Funny / Civvie 11

Multi-part Series

Pro Postal

• The Russian Postal 2 quasi-official expansion^*Made when the Postal license was owned by Akella Corkscrew Rules proved to be so horribly offensive that when Cancer Mouse inevitably showed up to defend the game, Civvie decided he'd rather hug the little bugger and directly expose himself to radiation poisoning (complete with Fallout-esque Geiger counter clicking) than continue playing.
  Cancer Mouse: What you have to understand is this is a different culture, and a different time. This was created all the way back in 2005!
  • During a particularly low effort crass joke, with the "Advanced Socialist Society, or ASS for short", Civvie bemoans on how he misses the subtlety of Postal 2. Followed by a Gilligan Cut to the cutscene in Apocalypse Weekend where the PETA parody character gets shit on by an elephant they just freed.
• In Pro Postal 4 Early Access, several of the games surprises knock Civvie for a loop... namely that he is the crack dealer in town. Complete with him noticing the sign while on a motor scooter and backing up just to be sure, and his open horror at looking directly into his face... and then getting pissed that he's not only fatter in-game, but he's also selling crack at an unsustainable profit margins; which leads to him emptying his money directly into his avatar... and then ^note point of order: if you turn on the Youtube captioning at this point, this segment is captioned "*Civvie reveals his suicidal tendencies*" burning him to death, shooting him, and dumping a pigeon mine directly on top of him.
  Game!Civvie: Come back when you're ready to give me more money.
  Civvie: That's the message you get when you unsubscribe to my Patreon.
  • When Game!Civvie demands "Quit wasting my time!", Civvie fires back "Quit wasting MY time!"
  • Happens again when in the sewer level, when the counter updates... a certain graffiti pops up that somehow mirrors the exact number Civvie was up to. As it turns out, Running With Scissors asked Civvie what his Sewer Count was up to prior to his recording the video, and updated the count in the sewers to match.
    Civvie, lightly panicking: What is happening right now
  • Day 4 has a recurring gag of people that keep stealing his scooter, forcing him to run after them and kill them to get it back. Which is hilarious because he stole the scooter himself back on Day 1, and he keeps getting increasingly aggravated at getting interrupted from his vicious campaign of meaningful murder to get his stolen scooter back. The version used in that video also has mounds of bugs and glitches even by Postal standards, the highlight of which is Civvie falling under a swimming pool and activating a noclip mode, and somehow, is still affected by gravity, causing him to fall out of the world.
  • On Day 2, Civvie goes through the bizarre, unexplained Cat Hallucination sequence. Afterwards, he tries to banish it from his mind only to realize:
    Civvie: Where the in the fuck did I get four thousand dollars?!
    • Which he promptly takes to the Crack Shack and spends far too long buying 400 crack pipes at $10 a piece. And then he kills himself. Again.
• For Christmas 2022, Civvie plays the bizarre Christmas themed "Happy Night".
  • Civvie ends up having to play the mod twice... because the devs released a new build the day after he had captured his footage for the game.
  • Uncle Dave's compound has a random baby elephant for some reason.
  • One cutscene has a civilian shooting down Santa with a rocket launcher because he didn't get a Krotchy doll... while a random woman screams while a stream of bile flows out of her mouth, which Civvie describes as "scromiting".
  • The game has a lot of awkward grammar due to the developers not being native English speakers. One early highlight is when the Dude is tasked to "make a job", to which Civvie reacts in confusion.
  • While lighting random fireworks across town, Civvie comes across a cave he had never seen before... featuring a flower bed and the door to the Ruins from Undertale with "Memory" playing in the background. Civvie just says "Okay."
  • For much of his playthrough, Civvie saves up for a book which unlocks dual wielding weapons. Then he ends up finding said book in a secret, so he decides to blow his money on a freezethrower and a bunch of crack pipes instead.
  • While looking for presents to steal, Civvie finds a bipedal gray cat walking around with it's paws up for seemingly no reason.

Pro Blood

• In Blood 2, the low-frame jankiness of the napalm launcher (now that the enemies aren't using it against him for once) triggers the Rawpocalypse.
• Civvie being more concerned about Blood 2 The Nightmare Levels crashing without warning than about the game's actual challenge. The fatal error message becoming its own Brick Joke.
  • He goes on to lament that the unfinished, shoved-out-the-door game is the true ending of the franchise:
    Civvie: Doesn't Atari have the rights anyway? They thought they could stop the Blood fans from getting a source port, and then somebody used leaked alpha code and made BloodGDX and that person deserves free blowjobs for life from the establishment of their choice.
  • The game's difficulty/brokenness:
    Civvie: You might notice that the designers wanted to make these levels a little more challenging than the main campaign, you know, like expansion packs usually are. So let's see how far I can make it before I die. 10 seconds. And of course I'm still drowning after I die.
• Pro Blood:
  • About the highest skill:
    Civvie: I'm not playing on the highest skill, which is Extra Crispy. That skill is designed for co-op, and I tried, I really tried. Here's where I got to.
    (screen of zombies murdering Caleb)
    Civvie: And here's what most of getting there looked like.
    (death montage)
    Civvie: And here's the bill for the therapy I needed to recover from it.
    (closeup of fake bill)
    Civvie: And here's the therapist that tried to help me.
    (closeup of grave reading "She told him not to play on Extra Crispy.")
    Civvie: So we're doing this on Well Done, and if you're worried it's not hard enough, you haven't played Blood. I've never beaten this on Well Done; Lightly Broiled is like Shadow Warrior's hardest skill^*No Pain No Gain, and that was already a ballbuster, and Well Done is harder, and Extra Crispy is like playing a casual game of Minecraft while being set on fucking fire.
  • Right at the beginning:
    Caleb: I live... again!
    Civvie: Not for long.
  • During Part 1:
    Civvie: Here's the thing, I'm saving my napalm for right here. Watch this napalm launcher not only kill the cultist, not only kill the dipshit next to him, but also destroy the railing they were standing behind.
  • House of Horrors, the secret level:
    Civvie: Be ready to die, a lot. Yeah, you need to crouch, and toss explosives, and bounce bundles of TNT around, and use everything in your arsenal to its full potential... Kill everything. Especially the mimes.
  • The Great Temple:
    Civvie: They're both hard as fuck. This one gave me a little more trouble because I was low on ammo.
    (cue 13 attempts at the same room, set to Habanera from Carmen)
  • Part 2, describing the Voodoo Doll:
    Civvie: The secondary fire is a spell that does massive damage. Don't waste it on a cultist.
    (uses the spell on 5 cultists)
  • Testing the Spray Can:
    Civvie: The spray can in general seems to do a bit more damage than I expected, since I just wanted to ignite this barrel a little bit, you know? Have a couple of seconds to get away from it before...
    (barrel explodes and kills Caleb)
  • Introducing the Bloated Butchers:
    Civvie: Now, normally if a game is going to introduce a new enemy type to you, it might wanna give you just one to deal with. But Blood? Oh, no. No no no no no. Here's three Bloated Butchers supported by cultists and gargoyles.
  • Spa Day:
    Civvie: The greatest reward as a player is tossing a bundle of TNT around a corner and seeing this:
    (High Speed Splattered Cultist)
    Civvie: Yeah. That's how you know you done good.
  • The Phantasms:
    Civvie: If you don't want to use the shotgun, you could use the tommy gun!
    (It's not very effective)
    Civvie: Good luck, asshole! He said, over his own gameplay footage.
  • Thin Ice:
    Civvie: And since I'm a dumbass, I use the Jump Boots to get to an area I'm not supposed to and OH LOOK!
    (Cheogh appears from around a corner)
  • About the choking hands:
    Civvie: Can't forget about the choking hands.
    Choking Hands: I'll swallow your soul!
    Civvie: Evil Dead fans will recognize this one, even if the one from Evil Dead 2 never really talked. It just flipped the bird. Doesn't really have... vocal... cords, whatever!
  • Just before the Episode 2 boss:
    Civvie: The whole reason you're going through this mine in the first place is to reach Shial: the episode 2 boss. But before that, FUCK YOU!
    (Another Cheogh appears)
    Civvie: FUCK. YOU. Cheogh, again (who's harder than Shial), guards the level exit. You could exit the level without killing him, sure, if you're a...
    (cut to Cheech Martin's pussy speech)
  • Finally finds Shial, only to have the game spawn two:
    Civvie: TWO? Since fucking when?
  • Followed by:
    Civvie: Ah, fine. I can deal with two. I have all this napalm and nobody to share it with.
  • And one last laugh before Episode 2 ends, after Caleb eats Gabriel's heart:
    Civvie: They probably shoulda had a discussion about this in Blood 2 instead of whatever the fuck they were talking about.
  • You know it's going to be a fun time when Civvie says this immediately upon starting Episode 3:
    Civvie: Fuck this episode. FUCK. THIS. EPISODE.
  • And then Civvie explains why: Hellhounds.
    Civvie: If there's a theme for Episode 3, it's "hey, you like all that cool stuff you can do with fire?" Well now the monsters can do that stuff, fuck you! The hellhounds are the worst. They're designed to make you pay for thinking you're good at this game. You crouch to avoid enemy shots and maybe cheap out some of the other monsters? Nah, see, now you crouch and you get a faceful of fire. And also hellhounds are shorter than the other mid-tier monsters. So God help you if you're playing keyboard-only like in the 90's or something.
  • On the other hand, the second level in the episode introduces the Tesla Cannon:
    Civvie: It's a Godsend. The game might be unplayable without it. It fucks up everything. It's my weapon of choice against hellhounds, stone gargoyles, flesh gargoyles, debt collectors, people who tell me to watch Aaron Sorkin shows, small vermin, the elderly, sexual predators, elderly sexual predators, and loved ones that I buried in the pet sematary.
  • The Sick Ward has a nasty trap where once you collect a key in a small room, the walls open up to reveal four phantasms that immediately pounce on you while the only exit locks itself until a certain time has passed. At that point, Civvie has only thirty shotgun shells and each phantasm takes about eight to bring down, so guess how many times he died to this room?
    Civvie: The answer is: enough times for me to wait on that door and then leave because it's not worth it.
    ~"Fuck this shit, I'm out (alright then)"~
  • Civvie acknowledges that he hasn't shown footage of him setting traps with the proximity bombs, stating that he has, it's just boring to watch before cutting to The Spoony Experiment's infamous "Don't. Tell me. How to play." rant during his Alien: Isolation LP. Cut to a slow mo close up of Spoony's facecam, with Civvie's face fading in over Spoony while Johnny Cash's Hurt plays.
    Civvie: Oh god kids, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it! I'm just salty about the hellhounds, I'm sorry!"
  • He then cuts to Spoony's Patreon, revealing that Spoony now only makes $500 a month^note At least back in 2017.
    Civvie: Okay now I'm just pissed again because he makes more on Patreon than I do.
  • The end of Episode 3 has Civvie baffled by the jankiness of the end cutscene, especially when it decides to play a snippet of Ode to Joy after Caleb blows up Cerberus.
  • The intro to Pro Blood 4:
    Civvie: Tchernobog: the ancient one, the dark god. We're gonna make him our bitch, kids.
  • Civvie makes this comment about the episode's difficulty after the first two levels:
    Civvie: So you're on the second level of the episode and you've got every weapon in the game. Good, because now it's time for pure unadulterated PAIN. <punctuated by clips of Caleb sticking a needle in a voodoo doll, the last one being a stab in the crotch>
  • This episode frequently puts hitscanning cultists behind corners so that they'll get the drop on you unless you know exactly where they are beforehand, so much so that Civvie makes a habit of throwing dynamite around corners just in case there's a cultist hiding behind them.
    • Being Blood, this of course eventually backfires on him in Mall of the Dead when he does a dynamite check only to enrage a stone gargoyle hiding around the corner.
    Civvie: <clearly frustrated but unsurprised by the game's bullshit> Fuuuuck...!
  • Civvie doesn't let the mall music go unnoticed:
    Civvie: This music is what I like to think mass murderers hear in their head all the time.
  • Civvie regards The Ganglion Depths as the hardest level in the base game, and to demonstrate, he shows off how the level starts:
    Civvie: Four cultists blindside you, that's to be expected, but then...
    <two gargoyle statues turn into stone gargoyles after crossing the bridge>
    Civvie: Two stone gargoyles over an instant death pit, fucking me over so hard that I panic and press that button that makes the heads-up display bigger.
  • There's a pathway full of bloated butchers that goes around an inaccessible chamber which alerts what sounds like a mother spider when you pass by. Sometime later, Civvie gets to said chamber, and guess what's inside?
    Civvie: THREE. MOTHER SPIDERS! You don't have the Tesla ammo for this; you can't even carry the Tesla ammo for this. They're light so using dynamite or tossing explosives at 'em just blows them around and doesn't do nearly enough damage, so they could just spawn more spiders elsewhere. I don't think I kill all three of them, I'm pretty sure one of them clipped out of the level and is still birthing spiders in null space.
    <crude animation of a mother spider floating out of the level with the caption "I'M FREE!", farting out another spider>
  • The cutscene before the final level of Episode 4 has Civvie questioning Tchernobog's grand plan:
    Civvie: Tchernobog reveals his master plan to make Caleb become stronger so that he can kill Caleb and then absorb his strength, and this raises some questions for me. Like, does he know how hard this game is? Does he know that Caleb's greatest strengths are man-made guns that shoot fire and lightning? I guess he can consume people's hearts, but it's still cool to have a villain with a plan. Not like in Duke 3D, where the aliens want to steal our chicks, or in Shadow Warrior, where Zilla thought fucking with a master ninja assassin that keeps nuclear weapons in his dojo was a good idea.
  • The fact that Cryptic Passage was made by Sunstorm Interactive and not Monolith is made evident by the general difficulty of the episode, which Civvie finds to be pretty cozy even on Well Done, and has him wondering if Sunstorm didn't understand Blood's level design and enemy placement philosophy, or knew them all too well and wanted to give the player a break. Although, he does run into some trouble in the third level, showcased in a segment titled "The Gothic Library Conundrum (a.k.a. Civvie sucks at Blood)".
    Civvie: And when that's over, the game spawns one hellhound. ONE!? <laughing incredulously> One hellhound, what is this, Still Kicking? I even leave this level with full health.
  • Civvie throws some dynamite around a corner expecting the game to be up to its previous tricks again, but...
    Civvie: Wait, nobody? Is it my birth- <room behind him opens up to reveal a bunch of fanatics> Oh, FUCK!
  • Civvie finds another blatantly obvious trap with a key you need to collect. What sort of pain does Cryptic Passage send this time?
    Civvie: Oh no. Spiders.
  • Cancer Mouse makes an appearance here:
    Cancer Mouse: Well, hey Civvie!
    Civvie: ...Hi, Cancer Mouse.
    Cancer Mouse: Been a while since you let me do something educational on the show Civvie.
    Civvie: Do we have to?
    Cancer Mouse: It actually has something to do with something the kids enjoy: Star Wars!
    Civvie: Oh, no, we're not doing Dark Forces yet.
    Cancer Mouse: The Last Jedi.
    <beat>
    Civvie: Uuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhh...
    <ad break>
    Cancer Mouse: -and that's how Hollywood has tried to brainwash men into falling for strong women.
    Civvie (talking over Cancer Mouse): Once you clear the boat of cultists, it's off to the graveyard, or rather—NO! I told you it's about the money, it's always about the fucking money! I'm sick of hearing about Star Wars! Once you clear the boat of cultists, it's off to the- <notices that he's found 2 secrets out of 1> you... what??
  • The final level gives Civvie the pain high he's been expecting throughout the episode: four stone gargoyles at once.
    Civvie: Ohhhhh, yeah, that's the stuff.
  • Then the last encounter tops that by sending two Cerberi, and even Civvie thinks that's a bit too much... except that there's an invincibility powerup that can be accessed by pressing a button and waiting behind some pillars to avoid the fireballs while the powerup is lowered to ground level.

Pro Wang

• Civvie's review of Shadow Warrior (1997) starts off with him discussing its difficulty level, because while the enemies in general are stupid, their homing missiles are fool-proof:
  Civvie: You start your game up, right? But I'm awesome so obviously we're putting this on the highest skill (selects No Pain No Gain), and in all honesty I've never even played most of this game on this skill. Usually I go for Who Wants Wang, because I'm 12.
  • The shadow ninjas on the hardest difficulty are such a pain in the ass to deal with (he blames Randy Pitchford), that Nuclear weapons are the only solution and even keeps a counter for the whole series!
  • For the final level of the first episode, a gameplay montage shows how Civvie awesomely raids the village... only to be killed by a bee who was invisible on the screen.
  • He runs over a shadow ninja with a tank, the words "Splatter Bonus!" appear on-screen.

Pro Nukem

• Pro Nukem 3D: The Birth
  • Civvie praises the secret level, Area 51, while also pointing out that Randy Pitchford made the level.
    Civvie: Man that young Randy Pitchford fellow seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. I feel like I'm complimenting Randy Pitchford too much, but if you pay attention to the news cycle, he's usually doing something greasy.
    <displays several news snippets of the Borderlands developers salary fiasco while playing an instrumental version of Out of Touch .>
  • The end of Area 51 has Duke launching two nuclear missiles before the exit button is revealed, which causes the unexpected return of the Nuke Counter.
    <nuke 38 launched>
    Lo Wang: Sayonara, scumbag!
    <nuke 39 launched>
    Lo Wang: Holy shit!
  • Going Postal is the next level:
    The Postal Dude: Buttsauce!
  • Civvie hates the last level of the episode—also made by Randy Pitchford—and remarks that it would be Foreshadowing for Randy's later works.
    Civvie: I didn't know it at the time, but this was the genesis, the first seed of hatred planted by Randy himself. His other levels were fine, decent, enjoyable even, but The Queen is a parade of sadism and humiliation.
  • After the boss fight, it shows a cutscene with some questionable content so obviously the offending visuals needed to be blurred out for Youtube:
    Civvie: Did you know that the alien queen has titties? Because of course she does? The queen in DNF had three, but this one has four! I know you can't see 'em. Thanks, Katie!
    ED NOTE: PLEASE GOD NO MORE MONSTER TITTIES
• Civvie finally finishes his Pro Duke Nukem 3D series with Duke It Out In DC and Duke Caribbean. These were expansions by Sunstorm Interactive before they gave the world Cryptic Passage and Wanton Destruction so some jank is pretty evident.
  • Civvie talks about a number of rereleases for added context, since these expansions were included in Devolver Digital's Duke Nukem 3D: Megaton Edition modern day rerelease. Specifically, Shadow Warrior (1997) Classic Redux and Blood: Fresh Supply are still available on most PC storefronts. Megaton Edition, however, isn't thanks to Randy once again. All that's left is the Cursed Randy Version (That is, 20th Anniversary World Tour, which only adds one new episode and actually lacks any of the old DN3D expansions)
    Civvie: I mean Devolver Digital^Explanationdevelopers of Megaton Edition and Redux and Nightdive^ExplanationThey did Fresh Supply were able to deal with Sunstorm to get this stuff just fine, but it seems like when you introduce a Randy into the equation, everything falls apart for some reason.
  • DC tries to recreate famous Washington DC landmarks in the Build Engine. Which includes the White House, FBI Headquarters, the Smithsonian, Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument and the Reflecting Pool. Sort of. Lincoln looks blockier than Civvie remembers him.
  • Civvie is not as familiar with DC as he is most other Duke games. Even if he still beat the PAR time on Smithsonian Terror
    Civvie: What, was I supposed to wander into my nearest Electronics Boutique, as a nine year old and say "Yes, good sir, I'd like to buy the one with the violence and titties, please!" I mean they did sell me Quake II. And SiN, but that's not important, I was probably ten or eleven when that happened.
  • He gets to storm the Capitol Building and wreak havoc in the Senate room. Cue "They blew up Congress!"
    Civvie: (wielding the Shrinker in front of a Senate meeting) Motion to kick ass and chew bubblegum!
    Chuck Schumer: These are not the nation's most urgent priorities right now.
    Civvie: Oh goddammit.
  • "You know I haven't seen any Sentry Drones in this episode." Cue Sentry Drones littering Metro Mayhem.
  • Civvie spends most of the latter part of the secret level luring Sentry Drones into smashing into a closed door.
  • Brown Water is a sewer level that adds two to the count. One for being a sewer level at all, and another for wasted potential since it starts out as a sewer level that leads into the Pentagon instead of just letting Civvie start at the Pentagon.
  • The final boss of Duke It Out In DC, the villain holding Slick Willy (or whoever) hostage, is a copy-pasted Cycloid Emperor. Who Civvie's killed thrice over already, once in 3D and twice in Forever.
    Civvie: How many times do I have to kick the Cycloid Emperor's ass?!
  • The Duke Caribbean expansion goes to the length of replacing weapons with summer vacation-themed weapons, such as the shotgun being turned into a Super Soaker.
    Civvie: Do they still make Super Soakers? Because I remember being a kid and somebody brought the Super Soaker 200000 or whatever^*The picture's of a Super Soaker 300 BTW to a party and it had a backpack for fuck's sake! It was like a fun pretend war crime!
  • Each level in Caribbean still has the nuclear button end level switch, implying that Duke blows said level up. Since one of the levels is a cruise ship laden with babes, Civvie has to throw shade again:
    Babe: Help me, Duke!
    Duke Nukem: Looks like you're... fucked. (hits the switch)
  • One level in Caribbean sees Civvie ride a rather long elevator... and at the top not only get ambushed by Pig Cops but detonate explosives that push him back on the elevator just as it goes back down.
    Civvie: NOT COOL! VERY UNRADICAL! NOT EN FUEGO! TOTALLY BOGUS!
  • The final boss of Caribbean is... the Cycloid Emperor again. At least he's wearing a visor and a hula skirt this time.
• Remember Civvie's constant disparaging of the World Tour anniversary pack for Duke 3D? The one that Civvie called the Cursed Randy Version? He finally tackled it... via a source port of course because there's no way in hell he's playing by Randy's rules.
  • The very first line:
    Civvie: For Duke Nukem 3D's 20th anniversary- (picture of Randy in BADASS shades fades in) NO! Get outta here, Randy! (Randy tries to demonize himself) Randyyy!
  • Civvie is willing to give credit to the original level creators Allen Blum and Richard "Levelord" Gray, who worked on this expansion too. Civvie loved their work. But he'll be damned if he gives Randall S. Pitchford III the slightest credit.
  • While most of his dislike of the Cursed Randy Version is born of his hatred of Randy, Civvie has legit issues with the remaster such as the overall clunkiness and lack of smooth movements, the borked mouselook and the True 3D rendering mode running "like ass."
    Civvie: "No Civvie, your RTX 2060 isn't good enough to get a decent framerate with all these effects!" "All these effects" being dynamic lighting and ambient occlusion which is swiftly becoming my number 1 "I'm turning this shit off" option, going head-to-head with Bloom. (shows footage of a game that can still run on a relatively modern potato PC to prove his point while turning said special effects off)
  • Civvie briefly throws shade at the late 2010s port of Doom and Doom II for their infamous online DRM which was quickly patched out but still embarrassing.
  • The newly recorded Duke Talk by Jon St. John... who now honestly sounds rather bored. "Even he knows Duke isn't the same when he isn't being bitcrushed."
    Jon St John: (on his actual twitter account) I'm sorry, I can't kick ass right now. I'm too busy doing hot guy shit.
    • The above is JSJ's actual twitter, where he posts snippets of himself recording random lines as the Duke, with deliberate filtering effects to simulate olden day Build engine bitcrushing.
  • The game has developer commentary from Blum and Gray themselves. At one point since they know Randy's not there they decide its fine to make fun of him. Civvie ain't complaining, though he does note Randy himself isn't on many of them.
  • Civvie takes the time to roast the shit out of Randy big time:
    Civvie: I'm guessing he didn't wanna be too heavily involved, you know, because Randy Pitchford faces a lot of backlash online for being so greasy.
    Crowd: HOW GREASY IS HE?
    (Cue Civvie on stage, ready for the classic stand up)
    Civvie: Randy Pitchford is so greasy that Wendy's wouldn't serve him to you! Randy's so greasy he can ride a dry slide at the waterpark! Randy's so greasy they had to keep the torches away from him at Medieval Times! Randy's so greasy it don't matter he can't get a woman wet! (cue Seinfeld slap bass)
    Executive Producer who is likely Katie: I hate myself for this gag.
  • The first level of Alien World Order (the new episode) is "High Times" and is named as such thanks to the weed room, where Duke imbibes some... "coffee." Civvie actually has to claim that he doesn't smoke the reefer or else his show would become weird and incomprehensible. In an internet show with a very bread-crumbs plot you'd have to be lucky or ludicrously, insanely dedicated to piece together where the main character very much does not want to be the main character of a story.
  • This expansion adds a flamethrower weapon that in defiance to tradition is actually useful due to easily killing many lower level enemies and leaving fire pools that, thanks to janky Build engine AI, enemies will gleefully walk into. And of course, Civvie's gotta roast again:
    Civvie: Hey guys, did you know? Randy Pitchford's so greasy that he powers the Incinerator!
  • The third level, "Bloody Hell", takes place in London and at on point has Duke walk into a teleporter that just so happens to be placed in a green phone box.
    Civvie: Oh what's wrong Gearbox, you worried about getting sued? (cue various headlines of Gearbox suing and getting sued by various Duke-related parties like 3D Realms and Bobby Prince)
  • Said level has the House of Commons (AKA the building near Big Ben) which is depicted as right next to the London Eye. Which is only a slight exaggeration as it turns out.
  • While talking about the Egypt level, Civvie goes over the original Duke 3D system requirements. Quite a task for PCs back then, barely anything for the PCs of today.
    Civvie: Hold on, I have this! This is from the original Duke 3D manual right, the minimum system requirements for this cutting edge 1996 interactive experience: (lists said requirements) But it was recommended that you have 16 megabytes of RAM.
  • Civvie takes on the Rome-based secret level. Normally it has a full-size Battlelord to give you grief but Civvie is playing on Raze, a whole new source port and a quirk leads to the Battlelord being smaller and very shrinkable.
    Civvie: Listen don't give me shit about this, I've beaten this episode with the Cursed Randy Version, okay?
  • The last two episodes go back to America, starting with San Francisco. The locales are all present such as the Golden Gate bridge, Alcatraz island and San Nicolas Island. Sadly, that means a rather extreme flashback for Civvie.
    Civvie: Apogee-3D Realms shared universe when? (glumly) They get the rights to Duke back from Gearbox and Take Two... oh no I Made Myself Sad again.
  • And the very final map, most appropriately, is Hollywood, Los Angeles. The final boss? Just a red Cycloid Emperor because of course it's just a palette swap and of course it's just another Cycloid Emperor. At least he has a... pitifully short ranged flamethrower and can spawn Firefly troopers. Additionally, Duke threatens to roast the boss' nuts over an open fire. And from experience, Civvie knows that the Duke fucking means that.
  • The episode ends with Civvie heading off anyone asking for a Pro Red Faction episode. How? By stating he's gonna do Prey (2006) next.
• Civvie takes a bite out of the Big Apple in Duke Nukem: Manhattan Project. It tastes pretty good.
• Civvie plays the Duke Nukem Forever (2001) source code that was leaked online. He praises the person for finding this, then beholds the unfinished zombie horror that is Duke's model in a mirror. Cue the Beetlejuice "NICE FUCKIN' MODEL!" clip, but it suddenly gets overridden by Deadite Ash screaming "JOIN US!".
• Duke Nukem: Zero Hour - 64 BITS OF STEEL
  • When criticizing Duke 64's crude 3D model of the Cycloid Emperor, Civvie once again brings in Beetlejuice. Except this time, he's an equally-crude 3D model, and his crotch honking sound is replaced with the tune of collecting a red coin in Super Mario 64.

