Funny / Two Best Friends Play Lets Play 2018 Part 1

Return to the main Two Best Friends Play Funny Moments index here.

The Best Friends' final year was so jam packed that the page has been split in half. See the second half here.

Resident Evil VII: Not a Hero

• Part 1:
  • Matt repeatedly praises Chris as the hero who punched a bio-boulder to death. Which was also cursed.
  • After learning that Chris is only with the Umbrella forces because he doesn't trust them to not be evil, they question what an anti-Umbrella group should be called. "Raincoat" gets bandied about as a result, including its alternate meaning.
    Pat: Well that would make people think they're a BOW condom company. "Wanna fuck a Licker? Put this raincoat on."
    Matt: Use this extra small one.
  • Matt points out one of the big signs standard Resident Evil villains haven't thought their plan through is that they apparently never planned out how they'd have sex after turning into a monster.
• Part 2:
  • Matt misreads a puzzle solution as "Up Up Down" while looking at the solution.
  • The "puh-recious ann-tik koin" returns.
  • Pat discovers Lucas's take on the push block puzzle.
    Pat: Ohhh, yoooou video games.
• Part 3:
  • It opens with Pat hoping that Crazy Talk won't pull an Evil Within 2 and attack him.
  • The cocoon Lucas emerges from is a massive, hideous mass of pulsing flesh. Matt compares it to the cheesecake Woolie ate.
    • Said boss is deemed "Resident Evil boss #72".

Resident Evil VII: End of Zoe

• The comments sections for this DLC, emboldened by Joe's fighting spirit, have created gems such as "Resident Evil VII: Bayou Hazard" and "JoeJoe's Bizarre Adventure: Diamond Niece Unbreakable". Lord help us all.

dmysta30001: Next DLC "Not a Punchman": Chris and Joe challenge each other to a boulder-punching competition.

• Part 1:
  • They explain they were trying to capture Lucas alive, but he fell... on his head... on their bullets... multiple times.
  • Opening Joe's inventory for the first time, Pat finds his survival manual.
  Pat (as Joe): THE SWAMP MONSTERS LOOKS LIKE THE GOVERNMENT!!
  • Matt is wondering why none of Joe's advice to fight Molded includes getting a weapon.
  • Early on they characterize Joe as a man who has no idea what technology is (besides flashlights and tape recorder), wherein he calls a microscope as a space machine, and as a crackpot who has something against the Government.
  • The duo agree that the Connection must be really proud watching some random hillbilly punch all of their BOWs to death.
  • Zoe's transformation is deemed the most Japanese/anime thing in the entire game. "Muh pre-cious ani-moo princess!"
  • "Man, these accents are bad. Let's keep doing them!"
• Part 2:
  • Part 2 was released right after Part 1, instead of cycling through the other active LPs. Cue jokes in the comments about Joe punching the KOTOR and Bully videos off the docket.
  • Seeing the first-person power bomb earns massive cheers from the two. Matt hadn't believed the people on Twitter when they said there would be one in-game.
  • Earlier during a fight inside the paddleboat, two Molded try to fight Joe, while both of them try fit in a doorway.
  Matt: (as the Molded) I can't get through, Phil!
  • When they finally get to the machine that creates the E-Infection Cure, Matt has Joe confuse it for a time machine and The Machine says "Synthesizing".
  Matt (as Joe): What the fuck is this TIME MACHINE!? What're you, synthesizing LIES, government!?
  • Pat once again sees scorched earth tactics as the best option.
  Pat: They need to burn this fucking shit down.
  Matt: Yeah, maybe. Seems like the thing to do.
  Pat: This seems like a, I don't know, biohazard... The ground is breathing, for fuck's sake!
• Part 3:
  • It starts with Pat admitting he probably should have used the spike bomb in the last big fight, but will do so the next time it's needed. Cue a fight with three Molded on a narrow bridge and him not using said bomb. It only occurs to him on the second go-around.
  • Pat gradually goes crazy trying to figure out where their second Champion Effigy went (it was a random spawn). He finally looks it up and is embarrassed at how many effigies he's missed.
  • Pat starts to say Umbrella is incompetent compared to the BSAA until it occurs to him that no, the protagonists of the games are just super-competent freaks compared to the normal members.
  • Matt is delighted by the "cyber-glove", eking out Big "OMG!"s as Joe mows through the Molded with his One-Hit Kill charged punch.

Best Friends Play Batman: The Enemy Within

• Woolie and Matt conclude that Amanda Waller's murderous amorality is simply because she's the "ultimate tsundere".
• Woolie hypes up the potential to date Amanda "The Wall" Waller.
  Woolie: I'm gonna climb that Wall!
• Part 2:
  • When the Agency shows up in Wayne's office unannounced Matt points out the Fridge Logic.
    Matt (as Bruce): Yes, usually my secretary, WHO DOESN'T TELL ME ANYTHING NOW, should have announced you.
  • They suspect Batman wanting Tiffany, the daughter of Lucius, to be Oracle, wheelchair included.
  • Lucius for his part is trying to push his daughter for Summerslam, with Woolie suggesting next day he'll cover Wayne's desk with a bunch of merits and awards she won.
• During Part 3 They speculate about how the Joker might possibly ruin Lucius's funeral, including a fast-forward to a theoretical option to teabag the coffin.
• In Part 4, Bruce has to analyze Lucius' last words to figure out where the signal came from. Woolie first suggests that he might accidentally press the 'stream' button instead. Then he corpses as the idea of Bruce using his friend's final words to create a mixtape.
  Woolie: T-T-T-Tifanny. Way-way-wa-wayne. T-T-T-Tifanny. Wayne! T-T-T-Tifanny, Wayne!
  Matt: BATMAN!
  Woolie: B-B-B-Batman! W-Wayne! BATMAN! W-Wayne, T-Tiffany! W-Wayne! *beatboxes*
• Part 7 is basically an extended date between Bruce/Joker (or "Juice") with Harley as the third-wheel ruining their bonding. Woolie and Matt love it.
  Woolie: (voice going incredibly high) There's a fucking love triangle between Bruce Wayne, Harley Quinn, and Joker!
  Matt: Yeah, and we're the slushie!
  Woolie: And it's not between Bruce and Harley Quinn! This is amazing! This is fucking great! I love everything about this! (voice settling to normal tone) This could go on forever! I don't want this moment to end!
  Matt: Stop the lame plot with the Agency, just focus on this bullshit!
• Part 14 has Woolie and Matt blame any faulty technology in the game on secretly being Wayne Tech gadgetry, characterizing Bruce as someone sheepishly embarrassed of the company products.
  (Agent Avesta and Bruce are riding in his car when Bruce's anti-surveillance technology causes her hearing aid to short-circuit)
  Avesta: Crappy Agency technology. Not your fault.
  Woolie (as Bruce): (nervously) It... it's a Wayne Tech hearing aid...
  Matt: (starts laughing hysterically)
• Jokes about Alfred's poor working conditions reach their zenith when he actually passes out.
  Woolie: Did I forget to change your water bowl?!
  Matt: (loses it)
• In the final episode, the choice they've been awaiting since it was first used in episode one: "Grapple away."
  • Even better: According to Woolie's Twitter, this last "grapple away" was put in by the devs for the last episode after they saw Woolie and Matt laughing themselves silly over it.

Binary Domain

• The thumbnail is a screenshot of Big Bo that Pat claims is where Woolie gave up on the demo.
• One of the dialog option is always just a profanity that makes no sense in context and only serve to piss your teammate (You Fool!).
  • The guys also make a habit of bringing up various senses and emotions (taste, shame, etc.) that robots really wish they hadn't been programmed with.
• Given the game comes from the Yakuza developers, the guys frequently make comparisons, including noting at one point in Part 4 that a cutscene not featuring the main characters could easily be mistaken for a Yakuza game.
  Pat: Yeah, there's this one robot that walks around with a grey suit.
  Matt: And everyone wants to fight him.
  Pat: It's weird.
  ...
  Matt: There's a specific robot. Its model is 1.523 and it's designated as "Shakedown".
  Pat: Oh god, fuck that thing.
  Matt: Steals all your money.
  Pat: Oh yeah I could tell it was a robot. How come? Cuz it's 9 and a half feet tall!
• This is not helped when Pat reveals the multiplayer allows you to play as Yakuza characters. Super Chunk is not available, as she was a Hollow Child.
• Part 1:
  • Matt and Pat make multiple references to playing the demo "many years ago", and are shocked when they realize that it actually came out in late 2012 alongside games like Mass Effect 3.
  • They poke fun at the brief, clumsy Stealth-Based Mission on the way to the tanker:
    Pat: (in a soft voice) I'm from Rust Crew, man.
    Matt: We hide from robots really well.
    Pat: We're the biggest cowards around!
  • Pat accidentally hits Big Bo with a melee attack, triggering an alert that lets him know Bo's trust in him is decreasing. He and Matt obviously run with this.
    Pat: (after getting shot down and given the prompt to bring an ally over) Help! Help!
    Matt: But he doesn't trust your fuckin' ass!
    Pat: Help me, Big Bo!
    Matt: NO!
    Pat: Help me!
    Matt: Absolutely not! Not after what you did to me!
  • On learning that they can interact with their teammates and choose which ones go on missions with them, Matt immediately demands to know if they can shit all over one member and never take him on a mission. Pat already knows which one Matt will choose.
  • While reading Big Bo's bio, they stumble upon an unfortunately-worded line:
    Pat: Born and raised in poverty, but bre- but blessed with- *starts cracking up*
    Matt: But blessed with a huge body!
• Part 2:
  • An expert is telling the president who created the highly advanced robots. Just as he's saying only one person has the technology to make them, Matt pipes in with Doctor Light.
  • Pat wonders why Japan didn't notice that all the other nations had a big, fancy meeting and they weren't invited. He imagines the people attending just said it was boring and they wouldn't be interested.
  • The two think that rather than Patches, Michael Wilson should have been the cross-franchise character FromSoftware kept around.
    Pat: You don't get it, Chosen Undead, we have to stop white slavery.
• Part 3:
  • While talking about another unpopular third person shooter, Quantum Theory, Matt says they should change the tag line "gotta kill it" to "just whip a bitch around".
  • After Faye scolding Dan and Bo for looking her up the next cutscene has a Male Gaze on her.
    Matt: Man, fuck this game.
  • One of their allies comments the Japanese will regard anyone without a proper ID as an invading force. Pat notes they are a literal invading military force.
• Part 4:
  • The Rust Crew is pinned against the Spider.
    Faye: I doubt we could take it down with brute force. What now.
    Matt: Shoot it with brute force
    Pat: ''(firing a missile at the spider's face)' hunf!
  • After Bo freaks out about the spider, he suggests they'll be fine so long as they can get to their target undetected.
    Pat: "Undetected" from now? Or like...
    Matt: 'cause we've been detected big.
    Pat: We couldn't have been more detected at every point.
    Matt: Like we might as well have shouted "America!" as we fucking started this mission.
    Pat: Singing the "Star Spangled Banner". Tattoo fucking American flags on the robots's dicks.
    Matt: Or like have that American flag facepaint from Snake Eater.
  • The guys point out that having the nickname "The Survivor" should actually be worrying for the teammates as it implies everyone you work with gets killed due to your recklessness.
• Part 5:
  • Pat and Matt are amused at how Charles is the Only Sane Man Butt-Monkey.
  • Due to really bad planning, everyone is incapacitated during a firefight.
    Pat: Oh we are all crawling now, oh no! Oh no [...] I'll save you Bo!
  • Among the stock voice commands you can give to your teammates are things like "Thanks" or "I can't"... or a solitary "Fuck". Matt is flabbergasted.
• Part 6:
  • Matt and Pat are too busy talking about which Call of Duty game they played on the channel, they they were doing a time mission which fail as the Britsh squad drowned.
  • At the start of the episode the begin talking about the trust mechanic and how Big Bo has the highest because Pat loves Big Bo and Big Bo loves him. Cue Big Bo immediately stepping into his line of fire preventing him from destroying a group of enemies from exploding and downing nearly the entire team. Matt then asks if your trust in them can go down.
    Pat: Fuckin' goddammit Bo!
  • Near the start of the episode they spend far more time chatting about weird Friends episodes than paying attention to the game.
    Pat: It's funny how much talking about Friends can ruin your day.
  • Discussing the concept of taking "breaks" from relationships segues into taking breaks during military operations, which leads to a talk about cigarettes and Canadian snipers.
    Matt: Why wouldn't they make a movie called Canadian Sniper?
    Pat: Because it would be boring and polite.
    Matt: Yeah, every time he headshots and blood and brain matter go everywhere he's like "Sorry, eh".
  • Since maximum trust is needed for the Golden Ending and Pat does not want to take Charlie and Rachel that much, he spends the last ten minute of the video fighting endless waves of robots so their trust are maxed out and don't need to switch later. Matt jokes that he expects the British soldiers to caught upon Dan's act.
  Matt: (with a thick English accent) Is he farming trust?
  Pat: (doing the same) He is so fucking strong. GET IN THE FUCKIN' ELEVATOR.
• Part 7:
  • They are introduced to Cain, the French robot, which leads to Pat using a French accent apropos of nothing.
    Pat: I'm a feucking robot, madame.
  • Matt says he'll keep a check on what Cain says, believing he is a human with robot skin trying to pass as one.
    Matt: "I sure like motor oil" " why don't you drink some right now?" "uh I'm not thirsty.
    Pat: Uhm No no, it's uh, my motor is not made for this.
    Matt: I will not drink that swill. I need imported motor oil from that country you don't know.
  • Pat's fears about the end of the human race lead to this exchange:
    Pat: We should just let the robots take over for us. We already kinda have!
    Matt: For the glory of mankind!
    Pat: Oh, boy. See, those are some fuckin' sex robots right there.
    Matt: What do you mean?
    Pat: I mean they're hot.
    Matt: Who?
    Pat: The androids.
    Matt: You mean like Data?
    Pat: Well, yeah, yeah—
    Matt: For that one girl in Star Fleet, he sure was!
    • Cue a discussion of Data's dick and bionic dicks that talk.
  • And shortly thereafter, Matt gets his names mixed up.
    Matt: You don't mean Tasha Yarn?
    Pat: Tasha Yarn?! Tasha YARN?!
    Matt: What's her name?
    Pat: Tasha Yar! She's not from the yarn planet!
    Matt: She's from Yoshi's Woolly World.
• Part 8:
  • Matt and Pat suggest that if a game wants to use a Montreal landmark, either use Shwartz's Deli or studio Super Sexe, which Pat points out is closed.
  Matt: Yes but you still fight near it, we don't get rid of that sign.
  Pat: You're not allowed.
  • Pat selects Cain to come with Dan in the farm plant and when he sees the shot of them entering the room he wished the game was a buddy cop show with Cain and Dan.
• Part 9
  • They see a flying Cain choosing to save Faye over Dan because she's prettier.
    Pat: Typical French. Also, Cain can fly!
  • During a subway shootout, Pat is exasperated by Cain who gets stuck walking slowly back and forth in the middle of enemy fire while blocking Dan's line of fire.
  • Faye goes down to a bullet in the shoulder, but assures a worried Dan it's nothing major. Pat points out it's a good thing shoulders are invincible per modern media as the arterial spray from her getting hit was pretty worrying.
• Part 10:
  • The first seconds of the rematch with the gorilla robot.
    Dan: That gorilla is one tough bastard.
    [fight starts]
    Pat: Alright, is he a tough bastard? (rammed to the ground and needs a medpack)
  • Pat wants a mod that replaces the increased trust sound effect with "splorch" sounds.
  • Pat declares this is a legitimately good game, but he has a hard time thinking of any that looks more generic for its time.
  • After beating the gorilla, they guys figure it was just set on auto-kill for anybody who wasn't Japanese; the people who sent it out haven't paid any attention to it.
• Part 11:
  • After their romantic interlude with Faye, the guys choose "Love You" for their next conversation with her. The phrasing creates the illusion of such a stilted discussion they start imagining Dan sounds like a robot.
  • The next boss fight is with an out-of-control cargo loading robot. As Pat points out, despite its job it's actually vastly more dangerous than dedicated combat robots.
  • Pat hurling what he thinks is a grenade at the cargo-bot, only for a hologram decoy to pop out after several awkward seconds.
  • Matt is convinced that one of the party members (or potentially all of them) is secretly a robot. Pat laughs at his insistence, then admits he's probably right with how the story's shaping up. Matt's first choice on who the robot is? Cain.
  • Dan has a bad habit of leaving firefights to go buy ammo, check his e-mail, and update Instagram.
  • Matt finally reaches his saturation point on Rule of Cool when the Tsar Runner appears.
    Matt: What the fuck is this thing now? Why would this be created!?
    Pat: To destroy.
    Matt: This is a Robot Jox or Pacific Rim... thing. It's awesome but...
    Pat: It is somewhat impractical.
• Part 12
  • There is a massive robot force waiting for the Rust Crew. Pat and Matt note the Japanese might have figured out where they were headed based on the trail of massive explosions from the Tsar Runner fight heading towards the destination.
  • Matt pegs Faye as the team Hollow Child, only for Pat to ask how Dan wouldn't have noticed during the intimates. This leads to a disturbing discussion of a sex robot being destroyed via overuse at a convention and how old women at male strip clubs are the most grabby patrons.
  • The guys are delighted to discover a robot that failed to load in properly stuck in mid-air, allowing them to unload on it.
• Part 13:
  • Matt declares that Shindo is the robot after he stays behind in a safe area with surveillance cameras and all the direction he gives to the rest of the crew is rife with robots. Despite Dan telling Shindo to stay behind; apparently he used his "robot pheromones" to make Dan act that way.
  • Discussion of an NHL game leads to Matt saying he wished a memetic gnome had been included in said game. Cue Pat declaring this their least intelligible and hardest to follow conversation to date. And then they keep trying to explain it, unsuccessfully.
• Part 14:
  • It starts with Pat stating he has no interest in farming trust with Kurosawa and Shindo for the achievement. Despite this, the one segment fighting with them is so long he ends up accidentally maxing their trust.
• Part 15:
  • On the reveal that Hollow children can get pregnant, Matt declares that's too advanced.
  • Pat never really like this plot twist but was tired on his first time through the game. He hoped that on a second playthough it would make more sense; he still doesn't see the issue with this "twist".
  • Opening a high tech casket, Matt speculates they'll find Ric Flair. Inside is a mummy, which Matt takes as confirmation of his guess.
  • The guys point out the odd disconnect of Bo's current behavior.
    Bo: That was sweet.
    "Dan": Thank you, Bo.
    "Bo": [disgusted] You scrap lover! [thrilled] That was sweet! [disgusted again] You love scrap, did you like how it scraped your dick?
    "Dan": Wow, Bo. Fucking relax it up.
  • This repeats after the cutscene where Faye returns and the team members go from being on the verge of shooting Dan to cheering him on.
  • Amada's creepy fondling of a server in a cutscene leads to the conclusion he's about to fuck it in specially-designed socket.
  • Matt assumes Amada taught his AI how to feel fear by convincing it it was going to be bought by EA.
  • Pat points out the reason people are worried about AI is the worry that they'll do exactly what the AI did in killing Amada.
  • As the episode closes out, Pat sums up all of their issues throughout the video on the story, tone, and characters.
    Pat: This is dumb. This is a dumb video game.
• Part 16:
  • When the Major reveals he is piloting the boss mech, Matt decides he's actually Richard Hawk. They also point out that he seems way too thrilled to be killing Dan, like he's just been waiting for the chance.
    • They also note that his showing up at what he knows is going to be ground zero of a nuclear strike in only minutes is ridiculous.
  • Matt mispronounces cuirass as "queer ass". As Pat notes, that has a different connotation.
  • The reveal that the AI controlling the nuke launching ships now has the free will to refuse orders.
    Matt: That's not good. That's bad. That's Skynet!
    Pat: But this is reverse Skynet, where Skynet won't let you use nukes, ever.
  • Pat brings up a ludicrously valid criticism of the official stance on the hybrids:
    President: Besides, the last thing we need is more racial tension.
    Pat: So you're gonna solve that with genocide???

