The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Two / Funny

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"A-duh, a-duh, that's all, fucks!"

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

In the beginning of the review, the tape can be seen sliding off its sleeve, more than likely by accident, with The Nerd quickly slapping the tape back in as he's still talking.
When discussing the level of popularity the franchise had when he was a kid and showing off a massive collection of action figures, the last image is of a Leonardo figure with a whip spanking the butt of a bent-over April O'Neil figure.
"Is this movie made for little kids? Well, I guess it is, so the joke's on me."
This rant:
AVGN: Some of the concepts are just ridiculous. Like when April's thrown into the dungeon, she looks over at this guy next to her and she says:
April O'Neil: Casey?
AVGN: Okay, so, you're saying that Casey Jones had an ancestor in Japan? Well, even if I'm going to accept that, why'd she call him Casey like he's going to respond? And then, just to push the scene over the edge of mockery, they have this rat creep in, and April says:
April O'Neil: Yeah, you look familiar, too.
AVGN: What? You, you don't mean? (movie footage fades to Splinter) Oh, my God, they do. I swear, I didn't make this edit. The movie actually fades from the rat to Splinter implying that that rat is Splinter's ancestor. Now, April never ceases to amaze me. Of course the fucking rat looks familiar! It's a rat! I can't tell one rat from another! And of all the rats that can be crawling around that dungeon, how's that one just happen to be it? And I gotta say, all the planets must have lined up. April meets both Casey and Splinter's ancestor in a matter of seconds? And I could accept Splinter because it's Japan and that's where he's from, but both of them? That's the biggest fucking coincidence I've ever heard in my life!
"That turtle duck thing is really getting old. I mean, it was cool the first time, but geez! That's enough of that shit! So, is there anything I like? Well, I kinda hate to admit it, but when they're dancing to Tarzan Boy, that's the highlight of the movie."
The fourth worst line in the movie:
Raph: Did you hear what he called me, Leo?!
Leo: Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
Raph: Well, that was an insult, Leo.
Don: Not necessarily, Raph. Did you know that in some countries, dung is used as a fuel source?
AVGN: Oh, so that makes it a whole lot better. He called Raph a fuel source. I'm sure that's what he meant, too, right?
The nerd bursting into laughter over the "Help! I'm a turtle and I can't get up" line...just after having talked about how much the line sucks.
"It fucking sucks so much fucking suck, it fucks!"
The nerd slicing the tape in half with a katana, then proceeding to destroy it with a hammer.

Atari 5200

The fact that the entire "review" is just humorous montages of the Nerd trying to hook up and play the console.
The Nerd describes the AC adapter as weighing a million tons while picking it up and then dropping it. The adapter's impact with the floor is exaggerated with the screen shaking and smoke appearing.
"Then there's this one wire coming out of the system, so you plug that in the box- whoa. Did you see that? That can't be good. Look: Sparks. No joke."
The Back to the Future gag, where the TV power cord is just a couple inches too short. "Damn. Damn. Damn Damn!"
- He solves issue with the cord being to short by hooking it up to an extension cord (which he trips over), but ends up moving the tv anyway, since the box for the 5200 doesn't reach far enough from the power strip it's currently plugged into. While trying to move the tv, he drops it on his foot.
Nerd: AAAAGGH! FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK!
- And to add insult to injury, the extension cord had multiple outlets on it, so he didn't even need to move the tv.
His rant on the default Atari 5200 controller:
AVGN: This controller is a piece of shit. (the controller he's holding turns into a literal piece of shit) What's the most important aspect of any fucking game? Well, being able to fucking play it. And what do you need to fucking play it? A fucking controller. (briefly goes cross-eyed as the wires from it get near his face) So, what do you do when the controller doesn't work? You're fucked. This is the reason the system failed. This! In the name of God, Heaven and Hell, everything in between, every creature on Earth, by the far reaches of the galaxy, by the inner rims of the universe, and every megaverse in the ultraverse, let it be known, let the word be known: This controller is fucking horrible!
The look on the Nerd's face when he unwraps the Trak-Ball controller is priceless.
- He also describes the controller as an "ungodly abomination that begs for apocalypse."
The briefly shown eBay description of the controller the Nerd buys: "ATARI 5200 CONTROLLER - works fucking better!"
The Nerd getting smacked in the face by the eBay packaging box.
The ending:
The Nerd (after getting his chain yanked with a non-fitting controller): (Beat) FUUUUUCK!!
- The Super Mario Bros. Game Over music playing in the background of this is the icing on the cake.

