Funny / Todd In The Shadows Trainwreckords 2021

Main
Pop Song Reviews ( Pre-TGWTG | 2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 )
One Hit Wonderland ( 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 )
Trainwreckords ( 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 | 2023 | 2024 )
Cinemadonna
Specials

Metallica - St. Anger (2003)

• It's probably not an exaggeration to say that St. Anger may have been the most requested album for Trainwreckords, and rest assured, Todd came prepared with a big batch of jokes about Lars Ulrich's infamous, monotonous, forgot-to-arm-the-snare-and-just-rolled-with-it snare drum sound.
  [Donk, donk, donk, donk, donk...] ^note (with the occasional *clonk* or *bonk*).
  Todd: Okay, my first impression is that the production is just really tinny and dry, and... lead singer James Hetfield is doing some kind of weird scream I don't recognize at all, and... judging by the sound of it, drummer Lars Ulrich has replaced his snare drum with an oil barrel for some reason.
  • He later swaps out "oil barrel" for "overturned paint cans" and a beer keg, even editing in the latter into a piece of video footage of Lars' playing. It's kind of sad how well it works.
  • Todd notes that the snare drum is so infamous that he considers it St. Anger's answer to Jar-Jar Binks.
    Todd: It's obviously terrible, just in concept; and everybody hates it, arguably over-hates it so that now, hating it is a tedious cliché, because it's not like removing it would magically make the project good. But it's always there, always making things worse, and whenever you think it might start being decent...
    [the lightsaber battle between Darth Maul, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan is interrupted by Jar-Jar's antics during the battle against the droid army, accompanied by Lars' drumming]
    Todd: There it is, ruining the moment.
  • Partway through the video he just grabs a wooden spoon and a pot from his kitchen to demonstrate that you can "Play along at home!"
    Todd: [donk, donk, donk!] Look, everyone! I'm Lars Ulrich!
  • At the same time though, people remember the shitty snare drum. And since the songs are short on memorable riffs or lyrics, Todd suspects Lars clung to his one idea like a life raft, even if it was a bad one.
• Todd's description of Some Kind of Monster.
  Todd: We see them whine, bicker, and argue, and then hire a therapist so they can whine, bicker, and argue in touchy-feely language.
• To put the album's terrible sound mixing into perspective, Todd brings up that ...And Justice For All is a beloved classic in spite of the fact that "it famously sounds like total butt"^note the band intentionally buried Jason Newstead's bass in the mix, leading to reviewers at the time criticizing the album as overly bright and dry, and Death Magnetic was so badly compressed in the final release, clipping and distorting with every peak even on LP copies, that the Guitar Hero mixes of the rough master tracks sound much better. In short, Metallica fans are willing to put up with truly terrible engineering choices if the album is good... "and they did not put up with this".
  • Todd also says that he understands the defense that it was supposed to be a raw, unpolished, uncommercial mix, saying that the band was likely trying to create their In Utero... and then admitting that James Hetfield is not Kurt Cobain.
• Naturally, Ulrich's infamous crusade against Napster is brought up, and following the ham-fisted and racially-questionable VMAs skit where Ulrich steals the possessions of a Napster user (played by Marlon Wayans), plus his girlfriend, to make his case...