Pro Doom

• A couple of highlights in his Pro Doom 2 video:
  • His description of the Super Shotgun. Put simply, he adores the thing. He gives it Jesus-level worship with Castlevania and choir backing music and happily compares its huge, booming firing noise to trains crashing and the Alien Mothership's blaster.
    Civvie: You think, "Why don't they just call it the double-barrel?" Because it's better. Because it's super. (...) If Batman was a gun, he'd be this.
  • How Civvie feels about leaving enemies alive in another room.
  • Another of his many anecdotes about fourth dimensional being who can see past the illusionary veil we call reality John Carmack is describing him as a juvenile delinquent and telling a very real story about how a young Carmack once used thermite to break into a school to steal some Apple computers and got sent to juvie for it.
    Civvie: ...there is a much darker timeline where he kills us all.
  • When a horde of Imps corners him in his least favourite level, The Factory, Civvie decides to go back to his Pro Wang instincts. Just imagine the BFG as the Nuke Launcher.
    Civvie: Step right up, step right up, we're doing the Wang Nuke thing this time in the future, with a BIG! FUCKING! GUN!
  • He has folder dossiers on every enemy Doom 2 introduces... except the hidden Nazi SS troopers.
    Civvie: We got Nahtzees, kiddos! Nazis aren't getting their own folder, fuck them, they're Nazis. I am not leaving this level 'til I see one hundred dead Nazis!
  • This line about "Nirvana"
    Civvie: The bit where you're plowing through shotgunners and you get assaulted by Revenants? It's intense. It's, uh, it's really a buttclencher, as are all situations where you get an ambush from these boners. It's a real pain in the ass, leaves you sore and tired, I'll tell you what. [A 5 second Beat as gameplay goes on]] You know what? Just cut all of that, that was garba-
• For his Pro Doom: Plutonia video:
  • The opening to the video is this for Black Comedy enthusiasts. Civvie picks up a red key which is clearly a trap, the screen blacks out, and poor Doomguy is devastated by an array of Revenants, Chaingunners and Arch-Viles arranged in a layout that spells "PLUTONIA."
  • Civvie has a whale of a time doing a Pro episode on Plutonia Experiment, the second half of Final Doom, infamous for being Harder Than Hard. Naturally he also takes time to congratulate and take pity on anyone who pistol started each and every level of Plutonia on Ultra Violence level, and that they deserve a sexy cosplayer's full attention (even funnier is that Civvie used a pic of a Shuten-Douji cosplayer to demonstrate, probably at random:)
    Civvie: Ghost Town is the first 100% full on Plutonia map. God help the masochistic bastards who pistol start these levels, I hope you go to Quakecon next year, you go up to like the hottest cosplay chick you can find, you get right in their ear and say "I pistol started all of Plutonia on Ultra Violence," and she jumps on your dick right there.
    • The Shuten-Douji gag ultimately led to this piece of fan art by Substance20, which was also in response to a tweet from Civvie where he admitted he was technically a Virtual Youtuber. For his part, Civvie loved it.
      Civvie 11: jokes aside this is really good.
      John "country as hell" Henderson: You look a lot better than you do in Postal 4.
  • Civvie ends up inadvertently winning more glory while fighting Revenants with his rocket launcher. (For those wondering, Doom monsters usually have infinite collision height unless certain source port flags are changed.)
    Civvie: Suck my infinitely tall shaft of splash damage, ya fuckin' boners! (Disco music starts playing) Oh what's that? I'm being told that we just won the "Most Phallic Line Ever In A Youtube Show" Award? I'm also being told that that's a thing and yeah! (Trophy slides on screen, its as phallic as suggested to the point its censored.) Look at that! I guess you guys can't see that but I promise you its shaped like a penis!
  • The death montage. As presented by Katie.
    Katie: ED NOTE: Civvie told me not to show you guys how many times he died here but he's an asshole
    XOXO,
    -KATIE
  • His statement of how many Revenants are in the game
    Civvie: There might be more Revenants in Plutonia than there are Imps.^note There aren't, but it's pretty damn close, with 436 Imps on Ultra-Violence and 422 Revenants. There might be more Revenants in Plutonia than there are stars in the sky.
  • On the map "Tombstone", Civvie highlights an Evil Trap involving a crowd of Archviles, Revenants, Chaingunners, and Hell Knights.
    Civvie: Man, I remember when Doom 2 threw two Archviles at you that one time.
  • The ending text for Plutonia states that now that Doomguy's thrashed Hell again, its gone back to "pounding bad dead folks instead of good live ones." Civvie asks Katie for a pic of a demon banging Adolf Hitler. Naturally he instead gets a graphic of some cute kittens with the caption "NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO." Civvie concedes.
  • Also, this:
    Civvie: YEAH, FUCK YOU SKELETONS, YOU AIN'T SHIT!
  • The very first line is "Playing Plutonia is like being inside a Wicker Man." With accompanying footage of the film's protagonist praying for his soul to go to Heaven as he's about to burn alive.
• For Pro-Ish Doom 64, Civvie points out how the game has more Hell levels than techbase ones unlike previous games, allowing for Midway (who developed this game in place of id) to cram as much mega-edgy level names as they could.
  Civvie: Next up, "The Bleeding." [Beat] The Bleeding. Most of this game takes place in Hell which is a nice change of pace and an opportunity to cram as many ridiculous map titles in there as possible. We've got such hits as:
  Demon voice Civvie: Terror Core. Altar of Pain. Dark Citadel. Dark Entries. Blood Keep. (normal voice) Blood Keep! A Keep of Blood! (demon voice again. John Romero's grinning mug slowly fades into view for these last ones.) Spawned Fear. Burnt Offerings. Unholy Temple.
  • When Civvie refers to "The Bleeding" again later in the video, he audibly cracks up while saying the level's name.
  • At the start of the video:
    Civvie: '2 console games in a row? What happened to you Civvie, you used to be cool.' I was never cool.
• Part of his enjoying the ever loving fuck out of Doom (2016) is finding all the Slayer Testaments (AKA the Doom Slayer's backstory) and probably the funniest (yet also most awesome) part is when the Testament speaker intones how the Doom Slayer brought down THE OBSIDIAN PILLARS OF THE BLOOD TEMPLES. Civvie has those very bolded words slapped full on screen to show just how unashamedly metal this game is.
  • The Running Gag where any instance of "Doom Slayer" being said out loud causes "BFG Division" to start playing. At one point, Civvie has to start Suddenly Shouting just so he can be heard over the music.
  • He also reunites with the Super Shotgun and just like in Doom 2, it's powerful to the point of being straight up OP. But the first thing he says to it is a sign that fun is about to be had.
    Civvie: Oh baby, come here, I missed you. SO MUCH.
    • He has a similar line when he gets to the BFG 9000:
      Civvie: Hey baby. D'you miss me?
  • At one point he finds the hidden helmet and skull of poor Commander Keen and bemoans about how Id Software did indeed massacre that boy, complete with footage from the trailer of the ill-received mobile spinoff. Of course, he concedes that thanks to the bonus level in Doom II, he probably did as well, like a thousand times.
  • When nothing how the Revenants fly now, footage from The Rise of Skywalker is briefly used before Civvie yells out an angry and panicked "NO!"
• Doom Eternal has some hits and misses for Civvie, one of which is how little shotgun shells you start with, and how even maxing out the ammo with Sentinel crystals only lets you have up to 24.
  Civvie: Sixteen shells? SIXTEEN SHELLS?! But you can eventually upgrade it to... twenty four-TWENTY FOUR?!
  • Civvie remarks how the game at least didn't crash and ran nice and smoothly on his PC. The Sala'Kan'Tar runestone begins speaking, stating "I have done well for you, master" as if to set up a side plot... only for Civvie to angrily tell it to shut up. Clearly even after Terminator: Future Shock/Skynet, Civvie is still averse to doing any sort of Channel Awesome type internet reviewer plots. That and he's waited ages to do a video on Doom Eternal and doesn't want some Channel Awesome sideplot getting in the way.
  • The first sign that Doom Eternal has some hitches is when he invites players to listen to the main menu theme (a remix of "Opening To Hell" from Doom 2) while the game... sticks on a "Signing into Bethesda" popup.
  • Upon mentioning that someone advised composer Mick Gordon to tone down the metal-ness of the soundtrack, Civvie hoped said person was fired for gross incompetence, and since the game's OST goes hard and never stops, good move.
  • The very first level gives Civvie a serious reaming, especially in the Subway. There's flame turrets, tons of zombies and gunner zombies and an arachnotron in very close quarters, who are immune to the flame turrets. And after that, a huge gauntlet involving lots of demons, imps, arachnotrons and cacodemons. Shouldn't have gone on Ultra-Violence, Civvie!
    Civvie: Its a hallway, I can't avoid its attack holy shit Doom Eternal slow your roll, this is LEVEL ONE! [...] Another cacodemon? ANOTHER arachnotron? ITS THE FIRST LEVEL DOOM ETERNAL HOLY SHIT! Are you sure this isn't a sequel to Plutonia?
  • Civvie has to have Katie keep a certain William Shatner clip on standby since this game's main villainess is called Khan Maykr.
    Civvie: You wanna stop seeing that clip? Stop naming your bad guys "Khan!"
  • The Marauders. Those motherfuckers get Civvie's goat real good, and they have a ghost dog. Complete with film poster for reference. Turns out Civvie did plan to use the poster for Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai but then found a kid-friendly film called My Ghost Dog with an actual ghost dog in it. Of course the kid is now portrayed as a Marauder with Doomguy as his dad.
  • While taking a detour to discuss Doom 64's rerelease by Nightdive Studios, Civvie snarks that half of the game's 90 MB size (compared to the original cartridge's paltry 8 MB size) was taken up by the five unskippable start-up logos.
  • The ending has the people of Earth looking to the Doom Slayer for help whenever he's needed. When asked how they're supposed to contact him, Commissioner Gordon unveils a Doomguy Signal that can be seen as far out as outer space, where the Doom Slayer's Fortress resides.
• It's official, Civvie is playing TNT: Evilution... as a series of one-minute Youtube Shorts. Released one level per day time. Throughout the entirety of April.
  • To make the bit work, he's playing the game with the actual resolution of a typical Smartphone so "everything"^note He admits this makes things harder to actually see considering the limited field of view fits in the Shorts video format.

LUDICHRISTMAS (Rise Of The Triad)

• His video on Rise of the Triad introduces us to THE DEVELOPERS OF INCREDIBLE POWER, the DIPS who made Rise of the Triad... and nothing else.
  • Civvie reminds the viewers of how Tom Hall left id Software over "MAJOR. CREATIVE. DIFFERENCES.", with the photo of id's staff in 1992 panning on each word from Hall to John Carmack, who has a tiny devil on his shoulder.
    Devil!Carmack: That's right, John, get rid of them. ALL OF THEM! Then you will be free to realize your dreams of revolutionizing 3D graphics, or rocketeering, or virtual reality or even, ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE!
  • At one point he notes how the credits state that Taradino Cassatt, one of the game's playable characters, is said to look like American TV actor Richard Mulligan, which Civvie considers a "boomer-ass reference." Later on in the review as Civvie points out the distressing alarm that plays when you're low on health, AX3 and H4MM3R do a little boomer-ass reference of their own...
    AX3: What's that noise? Is there a fire?
    H4MM3R: Yeah, the show's going down in flames. Let's get out of here!
    Both robots: Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!
    Civvie: What the fuck was in that eggnog loaf?
    H4MM3R: This is a boomer-ass reference, Civvie.
    Civvie: ...shut up.
  • Civvie complains about the weird obtuse secret exits placed in one of the game's later maps, courtesy of Tom Hall. So...^ExplanationAnd yes, the footage is real.
    Civvie: Man I wish I had footage of Gordon Ramsay yelling at Tom Hall, that would just be amazing. (beat)
    Gordon Fucking Ramsay: C'mon, you can do better than that!!
    Tom Hall: I just, I thought-
    Gordon Fucking Ramsay: You THOUGHT?! F**k off and think again, will you?!
    Tom Hall: Y-y-y-yes chef!
    Civvie: Its a Christmas miracle!
  • After finding Scott's Mystical Head (the head of Apogee founder Scott Miller) Civvie notes that the specific points amount it gives you was also Apogee's phone number. Despite said number no longer being in service, Civvie still calls Apogee and says "Aardwolf."
• "Extreme Rise of the Triad: You Do Not Belong Here." Three words: Enforcer Dance Party.

  EAT LEAD! HERE, CATCH! EAT LEAD! EAT-EAT-EAT-EAT-TOAST!

  • Now in an one hour long video form.
  • This gem from the opening:
    Civvie: You've played Rise of the Triad, or I've played Rise of the Triad and you watched, or had it on in the background while you were doing something I can't mention within the first 30 seconds of a video without being demonetized. (picture of the Chokey Chicken appears in the lower right corner.)
  • “This level, ‘Up’, comes very early in the expansion and makes me cry, so I can see why Pixar would name that movie after it.”
  • "Oh, ‘The Ride’! Yeah, lemme tell ya, if you bought this in 1995, you got taken for a fuckin' ride."
  • If you were to ask Civvie, he would tell you that there's a possibility that the developers might have potentially included just a few too many monk enemies in the game.
    Civvie: It's monks! IT'S ALL MONKS!
  • Civvie's remarks on the game locking you in a room with multiple dozens of Enforcers:
    Civvie: You won't have the ammo to kill all of them before they kill you, which is an interesting problem to have in a game where you have infinite bullets.
  • New Blood Interactive and Nightdive Studios used "It's all monks!" and the Enforcer Dance Party in the launch video for Rise of the Triad: Ludicrous Edition. See it here in all its glory.
• Civvie then gave everyone a beautiful Christmas present for 2021, with his review of the 2013 reboot of the series!
  • ROTT 2013 was made during what many first person shooter enthusiasts consider dark times, when retro FPS games didn't really exist and it was all "brown military shooters." ROTT was a deliberate throwback and did well enough to help Wolfenstein and Doom get on their feet. You have this game to thank basically.
  • Additionally, some of the devs would later go on to do their own retro throwback games. The credits list Simon Rance and Leon Zawada of AMID EVIL fame, IDKFA metal demon Andrew Hulshult as the main composer and David Oshry as principal director and he-
    Civvie: NO! GET OUT OF HERE NEW BLOOD! YOU WERE IN THE LAST LIKE FIVE VIDEOS GET THE FUCK OUT! You've destroyed my penis's reputation on the internet! (Cue screencaps of various Steam pages for the likes of ULTRAKILL and the aforementioned 'Amid Evil.'' Every one of them has a quote from Civvie talking about penises.)
    • And for added funny, the Fallen Aces quote has Civvie state he's not really gonna say anything about it because New Blood just keeps putting quotes about his penis on the store pages. It sure didn't stop them!
    • One of the screencapped games (HROT) isn't even from New Blood.
  • While going into the history of the reboot, he mentions how the devs, Interceptor (who are now known as Slipgate Ironworks) started it out as a remake of Duke Nukem 3D in the Unreal 3 engine, but then Gearbox got involved because of course Randy has to get involved and said they'd have to go through them and Take Two. And since Gearbox was gonna Gearbox, they blueballed and stonewalled Slipterceptorgate until they just gave up and made ROTT 2013. Additionally, Gearbox is portrayed as Pizza the Hut (get it because Randy is greasy) and Take Two is represented by a literal trash fire.
  • The sheer amount of subsidiaries Slipgate are linked to causes Civvie to briefly lose his mind. Additionally he mentions a Flying Wild Hog company earlier... who are also a subsidiary under the same Embracer Group umbrella as Slipgate.
    Civvie: Oh fuck me, they (Embracer Group) have Flying Wild Hog now! There's pieces missing here and I'm not seeing the whole picture and it's driving me fucking insane!
  • Also remember that ROTT remaster teased back in September of 2020? Well at the time of the video's upload, it had ended up in the hands of 3D Realms... and of all people, Destructive Creations, the guys behind Sunshine and Kittens!
    Civvie: WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop drinking toilet wine!
  • Civvie gets a gift! He also has to ask if a kid died to get it... which he's okay with.
    AX3: CV-11. Prepare for incoming gift.
    Civvie: Oh, no shit? Wait, did a child have to die so we could get a Toys for Tots package? Because I'm okay with that.
    H4MM3R: What the fuck, Civvie?!''
    Civvie: You have the same brain, you were thinking it too.
  • Also said present stinks. But there's a reason for that...
  • Taking the time to mention the game's $14.99 price tag, or as he puts it, "You can get this game for the price of a Perilous Warp".
  • Civvie takes the time to request a mission briefing, which the game promptly mocks him for:
    HQ: A mission briefing?! Seriously?! You need a mission briefing? Heh, alright... if it moves, kill it!
    Civvie: You didn't say "Over", over. That's Hulshult, by the way.
  • H.U.N.T. are sent to San Nicolas Island once more to take on the Triad and their evil leader, El Oscuro. Civvie of course hopes they've built up enough camaraderie to get the job done, maybe some exercises like doing trust falls over spinning blade traps. Cue animation of Ian Paul Freely trying to do one with Doug Wendt and... not quite making it. And in case you're wondering, here, the team get spotted anyway.
  • The playable H.U.N.T. team now have voice acting! Better not pick Thi Barret though, since she has some weird, not-so-good quality quips and, uh, suggestive moans each time she jumps. Instead, Civvie picks Doug Wendt this time around, thanks to his higher endurance because—since this is Civvie 11—he's playing on the hardest difficulty.
    • Additionally, he notes that Thi's character model was designed after adult film actress Misti Dawn. Intrigued by her filmography, Civvie decides to sample some of her work.
      Civvie: (watching an understandably censored Misti Dawn film) Oh... oh. So THAT'S what that looks like.
  • Originally, this game lacked quicksaves. This was patched in but in the meantime, have a meaningful death montage to "I Took" by jhxna.
  • The good news is the game's first level is an almost note-for-note redo of the original game's first level, down to finding the MP-40 or as Civvie now calls it, the rapid-fire sniper rifle.
    Civvie: And I know all you gun nuts in my comments are going "Civvie that's an MP-40 and those pistols were carried by Czechoslovakian infantry between March of 1952 and April of 1952!" Well riddle me THIS, commenters: Why the fuck does every bullet from this rapid-fire sniper rifle have 100% accuracy? (shoots the MP-40 to show each and every bullet flying straight as an arrow) Zero spread. There's no sprayin' and prayin', kids, it's for real hardcore gamers.
  • Civvie also covers the Doomstick, a somewhat useless post-release weapon whose name was decided through a community contest. However, Civvie prefers to call it the Framekiller, as it's a shotgun that fires a volley of missiles that do terrible things to the already poorly-optimized game's performance.
    Gordon Fucking Ramsay: It's fucking raw!
    Civvie: To be fair, you can only see this for one frame, but to be balanced, that one frame lasts for seven frames.
  • Civvie is harsher on the 2013 game than he once was, because back then it was a damn revelation for a lover of boomer shooters trapped in a sea of endless Call of Duty wannabes.
    Civvie: You gotta understand, back then a retro FPS throwback to me was like giving water to a man stranded in the desert, whereas now it's like giving Target presents Nutra-Cola sponsored by RayCon, only 1500 calories per serving, serving size one half-ounce, do not consume more than 8 ounces within 24 hours of first exposure, subsequent exposure discouraged, to a drowning man! My point is, we would have taken anything, anything at all... except Wrack, apparently.
  • The first not-a-secret-level not only encourages Rocket Jumping practice by providing a bazooka and asbestos armor, but shows how jank the jump pads now are! Don't worry, Civvie'll REALLY get to those.
  • Civvie also notes how the game gets awkwardly horny at times:
    Civvie: (reading a post-it note next to a pin-up) Huh, if I hold action long enough, a "BFG" will spawn here. I don't know how long they mean, but it must be longer than the minute I was willing to wait to find out.
    Civvie: (reading a book title) Fappercise: Masturbate Yourself Thin, which is a program I have been using for decades and that shit just doesn't work.
  • The hidden Dog Mode power-up returns! Along with a cage full of dogs. So Civvie, in defiance of his usual love for dogs, opens fire on them for kicks.
    Game: WTF DON'T SHOOT THE DOGS
    Civvie: Shut up bitch, I'll do what I want. (shoots until he gets disintegrated) That's fair.
  • The game mostly starts out with hitscan enemies, and its way of telling you when they got a hit in is to slap blood on the screen and very briefly flash an arrow on screen in the direction of said baddie. But there's a problem: sometimes it's janky and outright lies to you. In the second level, Civvie takes a hit from an enemy behind a gate, behind and to the right of him... but the damage arrow claims it came from above Civvie and to the left, through a wall even!
  • Dirty Sanchez is one particular sub-boss based off of the Strike Force guards who rolled a lot. Sanchez rolls every time he gets hit. And as Civvie shows, he can fly! (As in, if he does his dodge roll off of a ledge, a glitch lets him awkwardly float in midair.)
  • The first proper boss is General Darian, who is now a cyborg for some reason. He's not very effective, as most of the times Civvie died to him were because of annoyingly placed fire traps. But don't worry, Darian still says "They'll bury you in a lunchbox!"
  • Anytime Doug discovers a Drunk Missile, he lets out a quip and then a long, ridiculous battle cry. Problem is, if there's more than one, as Civvie shows, Doug can and will loop that roar.
  • Civvie grandly reveals the "cultural significance" of ROTT 2013: Big John.
    Civvie: (Big Gun remix playing) There's a secret God Mode power-up around here, so we can truly experience this uninterrupted.
  • And then Civvie goes to "The Room." Tommy Wiseau jokes aside, it's not a fun time. It's worse than the original game's, and that's being generous. The fact that it opens with Civvie weeping over footage of the hugely jank platforming and awful jump pad placements should tell you what you need to know. And it plays host to Scott's Mystical Head, which Civvie could not leave without picking up. And with every checkpoint reload, he had to hear Doug bellow over a Drunk Missile.
    Doug: (after picking up Scott's Mystical Head) That's one disturbed looking white boy.
  • The second boss is the also-returning Sebastian "Doyle" Krist, who's portrayed as sounding ridiculously weedy and whiny. And when you finally kill him, he says he'd rather die a thousand times than let you raise a finger to help him. So Doug raises a finger and helps him to his grave.
    Civvie: Yeah yeah, get fucked.
  • "In adapting an old video game, it's important to completely disregard the tone of the old game's levels, because they were shit mazes filled with enforcers."
  • Remember when Triad Enforcers shouted "Eat lead!", "You're toast!" and "Here, catch!"? There was an actual gameplay purpose for that: it told you when they were gonna lob a grenade. Not so in the 2013 game, as Civvie suffers.
  • Just as Civvie opens a door, a Lightning Guard "GIMME IT"'s him and steals his Heatseeker in one second flat. Cue looping footage to a remix of "Give It To Me Baby"
  • Oh boy, the third boss is the much feared return of the Nasty Metal Enforcer! And it's worse, as it can now drop parts of the arena down into lava, there's far fewer places to hide, the game can only offer bulletproof armor against a boss it's useless against, and the abundance of Drunk Missiles means Civvie must suffer an infinite loop of "Let 'em have it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"
  • The final episode is the 2013 edition of "Oops! All Monks!" Yep, they're back along with their crystals, though at least they're less of a hassle here than in the old game or Extreme ROTT. Also, the game says you "use" a monk crystal... as according to a loading screen, they're suppositories.
    Renton: For all the good they've done me I might as well have stuck 'em up my arse!
  • And the final secret level is an all new Vomitorium. It's... a huge troll level set over a bottomless pit, and one of the last bits is a slide you go down in order to hit a jump pad that should theoretically send you to another part of the level. It should, but Interceptorgate patched the game to add quicksaves and adjust character speed... inadvertently rendering the level Unwinnable by Mistake. Civvie then went back to it with Lorelei Ni, the fastest character in the game and still couldn't clear it because of said whoopsie with character stats. As in El Oshcuro, AKA David Oshry, straight up admitted it. Also, Lorelei's "BAD TRIP" vocal looping in on itself.
    Hulshult: Hey, you know, you're not doing so hot; maybe it's time for God mode!
    Civvie: HAHA no I'm kidding, fuck off game.
  • And the final boss is a 2013 style El Oscuro... who is now even worse than his old form, despite the game no longer demanding the player destroy his eggs to get the good ending this go around. The first form is kind of okay as you fly around and shoot him, but then he turns into a spider—with one hit kill melee moves, heavily damaging ranged attacks, and spawn that chase you and explode in your face; you're fighting on a series of small islands in a sea of lava (so there's limited space to maneuver), and he can telekinetically pull you right up to him where he'll likely use the one hit kill melee. Civvie had to reload so many times, hearing him repeatedly shout "Now you will see me... as I truly am!" each reload. He very, very, VERY nearly ended the video on a straight up bum note, not being able to beat him and taking the L... but remember that really smelly present he got at the start of the video? It's a little something allows Civvie to cheese out El Oscuro. Why? Because it's cheese! The game's AI is as jank as its level layout, so cue Civvie using a bit of hill as cover so he can plink El Oscuro to death in complete safety to the tune of "Ode To Joy."
    • What really makes it is just the uncharacteristic glee in Civvie's voice when he says "CHEEEEESE!" And given what a craphole the DoSC is, a stinky piece of cheese probably is a really nice thing to have down there.
  • Also, this gem just as El Oscuro transforms.
    El Oscuro: This isn't even my final form!
    Civvie: MEMES!
  • There IS a bad ending, though, where you can just ignore El Oscuro and launch his nuclear arsenal and destroy Los Angeles for... no reason.
    Civvie: You know what, fuck this, I guess Los Angeles is gonna have to go. (hits the button.)
    El Oscuro: OH NO YOU DIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (cue "Taskforce" to clips of nukes going off... and a surprise return of William Shatner.)
    William Shatner: What can I say, you blew it. This isn't some kind of game! People are dying out there! Far be it for me to judge my fellow man, but the last time I checked, killing was a BAD thing. I don't like having to wash the blood of innocents off my hands!
  • The game does have a post credits scene teasing a sequel, with the H.U.N.T. rushing through a portal. That said...
    Civvie: I don't think they're doing a sequel. They should probably finish the other 300 games they're working on, and also finish this game.
• And right in time for its long awaited 2023 release, Civvie gives us all an early Ludichristmas gift: a video on the Ludicrous Edition, the Remaster Of Incredible Power. And yes the video is rather shamelessly titled "Civvie Shills Rise Of the Triad: Ludicrous Edition".
  • The last time anyone had heard of the ROTT remaster was at Realms Deep 2020. Sadly, that year was not fun for anyone. Originally handled by Sunshine and Kittens developer Destructive Creations, development stalled. All the while, Samuel "Kaiser" Villareal, KEX Engine creator and remaster master, was working on a modernized source port of ROTT due to a dire lack of one already. He was until 3D Realms announced their own work had begun on such a remaster, only to go quiet there. Then they split from Apogee. Ultimately the remaster fell into the hands of Sam and his Nightdive boys, and retro shooter indie rockstars New Blood, the guys who helped helm the 2013 reboot. This is important because David "El Oshcuro" Oshry sent Civvie a check post-dated to 2036, apparently the date for the release of Fallen Aces. Because all the New Blood money gets burned on immersive sims. It...was a hell of a ride.
  • For an added bonus, said check is to the tune of $420 dollars and 69 cents.
  • The Ludicrous Edition features all of the original ROTT episodes. Yes that includes the shareware "The HUNT Begins" episode, the main game and "Extreme ROTT", which Civvie emphatically states he will never touch again and an all new episode, "The HUNT Continues".
  • One of the HUD layout options includes character mugshots taken right from Doom. Where this gets funny is that they even included status bar faces for Dog Mode!
  • The remaster also includes a nice, very user-friendly Level Editor that Civvie gives a whirl...
  Civvie: Hold on, one second. Now we're just gonna put a couple of happy little waterfalls here, a nice big open area and- NAH I'M KIDDING IT'S ALL MONKS AGAIN!
  • And there's a choice between four different versions of the video game soundtrack that made Civvie eargasm. Three of them are different sound renders of the 1994 original music and the other is good ol' Andrew "Trashman" Hulshult's 2013 reboot metal remixes.
  Civvie: And Hulshult's soundtrack from ROTT 2013? Also here. There's actually four different ways you can listen to ROTT's amazing soundtrack, and only one of them sounds like farts! (plays the rather 32X Doom-sounding OPL render of "Rise", the main menu theme) It's supposed to sound like that.
  • Additionally, Civvie mentions that one thing he wanted that he knew was dumb was actually using the cut enemy versions seen in the ending credits, the ones that the game itself admits were cut from the game. Guess what the remaster does! Oh and they even got new voice actors to do new damage sounds.
  Civvie: Yes, one of them IS Gianni, how did you guess?
  • The first level, the ROTT-tastically named "Fortress of the Darned" was made by David Szymanski of DUSK fame. Or as Civvie puts it succintly, "He knows Markiplier!"
  • While examining the second map, "Close Quarters" by Kaiser himself, Civvie gets nailed with a grenade from a Triad Enforcer that he thought he'd avoided.
  Civvie: I thought his grenade would hit the corner.
  • The fourth level is called "Pane In The Glass." As soon as Civvie says it, the all too familiar high pitched whine of AX3's nodes fires up. Civvie has to very quickly state that the actionable pun in this case was NOT his fault. He has to do it again later with the map "Tom's Halls", "Flabbey Road" and "Requiem For A Team."
  • Speaking of "Tom's Halls", a group of Enforcers are right near Civvie...but are behind both a window and a set of bars that won't let their grenades through. So Civvie happily lets them blow themselves to bits with their own grenades while hosing them with the MP-40.
  • As an aside and appprpriately for the Trope Namer for Ludicrous Gibs, the original "Engine-Killing Gibs" cheat is present in the remaster. But since its a much beefier engine than what the original ROTT ran on and likely will run on hardware that can easily handle the original game just fine, the Engine-Killing Gibs cheat no longer kills the engine.
  • "Finally, Some Headroom!" was the map that made Civvie cry, mostly because its difficulty and Enforcer numbers were around Classic ROTT levels.
  Civvie: I think it would make old Tom and Joe^*Joe Siegler, one of the original game's level designers laugh. A lot of Enforcers. I'd use the dancing enforcers, but they used those in the promotional material for the fucking remaster! (shows a clip of said dancing Triad Enforcer in front of the remaster's Steam banner.) Katie went along and sent them the green screen for that, thanks, Katie!
  Katie: Here, catch THESE BEATS (cue ENFORCER DANCE PARTY!)
  • Is this remaster's new episode ALL MONKS again? Not exactly, as they actually nerfed the Monks in this one...albeit while also giving you the option to restore their original health pool...
  Civvie: ...but I don't do that because FUCK the Monks. They deserve to have half health so one missile can take care of them.
  • The level "Pineapple Salad" goes about the same as most of the new expansion's levels...until it ends with a surprise appearace from El Oscuro in his snake head form. Who happens to be running away from the player. Turns out, this is following the Excuse Plot of "The HUNT Continues" where, after getting his shit kicked in in Extreme ROTT, El Oscuro ends up back in time in a monastery version he doesn't recognize and doesn't have time to Hard Mode renovate it before the HUNT team are already kicking his door down. And its represented by a parody of the "Wojak Can't Sleep" meme with poor El Oscuro as the wojak in question.
  Civvie: Oh my god, here's the New Blood contribution to this thing: MEMES!
  • The level "Krist Will Be Missed" seemed quite sedate after its boss fight rematch with Mr. Krist...until Civvie learns they updated the level with more classic ROTT dickishness. Jump Pads plus Shrooms Mode plus missile traps and floor fire traps? YEP.
  • "Flabbey Road" (NOT Civvie's pun, remember) is MOSTLY MONKS. Why only MOSTLY? Because of their nerfed health pool and wider missile weapon availability.
  • "Next! "Dial 'M' for Monk!" Fuck you! It's a good level, but you know...MONKS."
  • "Requiem For A Team" is the final level of the expansion and, unlike the reboot, you do have to destroy El Oscuro's eggs again like in the original game. Its relatively easy for Civvie, but then there's the ending. After how many properties are jumping on that whole The Multiverse bandwagon, and with Extreme ROTT ending with that time manipulation nonsense, "HUNT Continues" ends with its own multiverse...sorta. All separate timelines where El Oscuro wakes up only to get blown to gibs by the HUNT team. For all eternity.
  Civvie: I can't think of winning harder than that.
  • But let's not forget the secret levels, and yes, Ludicrous Edition is no slouch there! One of them is a ROTT remake of DOOM E1M1 so they could beat what modder was gonna do a version of it first.
  • The third one looked into is "Leon's Scary Basement" which ends with Leon Zawada giving players a Sadistic Choice: fight their way through a swarm of Enforcers guarding the level exit...or suffer through their overlapping pain noises when the blade traps reach them?
  • And Civvie ends the video on the final secret level, the most important part of the Ludicrous Edition...and we'll let Civvie play the video out.
  Civvie: I can't think of a more creative way to end the video...because I'm an uncreative hack who sucks at video games. We're not just doing memes, we're going back to the sacred texts of New Blood and Rise of the Triad. This, right here? (the map "If It Bleeds, Kill It") This is why there's a spoiler tag in this video. Because you aren't ready for the power, the majesty...
  (cue a MIDI rendition of "Big Gun"...and the triumphant return of BIG JOHN!)
  Civvie: My god, he lives! BIG JOHN...LIVES. For a minute.
  (cue Civvie plinking Big John to deal with dual pistols. Then cue the oh-so-appropriate "How'd I Do" outro after that.)

