Funny / Yakuza 2

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"Smiles are what we create! Majima Construction!".

The original Yakuza 2

• Shortly after Kazuma hits Sotenbori, he encounters a thug who tells him to "quit struttin' around like a damn peacock". Absurdly, one of the two responses our frustrated dragon can tell him is that he peacocked his mom. The line remains unchanged in Kiwami 2 and adds a little more courtesy of the localization team: After the thug gets his shit rightly pushed in by Kiryu, not only does the thug apologize for calling you a peacock, but he also muses that "somethin' must have gotten lost in translation."
• Right after the Millennium Tower gets bombed (again), Kiryu can overhear a woman having a conversation on the phone:
  Woman: Hello, Sayuri? You okay?! [...] Whaddya mean what do I mean? The bombing, ya goof! The building that went up was right by yer place, wasn't it? I was so worried. [...] Huh? [...] Hadn't heard about it? Ain't ya seen the news? Every damn channel's talkin' about it! [...] Sleeping? Ya slept through a bombing?! Sorry I bothered to worry. Look, just go back to bed.
• Goro Majima undergoes a Heel–Face Turn in this game and provides much of the comic relief in the story. One scene has Kiryu return to Purgatory along with Date, Daigo and Kage, but they need to access its systems to find the bombs planted throughout Kamurocho. Majima's solution? Wearing a hard hat, he repeatedly headbutts the desk until it begins to descend.^note It finally happens on the 8th one.
• Majima's bomb disposal technique. At first, he uses his instincts, but the disposal culminates in playing the Japanese version of eeny-meeny-miney-moe, which Kiwami 2 even translates as such.
  Majima: The fuck should I know how this tangly-ass rainbow shit works?! [...] Eeny-meeny-miney-moe, oh-god-which-one-isn't-gonna-blow?
  • He also ends up blowing it... in Kaoru's nightmare, anyway.
• Also "Breasts! Breasts!"^* Changed to "I love boobs!" in the Kiwami version. In the same sidequest there are yakuza wearing diapers and behaving like babies.
  • In addition, when Gondawara (the patriarch who organized this in the first place and took offense to Kiryu's polite refusal) is about to start the fight in Kiwami 2, the animation has improved enough to allow Kiryu to get an utterly priceless look of "Why does this shit always happen to me?!" on his face. Bear in mind, almost no other substory in the entire series gets this reaction from him. This is where the Dragon of Dojima draws the line.
    Kiryu: (very clearly disturbed) Sorry, but...this really isn't my scene. I should probably be going. (turns to leave)
    Gondawara: (standing up, breaking character) Not so fast, chief! (spits out pacifier) You got balls, ignoring a man's earnest hospitality! You don't get to come in here and make a fool out of us! C'mon boys, let's pacify this bitch!
    Kiryu: (has a despondent look knowing he is absolutely going to have to fight all these grown men in diapers and is 893% done with this whole thing)
• After Kiryu fights two Jingweon thugs that show up at Dr. Emoto's office, Kiryu, Kaoru and Kawara decide to go meet Date at Bantam. Kawara tells the two to go on ahead, since he can't go walking around bleeding from the leg and needs to find new pants. If you go straight to Bantam, Kawara's already there and tells you he's been waiting a while.
• During Kiryu's date with Kaoru in Chapter 10, she tries her hand at golf but ends up breaking the club instead, much to her embarrassment. Once the owner catches wind of it, she sheepishly puts the golf club down and both of them make a run for it. The next scene (omitted from Kiwami 2) has them playing at the slot machines, and Kiryu is visibly frustrated about losing. Meanwhile Kaoru lights up after hitting a jackpot.
• If you head to the bowling alley in Kamurocho with an ally traveling with you (Daigo, Kaoru or Date), you can bowl with them as your opponent. Aside from seeing them also partake in the wacky side activities, the fact that they don't hesitate to drop what they're doing and play with you during a serious moment in the plot is golden. Unfortunately, this feature isn't available in Kiwami 2 as the bowling alley and its mini-game is missing.