  Todd: How could Lars have lost that PR war?
• Mocking the fact that Kirk Hammett wasn't allowed to play guitar solos, even though his one job in the band is to provide guitar solos.
  • In the documentary, Lars feels maybe guitar solos are outdated, while Kirk fires back that removing solos would make it look like they're trend-chasing.
  Todd: I'd agree with him, except most Nu Metal didn't sound like this! Nothing sounds like this!!!
• Todd is sure to point out that he isn't trying to attack a man who's sincerely trying to curb both his drug addiction and his anger issues, but James Hetfield's attempts at addressing his inner child in his lyrics, especially "Invisible Kid," are so clumsy that Todd can't help but poke fun.
  James: Invisible kid, never see what he did / got stuck where he hid, fallen through the grid / Invisible kid, got a place of his own / where he'll never be known...
  Todd: I'M A LITTLE BOY AND I NEED TO BE LOOOOOVED / DAD WAS REAL MEAN AND I NEED A HUUUUUG-ahhh!
• Todd admits that James Hetfield has never been a great lyricist, even as far back as their classic albums, but this flaw is all the more amplified on St. Anger...
  Todd: It has always bothered me that the best song from their best album has the worst ever rhyme of "reason" with "season", a rhyme that usually sucks to begin with! [...] Whatever James' issues as a lyricist, it's never been a problem before. The second verse of "Enter Sandman", their biggest hit, is awful. But no one cares.
  James: And of things that will bite, yeah!!
  Todd: Well, in that case, no one even noticed 'cause he's incomprehensible. But most of the time, the band rocks hard enough that he gets a pass. And the music does not give the lyrics any help here.
• Harking back to his previous statement that "showbiz satires are the last refuge of the creatively spent" in the Funstyle episode, Todd also gets irritated when he finds out one song is about Metallica's irritation at having to do industry games like recording promos in exchange for radio play.
  Todd: Shoot the promos, you spoiled babies!
  • As Todd continues to discuss the song, he notes the irony of the band and Bob Rock's distaste towards radio's standards and requirements while simultaneously making the album too harsh and off-putting to get airplay anyway, summing up his thoughts on the matter as follows:
    Todd: You can't make the most un-musical album of your careers and then be all aggrieved that it's not getting played next to Hoobastank.
• When Todd gets to the album closer "All Within My Hands":
  Todd: [upon hearing more of the infamous snares] How long is this? [consults Spotify, which put it at 8:46] Eight minutes, huh? [the track continues to play for a bit] You know what, why don't we just skip this too?
  • In fact, this is one of the few episode of Trainwreckords where Todd doesn't go through it song-by-song, mostly because he can't tell any of the songs apart. Even the captions are baffled.
    ??? is this even a different song? idk
• In the video's conclusion, Todd concedes that despite the album's poor quality, it was ultimately necessary as a cathartic release for the band to keep them together and record new music that, while not as good as the classics, was still good enough to keep them from being total embarrassments...
  Todd: ...except for Lulu. But that is a story for another day.
• In the outro, Todd makes his exit by imitating James' vocals on "Frantic" while continuing to bang on his pot. Donk, donk, donk...