Shadow Of The Colossus

• The Running Gag of them clearly being in awe of the PS4 remaster's Scenery Porn while at the same time saying that the new graphics ruined the PS2 version's aesthetic.
• Part 1:
  • Opens with Woolie worried about the LP because he doesn't know how to do a funny LP with a game that he respects the hell out of. Pat assures him it'll be fine since the cutscenes use a fake language.
  • The boys remark that Wander has probably committed three major faux pas against his culture. The first is stealing the Ancient Sword, the second is stealing Mono's corpse with the intention to bring her back to life after she was sacrificed, and the third was going to "The Forbidden Land"
  Matt: "Why is it The Forbidden Land?" "I don't care, just don't go."
  • During the Valus fight, Woolie observes that if your fashion designer gives you little shelves that men can climb on and then stab you, you should probably fire that fashion designer.
• Part 2:
  • Woolie and Matt talk about how Dormin will drop more and more obvious hints on how to beat the Colossi if you stand around doing nothing for too long. Matt then makes a comparison that leaves Woolie in stitches:
    Woolie: Like, I'm talking 2-3 minutes of nothing and he comes in like "YA WANNA WAIT FOR HIM TA SWING THE SWOOOOORD!"
    Matt: No, it's like Dormin is stomping on Wander's foot, it's like "Hello, Mr. Thompson!" and Wander is like, he turns to Agro and goes "I think he's talking to you."
    Woolie cracks up
  • From that point on, whenever Dormin offers a hint, the boys chime in with "HELLO, MR. THOMPSON!"
• Part 3:
  • The tediousness of the fight with Phaedra has Matt talking about the Ninja Turtles (saying he would have sex with super Shredder) and Woolie singing his frustration about the boss to the choir's beat (which Pat thought he was doing to a Batman song).
  • Also during the fight, Matt remarks that, if the game were adapted into a movie, then Wander would be played by a Wilson brother. On cue, both Pat and Woolie simultaneously respond "Woooow!"
  • Pat failing his jump and having to reclimb Phaedra, cue Big "NO!" from him.
  • On the way to Phaedra, they run into a cluster of regular lizards in a canyon, and Pat starts freaking out about trying to kill them all for the stamina upgrades their tails provide, and failing badly. Everyone in the comments for the video collectively tell him that only white-tailed lizards, found at specific shrines, give stamina upgrades.
• Part 4:
  • It opens with Pat falling off of Avion's wing much to his dismay. His next two attempts to get back on to the flying Colossus fail, with the second one nearly killing him.
    Woolie: Get your bearings, bro. Agro's like shakin' her head right now.
    Matt as Agro: (sounding like Mr. Ed) Ooohhh... I'm sure he'll get it next time.
  • Noticing Wander's injured animation, Matt suggests from the body language that Wander may be having second thoughts about this quest.
    Matt: I think this is one of those Colossi where Wander'd be like, (sigh) "Man, is this worth doing? She was a nice girl, but..."
    Pat as Wander: (dejected) Mom said I have to find a good lady and always stay close to her.
    Woolie: And Mono's just like, "Excuuuuuse me, Wander!"
  • Woolie remarks that the way Agro always seems so excited whenever she's called as meaning that she's always ready to bounce and is always ready to hit the mall.
    Matt as Agro: Lesgo lesgo lesgo! I've been drinking green tea all day!
  • Woolie deciding that the Forbidden Land is "basically New Zealand".
  • The boys remark on how there is evidence of human civilization in the Forbidden Land despite the fact that it is not a very bountiful land.
    Woolie: 'Ey Ma, what do we got for dinner tonight?
    Matt: Fruits! Lizard tails! Again!!
    Pat: Some rocks from the Coloss- This is not where I'm supposed to go...
  • Pat's awed shock over how the updated game renders Barba's beard, and Woolie characterizing the colossus as a beer-guzzling redneck ala Duck Dynasty.
• Part 5:
  • Woolie reads from a series of tweets detailing the first third of a NINETY-NINE page script for an abandoned Shadow of the Colossus movie, which induces disgust in everyone.
    Woolie: Wander gets to the temple and makes contact with Dormin and we're tossed into flaaaaaashbaaaaack.
    Pat: (groans)
    Matt: It has to have it.
    Woolie: Alright, so the first 30 pages are flashback scenes dealing with Wander's life prior to the Forbidden Lands, and every single one is awful. Uh, lets start with the racism...
    Pat: OH! Oh, oooooooh no.
  • As Woolie continues, he goes into detail about the story-breaking levels of Character Derailment in the script: Wander is now an escaped slave and acts like a bratty, petulant Final Fantasy protagonist (Woolie even does a subtle Tidus impression when reading his lines), Mono is every generic naive, pidgin-speaking "savage tribal girl" ever, Agro is a wild horse that Wander steals from Mono's abusive, alcoholic father, whom he is only able to tame because Agro senses that "they're both escaped slaves", and all of Lord Emon's nuance and ambiguity are stripped away as he is turned into a typical sneering villain (dubbed "Lord Emon Ba'ad'gi Putridus III") who belittles Wander for his low birth. He caps it off by revealing that, instead of being sacrificed for a cruel fate, Mono is killed accidentally by her father in a drunken rage, a change that completely robs Wander's quest to revive her of any sense of gravity. Matt and Pat are beyond stunned with this.
    Matt: Did David Cage write this?
  • Near the end of the video, the boys start speaking for Basaran before quickly realizing that the voice they're using sounds a lot like Kevin using a Talkboy to imitate his father from the second Home Alone movie. This then leads to them making Basaran say lines from that movie. Matt decides that there should be a crossover called "Shadow of the Colossus X Home Alone" in which Kevin has to climb and stab Buzz and Dormin has the combined voices of Harry and Marv.
• Part 6:
  • They comment how perfect the delivery of "Agro!" is and how it should feel getting fired after trying those lines. It ends with Matt suggesting the game maker found someone who lost his horse and record it at his weakest moment to get the right emotion.
  • After making Dirge an understood monster who just wanted to offer drink, Woolie says he also made vegan muffins.
    Pat: Oh you gotta go, I don't even care about Mono anymore you're getting stabbed.
  • The guys call for Agro from a distance and manage to catch her Offscreen Teleportation , as they watch her spawn just on the edge of the draw distance, fall through the world, she proceeds to run under the world until spawning in front of them. The guys are cracking up, while Woolie, who was looking away, is upset he missed such a good moment.
  • On their way to Celosia's arena, the boys somehow talk about Tomb Raider and the correct pronunciation of Lara Croft's name. Pat brings up how he hates it when people pronounce it "Laura Croft", calling out Patrick Klepek from the Giant Bomb-cast in particular, and how he responded with "yeah, whatever" when someone tried to correct him.
    Pat: No, not "whatever"! That's a person's name, Pay-trick!
  • Matt randomly points out that the three of them would probably be Borgia if they could, though Woolie is reluctant to take part in the family orgies.
    Matt: You don't have to! Woolie, you can just show up and and be like, "Aawww, shucks! I missed it! Sorry guys!"
  • After knocking Celosia off a cliff and removing its armor, Pat attempts a jumping stab to its weak point. He misses it by about two inches much to Woolie and Matt's dismay.
    Woolie: DAMMIT PAT! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!
  • After Pat's fourth or fifth failed attempt at the jumpstab, Woolie notes that, with each bad try, actually landing it successfully becomes less and less cool. One more failed attempt later, and he claims that Pat has now made the jumpstab "anti-cool", and he will actually lose points for nailing it.
• Part 7
  • Woolie and Matt convince a reluctant Pat to go pray at a save shrine (which now only recovers health). Pat is rewarded by having a lizard immediately run up to him. Even better, it's a white-tailed lizard, meaning Pat FINALLY got his stamina boost!
  • Due to Pelagia's status among the friends, and the fact that he shares his BGM with Phaedra, we see the return of Woolie's "Oh my fucking God, I hate you so much" song.
  • When Pat is told Pelagia's name, he briefly thinks that Woolie is talking about the Villagio hotel chain.
  • Throughout the Pelagia fight, the boys joke that its weak point is on its genitals due to it being located underneath the Colossus. This leads to this exchange at the end of the fight.
    Woolie (as Pelagia): That's what I get for showing you mah balls.
    Matt (as Pelagia): I thought we shared a special moment of looking at my balls.
    Woolie (as Pelagia): ... I enjoyed it.
  • The three of them let out a triumphant cheer when Pat accidentally bumps into Phalanx while riding Aggro, resulting in Wander getting knocked off and Aggro getting clipped into Phalanx sideways and floating up with it for a few seconds before falling off.
    Woolie: That'll do, pig. That'll do.
  • When Emon shows up in the plot, Woolie tries to Call-Back to the script he read in part 5.
    Woolie: Remember: you were nothing from the day you were—
    Pat: Ugh, stop it.
    Woolie: (sadly) ... born.
  • The Friends' interpretation of Emon and company.
    Pat: I like the idea that he [Wander] steals the sword and Mono and they're like "Huh. Somebody stole this- I guess it's fine." And then they look out the window and see this fucking hell vortex open up in the sky and like, "Aww. Aww he's doin' the shit with the sword."
    Matt (as Emon): He's literally doing the thing we said "you know what you shouldn't do? What you're doing."
    Pat (as Emon): And he's... wow, that hellmouth's really big. He must be burning through this shit in like a five, maybe five and a half hour span.
    Matt (as Emon): Man he's really actually good at killing Colossuseses.
    Woolie (as Emon): Y'know I had a busy day putting kids in cages in forgotten labyrinths, and now... now I gotta worry about fucking this shit?
• Part 8:
  • Woolie retroactively points out that Phalanx's latin name is Aeris Velivolus.
    Matt: That sounds like a part of the female anatomy that I'm not familiar with.
  • During the Cenobia fight, Pat tricks the Colossus into knocking down the pillar Wander is standing on, triggering a cutscene where Wander jumps to the next set of ruins.
    Woolie: Nicely done.
    Pat: Thank you. It's important to do that during the cutscene so you don't look like an asshole.
  • After they break Cenobia's armor:
    Woolie (as Cenobia): Oh. I didn't mean to show you that.
    Matt (as Cenobia): My unmentionables! Mwaaah!
    Woolie (as Cenobia): Am I still a tough guy to you?
    Pat: Yes. For the next 90 seconds to five minutes, you are still a tough guy.
  • Woolie's theory that Dormin is actually a The Wizard of Oz style old man and lady syncing up their voices.
    Pat (as Dormin): Oh man, these fuckin' dorks are getting tricked so bad!
• Part 9:
  • Woolie calls the shafts of light emanating from the dead Colossi "crime scenes that God's trying to point out."
  • On the way to Malus, Matt suggests that the devs should add Title Defense mode, where you stay at the sanctuary and the Colossi all come to fight you.
    Woolie: Aw man, Argus comes back with two knives, and giant gloves, and a helmet!
  • Woolie's insistence that they go to Ico Beach.
  • Woolie tries to persuade Pat not to cross the bridge leading to Malus and thus avoid Agro's apparent death. Pat follows Woolie's advice... halfway across the bridge, causing both of them to fall to their deaths.
    Woolie: You fuckin' deserve that, you piece of shit.
  • Even better, the game then picks up from the last cutscene, putting the boys back at the Shrine of Worship.
    Matt: Oh, that wasn't worth it.
    Woolie: Glad you did it?
    Pat: You were literally yelling at me to stop, Woolie.
  • The boys point out how silly it is that despite being forbidden, the ritual that Wander is performing is supported by the Forbidden Land's architecture. They include the game's soundtrack as part of the ritual.
    Pat: Yeah, it's weird. Why'd you guys hook up speakers for the ritual that is never supposed to be completed.
    Matt: (laughing) They hooked up like a boombox to the fucking gate!
    Pat: It's all hooked up to like a fuckin' Amazon Alexa. Runs the whole show.
  • Pat trying to kill a white-tailed lizard with his sword. It takes about fifty tries.
    • And how does he finally kill it? With a jumpstab. It is exactly as "anti-cool" as Woolie predicted.
• Part 10:
  • The friends come to the conclusion that every time Wander teleports back to the temple, he falls out of the sky and plops painfully onto the ground.
  • Woolie's Dull Surprise that the world of Shadow the the Colossus has crossbows and Wander has been using a regular bow this entire time.
  • Emon orders his men to destroy the source of Dormin's evil. One of the soldiers responds by shooting a single crossbow bolt through Wander's leg.
    Pat: Destroy the evil slowly and ineffectually.
  • Pat points out that the game's finale is an excellent example of how gamers interact with story since after Wander is possessed by Dormin, the game gives the player no prompt or direction and still everybody always tries to attack Emon and his men. Woolie's justification for this? "There's no hug button."
  • During the epilogue where Agro is revealed to survive her fall. The friends are overjoyed. Pat is actually crying with joy according to Woolie.
    Woolie: FUCKIN' SURVIVE THAT SHIT!!
    Matt (as Agro): I LIVE, BITCH!
  • "Wow, Barba just becomes a hill!"

