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Cinemadonna
Specials
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Lauryn Hill - MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 (2002)
- When bringing up a recent incident where Lauryn Hill received massive backlash for having shown up two hours late to a performance, Todd admits to being heartbroken and dismayed over the fact that people are still buying tickets for her shows—he points out that this unprofessionalism is common for her shows and shouldn't be a surprise or disappointment to anybody.
- He then reviews footage of her on stage and comes to a startling realization that makes it all make sense to him: Lauryn Hill's still an amazing, charismatic, commanding performer when she can actually be bothered to appear. He compares buying tickets to one of her shows to buying a lottery ticket: you might go home empty-handed, but if you hit the jackpot and she deigns to show up...
- Todd states up top he's never been a fan of MTV Unplugged, finding an all-acoustic format tedious and also pretentious to consider it more "real" than a fully produced performance. He suspects the public came around to his side when Korn (of all bands) tried to do an unplugged concert. He then shows a clip of the performance, which shows that it went about as well as one can expect a Nu Metal band attempting an acoustic performance to go.Todd: What the fuck. Not an experiment to be repeated.
- Lauryn's opening lines are enough to make the thing unpromising.Todd: She is performing all new, never-before-released material.
Lauryn: A lot of these songs, too. Some of them, you know...they ain't even really have titles yet.
Todd: All new... unfinished material.
Lauryn: If I stop, if I start, if I, you know, feel like singing, "Baby, baby, baby" for...eighteen bars or whatever, you know, I just...I do that.
Todd: All new, unfinished... ad-libbed material.
Lauryn: Alright, so you guys are cool? Okay, I'm talking, people in my head, too [audience laughs].
Todd: Yeah, it's gonna be real shaky. - On the subject of the song "Mr. Intentional":Todd: "Mr. Intentional" is about some unnamed condescending asshole...
Caption: (It's definitely Wyclef Jean)- Captions come back later during a 12-minute monologue, which Todd describes as "Lauryn Hill TED Talks." Over shots of the audience with blank expressions on:"...Where are the exits"
"...please god invent the smartphone soon"
- Captions come back later during a 12-minute monologue, which Todd describes as "Lauryn Hill TED Talks." Over shots of the audience with blank expressions on:
- Todd attempts to look up the metaphorically heavy lyrics of "Adam Lives in Theory", which leads to a Fast-Forward Gag, complete with Lauryn being sped up to chipmunk levels, as the lyrics scroll down to the bottom and Todd realizes in horror that this is going to be over seven minutes of Lauryn being "deep".
- On Lauryn's guitar skills:
- On the song "I Find It Hard To Say (Rebel)", which led to the special not being aired until months after 9/11, because Lauryn was afraid of causing rioting:Todd: Yeah, don't worry Lauryn, this isn't going to make anyone start throwing bricks. It's going to make people get their latte somewhere else.
- Todd's takedown of Lauryn's "reality" running theme surrounding this show:Lauryn: I used to be a performer, and I really don't consider myself a performer so much anymore.
Todd: Then what the hell am I watching, lady?!- Adding later, "Realer than 'Real Deal' Holyfield. Jennifer Lopez wasn't this real."
- This exchange:Lauryn: Y'all never knew me! I just wanted to introduce you to me — I'm just getting to know me!
Todd: (sigh) Ma'am, this is an Arby's.
Madonna - American Life (2003)
- Todd's summary of the album, Madonna doing a Concept Album taking on The War on Terror, thus:Todd: "Bush, I'm Madonna!"
- Todd's critique of the title track's replacement video, which removed the shock of the original (a military-themed fashion show) and has Madonna just standing in front of flags from random countries green-screened behind her.Todd: Take that Estonia, Norway, Pakistan, and Monaco! Micronesia had it coming!
- Todd throwing shade during the "American Life Rap".
- His reaction to the third single, "I'm So Stupid":Todd: Speaking of sounding like garbage...note
- Also, his reaction to the harsh opening note at the beginning, even leaning back in his chair.
- Todd scoffing at Madonna's rejection of Hollywood, saying that given the time the album was made, it comes off more as sour grapes after her film career definitively bombed with Swept Away.
- "Hollywood" has an odd ending where Madonna starts chanting "push the button, don't push the button, trip the station, change the channel"— cut to Bela Lugosi shouting "Pull the string!" from Glen or Glenda.
- The "Hollywood" single serves as a bit of a Brick Joke, because Todd used a remix of it as the theme song for his Cinemadonna series, which ended with this album's accompanying documentary. He reveals that "Hollywood" was the only Madonna song to not chart at all in the United States, no matter how hard she tried to promote it.note Considering it highlights her bitterness over her film career ending, the irony is just delicious.
- Todd saying that only Madonna could lose a being-down-to-earth contest to Kanye West.
Robin Thicke - Paula (2014)
- This review is one where Todd actually doesn't have as much in the way of snark or jokes.note Todd treats the colossal failure of Paula as a fairly-somber How the Mighty Have Fallen affair, even having the occasional Sympathy for the Devil (after all, Robin Thicke's material pre-"Blurred Lines", and even some of the material of this very album, made Todd realize Thicke wasn't untalented), while never losing sight of how Thicke basically brought it on himself, as the album is basically a very public show of Thicke being Not Good with Rejection. But then again, moments like the very first line of the review makes you know that you're in for something... special.Todd: He just... seemed like a douchebag.
[cue the opening bars of "Blurred Lines"]- Even the "This is Trainwreckords" introduction seemingly comes out of nowhere, preceded by Todd throwing up his hands, and him sounding confused while saying it rather than his usual confidence.Todd: [with genuine bafflement and dismay in his voice] "I wrote a whole album about y..." What're you DOIN', man? For the luvva God, no. [Slight beat] ...This is Trainwreckords.
- Even the "This is Trainwreckords" introduction seemingly comes out of nowhere, preceded by Todd throwing up his hands, and him sounding confused while saying it rather than his usual confidence.
- On said colossal failure of the album:note Todd: We've seen big names fail to debut at #1 and throw public fits about their low numbers, but if they had seen sales as low as Paula's, they'd melt like the Wicked Witch.
- "The same man, who was just a year earlier bragging about the size of his dick, now looked flaccid and shrunken and deflated."
- There's a subtly funny beat in the story of the night Robin met Paula — he serenaded her with a Stevie Wonder song. It sounds so romantic, like being a crooner was his destiny. Except...Todd: You can't go wrong by singing Stevie.
[shows Wonder singing "Jungle Fever"]
Todd: ...Except that one. Please tell me he didn't sing that one. [shows an article saying exactly that] Please tell me that's not true. - Todd likens the Broken Pedestal effect of Robin Thicke's marriage failing to it theoretically coming out that Snoop Dogg has never done drugs or that John Cena hates visiting sick kids.
- Despite being a Trainwreckord through and through, Todd concedes that there are songs on the album that work— particularly "Living in New York City", a funk-throwback number that Todd sheepishly (and hilariously) admits "kinda slaps".
- However, even that song ends up befuddling Todd. It starts with a Lyrical Cold Open of a woman saying "I'm moving to New York" (which, as Todd elaborates, was Paula Patton herself, in what was possibly the last thing she collaborated on with Thicke). It's obvious that Todd was expecting it to segue into something somber... only for the cheerful song to follow. Todd's reaction is priceless.
- There is one Hilarious in Hindsight moment where Todd cuts to an old review he found.Todd: Believe it or not, he wasn't always known as a douchebag. Rolling Stone called him "gentlemanly." [cut to the quote in question with "!?!!!" added next to it]
- Todd draws attention to a moment during Thicke's appearance at the Billboard Music Awards, where the album's lead single "Get Her Back" first debuted, where Thicke straight-up says to the audience "Help me get her back" several times, there's a woman in the front row with a Disapproving Look.
- Todd: Shout-out to the uncomfortable-looking woman at the front row, she speaks for us all.
- On the uptempo, seemingly-out-of-place track "Tippy Toes":Todd: If this album were a musical, this would be the "Shipoopi".
- After managing to sway himself into thinking the album might be secretly decent, the one-two punch of "Tippy Toes" and "Something Bad" (with backup singers shrilly chiding Robin for being a "bad baby") make Todd re-evaluate his position and ponder whether it sucked after all.
- Some times, it's the small things. Todd can't help but chuckle at an Accidental Pun.Todd: I'm sure that in the thick of it — Heh heh, "Thicke of it" — I'm sure that in the thick of it...
The Clash - Cut the Crap (1985)
- Todd explaining that the album title is very unfortunate as it set itself up for mockery, as the album is essentially The Clash cutting "12 whole tracks of crap."Todd: No record has ever teed itself up for the critics like that since Spinal Tap released Shark Sandwich. [shows the scene of Spinal Tap reading a review mockingly calling their album "Shit Sandwich"] "Shit Sandwich" was my original title for this series, by the way.
- Todd did really thorough research for this episode, even buying several books and watching numerous documentaries on the Clash— mostly because the surviving members of The Clash and their fans have done their damnedest to avoid talking about it. MTV's Rockumentary episode on the Clash doesn't even mention it, the All the Albums, All the Songs encyclopedia reduces Cut the Crap's songs to single paragraphs each, and a Rolling Stone article about the band's last concert with Mick Jones and Topper Headon does briefly mention it, but explicitly claims it doesn't count.
- When the opening track "Dictator" starts, the production and mixing are so bad (most strongly exemplified by the driving drum track being out of sync with the rest of the song) that Todd tries to listen to it through multiple speakers and headphones to check if it wasn't just a hardware glitch on his end. He's not even joking.
- Saying that the song "We Are The Clash" sounds like the theme to a Clash-themed TV show.Todd: [imitating an announcer] The Clash! Weekdays at 4:30, on Fox 10!
- Todd does end up liking the one single "This Is England" (which is the only song from the album that appears on any Clash compilations), but refrains from showing a video because there isn't one. Why? None of the band members showed up the day it was to be filmed.
- When Todd reads Bernie Rhodes's nom-de-plume in the credits, he's already bracing himself for the bad news.
- When Todd mentions Bernie Rhodes's meddling with the album causing in-band tensions, he notes that Joe Strummer came to Bernie's side, meaning that he could be called "a 'Bernie Bro', if you will."
- Todd comparing Bernie Rhodes' conspiracy-theory complaints about the album's negative critical and commercial reception to a DC fan railing against Rotten Tomatoes.
Hootie and the Blowfish - Fairweather Johnson (1996)
- The video starts with Todd asking himself if he can make an entire 20-minute video about Hootie & the Blowfish interesting.note By the end:Todd: I think ultimately we can write this album off as a boring failure. Just like this video! I swear to god I'll cover Hulk Hogan's album next time or something, just anything more interesting than this.
- "If there is any band on earth who shouldn't be on a show about spectacular failures, it is Hootie and the Blowfish. 'Cause they weren't a spectacular anything."
- To put it in context, all of the other albums on the series flopped because of a disastrous, ill-conceived or badly executed creative direction, internal strife between band members or the record label, terrible promotion, public backlash against the band itself, or some combination thereof. Hootie's problem? Their sophomore album sounded exactly like the old one, and their current market saturation made Fairweather Johnson, the weaker record of the two, commercially redundant. Even when they stumbled at the height of their fame, it was kind of unremarkable.
- Todd stating that the band was so middle-of-the-road that they must have "scientifically pinpointed the exact center of the road with quantum precision."
- Todd admits up top that there's nothing notably disastrous about the album, it's just a dull album that didn't sell well. And that's just having explained that lots of bands have albums like that, and it usually doesn't meet his definition of a "trainwreckord"... except in this case, simply due to how jaw-droppingly successful Hootie's debut album Cracked Rear View was.
- Todd illustrates the band's incredible success by playing a clip of Hootie being award a Grammy, with a giant red arrow helpfully labeling the presenter as "TUPAC F'ING SHAKUR," who excitedly describes them as personal favorites before reading out their name.
- And standing next to Tupac while he presents the Grammy? KISS.
- Todd's frequent mocking of Darius Rucker's Yarling throughout the video. This includes not only yarling an interview quote from Rucker, but also yarling a quote from a record executive denying that the album was a flop:Todd: Yeah, everyone connected with them talks like that, I decided.
- "I swear to God he's trying to sing without using consonants!"
- Right up there with the "bisexual" line from Lauryn Hill, Hootie and the Blowfish give us...Darius Rucker: And I'd love to hurt the population!
Todd: Wait, what, WHY?! - One of the reasons Todd lists for rushing out this album is that they'd been playing the same setlist for five years at that point, and "even when you ARE Hootie and the Blowfish", you can get sick of Hootie and the Blowfish.
- Todd judges the best song on the album to be the eponymous middle track, "Fairweather Johnson": A 45-second joke song that suddenly cuts out in the middle. Todd has to stop himself from literally spending longer analyzing and talking about it and its themes than its duration.Todd: I'm not kidding. It was the catchiest song and I knew what it was about.
- Todd reads an excerpt from a British review that states "Duller than Dull Dave McDull's Duller Brother Dennis"Todd: I imagine the Zero Punctuation guy writing that.
