!
    Numbuh Two: I can't! Only Numbuh Five has the code, and she's not even allowed to use it.
    Numbuh Four: Why in the name of crud not?!
    Numbuh Two: It's the rule! The code's so important, no one's allowed to use it!
    Numbuh Four: THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!
  • Subverted in Operation: "F.L.A.V.O.R.". After Numbuh Five is kidnapped by the Delightful Children's ice cream men mooks, she is taken to the legendary Temple of the Fourth Flavor, where several mooks have tried - and failed - to get inside by guessing the "Flavor of the Day". After watching the rather unpleasant fate of one mook who gets it wrong (by saying "bannilla minty ripple", obviously a wild guess), the Delightful Children make Numbuh Five try it. After thinking for a minute, her guess is "sundae". At first, the Delightful Children think that's the stupidest guess yet, but they are interrupted in the middle of saying so by the door rumbling open. (Clearly, Numbuh Five's guess wasn't so stupid, as it was the right answer, and she may have well told them that You Were Trying Too Hard if she didn't have to take that chance to run into the temple ahead of them.)
• Subverted in one episode of The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy. Billy, Mandy, and Nergal Jr are training for a track meet. Junior is doing excellent (having demonic powers helps) but Billy isn't doing so great. Then Billy remembers that Junior can shapeshift, and asks if he can turn himself into anything. When Junior says yes, Billy suggests he turn into a pair of pants so that the two can win the hundred-yard dash together. Prompting this response from Mandy:
  Mandy: Billy, that has got to be the dumbest idea... (beat) Actually, Billy, that has got to be the smartest idea you've ever had.
  Billy: I know, that's why I wanna do it.
• From the King of the Hill episode "Hilloween", when Luanne has been brainwashed by a delusional Moral Guardian.
  Luanne: Miss Harper says that haunted houses are the Devil's mousetraps, and that fun is the cheese.
  Hank: (beat) Just when I thought you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep talking.
• SpongeBob SquarePants:
  • Similar to the Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius example above, the episode "I Had an Accident" has this exchange when SpongeBob announces that he's never going outside again for his own protection.
    Sandy: That's crazy talk!
    Patrick: That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk. (babbles incoherently)
  • Said word for word by Squidward in the "The Camping Episode", when they talk about Sea Bears.
    Squidward: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
    Patrick: Well maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!
• King Leonardo and His Short Subjects: When King Leonardo hears something outrageous or silly, he'd quip "That's the most unheard of thing I've ever heard of!"
• In the Star vs. the Forces of Evil episode "Sleep Spells", Marco and Star react this way to the villain outlining her plan to swap faces with Star, because somehow said villain has gotten the idea that her body is indistinguishable from Star's.
• My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic: In "Lesson Zero", Twilight Sparkle fearing that Princess Celestia would send her back to magic kindergarten is the most ridiculous thing Spike has ever heard.
• In the TaleSpin episode "Her Chance to Dream", Rebecca was waiting for Baloo, who's at Louie's having a party, to return. Then the ghost wreaks havoc, chasing everyone away. Baloo comes back all shaken up with his "dumbest excuse" yet.
  Rebecca: You lowlife excuse for a pilot! When you said Molly had eaten your maps, that was cute. When you said a big hurricane blew your plane to Louie's, that was mildly amusing. But this is stupid!!
• In the pilot for DC Super Hero Girls 2019, the evil plan involving destroying various buildings while everyone is stuck in virtual reality is revealed to be not the work of Lex Luthor, but his little sister, Lena. At her Motive Rant about doing away with everything teenager-related so that kids will run free and rule the city, there's a silence only filled by her childish evil laughter, the collected superhero girls (obviously still there to stop her and her Humongous Mecha) look at a loss for words, or concerned, until Supergirl finally says:
  Supergirl: ...That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard.
  Lena: (over the loudspeaker) You're the dumbest plan I've ever heard!
• In DuckTales (2017) Bradford declares Huey and Louie's suggestion for Loophole Abuse on the Papyrus of Binding- that the clause that says Scrooge can keep his family if he gives up adventuring is flawed because family is the greatest adventure of all-was the stupidest thing he ever heard. He's flabbergasted when the Papyrus accepts the loophole and dissolves, absolving Scrooge of being bound to the contract.

Real Life

• During a question and answer segment after a debate about porn and ethics, Ron Jeremy was asked how the pornography industry can continue functioning despite it resulting in things like bestiality and child pornography. Ron Jeremy's response was simply that that was the stupidest question he had ever heard in his life.
• A judge used the Billy Madison line above in his closing words of a case where the man (incompetently) defended himself at his own trial.
• During one town hall meeting, Congressman Barney Frank interrupted a woman who was comparing a government health care program to Nazism by informing her that it was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard and that the table he was at was capable of more rational comments. Not the people at the table, mind you, but the table itself. To realize how absurd the comparison to Nazism is, recall that Barney Frank is both Jewish and gay.
• Minecraft Youtuber Mumbo Jumbo uses this phrase often in his videos.
• In July of 2017, U.S. Sen. Lindsey Graham claimed that President Donald Trump's idea of a "cybersecurity task force" with Russia (who had been accused of meddling in [electronic] election results) was "not the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, but it’s pretty close." (Note that Graham has been in politics since his days as a judge advocate for the U.S. Air Force in 1982. He's been at it a while.)

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