Dead to Rights

• For some reason, one of the rumble packs in Matt's controller will randomly trigger every now and then for no perceivable reason. It creeps him out and he starts referring to it as the "baby heart".
  Pat: You've been going on for an hour about your "thumping baby heart" and I don't like it.
• Part 1:
  • Matt says the game was recommended by Slowbeef, who loved the main character Jack Slate so much he asks Pat to guess what was his character's name in Bloodborne.
    Pat: Slowbeef. That was a straight up brain failure by the way.
  • Pat starts feeling nostalgic for this game. He's never actually played the game, but it wants to be Max Payne so much he feels like he has.
  • Matt is unimpressed by the "PG stripper", as she doesn't take her underwear off during her whole number, Pat wants her to flip upside down on the pole and lift her body with her arm simply because it looks super hard to do.
    • Pat notes that this is the first thing they do in the game after the tutorial.
      Pat: This is a weird fucking game, man.
• Part 2:
  • Pat is both horrified by the overly cruel deaths Matt is inflicting on people and bummed out by the fact that Shadow isn't allowed in the strip club.
    • Shadow would be allowed in that other strip club, but it's pretty ruff. The bouncers would bark at him to get out. But if he could get in, the ladies will make you go woof. And that's all the dog puns the two could collectively scrape together.
  • Stripper Kings aren't the head pimp, it's like a rat king - the strippers's tails get stuck together and form a stripper ball.
• Part 3:
  • During the weightlifting minigame, Pat distracts Matt by constantly talking about bodybuilders shitting their pants during deadlifts.
• Part 4:
  • When their next objective is to meet an inmate called "Big Arm Tony", Matt hopes that he's called that because of his disproportionately tiny legs.
    • Pat gradually escalates this, wanting Tony to look like a Bandersnatch with a single enormous arm and candy cane stick limbs otherwise.
  • The guys accuse Woolie of being too cowardly to complete God Hand and his claims of being sick are a trick to keep people from realizing he never did.
  • Matt grows in strength and power every time a Turok announcement is made.
• Part 5:
  • Pat spent years hanging out with one of Woolie's friend but can only remember his nickname, "Ratboy". And not even why his nickname was Ratboy.
  • Matt and Pat's reaction to the unexpected revelation that Jack's dog was also sent to prison. The same prison.
    Pat: No, but for real though, this dog prison might be—
    Matt: I said this! But I didn't think it'd actually be true!
    Pat: This might be the dumbest thing I've seen ever.
  • During the fight with Sickle, Pat is baffled when Matt accidentally discovers that the AI won't attack you from behind if you don't move.
  • Pat points out that not only was shoving Sickle into the electric chair a good way to become actually guilty of murder, it was also a massive waste of time.
    • He also has an issue with how the mayor doesn't use the proper term "murder in the first degree".
    • Then Matt gets a game over for beating up a good guard while escaping. Pat theorizes it means they have been killing people with heir bare hands the whole time.
• Part 6:
  • During the overly long sewer/mine escape sequence, Pat quickly tires of wondering why dozens of prisoners have pistols and decides to talk about Resident Evil viruses instead.
  • Pat is abruptly reminded of the prison break when they get stuck in a small room with about ten armed escapees and Matt guns them down, ending with a leap toward the last one, firing his shotgun three times center mass.
    Pat: There are games that end with the sequence you just finished.
  • The guys can't handle the cutscene where a car nearly runs down Jack with a comical zoom-in effect and Pat realizes the sound effect is one usually used for laser beams.
  • Matt hits a checkpoint while critical on health and in a massive gunfight with multiple thugs, resulting in a constant loop of spawning and dying. Pat admits this is the reason regenerating health is a thing.
  • One of the deaths during this part has the camera spin around to Jack clutching his chest with both hands for no good reason.
    Matt: MAH NIPPLES!
• Part 7
  • Pat asks Matt to rotate saves when they find a way to get a health pick up and go back to cover, however it just saves the last checkpoint.
    • Pat notes they have spent fourteen minutes since the last episode having a "very specific kind of fun".
      Pat: Slowbeef is laughing at us. Laughing.
  • After painstakingly clearing the street, Matt and Pat get the worst Hope Spot.
    Pat: Yessss.
    Matt: Don't. Shut up.
    Random appearing goon: That's him.
  • Pat tells Matt he has to be careful with this section because, according to the F.A.Q he is reading, the next section is supposed to be even worse.
  • Said area starts with a cutscene of Fat Chow casually walking to his hideout. Pat realizes it makes sense given he had a whole army between him and Jack so he didn't need to run fast at all.
  • The first enemy encounter they run into has them getting cornered by a bunch of goons in a tiny crevice and blasted from almost-full health to dead in a matter of seconds. In gif form!
    Matt: (loses it)
    Pat: What is going on man? That's nuts. That's so crazy. What does this game want from you''?!
  • Pat notes he's getting very worried about this game considering how many fight sequences they've gone through that have felt completely unfair and one-sided.
  • After a long and painful gunfighting sequence, Matt fails to complete a timed lockpicking mini-game and Jack gets surrounded by armed cops for a game over.
    Pat: I'm so excited.
    Matt: [hoarse whisper] Are you serious!?
    Pat: I'm very excited for what we're about to see right now.
    Matt: Oh. My. God...
    Pat: I'm very excited. Let's see what happens.
    [game cuts back to the start of the sequence and Pat erupts into laughter]
• Part 8:
  • Finally escaping the sequence from last part, Matt asks if Jack and Shadow can't just go home and chill.
  • Woolie's phone goes absolutely crazy whenever he turns it on as a reminder of Pat and Matt's failures, as each notification is another cut notice to their editor.
  • Getting locked outside a prostitute's room, the guys get a laugh when moving slightly near the door causes a woman saying "Oh god! [moan]" to play repeatedly. And it doesn't reset the sound when triggered but plays over itself.
  • A long, desperate, and pathetic slapfest with a group of thugs in the massage parlor leaves Pat snickering.
    Pat: [on the verge of laughing] Oh man, best game ever. Best LP we've ever done!
  • Matt suspects Slowbeef was trolling the Best Friends when he pushed for this game.
  • On the way out of the parlor, the duo runs into a swarm of barely-clothed masseuse assassins. Not only are they are tougher and deadlier than most other enemies until this point, Jack refuses to use them as human shields even though he'll gun them down. And Shadow won't bite them either!
    Matt: [seeing four masseuses clipping into each other] There's so many masseuses!
    Pat: Why do they—? Oh, oh man! Usually you gotta pay extra to get the masseuses lined up like that!
    Matt: [as Jack dies] Now I gotta leave because of damage!
    Pat: They turn into death turrets like that!
• Part 9:
  • Given the issues they're having with this LP, including Matt's mic failing twice during this one video, the two start wondering if there's a bio-curse involved.
  • After changing to the Gamecube version and finagling with the camera, Matt notices the game is much easier. Then Fat Chow one-shots Eve with a bazooka and triggers a game over, then on the next attempt he kills Jack with one shot as well.
    • Matt mentions that they've toned down the difficulty to 'Easy' mode because the Gamecube version has a difficulty toggle, while the Xbox version was fixed to 'Hard'. They joke that it's because Xbox players must be "so strong and hardcore", because they enjoy Spawn and Necrid. Pat then almost throws up after being reminded "Necrid... Must Win!"
  • The duo are unprepared for the graveyard segment where they are ambushed by killer clowns.
    • The "boss" of the segment is a Clown Van containing a howitzer. Matt soon discovers he can only kill it by throwing canisters, but the game keeps automatically locking onto random clowns instead. The result is the slowest death to a howitzer in gaming history.
  • Matt self-depreciation about his time in art school.
    Pat: Hey, Matt! You're an artist—
    Matt: No.
    Pat: You used to be—
    Matt: No.
    Pat: You know of art.
    Matt: ...Okay.
• Part 10:
  • Pat is a bit confused about the logistics of the Escort Mission.
    Pat: Why is the gun audio so low on the minigun? (Beat) Wait, what minigun am I thinking of, you're in a news chopper!
    Matt: (laughs hysterically) We make our own news!
  • Pat takes the downtime of most segments to gush about Die Hard, hates on Babidi and admits he finds Plague Of Gripes really handsome.
    • His gushing about Die Hard comes to an abrupt end when Matt uses Alan Rickman to make it a Harry Potter crossover.
  • Their reaction that one of the bomb to collapse the building was in the bathroom.
    Matt: That's not a load bearing bathroom.
  • Eve's death is more amusing than anything to the duo, given how poorly animated the scene was and the equally poor voice acting. Matt even goes so far as to say he's glad since Eve's only contribution to the story up to this point was killing people before they could give Jack information.
  • During the chase with Patch's convoy, Pat points out how much damage the cars are taking at top speed.
    Pat: These cars are tough — that's runnin' on rims with a busted engine! That's crazy!
    Matt: (cackling) That is, uh, quite amazing.
    Pat: That's a durable sedan!
• Part 11:
  • Shadow has trouble finding the first bomb of the episode and tries to go up to the next floor, which triggers Jack to yell him to stay on the first floor. From two hallways and a ninety degree turn away. Matt figures they have a link like Beyond: Two Souls and Pat is annoyed he can't disgaree.
    • Having failed the disarming twice, the guys cut the overly long run to the bomb and disarming game on the third go around. We cut back as Matt finishes the mini-game with a tenth of a second left.
      Pat: Christ, my dick is wet from that.
  • Looking up what the GAC militia he's fighting might be, Pat determines that they're the Geological Association of Canada. And then a shipping company with the same acronym tells him to let them use his phone's location so he can be part of their "chain gang".
  • Matt demonstrates his mastery of the bomb mini-game.
    Pat: [as Matt zips along] Oh wow, look at this confidence.
    [bomb instantly explodes]
    Matt: [as Pat snickers] I'm not sure if even the "dence" of saying confidence had come out before...
    • On the second attempt, Pat warns Matt to be wary of his confidence and abuse the save states. It's time to abuse their Bite the Dust's power to not explode a bomb.
  • Like last episode the guys points out the bombs location are ridiculous as it could only kill someone who decides to hide in a specific corner.
  • Pat points out the mooks they've been killing are very oddly committed to their job of guarding bombs that are about to explode. And then stand their ground to defend the building that is currently burning down with them inside. They conclude that the men weren't told the bombs were about to explode.
    Matt: Bomb is not gonna snitch.
  • The duo are decidedly unimpressed with the "fire", which is only present as a few minuscule particle effect clouds on the carpet. They also wonder why they have to manually activate the sprinkler system. Which don't work.
    Pat: The sprinklers, not enough to beat this raging inferno with no visible flames.
  • Pat declares the best part of the bio-curse is that it shows just how much their fanbase is willing to slog through the drek and keep sticking their dick in.
• Part 12:
  • The guys discuss how Matt Hardy's gimmick of being insane treats mental health issues with more care than David Cage.
  • Pat comes up with the idea of "furry Woolie" out of nowhere while Matt is doing the pick lock mini-game. He fails the mini-game and it takes a few minutes for him to recompose himself.
    Matt: I'm fucking begging you, please shut up.
    • During a breath holding mini-game later in the episode Matt once again has trouble and says he needs to focus on it. Pat immediately revives the furry joke, talking about the fur clogging up Jack's windpipe and Woolie needing to clean up the green water. Matt is not happy.
      Pat: That looked really tough actually.
  • While Matt is busy fighting a helicopter, Pat's brain turns to mush and he completely forgets the word 'helicopter', spending several seconds calling it an 'elevator'/'escalator' before he finally remembers it.
  • Pat declares he's going to do an Irish accent and proceeds to do the most horribly stereotypical Italian accent possible. And then realizes he also said Irish wrong.
  • Their reaction to a boss being named "Longshoreman X".
    Pat: ...Fuck this— [sees the boss name and laughs in disbelief]
    Matt: That's super strong and—
    Pat: [high-pitched] Whaaaa! No! That's so bad! That's so bad. Holy shit. Also, this guy looks like the biggest fucking loser ever.
  • Matt thinks the stripper is stripping at the pier, but Pat corrects him saying she works as waitress in a whorehouse now. Matt concludes it's a whorehouse for strippers.
• Part 13:
  • Being a new recording session, Matt and Pat are trying to remember what they did last episode. Pat vaguely remembers something about furries being in the hot zone.
    Pat: Wait, wait what, the furry? Were the girls with him furries?
    Matt: No, but I assumed once he got dipped. Y'know.
    Pat: You never know. Scales could just form.
  • Pat thinks the construction workers jumping them have clown faces on their helmets, meaning Jack is fighting clown construction workers. It says something that neither find this impossible for the game.
    • Matt would like them to have some dialogue, like yelling "Die, Slate". Pat would prefer something along the lines of asking why Jack is in their factory.
  • While discussing how humans are not designed to punch, Matt states the only creatures naturally designed for it are kangaroos and lobsters. Pat wonders about the latter as they don't have armpits. Crazy Talk keeps him from realizing the word he meant was "shoulder" for a good ten seconds.
  • Pat suggests they should get high before recording so they become critic-proof.
    Pat: "How did you miss the key?" I'm blazed, dude.
  • Pat continues to escalate the Running Gag of trying to make Matt fail the lockpicking mini-game by Corpsing. This time, Woolie is apparently a furry drug dealer.
• Part 14:
  • The guys lament several times that they're too high to play or talk well.
    Matt: [dying after a long sequence] Bu— I wa— I was so high!
  • When Matt asks why anybody would name their town after a resource that could be depleted, Pat starts listing off real town names. Or at least ones he thinks are plausible real town names.
  • Stuck in yet another unfair gunfight — one Pat thinks would be unwinnable on the Xbox — they have no idea how to end it until they apparently sate Khorne's bloodlust by killing enough thugs. Except they can't leave because the area is too hostile, which is a good reason to leave the area.
    • Pat tells Matt he can do this if he believes in himself. Matt refuses, as things have always gone wrong when he does that.
    • Matt attributes his ability to defeat the area on being barely human. Pat then decides he's just a giant cannabis leaf with arms and legs, like Flowey from Undertale, or as Matt puts it, "Weedy".
  • Pat points out there's no real reason for the bad guy to be a criminal if he owns and operates a gold mine; Matt has no answer.
• Part 15:
  • Jack — for some reason — doesn't have any guns at the start of a sequence despite having just left a firefight where he had guns. So Matt has Shadow grab one from a goon in plain sight of his friends, who don't react at all.
    Matt: "Well, that was a hell of a thing. Johnson just got ripped apart by some kind of dire wolf."
    Pat: "It teleported away with his gun? What the hell..."
    • Even funnier is that when Matt decides to attack, six enemies ambush him from behind and a few above him start shooting, giving the goons the last laugh.
  • Pat and Matt talk about Montreal "accidentally" drilling several extra kilometers on a subway and deciding they might as well add another exit... "coincidentally" right next to a rich businessman's mall.
    Matt: Hey, Terry, Terry Bogard, can we have you? What do you say about the situation? What do you thin— "Kick back!"
  • Jack returns to the prison and immediately starts slaughtering guards, despite doing so in the past being a game over. Matt decides these are a different breed of guards — literally, as they hatched from different eggs.
    Pat: You can't leave them here — they might go back to their families.
  • The duo decide their biggest source of discomfort with this game is that Jack doesn't seem to care at all, either about his dad being dead or the hundreds of people he's killed.
    • They propose having the mayor show up while Jack was in prison and laugh maniacally to give him some form of motivation. And also go and dig up Jack's mom's body to fuck her.
• Part 16:
  • The duo sums up Jack's approach to finding out how his dad died is by killing every single person he meets, whether they know who he or his dad is or not. His internal rationale plays out in Hulk Speak.
    • They compare him unfavorably to the Punisher, pointing out he's really a very bad detective. Especially given he seems to think every criminal in Grant City is somehow in on his dad's death.
  • When they learn who the real mastermind was, Matt actually has to pause the game to complain. They realize yet again just how pointless all of Jack's kills have been up to this point.
    Pat: Jack Slate might be the dumbest motherfucker ever. How many fucking people have he killed for nothing now? Many.
  • Pat continues his comparison of Jack to Nathan Drake, bringing up how Naughty Dog has jumped through a lot of hoops to keep their protagonist from being a flat out thieving mass murderer.
• Part 17:
  • Matt is nearly defeated by a door, because unlike every other door in the game, it does not open automatically or display an icon. And then they get jumped — repeatedly — by a goon who spawns and shoots them in the back any time they touch the exit door. Just like John Wayne.
  • The fact that Hennessey apparently only has a single hard copy of the blackmail material that lets him control the entire city leaves the two stumped.
  • After the stripper kills the politician while he was being held at gunpoint, Jack asks if she's okay. Pat solemnly declares him to be the dumbest motherfucker in the world.
    • Pat spends the next few minutes quietly sputtering because he can't believe just how stupid this game and Jack are.
  • Matt grabs a goon to use as a human shield, thinking he would be disposed of quickly because of his low health, and ends up shimmying slowly across the room in the most ridiculous way possible.
    Pat: (dumbfounded) Why would they think that this, what we're looking at right now, would be a cool thing for Jack to do?
  • Matt tries to snipe another goon. Somehow a headshot fails to kill him and he gets a slow, badly aimed rocket in his direction for his trouble.
  • Matt orders Shadow to kill a goon in front of him, but after the cutscene of Shadow biting someone's throat out the goon is still there. Matt is puzzled over who Shadow just killed and Pat says this is the question that haunts Jack.
  Pat: Jack sits up awake at night, "Who is Shadow killing right now? I pointed in my sleep."
• Part 18:
  • Matt is begging the auto-aim to switch to the Chopper instead of random goon #38.
  • The guys can't remember any real reason Jack would want to kill Fahook aside from the furry dip. Matt proposes it would replace Jack's body parts with furry parts but Pat states it would burn away all the impurities until all that remained was an Undertale-style furry heart.
  • Matt cycles through his weapons, including a shotgun, sniper rifle, and rocket launcher, ending on an outline of Shadow with a woof.
    Matt: If people want to ask "How's that Dead to Rights LP?" just show them that.
    • Pat idly notes the gameplay would be a lot smoother if there was a dedicated Shadow button. There is.
  • "Jack Slate: Noted clear goal haver." "I'll kill someone."
• Part 19:
  • Hildy is gunned down from behind, while Jack just watches, and it's played as a tragedy. Only for Pat to point out she's a violent murderer who did it all for the money.
  • Jack says he needs to hurry during the gameplay... and then in a cutscene sneaks around stealthily. Before he brains some innocent mechanic working on his bike and leaves him to die in an explosion.
  • The subsequent motorcycle cutscene — which Matt would have liked to play — ends with Jack jumping off the bridge after the plane gunning down a pursuing motorcycle, whose explosion propels Jack through the air to the plane's open door. The guys have a few... questions about this.
  • Pat wonders why nobody is concerned about the gunfight on an airplane, which Matt excuses due to Jack being a stealthy tactician.
  • They find the one room on the plane where they can't use guns and encounter a trio of scantily-clad women who cower in fear and then abruptly laugh and attack. The duo can't figure out what the purpose of the room or that encounter was.
  • Jack gets hit at point-blank with a big blast from Fahook's flamethrower and you even see his model light up, but he inexplicably takes no damage or anything of the sort. Matt is flabbergasted.
• Part 20:
  • Needing to manually target and shoot Fahook's booze bottle every time he takes a swig to heal is praised for being nearly Metal Gear in nature... if only it was in an interesting boss fight with good aim controls.
  • After the plane crashes, Pat imagines Jack will jump out and start gunning down the firefighters while Matt imagines him screaming "For my daddy" like a toddler.
  • Matt is insistent on downing the helicopter with a rocket launcher but doesn't want to use manual aiming because it will take too long. Several minutes later as he's gunned down, Pat notes this method is obviously faster than manual aiming.
  • The entire Final Boss fight with Hennessy — from kiting him around a fountain as he slowly electrocutes himself to having a fist fight as he's on fire — is enough to leave Matt and Pat dumbstruck.
  • Pat spends most of the credits picking at Jack's nonsensical closing monologue and the meaningless stinger, only for both of them to be struck silent by the last thing in the credits: a bizarre montage of people saying "See you in Hell."
  Matt: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Tokyo Mirage Sessions ♯FE