Yakuza Kiwami 2

• The new Ragdoll Physics added in with the new Dragon Engine introduced in Yakuza 6: The Song of Life have a rather peculiar aspect to them, in that their speed and ‘slipperiness’ is tied to frame rate. When the game was ported to PC, players found that if they had fast enough hardware, defeated enemies could be sent flying and bouncing off objects, while Kiryu can be literally Punched Across the Room at high speed by an opponent if they manage to make him ragdoll!
  • Even better, if an enemy holding a weapon gets sent flying, sometimes the weapon will stay in place like a scene ripped straight from Looney Tunes or Tom and Jerry.
• The game's Western Launch Trailer features an extended English version of the Majima Construction Anthem being sung by the localisation team dressed up as his employees, while footage of the many bizarre things you can expect to see in the game are shown including the infamous "Be my Baby" substory. The Groin Attack Heat Move by the dominatrix (see below) is blocked out by a brief clip of Yuki covering her face, which makes it even funnier.
  • Not only that, the "Be My Baby" clip is played during a line that seems like it's lampshading the entire thing;
    "It's a school where the youth all gather."
  • What makes it even more hilarious is Majima's head being used as the "bouncing ball" for the lyrics. Once the anthem hits the final note, his head spins wildly.
• Many team-up Heat Actions are hilarious, but one that stands out is when a BDSM worker tosses Kiryu a whip. After knocking the mook on the floor, the dominatrix will march up to him and dig her stiletto into his family jewels! Yeowch! And based on his reaction to it, he likes it!
• One of Kiryu's new heat moves in Sotenbori has him use one of the boats traveling across the river. He'll throw the punk off the bridge, and they'll make a perfect landing on the nose of it, crotch first, locking them in a hilarious pose before they fall off and into the water.
• Another of Kiryu's new heat moves in Kamurocho is when a janitor throws Kiryu a used dirty plunger, which he uses to knock an enemy down before using it how it's meant to be used on the guy's face. The muck dripping off the thing is a dead giveaway that the plunger's been used. Very, VERY recently.
• Granny White looks like a decrepit old lady, but is shown to be quite the fighter. Kiryu even has a co-op heat action with her where he giant swings a thug and Granny White slams another thug onto the spinning one. It's just hilarious seeing a little old lady lifting a grown man above her head for a slam. Even better is that one of her old students was the dreaded Lau Ka Long!
• One of the new mini-games is a recreation of Sega's own line of "Toylets", an interactive urinal that you could play games on. Yes, you're actually hitting the bathroom for a mini-game, and it wouldn't be Yakuza without Kiryu's battle cries included in the mix.
• At the start of Majima's campaign, he casually struts late in the Tojo meeting and sits in the captain's chair. When Uematsu says he has no right, as by Terada's reform it belongs to the biggest earner, Majima has his gang bring a wheelbarrow filled with cash to the point of spilling out. When asked how he managed to get so much money, Majima casually states that a certain somebody offered to buy a certain construction site Majima had and, when Majima off-handedly asked a crazy price for it, that very price was met, and Majima thus just couldn't say no.
• When Makoto gives Majima a massage, she hits every sore spot on his body. Majima can't afford to cry out in pain for fear of her recognizing him, however, so all he can do is weakly conceal his painful gasps.
• At the end of Majima's campaign, he starts up Majima Construction, which is comprised of members of his former family. Their first task? To make a building that rivals the Millenium Tower, in which Nishida immediately points out that none of them have any experience with creating buildings whatsoever. How does Majima attempt to motivate them? By telling them he'll kill all of them!
  • On the note of Majima Construction...the text on their business cards.^note The last part is no joke, as you can hire anyone, whether it's employees on temporary leave, street bosses, fighters from the colosseum, members of the dreaded Amon clan, real life professional wrestlers and various people you help in substories (even the Mars Fighters comedy duo).