Ghostbusters

"Then we have the ghost trap which...doesn't work anymore 'cause it's a piece of shit." What makes it funnier is that the moment he says "shit" he throws the handle on the equipment.
AVGN: (introducing his items) Then there's Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Yeah, he's a little dirty. The dog shoved him up his ass.
(When giving information about Ghostbuster toys) "Then we have all these weird ones that I don't even remember from the show. (holding up figure of Belle) This one I don't think-oh wait, that's not mine, get that the fuck outta here." (throws it on the floor)
This, though mainly for the Mike Matei illustration to go along with it:
Nerd: So, when we heard that a Ghostbusters game for Nintendo was coming out, we were so excited, we shit our pants! Literally, shit came out our asses and we rocketed through the roof!
Who could forget this gem:
Ghostbusters NES game: [horribly bitcrushed as to be unintelligible] Ghostbusters!
Nerd: The fuck was that?
Game: [bitcrushed] Ghostbusters!
Nerd: [imitating game] Gooshtbushtarrs!
- The way he leads into it is also worth a mention:
  Nerd: Well, Ghostbusters. Got the logo there. Looks promising enough. But, are you willing to bet that it's gonna get really bad once you start playing? Yeah, well guess what. It gets bad, as soon as you press the start button.
His genuinely annoyed rant about how there is only ONE song that plays during the whole game. And it can be easily missed on the first watch, but he plays the song during the duration of the entire video to emphasize how much it wears on you.
Nerd: Now for music, you got the Ghostbusters theme song, which sounds like a decent 8-bit rendition. But there's one problem. It's the only song in the whole game - and it never, EVER stops! It starts playing from the first screen all the way to the end of the game. It drones over you, makes your brain go numb, and then it when it gets to the end of the song it pauses for a second then loops again. So you better get used to it. But let me tell you, that one second when the music stops, it feels so satisfying to hear dead silence even for just one brief moment to put your mind at peace.
His confusion as to why the Ghostbusters have to buy Proton Packs from a store when the movie the game is adapted from shows one of the Ghostbusters—Egon Spengler—to be completely capable of designing and building them.
When he prank-calls a hardware store asking for Ghost Vacuums.
- Possibly made even funnier by the realization that the hardware store employee sounds suspiciously like Kyle Justin...
In the stairwell:
Nerd: Now let me ask this: Why can't the Ghostbusters use their proton beams here? Well, let me answer my own question: That would mean making the game resemble a decent side-scroller shooter, and the problem there is that the game would actually be kinda good, and apparently, that wasn't what they were going for.
The entire stair sequence is hysterical, as the Nerd slowly but steadily loses his mind. The awful control scheme, the limited amount of hits, the ineffective items and the twenty-two floors that have to be climbed are just too much for him to handle. His "What the fuck were they fucking thinkin'!" is one of his funniest, most genuinely angry moments in the entire series.
When the Nerd gets bored due to the repetitive gameplay and starts wondering what the deal is with the ghosts in the game:
Nerd: After doin' this for so long, you start to wonder: who pays you to catch the ghosts anyway? And why are the ghosts so generic, innocent and cute-lookin'? They don't do anything to you, so why are you bustin' 'em? Because bustin' makes ya feel good? Well, don't the ghosts have a right to death?
After getting to the final boss:
Nerd: Well, here's the last screen of the game... and it looks like shit.
At the end when he cries/laughs at the A Winner Is You Ending.

Ghostbusters Follow-Up

His own version of the A Winner Is You screen from the first Ghostbusters game:
"Congratulations! You had the patience to sit through this awful game. You proved your nerdiness. Now go fuck yourself!"
When the Nerd "plays teacher" and subtracts points from 100 for every error the ending screen has:
AVGN: You have completed a great game? Well that's simply wrong, 20 points off for that statement.
His struggle to leave the store in the Atari 2600 version:
Nerd: Just buy 'em and then leave... (flicks switch but nothing happens) Then leave... (flicks it again) Leave... (still nothing) Fuck.
Singing along to the bouncing ball on the Sega Master System version's title screen, then imitating the awful "Ghostbusters!" voice byte from the NES version.
Commenting on the dots that the Ghostbusters' vehicle leaves behind:
Nerd: I don't exactly understand the idea of dropping poop everywhere you go. I thought the Ghostbusters are in a car, not a horse and buggy?
The extremely long Game Over screen for the Master System version.
AVGN: "The game is over. Try again from the start." Oh, really? I thought I could try again from the middle.