The Human League - Crash (1986)

• The story here is that The Human League were having a difficult time finishing their fifth album (after their immediate follow-up to Dare "didn't exactly set the world on fire"), so they called in Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis to help them finish it. Todd opens with the Armor-Piercing Question...
  Todd: At what cost a hit?
  • The band's label suggested they just work with the biggest producers of the day, as if it was that easy.
    Todd: Oh, of course! Why didn't we think of that? Having money problems? Just make a million dollars!
• Todd refers to New Romantic make-up as "looking like it was applied with a T-shirt cannon."
• The album cover is even out of focus because they shot it at the last minute. Todd has to clarify he didn't just upload a lo-res photo.
• Todd calls Jam and Lewis, "Those Two Guys in The Blues Brothers outfits."
• The #1 hit Jam and Lewis wrote for the band, "Human":
  • The song is an apology song for infidelity. Todd immediately doesn't buy it.
    Todd: Look, as part of this job, I've been exposed to quite a few shit ass bullshit apology songs. And on the bullshit shit ass-o-meter, this one ranks really high.
  • When Jimmy Jam stated that this addition of the ending line (especially with the context that Jam and Lewis compromised with Phil Oakey in order to keep the whole project from being thrown out) reflects how the two sexes handle their adultery:
    Todd: You know, maybe it is partially, but it's funny knowing now that it's more about behind-the-scenes drama so they had to turn their gut-rending regret ballad into the goddamn Piña Colada song.
  • The whole reason this happened was because Phil was in a relationship with Joanne and insisted on including her, instead of Jam and Lewis using their usual back-up singers. This unfortunately left Susan in the dust, so she only lip-syncs in the video. ^note Ironically, Phil would have a brief relationship with her too.
  • Todd's reaction to Joanne Catherall's line about how she "was human too", which he imagines with a laugh track behind it.
  • His reaction to "Human"'s singer attempting to justify himself:
    Phil Oakey: ♫ I wouldn't ever try to hurt you. I just needed someone to hold me, to fill the void while you were gone. ♫
    Todd: "Honey, I know I cheated on you, but it's only because I missed you so much." Fellas, you will have better luck with saying "It wasn't me" before you get away with that one.
• The Human League's attempt at funk crashes and burns when Todd gets to the album track, "Swang", which he absolutely tears into for its incredibly awkward invocations of AAVE. It doesn't help that backing singers Joanne Catherall and Susan Ann Sulley state that they didn't understand terms like "kickin'", which sincerely baffles Todd.
  Todd: Like, just through context you-!
  • They also didn't understand how to sing with attitude. Susan even nervously asks, "What's attitude?" Todd just face-palms at that point.
  • Ultimately, Todd gets so fed up with how bad of a match this song was for the band that he caps off his assessment by suggesting that Phil Oakey wear a fake Jheri Curl wig to go along with the ridiculousness of the lyrics, complete with a stock photo of a dorky-looking white guy in said wig.
• While "Swang" was written by Jam and Lewis, more questionable attempts at AAVE slang appear in "Jam", an album track the group actually wrote themselves:
  Phil Oakey: ♫ Jam! Gotta get some jam! ♫
  Todd: Oh, good god.
  Phil Oakey: ♫ Gotta get some! ♫
  Todd: "Gotta get some jam"? What, for your scones, you pasty Brits!?
• When Todd finally reaches the album's second single, "I Need Your Loving", he can only respond with a flat "this was a single?" He only gets even more weirded out when he learns that the Title Drop makes up most of the lyrics. Eventually he describes the song as both "a poor man's Wang Chung" and "trying to sound like Kool & the Gang," both with immense confusion. Twin Cities-based listeners may have recognized this song as sounding like family pop group The Jets, who worked extensively with Jam & Lewis and finally had a top-10 hit with the song "Crush On You" in 1986.