    Join the Team! We Build Shit! Now hiring buff dudes and tough guys! Work includes construction and occasional headbusting, but we pay pretty well. We welcome employees from all walks of life! No experience required.
  • They even have their own theme song! Which they'll sing whenever you complete a Clan Creator mission. While Kiryu just stands there stiffly.
    • It gets even funnier if you load your team with top-tier characters, who are all major players in the plot. Seeing Kaoru Sayama, Ryuji Goda and the Florist of Sai standing at attention and enthusiastically singing Majima's corporate anthem is hilarious. Even better is the DLC which includes some reasonable faces like Daigo Dojima, Kashiwagi, Jo Amon and Kiryu himself, but also features Shun Akiyama and Taiga Saejima a while before they'd become relevant to the series' plot in any way (by the time the second game takes place, Akiyama had likely just barely started founding Sky Finance and Saejima was still in prison.) Yes, they stand stiffly and sing the anthem too.
• During the Clan Creator sidestory, Tenryu mentions that his only motivation is to retire on a high note by defeating the biggest legend: Kazuma Kiryu. Majima is sore about being overlooked and chases Nishida when he lampshades it, leaving Kiryu staring in bemusement.
  Majima: Sore!? Ya wanna know what sore feels like!? I'll show ya! [starts chasing after Nishida]
  Nishida: Ahhhhhhh! Yep, he's very sore!
  Kiryu: ......
  • Later, after defeating Tenryu, Choshu shows up. But the moment he appears, everyone completely forgets about him as Tenryu gives a heartfelt speech about not being ready to retire with a Worthy Opponent like Kiryu to fight. After a while, Choshu cuts back in, royally pissed and feeling like chopped liver.
    Fujinami: Our bad, our bad. No need to get salty, Choshu.
    Choshu: I'm not!
• The first intermission chat for Clan Creator has Kiryu going for lunch with Fujinami, Tenryu and Choshu. Almost the whole thing has the Three Musketeers arguing about each other's diction and being hard to understand. This alone is funny enough, but then everyone takes turns attempting Japanese tongue twisters. No-one can manage one, until Kiryu decides to show them how it's done. And he can't resist throwing in one of his manly, Hot-Blooded shouts to go with it.
  Kiryu: Aka pajama, ao pajama, ki pajama!^* Red pajamas, blue pajamas, yellow pajamas! Aka pajama, ao pajama, ki pajama! Aka pajama, ao pajama, KI PAJAMAAAA-HAA!!!
  • After being wowed, Choshu decides to put in his order (the complex name of which started the whole argument on diction in the first place). Everyone looks forward to seeing Choshu's attempt at saying the name of his order...
    Choshu (to waiter): This one, please.
    Kiryu, Fujinami and Tenryu: You didn't say it!?
• Continuing on the wackiness of Gondawara (the main antagonist of the "Be My Baby" substory), you can recruit him for the Clan Creator minigame and fight him in the colosseum...where he's still wearing nothing but a nappy, and when fought as a boss in the colosseum, his fighting style revolves entirely around acting like a baby, a style given the very apt name of "Tantrum Punch". Imagine playing one of the colosseum's battle royale rounds where you may fight the likes of Masahiro Chono, Sotaro Komaki, good ol' Majima or the dreaded Jo Amon... and Gondawara's just there too, nappy and all.
• Kiryu's reactions to the movies he can watch at Fusion and Gandhara.
  • One in particular is a horror movie (Batshit Crazy) featuring a one-eyed maniac killing people with a bat, calling out to his female victim, Kiriko-chan. Kiryu says it hits too close to home, referencing the "Majima Everywhere" system from Yakuza Kiwami. He then jumps when the door behind him gets knocked on, probably out of paranoia that Majima might jump him again.
• One new substory has Kiryu being pulled into doing a voice acting stint for a video game. He was told it was for a drama genre, but halfway through recording he finds out to his shock that it was for a gay H-game. To his embarrassment, he also had to do sounds for an orgasm at the end. When the director promises to ring up Kiryu in case a sequel comes out, the Dragon of Dojima stumbles on the way out and tells him "Don't you dare..."