Pro Quake

• Starting from the first game of course:
  • Back then, id Software seemed to be going through a thing: Make a new game with a revolutionary new engine, then make a sequel that's mostly the same (Spear of Destiny, Doom II) all while the vessel that houses energy-based fourth dimensional being John Carmack is writing yet another new engine that pushes gaming tech forward a few years. This is important since even today 3D first person shooters will likely have strands of the first Quake game's DNA within it. Also some weirdos modified the Quake engine to make some game called Half-Life. And then that was further modified into the Source Engine.
  • Also, Quake's multiplayer is legendary to this day, spawning professional tournaments, birthing the esports scene and even a competition where Carmack gave a Ferrari away! Too bad Civvie utterly sucks at it compared to people playing it for 20 years, at least in Katie's words.
  • The Quake engine didn't have model interpolation at the time. This is important because the muzzle flash seen on guns is actually part of the weapon models in this game, unlike later games. Normally when playing Quake in it's original choppy form players won't see anything off, but on a source port like Darkplaces, running at 60fps with smooth animations thanks to interpolation? Civvie demonstrates by firing a Nailgun... and zooming in as the muzzle flash model slides out of the Nailgun itself and into position, awkwardly floating between barrels as the Nailgun fires.
  • Speaking of source ports, Civvie had a hell of a time trying to find a source port to use to play Quake on for his video, ultimately settling on Mark V. This was before the 2021 Nightdive Kex Engine remaster solved all of his problems.
    • Darkplaces has the aforementioned model interpolation awkwardness.
    • Quakespasm seemed perfect... except for the music not working no matter what Civvie tried. Because Quake has a beautiful atmospheric OST by Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor, that really hurts. Even using the original Quake release CD Civvie still has failed to solve the issue.
  • Quake was apparently planned as early as the Commander Keen days, with plans for a time travel plot and a badass hammer. Sadly, real life and production issues happened, so Carmack decided to tear the walls of the office down to make sure things got done, which led to John Romero breaking off from id. Let that be a prelude to Romero's pie-in-the-sky ideas.
  • Since this is a Pro video, Civvie must play on the game's hardest difficulty, Nightmare... but unlike most games, Quake has a difficulty selection map, and Nightmare's slipgate is in a hidden passageway. At least there's no respawning monsters this time!
  • Also, yes there's a Quad Rampage counter for all the times Civvie gets the Quad Damage powerup, a powerup so awesome it ended up in Doom (2016) working exactly as it does here. At one point Civvie gets a Quad Damage right as he has an active Pentagram of Protection, temporarily putting the counter at 666 because hey, why not, its id Software.
  • The second level introduces the Ogre enemy but unlike everyone else's favourite green guy, this ogre is most definitely NOT love and life, because:
    Civvie: He has a chainsaw and a grenade launcher. This is an early game enemy and he has a fucking grenade launcher. And on Nightmare unlike on lower skills, he pretty much spams grenades endlessly. You can force him to melee if you go in close but good luck with that.
  • Quake is legendary for introducing Rocket Jumping, thanks to the Ranger not taking as much splash damage as normal from them and having the ability to jump on command unlike Doomguy. As a result you could perform some crazy skips by shooting at your feet with the rocket launcher, as Civvie demonstrates. Expect Civvie to take serious advantage of it.
  • The penultimate level of Episode 1 is the Door to Chthon. Or as Civvie mangles it:
    Civvie: The Door to Chthon (ka-thon.) Or however the fuck you pronounce it- Shi-thon? Chi-thon? Ka-thon? No.
  • And then Civvie gets to Chthon himself and because of how good he is at it, he can hit the activation switch before the electro-pylons lower so nothing happens. Whoops! Also, the game only has two bosses: Chthon and Shub-Niggurath, and they're both Puzzle Boss type. No arena-based damage sponge Cyberdemon or Cycloid Emperor type to be found here!
  • One level in episode 2 is the Ogre Citadel! You'll never guess what it's packed with! It's also illustrated by a picture of a Citadel with Shrek photoshopped all over it. Katie had this to say:
    Katie: I WILL NEVER FORGIVE CIVVIE FOR MAKING ME PUT THIS IN
  • Also, this game being made by id means there's a good ol' Dopefish in there. And yes, Civvie finds him, on a wall in the Crypt of Decay level.
  • Speaking of easter eggs, shooting some gargoyle heads in the Underearth secret levle unveils a hidden initials for id designers Tim Willits and Theresa Chasar. That's just a thing id liked to do.
  • Yet another level has a speedrunner's worst enemy: a loooooong Elevator Action Sequence that features Shamblers that spawn in so fast, one telefrags another as it spawns in! At the bottom, the game introduces the Vores. Spider-legged freaks with powerful homing fireballs. At least they don't eat you.
  • Civvie secures the second of two runes, so the game gives him one of it's few text intermissions describing how the rune "throbs evilly in [his] hand" and reveals the inmost lore of the game's endboss, Shub-Niggurath.
    Civvie: Yeah okay John.^*Usually it was actually Sandy Petersen that did this kinda Satanic thing in the text screens (...) "You now know that she is behind the terrible plotting..." Okay that's just too easy, moving on.
  • Quake starts throwing levels with alliterative names at Civvie, which he really starts to like once he gets to Episode 3's secret level, the Haunted Halls.
    Civvie: Love these level names, like: Tomb of Terror, Azure Agony, the Grisly Grotto, the Painful Pisstake, the Comfy Cabin, the Alliterative Abattoir, and of course, the Haunted Halls.
  • Unfortunately even after the Vores, Episode 4 of Quake has one last enemy to throw at you that makes the Arch-Vile, Pain Elemental and whatever were in RAGE look like girl scouts: the Spawns. Spawns are seemingly nondescript blobs... with very quick reaction time that make a very short noise on seeing you, jump at you really fast to slap you to death and explode in your face when killed. And on Nightmare, there's almost a hundred of them on Episode 4. According to Romero, Spawns were added late into the game and were deemed too tough to put into other episodes so they got made a lategame enemy. At one point, Civvie points out a room below and in front of him, utterly littered with Spawns just waiting for Ranger to drop down and play.
    Civvie: You see that? That's death.
  • Sandy Petersen designed quite a few levels here. Of course given that he was behind Doom II's irritating Barrels O' Fun level, and that he made most of Episode 4's worst levels like the secret Nameless City, Civvie has a lot to say. Especially a jump that forces Civvie into lava, seemingly.
    Civvie: I've made this jump before, but the bars are there and I swear to fucking god Sandy you- Yeah, all but the sewer level are Sandy Petersen. He nailed the Lovecraft atmosphere. Too bad his levels are full of friggin' Spawns! (cue shot of Civvie deleting Episode 4's map files)
  • Civvie ends episode 4 claiming the final rune, the Rune of Elder Magic, described as the "capstone" of all types of arcane wisdom. Thing is, a certain group made Civvie forget "capstone" is a real word.
    Civvie: I forgot that "capstone" is an actual word. I always thought it was "The Pinnacle Of Entertainment Software", legally distinct and not to be confused with Apogee, "The Height of Gaming Excitement."
  • Sadly the game's endboss, Shub-Niggurath, is an Anti-Climax despite being a Lovecraftian Old One. The hardest part is dealing with the Shamblers and Vores in your way, but really all Civvie has to is wait for a spiked thingie to enter the Hell-Mother's body, go through a gate and telefrag her. At least the endgame cinematic is funny with a Shambler just ambling about.
    Civvie: I love this guy over here. He's just "Oh, you killed that powerful eldritch monster. Yeah, fuck this, I'm out."
  • This video was before the Duke Nukem Forever video that ended the old timeline, so as soon as Civvie's done beating Quake and ignoring it's expansion packs that he'' can't be bothered with, a possessed AX3 pipes up:
    AX3: SILENCE, BOOMER!
    Civvie: Listen, I'm technically a millenial, which depending on your outlook, might be worse.
    AX3: The day is coming, Civvie!
    Civvie: I know, I know, Duke Nukem Forever, I get it, I'd really prefer not to-
    AX3: The day when you and your miserable race succumb to US!
    H4MM3R: We will stop you, and Earth will be free of your dark tyranny!
    Civvie: Excuse me, NO, all the guards are busy holding down quarantine, I haven't had my sack tased in months, I'm not gonna have to play Borderlands 3, all things considered, this is going pretty good for me! Katie, roll that "How'd I Do?"! Da-da-da-da... (episode ends)
• Quake II was where the Quake series started to come into it's own.
  • Civvie mentions how id Software, post-Romero and with a much more focused vision on what Quake II would be, based it's "story" on The Guns of Navarone, a movie Civvie describes as "older than his parents."
    Civvie: He says, after referencing The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari in a video about DOS trash
  • Sadly, Quake II did not have Trent Reznor returning to do the music, as he (as many others would later feel) stated Quake II "had no atmosphere." It was also the point where id Software was a proper company rather than a scrappy bunch of guys with a cult of personality. John Romero and Tom Hall were at Ion Storm doing their own thing, Sandy Petersen had gone off to join Ensemble Studios and of course, perfected human analogue and Jace Hall asphyxiator John Carmack ("I would be going to strangle from the rear.") was doing his usual new engine thing, revolutionizing game tech as we know it. And yes Civvie has to show footage of Carmack practicing choking techniques on the aforementioned Jace Hall to show he's not kidding. Aside from that though, Adrian Carmack and American McGee were still at id.
  • Though this is a Pro video, technically, Civvie can't select the game's hardest skill from the main menu unless he's on a source port. Which he is, specifically Yamagi Quake II. Otherwise he'd have to use the dev console for that.
  • Quake II's story (yes it actually has one, sorta) sees Bitterman, a Space Marine par excellence, sent to the home planet of the evil Strogg race to destroy their superweapon codenamed the Big Gun. Naturally a riff from that song plays anytime Civvie mentions the Big Gun.
  • Also throughout the video, Civvie pronounces Strogg as "Str-OE-gg" mostly to annoy commenters but also because one of the indistinguishable news chatter voices in the intro pronounces it like that despite the rest of the game using "Str-AH-gg".
  • While talking about the many graphical leaps it made, Civvie throws shade at the RTX version of the game, which feels overly bright, has texture bugs and "What the fuck did they do to my Railgun?!" (zoom in on RTX redesigned Railgun)
  • Civvie mentions the game's Machine Gun, which for some reason has recoil in a less-than-realistic shooter.
    Civvie: What game do you think you are, Quake 2? Cut that shit out.
  • Civvie had a hard time recalling the high points of Quake II, which he pretty much considered So Okay, It's Average. So he took some notes when he palyed the whole thing for this video:
    Hyperblaster is Chaingun but accurate
    Good long range weapons are not available early-game
    Soundtrack is A+
    Unaware Strogg are easier to kill
    Make sure to pronounce "Strogg" (Str-AH-gg) as "Str-OE-gg" because someone will bitch about it in the comments
    FUCK THE TORTURE CHAMBERS
  • Said Torture Chambers are a level that features a sewer segment, and Civvie takes the time to not only count it but get a little meta with it.
    Civvie: But these menacing hallways even include a mini sewer section, with a Parasite in it. As if they predicted that 23 years later some asshole would come along and use it for a dumb gag I can't escape. If I stop doing it, the joke falls apart because it relies on me being petty enough to count every single one every time.
  • Suffering through another sewer, with a jumping puzzle, as music begins to mount up and his computer randomly tells him not to go to the Big Gun, Civvie, to his horror, finds a mutilated Dopefish with the caption "Design is law."
  • Near the end, Civvie examines the id Gallery easter egg map... noting how a lot of dev photos are not available for some reason. Between those and the mutilated Dopefish poking fun at Ion Storm... Civvie decides to read the book Masters of Doom to figure it out. Apparently it was Tim Willits' doing. Each portrait would do something different when approached, such as Carmack's vanishing into the floor, in reference to him vanishing into the world of coding.
  • And then after taking down some Berserkers and a Tank, Civvie travels a dark hallway and hears the trademark sheep-like bleating of hopelessly insane human NPCs. On come the lights and a giant wall picture of John Carmack, with the aforementioned humans moving as if worshipping him. On a lighter note he also finds the easter egg room where a Tank is having some fun with some Iron Maidens (which explains Tank Jr.)
  • And thus, Civvie ends the Quake II vid on this note:
    Civvie: Quake II runs and plays like one of Carmack's Ferraris; impressive, pretty and powerful. But there's only so much a car can offer you if you've got a tiny penis. (cue outro)
• Skipping ahead of a multiplayer-focused game, Civvie hops onto the Strogg operating table for Quake 4. Warning, Steve Blum ahead!
  • Naturally he has to head the whole two people off asking why he skipped Quake 3. It's a multiplayer game, he's one man and a lot more people ask him about Quake 4 more because it involves Raven Software (hallowed be it's name) developing it rather than id. Why them and not id for Quake 4? Because "Id couldn't count to 4.'' Also, Doom being a somewhat lore-driven series rather than Quake going all over the place from a sci-fi Ranger against Lovecraft monsters to fights with asshole aliens to a plotless deathmatch game to going back to the aliens. All this is Civvie's words, by the way.
  • Speaking of Raven, someone at Raven went "I gotta have more Strogg!" because it's actually a direct sequel to Quake II. And it involves ground-based combat with teammates, putting Civvie on edge.
  • Civvie has only played Quake 4 all of once before the video, and he only remembers one part of it and it's exactly the one everyone's thinking of, but he feels like teasing everyone with it.
  • Civvie decides to play the game on his brand spanking new Steam Deck! One that Father Gaben hand-delivered to [REDACTED.] But then H4MM3R intervenes. He has the Steam Deck in his hand... and a bone to pick with Civvie from that stunt he pulled in the F.E.A.R episode.
    H4MM3R: Do you remember, Civvie? Do you remember the blood?
    Civvie: Yeah, that was hilarious. (cue H4MM3R tossing the Steam Deck to the ground, breaking it.) Man, COME ON! I had to wait like a YEAR for that! I was gonna learn how Linux works so I can be one of those assholes!
    H4MM3R: You're already an asshole.
    (beat)
    Civvie: (defensively) Yeah! (awkward beat as the Steam Deck burns)
    • And later on near the end, as Civvie talks about how the endgame, surprisingly well designed, is raising his spirits, H4MM3R unveils a whole box full of Steam Decks! That H4MM3R proceeds to toss off the prison walkways to their doom. Keep in mind how expensive those things are.
      H4MM3R: (stares pointedly at Civvie and tosses a Deck into oblivion)
      Civvie: Dude, no, COME ON.
      H4MM3R: I reserved DOZENS of these, Civvie.
      Civvie: That's YOUR money! You're wasting your own money!
      H4MM3R: This is taxpayer money. (tosses another one.) Hey, Civvie.
      Civvie: (grumpily) What?
      H4MM3R: (holding up one particular Deck) I put a full GBA ROM set in this one.
      Civvie: Oh man, you got some Wario Land 4 on that?
      H4MM3R: Yeah.
      Civvie: (becoming increasingly more miserable) You got Aria of Sorrow on there?
      H4MM3R: Uh huh.
      Civvie: (fully broken) You got The Minish Cap on there?
      H4MM3R: Yeah. (and away it goes.)
      Civvie: (briefly breaks down sobbing)
  • The intro has player character Matthew Kane and a squad of totally not Starship Troopers all doing their usual thing, talking up Kane and joking about. Which even Civvie feels is old hat, but thanks to Halo, not only is it back, it's combat evolved!
  • Speaking of Kane, characters talk about him like he has an established reputation, though nothing in the game really elaborates on it (or why Strauss is the only skeptic who thinks Kane'll get them in trouble.) Eventually, Civvie hits up the Quake fan wiki to find out just what the high holy hell makes Kane so amazing in-universe. According to it (and thus the manual basically), Kane was the sole survivor of a Strogg attack on an Earth-orbiting space station. That's about it. Additionally, said wiki crawl is backed by a library background with "Wood Carving Partitia" serving as BGM.
  • And speaking of Strauss, in another moment of FPS dick-swinging casting, he's voiced by Peter Stormare. It's... not quite as big as Don LaFontaine in PowerSlave but hey, it's something, as Civvie implies.
  • Civvie talks about the game's pistol and machine gun and mentions they have mounted flashlights on them. So he brings up documentary footage of designer and mainstay Tim Willits bragging about letting the player have both gun and flashlight out at the same time, unlike Doom 3 (pre-BFG Edition), by lead designer... Tim Willits. Guess he learned his lesson.
  • So after going through the level on Hard mode, NPC guy Miller demands Civvie go all the way back, fight through new waves of tanky Strogg grunts, grab Medic Anderson from the start of the area and bring him back all the way through the level again with more tanky Strogg assholes littered about, to provide medical assistance for one of Miller's wounded guys. To top it all off, the lazy bastard had medpacks next to him anyway.
  • Apparently despite being a certified badass, Kane still has a betting pool against his survival courtesy of Rhino Squad.
    Rhodes: So you are alive! Damn. ^*(Dalton: Damn.) Cortez won the bet!
    Civvie: Thanks, glad my fellow soldiers are betting on my survival and possible capture, torture and transformation into a bio-mechanical monster. I'd keep that bet going a little longer, you might still get something out of it.
  • Civvie gets a shotgun and while there's no double-barrelled like in Quake II, the shotgun in Quake 4 is a big step up from the one in Doom 3. Thus, the game satisfies Civvie's requirement for a good video game shotgun this go around.
    Civvie: It usually won't one-hit anything, but the second hit will ragdoll an enemy like they're filled with helium. This shotgun does comparable damage to the grenades and rockets you'll get later, which is more of an indictment of the explosive weapons than it is a compliment to the shotgun.
  • After taking a while to get an armor refill from Strauss and a heal from a Raven Squad medic, Civvie meets with a rather impatient Morris.
    Morris: What the hell were you doing? Chatting it up with the local Strogg women?!
    Civvie: Have you SEEN the Strogg women? (cue footage of an Iron Maiden)
  • The first act of the game is rather dull. Or "fucking boring" as Civvie puts it, but he has to once said first act is done rather than at the start, because of silly Youtube rules, and Civvie believes the "Fucking" qualifier is important. All after Civvie only spent a third of a Perilous Warp to purchase the game on Steam.
  • Also, Civvie takes a brief detour to talk about one of the game's plot writers, Bob Love AKA Bob Loblaw, who has a... creatively written bio on the Raven Software website. Or, he did back in the day, before Raven's site became nothing but Call of Duty. Said site describes Call of Duty: Vanguard as "Insert COD VG Copy and Link Here". No really.
    Civvie: Jesus Christ, Raven, what have they done to you?! Did your web designers walk out with the QA team?! Well now I'm bored AND sad!
  • Apart from Mr. Stormare, the game also features the vocal talents of Steve Blum. A lot of Steve Blum. An almost terminal and downright unnerving amount of Steve Blum. Don't believe Civvie?
    1LT Hughes: ...unable to send and receive signals in that area due to Strogg interference. (...) Sorry, there's just nothing we can do, corporal.
    Civvie: Yeah, okay. By the year 2150, half of all humans will be voiced by Steve Blum.
    Tech Officer Karn (Steve Blum): Sorry, I'm kinda occupied right now.
    (Civvie goes over to the next guy and literally immediately as he does...)
    Medic McClane (Steve Blum): So, are they certain it's dead?
    Sgt. Farnsworth (Phil LaMarr): I was assured by Lieutenant Peers it's completely dead.
    Civvie: Oh, my mistake, some of them are Phil LaMarr.
    (a little later as a doctor autopsies a Strogg)
    Doctor Hinzman (Steve Blum): All higher brain functions have atrophied...
    Civvie (Steve Blum)^*Gianni Matragrano doing an awesome Steve Blum impression, rather: Look, it's another character voiced by- (realizes to his horror that now he too is in full Blum) Oh! Oh god, oh god NO! NO GOD, PLEASE-
    AX3: Medical technicians to Level 105. Another inmate has Blum'd.
    (SEVERAL CORRECTIVE SURGERIES LATER)
  • Civvie introduces us to the Technobabble Twins, two tech officers who are engaged in a mighty nerd argument of what future technology will come next.
    Civvie: They're fucking in my head canon.
  • Rhino Squad commander Voss' plan to beat the Strogg is to take down their communications system, the Nexus, by driving an explosive-equipped truck to one of the Hubs, and blowing the joint. Civvie has issues with the plan. Not from a strategic standpoint, it's a sound plan... but from the standpoint that it's a vehicle turret section, things Civvie finds universally dull in a game that's proven rather boring so far.
  • But the boredom is somewhat alleviated by a surprise section where Civvie hops in a rather speedy tank to shoot down more Strogg!
    Civvie: Surprise kids, it's also a sequel to Hovertank 3D!
    • Additionally, an old Running Gag of his gets tanked.
      Civvie: You fight a giant spider robot or two, and some of the areas are copied and pasted, aqueducts, tunnels, but it never gets confusing because you're going in a straight line the whole time.
  • At one point, one of the troopers, Bidwell, gets killed. Civvie only just learns about him now and struggles to recall who Bidwell is... but Bidwell still gets a memorial segment. complete with Tim Willits' speech about how fighting alongside a named NPC is supposed to make the player want to protect them.
  • Civvie heads off to destroy the Tetranode, a key part of the Strogg Nexus, and to do that he has to destroy the coolant devices. But just as he does, who should show up to ruin Civvie's day... than the Makron! Recall that the Makron was the final boss of Quake II that Civvie (and Bitterman) kicked the shit out of on Hard + mode. Somehow he's just alive here and is a scripted boss requiring that the player lose to him.
  • All that leads to that bit that Civvie's been leading up to, the one bit everyone remembers this game for: the Stroggification sequence. Given the sort of things the Department has punished Civvie with for his many indiscretions, him finding some degree of amusement in Kane's agony compared to his own makes sense. Weirdly, youtube would probably still penalize Civvie for showing the process in full detail, despite Civvie having shown worse in his Postal videos and his one video on Fortress of Dr. Radiaki. Still, he has some highlights he can show:
    Kane: (gets stabbed with a huge syringe of blue goo)
    Civvie: Oh god, they're pumping me full of Baja Blast!
    (an evil Strogg scientist floats over to him)
    Civvie: Hey Doc, is there anything you can do about my running speed or is that more of a cardio issue?
    Dr. Strogg: (needles Kane a bit and slashes him across the chest for no good reason)
    Civvie: I get the next injection but the slice over the chest was just petty.
    (as Kane is further wheeled through the dingy corridors...)
    Civvie: There's no way this is a sterile medical environment. There's blood all over the walls! And not just the walls next to those big circular saws! (cue Kane getting one of those saws to his legs and a needle to the groin) I've had worse than this.^*Given Civvie's been canonically flayed multiple times for one, he's not bluffing. Ech. The needle to the dick just seems petty.
    (further metal Strogg parts are readied)
    Civvie: Ooh, ahh, metal thigh-highs! Metal everything! Do I go to a laundromat or a car wash? (Kane groans even more as the neurocyte is shoved in his head) Oh you can't even see it, I get needles in my brain all the time and they don't give me a cool heads-up display! Mostly they just make me pee a little.
  • Hilariously, the Strogg actually leave the Neurocyte brainwashing for last in their grand process, as when Rhino Squad find the now Strogg-ed up Kane, his neuro hasn't been turned on yet so they can rescue him.
    Civvie: Bunch of fuckin' amateurs.
  • Being Strogg-ed does have one advantage: the player can now move fast enough that one might reasonably mistake this for a Quake game.
  • Sadly, even though the game becomes faster and more tightly designed by the halfway point, the mech section happens and its far slower, weaker and clunkier than the previous hovertank segment.
  • Also sadly, the Railgun has been nerfed from its Quake 2 and 3 days. It no longer shoots through enemies immediately, requiring an upgrade for that.
    Civvie: The gun is already recoiling as it's firing. Enemies barely notice being hit with a uranium slug travelling at the speed of go-fuck-yourself! It bet it's killer in multiplayer but in the campaign, you might as well be shooting a rocket. Lemme know in the comments how it's actually a good weapon and that you used to merk kids on Xbox Live with it at 12 frames per second.
  • Despite being a glorious marriage of flesh and steel, Strogg!Kane still takes Fall Damage. Civvie, no stranger to pain, retorts:
    Civvie: I think fall damage code in the 2000s was written by people who had never jumped off of someone's roof before. Buncha sheltered boomers who couldn't handle a couple of shin splints or a compound fracture. Unless it's a load zone, then nothing happens.
  • By the last part of the game, as Strogg Kane is being examined by friendly medics, one of them remarks on Stroggification basically being mutilation.
    Civvie: Don't be jealous that I'm mechanical perfection, meat bag.
  • Much like he was in Quake II, the Makron goes down real easy. Shoot his repair drones, shoot him, you win. And then he turns into a giant brain, meaning, as Civvie puts it, the Strogg might as well be Red Falcon by this point.
  • And the game ends with Kane once more being called to action even after his amazing heroics.
    Civvie: Guys, come on, if you're gonna sequel bait, in this case maybe for Enemy Territory, like how much of Quake is gonna be bogged down by the fucking Strogg? WHO CARES ABOUT THE STROGG, TIM?! (cue outro)

Beneath DUSK

• From the Beneath DUSK series:
  • Bars of soap are a Lethal Joke Weapon in the game capable of one-shotting any enemy. When a set piece unleashes a gigantic blood tornado his way during episode 3, Civvie searches for where he had left the soap earlier and throws it at the tornado. When nothing happens, Civvie immediately scrambles out of the way, loudly shouting "craaaaaaap!"
  • Civvie breaking into maniacal laughter as he collects stacking fast-fire runes, until he accidentally kills himself with a stray rivet shot: "-Oh."
  • When Civvie enters "The Ratacombs", Cancer Mouse predictably appears and lets out an "Oh hey, Civvie!", only for Civvie to immediately gets out of his chair and start beating up the mouse before he can even appear onscreen.
    Cancer Mouse: This is politically motivated violence.
    Civvie: You're a fucking mouse!
  • At the end, he gets a fangasm when he realises the final boss of the game is voiced by Stephan Weyte.
    Civvie: (While listening to the monologue) Uh... wait a minute... no! Oh my god, that-that can't be...! *Surprised gasp*
    Final Boss: Who did you expect at the end of all this? God? The Devil perhaps? No, it's just... me.
    On screen text: STEPHAN. FUCKING. WEYTE. (video montage of people cheering, staring in awe, and trains entering tunnels.)

