SpongeBob SquarePants Season 3 / Funny

"Sorry."

41A - The Algae's Always Greener

When Plankton is pinging around Mr. Krabs' office and the latter cowers behind his desk: "Squidward, where are you? Shield me with your forehead!"
SpongeBob's "Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!" take after Plankton tells him he was using too much sauce. His expression every time he says it is outright hilarious.
Mr. Krabs's repetition of "And the next day, and the next day..." to Plankton, that eventually ends with him phoning Plankton just to continue to repeat, "and the next day".
- Plankton's reaction.
  Plankton: IT'S NOT WORTH IT! IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT! Goodbye, everyone, I'll remember you all in therapy! (presses the button to return him to his home dimension)
"MAKE IT STOP!!" (siren goes off) "What, did I say the secret word?"
In the alternate universe, Plankton is the one who runs the Krusty Krab and wears Mr. Krabs's clothes. Mr. Krabs is the owner of the Chum Bucket and is naked. When Plankton finds this out, despite usually never wearing clothes himself, he yells, "GOOD GRIEF, HE'S NAKED!"
"Evil" Mr. Krabs getting caught with an article of clothing - a bra.
Mr. Krabs: Aww, ya got me! Well, at least it's underwire. Here's yer stinkin' patty! (He throws the patty back to Plankton.)
Plankton: I don't understand. Is there a gas leak in here?
This gem:
SpongeBob: A customer ordered a medium soda and I gave him a large! I GAVE HIM A LAAARGE!!!!! I've soiled the good Krusty Krab name! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT! SOILED IT!
Plankton: I command you to stop that! Stop that and return to your post! (poking SpongeBob) Where's the off button on this thing?!
The life switching scene, where Plankton is seen flailing and screaming as he flies through the void. Seconds before the scene ends, he suddenly stops to drink from a soda.
The scene where he hides in a ketchup squeeze bottle in another attempt to steal a Krabby Patty.
"So long, shrimp!" (Humanoid shrimp stops halfway out the door to look at Mr. Krabs)
Plankton's sudden moment of rage after he attempts to claim a Krabby Patty for himself is priceless:
Plankton: I'm going to need to take one of these Patties back to my office for, um, bun inspection.
SpongeBob: I'm afraid you can't do that, Mr. Plankton!
Plankton: Why...why not?
SpongeBob: Because that patty is for the customer, sir!
Plankton: The customer?! I'll boil the customer in hot oil and RIP OUT HIS—(SpongeBob gestures towards the customer, who is glaring at Plankton.) I mean yes, of course, for the lovely customer.
- Even better; it turns out SpongeBob actually made a pair of Krabby Patties just in case Plankton wanted to perform a bun inspection.
SpongeBob's "victory screech". "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Plankton appreciating the irony of his situation, which leads to this exchange:
Customer: [angry] You think this is funny?
Plankton: [deadpan] In a cosmic sort of way, yes.
Customer: Well, "Mr. Funny Man", [holds up a Krabby Patty] is this how you get your sick kicks?!
Plankton: What? It's just an ordinary Krabby— [shows a hideous Krabby Patty] OH MY GOODNESS! SQUIDWARD!
- Doubly hilarious for anyone who's worked in the food industry and been thrown off by an obnoxious customer actually having a valid reason to be angry for once.
The scene before that, where Squidward complains about SpongeBob being promoted to co-cashier:
Squidward: You can't do this to me, Mr. Plankton! If you think I'm going to stand out there all day listening to... (cut to SpongeBob rambling in gibberish; his mouth then splits into two mouths) ...then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe!
Plankton: So what do you want me to do about it?
Squidward: I'd like my view to be a little less yellow, if you know what I mean.
(Squidward is sent to work in the kitchen as a fry cook)
Plankton: Hope you like gray!
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, I can see you through this little window!
(Squidward sighs)

41B - SpongeGuard on Duty

SpongeBob and Patrick comparing each other's tans.
Patrick: So, how's that tan coming?
SpongeBob: I don't know. Let me check. (lifts pants to see his groin is lighter than his upper half) Looking good! How's yours?
Patrick: Just a minute... (lifts pants) AAAHH! (sees his butt; snaps pants and lies on his stomach) I could've sworn I was laying on my back.
After SpongeBob and Patrick talk about SpongeBob's dream to be a lifeguard:
SpongeBob: Who needs to be a lifeguard? I'm cool. (zoom into a geek-like looking SpongeBob) I'm every bit as cool as Larry. And if I'm not, let me be struck by... (thunder roars) ...a flying ice cream truck. (ice cream truck comes falling down) AND LIVE! (ice cream truck slows down and lands on top of SpongeBob)
- And then...
  Larry: (speaking into a megaphone) Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers!
The sunscreen is described as "white stuff".
"BREATHE, DARN YOU!!!"
When Patrick complains that all lifeguards do is blow whistles, rub sunscreen on their noses, and show off their "misshapen bodies", he sticks out his belly to make it appear like he has a huge potbelly. A fish passes by and says, "Dude, put that thing away! There are, like, children here!" In response, Patrick tucks his belly in and walks away with bloated feet.
SpongeBob tries to get everyone to stay out of the water (so he won't have to swim for them if they get in trouble since he can't swim himself):
SpongeBob: There are sharks in there!
Shark father: Hey that's my family you're talking about.
SpongeBob: Uh, Sea Monster!
Sea Monster: You know, we sea monsters have made great strides in the fields of science and literature.
SpongeBob: Uh, somebody went?

42A - Club SpongeBob

"Make a wish, honey."
This exchange:
Squidward: Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery??? WHY-HY-HY-HYYY??!!
SpongeBob: (comes over to Squidward) Aw, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.
Patrick: Yeah, you could be bald and have a big nose.
(camera pans to Squidward, with his bald head and big nose)
Squidward: Well, this is the end.
SpongeBob: No it's not, Squidward!
Patrick: (building coffins) It's not?
This classic line:
SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch Shell, what do we need to do to get out of the Kelp Forest? (pulls string)
Conch: Nothing.
The scene of SpongeBob and Patrick chanting, "ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH! OOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOO!"
After their decision to sit around and do nothing (not even blink), Squidward hits a bug with a stick and attempts to cook it on a frying pan as he mocks SpongeBob and Patrick, saying that they're acting as if the answer to their problems will just fall right out of the sky. Then exactly that happens when a crashing plane carrying picnic supplies drops all of it around the two. Squidward's bug promptly recuperates, hits Squidward with the stick, and hops off.
The magic conch is a troll:
Patrick: Magic Conch, could Squidward have some of this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
Conch: No.
Patrick: Hmm... could I have this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
Conch: Yes.
Patrick: ALRIGHT! (inhales sandwich like a vacuum cleaner; burps lightly) Sorry, Squidward.
Squidward: Give me that! Could I have something to eat?!
Conch: No.
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?!
Conch: No.
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?!
Conch: No.
Squidward: Can't you say anything else but "no"?!
Conch: Try asking again.
Squidward: (hopefully) Can I have something to eat?
Conch: (in a mocking tone) No!
And the twist ending.

42B - My Pretty Seahorse

When SpongeBob plants a flower and looks away to water it, he looks back and sees that it's been eaten. He plants another and it gets eaten too, so he plants a third and stares at it for three days straight, watering his eyes with the watering can when they become bloodshot.
- And to top that off, the second he turns his back to say hi to Patrick, the flower gets eaten again.
After first meeting the seahorse, Spongebob has an Imagine Spot of him riding atop her back with majestic long hair.
SpongeBob tries to get Mystery to eat his flower bookmark. It cuts between SpongeBob and Mystery three times, and the third time it cuts to SpongeBob he has a moustache.
- During the montage between the sponge and seahorse, many cute and amusing moments are shown between the pair with the two switching places on who carries who, SpongeBob posing as Mystery paints and placing stamps on each other.
SpongeBob races Mystery past Squidward, who is biking to work.
SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward! Still riding a machine to work, I see!
Squidward: Don't say anything, Squidward, remember your karma.
(The front wheel immediately snaps off Squidward's bike, catapulting him down a hill where he randomly explodes)
SpongeBob ties Mystery to a hitching post outside the Krusty Krab. Then recurring fish extras Scooter and Martin show up...
Scooter: Hey, look! Mr. Krabs put in a kiddie ride!
Martin: [nudging Scooter with his elbow] Why don'tcha try it out?
Scooter: [walks up to Mystery and holds up a coin with an Audible Gleam, then furrows his brow] I can't find the coin slot! [scratches his head; cut to Martin] Here it is! [sound of Scooter inserting the coin... very much NOT in a coin slot, causing Mystery to whinny in pain and surprise and kick Scooter so hard he flies over the horizon screaming, then explodes in a mushroom cloud]
Martin: [runs off in terror] Help! Kiddie ride on the loose!
After SpongeBob seemingly sends Mystery away on Mr. Krabs' demand, he's seen with big, sad eyes... That he reveals to be a fake pair of contacts he removes with a big "Hah!" after Krabs leaves the room and before revealing he's hidden Mystery a way in a cabinet.
SpongeBob mentions that he asked Patrick to build him a stable for Mystery, then we get a Cutaway Gag of Patrick sitting with a hammer in hand and a board nailed to his head.
When Mr. Krabs asks Spongebob what noise he heard after Mystery whinnies with a silly face at tasting a krabby patty, the sponge lies that he was doing an impression of her. "Wee-snaw!" Mr. Krabs pauses... And tells him to keep trying as that was terrible, clearly buying it.
After Squidward asks where an order is after Mystery ate it, Spongebob asks if he checked under the tray. Squidward apologises and actually goes to look, implying this has happened before. The patties seemingly vanishing also leads the sponge to fret over the Krusty Krab being haunted.
- After Squidward asserts there isn't ghosts, he reminds his fellow co-worker of their routine; He orders the food, SpongeBob cooks the food, then the customer gets the food. Then adds that they do that for 40 years and then they die, sarcastically noting that sounds good, doesn't it?
  - All the while, Spongebob literally pushes his eyes to the side, not paying attention as he spots Mystery eating someone's order. Somehow, they and no one else sees her or even hear her burp. The sponge then dashes out, pulls Mystery back into his work station, begging Squidward not to tell and he has it under control then after putting her back in the cabinet, asks what Squidward was saying as if that didn't just happen. He can only blankly stare with an : o look before deadpanly telling SpongeBob to just get his order.
When Mystery eats SpongeBob's hat, he sees that she also ate his spatula, the Krabby Patties, his stove, and Old Man Jenkins, who declares from Mystery's stomach that he doesn't want to be a burden. Later when the customers are complaining about the slow service, Tom asks where Old Man Jenkins is and Mystery burps him out after getting an upset stomach. He simply wonders what he missed.
- Mr. Krabs' reaction to that, on top of seeing SpongeBob still has Mystery around is priceless; He stares with wide eyes... Which, in his case, is them standing up stiff, similar to sewing pins. He then proceeds to take out his eyes, blow on each of them, rubs them on his shirt and puts them back on. Notably he has a buck tooth as he blows on his eyes.
The bowl of onions gag.
Squidward: (starts sniffling and sobbing after SpongeBob begs Mr. Krabs not to make him let Mystery go, but then notices a bowl of onions) Hey, who left this bowl of onions here?
(later, after Mr. Krabs relates how he used his dollar to buy a soda) What? Would you get out of here?!
(later, as SpongeBob leads Mystery out of the kitchen, a fish is crying as well, but then notices Squidward holding the bowl of onions under his nose, grinning up at him sheepishly)
Fish: HEY!
Near the end of the episode, when SpongeBob is shooing his seahorse away, he closes his eyes while he's crying and doesn't notice the seahorse leave. Patrick then comes by, right when SpongeBob screams "Just get out of here, you stupid, dumb animal!", which causes Patrick to silently and emotionlessly turn and walk away.
As Mr. Krabs comforts SpongeBob for releasing Mystery, Squidward suddenly interrupts the conversation and reveals that Mystery ate all the money in the vault, making Krabs and SpongeBob run after Mystery, disappearing into the distance.
Squidward: Hey, Mr. Krabs! Looks like ol' Mystery had an after-dinner salad!
(points at money vault, nearly empty, with bits of half-eaten cash. It cuts back to Mr. Krabs blankly staring and SpongeBob with an odd look on his face)
Mr. Krabs: ... GET THAT HORSE!!!!
(He and SpongeBob run after Mystery)
SpongeBob: Mystery!
Mr. Krabs: Mystery! Come back!
SpongeBob: Mystery! Uh, weesnaw!
Both: Mystery! Come back here!
In the final scene, Patrick, with the board still nailed to his head, keeps trying to enter a hat store.

43A - The Bully

When Mrs. Puff asks Flatts to tell something about himself to the class, he says, "I like to kick people's butts". Mrs. Puff is unfazed by this.
This little gem.
SpongeBob: Hi, I'm SpongeBob!
Flatts: Hi, SpongeBob. I'm going to kick your butt.
SpongeBob: [gasps, then laughs] That joke was almost funnier the second time!
Flatts: [leans over SpongeBob menacingly] No. I mean it.
SpongeBob: [laughs again] That time it almost seemed like...
[Flatts rips his shirt and the hair on his chest off which says underneath "I MEAN IT"].
SpongeBob: (horrified)...you did mean it.
After the above part:
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff?
Mrs. Puff: Yes, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Can I be excused for the rest of my life?
Mrs. Puff: (Chuckles) Why no, SpongeBob. I'm in the middle of a coffee-fueled sermon right now. You can't afford to miss this information.
SpongeBob: Yes, Mrs. Puff. (puts his hand down) Sorry, Mrs. Puff.
Later, SpongeBob, hiding from Flatts, ponders why the flounder would want to kick his butt: "I haven't said two words to the guy!"
SpongeBob (in a flashback to the scene above): Hi, I'm SpongeBob! (back in the present, he counts on his fingers) One, two— (gasps in horror) Oh, no! That's three!
SpongeBob acting "natural" when someone comes for his hiding place... which, mind you, is a toilet.
Fish: (lifts the lid to find a live-action kitchen sponge floating in the water) Oh, that's real nice. (slams the lid back down)
This Running Gag:
SpongeBob: (As he is running for his life) OUTTA MY WAY! OUTTA MY WAY! CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S GONNA KICK MY BUTT?!
(Citizens turn around to see an elderly fish)
Lonnie: Hi there, young people! Nice day today!
Harold: So, you like kicking butts, do ya?! Well, we'll show you, old man!
(Citizens rush to beat down the elderly fish)
- The second time:
  SpongeBob: (Is running away once again) HE'S STILL GONNA KICK MY BUTT!
  Harold: (As he and the others are getting riled up) How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man?!
  Lonnie: (perfectly fine as if the above beating never happened) I love the young people! (The fish begin to gather onto him.)
An example of SpongeBob's dullness, as he's about to be beat up:
SpongeBob: There are so many things in life I haven't gotten to do!
(cuts to SpongeBob in an office, on the phone)
SpongeBob: Hang on, I'll transfer your call!
As unfortunate as the Cruel Twist Ending of this episode is for our main character, Mrs. Puff loudly proclaiming she will kick SpongeBob's butt (after believing he beat up Flats) is downright hilarious.

