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Specials

This page represents all the reviews done by Todd in the Shadows before he joined Channel Awesome. Most of them are filed on the CA website under the headline "From The Vaults", and with a new intro by Todd on each one.

Jay Sean ft. Lil Wayne - "Down"

• This line:
  Todd: Did he just say "She's my Miss America", and then salute a British flag?
  Captions: LIL WAYNE: UN-AMERICAN! ^note To add to that, Lil Wayne's shirt in the music video says "Communist Party".
• New and improved Chris Brown! Now with 31% less Domestic Abuse!
• On Jay Sean being the first Sikh to become a major pop singer:
  Yeah, that's right. Just goes to show you that the pop charts are an all-inclusive place open to all creeds and all colors, all cultures, as long as they sound like everything else.

Lady Gaga - "Paparazzi"

• The description of the video, which reads:
  "In this episode, I take on the unholy entity known as Lady Gaga only to run away screaming."
• "Is there nothing we can do about this woman before it's too late?? (the video then cuts to Gaga's boyfriend, throwing her off a balcony) ...Well, that worked."

Miley Cyrus - "Party In The U.S.A."

• Reacting to "And a Jay-Z song was on" by asking what song it was. He then plays a barrage of Jay-Z's swearing, misogyny, and racial slurs.
  Todd: Yeah, you know what? She's probably listening to Darius Rucker and just thinks it's Jay-Z.
• "True story, the first time I heard this song, the DJ said something like 'That was the new hit song, Party in the USA, by a squirrel falling out of a tree— I mean, Miley Cyrus.'"
• "My problem with this song actually starts right at the title. It's a party in the U.S.A.? So what, it's in the U.S.A.?! What does that have to do with anything? What did you think we were gonna mistake it for? Belgium? What's the point, what does that even mean? This country's too big for that to mean anything! It's like shouting 'party in the inner Solar System!'"
• Todd is playing "America's favorite game", Finish the Rhyme:
  Miley: ♪This is all so crazy, Everybody seems so—♪
  Todd: Hazy? Lazy? ...JAY-Z??
  Jay-Z: Fuckas!
• "Ok, I know I'm making fun of her for being this squeaky clean Disney princess, but am I really supposed to buy Miley Cyrus as some innocent country hick? She's been a celebrity since she was, what, eleven? I think she knows what L.A. is like. She was probably snorting cocaine with the Jonas Brothers right before she recorded this!"
• Most of the ending songs are funny in their own way, but the one for this video, a chipmunked version of "Achy Breaky Heart", was the best one by far.

Jason Derulo - "Whatcha Say"

• Todd explains the origin of the sample of "Hide and Seek" in "Whatcha' Say":
  Todd: "What disturbs me about the 'Hide and Seek' sample...is that it kind of fits. Surprisingly well. ...So I guess this song is about how this guy cheated... on Imogen Heap, I guess! Why would you cheat on Imogen Heap, you jerk?!"
• "What are you doing? River dancing how sorry you are?"
• Singing along with alternate lyrics. "♪But when I become a star, I'll buy houses and cars, while I sleep around on you! Oooh whatcha say, oh that you're a lying sack of crap, 'cause you totally are, oh whatcha say - forgot to say you wouldn't do it again, you idiot!♪"
• ~apology twirl~
• Todd: I'm sorry, didn't R&B guys used to be smoother than this? More sophisticated? More worldly? Smarter? More adult? You know, instead of being reedy voiced teenagers like...Ja...?
  Jason Derulo: ♪Jason Derulo!♪
  Todd: (pointing at the camera) SHUT UP!
• The phonetic spellings of Derulo's "Tell me whatcha say".
  Subtitles: TAIMIWACHASAIYAAA!!
  Subtitles: Timmy whatcha say ah? (cut to images of "TIMMY!")
• Demanding that Derulo sing his own chorus, and then "Is he he singing along? You can't sing along with her, you moron! She's being sarcastic! Of course you meant well? How?? How could that possibly be the case? You cheat-ed on her! How is it all for the best?! STOP SINGING OVER HER, DAMN IT!"
• The end is a truly hilarious piece of Hypocritical Humour.

