Funny / Todd In The Shadows Trainwreckords 2018

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Cinemadonna
Specials

MC Hammer - The Funky Headhunter (1994)

• In a very grim bit of humor, Todd uses footage from a 2005 Nationwide insurance commercial to illustrate Hammer's sudden and spectacular fall from grace — a commercial in which Hammer himself stars.
• Introducing Hammer's change of image by slowing down his "Now why would I ever stop doing this..." line from "U Can't Touch This".
• Todd shows a BET news report regarding Hammer's new image, carefully pointing out that even the VJ can barely contain they don't buy it.
  Veejay: (while holding Mattel's MC Hammer doll) Gone are the days of the old Hammer; he now considers himself an O.G.
  Todd: Like, look at this guy, he can't even pretend!
  Veejay: He now considers himself—
  Todd: And by "he," we mean ONLY he now considers himself...
  Veejay: —an O.G.
• Todd "pretending" to be Ronald Johnson, the senior Senator from Wisconsin, saying it made about as much sense as Hammer pretending to be an O.G.
• When watching the video of Pumps and a Bump, one of the first comments Todd makes about it is: "Nice bulge, Hammer".
• Any of the comments regarding MC Hammer's infamous Speedo in the original "Pumps and a Bump" video.
  Todd: Why, it's almost like I can touch this. ...Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em.
  • Comparing Hammer becoming more "thuggish" to get with the times as less like sexual maturity with teen pop stars and more like being flashed by your youth counselor.
• Todd can't help but mock Hammer's tough-guy pose in the "It's All Good" video.
  Todd: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! I'm a toughie!
  • Hammer's attempts at Boastful Rap, which Todd accurately pegs as sabotaging his newfound image; not only are the only self-references he has in his arsenal all the old songs he was trying to get away from, but the success and wealth he's bragging about is the success and wealth of a pop star who appeared in Taco Bell commercials and rapped about the Addams Family — his fame and money themselves were things he could never credibly claim were hardcore.
• Todd claiming that there isn't a more depressing rap beef than the one between Hammer and Q-Tip, complete with a genuinely disappointed tone of voice.
  Todd: This is like finding out that Carl Sagan and Mr. Rogers got in a fist fight.
  • In the lead-in to that segment, Todd also points out how a lot of the diss tracks haven't aged well.
    Todd: Did Dre have to spend the entirety of The Chronic telling Eazy-E to eat a dick? Who benefited from that, in the end?
• Todd notes that young Stanley Burrell grew up poor in Oakland and maintained Crip gang ties even after becoming a superstar, which Hammer put to good use as the guy was notorious for taking beef seriously; Redman has confirmed that Hammer would declare open season on rappers who made fun of him, including Redman himself, and that you had to watch yourself visiting the Bay Area if you'd stepped to him. And yet, because his weak diss tracks were the only thing the public saw, he was still the guy with the parachute pants.

Oasis - Be Here Now (1997)

• The laughs begin with the title card. Todd is shown from behind holding the clock behind which Alan White is sitting on the actual cover art^note Although, where the clock on the cover of Be Here Now has no hands, the one Todd is holding has one (that we can see). and being startled by cartoon versions of the Gallagher brothers climbing from behind the LP and the sleeve and having a Symbol Swearing argument with each other.
• After Todd builds up to the topic of the video, mentioning how they would be covering one of the biggest bands of the 1990s, he sighs (almost in defeat) as he leads into:
  Todd: ...anyway, here's Wonderwall.
• Reminding everyone that Oasis was so big in their heyday that an audio recording of the Gallagher brothers having a violent argument managed to chart in the UK.
• Contrasting the positive reviews of the time to the negative retrospective reviews as, per Todd's explanation, critics in 1997 overcorrected after giving lukewarm reviews to the explosively popular Definitely, Maybe and (What's the Story) Morning Glory? before pivoting back the other way ten years later.
  Todd: [1997 Chicago Sun-Times review] "Four stars! Just great rock 'n' roll!"
  [NME review from ten years later] "A rock folly, a coke-fuelled monument to '90s excess."
  [1997 Observer review] "A triumph... the album that makes Oasis into a global force."
  [Rolling Stone review from ten years later] "The kind of studio monstrosity that just can't happen without a rare cosmic convergence of money, ego, hostility, and guitar overdubs."
  [1997 Daily Telegraph review] "A great rock record. Certainly the greatest Oasis album ever made."
  [Guardian review from ten years later] "Overwrought, soupy, completely meaningless."
  [1997 Q review] "Five stars! A bundle of delights... You have to go back to the Beatles' "Revolver" for a set whose every constituent could be spun off into the singles chart."
  [Pitchfork review from ten years later] "One of the most agonizing listening experiences in pop music."
• Reflecting upon the lead single "D'You Know What I Mean?"
  Todd: I assume the other drafts were named after all their other tossed-off catchphrases, like "Right?" and "Innit?" and "Oi, Liam, you wanker!"
• Todd's soul-crushing angst over the endless nine minute song "All Around the World", on an album where a bunch of the songs are overly long already.
  Todd: It's like climbing up a Mount Everest-sized mountain of cocaine. It's a death march of Peace and Love!
  • "It's like listening to them going to literally every person in the world and singing the chorus at them!"
  • The interspersed clips of the song itself really illustrate Todd's mounting frustration: a band already known for huge anthemic rockers deciding to consciously go as bombastic as they can as a tribute to late-period Beatles, minus the limits that analog tape recording put on overdubs and wall-of-sound mixes, with volume prioritized over dynamics. It's so over-the-top that it becomes a joke in itself.
    "It just keeps going, and GOING, and getting bigger, and BIGGER."
• His response to the song title "It's Getting Better (Man!)"
  Todd: I like that because it's literally a Beatles title with some bad attitude thrown in. They are on-brand.
• He expresses delight that the final song on the album is only two minutes long... before he discovers it's a reprise of "All Around the World."
  Todd: Piss off, you wankers.
  • Also funny is the Tiny Toon Adventures clip that precedes it: "It's magnificent... it's stupendous... it's short!"