43B - Just One Bite

The conversation that kickstarts the plot:
SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, it's just so funny. You know what we say. [all the customers appear in the kitchen]
Customers: The only people who don't like a Krabby Patty, have never tasted one! [they all disappear]
Squidward: That's me. Never had one, never will. [SpongeBob flips a Krabby Patty through the ceiling of the Krusty Krab after hearing this]
SpongeBob: What?
Squidward: What?
SpongeBob: [cleans out his ears] What? What did you say?
Squidward: I've never had a Krabby Patty and never will.
SpongeBob: [confused] I'm sorry... I don't...
Squidward: I've never had a Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: [puts his glasses on and takes out a dictionary] Those words. Is it possible to use them in a sentence together like that?
Squidward: I've never had a Krabby Patty! I've never had a Krabby Patty! I've never had a Krabby Patty!
SpongeBob is trying to convince Squidward to eat a Krabby Patty.
Squidward: Try one of those radioactive sludgeballs you call food?!? Next I suppose you'll want me to go square dancing with Patrick!
SpongeBob: (to Patrick in a cowboy suit) Sorry, Patrick...
(Patrick moans in disappointment and sulks away)
This one:
SpongeBob: But it's good for you!
Squidward: G-"Good for you"?! That thing is a heart attack on a bun!
SpongeBob: No, Squidward, I meant...good for your soul...
(angelic background and singing)
Squidward: Oh, puh-leeze. I have no soul!
(hellish background and evil music)
Demonic Voice: Bwahahahahahaaa!
(Squidward's eyes widen, music stops short and he walks away)
This cleverly subtle bit of Toilet Humour.
(Squidward opens bathroom stall)
SpongeBob: (holding Krabby Patty) Just smell it.
Squidward: If I didn't want it out there, what makes you think I'd find it more appealing... IN HERE?!
Squidward bites a tiny bit of meat from the Krabby Patty. He then goes on to talk about how disgusting the Patty tasted.
SpongeBob: Are you sure?
Squidward: Does THIS look unsure to you??? (camera reveals Squidward's stern face designed in a surreal Nightmare Fuel fashion)
SpongeBob: No.
SpongeBob's reactions to Squidward hating the Krabby Patty. His heart eyes literally explode, for one.
Moments later after SpongeBob walks back inside, Squidward frantically digs up the Krabby Patty.
Squidward: (with tears of joy) Still alive!! (eats the sand-covered Krabby Patty) So DELICIOUS! All the wasted years! (sobs and licks the ground where the Krabby Patty was buried)
From that same episode we get this:
Squidward: What do I have to do? Eat one out of the garbage?!
Random fish with a bulging stomach: I wish I could eat this [Krabby Patty with a single bite], but I'm so darn full. Oh well. (tosses Krabby Patty in the garbage)
Squidward: I had to say garbage, but OKAY. (runs to the garbage can, which reveals the Krabby Patty on top. Squidward dives headfirst into the garbage can and eats ravenously. However, Squidward then looks into the trash can again, which is now empty of all its contents except the Krabby Patty)
The deleted part where Squidward repeatedly gets doused with gas and set ablaze.
And:
SpongeBob: You like Krabby Patties, don't you Squidward?
- SpongeBob's face◊ when he has this realization is priceless, to the point of becoming a Memetic Mutation.
Later:
SpongeBob: Squidward, you can't eat all those patties at one time! SQUIDWARD!
Squidward: What's gonna happen, am I gonna blow up?
SpongeBob: No, worse! It'll go right to your thighs!
Squidward: My thighs?...
SpongeBob: And then you'll blow up!
(KABOOM)
Apparently, people blowing up from eating too many Krabby Patties isn't an uncommon thing in Bikini Bottom as Squidward learns as he's being driven to the hospital (or at least what's left of him).
Paramedic: (chuckles) Yeah, I remember my first Krabby Patty.

44A - Nasty Patty

SpongeBob shows off his Wide-Eyed Idealist tendencies yet again:
Mr. Krabs: Wash your hands, clean the floors, change your underwear! The health inspector's here! (he and SpongeBob peek out the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is writing on a clipboard) If he finds one health violation, he'll close us down for good. We've got to do everything in our power to make sure he passes the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, there's no reason to worry. (eyes glitter) The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe.
Mr. Krabs: You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son?
After Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob to "pour on the charm" when taking the health inspector's order:
SpongeBob: What can I get for you... handsome?
Mr. Krabs: (Face Palm) We're doomed!
Health Inspector: I'm going to need you to bring me one of everything on the menu.
SpongeBob: Excellent choice, my darling. Coming right up!
- Then later, when the Health Inspector is finished with his smorgasbord...
  SpongeBob: And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?
Then, while Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob are celebrating passing the inspection, a Coincidental Broadcast broadcast by the Realistic Fish Head suddenly appears on television:
RFH: We interrupt this can-can for a special news bulletin! Be on the lookout for a man who's been passing himself off as a health inspector in order to obtain free food. That's all for now.
When Krabs becomes convinced the health inspector is a fake.
Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!
SpongeBob: Duped!
Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
SpongeBob: We've been smeckledorfed!
Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word, and I agree with ya!
Then, Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob attempt to feed the Inspector the Nasty Patty and as they yuk it up as the Inspector chokes (on a FLY that he happened to swallow instead), cue another Coincidental Broadcast:
RFH: We interrupt your laughter, at other people's expense, to bring you this news flash!! The fake inspector has been been captured. Here is his picture. (a mug shot of a scowling fish with a scar and a shaved head appears) If a health inspector comes into your restaurant and he's not this guy, he's real.
"THERE IS NO ICE! THERE'S NEVER BEEN ANY ICE! ICE IS JUST A MYTH!!"
- Immediately after that, the lady cop grows suspicious, and when Mr. Krabs finally spills the beans, hilarity ensues:
  Mr. Krabs: Okay, I confess! SpongeBob killed him!
  SpongeBob: WHAT?! You can't pin this whole rap on me!
  Mr. Krabs: He was insane! Out of control! He would've killed me too if you hadn't come along!
  SpongeBob: It was all Mr. Krabs' idea!
  Mr. Krabs: Put him down now! He's a mad dog!
  SpongeBob: HE WEARS CURLERS TO BED!
  Mr. Krabs: Wait, it's not what you think!
The French Narrator's parting quip:
invokedNarrator: Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they?

44B - Idiot Box

SpongeBob repeatedly says, "Imaginaaation," while forming a rainbow with his hands. Also counts as Memetic Mutation.
This dialogue:
SpongeBob: With (forms rainbow with his fingers) imaginaaaaation, I can be anything I want! A pirate! Arrg! A football player! Hutt!
Patrick: (interrupts) A starfish!
Squidward: Patrick, you're already a starfish.
Patrick: See, Squidward, it works!
In the first few minutes of the episode, this exchange occurs:
Patrick: Let's play Mountain Climbing Adventure!
SpongeBob: Let's go for it! (pulls the flaps of the box over on them) Gloves!
Patrick: Check.
SpongeBob: Hats!
Patrick: Check.
SpongeBob: Underwear!
Patrick: Uh... (checks) check!
SpongeBob: OK Patrick, climb up there and secure this rope.
Patrick: You got it! (climbing noises come from the box)
SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick, you're going too high!
Squidward: I hope they put some air holes in that box. (goes inside the house)
SpongeBob: Take it easy, Patrick, you've got to acclimate!
Patrick: I'll take it easy when I'm dead! I'm shaking hands with Neptune! Woo! Excelsior!
Squidward: (opens his door) Now where's that remote? (walks up to the remote, which is right next to the box. He picks it up)
Patrick: I am the lizard king! Whoo!
SpongeBob: Patrick? Patrick? Patrick! I think we need to keep our voices down! We might start an avalanche!
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob: I said, I think we should keep our voices down, in case of avalanches!
Patrick: What should we keep down?
Squidward: Morons.
SpongeBob: OUR VOICES!
Squidward: Will you two shut up?! (he kicks the box, causing an avalanche inside it)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (screaming, then whimpering)
Squidward: Sponge...Bob? (touches box lightly with a tentacle tip; more screaming)
SpongeBob and Patrick: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
The conversation that follows, with SpongeBob and Patrick talk about cutting limbs off and Squidward opening the box to find SpongeBob and Patrick okay.
The memorial for the brave soldiers who fought on Robot Pirate Island.
When the rescue team comes after SpongeBob and Patrick talk about cutting off their limbs.
Rescuer: This is the rescue team speaking! The saws are on the way!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yaaaaay!
SpongeBob and Patrick have no idea their pretend play produces realistic sound except when they do:
SpongeBob: What noises, Squidward?
Patrick: We could only hear the sound of our laughter.
Squidward: But, but, the avalanche! And the, the—
Patrick: Don't forget the second avalanche.
Squidward's trying to drown out SpongeBob and Patrick's games with his new TV:
TV Announcer: It is here that the boxes reach their final stage of assembly.
(Squidward changes the channel)
Scientist Fish: The equation is illustrated here by this box.
(Squidward changes the channel)
Boy Fish: I couldn't afford a present this year, so I got you this box.
Girl Fish: That's what I got you!
Squidward: Isn't there anything on that isn't about BOXES?!
TV Announcer: And welcome back to championship boxing!
Squidward: Heheh, I guess this is okay. I mean it's not really about boxes...
(cut to the TV screen showing two boxes fighting in the ring.)
Squidward: ...I give up.
Squidward imagining what they're really doing in the box:
SpongeBob: (taking out a tape recorder and playing it) (laughs) Squidward's such a jerk.

45A - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV

Patrick thinks Squidward's an action figure. The following happens:
Patrick: AND THEN COMES A GIANT FIST!
SpongeBob: PATRICK, NO! That's not an action figure, that's the real Squidward! I shrunk him by accident!
Patrick: Ohhh... (Beat) AND THEN COMES A GIANT—
SpongeBob: WAIT! You don't understand!
Just before SpongeBob bursts through the wall at the beginning of the episode, his form grows out of the metal T-1000 style.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?! Must! Get! Autograph! (flings arms out to grab a pen from a fish's shirt and a piece of paper from outside)
"AAAAUUUUTOOOOOOOOOOGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAPH!!!!!"
I'VE GOT SOMETHIIIIIING FOOOOOOR YOOOOOOOUUUUU...
This exchange:
Patrick: You've got it set to M for Mini, when it should be set to W for "Wumbo"!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think "Wumbo" is a real word.
Patrick: Come on! You know: I Wumbo, you Wumbo, he, she, me, Wumbo. Wumbo. Wumboing.
Squidward: I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.
Patrick: [continuing his Wumbo lesson] Wumbology? The study of Wumbo? It's first grade, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you.
- And later, when SpongeBob finally asks Mermaid Man how to undo the shrink ray.
  Mermaid Man: Did you set it to Wumbo?
Mermaid Man trying to pay for his and Barnacle Boy's meals:
Mermaid Man: A double Krabby Patty and Coral Bits for me, and a Silly Meal for the lad.
Barnacle Boy: It's not for the toy, I just...I've gotta fit in the tights, y'know?
Squidward: Whatever. Five dollars, please.
Mermaid Man: You got it, bucky. (removes his left seashell, which is a coin purse, and pulls out a lug nut) Will this cover it?
(zooms in on the lug nut, timpani sound plays)
Squidward: No.
Look at Mermaid Man after SpongeBob shrinks everyone in Bikini Bottom and you'll see that without his belt, he's holding up his pants with clothespins.
SpongeBob shrinks Bikini Bottom so that the citizens can enjoy the town again. Then, Plankton comes back from a trip.
Plankton: Well, it's great to be back! (notices the shrunken Bikini Bottom) Huh?

45B - Doing Time

When it looks like two police officers are beating someone with their clubs, it turns out that they're actually using them to straighten out bent-up parking meters.
When Mrs. Puff is first sent to jail:
Mrs. Puff: But I don't belong here! This is all a big mistake!
Inmate No.1: Yeah, I don't belong here, either! I'm innocent!
Inmate No.2: Me too!
Inmate No.3: (in a Southern drawl) I belong here!
All of Mrs. Puff's positives to being in jail.
Mrs. Puff: Let's see. I've got... no more papers to grade? Yeah! (laughs) I-In fact, no more work! No more boating school classes! No more driving, no more SpongeBob... (gasps; sonar emits from her head) No more phone solicitors, no more SpongeBob! No more company potlucks, no more SpongeBob. No more road rage, no more SpongeBob! No more insurance payments, no more SpongeBob! No more SpongeBob! NO MORE SPONGEBOB! NO MORE SPONGEBOOOOOB!!! (sighs) I think I'm going to like this place.
SpongeBob reflecting on his actions in an empty classroom.
SpongeBob: Just the thought of her, alone and afraid in jail, makes me think about her being... alone and afraid in jail. I don't know how she's going to survive.
(Answer Cut)
Mrs. Puff: (breaks rocks with a pickaxe while singing in scat; stamping license plates) ♪ Smelling the pretty roooseees! ♪ (laughs; lifting weights) ♪ Haaaaappiness is just two kinds of ice creeeaaam! ♪
SpongeBob: Oh, that poor woman!
SpongeBob tries to ease his guilt about Mrs. Puff going to jail by talking to Patrick. The scene cuts to Patrick responding with "Well, it sounds like it's all your fault."
SpongeBob's "attempt" to break into jail consists of him and Patrick robbing a bank wearing makeshift sock balaclavas.
SpongeBob: Alright, put the money in the bag! PUT IT IN!
Bank Teller: Um, you're facing the wrong way, sir.
SpongeBob: (turns around and laughs) Alright, give me the money!
Bank Teller: Will that be from your savings or your checking account, sir?
SpongeBob: Uh, savings.
Bank Teller: May I please see some identification?
SpongeBob: Sure. (whilst giving a card) Here you go.
Bank Teller: Thank you. (showing SpongeBob's Jellyfishers Club Membership card. SpongeBob lifts up his sock to give Patrick a thumbs up, he responds in kind) Sir, we are showing a balance of $0.00 for both of your accounts.
SpongeBob: Oh.
Bank Teller: Next!
SpongeBob: Well, that went better than expected.
Patrick: Yeah! I didn't think we'd get Mrs. Puff out of jail this fast!
(SpongeBob is so dumbfounded that his eyes rip through the sock.)
One recurring character is a gruff voiced female fish named Donna, who apparently likes chili.
After Mrs. Puff explains to SpongeBob that she enjoys prison, SpongeBob has this exchange.
SpongeBob: Patrick, she has lost it! She's completely institutionalized. She's forgotten what it's like to live on the outside, to not be in prison.
(cut to a fish caught in traffic, then miserably working at a cubicle, and then solemnly looking out his window)
Wife: Coming to bed, honey?
Fish: Yes, dear...
SpongeBob: We've gotta remind her that there is a life other than this!
When Mrs. Puff is freaking out after seeing SpongeBob and Patrick in disguise, as they walk off and then the real guards show up after hearing her scream.
Prison Guard No. 1: What the barnacle is going on?!
Mrs. Puff: Get away from me, get away!
Prison Guard No. 1: What are you talking about, Puff?!
Mrs. Puff: You can't fool me! You're SpongeBob and that guy who likes the chili! (rips off the guards' faces)
The song Mrs. Puff is singing while happy that she's away from SpongeBob: "Smelling the pretty roses...oh, happiness is just two kinds of ice cream!"
SpongeBob and Patrick disguising themselves as rocks to get Mrs. Puff out. They get shattered, causing SpongeBob to remark, "There goes our deposits on these costumes".
The ending, where Mrs. Puff keeps waking up to the start of the episode, to the point of Inception levels.
Donna: (in the car with Puff) So what's for dinner tonight, Puff Mama? Chili?
Mrs. Puff: (after waking up from the "dream" yet again) ...ah, forget it!

46A - Snowball Effect

When SpongeBob throws a snowball at Patrick, then whistles guiltily:
Patrick: Thanks a lot, SpongeBob! While you were just standing there whistling, someone threw a snowball at me!
SpongeBob: Oh really, Patrick? (giggles) Did the snowball look like this?
(SpongeBob hurls one right to Patrick's face)
Patrick: Yeah!
Patrick's attempts to create a snowball. He creates a snow cube, then a snow pyramid, then somehow creates a snow double-helix.
"Squidward that wasn't the peace treaty, that was a copy of the peace treaty."
When Squidward tries to get the snowball fight going again:
Squidward: Look, you two are giving up too easily! Now, Patrick, pretend I'm SpongeBob.
Patrick: And who am I?
Squidward: You're Patrick.
SpongeBob: Can I be Mr. Krabs?
Squidward: No! Wait, why?
SpongeBob: He's a good leader.
Squidward: Would you butt out?!
Patrick: Hey, you can't talk to Mr. Krabs like that, Squidward!
Squidward: I'm SpongeBob, you're Patrick. (throws a snowball at Patrick) Now, what are you going to do? (Patrick throws a snowball at him) Patrick, why didn't you hit SpongeBob?
Patrick: You said you were SpongeBob, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (imitating Mr. Krabs) Arrgh! It's true, Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work!
Patrick attempting to make a snow angel:
Patrick: SNOW ANGEL! HA HA HA! (snow angel is round) Aw.
Squidward's fire repeatedly getting put out by someone throwing a snowball at it.