Britney Spears - "3"

• The way Todd says "ménage à trois"
• Todd has some trouble making out some of the lyrics.
  Britney: ♪One, two, three, why don't me, you and me-♪
  Todd: [points toward himself] Me, [points away from self] you, [points back to self] and... me? How many Britney's are there in this equation?
• In a later part of the review, Todd points out a part of the song that has a sigh added at the end of a line to make it sound like a word was censored. He explains that there's no word that actually goes there and says that it doesn't work because his mind just blurs the next word into the line, so instead of 'Everybody loves... *sigh*', it becomes...
  Britney: ♪Everybody loves...counting 1, 2, 3...♪
  The Count: 3! 3 apples! Ah-ah-ah!
• Being so distracted by the unintelligible lyrics that he forgets to be enraged by the line itself.
  Todd: Well there's your problem right there! It's a terrible rhyme! It's pronounced "Mary", not "Mya-ree", or whatever you said. That just sounds stupid. It makes her sound like English isn't her first lan...guage... Peter, Paul and Mary???
• After screaming about the reference to Peter, Paul and Mary, Todd says that now none of their songs will sound innocent to him. He then plays clips from 'Lemon Tree', 'If I Had A Hammer', and 'Blowing In The Wind'. Then you get this:
  Peter, Paul, and Mary: ♪The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. The answer is *skips* blowing- blowing- blowing-♪
  Todd: ARRRRRRRGH!

Mario ft. Gucci Mane & Sean Garrett - "Break Up"

• Any instance of Mario.
  Todd: Mario's been around for a while, and his music has ranged from the forgettably terrible to the terribly forgettable. But this new song called "Break Up" seems to be doing pretty well for him. It's his biggest hit in years. And I'm so intrigued by it, that I brought Mario himself down here to talk about it. (Pulls over a statue of Mario...the video game hero)
  Todd: (as Mario) It's-a me, Mario.
  Todd: It is you, Mario. You ready to hear your new song?
  Todd: (as Mario) Let's-a go.
  Girl: I love you, but I don't think I can love you anymore.
  Todd: Pause. All right, two seconds in, and I'm already impressed. So much emotion packed in one short sentence. Did Princess Peach inspire this, Mario?
  Todd: (as Mario) It's-a me, Mario.
  Todd: What insight! Let's keep listening. I can wait to hear more. (clips from the "Break Up" video play) What is this? This is a song? This is supposed to be music? This is popular? What is...?
  Todd: (as Mario) It's-a me...Mari—
  Todd: I don't even wanna do the Super Mario bit. Have to focus on this atrocity.
• "This is the music of Hell! This is, like, evil haunted fun-house music!"
• Mario: ♪Baby, I love you ...Oh!♪
  Todd: OHHHHH! Hip-hop, stop shouting "Oh!" for no reason. Not every song is a bunch of random guys shouting "Oh!"
  Eric Clapton: ♪Would you know my name/If I saw you in heaven?♪
• "Who cares what they're rapping about?! It's the sound of like somebody turned my nightmares into audio!"
  • Really, the entire review is one big Freak Out.
• The ending tag is just the death music from Super Mario Bros.
• Todd admitting in the pre-commentary for the "From the vaults" reupload that he didn't know the chords to the song, so he just faked it.

Lady Gaga - "Bad Romance"

• His reaction to the opening lyrics.
  Todd: My God... I'VE GONE INSANE! Oh wait, that's the song. I thought the voices in my head returned.
  • Also, Todd admits that the song is not that bad, he kinda likes it... then the song ends with the opening lyrics and he ends up crying.
• Also, his reaction to the jumbled up Lady Gaga mess in that exact song.
  Todd: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! SHE'S A DEMON FROM HELL!!
  • Related, the constant mondegreens ("Watch ya borrow man!") and complaints at the inane babbling.
    • "Why is she singing like a vampire with Down's Syndrome?"
• "What is this? Did she run out of English? Is she summoning Cthulhu?"
• This exchange:
  Lady Gaga: ♪I want your ugly♪
  Todd: You have enough of your own!
• The "continuous perversion of the word love":
  "Poker Face": Love = Abuse
  "LoveGame": Love = Gross Club Sex
  "Paparazzi": Love = Stalking
  "Bad Romance": I Don't Know

Ke$ha - "Tik Tok"

• "Her debut single is called "Tik Tok", which also happens to be the name of my weekly podcast about the Tick!"
• "Now that I think about it, it's probably a good thing that she cleared where she got the pedicures, because I'm starting to get the feeling that she's the type of girl that would try to get pedicures on her eyeballs, or something."
• "Wow! It's like Fergie, except with severe brain damage...so it's like Fergie!"
• His response to Ke$ha's preference for men that look like Mick Jagger is to cut to a picture of the guy◊ and simply say:
  Todd: Well all right, if that really does it for you.
• The joke about the "wrong people" hearing the song and going along with it. Funnier if you actually know people like that.
  Todd: "I guarantee you; you look in the Girls Gone Wild videos of the future, and you will find 'Tik Tok' by Ke$ha playing somewhere. ...And if you look in the Girls Gone Wild videos of the past, you'll probably find Ke$ha."

