The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Fifteen / Funny

open/close all folders

Shrek: Fairy Tale Freakdown

After the Nerd goes into the backstory of the film the game is based on, he decides to re-watch the film to see if it still holds up after 20 years. Unfortunately, he doesn't know what streaming service the film is on because there are so many. Given that he's an old-school guy, he decides to look for a VHS copy of the film, but the only one he has is Shrek Retold, a scene-by-scene remake a fan sent him.
Having found out that Shrek was registered into the National Film Registry, he asks the Library of Congress for a copy of the film. The copy they send him is the Game Boy Advance Video version, specifically a two-in-one cartridge that also includes Shark Tale. After deciding not to watch the film on a tiny GBA screen, the Nerd installs the Game Boy Player into his GameCube, only to find out that GBA Video cartridges are incompatible with it. The Nerd suspects this was because Nintendo didn't want people recording the film footage on VHS tapes and selling bootleg copies of the film, then questions who'd want to buy bootleg VHS tapes of low-resolution pixellated movies.
After reading the game's title, the Nerd questions what a "freakdown" is.
During the language select screen, the Nerd wonders if selecting British English instead of American English will change the spelling of Game Boy Colo(u)r.
Upon seeing Donkey on the character select screen, the Nerd gives us this line:
"Holy shit, that Donkey looks like ass! That ass looks like ass!"
Also, this line when he picks Shrek immediately afterwards:
"Let's get ready to rumble! In the jungle!... I mean the forest."
The Nerd calling Lord Farquaad, the main villain, "Lord Fuckwad". ^note
After the Nerd's done playing through the game, he proceeds to insult everything he's just reviewed, calls out the Library of Congress, calls the movie overrated, and for no apparent reason says "fuck Shark Tale while you're at it".
After being captured by the leader of the Shrek Cult, the Nerd tries to escape by telling the leader that he loves Shrek, and sings "You've Got a Friend in Me", before he realizes that that song was from Toy Story.
The ending where the Nerd is ritually sacrificed to Shrek in a "wicker ogre" as he screams in agony would normally be nightmare fuel...but it Crosses the Line Twice to hilarious for several reasons.
- First, there's the cult leader's absurdly bombastic flair as he reveals the wicker ogre.
- As he burns, the Nerd's screams of pain are suddenly punctuated by him letting out a blunt, annoyed "OW!". Furthermore, the Nerd is shown as a dancing 3D skeleton.

Darkman

When the Nerd starts up the game, he finds some positive things to say about it. The soundtrack is great, the graphics on the title screen are impressive, and the story is followed very well in the opening cutscene. He then realizes that everything is going to go downhill from there, and is proven right when he has difficulty passing the first level.
After the Nerd compares the similarities between the game and RoboCop 2 on NES, RoboNerd appears in a fedora, saying he's now RoboDarkmanNerd. The Nerd says this is just a regular review without any skits, and tells RoboNerd to get back in the corner and fuck the fuck off. RoboNerd lowers his head in sadness and walks off.
Just afterwards, the Nerd mentions that in the Game Over screen, after crying like a baby, Darkman types the high scores with his one weird finger, then says that Darkman really needs to get a copy of Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing.
The Nerd describing Pauly as looking like Uncle Fester in a pink sweater swinging around a caveman's club.
After dying from touching a clown in the game, Nerd "relates" how it's true to life: when he was a kid at a birthday party, another kid ran up to the birthday clown to hug him and inexplicably died. Cue James adorably Corpsing a Beat after telling the story.
When noting how Durant isn't actually the main villain, yet he returned in the sequel Darkman II: The Return of Durant, he says it would be like if they made RoboCop II: The Return of Clarence Boddicker.
After the Nerd beats the game, he tosses a blue ball at it, knocking it down, then asks for a pink elephant plush, referencing a similar scene from the film the game is based on. The game refuses to give it to him, which angers the Nerd so much, he crushes it and tosses it at his wall of boxed Sega Genesis games, then takes the pink elephant.

Fear and Loathing in Vegas Stakes

Nerd mimicking Raoul Duke in general.
- "Las VegASS!"
Summarizing Roulette mini-game of Vegas Dream for NES as such:
Nerd: When you win, this game's kinda cool! When you lose, it sucks.
"I can't play this. This is Donkey Kong Country."
While playing Roulette in Vegas Stakes for SNES, Nerd is surprised when a character sporting an uncanny resemblance to Lance Henriksen offers him to bet on red. Nerd follows his advice... predictably, the opposite happens.
Nerd: Wow... Lance Henriksen's an asshole!
- Bonus points for a number in question being 13.
When somebody comes up to you, asking if they can hang around you, the Nerd points out there are two options to choose from; "Sure, why not" and "Beat it you loser". The Nerd is surprised that there's no option to politely dismiss the person, then comes up with his own options; "Fuck off asshole" and "Witness your loved ones die in hell as their bloody remains get shoved up your ass by Satan as he tears your spine out through your dick while he fucks so...", the latter of which he stops before finishing the sentence.
When the Nerd plays the NES version of Caesar's Palace, he points out that you can actually go to the bathroom in that game. He is amazed, saying that people in real life need to use the bathroom sooner or later, whereas video game characters like Mario never need to poop. He then says that Mario must be holding in some titanic turds by the time he finishes one of his games.
When reviewing Road Runner's Death Valley Rally:
Nerd: Seems simple - but then, the benevolent bullshit reared its ugly head to say, "Pleased to meet you. Hope you guessed my name."
- "What is this shitload of muck?"
"You scared off Spider-Man!" "Holy shit! That was Spider-Man?!"
"As your attorney, I advise you to try LSD... for the PlayStation."

3DO Interactive Multiplayer

At the beginning of the video, the Nerd calls the SNES and the Sega Genesis baby toys, a direct reference to an infamous 3DO commercial where the two consoles are put in a toy box. He then says the consoles might as well be a rattle and a diaper full of crap.
As mentioned earlier, the Nerd mentions how he didn't know a single person who owned a 3DO growing up...mostly because the console cost 700 USD at launch. And that was in 1993 dollars. Adjusted for inflation in 2021, it would cost $1200. For comparison, as of the video's release, the PlayStation 5 cost half that amount!
Discussing how the console had a lot of adult games: "Can you imagine? I mean, you don't want to imagine. A guy in his living room, with a 3DO controller in one hand and his, y'know, in the other hand, just furiously beating it to Plumbers Don't Wear Ties?"
The Nerd describing Crash 'N Burn as a "futuristic fecal fart-fest combat racing game".
The Nerd calling the titular character of Captain Quasar "Craptain Quasar".
When the Nerd gets to reviewing Super Street Fighter II Turbo, he points out that the default controller for the 3DO only has three buttons, but the ideal way to play the game is with six, so he gets the ProPad controller, which has the same button configuration as a SNES controller. Unfortunately, he finds out that the X button pauses the game, and it can't be changed in the options menu, resulting in the game accidentally being paused at inopportune moments. He then finds out that the controller was made by STD Entertainment, the same company that made the Handy Boy and Handy Gear.
Nerd: You'd be better off getting a real STD than getting this shit!
The Nerd describing Way of the Warrior as "Mortal Kombat if nobody gave two flying shits about it." He also finds the names of some of the characters lame, such as the ninja named "Ninja" and "Shaky Jake".
When the Nerd plays Virtuoso, he describes the game's soundtrack, composed by Thai Dyed, as being composed by "The band that got last place in the Battle of the Bands at the East Bumblefuck Community Center". He then says that he tried looking up "Thai Dyed" on Google, but the only results he got were articles of people dying in Thailand.
The Nerd describing Alone in the Dark as "Resident Evil if every character was played by a diseased Muppet."
When the Nerd plays Cyberia, he questions the logic of Zak dying after slipping on a puddle and touching a hot barrel. He later describes the game's flying stages as "If Top Gun on the NES barfed into the 'Where did you learn to fly?' Woman's mouth."
When the Nerd gets to the 3DO port of Doom, he mentions how the port was programmed entirely by one person while "only equipped with two shitsticks to rub together" in only ten weeks. It shows.
After mentioning how expensive owning the proper accessories to play Mad Dog McCree is, the Nerd tells the viewers that in order to collect 3DO games in the 90's, you'd either have to be rich as shit, or have a family member that owned a Panasonic store. He then thanks his friend, Rob Steiner Jr., for letting him borrow his expensive 3DO accessories so he could rip them apart with criticism 30 years later.
When the Nerd plays Crime Patrol, he has a tough time shooting the criminals and instead ends up getting shot by them. He then berates the cops and sheriffs for making fun of their dead partners getting killed, saying they're fucked up beyond all recognition, or FUBAR for short.

Corpse Killer

This line, which pretty much sums up the whole Corpse Killer experience:
Nerd: Calling Corpse Killer a game is far more than it deserves. You'd have more fun navigating a DVD menu with your dick tip!
Nerd lampshades the fact that he is finally reviewing Corpse Killer after more than a decade. He decides not to use Sega CD version for the review, but 3DO one instead - simply because they're all the same.
Nerd: You couldn't even take two shits as identical as this shit!
"Corpse Killer in high definition? More like High Defecation!"
This tirade.
Nerd: What is a "Corpse Killer"? How can anyone kill corpses?! That would be like toasting toast in a toaster - once it's toast, that's what it is. It used to be bread, so you never put toast in a toaster. Actually, that's not true. If you're not satisfied with how toasted your toast is, you can put it back in a toaster. Come to think of it, I do it all the time, because it's not like you can't see the toast when it's in the toaster! You can't tell if that toast is as pale as a ghost, or overdosed utmost roast! ...What game are we talking about now? Oh yeah, Corpse Killer! I will not say "toast" for the rest of this goddamn review.
Describing the reverse transformations of zombified characters as "Oscar-worthy cutscenes".
Noting the biggest irony of this game.
Nerd: So the graveyard serves as your home base in all this? I mean, that's pretty smart. The heroes decide that the best possible place... they could make a home base... during a Zombie Apocalypse... IS A FUCKING GRAVEYARD!!!
Calling Dr. Hellman "Mister Mayonnaise".
"People focused so much on the hardware capabilities back then, and the bits in the graphics."
Freddy Krueger: Great graphics!
"If you're amused by watching shitty movies and pressing buttons, this is right up your alley. More like right up your ass!"

Sega Game Gear VHS Tapes

As the Nerd begins his review, his left thumb appears bandaged up. After he says that one of the weirdest video game promotions was Sega's sponsorship of Howard Johnson hotels, he takes a brief pause to say "I cut my thumb."
The Nerd showing a particularly awkward outtake from the Secret Video Game Tricks, Codes, and Strategies VHS tape where a member of the US National Video Game Team falls off a wall while playing Double Dragon I, and laments on how badly he messed up.
The Nerd describing the host of Sega's Game Tips videos, played by Michael B, as sounding like a mix of Gambit from X-Men and Foghorn Leghorn.
The Nerd pointing out how insultingly easy some of the game tips on the videos are. One of them is for Taz in Escape from Mars, which shows you how to go through a door.
"Thank God I have a tape that tells me the basic functions. How else would I have figured out the way to go through a door, is to go through the fucking door?!"
When the Nerd wonders what "Hojo" means, he thinks its some kind of abbreviation of "Howard Johnson", but he's never heard one person in his life say "Go Hojo!". When he tells the viewers to imagine kids in the 90's with their faces glued to their Game Gear screens shouting "Hojo!", the "Hojo!" soundbite from the VHS tape echoes, much to the Nerd's bewilderment. When the Nerd asks who said "Hojo!", the soundbite echoes again.
The Nerd asking if "Hojo" should be pronounced "How-joh", considering the promotion is from Howard Johnson.
- Noting that Buffalo Wild Wings is nicknamed B-Dubs, and that name puts a smile on his face.
Nerd: Why am I thinking so deeply into this shit? I'd rather talk about B-Dubs. Fuckin' B-Dubs, yeah...
At one point in the VHS tape, the host, now a waiter, recommends several Sega-themed meals to the customer, one of which is the Knuckles Knockwurst. While it is clearly named after the character of Knuckles the Echidna, the Nerd says it makes him think of ground-up knuckles into a sausage. Given how strange the hotel in the VHS tape is, he wouldn't be surprised if that were actually the case. He then says he'd rather stay at the Bates Motel or the Overlook.
The Nerd becomes disgusted at the scene in the VHS tape where the customer becomes attracted to a maid in the hotel room and tries to make a move on her, citing it as one of the reasons why videos like it would never exist today. It gets even worse when he reveals that the maid is really the host of the tape Disguised in Drag.
At the end of the review, the Nerd sums up his scathing opinion of the VHS tape with an unflattering imitation of the host himself, complete with similar effects. It ends with a clip from the tape of the host himself saying "Welcome to the next level. Sega!"

Carmageddon 64

"The stages in this game include "Beaver City", "Beaver Country Quarry", or "Beaver City" again? Well this game sure has an obsession with beavers."
The moment when "Cunning Stunt Bonus" appears on the screen, leading to this tangential anecdote:
Nerd: Just like the Metallica live VHS tape "Cunning Stunts". True story: Back in the '90s, I was listening to the radio, one of the local rock stations. The DJ was talking about it, and he slipped up and said "Stunning Cunts". Then he tried to forget about it, but 25 years later, I still remember it.
When talking about the camera:
Nerd: While you're driving, it'll shift randomly and jerk you around. It's like some asshole's in the passenger's seat, just yankin' the steering wheel every few seconds. Just jerkin' and yankin', jerkin' and yankin'.
When Nerd compares the game to Big Rigs, here comes the glorious return of Rex Viper Rigs.
Rex Viper Rigs: Hey you fucking kids, it's Mr. Rigs! I'm the official spokesman for the best game ever: BIG RIGS! And if you disagee - I dunno what your fucking problem is; so maybe you'll consider the second-best game: Carmageddon Sixty-Fucking-Four!!!
The controls are 64 times more responsive - so I know you'll love it, you'll be BEGGING for it! You'll be screaming: "Dude, where's my Carmageddon?"
Drive up walls, slide upside down, explore the gray endless void, give gravity the finger - the middle one!
Power-ups that have little in-game effect, to remind you - the real power is in your heart and soul.
K-turn your way to vehicular supremacy! (the vehicle in-game slowly turns around the zombie) Just wait for it... yep... there it is!
Run through zombies and fucking dinosaurs! Show' them you're the king tyrannosaur - make them eat shit!
Carmageddon 64: the second best game in the history of the world! Get your copy today - or GO TO HELL!!! (explosion)
- Also the fact that Mr. Rigs's head and arms keep increasing and decreasing in size during the commercial.

Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures

The Nerd begins his review by saying that among the many video game genres he's played, he's played fighters, shooters, racers, fighters, beat-em ups, and fighters. When he says that he wants something new, the "Look!" graphic from the game shows up onscreen, then the game's HUD rises at the bottom of the screen and shoots the Genesis version's box art at his face.
While going into the game's backstory, the Nerd mentions that Sega was pissed off that Accolade was developing and publishing unlicensed games by reversing the Genesis' lockout chip. As he does this, he shows Sonic's Idle Animation from Sonic the Hedgehog 2, where Sonic angrily glares at the player while tapping his foot.
The Nerd questioning why Pac-Man says "Now that we're friends," after having shot him with a slingshot. A close-up shows the Nerd shooting specifically at Pac-Man's crotch.
When the Ghost Witch punishes the Ghosts for failing to stop Pac-Man by taking their bodies away, leaving only their eyes, the Nerd zooms in on Pinky's eyes, which look like a pair of Fs, which makes him think of Fred Fuchs.
When the Nerd sees Pac-Man looking upset after having completed his second task, hang-gliding for a flower for Lucy's birthday, he says that if he were Pac-Man, he'd be pissed off at having to go hang-gliding for a flower he could have easily bought at a store. He then realizes that he had no choice, as all the stores in the game are closed.
When the Nerd gets to the final level, he questions the Ghost Witch's plan of stealing ABC gum.
When the Nerd gets to a sequence where he has to hit the numbers in the correct order to open a locked door, he has difficulty getting his slingshot to hit the button for 1. When he starts to rant about how difficult that section is, the game's HUD shows up again and hits him with a bottle of Rolling Rock, which he drinks.
When the Nerd gets to the final boss, he informs the viewers that it's called the Gum Monster, even though the G in the game's HUD suspiciously looks like a C. He then tells the viewers to grow up and get their minds out of the gutter.
As the Nerd sums up his opinion of the game, saying that while it is a shitty game, he's played worse, the HUD shoots around him, uncovering sprites from Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures. The Nerd's video then becomes pixellated, and is revealed to be played by a man who shuts off his TV, then looks at an edited version of the game's box art, which says AVGN 2: The New Adventures and depicts the Nerd as Pac-Man. The man then says, "Man, fuck this game!" as he tosses the box on the floor.

The Rocketeer

The episode begins with the Nerd giving his scathing opinion of the NES version of the game, and then destroying it with a hammer. He suddenly realizes that he broke the game before actually reviewing it, and that he can't review the game if he can't play it. He then calls this a brilliant idea and says he should have been doing that all along.
The Nerd decides to kill some time by talking about his trademark white shirt, and how he periodically changes up the style of shirt he wears. He started wearing his current style in 2020, but apparently, a lot of people don't like it and want him to go back to the old one, so he obliges... by literally putting on an old shirt, which is missing half its buttons and is covered in blood and shit stains. He then jokes that he's also wearing his old underwear, and then decides to wear his old glasses as well. Since he can't see well with his old glasses, he goes back to wearing his new ones, which is how he discovers that his copy of the NES game was put back together by a magical leprechaun. Seeing as how there's no way out of it, he reviews the game for real.
When the Nerd starts up the NES game, he notices that the jet pack in the opening cutscene looks like a pink dildo, then says, "This right here is... a pink jet pack."
When the Nerd finishes the backstory of the film the game is based on, he says that the film tried to be the next big superhero franchise, but fell short like Socket the Duck after Sonic the Hedgehog.
When the Nerd has difficulty jumping a wide gap, he questions why video games always make you stand on the edge of the platform just to jump the gap, then goes into the game itself and tosses Cliff over the gap.
Just afterwards, the Nerd questions why you can't go through the doorways when it looks like you can, as well as what's supposed to be on the other side, listing a bathroom, a closet, and people banging in an alley as examples.
The Nerd describing a hazard that fires at him as looking like if a dildo had a baby with a Transformer.
Upon seeing the bat enemies, the Nerd begins to question whether the Top Gun NES game had bats in it and he just missed it. Afterwards, he notices how gory the bats' deaths are when he punches them, and this was before the Mortal Kombat controversy.
After the Nerd gets a Game Over in the second chapter, he launches into his usual rant about having one life and no continues, only for the game to give him a password for the second chapter.
Nerd: Oh, you get a code? Unlimited continues? ...Okay, my bad. I got a little too bent out of shape there.
After the Nerd beats the NES game, he says that while it isn't the worst NES game he's ever played, it does make him realize that the NES library has less games like Contra and more games like The Rocketeer, meaning the NES is actually a pretty terrible console when you think about it. He then decides to play the Super Nintendo version of the game, hoping it will be better since it's on a more advanced console. To the Nerd's dismay, the SNES game begins with a stage where he has to win an airplane race. He then goes on to say that the SNES version of The Rocketeer is worse than its NES counterpart, and might just surpass The Wizard of Oz and Hong Kong '97 as the worst SNES game he's ever played. He also compares the level to that where you have to teach a classroom in a game based on Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
The Nerd finds out that in order to complete the first level, you have to pay attention to what's going on in the tiny box in the HUD, not what's on the main screen, when it should be the other way around. He then compares it to Doom, saying you'd have to look at a tiny box in the HUD to see the game's action while the main screen depicts a demon on a toilet.
After finding out that the second stage is also an airplane race, the Nerd compares the SNES game to Superman 64, specifically how you have to complete challenges just to get through the levels rather than fight bad guys. After the Nerd says that he wants to be the Rocketeer, the game grants his wish by letting him play as him... during the airplane race.
Nerd: The game just mocked me.
After getting a Game Over in the SNES game, the Nerd makes an Improvised Jet Pack from two bottles of Rolling Rock, which he tapes the NES and SNES games to. The rocket flies through the air, then when it falls back to Earth, it destroys the LAND portion of the HOLLYWOODLAND sign, using actual footage from the film.
At the end of the video, he admits he knew all along that people didn't literally want him to wear an old shirt, just go back to the old style. He then says he's switching to a new style of shirt that everyone will surely approve of. After a flash of light, the Nerd's shirt has changed into a futuristic-looking metallic silver one.

Greendog: The Beached Surfer Dude!

The episode begins with the Nerd struggling to play previous games he's reviewed; Bartman Meets Radioactive Man, Darkman, The Incredible Crash Dummies, and Raid 2020. The Nerd then shouts "I hate these games! I'd rather... treat myself". He then decides he needs to calm down, as he's been angry for far too long. He then sees a commercial on his television for a video game that will allow him to experience a tropical vacation without leaving his tiny pathetic basement, all set to the Jungle/Lost City theme from the TaleSpin Sega Genesis game. The Nerd calls the number on the screen using an 80's style cell phone to order the game.
When the Nerd opens the package he receives in the mail, he says he's filled with excitement. Once sees the Greendog game, he then says, "I mean, filled with excrement." He then decides to try to play the game without having to curse or scream.
The Nerd questioning why the main character is named Greendog when he's neither green nor a dog.
The Nerd describing the game's soundtrack as sounding like the Weekend at Bernie's soundtrack being played with trash cans and cheap kazoos.
After defeating a totem pole boss, the Nerd says he thinks the worst is over. In the following level, which takes place underwater, the Nerd goes into a pipe that takes Greendog all the way back to the beginning of the level. This causes him to lose his chill, as does the following level, where Greendog is on a skateboard, but keeps getting pushed back by a parrot and parking meters.
The Nerd noticing the "Mustique" track in the game sounding very similar to "Under the Sea". He also points out that Greendog's soundtrack was composed by Paul Gadbois (which he tries to pronounce as both "gad boys" and "gad boua"), who also composed the soundtracks for the Bonkers and TaleSpin Genesis games.
When the Nerd loses a life on the last level, he blows into his hands and raises his middle fingers, then sings, "Happy Birthday, FUCK YOU!". Someone can be heard laughing in the background as he does this, and then James also cracks up and they leave it in.
After the Nerd beats the game, he vows never to play it again, and decides to destroy it by dropping it in real lava. He then says, "To the Nerd-Copter!", and a Batman (1966)-style transition of the Nerd's head is shown.

Commodore 64

The Nerd brings up the many different formats the Commodore 64's games could be played on, including hard floppy disks, and floppy floppy disks. He then says that he likes to fan himself with the latter when he gets hot, as well as attempt to make a house of cards with them.
When the Nerd talks about the Commodore 64's printer accessory, which requires perforated paper to use, he says that he used said paper to print "Happy Birthday" banners, which took an hour to print, and does an impression of the printer.
When the Nerd goes through his collection of Commodore 64 games, among the games he lists are Commando (Capcom), Predator, RoboCop, and somebody's tax documents from 1989. Also, if you look closely when he goes through his loose floppy disks, one of them is a copy of Dragonworld, which has "Not Sure if this game works" written on its envelope.
Comparing the difficulty and random procedures for getting a game to run on the Commodore 64 with the simplicity of simply putting a cartridge into a game system gives us this awesome rant:
Nerd: The NES and future game consoles were like the young children who wanna play. You say to NES, "Hey, we're playing Clash at Demonhead," and the NES goes "Yay!" But the Commodore 64 is like some old person. You say "Hey, you wanna play?" and it goes "My fucking back hurts, get out of here!"
One of the games the Nerd reviews is based on Laurel and Hardy, which he has difficulty trying to figure out how to play, wandering around aimlessly as a result. He then questions whose idea it was to make a video game based on Laurel and Hardy, since even back in 1987 when the game was released, not many children were familiar with them.
The Nerd playing Street Fighter. Highlights include killing his opponent with just one basic attack, the ugliness of the Subway background, one building that says, "BLOCK HEADS", and a taunt that says "What strength!! But don't forget there are many guys like you all over the world."
The Nerd plays Street Fighter II on the Commodore 64, or as he calls it, Street Fighter II: The Shit Edition: Turdo. He is subsequently baffled as to why they even made a Commodore 64 version of the game in the first place, since it was such an old system even at the time, and also points out the box's Very False Advertising of using screenshots from the arcade version of the game that the Commodore 64 obviously couldn't display.
Nerd: And no, I didn't expect anything better on an older, out-of-date platform, but... why? Why would you even bother putting this on Commodore?! And who bought this?! [sadly] ...Me.
When the Nerd plays ALF: The First Adventure, he finds it consists of a disemobodied ALF head floating around the streets, occasionally running into cats and other disembodied heads. He then says that the game makes the Sega Master System ALF game (which he previously reviewed on Day Two of "The Twelve Days of Shitsmas") look awesome by comparison.
When the Nerd gets to a game called Mario's Brewery, he expects it to be a game where Mario drinks beer, but to his disappointment, it's just an unlicensed clone of Donkey Kong where the titular ape is replaced by a fermenting tank for beer.
This moment.
One of the strangest games the Nerd has ever played is Get Off My Garden!, which depicts an R2-D2-like watering can defending its garden from croquet balls and teddy bears, and has a Game Over screen that says "UGH! DIDDUMS!"
That's later topped by Dancing Monster, which gives the Nerd an incredibly dumbfounded reaction to having to shoot at a dancing... thing◊ the word "monster" does not do justice to.^note
The Nerd decides to save what he considers to be the Commodore 64's best game for last, Lazy Jones. In the game, Lazy Jones is a hotel employee who tries to escape from his work to play video games, and must go into each room to play a mini-game while avoiding other people. The mini-games are some of the strangest ever, such as "The Reflex", which involves volleying dog bones, "Eggie Chuck", which involves fighting ostriches, and "Wipe Out", which involves trying to break blocks with a copyright symbol. One of his favorites is "The Turk", where he plays as a fork, trying to catch turkeys on a conveyor belt before they fall into a trash can, while a phone tries to stop him.

Freddy & Jason (Commodore 64)

When the Nerd plays Friday the 13th on C64, he is quite baffled by a lot of things that are out of place with the film in this game, the most notable being music. One of the tunes is "Old MacDonald Had a Farm", which goes so well with your character killing some counselors, that the Nerd even gets to sing the film's parody of the song. Hilarity ensues!
"Jason Voorhees had a farm, chi-chi-ha-ha-ha. And on that farm he killed a guy, chi-chi-ha-ha-ha. With a ugh-ugh here, and a ckrk-ckrk there, here a ckrk, there a AAH, everywhere a AAAGHH! Jason Voorhees had a farm, chi-chi-ha-ha-ha."
The Nerd starts killing the other counselors, seemingly out of boredom. Then it turns out the game is supposed to be played like that as attacking the correct counselor reveals Jason. Not only is this wildly counterintuitive to what you would expect, the Nerd points out how many questions this raises, such as how Jason makes such convincing masks of other people. Not to mention the fact that Jason looks like a 1950s greaser.
The reason his review of the A Nightmare On Elm Street PC game comes to an end is due to a fatal disk error rather than him just not continuing.

LJN History and Movie Based Games

Showing the "game over" screen for True Lies, which is a nuclear bomb exploding and a mushroom cloud.
Nerd: Now that's what you call a game over. It really does emphasize the magnitude of the defeat. BOOOOOM! You lost, motherfucker!

LJN Sports and Marvel Games

The Nerd performing a Cluster F-Bomb to the tune of the baseball march^note.
The callback to the Atari Sports review when the Nerd reviews NFL for the NES.
The Nerd mocking the grunting sound effects from NFL Quarterback Club on Super Nintendo by doing a montage where he grunts and crashes into things.
The epic grass or turf rant.

LJN Wrestling and Other Games

The Nerd utilizing a Rube Goldberg Device just to flip the bird.
The Nerd's attempt to direct a new Back to the Future retrogame has disastrous results and he hallucinates another version of himself lambasting him for becoming everything he ever stood against. The Nerd slides down the LJN rainbow of despair and gets back to his senses with the realization that maybe he's been too harsh on bad games this whole time. Making them is hard. He walks over to a shelf and joyfully forgives each game he picks... until he gets to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and just frowns at it for several seconds.
Nerd: This game sucks.

Funny / The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Fifteen

Previous

Index

Next

Funny / The Angry Video Game Nerd Season Fifteen

Edit Locked

Previous

Index

Next