46B - One Krabs Trash

When SpongeBob and Patrick arrive, they notice a plunger among the garbage:
Patrick: That looks like the old plunger I threw out yesterday.
Mr. Krabs: (Grabs the plunger) That ain't a plunger; it's an antique! It's a, uh... (Flips suction cup and holds it downward) a 17th century soup ladle.
Patrick: Man, was I using mine wrong!
Mr. Krabs finds out that a hat he sold to SpongeBob is actually worth an insane amount of money and he tries to get it back.
Mr. Krabs: Listen, I didn't wanna say this in front of Patrick, but that hat makes you look like a girl.
SpongeBob: [smiling eagerly] Am I a pretty girl?
Mr. Krabs: Oh....um...you're...you're beautiful.
[a mailman gives Mr. Krabs an odd look and walks away]
Later, Mr. Krabs is in a graveyard and sees Squidward placing flowers on a grave and weeping. Curious, Mr. Krabs reads what the tombstone says: "Here lies Squidward's hopes and dreams".
Mr. Krabs: What a baby.
- Made even funnier when Squidward sees Mr. Krabs crying because the hat was declared worthless at the end of the episode.
  Squidward: What a baby.
Mr. Krabs' attempt to scare the hat off SpongeBob by drawing a ghost on a piece of paper and dangling it in front of SpongeBob at the end of a fishing line doesn't quite go according to plan when he shows the wrong side of the page:
Mr. Krabs: (waving paper in front of a sleeping SpongeBob) OhhhHHHhhhHHH!!
SpongeBob: (wakes up, terrified) OH MY GOSH!! A FLOATING SHOPPING LIST!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
(the paper is revealed to list the words "MILK, EGGS, CHEESE")
Not only does Mr. Krabs's lie of the hat belonging to the late Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen turn out to be true, the headstone is a giant "#1" and needs a plank of wood to fit the entire name.
- Made funnier when you realize it doesn't fit the entire name even with the board. (the "jäger" part is left out) This is either an animation goof or his name is just so long that even the board wasn't enough to fit the entire thing!
When Mr. Krabs encounters the zombies:
Mr. Krabs: Oh no! I've seen this on the late show! You ghoulish fiends hold me down and take turns nibbling on my innards, then you'll eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!
Smitty Werbenjägermanjensen: That's disgusting! We just want the hat back.
Mr. Krabs: NO FLIPPIN' WAY!
SpongeBob: Remember, licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets!
Well, it's certainly one way to plunder a sunken chest.
Mr. Krabs: Am I really gonna defile this grave for money? ...Of course I am!

47A - As Seen on TV

The fact that Squidward's ambitious variation of the Krusty Krab commercial apparently involves at least twenty-eight scenes, an understudy both for the Krusty Krab building and Mr. Krabs himself, a professional crew, and a pile of useless junk.
Mr. Krabs questions why they need a clown, and Squidward simply says the job gets very stressful. Mr. Krabs immediately fires everyone and tells them to get lost, only to tell the clown that he's the only one who gets to stay. His reason for this is never explained.
The Krusty Krab commercial. Pearl and Squidward (in drag) go to the Krusty Krab largely because they have more money than they know what to do with, their lines are mostly delivered in a wooden monotone, several shots feature a visible boom mike... all adding up to a minute and a half of hilarity.
The next day, Old Man Walker tells SpongeBob he saw him on TV the previous night. Cut to a flashback, where he is watching a commercial for a cereal called Bran Flakes (which apparently has a "bold new taste"), and apparently believes SpongeBob was the box.
SpongeBob: Wow! He recognised me! (walks off)
Old Man Walker: Yep, see you later Bran Flakes! (to himself) What a nice cereal box.
After SpongeBob tells Mr. Krabs he's "finding a new gig":
Mr. Krabs: I've never felt such a strange combination of pity, and indigestion. (goes back to writing)
SpongeBob mistakes the crowd of hungry customers for his "adoring public" and launches into a musical number:
"The best time to wear a striped sweateeeeerrrrr...is aaalll the tiiiiiiime..."
After SpongeBob mistakes making Krabby Patties as impressing the customers with his acting:
Mr. Krabs: (puts SpongeBob's hat back on) Well SpongeBob, it looks like you finally found your calling.
SpongeBob: I'll say. I'm so glad I gave up fry cooking for this.

47B - Can You Spare a Dime?

When SpongeBob and Squidward are like brothers... only closer.
When Squidward is homeless on the street, there's a Brick Joke to earlier, when Squidward said he could be anything he wanted to be after quitting the Krusty Krab, including a football player, a spaceman, or a king:
SpongeBob: And have you been doing with yourself? No wait, let me guess... hmmm...I see you've been working on that mustache, the tattered clothes, the awful smell... you're a football player?
Squidward: No!
SpongeBob: A spaceman!
Squidward: No!
SpongeBob: A football playing king in spa—
Squidward: Don't you get it?! (sobbing) I'm a loser! I lost my job, my home, everything!
SpongeBob: (gasp) Even your paintings?
Squidward: Nobody would take them, so I had to eat them! (cut to his rectangular-shaped belly)
As Squidward's "convalescence" at SpongeBob's house drags on and on and Gary warns him that the former is taking advantage of his kindness, the French Narrator decides that he's 6000% done with the show.
SpongeBob: Squidward is not a freeloader, and he would never take advantage of me!
Narrator: "Three weeks later."
SpongeBob: (while walking slowly before falling over) He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back...
Narrator: "Many months later..."
SpongeBob: (now with droopy eyes, dragging his knees on the ground before falling over) I'm sure... he's close... to a breakthrough...
Alternate Narrator: "So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one."
(SpongeBob drags his body on the ground to the couch. Gary meows in a "I told you" way.)
SpongeBob: (lifts his head to glare angrily at Gary) I know he still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in!
Not only did Squidward get SpongeBob to wear a French Maid costume while doing chores for him, but one scene reveals that the costume is backless.
SpongeBob finally snaps and tries to drop increasingly unsubtle hints to Squidward to get a job, culminating in the following after the latter attempts to change the channel on the former's puppet show (one such hint) and orders his "caretaker" to fix the remote control he thinks isn't working, unaware that the TV he's looking at was hollowed-out so SpongeBob could use it as a stage in the first place:
SpongeBob: (rips the TV apart) I've got a better idea! (jumps on Squidward's bed) Why don't I call someone whose JOB it is to fix it?! You know why?! (repeatedly pokes Squidward's nose) Because when I need a JOB done, I get someone with a JOB to DO that JOB!
Squidward: (narrows his eyes, with SpongeBob's finger still on his nose) ...What are you saying?
SpongeBob: (pushes Squidward's bed through a wall and starts running with it towards the Krusty Krab) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mr. Krabs: (on the phone) Donate to the children's fund? Why? What have children ever done for me?
SpongeBob: (snatches the phone from his hand) You want your dime back?! Take it! Now Squidward can come back, right?!
(Spongebob gives Mr. Krabs a dime. Mr. Krabs inspects the dime closely though a small magnifying glass.)
Mr. Krabs: Wrong! That ain't me first dime.
SpongeBob: Then have some more dimes! (throws out more dimes) I've got plenty of 'em!
Mr. Krabs: You can't put a price on me first dime! And I can't forgive that thievin' bilge rat Squidward for stealin' it!
SpongeBob: (Neck Lifts Mr. Krabs) LISTEN, YOU CRUSTACEOUS CHEAPSKATE! SQUIDWARD'S BEEN LIVING AT MY HOUSE DRIVING ME CRAZY! (starts shaking him maniacally) AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA HIRE HIM BACK ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID DIME?!
(Cue the first dime falling from Mr. Krabs' pants, leading to below.)
SpongeBob's reaction to the dime itself^note:
SpongeBob: This is a dime?
Mr. Krabs: I've been in business a long time, boy.
The very end:
Mr. Krabs: Well the way I see it there are three possibilities, one, you put the dime in me pants, two, you put the dime in me pants, or three, YOU PUT THE DIME IN ME PANTS!
(SpongeBob, sensing the imminence of a jobless Squidward once again leeching off his hospitality, wordlessly puts on the French maid uniform Squidward made him wear)

48A - No Weenies Allowed

The first part of SpongeBob and Sandy's karate fight:
Sandy: Hi-yah! (karate chops SpongeBob into the air. SpongeBob crashes into the ground, followed by his pants, socks, and shoes. He stands up with the clothing on his head and feet in some food)
SpongeBob: I may be down, but I'm not out! (looks down at his feet, which are in some potato salad at a family picnic)
Tom: Way to go, buddy. It took us three days to make that potato salad. (SpongeBob jumps away) THREE DAYS!
This part that borders on Memetic Mutation:
Reg: Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are ya?
Muscular Fish: How tough am I? How tough am I? I had a bowl of nails for breakfast this morning!
Reg: (chuckles) Yeah, so?
Muscular Fish: Without any milk.
Reg: (visibly afraid) Uhh, right this way! Sorry to keep you waiting!
"You need to have muscles! You need to have muscles on your muscles! You need to have muscles on your eyeballs!" (Literally stretches and flexes his eyeballs)
SpongeBob: Ew.
On determining SpongeBob's toughness:
Reg: How tough are ya?
SpongeBob: How tough am I? You got a new bottle of ketchup?
Reg: Sure. (hands the bottle of ketchup to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: It's on! (strains to open it but he can't) If I could just run this under some hot water...
Reg: Get outta here. This place is too tough for you, little man.
SpongeBob: Too tough for me?? That's downright ridiculous. I'll have you know I stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden, and I only cried for twenty minutes.
Reg: Listen, kid. I think you'd be more comfortable over at that place. (points to the building across the street)
SpongeBob: Weenie Hut Jr's?! Are you saying I belong at Weenie Hut Jr's?
Reg: Oh no, sorry, I was actually pointing at the place next to it. (points to another building)
SpongeBob: Super Weenie Hut Jr's?!
Reg: Yeah. Unless you think you're tough enough to fight me. (SpongeBob breathes deeply, as if to say something. Scene then cuts to him sitting in a seat at Weenie Hut Jr's)
Words cannot describe the hilarity of this part:
(SpongeBob walks over to Reg with a black wig on)
SpongeBob look-alike: (cool voice) What's shakin', mah man?
Reg: Not much. Say, haven't I seen you before?
SpongeBob look-alike: (cool voice) Doubt it. I'm a drifter - just blew into town. Heard your club was pretty tough, thought I'd check it out.
Reg: Nice try, kid. I know it's you.
SpongeBob look-alike: (Normal SpongeBob voice) What are you talking about?
Reg: Aha! (Reg pulls SpongeBob's hair, but the hair does not come off. The real SpongeBob walks up with a clown wig on, his idea of a tough hairdo)
Real SpongeBob: Hey, everybody, what's goin' on? (Reg, smiling sheepishly, tries to redo the drifter's hair, but can't. Look-alike gives Reg a Death Glare.)
Reg: Ah, you can go in. Sorry about that. (SpongeBob look-alike angrily walks in) What do you want?
SpongeBob: I'd like to gain entrance to your social club, please. (puffs wig) I believe my hairdo is in order. (Reg, simply annoyed, immediately rips the wig off SpongeBob's head. SpongeBob laughs nervously) So, uhh, where do you stand on the whole bald vs. shaved debate?...
This bit between SpongeBob and Patrick:
Patrick: Who, me? (SpongeBob walks up to Patrick)
SpongeBob: Yeah, you. Standing there all smiling and whatnot. Somebody oughta teach you some manners!
Patrick: Ok, but I must warn you. I happen to be a world championship... uhh... (looks at his hand, which has writing on it) ...kickboxer. (winks and gives a thumbs-up to SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: I don't care if you're the demon seed of Davy Jones! You're goin' down, Tubby! (Patrick starts to tear up)
Patrick: Tubby? (gets mad) NOBODY CALLS ME TUBBY!! (punches SpongeBob in the face, giving him a black eye)
SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick, you're supposed to let me win, remember?
Patrick: Oh yeah. (invisible punches flying) No, please wait! (grunting as more invisible punches hit him. Patrick is being thrown into the air and on the ground, then given a wedgie) No, please, have mercy! (is kicked into the background)
The robot scanning SpongeBob to determine if he's a weenie.
For the ending of this episode:
Reg: I never thought I'd say this, but go ahead in.
SpongeBob: Really? I can go in? Oh my gosh, I never thought this moment would come! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, am tough enough to get into the Salty Spittoon! This is the happiest day of my liiiife! (walks in; scene cuts to an ambulance driving down the street with SpongeBob in bandages and Sandy by his side) Sandy? (groans) What happened?
Sandy: You ran inside and slipped on an ice cube. (ambulance arrives at the hospital; scene cuts to Sandy wheeling SpongeBob in front of the doctor)
Doctor: What happened?
SpongeBob: I slipped on an ice cube and got covered in boo-boos!
Doctor: Boo-boos, eh? Hmmm...I think you guys want that hospital. (points across the street to another hospital)
SpongeBob: Weenie Hut General?!

48B - Squilliam Returns

This:
Squidward: (thinking to himself) Don't be intimidated, Squidward. Try to imagine him in his underwear. (imagines Squilliam in his boxers, but he has the body of an underwear model) Oh no, he's hot!!!
- Even funnier when you consider that Squilliam doesn't even wear pants in the first place, let alone underwear.
Squidward telling SpongeBob to empty his mind of all thoughts unrelated to either fine dining or breathing, so that he wouldn't screw up. Unfortunately, this essentially gives him amnesia.
When the miniature SpongeBobs in his mind are making him only know about Fine Dining, we get this hilariously meta exchange:
Head SpongeBob: Hurry up, what'd you think I'm paying you for?!
Worker SpongeBob: You don't pay me. (Head SpongeBob looks surprised) We don't even exist. We're just a clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought.
Head SpongeBob: One more crack like that and you're outta here!
Worker SpongeBob: No! Please! I have three kids!
When the SpongeBobs in his mind realise that he now doesn't know his name anymore, they yell, "WE THREW OUT HIS NAME!"
- Following that, there's his interactions with the customers:
  SpongeBob: More soup for your armpit?! (pours soup under a guy's armpit, causing him to scream in pain) Please enjoy the food! (grabs a woman by the head and shoves her face into her plate) Would you like some cheese on that, sir?! (picks up a guy and begins grating his butt onto his plate)
SpongeBob's attempts at remembering his name are just as funny:
SpongeBob: My name?
Squilliam: Yes, your name, son.
SpongeBob: Uhh...Beef Wellington?
Squilliam: No, your name.
SpongeBob: Uhh..err...the...fork on the left?
This part:
Squidward: When they get here tonight, they're going to see I'm just a big phony and a loser!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, boo-hoo! Let me play a sad song for you on the World's Smallest Violin. [moves his fingers and music plays]
Squidward: This is serious!
Mr. Krabs: I know. This really is the world's smallest violin. See? [camera zooms in on his claws to show a tiny violin]
Squidward asks Patrick if he can take hats in a dignified and sophisticated matter.
Patrick: You mean like a weenie? Okay! (makes a stupid face while talking in a stupid voice) May I take your hat, sir? May I take your haaat, siiir? May I...
Squidward: (puts a tentacle over Patrick's mouth) Alright, I've heard enough. You've got the job.
Patrick fighting with a clothes rack over the hat hanging on it.
Patrick: Gimme that hat! I said give it to me! Are you gonna hand it over or not? DON'T YOU BACKSASS ME! (leaps at the rack and begins punching it)
- Not too long after, he's shown carrying it in his mouth like a dog with a bone.
"Run for your lives, everyone! It's the appetizer!"

49A - Krab Borg

The movie SpongeBob is watching, Night of the Robot.
- And his subsequent nightmare about being chased by the robot.
SpongeBob is so on edge at work after watching the scary robot movie, when a buzzer goes off on the deep fryer he immediately throws his hands in the air and screams, "I SURRENDER!"
After SpongeBob sees Mr. Krabs acting like a robot inside his office.
SpongeBob: Oh Squidward, it's terrible! Mr. Krabs! (Trying to catch his breath) Talking to radio! (Does so again) Beeping sounds! (still at it) Strange dancing! (still at it) ROBOT.
Squidward throws SpongeBob into the kitchen, but he immediately reappears beside him. For the next few seconds while SpongeBob is trying to prove Mr. Krabs is a robot, Squidward is very confused and trying to look for any possible way he could have come back so fast.
Squidward: How did you...?
Squidward's pirate movie joke:
Squidward: Why couldn't the 11-year old get into the pirate movie?
Mr. Krabs: Why?
Squidward: It was rated "Arr!"
(cue the rimshot, Squidward proceeds to laugh at his own joke, which neither SpongeBob nor Mr. Krabs find funny)
Squidward: I sa- You- "Arr!" (still laughing; he then realizes the other two aren't) ...be-beacuse it's... about... pirates...?
Mr. Krabs: I'm not paying you to do stand-up, Mr. Squidward. Now get back to work!
Mr. Krabs wanting to give the nearly-dead batteries to Pearl for Christmas.
Squidward tries to set SpongeBob straight about his paranoia over Mr. Krabs being a robot.
Squidward: What did these robots in the movie look like?
SpongeBob: Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries.
Squidward: Okay, so tell me, does Mr. Krabs look anything like that?
Mr. Krabs: (runs in screaming his head off while holding a pair of metal tongs with the dead batteries from his radio in his pocket and his eyes red from getting salt in them)
After SpongeBob and Squidward see Mr. Krabs with red eyes, tongs, and dead batteries run into the bathroom.
Squidward: (to SpongeBob) I'll evacuate the customers, you call the Navy!
SpongeBob: Hello, operator, get me the Navy!
Answering Machine: Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service!
SpongeBob: Squidward! The robots are running the Navy!
Squidward: NOT THE NAVY! (over intercom) Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots are taking over the world! (no one moves) OUR WORLD! (customers scream and run out of the restaurant)
This exchange:
SpongeBob: In the movie, the hero teams up with a buddy and they get the poop on the robot.
Squidward: They poop on the robot?
SpongeBob attempting to interrogate Mr. Krabs (whom he thinks is a robot) about where the real Mr Krabs is. He slaps him and Squidward points out he has to ask him a question first, so SpongeBob asks "what color is my underwear?" and right afterward slaps him again.
"WHAT?! YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!"

49B - Rock-a-Bye Bivalve

The fact that this episode is probably the ONLY SpongeBob SquarePants episode which combines male subtext, undetected sexual references, and unbelievably hilarious moments into one.
It's pretty dark, but funny nonetheless. Patrick's original solution to solving the problem of the noisy baby scallop.
Patrick: (raises his foot with a threatening look on his face) I'll take care of this!
SpongeBob: NO, PATRICK!!
When they try to find something that the scallop will eat, they eventually get to an apple, which has a talking worm inside:
Worm: Hello, sea creatures! I bring you greetings from Apple World!
SpongeBob: Of course, scallops love worms! [pulls the worm out of the apple]
Worm: Huh?! Wait! [is lowered towards the scallop's mouth] We will bury you! [gets eaten]
On deciding on who'll be the mom and dad between them:
SpongeBob: You know, Patrick, since this scallop doesn't have parents, we should raise it ourselves.
Patrick: Yeah! At least until it's old enough to be on its own! Oh, I wanna be the mom!
SpongeBob: I don't think you can be the mom, Patrick, because you never wear a shirt.
Patrick: You're right. If I was a mom, this would be kind of shocking. (scene zooms out to show Patrick fat and hairy; he raises his arms, revealing very hairy armpits) Just call me Daddy!
During their first outing as parents, they pass a fish couple pushing a baby carriage. As the parents take in the sight of SpongeBob and Patrick and the scallop, a thought bubble appears over their heads with the rebus "(Sponge) + (Starfish) = (Scallop)?", causing them to make disgusted faces.
Later on, they are seen riding a bike. The last time they ride past the "camera", SpongeBob and Patrick are chasing after the bike with the baby still on it!
After their first day as parents:
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob? (goes to what appears to be the right side of the bed)
SpongeBob: (goes to what appears to be the left side) Yes, Patrick?
Patrick: I never thought being a parent could be this much fun.
SpongeBob: Me neither. (scene zooms out, revealing that Patrick is sleeping on the bottom mattress and SpongeBob is sleeping on the top)
Patrick: Well, good night, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick. (SpongeBob's mattress slams shut on top of Patrick)
SpongeBob is busy looking after Junior (the scallop) while simultaneously doing other chores and anticipates Patrick to return from work so he can take a break, but Patrick instead chooses to sit down and watch his favorite show, which involves a guy getting hit in the head with a coconut to the starfish's loud laughter. This happens multiple times that week.
SpongeBob: Patrick, what about my break?
Patrick: Oh, yeah, your break. Tomorrow, I promise.
SpongeBob: Um, okay. Tomorrow.
Narrator: Tomorrow.
Patrick: Whew, another tough day!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm so glad you're home! I can't wait for my break!
Patrick: Work was a killer. I need my chair. (sits down with a grunt)
SpongeBob: But Patrick, I really need my...
Patrick: Tomorrow for sure.
Narrator: Tomorrow For Sure.
SpongeBob: (slowing down) Patrick...?
Patrick: I'll get to it eventually.
Narrator: Eventually.
SpongeBob: (slowed to a crawl at this point) ...Uhhh...?
Patrick: Uhhh...
Narrator: Uhhh...
Followed immediately by:
SpongeBob: Patrick Star, we need to talk.
Patrick: Just one more minute, I got—
SpongeBob: Don't "one more minute" me, mister man! (turns off the TV)
Patrick: Hey, I'm missing the coconut!
SpongeBob: You haven't been helping at all with Junior! We made a commitment and you're not doing your share! You never do anything!
Patrick: I changed his diaper!
SpongeBob: Yeah, once!
Patrick: He's only (gestures with his "fingers") this big. How many diapers can he possibly use?
SpongeBob: (opens a trashcan full of used diapers) Hmmmmm?
Patrick: Oh, that's not so much.
SpongeBob: (shows another can and two bags full of more diapers) Hmmmmm?
Patrick: So...?
SpongeBob: (opens the refrigerator, filled with yet more diapers) Hmmmmm?! (removes the couch cover, under which there are even more diapers) HMMMMM?! (tears some wallpaper down, revealing... you know) HMMMMM?! (finally directs a horrified Patrick's attention out the window to a massive landfill of diapers outside, more of which are being dropped off by a dump truck)
Patrick: I had no idea! WHAT KIND OF FATHER AM I?!
SpongeBob discovering that Patrick's "work" consists of him sitting in his house watching TV.
Patrick: Dahahah! He got hit in the head with two coconuts!
SpongeBob: So, this is "work"?!
Patrick: Y'know, it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes I gotta move the antenna. Sometimes I lose the remote. [looks at his rear] And sometimes my butt itches real bad!
SpongeBob: Oh, you poor, poor thing. By the way, you forgot your briefcase! [he pulls the briefcase out and opens it up to reveal that it's filled with donuts and ice cream sundaes as he angrily dumps it all over Patrick]
Patrick: Oh, so this is the thanks I get for working overtime?
SpongeBob: OV ER TIME!?!?
Patrick: Yeah, overtime, pal!
SpongeBob: (simultaneously) Oh, boy, yeah, you're working!
Patrick: You know what that means?
SpongeBob: And that's the kind of work you're doing?
Patrick: It means working when you're just too tired to work!
SpongeBob: Show me where I can sign up for this because I've been working my fingers to the bone!
Patrick: You just keep going on working and working!
SpongeBob: You never help! NEVER!
(Junior chirps loudly, which makes the two finally stop arguing and listen to the sound)
Patrick: There's that stupid noise again!
SpongeBob: Oh, that's not a stupid noise. That's just Junior about to jump out of that two-story window.
(Junior is teetering on the edge of the window of SpongeBob's house, ready to fly)
Patrick: Oh.
Both: [eyes bulge in horror] JUNIOR!!!
And finally, the ending, which sparked a thousand controversies about SpongeBob and Patrick:
SpongeBob: Junior? He's flying!
Patrick: I guess he's all grown up! (Junior kisses SpongeBob then flies off) Hey, what about Daddy? (Junior drops a coconut on Patrick's head, then kisses him) That's my boy!
SpongeBob: Goodbye.
Patrick: Goodbye, Junior!
SpongeBob: Well Patrick, he doesn't need us anymore.
Patrick: This is the hardest part of every parent's life, I assume.
SpongeBob: Despite all we've been through, it was worth it.
Patrick: Yeah... Let's have another. (SpongeBob looks shocked)

50A - Wet Painters

SpongeBob explains the reason why they've been hurting themselves in the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad.
Mr. Krabs: What stupid barnacle told you that?
(Cut to Squidward at the counter with a magazine and a guilty grin on his face.)
After tasking SpongeBob and Patrick with painting the inside of his house, Mr. Krabs closes with these words of...encouragement.
M. Krabs: Let me give you two a warning: this here paint is absolutely permanent! It will never come off! So I see... even one drop... ON ANYTHING BUT WALL! I'LL HAVE YOUR REAR ENDS CUT OFF AND MOUNTED OVER ME FIRE PLACE! So, have fun with the job!
Patrick's insistence that he and SpongeBob's assignment doesn't include moving anything.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs sure has a lot of expensive treasures to drip paint on. Do you think we should take this stuff off the walls?
Patrick: No way, SpongeBob. We're not getting paid to move stuff!
SpongeBob: Patrick, we're not getting paid at all.
Patrick: Well that's what I said! We're not getting paid, and that's final!
SpongeBob: Ok, we'll just paint around all this stuff.
Patrick: Good. Just don't pay me.
SpongeBob stressfully attempts to open a can of paint with a screwdriver in a scene that might as well be that of a bomb disposal.
Patrick: Careful, SpongeBob. Careful, SpongeBob. SpongeBob, careful. Careful, SpongeBob. Careful, SpongeBob! Careful, SpongeBob! CAREFUL, SPONGEBOB!!!
SpongeBob: Patrick, the lid's already off.
Patrick: Oh. (beat) Now it's my turn! (produces a battle axe out of nowhere and violently smashes the paint can, complete with Scare Chord)
SpongeBob: I think I should do this one too, Patrick.
SpongeBob goes a bit overboard with mentally preparing for the job of painting Krabs' house:
SpongeBob: Ok, Patrick, let's get our brushes ready. (holds up his big brush) Uhh, maybe we should start with a smaller brush. (takes another small brush and gets a hair out of his nose. Patrick gets all his hairs out of his nose on his brush. SpongeBob dips the brush into the can and then faces the wall) Alright, Patrick, gotta get started painting this wall. With the permanent paint that we're not allowed to get on anything but the wall. Well, here we go.
Narrator: One hour later.
SpongeBob: (still standing in the same spot) Just a few more seconds of mental preparation and I'll be painting this wall!
Narrator: Two hours later.
SpongeBob: (still standing in the same spot and sweating) I'm getting to the painting...
Narrator: Three hours later.
Patrick: Can you move it along? I'm all out of time cards.
The funniest moment occurs when SpongeBob accidentally makes a giant paint bubble:
SpongeBob: Barnacles! What could be worse than a giant paint bubble?!
Patrick: Ooh! I know! (produces a bubble wand, dips it into the paint, and blows another giant paint bubble) Two giant paint bubbles!
SpongeBob: NOOOOOOOO! (the bubbles merge and form one MASSIVE paint bubble) Patrick?
Patrick: Yeah, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I don't think this bubble can get much bigger!
Patrick: Nonsense! (produces a bike pump to hook up to the paint bubble, inflating it further)
SpongeBob: PAT, NO! (Bubble pops)
While trying to remove the paint stain from Mr. Krab's dollar by whacking it with a bat:
Patrick: Oof! Oof! OOF!
SpongeBob: NOTHING'S WORKING!
Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob! we're not cavemen! (walks over to a late 90s style desktop computer) We have technology! (picks up the computer and smashes it on the dollar, grunting as he does, the computer makes beeping sounds as he smashes it, the dollar is unharmed)
SpongeBob: It didn't work.
The entire vending machine scene. And Patrick forgetting his own plan mere seconds after saying it.
- Plus the Fridge Brilliance of why Krabs has a vending machine in his house to begin with: A miser like him would never set out free snacks for his guests, now would he?
Knowing they're running out of time before Mr. Krabs returns, SpongeBob walks to a nearby mirror and talks to his own reflection, attempting to convince himself not to start panicking. And then he hears Mr. Krabs singing "Blow the Man Down" outside.
SpongeBob's Reflection: (walks away) You're on your own, pal.
When Mr. Krabs comes home.
Mr. Krabs: Crimminy-Jim-jim! You messed up my dollar... (moves toward a random shelf of dolls) ...rama!
(SpongeBob and Patrick look confused)
Mr. Krabs: All the dolls in this Doll-O-Rama were perfectly aligned! (adjusts one of the dolls to an upright position)
Doll: Mama.
Mr. Krabs: And you boys thought I wouldn't notice.
When Mr. Krabs discovers the hiding spot and throws away a bunch of paintings (one of them Painty the Pirate, seen in the opening). He then sees SpongeBob behind the final one.
SpongeBob: (Nervously) H-hey, Mr.Krabs...
Krabs: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
SpongeBob: Oh, y'know, just...hangin' around?
Patrick: (gives thumbs down) BOO!
As Mr. Krabs is picking SpongeBob up off the wall:
SpongeBob: No, no, no! No, Mr. Krabs! No! Don't look! It's a trick!
When Mr. Krabs finally sees the damage:
Mr. Krabs: Did you two get paint all over me first dollar?
SpongeBob: We're sorry, Mr. Krabs!
Patrick: (simultaneously) We're so sorry!
Mr. Krabs: (looks at dollar again) And then did you draw on it with crayon?! (dollar has a smiley face and two dollar signs drawn on with green crayon)
Patrick: (holding green crayon while SpongeBob stares at him) I thought, you know, maybe he'd buy it.
Mr. Krabs: Alright boys, you know what I've gotta do now?!?
SpongeBob: You mean our butts?
Patrick: Can I use mine one last time?
The reveal that Mr. Krabs was just trolling them and the paint could be removed with saliva the whole time.
- As Mr. Krabs starts to laugh, SpongeBob and Patrick storm out of the house in annoyance and disgust.
- Then immediately after, the joke lands on Krabs when he laughs at his joke so hard, his sprayed spittle melts the paint off all his walls.
  Mr. Krabs: Aw, crud! I really gotta learn to say it, not spray it.