• Todd is equally baffled when he sees the video for the final single, "Love Is All That Matters" ^note As Todd points out, it's technically not even a single from Crash— though originally released on that album, it was released as a single promoting a Greatest Hits Album two years later, because it's a Clip Show from old Human League videos, something he's never seen before, because they still couldn't pull things together well enough to shoot one.
• Todd suspects Jam and Lewis worked with the Human League because they wanted to go pop. Afterward, they produced only black R&B singers and eventually got so successful they made that the sound of pop.
• Todd's final summary of the album:
  Phil Oakey: [in "Human", the album's only hit] ♫ Please forgive me... ♫
  Todd: I forgive you, Phil. I forgive you for the cheating. But not for "Swang". Human or not, there's no excuse for that.

The Spin Doctors - Turn It Upside Down (1994)

• At the start of the video, Todd recalls where he got the idea for the video: a guy on an internet forum ages ago who was adamant about this being the archetypal Creator Killer album. Todd's bewilderment is palpable.
• During Todd's recap of the jam band revival and its forgotten early 90's popularity (which at its peak rivaled that of grunge), he mentions that "I dodged a lot of hackey-sacks in middle school."
• Todd gets caught off guard upon discovering that the album's leadoff single, "Cleopatra's Cat", opens with a capella scatting, and it sticks with him enough for him to end the video's intro with "a-dibba-dibba-dibba-this is Trainwreckords."
  • As he continues listening through the track, Todd grows visibly even more confused as to what the song is even about, as the lyrics seem to contain Roman historical and literary references, free flow melodies and even Gratuitous Latin at a few points.
  • One interview he found has a young Chris Barron seeming rather belligerent and cocky about the song's out-there nature, asking, "When was the last time you heard a weird, modal a cappella intro scat tune [...] that turned into a small medium-tempo funk [on the radio]?" Todd immediately clarifies that that's true, and audiences did not hear THIS one on the radio, either.
  • "When you're a multi-platinum band and your lead single's being outplayed by the B-52's cover of the Flintstones theme, you've seriously screwed up something."
• After discussing how the Spin Doctors seemed to be trying to shoot for a more cerebral audience with "Cleopatra's Cat", noting how John Popper described frontman Chris Barron as "a samurai with his pen," he gets into the album tracklist proper... and is immediately hit with Mood Whiplash by the opener, "Big Fat Funky Booty". With goofy lyrics to match.
  Chris Barron: ♫ Gotta love it, it's my duty, she got a big fat funky booty ♫
  Todd: "Samurai with words," huh?
• When detailing the second song of the album, "You Let Your Heart Go Too Fast", Todd wonders why it wasn't the lead single instead — it's an energetic, radio-friendly pop anthem about unrequited love featuring a catchy hook, just what the audiences that loved "Two Princes" wanted and were expecting. Immediately, he's struck with a terrible revelation: it was exactly too much like what everyone was expecting, embarrassingly so, and only got released as their second single because the previous one failed.
• During his trek down the album's tracklist, he circles back to "Cleopatra's Cat", frantically skipping over it.
• In a bid to try and "get" the album, Todd resorts to vaping to try and see if it sounds better under the influence. Since Todd is not a smoker, it backfires immediately.
  • And of course, he also has to state—in order to keep the video "advertiser-friendly"—that the product "has no psychoactive ingredients and is legal in all 50 states". He then follows it up with, "And I didn't even get the really strong stuff, anyway."
• When the guitarist who quit during the tour for this album said that it was "half-baked," Todd quickly throws up an image from the movie.

Carpenters - Passage (1977)

• Todd usually reads out an episode's sponsor tag in a mildly bored but still par-for-his-videos tone of voice. This time around though, he was given a stock script to read, and does nothing to hide his contempt for it, deliberately reading it out in the most cheesy and forced tone of fake enthusiasm possible. Even funnier is the fact that this stock script came from Skillshare, previously the very first company that he got a sponsor from.
• Todd's otherwise somber description of the Carpenters' Posthumous Popularity Potential at the beginning is given a bit of comic relief when he quotes a review describing Richard Carpenter responding to the group's initial critical drubbings with "gosh darn those smarty-pantses anyway," read in a cartoonishly nasally voice.
• Todd's reaction to Karen Carpenter singing a Cover Version of "B'wana She No Home":
  • Todd describes the song's subject matter of a rich white woman berating her POC housekeeper as "really putting the 'Karen' in 'Karen Carpenter.'"
  • Even when he puts into context that the original Michael Franks song was a character piece about the narrator explicitly being a jerk to his maid, Todd is bemused as to why Karen would cover it.
    Todd: Even in the un-woke 70s, the narrator is clearly supposed to be a dick. Being an entertaining dick is a rare skill owned by only a select few [shows pictures of Bill Murray as Peter Venkman and Jessica Walter as Lucille Bluth], a select few that does not include sweet, innocent Girl Next Door Karen Carpenter.
  • Even the title was seen as a bad first impression, with Todd nervously asking if Karen was going to "Put on an accent and play a non-white character." He also states that "b'wana" ("sir") is Swahili and not Spanish, despite the song's mock-Latin style and mention of Guayaquil, Ecuador.
• After "B'wana She No Home" is a poppy ditty called "All You Get from Love is a Love Song". While Todd likes it despite his lightweight nature ("upbeat The Carpenters is just The Captain & Tenille, and I don't need that"), he also can't think of much to say about it. Neither can Richard Carpenter, it turns out, as the entry for it on his website admits "it just doesn't make for much of a story!", and ends without any details about the recording or production. When mentioning Richard's site itself, Todd gets in a quick little dig at its dated Web 1.0 layout, adding a "Lol, Papyrus" caption.
• Todd gets to the album closer, a cover of Klaatu's "Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft", early, and introduces it as follows:
  Todd: We've tried the safe path, the safe path didn't work. It's time to get nuts.
  • After introducing the song's context (a song about making contact with aliens), Todd endearingly and amusingly describes it as "such nerd shit."
  • In contextualizing the cover's timing with the late 70's sci-fi craze, Todd jokingly states that the initial success of A New Hope was so big that Jimmy Carter had Darth Vader figures on his Oval Office desk and Pete Rose played a whole baseball game dressed as Chewbacca. While Todd immediately admits that he's kidding, the fact that it sounds extremely plausible makes it even more amusing.
  • Todd describes how despite his love of the Carpenters' rendition of "Calling Occupants", it was also a Jumping the Shark moment in that instead of using space imagery as a metaphor for loneliness and isolation like David Bowie and Elton John did, here "the aliens are a metaphor for aliens," making a hell of a Call-Back by outright comparing it to "Mr. Roboto". In fact, after giving a glowing assessment of the song, Todd gave this blunt assessment:
    Todd: You all get why this is career suicide, right?
• Todd discovers that the album contains one of the first ever cover versions of "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina", sung while Evita hadn't become a stage show yet, and for whatever reason it's preceded by the song immediately before it in the show, "On the Balcony of the Casa Rosada", a filler piece that only exists to set up Eva Perón's speech. Todd compares it to a video game cutting out midway through to play Sally Field's entire funeral monologue from Steel Magnolias (complete with showing the scene of the speech with a "Press X to skip" caption). Todd also gives Passage the bizarre Overly Narrow Superlative of being "the only Carpenters album to feature Che Guevara" by virtue of the expository narration's inclusion.
• When getting to "Man Smart (Woman Smarter)":
  Todd: I promise you awkward and you're going to get awkward. So get ready everyone, for "The Carpenters Go Calypso!" Yes, just like The Simpsons.
  Otto: (while Homer and Marge play the song in question) Man, this thing's really getting out of hand!
  Todd: And I mean exactly like The Simpsons. The song Homer and Marge are singing is the exact same one Richard and Karen will be performing for you today.
• Todd eventually surmises that the album is mainly Richard Carpenter constantly trying to disprove his reputation as milquetoast, with Karen getting haplessly dragged along for the ride.
  Todd: Listening to this album, you can really picture Richard being all like, "Ha! Take this, all you critics who dismissed us as lightweights! I am a serious artist, with so many more facets than you can possibly imagine! I can and will do anything, and you will realize that every preconception you had about me was totally wrong!" And next to him, you got Karen Carpenter being like, [nervously] "...Hi! I'm Karen Carpenter!"

Edgar Winter & L. Ron Hubbard - Mission Earth (1986?/1989)

• The Disney Feature Presentation intro returns, this time using the 1999 variant.
• The obligatory joke about Scientology's infamous litigiousness, accompanied by a joke thumbnail and description:
  Todd: We're gonna tread very carefully here, although if my next video is called "Scientology Sued Me, and Then It Got Worse" you'll know why.
  • Later, when Todd calls Edgar Winter a "cult artist", seemingly to head off anything, he clarifies that he means Edgar had a small but devoted fan group, and not any other meaning of "cult."
• Todd points out that in Los Angeles, there is a "Way to Happiness Foundation" building (with a mention of the L. Ron Hubbard Foundation in its decor's fine print) right near his area—apparently one of several. He questions whether or not Scientology is just one of those west coast things he'll have to get used to, "like Del Tacos."
• Ending his list of Scientologists in show business with "and, you guessed it, Frank Stallone"^note (which can be seen as a tribute to the then recently-deceased Norm Macdonald).
• Todd unleashes a sick burn on L. Ron Hubbard's first book soundtrack, Space Jazz.
  Todd: It is... (plays a clip of the album) ...beyond description. My best attempt is that it sounds like the soundtrack to Space Quest with half the notes missing and a bad radio drama played over it.
  • He then repeatedly tries to analyze the transcripts of the tapes of instructions Hubbard sent to Winter, in the process making him sound like the worst possible mixture of a confused, rambling old man and a Control Freak executive meddling where he doesn't belong, before speculating it might've been a relief to Winter when Hubbard died and he didn't have to worry about pleasing him anymore. Not that this stops the Church of Scientology from trying to downplay Winter's involvement and play up Hubbard's as much as possible.
• Todd had a bit of trouble in securing a usable copy of the immensely bizarre album for the review, since it doesn't exist in full online legally or illegally. First he purchased an LP copy so that he could source more accurate information about... everything regarding it. But since he doesn't know how to rip vinyl, he purchased a CD of Mission Earth as well for this review, only to discover that some of the songs on the album were scratched up. The only reason that he didn't have to buy a third copy of this album that no one wants is that the borked songs were thankfully already on YouTube, so he just ripped those versions of the songs instead.
• Before he begins his review of the songs, Todd gives a grave, serious warning to his viewers: they might actually enjoy the music they're hearing^captionWARNING: Music might be good.
• The opening Title Track immediately catches Todd's attention for its immensely bizarre word choice, courtesy of Hubbard himself. Among other things, the song describes Earth as "seizure-inclined" and mentions "foggy pot" as a major story element, both of which Todd wastes no time in poking fun at, complete with a goofy stock photo of a guy huffing a bong.
  Todd: Is that a selling point...? "Intrigue! Pot clouds." Is this sci-fi action series also a stoner comedy?
  • Since it's unclear whether or not Winter is trying to do a voice while performing as Soltan Gris, Todd clarifies that he might be, but he kind of sounds like that anyway. He also pegs Geddy Lee as a better choice for the song, which is an amazing mental image on its own.
• The song "Treacherous Love" is about heroin addiction and inspired by a Mission Earth character with a Dark and Troubled Past, and yet it is comically upbeat.
  Todd: (shrugs and snaps his fingers along with the song) Wow, Edgar, you really captured the horrifying depths of heroin addiction!
  • Todd quotes Edgar Winter insisting that the album isn't "disseminating" the Church's teachings, and that it's just a fun, light album about a SF novel. Feeling a little reassured, he then reads the back of the record cover... which describes "Treacherous Love" by saying that psychiatry and psychology made the focal character a drug addict.
• When reading the LP sleeve's description of "Bang-Bang", he has to straight up stop and stare when he gets to the part about its title character being a member of the Corleone mafia family, and openly questions if there's so much money in Scientology that you can get away with blatant copyright infringement, punctuated by footage from The Godfather, complete with the film's theme.
• Doubles as a Moment of Awesome in a way, we also have Lewis Lovhaug and Maggie Mae Fish taking the bad book seriously with their dramatic readings of the bizarre, repetitive prose of Mission Earth.
  • The lyrics to "Teach Me" are taken almost verbatim from a passage in the first book, where Hightee performs a winking burlesque number about sex and Soltan drools over himself watching her. Winter's approach to the song, when so much of the album has already been goofy jazz? Make it an airy, energetic love ballad. Todd is a little nonplussed.
    Todd: I can't believe I'm complaining about this, but... I feel like this is not accurate to Hubbard's vision.
• Todd very accurately summarizes "Cry Out" as a song best suited for Hard Work Montages in 80's comedies, then inserts it over footage of the Lambda Lambda Lambdas re-painting their ramshackle frat house and Deloris and the nuns cleaning up Saint Katherine's Parish. It's eerie how perfectly it fits.
• After getting into the next track's premise with "Just a Kid", being about the story's protagonist, Jettero Heller, and how he looks just like a kid, he covers why the track not only sucks on its premise alone, but sucks because of how unreadable the Mission Earth series is. He also tackles the blatant lie of the Mission Earth book series being a best seller and how much of a tough sell a concept album involving a book series can be, even with some of the more popular fictional book series novels in mind like TekWar or the Dragonriders of Pern.
• Getting into the penultimate track, "The Spacer's Lot", he goes over the context of the song inspired from the first Mission Earth book, which had Soltan Gris meet up with a doctor on a spaceship, but he first encounters the ship's crew singing a song that's described as a "dirge" in the book. While Edgar Winter's song plays, Lewis Lovhaug dramatically reads the narrator's lines going over how much of a sad, melancholic tune it was to him and how wretched it sounded. The kicker, however, comes from Todd's response to it.
  Todd: Geez, I didn't think it was that bad.
• "If this record were about The Lord of the Rings, one song would be about Tom Bombadil, two songs would be Tom Bombadil's songs set to music, one song would be about the Prancing Pony, and... then... there'd just be two unrelated songs about hiking."
• Todd expresses unabashed affection for the album's closing track, "Joy City", and wonders if maybe he is a Scientologist. Cut to him at the Way to Happiness building (which was still closed in real life by the time of recording due to the COVID-19 Pandemic), tugging on its door handle while yelling "Let me in! LET ME IIIINNNNN!!!"