Chris Brown ft. Lil Wayne - "I Can Transform Ya"

• He takes an attempt at making beats In the Style of the song.
  *rock drumbeat, chainsaw, braying* I can transform ya, I can transform ya!
• "I am, for the record, mighty amused that a bunch of black guys made a song based on what is probably the single most racist movie since The Birth of a Nation."
• His deadpan mocking of the sounds of the "song" in general. "WANNA-WA. WANNA-WA."
• His gratefulness when Lil Wayne clarifies a line.
  Lil Wayne: I can transform ya, like a transformer!
  Todd: Oh gee, thanks for the clarification, MC Obvious!

The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2009

• He has a montage with a counter of all times Justin Bieber says "One Time" in one song. Thanks to the Rule of Funny, a few outside clips find their way in, including the line "And this one time, at band camp..."
  (counter reaches 20)
  Interstella guys: One more time!
  Todd: No more times!
  • "The production already sounds dated, and it breaks one of the ten commandments of music: YOU DON'T LET TEN-YEAR-OLD WHITE BOYS USE THE WORD "SHORTY!"
  • "I'm gonna tell you one time? Awfully tough talk for a love song."
  Todd:I'M ONLY GONNA TELL YOU ONE TIME! (sweetly) I love you...
• His reactions to "Birthday Sex."
  • "Happy Birthday! I got you my orgasm!" *blows noisemaker*
  • "Fellas, no matter how good you think you are at it, this is not an acceptable gift! It only makes sense if you're really bad at it the rest of the year!"
  • And after that, him imitating Jeremih's constant "ah-ah-ah"ing.
  Oh Jeremih...I never knew you cared... This is the worst birthday ever!
• Todd's sarcastically chipper delivery of "I think Soulja Boy's getting better!"
  • And the priceless moment when, while trying to understand the sex appeal of Kiss Me Thru The Phone, Todd ends up making out with his cell phone.
  Todd: {spits and pulls fuzz out of his mouth} This... was not a good idea.
• "This is Jack Johnson. He didn't have a hit this year. I only bring him up...because I hate him."
  • Todd's impersonation of Jason Mraz and how "I'm Yours" came to be.
  Todd: (wearing a fedora and holding a guitar) Hey guys, I'm back! You know, this little melody popped into my head when I was taking a leak just now, and I think we should play it! Here we goooo... *plays short riff* Do-dah-dah-dah-la-laaa-and we're done. No, I don't want to do a second take. Yeah, lead off single, yeah!
• * Todd's confused reaction to apl.de.ap while discussing "Boom Boom Pow".
  "'AND WHO IS THIS GUY?!"
• Todd: I'm sorry, but I have to say it. This year—
  Kanye West: Beyonce had one of the—
  Todd: ...worst songs of all time!
  Kanye: ...of all time!
  • His epic acid trip freak-out during the chorus of "Single Ladies".
  Todd: AAAAH! I'M SORRY! I'LL PUT A RING ON IT!

  • Followed by a quick and unexpected cut to the introduction of the next song on the list.

The Top 11 Best Hit Songs of 2009

• This bit in the intro:
  Todd: This list I have of Billboard's Top 100 Songs of 2009—I honestly liked way more songs than I didn't. So this is me painting a big target on my chest. This is what I actually listen to.
  Freeze-Frame Bonus Text: (punctuated with a ding) And you're going to hate all of it!
• #9 on the list is Drake's "Forever", and Todd was bound to give the best verse of the song to Drake...
  Todd: But then, he showed up.
  Eminem: (as Todd is struck in awe) There they go, back in stadiums as Shady spits his flow, nuts they go, macadamian they go so ballistic, whoa! We can make them... You dealin with a few true villains whose stand inside of the booth truth spillin' and spit true feelings, until our tooth fillings come...
  Todd: Oh my God! This is awesome! WHO IS THIS GUY?! I sure hope he replaces that lame, washed-up, has-been other white rapper we've got right now!
  Eminem: I'm Hannibal Lecter, so just in case you're thinkin' of savin' face, you ain't gonna have no face to save!
  Todd: Eminem just threatened to EAT your FACE! AWESOME!
• "I thought Katy Perry's first hit, I Kissed a Girl, told me everything I needed to know about her. She's dumb, she's obnoxious, and she has a singing voice so bad, it makes Bob Dylan sound like Pavarotti."
• When introducing "Meet Me Halfway" as his fourth favorite song of the year:
  Todd: YES! YES! That's right! TWO Black Eyed Peas songs on the list! And you know what you can do about it?
  Nathan Explosion: NOTHING!!!
• "You know the pop music of the decade has gotten shallow when even dorks like Cobra Starship and 3OH!3 are making silly dance songs. I don't understand this at all. These are people that should be remaking Weezer's first album for eternity".