50B - Krusty Krab Training Video

This episode's so funny because it has absolutely No Fourth Wall.
This episode is doubly for those who have worked in fast food, due to how accurately it replicates the look and feel of fast food training videos.
SpongeBob repeatedly asking the narrator if he can make a Krabby Patty, only to be turned down every time (except at the end).
This gem:
Narrator: As you can see by this graph... (scene cuts to a giraffe) Ahem. Graph! (a graph is shown with the Krusty Krab moving up the profit chart) You are now employed by one of the most successful restaurants in Bikini Bottom.
- Made all the more funny by the subtle fact that the profit axis of the graph is inverted, meaning the restaurant is actually losing money.
This part:
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of...
Child: HOOPLA!
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of...
Child: HOOPLA!
Narrator: Sounds like a...
(Camera swerves right to view the young, green fish shouting)
Child: HOOPLA! HOOPLA! (gets hit on the head with a brick and is knocked out)
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of hoopla to make over a little Krabby Patty, right? (chuckles) WRONG!
Mr. Krabs' unusual sense of Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness.
Mr. Krabs: (holding a spatula) This here is an advanced patty control mechanism! (motioning towards the cash register) Here, you can see our automated money handling system... (grabs the register) Don't touch! (holding up ice cubes) These are your high-quality beverage temperature devices! Imported. (picks up a straw) This here's a prototype liquid transfer machine... (drinks some orange soda) And most importantly, (close-up on ketchup packets) you get your state-of-the-art condiment dispersal units! ...Now, are ya' gonna buy something, or just stand there? 'Cause there's a standing fee.
P.O.O.P.
SpongeBob: Does this mean I get to make a Krabby Patty now?
Narrator: No, you can't make a Krabby Patty without understanding the phrase "P.O.O.P." (the letters in the acronym appear in a vertical line)
SpongeBob: P.O.O.P.?
Narrator: Once you understand P.O.O.P., you'll understand your place at the Krusty Krab. But what does P.O.O.P. mean? (SpongeBob shrugs) It's actually a carefully organized code. Watch closely: People Order Our Patties. (the words appear as the narrator says them)
SpongeBob (brightly) Ahh! P.O.O.P.! (smiles)
Narrator: Looks like Mr. SquarePants understands P.O.O.P. (cut to the Krusty Krab; a fish approaches Squidward at the cash register) Here's a typical customer. I wonder what he wants. Well, if we just remember P.O.O.P., we can figure it out.
Fish: I'd like to order- (picture freezes)
Narrator: Do you think he's going to order A: a sofa, B: an expensive haircut, or C: a patty? (the answers appear on the screen as he says them, then disappear as the picture unfreezes)
Fish: -one patty, please.
Narrator: Ah, P.O.O.P., you never let us down!
Interfacing with your boss, Krusty Krab style:
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, can I have a raise?
Mr. Krabs: [not even looking up from his paperwork] No.
- Also, the title card for this section is an electric chair.
The exchange between Squidward and Patrick:
Narrator: (as Patrick walks up to the door, glances at the sign, scratches his back, and enters the Krusty Krab) Now we go from behind the scenes to the front lines, where we'll examine the most important aspect of the industry, the customer. Or as we say, the 'Krustomer'.
Patrick: (stops, terrified) Who said that?! Are you a ghost?!?
Narrator: Like precious, precious blood in an animal, the customer is what makes the Krusty Krab strong and alive.
Patrick: Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me!
Squidward: Are you going to order something or just make friends with the paneling?
Patrick: Uhh... I'll have an uhh...uhh...uhh...ah... (falls asleep and drools 'til Squidward snaps his fingers, causing him to wake up) What's that?
Squidward: Patrick, go be stupid somewhere else.
Narrator: Ah-ah-ah, Squidward, remember what Mr. Krabs says. (pan over to a hanging cutout of Mr. Krabs with a speech balloon)
Mr. Krabs: The money is always right!
Patrick: The ceiling is right, Squidward. You're not a very good employee.
Squidward: Fine. May I please take your order?
Patrick: I'll have uhh... uhhhhhhhhh... (drools again as Squidward gets angry)
- At this point, we leave the two to cut to a scene featuring Plankton attempting to steal the Krabby Patty formula yet again (as partially outlined below this section), but once that's over, we pick up where we left off:
  Narrator: (scene cuts to Squidward and Patrick, and Patrick is still droning "Uhhhhhh...") Let's check in on Squidward again. Psst, Squidward.
  Squidward: Huh?
  Narrator: Just remember: P.O.O.P.!
  Squidward: Patrick, if I could make a suggestion, why don't you order a Krabby Patty?
  Patrick: Great idea, Squidward! One Krabby Patty, please.
  Squidward: (sighs) Is that for here or to go? (yelps as he quickly covers his mouth, immediately realizing his mistake)
  Patrick: Uuhhhhhh... (Squidward repeatedly bangs his head against the register)
  Narrator: Hang in there, Squidward. It's all part of the job.
"Not when I shift into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE!"
- "I knew I should've gotten the turbo."
- Mr Krabs is so calm and casual about this one, and managed to stop Plankton with very little effort on his part. This involves him simply picking up Plankton by his ears, walking over to the door, opening it and then flicking Plankton away while keeping the same unmoved facial expression.
- Right before being picked up and flicked, Plankton tells Krabs "[he'll] get the Krabby Patty from [him] when [[Krabs]] pries it from [his] cold, dead…" and then his wording speeds up to make it sound like his voice doesn't carry beyond a high-pitched yelling that sounds like a tape being fast forwarded. To make it even funnier, this video revealed what Plankton said
Plankton: FELICITATIONS, MALEFACTORS! I AM IN TOWN TO FIND MY MINIONS! And I know just how to speak their langua- AAAAAAAAAAAA!
SpongeBob "saves the day" from Plankton... by running around screaming at the top of his lungs, waving his arms, and knocking over tables, chairs, and customers.
Narrator: And so another emergency is avoided, thanks to Mr. SquarePants.
- Doubly funnier in that SpongeBob is still running around and screaming after Plankton was dealt with, but moreso if you believe mayhem caused did alert Mr. Krabs to what was happening. In a sense, SpongeBob did save the day!
"Preparing the Krabby Patty". Even the narrator runs out of breath.
And the ending:
Narrator: The secret formula i- (cuts to credits)

51 - Party Pooper Pants

Patchy tries to send his party invitations to SpongeBob and Patrick.
SpongeBob: I'd sure like to go to this party, but I can't read the invitation.
Patrick: Me neither.
SpongeBob: Whoever sent this obviously has no idea about the physical limitations of life underwater! (pans out to the two of them near a fire) Well, might as well throw these in the fire!
SpongeBob seems to have tabs on every person in Bikini Bottom.
Fred: Who the barnacles is SpongeBob SquarePants?!
Monica: I believe you went to kindergarten with him, dear!
Fred: Kindergarten, huh? (cut to a framed photo of Miss Shell's kindergarten class with SpongeBob in it) ...Oh, yeah. SquarePants. Well, I guess it's time to move again.
SpongeBob has apparently resorted to underhanded means to ensure the invited guests attend his party:
SpongeBob: Squidward, you made it!
Squidward: My cable's out.
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry to hear about that. (pushes pliers deeper in his back pocket)
When SpongeBob uses a vacuum to suck the eaten slice cake out of Sandals' mouth, he fires it back into the whole cake... as well as firing a plate of bacon and eggs.
SpongeBob: Hey, what's this?
Sandals: That's my breakfast!
"I don't even know how that happened."
After SpongeBob is driven out of his own house by the others during his party, he is really miffed that it's not going according to his plans. "I can take losing the topic cards and the phone in the punch bowl... BUT I WAS SUPPOSED TO LEAD THE BUNNY HOP!! THIS IS A BUNCH OF BARNACLES!" Cue SpongeBob wearing a bunny costume.
When he's arrested, the policewoman complains that the handcuffs are broken. The policeman says "I got an old pair in the car we could use!" Cue SpongeBob in an old-fashioned wooden shackle.

52A - Chocolate with Nuts

This famous scene:
(Outside Tom's house)
SpongeBob: Okay Patrick, this is it - the first step on our road to livin' fancy. (they ring the doorbell and Tom answers)
SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir. Could we interest you in some chocolate?
Tom: Chocolate? Did you say chocolate?
Patrick: Yes sir, with or without nuts?
Tom: Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?! (screaming) CHOCOLAAAAATE!!! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!! (terrified, SpongeBob and Patrick make a run for it)
SpongeBob: (next scene) Okay, that first guy didn't count.
While discussing how to win customers:
SpongeBob: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
Patrick: Hm...I got it! Let's get naked!
SpongeBob: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate.
This scene tops it all:
SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
(Patrick knocks on the door, and a customer opens it)
Customer: Hello?
Patrick: I love you.
(A harp is heard playing; the customer stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then slams the door shut)
SpongeBob: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal.
FANCY LIVING, HERE WE COME, LA LA LA LA, LAAAAAAA!
This exchange:
Patrick: [reading from a billboard] "Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious."
SpongeBob: They are most certainly not delicious.
Patrick: Not the way I use 'em.
When SpongeBob agrees with Patrick's idea of "stretching the truth" (actually just lying), the crazy fish appears again, yelling, "CHOCOLAAAAAATE!!!!!"
Another great moment:
(an old woman opens the door to find SpongeBob and Patrick standing there)
SpongeBob: Hello, young lady! (winks conspiratorially with Patrick) We're selling chocolate. Is your mother home?
(the old woman pauses for a moment, then yells "Mom!"; an incredibly decrepit woman who looks more like a burnt corpse than a fish wheels herself into view on her wheelchair)
Old Woman's Mother: What?! What, what's all the yelling?! (SpongeBob and Patrick are startled) You just can't wait for me to DIE, can you?!
Old Woman: They're selling chocolate!
Old Woman's Mother: Chocolate?!
Old Woman: Yeah!
Old Woman's Mother: What?! What are they selling?!
Old Woman: Chocolate!
Old Woman's Mother: ...What?!
Old Woman: CHOCOLATE!
Old Woman's Mother: I can't hear you!
Old Woman: THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATE!
Old Woman's Mother: They're selling chocolate?!
Old Woman: YEAH!
Old Woman's Mother: (with an expression of fondness) Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate... (her expression abruptly changes) I always HATED IT!
SpongeBob: (sweating profusely) Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating! It's for...
Patrick: You rub it on your skin, and it makes you live forever!
(the younger of the two women begins to shake her head and hands at SpongeBob and Patrick with a mortified expression as her mother continues)
Old Woman: No...no...no...
Old Woman's Mother: Live forever, you say? I'll take one!
(after facepalming, the younger woman gives SpongeBob the money in return for the chocolate, as the house is now seen from the side with her mother out of shot)
Old Woman's Mother: Come on, you lazy Mary! Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
Old Woman/Mary: (to SpongeBob) I hate you.
During the montage of SpongeBob and Patrick selling chocolate by stretching the truth, one scene shows Patrick pitching to a person who looks and sounds identical to him. This leads to a hilarious exchange:
Patrick: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier!
Patrick Look-Alike: Just in time!
SpongeBob and Patrick get conned by the same guy three times. The third time is when they try to get him to buy their chocolate by pretending that they have "head trauma and internal bleeding", while he's in a full body cast and gives them this:
I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
And then the part with Tom again, after SpongeBob and Patrick have all but given up.
Tom: (pops up behind SpongeBob and Patrick) CHOCOLAAAAATTTTTTTTEEEEEE! (SpongeBob and Patrick begin crying and pleading; Tom laughs maniacally) FINALLY! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CATCH YOU BOYS ALL DAY! NOW THAT I'VE GOT YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU... (calms down and pulls out a big wad of cash) I'd like to buy all your chocolate. (A bunch of chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's pants, followed by a Hershey Kiss. SpongeBob and Patrick slowly melt into a puddle)
SpongeBob: Thank you for your patronage.
"HI MAILMAN!"
"Focusing..."

52B - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V

The episode starts with Mermaid Man holding up a looong cue of people, unable to decide on his order that SpongeBob had to whisper a suggestion. When he makes his order, the cue of people cheer… And then deflate when Barnacle Boy objects to his order.
- The order for Barnacle Boy, itself, is called a “Pipsqueak Patty.” And it’s due to that instead of getting an adult-sized krabby patty and the following disrespect from nearly everyone that causes the conflict of the episode.
EVIL: Every Villain Is Lemons.
When EVIL Troll Mermaid Man with an exploding ice cream, it cuts to the three of them in the ice cream truck... and ALL of them are wearing the signature little bows and hats for no reason than commitment to the bit!
Realistic Fish Head reports the new evil organization as "committing a series of crimes throughout Bikini Bottom"... it cuts immediately to Man Ray, Dirty Bubble and Barnacle-Man running up to an old person's home and ringing the bell before running off while laughing like rambunctious children! It's as childish as it is absolutely hilarious.
Old Man: I'LL GET YOU CRAZY KIDS!
"I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra!"
"Wanna see me run to that mountain and back? ...Ya wanna see me do it again?"
This exchange:
Mermaid Man: Once you put on these costumes, their amazing powers will become yours!
Sandy: Wow. I didn't think superpowers worked that way.
Mermaid Man: Sure! Power's all in the costume. Why else would we run around in colored undies?
Squidward: I can think of three good reasons.
"The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances! A subsidiary of Viacom." Capping it off is Patrick being really close to the camera, making an absurd expression.◊
"I can finally touch my toes" (stretches his toes over his back to touch his fingers).
What do the Super Acquaintances do after their introductions? Go after EVIL? Nope. Figuring out what kind of pizza they’re all wanting.
- When the Chief points out the current whereabouts of EVIL, he exemplifies the location of Makeout Reef by making out with himself. “WOOOOOOHOOHOOHOO!”
- “Does this mean we’re not getting pizza?”
When it’s finally time for the Super Acquaintances to fight EVIL, the majority of them ending up doing each other in. Squidward, of all people, instigates the problems when he accidentally launches lava onto the head of SpongeBob whom runs around in a panic until he’s reduced to just his shoes, Patrick tries to help him beforethen, only to sent spinning with his stretched arms over his head afterwards, Mermaid Man tries to cool off SpongeBob only to hit Squidward, reducing him to ash and Sandy’s the only one who isn’t even done in by any of her allies, ending up hit by a random driver while invisible and send flying off Makeout Reef. And lastly, Mermaid Man? He just flops over, all while EVIL just watches the hilarious failures.
Barnacle Boy: Uh...we did it! We won! This day belongs to EVILLLLLL!
This exchange when Barnacle Boy is negotiating with Mermaid Man:
Man Ray: World domination! Tell him we want world domination!
Dirty Bubble: Oh, and make him eat dirt!
[Man Ray stares at him]
Dirty Bubble: In addition to the domination thing?
- And a few seconds later:
  Dirty Bubble: Did you hear him say anything about eating dirt?
Earlier, E.V.I.L. are harassing teenagers at Make-Out Reef... by taunting them with the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song. It also leads to this absolute gem:
Dirty Bubble: Ooh! Shine the light in that car, Man Ray!
Man Ray: With pleasure!
[light reveals a guy making out with a pillow in his car]
Guy: Hey man, that's not cool!
[all the villains laugh heartily]
- Bonus points for the "Everybody Laughs" Ending including Man Ray and Dirty Bubble laughing in prison, the guy on a date with his pillow and the Chief, making out with himself once more, also laughing!
  - Mermaid Man points out early in the episode that an adult sized krabby patty is too big for Barnacle Boy and he’ll never finish it. When Barnacle Man finally gets it, in return for getting to choose 3 demands? He sheepishly admits it’s pretty big and isn’t sure if he can finish it all.

53A - New Student Starfish

SpongeBob and Patrick arrive at boating school well in advance of any other students.
Patrick: Where is everybody?
SpongeBob: I dunno. Home, probably. Class doesn't start 'til 9.
Patrick: (looks at his watch) 6:20? Well, but I thought you said you were late!
SpongeBob: Late for bein' early!
Patrick: (points accusingly at SpongeBob with his watch hand) Heyyy... (furrows brow in confusion) When did I start wearing a watch?
SpongeBob shows Patrick the class science project, Roger the egg (representing "the fragile line between life and death"), sitting under an incubating bulb (representing "knowledge", without the warmth of which, "Roger would die").
Patrick: (switching light off and on repeatedly) Life, death, life, death, life, death!
SpongeBob: Patrick!
When Mrs. Puff asks Patrick to introduce himself to the rest of the class, he panics and blurts out "24!" The rest of the class laughs, and soon even Patrick is seeing the funny side:
Patrick: 24.
[they both giggle stifledly. Mrs. Puff stops writing for a moment when she hears them, but soon resumes writing]
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob: I thought of something funnier than 24.
Patrick: Let me hear it.
SpongeBob: [snrk] 25.
[SpongeBob and Patrick try even harder to stifle their hysterical laughter, until...]
Mrs. Puff: That's enough!
Also:
(While Mrs. Puff is writing on the board and teaching a lesson on "turning")
(Note lands on SpongeBob's desk. He opens it. It's a comedic drawing of Mrs. Puff with writing beside it that reads "Big Fat Meanie".)
SpongeBob: "Big Fat Meanie"?? Patrick, you can't do that! She's the teacher!
When Mrs. Puff is by SpongeBob holding the picture, she looks exactly like the drawing.
"As if I really look like this!"
The back and forth from Mrs. Puff with the razor that would peel the star off and SpongeBob going crazy.
- This remark that follows:
  Patrick: Mrs. Puff, is it nap time?
After SpongeBob gets sent to the back of the room:
SpongeBob: Well, I guess I can be a good noodle from back here. (Mrs. Puff's voice is receding as SpongeBob tries to listen from the back) It's so hard to hear! What kind of student sits back here anyway?! (reads the writing on the desk) 'Skool is 4 Chumps'? (shivers) Where am I?!
Patrick: Psst, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Just ignore him, SpongeBob.
Patrick: SpongeBob, over here!
SpongeBob: Whatever you do, don't look at him.
Patrick: Psst, SpongeBob! (throws ball of paper) Psst, SpongeBob! (throws a book at SpongeBob) SpongeBob! (spits a bunch of spitballs on SpongeBob's face) SpongeBob! Psst, over here. I'm trying to tell you something. Something important!
SpongeBob: (covered in spitballs) What?!
Patrick: (timidly) Hi.
SpongeBob: ...HIIIIIIIIII?!?!
At this point, the spitballs that were all over SpongeBob's face go flying off of him, leaving him sitting at his desk snarling with rage. The camera then pans out to show Mrs. Puff - to add insult to injury to SpongeBob's current predicament - stood next to him, the spitballs having hit her.
Mrs. Puff: Perhaps this would be a good time for recess.
The egg hatching into a live-action baby chick at the end of the episode.
Roger: Hey! What'd I miss?

53B - Clams

The episode opens with a customer trying to order by asking Squidward his opinion on what he should have. After a couple tries, each with Squidward giving his expected negative responses, Squidward loses his temper and says the following:
Squidward: Sir, let's just get his out of the way, I hate everything on the menu, now what do you want?!
Squidward's response when the customer inquires about why an alarm has suddenly gone off?
Squidward: Something stupid, I'm sure...
- And after it's revealed to be Mr. Krabs celebrating getting his millionth dollar.
  Squidward: Ya see?
As Krabs raves on about how a crew like SpongeBob and Squidward come along once in a lifetime, the scene shifts to a hideously-drawn SpongeBob and Squidward.
Even better, later on as SpongeBob is trying his hand at fishing, Squidward attempts to relax with a book. SpongeBob, unknowingly, hooks the book as he casts, then the chair Squidward was laying on, causing him to flip over. Then this piece occurs:
Squidward: Hey, watch where you're swinging that...(the hook yanks his shirt off) SpongeBob, be careful with... (the hook gets on his nose...then it suddenly cuts to a far-off distance from the boat as a rip is heard, and Squidward screams painfully.)
Mr. Krabs desperately begging the live-action orchestra to stop playing the clam's Leitmotif.
- Much later in the epsiode, he weaponizes it to get the Clam to take the "live bait", which was SpongeBob and Squidward tied up on a fishing line.
After three days of trying to find old "Blue-Lip", the giant clam that ate Krabs' millionth-dollar bill, Squidward decides to deceive him with another dollar bill. However, as Krabs is celebrating, he realizes something's amiss...
Krabs: Wait a minute...this isn't me millionth dollar. (SpongeBob and Squidward look at each other) This is an ordinary dollar that's been crumpled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon and kissed with Coral Blue Number Two Semi-gloss Lipstick.
SpongeBob: (is now holding a purse and wearing lipstick) Actually, it's Coral Blue Number- (Squidward whacks him on the head with a fishing rod)
Later, Mr. Krabs refuses to let either of the two eat until they get the dollar bill by dumping all the sandwiches from the boat, including the fridge.
Squidward: (dragging SpongeBob away) Uh, SpongeBob? Can I have a word with you? Have you noticed that Mr. Krabs has gone (makes hand gesture implying he's about to say "a little") COMPLETELY INSANE?!
SpongeBob: What do you mean?
Squidward: Just look at him. (cut to Mr. Krabs wearing a funeral veil and mourning in front of a tombstone that reads "R.I.P.: Me Millionth Dollar")
SpongeBob: Squidward, he's lost something near and dear to him. Haven't you-?
Squidward: Look again. (cut back to Mr. Krabs, who begins giggling maniacally and tears his two eyes out, using them as a jumprope)
SpongeBob: (now understandably freaked out) You're right. How do we get outta here?
Squidward: If we're real quiet, we can sneak over to the lifeboat.
SpongeBob: Okay. (they take a slow step...then proceed to dash for the lifeboat, screaming their heads off)
Mr. Krabs conducting the live-action orchestra, complete with tux and crazy laughing.
Squidward: Mr. Krabs, listen, I work with SpongeBob all day long, so I know what I'm talking about when I say...YOU ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MIND!
- How he literally freezes time.
  "THAT'S IT!"
When Mr. Krabs is eaten by a giant clam:
SpongeBob: Ohh, poor Mr. Krabs, gone forever out of our lives. Why couldn't it have been me?! (cries)
Squidward: Yes, why couldn't it have been you? (cries)
SpongeBob: Why did he have to go like this, why?!
Squidward: Why did he have to go like this and leave me tied to this idiot?!
Every time Krabs is onscreen during this episode.
Mr. Krabs: Congratulations, sir. You have just given me my one-millionth dollar.
Sandals: Ha, great. Uhh, what do I win?
Mr. Krabs: Nothing! Now get out.
Sandals: Uhh, what?
Mr. Krabs: GET OUT! EVERYBODY GET OUT, YOU'RE SPOILIN' ME MOMENT!
The hilarious ways Krabs cries about his dollar. Including being literally broken up.

54 - Ugh

Squidward's prehistoric ancestor Squog tries to choose between two identical clubs before heading out. As soon as he picks one, the one he leaves at home actually sheds a tear and sobs!
Patrick's prehistoric ancestor Patar discovers Squog covered in the slime left by SpongeGar's pet snail. He exclaims in disgust at the sight and continues exclaiming in disgust after sniffing the slime and eating it. After trying the slime again with salt added, he cheerfully declares "Mawanga" and is yelled at by Squog, whose shouting flings the slime off his body. Patar is delighted to see that it was Squog underneath the slime and proceeds to give him a big crushing hug, much to Squog's dismay.
The tiny prehistoric crabs who repeatedly say "Money".
Squog scaring Patar with a highly detailed drawing of a horrifying mountain monster thing.
When SpongeGar is having a "Eureka!" Moment to use a stick to roast food is accompained by some mysterious voices in the background. What sells it is a choir suddenly appearing on-screen, giving the same note. See here.
The Running Gag where when something goes wrong for Patchy, whether it's X-29488 firing lasers at Cavey or a tyrannosaurus chasing Patchy, Potty is seen observing while snacking on popcorn and a soda.
Potty: Bawk. This is great.
As Patchy and Potty's argument goes nowhere, it suddenly cuts to SpongeBob shivering in fear at the Krusty Krab, with Mr. Krabs asking what's wrong.
SpongeBob: I've got the strangest feeling that somewhere, a pirate and parrot are arguing about me! ...And the parrot is winning!

55A - The Great Snail Race

Who won the race? "And the winner is ROCKY!" (who is a rock)
SpongeBob admits he called Gary a lady to "humiliate and demean" him as a coach's motivational tool, and Sandy can apparently sense him being sexist from across town: "I don't know why, but I think I'll kick SpongeBob's butt tomorrow." At the end of the episode, she shows up out of nowhere and gives SpongeBob a Literal Ass-Kicking, shouting, "That's for yesterday, SquarePants!"
Yeah, you probably shouldn't be laughing, but Gary exploding and drifting all over the racetrack like an out of control race car is so spectacular it loops back into hilarious.
- Even funnier when Gary's shell explodes to reveal an engine.
The Accidental Misnaming Running Gag of Squidward's last name. The clincher being at the end when Patrick has the trophy engraved to Squidward. Also notable for getting a rare Actually Pretty Funny reaction out of Squidward.
Squidward: (reading) The First Place Snail Racing Cup presented to Squidward... TORTELLINI?!
Every time someone points out that Patrick's new "snail", Rocky, is actually a rock, Patrick responds, "Yeah, thanks, I know. He's got nerves of steel."
- Then, there's the second time, where he has his head poking out of a window above Squidward.
  Squidward: ...Hey. What're you standing on, anyway? (Answer Cut to Patrick standing on Squidward's shoulders)

55B - Mid-Life Crustacean

When Pearl has Mr. Krabs take his daily pill, which is just as big as he is.
When Mr. Krabs is in denial about how much he's aged, he snaps at a boy scout who tries to help him across the street.
Boy Scout: Don't worry, Pops. We're almost across the street.
Mr. Krabs: Hey, get away from me! (walks away as his arm pops off and is left in the boy scout's hands) I don't need no snot-nosed little... (goes back to retrieve his detached arm) Sorry you had to see that.
Mr. Krabs freaks out after butting into a line of elderly people that appears to go to the cemetery. After he runs away, it turns out that the senior citizens were actually waiting in line to get ice cream.
This:
Patrick: Good morning, Krusty Krew! (SpongeBob pokes his head out of the kitchen window)
SpongeBob: (shouts) Hey, Patrick! You all ready for the big night out tonight?!
Patrick: (shouts) Yeah, it's gonna rock!
SpongeBob: (shouts louder) ARE YOU READY TO GO CRAZY?!
Patrick: (shouts louder) I'M ALREADY HEARING VOICES!
SpongeBob: ARE YOU READY TO—
Squidward: (shouts even louder in aggravation) SPONGEBOB! PATRICK! DO YOU MIND?!
SpongeBob: Let's continue this conversation in private, Patrick. I think some people are eavesdropping!
Patrick: Well, how rude of some people!
SpongeBob and Patrick's attempts to help Mr. Krabs feel young again don't go according to plan:
SpongeBob: Are you feeling it, Mr. Krabs?
Patrick: (camera switches to him) I'm feeling it, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (from off-screen) Patrick, that's not a ride! (camera pans out to reveal that Patrick is actually riding a customer with a cart)
Harold: Get off of me!
The montage of Mr. Krabs joining in the activities of SpongeBob and Patrick.
The discussion between Pearl and Mr. Krabs over the usage of "coral" over cool in the beginning of the episode.
ARE YOU READY TO PARTY!?
And then there's:
Patrick: The panty raid.
- Especially when the panty raid turns out to be in Mr. Krabs' mom's house.
The boy scout from before randomly appearing to escort Mr. Krabs to his bedroom after his mom grounds him.
Boy Scout: Don't worry, Pops. We're almost to your room.
Mr. Krabs: (sighs)

56A - Born Again Krabs

The day after Mr. Krabs demands that SpongeBob sell an old gray Krabby Patty that he found under the grill, he gives it to Squidward, who asks for a patty with less fog. When Squidward tries to give it to a customer, the customer takes a whiff, screams in horror, and backflips out the door.
When the Krusty Krab goes weeks without a customer due to him trying to sell off the old patty, Mr. Krabs believes it's because he got new placemats. Despite SpongeBob and Squidward's objections, he insists that the patty is still good and asks that SpongeBob present it to him, which he does while it's in a cage because it developed sentience and growled at him.
When Mr. Krabs prepares to take a bite out of the old patty, it appears to be followed by an Ambulance Cut right before he bit down, but then it turns out the ambulance just happened to be driving by outside. As soon as Mr. Krabs takes a bite, it Smash Cuts to him being taken into the ER, and while being wheeled in he tells SpongeBob to wrap up the patty because he still thinks it's worth eating.
After the operation (which Mr. Krabs is implied to have not survived from the doctor's horrified reaction to his chart), the Flying Dutchman appears in Mr. Krabs' room to take him to Davy Jones' Locker. Mr. Krabs fools him into thinking that his name is Harold Flower. The Dutchman immediately drops his theatrics and politely apologizes for getting the wrong room, which implies that this has happened before.
- Supported by the fact that the nurse doesn't seem fazed by his appearance when he asks her for Eugene Krabs' room.
- The entire scene was sold by the nurse's incredulous tone of "Harold Flower?", it was as if she can't believe that Flying Dutchman would actually falls for that.
Flying Dutchman: So, Krabs!! You thought you could fool the Flying Dutchman?!
Krabs comes back from the hospital, apparently reformed, and turns to SpongeBob with this exchange:
Mr. Krabs: Hello boy! Say, where's Squidward?
SpongeBob: Oh, he's taking one of those break things in your office, I mean, the 'employee lounge'.
(cut to Squidward sleeping in Mr. Krabs office)
The Woolseyism from the German dub: "Ich bin Benjamin... Benjamin... Blümchen!"^translation
When Mr. Krabs goes back to being greedy again, one of the customers he lashes out on is the guy who watches a movie that hasn't even been in theaters yet while he eats. Mr. Krabs not only shuts the movie off but somehow also uses the remote to make the guy forget everything he saw in the movie, which is represented as images flying out of the customer's eyes and into the television screen while the sound of videotape rewinding is heard.
Mr. Krabs threatening to rip off someone's arm just for picking up a penny is what causes the Flying Dutchman to make his return. Mr. Krabs makes a pathetic attempt to state that he's generous, but Squidward has something to say.
Squidward: You almost tore a man's arm off for a penny.
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, Squidward. I knew I could count on you.
The fact that SpongeBob's Motor Mouth gets him kicked out of what's essentially the Underworld, to the point of being considered a Fate Worse than Death.

56B - I Had an Accident

Before SpongeBob's accident, Patrick attempts sand boarding, only to land in the side of a mountain and shatter to pieces. The screen goes back to reveal that the "Patrick" we saw was in a video game that the real Patrick was playing. Cue the same scene happening to the real Patrick.
As SpongeBob slides down the mountain, he advises Patrick not eat the yellow sand.
Patrick: Oh, yeah! I forgot! (He eats it anyway)
While SpongeBob sandboards, we get this gem:
SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy! Watch me do the "Grouchy Squidward"!
Squidward: (At a nearby table) Stop naming moves after me!
SpongeBob: (imitating Squidward, even looking like him) Everybody's an idiot except for me!
Squidward: Well, it's true! (Sips his tea)
While SpongeBob is falling from the mountain:
Sandy: SpongeBob! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall!
SpongeBob: [takes off pants] Like this?
Patrick: No, your other bottom!
Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?
Patrick: Not until 4:00.
And after SpongeBob crashes:
Sandy: Ooh, that's gotta hurt...
Patrick: Do it again, I wasn't looking!
The seven-mile spanking machine.
- "Is this where the line starts?"
After learning that SpongeBob absolutely refuses to go outside after the accident:
Sandy: That's crazy talk!
Patrick: That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk!
[cue Patrick speaking gibberish in a nonsensical manner, causing Sandy to punch his head straight into his torso]
Patrick: Sorry.
- And immediately after that:
  SpongeBob: No, Patrick's right, Sandy. You saw what happened to me, and next time it won't just be my butt, it'll be my armpit or my forehead.
  Patrick: Or your other armpit!
Apparently, SpongeBob's made some odd changes to his lifestyle of permanently staying indoors:
- His "friends" he's made indoors are just inanimate objects: a chip, a penny, and a used napkin.
- He can still work at the Krusty Krab... by using a ridiculously long spatula.
- As for eating? As a sea sponge, he can just filter-feed.
And despite all this, Sandy's still adamant that he has to go outside sometime.
SpongeBob: Listen, I've reached my point. I'm never going outside again.
Patrick: Never ever?
SpongeBob: Never ever ever!
Patrick: Never never ever for never ever?!
SpongeBob: Never ever never never ever ever never!!
Patrick: Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Never ever never never ever never ever never...
SpongeBob: ALRIGHT, PATRICK, THAT'S ENOUGH! Chip, would you mind showing these two to the door? [flicks Chip to the door]
Patrick: Thank you, Chip. (outside) I guess I'm gonna have to find a new best friend... Hey, Squidward!
Squidward: No. (slams his window shut)
Patrick: Aww...
Sandy: Don't worry, Pat. We'll get SpongeBob to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of.
Patrick: [holds up a boxing glove] And that's when I punch him, right?
(Sandy gives an annoyed look)
While trying to tempt SpongeBob into coming outside:
Sandy: Trampoline!
Patrick: Ice cream!
Sandy: Underwater surfing!
Patrick: Two ice creams!
Sandy: Ferris wheel!
Patrick: (the two ice cream cones are melting) Still two ice creams!
Sandy: Clam wrestling!
Patrick: Washing an old person!
Sandy: Patrick, that's not fun!
Old Man: It is for me!
SpongeBob: (breathing differently as before)
Sandy: Nothing's working, Pat!
Patrick: What do we do now?
Old Man: I say we take a bath!
Sandy: What the-? Would you get outta here?
SpongeBob gets torn in half by a gorilla.
SpongeBob: Is it too late to go back inside yet?
[RIP!]
SpongeBob (left half): ...It's too late.
[the gorilla screeches]
SpongeBob (left half): Patrick? Sandy?
Patrick, Sandy: Y-yeah, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob (left half): I'm sorry I caused all this. I'm not scared of going outside anymore... but I'm terrified of gorillas now.
Sandy: [shaken] That's okay, SpongeBob... us, too.
- And then we get this exchange:
  SpongeBob (left half): You know what I don't understand, though?
  SpongeBob (right half): What?
  SpongeBob (left half): What's a gorilla doing underwater in the first place?
  [the gorilla's eyes widen]
  Gorilla: Uh... well, it's funny you should... I mean, y'see— GEORGE, THEY'RE ONTO US!
  [a white pantomime horse with black spots enters the scene]
  George: Let's get outta here!
- And the gorilla jumps onto George and rides off into the sunset while smacking his behind. It must be seen to be believed. After that, it's revealed that a live-action family is actually watching the show. The father gives a confused look to the camera, then turns off the TV.

57A - Krabby Land

When the actual Krabby Land is shown and, being assembled by Mr. Krabs, is made entirely out of garbage:
- Fort Adventure (some wood, bamboo, a tarp, and a bent pipe balanced on two garbage cans)
- Toaster Rodeo (two toasters on springs)
- Hose World (three bamboo rods tied together with five water hoses tied to the one on top)
- Rocketship Fantastica (a rusty oil drum dangling from a rope tied to a wooden frame that falls to the ground when the rope gives)
- The Pit O' Doom (a wooden dumpster)
- An otherwise functional-looking slide that collapses when a kid tries to go down it
Kid: Where am I?
SpongeBob trying to entertain the kids (to no avail) while Mr. Krabs goes to count their money.
Monroe: You're not Krabby the Clown.
SpongeBob: No I'm not! I'm, uh... (puts on a mask) I'm Krabby's beloved sidekick, the Krabby Patty...Burglar!
Child: Lame.
SpongeBob: Krabby will be here soon. He, uh, had to take the bus. But in the meantime, let's have some fun! You kids like bubbles? (picks up a bubble wand)
Monroe: No.
The epic montage of SpongeBob torturing himself to entertain the kids.
Mr. Krabs finally introducing Krabby the Clown: it's just Mr. Krabs with a clown nose and a necktie. The kids and SpongeBob are less than impressed.
SpongeBob: How could you, Mr. Krabs? You promised these children Krabby the Clown, but all I saw out there was...Cheapy the Cheapskate!
Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! (takes off the clown nose and rubs it, revealing that it's just a tomato painted blue) Now take this tomato back to the kitchen before it spoils.
Then at the end where Mr. Krabs is tied to the same posts SpongeBob was tied to earlier.
Mr. Krabs: Let me go! I gotta get some of that green stuff! (Tough guy places a spoon of lima beans in front of him) NO! Not that green stuff! (sobbing) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Lima bean truck pulls up)

57B - The Camping Episode

Right from the get-go, the title of this episode is so basic and self-aware it's genius!
Squidward failing to set up a tent, and the reactions of SpongeBob and Patrick.
SpongeBob and Patrick showing Squidward proof that sea bears are real on the front covers of their respective magazine issues of The Bikini Bottom Inquirer ("I Married a Sea Bear") and Fake Science Monthly ("Sea Bears and Fairy Tales are Real")
Squidward: That's the Stupidest Thing I've Ever Heard!
Patrick: Well maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!
From the sounds used, it seems the sea bear just pummels poor Squidward offscreen as opposed to mauling him like a real bear. Between this and its overall behavior, sea bears seems less like dangerous wild animals and more like bullies who just beat up whoever they come across.
Squidward tries drawing a circle to ward off the sea bear, but it doesn't work:
SpongeBob: (yelling from a safe distance) THAT WAS AN OVAL! IT HAS TO BE A CIRCLE!
Squidward: MOVE OVER!! (jumps on top of SpongeBob and Patrick)
The exchange from when Squidward got attacked by the sea bear for no apparent reason:
Squidward: (after being attacked by the sea bear once again) What did I do that time?!
SpongeBob: (yelling back) I don't know, I guess he just doesn't like you!
Patrick: (yelling) Pretend to be somebody else!
- The notion was then supported when Squidward managed to jump to Spongebob and Patrick's circle, the sea bear growls and point his finger to Squidward as if threatening him with "Next time you won't be so lucky, punk." before leaving.
Squidward Tempting Fate by doing all the things you're not supposed to do that'll attract a sea bear and then getting mauled by the sea bear four times: the second for running, the third for limping, and the fourth for crawling, before the next above-mentioned attack.
The ultimate gem known as The Campfire Song Song.
SpongeBob: I call this one "The "Campfire Song" Song". (singing) Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song, our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song. And if you don't think that we can't sing it faster, then you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along...
Patrick: Bum bum bum!
(tempo gets higher, Patrick can't keep up)
SpongeBob: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, and if you don't think that we can't sing it faster, then you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along.
Patrick: Sing another song.
SpongeBob: C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song, Patrick!
Patrick: (quickly) SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E—
SpongeBob: Squidward! (Beat, Squidward grumpily sits there in silence) Good!
SpongeBob: It'll help... It'll help.. If you just sing alooooong!
(SpongeBob and Patrick smash the instruments)
SpongeBob: OH YEAH!!!
- There, now wasn't that relaxing?
"Once I met this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy's cousin, wh-"
The ending:
SpongeBob: It's a good thing that was only a sea bear. This anti-sea bear circle would never hold off a sea rhinoceros.
Squidward: What attracts them?
Patrick: The sound of a sea bear attack. (screen zooms out to reveal a sea rhinoceros next to them)
SpongeBob Good thing we're wearing our anti-sea rhinoceros undergarments, right Squidward?

58A - Missing Identity

The flashback opens with a bit of inspired slapstick (which somehow avoids becoming old when it is re-enacted multiple times):
(SpongeBob is fast asleep in bed. His alarm clock sounds its foghorn)
SpongeBob: (jumps into a standing position, sending his blanket into the air) Good morning world, and all who inhabit it! (the blanket lands on top of him, completely covering him) DAH! (flails about blindly) Gary, help! I can't see! Gary, are ya' there? (steps off the bed and falls flat on his face, causing the alarm clock to fall on his head; he staggers around, dazed) Gary? Gary buddy? I need you to be my eyes, okay? Am I near the bathroom? (walks backwards through the door to the stairs and falls down them, yelping in pain as he hits each step on the way down; as he lands, the alarm clock sounds again and fires him across the living room) Gary? (he splats against the window) Gar'? (he slides down the wall and across the floor, coming to a stop in front of Gary, who meows)
His "horrific incident of terror" over, SpongeBob gives Gary his breakfast. He accounts to having fed Gary the same brand of SnailPo for years, without knowing what it tasted like. So he cheerfully touches a bit with his tongue, smiling wide... before he gags and emits a sonic "BLEUGH!"
SpongeBob: BLEUGH! (wider shot of Bikini Bottom) BLEUGH! (shot of the SnailPo factory) BLEUGH!
(cut to meeting room in the SnailPo factory; one employee is standing in front of a chart with a SnailPo can pictured on it, while a male employee (Peterson) and a female employee are sitting at a table)
Female SnailPo Employee: (as Peterson flinches) What is it, Peterson?
Peterson: I'm not sure. I feel... a disturbance.
(cut back to SpongeBob's house)
SpongeBob: That was the worst thing I ever tasted! Oh well; at least I never have to do it again.
SpongeBob's melodramatic reaction to the absence of his nametag is hilarious.
(SpongeBob gasps, whimpers as he gives himself a quick patdown in search of the nametag, and starts hyperventilating noisily)
Squidward: (walks up behind SpongeBob) Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, it's terrible! It's the most terrible thing that's ever happened to me! (sobbing) I lost my nametag! (deep breath) POURQUOI??
Squidward: (flinches) SpongeBob, take it easy. I'm sure you can get a new one.
SpongeBob: But I don't want a new one, Squidward! My nametag is out there somewhere! Lost! Hungry! Who will help it? (gasps) What if someone's using it?
(scene cuts to an Imagine Spot in a bank; a bank robber wearing SpongeBob's nametag and a mask bursts through the door)
Bank robber: All right, nobody move! This is a bank robbery! (sounds of screaming and alarm bells) ATTICAAAAA!!!
(Imagine Spot ends)
SpongeBob: DAH! I'm innocent, I tell ya'! (faints)
(after a few moments, SpongeBob comes to)
SpongeBob: (groans, then gets to his feet and heads for the cashier's station) Squidward, what happened?
Squidward: (reading a magazine) Huh? Oh, you fainted because you lost your nametag or something.
(Squidward flinches as SpongeBob screams, frantically pats himself down, and begins hyperventilating noisily again)
Squidward: (grabs SpongeBob) SpongeBob, will you get a hold of yourself!? Since when is losing your nametag the end of the world?!
Mr. Krabs: (opening his office door) Attention all employees! Just a quick heads-up, boys: there's gonna be a surprise uniform inspection in one hour! Anyone who doesn't pass... (glares) gets the BOOT! (SpongeBob and Squidward nervously stare in silence; Krabs smiles and produces an old military-style boot giving off green fumes) This boot, to be exact. It's very stinky, and you'll have to wear it all day. See ya' in an hour! (Krabs closes his office door; SpongeBob gasps, then begins hyperventilating noisily yet again)
Squidward suggests SpongeBob retrace his steps to find his nametag, so SpongeBob asks Squidward to take over the kitchen for him and goes back home; as he returns, he finds Patrick still standing exactly where he was when he said "Hi, SpongeBob!" as SpongeBob left for work that morning. When SpongeBob tells Patrick about his lost nametag, Patrick starts hyperventilating noisily.
SpongeBob ends up taking Squidward's advice a bit too literally and re-enacts his entire morning, including getting tangled in his bedclothes, falling downstairs, and tasting SnailPo (which causes his body to turn dark green and scrunch inward).^note Pay close attention and you'll notice SpongeBob skips one step from his original morning routine: getting dressed. Had he done that, he might have found his nametag sooner — but the results would have been less funny. He ends up having to do it repeatedly (and becomes more irritated each time) because Patrick keeps messing up his line ("Hi, SpongeBob!"). Over the course of several "takes", he misses his cue entirely, holds off on saying his line because he wants to know his motivation, has an attack of the giggles, says his own name by mistake, and then there's this:
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBoob! SpongeBoob?! Hahaha! I sai...I sai... (starts cracking up) Who's SpongeBoob? Hahahahahah!
(SpongeBob is glaring at Patrick the entire time, then walks away)
Patrick: (still laughing) I said SpongeBoob! (calms down) Again, again, sorry people.
- The final time SpongeBob tries repeating this morning routine, the last frame after feeding Gary has him violently thrown against the window with a far more deadpan and noncommital "bleh!", instead of him tasting the SnailPo again. It's a bit hard to tell whether this was an animation error or deliberately done, but if it's the latter, then the implication is Gary got so sick of his owner's nonsense or having to eat SnailPo repeatedly (or both) that he (somehow) managed to throw him across the room in rage.

58B - Plankton's Army

Plankton's plan that kicks off the episode: him leaping out of a fake dollar and demanding the Krabby Patty Secret Formula... and that's it. He didn't really think he'd get that far. Cue him getting flushed down the toilet.
- In addition, we are shown past plans: Plankton disguising himself as a bug; Plankton turning himself into a bug and Plankton protesting that he is not a bug (civil disobedience). They all end the same way, with him getting stepped on.
Later, Karen says that Plankton working alone is why his plans end up failing. She then shows some of Plankton's failed schemes; the first has him laughing evilly and about to pull a level, only to be stepped on by Mr. Krabs. The second has him laughing evilly while holding a rubber duck, only to again be stepped on while the duck squeaks, and finally just a toilet flushing.
"Felicitations, malefactors! I am endeavoring to misappropriate the formulary for the preparation of affordable comestibles! Who will join me!?" Plankton finds out the hard way that's not how you talk to a bunch of tough guys... it is how you get put in bandages and a wheelchair, though!
Plankton's reaction to finding out his family is made up of hillbillies.
Plankton: I've been away from home longer than I thought.
- Later on, Clem is reintroducing Plankton to the others. By the end, Plankton is crawling forward from exhaustion.
  Plankton: ALRIGHT! I GET IT! I mean, uh, come inside. Make yourselves at home.
The scene where Karen pokes fun at Plankton's first name^noteSheldon on a blackboard. The first time she types it on the blackboard in green letters and Plankton's cousins laugh. Plankton turns to the board and his name disappears. He continues speaking, but then his name appears again, this time with a big red hand below it pointing at him, making Plankton's cousins laugh again, and it disappears again just as Plankton turns back to look at the board. He resumes speaking, but then his name appears in colorful letters with a colorful arrow pointing at him, making his cousins laugh at him again. It disappears again as Plankton turns to look. Plankton starts to get annoyed and tries to speak further before his name appears on the board with stars, making everyone laugh again and this time, Plankton catches it and unplugs Karen. And finally, when Plankton proclaims, "Victory, thy name is Plankton!" Plankton turns his back and we see his first name taped behind his back.
The requests from Plankton's cousins in exchange for the formula.
Zeke: Gawrsh! Can I get a new string for my banjo?
Billy Jim: And another boot to match this'n?
Hatfield: A-And s'more memory! For my laptop!
Clem: And whaddabout root beer?
All Cousins: ROOT BEER?!
When Plankton and his family storm the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs makes quite an error of judgment:
Mr. Krabs: Well, Mr. Squidward, it's almost closing time, and we haven't seen eye or antenna of ol' Plankton for hours! Yessir, I think this time, he's finally given up for—
Plankton: Attention, Krusty Krab management! This is your better speaking!
Mr. Krabs: What?!
Plankton: I have the restaurant surrounded. Give me the secret formula, or I'll destroy the Krusty Krab!
Mr. Krabs: Ah, you and what army, bug?
Plankton: What army? What army? Look around you, Krabs!
[pan out to reveal a giant green mass around the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: ...You planted grass?
Plankton: Grass?!
[Plankton starts to laugh, and the "grass" follows suit with an earth-shaking uproar of laughter]
Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh.
I warned ya.
- WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
While all of Plankton's cousins run off in fear alongside him, Clem is slow on the draw. Why?
Mr. Krabs: ...Hey. Why ain't you runnin'?
Clem: Well, I can't read!
Mr. Krabs: Get outta here!
Clem: (runs away) Hyuck hyuck! Hyuck hyuck!
After Plankton's been defeated, Mr. Krabs reveals to SpongeBob and Squidward that the formula put out for Plankton was a fake, and assures them that the real formula's hidden in a safe place no one would ever figure out... then Squidward chimes in:
Squidward: Let me guess: it's at home, under your mattress.
Mr. Krabs: (gasps and runs off to his house) CURSE YOU, SQUIDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!

59 - The Sponge Who Could Fly

The "lost episode" shown in the episode's Framing Device, where it seems to be just a bunch of "cheap walk cycles." So shamelessly random, it's hilarious.
In response to the "lost episode" appearing to just be a clip of SpongeBob going through walk cycles, Patchy furiously accuses SpongeBob of "betraying" him and tearfully tears up his SpongeBob collection before leaving his house and announcing that he will run away. Then the real lost episode plays...
Potty: Brawk! Patchy, come back! There's more!
Patchy: Really? (cue the destruction of his SpongeBob merchandise playing in reverse) Hooray! Let's watch!
The Seven Trials of Monkey Lagoon Patchy has to go through on his quest to find the lost episode, which consists of Patchy... playing on a playground with a group of children.
SpongeBob decides to take advice from his elders regarding how to fly:
SpongeBob: Wait a minute, I'm forgetting the words of Grandpa SquarePants. (a thought cloud appears above SpongeBob's head; SpongeBob's grandfather is inside of it)
Grandpa SquarePants: If we were meant to fly, we'd have propellers on our heads or jet engines on our backs. (the cloud disappears)
SpongeBob: (snaps) I'm gonna follow his advice, by gum. I'll invent a flying machine! (cut to SpongeBob working on building a plane outside of a barn; Patrick walks up to him)
Patrick: What's that contraption, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: That, Patrick, is a flying machine.
Patrick: (laughs)
SpongeBob: What's so funny?
Patrick: Well, it's like my grandpa used to say. (a thought cloud appears over his head; Grandpa SquarePants is inside it again)
Grandpa SquarePants: If we were meant to fly, uh... hey, I'm not your grandfather! (pokes Patrick in the head with his cane; the thought cloud disappears)
Old Man Jenkins.
Patrick actually being able to FLY.
The framing device's ending where the VCR spits out the tape of the lost episode, Patchy gets entangled with the tape and a Mariachi band shows up to play the "Mexican Hat Dance".
Patchy: I hate technology!

60A - SpongeBob Meets the Strangler

SpongeBob first encounters the Strangler when he goes into the Krusty Krab car park on litter patrol and sees the Strangler throwing a seemingly endless supply of trash out of his car.
SpongeBob: [eyes narrowing] Not on my watch. [walks up to the Strangler's car] Sir, I will have you know it's against the law to litter!
Strangler: [scoffs] What are you gonna do, call the police? [a siren sounds, and he is suddenly surrounded by nightstick-toting police officers]
SpongeBob: [smirking] Yes.
[the police officers cuff his hands, his legs, his thumbs, and his eyes, and then queue up to take turns putting more cuffs on him]
The Strangler is specifically the Tattletale Strangler, who has threatened to, well, do exactly what his name suggests, and he delivers a none-too-subtly veiled threat to SpongeBob by drawing his likeness on the headrest of the front seat of the police car and then mauling it until the face is left with X eyes and its tongue hanging out.
Officer Nancy: Don't worry, SpongeBob, he won't be able to strangle you!
Officer Johnson: Yeah, we got him chained up real good. He'll never get away! [looks at the police car, and his face falls; Officer Nancy looks in the same direction]
Officer Nancy: Oops. Not again. [a shot of the car reveals the backseat empty, the handcuffs in a pile, and footprints leading away]
Officer Johnson: Yep. He got away. [SpongeBob screams and faints]
Now SpongeBob needs a bodyguard. He initially asks Mr. Krabs, who boasts about his boxing prowess while in the Navy... until SpongeBob shows him the Strangler's picture, whereupon he retracts his arms, legs, eyes, and face into his shell in a panic. In the ensuing montage, SpongeBob asks Larry Lobster... who, on seeing the Strangler's picture, turns into a photo of a steamed lobster dinner.
So SpongeBob decides to leave town, but at the bus stop, he meets a fish who volunteers to be his bodyguard. Inevitably, the fish turns out to be the Strangler wearing a large false moustache, which at one point displays a 5-cent price tag. Even holding the Strangler's mugshot next to his would-be bodyguard's face doesn't tip SpongeBob off. Neither does his business card, which features a pencilled-on moustache in the photo and the words "Tattletale Strangler" crossed out and replaced with the sloppily-handwritten "Bodyguard".
The Strangler tries to convince SpongeBob to go with him to a secluded location, away from witnesses, under the pretense that any one of these people could be the Strangler in disguise (while, again, wearing the most obvious fake handlebar mustache:
Strangler: (pointing to each in turn) He could be that old man! Or that baby!
SpongeBob: (pointing too) Or that pebble! Or that stick! Or that receipt from the Phoney Baloney Mustache Emporium!
Strangler: (pocketing receipt while looking a bit off-balance) Uh, th-that's mine.
First, SpongeBob has some shopping to do, and wavers between two brands of paper towels, one of which claims to be "the best around" and the other of which claims to be "the best in town". Unable to decide, he takes one of each. Then he goes to the drycleaners, but is suspicious that the clothes the proprietor gives him - his usual brown pants, white shirt, and red tie, with the unmistakeable square shape - might not be his.
After SpongeBob and the "Bodyguard" finally get home, SpongeBob thanks him for his protection, and the Strangler almost gives himself away multiple times - and SpongeBob almost notices...
Strangler: All right. Enough of the sappy talk. Open the door, so I can strangle you - I mean, uh, choke you - [starts sweating nervously] I, I mean, uh, crush your windpipe - [holds SpongeBob's bag of ISO-Standard Urban Groceries in front of his face] GAH! I mean, uh...
SpongeBob: Protect me?
Strangler: Thanks.
SpongeBob: Don't mention it, Strangler- [gasps; the Strangler flinches] I mean, bodyguard.
The Strangler thinks he finally now has the chance to get revenge on SpongeBob, that is until SpongeBob can't find his keys. "Twenty minutes later," to quote the narrator, the impatient Strangler suggests they climb in through the window, but he isn't tall enough to reach it, so he asks SpongeBob to stand on his shoulders. SpongeBob brightly says that with the cleats on his shoes, he should have no trouble climbing up... and vaults straight onto the Strangler's face, his cleats landing in the felon's eyes. The Strangler runs back and forth screaming in pain. "Six hours later," per the narrator, he finally pulls SpongeBob off his face. In the next shot, he has Band-Aids over his pupils.
SpongeBob realizes he had a spare key under the doormat all along. The Strangler is so angry that his head opens up to release a small mushroom cloud.
So at last, the Strangler has SpongeBob alone and at his mercy... until the payoff of a Brick Joke about SpongeBob's 100% punctuality record at the Krusty Krab, for which his friends have thrown him a surprise party (which isn't much of a surprise since SpongeBob organised it himself). Even people who usually find SpongeBob an annoyance are seen having a great time, including Mrs. Puff, Plankton, and Squidward (who is dancing with a lampshade on his head). And just as the final guests leave... they all immediately return for a second party, this one to celebrate SpongeBob's birthday.
This Overly Long Gag when the first party ends.
SpongeBob: Bye, everybody! Thanks for coming! Bye, Mr. Krabs! Bye, Plankton! Bye, Sandy! Bye, Larry! Bye, Pearl! Bye, Mrs. Puff! Bye, Squidward! Bye, eh, the rest! (rest of the partygoers burst out of the house)
- Also notice how, of all his friends, SpongeBob failed to mention Patrick. His best friend.
Patrick lingers on after the second party, and the Strangler tries to throw him out. SpongeBob insists Patrick can be trusted, leading to this gem:
Strangler: I can't take any chances. For all we know, uh... he could be the Strangler.
Patrick: [horrified] I'm the Strangler?? Oh, I shoulda known! I gotta turn myself in! [runs off, panting, and smashes through the wall to the side of the front door, leaving a star-shaped hole]
This is the last straw for the Strangler, who unmasks himself by ripping off his fake moustache.
SpongeBob: So. Patrick's the Strangler. Gee, you think you know a guy...
Strangler: HE'S NOT THE STRANGLER!
SpongeBob: He's not?
Strangler: (rips off mustache) I AM!!!!
SpongeBob: Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream?
Strangler: Oh, it's a fake, you idiot! I bought it at the party store!
Squidward: [returning with the rest of the party guests as the music starts up again] Did someone say "party"?
[the Strangler screams and runs straight through the wall next to the star-shaped hole, leaving a second, larger, Strangler-shaped hole]
The Strangler tries fleeing to Bikini Bottom Airport and boarding a plane, only to find SpongeBob, who still thinks the Strangler is a bodyguard who will protect him from the real Strangler, in the row behind him. So he jumps out and pulls the ripcord on a parachute... which turns out to be SpongeBob again. He produces a giant pair of scissors and cuts the "strings" of the parachute, and crashes through the roof of the police station, landing in a jail cell.
SpongeBob: [running up to the bars] Bodyguard! Bodyguard!
Strangler: [at the end of his rope] LOOK, KID! I'M NOT YOUR BODYGUARD! [begins crying] I'M THE STRANGLER! [looks at his mugshot, which is on the wall next to his cell] SEE?!
SpongeBob: AHHH! THE STRANGLER!
Officer Nancy: [walking up with Officer Johnson] Good work, SpongeBob, you put the Strangler behind bars!
Strangler: [sighing] At least I'm safe from that yellow idiot.
Patrick: [revealed, in a camera angle shift, to be the Strangler's cellmate] Hey, mac. What Are You in For?

60B - Pranks-a-Lot

When Patrick tries the exploding gum. Somehow there is a bone sticking out of his neck after the gum makes his head explode.
Frank: HA! Exploding chewing gum, only 9.95!
Patrick: I don't get it.
SpongeBob is surveying the wares at the Palace of Pranks:
SpongeBob: What can we get for one dollar? (waves a dollar in the air)
Frank: Well, one dollar will get you this fake gag dollar. (holds up fake dollar bill) Fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar!
SpongeBob: What else have you got?
Frank: A whoopee cushion? (holds one up)
SpongeBob: Nah.
Frank: Fake vomit? (holds up a sample)
SpongeBob: No.
Frank: REAL vomit? (points to a "sample" on the counter)
SpongeBob: Eww...
"And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint!"
The narrator reading the time card "Several Bad Puns Later" with noticeable disdain in reaction to the Hurricane of Puns between SpongeBob and Patrick.
Eventually, SpongeBob and Patrick have completely covered each other (and their discarded clothes) with the invisible spray paint, reducing them to disembodied voices:
Patrick: Hey, I think I found our pants! [RIP!] Oops! [embarrassed chuckle] Here, these are yours.
SpongeBob: [sighing] Oh, forget the pants, Patrick. Let's go home and wash this paint off. [the camera follows them, not that we can see them]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, do you know what time it is?
SpongeBob: Oh, sure, it's- [realises; angrily] half past invisible!
Patrick: Gee, it's getting late.
So SpongeBob decides to ask Nat, one of the series' recurring fish extras, the time, and the invisible duo discover an "upside" to their current state:
SpongeBob: Excuse me, sir, but do you have the time?
Nat: Oh, sure. [looks at his watch] It's, uh, ten to three.
SpongeBob: Thank you.
Nat: [turns to face the duo...] Don't mention it. [... and sees what looks like empty space]
Patrick: Don't mention what?
Nat: Uh, who said that?
Patrick: Me.
Nat: [screaming in terror] GHOSTS! [does an Eye Take before fleeing; his now unsocketed eyes also scream, jump into a car, and drive away]
Patrick: [offended] Hey, I'm no ghost! Well, the nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs!
The encounter with Nat gives SpongeBob and Patrick an idea as they decide to use their invisibility to prank everyone in Bikini Bottom. One funny example being Mrs. Puff, who is about to eat devil's food cake, but SpongeBob and Patrick eat it, and Mrs. Puff freaks out, puffs up, and flies around the room like a deflating balloon, screaming, "GHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSS!"
Ultimately, we are treated to a montage of terrified Bikini Bottom fish yelling "GHOSTS!"... except for one fish, who instead says, "Toast."
The invisible SpongeBob and Patrick turn their attention to the last person in Bikini Bottom they haven't scared: Mr. Krabs. But Mr. Krabs claims to be ready for them, having employed multiple sailors' good luck/anti-ghost charms: a spotted neckerchief, a dried up sea leprechaun, some gold (specifically, a necklace that says "Foxy"), his pants in a melvin knot so they can't be scared off him, his "shivering timbers braced" (i.e., his ankles chained together), the hairs on the back of his neck duct taped down so they can't rise in terror, a barrel and head lanterns as "anti-ghost armour", and finally his "specter deflector", a paddleball toy. But apparently all that protection still isn't enough...
SpongeBob and Patrick: OOOOOOH...Kraaaaabsssss....
Mr. Krabs: (as the Krusty Krab chairs and tables begin moving "by themselves") Wha-?
SpongeBob: Krabs, we've come to haunt you!
Mr. Krabs: (swinging the paddleball) Stay back! I'm well armed!
SpongeBob and Patrick: OOOOOOOH...
Mr. Krabs: (swinging paddleball faster) I'm warning you!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (howling eerily, they cut the paddleball's string with scissors)
Mr. Krabs: (teeth chattering) Ohhhhhh....
SpongeBob and Patrick: Boo.
Mr. Krabs: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!! (starts running) I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!! (slams into the front doors)
SpongeBob: You can't escape, Krabs! We've glued the doors shut!
Mr. Krabs: You'll never get me! (runs into the window but it pulls him back and he crashes into a table)
Patrick: Nice try, Krabs, but we've replaced all the glass with rubber!
(Mr. Krabs runs into the washroom and sticks his head in a toilet, but can't fit.)
SpongeBob: Too late, Krabs! We've already clogged all the toilets!
Mr. Krabs: (runs into a corner) Please spirits! Leave me be! Oh please! Please! Have mercy...!
Patrick: (stifled laugh) Oh, we've got him good, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick, I've got one more idea! You're going to pay, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: No, spirits. Please! (a dollar floats next to him)
SpongeBob: Pay!
Mr. Krabs: No!
SpongeBob: PAY! (holds a lighted match against the dollar)
Mr. Krabs: NO! Don't burn me dollar!
But as Mr. Krabs grabs a fire bucket and douses the burning dollar, the water washes off the paint to reveal the now nude SpongeBob and Patrick.^note Krabs laughs off the prank, saying he pulled plenty of jokes himself as a lad, and suggests they hurry home before anyone sees them nude. But this turns out to be a setup for a dose of Laser-Guided Karma: as they head into the dining room of the Krusty Krab, a spotlight suddenly shines on them as burlesque music begins playing, and we see that every single character they haunted - Sandy, Mrs. Puff, Squidward, and dozens of fish extras - is there waiting for them.
Mr. Krabs: [operating the spotlight and speaking over the PA system] The Krusty Krab presents: LIVE NUDE PRANKSTERS! Starring the Bikini Bottom ghosts!
[SpongeBob and Patrick scream and try to cover themselves and each other while fish extras cheer, Sandy whistles, and Mrs. Puff snaps a photo]
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: Yeah?
SpongeBob: [the view shifts to the restaurant exterior, the laughter and cheering continuing apace] We should have bought the whoopee cushion!

...AND THEN COMES A GIANT FIST!

Funny / SpongeBob SquarePants Season 3

Edit Locked

41A - The Algae's Always Greener

41B - SpongeGuard on Duty

42A - Club SpongeBob

42B - My Pretty Seahorse

43A - The Bully

43B - Just One Bite

44A - Nasty Patty

44B - Idiot Box

45A - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV

45B - Doing Time

46A - Snowball Effect

46B - One Krabs Trash

47A - As Seen on TV

47B - Can You Spare a Dime?

48A - No Weenies Allowed

48B - Squilliam Returns

49A - Krab Borg

49B - Rock-a-Bye Bivalve

50A - Wet Painters

50B - Krusty Krab Training Video

51 - Party Pooper Pants

52A - Chocolate with Nuts

52B - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V

53A - New Student Starfish

53B - Clams

54 - Ugh

55A - The Great Snail Race

55B - Mid-Life Crustacean

56A - Born Again Krabs

56B - I Had an Accident

57A - Krabby Land

57B - The Camping Episode

58A - Missing Identity

58B - Plankton's Army

59 - The Sponge Who Could Fly

60A - SpongeBob Meets the Strangler

60B - Pranks-a-Lot

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