• The animated opening: Woolie trying to make it as an idol while Matt cheers him on from the audience.
• Part 1:
  • The moment the game switches to 3D cutscenes, Woolie sticks his foot in his mouth:
    Woolie: This is a very Persona-ass, like- colored people who don't matter in the background.
    Matt: They don't matter!
    [After a Beat, Woolie cracks up]
    Matt: Are you colorful?! Do you have any color at all?
    Woolie: That's not what I meant! That's not what I meant!
    Matt: Out of my face!
    Woolie: Oh no, not to Pleasantville!
  • Their reaction to being forced to use the Wii U gamepad, and the fact that they have to record said gamepad with a camcorder.
    • Woolie comments that Matt's hands smell really good.
  • During the idol questions, Matt and Woolie give questions a bit more complex than "what do you want to be an idol."
    Woolie: How do you feel about Gaza? Go!
  • Matt hoping Brennan Williams, their NXT wrestler friend, leaves a match because of a fan showing a "Best Friends Play Fire Emblem" sign.
• Part 2:
  • Itsuki taking Tsubasa's magic orb and jamming it in her attacker.
    Matt: Now I've got your power!
    Woolie: I stole your shit and I'm takin' it 'cause I gave mine away.
  • The guys reaction to the Carnage form transformation.
    Woolie: Who told you how to do that?
    Matt: Why is it called Carnage form?
  • When Touma calls them.
    Woolie: Okay, there is a lot going on Touma, uhmm, I'm in my Carnage form.
• Part 3:
  • The guys are already getting hype for Touma when they see his Fire Emblem-esque armor, and then they see his awesome entrance on a tricked-out, red and gold motorcycle.
    [dual shouts of joy]
    Matt: That's way cooler!
    Woolie: [high-pitched] Yeah, everyone, I take it back! I take it back, you're the best! Oh, Touma you're cool, I love you.
  • Woolie asks for Touma's three measurements.
  • The Starter Villain goes down with a death cry that's not translated, so the guys provide their own.
    Woolie: "I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids."
    Matt: "And your lousy Performa."
  • "Idolasphere" as the term for the dark world the protagonist got dragged into is one step too far for Matt.
• Part 4:
  • Woolie and Matt are rather lukewarm about Kiria's Carnage Form, then she reverts in her normal form which Woolie find hype.
    [Kiria appears]
    Woolie and Matt: [disappointed] Ahhh... [Kiria transforms back] Yeah!
    Matt: You look way cooler!
    Woolie: Stay that way!
    Matt: [as the Mirage appears] Oh shit! Her Mirage looks awesome!
    Woolie: Please don't ever put that shit back on again.
  • The guys try to concentrate on Maiko's dialogue, but...
    Woolie: You can't, you can't read the lines of dialogue without setting eyes firmly on cleave central.
    Matt: I was looking at her earrings.
  • They are starting to wonder which celebrities can get in the Idolasphere and have a Performa: the Kardashian having no talent disappears right away, Kanye had one but starts fading nowadays and Puff Daddy is a master Performa collector and kicked Biggie Small's coffin for all its worth.
  • Matt having Itsuki going "I don't now this all seems super gay" to show his ignorance of the Idol scene.
• Part 5:
  • The two have an... interesting take on the relationship between the Mirages and their masters.
    Itsuki: [reluctant] I'll visit you again, Tiki...chan, whatever. Because we have no choice, you're the only one who can power us up!
    Tiki: No, it's 'cause we care about you and love you and do actually want—
    Itsuki: Level up my shit.
    Tiki: Oh, sometimes I wonder if I'm even real at all or just a fabrication.
    Itsuki: I don't hear leveling! That's a whole lot of existential crisis thoughts coming out of my level-up machine.
  • When Woolie says its time to meet people willing to sell weapons to kids, Matt immediately asks if he means America.
  • They want a Mirage to pop out of Hachiko's statue and, given the audience may not be aware, state that Hachiko was a legendary Japanese dog who fought off an invading army twenty years ago.
  • Woolie is stunned into silence when they meet Barry, the heavyset, anime-loving fitness instructor from America. He simply can't figure out what to think of this character.
  • When Barry starts tearing into Oribe for wanting to be an idol to save her sister, the guys point out Itsuki's complete lack of a purpose is ignored.
  • Oribe starts gushing to Itsuki about how cool her sister was, at which point the duo start bringing up the various insane things expected of Japanese idols, such as needing to shave their head if they're caught dating.
• Part 6:
  • Matt and Woolie wonder why nobody at the showroom are commenting on the otherworld portal.
  • And then they go to the concert and wonder why nobody in the crowd is concerned by the fact the singer apparently is creating a holographic apocalyptic rain of meteors and levitating her stage into the air.
    Matt: This is— people will pass out due to hype!
    Woolie: Is Talent just like attacking the city right now?
    Matt: People are all just looking at each other like going "Witch? Should we burn her?"
    • And then Oribe levels up her Talent due to how radical Kiria's concert was, with a massive explosion of light that, once again, nobody in the audience comments on.
  • Portals appear in the sky and all around the concert. Woolie says they better be an enemy appearing, because if it's the actor's entrance no performer will ever have enough budget to match him.
  • Woolie asks what famous person would be best to have still alive but enslaved by an evil netherworld. Initially he proposes Muhammad Ali, but then realizes one even better: Stephen Hawking.
  • Encountering the clown head enemies, Matt immediately compares them to Pennywise before learning their name is Nickelwise. He decides they must also be related to Nickelback.
  • Matt still going with Itsuki being disinterested with the idol scene.
    Matt/Itsuki: I don't know... singing?
• Part 7:
  • The two discuss how oddly widespread the fear of clowns is in North America and yet completely absent in Japan. Matt then brings up a Japanese game developer whose clown character design was rejected due to being too scary and how it made him realize he had found an easy way to crit Americans.
    • After fighting goofy clown heads, Woolie was not prepared for the Ironclad Myrmidon.
  • When they see the smoke machine item is used to escape battle, they wonder if Beyoncé ever though using that tech to escape shoddy concert.
  • Woolie's reaction when he sees "bishdish" producer Hatanaka, wishing he becomes part of the party.
    Woolie: Oh my god, your hair is perfect. That is immaculate volume.
• Part 8:
  • Woolie notes that in a world where having talent causes otherworldly abominations to invade, it might be better to have no talent. Matt proudly points out that the Best Friends are ahead of the curve on that.
  • Woolie That Came Out Wrong ability shows up again. That he sounds extremely defeated over it really sells it
    Woolie: Pounded by her weaknesses... It's the phrase that came—
    Matt: Grind on her!
  • Oribe's pep talk for her sister takes a slightly... different turn.
    "Oribe": You worked so hard— even though you didn't do anything, technically— you worked so hard to just style on all those skanks. To beat them all out, to be the number one. You aren't trashy like them, you were awesome and talented! You knew how to dance! I'll always be your biggest fan! [under her breath] Having a family member be your biggest fan is the lamest thing in the world, just saying it, just putting it out there.
    "Touma": Tsubasa, why are you throwing so much shade? It's blotting out the sun!
• Part 9:
  • The guys point out how bizarre the contrast is when they leave what's essentially a satanic hellhole and return to the happy city with the sun shining.
    • Itsuki refuses to be Tiki's big brother figure.
  • Oribe needs to sing to rescue her sister. The guys recommend a few songs, such as "Master Exploder" and "Freebird".
  • Considering fusing with demons in SMT and Persona is a gruesome execution, Woolie fully expected Unity in this game to be fuck-fighting.
  • Matt and Woolie start talking about an inside joke, which Woolie declares impenetrable to anybody not a member of the original group.
• Part 10:
  • Matt and Woolie share stories about their first websites, from Woolie's overly dramatic presentation of three whole art pieces to Matt's website only he knew about because he wouldn't tell anybody about it.
  • Woolie commenting how useless characters are to him if they don't session.
    Matt: There is like a pest animal outside and you punch it while your girlfriend stand there and like "what the fuck? Didn't you see the session".
  • Woolie suggests that instead of leaving the dungeon every time to get drink from the vending machines and boosts the gang should get all together and bring the machine into the Idolasphere.
  • Woolie wants Kiria to return at the end of the dungeon and to herald her appearance by using the Wii-U gamepad to text "I live, bitch!".
  • Woolie notices that your party members will wave if you're hovering over a skill that leads to a session...but somehow misses not only the exclamation points that appear over the enemies when you do so, but also the giant list of what the session order will be on the left side of the screen. The comments waste no time in pointing this out.
• Part 11:
  • Woolie has been wondering if they'll reach the point where they so outlevel the enemies in a fight that they never get a chance to attack. They almost get that, except for one mob that survives the first round.
    Woolie: And then there's this fucking loser that doesn't know when to quit. Can't you tell, asshole? Read the room! Read the room!
  • Touma's inability to session due to poor elemental affinity continues to nag Woolie.
    Matt: He's like Woolie.
  • Chrom is interested in the modern world and is currently interested in learning more about this thing called vore. This leads to Matt imagining Fire Emblem knights failing to comprehend pop.
• Part 12:
  • Woolie decides to follow a piece of advice they got, namely "Visit the fucking Hee Ho Mart". They reason the things they buy there that boost their Performa are things like little notes saying nice things about Itsuki.
  • Matt lists all of the ways they have for quickly leaving a dungeon as he's stunned by how much this game "emphasizes cowardice".
  • Woolie is having trouble remembering the games rock-paper-scissors, but is comforted when Matt states he does even worse and will just agree with anything Woolie says.
    Matt: You know what an ax works well against? Someone that's unarmed.
  • Oribe's long-awaited heart-felt song to her sister is completely wordless, consisting of nothing but "La la la". Woolie and Matt eviscerate her and hope it actually powers up the Mirage due to it being so awful and childish.
• Part 13:
  • Matt jumps in without thinking and immediately jumps back out.
    Woolie: So you got a hot lady with horse legs—
    Matt: Yeah I'm down.
    Woolie: Yeah?
    Matt: Uh, no, I'm not, I back out.
    Woolie: [chuckling] Yeah, you ready to try and figure that one out?
  • Reading the Horseslayer skill, Woolie is reminded of just how easy it is for a horse to get an injury requiring euthanasia.
    Woolie: Matt, imagine if you chipped a nail, and you have to die because of it.
  • Woolie spots the most bizarre part of Kiria's outfit — a literal belt around her coat's collar. Over an actual choker.
  • Woolie is absolutely baffled when he realizes the first thing the office did when Aya got back was make her an office assistant as "light rehab". Nevermind the fact she's most likely legally dead and just got out of being demonically possessed.
    Woolie: Not everyone gets a second chance at going back to being a slave.
• Part 14:
  • When Maiko asks Itsuki to stay alone, Matt assumes she wants MC sex, which is exactly what she hints at.
    Woolie: Matt, stop saying things. You're making them happen.
  • Matt's answer when Tsubasa accuses men of all wanting the same thing.
    Matt: Opening tickets to Rampage.
  • They completely fail recording the Wii-U pad this time.
    Woolie: In conclusion, fuck it.
    Matt: In traditional Best Friends style, things aren't working, and fuck it.
  • Matt and Woolie love how the "Intermission" is stated to be a period when nothing of importance happens.
    • Woolie's first action on getting control? Turning off Kiria's Carnage form and declaring it wiped from existence.
  • Kiria challenges Oribe and Itsuki to rise up and meet her challenge in learning to be an idol.
    Itsuki: I hate this shit. I'm just here because I have nothing going on.
    • Earlier, Itsuki was declared the leader of the band of the idols. Woolie wants to go back through the log to see if there was any reasoning because there is nothing special about Itsuki to justify him being made leader over Touma and Kiria, who are both more experienced.
  • Oribe gets her music video and the guys like it and her costume... until they see the city is overgrown with flowers. As Woolie declares she's singing and dancing on humanity's grave after they all died, Matt worries it's The Last of Us.
    Matt: And she's celebrating atop the corpses of mankind!
• Part 15:
  • The guys absolutely love Barry's over-the-top "SHIT!" when Itsuki doesn't get his anime reference and then panics at the realization a moe fighting game is coming out shortly.
    Matt: How do they know what Liam is like?
  • Oribe excitedly drags Itsuki off to watch the show of an actor they just met.
    Itsuki: But I hate everything about this industry. You're forgetting that I don't want to be here or do any of this.
  • Later Itsuki admits he doesn't even watch T.V. Matt admits he hadn't even read the text where Itsuki said that, it just sounds like what a bland, clueless teenager would say.
    Itsuki: I sit in a chair and I stare at the wall. My hands are folded and it's a fold out chair.
  • Matt's story of how a woman very obviously came onto him when he went to sign a lease and his absolutely freaked out voice while recalling his responses.
  • Woolie is very upset that Aya's return from the hell dimension is being so thoroughly downplayed and ignored. Especially the fact that while Aya came back there were a lot of people from the same event who didn't.
  • Matt once again throwing legendary shade to the photographer who took a lot of pictures of one bridesmaid instead of Matt's wedding. And following that he was flirting with said bridesmaid online despite her being married and not interested.
    Matt: What a piece of shit. And also your photography was bad.
• Part 16:
  • Continuing on his complaints from last episode, Woolie notes that the characters seem remarkably unconcerned with the fact that idols are flat out disappearing.
    • Related to this, Matt points out how Oribe is apparently not spending any time with Aya despite having longed to see her sister for years.
    "Itsuki": But Tsubasa, what about your sister's feelings?
    "Oribe": Who?
  • Their reaction to Hinozawa, who they find remarkably not racist and cool looking.
  • Matt and Woolie pointing out how the main character of this type of RPG usually become so versatile, they are probably calmly asking the element specialists to sit this one out.
    Woolie: I don't need you if all you have is bufu.
  • Woolie blessing the Japanese service workers, who continue working even as their souls is being sucked by the mirages.
  • Itsuki being told he isn't needed.
    Itsuki: I guess I'll just go home and masturbate. Wait, I don't really have an interest or passion in masturbation. So I'll just stare at the wall again.
  • Tsubasa bungled the photo shoot; Matt and Woolie immediately assume it was gas and deem her "Tsu-Gas-a."
• Part 17:
  • Thanks to suggestions from the audience, Woolie will now be cycling out every item after he has Mastered it. He'll squeeze all of the useful abilities out of an item and then abandon and forget it in favor of the next new item.
    Matt: It's just like the idol industry!
  • Woolie is bemused by a side story of watching a television show opening while people are trapped in a hell dimension. Matt notes it's not that bad in-universe given they're sandbagging Aya's return from life, which Woolie is still very salty over.
  • Matt questions the protagonist screaming For Great Justice against jellyfish monsters, as the concept might elude them. Right after that one of them charms Itsuki and Woolie points out they understand love at least.
  • Kiria levels up enough to unlock a side story.
    Matt: Cancel all other side stories.
• Part 18:
  • Matt mentions that his wife calls the game "Anime Twilight" for reasons even he doesn't get.
  • While talking about Star Wars, Matt concludes that sometimes anime bullshit is more logical than "they're friends".
    Matt: No, Darth Talon and Darth Maul are not friends. Just because they are red and black doesn't mean they're friends, Georgie.
  • Talking about their taste in chocolates and how some people outside Canada asks why they aren't eating better flavor, Woolie explains they don't have any options.
    Matt: These are the dicks we can suck and we will suck them. I know that you have big exotic dicks. Where you are, there's many, but we're fine with sucking these.
  • Woolie and Matt talks about a stripper just eating pizza on the stage as part of the show, they agree that it feels like a great job to have.
• Part 19:
  • Matt commenting on how awkward it is when companies take jabs at each other in a show and how badly it can age, like if Justice League kept making jokes about Black Panther being a flop.
  • Kiria getting level 21 prompts Matt and Woolie to joke she's 21 years old and past her prime.
    Woolie: You can drive, get the hell out of there.
  • Woolie once again mentions how the disappeared people from three years ago are not a priority for the characters.
    Woolie: Ah, nothing like the smell of dead horse.
  • When Oribe is downed and needs a revive, the duo laments they can't just have Touma just drag her dead body off stage.
• Part 20:
  • Learning a new boss fight includes a few steps: Learn the moves; forget the moves; tell Billy to cut the worst attempts; and revive Oribe again.
  • Matt considering what the Idol scenes would look like in current day Detroit.
    Idol: Hey everyone, like cheer on. Positivity!
    Audience: Flint still doesn't have clean water! The amount of money it took to put on this show you could have fixed our fucking pipes! Fuck you! We are not actually angry at you; you're trying your best.
    • While discussing Woolie's dietary restrictions and the torment of healthy waffles that he can't pour syrup on, Matt suggests pouring positivity on them.
• Part 21:
  • Deciding to have Oribe train a bit since she is under level, Matt brings up that for what should be the protagonist she spends most of her time on the bench.
    • The very first fight after Matt says they need to level her, Woolie almost immediately wants to bench her because she's under level.
  • Woolie once again makes an innuendo that begs to be taken out of context.
    Woolie: I'll get to work on the little girl.
  • Woolie becomes increasingly exasperated with Tiki, who constantly messages him about needing to visit her while they're fighting in a hell dimension.
• Part 22:
  • Woolie advises people that if they are doing a cosplay photoshoot and the photographer use his phone for it, run away.
    Matt: If you get a photographer and he says "I did the McMuscles wedding", do not. Call the cops.
  • Woolie taking time so people can use this reaction◊ as a meme template.
  • Their amazement at the boss power to seal their magic with his camera.
    Woolie: Without our Carnage Form we are just children.
  • Seeing Yashiro's concert start, Woolie has some advice.
    Woolie: Matt, that feeling in your loins right now? Embrace it.
    Matt: Yeah, I'm trying to.
  • The episode ends with Matt screaming "titties are gonna grow!"
• Part 23:
  • Matt and Woolie can't handle how perfect Oribe's new outfit is or the poses she strikes.
    Mat: (as the boss goes crazy over Oribe) Yo! This is it, this is what I wanted, exactly what I fucking wanted! This better just beat him.
  • The boss Gangrel shares a name with a wrestler that Matt mention started the "New Porn Order".
    Woolie: ...Wait.
    Matt: He started a porn company. And directed some porn.
    Woolie: Wait. As, as a kayfabe?
    Matt: No.
  • Matt voicing Maiko when she is freed.
    Maiko: You guys didn't look through My Complex did you?
    Oribe: I looked at your big fucking titty photos.
  • Debating what entertainment industry figure could be the leader of the Mirages, the guys settle on Suge Knight. His final attack is teleporting to hold you out a window.
• Part 24:
  • Eleonora, the blond half-Japanese idol, makes her appearance and declares she'll one day be a top Hollywood actor. Matt thinks they'll probably just cast a white actor for her role.
    • When Itsuki asks if she's mixed race, the guys start cycling through the various terms for it like asking if she's a dhampyr or mulatto.
  • They propose a boy band named the "Omni-Directional Boyz", who are obviously better than the One Way Boyz. Though in some countries they're known as the 3D-Maneuver Boyz.
  • Once again Itsuki keeps hammering how unaware of anything he is when Ellie said she plays in Dandelion Love.
    "Itsuki": I recently bought a poster. It's a blank, white poster. One day when I have a direction, I will put something on the poster.
    • Touma points out Eleonora's show is getting bad ratings and nobody's talking about it.
    Touma: It's kind of ass.
  • Due to bad positioning of an animated icon in a cutscene, both Woolie and Matt mistakenly think Oribe just took a dump on the floor.
  • When Ayaha suggests Itsuki would be better fixing Kiria's plushy.
    Woolie: What do I pay you— Get back in the dungeon!
  • Woolie comments that while Itsuki is obviously horrible at sewing back a plushy, he didn't even try using colors that match!
  • After Kiria powers from getting her plushy back with an over-the-top cutscene. They immediately decide to go do Touma's as well, because Woolie is more than happy to get another O-face.
• Part 25:
  • Their reaction to Kiria's concert after her sidequest was completed, wishing one of the options for Itsuki is just "breathes heavily".
    • They wanted her to dress up in a plushy outfit, but are completely into her Jotaro costume. Woolie instantly regrets buying her other outfit before this.
    Woolie: Fuck that fifty-one thousand! Money wasted!
  • Reading a text message for a newly available sidequest, Woolie realizes Maiko is drunk.
    Matt: DO THAT ONE!
  • The ingredients to cure her hangover disgust Matt.
    Matt: It's got [building] nails in it! Eat this Maiko!
  • Since the sidequests with Kiria serve to show her cute side, Woolie guesses Oribe's sidequests will show her badass side. Matt hopes that Oribe turns out to be super into dog fights.
  • Maiko is apparently drinking with officials and the police so they won't reveal to the public that the world is about to end. Not to avoid a mass panic, but because it would cut into the sales on their new album.
    Matt: They are being brought to sake bars by this mature, older 23 year old.
    Woolie: "Don't tell the world that it's almost over. Whatever you do, we got a bunch of kids on it, they're figuring it out. More importantly, check this album out."
• Part 26:
  • The duo wonder what it would be like if they got an ominous warning to put their affairs in order in real life when they went to see a movie.
  • Woolie and Matt's reaction as Touma is about to get dunked by a boy for fanboying over a sentai at his age.
    Matt: This is like when a kid comes up to me and says Godzilla isn't real and I just powerbomb him through a table.
  • Touma decides to practice his skills for an audience by going again to Daitama Idolashpere. Woolie and Matt can't help but think the monsters are getting sick of being massacred by overleveled characters and dread every time the door to the Idolasphere is opened.
    Woolie: "Hey man, you bored?" "Yeah." "You want to crash some pussy ass bitch monster?" "Sure thing. Meet you in Daitama?" "Uh-huh."
  • Touma's new Performa, "Mind of a Hero, gained thanks to his desire to be a sentai is the most powerful thing of all: Kayfabe. Which carries over to him getting absolutely demolished in his first performance as a villain.
    Woolie: Mind of a Hero, Soul of a Jobber.
    • They really want Touma to show his new power by beating up or terrorizing the kid who dunked on him.
• Part 27:
  • Woolie says Tsubasa shouldn't be worried about being in public since she is not popular. As he says that, he and Matt notice the giant screen with Tsubasa's face from her new album.
  • Woolie prefers hanging out with Kiria and Touma and wishes Itsuki was just romping up with them while Tsubasa hands out tissues.
  • When Tsubasa succeeds at her meet-and-greet, Woolie gives her the most condescending congratulations he can for managing this bare minimum of social interaction.
  • Tiki's side quest is begun with a complete lack of enthusiasm and the fact that they're apparently looking for somebody who wants to marry this five thousand year old dragon child doesn't help.
• Part 28:
  • They start the episode mocking people for having waifus... and then Woolie sheepishly admits they have friends like that.
    • Given Tiki=Waifu managed to reach the fourth floor of the Idolasphere without any seeming difficulty despite lacking a Carnage form, they speculate she would be a good addition to the team.
  • Woolie doubling down on Tiki's usefulness as grinding and nothing else.
    Woolie: Quite frankly, you should just be a vending machine. Input, output. Press button, get special weapon... Team vending machine.
    Matt: You're more like a fax machine, really. A vending machine has too much personality.
  • When Aya says she suspects Mirages to be behind people's depression, Matt thinks the crew just needs to accept some people are just assholes.
  • Touma's sidequest has him trying to talk about girls
    Matt: We got to get rid of them!.
  • Just as he is about to explain the boy that dunked on Touma interrupts them.
    Woolie: "I heard y'all were talking about catching some snitches. You trying to find some stank?"
    Matt: "You know how me, Boy, do."
    Woolie: "How you go talking about catching some stank when I'm not around."
    Matt: "You know I'm down!"
  • When Touma explains he wants to be a real hero for the boy, the guys point out he can just go carnage form and just bring him in an Idolasphere would fix this in a minute.
  • Then they go back to the quest.
    Touma: So anyway, now that that shit kid's out, how about we talk about getting our dicks wet?
• Part 29:
  • They are having a great time making Touma and Itsuki look like skeezy pick up artists
    Matt: She's like "you guys are horrible" and then Touma looks over at Itsuki and Itsuki is giving a big thumbs up.
  • Woolie suggests "accidentally" dropping a magnum condom when going for his phone to take the girl's topic ID. Matt suggests dropping your phone and show a picture of your magnum dong on the screen instead.
  • Touma's new Performa is alternately known as "Soul of a Catcall", "Chauvinist Pig", or "Holla-holla-holla for a Dolla".
  • Cain is puzzled at Touma trying to woo women as part of a hero's journey and wonders if he should stay at Touma's side. The friends think this holographic assistant needs to be quiet and just do his job.
    Touma: Itsuki? Ok I'm mid-panty raid and I need your back up. What are you doing right now? Come find me, I'm in Shibuya. But I don't know where, help. I woke up in this room, there is all kinds of panties on my head right now.
  • Woolie admits that Touma has a lot of self-confidence to be able to wear his gaudy leopard print costume.
    • Touma declares he will save the children and beautiful ladies. Men and uggos are out of luck, and uggo children are extra out of luck.
  • Matt wants people to know Woolie refers to Haim Saban from Power Rangers with the same disdain normally reserved for war criminals and genociders.
  • Woolie and Matt conclude it's not about creeping on gals, it's about embarrassing yourself so the children are inspired by it... to not be like Touma.
• Part 30:
  • Woolie and Matt use the downtime after finishing sidequests to explain there is construction going on downstairs, so if they raise their voices it's to muffle it. Woolie suggests editing with a compressor later but they might want to update their motto of "expect nothing, deliver less" to "we've done worse".
    Mat: If you're able to bite into the pillow and take the worst, then you can't complain about not the worst.
  • Matt recalls an interview where a man explained today's porn industry can not rival to hentai and animated porn as the camera angle allows inside and x-ray footage not possible on porn actors.
    Matt: That guy was right!
  • Barry's rather unhealthy comments about Mamori.
    Woolie: He might as well say "I want to see her grow up healthy".
    • Matt suggests that going for the charger is too creepy and desperate. He should go with something more normal, like stealing her clothes or cutting a lock of hair.
  • When Mamori leaves the office it's depicted by having her fade out of the frame. Matt and Woolie assume she must've been a casualty of Thanos's fingersnap.
    • They begin pronouncing Mamori as "mammaries".
  • When Yashiro shows up to kidnap Tiki.
    Matt: Well she's ours, she's our property. She's like our toaster. We bought her, legally ours.
    • Woolie points out that Yashiro has the ability to steal Tiki away because he has heterochromia. They imagine he's actually super prejudiced against inferior beings whose eyes are the same color.
  • Matt and Woolie point out a sword that hurts when you hold the handle says a lot about Yashiro's character.
  • When Kiria regrets not being strong enough, Woolie thinks it'll lead to a moment she'll leave for a few episodes to get stronger.
    Woolie: Imagine if that trope plays out and it's like "Are you stronger?" because she is wearing a new outfit and she is like "No, I just bought clothes."
  • On seeing the new Mirage attack is led by a death metal Barry, Woolie erupts in delighted cackles.
• Part 31:
  • Eleonora's Mirage looks like an actual Stand while her armor is right out of s-CRY-ed.
    • The costume grows on Woolie over time, though he states that he really wants the costume on her TV show to be an Azumanga Daioh penguin suit.
  • Discussing Old Shames, Matt wonders what will happen if historians find out the Reboot logo, that Woolie has a pin of and uses a lot, turns out to have been the emblem of a forgotten tribe of racist, genocidal maniacs.
    Matt: In your travels one day you go to some obscure country, and they like run you out of town. But you don't know what the problem is, they just start running after you.
    Woolie: That would suck. That would suck so hard.
    • This conversation is started by Woolie soliciting people who were fans of The Twilight Saga at the start of the craze to write in what they think about it looking back.
  • Woolie showed his family his Haka training, and his mom spent the entire time scowling and eventually crossing her arms. Apparently she's of the group that thinks if you don't understand what somebody is doing or the language they're using to explain it, the whole thing is demonic.
    • Matt chimes in that while his parents are way more lax, his dad once admonished him for having his eyebrow pierced, asking him what his boss would think of that.
    Matt: "Well, dad, since my boss has a tongue piercing"... and then he got that weird Mohawk, "Well I doubt he cared. He probably thinks I'm lame." And my dad is like "Well it's not about what your boss thinks" and then I go "Then what is it about, DAD! Then what is it about!"
• Part 32:
  • Continuing the discussion from last part, Woolie wonders what the parents of the Mirage Masters would do if their kids came back in Carnage form. Itsuki's dad would probably bail.
  • Woolie is increasingly annoyed by the sheer volume of texts that crops up even when he's just doing a little maintenance at the base. He wished Itsuki could just turn his phone off.
  • Matt's perfect defense against Kizun AI, a LP channel about an AI playing game: The Best Friends have done the worst already so their audience's expectations are already low, while Kizun cannot lower its standards.
    Matt: We're just yelling at Game Grumps "You didn't beat us, we are surviving."
    Woolie: Right now. As we yell over the sounds of drills and jackhammers
    Matt: That podcast that was being deconstructed around our heads. Bricks were falling. Dust was settling.
    Woolie: Nothing can stop us from playing Tokyo Mirage Sessions. You hear me, nothing.
    Matt: The only thing would be if Nintendo announced the Switch version.
    Woolie: That would stop us. That would in fact— yeah. But the point remains.
  • Woolie explains the stupidity behind attacking the toughest guy in jail on your first day. First is that you're going to die. Second is that people do that in jail when they're going to be released at the end of the day. It makes you look like a violent idiot and screws up any chance at getting bail.
• Part 33:
  • Matt declares a Phantom they just killed only wanted to perform.
  • Woolie points out Ellie would be able to aim better by just standing still instead of flipping when she shoots an arrow, even if it will look way less cool.
    Ellie: Yeah, but this is Hollywood. I gotta jack them up, and I gotta jump high.
    Itsuki: But it makes it so much harder to do it in midair.
    Ellie: Nah man, Hollywood.
  • Woolie is absolutely dumbfounded to learn that Tommy Wisseau's Best F(r)iends is split into two volumes. Matt notes the second part will be shown wherever bad movies are shown.
  • During one of the fights they realize that the last training cutscene with Barry was Itsuki's but the game still didn't say what he is being trained for.
• Part 34:
  • The duo point out that movie makers can throw out all sorts of pitches and instantly forget them, allowing them to just make shit up. Just like Pat.
  • Matt relates that he's hit hard by the meme about leaving a game you like to die so you can hang with a game that'll make their channel grow. Woolie agrees they choose to have a good time even if it's actively murdering the channel.
    Woolie: That's our struggle, that's our life, and that's our stupid shit. I'M PLAYING TOKYO MIRAGE SESSIONS, MATT! WE'RE PLAYING FUCKING # FE!
  • Woolie compares limiting classic IPs on the 3DS to the companies disposing of disgusting guck they don't want on the main consoles.
    Woolie: I want the guck, I've been craving the guck for years.
    Matt: I live in the guck!
    Woolie: I have a home made of guck.
• Part 35:
  • Ellie starts nagging Itsuki to start her side mission... while the group is currently in the middle of a hellish netherworld trying to save Barry. They decide he can last a little while longer.
  • The guys are not amused by Ellie's date relies on having to find her.
    Matt: You better have the hottest, thickest ass ever for this to be worth it.
    • When Ellie Cannot Spit It Out that she needs to go on a date with Itsuki, stumbling over the "d", Woolie shouts "Diaphragm!"
    • Given this is not how dates work or people talk, the duo speculate David Cage wrote the side quest.
  • Woolie and Matt point out that Ellie's desire to go to Hollywood might be a bit dated given the scandals enveloping it in 2018.
• Part 36:
  • Having enjoyed Ellie's side mission, the guys check to see if any others are available, but they haven't progressed enough with their allies and Maiko isn't drunk enough yet. So they reluctantly decide it's time to save Barry.
  • Woolie learning boss fights the hard way continues.
    [boss's add attacks, hitting every member of the gang]
    Woolie: Okay, let's kill the adds.
    [boss's other add drops a massive heal on the entire enemy group]
    Woolie: Oh, let's kill the fucking adds.
• Part 37:
  • The guys sandbagging Yashiro's disdain for friendship when their swords and spells run on the Power of Friendship.
  • Woolie wishing he had a conversation where both people have their back turned, thinking of it as an anti-staring contest where the first one to turn loses.
  • Leaving the dungeon with Barry trapped inside yet again, they claim Tiki has informed them that Barry's skin is now completely burned away. Given how long they're taking to save him, Matt wants him to just be a burning skeleton when they finally reach the last boss.
  • Tsubasa's plan to learn to be devilish is to talk to a stray cat called Little Devil, who is just an actual cat. Kiria than shows and Woolie hopes Itsuki walks off with her.
    Woolie: She wouldn't even notice. Just go, just follow.
    • Woolie is absolutely baffled by Tsubasa's decision to focus on a cat, having spent the entire time leading up to this making jokes about her needing to get filthy.
  • Woolie during Tsubasa's epiphany where she thanks the cat for his "coaching".
  Woolie: Oh, you're just crazy... oh, she's just insane.
  Matt: No but look (Oribe's gaining a performa) she was right.
  Woolie: But she's just convinced that she's right. You don't have to be right you just have to think that you are.
  Matt: No, you can't get this shit if you just think you're right.
  Woolie: It's believe, Matt.
  Matt: Yeah, you're right.
  Woolie: All you have to do is believe! She's just nuts! She's slow and she's kinda dumb and she's crazy.
• Part 38:
  • Matt gives a flat no when Tiki suggests they get back to saving Barry. They reluctantly head back into the dungeon... and have to immediately leave to progress the story.
  • Woolie choosing Touma to sing even though he didn't know the song.
  • Woolie and Matt have an argument about Puff Daddy come with us had a great music video or not, Woolie says it is but refuses to check.
  • Woolie summing up what is happening.
    Woolie: What is this video game? What does this have to do with Fire Emblem or Shin Megami Tensei? We are learning anime themes to sing to a demon program director at an infested television station. What does that have to do with either of those franchises?
• Part 39:
  • Mamori having to sing to bring back Barry.
    "Itsuki": Get into the fucking Eva and sing.
    "Mamori": But I just do a shitty cooking show.
  • Tsubasa's Ad-lib Performance gets the duo screaming in joy.
    Matt: Get in there my son.
  • The guys going from amazed at Mamori's Carnage Form to laughing at the helmet.
• Part 40:
  • Picking up from last part, Matt refuses this costume but Woolie decides he's in and Matt will just have to deal.
    Woolie: I'm pulling you in. I grabbed you by the fucking hand and pulled you in.
  • Matt saying Draug's head remind him of the Home Alone furnace, which Woolie dubs as children's first introduction to fear.
  • Hyping up the new president Mahiro Tsurumi, an unknown and eccentric newcomer in the idol industry, as a villain.
    Woolie: Tsurumi the Genocider has made his way to the top.
    Matt: Tsurumi the Vioblader. (Woolie laughs) What the fuck's a Vioblader?
  • Woolie flat-out refuses Tiki's new side story because there's a whiff of a sneeze from Kiria on the wind.
    • Toward the end of the episode, they suspect all of her messages have alerts that let Tiki know they've been read but Itsuki isn't responding.
  • Examining the various class changes for Chrom, they discover his Conqueror appearance.
    [Woolie cooes]
    Matt: Yo. Throw your hands in the air! Edgelord, [Woolie joins in] Edgelords!
• Part 41:
  • Barry's sidequest is to get a Mamorin charms to the Hee Ho Mart.
    Matt: You mean the one that's across the street from your fucking place!
  • Their reaction to Itsuki's "Please do your job" line.
    • They point out this task is important enough to impact their XP and the price of goods... just like talking to a cat.
  • The Hee Ho Mart describes the person who left with the charm has a mature woman with glasses and business attire.
    Matt: That sounds like Touma.
    Woolie: (reading) She nonchalantly came in mid-day to buy alcohol during the work week.
    Matt: That's Oribe for sure... We have to kill Eleonora.
  • Now that they have her number, they want Itsuki to send the clerk some nudes.
  • When news arrives that Kiria's side story is now available, Itsuki sprints to the office to arrive out of breath. And then Woolie's prayers that her new gig be a penguin mascot suit comes (partly) true to the couch's joy.
    • Kiria's outburst reminds Woolie of his own breakdown during Omikron.
  • Kiria's side story objective? Overcoming her weakness for cute things by slaughtering cute things in the Idolasphere.
    Matt: I don't know, should cute things really to die to appease Kiria's want to be cool?
    Woolie: I've already stacked the bodies.
• Part 42:
  • The episode starts with Woolie talking about a study that shows multi-tasking doesn't work the way most people think as people actually focus on one task while the others essentially go on autopilot. As he is explaining this, he nearly runs right into an enemy and then blunders into a dungeon hazard, perfectly demonstrating his point.
    • Woolie and Matt declare that this is the "LP Tax" which contributes to them messing up or missing seemingly obvious story bits or objects. They don't expect the harsher viewers to accept this, but still feel vindicated.
  • Woolie guesses the absolutely cute sidequest was the core of Kiria's character and everything else was just lead up to a tough girl wearing a cat mascot costume.
  • They choose the "May I feel the suit" option. Matt reassures her that it's not what she thinks, Itsuki's just a massive pervert.
    Woolie: It's like white people with my dreads.
  • Woolie and Matt reject the fact that Tiki is an actual being. When Woolie once again calls her a vending machine, Matt states she's closer to a hotel mini-fridge.
  • Another sidequest has them be on another wild goose chase because the clerk girl is out of the quest item.
    Matt: Why do I bother with the Hee Ho Mart?!
• Part 43:
  • Woolie's interpretation of Itsuki adding drama into eating a donut.
    Itsuki: I'm busting a nut, oooooh shit! It's like she's still sucking! Oooooh.
  • Making fun of Ayaha being set to the background, wondering if they'll pushed her in the dimension.
  • Maiko getting another gig for Tsubasa, Ellie and Itsuki from Daiba tv.
    Matt: THAT'S THE THING THAT KILLS PEOPLE, DAIBA TV! You stupid idiot.
    (intermission in game)
    Matt: Few days later, EVERYONE'S DEAD!
  • The guys suggests Tsubasa got the gig thanks to her titi-charms, charmities.
    Yashiro: Isn't Oribe a complete amateur?
    Woolie: You're not wrong, but have seen her giant... performa?
  • The conversation about the sneezing detective being part of the three bodily functions trilogy or being used to convey the director's fetishes.
  • The show director yelling at Tsubasa's acting being garbage is being possessed by a mirage, but as Woolie points out it's not like Tsubasa's performance is good.
    Woolie: His eye for talent is still sharp as fuck.
• Part 44:
  • The duo suspects that while previous Mirage victims were much better people after they were freed, the director will still be a massive jerk. They even suspect the Mirage will be happy to be freed from the director.
  • Woolie wants to see what a savage encounter feels now, first clue for the Total Party Kill is how huge the Mirages are.
    Matt: (seeing the Chaos Falcon) What the fuck is that thing in the back?
  • After the one-round wipe, they're informed they've unlocked Friendly difficulty. Matt fully approves of the name.
• Part 45:
  • After listing anime of the early 2000s, Woolie spend most of the video driven crazy by his inability to remember Sakura Wars by name.
    Matt: Woolie is edging by the way.
  • Woolie recounts his extreme dedication to the series Wolf's Rain and how he loved it so much he wanted to dress like the characters.
    Matt: You already do!
  • Matt responds that he was introduced to it by the president of his anime club who also tried introducing him to Chobits. He would later ask her to stop introducing him to anime.
  • Itsuki wonders why, after doing everybody else's sidequests, nobody wants to do his. He helped them figure out how to do what they want, now they need to help him figure out what he wants to do.
• Part 46:
  • Woolie comments how news of Undergrads getting a movie isn't out of nowhere, since if you followed the website, the writers were really onboard to do it.
    Woolie: I mean it's still out of nowhere because it's been like seven years. You don't keep checking the website.
  • Woolie and Matt complete sandbagging how Ayaha is being hostage again, acting like Tsubasa completely forgot who she is and people's interaction with her is just walking around her to get to the vending machine.
  • When they have to go back to the office and investigate for a source of drama, they joke that Tsubasa only realize who Aya is when she sees the family picture.
    Tsubasa: Oooooooh, my sister.
  • When it turns out Ayaha wasn't in fact kidnapped, but the desk was empty, they assume she left for lunch.
  • The two start cackling at the idea of Ayaha killing the rest of the Oribe clan to make Tsubasa stronger.
  • Oribe powers up her Mirage due to wanting to save her sister... who is apparently as important to Tsubasa as a random street cat.
• Part 47:
  • When Tsubasa has to do a kiss scene with Itsuki.
    Oribe: Kiss Shitsuki?
  • Itsuki himself has to think very deep on whether he'll kiss "Snoreibe", with Matt declaring him accepting it is jumping on a grenade.
  • With Tsubasa's new show being a hit, Ayaha offers her congratulations.
    Oribe: You some kind of intern? I'm pretty thirsty. Hey new girl, don't look me in the eyes. I will fly into a rage, off the fucking handle.
  • Their interpretation of Yashiro just forcing himself in the party is that they didn't really beat him in the boss fight, so he can pretty much do what he wants without retaliation.
    Woolie: Yashiro steals your girl.
    Matt: And you have to say you're welcome.
    Woolie: And your house and your car, he's fathering your children. Thank you sir, may I have another.
• Part 48:
  • Touma, having not seen any use in a long time is thrilled when Itsuki actually starts looking over his skills.
    Woolie: It's not his fault, but cooler people walked in the class and it's time to ditch your friends.
    Matt: Remember kids, that's how Woolie feels.
  • When they give Yashiro's persona the Hero upgrade.
    Matt: He is like "Wow I've only just joined the team, and I get a level up. This friendship thing is working out. Maybe you guys were onto something with this whole caring about other people."
  • Maiko summoning Kiria, Itsuki and Tsubasa all together, Matt guesses she'll reveal she embezzled all their money and they've all been fired.
• Part 49:
  • Itsuki unlocking unbowed courage has Woolie muse he became American and doesn't bow to say hi anymore.
  • Aside from Tharja's almost villainous dialogue and laughter, Matt and Woolie are amused at how she's still being shy about her feelings for the most dull character in existence.
    Tharja: [singsong] Kiria likes Itsuki~
    Kiria: Nobody likes Itsuki!
  • After completing Kiria's sidequest where she learned to be cool and cute to charm and murder her fan, Matt and Woolie ad lib her rebirth as something from Red Dragon
    Kiria: You're all simply ants in the viscera, you are beneath me as I step above your corpses. But fear is not what you owe me; you owe me awe.
  • Their reaction to the performance taking place on the head of a giant Sir Gen plushy.
  • When Kiria thanks Itsuki for his help.
    Matt: HE DID NOTHING.
    Woolie: I literally did nothing. I cheerleaded from the sidelines.
    Matt: I healed you once, I gave you a can of energy drink.
    Woolie: I put curry under your nose.
  • Then Touma, who was not involved in any fight but had an XP share booster, is shown gaining a new level.
    Matt: He didn't do anything.
    Woolie: You're nothing!
    Matt: What the fuck did he do? Why'd he get a level up? Was he even in the party?
    Woolie:He's watching through the door crack.
    Matt: I'm starting to forget who that guy is.
  • Yashiro is revealed to not being able to even feed himself without an assistant, he then collapses before even making it to the café.
    Woolie: They didn't warn you on Game FAQs to never accept his sidequest or else he dies.
  • When Yashiro says the reason he never bothered learning how to eat is because he would rather perfect his acting skill, Matt and Woolie wonder what kind of breakdown he has when his role ask him to eat.
    Matt: "Now eat that loaf of bread" and he just stomps on it. Puts it on his dick.
    Woolie: They give him chopsticks and he just stares at the camera and starts crying.
  • When Itsuki is embellishing the meal he eats to teach Yashiro and compares the soup to a samurai of the ramen world.
    Matt: Hanzo Hattori himself would cry into this soup.
• Part 50:
  • Yashiro and Navarre starting their post-Unity conversation with ellipses, with Matt hoping all their exchanges will be just that. Then they crack up as Yashiro asks his Mirage why he didn't say anything when Yashiro was starving.
  • Yashiro puts his food report practice to good use, showing how good his acting is as he looks like a cheerful chap compared to his brooding self, and outhams Itsuki's food praising.
    Matt: I want Itsuki to go "Was that special effects when you shot [that laser beam] out of your mouth?"
  • Woolie pointing out how lost Mamori must be when she sees the crew's M.O for all their issues is to fight monsters in the Idolasphere.
    Woolie: She's like "I should try singing one day". "Let's go fight sir Lorenz".
  • After the battle is finally over, Mamori's Mirage tells her he's sure she'll do better given how shit her last few episodes have been.
• Part 51:
  • Barry commenting that Mamori being such an angel is proof of God.
    Matt: This bitch be microwavin', there gotta be a god!
    Woolie: Barry unlocks new Performa: Proof of God.
  • When they comment on Sir Lorenz probably still needing help inside the Idolasphere, Woolie suggests making him a secretary like Ayaha.
  • When Maiko admits she is drunk, but just a teensy bit so it's fine, Matt darkly mentions he's heard that one before.
  • The reveal that Tharja is the one that made the utaloid software for Tiki leaves Matt and Woolie confused.
    Woolie: The mage from Fire Emblem, in its ghost Stand form—
    Matt: Reprogrammed my fucking laptop, to display this fucking imp.
    Woolie: [chuckling] What is this game?
  • The reward for helping Maiko is "My Complex 2".
    Matt: It was banned from store shelves in Shibuya. You could see all of the labias.
  • During Tsubasa's sidequest they see a composer declining his offer to help and leave mumbling about an idol dead five years ago. Woolie mentions in real business this is where you call it mulligan and look for someone else but here it's the sign of an enemy Mirage so they must defeat the monsters and take the song by force.
    • The composer reasons that he has no interest in helping an idol whose popularity was artificially increased. Matt and Woolie point out that's the idol industry's job.
• Part 52:
  • Wandering lost in the Idolasphere trying to find the event, Woolie and Matt's conversation eventually veers into why hip hop culture and Jamaicans are "super not down with going down".
    Woolie: Big prohibitations, like your partner enjoying sex. Big, big prohibited. Not allowed.
    Matt: If I'm not having fun, no one can.
    Woolie: Big proclamations being made on the channel today!
  • Faced with the evil ghost of a dead idol, Woolie thinks they should give up on friendship to empower their Performa and just rely on The Power of Hate.
    Matt: "This next song's for the guy up there that keeps yelling from the balcony! It's called 'I Hate You, Please Die.'"
    Woolie: Yeah! Why can't Hate Breed get pushed?
    Matt: Hate Breed? Man, I can't think of a band that more parents would be like "You're listening to what?"
  • Woolie points out that Oribe's final triumph of her personal story is forcing a guy who declined working with her to do so. They assume her main motivation here is not saving the composer but just getting the contract.
  • When Woolie chooses "Tsubasa will be a new legend" Matt comments he would say that line regardless who it is referring too.
  • Woolie showing Matt the power of dual art that resets Sessions.
    Boss: How? How could I - I, the legendary idol - be bested by this child?
    Matt: Did you see those fucking sessions?
  • Sawafuji begins praising Oribe in an incredibly creepy and fucked up manner, such as referring to her as a "vessel that accepts all fans' feelings" and claiming he didn't think it was possible with a "body of flesh." Matt says he's shaking with fury at the first part and at the second part declares the composer is probably still possessed.
• Part 53:
  • Matt and Woolie's reactions to Tsubasa and Eleonora posing in tandem, accompanied with sparkle effects.
  • The duo speculate that Yashiro always fires a cannon out of his mouth when he eats, and also fires them off while in the bathroom.
  • Woolie asks Matt if he would kill eldritch monsters if it meant his skills with LPing games would go up. Matt would give it a try, but would also give up very easily.
  • As Yashiro's current mission comes to an end, Woolie notes his story feels more like teaching Yashiro how to be a human being.
• Part 54:
  • When Yashiro thanks Itsuki for being so direct Woolie points out he just said "what about friendship?"
  • The duo's annoyance at the absence of choice when Mamori asks who from the cast should be her older sister.
    Matt: "Hey how about Ms. Maiko?" "Oh you mean Ellie?" "No. Ms. Maiko." "OK how about Tsubasa?" "Oh, Ellie." "No, no."
  • Their annoyance only increases when Mamori learns "improv" by relying on Itsuki for her lines.
  • When Ellie worries that having Mamori's sister be biracial could cause some problems, the guys break down laughing as they overlooked that particular plot point.
    Matt: That might create problems. People calling up the network going "I don't- I don't know about this!"
    Woolie: "I just wanted a wholesome microwaving show."
    Matt: "I didn't know that the biracials were taking our jobs!"
    Woolie: "I just wanted to know how to heat up my food!"
    Matt: "But now I have to look at this weirdo!"
    Woolie: "How'm I supposed to eat, staring at a biracial on my television, quite frankly."
  • Woolie and Matt get angry at Mamori calling Itsuki big brother, especially when she brings up how he lets Tiki do it.
  • The next characters who get a special dual move are Tiki and Touma. Aside from complaining they don't want Tiki, they're also annoyed that the game is now including made-up characters like this "Touma" in their combos.
  • When Ellie mentions the network is looking to make changes to the show, Matt assumes one of the notes they sent down is to get rid of the "gross hybrid."
  • Woolie starts a joke about how Tiki should have their meal ready for them when they arrive and starts pushing it only to realize it's a little too close to home and taps out.
• Part 55:
  • Itsuki saying Ellie's biracial heritage isn't an issue is treated like a big lesson in the game and Ellie is moved but Matt and Woolie aren't that impressed.
    Matt: Itsuki's going "It's nothing really you need to be ashamed of." NO! IT'S FUCKING NOT ITSUKI. "No, no, we still love you" YEAH YOU FUCKING DO! "Itsuki, thank you for being so understanding of my dark, gross past."
    Woolie: "Even as a demi-human— I mean biracial." Like, she's taking it as a huge compliment and it was really just him not being an asshole.
  • Woolie's mind is blown when they get confirmation that the police not only know about the Idolaspheres but specifically contacts Fortuna to deal with cases involving them.
  • When a kid shouts for his sentai hero to save him, Woolie laughs at the idea that your last word aren't to get help or want your mom but asking for your fake hero to save you.
    Woolie: Help me, Ninja Turtles! Biker Mice!
  • Itsuki says they need to check their Topic in a cutscene in case it's important. Matt screams that Woolie has thirty unread Topic messages.
  • After freeing Abel from his curse the guys leave the kid with him. Woolie wonders how the police are going to react when they learn Touma left the victim of a kidnapping with his abductor because he's good now that they beat him up a little.
  • Woolie declares that Touma, having obtained his dream of being a henshin both onscreen and in real life, has now peaked. From here it's all downhill.
• Part 56:
  • Matt suggests that over the course of the game Ayaha should blend more in more in the background until she's a colored silhouette like the extras.
  • Matt reacting to Kiria's new clothes.
    Matt: What is this engorgement in my pants?
  • Matt wants to throw Tiki in the Recycling Bin but reluctantly admits they need to keep her around for upgrades.
• Part 57:
  • Woolie sandbagging Tsubasa by choosing the "forgot you were part of the show" option.
    Woolie: I just showed up to make her cry before her performance.
  • Woolie's reaction to the Red Baron alias of Gharnef, the Dark Pontifex. He thinks it sounds like one of the enemies that Griffith had to fight.
    • The Berserk parallels keep cropping up when they hear about something called the "Cosmic Egg" starting to swell in size.
• Part 58:
  • The music dissonance of Fortuna's office after a giant cosmic egg has taken the city hostage makes Matt and Woolie joke about how casual the things look now.
    Woolie: Itsuki's there with a broken sword and he's cutting off his wrist while he's bitten inside of the demon hums the Fortuna's office music.
  • Woolie comments that Itsuki finally succumbed to peer pressure and accepted his role as leader even though he has no quality of one nor has he done anything that showed leadership.
  • Discussing how good it feels to yell one to three syllable names like Gharnef when taking revenge, Matt and Woolie reveal what name they will yell one day for that reason: "BRENNAN!" for Woolie and "BLESS!" for Matt.
  • Matt comments how unimpressed Yashiro is at seeing his doppelganger on TV.
  • On seeing an extended Session where Touma attacks in his sentai outfit and Oribe attacks in her wedding dress, Woolie declares he's changed his mind. He promptly changes everyone else to have the most ridiculous outfits just to make Sessions wackier.
  • Looking around a side room, Woolie spots a treasure chest.
    Woolie: Yeah, I been holding onto these.
    [Treasure Key in possession: 1]
    Matt: [as Woolie chuckles] No, you have not, you giant, filthy liar. Woolie the Liar has tons of keys.
• Part 59:
  • Their reaction when they can put the Egg of Satan on hold to complete Ellie's sidestory.
  • Woolie is stunned to learn that Ellie was in something that was actually popular.
  • Ellie levels up her Performa, which in the following conversation manifests as a massive glowing light over her chest. Woolie notes this makes it rather hard to maintain eye contact.
  • As the sidequest is completed, Ellie decides to go to Hollywood once the Mirage business is done. Matt points out it could take forever.
    Matt: What are you gonna tell the movie company? "Uh, I can't go 'cause... space wizards!" "Oh, I have the clap, I can't go!"
    Woolie: "Doctor says don't get on the plane—"
    Matt: "With my giant clap."
• Part 60:
  • Between episodes Woolie has done some extensive grinding, including getting two special items from the lottery that afficianados have been yelling for him to get. Matt hopes this will please the 115 people who have set up bots to thumbs down the episodes when they post.
  • Woolie apparently got The Talk from each parent.
    Woolie: "We are West Indians, all we know is your penis is bad and your vagina is bad!"
  • Barry tweets that he just heard about Tiki and the Dragonstone, offering support and some creepy sentiments. Aside from Matt being disgusted by the later, he points out Barry was there when they talked about it with Tiki.
• Part 61:
  • Woolie, being over-leveled, almost clears a section fight in one session, leaving only one monster on the second round.
    Matt: "Wha happun?"
  • The guys create an axe named "Butcherer". They can only imagine that whoever named it just wanted to get out of the office at the end of the day; it's full name is "Butcherer, Killer of Children".
  • Gaining an ability that lets him revive an ally with full HP, Woolie states he will intentionally let party members die just so he can get them to full HP.
  • Matt reveals a game they wanted to play for Scrublords, but couldn't due to the massive amount of nudity, was recently censored. They discuss the potential of finally playing it and how discussions for playing it in the past had included the possibility of splitting up the video and having each person do one minute segments.
  • Due to the repetition, Woolie and Matt starts talking about candy bars and which one to sacrifice.
• Part 62:
  • Woolie realizes the dungeons are "extend the game" dungeons, where they just let a junior programmer do asset reuse to make the game longer.
    Woolie: Anything you see once, you might as well see three times.
  • Woolie takes a break to read through some of the texts. Despite the Take Your Time aspect of the game, most of them consist of the other characters yelling at Itsuki to hurry up and get this shit done.
    • Matt doesn't even need to hear Barry wrote the text about taking care of Mamori but not trying to make a move on her.
  • Matt suggests Mamori's ad lib should be sticking the mirages in a microwave while still alive. Woolie suggests that her helmet is a microwave and if she ever turns it on her head will explode Fist of the North Star-style.
• Part 63:
  • Matt is baffled that the "stylist" is a mirage wearing a ridiculous tanuki-themed outfit.
    Matt: [baffled] You're the stylist? You? Wearing that? Really? Really?
    Woolie: The dead raccoon on its head.
  • A Golden Mirage spawns and outruns them, despawning just as a message comes in from Barry. Matt decides Barry's watching them on a Mirage nanny-cam and called to mock Itsuki for being so slow.
  • Matt remembers a story from high school where he tried to use a line from the Simpsons on a substitute ("Isn't that just pointless busy work?") and got sent to the principal.
    Woolie: Did you expect him to say "bingo get cracking"?
    • As exploration drags on, this makes a comeback.
      Matt: Isn't this LP just pointless busy work?
      Woolie: Is it? Now get cracking.
  • Woolie points out that no other medium is so prone to reusing the exact same content over and over as video games, JRPGs in particular.
    Woolie: As long as Tolkien takes to describe the area that they're walking through, at no point will he just start using the same—
    Matt: Lord of the Rings is busywork that has a story in it.
    Woolie: What I'm saying is at no point will you see the same pages get used later in the book.
    Matt: [laughs] That'd be amazing. He would've if his editor let him.
  • Woolie wants to make it clear he is not lost, he just wants to cover every corner of the map even if it's not that useful to do.
  • The very long conversation between two mooks with no input from the human characters leaves Woolie baffled to the point he speculates Itsuki's just been high on peyote the entire game.
• Part 66:
  • When Kiria brings up Fortuna's fifth anniversary is coming up and if Itsuki has some idea for what would be a nice present for Maiko.
    Matt: Give her some fucking dick!
  • Horinozawa saying the "My Complex" photo series was done with one of a kind lens made by dead artisan.
    Woolie: Canon is a company, Horinozawa, just buy it from there!
• Part 67:
  • Barry's stupid antics make Matt realize why Liam told him Barry is the one character he dislikes.
  • When Barry try to force Tiki into being a performa.
    Woolie: Child labor is not okay! That's our vending machine.
  • Matt wishing the party treats Barry's outburst as any Mirage possession.
    Matt: "Now you can get up now Barry, Barry?" and he is just dead on the floor and they're like "Oh I guess it was just him".
    Woolie: It's us or the judge Barry.
  • Woolie's displeasure at how the two options are praising Barry, Matt suggests choosing "you are cool, Barry" because it sounds more like a lie.
  • Woolie is forced to pause in the middle of Barry and Mamori's duet because he can't handle it anymore.
    Woolie: (muttering to himself) I can't... I can't fucking do this...
    Matt: ...I get it. I'm there with you.
  • During the topic conversation after Barry ran away while Itsuki's group was fighting, Woolie mentions it's just everyone putting "...".
    Matt: It should show "typing..." than it stops.
• 67.5:
  • Both Matt and Woolie misread Mamori's sidequest "golden child/monster" given they just finished Barry's sidequest there is a good guess where their mind went.
• Part 68:
  • Chapter 6 is called: Fire Emblem.
    Matt: FUCK YOU!
  • Matt's rant about how bland Itsuki is cut by Kiria showing up in her casual training clothing.
  • Woolie talks about how you can spot a creator bias by how many clothes they get and shipping they get.
    Matt: *cough Chun-li cough*.
  • Woolie was under the impression 'Slattern' was some mythological beast due to seeing it used both here and in Pacific Rim. Matt researches it and is quite uncomfortable to discover it means "Dirty or Untidy Woman". Woolie takes it surprisingly in stride.
  Woolie: Those are not good noises (you're making). HEY! We just got Slattern Force!
• Part 69:
  • Touma says "Blaze UUUUUPPPPP!!" and Woolie marks out and says his younger self would have loved that. Matt calls him out on his bullshit and tells him to admit he loves it now.
• Part 70:
  • Due to the giant egg and the fact the festival has been going for days Matt and Woolie assume the singer are dying from exhaustion.
  • When bystanders mention the Tiki fanbase has gone quiet, Chrom suggests that it could only be the work of a Mirage.
    Matt: Of course, it can't be that Tiki sucks!
  • Woolie joking that the real reason Tiki's reputation is taking a hit is that she said the n-word, which is then followed up by the idea of real life celebrities having all their embarrassing moments or crimes being engineered by Gharnef.
    • The duo retcon a car mishap caused by Hulk Hogan's son into being the result of Dark Yashiro's actions... while doing a Hulk Hogan impression, so we get to hear the words "It was Dark Yashiro, brother!" in the Hulkster's voice.
    • The way Woolie's nervous laugh mixes with Cervantes' Evil Laugh when Matt says "Man, they say Chris Benoit went crazy, but... I feel like it could've been a mirage!"
  • The sidequest ends with Tiki being able to interact with the real world which she proceeds to meet Tiki=Waifu who must have her mind blown.
    Matt: If was walking down the streets and I just like saw Hatsune Miku I'd punch it in the face.
    Woolie: I would have so many questions in the name of science.
    Matt: No I'd just punch.
• Part 71:
  • Tiki and Itsuki are now on top of a skyscraper.
    Tiki: That concert felt really great. Thanks Big brother.
    Itsuki: Glad to hear it.
    Matt: Can we please get down from here I'm about to shit my pants.
  • As Tiki's time as a physical being is running out, Woolie and Matt are savvy enough that she'll likely just go back to her garden.
    Matt: Get back to your job!
    Woolie: The Coke machine is sucking you in.
  • Matt is very pleased at Itsuki's melodramatic reactions to Tiki's (seeming) death.
  • The discussion of the news about the egyptian sarcophagus mentioned in the podcast that lead into a discussion of The Mummy franchise, which lead into a discussion of when is a mummy not a mummy, which further led into a discussion of the spin-off franchise The Scorpion King and how it's alive and well in direct-to-video form, complete with Woolie ranking the subtitles of the sequels. If there's one lesson we can take away from all this, though, it's that Woolie is racist towards non-egyptian mummies. And Yetis.
    Woolie: (reading) Gharnef loathed the world of his kin and resurrected the mighty Shadow Dragon to destroy the world of man. Gharnef allied himself with the SCORPION KING! No.
    Matt: Ah, damn!
• Part 73:
  • After defeating Gharnef and he reveals he just used them as part of his scheme.
    Matt: Miss Maiko is gonna be so angry.
  • Matt frantically imploring Woolie to not use the massively creepy BarryxMamori Duo Art when it comes up, but Woolie replies he has no choice as it's the better combat option. Fortunately, Woolie is able to skip the animation.
• Part 74:
  • Yashiro's sidequest is to find an opponent he respects so he can get into a role. Woolie points out it means he did and still views Itsuki's group as garbage.
• Part 75:
  • Matt is shocked he accidentally prophecized that the opponent Yashiro respects would be his dead father.
    Matt: I was just bullshitting out of my ass!
  • Due to Lon'qu being immune to axe and ice, Mammori's attacks are worthless and end each session. Matt and Woolie joke that she is being peer-pressured into attacking even though she knows it'll do nothing. And even more funny is that she does end up killing him, due to a design choice that prevents a "final blow" from doing zero damage.
  • Woolie cracking up as Yashiro activates his Carnage form while wearing his Microwavin' with Mamorin chef outfit.
    Matt: You forgot, huh?
  • Woolie apparently fell over in shock and appallment at the "it was all a trick to make you a better actor" reveal. It almost parallels his later reactions to the reveals about Jiraiya in his playthroughs of NUNS.
• Part 76:
  • Woolie is tapping out at how Yashiro's father sacrificed his soul just for a role in a villain show while the world is about to end. Realizing this world's priority is performance over well-being Matt reminds him he is in the life.
    Matt: If two fuckin' videos don't go up a day you break that bond. I don't care of your teeth are gone, you have to do it.
  • Matt tries to make an allegory about it with what if instead of Yashiro's missing dad Woolie's stolen gameboy was floating around above Woolie's head and someone knew about it but kept it secret. Woolie replies he could simply replace Yashiro's missing dad with his missing dad (Matt just didn't want to bring it up). Woolie then creates an entire scenario where his dad shows back up to help out with Godhand.
    Woolie: "Wait, how do you know about Matt?" (as his dad) "Oh yeah, they've kept me updated!"
    Matt: I've got more moments of father-son bonding with your dad than you!
• Part 79:
  • Woolie greets Matt to the new session with Tiki dressed as a cat.
• Part 80:
  • Matt and Woolie think Chrom has completely checked out now that it was announced he'll be in Smash Ultimate.
    Matt(Chrom): I'm in Smash, I don't give a fuck anymore.
    Woolie(Chrom): Ha, yeah. I'm outta this bitch! As soon as you finish this fucking game, put me in Smash!
    Matt(Chrom): Yo, echo fighter!
    Woolie(Chrom): Yo catch me in Ultimate! I'm out! Peace! Fuck this game! Fuck your SMT shit, fuck Persona, fuck Nocturne, and fu-hahaha-
    Matt(Chrom): Fuck you!
  • Woolie and Matt impersonating Itsuki as he appeared fatally wounded.
    Itsuki:I taught you all Diarama! There's curry in your pocket, I can smell it!
• Part 81:
  • Woolie comments that now the final boss is slain the channel can finally get views again.
• Part 82:
  • Matt wishes Itsuki keeps begging the Mirages to stay and be even more inelegant and childish as a child throwing a tantrum.
    Itsuki: I want to come with you, there is nothing left for me here. Maiko teases me and does nothing, Oribe is an idiot, Kiria is cool but she'll forget about me in a minute, Eleanor is leaving and Barry Oh God Barry.
  • Their full approval of Suitsuki, new CEO of Fortuna.
    Woolie: Unfortunately it went to his head years later as he became the new Vioblader Edgelord of Daiba TV.
    Matt: Suitsuki the Killmonger.

God of War (2018)

• The title card which features Woolie as Kratos, Matt as Atreus, and Pat as Jörmungandr.
• The boys make sure to give Kratos' past actions the Never Live It Down treatment.
  Woolie: I wonder how he'll be if he had a daughter...
  Matt: Actually, we know the answer to that question.
  (...)
  Pat: I like that the kid is not a psychopath.
  Matt: Oh we'll make him one, don't you worry.
  (...)
  Matt as Faye: "Hey what happened to your old wife" and he is like [nervous chuckle].
  Matt as Kratos picks up Faye's ashes: Are you gonna layer this on your skin too to power yourself up?
• In general the guys are constantly laughing at Kratos's attempt at parenting as he is really stern.
  Atreus: Still can't get the doors open huh?
  Kratos: Quiet.
  Pat: (laughing his ass off)
  Matt as Kratos: How dare you.
• Pat repeatedly mentioning he now understand the crafting mechanic, only for Matt to say that's what he said last time. It culminates to him just going with "strength goes up" mentality.
• Part 1:
  • Woolie refers to Sony Santa Monica as the "Irredeemable Sony Santa Monica". Matt wonders if they killed a goat at the launch party like they did at the launch party for God of War 2.
  Woolie: They didn't, but they wish they did.
  • "I have to kill this tree because it has an emotional connection to me."
  Matt: And then when it's broken, he's like, "Who did this!?"
  Pat: Was it Zeus?
  • Pat is delighted that the subtitles are actually closed-captions because it means they'll get such gems as "Kratos yells in anger" in little texts things.
  Matt, as subtitles: Kratos blames everyone but himself.
  • Matt and Pat's both awed and amused reaction at Kratos carrying a huge tree with branches falling from it.
  • The guys are quite confused at the relationship Kratos has with his son, as him not knowing that Atreus hunted sounds like he has just showed up yesterday.
    • Later when it's explained that Kratos was around but kept his distance, Woolie assumes he was just the old guy living down the road.
  Matt as Faye: That's your father's bachelor pad, honey.
  • "I like Kratos now. He is tired."
  • The boys crack up over how Kratos opens the chests by just straight-up punching them.
• Part 2:
  • This part opens with Matt begging Pat to throw the axe.
  • Pat breaks open a bright red pot thinking that there's something inside. Instead, it explodes and damages him.
  Pat: Alright, good to know.
  Woolie as Atreus: Father, are you-
  Pat as Kratos: AREEEEEES!!
  • The boys imagine a scene where Kratos tells Atreus he will never be as good as him unless he defeats him... and then is completely shocked when Atreus tries to defeat him.
  • The three of them watching Atreus hesitate to kill the deer, remarking that it's something any farmboy would have to do.
  Woolie: Plague, when did you first have to slaughter a thing?
  Matt as Plague of Gripes: I'm slaughtering one right now, Woolie. [Beat] I hate Dragonball.
  • Matt saying "Shhshhsshhh... sweet prince" to the dying deer.
  • Pat saying that Kratos looks like fucking shit... before immediately clarifying that he meant he looks old and that the graphics look great.
  • Pat's reaction to the fight against Daudi Kaupmadr.
  Atreus: We're gonna fight that!?
  Kratos: We have no choice.
  Pat: You have so many choices, Kratos.

  • Matt pronouncing the boss' name as "Dowee Cow-pa-man-er" in an exaggerated accent.
  • The boys cracking up at Atreus going into a rage and frantically stabbing Daudi Kaupmadr's corpse.
  Matt as Kratos: Remember boy, you did nothing wrong.
  Woolie: Remember that time when you got into a fight with someone when you were ten, and you yelled "You are nothing to me"? (cracks up)
  • Matt wonders if Atreus was made from Kratos' crazy sperm - "the type of semen that the other semen does't like to hang out with". They then imagine that Atreus's conception consisted of the sperm as a bunch of Screaming Warriors surrounding the egg threatening to destroy it.
  • Matt getting hyped over Kratos' grapple attacks where he literally rips a Draugr in half with his bare hands.
  • When Kratos begins gathering Faye's ashes, Matt is immediately suspicious that he's trying to rub them all over his body.
  • The boys suddenly realize that they have no idea what Faye's name is yet.
  Matt: A love that will last the ages. With... "Oh, you."
  • The three of them imagining Kratos playing "Stop Hitting Yourself" with Atreus.
  • The Stranger makes his debut, and the boys love him immediately when he has the sheer audacity to mock and pick a fight with Kratos, despite knowing, seemingly, ahead of time who he is and what he has done.
  Stranger: (backhands Kratos right in the face)
  Pat: (in awe) I like this guy.
  • Pat immediately realizes (from his appearance and color-scheme) that the Stranger is probably "Norse Kratos". This view is reinforced when the Stranger turns out to have a fighting style reminiscent of Vergil.
  Pat: He even moves like Vergil; he's doing table-hoppers!
  • Matt figures that Kratos is a few levels above the Stranger... seconds before the latter uppercuts the former clear over his house.
  Matt: Oh, nevermind.
  • Due to how early in the game this battle happens, Matt and Pat quickly assume that the Stranger is going to be a Hopeless Boss Fight.
  Matt: You're going to lose this.
  Pat: (Giggling) I sure am!
  • During the pummel prompts.
  Matt:Get ready to counter too.
  Pat: Sure.
  Kratos keeps giving his No-Holds-Barred Beatdown without any counter from the Stranger
  Matt: Shit.
  Woolie: Any time now.
  • At one point, the Stranger pulls a suplex on Kratos without warning, and the boys simultaneously squeal in shocked delight.
• Part 3
  • The trio spends a good chunk of the episode portraying Kratos as generally being an out-of-touch grumpy old dad, ranging from not knowing how to check his email to forbidding dabbing (stolen from the gods by Prometheus) and fidget spinners.
  Matt: I demand full access to your Instagram account- no your real one, this is the fake one you made for my convenience.
• Part 4:
  • When Atreus is too shaken over his first murder of a human to respond, Pat throws an axe at him.
  Kratos: Move it or lose it kid.
• Part 5:
  • The guys interpreting Kratos shy attempt at embracing his son as wanting to push him off a cliff.
  Matt: Just one push and my quest can be over.
  Pat: No, not yet.
  Matt: I'm such a hero.
  Woolie: Damn you, Zeus.
  • Pat dashing as fast as he can in an entrance, making it look like Kratos is trying to ditch Atreus.
  • Pat saying Kratos in his Kratos voice when he punches a chest.
• Part 6
  • The whole part with the boar.
  • First after Atreus hit but doesn't kill the boar.
  Atreus: Could the boar be magical?
  Matt as Kratos: That's your excuse for everything.
  Woolie: Could you be shit.
  • Then they have Kratos rant about the boar being behind the destruction of Greece and tricked him into killing his family, among other things...
  Matt: The boar put on a dress, looked like my wife.[Woolie losing it] Can I- You would have done the same Atreus.
  • When the witch convinces Kratos to help saving the boar's life.
  Pat as Kratos: Stop deaaath?
  • When they encounter a white flag.
  Pat as Kratos: A white flag means your enemy will be easy to kill.
  Mat as Kratos: Always look for the white flag of cowardice.
• Part 7:
  • Pat says you can tell it's a new recording because they come up with all the memes. Pat also wasn't aware he was the World Serpent in the cover art.
  • They were told by suggestion that Atreus is basically the best weapon and to train him as such. They are amazed at the kid beating a downed enemy.
  • Pat's brain failing at making coherent words.
  Pat: Achor Achurs-
  Matt: What?
  Pat: I'm ok.
  Matt: Having a stroke again?.
  • When talking about post game, Matt says Kratos is teaching Atreus about victory lap.
  Matt as Kratos: After you have satiated a wench make sure to make a victory lap around the room-
  Woolie as Atreus: I'm 8.
  Matt as Kratos: My point still stands boy. When I was but a toddler when my father no wait nevermind.
  Woolie: Ooooh boy, Greece uh?
• Part 8:
  • Matt and Woolie being dumbfounded by Pat's revelation that the original idea for God Of War 3 was for Kratos to find Norse and Egyptian versions of himself, take on the ENTIRE pantheon of gods and later on they all become the three wise men. You can clearly hear Matt having a mental breakdown trying to process that information.
• Part 10:
  • The guys are convinced every puzzle they can't solve right away is because they need to come back with a time stop, because they played too many video games. Not only the puzzles are all solvable right away, there is no time stop power.
• Part 11:
  • Woolie is trying to convince Pat the puzzles they are facing is impossible, then Pat realizes it's possible and mandatory and makes a point to tell the audience he is glaring at Woolie right now.
  • Pat laughing as they see the pile of corpses shortly after Kratos is pulled out of the light, realizing there was a time skip.
• Part 12:
  • The end of the boss fight against the Dark Elf has him giving an (unsubtitled) dying speech warning our heroes. However the transition from cutscene to gameplay means Atreus immediately shoots an arrow at his body before the cutscene even properly ends as he disappears, prompting Pat to lose his shit.
• Part 13:
  • Matt and Woolie says that no matter what the situation, saying "You've made a grave mistake" is the best choice of last words.
  • When Pat's encounter with the first purple enemy ends with him dead in one hit, Matt has only one thing to say:
  Matt: Hello police, I would like to report a fucking murder.
  • Woolie, who said last episode he hasn't ate much, tries to call attention to big blue orb on screen.
  Woolie: Big blue, big bo blue. Right.
  Matt: What?
  Woolie: Right, Big blue bo bluh blo.
  Pat: (Beat) A-Are you alright? Are you okay?
  Matt: Food needs to go into you now Woolie.
• Part 14
  • As the struggle against massively over-leveled purple enemies continues, Pat opens the door to a treasure chamber and encounters a large, white wolf.
  Matt: What level is this?
  (Cue the wolf charging Kratos and killing him instantly, leaving all three of them in shock)
  Matt: What?! That's a death? I thought that was a cutscene!
  Woolie: Hello, Sif!
  • When the Reaver spirit comments that he's not surprised his own son killed him considering he did the same to his own father, Atreus is taken aback by the thought of it. Cue slow panning shot to Kratos' face and the trio laughing in unison.
• Part 15:
  • Woolie's tired "yay" as Kratos is about to beat the ancient that killed him last episode causes Pat to lose his shit.
  • Matt saying what Kratos winging a story would sound like.
  Kratos: I knew a man named Ocean. And his friend, Boat, they sailed together with their son, Atreus...
• Part 16:
  • Matt and Pat are confused by tomb with people's riches as they see it more as Egyptian culture than Nordic. They conclude Egyptians are just Nordic people. Woolie is unimpressed.
• Part 17:
  • Pat liking how Atreus is learning to ask for reward before taking quest.
  • Pat claiming he doesn't abide to only help people for rewards when Matt points out he let plenty people to die, Pat means in real life.
• Part 18:
  • Starvin' Woolie continues as they try to figure out runes.
  Woolie: Boo Not resuscitate.
  • After taking a two minute break, Woolie comes back and quick searched the pop song for the Inspector Gadget movie, Pat is frustrated.
• Part 19:
  • Talking about Mummies Alive!, Woolie put his foot in his mouth when Matt recalls flashback before they were grey mummies they were brown skinned.
  Woolie: Were they human?
  Matt: ...Yes.
  Pat: Wait? WHAT THE FUCK are you actually saying Woolie? Were they human? What made you think they weren't humans, was it Matt said that they were gray or otherwise.
  • Pat asks a question about Kratos's weight while watching him kill yet another monster twice his size, which prompts Woolie to do an impression of Kratos acting like a coy Japanese schoolgirl:
  Woolie as Kratos: Are you asking me my three sizes...My three sizes are hi, mi, tsu.
• Part 20:
  • Pat has been making predictions about Baldur being killed by mistletoe since the god first appeared, thanks to his knowledge of Norse mythology. After the dragon boss fight, the game throws him a bone.
  Sindri: Braided mistletoe arrows.
  Pat: *sputters, goes Laughing Mad*
  Woolie: Yeah. Yeah.
  Matt: Here's your game solvers!
• Part 21:
  • Matt fails to say button basher correctly, Pat can't even repeat what he says.
  Matt: Just by bushing the battons.
  • Woolie's silence when Atreus is asked what is port and starboard. As he said once he goes by those instead of left and right to explain his bad directions.
  Matt: Yes and once again it applies when you're in a boat.
• Part 23:
  • Woolie's bored "boat tales, woop-woop" from the start of the episode.
  Pat: The enthusiasm is just knocking me the fuck over.
  • Pat loses Atreus, and have him teleport for the climbing animation, he concludes the kid clipped through the world.
  Matt: Hope you enjoyed this LP of God of War.
  Pat: Kid just died.
• Part 24:
  • When Matt talks about how a similar power ability existing Dante's Inferno, a game he can't LP because everyone in the channel is too cowardly. He wishes someone with religious upbringing could help with the commentary, Woolie remain silent.
  • Pat is really loud about people not believing there were toilets/toilet equivalents in Kratos' time. The entire conversation about Mimir being next to Kratos' ass that leads into a conversation about farting is this.
  Woolie: I will say that, uh, Mimir's placement is definitely unfortunate.
  Pat: He would have to turn his whole head though.
  Woolie: No, well, okay, but th-, there's no toilets back then, this is squat holes-
  Pat: SHUT UP "THERE ARE NO TOILETS BACK THEN"!!!
  • Woolie bringing up David Suzuki is really hated in Alberta because of his criticism on sand oil. The best friends concludes the best way to get dunk on him would be to name a bunch of oil rigs and mines after him.
• Part 25:
  • Woolie takes the piss out of Pat's obsessive stat-number crunching whenever he begins showing off a piece by saying "But (Stat) goes dooown...", much to Pat's irritation, and Woolie's delight. The trolling comes to a head with this climax:
  (Sound plays in the game)
  Pat: Ah! Did you hear that?
  Woolie: That was not loud at all. You really overreacted.
  Pat: I'm a jumpy guy, man!
  Woolie: You oversold that.
  Pat: Hey. I don't sell nothin'. I ain't sellin' shit.
  Woolie: Like...hair cream...(Corpses)
  Pat: ...I'm gonna start slapping your fucking balls.
• Part 28:
  • Woolie loves how Atreus keeps hammering how a bandit killed his own father.
  • In the middle of a discussion about umlauts and Tolkien, Matt suddenly brings up a desire to somehow stream The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies directly into the author's grave and putting the whole thing up on Twitch, complete with Tolkien's skull on a face cam.
  • The guys all agree that Kratos wouldn't stand a chance if he faces ''Asterix with magic potion. As it's cartoon super strength.
• Part 32:
  • Woolie for a moment thinks Atreus is really strong as helps Kratos pushing the giant stone hammer. Pat explains it as your little brother "helping" you play Mario.
• Part 35:
  • Pat is overjoyed when they come across a red sap obstacle in Helheim, since it's such a blatant Interface Spoiler that Atreus is going to get better.
  • Woolie speculates on how much better the game might be if Kratos had a more stereotypical Greek accent and name, complete with terrible imitations.
• Part 36:
  • At the end of the episode, the boys decide to test out "Photo Mode". Within, they find an option to swap out Kratos' facial expression. The very first choice is an incredibly cheerful grin that sends everyone laughing their asses off for how out-of-place it looks. They then trigger Photo Mode in the middle of one of Kratos' flamboyant Blades of Chaos attacks, and scroll through the available expressions until they find an almost orgasmic-looking pout, making Kratos look almost like an elegant ballerina caught in a Freeze-Frame Bonus.
• Part 37:
  • The thumbnail has been changed with the above mentioned freeze frame of Kratos.
  • When Mimir talks about how Tyr was the best God of War ever Woolie mentions all that's missing is him loving his family to really throw mud at Kratos.
  Matt: And never ever killed them.
• Part 38:
  • The guys laughing at Atreus saying Kratos only killed those that deserved.
  • Pat suggests they should administer some divine spanking to shape Atreus' attitude.
• Part 39:
  • During the malfunction of The Bifrost, and the gang is wondering where the hell they're going to end up now, Matt has one wish for where they might go.
  Pat: Where are we going?!
  Woolie: Where?
  Matt: MODERN DAY!
  [Woolie and Pat burst into laughter]
  Matt: MODERN DAY!!
  Woolie: Shut up!
  Matt: You shut up!! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT!!
  [...]
  Matt: Damn it, I'm so mad they didn't go to Modern Day...
  Pat: Oh man, that-, come on, what is-, what- what're you even talking about?
  Matt: Shut up! Just let me have it!
  [...]
  Woolie: Like, silent cut to people walking around New York City on their phones. Light in the sky.
  Matt: They come crashing down in Central Park.
  Woolie: [Chuckles] I would leave!
  Matt: I would stay longer!
  • Pat realizing Atreus is not obeying has him both happy and freaked out.
• Part 41:
  • The episode's ending as Pat tries to go through a spike smashing puzzle.
  Woolie: Dead.
  (block Kratos stands on goes up and crush him on the spikes above)
  Pat: No I didn't think-(cut to the outro with Greens Green playing).
• Part 44:
  • Pat reveals that he did some heavy grinding offscreen, including hunting down the Valkyries to unlock Sigrun. During the fight with Sigrun, Pat gleefully reveals a certain power unlock he finally discovered in the process:
  Pat: Hey, by the way, guys; I would like to say there's an upgrade I didn't tell you about...
  (Pat activates the Talisman of the Realms)
  Everyone: TIME STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
  Woolie: Goddamn it. In the end, there it is.
• Part 46:
  • The way Pat nonchalantly says "Anyone else getting emotional?" as Freya is cradling the corpse of her son.

A Way Out

• On a meta-level for the playthrough is the fact that Pat is the more violently-inclined of the two with Woolie acting as the objector, despite their characters being the opposite. This is only compounded by the fact that Vincent is a cop.
• Part 1:
  • Pat and Woolie refer to this as the sequel to Prison Break, a playthrough they had no Way Out of.
  • The two start arguing over which character they're playing and have to start over so they can swap who has sideburns...
  Pat: Oh my god, this is such a good LP.

  • ...and then the game lets them choose after a bit of dialogue.
  • Pat mishearing Woolie made him reference Waterworld, a Running Gag Matt kept pushing during the Prison Break LP.
  Pat: You said mat, I heard map, and then I became Matt.
  • As Woolie is on the verge of being shanked, Pat feels it's more important to focus on his magic food.
  Woolie: Hey I'm- I'm- I'm- kind of—
  Pat: Oh, oh yeah.
  Woolie: A little bit—
  Pat: It was more important.
  • Because of the split screen Pat and Woolie have problem keeping their eyes on what is happening, this leads to Pat looking for a place to eat and suddenly hearing two slaps as Woolie forces his way in the cafeteria because of two assholes.
• Part 2:
  • When Vincent and Leo have a loud conversation out in the open about getting revenge on Harvey and escaping.
  Woolie: You want to escape and murder, damn it's like pick one.
  Pat: I like this murder plan.
  Woolie: Murderscape.
  • When an inmate happily chats about how he's going to be released next week, Pat immediately declares he's going to die.
  • Pat's glee as he hides himself in the cart and uses a towel over his head to hide.
  • Woolie tries to put a second object in the drier to break it but can't, so he puts it down. Except the object completely blocks his walk path, leaving him walking in place and quietly muttering "Oh no".
• Part 3:
  • Pat notes that the duo shutting off water flow in the sewage system and breaking steam valves is the sort of thing that the guard will notice.
    • He also wants to know how they're going to explain the fact that their clothes now reek of shit.
    • After the back-to-back climbing sequence, Pat notes that if it was he and Woolie, this would be the end of their escape attempt. And if it was two Pats, they wouldn't be able to reach the walls.
  • Pat loses track of whose character is whose.
  Leo: Get on the other side and help me.
  Pat: I fucking know, I just told you to do that, Leo. Wait, that's me. I just told myself to do that, me... Vincent...
  • Pat's reaction when, after seeing Leo with his wife talking about their child, only to find out Vincent has a pregnant wife waiting at home.
  Pat: Fuck!
• Part 4:
  • While running through the wood, Woolie books it and lets Pat fall far behind with a cheeky "Bye".
  • Coming to the first major choice between Vincent and Leo's respective plans, Pat and Woolie get really invested because they happen to each agree with the characters they're playing. It takes almost a minute for Pat to acquiesce to stealing a cop car and driving it across the police blockade.
  Pat: [as the car goes airborne as cops fire on it] This plan sucks, Leo!
  Woolie: This plan's great!

  • On top of that, earlier Pat had weighed the pros vs. cons for both routes. Vincent's route had the Pro/Con setup of Stealth/Danger and Leo's had Car/Loud. They have the car for less than five minutes before it's a wrecked heap they have to abandon, meaning the only thing they got out of that exchange was the con.

  Pat: Boy, God almighty do you owe me a favor!
  • Pat is mildly annoyed there's no option to kick Leo's legs out from under him and leave him for the dogs as they run.
  • They are more than excited when they arrive near a house, expecting to make a choice about killing the owner for clothes. Pat is even more excited when they turn out to be old people with a rifle and insist that they go with the subdue plan. He really wants to beat up the old woman.
  • When Woolie knocks over something on the second floor, he realizes the old woman is rushing for the phone to call the cops while her husband investigates with his gun. He admits that's actually smart as they are caught.
  • Pat fails to subdue the woman so she screams and her husband shoots Vincent dead.
• Part 5:
  • Pat and Woolie are pretty sure the old couple are gonna starve to death and proceed to fuck with their home.
  Woolie: (on the piano) Playing a requiem for the old couple.
  • The old couple eventually free themselves and the old man heads out to chase after Vincent and Leo with only a loaded revolver. Pat declares him free game.
  Woolie: I would just yell "I have a shotgun."
  Pat: "I have your shotgun."
  Woolie: "And I don't want to shoot you."
  Pat: "I do want to shoot you."
  Woolie: "If you keep shooting at me..."
  Pat: "I will be forced to indulge myself."
  • The whole boat escape. Not only are they somehow outrowing the police, but they have to avoid rocks by yelling at each other.
    • Before that the truck sequence, where Woolie worries about killing cops while Pat constantly states they're all fine, even when their cars are on fire.
  • When they see Vincent and Leo's faces in the newspapers.
  Pat: Those sketches are super good.
  Woolie: ..It's their photos. 'Cause they were prisoners.
  Pat: Oh yeah, okay, why did I think they were sketches? Why the fuck did I think they would be—?
  Woolie: We know exactly what they look like!
  • Woolie and Harvey are confused about Harvey's plan as he keeps killing all the potential buyers for the diamond.
  Woolie: Oh man, Harvey killed that old couple.
  Pat: He offered them the diamond first though. Weirdest serial killer signature ever.
• Part 6:
  • Pointing out how Leo going to visit his family is the stupidest move they could make as the police department will essentially be camping in their house. Sure enough, there's a pair of cops asking the wife questions when they arrive.
  • Pat spotting the baseball minigame.
  Pat: (gasp) I can play baseball! Fuck your family, who cares.
  • While Woolie has to talk to Leo's upset kid, Pat tries to have Vincent flirt with Leo's wife.
    • When the kid runs off, Woolie stops to play darts.
  • Pat idly comments that Leo got a nicely detailed flashback about why he wants Harvey dead but Vincent didn't. Worth a chuckle if you know it's because Vincent is a cop.
  • Much like Heavy Rain, the duo want to wreck Alex when they start playing basketball with him. The similarities only increase when they notice how bad the kid's VA is.
  • When Linda gives Leo a gun, Woolie states now the cops have to shoot him and expects cops will be yelling "Gun! Gun! Gun!" every time they try to "arrest" the duo.
    • Of course all of this ignores the fact that the cops have been attempting to gun the escapees down from the very beginning of their escape.
  • Pat and Woolie comment on a number of stupid decisions at the construction site, such as Leo and Vincent removing their safety hats and the guy they're trying to catch going up a building and cornering himself.
• Part 7:
  • Pat's suspicion of Vincent continues to grow due to his reluctance to hurt Ray and showing knowledge that a banker really shouldn't have. He sincerely hopes it ends with a Double Dragon moment and suspects it will be all on Vincent. His wish will come true.
  • When they leave Ray tied his back toward a ledge Woolie asks Pat if he'll try swinging himself forward.
  Pat: Hell no.
  Woolie: You just sit there, right?
  Pat: Yeah. No, no fucking way. I wouldn't!
  • Pat saying why he likes Vincent's approach of the robbery instead of Leo's in-and-out approach.
  Pat (as they walk to the gas station): My favorite part about this version is that right now, we're not committing any crimes.
  • Woolie meets a woman with a crowbar next to a locked door. Pat looks at Woolie's screen and asks what the hell is going on.
  Pat: What did you encounter, I looked away for a second!
  • Woolie praises Vincent's foresight on buying cigarettes since he'll need them to trade for shit since they're going right back to jail.
  • The duo doesn't complain about the cops obviously staking out Vincent's wife's hospital room; instead they point out that this is leading Harvey's assassins right to said family.
• Part 8:
  • The spend the first three minutes talking to waiting hospital patients and mocking them. Then they remember the wife. This more or less sets the tone for the episode.
  • Viewers that played the game finally got their wish of them playing Connect Four. Woolie wins in four moves.
    • Even better, the only reason Woolie won is because Pat accidently dropped his piece into the wrong column.
  • Pat laughing at Vincent stopping Leo from slugging the cop in the elevator.
  • Woolie keeps beating Pat at every mini-game and then refuse any rematch to the point Pat says Vincent is gonna shoot Leo just because he keeps winning.
  Pat: Who is good at darts NOW! Motherfucker.
  Woolie: Connect these.
  Pat:... Four.
  • Their reaction to the hospital chase, as Vincent is sneaking slowly while Leo is going Old Boy on the cops and even takes one hostage.
• Part 9:
  • Their reaction to Leo's Epic Fail where he bursts every straps of his parachute by pulling one cord.
  • Woolie points out it's actually not that hard to fence a diamond so long as you don't kill the buyers for not paying what you want.
  • Pat tries very hard to shoot Leo during the first gunfight sequence.
    • During this he speculates the endgame will involve an option where both characters can get out alive, but Pat and Woolie will be hammering the "Betray" button too desperately to notice.
  • In the middle of a tense firefight, Woolie has to call a pause on the action due to his microphone going AWOL and swerving into his mouth. Cue two minutes of the two quibbling over why only Woolie's mic does this.
  • Both Wooolie and Pat spot the obvious Scarface inspiration of the final encounter with Harvey and are delighted by the over-the-top sequence where they gun him down.
  • Woolie and Pat are both waiting for Vincent to suddenly pull out handcuffs and start Mirandizing Harvey, but Woolie would be pissed if that's what happened.
    • At the end of the episode, both erupt into shouts when the reveal hits.
  • Vincent starts writing his letter, despite the fact he's probably dripping blood all over it. Pat and Woolie then start talking about how the pen can be a shiv... and the paper can be a shiv... and the shiv can be a shiv... and Vincent's beard can be a shiv.
• Part final:
  • Pat and Woolie are absolutely delighted when the final stretch of the game has them actively working against each-other in a sequence that calls back to various earlier segments in the game. They proceed to indulge in ruthless trash-talking, getting even more fired up than Leo and Vincent.
  Woolie: Oink oink piggy, oink oink.
  Pat: Hey, these freedom doughnuts is delicious!
  • When Emily is joining Vincent to apprehend Leo.
  Woolie: I don't want to kill her but if it's her and me I'll have to defend myself.
  Pat: See, this is why you have to go.
  • The moment health bars pop up for Leo and Vincent, Woolie erupts in delighted laughter.
  • Woolie and Pat are adamant that they'd both be perfectly happy to ditch their guns and go in for a fistfight. Sure enough, the climax of the final confrontation is a slow, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots-style final fistfight between Leo and Vincent, complete with flashbacks between punches.
  Pat: This was your life before crime.
  Woolie: This is my life because of crime!
  • In the end, not only does Pat beat Woolie in every shooting segment, but the deciding factor comes down to a Golden Snitch that depends on button mashing, which Pat wins easily thanks to having more health.
  Pat: This is very unfortunate for you.
  • Vincent goes to meet with Leo's wife, with the duo declaring he now owns her as a right of conquest.
    • The reason they give for Leo's death is that he beat Vincent at every game.
  • Woolie wishes he can control Vincent's baby and cry every time he touches her as a final revenge from Leo.

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