Funny / Todd In The Shadows 2018 Episodes

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The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2017 Part 1

• Todd saying that the music scene he found moving to New York was "like taking a trip to Italy and being served Spaghetti-Os".
• The extended fake-out intro for his #9 pick: "That One Maroon 5 Song," which goes through "Cold," "I Don't Wanna Know," among others before finally settling on "What Lovers Do".
• Explaining why the duet version of "Perfect" doesn't work:
  "'[Beyoncé] could make the new Ed Sheeran song worth listening to!' No, no, calm down, nobody could do that. That's impossible.
  "Persona-wise, Beyoncé is a million years old and invoked has been worshipped by primitive cultures since pre-history, whereas Ed Sheeran is a six year-old who still wets his pants. Comparatively, I mean."
• His summary of "Take Me To Church" ^note formerly a dishonorable mention on his 2014 worst list as being about a guy who "was moved to religion because he got some really good ass".
• Saying that Zayn is "the first person in history to, paradoxically, look more like a 5 year old after growing a full beard".
  • In a very notable case of Toddstradamus getting it wrong again, Todd identifies Zayn, the earliest One Direction member to become a solo hitmaker, as having "such a commanding lead, in terms of both success and sucking, that his former bandmates will never, EVER catch up". Flash forward a few years, and Harry Styles, who didn't even get mentioned by name in that career wrapup, has become massively famous while Zayn has more or less faded from relevance.

The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2017 Part 2

• On "Gucci Gang"
  • Todd describes Lil Pump as looking like "a forgotten Suicide Squad character". And saying that his name is "literally a synonym for 'small dick.'"
  • "I'm calling this song one of the most obnoxiously repetitive songs I've ever heard... except for the fact that it's only a blessedly short two minutes long. My morning pee takes longer than this song fragment!"
  • And including a call-out to "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo"
• Todd unleashes a ton of Take That! while discussing his #4 pick, "Shape of You" by Ed Sheeran.
  • Saying "The entire history of popular music has been an uninterrupted streak of ugly guys pretending to be studs" over a picture of The Rolling Stones.
  • The current sex symbols in theaters are "some freaky-looking pockmarked emo douche" and "a goddamn fish-man".
  • "Ed Sheeran sounds like acne, Ed Sheeran sings about sex like he'd rather be playing D&D, we've reached the point where Charlie Puth, Charlie Goddamn Puth, has managed to convey more heat!".
• The very petty reason why Todd ranked his #3 pick, "Body Like A Back Road" by Sam Hunt, over "Shape Of You", despite thinking that Sam Hunt sings about sex much more convincingly than Ed Sheeran:
  Todd: This is the worse song because I absolutely cannot get it out of my fuckin' head! It is one of the most insidious, brain-destroying choruses I've ever heard. [cut to Todd sitting on the floor, singing to the tune of "Body Like A Back Road"] ♫ Putting on my shoes now...♫ Oh, goddammit! [Todd throws a shoe at the wall, then the video cuts to him sitting at his computer, still singing to the same tune] ♫ Wasting time on Facebook, wasting...♫ God-fucking-dammit!
• His new versions of "Body Like A Back Road": "Ass Like A Refrigerator", "Sexy As An Abandoned Wal-Mart", and "I Literally Tried To Fuck A Tractor One Time".
  Todd: ♫ Tried to fuck a tractor, banged it in the backyard...♫ God, that's gonna be in my head now.
• Despite 2017 being a particularly rough year for Toddstradamus, he can take pride that he at least got one prediction right: In his "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" review back in 2012, he predicted that Taylor Swift would eventually make terrible electronic/synth music^note as the lead-in to discussing his #2 pick, Swift's "Look What You Made Me Do".
  Todd: Who. Called it.
• Dishonourable Mentions:
  • The very Crosses the Line Twice call-and-response mocking the infamous "who can relate, woo!" line in "1-800-273-8255".
    Todd: "All my ladies with suicidal depression, say heeeey! And all my fellas with self-endangering mood disorders, say hooooo! When I say self, you say harm!"
    • He tweeted that he laughed so hard writing that joke that he struggled to finish the rest of his script.
  • On the "I just want a rollie with a dab of ranch" line in "Rolex":
    Todd: Don't dip your luxury watch in ranch dressing, yuck. [Beat] Yes, I know what it actually means, don't @ me.
• Todd's #1 pick is "...Ready For It?", also by Taylor Swift, because not only is it a continuation of everything insufferable Todd found about "Look What You Made Me Do", but he also finds it incredibly generic and flavorless. He especially takes offense to Swift's attempt at rapping:
  Taylor Swift: But he act like such a man, so/I see nothin' better
  Todd: Why, it's like Iggy Azalea never left us at all.
• The Stinger: "Last year I took a L but this year I bounce back".

The Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2017 Part 1

• This was basically the "I Like This Song By An Artist I Find Amusing To Beat Up" list at first, and Todd leaned into it.
• Todd describes himself as anti-drug, while tipping back a bottle of beer.
• Even though he liked Post Malone's "Congratulations" enough to make it #10, he gives Malone himself both barrels, comparing him to "the lovechild of Jay and Silent Bob".
• The Self-Deprecation Todd piles on himself about the glories of being a "low to mid-tier YouTube celebrity", including his "fabulous" preowned Nissan Altima.
• A ton on Katy Perry's "Chained to the Rhythm"
  • He compares the song, which is about how stupid pop songs are bad (yes, from Katy Perry), to a book called "Don't Read This Book".
  • Him declaring himself her "Reluctant Defender".
  • Todd mentions that, thanks to "Chained to the Rhythm", this is the second time in 2017 that "Skip Marley dragged a clueless white celebrity into corporate-approved wokeness", in reference to how Marley was also involved in the Kendall Jenner Pepsi ad.
  • Todd has to make a point to clarify that what he is saying the song is about actually is what the song is about and that he isn't projecting, going so far as to point out that Katy Perry ended the year as Marie Antoinette.
    Todd: Get ready for her next single, "I Am Awful, Please Behead Me".
• He comments that between Views and his recent mixtape, Drake has released two and a half hours of music—most of it bad—and that he doesn't think Drake has anyone who wants to spend two and a half hours with him in real life.
• When he puts Adele's "Water Under the Bridge" on the list:
  • Todd admits that, by putting Adele on the list, he's "more predictable than the Grammys".
  • After pointing out how Adele could totally become a dance diva if she wanted to, he dubs "Everybody Dance Now" over the footage he's using.
• He describes Kesha's "Praying" as being a song about forgiveness...
  Todd: But, like, the really condescending forgiveness that Southerners like to use to remind you that you're being a loathsome piece of shit.

The Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2017 Part 2

• He mentions that his #5 pick, Ed Sheeran's "Castle on the Hill", was released on the same day as "Shape of You" (for which, well, see above), and yet "Shape of You" was the big success. His conclusion from this?
  We are a broken people.
  • When he talks about other childhood-nostalgia songs, he takes a second to slam both Bryan Adams ^note (again) and Nickelback.
• He's fairly certain that his #4 pick, which combines Calvin Harris, Migos, and Frank Ocean, doesn't actually work, but he doesn't care.
  • Katy Perry embarrassing herself onstage with Migos comes back for another round just because Todd can't resist.
• When he puts Charlie Puth on #3:
  • Even Todd can't believe that Charlie Puth managed to pull a turnaround and reach #3 after "Marvin Gaye", and at one point speculates that Charlie was actually replaced by an impostor.
  • When he comments that "Attention" is saved by the bass, it cuts back to "Marvin Gaye", and Todd has to clarify that he didn't mean Meghan Trainor "bass".
  • "In the battle of the sexes, I feel that the girls have gotten all the good diss tracks."
  • "'You just want attention', that's such a cutting line. Like a bratty child. Or a cat.
  • He concludes that Puth has been dating Cher Lloyd, and that they honestly deserved each other.
• Todd says he was tempted to make "Paris" number #1, because "I hate all of you, and what better way to show that than by making The Chainsmokers number #1 two years in a row?"
  • He explains that he likes "Paris" because he likes ripoffs, and unlike the original (M83's Midnight City), he could at least hear and understand the lyrics in this one.
  • His anger at the "Taking pictures of yourself on the Internet" line:
  "Oh, so NOW taking selfies is perfectly fine! You assholes! Hypocrites! Hypocrites is what you are!"
• He pokes fun at Portugal. The Man by describing the song as "refreshing, like this refreshing vitamin water!" Then he takes a sip and describes the water as "pure diabetes".
• When Shawn Mendes comes up, he demands to know who keeps letting artists he hates on his list.
• He has to confess that he really had to stretch the qualifications to justify his #1 pick, Lorde's "Green Light", but did so anyway, because, direct quote, "fuck it, I heard it get airplay once or twice, so I'm counting it!" ^note It peaked at #19 in the US, so by his criteria, it counts.
  • His prediction for Lorde was that she would move into darker territories, end up somewhere in the Tori Amos/Florence + the Machine belt. He seems pretty okay with his usual Toddstradamus accuracy this time!

Justin Timberlake - "Filthy"

• Todd describes the gamut of reaction to Justin's Super Bowl LII show as ranging from "really mediocre" to "meh" and, at most, "okay".
• Although he wasn't a "SexyBack" fan, Todd immediately clarifies he knew why it was huge — unlike "Filthy", it was a triumphant example of the "I'm Back Bitch" song.
  Todd: It was less a single, and more of a campaign theme. [...] Timberlake 2020. Justin Christ Superstar. Something to blast out of your tanks as you invade a country.
  [The Huey squadron from Apocalypse Now flies down, beat blaring]
  Todd: [As Col. Kilgore] "I love the smell of sexy in the morning."
• His "basking in applause" and jerkoff motion during the intro of the song (Justin playing a Steve Jobs Expy in the video, and entering to rapturous cheering) while waiting for it to get started. He's equally turned off by Justin's very doofy white-guy swagger and dated rap homages.
  Todd: Look, Justin has been hot shit for a long time, but let's be real: Justin was lame for at least as long as he's been cool. There was a window of time where he could use hip-hop slang and not sound like a trying-to-be-cool youth pastor, but we're past that. "Got my swaaaagger back..." [Scoffs]
• His fake moshing when he plays the song very loud (after noticing that the single's release art actually says "This Song Should Be Played Very Loud"), complete with stool abuse.
  "...Okay, volume is not really enhancing the experience, here."
• His incredulous response to Timberlake claiming that this song "ain't the clean version".
  Todd: The only thing keeping this version from being played on public airwaves is that no one likes it! Kidz Bop probably wouldn't even have to change the lyrics, and they change the lyrics for everything!
  Kidz Bop Cover of "Hotline Bling": You used to call me on my cell phone / Any time you need to talk
  [A caption reading "ACTUAL KIDZ BOP LYRICS" comes up]
• In response to the titular "filthy hands" line, he splices it into Planet of the Apes.
• And in the middle of the next line of the chorus:
  Justin Timberlake: What you gonna do with all that meat?
  Todd: All that meat... inside your... feet?
  • Todd characterizes the vague, inconsistent "back to nature" concept of Man of the Woods as almost an attempt by Justin to reverse-engineer bro country, with the end result being that there are a lot more barbecue references than normal (especially "Sauce", the twangiest and closest to bro country of them all).
• Todd's displeasure for whelping at the end of lines:
  "I'd rather have will.i.am back than that... Course, he was the one who probably came up with it."
• The music video reminds Todd of the "Putting On the Ritz" routine from Young Frankenstein, so he edits the video to the audio from the film accordingly.
• Todd remarks that the sheer awkwardness of this song "is going back in time to erase every speck of cool he ever had", complete with a deliberately badly edited photo of Justin in a lime-green polyester leisure suit over "Suit and Tie".
• The stinger music: "Through Being Cool".

Drake - "God's Plan"

• Todd takes a moment to consider the line "Turned the O2 into the O3", which is most likely a reference to London's O2 Arena, but Todd chooses to believe Drake is claiming to have the power to turn oxygen into ozone. While he explains this interpretation, the theme song to Bill Nye the Science Guy plays in the background.
• On Drake's supposed haters:
  Todd: Who are they? Do you know them? Are they rival rappers? Critics?^note (accompanied by a shot of one of Todd's old reviews) Assassins? Vampires?
• His Sarcasm Mode at the "I feel good, sometimes I don't" line, before eventually coming around on it.

Lil Dicky ft. Chris Brown - "Freaky Friday"

• Todd's assertions that because he's critiquing a comedy piece, that this review will be "100% No Fun".
  Todd: I would rather skin my own feet with a carrot peeler!
  • "I told you this episode was gonna be no fun! If you're still here, that's your fault!"
• The bike horn he honked at the beginning of the review becomes a Brick Joke once Mood Dissonance sets in.
  • It then comes back once again during the Kendall Jenner body-swap, where he dejectedly drops it on the floor.
• The blink-and-you'll-miss-it return of the "As far as you know" Running Gag, when Todd says that Lil Dicky's "the Jewish one, and I'm not".
• Todd on Lil Dicky's previous big hit, "Save Dat Money":
  Todd: The big reason it worked for me was the same reason "I'm On a Boat" worked: because the beat was hot and he got an actual big name rapper to do the hook. You could almost mistake it for a real rap song. [beat] I did mistake it for a real song. [beat] I actually don't listen to music very closely; it took me like four listens. [beat] I'm actually terrible at this, why do you guys even listen to me?
• Todd explains how Lil Dicky and Chris Brown's collaboration came to be: with a line chart simply showing that Dicky (with a photo of him smiling and giving the thumbs-up) has risen enough, and that Chris Brown (with a photo of him angrily glowering) has sunk low enough, for them to finally intersect.
• We already know that Todd is not a fan of Chris Brown, but the part of the song where Chris Brown is in Lil Dicky's body includes the lyrics "Ain't nobody judgin' 'cuz I'm black/ Or my controversial past"...
  [Todd's brain crashes]
  Todd: This joke could have been made with anybody... But you had to go with one of the most horrific people in music! What, were Phil Spector and Charles Manson not available? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
• His Stunned Silence reaction to the Kendall Jenner body-swap ending.
  • And then, when Todd tries to cap off the review:
    Todd: Ugh! Just play the end of the video so we can leave.
    (cut to the end of the video)
    Lil Dicky in Kendall Jenner's body: I got a vagina...
    Todd: Oh, wait! No, no! Don't! Don't play the end of—! Urgh... (resigned) God! I need a shower... (leaves)

Zedd, Maren Morris, & Grey - "The Middle" vs. Bebe Rexha ft. Florida Georgia Line - "Meant to Be"

• After seeing a tweet asking why he hasn't been doing reviews of current music, Todd starts typing a profane response.
• "Florida Georgia Line, who have a stack of Maxims where their brains should've been..."
• When pointing out that there are only four women on the country music charts at the time of "Meant to Be"'s release, and three of those four are, like Bebe Rexha, pop females guesting on songs by male artists:
  Todd: There's only one actual country chick in there! There are two black guys on the list! (shows pictures of Darius Rucker and Kane Brown) It's easier to be black in country music than female right now!

Childish Gambino - "This is America"

• Taking a moment to insult Drake "squatting his fat ass all over the charts with his stupid album."
  Todd: I'd rather eat hot nails than talk about Drake anymore.
• Praising Donald Glover as a visionary juxtaposed with Squick-y moments from his comedic acting.
• Todd dancing to the beginning of the song until the Boom, Headshot! moment.
  "Well, shit."
• "For me, the best and most profound imagery in the whole video is when Glover comes through the door with the pizzas and the whole apartment is on fire. "This is America," indeed. Really powerful stuff.
• Wanting to kill the "As far as YOU know" Running Gag:
  "I'm not black. In case that wasn't excruciatingly obvious from everything I've ever thought and said, no, I'm not black. I'm a shitload of other things, but no, black isn't one of them.
• On protest songs — or the lack thereof — 15 years ago and now:
  Todd: ...everyone was like, "Well, this sucks, but at least we'll get some good music out of it."
  [cue Nickelback's "Photograph"]
  Todd: We got jack shit. We got a couple Green Day songs and that was it.
  • "One of the biggest hits 4 years ago was literally titled "Happy" and one of the biggest hits this year is literally called "Sad!"
• "His main influence used to be Kanye. Not anymore obviously, which is a shame because we could use a non-awful Kanye."
• An arm holding a gun coming into the frame behind Todd's head at the very end.
• The ending song? "This Is Not America"

Post Malone - "Better Now" vs. Juice WRLD - "Lucid Dreams"

• Todd decides that Juice Wrld's (pronounced "Juice World") name sounds rather unimpressive, and decides that it stands for "Juice Warlord" instead.
  • He continues to mess up the name without comment, calling him, among others, "Juice Wilder" and "Juice Walrus."
  • He also compares Juice Wrld's name to a mall kiosk where one of the lights burned out.
• Todd points out that the Title Drop in "Lucid Dreams" makes it evident that Juice Wrld doesn't actually know what a lucid dream is. He goes on to explain that a lucid dream is a dream you know is a dream and that you can control, whereas Juice Wrld describes a dream wherein he "can't move a thing" meaning that it is really just a regular dream:
  Todd: Of course he doesn't know that, because he's a fucking kid. He can't even drink yet. I mean, that's a pretty big error, right? It's the title of the song! It's like if Lynyrd Skynyrd wrote their Alabama song, and then accidentally called it "Sweet Home Massachusetts".
• His remark that "emo rap" sounds like it's being played by "an air conditioner on low."
• The closing song is The Partridge Family theme, "C'Mon, Get Happy".

Maroon 5 ft. Cardi B - "Girls Like You"

• Among the obsolete ideas the music industry stopped caring about, Pitbull.
• "This is not a great development if you prefer singles to albums, to the point you built a career on YouTube out of your listening habits. *cough*"
• Todd shows the upcoming annual Maroon 5 clip in the Worst of 2018 list.
  Todd: Fuck you, Maroon 5. You suck!
  • Its arguably made even funnier by as one commenter pointed out, with how with how the song in question is "Wait" and the way its edited, it sounds like Adam is begging Todd to turn around and start liking him.
• "I can't believe that I once called Chicago the 'Nickelback of the 80s', when they were clearly the 'Maroon 5 of the 80s'."
• To show how bad "Girls Like You" is to deserve the "worst Maroon 5 song" title, Todd plays a clip of "Feelings" while just cowering in pain.
• The return of a classic Running Gag:
  Todd: Pop Song Chords: The Comic Sans of musical structure.
• Todd comparing Cardi B's verse to a "cheerleading squad giving their all for a shitty team"
• Todd concludes that, in terms of famous artists from Atlanta, even B.o.B, Soulja Boy and Silento deserved the Super Bowl half-time show before Maroon 5.

Marshmello & Bastille - "Happier"

• Todd notices how one of the greatest hits from yesteryear was "Happy", and how one of the biggest hits of 2018 is called "Sad".
  Todd: (chuckles) I'm really proud of that one actually! That's the kind of insight you can retire on! (with clear defeat in his voice) I'm kidding, I'll never be able to retire. Please donate to my Patreon, links in the description. (forced; like he can't believe what he is saying) And... smash... that bell...
• Some of Todd's comments mocking the idea that he's testing "The Zeitgeist" of popular music, and often leaning towards how manipulative that sort of commentary can be.
• After seeing the ending of the official video where the girl's dog gets put down, Todd gets upset and makes an awesome Call-Back to the Worst of 1976 video:
  Todd: I just want somebody to use his fucking brain, not come out on me when I'm being upbeat, and then I gotta talk about a fucking dog dying!
  • There is also Todd going from dawww'ing over the video to Stunned Silence as he watches the sequence of the dog getting sick, sent to the vet, and then euthanized off-camera.
• The end of video stinger: "It's a Marshmallow World" by Dean Martin.

The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2018 Part 1

• The title cards depict Todd wearing the infamous Roblox outfits from the "I Love It" video.
• Todd complaining about Xanax becoming the new "cool" drug of choice.
  Todd: How did we latch onto that?! That's a drug for rich housewives in bad marriages.
• The Imagine Spot of what Post Malone would sound like if he wasn't on downers.
  TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!
• Todd thinks that Sting suing Juice WLRD for the "Shape of My Heart" sample is mean because "he's bringing Sting's lifestyle to a new medium: Tantric Whining".
  Todd: He can whine for over nine hours!
• The collaboration between Taylor Swift and Future making "as much sense as putting hot sauce on your toilet paper".
• On "Never Be The Same":
  • Todd believes that the chorus of "Havana", Camila Cabello's preceding hit, was written by the Minions.
  • To illustrate how painful Todd finds Camila's falsetto in "Never Be The Same" is, he overlays a slowed-down clip of it with an alarm clock and the pod scream from Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978).
    Todd: Camila's breathy falsetto is the same sound my car made when it needed new brakes.
• After acknowledging how much of "River" consists of puns, Todd responds to one referencing Spider-Man.

  Eminem: So she's been on the web lately. Says maybe she'll be my Gwen Stacy, to spite her man.

  Todd: And then they both got eaten by a Venom! Venom! ...God, what a weird year this man has had."

  • And if you listen carefully, you can also hear Todd asking "Get it? Gwen Stacy? Spider-Man?"

The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2018 Part 2

• Todd's comment on "I Love It" by Kanye West and Lil' Pump.
  Todd: I'm done with this idiot. [Beat] Which one? Yeah, I guess I should clarify, right?
  • "Kanye shitposted his way through 2018".
• After mostly skipping past it on the actual review, Todd takes the time to really analyze how skeevy the Kendall Jenner part of "Freaky Friday" is.
  Todd: Are there squatter's rights for bodies? When do they kick in? The ethics of brain-switching are complicated.
  (Beat)
  BUT maybe it's something to think about for a couple minutes instead of immediately jamming your hand in there literally five seconds after it happens!
• Todd pointing out that Ed Sheeran appears on this list three times during a year where he didn't actually release any songs of his own.
• Todd's frustration at the Pikachu rhyme in "Yes Indeed" leads him to say "You want to impress me? Come up with a rhyme for Sudowoodo".
  • Also his pure exasperation at Lil Baby inserting a "wah-wah-wah" into the song.
    Todd: Is this some kind of 8 Mile thing where he destroys himself before you can?
• "Wait" is listed as an honorable mention.
  Todd: Fuck you, Maroon 5. You suck!
  • Speaking of which, upon listing "Girls Like You" as number one...
    Todd: Fuck you, Maroon 5... You... suck...
  • Ending the listing:
  Todd: So one last time: Fuck you, Maroon 5! You suck! Give up your spot in music to someone who still gives a shit!
• On Bazzi's "Mine"
  Todd: Ew. What is this? No.

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