Iyaz - "Replay"

• "This song's got everything. Egregious overuse of the word "shorty?" Check. Bunch of random guys shouting "Hey!" Check. Those guys are really becoming a nuisance, by the way. Nice little R&B synth going on? Check. Pff, eat your heart out, Owl City! See? Throw in a Lil Wayne guest verse, and it'd have everything."
• He comments that the song isn't original and actually is kind of boring. And then he falls asleep on his piano.
• The reaction to the chorus. First, a caption reading "Replay is sponsored by Apple" and saying "This girl is like a broken iPod. How romantic". Then:
  To me, it sounds more like an insult. "Old lady, she's like nananana, every day."
• "That girl's like something off a poster". "What poster?"◊
• "Ok, the only thing I found interesting about this guy is that, apparently, he's the protege of Sean Kingston, which doesn't make any sense! Sean Kingston is...nineteen? And he looks like he's eleven. He shouldn't have a pet goldfish, let alone a protege! And none of that answered the question I really wanted answered, where'd he get the stupid name?! Iyaz? That's not a name, that's an invalid Scrabble move! ..I haven't even said the obvious here, which is that this guy is a humongous Akon rip-off! Might as well just call himself 'Ikon'!◊"
• Todd: I don't even know if I'm pronouncing [his name] right, really. Eeyozz? Or Eye-uz? Iayz? I, Yaz? Iyorz?
  Eeyore: Thanks for noticing me.
  Todd: You're welcome...but I don't think I did.

Taylor Swift - "Fifteen"

• Early in the review, he translates the overall message of the song as "Boy, fifteen year olds sure are stupid! Like, really stupid. Pants-on-backwards stupid."
• Todd goes into a long, astonishingly emotional monologue about something that happeed to him in high school... which was actually from an episode of Saved by the Bell.
• Todd gets rather annoyed when Taylor doesn't inform the listeners of what exactly happened with her and the senior she was dating, instead giving a vague line.
  Todd: That's it? That's all you're going to share? What happened? Why'd you break up? Was he a heroin addict? Did he cheat on you with Carrie Underwood? Was he called back to his home planet? You've just got nothing you want to say about this, huh? And yet somehow, I'm supposed to care that Taylor Swift cries for Abigail? That's too distant. I'm not going to be sad because she's sad that Abigail's sad!

Jay Sean ft. Lil Jon & Sean Paul - "Do You Remember"

• "If you look deeper, there's another hidden level to the lyrics. Our trio here isn't just addressing a girl. They're addressing you, the listener. They're asking you to remember the times we had. Let's bring back those good times. Bring back good times like 2006, when we still cared about Sean Paul. Like 2004, when we still cared about Lil Jon. And like 2009,^note the year this video was released when we still cared about Jay Sean. ...Kidding. No one ever cared about Jay Sean."
• Todd asks why Lil' Jon is on the track, pointing out that his presence was not necessary and that the track doesn't sound better for it. To illustrate this point, he plays a song with Lil Jon on it, and then compares it to footage from Swan Lake, before throwing in a picture of Lil Jon and a shout of "Yeah, Swan Lake!"
• He points out Sean Paul's status as The Unintelligible and proves that he could actually be singing anything.
  • "Grocery list...the preamble to the Constitution. (imitating Sean) We the people, in order to create a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility..."

Artists for Haiti - "We Are The World 25 for Haiti"

• In the pre-video commentary in the TGWTG version, he mentioned how most videos would take a few weeks to get made. This video took three days, both because of all the material it gave him and because he knew the video would be completely irrelevant if it wasn't released ASAP.
• "Okay, one thing you can say about the original: it had star power. Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, Tina Turner, Billy Joel, Stevie Wonder, and thus accordingly for this new version, we have all the top pop stars of today to perform. All the biggest names, like Justin Timberlake. (Nope.) Lady Gaga. (No-show.) Beyoncé. (Uh-uh.) Coldplay. (Sorry.) Taylor Swift. (Was gonna come, but got distracted by a butterfly.) Lil Wayne? (Yes, actually.) Oh, good. At least we have that, because when I think charitable goodwill, I think Lil' Wayne."
  Lil Wayne (from "I Can Transform Ya"): I transform smaller and she puts me in her pants!
• You can tell this is the gonna be the most misguided, still-born excuse for a song you've ever heard when they have to start the song—I mean, make their first impression out to the world so you can save orphaned children, and the best way you can start the song...is with Justin Bieber. I wanna give this kid a swirly every time I see him, I swear to God.
• Comparing Wyclef Jean's voice to Homsar's.
• "Instead of Bob Dylan, we have Lil Wayne. (Lil Wayne has now officially collaborated with everyone.) That may sound sacrilegious to you, but it makes perfect sense to me because Lil Wayne is the only person on Earth who could even hope to sound as bad as Bob Dylan does on the original."
• "Please, no more duets with dead people."
  • Zombie Michael Jackson supports Haiti!
• Said to Enrique Iglesias: "Look, the world got sick of your Latin-lover schtick a long time ago. Go away, and find some testicles, you quivering loser."
• Todd comments first on how there aren't many really good pop stars on the track, but there are some. He later points out that since most of today's pop stars are rappers, and many of the stars collaborating are rappers, the remake sounds kinda odd. We then get to see several of the rappers singing the song, with the caption "We tha world, muthafuckaz!"
• Todd finding Jeff Bridges among the chorus of celebrities.
  Todd: WOAH WOAH WOAH! Stop stop stop, pause pause. Is that Jeff Bridges?! (Still frame shows it is indeed) Wow. Not even the power of The Dude can save this song.
  The Dude: Jesus.
• "Anyway, like I was saying, one way in which the remake lives up to the original is that it's like a billion years long! Like, by the time you finish listening to either version, some other country's gonna need your help."
• Kanye sez: I am the world!

Young Money ft. Lloyd - "Bedrock"

• Todd: Now it comes time to see if he can do the same for Young Money's other members. [Pulls out list and reads names that appear on the screen] Members like Mack Maine, Jae Millz, Lil Chuckee, Lil Twist, T-Streets, and a bunch of other names that sound like I'm just making them up, though I swear to God I'm not. And they all get a chance to prove themselves on their new song..."BEDROCK"!
  Fred Flintstone: Yabba dabba doo!
  Todd: Oh, I wish. It's probably another generic love jam. This doesn't have anything to do with The Flintstones, does it? Although, wouldn't it be great if it did?
  Lloyd: ♪My room is the g-spot. Call me Mr. Flintstone, I can make your bedrock!♪
  Todd: I stand corrected. Ok, um... Congratulations on making the first Flintstones reference I've heard in a song since Weird Al.
  Weird Al: ♪Yabba dabba, yabba dabba, yabba doo now!♪
• The foundation of this song is a line so corny, you'd think you were listening to country music.
  Brad Paisley: ♪I'd like to check you for ticks♪
• After listening to the first few lines of Nicki Minaj's part.
  Todd: Well, isn't this nice! I didn't know that one of the Rugrats could rap! This girl sounds like Betty Boop on helium. It's really annoying.
  • Considering what eventually followed for Nicki Minaj (namely, huge success on the pop charts, while doing that exact same shtick), Todd's assertion that none of these people will go on to bigger things is now Hilarious in Hindsight.
• Todd: All right, who's next?
  Gudda Gudda: ♪I'm Gudda Gudda, I put her under♪
  Todd: What?
  Gudda Gudda: ♪I'm Gudda Gudda♪
  Todd: Gudda Gudda. That's your rap name. Gudda...Gudda. Sir, I can tell you're a man of taste and class and intelligence, named Gudda Gudda. So I can tell you're already clearly well beyond criticism, so I think I'll just skip this verse entirely.
• "♪And I got her nigga... GROCERY BAG!♪"
• Todd's excitement to hear Drake, a rapper he actually likes, has a verse on the song, until he hears the first line:
  Drake: ♪I love your sushi roll, hotter than wasabi/I race for your love, shake and bake, Ricky Bobby♪
  Todd: Oh...Drake...buddy...Talladega Nights reference? Nothing's sexier than comparing yourself to Will Ferrell.
  Ricky Bobby: Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Tom Cruise!
  Todd: Seriously, "shake and bake?" I couldn't even remember what that meant. I mean, that just hits the sweet spot where it's too obscure for people to know what you're referencing, but it's not obscure enough that you get hipster points for it. It's like referencing The Love Guru.
• On Lloyd's delivery of the chorus:
  Todd: Hey, Gudda Gudda, how would you describe this guy?
  Gudda Gudda: No Stevie Wonder.
  Todd: Right on!
• And of course the ending.
  Todd: Once again, my faith in pop music has been destroyed, which means that once again, it's time for me to kill myself. And I know just how to do it, too! GROCERY BAG! (Todd then proceeds to suffocate himself with said grocery bag)

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