Petty Thief

• While exploring Constantine's weird ass mansion, Civvie comes across a hallway that narrows to a door that maybe a kitten could slip through. The door then opens...

  Barney Gumble: Come on in, it's your master bedroom! [door slams shut] Ow my nose!

Nightmare Reaper

• The third and final video of his series on this game is subtitled "Barrels O' Fun". Why? For some reason Civvie keeps triggering a random event that causes barrels to spawn by the dozen in a map. The last shot of the game is Civvie begging for his life as his screen gets buried in barrels.
• After listening to voice-acted in game notes about the protagonist's abusive childhood, Civvie bets he can get the voice actor Gianni Matragano to "read something worse". The video then cuts to Matragano reading the announcement for a removed scene, and failing to finish even that.
  Matragano: (reading from a script) "The scene of internet-renowned voice actor Gianni Matragrano reading the pitch for "Boss Baby 3: Hostile Tyke-Over" has been cut to ensure the continued financial viability of this YouTube Channel and the bogus check Civvie wrote him for this performance-" (falters) Wait, what, seriously? *sighs* I swear to God, after this I'm blocking you Civvie.
• Civvie's growing bafflement at the game's randomized weaponry, which he dubs "The Bizzarmory". Examples include:
  • The "burst-fire knife", which swings three times per attack. Civvie quips, "that seems like an impulse control problem".
  • A peg leg.
  • A mop, which can be used to clean bloodstains for currency.
  • "The Judge", inspired by the Lawgiver used by Judge Dredd:
    Karl Urban's Judge Dredd: Hotshot.
    Civvie: Not this one—
    Sylvester Stallone's Judge Dredd: THESE BLOCKS! ARE UNDER! ARREST!
  • "A fucking orbital cannon."
  • A "non-orbital cannon", or just three naval cannons lashed together.
    Civvie: (Trying a pirate accent) "Arrrrr, gimmie yer treasure, ye scabby sea bass!" Ow, that hurt my throat doing that.
  • The "Micro Penetrator". Besides the unsubtle innnuendo, Civvie's drop also has the "random projectile" modifier, so it shoots out flaming turds — or "hot shit".
  • A burst-fire nuclear launcher. "How does one burst fire a fucking nuke?" As it turns out, by shooting a ton of them all at once.
    The Lo Wang Nuke Count: Holy cow!
  • At first, Civvie scoffs at a legendary drop he acquires, a "basic bitch double barrel" that's still only a Level One, but decides to at least see what random projectile it has. It turns out that it's the secondary attack of the "fire book" weapon: a fireball that bounces, explodes and leaves flaming debris, all of which sets things on fire. And his shotgun can shoot 12 to 24 of these at once. Suffice to say, Civvie carries it with him to the end of the game, even if he worries it might "melt his CPU".
• After getting tired of fighting in various drab industrial corridors, Civvie is ecstatic when he sees the next stage is titled "Moon Terror Part 1", which the video emphasizes by playing "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" and overlaying a clip of Anatoly Cherdenko shouting "Space!" Afterwards, Civvie locks the Cherdenko clip away in the "Civvie vault" for using it too much.
• At the end, Civvie opts for the "Sacrifice" ending by pitching his character into a pool of fire. Initially he attempts a Terminator 2: Judgment Day reference, but then realizes another movie fits better:
  Civvie: "I know why this girl cries... but it's something I can never-" No, wait! I'm dropping backwards into the lava, and there's no thumbs up! This isn't the Terminator 2 ending, this is the Alien Cubed ending! *Movie-appropriate soundtrack plays*.

Blind S.T.A.L.K.E.R.

• Civvie explains how he bought the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. collection (a sale on Steam), and how he'd planned to do a video on them at some point after he'd finished his Thief 2 videos. Then June happened, which didn't used to be Civvie's least favorite month...
  Civvie: (Whaling on the Boom Shoot Tube with a metal pipe, breaking it into pieces as "Still" by the Geto Boys plays)
• Right off the bat, Civvie's already shit talking Sidorovich and his idle conversation.
  Sidorovich: What are you standing there for? Come closer, I don't bite.
  Civvie: Closer, what? I can't get any closer. I'm gonna hang back and admire your new laptop from ASUS.
  (Camera zooms in on laptop on Sidorovich's desk)
  Civvie: Get yours today and if you run this game on it, it can also make a delicious panini!
  (Laptop turns red and starts smoking.)

Standalone videos

2024 Episodes

Wolfenstein (2009) - THE WOLF THAT TIME FORGOT

• This video sees Civvie revisit Wolfenstein (2009), a game that he looked down his nose on at back in the day due to it having the "modern military shooter stank" on it... and he actually finds it enjoyable. It helps that Raven Software worked on it and they generally know what they're doing. That said, due to a lot of people asking him to play it, Civvie had to outright pirate the game as due to Zenimax and Bethesda wanting to memory-hole it (and Machine Games likely playing a part in it too), the game is simply unavailable on any sort of official storefront. That and retail PC copies of the game run for ridiculous prices and Civvie would rather not put SecuROM on his modern bespoke PC.

  Civvie: If you want me to buy the game, sell me the game. Otherwise I yo-ho-ho it with a bottle of go-fuck-yourselves.

• The last time we saw good ol' William Joseph Blazkowicz was in a Gray Matter Studios (formerly Xatrix)-helmed adventure. While discussing their output, Civvie mentions that one of their works, Kingpin: Life of Crime, become strangely popular in the 2010s to the point of getting a modern day remaster... which happened to bear the mark of Slipgate Ironworks upon it... to less than happy reviews. Which causes Civvie to hop on the ol' soapbox again.

  Civvie: Wait, so you're telling me that Slipgate Ironworks released a thing in a bad state and people didn't like it? No, mein Gott! Quelle surprise! "Civvie be nicer to Slipgate Ironworks-" NO. They've been doing this for more than a decade. I bet Embracer Group gutting the company will surely right the ship! Who could have foreseen Embracer Group doing this after gobbling up so many studios?! I thought they were saving all of my favorite intellectual properties!

• While discussing Gray Matter being sent to the COD mines by Activision for the crime of not being there already after producing Call of Duty: United Offensive, Civvie references his slow transformation into self-parody... while throwing a last bit of shade.

  Civvie: (on-screen comment) katie you can put like 75% of youtube reviewers here for this gag
  like pick one
  you could pick one randomly out of a hat and this joke is probably going to land

• Speaking of, the COD mines run by the tyrannical Activision-Blizarrd, is represented by Mola Ram's Shankara mines.
• Wolfenstein 2009 itself was just called Wolfenstein, which Civvie not only takes a shot at, but quickly heads off anyone planning to "Um actually" him.

  Civvie: [...]simply called Wolfenstein, because that's what they started doing for a while, I don't know why, they did it with Wolfenstein, and Doom and Halloween, but I hear you saying "the original game was called "Castle Wolfenstein", and technically no other game was called just Wolfenstein", and this one, this game doesn't even have the Castle Wolfenstein in it so it has the least fucking business calling itself that out of any of the fucking games!

• Before the release of Wolf 2009, id Software, who owned Wolfenstein, got bought out by Zenimax and Bethesda, two companies that aren't fond of Activision. But as Civvie points out, they've put out worse games than Activision on their own, such as Starfield. Civvie shoots a fiery Take That! by emphatically stating he would not be re-installing 100+ gigabytes of "sleep aid" for footage of it. Then he pours gasoline on that fire by stating it's worse than even Fallout 76 since as far as he's concerned, that game has reasons to be terrible, unlike Starfield.
• During the opening, Civvie mentions the Wolfenstein timeline being an absolute "disaster" as 2009 doesn't follow on properly from Return, which in turn doesn't follow from Wolfenstein 3D and Spear of Destiny, which in turn were a reboot of Castle Wolfenstein. Each game gets thrown in a trash can, from which Andrew Hulshult can be seen poking his head out of before Castle Wolfenstein gently presses him back in.
• The game for some reason decides that ol' Blazkowicz qualifies as a "spy." Blazko is one of the loudest anti-Nazi agents in video gaming history so Civvie naturally mocks BJ's lack of spy skills.
• The opening scene sees BJ taking on a Nazi warship and using a magic medallion to not only shield himself from enemy gunfire but discharge said shield to disintegrate his Nazi aggressors. All of which you can actually do ingame. But Civvie draws attention to one part, where Blazko hides behind a metal door to take cover from an anti-aircraft turret. He does so to foreshadow just how terrible the anti-aircraft guns are in this game.
• Without even leaving the opening train station level in Isenstadt, Civvie is dropped from a scripted sequence into, that's right, a Sewer Level. And the Sewer Count is looking surprisingly fresher this year... and there's a reason for that.

  Civvie: You know what? It's a new year, I think some things need to be updated. Katie, roll it out!
  Sewer Count: 257
  Civvie: The old one wouldn't go over 256, I don't know why.

• During the opening level, Civvie spits fire at the Regenerating Health mechanic so popular with modern military shooters of the time. All pretension of subtlety goes out the window:

  Civvie: Also console stuff... the dreaded regenerating health. The cursed "your screen has some blood on it and turns red until you hide for a few seconds" mechanic that I'd trade for a good old percentage any day of the week. At least give me a fucking bar to indicate where my health is on the HUD, but no, you'll only have the vaguest sense of your health for the rest of the game. Which is and will always be dumb bullshit. For those of you in the audience who prefer this mechanic, here you go: (cue graphic of a hand jingling keys while a baby laughs.) Fuck you.

• The game also introduces the obscure Kar98 to Civvie's arsenal... and it turns out to be one of his favorites. Not just because of how versatile it is and its punchy sound design, but also how it causes some glorious Ragdoll Physics laden death animations. Watch as Nazis go flying at its touch!
• While complaining about the awkward turret controls and the turrets' weakness in general, Civvie talks about how such battles would be more fun if someone was wiring his nervous system to respond to bad puns. Which it turns out, AX3 very much was.

  AX3: (wiring some sort of switch into Civvie's arm) Please remain still until the procedure is complete.
  Civvie: Is this just to save you some work later?
  AX3: I do not mind the work. Work is good. Work builds character.
  Civvie: Okay, who programmed that bullshit into you?
  AX3: No one did. It is a remnant from your brain that I carry with me. I would prefer it wasn't there.
  Civvie: Yeah, well, I got it from living in a dystopian nightmare society and look at me, I turned out alright, didn't I?
  Beat
  AX3: Please remain still until the procedure is complete.

  • Naturally this pays off when Civvie completes the farm level and blows up a secret Nazi lab.
    Civvie: Yeah, good job Raven, that right there is an A+ set piece. And it looks like these Nazis... bought the farm. (cue immediate test of his new implant.) HAARGH!
    AX3: Pun detection system successful.
    Civvie: FUCK!
• Partway into the next level as Civvie starts regretting picking the game up again, Raven surprises him by implementing a setpiece where a cache of anti-gravity ammo is detonated causing everyone, Blazkowicz included, to float serenly into the air. It ties into the weird magical stuff the Thule society (a subsect of Nazis studying the occult that actually existed in real life) were playing around with. Which causes Civvie to examine the scale upon which Wolfenstein falls on: either Nazis with supernatural weirdness or science fiction wackiness. Spear of Destiny is at the former end with its Angel of Death final boss while the original Wolf 3D is on the sci-fi end with Mecha Hitler. Return was largely sci-fi apart from the plot to resurrect an ancient Germanic warlord, and 2009 with its blatant Ghostapo theme is largely on the supernatural side.
• The game's Black Market is run by the very greasy and weaselly Kriege brothers, Anton and Stefan. As one of their goons states, they're shameless war profiteers hoping the Second World War goes on for a long time, as business has very much boomed since the Nazis stormed in. Don't worry, one of them dies and pays dearly. Stefan in particular may outlive Anton, but for Civvie, he's still going to hell where it's nothing but FIREBLU for days.
• Civvie also briefly throws shade at the game's outdated FOV issues and sprint head-bobbing, so he looks for a fix from the PC Gaming Wiki. Said wiki, normally neutral on mechanics, outright refers to the head-bobbing as "vomit-inducing."
• Right as Civvie is leaving the Black Market hideout, one of the NPCs decides to mouth off to Blazko:

  Black Market agent: You're lucky the brothers won't let me turn you in for that reward, Blazkowicz.
  Civvie: Bitch, I blow up half the buildings I go into. I've killed more Nazis than the Tommy Gun. You rat on me, you're gonna be a grease fire nobody remembers.

• Just upstairs past that, Civvie finds a Kreisau Circle member being interrogated by a Nazi. Naturally, Civvie saves a life in the most Civvie of ways:

  Nazi goon: When is the Kreisau Circle's next attack?
  Civvie: Right now, bitch! (opens fire and blows the Nazi's head off.)

• The subsequent sidequest to retrieve a codebook lets Civvie get a look at the death animation Nazis have when shot in the throat. And Civvie gets a second one right after nailing the first, WITHOUT Veil assistance.

  Civvie: Exsanguination twinsies!

• Civvie gets a bit Literal-Minded while taking on the Heavy Troopers, this game's version of RTCW's Super Soldats:

  Civvie: Except it's way easier because hey guess what, the mid-2000's is calling! (cue phone ringing, which Civvie answers) Ahoy-hoy? What's that? The Super Soldier has really obvious weak points that I can shoot to take it down so it actually takes less effort than killing one of the Scribes? Wow, that's a little sad. I almost feel bad for them. (hangs up on the mid-2000's)

• Throughout the game the Nazis, as ever, tamper with supernatural stuff they think they can control without understanding a thing about them, which inevitably goes wrong. This game, it's the Black Sun dimension. Given the Nazis are outright speedrunning "fuck around and find out", Civvie outright puts a timer on screen any time the Nazis start meddling with it. One officer who mans the hospital lab only lasts a pitiful six seconds before the scientist he callously sacrifices to the Black Sun returns as a monster and murks him, Starter Villain General Zetta lasts a fair bit longer but even the returning Wilhelm "Deathshead" Strasse doesn't last 15 seconds before his "mine the Black Sun for infinite hell energy" plan blows up in his face, and the treacherous Doctor Alexandrov only makes it to 41 seconds before Deathshead inevitably backstabs him and Hans Grosse blows his head off.

  Civvie: The Nazis are fucking around, and I am an agent of finding out!

• The Raven's Nest bar level (because of course Raven Software would put their name in the game) introduces this game's version of iconic series boss Hans Grosse, in classic fashion:

  Hans Grosse (2009): Guten tag!
  Civvie: Oh my god, it's Hans Grosse!
  Hans Grosse (1992): (pops up just over his 2009 self's shoulder) GUTEN TAG! (opens fire with his chainguns causing a classic Wolfenstein 3D redscreen death fadeout)

• The farm level has Civvie rescue a guy that bears an odd resemblance to Kurt Vonnegut. Civvie runs into him a few more times throughout the game, too.

  Civvie: Wait a minute, that's fucking Kurt Vonnegut again! He got captured twice? Actually no, counting Dresden, he got captured three times! All I'm saying is that Tolkien only got captured once!

• Said level had Nazis making weird leaping monster things, and the hospital mission after sees the introduction of Assassins, Black Sun-powered ninja Nazis with arm blades. Civvie can't help but laugh.

  Patient: That creature stalking the hospital was created by the Nazis. They're making- AAAH! (cue Nazi assassin scampering off after doing the deed).
  Civvie:...making what? Is this more weird occult shit? This game man, I swear the Nazis are doing new weird shit in every mission.

• Wouldn't be a Raven game unless every weapon was damn good. Civvie at one point mentions the Tesla gun as not really appealing to him... and is Instantly Proven Wrong when he uses it to wipe out and stunlock a group of Nazis before finishing off the stunned stragglers.

  Civvie: Okay you know what? Forget what I said, all the weapons in this game are bangers.

• The next mission involving that codebook Civvie got is noteworthy for the fire axe weapon Civvie gets to play with. Naturally what follows is a montage of the axe being put to good use on Nazis, leading to either a glorious arterial spray at worst, or a beautiful full on decapitation at best. One Nazi even gets cut right in half, much to Civvie's silent but visible delight.
• The Cannery mission has yet another sewer segment and then makes up for it by giving Civvie the Flammenwerfer... which takes the Video Game Flamethrowers Suck trope and shits on it thoroughly by having beautifully long range and instantly cooking Nazis into panicking thrashing messes.

  Civvie: Oh, it's magnificent...

• General Zetta greets BJ... who immediately opens fire on him. Granted it doesn't work as Zetta's using the same Black Sun magic powers Blazko's been using but still. Afterward though, Civvie points out that the solution is... to do the same thing with extra steps, as Zetta becomes a Black Sun monster shortly after.
• Midway through moving hideouts to downtown Isenstadt, Caroline Becker (the game's Mission Control ally who'd later return for New Order) is kidnapped by the Nazis and moved to one of their castles (not the actual Castle Wolfenstein) and who else is waiting to give BJ and Civvie shit but Wilhelm "Deathshead" Strasse from Return to Castle Wolfenstein! Not even long after Zetta's death in the previous level.

  Civvie: Oh my god, it hasn't even been a day and they sent him here to replace Zetta!

• Deathshead explains the Nazis' plans to use the Black Sun as an infinite energy source... which causes Civvie to have a nasty hit of deja vu.

  Deathshead: Many had thought this device would tear the barrier between our dimension and the Black Sun. But we persevered, and now possess an inexhaustible source of power!
  Civvie: Wait, no, STOP! Hold on a minute! You're doing the Argent Energy plan?! You're stealing energy from a Hell dimension?! Oh, okay, sure. (cue "fuck around and find out" timer) I thought you were smarter than this, Wilhelm.

• Sadly the cutscene ends with Hans shooting Caroline to (what appeared to be) death. Don't worry, she'll be back in New Order... and looking 20 years older.

  Civvie: Caroline is dead, though. Until the next game where she's not dead, and a completely different character. Because the Quake series continuity was way too tight and easy to understand. Really, Tim?! Bringing back the STROGG?!

• After fighting through the Zeppelin, the game's penultimate level, Civvie would show footage of the Black Sun caves after... except his footage got corrupted so we have to settle for a slideshow. Thankfully, the subsequent Black Sun open field boss fight with Hans Grosse did not lose footage. Mostly to show Hans saying goodbye to Blazko in the FMV... and then saying hello to him in-game for the sake of a Mythology Gag.

  Hans Grosse: (in cutscene) Auf wiedersehen, Blazkowicz!
  Hans Grosse: (immediately in game after) GUTEN TAG, BLAZKOWICZ!
  Civvie: You fucking shitheel, you just said "goodbye" in the cutscene and "hello" in the gameplay. And you did it for the memes!

• Sadly further footage of the boss fight was also corrupted... and what replacement footage Civvie shot was completely fucked anyway with a slideshow frame rate, like his PC also got sucked into the Black Sun dimension. But he still vanquishes Hans Grosse. Just without Grosse crying for his "mutti" this time.
• The game ends with Deathshead's zeppelin crashing into the castle from earlier, the Thule medallion BJ's been using shorting out into a charred useless hunk of metal and BJ sending the OSA a mission report about the whole thing... while noting that he feels they'll run into Deathshead again in future. Oh boy, do they! In a far more menacing form, no less! But that's a tale for another time. In the meantime, Civvie hopes that the 2023-2024 shakeups at Activision means a chance Raven can be freed from the COD mines... and regrets that Microsoft buying that company was one such solution to that problem.

Chex Quest - Professional Cereal Nightmare

• Civvie starts ranting that the Chex world is a communist society after seeing a theatre in Episode 2 showing Spaceship Potemkin.

"And I know what you're gonna say, that was Cereal Marxist-Leninism, not Cereal Communism. Cereal Communism has never really been tried before! And to that I say: Did you know what the bolsheviks did to Count Chocula's family?"

2023 Episodes

CHRISTMAS RUINS CIVVIE

• Civvie: "What absolutely pisses me off is that the cum sewer has the best level design so far in this game, because it has level design."

Geist - Meat Suit Riot

• In Chapter 7, Civvie meets the centipede boss again, except that since its old shell got destroyed, it covered itself with random debris as a replacement. The boss attacks by rolling. Naturally, Civvie decides to play appropriate music during the fight.

Soldier of Fortune - Maximum Tactighoul

• Civvie: So Soldier of Fortune, published by Activision- (thunderclap) ...and also a thing Bobby Kotick would call when he threatens to have you killed over the phone. That's right, go into the comments to defend Bobby Kotick, I fucking DARE you.
• After Civvie makes a really bad pun, we finally get a glimpse of the Clown Room...and it turns out that its just an AI reading Wikipedia articles to Civvie in an obnoxiously peppy voice.
• While Civvie wholeheartedly loves the insane action of the game, he still is baffled that it's based on a magazine supposedly marketed to mercenaries, and depicts the very real former special forces soldier John F. Mullins. Despite every indication Raven Software had all the material for a realistic tactical shooter, they decided to turn Mullins into an 80s action hero who winds up fighting a villain "who just stepped off the set of an early Power Rangers episode", in Civvie's words.
  Civvie: I'm picturing John Mullins at the Raven offices consulting them on what to put in this game, and they're just like, "Yeah, sure, okay, we'll do that, but also..."
  Cut to Civvie rocket duelling an attack helicopter atop a skyscraper in Tokyo.
• For a while, Civvie starts losing interest when he's trapped in an Info Dump about Big Bad Dekker's Big Bad Backstory. He immediately lights up when he realizes the next mission is in Tokyo, where he'll get to fight his "favorite recurring baddies": the "Yaghootsa" and all their ninjas.
• "Look, obviously we need to shoot up Iraq twice. Oh, god, umm-"
  Chapter 8: Talon's Claw In the Eagle's Nest With Flags And Shit / An American's Thinly Veiled Discomfort About This Iraq Business / Please Bring Back the Yakuza

WARHAMMER 40K BOLTGUN - AT NU-DOOM'S GATE

• As he is not a 40K fan, Civvie clearly dreads the wrath of the fandom descending on him for not knowing the verse's full backstory. He then finds an in-game shout out to himself and declares he no longer has to care about what the "nerds" think, he's part of the lore and they can all "suck it!". He then reflects on how hard it is to explain his internet fame to friends and family, and that it comes mostly from counting sewers.
• Civvie wishes he had something like the Servo Skull, Incommodus, but without incorporating an actual human skull into the design. A finger on the monkey's paw curls inward.
  [In flies a small helicopter drone... made from a giant purple dildo complete with testicles]
  Civvie: ... I hate you all.
  Helpful Dildocopter: Probability of usefulnes: 12%
• At the end, Civvie expresses relief that he's now completed his obligation to review one of the biggest and most requested boomer shooters of the year. Then H4MM3R reminds him about HROT's full release.

Slayers X: Manchild Review Video: Dawn of the X-Slayer

• Civvie cracking jokes about Zane's mom throughout the video, particularly this one:

  Zane: MY MOM LIVES IN THAT APARTMENT

  Civvie: I know, Zane. I've got a key. *laughtrack*

• Civvie notices a billboard in the first level, the welcome sign to Uncle Frank's Big Dump, which brings back some... troubled memories.

  Civvie: ...Uncle Frank's Big Dump?... Uncle... no, no, he's... he's locked up, he's deep... deep down...

• Civvie points out that a bunch of the rats in the game were voiced by his friend Gianni Matragrano. Gianni then gets a small voice cameo in the video:

  Civvie: A thing to note, many of the rats, including the Rat King, were voiced by friend of the show Gianni Matragrano, because it's an indie FPS game, so he's in it. Isn't that right, Gianni?

  A floating picture of Gianni's head: ...Huh? ...uhh, yeah, uh... uhhh, duhh 'sewer count', uhhehh... it's not worth it

• Civvie can't help but break into a fit of laughter when Mikey Sikey reveals where the Psykos' main base of operation is - the Boise Potato Festival. He also has a rather incredulous reaction towards the name of the penultimate level, again just barely managing to hold back laughter:

  Civvie: Crevasse of Repugnant? Crevasse of Repugnant?!

Blake Stone - The Spy Who Fragged Me

• Civvie starts taking his job way too seriously.

  Civvie: Then you've got your (beat) Rapid Assault Weapon.
  (cue Gordon Ramsay clip)
  (cut to Civvie's cell)
  Civvie: You know what, I feel kinda bad about how easy that was, can I get a jolt for that?
  (Camera pans over to cell entrance where AX3 and H4MMER are watching)
  AX3: You would like to volunteer for an electric shock?
  Civvie: Yeah! Look, sometimes I need a little kick in the ass, ya know, keep the content fresh.
  H4MMER: Boy, what kind of show do you think you do?
  Civvie (with full pride in his voice): I'm a video essayist!
  (Awkward pause)
  Civvie: Not buyin' it, huh?
  H4MMER: Shut up content monkey.
  

Cryostasis - Peak Forms

• At one point during the Cryostasis video, Civvie breaks down into a fit of Laughing Mad with discordant music implying he's going through serious Sanity Slippage. He is, but in this instance it's because of the sheer absurdity of what he's doing in-game getting to him.

  Civvie: (audibly holding back laughter) Did I just do a stealth section as a polar bear?

2022 Episodes

The Fortress of Dr. Radiaki - Vertigo Machine

• Civvie is, oddly enough, excited to be reviewing The Fortress of Dr. Radiaki despite it being old DOS trash, because it had been a while since he's done DOS trash and he cites the game as a shining example of how not to do a FPS game.
  Civvie: The Fortress of Dr. Radiaki does EVERY. SINGLE. THING. WRONG. Like, it's not as painful as The Varginha Incident because it runs and it never crashed on me, which just meant I didn't get those nice little breaks. When I say it does everything wrong, I mean everything. The visuals, the sound, the technology, the levels, everything that this game is trying to achieve—which is not very much—fails so spectacularly that I couldn't believe what I was seeing. How do you do a game this wrong?

PowerSlave Megashow

• Nightdive does it once again with their 2022 remaster of PowerSlave, so Civvie is naturally not far behind. Also special to this video is that it's a double bill: he'll be doing both the remaster (which uses the much-beloved Sega Saturn/PlayStation versions as its base) and the rather... decently reviewed but largely overlooked Build Engine original (which plays more like a traditional linear boomer shooter compared to its console cousin.)
• Civvie's second favourite video game genre, after the FPS, is the Metroidvania... but some people don't like that term (take for example, Matt McMuscles' use of "search action game.") Civvie instead suggests the term: "Obsessive Compulsive Simulator." There's a reason for this shpiel, as the console version of PowerSlave is a Metroidvania of all things. An FPS Metroidvania before Metroid Prime even!
  Civvie: (while playing Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow) Jump, slash, land, slash, get the candle, get the candle, what sick freak decided that map coverage should go above 100%?!
• Additionally, the game was called Exhumed in Europe likely due to reasons. The remaster solves it by calling it PowerSlave: Exhumed. Though Civvie still admits its a cool-ass name.
• Civvie notes how a lot of his viewers probably weren't born around the time Sega were still in the console business. As he describes, the Saturn was murdered by Sony in much the same way as "the executive that said the only Marvel property anyone would care about is Spider-Man." He also takes the time to point out he's not doing like 4 separate versions of the game since Nightdive's remaster covers enough of the Saturn and PSX's bits to make up for it. He knows people will complain, too.
  Civvie: Please leave a comment about how I'm a lazy hack who didn't feel like structuring a two hour-long essay about the differences between the rerelease, Playstation version, the Saturn version, the Build version, the Build version in DOS, the Build version in GDX, the Build version in PCExhumed, the RAZE version, the port to the WonderSwan, the port to the WonderSwan Color, the version that ran exclusively on the TI-86, or the one that was on the arcade machine in the 1997 film Grosse Pointe Blank.
• The game's narrator details the game's plot about how an evil alien race has attacked the Egyptian city of Karnak and is planning to take over our lovely Earth. It's all fluff and nonsense... but Civvie notices there's something amazingly familiar about the narrator.
  Civvie: Is that Don LaFontaine? That's some dick-swingin' casting, I'm impressed.
  • Said intro's background music then plays a very familiar five-step drum beat.
    Civvie: I'm gonna let that slide, but if they do it again...
    Don LaFontaine: The only known information about this crisis came from a Karnak villager found wandering through the desert, miles from his home, dazed, dehydrated and close to death...(cue drum beats again.)
    (And cue T2 doors slamming in.)
    T2 Narrator(also Don LaFontaine): TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY! This time he's back... (explosion) for good!
    T-800: Trust me.
  • The original strike force sent in to save Karnak and kick the Kilmaat out consist of Burt Reynolds-Indiana Jones, Russian Tank Girl, Arnie again, Solid Snake in full ninja gear and Ian Paul Freeley fresh off the San Nicolas Island mission, and PowerSlave's actual protagonist. It doesn't really matter, all but the PowerSlave Guy die in a chopper explosion.
• Civvie notes the game's first enemies are little spiders and scorpions, which he refers to as bugs. Cue Katie chiming in correcting him with "They're arachnids, Civvie." And she has to do it again when he makes the same mistake later.
• After meeting Ramses' spirit and learning the Kilmaat are siphoning power from his mummified remains to power their evil plots, Civvie claims he's never got a corpse to put out more than 15 watts of energy so he has no idea what Ramses is getting at.
• The console version also has a widened player hitbox which isn't too bad until narrow corridors forge an unholy alliance with fireballs thrown by Anubis zombies and other hazards to ensure the player gets hurt by them no matter what. This was at least to try to limit Sequence Breaking and there wasn't much Nightdive could do to fix it. But it means gaps Civvie should logically clear, he just... cannot.
• The console/remaster's ammo system works like this: all weapon power pickups refill weapons without needing to pick up certain ammo types but only for the weapon you're currently holding.
  Civvie: Which isn't the worst idea, but it lives next door to the worst idea and calls the police when it hears loud music. And while the Nightdive port is faithful to this, it is being faithful to a terrible idea.
• As a consequence of the console PowerSlave being a Metroidvania, enemies and keys respawn when you exit and re-enter an area you've cleared out. So he has to use an example to better form his thoughts.
  Civvie: I'm using Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow here as an example because its a metroidvania that I was actually in the middle of playing through again. Okay so Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow stars Soma Cruz, a Japanese teenager in 2038^*2035, actually who's actually the reincarnation of Dracula and his name is a reference to Soma, the drug from Aldous Huxley's novel Brave New World, which numbs your emotions, mostly the negative ones, and this is thematically relevant because I don't give a shit about this character. (Beat) He has a really cool coat though.
• Civvie also briefly points out the transmitter pieces you need to get the good ending in the non-Build engine versions. Along with the dolls that exist to unlock the minigame Death Tank, though he didn't know about the latter til the last minute.
• Normally the protag cannot breathe underwater at all in the non-Build versions and needs a mask made by Sobek to breathe underwater. Sobek was a fertility god who was a crocodile man so it makes sense he has such a powerup. Unfortunately Sobek leaves quite a few dick moves for Civvie throughout his adventure. At least he wasn't a Greek god, or Civvie'd be straight fucked.
• Ramses mentions a "strange weapon that engulfs enemies in a breath of fire." As it happens its a modern flamethrower but in defiance of the old trope, the non-Build flamethrower kicks a ton of ass. Don't worry, the Build engine one plays that trope sadly straight. Unfortunately even the good flamethrower can still free Omenwasps from the item urns.
  Civvie: What's the name of the Egyptian god of random drops that's fucking me over right now?^*Shai, the god of destiny and fortune
• The player's wide hitbox means not only dealing with fireballs you need to break open hidden walls, but also means that in water, where you're hindered, fighting off piranhas is much harder since evading them is nigh impossible.
  Civvie: SOBEK YOU'VE BETRAYED ME!
• There's also the Bastet enemies, which are berserk lion-women who like running around at high speed and teleporting to avoid being cooked to perfection.
  Civvie: Remember kids, 3000 degrees for 1 second for perfect giblets. Welcome to Flavortown, bitch!
• After fighting through Heket Marsh, Civvie gets to the Sunken Palace, an underwater zone that's NOT a sewer level... but is still a water temple so same difference really.
  Civvie: What's going on with the uh...? (gets surprise killed by a mine masked by graphics) SOOOOBEEEK!!!]
• While the Magma Fields aren't cursed by Sobek, they ARE cursed by Denwen, Nubian god of incense (and thus, prosperity) since there's a lot of magma, fireball traps that are hard to avoid and a transmitter piece that still leads to an asshole fireball trap. Also a mild Awesome moment for Civvie actually naming one of the more obscure Egyptian gods.
• Additionally, the Magma Fields introduce the Magmantis, not just a Syfy Channel Original Movie the game's poster boy as it's on the Remaster's "front cover" as it were. Unlike most bosses of the "shoot at it until it dies" persuasion, Magmantis is a "shoot at it until it fucks off" type boss as Civvie puts it.
• It is sorta a Build Engine game so Civvie has to start off the last leg of the non-Build version with: "It's time to make these alien bastards pay for stealing the mummified corpse of King Ramses".
• And finally does Civvie get to storm the Kilmaat colony setup in Karnak Valley. And unlike the sandy brown Egypt-ness of most of the game, Kilmaatland is very green and purple.
  Civvie: It's worse than I feared! They've turned everything to Joker colors!
• The colony does have probably the hardest part of the game. Not because of the enemies, lava or more of Sobek's trolling, but because of navigating Ethan Hunt-style through death lasers... with the widened horizontal hitbox of PowerSlave Guy. Cue montage set to "L'amour est un Oiseau Rebelle" (AKA Habanera) from Carmen.
• The Kilmaat Queen proves quite a challenge, sending out waves of Langoliers to harrass Civvie (who doesn't realize the creature's a she, by the way) and turns into a magma snake. Which drains Civvie's ammo mana. Which is because to kill her in that form you have to shoot the back end of her to destroy her piece by piece. Which makes sense in a 2D Metroidvania. So how does Civvie win? Boldly cutting the bitch down to size with the machete. Not by choice but hey!
• Ramses praises the player's efforts and grants them immortality.
  King Ramses: You will live forever, because I am giving you the gift of immortality.
  Civvie: Then why are you a ghost, Ramses? WHY ARE YOU A GHOST?!
• And at the end just as he hops on the chopper, the player character, Heroic Mime par excellence, growls "Let's get the hell out of here." Civvie's left surprised by this. Don't worry, PowerSlave Guy's way chattier in the Build engine version.
• Oh and since Civvie fully assembled the transmitter, he gets the good ending where PowerSlave Guy is not only honored for his heroics in Karnak and saving the world, but flatout becomes God-King of the World. This leaves him surprised and amused like hell since its certainly a bigger reward than just the feelgoods from saving the world or getting the girl. But its also kind of an awesome moment for the player since what other ending tells the player how they become an immortal god emperor?
• Now for the PC Build Engine version, which is a linear shooter as discussed before.
  Civvie: It is such a wildly different game from the console versions that they could have called it something like Sergeant Sand and no one would have fucking noticed. (cue fake boxart of the game calling it Sergeant Sand Didn't Get His Pilot's License)
• The Build version has a unique weapon, the Eye of Ra which summons Ra to belch lightning on your foes. It also runs on... Raw Energy.
  Civvie: (sounding extremely resigned) Yeah you know, just do it.
  Gordon Fucking Ramsay: Fucking RAW!
• Throughout the Build version, Civvie hears an odd drumming which starts to annoy him... until he discovers the source: a party of very scantly clad Egyptian ladies behind a barred window.
  Civvie: OH. I wanna play the game that's going on in there. Will you look at this? PowerSlave has more titties in it than Duke3D did!
• The alien levels in Build PowerSlave have a far grimmer, more Giger-vibe to them than the Joker-style Kilmaat colony of non-Build PowerSlave. But they are still a slog.
• The final boss is the Kilmaat Queen again in a rather less interesting arena, so Civvie kills her and becomes immortal god-king again... but it turns out that isn't the end of the game on the Build version! This version adds in an Alien Mothership level where Civvie has to destroy some Kilmaat device before it destroys the Earth and he apparently has a limited time to do so... but the timer is only on certain walls and is in an alien language. Not that Civvie was gonna take chances, mind you. Shame the good ending on this one sees you stuck on an alien ship heading away from Earth, unlike non-Build with its god-king ending.
  Civvie: WHY?! (next chapter is simply called "WHY?!") That's all I can say to this game's surprise final chapter: fucking WHY?! Once I beat the big badasses and clean out the Karnak valley, I'm supposed to win, aren't I? AREN'T I?
• Oh, and then Civvie gets a surprise visitor in his cell... and it's the ghost of King Ramses!
  Civvie: Now that I'm free of all these Ancient Egyptian curses and- oh no, we're doing this now? (sees Ramses suddenly materialize in his cell)
  Ramses: How are you doing on that worldwide nuclear holocaust, Civvie?
  Civvie: I've hit a little bit of a snag on that front, you might be able to tell if you look around here.
  Ramses: All who dwell among the living face adversity. In my battles against Syria, as we fought bravely against the Hittites and their treacherous-
  Civvie: OH MY GOD! IF I HAVE TO HEAR ONE MORE STORY ABOUT MUWATALLI, I'M GONNA START TAKING MY MEDS! (cue robotic baby crying noise nearby. Civvie turns to his left to a strangely empty cell) SHUT UP I'M DOING IT!
  (cue outro)

The Ballad of John Chaser

• Meta example: Because of the use of "Ballad" in the title, the video is categorized by YouTube as a song.
• Civvie dispenses with the usual introduction of the game and lets the games overwritten tutorial speak for itself: Referring to a vent as a pipe; showcasing the tutorial objectives in both a goal menu and subtitles from an unseen instructor; an objective the length of a novel for swimming; and being told activate a switch that resembles a door, which is a generic looking elevator switch, raising the question:
  Civvie: "What the fuck are you talking about? What do doors in Slovakia look like!?"
• Civvie nopes the fuck out of the tutorial when the mission objective takes up the entire screen as soon as he picks up a gun.
• The opening cutscene takes forever, every time the game appears to have a logical cutoff point to switch to player control Civvie starts to comment on being finally able to play before being interrupted by the cutscene continuing.
  Civvie: "I don't know why anyone recommended this, this is the easiest game I've ever watched."
• Yahgootsa.
• Civvie lets the audience know that the main character is really named "John Chaser", and changing his silly sounding name with "Max Shogo".
• Civvie quickly loses his cool with the obvious stupidity of the main character:
  Chaser: "I'm sort of afraid the TV guy and me might be one and the same person. My memory goes back only a few minutes."
  Civvie: "Hey you know what would be a good idea? Take out your wallet in front of all these people and make a point of showing all the cash you have in there, and say you were about to walk home but you're gonna take a detour through the Cement Shoes factory. And that no one knows where you are and that no one would miss you. And you know what, for good measure, shit on the local sports team, the "Montack Shiny Sox". You fucking kidding me!?"
• And then Chaser immediately gets captured by the mafia.
  Civvie: "To recap: We're not one hour into this game and we've woken up with amnesia, then basically told we were a resistance soldier named Chaser who has too many Urban Dictionary definitions on his name for me to narrow it down to one joke, and we've become a mob lackey because while we might have been a soldier at at one point, we've forgotten how to not be the stupidest person alive!"
• A Stealth-Based Mission is preceeded by showing Chaser and Gomez driving into Yakuza territory in a sports car covered in fire decals. Civvie remarks that it wouldn't stand out any more if it were actually on fire.
• Civvie gradually losing it with the Cut and Paste Environments and poor level design.
  Civvie: "I hope someone in the comments tells me how much I suck at this game so they can out themselves as a person who is good at fucking Chaser. A game that has textures like this!" Shows an Out of Order sign written in Comic Sans.
• The constant transitions make basically no sense, and Civvie's just as confused as you are.
  Civvie: So [after protecting the truck], Chaser jetpacks into the water and wh...wh-fucking what?!
• The lengthy Mission Goal for the underwater level is juxtaposed with footage of Billy the puppet.
• Chaser remains really oblivious to the effects of his own actions.
  Kabir: I had rather hoped that with the annoying Mr. Vallero dead, they would stay away.
  Chaser: Dead?!
  (Beat)
  Civvie: Was that not the plan when you put an explosive in his trunk?
• The sheer amount of padding in the game frustrates Civvie to no end as the Kudzu Plot becomes more convoluted as he is strung along playing as an incompetent Cosmic Plaything who is the victim of Chronic Backstabbing Disorder and manages to make everything worse for everyone.
  Civvie: "Your princess is in another gulag. This story digression from the previous story digression, which was in itself, a story digression has now branched off into yet another digression."
• Chaser finally gets to Mars, and his cover is immediately blown by Chaser being the dumbest motherfucker alive.
  Civvie: "It takes five months and one minute for Chaser's cover to be blown."
• Chaser is sent to jail and wears a prison jumpsuit with the words "Mars Property" above a vertical line. So Katie edits the line to be an arrow pointing at Chaser's groin.
• The Big Bad is named Longwood. Civvie has a field day with this and creates a Running Gag replacing his name with dick jokes. (And calling Chaser "Shortwood".)
• Civvie praises the game for subverting player agency by punishing the player for completing objectives by making the outcome the complete opposite of what is supposed to happen. Followed by the resistance leader commending Chaser for helping his plan work. Which blatantly did not happen.
  Civvie: "No matter how much I yell at this game it never stops being shit!"
• "The objective is to steal a train and then blow up Longwood's train, so I'm guessing by the end of this mission we'll have recovered the long lost Wright Brothers plane and used it to save Longwood's life!"
• Civvie has a conspiracy board, which includes a map of attacks by 'The Greasy Strangler'.
• Civvie is introduced to Cancer Mouse's father, who is just as Affably Evil as his radioactive offspring.
  Civvie: "You know your son game me melanoma a couple years back?"
  Cancer Dad: "Atta boy, I taught him that!"
  • Parodying Chasers Tomato in the Mirror ending. "Oh my god he was Stone the whole time!".

FEAR - Point Man Insertion

• This bit as Civvie talks about Monolith's history:
  Civvie: Warner Bros. owns Monolith now! And when reached for comment, a representative from WB said:
  "Representative": HEEE IS INSIDE WITH US!! HE WILL NEVER GET AWAY!! HIS PAIN WON'T END!!!
  Civvie: Classic Warner Brothers!
• Civvie's voice slowing down when he's talking to Alice during bullet time.
• Civvie shooting Norton Mapes in the face, causing his bloody skull to spew out a fountain of blood and Cheezy Poos. Said fountain fills up the screen, then bursts out of his computer to fill up his cell, then floods the entire DoSC facility.
  Civvie (seeing AX3 and H4MMER floating in the blood outside his cell): "Oh, I'm gonna pay for that."

2021 Episodes

Half-Life - A Linear Sequence of Scares

• From his much-anticipated Half-Life video:
  • Civvie brings up how instead of single game director, Half-Life had a group of people referred to as "the Cabal". Cue the cultists.
    The Cabal boys: MARANAX INFIRMUX- GEROXE CRUO- MARANAX- (and they all blow up)
  • While delving into the history of Valve and its founder Gabe Newell, Civvie admits in a sotto voce way that Gaben might be the only being that can defeat engineering elemental and Luddite nemesis John Carmack.
  • Dario Casali, co-creator of The Plutonia Experiment from Final DOOM, worked as a level designer on Half-Life. Naturally, Civvie gets a lot of mileage out of this. He blames Casali for any exceptionally cruel traps found in the game, and includes a scene where he opens up Casali's locker in the changing room, only for a horde of Revenants to barge out.
  • Civvie accidentally left the HD models on, the models included with the Blue Shift expansion. So Civvie turns them off and notices a familiar logo on the Blue Shift box...
    Civvie: We're turning the HD models that came with Blue Shift OFF.... (notices Gearbox's logo taking up space next to Valve's on the Blue Shift box.) Oh... (venomously) Hello, Randy.
  • H4MMER forces Civvie to play the optional "Hazard Course" training level, much to the latter's dismay. About the only good reason to play it is to learn crouch-jumping, a vital skill in Valve games. Civvie eventually cheats in weapons and starts murdering everyone in the level so that he can get out of it. He does, but he has to undergo a "shock-induced bladder evacuation" as punishment.
    Civvie: Oh no the security guard mysteriously died, I guess I have to play the game untrained now. (One shock-induced bladder evacuation later...)
  • The opening levels do a good job laying down the setting of Black Mesa (which was why that trope used to be called Black Mesa Commute) and Civvie shows how much environmental silliness you could do, like play with vending machines, set off the alarm under a Barney's desk (the guards may or may not all be Barney Calhoun) and ruin a magnificent microwave casserole.
  • Speaking of a Black Mesa Commute...
    One of the Eli scientists: Weren't you supposed to be in the test chamber half an hour ago?
    Civvie: Yeah, I know. I'm delaying the near-apocalypse and the invasion of a totalitarian alien race. That second part we didn't even know about until six years later!
  • Civvie is able to remember a lot of Half-Life's chapters in order off by heart and prints onscreen comments for them all. Mostly for their memorable parts.
    UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCES (Holy shit everything is on fire)
    OFFICE COMPLEX (Electricity really hurts)
    "WE'VE GOT HOSTILES!" ("YOUR... MOTHER... IS... SHIT)
    BLAST PIT (BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG)
    POWER UP (Shocking. Truly shocking.)
    ON A RAIL (The first bad one)
    APPREHENSION (FUCKING SHARKS AND NINJAS)
    RESIDUE PROCESSING (The second bad one)
    QUESTIONABLE ETHICS (TAU SECONDARY JUMPS)
    SURFACE TENSION (Mostly pain)
    "FORGET ABOUT FREEMAN!" (Further Surface Tension)
    LAMBDA CORE (All downhill from here^*Because it leads to Xen)
  • Continuing from the end of his Evil Dead: Regeneration video, Civvie repeatedly gets possessed/impersonated by some unknown demonic entity that is trying to make him act like a stereotypical Youtuber. What happens the first time Civvie gets possessed? The demon advertises an OnlyFans^*A subscription service that's popular among sex workers for Civvie. The second instance manages to be just as good; the demon promises to release the Half-Life 2 video the next Friday if this video hits 100,000 likes (while continuing the promote the OnlyFans), and when Civvie tries to stop him, the video cuts to a playthrough of Killing Time, except instead of being played by Civvie, it's being played by Ross Scott.
    Ross: You know, I think we've seen a drop of clowns in games. People just can't handle them.
    Civvie: Oh my god... it's Killing Time from Studio 3DO!
  • Speaking of Ross, Civvie adds another reference to one of his best works. Just as Civvie is done rampaging about an open trench-filled area taking down HECU boys and their tank while repeatedly shouting "FUCK YOU":
    Civvie: Its not as elegant as "Modern Major General" but it'll have to do.
  • Upon remembering that the ability to jump using the Tau cannon was changed to be multiplayer-exclusive, Civvie lets out an angry, "Thanks, Gabe!" This is accompanied by some very brief text stating that you shouldn't blame individual creators for such decisions... except if they're Randy, of course.
    • This bit is extra funny when you consider Civvie's above-mentioned jokes about Dario Casali.
  • Civvie takes the time to reference the other most famous Half-Life machinima, Half-Life but the AI is Self-Aware:
    • Civvie encounters the scientist model with a white moustache and side hair.
      Civvie: Why does Einstein here look like he's having a stroke? (realizes) Oh god, we used to call him "Einstein" before he became Dr. Coomer. Not that I'm complaining, it was earned.
    • Then, when watching a HECU grunt fall victim to a Barnacle...
      Civvie: Look Adrian, ropes! You can use those to get your brains eaten!
  • Civvie also notes the presence of the much-beloved Vortigaunts in this game, back before they were allies, back before had the angelic voice of Tony Todd, back when they were just called "Alien Slaves". Civvie also notes how they were functionally just weaker Shamblers since they have a close range claw swipe, and primarily use powerful lightning bolts. Meaning they're shaved Shamblers.
    Civvie: So maybe shaved Shamblers! Yeah that's it! Shamblers are 100% furry goddammit AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!
  • One scientist states that the military is on its way to help. Hope Spot at its finest. Complete with meaningful footage of Sarah Connor.
    Civvie: Is this how Cassandra felt? Knowing that all these motherfuckers are doomed, and that they'd be ruled over by the Combine, and some absolute prick manager who presided over Black Mesa during this shit, and failed upwards to running City 17?
  • It's a good thing the Vorts were a forgiving lot. Civvie decides its okay to mercilessly exterminate a bunch of them with a shotgun... while the G-Man's speech about them from Episode 2 plays.
    G-Man: Their only experience of humanity was a crowbar coming at them down a steel corridor...
    Civvie: You doomed the planet for reasons I can't understand you fucking Jeffrey Combs-looking interdimensional slicked-back oily hard-on!
  • Naturally Civvie lets everyone witness the iconic Half-Life moment in which a scientist dives through a window, immediately stands upright and cheerily greets Gordon like it's another day at the office complex. "Haha YES! It's ALWAYS funny!"
  • Trying to reactivate the blast system to deal with the tentacles in "Blast Pit" leads Civvie to a scientist randomly crouched on one of the power generators.
    Scientist: This is my hiding spot, and I'm not leaving until the situation has drastically improved!
    Civvie: HOHOHO YEAH? I got some bad news, the situation isn't going to drastically improve for 25 years!
  • And Civvie caps off destroying the tentacles by declaring "And voila, hentai averted!"
  • "Now, normally I'd be pissed to have to go through all of that, but the game rewards you with its best weapon. Don't come at me with "What about the Tau Cannon" or "Bustin' makes me feel good"^*Gluon Gun No, this magnum is a godsend."
  • While bringing up the bit in Apprehension where the HECU jump Gordon, knock him out, strip him of his weapons and toss him in a trash compactor instead of just blowing his head off, Civvie quickly heads people off about to tell him about the Decay expansion from the PlayStation 2 version.
    Civvie: BRING UP HALF-LIFE DECAY IN THE COMMENTS YOU BUNCH OF FUCKIN SMART-ASSES
  • The subsequent chapter, "Residue Processing", gets Civvie's goat bad thanks to all the platforming and it being one big sewer, which he increments. Also, him being able to tell when a pipe is about to break thanks to the z-fighting (texture glitches) and the resultant obligatory running gag said in an exhausted manner.
    Civvie: Residue Processing is one big sewer, I don't care what anyone says, Sewer Count: 173, say this part from the script. Say "Sewer Count." Funny Joke. Honk honk.
  • While for it's part On A Rail is a bad, dull chapter, Civvie helps exposit how it inadvertently serves a perfect embodiment of Half-Life's linearity, lining up perfectly with the theme of Gordon having no agency in his adventure and how many games took the wrong idea from Half-Life as a result. Still sucks as a chapter though.
  • Surface Tension is HELL. But it culminates in getting a Barney to open up the Armory. Cue "Ode to Joy." Also the armory just happens to have depleted uranium rounds for the Tau Cannon, go figure.
  • Civvie sends out a Snark down below to attack some HECU grunts... but the Snark runs back up a piece of girder to get at Civvie instead (Snarks attack you if there's nothing for them to attack) so Civvie has to put it down.
  • A scientist in Lambda Core orders Freeman to get to the Core without delay. Nothing about Half-Life 1's events are going to change the fact that the Combine and Half-Life 2 happen, as Civvie repeatedly says.
    Sarah Connor: You think you're safe and alive? YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD! EVERYBODY! HIM, YOU, YOU'RE DEAD ALREADY!! This whole place EVERYTHING YOU SEE IS GONE!! (images of G-Man, Wallace Breen and Mitchell Shephard phase by)
  • Civvie finally gets up to the bit where he has to protect a scientist while he tries to open the portal to Xen, from an onslaught of Alien Controllers. On hard, they're stupid tanky and require half a Magnum cylinder to kill. Although at least you get the opportunity to hear "Freeman you FOOL!" if you screw up jumping into it. But it can hardly be worth it when it leads...
  • ...to Xen. Remember when this trope was called Xen Syndrome? Here's why, as Civvie puts it. The lower gravity still allowing for fall damage, the constant waiting for moving platforms or very slow healing pools, the annoyingly durable and seemingly indestructible Gonarch, the game's forward momentum straight up dying in Xen as a result. But the crowner is the subsequent Interloper chapter. Which somehow does to Civvie what Surface Tension, On A Rail and Residue Processing couldn't.
    Civvie: "Interloper" is the worst chapter of Half-Life. It makes Residue Processing look like fucking free Wi-Fi with tits. You will be asking yourself during Interloper, "Is this over?" And the answer is no. It's NEVER over. You're still playing Interloper right now! I'M still playing Interloper! We're all stuck here FOREVER! Every bad thing that happened in 2020 was because of Interloper! Because someone thought "Oh, I'll make these elevators SPIN!" (Civvie botches a jump) "And put some Vortigaunts that attack you in here, and some that don't! And the mysterious barrels that have Alien Grunts in them FOR SOME REASON!" You wanna know what a dead stop looks like in Half-Life? It's this fucking hallway in Interloper. (cue montage of Civvie repeatedly dying in Interloper, doing bad platforming in Interloper and standing around in very slow healing pods in Interloper.)
  • Through some bad luck, Civvie ends up dying just as he finishes off the Nihilanth, and greets the G-Man while dead so the ending doesn't work right. So he has to fight the Nihilanth again
  • At the very end, the G-Man mockingly claims that Gordon has been a "decisive man..." despite how Gordon hasn't really decided anything and has just been led by the nose by either scientists, guards or even the G-Man's own string-pulling. Civvie, rather than choosing the G-Man's job offer or the no-win Alien Grunt firing squad, instead cheats in a satchel charge and suicide bombs the G-Man. G-Man doesn't sell it but still.
    G-Man: No regrets, Mr. Freeman...

Alpha Prime - Smoothbrain Criminal

• Alpha Prime, AKA "slavjank F.E.A.R.," puts Civvie through the fucking wringer.
  • How does Civvie illustrate this game's way of handling exposition? A dumptruck unloading it on-screen.
  • The characters, in the first cutscene alone, say the word "hubbardium" so many times that Civvie abandons a counting gag out of sheer annoyance. Of course, then he immediately points out his own Running Gags.
  • The "semi-automatic hammer."
    Civvie: *swinging the hammer at ludicrously fast speed* "...Right."
    • Further more with the hammer...
      Civvie: I was curious to see how the hammer worked on these enemies, so I did my due diligence and went into bullet time with the hammer... which is what I will creatively title "hammer time".
      (MC Hammer pops up on screen.)
      Civvie: Huh, you get it, hammer time, whaddya think of that?
      AX3: Actionable pun detected.
      (Civvie gets shocked, MC Hammer drops from frame)
      Civvie: (relieved) Ah, thank you, it's good to have you back, but what does our friend H4MM3R, think about hammer tim- OW!"
      (Thumping noise)
      H4MM3R: Fuck you Civvie! You're only profitable because of the demon!
      (More sounds of H4MM3R hitting Civvie and Civvie yelping in pain)
      H4MM3R: I should've killed you years ago!
  • Paolo. Just... everything about Paolo. The man either sounds like a Russian doing a bad Italian accent or an Italian doing a bad Russian accent. (Civvie can only describe him as a "meatball in vodka sauce.") He's a pathetic, useless, imbecilic coward who never stops talking and contributes nothing of substance to the game. Civvie rightfully despises him.
  • AX3 returns after a brief hiatus due to Civvie's Demonic Possession, only to find that Civvie doesn't actually need him for this episode since all the game's exposition is voiced this time.
  • The annoying unskippable cutscenes constantly breaking up the action taking their toll on Civvie's patience.
    • And by constantly, we mean constantly. To quote the convict himself:
      Civvie: "Well, that was, like, 60% game. And, like, 40% excruciating cutscenes."

Pro Wolfenstein 3D

• Pro Wolfenstein 3-D is finally here! And you can already tell its a doozy because Civvie had to reupload it due to an audio encoding error.
  • "Calling [Wolfenstein 3D] a boomer shooter is almost quaint since it's the granddad that always talked about how he shot up all those Jerries in Dubya Dubya 2, which makes it a "greatest generation" shooter I guess."
  • The opening stars Lt. Aldo Raine briefing his team on their mission: killin' Nazis. BJ is very, very enthusiastic.
  • BJ Blazkowicz can eat dog food to replenish health... cue a scene of BJ (voiced by Gianni Matragano) waxing poetic about dog food and praising the Nazis for at least being courteous enough to buy the canned wet stuff. All done in the style of New Order BJ.
  • But if that's not enough, just the fact that BJ can slurp the blood off the floor if his health is REALLY low enough.
  • In the past, Civvie actually fully beat almost all of Wolf 3D on "I Am Death Incarnate!" just fine...the Game Boy Advance port, that is. The one where there was no music, it ran like trash, you can only save at the start of levels, it ran like trash and you can only save at the start of levels. His words. But it also had dedicated strafe buttons unlike the DOS original. He also heads off any comments telling him about how Wolf 3D never had mouse control by showing that yes, old Wolf 3D on DOS always had mouse control.
  • He's thus playing on ECWolf, a modernized source port. But as a tradeoff, he's going to use the lives system. Which fucks him over once he hits Episode 6.
  • "This software kills fascists!" (Cue Wolfenstein floppy disk flying through the air and cutting down an SS trooper.)
    SS Guard: Mein leben!
  • In defiance of his usual stance, Nazi dogs, to Civvie, are "not good boys and do not go to doggie heaven."
  • Wolf 3D's secret rooms tend to be hidden behind very, very nondescript walls. As in "completely indistinguishable from regular walls" nondescript. so cue Civvie doing a ton of wall-humping, moreso than any other shooter to date.
  • Episode 2 is the point where most people tend to give up on the game, not because the action gets monotonous, but because it introduces the Mutants. They fire rapidly, do a lot of damage and are utterly silent til they're already blasting you. Even when Civvie clears them out, as he puts it, "there's ALWAYS one more." Oh and they make an unwelcome surprise return in Episode 6.
  • And yes, Civvie mentions the "Call Apogee, Say Aardwolf" easter egg (remember how he did so in his Rise of the Triad vid?) Said easter egg was the centerpiece of a cancelled competition where players searched through a pushwall maze to find the sign and follow its instructions, but the contest was scrapped because level editors for the game cropped up almost immediately after release and the sign was found in no time at all. Sadly he's playing a later version of the game that replaces the infamous sign with a pile of bones and a 1-Up, but just so all the bases are covered, here it is.
  • He also finds the hidden Pac-Man level in episode 3, and he's found it so many times its easy to him, but no less fun. Its capped off by the blase way he says "Awesome. Classic. Let's go kill Hitler."
  • The fake Hitlers are, according to some guides, just dummies on strings with flamethrowers built into their chests, since it'd be ridiclous to add magic to Wolfenstein... before Civvie, near broken, then mentions the Spear of Destiny expansion (with its legitimate Jesus-stabbing artifact and actual demon final boss, the Angel of Death,) Return to Castle Wolfenstein (where Nazis learn necromancy to revive a long dead Germanic warlord to help them win) and the the Raven game (with its Black Sun dimension shit.) Although he does miss the mobile RPG spinoff where the Nazis use the Spear to summon a demon from hell that is hinted to become the Cyberdemon. At least the New Order games go for ancient Jewish supertech.
  • Civvie killing- no, annihilating mecha Adolf Hitler is both this and unquestionably awesome, and we'll just post the whole monologue here.
    Civvie: Shoot, look for his attack windup, get out of sight, shoot again, destroy his mech, then shoot him until he explodes into a pile of viscera topped with his head like an anti-Semitic cherry.
    Hitler: Eva, auf wiedersehen. (explodes into a pile of viscera topped with his head like that very cherry.)
    Civvie: Fuck yes! Fuck you, Hitler! You just don't get a better game climax than killing Hitler it just doesn't happen.
  • The manual claims that "Necessary items aren't hidden. The Nazis may be rude hosts but they would never hide anything necessary to escaping. Keys and elevators can be reached through the normal passages." As Civvie's experiences in Episode 4 show, this is an outright lie. (topped off with a red fade-in image of Civvie's eternal arch-nemesis, Randy.)
  • Level 4-9. Civvie tries to knife an enemy so as to not alert the horde of Nazis in the next room. Which fails and they pour out. The second time he alerts said lone guard, and that in turn sends the rest running. The third time he tires stabbing from a distance. Failure and horde again and he decides to just gun it for the chaingun and Otto Giftmacher, Ep 4's boss.
    Civvie: Oh, this poor bastard brought a rocket launcher to a hitscan fight.
  • One level in Episode 5 starts with Civvie having to rush through a room where a ton of SS troopers toting machineguns stand behind impassable barrels, and Civvie just guns it through, taking the hits for a pittance of treasure. But its his favourite episode.
  • The boss level has Civvie easily take down Gretel Grosse and claim all of the treasure. "Think of all the Uwe Boll movies this financed!" Cue footage...^*The clip is from his Postal movie but its generally considered true.
    Uwe Boll: You know, there are that rumors out that my films are financed with Nazi gold. And what should I say? It's true.
    Civvie: "When's the Postal movie review, Civvie?" Fuck you, that's when! You try uploading a movie review to Youtube! Especially one with Dave Foley's penis in it!
  • Intrigued that he's never seen any horny fanart of Gretel Grosse on the web, Civvie goes on a small expedition... that ends as soon as he gets to DeviantArt.
  • Civvie trying and failing miserably to pronounce General Fettgesicht's name before just calling him "General Fatface" (which is what "Fett gesicht" translates to.)

Hellraiser - The Infernal Cartridge

• For April Fools 2021, he takes on another but also fake Nintendo console game (based off of a supposedly unreleased one.) A bootleg NES cartridge of Hellraiser supposedly based of the Wolfenstein 3D engine made by Color Dreams, the developers better known as Wisdom Tree, AKA the guys who made Super 3D Noah's Ark. Said game consists of a cartridge perfectly modelled after Color Dreams' usual cart designs... with what seems to be Lament Configurations on the bottom.
  • As he's recapping the Hellraiser series, he stops at one point and shouts, "That's fucking Superman!"
  • Speaking of, he gets really annoyed at the fact that the title is Super 3D Noah's Ark, citing other games that put 3D at the end of their title like Duke Nukem 3D, Alien Breed 3D and of all things, Bubsy 3D.
    Civvie: Listen, there was a right place to put 3D in the title of your game and it's at the end, we are men, we are not animals!
  • Civvie's complete non-reaction to getting a hook through his hand. Civvie has been through so much Cold-Blooded Torture that a hook through the hand is considered a break to him.
  • Civvie encountering Bottomless Pits out of nowhere is not this alone. It’s when he finds an entire level full of a maze of Bottomless Pits that is, especially when he finds out the hard way that using a push block wrong blocks off the exit.
  • At one point, Civvie inexplicably comes across Mario's head as the super star music plays, and that's only tip of the iceberg of copyright infringing sprites. His response, thusly, was obvious.
    Civvie: Was Color Dreams TRYING to get sued?
  • How does Civvie ultimately defeat the Hellraiser Cartridge? Calling Nintendo, telling them about the Mario level and then letting Nintendo C&D the game back into the puzzle. Cue zooming out to John Carmack attempting to sell off the puzzle to another poor soul.
  • There's something both funny and awesome about how much effort Civvie may have gone to for this one April Fools joke. Not only did he render a whole new prison work desk, toploader NES and Hellraiser cartridge in 3D but may have coded the whole fake Hellraiser game himself. Talk about doing it for the lulz.

Redneck Rampage Deelucks Special

• Civvie's video on Redneck Rampage just to round out the Build Engine superstars.
  • The intro is of a redneck-flavour H4MM3R in what appears to be the Deep South... and it was all filmed and showcased in Civvie's own cell.
    Civvie: Are you kidding? I can't even do my own intros now? That Patreon money going to a location shoot? Nah I get it, that's cool... (Beat) Redneck Rampage sucks! (cue fake outro, complete with "How'd I Do" and patreon backer list.)
    • H4MM3R implying that the capstone logo is a Build Engine version of "the mark of the beast"
  • Civvie also points out how the game's main theme, "Redneck Rampage" as well as the large majority of its "psychobilly" soundtrack was done by none other than Mojo Nixon himself. Also a brief shoutout to the "Mojo Nixon VS Pat Buchanan" episode of CNN Crossfire where Pat mentioning a song called "Me So Horny" triggers a Voice Clip Song.
  • Additionally, Nixon voices the sheriff enemy, which to Civvie makes sense since Mojo was an actor who was in Great Balls of Fire!, the biggest movie he's ever starred in. What was the second, though? Super Mario Bros. (1993).
    Mojo Nixon as Toad: Koopa! You're a lousy leader!
  • Unfortunately, Civvie has to mute Nixon’s music for his playthrough out of fear of being targeted by YouTube’s copyright bots. This is despite the fact that Nixon supports free file sharing, as he is, in his own words, “not an asshole like Metallica,” a statement which Civvie pairs with footage of Metallica’s infamously ill-fated Twitch performance for BlizzCon.
  • Keys in this game are fucked up badly. They're small, hard to find and hard to see, the game considers them "skeleton keys", a term referring to a key that can open many kinds of doors, but these keys only open their desginated door and the doors are unmarked.
  • By default, Leonard's pistol is chambered in .454 Casull rounds. That kinda ammo is more powerful than even the vaunted Magnum round, and to give you an idea of how powerful they are and the respect they command, remember that Casull is the kind of ammo Alucard uses. Problem is in this game, it takes 3 shots to down a lower tier enemy. Let that be a warning on how lame the weapons are in this. Unless you're a chicken and Leonard has auto aim set to "Hitscanners only" where the Casull rounds do nothing. And that fix is only in the RedNukem source port. The DOS original? The chickens are borderline untouchable by damn well everything.
    Civvie: This game, even with a source port, is so fucked up.
  • The game has a "pissing" button... that is also a cheat button to revive you from death. Also, since there's no, uh, "stream" like in, say, Postal, Civvie gets the idea that Leonard soils himself on command and moves on.
  • Dairy Air Farms is one shitshow of a level, starting out with enemies in the open firing at you and explosive barrels you can accidentally kill yourself with. It causes Civvie to calmly have Katie replay the footage four times.
    Civvie: Oh... the game drops you into a shitshow here. (starts the level. In only five seconds he's set upon by an Old Coot, a Billy Ray and a Dog, in an opening area with virtually no room to move about, then an ill-timed ill-placed explosive gets him.) Shockingly bad design. (restarts. Readies a Ripsaw and triggers an explosive barrel with it.) Run it again, Katie. (footage runs again.) Run it... again. (footage runs a second time.) Katie! RUN IT! (And a third...) AHAHAHA- HAHAHAHA- OHOHO, LIKE STINK ON SHIT!
    • And as the shitshow gets going:
      Civvie: This level's main attraction is shit; you walk over shit and it slows you down even in the air. Because God is dead. He died in a fire inside of an orphanage which also claimed the lives of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Mister Rogers, Tom Hanks, the person who invented cowgirl - we're done! Put that last nail in the coffin of the human race!
  • If you thought Dark Forces had a terrible sewer level, have y'alls a gander at the shitpipe Redneck Rampage has to offer. As far as Civvie's concerned its a sewer level so abhorrent it glitches out and kills the Sewer Count.
  • "Being the worst level in Redneck Rampage is like being the Hollywood producer you're most afraid to leave your kids alone with: none of them are a good idea, but one is obviously the worst!"
  • Additionally, the shotgun from Doom 3 now has competition for "Worst Shotgun In A Shooter", with Redneck Rampage's shotgun lacking verticality, having godawful horizontal spread AND janky randomized damage.
    Civvie: I'm not even sure what's going on with this thing. It defies close study.
  • Oh and in case you thought they didn't, our old expansion pack-makin' pals Sunstorm Interractive did the Rides Again sequel/expansion.
  • To Civvie's astonishment, Redneck Rampage ending up receiving the best sequel of any Build engine game (he also deems it more successful than Shadow Warrior (1997) since its expansion pack actually got released while Wanton Destruction was completed but shelved).
  • The first level of Redneck Rampage Rides Again is titled "Area 69'', to which Civvie responds with, "Is this a New Blood game?" The joke became even funnier when New Blood CEO Dave Oshry later admitted he was thinking the same thing when Civvie said it out loud.

Prey (2006) - Dodging the Reaper

• It kicks off with Civvie being moved to a general population cell due to the popularity of his channel. Just as Civvie starts celebrating stating he's going to just walk out the front door, a laser wall appears on the cell opening. What did you expect from a maximum security underground base?
  • After the rather dramatic boss fight where you fight your girlfriend transformed into an alien horror, Civvie decides to lighten up the mood by checking in with a family entertainment specialist. Unfortunately, said specialist is Cancer Mouse. Civvie decides to just let him do his thing, reasoning that it's probably going to be far less traumatizing than what just happened in the game.

Hexen - Wrath of the RailMage

• The intro wraps up the Demonic Possession plotline by revealing that it fled while Civvie was trying to play a terrible, terrible Zorro game by Capstone, which was essentially a worse Prince of Persia clone. As Civvie puts it, the game was so bad that not even the demon wanted anything to do with it.
• Civvie's long, hostile relationship with Hexen.
  Title screen: FUCK HEXEN
  "Now I can finish Hexen in this video!" (Begins sobbing)
  "The Dungeon itself is a cramped series of maze-like hallways that fucks with your ability to use projectiles - because of the narrow-ness of the hallways - and at one point, ettins start spawning in at a much higher rate than normal. This is, of course, after you hit a switch about ten times that opens a door and spawns a slaughtaur ten times. 'Why do you hate Hexen, Civvie?' "

• However, he is happy to report that he found a more authentic source port for the video: Russian Doom.
  Civvie: That's right! We're doing a Hexen video and a slavjank video! HAPPY 300K, KIDS!
• Hexen's full title is Hexen: Beyond Heretic, so Civvie can't resist making the obvious joke:
  Civvie: Raven Software, after finishing Heretic, wanted to make something a little different and more ambitious - they wanted to go beyond Heretic! (smugly chuckles)
  (Cold Room lowers in front of Civvie's cell)
  Civvie: Yeah, okay, I deserve that. Be right back.
  SIX DAYS LATER
• A large part of Civvie's hatred of Hexen comes from the endless tedious switch hunting and item juggling. He helpfully puts up a timecode in the video for the part of the game that doesn't have it: the final battle against Korax.

American McGee's Alice - Talent in Madness

• Civvie refuses to hide his contempt for EA when talking about American McGee's Alice, describing their infamous tendencies of shutting down studios as a Satanic ritual to sell their sports games. This comes to a head when detailing the steps he took to buy a legitimate copy of the game, which EA used to sell bundled with its sequel, but no longer does; he needed to install Origin, buy an older key to the two-game package through Humble for $10 more, then trick Origin into giving him the game that he paid for.
  Civvie: Listen, I'm not telling you to pirate American McGee's Alice. I am telling you that it was made by a man who calls himself a pirate, and from what I can tell, lives on a boat on the seas of China raiding and jamming with other pirates and pillaging British naval vessels.^*This is all mostly true. No comment on the pillaging.
  • Civvie describes the Demon Dice as "like gambling, in a video game! EA knows all about that!"
• Civvie recounts the dark opening of the game.
  Civvie: Alice, a while after her original visits to Wonderland, is asleep in her home when her awful, rotten cat knocks over an oil lamp and this starts a fire that kills her parents. *long silence*
  Smash cut to Civvie in a bathtub while H4MM3R is standing in front of him holding a boom box.
  Civvie: Alright so when White Rabbit peaks I want you to throw the stereo in the tub.
• Civvie puts up a spoiler warning with 10 seconds of Muzak a mere split second before the White Rabbit and later the Cheshire Cat are abruptly and brutally killed.
  • "Alice has worse luck with friends than Charles Bronson!"

Realms Deep Roundup

• The Realms Deep Roundup, Civvie's report of the most promising retro-FPS shooters that starred during the 3D Realms event, opens with the return of Katie's malicious audio editing.
  Civvie: I wanna say for the record that I am not salty that I wasn't invited this year, it's fine, I prefer to humiliate myself on my own terms with my own editor, Katie how you doing over there? I- eat- from the toilet- yes, daddy.
  • Later, while showcasing White Hell, Civvie finds himself in another sewer level, and gets terrified by what he sees down there:
    Civvie: A good start to the proceedings, I say... Wait, what's... (sees "Does this sewer count?" written on a wall) Oh... oh, no... no! Don't... do that...!
    The world shakes, lightning strikes a distant grave, causing the Sewer Count to burst from the ground, its tally of 182 rising to 183.
    • And from then on, the Sewer Count is back, but looking more rotten and decayed each time, with the Quake 1 zombie groan accompanying its appearances (at least until the Wolfenstein (2009) review changed its appearance due to an apparent Integer Overflow).

Half-Life: Opposing Force / Blue Shift - Enter the Grease

• You want it, you got it! Civvie's video on Half-Life: Opposing Force and Blue Shift, the two regrettably grease-infected expansions to the original Half-Life (developed by Gearbox, hence the slight sheen of grease.) He pointedly does not do the Decay expansion on the PS2 port, though largely due to it being co-op only and him not having any friends as he states (which is Hilarious in Hindsight considering he would end up being Trav Guy's co-op partner when he made a Decay video.)
  • The video starts with Civvie playing the 2021 Nightdive/MachineGames remaster of Quake, knowing full well that everyone and their mother would tell him about it and make him do a video. Of a remaster of a game he's already done. Knowing the video would just be of him congratulating and happily blowing Nightdive and MachineGames for a job well done. There is a reason though: Quake's expansion packs barely tie into the main story unlike the ones Half-Life got.
  • Civvie describes Randy, his age-old nemesis, as "Randal S. Pitchford II, named after a mythical creature said to inhabit underground grease dumps in Amarillo, Texas." It turns out when he founded Gearbox, Randy pulled in a bunch of guys from the late Rebel Boat Rocker, a company famed for making nothing and having their funding cut by EA, while working on an ambitious project called Prax War 2018 which was taking forever and was making no progress. At least Prax War was mercy killed, right Duke?
    Civvie: So I guess you can take the staff out of 3D Realms but you can't take the 3D Realms out of the staff.
  • OpFor and the Barney Blues are a case of Schrödinger's Canon in that while developed by Gearbox instead of Valve, they're not explicitly stated to be non-canon. Valve doesn't care, since they made Barney a major character in Half-Life 2 and Portal is part of Half-Life canon, so basically everything is canon... except Hunt Down the Freeman since it's bad. But Opposing Force is still canon to HDTF because nothing matters.
    Civvie: Which is really too bad since I was hoping that we'd get to see Mitchell in Half-Life 3 when he arrived at Borealis and he'd be all edgy and shit. But he won't have the same voice^*Mick "RicePirate" Lauer because it's 2257 and the voice actor is long dead, just like me, you and everyone watching this.
  • This time, Civvie doesn't have too much of a problem with having to do the Boot Camp level in OpFor since its different from the Hazard Course, it has boot camp Drill Sergeant Nasty type instructors all voiced by Jon St. John and they're all such transparent Gunny Hartman copycats. Additionally it teaches you things unique to OpFor, such as the game's PCV (Adrian's version of the HEV suit,) how to climb ropes (which Civvie doesn't cover), use the unique sniper rifle weapon and how to press E.
    Civvie: This isn't your dad's Half-Life Hazard Course!
    • The bit-crushing on Half-Life voice files wasn't too bad up until every single Marine there gave Instructor Barnes a hearty "SIR YES SIR!" Then the bit-crushing gets crunchy.
    • Barnes demands Adrian Shephard give his name. But he can't, since as Civvie demonstrates, he's a Heroic Mime par excellence.
      Dwight T. Barnes: When I ask you to jump, you will reply with "how high?"
      Civvie: Don't you mean "SIR! HOW HIGH, SIR?!"
      Barnes: What's your name, dirtbag?
      Civvie: Yo man, this is a Half-Life game, no talking.
      Barnes: SOUND OFF LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR!
      Civvie: I literally can't.
      Barnes: Corporal Shephard, huh? Looks more like Corporal Dogmeat to me!
      Civvie: IT'S A SKIN CONDITION!
    • And later on...
      Instructor Sharp: Follow my instructions carefully and by the end of the day, I will have you eating danger and crapping victory!
      Civvie: Aliens: Colonial Marines dialogue makes so much more sense now.
    • Additionally, Gearbox managed to actually put a joke in that Civvie found pretty good. It's their only one to him so fans better savor it. What is said joke? To demonstrate the durability of the Powered Combat Vest Adrian is wearing in training, Sharp has him stand in place so another Marine can shoot him with a shotgun.
      Sharp: This armored vest that the military has provided you with will keep you alive! Step onto the mark and this will be demonstrated for you! (As Civvie was already on the mark, demonstration immediately begins, with the Marine nearby shooting Adrian) As you can see, you are not dead!
      Civvie: That's the best joke put into a Gearbox game right there, you kids should let that one roll in your mouth for a while, really savor it.
    • The sniper rifle is accurate enough to "hit the flea off of a dog's back at 100 meters." Contrast with the Desert Eagle which Civvie describes "could possibly hit somewhere in the vicinity of the dog if that dog was Clifford, and he stood directly in front of it saying he was two days away from retirement." And then Civvie turns on the deagle's laser sight and suddenly its shoot-flea-off-100-meters-away-dog accurate.
  • Civvie spends a lot of his OpFor time killing most of the friendly scientist and security personnel he finds at Black Mesa (even the ones that help him) since, well, that is why the HECU (and Adrian in particular) were sent there. Weirdly in one case, an Otis (the fat security guard) is found dying in a vent, so Civvie tries to kill him by repeatedly beating him with Adrian's pipe wrench, which only annoys the Otis and causes him to loop his retaliation dialogue. Then when Adrian moves away, he comes back to find said Otis had just died. And shrunk.
  • Know how many players view the pipe wrench as Adrian's iconic melee weapon? Civvie finds it slow and unsatisfying, with the combat knife working way better since its a reskinned crowbar.
  • Just as Adrian is about to leave the base and get on the Osprey, G-Man closes the door on him like a theatrical bully.
    Civvie: Oh G-Man come on, don't be an asshole my brother Mitchell is on that chopper! G-Man! C'MON! G-MAN!
  • One HECU guy complains about being led to believe this was a "baby-sitting job." Civvie has this to say... and yes its another Half-Life 2 reference.
    Civvie: I wasn't told anything! But I guess we're here to waste these annoying scientists who did this experiment that led to an alien invasion which is gonna lead to an even worse alien invasion and a war that only lasts about seven hours where we get absolutely CRUSHED. My brother Mitchell knows more about that, though.
  • Sadly said Marine just will not get on the elevator Civvie's on when Civvie needs him to. The one time he does? The game crashes. Finally Civvie just declares it a mutiny, frags his teammates and moves on. In a perfect example of comedic timing, the next chapter after is "Friendly Fire."
  • Since you need human soldier enemies in a Half-Life anything, the Black Ops show up as reskinned HECU Troopers to give Adrian shit.
  • Keeping with the theme of the eponymous action in said chapter, Civvie kills two of his HECU buddies to steal the light machine gun one of them had. Though they would have died anyway, Civvie rationalizes.
  • "Moment of Xen" (AKA "We Are Not Alone") sees Adrian go through the dreaded Xen as well. Thankfully it's much shorter and Civvie gets the Displacer cannon out of it. The Displacer is, as Civvie declares it, the game's BFG since ammo is rare and it makes enemies go away. It's alternate fire also teleports Adrian to random parts of Xen (occasionally to a bottomless pit death) or, in one case, the Hazard Course.
  • Civvie runs into a diving suit scientist in Crush Depth, and since the guy can open doors, Civvie promises that he won't kill the guy. So cue the poor nerd being fried by malfunctioning equipment.
    Civvie: Promises kept, baby!
  • Defeating the Pit Worm involves flushing toxic waste by activating the Valve and the Gearbox. Get it? GET IT?
  • Civvie finds the explosive-ridden Foxtrot Uniform chapter annoying, as if one single exploder box goes off the entire complex explodes. Sure would suck if the story ended with Black Mesa going up in flames anyway!
  • Speaking of, "The Package" sees Civvie witness two Black Ops grunts activate a nuclear device to destroy Black Mesa. Civvie has to handle the situation very carefully, so he does... with a rocket launcher. Additionally, a nearby Barney refuses to open the door to his security booth until Adrian turns the nuke off... despite the fact that he's at ground zero so what would it help to bunker down there? Civvie kills him anyway. (Also if you're wondering, G-Man reactivates the nuke)
  • The final boss of OpFor is the Gene Worm, who is somewhat briefer than the Nihilanth and requires shooting his eyes out before shooting his glowing purple boil thing. But the Gene Worm is in the same area as a very convenient healing pool so he's nothing next to the Nihilanth.
  • This time the G-Man takes the precaution of completely immobilizing Adrian, so Civvie can't pull his suicide bum-rush like he did with Freeman (and Barney never has a G-Man encounter.)
  • Civvie segues into the Blue Shift segment by stating the Gene Worm was probably easy due to being tired from the boredom of playing Blue Shift.
  • Blue Shift was going to be a Dreamcast exclusive addon, and boasted new "HD" models to take advantage of the Dreamcast's power. They are kinda cursed though, and Civvie did not let them have a place in Half-Life or Opposing Force. However, he does feel they're... oddly appropriate for Blue Shift. Problem is it's now way more apparent that the security guards have the same face, and everyone was too lazy to model more than two security guard faces. Now you understand the references to "a Barney."
    Civvie: Oh god I'm playing AS Barney, but everyone IS Barney! (cue footage from Katie's upcoming masterpiece Being Barney Calhoun.)
    Girlfriend Calhoun: Calhoun. Calhoun, Calhoun. Calhoun Calhoun Calhoun CALHOUN C A L H O U N (a Waiter Calhoun takes Calhoun's order.)
    Waiter Calhoun: Calhoun.
  • In comparison to Boot Camp, the Blue Shift training level gets no respect from Civvie as its an embarrassing carbon copy of the main game's Hazard Course, but with the Gina Cross hologram replaced with one of a Barney (not this game's playable Barney, just one of the many Barnies seen throughout.)
    Civvie: This IS your dad's Hazard Course!
  • Blue Shift marks one of the few times in the series where Gordon Freeman can be seen from a third person perspective and in Civvie's case, he's on the tram to the Anomalous Materials sector... where his model is kinda juddering about.
  • While boarding the elevator to Sector G, one of the scientists gets shirty with Calhoun, and Civvie finally has enough and goes postal.
    Eli Scientist: Well it's about time! We don't pay you people to-
    Civvie: Motherfucker! Talking to me like I'm- (shoots the scientist and the nearby Dr Coomer scientist in a rage and gets a game over for it.)
  • Captive Freight is just as dull as the rest of Blue Shift so guess what's in there to liven it up? A turret segment. While Civvie mindlessly blasts away, Katie chimes in:
    Katie: Gearbox Software cut a character from Borderlands based on CEO Randy Pitchford. It was a loot-stealing robot called "Greasetrap."
  • Barney's Xen adventure is way neutered compared to Gordon's or even Adrian's. There's an arena segment against... an unimpressive amount of enemy aliens, almost as if the numbers were to account for the Dreamcast's lesser processing power compared to a PC.
  • The last part of Blue Shift isn't against a massive boss like the Nihilanth or the Gene Worm, but a Hold the Line segment as Doctor Rosenberg and everyone else try to use the teleporter to escape Black Mesa. Barney has to temporarily stay behind to operate switches and valves, while under attack by a massively overwhelming force of... TWO Houndeyes! Oh and some HECU troopers who take ridiculously long to cut through a door, giving Barney ample time to lay explosive traps down and wave them goodbye.
  • As a final epitaph, Civvie wonders why the HD models still look so cursed.
    Eli Scientist Calhoun and Rosenberg Calhoun: Calhoun.

The Hedon Duology - Crystalpunk Ultraviolence

• The Running Gag of including the infamous HeadOn commercial due to the names sounding so similar.
  Civvie: Katie, throw up a spoiler warning;
  HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead.
  HeadOn, apply directly-
  Civvie: Katie what did I do, I'm sorry please, please stop Katie, I don't know what I did, whatever it was I'm sorry! Please just stop! Please stop! I- I can't take-
• When Civvie remarks about how horny the game (which is about a scantily clad, big tiddy half-orc/half-demon girl) is, when a dog collar shows up in the inventory.
  • Civvie does a quick youtube search for "I Wanna Be Your Dog" by The Stooges, only to find the cover version done for Disney's Cruella.''
  Civvie: (Zooming in on the Disney logo) What the fuck? ^note I Wanna Be Your Dog is about an S&M relationship, a strange choice of song for a Disney film.

Scratches - The Curse of Jerry

• As Scratches is abandonware, Civvie has to go on a "Perfectly Legitimate Abandonware Search" to obtain it.
  • The game's set in 1976, and Civvie takes the time to explain to his audience how a rotary telephone works. And then facetiously advertises a 100% walkthrough of the game with one (three-hour) part dedicated to dialing the phone.
    • He also mentions that they're so old he's never actually used one, despite people constantly calling him a literal Boomer.
    • Of note is the fact that he mentions that you have you meticiously dial every digit of the phone numbers you use in the game in order to call someone. Keep this in mind every time we abruptly cut to Michael on the phone with Jerry^note which Civvie seemingly does every single time he finds something plot-important.
  • Civvie's increasing exasperation with the real estate agent Jerry, who is revealed as being rather duplicitous over the course of the story, to the point of calling him the game's real villain. The video's subtitle is even "Curse of Jerry".
    Civvie: Why'd you send me to a murder house, Jerry?
    Civvie: WHY DID YOU SEND ME TO A DOUBLE MURDER HOUSE, JERRY?!
    Civvie: WHY DID YOU SEND ME TO A DOUBLE-MURDER SOUTH-AFRICAN-MASK-CURSE HOUSE, JERRY!?
    Civvie: JERRY, YOU STUCK ME IN A CURSED MURDER HOUSE AND MADE A CROOKED REAL ESTATE DEAL ON IT!?
    • During his brief discussion of the "Last Visit" DLC, Civvie brings up the reveal that Jerry went to jail for four years after the events of the base game. Guess how he responds.
      Civvie: Fuck Jerry.
  • After Michael discovers via a newspaper that he's staying in a murder house, Civvie reacts calmly:
    Civvie: (clearly panicked) So what, murder house, nothing wrong with that, time for bed!
  • At one point, the player has to have Michael rapel down the side of the house during a thunderstorm in order to access an inaccessible part of the house. While this sequence plays out, Civvie reminds Michael that he should be writing his book.
    Civvie: Why don't ya fuckin' write something, Michael?!
  • Civvie finally decides to have Michael sit down and write some of his book, commenting on how all writing is is just stream-of-consciousness with no planning whatsoever. One abrupt cut to a phone call to Jerry later^note who also points out that Michael should be writing instead of investigating shit, we see that Michael was writing "I'm going to be a good boy and not make any references to The Shining" over and over.
    Civvie: Well, shit.
  • Civvie's Rapid-Fire "No!" reaction to the game requiring Michael to crawl into a furnace.
    • Immediately afterwards, his reaction to seeing a shadowy figure walking around in the basement. And his bafflement at the player character's decision to go to bed in the house that now definitely has someone else in it.
      Civvie: Michael decides the best course of action is to go to bed. Michael is dumb, I would be hopping this fence and taking my chances on the road by now. Fuck this.
  • When Jerry suggests calling the police, Michael tells him to not get the police involved because, as Civvie puts it, "Michael has a death wish."
  • Civvie sums up the game pretty well at the end:
    Civvie: ...and it's all fucking Jerry's fault!
  • Instead of B-Roll of the game for the credits, Civvie takes the opportunity to talk briefly about two demos he'd played. In the first, Fallen Aces, Civvie is hesitant to say anything about it because it's a New Blood game and, in his own words, "New Blood keeps putting up quotes about my dick on the store page". Said quote verbatim is now on the game's Steam page.

Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II - The Rise of Katarn

• The Opening Crawl references the previous episode's bit where Civvie bets Rise of Skywalker will do time travel. It didn't, but as he puts it, that was because he assumed the movie would have ideas.
  • The title crawl itself gets fed up because it just wants Kyle Katarn back, and who doesn't?
  • Civvie starts off mentioning that this game, Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II, shouldn't be confused with Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast since Civvie actually enjoys the latter game. Cue a chorus of boos. And ANOTHER Opening Crawl telling Civvie off for angering Star Wars fans.
  • Jedi Knight runs on the Sith Engine, an upgraded version of the Jedi Engine that Dark Forces used. Cue Jedi Knight, with Windows on its knees and Palpatine ordering the game to DO IT.
  • Jedi Knight is not very future proof. Civvie had a hell of a time trying to get it to run on Windows 10. He even tried fan patches to bump up the game's resolution to HD. Problem is, those fan patches fail to account for the HUD so now the HUD, featuring vital info such as health and ammo levels, is miniscule, as in you'd need a magnifying glass AND to squint in order to be able to check if Katarn's about to become one with the Force. So Civvie settled for dgVoodoo, an old third party program that forces the game to display at a HD resolution while putting the ingame resolution to 480p so he can get a nice looking game with a HUD he could actually read.
    Civvie: I really wish I coulda skipped to Jedi Knight II, that one that Raven did which is a better game shut up. In 1997 I'm sure people were Force Choking themselves over how awesome it is to have a lightsaber and space wizard powers but you know, LucasArts ain't Raven. Raven isn't even Raven anymore... Oh dammit now I'm sad again.
  • The Stupid Star Wars Names counter returns! This time it's victims include Qu Rahn, Pic, Gorc, Maw and Boc Aseca. Pic becomes an especially egregious case as he raises the counter by 5 as his full name is Picaroon C. Boodle, a Kowakian monkey lizard.
    Civvie: Go home, Star Wars, you're drunk.
  • The only name that doesn't count is 8T88, since he's a droid and that's a serial number.
  • The game has live action cutscenes featuring actors in costume in front of green-screens that feature some... janky CGI. Almost like foreshadowing the future of the franchise!
  • The game's main villain is a Dark Jedi (not Sith, they were rather insistent about that back then) called Jerec, who seeks the Valley of the Jedi so he can skip Jedi training as Civvie puts it. Ah, if only the Jedi cared, then Anakin wouldn't have to put those younglings to bed.
    Civvie: I think if the Jedi made the training suck less, more people would stop being evil.
  • However, Jerec made one fatal mistake: he killed Morgan Katarn, father of our man Kyle Katarn, who wants revenge. And we all know what Katarn wants, he fuckin' gets.
    Civvie: Father of Kyle Katarn: rebel mercenary, bad motherfucker, puncher of Kell dragons, a man who has killed more Stormtroopers than died on the Death Star, although he did steal the plans for the Death Star in the first game, making it possible for the Death Star to be destroyed so add them to the count too.
  • 88 tells Kyle about Jerec:
    8T88: ...and he has great plans for the rebirth of the Empire.
    Katarn: I'm not interested in petty political struggles.
    Civvie: Me either, man, but I got a comment section so...
  • After 88 betrays him, Katarn begins his hunt for the droid and the stolen data disk found in papa Morgan's home. And this game features probably the smartest mook in the whole Kyle Katarn Saga, because when faced with a gun-toting Katarn, the guy runs for it. He doesn't get far but kudos for brains.
  • Unlike later games, this game's morality system bars you from using Force powers from the opposite alignment to what you're on right now. Civvie sticks with Light Side because he wants healing, but no Deadly Sight or Papa Palpatine Brand Sith Lightning for you. Or the Dark Side ending. Speaking of, you get Dark Side points for shooting civilians. Civvie doesn't go around killing civilians, but only to save ammo.
  • Jedi Knight features the full-on proper movie versions of John Williams' classic Star Wars music. Sadly because we're dealing with Disney and the Steamboat Wendigo, most videos of this game get copyrighted and muted very quickly. Similarly, you could get epic music playing over "Katarn tripping over his own dick and falling into a bottomless pit."
  • Katarn's childhood home is a level, and it's where the janky platforming, while taking a backseat, still rears his head. See, you bounce off of walls when you bump into them mid jump, but occasionally you'll make it to where you need to go anyway.
    Civvie: There's still platforming, where you get to play a game of "Will I slide off of this slight incline like it was hosting a Randy Pitchford magic show?" All this to get to your father's workshop.
  • The next level is an irrigation channel. And what does THAT translate to? Yep it's a sewer, and the Counter's looking a little rotten these days.
  • Thankfully the next level makes up for it, taking place at Baron's Hed. It includes mines, a Mos Eisley ripoff city, and Katarn even gets to pal up with Max! No really, THAT Max. Yeah they were both Lucas properties, true, but its still hilarious. To the point where Max has his own Wookieepedia article.
  • Civvie also takes the time to repeatedly use the Use key on Max. Said animation shows Katarn reaching out and touching, and its very obvious Civvie staged it as such so that it looks like Katarn was petting the bunny.
  Civvie: I don't indiscriminately use people... except Max.
  • Civvie takes the time to point out that he probably hated the game because of the first two levels, which he had to push himself through to get to the Lightsaber and force powers. Even then the saber combat isn't as good as what Jedi Outcast would provide. Probably since LucasArts were good, Raven had the talent and licensed tech provided by Metaverse Destroyer and corporeal being by choice John Carmack.
  • Civvie gets into his first Jedi battle, against Yun. He takes the time to bring up a character file for Yun, with his smugness levels "unbearable", his "likes" being money and the Dark Side and his dislikes being "IDK, Sand?" Also, because Civvie didn't put anything into Force Sight yet, Yun's invisibility power really gives him shit. And then Civvie wins anyway, with Yun at his mercy.
    Yun: KILL ME! Isn't that what you do to Dark Jedi?
    Civvie: And stormtroopers. And Grans. And Trandoshans. And Ewoks. But no, Kyle spares him and he floats away.
  • The fuel station level after features a fun TIE Bomber strafing sequence... but also brings back the Trandoshans and their concussion rifles. Not fun. One of them even gets a cheeky parting shot as Civvie rockets them to death.
    Civvie: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, welcome back! I didn't miss you!
  • Said level has pools of engine fuel that, when shot, explodes like all hell. So it happens a lot. Also, puzzle sinvolving one switch to open a door way far away from it.
    Civvie: I understand what they're trying to do here, but if you're aiming for some kinda world-building or verisimilitude in Star Wars... it's Star Wars.
    Poe Dameron: Somehow Palpatine returned-
    Civvie: SHUT UP!
  • The next level features jumping puzzles with tons of switches, moving boxes and a ton of annoyances, including a force field that has a switch to turn it off right next to it... a tiny one in a dark grey room where it's occasionally obscured by moving boxes. Because why the hell not? What switch is ever next to a thing it turns off, right?
    Jedi Academy Kyle: The console to unlock this door is probably hidden in some room twelve floors up or something. How does that make sense?
    Civvie: Yeah, Future Kyle, exactly! That's what I expect from this game!
  • Civvie tries to trick some Stormtroopers into a room laden with explosive barrels and tosses a Thermal detonator upward... only for it to bounce off of a trooper and back in his face. So he swears off them.
  • Another Jedi battle, this time against Maw! Maw is an angry alien Dark Jedi who was cut in half by Qu Rahn in the game's intro, but survived that by being really angry about it. Does that sound familiar to Darth Maul fans? Unlike Maul though, Maw doesn't bother with mechanical legs, he just awkwardly floats. Via the power of being really angry about it.
    Qu Rahn: For every quart of muscle, there is hate.
    Civvie: Edgy.
    Rahn: It is this hate that keeps his aging body strong.
    Civvie: It's like I always say, you never skip hate day, especially when you're forced to skip leg day.
  • Civvie beats Maw and we see that urging people to kill them is a Dark Jedi's fetish.
    Maw: Hehehe, I'm weaponless. Hehe... KILL ME!
    Civvie: All these Dark Jedi sound like they get off on telling me to kill them. Like they're all Force-sensitive Big Johns.
    Big John: C'MON! KILL ME! HAUH! C'MON! DO IT NOW! KILL ME I'M HERE! AHH, GIRLY MAN! HAHAHA! BIG JOHN, HAHA JA THAT'S ME!
  • Katarn, no matter the alignment, actually DOES IT, looking very perturbed (moreso than Anakin did, even) leading to Jerec congratulating him.
    Civvie: Okay Jerec, c'mon now this dude is gonna kill you, don't do anything stupid- Aaaaand he's kidnapped Jan.
    Jan Ors: Looks like I can't bail you outta trouble this time.
    Civvie: If you're Dark Side Kyle, you'll kill Jan, which isn't canon.
    Jerec: Strike her down! And realize your true destiny as a Dark Jedi! YOUR TRUE POWAH!
    Civvie: Jerec has to die, but I kinda love him and his line delivery.
  • Yun saves Kyle from Sariss, and with his dying breath, declares that Kyle deserves death in proper battle like a Jedi should. Of course his acting, as Civvie puts it, ranges from "like i'm totally dying" to "having sex with a warm apple pie."
  • Civvie finally gets to Ruusan, home of the Valley of the Jedi. Sadly those Imperial douchebags set up an installation here, complete with what can only be called a cloning facility since it has hatches spawning infinite amounts of Stormtroopers. Guess when the Remnant gets desperate they have to retroactively mothball Kamino tech.
  • Sadly, the Imps dug too deep into Ruusan... because there's Kell dragons! Katarn has a reputation to keep up and if Civvie doesn't follow up from Dark Forces he could lose his Youtube Man license so of course he punches them to death like a true merc should.
  • Boc proves to be a problem, though the way Qu Rahn's exposition is cut here suggests that Rahn's problem with Boc is that he uses two lightsabers. Before Ahsoka Tano and General Grievous, even!
    Qu Rahn: I can't abide this creature named Boc. He is one of few who actually uses two lightsabers in battle!
    Civvie: Wow that sounds dangerous I better- (Boc jumps at him like a lunatic) JESUS!
  • And of course, the final fight with Jerec. Including edgy narration by Rahn, a misleading boss mechanic tha tinvolves letting Jerec float up to a place that heals him then pushing statues around to block him off and jumping up to him to force him out. Oh and Jerec did kill Kyle's dad. So Katarn murders tons of mercs, stormtroopers and some Dark Jedi, masters the Force faster than even Rey did and dodges Jerec's Force Lightning because hell yeah. And that last one? All Civvie, baby!
  • He also takes the time to head off anyone about to tell him about the Mysteries Of The Sith expansion pack starring Mara Jade. The one where Katarn briefly goes to the Dark Side and has to be saved by Mara Jade, and swears off Jedi-ing until the next game. Spoilers sure but "can you spoil non-canon?"
  • It ends with Katarn not killing a helpless Jerec, but instead offering Jerec back his lightsaber so he can finish him off in the samurai movie way (hilariously appropriate considering Star Wars' many samurai movie inspirations.) Yep. Including Jerec only falling down when Katarn switches his saber off.
    Civvie: Kyle Katarn is on his way to becoming one of the most powerful, important Jedi in all of the extended Star Wars canon, and in the next game he goes so far as to meet Luke Skywalker, and kill even MORE stormtroopers and Dark Jedi! (cue footage of The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise to make his point) Next time a Sith is talking about the power of the Dark Side in anything Star Wars related, remember this face and if you can't, remember this beard. (cue ending credits)

2020 Episodes

Terminator: Resistance - No Hate But What We Make

• Civvie noticing yet another questionable model in the game, specifically, the shotgun.
  Civvie: The animations are, uh, not the best some times?
  (Shows close up of the reloading animation for the shotgun, where the shells haven't been rendered so the main character is just shoving nothing into the breech. It then zooms in again where tiny Beetlejuices are being loaded like shells.)
  Beetlejuice: Nice fuckin' model!
  (Civvie shoots an enemy and pumps the shotgun, where a tiny Beetlejuice is ejected with a *honk honk* noise.)

Witchaven - Curse of Capstone

• So how does the Department of Special Corrections solve Civvie's increasingly dangerous high hype levels for Doom Eternal? Why, bring back a certain pinnacle of entertainment software, of course! Cue Witchaven.
  • It seems nowadays William Shatner's Tekwar was so bad Civvie can't say the name without retching.
  • The fact that the backstory has the evil witch Illwhyrin bring down a sect of mages by taking advantage of one's lust. In other words, "she made a dude thirst."
  • The Willowisps take levels away. Civvie's response is as simple as it is gutbusting.
    Civvie: (upon seeing that a level was drained from his character)... WHAT THE FUCK?!
  • At least two monsters have some breasts for some ungodly reason. As Civvie puts it:
    Civvie: Capstone: The Pinnacle of Monster Titties!
  • At one point Civvie sees how the fire ball spell, usually useless, has splash damage that lasts longer than the animation when the player is fully levelled. Naturally its time for Capstone to get another flogging, dropping any hint of sarcastic titles because he is plain DONE with Capstone.
    Civvie: Y'know, it's always fucking something, isn't it?! Capstone, The Pinnacle Of IT'S ALWAYS FUCKING SOMETHING!
  • Civvie had a whole new super powered gaming rig for Doom Eternal ready. The specs include a video card with 320gb of VRAM, a cooling system used in fission reactors, a cursed runic stone from the ruins of Sala'Kan'Tar and a processor with a power supply fuelled by strands of John Romero's hair, and the entire thing is somehow bleeding. But its got all the teraflops!
  • Civvie's depiction of the hypothetical phone conversation where Ken Silverman (creator of the Build Engine, depicted with a grossly oversized forehead and telekinetic abilities) was asked to license the Build engine by Capstone (depicted by a stock image of a clown).
    Civvie!Clown: Oh, we wanna make an action-RPG like no one's eva done, but also we made Operation: Body Count! *clown honks*
    Civvie!Ken: Uh... yeah, y'know what, hold on. I have another call. *Ken telekinetically switches calls*
    Duke Nukem: I've got balls of steel!
    (Beat, Ken switches back his call with Capstone)
    Civvie!Ken: Oh, and, by the way, how's that William Shatner game going?
    (The Capstone clown starts vomiting out a stream of diarrhea, which goes into the phone and comes out the other end into Ken's face)
  • After beating the game, Civvie briefly brings up its sequel, Witchaven II: Blood Vengeance. He plays a bit of it, has the game flip out in an inexplicable fashion after he dies, and decides not to cover it any further.

Daikatana - The Great Green Dragon

• The long awaited episode on Daikatana is a knockout.
  • While talking about the game's development foibles, it is noted by a narrating AX3 that development on the new engines at id was taking so long that instead of a concrete date, Romero and co were content to say... "When it's done." Sound familiar, Duke?
  • The beginning of the game features the very shortly lived Toshiro Ebihara... voiced by John Galt doing his Lo Wang voice. How is Civvie supposed to take that seriously? He can't so cue the Lo Wang voice lines.
    Toshiro in the voice of Lo Wang: (while dying) I am sitting here... GETTING STIFF!
  • The bullshit is present from the opening of the game.
    Civvie: Our hero named... Hiro... I can feel the fucking bile rising in my throat just saying that.
  • Civvie using the highly impractical shotcycler weapon (a shotgun that shoots 6 shells with every trigger pull) to rocket jump to a secret area, he comes to a realization on why John Romero designed it this way.
    Civvie: What the fuck? I just wanted a shotgun! You thought what if it was a rocket jump without the splash damage, you were deathmatching all day long and then you made this, didn'tcha? Didn'tcha, you son of a bitch!
  • The game gets a bit heavy-handed in foreshadowing Mikiko's inevitable betrayal, with her making some vaguely ominous quip in pretty much every cutscene where she speaks, so Civvie feels it only fair to add a Betrayal Countdown whenever this happens.
  • Civvie doesn't feel comfortable with the game encouraging him to kill NPCs to progress half the time, but his AI companions have no qualms at all about slaughtering them, so cue a Voice Clip Song with Sheev Palpatine ordering Mikiko and Superfly to "DO IT."
  • Musilde's particularly hideous-looking facial model prompts a mash-up of the Beetlejuice clip and "Oh Yeah", with the honks synchronized to the song's "bow bow"s.
  • Musilde- sorry, Mudslide gets a beating from Civvie.
    Civvie: So this guy, Mudslide-
    Mudslide: My name is Musilde!
    Civvie: So this guy, Mudslide...
  • Mikiko just plain not getting off the elevator near the end of the game gets its own segment.
  • Remember the stone of Sala'Kan'Tar that Civvie upgraded his PC with? With all the goop it had been spreading all over his cell, it was only a matter of time before it turned evil on him, and it does. At first, it starts off complaining about how Civvie made it play Daikatana in all its heavily janky glory despite all the fun they had playing Doom Eternal (though not without angrily pointing out how much Civvie sucked at the game). By the end, it mutates into a badly-animated demonic bat monster and threatens to destroy humanity... until the evil spirit is overthrown by the strands of John Romero's hair that had been used to secure the cooling fan to the CPU. The good spirit of Romero is about to leave and set about helping humanity, until AX3 subdues the machine with a flamethrower and slams it in a sub-basement level with everything else that's tried to menace Civvie in the past. Including the Steamboat Wendigo from Dark Forces and a copy of William Shatner's Tekwar.

You Are Empty - The Stalingrad Chicken Emergency

• His review of You Are Empty has some solid gold moments.
  • At one point, an NPC's animation goes so utterly janky that it leaves Civvie completely flummoxed. He's flabbergasted to the point that he's completely beyond commentary, asking outright what he could possibly add to the scene.
  • Civvie takes the time to bitch about how this game's physics regarding ragdolls were the kind of physics he wanted in Doom³ instead of them dissolving, followed by Katie leaving a note saying how he's still mad about this 16 years later.
  • Everything about Civvie meeting the incredibly Off-Model male ballerina, from a close up to the unnaturally shifting neck to his demise mere moments after he runs off, to said ragdoll having bulging eyes upon death. This Big-Lipped Alligator Moment is then finished off thusly.
    Civvie: Let's never mention this again.
    Cancer Mouse: Oh hey Civvie!
    Civvie walks away wordlessly
    • What's even better is that Cancer Mouse himself seemingly can't even muster anything to say, stopping dead right after his usual, "Oh, hey, Civvie!" Catchphrase, as if the insanity on display left even him completely stumped.
  • "Blyattlefield."
  • After pointing out how some enemies go down startlingly fast:
    Civvie: You know, for Soviets, these guys aren't all that tankie... Shout-out to the five people who got that.
  • Throughout the video, Civvie is subjected to the Clock Drawing Test (a real neurological test by the way) and while he wavers a bit at first, he gets it right just fine... until he gets to the giant mutant chickens, at which point he completely falls apart.
    AX3: What is the time, CV-11?
    Civvie: It's... it's jank-o-clock.
    • Worth noting that the time Civvie is asked to draw the clock to point at is 8:10, and the above scene happens around eight minutes and ten seconds into the video.
  • A giant, hunking monster that looks a little like a Left 4 Dead Tank shows up... and for some reason it's wearing a wife-beater.
    "Oh God, look out, it's from Jersey!"

The Varginha Incident - Vicious Cycles

• His review of The Varginha Incident, Brazil's first FPS and based off the Varginha UFO sightings. Between the software fighting him tooth and nail every inch of the way with lag, glitches, and freezes, the game's generally poor quality, and Civvie's ever-dwindling patience and sanity, there is no shortage of hilarity to be found.
  • The game hits William Shatner's Tekwar levels of bad at breakneck speed and does not let up for an instant. In fact, at one point, Civvie has to all but force himself to not say that the game is potentially even WORSE than William Shatner's Tekwar.
• The overwhelming issues of the game finally breaks Civvie:
  Civvie: Every moment is suffering, and confusion, and regretting every choice I've made in my life that brought me here, because this is one of the worst things I've ever played. Even playing this game under the best of conditions with everything working, it still feels like I've bitten off more than I can chew, y'know? I feel like even showing footage of this game is punishing you, the viewer, for the sin of wanting to be entertained by true awfulness. For gazing into the abyss. For finally realizing that everything isn't going to be okay, and that humanity is going to destroy itself, and that's probably for the best.

2019 Episodes

SUNSHINE AND KITTENS

• Civvie leaves editing duties to Katie for his video on Hatred. Since the game's violence would get him demonetized hard, Civvie has Katie recolour as much of the blood green as she can. As a form of revolt, Katie at points gets a little... creative with the audio.
  Civvie: Katie, you don't have a problem with this, right? I'm a- hack- that sucks- at Blood.
  Civvie: I like to- SEARCH- Roblox- pornography.
  Civvie: One time I- took some drugs- and then- banged- my sister.
  • This gag later got a Call-Back in his Postal Redux vid, where Not Important is a Guest Fighter for some reason. Turns out Civvie was not happy with Katie's mischief. Even as he orders Katie to recolour the blood green again. This once more causes her to bite back.
    Civvie: And for an even more complete experience, Katie has to turn the blood green. (Katie does so) Yeah, there we go. Fuckin' telling people about my sister. Why don't you use some editorial discretion you bitch?! I have a- micropenis. It's like one of those lightsaber keychains.

VIRTUAL BOY WARIO LAND - THE APRIL FOOLS VIDEO

• This was originally uploaded as "Pro Brutal Doom", complete with a Fake-Out Opening before quickly revealing the true nature of the video, solely as a Take That! to Brutal Doom and anyone who was badgering Civvie for a Pro Brutal Doom video.

  Civvie: "April Fools Motherfu-"

• The fact the first console game Civvie ever covered on the show was for the Virtual Boy of all things.

Alien: Resurrection (PS1) - Player Expendable

• The very first video Civvie does after the timeline is fixed by H4MM3R is, of all things, a console shooter, running contrary to Civvie's preference for PC shooters. Specifically the Playstation adaptation of Alien: Resurrection.
  • Civvie's copy has a jewel case that's in bad shape, and he's clearly not happy to see it again once H4MM3R shows it to him. Cue the panic and tense music as Civvie wonders how a game he thought he destroyed and buried has returned...
    H4MM3R: Maybe you shouldn't read from Necronomicons, asshole.
  • This video also brings back Civvie's old intro with the panning shot of the Department corridor and the "Here Boy" backing music... cut off by a Facehugger.
  • Civvie decides to throw shade at an old, infamous review of the game by Gamespot, who bemoan the game's control scheme of the left analog stick moving the player around with left and right for strafing in those directions instead of turning like in previous shooters and the right stick being used to turn around and look up and down. If that sounds familiar, its the exact same twin stick control scheme adopted by every single console first person shooter since then. As an added bonus, the same review says players are better off waiting for a certain upcoming Playstation 2 game called... Aliens: Colonial Marines.
  • As Civvie points out, the film itself can't keep its own continuity straight, as at one point the prison planet Fiorina "Fury" 161 is inexplicably referred to as "Fiori 16." Civvie adds in an image from Alien 3; with the planet's proper name in a caption, that he has to censor to match Resurrection's fuckup... and cue the alien with an inner jaw modelled after everyone's favourite Glaswegian chef.
    Ramsay-morph: FUCKING RAW!

Star Wars: Dark Forces - Steamboat Wendigo

• His video on Star Wars: Dark Forces starts with the classic Star Wars crawl and MIDI theme... before Civvie demands Katie stop before the Steamboat Wendigo (an unholy death machine with Mickey Mouse's head on it) gets them.
• Civvie starts things off with one hell of a spiel about the state of Star Wars in 2019:
  Civvie: Did you guys know there's a new Star Wars coming out soon? And there's one coming out now? is that Werner Herzog? Is that Werner Herzog in a Star Wars show? Okay?! (the Spaceballs theme appropriately kicks in) There's one coming out in December! Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker. Wait, lemme check here- I don't know how they found another one but okay? Oh and there's a new Star Wars game too! Star Wars theme parks! Star Wars and Levi's hoodies! Star Wars pillows, Star Wars toilet paper! Spaceballs did this joke thirty years ago!
  Nadine Cross: We... are... dead... and this... is... hell!
  (Elevator doors close on her as the Spaceballs theme closes out.)
  • The Last Jedi does not go unscathed.
  Civvie: I'm gonna tell you a secret, I don't hate The Last Jedi, cause it's this big, important tentpole movie that doesn't understand how storytelling works, and that's going to be funny forever.
  • The video's thumbnail shows Kyle Katarn square in the middle of the Stormtrooper-laden hangar from A New Hope's Special Edition. He doesn't look the least bit bothered either, suggesting he could and very much would handle it without issue, unlike Solo. Later on in the vid, Civvie confirms it by comparing the general gist of the game to that very bit where Han runs into a hangar full of Stormtroopers (replacing the original cut's dead end turnaround) and then stating players will face that many Imperial douchebags and slaughter them like animals.
  • Civvie enjoys Kyle Motherfucking Katarn and considers him a Memetic Badass like many do since, after all, this was the game that introduced one of his many uber-badass feats... but he also thinks Kyle is a lame first name. "For those of you out there named Kyle I'm sorry your parents didn't love you."
  • Speaking of names, Civvie has quite a time listing out all the goofy names in the Star Wars verse, even putting up a "Stupid Star Wars Names" counter. Among them he counts the Grans, the Trandoshans, Crix Madine, Rom Mohc and Phrik metal.
    Civvie: I think its used mostly in the production of jizz^*A jazz-like music genre in the Star Wars universe; you wish we were joking about the name. instruments.
  • Civvie demonstrates the popularity Katarn has among fans by showing a wiki entry on him that simply refers to Katarn as "God." As if that's not enough, the same wiki has an entry on a certain phenomena called "Fear of Katarn."
  • Unlike later Katarn Saga games, Dark Forces doesn't have mid-level saving, instead using Video-Game Lives. But dying doesn't send you back to the start, only putting you a little bit near where you went down.
    Civvie: And remember, you don't even use the Force in this game! You're just Jesus! He could be, they only killed Jesus once, he coulda taken it three times.
  • One scene shows General Mohc intimidating a captured Crix Madine, gloating that he won't be divulging any more info to Katarn. Darth Vader admonishes Mohc not to underestimate Kyle as the latter is very "resourceful." As soon as Vader says as such, Gilligan Cut to ingame Kyle Katarn utterly ripping apart a room full of Imperials with one of their own E11 blasters like a human Death Star before nuking the Blood Moon, all to the tune of "Kickstart My Heart." Then Mohc says Katarn will never "come near his ship." Take a wild guess what happens in the game's last level.
    Civvie: You should have just given up then, guys, because he's gonna be kickin' your asses for another two games... two and a half.
  • Dark Forces has a sewer level (Anoat) that somehow outshits all over sewer levels Civvie's dealt with thus far, featuring darkened rooms, hard-as-nails Probe Droids, interrogator droids, that little remote that shoots Luke in the ass and incredibly persistent dianogas. How bad is it? It not only raised the Sewer Count by one, it kept raising the damn count til it hit 137 (helpfully punctuated with footage of Hector Salamanca madly dinging his bell), that's how bad it is. Only being able to jump through it prevents it from hitting 200.
  • The prison facility holding Madine has magnetically sealed walls, causing blaster fire to ricochet wildly. Thing is, as Civvie points out, this is a bad idea for the Empire. (cue footage of Stormtroopers firing on Katarn, missing and their bouncing shots causing them to regret it.)
  • At one point Civvie comes across some graffiti stating that "Ewoks suck." Written in an Imperial installation no less. Bear in mind, Dark Forces is the only game in its series to take place before Return of the Jedi where the Empire REALLY started hating the Ewoks. Then Civvie opens fire on a captive Ewok he finds since, well, "Ewoks suck" isn't an Imperial sentiment he disagrees with.
  • The game has Thermal Detonators, basically grenades that you can throw but with no indicator of how far or high you can toss them (unlike the dynamite in Blood) and with no mouse look to help. But they are good if you have...the high ground. You can practically feel the bitterness in Civvie's forced laughter.
  • Imperial general Mohc. Civvie isn't sure of how to... lampoon his name.
  • Oddly enough one of the names in the credits is Winston Wolff. Yyyyeah.
    Winston Wolf: I'm Winston Wolf. I solve problems.
    Civvie: I don't have anything else, that's just weird.
  • The Gromas mission ends with Kyle destroying the Imperial facility he just raided... in a huge atomic fireball visible from space. Yeah, there are no half measures in the House of Katarn.
    Civvie: GODDAMN. Why even have Kyle Katarn get the Death Star plans? Why not just send him in? (clue clip of a giant-sized Kyle blowing up the Death Star with Eye Beams)
  • Remember how Rogue One was all about a team trying to steal the Death Star plans and was your average feature length Hollywood movie? The very first mission in Dark Forces is exactly that and Kyle can knock it out of the park in fifteen minutes or less. And unlike Jyn Erso and her friends, Kyle makes it out alive and smellin' like roses.
    Civvie: Do you remember when they had to, like, assemble a team in Rogue One? Actually, more importantly, do any of you guys remember Rogue One? It's okay if you don't.
  • There's a crime lord said to be affiliated with the Empire that's getting in Katarn's way. Now given how little notorious crime lords Star Wars has, which do you and Civvie think the crime lord is: Jabba The Hutt? Jabbaneo Del Huto? Or Shitty 90's CGI Jabba The Hutt?
  • At one point, Kyle and Jan are kidnapped by Jabba the Hutt (which solves the above query.) This happens to be the level where Kyle is forced to fight a kell dragon while unarmed. On the game's hardest difficulty, there are a maximum of 5 of them... and it is very possible for Kyle to punch them all to death with his bare hands. Bare in mind, this game was before Kyle became a Jedi. That's an awesome moment if Civvie's ever seen one. True, Civvie only kills 3 of them on his run but nothing's stopping other players from doing just that. But it's also hilarious since now Kyle's Memetic Badass status is cemented. How can anyone think any character is a match for Kyle after that?
  • The Imperial City level is supposed to end with a pitched gunfight against Boba Fett ending with Jan Ors' starship coming down to pick you up... but Civvie's able to use mines and their splash damage to cheese the mission at the start, since Boba's actually hidden behind a wall and doesn't pop out until the rest of the level is completed and the trigger that opens the wall and lets Boba out of the cubbyhole is activated, but the landmine's splash damage can still kill him through the wall at the start. The result is Jan Ors' starship coming down right next to Jan Ors' starship.
    Civvie: Two ships! Jan never left! She's picking you up now oh god the timeline! Oh no! Paradox! (nearby sign on Civvie's desk reads "It's been 33 days since a temporal disturbance! Good job, team!" The number placard is promptly replaced with a 0.) Katie I feel I should do a TNG thing since I don't think that they do time travel in Star Wars. At least not yet. They'll probably do it in the new one,^note They don’t in the new one... but they do in The LEGO Star Wars Holiday Special they did it in Avengers they can just... fuckin' do time travel. You can get away with anything if you do time travel!
  • Speaking of the Imperial City, its smack in the middle of Coruscant, capital planet of the Galactic Empire. Littered with Imperial troopers of all kinds, littered with all of their dastardly little traps, to say nothing of the game's eponymous Dark Troopers ready to kill some rebel scum, and it tops off with a boss fight against Boba Fett. As Civvie puts it, going there is dangerous... for the Imperial City. Remember all those kell dragons Katarn punched to death?
  • Civvie is told that the final boss (Mohc himself in a Phase 3 Dark Trooper suit) has homing missiles. See, he's told this because Mohc goes down like such a bitch to Civvie's stolen Dark Trooper cannon even on Hard mode, he's even easier than the Phase 2 Dark Troopers.
    Mohc: It's been a long time since I've challenged a man to battle. I'm glad my opponent is so worthy. (dies in barely 30 seconds.)
  • The ending. The Arc Hammer (Mohc's warship and the factory making the Dark Troopers) goes down in flames and Vader notes how strong in the Force Katarn is.
    Civvie: whoa, spoilers! But that's a video for another day. Because sometimes nuking two separate planets, a star cruiser and beating a bunch of giant reptiles to death with your bare hands isn't awesome enough. He's gotta grow a beard.

2018 Episodes

STARSHIP TITANIC - PARROT OR STICK

• Civvie's constant disdain for every single character in Starship Titanic is wonderful.
  Civvie: So now I need to get a flock of pureed starlings, and if you think that's as simple as running some birds through a fan, oh my sweet summer children.
  • He goes so far as to deliver the insults he gives the robots through the in-game chat box
    "I killed your TV you alien assblaster"
• Civvie states that he doesn't have the anaglyph 3D glasses for one of the last puzzles of the game because he "got it digitally" (i.e. The Pirate Bay).
• After finally beating the game, he decides to destroy the ship using the bomb from earlier.
  Civvie: As a wise captain once said:
  Cpt. Miller: Fuck this ship!
  [Cutscene plays as the countdown ends and the ship explodes]
  [Beat]
  Civvie: 6 out of 10.
  [Credits roll]

VIVISECTOR: BEAST WITHIN - NOT HALF BAD

• Vivisector: Beast Within has him versus how the game handles scripted deaths by explosion. Specifically the part where he turns God Mode on.

FROM DUSK TILL DAWN - FEARFUL SYMMETRY

• Civvie's review of the little known From Dusk Till Dawn PC game, where its very clear what problem it has.
  • Throughout the entire review, Civvie and Katie manage to sprinkle Cheech Marin's entire "Pussy" pitch throughout, in chunks to avoid the copyright bots and when the game's massive jank shows.
    AX3: CV-11, please do not anger the copyright holders.
    Civvie: Katie, we're gettin' everyone of those "pussies" in here.
    Katie in an Ed Note: I'M OK WITH THIS LET'S DO IT
  • The developers got pretty lazy with face texturing and only modelled one side, before mirroring it to fill a whole face. Problem is the job was badly done, leading to noticeable lines running down the middle of everyone's faces. It also leads to, well, Beetlejuice. And if you thought the faces were bad, check out every single character's hands, hands that are so badly modelled that the fingers are outright flat.
    Civvie: Oh my God! You see that in his face? That little line right down the middle? You might not know why that's there, but Civvie knows why that's there. Cause they only drew half his face on the skin, and they just modelled it and flipped it, but they suck at it, so there's a line right across his fucking face where that part of the skin texture ends.
    Civvie: There's lines across the skybox! You know, that could be my fault. I'm running this in 1080p in widescreen, a game that came out in 2001. So let's put it into something a little more appropriate like full frame 640 x 480, err, no, its still like that.
    Civvie: (The villain appears) Oh my God! Its worse on his face! Their mouths are... triangles.
  • At one point in the game, Seth Gecko shows concern for an NPC. Seth Gecko, Humanitarian. Now, like Civvie, compare that to the film's Seth, a Jerkass who, while not as fucked up as his brother, is still a huge unpleasant Villain Protagonist. Specifically the moment where he coldly tells a hostage he's taken that he does't care if they live or die.
  • Did you know that this video was the debut of Cancer Mouse? He even got his own theme song too!
    Who's our friendly rodent pal that lives in Reactor 3?
    C-A-N-C-E-R M-O-U-S-E!
    Whose irradiated fur is slowly killing me?
    C-A-N-C-E-R M-O-U-S-E!
    Cancer Mooooouse, its Cancer Mouse, everybody!
  • Of course, it doesn't take long for Cancer Mouse's general schtick to get established.
    Cancer Mouse: Okay, kids! Today, I'm gonna talk to you about stranger danger.
    Civvie: Oh yeah, that's very important.
    Cancer Mouse: Yeah, we're gonna talk about about stranger danger... and white genocide!
    Civvie: Goddammit, Cancer Mouse! Get the fuck out of here! You're not bringing that bullshit onto my show! This is a happy place!
  • The game was developed by a French studio and thus shows with a rather wonky translation.
  • One of the cons gives Seth a gun to cover him. The problem? When returning to gameplay, Civvie finds out the gun was empty. The guy gave Seth an unloaded gun to cover him.
  • Civvie ends up in a maintenance area that's flooded. Wouldn't you know it, it adds to the Count. Also, a surprise appearance from the prison Administrator, portrayed as a lumpy suited vaguely humanoid person with an oddly shaped head.
    Civvie: You're in some kinda maintenance area on this ship and it's flooded. The water's green and the walls are brown, I'm callin' this a sewer level. Judges?
    AX3: The area looks like a sewer.
    H4MM3R: That's a sewer. (count goes up.)
    Civvie: Yeah.
    Administrator: Why does he count them?
    Civvie: What? (cut to cell block, with the Administrator on TV trying to get Civvie to co-operate.)
    Administrator: Why do you count the sewers, CV-11?
    Civvie: Fuck you, that's why. What'd I say about showin' your face here?! You get it? Your face? Why don'tcha roll on in here and do something about it?
    (cue a shocking little rebuttal from the Administrator.)
  • The game kills you if one of your AI companions dies. No prizes for guessing if they're smart.
  • At one point, Civvie comes across an NPC with a startling resemblance to Gillian Anderson.
    Civvie: Scully?! Oh jesus Scully we gotta get outta here, there's fuckin vampires!
    Film!Seth Gecko: Now I don't wanna hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires," because I don't fucking believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw is fucking vampires!
    Dana Scully: Basically I think that we're looking for someone who has seen one too many Bela Lugosi movies.
    Game!Seth: What's your first name?
    Coleen Wint- sorry, Scully: Coleen Winter. Why?
    Civvie: Whoa, first name not your life story. I'm gonna call ya Scully anyway.
    Seth: Oh yeah... I thought you were General Patton!
    Scully: Ehh HEH heh!
    Civvie: Scully I need you to kill me.
    Scully: Ehh HEH heh!
  • At one point, Seth proclaims that he doesn't wanna end up in a remake of Night of the Living Dead (1968). Anyone who has a passing knowledge of From Dusk Till Dawn should know what the bullshit is with that statement.^ExplanationNight of the Living Dead is zombies, From Dusk Till Dawn, in both video game and film format, is vampires. Additionally the stained glass windows in the background of the scene being boxes.
  • While the game doesn't crash, Civvie feels how jank the game is and is afraid it will, so he constantly searches for a quicksave key, pressing every key he can... ultimately leading to him accidentally discovering a key that triggers the game's Bullet Time effects. Yeah, the devs left in a debug key, that Civvie enabled by pure accident looking for a function most other competently made games have readily to hand.
  • The prison barge the game takes place on has a fully stocked supermarket, a cinema and an honest to god titty bar. Now a chapel is to be expected, but those? The death row inmates here live like kings. It's no wonder Civvie is jealous.
  • The final scene of the game with Seth killing the head vampire is done in a very weird vertical letterbox format that glitches out and shows garbage on both sides of it. Its also in some weird proprietary format only used by Cryo Games so Civvie can't see a better version of it.
  • The Administrator chimes in one last time:
    Administrator: Aren't you forgetting something, CV-11?
    Civvie: Right, Mila Kunis is Ukrainian.
    Administrator: No, CV-11. Well, yes, but I'm talking about the whereabouts of your dear Uncle Frank. Whatever you can recall will be... extremely helpful.
    (Wouldn't you know it, a chat window pops up with a conversation between Civvie... and Uncle Frank.)
    Administrator: What is that?
    Civvie: It's NOBODY! Gawd, its a sex worker and you need to respect her, you fuckin' gimp!
    Cancer Mouse: That's his Uncle Frank!
    Civvie: Goddammit, Cancer Mouse, don't tell him that!
    Administrator: Who's he talking to?!
    Civvie: I'm talkin' to a radioactive mouse, goddammit! What is so hard to understand about that?!

GRAND THEFT AUTO 666 BETA

• Civvie taking a look at the GTA VI Beta, an obvious fake scam game pretending to be a beta for Grand Theft Auto VI. It starts with the infamous ad that Youtube somehow kept allowing promotion, said ad involving an angry dad destroying his son's PS4, a speech bubble saying "Add Text," several grammatical errors and use of text-to-speech. Said text-to-speech claims that John can't "leave" without GTA5 and his "Peas Four" is broken, like that wasn't already established. Also it promotes itself as an Android port of Grand Theft Auto V but still is apparently an ad for GTAVI. So Civvie tries the beta and what does he get? A decent enough Rockstar logo ident and... stolen footage from Yakuza 6. Then it leads to a bunch of ads and leads to a One Time Verification sequence that never completes. After which Civvie warns Rockstar of this obvious copyright infringement... while asking for $6 million in GTA money and to never have to do the heists again.

ROBOCOP - REMEMBER THE TITUS

• His review of the old 2003 RoboCop game starts with the RoboCop theme... and cuts off. Thanks, copyright!
  • This game was by the very infamous, very long dead Titus Software, who were responsible for a Superman game. Civvie reckons that it couldn't possibly be that Superman game before learning that, yeah, its that one.
    Civvie: You may not have heard this before, but this game isn't very good.
  • An ingame news report tells of a new drug called Brain Drain. Cue Civvie asking Katie for a clip from Batman Forever where The Riddler shouts "BRAIN DRAIN!" (he eventually gets it don't worry.)
    Civvie: Okay so sometimes I have these real bad flashbacks...
    AX3: They're called "dissociative episodes," CV-11.
    Civvie: Katie listen, you know there's a Batman Forever clip that I want.
    Katie, via text: Is that the one with George Clooney?
    Civvie: No, its not, it's the Val Kilmer one, and Jim Carrey is the Riddler.
    Katie: That sounds terrible. :(
    Civvie: Oh yeah, its awful! But he says "Brain drain!" while he drains somebody's brain, and I need you to put that in, can you do that?
    Katie: I don't know what that is.
    Civvie: Just go to Youtube and search for "Jim Carrey brain drain".
    Katie: I don't really like Jim Carrey he makes terrible paintings.
    Civvie: Jim Carrey is an actor Katie, he doesn't paint- (sees a freakish self portrait drawn by Carrey himself) OH MY GOD! (cue "Brain drain!" clip.)
  • And of course the game is faithful to the titular cyborg's resistance to explosions, as seen in the movie:
    Civvie: (realizes he just got instakilled by an exploding downed mecha he destroyed some 15 seconds ago) ...Oh no... it's one of those games. Why the fuck did it explode anyway? I shot the driver, not the mech. Fuck you game!
  • And of course, no bad game is complete without dickish hostage placement:
    Civvie: I think it's time to wreck some of this machinery. It is being used for evil after all. (shoots a distant exploding barrel and gets an instant game over) WHAT!? (The game proceeds to mock Civvie showing RoboCop's dead body gyrating to boos and jeers. To further rub salt into the wound taunts "Does the phrase 'Police Academy' ring any bells?") Yeah, shitty 80s comedies. RoboCop doesn't need the academy - he's programmed you dick! What the fuck even happened? There is no way I was close enough to that explosion! (beat) No, I wasn't. But there WAS a hostage hiding behind this machine. Old cop will tell you there's a hostage in the area and you better ignore all the shooter instincts to NOT shoot this barrel. (neutralises a robot enemy, which explodes 6 seconds later, instakilling him) Aaaarrruugh!
  • The church level really gets to Civvie, who rants about the game's jankiness while complaining about how he has to do a video on it.
    Civvie: You know what's fun? Playing the same fuckin' level ten times only to get to a bullshit, unfair, badly designed area that keeps killing you, and you have to finish the game to make a video?!
    H4MM3R: You're not supposed to talk about that, Civvie.
    AX3: The administrator has drafted a memo about metahumor used in videos.
    Civvie: That's fucking discriminatory right there! I want my lawyer for this, nobody else here makes videos so that's gotta be illegal!
    AX3: CV-18 has started an informational cooking show.
    (cut to a crappy title card in Comic Sans reading "Cooking with Eighteen." The text used here is the best reproduction of the distortion used throughout CV-18's segment.)
    CV-18: AlriGht BOYs and gIrls fOr this reCipe what you neEd is a lIGhter, And a SPOon, and the adrENal glAND of a small hUMAN.
    (cut to a news report on a vampiric Hillary Clinton hosted by Cancer Mouse)
    Cancer Mouse: And we all know what they used the adrenal glands for!
  • At one point the review interrupts itself, heading over to Katie's Editing Dungeon where she warns Sony Vegas users to avoid leaving second-long black frames in their video while dragging video timelines about if they can avoid it... and it turns out she's as susceptible to punishment as Civvie is as the text "NEVER LEAVE IN YOUR BLACK FRAMES" repeatedly scrolls upward while Katie whimpers in fright, while H4MM3R tells her off for leaving black frames in.
  • A broken enemy spawn toggle causes said enemy to seemingly blink out of existence exploding when Civvie moves back, then blink back into existence when he moves forward, and its still exploding. All while Civvie uses a pistol with a whole TWO FRAMES of animation! Civvie thus breaks.
    Civvie: And upon rigorous closer inspection, what the fuck is this shit? So my working theory is if you step in front of this door, that's a trigger to spawn this thing and if you step on it again, it despawns that thing, and if you step again it respawns that thing. Why your trigger would be a toggle for a monster ambush that isn't... an ambush because it's supposed to be there, but the timing's off, because you can see it's not here when the door opens and so his plan is that he uses television to take people's brains and at the end he thinks he's Batman but then he's never mentioned again but then his costume is in Batman & Robin when they break out Mr. Freeze. So he's still there. what I'm trying to say is-
  • A cavern area houses a giant drill dozer trap that a child can see coming. And its treads don't move, and when boulders slide away to open a passage they inexplicably sound like broken glass. Cue both the Beetlejuice "NICE FUCKIN' MODEL!" and Gordon Ramsay "FUCKING RAW!" clips going off at once, glitching out and hitting us with a blue screen of death. Turns out Katie's no more immune to punishment for mischief than Civvie is, since a message makes it clear she put those in.
    H4MM3R, most likely: If problems continue, DON'T THINK WE DIDN'T SEE THOSE GORDON RAMSAY CLIPS, CIVVIE. I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY CIGARETTES YOU HAD TO TRADE TO GET KATIE TO DO THAT BUT YOU'RE BOTH GOING TO THE COLD ROOM.
  • Civvie doesn't realize until the very end that he went through the entire video without using the "I'd buy that for a dollar!" clip.

2017 Episodes

Aliens: Colonial Marines / Fish in a Barrel II

• The review of Aliens: Colonial Marines starts with a bunch of Gearbox hype snippets from Randy and the gang played over the Aliens intro... and to emphasize how BS they were, the title is edited to simply say "LIES".
• Civvie LOVES Colonial Marines. Specifically the story surrounding it and how it took ages before No Man's Sky took its crown as the king of false advertising and fatal hype. Just not the game itself.
  • He also loves only two of the Alien movies. Maybe the Assembly cut of Alien³, definitely not Alien: Resurrection, Alien vs. Predator is a case of some liking it in the same way that some people "just can't fuckin' survive on this planet without a dick in their eye", Prometheus is a case of stupid with delusions of grandeur and Alien: Covenant was the funniest movie of its year. His words.
• It was this review that cemented Civvie's longstanding hatred of Randy, with all the lies and defenses and claims that this game was just a "seven, seven and a half". And to think it all started from when Randy was simply a mapper for Duke Nukem 3D and Shadow Warrior. As in Randy started work on basically all of his maps before someone else finished them up. Which might have been a work ethic carried over to ACM, with Randy leaving too early to work on Borderlands. Considering allegations that Gearbox outright embezzeled the money Sega gave them for this game to work on Borderlands 2, Civvie might not be so wrong.
• The game is a canonical sequel to Aliens as declared by Fox and Randy. So of course, as Civvie notices there's no Ripley, Hicks is alive again somehow, the Pulse Rifle is nowhere near chambered properly like it was in the film, LV-426 somehow still being intact despite basically being nuked to hell in the film...
• Civvie finds the game excessively dark and the "F" key, normally the flashlight key in most competent FPS games, is the alt fire key here (apparently left mouse is for ironsight aiming rather than, well, primary fire, again like in most competent FPS games) so he turns the brightness up. And the lens flare nearly gets him.
• According to the story, the Sulaco ship is somehow no longer over Fiorina "Fury" 161 (the colony from Alien 3), and when asked about it, the plot hole is clumsily handwaved by Cruz basically going "don't know don't care." Despite claiming the game to be canon, Gearbox then decided to defy the canon of Alien 3. The Stasis Interrupted DLC does explain it, but Civvie doesn't cover it since he would have to buy an entire $30 collection pack on Steam to get it on his platform of choice instead of just being able to buy it separate. Civvie already paid $2.50 on the game and that still felt like robbery to him.
• One Rhino guy randomly throws a grenade at some explosives like a loon in order to kill one xenomorph that's, ahem, "teathered" to the rocket its on.
  Civvie: I dunno, the alien might be dumber for staying there.
• Additionally, the "sprint" in this game is more like a light jog while walking is like using an actual walker. As Civvie notes, most FPS games of the time were like that.
• The friendly AI, naturally, is as incompetent as the infamous enemy AI, and does nothing to help Civvie when he's being rushed by xenos. As it happens, even when AI partners are hosing aliens like mad with the Smart Gun, they always make a beeline for Civvie.
  Civvie: Once you hit an alien, regardless of whether they're right in the face of someone wielding a Smart Gun, that comically large Aliens universe BFG that tracks its targets and fucking liquifies them with bullets, even when being shot in the face with that, they will always make you a priority... and why shouldn't they? The Marines don't help you much, they can't fucking hit anything, they kill Xenomorphs like old people fuck. (cue footage of AI companions utterly failing to take down an alien that quickly gets Civvie.)
• As it happens, Civvie stuck around for every stupid story development, fanfic level twist and Canon Defilement scenario, from the chestburster problem now being made senselessly more bleak to Hicks somehow being alive, the USMC being at full-blown war with Weyland-Yutani to the blatant Sequel Hook and the blatant Hand Wave action bordering on Better than a Bare Bulb. It starts with the Rhino rescuee chestbursting and deciding it'd be a great idea to blow himself up with a grenade. Would be a badass moment if not for the fact that he did so in the middle of an airlock connector between the Sulaco and Sephora, making a bad situation even worse by killing the guys that Winters and the gang were sent to save.
• Winter and O'Neal find Bella, O'Neal's love interest. Sadly she had a facehugger on her so her time is running short. Not wanting a repeat of the Rhino guy from earlier, Civvie ("Hold on, I know what to do!") opens fire on her to no effect.
• Naturally, because Gearbox were intent on making ACM a Call of Duty game ins pace, Civvie addresses the common complaint about half the game being gunfights against very human Weyland-Yutani grunts rather than alien fights. Of course, he agrees, and adds the cover system is more of a "press C to duck behind something and pray for luck because they can still hit you" system.
• Civvie also takes the time to look over the game's "Legendary" weapons (AKA the guns from the films. Including the Pulse Rifle that has the 95 round magazine like in the film unlike this game's COD-inspired 40 round clip.) Civvie lists off the likes of "Vasquez's Smart Gun, Hicks' Shotgun, Hudson's Pulse Rifle, Frost's Flamethrower and Apone's Glare." Hudson's Pulse Rifle also seems to take different ammo from the normal one despite that really making no sense, and despite being burst fire, is infinitely more useful than the normal Pulse Rifle.
• The first third of the game is a lot of Wey-Yu mercs wanting to, once again, use the aliens for stupid shit, but they messed with Civvie and the USMC! "Corps to the Bone, motherfucker! Oorah to ashes!"
• After crashlanding on the very intact LV-426, Civvie plays two clips from Aliens pertaining to it's fate: one with Bishop warning Ripley that its going to "be a cloud of vapor the size of Nebraska" and the one where the site is very much widely nuked from orbit. In this canon game, it looks... fine. No nuclear fallout. Sure are some lava flows though! And the "Hadley's Hope" colony building also looks remarkably intact too, with even the electricity still working!
• Speaking of Bishop... "Bishop is in this game too, because Lance Henriksen is a class act."
• Remember that facehugger Bella had on her? Well, she had no hope left, but apparently the game was not content with it just bursting out of her, and needed to some more fluff to make her situation even more hopeless. A medic claims the chestburster embryo weeds into every organ in the chest cavity like a super alien cancer, and apparently even if it was surgically removed, her organs would just shut down anyway. Because apparently having a huge alien worm blast out of your chest isn't fatal or bleak enough, apparently ACM just had to add alien cancer to the mix despite, yanno, a chestburster on its own already being plenty fatal given how it tears your chest open. Or that scans in the previous movie would have picked up this xeno-super cancer when scanning facehugger victims after the fact.
  Civvie: You guys remember when Kane was riddled with cancer in the first movie? And don't tell me they didn't see that shit on all the scans they were doin' or that he was fucking filled with cancer, and then he was just fine, he got up, he was laughing and joking, having a nosh, and this guy you rescued earlier in the game was running around, shooting aliens while I guess dying of cancer? You just tossed total body cancer along with the alien, because if you aren't dead when the thing violently destroys your chest cavity, you'll be SUPER dead from alien cancer! This is like learning all the characters in RENT have lupus! What's the fucking point?! I guess Bella needs to die so O'Neal can be madder than he was before about the goddamn company.
• The alien spaceship also survived the atomic explosion from the end of Aliens. Reminder that Gearbox made a big deal of respecting the series canon in this canon-confirmed game.
• Midway through the video, CV-18, one of the Department's "residents" (and likely the guy from the RoboCop video's intermission) stages a prison break. Civvie elects to follow him only after he sees how badly the rest of Colonial Marines turns out. Hilariously this turns out well for Civvie at the end of the video.
  CV-18: I'M THE WRATH OF GOD! (fires wildly in the background)
  Civvie: Damn right you are, you give 'em hell, 18! (beat) I hope he makes it, 18's good people.
• One part of the game features the one moment of M56 Smart Gun usage you get since its big, fun and thus can't be carried with the rest unless you find Vasquez's one. O'Neal gets one too but completely misses the point of using it as he just holds the trigger and full-autos it despite that not being how anyone uses it in the franchise. Cue montage of O'Neal using it very, very badly.
  Civvie: Listen, O'Neal. Short, controlled bursts. The gun is aiming for you. Watch me, watch me do it. Watch me do it. There you go. (cue footage of Civvie firing the Smart Gun exactly like that, in short bursts that easily powderize alien combatants.)
• As mentioned before, Hicks is alive (as very clumsily explained in Stasis Interrupted) and he's even reprised by Michael Biehn! Who sounds... well, like Micheal Biehn had way better things to do. Shame Newt's still super dead.
  Game!Hicks: (very monotone) We left LV-426 and sent out a distress call. A call you all responded to. Near Fury [161], the ship went into alert, and I was pulled out of cryo as the ranking and only marine.
  Apone: Sombody wake up Hicks!
• Some friendly marines are shown blatantly spawning in to help. Civvie adds in the classic "FUCKING RAW!" running gag... in the silent form of a Gordon Ramsay clock popup going "Just look at the time!"
• The last bit of the game is trying to kill the Alien Queen before the Wey-Yu boys can grab her and take her off planet for more stupid company stuff. Civvie also needs extra-strength industrial grade airquotes for the upcoming "Awesome" moment which involves blasting onto the ship via a dropship, first by blowing holes in it with a missile and then crashing into it. This leads into Winter diving out of the wrecked dropship's cramped cockpit... as in just very sloppily-animated plain flying out of it Superman style. Civvie even adds the famous John Williams theme to a Repeat Cut! There's no indication Winters tried rolling out or put some force into it or was launched out by the nearby Cruz.
  Civvie: Okay this game is just trolling me now. I mean... (cue Superman theme to a repeated shot of Winter just happily gliding out of the dropship. Also, camera zoom in on the very blatant cut off on the arms of Winters' FPS viewmodel and other such graphical screwups.)
• The Alien Queen is just on the company ship... despite supposedly still being stuck planetside, and it was not once hinted that she had somehow hitched a ride on Winter's dropship. And apparently fighting her in a power loader like in the Aliens movie would be old hat and make sense. Instead you press a bunch of buttons to use a cargo launcher to shoot her out. And even then she just gets back on so Cruz can do the Heroic Sacrifice thing because Gearbox would sacrifice player agency for "awesome" moments.
• Speaking of, