Funny / SpongeBob SquarePants Season 1

SpongeBob SquarePants Main Funny Page
Seasons: Season 1 | Season 2 | Season 3 | Season 4 | Season 5 | Season 6 | Season 7 | Season 8 | Season 9 | Season 10 | Season 11 | Season 12 | Season 13
Movies: The Spongebob Squarepants Movie | Sponge Out of Water | Sponge on the Run
Other: Revenge of the Flying Dutchman | Employee of the Month | Battle for Bikini Bottom | Lights, Camera, Pants!

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"Wow! That was even better than the old show!"

1A - Help Wanted

• SpongeBob using plushies as weights. He can barely lift them, and they comically squeak when they fall on the floor.
• Mr. Krabs sensing something's not right when the buses arrive at the Krusty Krab.
  Mr. Krabs: (gasps) That sounded like hatch doors. (sniffs) Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells... smelly. (gasps, as his eyes widen) Anchovies.
  Squidward: What?
  Mr. Krabs: ANCHOVIES!
• As the horde of anchovies rushes the cashier's station, tossing it about like a boat on rough seas until it splinters into fragments, Mr. Krabs' line, delivered nearly deadpan:
  Mr. Krabs: Batten down the hatches, Mr. Squidward!... We're takin' on water, Mr. Squidward!... I Want My Mommy!, MR. SQUIDWARD!
• SpongeBob making Krabby Patties while Tiny Tim's version of "Livin' in the Sunlight, Lovin' in the Moonlight" plays in the background.
• At the end of the episode, Patrick comes in and orders a Krabby Patty. Upon hearing this, SpongeBob activates his new spatula and flies off-screen into the kitchen as "Livin' in the Sunlight, Lovin' in the Moonlight" starts up again. Seconds later, Patrick is blown off-screen and out of the Krusty Krab by a barrage of Krabby Patties.
  Squidward: Mr. Krabs! MR. KRABS! Mr. Krabs, come see your new employee!

1B - Reef Blower

• To preserve money, there is no dialogue. And so when SpongeBob points dramatically at the sand on his front lawn, we just hear a ding and see the subtitle "You!"

1C - Tea at the Treedome

• When Sandy kicks the giant clam into the sky, it flies towards the camera and makes a sound mimicking a falling whoosh with its throat.
• A Freeze-Frame Bonus; when the water in the Treedome's entry tunnel gets drained, SpongeBob's eyeballs follow it from the top all the way to the drain.
• Most of what dehydrating SpongeBob says is hilarious, if only because his voice sounds like an elderly person.
  Sandy: ...You okay?
  SpongeBob: Yeeeees! I'm okaaayyy!
  Sandy: Y'know, you're the first sea critter to ever visit!
  SpongeBob: I can't imagine whyyyyy.
  Sandy: Can I getcha anything?
  SpongeBob: WAAATEEEEERRR would be niiice!
  Sandy: I'm gonna go put these in a vase.
  SpongeBob: Taaake your tiiime.
• SpongeBob holding in the urge to grab the ice-cold water.
  SpongeBob: I don't need it. I don't need it. I definitely don't need it. I don't need it. I don't need it. I don't need it. I don't need it. (beat) IIIIIII NEEEEEEED ITTTTTT!!!!!!
  • What happens right after this deserves a mention: SpongeBob leaps from his seat, jumps on the table, and is about to drink the water when Patrick starts yelling at him from outside the dome... to make sure his pinky is out.
  • When SpongeBob tries to leave Sandy's treedome afterward, Patrick comes in to comfort him on the situation. What happens next is pure gold.
    Patrick: (after entering a brief coughing fit and proceeding to take in his new surroundings) ...WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIIIIIIIIIIS?!

2A - Bubblestand

• The Overly Long Gag of Patrick trying to blow a bubble.
• Patrick's reaction to SpongeBob's elephant-shaped bubble: "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S A GIRAFFE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
• Squidward mocking SpongeBob's and Patrick's hilariously elaborate bubble-blowing "technique", which he ends by screaming into the bubble wand. Which works, resulting in a gigantic bubble, which takes his house and lifts it high into the sea, while he plays his clarinet and blissfully ignores his situation until it's too late.
  • Before that, it's the two actually having to remind Squidward that he isn't doing it.
    SpongeBob: You're... not doing the... technique.
    Patrick: Technique.

2B - Ripped Pants

• SpongeBob's game of charades with Sandy.
  SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy! Look! (covered in a sand mound) I'm Sandy! (Sandy chuckles; SpongeBob has a head and nose of sand that makes him look like Squidward) Hey, Sandy. Who am I? (Sandy giggles; sand telephone rings) Hello, SpongeBob. Could you keep it down? I'm trying to be boring.
• SpongeBob showing his ripped pants to everybody is pure hilarity at its finest.
• This entire scene of the humor of SpongeBob's ripped pants novelty wearing off is definitely early series comedy gold:
  Vendor Fish: May I help you?
  SpongeBob: I'll take a banana split.
  Vendor Fish: Uh, we don't have that.
  SpongeBob: That's okay. I... already "split" my pants! Get it? (rimshot)
  Sandy: (giggles)
  Vendor Fish: (sarcastically) Tee hee. Anything else?
  SpongeBob: How about... "ripple"?!
  Sandy: (giggles)
  SpongeBob: No, thanks? I already got one! (rimshot)
  (Sandy laughs as SpongeBob heads to the snack stand)
  SpongeBob: (to a fish eating a burger) Is that a burger you're eating?
  (beat)
  Fish Eating Burger: ...Why, yes, it is!
  SpongeBob: You know what would go good with that?
  Fish Eating Burger: No, what?
  SpongeBob: Ripped... pants. (shows his pants and runs in a circle around the snack stand laughing, then gets between two customers) Ripped pants à la mode! (shows his behind again, then goes up to the fry cook with a box) Delivery. Did you order 20 cases of... ripped pants?! (opens the empty box showing his pants and laughs again)
  Fry Cook Fish: (annoyed) Oh...
• The extreme Chewing the Scenery from the lifeguard.
  Lifeguard: WHY?! WWWUUHHHYYY-HY-HY-HY?!? WWWUUHHHHAAAAAA-HY-HYY-HYYY-HYYYYGH?!?!?
  • There's also his face when running towards SpongeBob's washed up "body".
• SpongeBob pretending to drown was not funny in-universe. What was funny, however, is the lifeguard's face right after◊.
  • There's also the list SpongeBob makes, which says, "Lifting weights - big laugh. Frisbee in face - kills. Surfing - knocks 'em dead. Pretending to drown - NO".

3A - Jellyfishing

• During the opening sequence where SpongeBob and Patrick get ready to go jellyfishing:
  • When Sponge and Pat go through their respective passageway tubes, Patrick briefly gets stuck in his and has to struggle to get through.
  • Immediately after that, SpongeBob and Patrick end up getting rope burns on their hands from sliding down ropes, even blowing on their hands to mitigate the burns... only to quickly return to their jellyfishing prep montage.
  • And after that prep montage, they end up skipping after a jellyfish comes by, singing innocently all the way, but they slip up and the jellyfish comes after them, and they stumble gracelessly onto Squidward's front yard, allowing the jellyfish to sting them both on their rear ends.
• While trying to help make it “the best day ever” for Squidward, SpongeBob tries to play some music on Squidward's clarinet, before realising he can’t with dried lips. He takes a looong while wetting them. That’s not funny on it’s own. What is funny is Squidward and even Patrick looking deadpan at as much, then at each other. Just as SpongeBob prepares to blow, a disgusted Patrick snatches the clarinet from him.
• Patrick tries to equip an injured Squidward with a jellyfishing net.
  Patrick: Firmly grasp it in your hand. (He places the net on Squidward's bandaged hand, but it falls off because he can't grab. Patrick picks the net up.) Firmly grasp it. (He does it again and the results are the same. Patrick gets frustrated.) FIRMLY GRASP IT! (He forcefully jabs the net through Squidward's palm with a loud CRUNCH! Squidward’s eyes widen and he lets out a muffled pained scream.) That oughta do it.
• SpongeBob and Patrick chasing a jellyfish while "da-da-da-dum"-ing to "The Beautiful Blue Danube" with the former doing so in a masculine voice at one point. Even the jellyfish hums to the tune at one point.
  • This is mixed with a comical montage of the two failing to catch the jellyfish.
• When Squidward finally gets into the spirit of jellyfishing (albeit vengefully), he takes it out on the jellyfish he just caught by repeatedly beating it against a rock... which is actually a really gigantic jellyfish. The Queen Jellyfish. It's at that moment that Squid realizes just how much trouble he's in, and SpongeBob and Patrick obliviously cheer Squidward on as he tries to wheel away from the giant jellyfish until he eventually gets stung big time offscreen.
  Patrick: This guy's good.
  SpongeBob: He's a natural!
  (SpongeBob and Patrick start simultaneously cheering Squidward on as he tries to get away from the Queen Jellyfish.)
  SpongeBob: Yeah, you got it, you're doing great! Go, Squid, go! Go, Squid, go! Go, Squid, go!
  Patrick: Yeah, you got it, Squid! Yeah! You're feeling it, Squid! See what you've been missing?
  SpongeBob: Yeah, you got, Squid!
  Patrick: You got 'em where you want 'em, Squid! You can go that distance! Use that net!
  SpongeBob: Be the net!
  Patrick: Yeah! You're feeling it, Squid! That's it, all the way, take 'em all the way! The last 6 miles make the squid! Go, go, go!
  SpongeBob: Yeah, by the eye of the tiger, by the eye of the tiger, by the eye of the tiger! Yeah, yeah yeah! Better, better, play it better, better play 'em! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Squidward! You got 'em now!
  Patrick: It's in the bag!
  SpongeBob: This is really your best day ever, isn't it?
  (ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!)
  Both: Oooh...
• Right after, SpongeBob and Patrick walk over to Squidward's house, covered in bandages and clearly hurting from Squidward's "best day ever". Squidward, who's now even more covered up and on a mobile hospital bed this time, tries to ignore the two and go into his home. Feeling bad for yesterday, the pair give him the now-jarred jellyfish from yesterday, with the yellow sponge hoping he's still not mad... but Squidward unleashing the jellyfish on the two reveals, as Patrick notes, that, yep, he's still mad. The two both run away from the jellyfish, screaming and repeatedly getting stung by it for some hilarious karma as Squidward laughs at their expense… mere moments before the Queen Jellyfish comes back just to zap him again, causing his full-body cast to shatter into pieces. After that, he can only say "ow" as the episode ends.

3B - Plankton!

• SpongeBob's Flair Bartending as he prepares a Krabby Patty by throwing the ingredients up in the air, catching them with his pores, taking off his head and shaking it, and then taking out the finished Patty from under Squidward's nose, all while talking in a ridiculous French accent.
• This exchange between SpongeBob and Plankton, who claims that it's his birthday.
  Plankton: And do you know what I would want more than anything in the whole world?
  SpongeBob: A booster seat?
  Plankton: A booster seat? Hot dog!... I mean, no.
  • It taking Plankton to outright say he wants a krabby patty for SpongeBob to see he’s trying to trick him, noting as much and noting he bet it’s not even his birthday. Plankton notes he thought he was stupid.
• Plankton's record player. Especially the part where it plays an alphabet song and he switches it to play what it was meant to play.
  • There's actually a full version of the alphabet song called "The Alphabet Song". That in and of itself is hilarious.
• Plankton takes control of SpongeBob and sends him on an accidental rampage. SpongeBob's almost casual reaction to the chaos in his wake is what really sells the scene.
  SpongeBob: (marching robotically towards the wall next to the kitchen door) Time for a well-balanced breakfast. (smashes through the wall, then through the front of the fridge with a loaf of bread, bottle of milk, and carton of eggs balanced on his head) This isn't what I had in mind. Let me just grab my pants. (marches straight through a set of clothes stretched between two poles) Guess I'm not wearing any pants today. (smashes through the wall next to his front door) I guess I'm not using the door either. See you later, Gary! I guess... (Gary meows)
• Right after that, SpongeBob pierces through Squidward's house, who wakes up and asks him if he is mad. What does Plankton tell him through SpongeBob?
  Plankton: Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player!
  Squidward: (in a sad tone) ...mediocre?
  Plankton: (through SpongeBob) You pretentious, little insignificant artist! Your snivelling creations are worth less than a protozoan's waste!
• When Plankton leads SpongeBob into the Chum Bucket:
  Plankton: This is my LAB!
  (Golden Labrador Retriever barks)
  Plankton: And this is my LABORATORY! And did I ever show you my record player?
• Plankton gets carried away and tries to feast on the stolen Krabby Patty:
  Plankton: (jumps out of SpongeBob) COME TO PAPA! (bounces harmlessly off the Krabby Patty and falls into his analysis machine) Oh, boy. (is zapped into the computer)
• When Plankton falls into his own analysis machine, Karen's display lists his components as "PLANKTON: 1% EVIL, 99% HOT GAS."
  Plankton: Well, this stinks...

4A - Naughty Nautical Neighbors

• Right at the beginning when Squidward messes with the bubbles containing secret messages, sending Patrick the message "you are the dumbest idiot it has ever been my misfortune to know" instead of SpongeBob's original message of "Patrick, you're my best friend in the whole neighborhood." Complete with Squidward's bubble sprouting the outline of a boot-covered foot to kick SpongeBob's bubble out of the way. The best part of the scene is the look on Squid's face as he sabotages the exchange.
  Patrick: Do you really think that SpongeBob?
  SpongeBob: Of course, Patrick; anyone with eyes could see that!
• SpongeBob and Patrick's fight:
  Patrick: Well that makes you a big dummy, you dummy!
  SpongeBob: Yeah, well, that means that, uhh... so are you!
  Patrick: Well, you're a turkey!
  SpongeBob: What's that?
  Patrick: It's what you are!
  SpongeBob: Well, you're a bigger one!
  Patrick: Well, you're still yellow! And you know what else is yellow?
  SpongeBob: What?
  Patrick: You are!
• While laughing at how he drove a wedge between SpongeBob and Patrick, Squidward somehow swallows his entire fork, and him passing out from having it lodged in his throat is preceded by "K.O." appearing in his eyes.
  Patrick: (cheerily) Wow, Squidward, you're choking!
  (...)
  Patrick: (after Squidward spits out the fork) I win!
• This exchange:
  Patrick: Friend? Friiiieeeeeeend...
  Squidward: (uncomfortable) Uhh Patrick? We're friends. Just friends.
  (Both look to SpongeBob's house and see him staring disbelievingly from his window)
• Squidward's back gives out as he's dragging a sleeping Patrick out of his house. Seeing his chance to get in Squidward's good graces, SpongeBob changes into a speedo and launches off a diving board that just happens to be there. A panicked Squidward creeps toward his front door in an attempt to escape, but SpongeBob hits him dead-on in the back. Squidward moans that he's ruined, but realizes that the blow has actually healed his back.
• Four words: Solitude in E Minor. What really makes the scene is how quickly Patrick just abruptly falls asleep after Squidward begins playing his clarinet.
• SpongeBob on the "bassinet"!^note Actually a double bass.
  SpongeBob: Squidward is my best friend in the world... (LOUDLY scrapes bow across "bassinet" strings)
  SpongeBob: Squidward is my best friend in the sea... (launches bow into a panicked-looking Squidward portrait. Squidward grabs the bow off the painting and snaps it in two.)
  SpongeBob: (Strumming "bassinet" strings like guitar) Squidward-
  Patrick: (pops in through window) Likes Patrick more than SpongeBob... (SpongeBob slams window in Patrick's face)
  SpongeBob: (Strumming violently before slamming "bassinet" into floor) And Patrick is a dirty, stinky, rotten friend STEALER! (Smashes "bassinet") Uh, I can fix this.
  (Squidward snarls with rage. Cut to SpongeBob being kicked out of the house.)
  SpongeBob: So, uh...I'll see ya tomorrow, Squidward! Call me!
  • The portrait of Squidward panicking is also funny as well.
• Having kicked SpongeBob out of his house, Squidward goes into the bathroom - and screams as he finds Patrick in the bathtub. Then SpongeBob appears through the window and he and Patrick begin arguing again, driving Squidward crazy and he flees his house. Seeing the huge terrible mess he created, Squidward realizes he has to get SpongeBob and Patrick to become friends again (and thus leave him alone).
  Patrick: Hey, buddy! I warmed it up for ya! (produces scrubbing brush and soap)
  Squidward: Patrick! Get out! And put some clothes on!
  SpongeBob: (pops in through the window) What's the matter, Squidward, ol' buddy? (notices Patrick in the bath-tub) Oh-ho-ho, so this is what I find, huh?! My best friend, and my ex-best friend, and... RUBBER BATH TOYS!
  Patrick: (simultaneously) Oh, yeah?! Well, he was my friend first!
  SpongeBob: (simultaneously) You're just a backbiting, backstabbing silly blob of...
  Squidward: AAAAH! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME! (He runs away. SpongeBob and Patrick stop their arguing as they notice Squidward's gone)
  SpongeBob: Squidward! Where are you, friend?
  Patrick: Squidward! Buddy! Where'd you go?
  Squidward: (hiding in a trash can) Oh, this is nuts! I need a plan to get those two back together and outta my hair!
• Several of Squidward's insults, particularly "If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have, I'd have one dollar" and "Hey Patrick I hear there's a job opening at the pet shop, as some newspaper".
• SpongeBob and Patrick drinking all of Squidward's soda. Squidward comes back after getting more, only for Patrick and SpongeBob to destroy his house from the gas bubbles.
  Squidward: I should just walk away right now. (opens door) What a surprise. I invited them in, and I left them alone. Well, Squidward, what have we learned today?
• Patrick asks Squidward for a refill, only to be told his glass is already full.

4B - Boating School

• Patrick forces SpongeBob out of bed to see this marvel: "What's pink and square at the same time? PATRICK SQUAREPANTS!" Cut to Patrick wearing SpongeBob's pants.
• This:
  Patrick: (through a radio) Pat to Sponge, Pat to Sponge! Testing! Testing! Testing, testing, testing, testing testing, testing, testing! TESTING! AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! TES-TE—...DO YOU READ?!?!?!
  SpongeBob: Sponge to Pat, I read you loud and clear.
• When told to act natural, SpongeBob gets down on all fours and starts grazing like a cow.
• SpongeBob's epic Oh, Crap! expression when he realizes that he's been cheating. Complete with dramatic Staggered Zoom.
• Then the following meltdown SpongeBob has over cheating while Mrs. Puff desperately tries to convince him that it's okay to cheat as the boat goes out of control.
• After the boat crashes, Mrs. Puff inflates and says in a deep voice, "Ohhhh SpongeBob...whyyyyyyyyyy?". Then, the (My leg...) fish is heard in the background.

5A - Pizza Delivery

• When SpongeBob first attempts to put the boat in reverse, he tenses up so much that the writing on the gear shift turns into Korean. ^note Translation: Forward- 앞으로가 (ap-oo-roh-gah) and Backward- 뒤로가 (dwee-roh-gah)
• SpongeBob "backing up", then when the boat runs out of gas and they're stranded, he informs Squidward that he thinks the pizza is getting cold. Squidward, asking "How can it get any worse?", kicks the boat and its gas meter suddenly becomes full and it drives off without them.
• As they attempt to make the delivery on foot, SpongeBob passes the time by singing, "The Krusty Krab Pizza is the pizza for you and me!" Eventually, Squidward chimes in with, "And my feet are killing me!"
• The part when SpongeBob hitchhikes like how the pioneers did, which was walking into the middle of the road wearing a ten-gallon hat as a massive 16-wheeler is driving straight towards him, then chanting and dancing weirdly while Squidward sits there making sounds with a spoon.
• SpongeBob and Squidward get caught in a sandstorm which starts blowing SpongeBob away.
  Squidward: Will you let go of that stupid pizza, already?
  SpongeBob: I can't! It's for the customer!
  Squidward: Well, who cares about the customer?
  SpongeBob: I do!
  Squidward: Well, I don't!
  (the winds stop to let SpongeBob gasp at Squidward)
  SpongeBob: Squidward! (storm picks up again)
• The scene where they find the rock:
  Squidward: That's just a stupid boulder!
  SpongeBob: It's not just a boulder! It's a rock! [sobbing tears of joy] A roock! A roock! A rooock!
  [Squidward looks on with disgust]
  SpongeBob: [climbing on top of the boulder] It's a big, beautiful, old rock! Oh, the pioneers used to ride these babies for miles! And it's in great shape.
  Squidward: SpongeBOB! Will you forget the stupid pioneers?! Have you ever noticed that there are none of them left?! That's because they were lousy hitchhikers, ate coral, and took directions from algae! And now you're telling me they thought they could drive— [SpongeBob drives the rock over him, squashing him flat into the ground]...rocks? Hold on there, Jethro!

5B - Home Sweet Pineapple

• Fred's reaction to the nematodes eating his car as he's still driving it: a mildly annoyed "Aw, dang nematodes!"
• SpongeBob wakes up as his house shrinks around him thanks to a swarm of nematodes drinking it dry... and comes to the wrong conclusion:
  SpongeBob: Hooray, Gary! We're finally huge!
• SpongeBob finally notices that he hasn't grown, his house has shrunk ("OH NO!"), and he tries calling Squidward for advice. Squidward is about as receptive as he usually is, but his reaction is the setup for a great punchline from Patrick:
  SpongeBob: I'll call Squidward, he'll know what to do! (dials, sound of phone ringing)
  Squidward: (on phone) Hello?
  SpongeBob: Squidwaaaaard!
  Squidward: Is it time already for you to ruin my day?
  SpongeBob: Squidward! Help me! (the phone receiver begins shrinking in his hand) My house is shrinking and I woke up this morning and my house was getting smaller- (cut to Squidward's house, where SpongeBob's voice gets more and more high-pitched and incomprehensible until finally cutting to a dial tone) OH NO!
  Squidward: (flinches) Yep, it is.
  (cut to Patrick's rock)
  SpongeBob: DAHHH!
  Patrick: (appearing on the underside of his rock as it flips open) Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? (falls off the rock) AHHH! (jumps out again wearing a dinner jacket, bowtie, and top hat) Hey, SpongeBob, don't start without me!
• Patrick being very, very Late to the Realization that SpongeBob's house is gone.
• When SpongeBob tells Patrick that he'll have to move to his parents' house, it cuts to a picture of his parents smiling. When Patrick says, "Wait a minute, no, you don't!", it cuts back to the picture of SpongeBob's parents, now frowning.
• The Hard-Work Montage of SpongeBob and Patrick building SpongeBob's (mini) house. Most of the humor here just comes from Patrick hurting himself, and the part where SpongeBob is building a narrow floor... which is floating in the air. Parts of it also keep hitting Patrick as they fall. When the montage is over, Patrick gives a thumbs up with a huge, bandaged thumb. Since the new house is too small to live in, SpongeBob puts it over his head, then his nose sticks out through the front door and it falls apart.
• Patrick offered SpongeBob to live with him as his "rockmate". Unfortunately, it didn't turn out too well, since Patrick snores, moves the rock (that they use as a blanket) away from SpongeBob and drools. The best part comes when he dreams about spiders and starts crushing SpongeBob with a rock.
  Patrick: A spider! (grabs his rock and starts smashing SpongeBob with it) Spiders! Get em' off me! Get em' off me! Get em' off me!
  SpongeBob: (while getting crushed) No, Patrick, no, Patrick, no, Patrick, no, Patrick! Wake up! Wake up! It's me, SpongeBob!
  (Patrick then stops and goes asleep)
• SpongeBob tries to move several feet away from Patrick. Unfortunately for him, Patrick starts yelling about spiders again, sleepwalks to SpongeBob with rock in hands, starts smashing SpongeBob and then goes back to sleep and puts the rock back to its place as if nothing had happened.
• Squidward's epic Delayed Reaction to SpongeBob going to bed with him.
  SpongeBob: Goodnight, Squidward.
  Squidward: (sleepily) Goodnight, SpongeBob.
  (Beat) (Squidward's bloodshot eyes pop open; cut to Squidward sending SpongeBob and Gary out of his house)
  Squidward: Goodnight, SpongeBob.

6A - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy

• SpongeBob is trying to convince his heroes to come out of retirement:
  Barnacle Boy: What's your point, kid?
  SpongeBob: You two are the greatest heroes ever, and I think you should come out of retirement.
  Mermaid Man: Listen up, you villains! I want to eat my meatloaf! If you don't get out of here, then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife!
  Manager: (bursts in) What is going on in here?
  Mermaid Man: You may kiss the bride! (points at SpongeBob)
  (SpongeBob is kicked out, literally rolling all the way back to his house and colliding with the front door while wedding music plays; Patrick is there waiting for him)
  Patrick: Did you reunite our heroes?
  SpongeBob: No, but I'm married...
• SpongeBob and Patrick acting as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, and pretending Squidward is a villain called Reflecto. They expose his "weakness" by building a shield around him (which is actually a tent). He retaliates by angrily taking down the entire tent.
• Mermaid Man freaking out every time someone says "evil". "EEEEEVVVVIIIIIILLLLLLLL!"
• When SpongeBob and Patrick imitate Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, they use donuts to imitate their power rings. Patrick repeatedly takes bites out of his "ring". When Barnacle Boy brings out their actual power rings, Mermaid Man cries out "DOUGHNUTS!".
  • Also when they inact their oath, Barnacle Boy orders Mermaid Man to say the oath. He does so with a very heroic voice that catches Barnacle Boy by surprise.
    Barnacle Boy: Say the oath!
    Mermaid Man: (Heroic Voice) Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, Unite!

6B - Pickles

• All of Squidward's wisecracks at the indecisive customer in the first scene.
  Squidward: Are you planning on ordering today, sir?
  Customer: I'll have a Krabby Patty.
  Squidward: How original.
  Customer: And with extra onions.
  Squidward: Daring today, aren't we? One Krabby Patty, extra onions.
• Squidward doubles up on the potshots with SpongeBob's lingo.
  Squidward: Twelve Krabby Patties on wheat buns!
  SpongeBob: (materializes patties saying "bun, patty, ketchup, tomato, bun" over and over again) One dozen cryin' cows on the farm! Uuuup!
  Squidward: Thanks, Farmer Brown. [turns to the customer] It's been a thrill serving you.
  Customer: Can I get some extra salt?
  Squidward: We're all out.
  Customer: Could you check?
  Squidward: (Beat) No. (customer walks away annoyed)
• Bubble Bass' order. Someone actually deciphered this.◊^{For those who can't click the link}Bubble Bass ordered an all-beef (or the nautical equivalent thereof) mustard-grilled Krabby Patty with 24 patties, double toppings, 4 extra cheese slices, extra grilled onions, double-extra special sauce, on lightly-buttered toast in the place of the buns...and all that to-go. Bubble Bass is definitely a Big Eater. Interestingly enough, contrary to a major plot point in the episode, there is no order of pickles whatsoever, unless they're included standard on a Krabby Patty, or part of the "Deluxe" lingo, which, depending on the establishment, can also mean adding all available toppings on the sandwich/burger in question, pickles included.
  Squidward: (Bubble Bass, a very overweight fish, walks up to the cashier's station) Let me guess, Tiny, a small salad?
  Bubble Bass: I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft...(Squidward begins writing down the order)...4x4, animal-style...(Squidward slowly stops writing and looks up at Bubble Bass with a "You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!" expression) ...extra shingles, with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim.
  Squidward: (annoyed) ...We serve food here, sir.
• The Italian version has Bubble Bass rattle off his order using terms more associated with engine mechanics than food. The Italian-dubbed Squidward says, "We serve food, not engines."
• The Running Gag of Bubble Bass tossing or knocking Squidward out of his way.
• Bubble Bass gets his $2 back from Mr. Krabs, and it's revealed that Krabs has a cash back guarantee printed in microscopic paint on his menu. Mr. Krabs desperately tries to dissuade Bubble Bass from taking back his money, offering a glass of water, then a dozen free glasses of water - with ice! It doesn't work, and Krabs is left sobbing over losing $2 and roaring that it'll come out of SpongeBob's paycheck.
• SpongeBob freaks out that the front door is missing, only for Mr. Krabs to point out it was right next to him.
• Apparently, Squidward's not the best SpongeBob replacement...
  Male Fish: Hey... He burnt my Krabby Patty!
  Female Fish: He burnt my fries!
  Male Fish 2: [slurping] He burnt my shake!
• SpongeBob's mind obviously breaking after forgetting the pickles and everything that happens afterwards at his house. By the time Mr. Krabs stops by to check up on him, he has been nailing food to the wall and can't even string a sentence together in the correct order. Even the music in the background is reversed to signify his current state.
  Mr. Krabs: (opening SpongeBob's front door, which has a toaster nailed to it) SpongeBob! (takes in the mess in the living room) SpongeBob?
  SpongeBob: (stumbles over, his underwear over his head) Mr. Krabs, hello. Do you how do?
  Mr. Krabs: (pulling underwear off SpongeBob's head) Why you talkin' funny?
  SpongeBob: I anything can't do right since because pickles.
  Mr. Krabs: (smiles) Nonsense, you'll be back making Krabby Patties like your old self in no time!
  SpongeBob: I think don't ready back to go to work, Mr. Krabs. (walks off)
  Mr. Krabs: Well, you're fine, me boy! (SpongeBob ploughs straight through a door) Ooh! Uh, well, maybe not. (he follows SpongeBob into the kitchen and finds him nailing two pieces of bread to the counter) All we need to do is get your confidence back, so you can make me more money- uh, I mean, uh, patties. (chuckles nervously)
  SpongeBob: I how do that?
  Mr. Krabs: It's like ridin' a bike. You never forget! (scene pans to show a bicycle boiling in a pot on the stove) Uh, um... I'm gonna help you!
• SpongeBob trying to turn off his alarm clock.
  SpongeBob: How do I turn this off? Think, think, THINK! (Gary meows) GARY!! (picks up Gary and throws him into the horn to block the sound)
• SpongeBob and Bubble Bass facing off at the end of the episode, Old West style. During the face-off, Squidward is seen more interested in his reflection in a mirror, before he snaps to attention and returns to glaring at the showdown as if he was taking it seriously the whole time.
• After Bubble Bass is defeated and sent packing, we see him pathetically stomping off as fast as he can, wheezing thanks to his poor shape and obesity.
• The ending, when SpongeBob tells the customers to cheer for Squidward by being temporary fry cook:
  SpongeBob: Hip hip...
  All: Boo!
  SpongeBob: Hip hip...
  All: Boo!
  SpongeBob: Hip hip...
  All: Boo!
  SpongeBob: Hip hip...
  Random customer: Boo! You stink!

7A - Hall Monitor

• SpongeBob lets a little power go straight to his head when the rotating position of hall monitor is reluctantly assigned to him by Mrs. Puff and gives a No Indoor Voice speech repeatedly punctuated with the words "IN THE HALL!" Mrs. Puff gets so bored with the interminable speech that by the end, she is face down on her desk, snoring loudly.
  "Crime and punishment, punishment and crime... IN THE HALL!"
• When SpongeBob finally finishes his speech, he takes the hat and belt and declares, "I will put on this uniform, and assume my duties as (spins around and puts on hat and belt, then acquires a square jaw and deep voice) HALL MONITOR!" SpongeBob saying "HALL MONITOR!" in a deep voice (accompanied by the sort of musical fanfare that usually accompanies a superhero's entrance) becomes another Running Gag.
• SpongeBob's first act as hall monitor/all-purpose do-gooder is to direct traffic when he comes across a malfunctioning traffic light. One montage of cars speeding through the crossing at SpongeBob's direction later, he leaves, looking satisfied... at which point we see that he has caused a colossal pile-up of angry motorists.
  Fred: (crying out in pain) MY LEG! My leg...
• His second act as self-styled safety expert is to jump through a fish couple's open dining room window (to teach them not to leave themselves vulnerable in this way), wearing a black hood:
  SpongeBob: I'M THE OPEN WINDOW MANIAAAAAC!! (the fish couple run screaming out of their house; SpongeBob leans out of the window) I hope you learned a valuable lesson!
• And his third act is to confront Patrick over letting the drips from his melting strawberry ice cream cone collect in a puddle on the ground; when he tries to get Patrick's attention, Patrick initially thinks the ice cream is talking to him and throws it at SpongeBob; when SpongeBob sets him straight and points to the fallen ice cream cone, Patrick wails, "I'M A BAD PERSON!"
• By this time, the "Maniac" attack has hit the headlines. A newsboy runs up to SpongeBob and Patrick, yelling the typical "Extry! Extry! Read all about it!" spiel of newsboys. He hands them a paper, and says, in a deep, gravelly voice, "Take it, friends. Arm yourselves with knowledge."
• SpongeBob recruits Patrick to go after the Maniac with him. He says Patrick needs a symbol of authority; Patrick puts the ice cream cone on his head and points to it gleefully. Later, when he's talking to the policemen, Patrick calls them brothers and points to the cone as if they would instantly know what it means.
• As they set out to catch the Maniac, SpongeBob asks Patrick what, as a former criminal, he would do. Patrick tells him he'd get ice cream. Cut to them walking happily out of an ice cream shop, licking ice cream cones. SpongeBob asks what he would do next. Patrick thinks... and they are shown walking out of the ice cream shop again.
• As SpongeBob runs off in search of the Maniac, imitating a police siren, a real police siren begins sounding as a squad boat pulls up next to Patrick. The cops show him a "Wanted" poster for the Maniac with a crude drawing of SpongeBob, and he screams "It's the maniac! Take him away, take him away!" at the mere sight of it. The cops patiently assure him that it's just a drawing and not the real thing and instruct him to tell them if he's seen the guy when they show the picture. Patrick agrees to cooperate, but he still screams whenever the police show him the wanted poster. Eventually, the cops smirk at each other and begin scaring him with the wanted poster on purpose by repeatedly showing just enough of the picture to set Patrick screaming, then hiding it again.
• This hilarious inversion of the Instantly Proven Wrong trope:
  Patrick: Hurry, SpongeBob! I think it's getting...
  (A night sky instantly slams over the background, complete with a "THUNK" sound)
  Patrick: ...dark.
• Eventually, Patrick sees SpongeBob standing in the light from a streetlamp while talking to him over a walkie-talkie. However, he recognizes him not as his friend but as the figure on the "Wanted" poster and tells SpongeBob he can see the Maniac.
  SpongeBob: What's he doing?
  Patrick: He's just standing there... MENACINGLY!
• The whole scene where Patrick tells SpongeBob to hide from the Maniac, but keeps saying the Maniac is in wherever SpongeBob is hiding due to not realizing they're the same person.
  Patrick: GET OUT OF THERE, SPONGEBOB!
  SpongeBob: (panicked) AAAAAHHH!
  Patrick: That's his maniac shriek! He's going to attack! (SpongeBob runs around in a circle crying) He's acting all crazy! Run! Hide behind that building! (SpongeBob hides behind the building) No, he's behind that building! Oh, quick, hide behind that street sign! (SpongeBob hides behind the street sign) No, wait! The Maniac just went behind that sign! Quick! Get under the street light! (SpongeBob pulls up the street light and gets under it) No, wait, he's there, too! Run for your life!
  SpongeBob: (jumps inside the mailbox and sighs in relief, but his walkie-talkie vibrates) Say again, deputy?
  Patrick: The Maniac's IN THE MAILBOX!
  SpongeBob: AAAAAAAAHHH! (bursts his arms and legs out of the mailbox and runs through the buildings in a mad panic)
• SpongeBob finally gets a good look at the "Wanted" poster:
  SpongeBob: Huh, this guy's not half bad-looking for a Maniac... wait a minute, Patrick. (gets a horrified look and turns the poster away from himself) I'm the Maniac!
  Patrick: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
• The episode also begins the Running Gag of Mrs. Puff going to jail because of SpongeBob. In the final scene, we hear her addressing her half-asleep class, and then see a shot of the teacher's desk where she is leading the class via a live video feed from her jail cell.
  Mrs. Puff: And SpongeBob?
  SpongeBob: (gulp) Yes, Mrs. Puff?
  Mrs. Puff: I'd like to see you after class... (scowls) six months from now.

7B - Jellyfish Jam

• SpongeBob brings back a jellyfish from Jellyfish Fields as a pet. Squidward is unimpressed:
  SpongeBob: (standing outside Squidward's house) Squidward! Hey, Squidward! Squidwaaard! Squidward-iard! (Squidward appears at an upstairs window) Squidward, look at my new pet!
  Squidward: That's no pet, that's a wild animal!
  SpongeBob: No he isn't, Squidward! Watch this! (throws a stick) Fetch! (the jellyfish zooms off and returns with the stick) How many fingers am I holding up? (holds up three fingers; the jellyfish buzzes three times) Play dead! (in a wider shot, we see the jellyfish's leash going into a grave with a headstone marked "RIP" while a bell tolls; the jellyfish then re-appears from the grave)
  Squidward: I wouldn't let that thing in my house even if it was potty trained! (shot of the jellyfish sitting on a toilet, reading a newspaper and humming to itself) I didn't need to see that.
• Squidward is even more dubious of the idea that SpongeBob can have fun with a jellyfish. One very long and loud rave later:
  Squidward: (lying in bed next to his clarinet as his whole house shakes) SpongeBob is the only guy I know that can have fun with a jellyfish...for TWELVE HOURS!!
  (some time later, the sun rises, and Squidward is still very much awake due to the constant loud music)
  Squidward: Grrrrr...EIGHTEEN HOURS!!
• Squidward tries to drown out the music and jellyfish with his clarinet, to the tune of "Row, Row, Row your Boat".
  SpongeBob: Squidward? Do you think you can play your clarinet a little... better? I don't think the jellyfish like it.
  Squidward: (angrish) The jellyfish don't like—?! Why, sure, pal. I can play better!
  SpongeBob: (to the jellyfish) Okay. He says he'll play better!
  Squidward: (He turns his entire house towards SpongeBob's, stands up to a mic stand connected by loudspeakers. He takes a deep breath, and plays his clarinet LOUDER but not better.)
  SpongeBob: Uh oh! That's not better!
• Shortly afterwards, the jellyfish fly into Squidward's house.
  Squidward: Uh, wait. I can turn it down. (the jellyfish proceed to sting Squidward repeatedly)

8A - Sandy's Rocket

• While SpongeBob and Patrick break into Squidward's house at night, thinking he's an alien, Squidward rolls over in his sleep and his tentacle sticks to Patrick's helmet. Patrick utters the bizarre but hilarious exclamation of "Pardon my French but... Get this thing off me!"
• SpongeBob and Patrick are so convinced they are on a moon-version of Bikini Bottom that they bag all their friends and neighbors thinking they were aliens. They even try to bag each other!
  SpongeBob: So, you were an alien all the time, and you didn't even tell me!
  Patrick: I didn't even know!
  SpongeBob: Yeah? Well, I got you now!
  Patrick: Oh, but it's not you who's got me, it's—! (SpongeBob flinches as the bagging gun shoots...then looks up to see Patrick covered in netting as it turns out he had his gun pointed the wrong way) ...Me that's got me.
• At the end, SpongeBob accidentally lands on a different planet and thinks how different Bikini Bottom looks before realizing his mistake. Then everyone says, "SpongeBob, we aliens would like a word with you!"

8B - Squeaky Boots

• Mr. Krabs puts on a lame song and dance clearly giving Pearl as cheap entertainment as possible. When Pearl asks if he got her flipper slippers, Krabs cringes knowing he got her nothing of the sort for her birthday.
• Krabs is torn up over losing two whole dollars on ugly black fishing boots.
• Mr. Krabs hums, "money, money, money" in his sleep and then starts counting money. When he tries to close his squeaky window, his leg breaks off, sending him hurtling out his second story window. He repeats it again and breaks his other leg off by collapsing into his hammock.
• Mr. Krabs' loss of sanity due to constantly hearing the squeaking from the boots, especially when it turns into a Whole-Plot Reference to The Tell-Tale Heart. Long story short, after getting fed up with SpongeBob's squeaky fisherman's boots (which he gave to SpongeBob in the first place), he purloins them from the poor sponge and hides them in the Krusty Krab. By this point, however, the damage to Mr. Krabs' psyche has already been done, and now he has to contend with the guilt of stealing said boots due to how devestated SpongeBob is over it. Antics include:
  • When Tom tries to place his order, Mr. Krabs cries out "I DIDN'T DO IT!"
  • Part of his spiralling loss-of-sanity montage is him looking up at the menu, only to see all the words replaced with variations of "squeak." Amidst his paranoid babbling, Mr. Krabs cries out, "I didn't write that!"
  • Finally, it all culminates to a point where, for lack of a better word, Mr. Krabs literally snaps. You can tell Clancy Brown had an absolute ball voicing this scene.
    Mr. Krabs: Stop it! STOP IIIIIT!!!!! (the entire restaurant is stopped in its tracks) Don't you hear it?! (the restaurant patrons stare at him as he continues, literally foaming at the mouth) Yes, I did it! I did it! I took the boots! They're here! (Krabs' eye twitches) Under the floorboards! Oh, please! Make it stop! IT'S THE SQUEAKIN' OF THE HIDEOUS BOOTS!!!!!
  • His face as he says "I took the boots!" is hilarious.
  • Mr. Krabs then proceeds to lift the entire Krusty Krab to retrieve the boots, before delivering them to the fryer, shrinking them to edible size before wolfing them down. And once he finishes, he returns to the dining floor, gives a rafter-shaking belch, and proclaims, cheerfully, "The deed is done!"
  • SpongeBob's utterly confused reaction to Mr. Krabs shrinking and eating the boots:
    SpongeBob: ...Uh, why did you eat my boots, Mr. Krabs?
    Mr. Krabs: Because, lad, you didn't need 'em. It's not the boots, it's the boot-ee. I mean, uh, the person in the boots.

9A - Nature Pants

• When SpongeBob gets distracted by daydreaming and the grill starts smoking, Mr. Krabs hands him a fire extinguisher. He throws it at the grill and Mr. Krabs glares at him right before the grill catches fire. SpongeBob tries to put the fire out by blowing on it until a fireman comes by and fills him up with water due to him standing in front of the grill. Engorged with water, SpongeBob falls on the grill and puts it out before the heat shrinks him down small enough for Mr. Krabs to lift him off the grill with a spatula.
• SpongeBob's friends express scepticism at his plans to live in the wild.
  Squidward: He took off his pants.
  Sandy: I'll give him a week.
  Squidward: I'll give him eleven minutes.
  Patrick: PATRICK SAD!
• Patrick and Sandy acting out a conversation to get SpongeBob to come back after he decides to live out in the wild.
  Patrick: Why... thank you Sandy... I would love one. Take patty. Too bad SpongeBob isn't here... These are his favorites... I sure wish he'd come home. Take bite.
• As Patrick tries to take a bite of the patty, his face suddenly just becomes priceless.◊
• As Patrick begs SpongeBob to come back home, he claims everyone misses him, even Squidward. Cut to Squidward, celebrating him being gone.
• Patrick trying to catch SpongeBob and keep him in a jar forever would be more unsettling were it not Patrick being the one chasing SpongeBob. Doesn't help that the scene spawned the "Savage Patrick" meme.

9B - Opposite Day

• At the beginning of the episode, SpongeBob and Patrick throw Squidward a surprise birthday party, singing, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD! Happy Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday Cake!" After a few scenes of partying in which Squidward does not so much as crack a smile, he finally bellows, "It's not my BIRTHDAY!!!"
• On the day the realtor plans to visit his house, to set the tone for the "Opposite day" he hopes SpongeBob and Patrick will follow, Squidward gets up at dawn and marches outside SpongeBob's house playing a bass drum, a pair of cymbals, a set of bagpipes, and a whistle. SpongeBob asks why he's playing the drum:
  Squidward: Drum? What drum? This is just my wig case! (punches a hole in the drum, pulls out an Elvis wig, and puts in on, then runs toward the road) C'mon, SpongeBob - tackle me!
  SpongeBob: Squidward! You need bed rest!
• Squidward tries to impress on SpongeBob the personality he expects him to adopt for Opposite Day. SpongeBob gets the idea, but doesn't quite put it into practice:
  Squidward: Normally, you're really loud and annoying, so what are you going to be today?
  SpongeBob: (shouting) Quiet and out of the way! YAAAAAAAAAAY!
  Squidward: Yeah! (scowls) Why don't you get a jump on it.
  SpongeBob: I LOVE- um... (frowns) I HATE opposite day! (giggles) IIIII'M NOT REAAAAADY!!! (runs inside)
• This part, after Gary shows disinterest in Opposite Day:
  SpongeBob: Gary! Where's your holiday spirit?
  (Cue Gary barking like a dog)
• When SpongeBob decides that being the opposite of what he and Patrick usually are entails both of them being Squidward, Patrick's impersonation consists of putting a piece of blue coral on his face as a nose and dancing while chanting, "I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!"
• The realtor shows up at Squidward's house and mistakes SpongeBob for Squidward. Hilarity ensues.
  Realtor: Now, if you want the sale to go through, you've got to tell me all the positive things about your house.
  SpongeBob: (to himself) Positive things... Opposite Day... (posing as Squidward, to the realtor) I'd love to. The floor creaks. The roof leaks. There's a terrible draft.
  Realtor: Uh... well, you didn't mention that on the phone.
  SpongeBob: Please, let me finish. The winters are hard. The summers are brutal. There's a wild, man-eating clam in the backyard!
• Squid!SpongeBob playing the clarinet for the realtor, who continuously begs him to stop. Of course, as SpongeBob thinks she's playing along with Opposite Day, he keeps playing.
• Eventually, the realtor has had enough after seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward introduces themselves as "Squidward":
  Realtor: What kind of fool do you take me for? He's Squidward? He's Squidward? You're Squidward?! I'M SQUIDWARD!! Are there any other Squidwards I should know about?!
  Gary (in perfect Squid-monotone and a pickle between his eye stalks): Meow.
  [Beat]
  Realtor: I'm outta here.
• The ending:
  SpongeBob and Patrick: Happy Opposite Day, Squidward! We hate you!
  [Squidward seethes with rage, then suddenly smiles and becomes calm]
  Squidward: Let me show you guys how much I... HATE YOU.
  [Squidward chases after SpongeBob and Patrick in a bulldozer as they flee in terror]
  SpongeBob: Patrick, do you ever feel that Squidward likes us too much?!
  Squidward: HAPPY OPPOSITE DAY! [laughs diabolically]

10A - Culture Shock

• Patrick laughing like a maniac at Squidward's introduction to the show. First at Squid's lame jokes, then at anything Squidward says.
• Squidward's dance, a bizarrely incoherent mishmash of styles with music to match. The audience hated it so much that they immediately ran to grab tomatoes from the salad bar. Mr. Krabs then reacted by charging a dollar for each tomato. One fish's reaction?
  Fred: It's worth every penny.
• The poor audience's reaction to Pearl's act. Pearl does a cheerleading routine and causes earthquakes while doing so, injuring everyone. After it's over, you can hear Fred cry "My leg!" in such an agonized tone that it clearly genuinely hurt this time.
• The audience's reaction to Squidward's performance, and then to SpongeBob's performance. Basically, they hated Squidward's dancing but loved SpongeBob sweeping the stage with a mop. Squidward's facial expression as he absorbs their reactions is priceless.
  Squidward: (in response to the crowd cheering for SpongeBob) They want an encore!
  (jumps onto the stage, arms outstretched, applause immediately stops)

10B - F.U.N.

• Plankton is hiding in disguise in front of a magic shop when SpongeBob finds him.
  SpongeBob: Have you seen a Krabby Patty? It's about this tall, and... Wow, a magic shop! Are you a magician? One time, I saw this magician, and he did this thing, and then... well, anyway, and then he told us, "If you believe in yourself, and with a tiny pinch of magic, all your dreams can come true."
  Plankton: [removes his disguise] Aargh! I can't take it!
  SpongeBob: Plankton! It's you!
  Plankton: Yes, and after all these years, I thought I was the master of torture. But that?! That just wasn't fair!
• SpongeBob's version of the title song:
  F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me, N is for any time and anywhere at all, (chorus) down here in the big blue sea!
• Contrasted with Plankton's corrupted version:
  F is for fire, that burns down the whole town! U is for uranium...BOMBS! N is for no survivors, WHEN YOU- [SpongeBob cuts him off]
• Mr. Krabs' reaction to Plankton's Impossible Theft:
  Krabs: Maybe the lad was right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight. (the plate falls down revealing that it was cardboard) And maybe scallops will fly out of my pants! (jumps in the cashier boat and starts rowing to the movies) Hang on there laddie, I'm a-comin'!
• In the movie theater, Bubble Bass comes and sits in the seat next to SpongeBob and on top of Plankton, having not seen the tiny guy. SpongeBob tells him what happened, and Bubble Bass smirks and begins squishing his gigantic rear end deeper into the seat, further crushing Plankton and causing his butt to jiggle up and down. SpongeBob retaliates by throwing a few measly pieces of popcorn into the distance like bait, and Bubble Bass takes off running. At the end of the episode, Plankton lands in Bubble Bass' fins, where he's mistaken for a jelly bean and chased by the hungry Bubble Bass.

11A - MuscleBob BuffPants

• The Arm Cruncher. (It's two cement blocks slamming into a pedestal)
  SpongeBob: This squirrel's trying to kill me...
• After hearing what Sandy's training program can do to him, SpongeBob imagines himself in a muscular physique whilst doing his normal activities. Though during the training program itself, he fails at every activity, resulting in his arms coming off each time.
• This:
  TV advertiser: I was a wimp before Anchor Arms! Now I'm a jerk, and everybody loves me! So, order now, wimp!
• SpongeBob shows off his "Anchor Arms" to everyone at the juice bar:
  SpongeBob: Working out is my life! I remember when I used to look like that guy over there. (points to a scrawny-looking fish hidden behind two muscular guys; they move out the way)
  Fish: Who me? (everyone laughs)
  SpongeBob: I remember when I used to look like you, too. (points to Larry, who stops laughing; SpongeBob laughs himself) But that was a long time ago.
  Bartender: Here's your drink, sir.
  SpongeBob: Thank you. (he goes ahead to pick up his drink but cannot muster the strength to do so, while everyone else gazes at him in bewilderment; he realizes he's being watched and so stretches his mouth to the straw and drinks) Yeah...
• SpongeBob's "secret" to his muscles... is armpit farting.
  SpongeBob: Do these muscles lie?
• The Running Gag of the measurer of the anchor tossing competition constantly being crushed by thrown anchors.
• When it's his turn to toss the anchor, SpongeBob blows up his Anchor Arms as far as they could go, then tries to lift the anchor. But then the air of one of his Anchor Arms shifts to his eyes, then his nose, then one of his teeth, then his butt, and it goes on like this in rapid succession until the Anchor Arms explode, exposing poor SpongeBob as a fraud.
  Bystander: Ooooohhh... Um, I think he lost.
• Sandy's new exercise program for SpongeBob is changing the television channel 100 times. ...Which causes his arm to pop off.
  SpongeBob: (Beat) Can you get that?

11B - Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost

• The nonsensical game SpongeBob and Patrick play near the beginning.
  SpongeBob: G7!
  Patrick: G7? King me, king me! (crashes into a coral tree) I lose!
  SpongeBob: But it's not Tuesday, Patrick.
  Patrick: Tartar sauce...
  • When Squidward asks them what they're doing, even they don't know.
• SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to find the supposedly ghostly Squidward a perfect spot to sun himself, carrying him on a bed.
  SpongeBob: Here?
  Squidward: Too hot. [they walk a little more then stop]
  SpongeBob: Here?
  Squidward: No, too wet. Keep going. Keep going. [they walk into a stylized painting of fish dancing the Can-Can]
  SpongeBob: Here?
  Squidward: Too-louse-Lautrec.^note  Meaning the French painter Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, who was famous for his paintings of French dancing girls. [Rimshot]
  SpongeBob: Too tired... [he and Patrick stop where they are]
  Squidward: Perfect.
• Squidward makes SpongeBob and Patrick bring him fruit. After SpongeBob brings Squidward a grape and a banana, Patrick proceeds to squash Squidward with a watermelon.
  Patrick: One watermelon, fresh from the manure fields, your spookiness!
  [pans down to Squidward, whose head has taken on the shape of the watermelon in his mouth]
  SpongeBob: Art thou not pleased?
  [Squidward spits out pieces of melon at them]
• Squidward punishes SpongeBob for not playing music on a tissue by having him clean out his back room, accompanied by Patrick, and it's visibly messy. The solution?
  Patrick: How are we gonna clean up all this mess?
  SpongeBob: It's easy! (rips off the entire wall) Just tear this wallpaper off!
• The ending. Squidward confesses to SpongeBob that he's alive, but SpongeBob doesn't believe him, thinking he's a ghost in denial. So he decides to send his neighbor off to a "better place". So what do they do? They enclose Squidward in a bubble when he's relaxing on the throne, sending him floating up to the surface.
• It was actually Patrick who prompted SpongeBob to come up with the idea.
  Patrick: He really needs to get up to the great beyond.
  SpongeBob: Patrick, say that again.
  Patrick: That again.
  SpongeBob: No, the other thing.
  Patrick: No, the other thing.
  SpongeBob: No, what you said before when you...
  Patrick: No, what you said before when you..
  SpongeBob: Never mind! I've got an idea.
  Patrick: Never mind. I've got an idea. (as SpongeBob gives an irritated look)

12A - The Chaperone

• SpongeBob's stilts to make himself look taller going haywire.
• "Everybody do the Sponge!" and the mayhem that results from it.
• The implication that it was the dummy SpongeBob that took Pearl to the prom. This is after Mr. Krabs menacingly tells SpongeBob to get a way from his flower. More precisely an actual flower closeby instead if Pearl.
• Mr. Long, Tall and Handsome is actually a plain-looking geek anchovy. SpongeBob seems impressed but he bets he isn't a holder of the Regional Romance Dance Championship, the trophy of which pulls out of seemingly nowhere to Pearl's amazement… well, short-lived amazement when the teen who's holding it comes into frame and annoyedly takes it away. During "Everybody Do the Sponge," Mr. LTG tries to talk with Pearl, who was utterly heartbroken at them breaking up at the start of the episode, only for her to annoyedly tell him to back off, having too much fun.
• SpongeBob's tearful blubbering as he shuns himself into the girl's bathroom (after several girls run out, of course), is funny enough on its own, but if you listen closely, Pearl isn't outright translating what he's saying; He's actually saying words through his crying!
  SpongeBob: (after Pearl notes they haven't finished their dance yet, making clear she's giving him a second chance to remedy things) Can I still wear the wig…?

12B - Employee of the Month

• The episode hits the ground running with a classic "SpongeBob antagonizes Squidward" routine:
  SpongeBob: Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward. Hey Squidward.
  Squidward: (gives up trying to read his book) Okay, I'll bite. What is it, SpongeBob?
  SpongeBob: Do you know what today is?
  Squidward: Annoy Squidward Day?
  SpongeBob: (laughs) No, silly! That's on the 15th! (holds up a calendar with a picture of Squidward's face on the 15th of the month)
• The increasing number of ways Squidward gets a face full of Krabby Patty meat sprayed at his face:
  "Don't you know that award is a load of ''(splat)' ...garbage?"
  (later) "I've already told you, that award is a bunch of (splat)'' bologna!"
  (and finally) "I'm telling you for the last time, that award is nothing but a joke!" (walks away) (splat) (angrish)
• You'd think SpongeBob violently smashing Squidward's alarm clock in his face would make him pissed off, but as it turns out, Squidward has another alarm clock set up. SpongeBob goes to smash that one, too... and then Squidward opens up an entire closet full of alarm clocks, which SpongeBob is determined to smash one-by-one before Squidward tells him to stop it since he's just wasting his time.
• The increasingly ridiculous traps each one sets to prevent the other from getting to work — starting with SpongeBob digging a pit in front of Squidward's house and Squidward boarding up SpongeBob's front door and building up to Squidward somehow getting trussed up like a roast turkey and SpongeBob being built into a brick wall. Ending with SpongeBob tied to an anchor and Squidward to a pirate ship (the stern of which is on fire), and both of them still clawing themselves forward!
• SpongeBob and Squidward trying their best to outdo each other, and impress Mr. Krabs. Since they've had no sleep beforehand...
  SpongeBob: (mopping the floors) Look, Mr. Krabs! Clean floors!
  Squidward: (wiping a table) Clean tables, Mr. Krabs! (frantically wipes the table so hard and fast, that he breaks it in half)
  SpongeBob: (carrying dishes) Clean dishes, Mr. Krabs! (deliberately drops them)
  Mr. Krabs: What's going on here?!
  SpongeBob: (begins mopping the broken dishes) It's more efficient to clean dishes this way, Mr. Krabs!
  Mr. Krabs: NOOOOO!
  Squidward: (holding a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates) Flowers and chocolates for you, Mr. Krabs!
  SpongeBob: (zips over to the register and puts his money in) Look, I'm putting my own money in the register, Mr. Krabs!
• The episode ending with SpongeBob and Squidward making so many Krabby Patties (to try and outdo one another) that they blow up the Krusty Krab.

13A - Scaredy Pants

• When Krabs tells SpongeBob the story of the Flying Dutchman, he holds up a Krabby Patty to represent the Dutchman's ship, and says he claims his victim's souls while removing the pickle from the Krabby Patty. With SpongeBob suitably unhinged, Squidward appears behind him in a Flying Dutchman costume and solemnly declares, "I've come for your pickle."
• SpongeBob and Patrick decide to go around scaring the people of Bikini Bottom while respectively wearing a Flying Dutchman costume (which is a Bedsheet Ghost) and Groucho Marx glasses.
  SpongeBob: OOOH, I'm the Flying Dutchman!
  Patrick: OOOH, I don't know who I am!
• SpongeBob and Patrick's plan to scare the partygoers at the Krusty Krab appears to be going well... until a jellyfish shows up and stings Patrick in the butt. After a Beat, cue him screaming and derailing the whole thing and making SpongeBob look like a fool. If you pay attention, this moment gets even funnier when you notice what the jellyfish does before attacking. It wipes its tentacles together just as it stings Patrick. It looks like the jellyfish knew what it was doing and decided to Troll them!
• When the Flying Dutchman himself appears and gives the reasons why he plans to steal the souls of the Halloween partygoers:
  The Flying Dutchman: You had it coming, you big crybabies. Every year, people dressing like me. [Squidward whips off his costume and whistles nervously] Turning the Flying Dutchman name into a laughingstock!
• How about the bit where the Flying Dutchman maliciously cuts SpongeBob down from the rope that the latter was hanging upside-down from while laughing evilly, only to break it to the yellow fellow as gently as he can manage mere moments later?
  The Flying Dutchman: Let me tell you about "scary", kid. There's all kinds of scary things in the world. Spiders Are Scary... er, I'm scary. You? You're not scary. Okay, let's get this over with.
• And then, the Dutchman rips off SpongeBob's costume... only to flee in terror when it's revealed that SpongeBob's brain is exposed as a result of Patrick's shaving. Everyone else bolts out the door screaming as well.
  SpongeBob: It worked, Patrick! I scared everybody!
  Patrick: Yeah, I guess it was your pink hat.
  SpongeBob: Pink hat? Oh, that's not a hat. That's my brain.
  Patrick: Oh... AAAAAAAAAH! (runs off screaming; cut to black)
  SpongeBob: Don't worry, it grows back!

13B - I Was a Teenage Gary

• The opening scene has SpongeBob, after picking Gary up from his hamster wheel, to play fetch. As the snail slithers off screen to get the ball, SpongeBob waits at his chair reading a newspaper. It's nighttime, but a quick transition shows him sleeping as day breaks before Gary finally delivers the ball.
• Squidward's first line of the episode:
  Squidward: [to SpongeBob while holding a pair of underwear] Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
• Patrick getting overexcited for the Jellyfishing Convention and eventually runs through the wall in SpongeBob's pineapple when the bus arrives, and another one is shown on the bus when he's on it, although the impact isn't shown.
• Squidward defying the law of physics by running up and down the walls and ceiling, only to bump into SpongeSnail, who is standing in the middle of the room watching, each time.
• Gary, SpongeSnail and SquidSnail meowing "Blow the Man Down". They disturb Patrick and he wakes up saying, "Will you clam up?!" as he throws a shoe at SquidSnail, making him fall off the fence they were on.

14A - SB-129

• SpongeTron discovers a frozen Squidward and procures a chrome hammer. He readies a swing.... and right before the hammer makes an impact, he stops to let the head fire a heat laser to melt Squidward free.
• Squidward's "pilates".
  Squidward: ...FUTUUUUURE! FUUUTUUUUUUURE! FUUUUUUUUUTUUUUUUUU- [one of the SpongeTrons drops a brick on him] - Thanks.
• SpongeTron says, "The time machine is down the hall, to the left." Squidward heads over to the door, laughs at the Sponge and his clones before heading in. Then, we hear loud noises, Squidward going out, shredded up with a deadpan look on his face, to which SpongeTron sheepishly says, "Whoops! Oh, yeah, that one's the can opener."
• After ending up in the past, Squidward meets pre-historic versions of SpongeBob and Patrick. Both of them proving to be quite dimwitted as after getting into a panic at seeing a jellyfish? They proceed to pass it to each other repeatedly and scream loudly in pain until Squidward tells and shows them jellyfishing.
  • This leads into a Brick Joke at the end where after Squidward refuses to go jellyfishing with the regular SpongeBob and Patrick once back home, he wonders who’s the barnacle who invented the game, anyways? That would be him, as the two happily point out before laughing. Squidward, after all the trouble he went through to get home? He notes he's going back.

14B - Karate Choppers

• SpongeBob thinking the coast is clear and deciding to watch a stand-up comedy show.
  Royal Gramma Fish: Yeah, shopping's weird. You ever go into the seafood aisle and say, "Who eats this stuff?" (laugh track)
  SpongeBob: (laughs) I love this show!
  Sandy: (suddenly on SpongeBob's couch) Me too!
• When Sandy threatens to pour hot sauce on SpongeBob's tongue, the drop hanging out of the bottle suddenly develops a face via Synchro-Vox while the background becomes filled with thunder and lightning. Made even funnier by what Tom says about the scene in the DVD Commentary; it was filmed in the Nickelodeon Studios bathroom, when they put red makeup on his face and told him to act as crazy as possible. However, the makeup didn't come off all the way afterwards, and because he had another gig the same day, his coworkers thought he had high blood pressure.
  Hot Sauce Drop: BY THE POWERS OF NAUGHTINESS, I COMMAND THIS PARTICULAR DROP OF HOT SAUCE TO BE REALLY, REALLY HOT!
• At the Krusty Krab, there's a long line of customers. SpongeBob is getting too jumpy with Karate, and when Squidward bothers him to get back to work, he immediately smacks the squid's face so hard it swells up to look like a butt.
  Squidward: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.
• Even Clancy Brown thinks this is the funniest scene of the episode.
  Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I was going through some records back in me office, and- (sees Squidward with Krabby Patties on his head) Huh? ...So, ya' got the hairpiece after all!
• Then, when SpongeBob goes back to the kitchen...
  SpongeBob: Nice hairpiece, Squidward.
• There's no better way to make a Non Sequitur than accidentally.
  Squidward: SpongeBob, did you get those bathrooms mopped yet?! (SpongeBob is swaying his hands)
  SpongeBob: (hides hands) Y-Yes, ma'am. I mean, sir. I mean, boss! I mean, poobah!
  Squidward: GOOOO!
• The scene where SpongeBob gets fired. Yes, it's terrible that SpongeBob lost his job through no fault of his own, but at the same time, one can't help at laugh at the absurdity of SpongeBob crying into a giant mug and drinking his own tears, and then repeating the cycle.
• One of the best cases of Cold Turkeys Are Everywhere.
  SpongeBob: Karate sure is dumb.
  Sandy: You can say that again.
  SpongeBob: I feel dumb just thinking about it. (cross-eyed and scratching his head) Duuuh! I'm stupid! I like karate! Doyee!
  Sandy: (snickers) Ya' like what?
  SpongeBob: Not karate.
  Sandy: Ha! I don't even know what that is!
  SpongeBob: Me too. I don't know what anything is! In fact-
  Fisherman: Hiii-yah! (casting line) Hiii-yah!
  SpongeBob: (Beat; chuckles) For a second, that sounded like...
  Sandy: Karate?
  SpongeBob: Right now? (covers mouth) I mean... (weird accent) No! What is this, "ka-ra-te?"
• Mr. Krabs' absolutely bizarre cough.
  SpongeBob: Do you think Mr. Krabs ever does karate?
  Mr. Krabs: BLEUHAHEUGH!
• At the end of the episode, Mr. Krabs has put SpongeBob and Sandy to work karate-chopping Krabby Patties for the customers:
  Sandy: I love karate!
  SpongeBob: I love kara-tay!
  Mr. Krabs: I love money-AY!
  Squidward: I hate all of you.

15A - Sleepy Time

• SpongeBob visits Gary's dream, which is depicted as a library. Here, Gary somehow has grown a whole body and the ability to speak in a refined voice. He also becomes an egghead in his library. SpongeBob asks what's going on...
  Gary: In dreams, one is not tethered by earthly limitations.
  SpongeBob: What do you mean?
  Gary: Come. (escorts SpongeBob down an aisle of books) For ages, dreams have been thought of as windows to another realm. (takes a book and reads it) "Let me not mar that perfect dream by an auroral stain, but so adjust my daily night that it may come again." Emily Dickinson wrote that.
  SpongeBob: Who?
  Gary: (quickly flips through pages) Here's one you might know. (clears throat, then reads) "There once was a man from Peru, who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright, in the middle of the night, to find that his dream had come true."
  SpongeBob: (laughs) Gee, Gary, you sure are smart.
  Gary: Did you think my shell was full of hot air?
• In Squidward's dream, after he breaks his clarinet in anger, SpongeBob offers to be his clarinet, and his "music" is him singing horrendously. This alone would be kind of annoying, but what makes it hilarious is how the entire audience sees the music as beautiful and is moved to tears.
  Victorian: This music touches me ever so... I-I fear that... my tears might stain my petticoat.
• In Mr. Krabs' dream, there is both SpongeBob's "Oh, Crap!" Smile and Krabs' Death Glare after the former accidentally let the Moby Dollar escape.
  SpongeBob: This'll make a great fish story, eh, Mr. Krabs?
  Mr. Krabs: Oh, SpongeBob...
  SpongeBob: Yes, Mr. Krabs? (finds himself with a rope lassoed around his torso)
  Mr. Krabs: (holding a plunger gun) YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!
  (shoots the gun, which has a rope attached to SpongeBob, hurling him out of Krabs' dream)
• Plankton dreams himself as a kaiju with a laser eye, and goes on a rampage as if he were a Psychopathic Manchild.
  Plankton: I see you! ZAP!!!
  Fred: MY LEG!
  Plankton: I see you~! ZAP!!!
  SpongeBob: Plankton!
  Plankton: III seeee yooouuu... ZAP!!! (disintegrates the building SpongeBob was on) Oh, look! It's the Krusty Krab! Home of the Krabby Patty. (stomps on the Krusty Krab) CRUSH! (grabs the sign and licks it like a lollipop) Lick, lick...
• At the end, all of the other characters barge in on SpongeBob, both in his dream and in reality, to yell at him for disturbing their dreams.
  SpongeBob: (waking up, seeing everyone crowded around his bed) Hey, what are you all doing in your pajamas? Are we having a slumber party?
  Squidward: No, we are not having a slumber party!
  Sandy: Do us all a favor, SpongeBob, and stay out of our dreams!
  (everyone vehemently agrees in unison)
  Plankton: Take a hike!
  Squidward: Don't we get enough of you during the day?
  Gary: Meow!
  Patrick: (walking up to the crowd) Does anyone have a quarter?

15B - Suds

• SpongeBob is left feeling under the weather after falling asleep in the kitchen with the fridge door open.
  SpongeBob: (sliding on the icy floor into the bathroom) Oh, Gary... I don't feel like myself!
  Gary: (slithers into the bathroom wearing a bobble hat over his shell and earmuffs on his head) Meow...
  SpongeBob: (standing up) Don't be silly, Gary. I don't get colds, I get the suds.
  Gary: Meow?
  SpongeBob: No, Gary. If I had the suds, I'd have bubbles coming out of me... (sneezes and covers his nose as bubbles fire out of his pores)
  Gary: (eyes narrowing) Meow.
  SpongeBob: I can't get the suds... because then I'll have to miss work. (sneezes again, but pulls the waistband of his underwear up to his eyes to block the bubbles)
  Gary: (one eye narrowing) Meow?
  SpongeBob: (defiantly) No, Gary. I like wearing my underwear like this. (turns around; what appears to be his backside is revealed to be two large bubbles which leak out of his underwear and pop)
  • After SpongeBob leaves the fridge door open overnight, his house is so cold that even the weatherman on the TV is shivering.
• The following scene where SpongeBob has dragged his sickly self to work. His awful appearance just makes it hilarious, considering that he's attempting to just have a normal day at work:
  SpongeBob: (sneezes loudly, pulls entire hat over his head to muffle it)
  Krabs: SpongeBob! What's holding up those patties?!
  SpongeBob: (weakly, visibly shaking) Right away, sir...
  Krabs: SpongeBob! What's wrong with you? Yer paler than a baby seahorse!
  Gary: (suddenly in frame) Meow. (leaves)
  Krabs: The suds?!
  SpongeBob: (holds up plate with patty on it) Here's that patty you wanted, Mr. Krabs, sir... (sneezes loudly, causing the patty to splatter all over Mr. Krabs)
  Krabs: (nonchalantly dries himself off with his sleeve) All right, SpongeBob, you're too sick to work.
  SpongeBob: (looking grotesquely sick) No, Mr. Krabs, I'm okay, honest...
  Krabs: (leads SpongeBob out the door) No, now home and get some rest. Nothin' personal, lad. Just can't have ya sneezin' all over my food! (the customers overhear what Krabs just said, all spit out their food and panic) No, wait! WAIT! (the customers run out of the Krusty Krab)
• A very sick SpongeBob calls Sandy to ask her to escort him to the doctor's office.
  Sandy: Oh, sure SpongeBob! I'll be over there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August with a-
  SpongeBob: Yeah, okay Sandy, thanks. (sneezes)
• Later in the episode, Patrick is determined to protect SpongeBob from the horror of a waiting room full of old magazines at the doctor's office and insists on treating SpongeBob's case of suds himself to prevent this. He starts by plugging up SpongeBob's pores with corks; this causes SpongeBob to swell to larger sizes each time he sneezes until his fingers are too big to dial the phone to tell Sandy he no longer needs her to take him to the hospital. Patrick calls her instead, but she is adamant that SpongeBob needs to go to the hospital:
  Sandy: I'll be over there faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot-
  Patrick: (annoyed) Oh, yeah, yeah, the rabbit, look, don't bother, Sandy! (slams phone down)
• The panicked Patrick steps up his treatment of SpongeBob in a bid to cure his suds without qualified medical help:
  Patrick: (plunging his hands, which already have rubber gloves on, into a sink full of water) DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M STERILE!
• Heck, Patrick's ridiculous treatments are nothing short of hilarious, and they include putting peanut butter and bread on his bare feet, yanking out his tooth with the classic doorknob trick, bouncing on him like he's a trampoline, and even placing a large band-aid on him and violently ripping it off.
• By the time Sandy finally shows up, Patrick's "treatments" have escalated to wearing a hood and chaining SpongeBob to a torture rack in a torchlit room.
• While trying to hide SpongeBob (who is now the size of Patrick's rock) from Sandy:
  Sandy: Alright, Patrick, where's SpongeBob?
  Patrick: Um... he's not here at the moment, please leave a message after the beep. (makes beep noise)
  Sandy: (folds arms) Okay, so tell me: since when do you have two houses?
  Patrick: Since I ran out of space to put my stuff.
  Sandy: Uh huh. Yeah. Since when does your house have feet?
  Patrick: This is my mobile home.
• When Sandy finally gets SpongeBob to a hospital, the doctor orders "Hans" (a live-action hand) to give him a "Sponge Treatment", where SpongeBob (as a real-life sponge) is used to wash a plate, a car, a foot, and somebody's back.
  SpongeBob: (being scrubbed on someone's foot) (sniff, sniff) I can smell again!
• Even funnier is Patrick's "Special Treatment" where he (as a real-life starfish) is scrubbed on a cactus and in a toilet! And he just wanted the lollipop...
  Patrick: (as he is being used to scrub the inside of a toilet bowl) WAIT, THIS DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT!...

16A - Valentine's Day

• When SpongeBob and Sandy's Valentine's surprise gift for Patrick, a giant chocolate balloon, is held up by a swarm of scallops, SpongeBob tries to stall by giving Patrick... a handshake. Patrick eventually sets aside his bitterness at the lameness of the "gift", only for a series of random fish to whom SpongeBob gave more elaborate gifts to walk up and thank him as he and Patrick sit on a bench at the Valentine's Day carnival. Patrick finally snaps and throws some guy when he asks them if they know the time, then charges toward a man in a Valentine's heart costume, screaming "I DEFY YOU, HEART MAN!" and tearing his costume in half.
• As Patrick's rampage continues, he sees a giant heart at the top of a swing ride, and roars, "HEART ON STICK MUST DIE!" as he tries to wrench it from its foundations. When this doesn't work, he grabs a passing girl's heart-shaped lollipop, repeats his "HEART ON STICK MUST DIE!" battle cry, and snaps it in half before throwing it in his mouth and crunching it into dust.
• Patrick emphatically refuses to turn around for anything when his Valentine finally appears behind him. Then this happens:
  Patrick: I am NOT turning around for ANY reason, EVER!
  Sandy: Howdy, Patrick.
  Patrick: (turns around) Hi, Sandy!
• The carnival crowd, fed up with Patrick's behavior, begin angrily yelling at him to turn around after SpongeBob can't convince him to do so:
  Crowd: Turn around!/Hey, nimcompoop!/Come on!/Behind you!
  Patrick: You must think I'm pretty dumb, huh?
  Crowd: YES! Turn around!
  Patrick: No!
  Crowd: Turn a-round! TURN A-ROUND!
  Patrick: NUH-UH!

16B - The Paper

• Squidward talking with his ventriloquist dummy.
  Squidward: Hey, Little Squidward! What's gray and ugly and has six arms?
  Little Squidward: I don't know, but have you looked in the mirror lately?
• SpongeBob's impressions.
  SpongeBob: A guy with a mustache. (puts the paper on like so, jumps around and speaks with a high-pitched accent) Look at me, I'm a guy with a mustache!
  A pirate with an eye patch. (puts it over one eye, with a pirate accent) Arrgh, I'm a pirate.
  A regular guy with an eye patch. (puts it over one eye again, pirate-accented once more) Arrgh, I'm not a pirate.
• When Squidward tries to beg SpongeBob to give him the paper, SpongeBob shows a flipbook of the exact same scene where Squidward insisted SpongeBob not do so. As a little added bonus to that scene, the exact same background music heard the first time Squidward gives SpongeBob the paper is repeated. With an old-timey grainy effect, no less!
  Squidward (in flipbook): Take it, SpongeBob. Take it, please! And promise me no matter how much I may beg and plead and cry, don't give the paper back to me. Ever!
  SpongeBob: Wanna see it again?
  Squidward: No, I don't wanna see it again! Just give me that paper!
• Squidward attempts to do oral-gami, only to create a spitball, which causes offscreen children to boo him.

17A - Arrgh!

• SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs are playing the board game. Patrick rolls the dice and selects a chance card.
  Patrick: (reading from the card) One of your shipmates has been a bad pirate. Send him to the brig. (rubs his chin as he tries to decide between SpongeBob or Mr. Krabs)
  SpongeBob: (grins and motions to Mr. Krabs with his eyes)
  Patrick: Hmmm... (moves Mr. Krabs' game token to the jail square) It's off to jail for you, Mr. Krabs!
  Mr. Krabs: (glares) Patrick, you're fired!
  Patrick: But I don't even work here!
  Mr. Krabs: (places an official uniform hat on his head) Would you like a job, starting now?
  Patrick: (giddy) Boy, would I?!
  Mr. Krabs: (yanks the hat away) You're fired!
• SpongeBob becomes tired of playing the treasure-hunting board game with Mr. Krabs, but when he turns on the light at home, Mr. Krabs is there waiting for him ready to play again.
  Mr. Krabs: C'mon, SpongeBob. One more game. I can smell the treasure.
  SpongeBob: (as he pushes Mr. Krabs out the front door) Mr. Krabs, it's late. Go to bed. Good night, Mr. Krabs. (he shuts the door and Mr. Krabs reappears in the living room)
  Mr. Krabs: The wind is perfect; the tide is right. Let's hunt for treasure.
  SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, you gotta... (he opens the door and Mr. Krabs is right outside)
  Mr. Krabs: Tread softly, lad. If the Dutchman hears ya, we'll never get his treasure.
  SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs...
  Mr. Krabs: I'll roll for ya, boy.
  SpongeBob: But, Mr...
  Mr. Krabs: (he rolls the dice) Eight paces north — that's a good start, lad.
  SpongeBob: But, Mr...
  Mr. Krabs: One, two, three...
  SpongeBob: (yelling loudly) MR. KRABS! I WANNA GO TO BED!!!
• When Mr. Krabs gives SpongeBob and Patrick two pairs of peg legs and eyepatches for them to look more like pirates, SpongeBob puts on both peg legs while Patrick puts on both eye patches.
  SpongeBob: Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate. (loses balance and falls on the plank)
  Patrick: I'm Blindbeard the Pirate. (trips and falls on SpongeBob)
  Mr. Krabs: (facepalms) Arrgh!
• This part after SpongeBob and Patrick say "Arrgh!" too many times in unnecessary circumstances.
  Mr. Krabs: From now on, only the captain says 'Arrgh'! Status report, Mr. SquarePants?
  SpongeBob: The whole ship is underwater, captain.
• And later...
  Mr. Krabs: Where's the X? It's supposed to be right here: "Ten thousand paces East"!
  Patrick: Oooooooh, East? I thought you said "Weast".
  Mr. Krabs: Weast? What kind of compass are you reading, lad?
  Patrick: This one, sir. (hands him the compass)
  Mr. Krabs: That's West, Patrick. You're fired again!
• When SpongeBob and Patrick are trying to sleep outside in the cold:
  Patrick: I'm so loyal, I haven't bathed in weeks.
  SpongeBob: But we've only been gone a few hours.
  Patrick: I know. (chuckles)
  (SpongeBob scrambles over a few feet)
• When SpongeBob and Patrick sneak into Mr. Krabs' tent, Patrick touches his treasure map because while he said not to look at it, he never said anything about touching it. Then it unfolds on its own and they run their eyes across it, which is when they come to a shocking realization:
  Patrick: SpongeBob?
  SpongeBob: Yeah?
  Patrick: Did you notice something familiar about this map?
  SpongeBob: You mean, like that it's our game board taped to a piece of paper?
  Mr. Krabs: (suddenly behind them) Do you think this is a problem?
• When the Flying Dutchman gets back his treasure, he gives SpongeBob and Patrick two golden doubloons while Krabs gets the miniature treasure chest.
  Flying Dutchman: A little something for your trouble.
  Mr. Krabs: Gold gold gold! What? This is just a little plastic treasure chest.
  Singing Voice: Plastic!
  Flying Dutchman: Aye, but it's based on a real treasure chest.

17B - Rock Bottom

• The bus driver repeatedly getting hit by SpongeBob's balloon while SpongeBob tries to find spare change for the bus.
• The Rock Bottomites, with their bizarre appearance based on real deep sea fish and their Verbal Tic of blowing raspberries.
• SpongeBob missing the bus each and every time. Kafka Comedy at its finest.
  • Special mention goes to the vending machine scene, which shows that the buses are actively avoiding SpongeBob, taunting him as he reaches for the candy bar and revving up when he touches it.
• SpongeBob eating Glove World candy. "Eww, glove flavored!"
• The information booth guy not understanding SpongeBob's "accent" until he starts speaking with raspberries.
• When SpongeBob is within the complete darkness of Rock Bottom:
  "This isn't your average everyday darkness. This is... ADVANCED DARKNESS. Hey, if I close my eyes, it doesn't seem so dark."

18A - Texas

• SpongeBob and Patrick feel sorrow for Sandy's homesickness and begin crying after hearing her song, during which the music notes visibly start attacking Patrick and he flails around in a panic trying to get rid of them. Afterwards, there is this line.
  Patrick: Do you think she knows the Muffin Man song?
• Right after Patrick suggests a good plan...:
  SpongeBob: That's it! Patrick, your genius is showing.
  Patrick: (reaches hands down to cover crotch) WHERE?!
• When SpongeBob was shaking his butt and saying, "TEXASS". Sure, he doesn't pronounce it that way, but the joke was awesome. The fact that Sandy BLUSHES as he does this doesn't help.
• SpongeBob and Patrick decide to mock Texas so Sandy will chase them back to the surprise party they've planned for her.
  SpongeBob: Look, Patrick! I'm Texas. Duh, howdy y'all! (they begin to walk around in a circle, acting Texan mockingly)
  Patrick: I'm Texas, too! Get a dog, little longie! Get a dog!
  SpongeBob: Howdy y'all, howdy y'all! (during all the while, Sandy now has the WTF? look on her face combined with a Death Glare)
  Patrick: Get a dog, little longie! Get a dog!
  Sandy: Y'all best cut it out!
  SpongeBob: (singing in a fake southern accent while Patrick does armpit farts) The stars at night are dull and dim, whenever they have to be over dumb ol' stupid Texas! (this causes Sandy to get really angry with her eyes turning blood red; SpongeBob is now shaped as Texas) Hey, Patrick! What am I now?
  Patrick: Uh... stupid?
  SpongeBob: No, I'm Texas!
  Patrick: What's the difference?! (they both laugh uproariously)
• Patrick egging on the insults, even as he's running away.
  Patrick: Can we say that plants from Texas are dumb? (laughs) Can we say that shoes from Texas are dumb?!
  SpongeBob: ...Okay, Patrick, that's enough.
  Patrick: Why? Do you think that old slowpoke Texas is gonna—
  [...catch up, which she is. And fast. Patrick's eyes bug out of his head as he screams in terror]
• As SpongeBob and Patrick are chased by an enraged Sandy, Patrick is lassoed into the horizon before exploding.
• After Sandy announces that she's staying in Bikini Bottom:
  Patrick: (cheering with everyone else from Bikini Bottom) Yeah! Who needs dumb old Texas?
  (Beat)
  Sandy: What did you just say?
  Patrick: Should I start running now?

18B - Walking Small

• Plankton pointing out the biggest problem with his plans:
  Plankton: But it's becoming increasingly obvious...I CAN DENY IT NO LONGER! ...I am small.
• Plankton almost being stepped on by SpongeBob, who is singing a goofy little song:
  SpongeBob: "Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Drrree-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Drrree-doo-doo-doo!"
• SpongeBob really enjoying his ice cream. From him wrapping his tongue around it, to him biting the cone like a shark, to him licking the inside of the cone like a dog, to him going crosseyed while licking the residue off his fingers.
• Plankton begins his assertive training after SpongeBob lets a fish sit on him:
  Plankton: SpongeBob, don't let that guy sit on you. Assertiveness lesson number one: tell him to get off!
  SpongeBob: Um, excuse me, sir, you're sitting on my body, which is also my face.
  Plankton: No, no! Be assertive!
  SpongeBob: (puts his fingers in the fish's pocket) Beep-beep!
  Plankton: (Face Palm) Not in-sertive!
• Another of Plankton's assertiveness lessons, after an eel steals SpongeBob's ice cream.
  Plankton: Tell him off, SpongeBob! Assert yourself!
  SpongeBob: That's my ice cream cone!
  Plankton: Great! Now, let him have it!
  SpongeBob: You can have it.
  Eel: Say, thanks!
  Plankton: NO!
• Larry asks SpongeBob to give back the volleyball, which was thrown in his direction, to him and his fellow beach-goers. SpongeBob's response? Pop the ball with his bare hands and trumpet like an elephant.
• When SpongeBob finally realizes Plankton was manipulating him to drive everyone off the beach.
  SpongeBob: You used me... for LAND DEVELOPMENT! That wasn't nice.