Ghostbusters Conclusion

The Nerd gives an analogy when he says that Ghostbusters II on NES is better than the first game:
Nerd: That's interesting, because the second movie is definitely inferior to the first one. So I guess the formula goes like this: A good movie equals a shitty fucking game. (slams it down) But, a not-so-good movie equals a game... that's not as shitty.
After saying Ghostbusters II is pissing him off: "It's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on."
The Nerd is completely dumbstruck when he finds out that Ghostbusters II has no pause button:
Nerd: I mean, if you've gotta go answer the phone or take a shit, it's like "Tough shit if you've gotta take a shit!" You gotta take a quick shit! You gotta have turbo turds! I'm trying to play a game, I got shit-stains in my pants, and an answering message on my phone that says "Sorry, I'm playing Ghostbusters 2 on Nintendo!" What a selfish game! Bottom line, have a fucking pause button, goddamn it!
In the park, the Nerd comes across some dog shit and says, "That. It's dog shit. That's what it reminds of. This game reminds me of dog shit."
After beating Ghostbusters II, the Nerd takes the NES cart and repeatedly slams it against his head.
When starting the Genesis Ghostbusters, he observes that Winston is again absent from the game, and asks, "What are they, fucking racist or something?"
- And soon after, he says that the characters walk like they're crapping down their pants.
The Nerd's recitation of the "end of the world/dogs and cats living together" monologue from the first Ghostbusters movie, in response to actually liking the Genesis Ghostbusters video game.
Nerd: But don't worry. I'll find something about it that sucks.
His rant about Ghostbusters 3 not existing:
Nerd: Well, if they made Santa Clause III, Free Willy III, Home Alone III, Psycho III, The Neverending Story III, Problem Child III, and about 10,000 Scary Movie and American Pie sequels, all the crap that gets shat out of Hollywood's big fat fucking ass, I don't see why Ghostbusters III shouldn't be made. I grew up with those movies. I would love to see those guys put on the proton packs one more time. Even if the whole movie's just the Ghostbusters sitting around takin' a shit, I'd go see it.

Spider-Man

The Nerd observing that the web that Spidey shoots in the 2600 game looks like a long turd.
Kyle Justin as Spider-Man.
The part where the Nerd asks why 'The Super-Bomb' looks different from the other bombs in the game. Spidey's response? "It's fuckin' Spider-Man!"
Spider-Man's reaction to the Atari 2600 Spider-Man game: "THIS GAME SUCKS MY SPIDER-BALLS!"
- When the Green Goblin is about to touch Spider-Man and knock him down to the bottom, again.
  AVGN: Oh, there you go, oh, no! He's gonna get'cha, he's gonna get'cha!
- Spider-Man yelling "Fuck load-a-shit!"
Referring to the NES game as Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Shit. ^Note("Six")
Spider-Man does some backseat driving:
AVGN: Look, I can't even hit this guy! Oh, look at this!
Spider-Man: Get him! Why are you fucking jerking around?
AVGN: Even when I'm falling, I can't steer myself.
Spider-Man: Why are you jumping all over the place?
AVGN: Because every time I hit the button it, like, jumps.
Spider-Man: Well, wait for him to come to you!
AVGN: There's no, like jump kick move, like you can't jump then do an attack.
Spider-Man: Well, then, don't do that move!
AVGN: Well, he- I can't hit him when he's in the air.
Spider-Man: Well, wait for him to come down, then!
Spider-Man criticizing the Nerd for getting lost, only to get lost himself.
When Spidey is playing Return of the Sinister Six:
AVGN: Jump! Jump jump jump jump jump jump!
When Spidey ends up dying in the NES Spider-Man game of Return of the Sinister Six, he and the Nerd yell in union "IT'S A PIECE OF SHIT!!".
When Spider-Man is embarrassed that the Gameboy Advance game showcased a level where he delivered pizzas in costume:
Spider-Man: But for them to put that in the game, it's insulting, and it's-
Nerd: Yeah, I agree.
Spider-Man: I'm a superhero. I shouldn't be known as a pizza delivery man.
Nerd: I wish Spider-Man would deliver my pizzas every day.
Spider-Man: I'm gonna fucking shove a pizza up your fucking ass!
- And apparently the argument kept going as the audio fades into the following song.
The Spider-Man parody song:
Spider-Man, Spider-Man
Takes a dump in a coffee can.
Plays some games, with a grudge,
Gonna shit out some anal fudge.
Look out, here come some shitty games.
Alcohol is his power source,
Takes a piss like a drunken horse.
Climbs a wall, then he falls;
This game sucks his spider-balls.
Oh no, he's playing the shitty games.
When he plays his games, he feels so ashamed.
He shoots webs from his wrist, but now Spider-Man's fucking pissed.
Angry Nerd, Angry Nerd
Rather suck on a frozen turd.
Or eat some crap, from a moose.
Gonna chug down some poopie juice.
These games are such a great big fuck-up,
They make you want to throw up,
All over Spider-Man.

Sega CD

The Nerd opens by spoofing the original Sega CD commercial, then follows it up with mock excitement:
AVGN: Wow! It's like you get to play the games on a CD! Check out the graphics—full motion video (as opposed to video that isn't full motion)! 64 simultaneous colors! 12.5 MHz processor! Holy shit! This thing is [shifts from happy to serious] total fuckin' gar-bitch! How would you like it if I conduct the rest of the video like this? (Screen becomes smaller and the video choppier, like the Sega CD's "FMV.") "Full motion video", my ass! I'd rather be full fuckin' screen!
While playing Ground Zero: Texas
Commander: Let's see some firepower, or I am personally gonna call headquarters and find out what hole they dug you out of.
AVGN: The hole in your ass.
His confusion over the dialogue in Slam City.
Dudes on Couch: Yo, crush 'em like a walnut. Then sprinkle 'em on some salad, and put some dressing on the boy.
AVGN: What are they saying?
Other Dudes on Couch: Oh, he's got leg weights! [both break into laughter]
AVGN: Okay.
On his review of Double Switch, he gets involved in the Audience Participation with Eddie (played by Corey Haim) in the intro:
Eddie: Hey...
AVGN: Hey...
Eddie: Hi.
AVGN: Hi.
Eddie: My name is Eddie.
AVGN: Hi, Eddie.
Eddie: I need your help. This is my building, and since the neighborhood really sucks...
AVGN: Like this game sucks!
When the Nerd reviews Night Trap, he describes the game in detail until the scene moves on to the controversial bathroom scene with Lisa, where an Auger approaches and attacks her, and the Nerd realizes, "You know what...? I'm supposed to save her! That spoils the fun." As the Auger goes for the kill, the scene cuts to Lieutenant Simms calling the player out for failing to save her:
Lt. Simms: I don't believe what I just saw!
AVGN: I know, this game sucks!
His Death Glare towards the Corpse Killer disc.
The Adventures of Willy Beamish: "The frog's name is "Horny"?!"
There's just something funny about the way he says "I just get clobbered," while playing Prized Fighter.
His Verbal Backspace when he insults Sol-Feace.
He is really amused at Jonathan Harker beating up animals in Bram Stoker's Dracula.
AVGN: Yeah, punch 'em! Damn bats! Mmm, yeah, fucking bitches! Kick 'em in the face! Fucking rats!
- Also, his opinion on the cutscenes.
  AVGN: If I wanted to watch the movie, I'd watch the damn movie.
Sewer Shark: "For this game, I only have a two-word review: Shit Shark."
"I don't know one person who had a Sega CD. And why is that? BECAUSE IT FUCKIN' SU — CAUSE-IT-FUCK — CAUSE—IT—FUCK — CAUSE——IT——FUCKIN'——SUCKS."

Sega 32X

His analogy for the Genesis add-ons:
"Did they really need all this bullshit [the 32X and the Sega CD] leeching on the Genesis? That poor Genesis is just thinking, 'Oh please, God, take this shit off me.' It's like getting gang-raped: Both of its slots are gettin' fucked at the same time."
After showing that the 32X requires yet another cable to be connected to the Genesis, despite already being plugged directly into it:
"Look at this, it's a fucking mess. And what a perfect visual analogy. Sega invented the 32X to increase the lifespan of the Genesis, and that's exactly what the friggin' thing looks like! It's on life-support!"
When playing Primal Rage, the Nerd says, "You've got all the moves: The puking, the farting, the pissing...", and "The pissing?" text appears on-screen.
Mocking the win quotes from Virtua Fighter ("The characters act like... they have problems.")
His comparisons of the music of the 32X version of Doom (bad) to the music of the SNES version (good) are priceless.

Silver Surfer

The introductory line: "Silver Surfer... Silver Shit!"
The Nerd mimicking the Silver Surfer's title screen pose.
Nerd: He looks so stupid, I mean what the Hell's wrong with him?! He's just like......like.
During the review, AVGN stops the footage to draw thick red lines over the screen showing where the player is very much unsafe. Naturally, they take up the majority of the area. One particular diagram shows a tight row of vertical lines protruding from an array of turrets that is quickly replaced by "DEAD" in big letters filling the zone in quesiton.
"I CAN'T TOUCH THAT RED POT?!"
The climax of the episode:
"I mean, this game just pukes snot up my ass. It's like, you touch the top of the building, you die. You touch the ceiling, you die. You touch the floor, you die. Too far to the right, you die. Too far to the left, you die. You die, you die, you die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-die-DIE! *(cue the Nerd mimicking Silver Surfer's defeated pose)* Oh God, I can't fucking stand it..."
"I never read any of the comics, so I don't know what Silver Surfer's powers are, but isn't he pretty strong? So then why did they make him into a wimp? Why is he fuckin' up rubber ducks and weepin' like a crybaby? It's like some sort of fucking JOKE. Like, what if they had Bruce Lee tripping over his own shoelaces? It's a fucking insult!"
Every time the Nerd dies and it cuts to his reaction.
Nerd: Ah, fuck!
"If only his board wasn't so goddamn long!"
The Nerd commenting on Silver Surfer's game over screen.
Nerd: You know, it's so easy to die in this game, and every time you die, you have to see this.
(cue the game over screen) This sad, pathetic image of Silver Surfer just trembling in defeat. If you play this game, (the picture zooms in) this image will be burned into your retina. And how appropriate, because this picture expresses better than words, my feelings on this game. (the picture zooms in more) Just look at it. That sums up the whole thing.
In his frustration, the Nerd takes back his compliment that he gave at the start of the video.
Nerd: What'd I say before? This game's not bad. Well, no it's not bad. It's FUCKIN' HORRIBLE and I dare you to play it!
The part with the flying jack-o'-lanterns, all of it.
Nerd: Ah, you fuckin' pumpkin piece of shit!
The jack-o'-lanterns getting impaled on the stalactites.
"You fucking ghosts! You fucking motherfucking pieces of shit! UGH! God, I hate those gargoyles! They just... shit all over the place! I hate it. I just fucking hate it."

Die Hard

The opening scene involving the cover.
"So is this gonna be great, or is it gonna suck? Well take a wild fucking guess."
AVGN: "And officer Carl Winslow ^Note keeps talking to me, then the police car blows up, I'm like 'Well, what does this have to do with anything?', then Steve Urkel comes on and I'm like, 'What the fuck?!'"
The Nerd's analogy about John McClane refusing to jump off a ledge (and Informing the Fourth Wall about it, a video game trope he seems to be unfamiliar with):
AVGN: Going back to Mario again, what if Mario just said, "You know, I'm really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No thanks."?
The Nerd getting confused by the background objects.
AVGN: What the shit is this thing? What the shit IS it?!
"There's guys coming out of every corner, there's guys coming out of the elevator, there's guys coming out of your ass..." which is immediately followed by an enemy sprite coming out of McClane's ass.

Independence Day

The opening, which invokes This Is Gonna Suck:
Nerd: (dramatic music) Oh god... Oh god...
"Let me ask a question: What do you get when you take a movie that's ass and you make it into a game? You get a piece of shit! Now, if you get a piece of ass, that's a good thing. But if you get a piece of shit, you don't want that!"
"I don't even want to talk about this. It's makin' me sick. MAKIN' ME SICK!!!"
The funniest thing is how calmly he says:
AVGN: To describe this game's assness, all I can say is: It's very ass.
Him getting pissed at the in-game voice that keeps repeating "Take out the generators to attack the destroyer!"
Nerd: I wish that voice would just shut the hell up! Keeps telling me to take out the generators, as if I'm not FUCKING trying!
His thoughts on the game's radar: "It's too small, makes no fucking sense, and I don't like it."
The super slow cursor on the password screen: "Ohhhh... ohh, God!... uggghhhh, why's it so slow... WHY'S IT SO ASS?!"
This bit:
AVGN: The worst thing about this is that is makes me feel really guilty to be playing it, like, I should be doing something better with my time. Like roll a dog turd in cement! Like, I gotta get away from this game! I gotta get out of this room! I gotta- I gotta go out somewhere and do something wild! Like get a tattoo on my face of a goat holding up a baby snorting cocaine off its penis!

The Simpsons

When playing the second level in Bart vs. the Space Mutants:
Nerd: It's also really funny that people just casually walk by. If I was walking through the mall and I saw giant bouncing doughnuts and killer marshmallows, walking shoes and spring-jumping shoes, moonwalking shoes, paper bags with legs, paper bags with scary fucking heads, and killer towels, I think I'd shit my pants. Shit would come out of my ass.
"Eat my shorts. Eat 'em good. Right after I took a shitty diarrhea dump."
His confusion over the Krusty item in the first level and thinking that he's gotten himself stuck:^note
Nerd: So, I'm just going around this ship trying to figure out where to go. (jumps down) Oh look, there's Maggie. What do I do here? (the Krusty boat sails towards the platform and Bart collects it) Okay, a boat comes and explodes? I don't get it. Now, where do I go? I'm stuck here. Maggie, can ya help? No? Well, (The Nerd makes Bart face away from Maggie and crouch) suck my ass. Guess I'm just gonna commit suicide. (Bart jumps into the water and sinks with no reaction) Love how Bart doesn't even give a shit. He's pretty depressed. I'd be, too.
"Oh, and these ramps? Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em to hell."
When gameplay footage of Bart vs. The World is shown of Bart carefully jumping between really tiny platforms:
Nerd: Look. What a piece of shit.
"Eat my shorts" is played straight in the end when the Nerd literally "eats his shorts".
AVGN: Bart's my ass and Krusty's my balls. Fuck this shit. Now I'm gonna eat my own shorts.

Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout

Whenever AVGN beats up Mike Matei as Bugs Bunny.
The fact that the Nerd doesn't question how Bugs was able to get into his house.
After the ending screen shows that the Looney Tunes characters showed up to Bugs' party (which said they originally played funny tricks), AVGN decides to show Bugs a "funny trick" in which he beats the living manshit out of him.
Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaah, what's up, COCK?
This exchange:
AVGN: "Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout! HOW 'BOUT BUGS BUNNY'S BIRTHDAY BEATING!? *beats up Bugs Bunny*"
This:
Bugs: Nyah, ain't I a fuckin' stinker, motherfucker?
AVGN: Ain't you a goddamn fucking piece of shit?!
Calling Pepe Le Pew "Pepe Le Shit".
When the Nerd falls in a pit:
AVGN: Augh, son of a cock!
The Nerd describing an enemy clock that "explodes, for, like three hours".
"I'd rather put my balls in a crocodile's mouth while shoving my head up a UNICORN'S ASSHOLE!"
The ending, where, after the Nerd continues his No-Holds-Barred Beatdown of Bugs, he ends the video by defecating on Bugs Bunny. He then reveals that he used a fake butt, flips off Bugs with it, then throws it at Bugs while telling him that he "got his ass handed to him."
The Nerd ends the video with his parody of the "Porky in a Drum" closing sequence, where he stutters "Th-th-th-that's all, fucks!" and extends his middle finger.
The sheer fact that it's not even really made clear why the Nerd is acting so violently hostile towards Bugs. The most likely explanation is that he's taking his frustrations with the game out on him, but if Spider-Man's prior guest appearance is anything to go by, he's more than capable of being quite friendly towards pop culture icons randomly entering his house.

Atari Porn

When playing Custer's Revenge:
AVGN: "All you do is bang the chick, dodge the spears, bang the chick, dodge the spears."
The Nerd's observations on Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em:
AVGN: Y'know, there's something really wrong with this whole scene. You gotta be a total fucking whore to stand naked on the street and catch jizz from some guy jerkin' off on the rooftop. And what's the deal with this guy [the guy ejaculating on the rooftop]? Either he's got a huge dick, or he's a dwarf. I mean what the fuck kind of game is this?!
- Right before that, he doesn't catch the innuendo in the title (saying it sounds more violent than erotic)...until he starts playing.
AVGN: Oh. I get it. "Beat 'em..." [shows the guy masturbating] "...and eat 'em." [shows the girls catching jizz in their mouths]...oh, dear. What have I gotten myself into?
- His reaction to the manual text:
"The object of the game is to eat 'em every time he beats 'em. You score one point for each and every drop you swallow without a miss. But should you miss, shame on you. You lose one turn. After all, it could have been a famous doctor or lawyer."
(Beat, then the Nerd tosses the manual behind him)
AVGN: What kind of sense does that make?!
The Angry Video Game Nerd is playing Philly Flasher where an old witch on top of a building is shooting milk from her breasts for 2 guys to swallow and masturbate:
AVGN: "Is this supposed to be erotic? I don't know about you, but I'm not at all turned on by some old, wrinkly, shitty witch titties! That's fucking nasty, man!"
- Also, his comment that the title is meaningless, since Philadelphia has nothing to do with what the game's about.
AVGN: It might as well be called "Chicago Shitfucker" or "Dallas Dick-kicker".
When playing Gigolo, he asks what it would be like for a naked woman to break in at random and have sex with you, then looks at the door expecting such a thing to happen to him.
AVGN: "You know, that's really not fair. I get Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger and Spider-Man, Bugs Bunny... but no naked chick. Fuck this shit."
"Now we got Knight on the Town. I suppose you're a knight, and you're on a quest for the holy ass. That's right, your goal is the princess in that tower. What he wants to do to her? Well, take a guess."
- "I don't know what those things on top of their heads are. They look like Dr. Seuss characters. But one thing I never expected Dr. Seuss characters to do... is this." (footage of the two characters having sex)
The ending line: "Remember the commercials? "Have you played Atari today?" Well fuck yeah I did... but you don't wanna know what I was playing."
Even funnier is that he rereleased the video on YouTube November 21, 2023 under the name Atari Pork, and had a few minor... adjustments made to it.
- The goal of each game is changed to something more SFW, even though what is clearly happening behind the censor bars is still clearly sexual. Custer’s Revenge, for instance, is changed to squeezing out cactus juice and folk dancing with the Indian woman according to the Nerd. He also says Custer is wearing a “butt-cot” and among the other offended parties, “YouTube was offended”
- “You wanna see more? You sick bass fish…”
- You now get an extra life in Beat ‘Em and Eat ‘Em by getting “68 + 1” points.
- The end goal in Knight on the Town is now to “find a stranger in the alps.”
- Near the end, the Nerd stops trying and even questions the censorship.
  AVGN: Is this censorship even helping?!

Nintendo Power

The beginning. For the first few seconds, you see a bunch of Nintendo Power magazines on the floor, and then...
Nerd: ASS!
His cartoony voice when he says "THAT THTINKS!"
After reading a couple sarcastic replies to letters to the editor: "Dear Nintendo Power editor: What the fuck is your problem?!"
When the Nerd flips to a page with Dracula giving a creepy smile and wonders what's Dracula's problem, then imitates said face.
One of the contest prizes is a beach getaway:
Nerd: "It's tropical, dude!" Here's the sun. I really don't see the sun. There's the fun, oh that's where the fun is? Right there? Surf? Uh, okay. You? You're right there? Okay. Sand? Well, that is definitely sand. And trees? Uh, yep. There are trees... all over the place.
- Ranting about the contest of being an extra in The Mask 2:
Nerd: Oh, that's a great prize. That movie never got fucking made, unless you count Son of the Mask, but that wasn't until about ten years later! And, did they give the winner a rain check for that? To be in a movie with a computer-generated baby or any of the other sequels to Jim Carrey movies that don't have Jim Carrey?!
- One of the ads was a lunch lady holding a giant plate of meat loaf. The Nerd's interpretation of that image:
Nerd: It's just some creepy bitch holdin' a log of shit!
The Nerd demonstrates how hard it is to remove posters from the magazine. He fucks up the first poster removal by accidentally ripping it, and shouts "FUCK!" The second removal is much funnier, though, as he tries to be more careful and successfully removes it, yet still mutters "Fuck..." afterwards.
When the Nerd sees an ad of a kid holding a stack of NES games while surfing:
Nerd: This kid better be careful not to get those games wet. Actually, those games suck ass, throw 'em to the sharks.
After reading a few Mario puns that a reader sent in, he gives a disgusted "Ugh..." while still kinda smiling.
In the ending montage, the Nerd sees another nerd pulling a Scary Flashlight Face and goes over the top in mimicking it.

Fester's Quest

The entire family of the AVGNs Flipping the Bird at the screen to the classic Addams Family theme with fart noises at the end, and Uncle Fester says, in a nod to Donatello's line from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, "You were expecting, uh, maybe, uh, the Ninja Turtles?"
The Nerd's comment about the multiplying blobs in the sewer: "They don't die. They don't die."
This exchange:
AVGN Gomez: I think it's a shitload of fuck!
AVGN Fester: I think you'd better shut your ass!
- And at the part before that:
  AVGN Fester: GODDAMN!
  AVGN Wednesday: This game had better stop SUCKING ASS or else I'm going to have give it the Finger. The middle finger. [flips the bird]
Something about the facial expression and the way AVGN Gomez says "All right, let's try harder. No fucking around." is hilarious.
The part where the Nerd tries to run through a hoarde of penguins as quickly as possible, and due to Mercy Invincibility, passes right through a penguin. His nervous stammering, followed by "Ooh, I got lucky there, I think..." is great.
AVGN ends the Sega Genesis review of The Addams Family with "This game is ASS!", with the letter "A" item and the two "$" collectibles forming the word "A$$". This is followed by a theme song parody by Kyle Justin (dressed up as Cousin Itt):
It's crappy and it's kooky,
A stupid piece of poopy.
I'd rather eat my dookie;
It makes me wanna pee.
Sucking some ass. (FUCK!)
Sucking some balls. (FUCK!!)
Sucking some balls,
Sucking some balls,
Sucking some ass. (FUCK!!!)
It makes me wanna see a
Assload of diarrhea.
It's worse than gonorrhea.
I'm gonna take that pee!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Steven J. Klaszky (using the Stage Name Jimmie Jim Slugg) steals every scene he's in as the Hillbilly the Nerd buys the game from.
How the Hillbilly convinces the Nerd to buy the game - instead of paying $100 for just The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, he also offers up Halloween "for free" if the Nerd pays $150 instead.
The short tour that the Nerd gives of his room is amusing for how brief yet awkward it is.
Chop Top: Would you be able to give me a tour, or something?
Nerd: Yeah okay, well here... Here's the games, you see. Here's the games and all the, uh, systems are right here. And uh, that's it, so the tour is over. You can go.
- Mike Matei's hysterical and accurate Large Ham performance as Chop Top. He really gets to shine recreating the radio station scene from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 when the Nerd gives him a tour of his room, as mentioned above.
The chainsaw family kidnapping the Nerd and forcing him to play the game, and the fact that when he is Bound and Gagged he is gagged with a rubber chicken of all things.
Leatherface getting stuck behind a bike much like in the game.

Halloween

The Nerd gets visited by two trick-or-treaters, takes their bag, and defecates into it.
Kids: EWWW!!!
AVGN: There you go, you little fuckers! There's some chocolate for ya.
Kid 1: That's not chocolate, that's poop!
AVGN: It's not chocolate, nor is it poop, it's shit!
Later, the Nerd goes to babysit at their house:
Kids: IT'S THE POOPIE MAN!
Also, later when Michael Myers shows up, the Nerd hits him with the aforementioned bag.
After mentioning it a couple times in the past, the Nerd finally plays Boo! Haunted House.
Nerd: Well, it's pretty scary. Yeah, what the fuck is this shit? I'm a pair of eyes going around... (gets hit by a bat) Oh, God! BOOM!
- Then, when he lights a match, his eyes are surrounded by a reddish-orange blob.
  Nerd: Wait a minute... It's Meatwad! Yeah, it's fuckin' Meatwad!
- After finishing a level, the game starts playing a familiar tune.
  Nerd: Ooooh, so now it's The Twilight Zone.
When he pops in Frankenstein for the Atari 2600:
Nerd: It's alive! It's alive! How about "It's ass! It's AAASSSSS!!"
- While explaining how to play the game, the Nerd is suddenly forced to dodge a large group of bats.
  "—oh, fuck! What the shit is this?! Look at all these Goddamn bats! What the Hell's goin' on?! Never have I had to dodge such a relentless onslaught of vampire bats. Have mercy."
The outtakes for the episode, which is about four minutes of Liam Mulvey trying to get his son to say the simple line, "One shall stand, one shall fall." His son has to be bribed with raisins.

Dragon's Lair

His meltdown after realizing there are no continues:
AVGN: (pulls out and drinks from a flask) Man. Man, fuck that shit. You think I'm going to put myself through that again?! Goddammit, man! Man, fuck this game! Jesus Christ! I'd rather fucking 69 a grizzly bear while shoving King Kong up my ass! I'd rather fucking stand in the middle of a ring of monkeys as they pelt me to death with their own anal waste! Man, fuck this game, fuck it to hell, fuck it to oblivion, fuck it to DAMNATION OF MANKIND! (walks towards his apartment door which somehow closes on its own, smacks into it and turns into a skeleton a la the game's death animation)

An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol

The Nerd spends the whole episode wearing a top hat like Ebenezer Scrooge frequently does.
When facing a boss in Home Alone 2, he notes that every time you hit him, another piece of his clothing is knocked off. He wonders if he really wants to go any farther, but does anyway, leaving the boss in his underwear. The Nerd's reaction upon seeing this: "Oh shit, fucking God!"
After playing Home Alone 2:
Nerd: Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal, you miserable fucking cunt, you piece of shit! Shitty games, all my life! Shitty fucking games! I hate shitty fucking games! And I hate shitty fucking Christmas, 'cause shitty fucking Christmas means more shitty fucking games! Humbug! Bah! Fuck it to humbug to hell!
He says that Shaq Fu is proof that you can put "Fu" at the end of anything:
Nerd: How about "Robin Williams Fu" or "U2 Fu?"
- The Subverted Catchphrase from his usual "What were they thinking?!": "What... were they smoking crack up their ass?!"
The "future" Nerd as an old man playing games like Boogie and Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz on the Wii is hysterical.
- The Ghost of Christmas Future being Dracula's sprite from Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, and the nerd's death scene being the end screen from that game with "A.V.G.N" photoshopped on Drac's tombstone.

Chronologically Confused About Zelda Timeline

This, regarding the Continuity Snarl:
AVGN: [Majora's Mask] is a sequel to Ocarina of Time. But, wait! Not a sequel to the end where adult Link defeats Ganon, no! It's a sequel to young Link after he got sent back! So now, any speculation of Nintendo ever making a sequel to Zelda II is deader than shit. They can't even make a sequel that follows in consecutive order. Instead, they just keep going back, and then maybe taking a small step up again, and then back again! We have a sequel to the original, a PREQUEL to the original, a sequel to the prequel, a PREQUEL to the prequel, and a SEQUEL to the young Link of the prequel's prequel! WHAT THE FUCK?!?
When talking about Shigeru Miyamoto's take on the chronology:
AVGN: However, I can offer three explanations to why he says Link to the Past goes at the end. 1: He was being interviewed and he was caught on the spot, so it could have been a simple mistake. 2: Link to the Past WAS once a prequel, but its place in the timeline changed, so his quote is somehow correct. 3: it's just a game, so who gives a shit?
While introducing the Four Swords games, he remarks, "Here's where the timeline really took it in the ass." As he's saying this, game footage of Link and his team, stabbing Ganon in the ass is shown.

Rambo

"Getting across this bridge is a real shit-bitch."
This:
Nerd: When Rambo meets the girl, for the second time in the game, you're given an option. Rather than conducting business, you can say "What do you think of me?" The game doesn't advance until you stop asking it, so, what's the point? And how cocky can Rambo be to except a compliment? She could have said, "What do I think of you? You look like a hairless gorilla, and when your mouth is open, you really freak me out."
The Nerd accidentally activating a glitch which causes him to transport to the beginning of the game. His confusion is priceless.
This little moment from the NES game's post-game segment:
AVGN: There's Murdock, the bastard. You get out your machine gun, you shoot him and he... turns into a frog. (does a Glasses Pull and stares at the TV in disbelief) Yeaaahhh... you shoot Chinese letters, and he turns into... a frog. Just what I expected. (pulls out a hip flask and chugs down some booze)
When playing Rambo III on Master System, and remarking that the lightgun doesn't work:
Nerd: It kinda works... I guess you just have to wave it around. Like Rambo. Rambo never shoots straight. (shows Rambo film clips proving this)
Ranting again about how the fourth movie is just called Rambo.
Nerd: (flashback to his Chronologically Confused video) What are they gonna do? Call it John Rambo? (present) And what'd they do? that's what they called it! And I feel bad; I feel like I picked on a retard or something, like, "What are you, retarded?.... Oh, I'm sorry." (...) So now, if someone says, "I'm watching Rambo", you'll be like, "Oh, what do you mean? Do you mean First Blood? Or do you mean Rambo: First Blood Part II, or do you mean Rambo the fourth movie? That's what it is: The fourth fuckin' movie! I mean why couldn't they just call it Rambo IV?! 1, 2, 3, 4?!
- This culminates with the Nerd pretending his head exploded and falling to the floor while making funny noises. He even pulls down a Nintendo Power poster on the way down.

Funny / The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Two

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