Van Halen - Van Halen III (1998)

• Todd doesn't even indicate how bad this album is going to be at first. For the opening five minutes, he actually appears to be looking forward to the new direction, and his response to the opening instrumental "Neworld" boils down to "That's pretty". It's only once he actually listens to "Without You" that he's completely taken aback. Even the lead-in to the title sequence is subverted.
  Todd: Gary Cherone was the man who would lead them into their third decade, and Van Halen was gonna continue to kick ass. Here it comes. It's gonna be so good. [rubs hands together] Here it comes!
  [Trainwreckords title sequence]
  • And once it settles in how bad this album is...
    Todd: Alright, you're already well aware - Van Halen III was not well received. "Without You" was the only song on it that got any real radio play, and every critic seemed to agree that, except for this lead single, every track was hookless and terrible.
• Todd goes into this long spiel about how Van Halen needed to revamp their sound for the 90s, making a point of asking "Who in 1998 was going to listen to a dinosaur cock-rock band that started in the goddamn '70s?", and then immediately cutting to the music video for "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing".
• Todd attempts to explain the album's title:
  Todd: 'Cause, you know, Van Halen I was their first album with David Lee Roth. Van Halen II was their f... second album with David Lee Roth- OK, the numbering's not consistent.
• Todd's reaction to the disjointed structure of "Without You":
  Todd: Wait, w-we're just changing tempo now?! Go eat me.
• Todd mocking the lyrics of "One I Want"...
  Todd: It ["One I Want"] at least has more structure than the last one ["Without You"], and the lyrics are a little more, uh...
  Gary Cherone: Poor man, he just wants a little! Rich man, wants a little bit more! Superman, he lookin' for Lois! Salesman, tryin' to sell you his soul!
  Todd: Actually, hold up, what are these lyrics?
  Gary Cherone: Fat man, he's ordering seconds! Pizza man, just want a slice!
  (Beat, as Todd visibly recoils)
  Todd: Ant-Man! Not in Infinity War! Giant-Man! That's actually Ant-Man again! Triangle Man! Hates Particle Man, they have a fight! Triangle Man wins!
  Gary Cherone: Gay man, looking for another! The candy man! Yeah, the candy man can!
  Todd: I'm trying, but I can't actually come up with funnier lyrics.
  • And once Todd posted the lyrics on Twitter, his fans found out at least two borrowed lyrics that also fit: "Spoonman! Come together with your plan!" and "Young man! There's no need to feel down!"
• When Todd is looking for an explanation on what went wrong with the album:
  Todd: So, what went wrong? Sammy Hagar has a theory.
  (cut to article title "Sammy Hagar Says Eddie Van Halen Can't Write Songs")
  Todd: Well, yes, that, but... also, more specifically[...]
• Todd brings up "Fire in the Hole"...
  Todd: You may remember it from its bizarre appearance in Lethal Weapon 4, where Murtaugh and Riggs run across a Batman villain who then pauses the action to turn on his music, because he's apparently Baby Driver, but with really shitty taste in music.
• While Todd considers "Fire in the Hole" the best song on the album (in that, it sounds like a second tier Sammy Hagar song, or a fourth tier David Lee Roth song), the incomprehensible lyrics make Todd do a Double Take:
  Gary Cherone: In a word to... yah! The wisdom tooth!
  Todd: A word to the wisdom tooth?!
  Gary Cherone: So open up...and say ahhh-men! Rinse cup! Hey, and spit again!
  Todd: Is that a play on words? Is this like a really bad Hashtag Rap? And what do dentist puns have to do with fire in the hole?!
  Gary Cherone: You got a mind full of decavities (???)
• Ultimately, Todd can't avoid a major issue any longer:
  Todd: Now that I've played a few songs for you, so you know it's not a fluke, let's talk about the giant elephant in the room: Why the fuck does Gary sound like that?
  (cut to a montage of Gary screaming "Yeah!")
  Todd: It's amazing because he managed to sound almost exactly like Sammy Hagar, yet simultaneously four hundred times worse.
  • Todd clarifies that he doesn't think Cherone is a bad singer:
    Todd: I've listen to those old Extreme albums! He sounded fine! And nothing like Sammy Hegar!
  • Todd then compares Gary's singing with Van Halen to "playing something if you want to scare raccoons out of your yard".
• Todd does a background check on producer Mike Post... only to find that his resume consists primarily of TV show themes. Very good TV show themes (as illustrated with a montage of the themes to The Greatest American Hero, The A-Team, Law & Order, The Rockford Files, Hill Street Blues, Quantum Leap, The Commish, and Doogie Howser, M.D.), but still hardly an appropriate background for a Van Halen producer. Todd subsequently admits that when he called Post a "hard rock producer" earlier in the video, he was actually referring to just Van Halen III.
• Todd briefly mentions the video for the track "Once", which was released exclusively online... in 1998. Even just the visual is hilarious: the editors added a little track information chyron like a typical music video, but given that it's in 144p resolution with a compressed B&W palette, what appears on screen are little smears of light and dark pixels at the corner of a larger grey blob.
  Todd: Considering the streaming capabilities of PCs in 1998, they might as well have just dropped it in the garbage. I found a copy of it on YouTube, but I'm guessing no better quality version of this was ever uploaded, 'cause the only copy I could find looks like it was filmed on ravioli. This is what all Internet video used to look like, kids.
• Once Todd gets to the closing track "How Many Say I", a piano ballad sung by Eddie himself:
  Todd: This is the most embarrassing thing Eddie van Halen ever did. And just a few years earlier he got himself a short haircut and goatee that made him look like the forgotten third member of Brooks & Dunn.
• After noting the attempts to reunite with Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth in the wake of this album's failure, Todd concludes his review thusly...
  Todd: And it's just a shame that they couldn't find some kind of way to make it right with them, because they just couldn't do it all without them. (beat) Hey, wait! Is that what that song's about?! Did Eddie write the lyrics to this too? Is this about the other singers? But he did do it all without them, that's why it sucked! My god, it's like its own autopsy about why it failed!

Creedence Clearwater Revival - Mardi Gras (1972)

• "But they kept soldering on. They... kept on chooglin'..."
• How does Todd describe how this album came to be (although he admits shortly after that it's not entirely true)? If, instead of breaking up, The Beatles decided to make one more album... and the others decided that this would only result in the band sticking together if Ringo did most of the work. And he had no say in it.
  • Although Todd admits Creedence Clearwater Revival's situation wasn't as bad as that Ringo hypothetical (since the situation was that they would all write songs for the album), Todd admits that in some respects, the situation was actually worse than that hypothetical:
    Todd: [P]eople liked Ringo! Ringo had a personality, people knew who he was. People didn't have a clue who the other guys in [Creedence Clearwater Revival] were! They barely knew the main guy in the band!
  • To demonstrate the above point, Todd asks his audience if they even know the name of CCR's lead singer. Todd immediately realizes that at least some people who would be watching this would know that;^note John Fogerty, for the record he counters that by asking them to name the others.^note Fogerty's brother Tom on rhythm guitar, Stu Cook on bass, Doug Clifford on drums.
• As part of his struggles with trying to understand the downfall of the band, Todd had to "buy books and read them, and shit".
• "[A]nd if the lead singer's not getting attention, you could imagine how little the fucking bass player gets."
• Presenting the intra-band drama as a Jersey Shore fight with "Re-Enactment" titled over it. Plus, Todd explains that John referred to the night when the others got into a fight over wanting to do more songs as "The Night of the Generals"... which Todd points out is a reference to a movie involving Nazi generals at the end of World War II. Cue Fogerty's response being put as a Downfall Hitler Rant meme.
  Hitler: I want more bass solos on the albums!
• This is Todd's breakdown of how the band described how the album came to be:
  • At the time, Doug and Stu said that John needed their help because he was burnt out. Now?
    Todd!John: (complete with shaking picture) FINE! YOU WANT MORE INPUT?! WHY DON'T YOU WRITE THE SONGS?!
  • And here's how Fogerty describes it:
    Todd: (over a clip of Baby Herman crying) Waaaa! Waa, I wanna write songs! Waaaa!
• After Todd realizes the opener for the album, "Lookin' for a Reason", is explicitly about the band breaking up:
  Todd: "Because I Got High" is more open to interpretation than this.
  Afroman: (while shown explicitly toking) Because I got high! Because I got high! Because I got high!
  Todd: ...maybe it's about being high on life.
• Todd's utter bafflement at how bad the non-John Fogerty members' contributions are. When Stu Cook's second song begins, Todd swiftly gives it a Rapid-Fire "No!" and shows similarly blunt rejections from America's Got Talent and The Gong Show.
  • This is then followed up by Todd's blunt realization that the song, "Take it Like a Friend", is just Stu "shit-talking John right to his face".
  • Todd also mentions that Fogerty was so offended he didn't even play guitar on the other guys' songs. "Kind of a dick move, but I wouldn't want to help record a song about what an asshole I am either."
• Todd sees through Stu's third song's narrative of being a sailor, and dealing with the abrasive "captain".
  Todd: (cuts to picture of John with a poorly Photoshopped captain's hat; sarcastically) Who could he be talking about? (normally) Funny that this song is about sailors, 'cause Stu is incredibly salty.
• As Todd realizes to his disgust, the cover song (specifically, a cover of Ricky Nelson's "Hello Mary Lou") is "the same fucking song"^note which is to say it was a straight cover; there is nothing done to distinguish it from the original. He even plays them back to back to make his point crystal clear.
• At the end of the video, Todd gets the idea to force Amy to write his reviews from now on, topped off with Amy's confused expression.
  Todd: You're not pulling your weight, dog! Why do I have to do all the work?! Give me a thousand words on the new Eminem album! This is what you wanted, right?! I heard you begging at me! That was clearly what you meant!

Billy Idol - Cyberpunk (1993)

• Since it is about an album by Billy Idol, Todd spends the entirety of the video wearing a spiky blond wig.
  Todd: Guess whose Halloween costume is tax-deductible this year?
  • Later in the video Todd comments on Idol's second change of hairstyle, to an awful-looking set of blond dreadlocks like Vanilla Ice was wearing circa 1993. Todd refused to buy a wig for that.
    Todd: Like, not even for Halloween.
• "The '90s wouldn't start until September of '91 when uhh..."
  Kurt Cobain: ♪ With the lights out, it's less dangerous! ♪
  Todd: Yes, it's time for yet another edition of "Nirvana Killed My Career"!
• Todd on Idol's career options in the wake of the grunge era:
  Todd: [...] so after the alternative revolution took hold, Billy had two options: He could keep doing what he was doing, or he could adapt himself to the new ethos of rock music. [Beat] He did neither.
• On Idol's look in the "Shock to the System" video, which sees his spiky hair get even spikier:
  Todd: Why does he look like Gary Busey wearing a Bart Simpson wig all of a sudden?
  • Cut to the scene in the video where Billy stop-motion merges with a camcorder to form some ugly-looking cyborg thing. It gets the reaction it deserves:
    Todd: ...what the fuck is that? Uh, I did not realize I was gonna need to buy a Borg outfit to complete this Halloween costume. Eh, whatever. I'm leaving [the wig] on anyway.
• Turns out the album had bonus features on a floppy disc that came with the album. When Todd gets a look at it...
  Todd: Oh man, check out those Sega Genesis graphics. I wanna play, like, NBA Jam or Mortal Kombat (1992) now.
  Dan Forden: TOASTY!!!
• "But the album has one major thing in common with Kurt Cobain. For both of them, it all went wrong... with 'Heroin'."
• When Todd plays Idol's Cover Version of Velvet Underground's "Heroin", he discovers that it both A) Comically Misses the Point of the original by turning the originally bleak and moody song into one with dance club beats, and B) It's also a mashup with Patti Smith's "Gloria"; so Todd slips in a clip of "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" to mock both things.
  Todd: We're at a rave... A heroin rave!
  • Todd giving us this delightful mental image:
    Todd: Turning a Velvet Underground song into this, is like taking Blade Runner and letting Michael Bay remake it.