19A - Fools in April

• Squidward tries to avoid SpongeBob's April Fools Day pranks by calling in sick. He then hears an art curator is willing to make him Artist of the Month.
  Squidward: (wearing an artist uniform, speaking with paintbrush in mouth) I have arrived. (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs laugh) What's so funny? Where's the art dealer?
  Mr. Krabs: (he and SpongeBob laugh some more) You just missed him.
  SpongeBob: Yeah, but he told us to tell you...
  Squidward: Tell me what?
  SpongeBob: He told me to tell you... (whispers in Squidward's ear) April Fools.
  Squidward: (stares in silence for a bit, then places his hat on the desk and walks away) Well, it's been nice working here. Thanks for everything, Mr. Krabs.
  SpongeBob: Squidward, wait!
  Squidward: Just send my last check to the P.O. box, Mr. Krabs!
  SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward! (whilst grabbing his legs) It was just a joke! No more jokes on you today, I promise!
  Squidward: You do?
  SpongeBob: Sure, there are lots of other willing participants. Right, Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs sits on a whoopee cushion, making the expected noise and surprises him; as SpongeBob laughs)
• Squidward finds it difficult to apologize to SpongeBob for his April Fools' prank:
  Squidward: SpongeBob, I just wanted to say I'm sorrrr-yyy. (sticks out his tongue)
  SpongeBob: What?
  Squidward: I'm trying to say I'm (his head turns into a donkey and brays) HEE-HAW! HEE HAW!
  SpongeBob: What!?
  Squidward: I'm just trying to say I'm... (his head explodes) There's got to be an easier way to do this.
• Squidward's other methods include placing the note in a bottle, but SpongeBob doesn't have a bottle opener; and using tin cans to communicate, but Patrick uses the cord as dental floss.

19B - Neptune's Spatula

• The visual gag of Neptune, having zapped Patrick with his trident, reviving him but putting his face on his trunks (where it remains for the rest of the episode):
  Patrick: (coaching SpongeBob before the fry-off) Don't give up your dream, SpongeBob. People used to say to me, "Patrick, you'll never amount to anything. You'll always have your head in the clouds." But just look at me now!
• This visual gag:
  Neptune: For, if by some minute chance you meet the challenge, your reward will be great. BEHOLD! (he pulls back a cloud to reveal a live-action shot of Tom Kenny in the shower, shown from the chest up, still wearing his glasses; Tom sees his "audience" and screams; Neptune quickly closes the portal and chuckles sheepishly) Heheh. Whoopsie! NOW behold! (Opens portal again to reveal Atlantis postcard) My beloved home of Atlantis!
• During the cookoff against Neptune, we see SpongeBob putting ketchup and mustard smiles on pickles on a Krabby Patty then tucking them in for a nap with a cheese "blanket".
  SpongeBob: (kisses them then takes out a book) Once upon a time...
• SpongeBob wins the fry-off! ...And maybe does too good of a job.^note Depends on how funny you find Vulgar Humor.
  Neptune: Give me that! (Takes the Krabby Patty and chews it, while an angelic choir plays in the background) Why it tastes so good, I think I'd like to try it a second time! (spits it out fully formed and eats it again, to the audience's disgust)
• Krabs tells SpongeBob he has his full confidence in him winning the fry-off, before hastily betting a load of money on Neptune instead. After the fry-off:
  SpongeBob: (sees Mr. Krabs crying) I know, Mr. Krabs. I'll miss you, too.
  Mr. Krabs: I lost me bet!
• After Neptune concedes and SpongeBob wins, and SpongeBob tearfully refuses because he doesn't want to leave his friends behind, Neptune's response is about what you would expect considering his selfish nature and SpongeBob's good cooking, but then his attempt to force SpongeBob doesn't give quite the result he apparently was expecting...
  Neptune: (In response to SpongeBob) It's too late now, I can't live without your burgers!
  (He then grows large enough to reach his hand out over SpongeBob, pointing his finger down at him)
  Neptune: You're going to be a god and like it!...
  (Neptune then zaps SpongeBob, with a swell in music like what has been playing when Neptune uses his magic or does something "godly", and then the divine lightning ends and reveals SpongeBob dressed in a toga and laurel, with a more muscular physique and prominent pecs... but his usual square body shape remains unchanged otherwise◊. The music fittingly fizzles out like a bad radio channel.)
  Neptune: (Sounding sheepish and looking uncomfortable)...Or maybe, we do have a problem...

20A - Hooky

• The episode gets off to a flying start with Mr. Krabs' ignored warnings about the return of the hooks.
  Mr. Krabs: (bursts through the front doors of the Krusty Krab) THEY'RE BACK! THEY'RE BACK I TELL YA! I SAW IT WITH ME OWN EYES! (wiggles his eyes up and down)
  Customers: (stare for a moment then resume their conversations)
  Mr. Krabs: (runs up to a customer) THE HOOKS! THE HOOKS!
  Customer: (grimaces, holds out a breath mint) How 'bout a mint?
  Mr. Krabs: THE HOOKS! THE HOOKS!...
  Customer: (at cashier's station) Can you make that to go?
  Squidward: (hands customer a bag) You don't know how lucky you are.
  Mr. Krabs: (runs up to cashier's station) THE HOOKS! So there I was, mindin' my own business-
  Squidward: (holds up an arm tentacle) I'd love to hear another of your riveting sea tales, but, um... I have to do my wastebasket inspection. (picks up wastebasket, empties it out, and puts it upside-down over his head) Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Oh yeah. There's one.
• Mr. Krabs demonstrates what the hooks will do to Spongebob and Patrick by "hooking" the underwear of some poor random customer trying to enjoy his soda and hoisting his waistband up "higher! And higher! And HIGHER!", until the hapless fish is sporting a wedgie so bad it causes him to suck up his entire drink cup through the straw.
• As always, Squidward proves a less than adequate fry cook while SpongeBob is (literally) playing hooky with Patrick...
  First customer: P-U, you call this food?!
  Second customer: My sandwich tastes like a fried boot!
  Third customer: (sitting in front of a boot and a glass of orange soda) My sandwich is a fried boot!
• When Squidward tells Mr. Krabs SpongeBob has taken a break, he initially laughs and says that no-one has taken a break since the Chum Famine of '59; when Squidward repeats himself, Krabs stands motionless as his arms and nose fall off. He then marches off in search of his errant employee, as the doors of the Krusty Krab swing back and forth. Each time they swing back to reveal the interior of the restaurant, more angry customers are surrounding Squidward until finally, they start mobbing him.
  Krabs: Mr. Squidward! What the halibut's goin' on in here?!
  Squidward: It's a feeding frenzy, sir! And SpongeBob's not back from his break!
  Krabs: [Beat, then laughs out loud]
  Squidward: What?
  Krabs: I thought you said SpongeBob was takin' a break! No one's taken a break at the Krusty Krab since the Chum Famine of '59! [chuckles] Now, what were you sayin'?
  Squidward: [deadpan] He took... a BREAK.
  Krabs: [stares in silence, then his arms and nose fall off; he then storms out the front door] Alright, SpongeBob LazyPants, I'll find ya. This nose can smell laziness up to 10,000 leagues. [sniffs] Aha! I'll give you a break you'll not soon forget!
  [marches off, leaving Squidward surrounded by angry customers]
  Squidward: But, Mr. Krabs, I still need— [the customers pick him up like an angry mob] HEEEEELP!!!!
• Mr. Krabs finally tracks down SpongeBob and Patrick and confronts them over treating the hooks as if they were a carnival ride:
  Mr. Krabs: I want you to promise me you'll never go near those hooks again.
  SpongeBob, Patrick: (holding up their right hands) We promise, Mr. Krabs.
  Mr. Krabs: I need a sailor's promise! Repeat after me. (shifts from one foot to the other) Yo ho, yo ho, near the hooks I'll never go.
  SpongeBob, Patrick: (imitating Krabs' movements) Yo ho, yo ho, near the hooks we'll never go.
  (a hook is lowered down behind Mr. Krabs and spears his backside)
  Mr. Krabs: (jumps up, grabbing his injured rear) YOWEEEE! Mother of Pearl! Fire on the poop deck!
  SpongeBob, Patrick: Ahh! Mother of Pearl! Fire on the poop deck! (turn around and rub their own behinds)
  • The Jimmy Neutron promotional interruption version of this scene is as amusing as it is adorable, with everyone being replaced with puppets. Mr. Krabs' puppet in particular flops around quite a bit when it gets hooked.
• Patrick asking SpongeBob "Does this look dangerous?" while his mouth is full of fishing hooks.
• When SpongeBob doesn't want to go on the hooks because of his loyalty to his job and Mr. Krabs, Patrick asks him "Are you gonna listen to a big dummy, or are you gonna listen to me?"
  SpongeBob: Uhhhhh...
• SpongeBob isn't too amused that he has to take off his pants and underwear to prevent getting hooked, especially in front of Pearl and her friends. Eventually, the hook rips his underwear off and he's relieved... until the Krusty Krab sign he was holding on to flings him into the door, in full view of everyone inside.
  Pearl and her friends: Oooohhh, look, it's SpongeBob NudiePants!
  SpongeBob: (fleeing towards home in hysterics) THE PANTS! THE UNDERWEAR!!
• Patrick getting put in a can of tuna at the end:
  Patrick: Hello? Does anyone have a can opener?

20B - Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy II

• When Mermaid Man yells, "To the chiropractor! Away!"
• When SpongeBob first gets the Conch Signal, he attempts to use it, but his attempts sound like what can best be described as someone blowing a raspberry into a sousaphone. Cue the titular duo hearing the sound, and recognizing it as the Conch Signal—apparently, SpongeBob is playing it correctly, and it just happens to sound like that.
• After Barnacle Boy gets fed up with SpongeBob using the Conch Signal to summon him and Mermaid Man for menial tasks, he tries to destroy it with his "Sulfur Vision", which stops halfway through and is unable to connect with the conch, so he decides to just put it away and destroy it later.
• SpongeBob tries to operate the Invisible Boatmobile and presses what he thinks is the windshield wiper button. Instead, it's the origami button and the Boatmobile folds itself, along with SpongeBob, Mermaid Man, and Barnacle Boy, into an origami crane.
• When Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are scanning the city from high up on a building, SpongeBob startles them when he comes to inform them that he got donuts, causing them both to fall off.
• When Mermaid Man sees the retired Atomic Flounder and jokes that he could go back to evil at any time, SpongeBob attempts to apprehend the latter. The former Atomic Flounder, of course, is not amused.
  Atomic Flounder: Why, if I weren't retired, I'd...I'd-RRRRAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!
  [The Atomic Flounder fires his atomic breath straight into Barnacle Boy's face, leaving it red and glowing for a moment before it erupts into a miniature mushroom cloud, leaving his head a blackened husk]
  Atomic Flounder: -do that! [pushes past the trio] Out of my way, punk!
• Poor Barnacle Boy gets burned three times throughout the episode. First was when he and Mermaid Man were looking for the Invisible Boatmobile in the Mermalair, where Barnacle Boy found himself at the tail end of it, and then Mermaid Man activates the ignition. Then follows the above moment, and then when they again looked for the Boatmobile outside the diner, with Barnacle Boy finding himself on the tail end once more.
  Barnacle Boy: [bumps into tail end] Oh Mermaid Man, I think I—
  Mermaid Man: Found it! [activates Boatmobile, causing ignition flames to spurt out of the tailpipe, engulfing Barnacle Boy's head]
• SpongeBob defeating the Dirty Bubble without even meaning to, he just wanted an autograph. Dirty Bubble's horrified reaction to the pencil doesn't hurt either, as Charles Nelson Reilly's performance is just so hammy that it's amazing.

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Oh, my aching tentacles!

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