  • Double funny when you find out that Kiryu's voice actor has in fact done some work on BL voice dramas before.
• In one of the new substories, "In the Name of Art", Kiryu gets tricked into doing a modeling gig. The director of the whole thing turns out to be a rather beefy man named Poison Mitsuo, who is wearing nothing but a speedo. Without skipping a beat, Kiryu heads straight for the door without saying a word, but Poison convinces him to stay on board. It's up to our hero to decide what pose fits best for the theme Poison wants. One has Kiryu try to pump himself up for battle, emitting a huge aura, which Poison tries to imitate, but the funniest has to go to the "cute maid" pose, which Kiryu creates a heart out of his hand, which somehow becomes a crystal heart that emits a powerful glow. The music that plays is just the icing on the cake. It's almost tragic that what Kiryu says at that point isn't voiced:
  Kiryu: I love you, Master... Mwah! ♥
• The introduction to the Cabaret Club story. Kiryu is mistaken by the club's owner for a supposed new hire, Kiritani. Despite telling her that he's not who she thinks he is, she doesn't listen and forces him inside. When their number one girl, Koyuki, doesn't recognize him, the two bicker on why he possibly looks different. The owner refuses to believe she grabbed the wrong guy, inspects Kiryu in a hilarious and over-the-top manner, only to realize that he is indeed the wrong guy. The owner is none other than Yuki, still as Adorkable as ever.
• Following the first night of the Cabaret Club GP, Yuki and Koyuki decide to do a cute pose representing Four Shine. Kiryu's response? Utter silence. He decides to do it at the very end of the sidestory.
• Etsuko the obatarian from Yakuza 0 makes a surprising return, looking no different to how she appeared then. After Kiryu saves her from a thug, she decides to show him her gratitude, much to Kiryu's horror. Before he knew it, the obatarian jumps on him, pinning him to the ground as she tries to kiss him, with Kiryu actually struggling trying to fight her off.
  • Kiryu then panics when he sees the obatarian outside Club Four Shine, then is shocked that she wants to join back in as a hostess. She brags about how she was "Club Sunshine's secret weapon" back in the 80s (which, considering how high her Talk stat was and how good her overall stats were either way, really isn't too far off the mark) and mentioned how this one-eyed guy "was her biggest fan". Kiryu only knows one certain one-eyed guy, but quickly shoots down the possibility that it could be who he thinks she's referring to.
• During an outing with Yuki and the hostesses, Yuki gets upset after learning that she's actually older than Kiryu, leading to an awkward silence. Kiryu's silence-breaking response is funny, mostly because it comes out of nowhere and is completely unprovoked. And right after, one of the incorrect options can have Kiryu mentioning having a chicken years ago.
  Yuki: Younger than me?! Really?!
  Everyone: .....
  Kiryu: Yuki, my lady.
  Yuki: That's too formal, no no no!
  Yuki: I guess I'm no spring chicken though...
  Kiryu (incorrect option): I had a chicken once.
• In Kirara's substory, Kiryu and Kirara spy on Yuki to find out if she really has a boyfriend. When they see she was meeting an old guy, they were shocked and assume he's a marriage fraudster. All that can be said is that history repeats itself.
  • At the start of the substory, Koyuki overhears the discussion between Kiryu and Kirara. When told of Yuki (supposedly) having a boyfriend, she faints. And by "faints", we mean "drops straight to the floor like a sack of tubers".
• The Imagine Spot for the karaoke song, "Like a Butterfly" features Kiryu in shades as he raps the male side of the lyrics with a major amount of hot blood.
• Kiryu's surprise that Yuki and Club Four Shine are well acquainted with Majima when he shows up. Also serves as a Call-Back to Kiwami, specifically the "Goromi the Hostess" and "Bartender Majima", where he mentioned he was once a cabaret club manager and Sotenbori's "Lord of the Night" back in Yakuza 0. At that time, Kiryu didn't take Majima seriously and took it as simply more BS spewed by him. Hence, Kiryu was shocked to find out it was all Real After All.
• The concluding substory for Club Four Shine has Kiryu trying to figure out what would be a perfect gift to Yuki for having him at the club. After getting some differing suggestions from some of the other hostesses, he finally gets some advice from Majima since he knew her since way back. What he suggests was something that combined all the other hostesses' suggestions. After a moment, they figure something out (and the dialogue box reads "Two Fools" rather than "Kiryu and Majima"). The gift for Yuki turned out to be a gold statue of Kiryu doing the Club Four Shine victory pose. Koyuki then comes in and asks what "that ugly tacky thing" is. Quite amusingly, this is the exact reaction Yuki and Marina had with their statues.
• Kiryu acting all perverted about Koyuki's stolen panties in her training discussions, even though she keeps saying that the panties were her grandma's.
  • In her substory, after working together with Kiryu to catch the panty thief, Kiryu sees that Koyuki left her panty bait behind. He then has three options for what to do with them.
    • Faceplant the panties: Out of curiosity, Kiryu does the same Perverted Sniffing that the panty thief was doing earlier... just in time for Koyuki to turn back and see him.
      Koyuki: Disgusting! And I looked up to you for a second! Gross! Ecchi! Sketchy! No touchy!
    • Throw the panties: Kiryu throws the panties away (with as much intensity and force as he would an active grenade). Koyuki then turns around and runs back towards Kiryu, not noticing the panties in front of her. She then accidentally slips on them, revealing that she actually does wear panties that childish. After Kiryu points this out, she runs off shouting "Ecchi! Sketchy! No touchy!", leaving him slowly shaking his head.
    • Stash the panties: Deciding that he can't just leave the panties lying around, Kiryu picks them up and puts them in his inventory. Cue Koyuki seeing him and getting the wrong idea, running off while saying that she's going to tell everyone, leaving Kiryu desperately chasing after her.
• When Majima unveils the culprit behind the rigging of the Cabaret Club Grand Prix in the Kanzaki Group's favour, Majima points his finger at Aika much to everybody's shock... only to sheepishly ask her to "do a scooch" as he was pointing at the "shit sack" behind her: Buono, who's hiding right behind her doing a silly pose.
  Buono: Ridiculous! Do you have any proof of these accusations?
  Majima: (to a Kanzaki henchman he just beat up) Hey, half-dead guy. Buono's a shady sonuvabitch, right?
  Thug: Y-Yes, sir...
  [loud thundering noise as Buono immediately darts for the exit]
• Throughout Majima's side story he keeps running into "Mysterious Assassins" trying to stop him. They rarely last very long, and even the interface gets more and more snarky the more of them you knock out, from "those guys again?" through "this is gettin' comical" to "the world's worst assassins".
• The "Charming Councilor" sidequest begins with Kiryu helping a member of the Japanese Diet (i.e. the parliament) not fall for a quick street con. The Councilor rewards Kiryu with a signed copy of his best-selling inspirational book. Kiryu leafs through it, and deems it is nothing but trite self-help garbage. Later he runs into a desperate man contemplating suicide, and gifts the book to him. Even later, the same Councilor is harassing a woman on the street, and the desperate man from earlier runs up to them, we learn the woman is his wife, and Kiryu teams up with the man to beat up the Councilor's aide. Reading the book did indeed help the man: He also judged it garbage, and then decided if crap like that can become a best-seller, how the world works makes no sense and all we can hope is to do our best in it.
• During one of the hostess conversations with Shoko, she brings up how she's recently moved into town and asks Kiryu for recommendations what would be some good things to get to help with everyday living. One of the options is a bicycle, which Kiryu says is good for getting around, but also a handy weapon if you need to defend yourself. Shoko is understandably confused by that last part, and Kiryu awkwardly changes the subject.

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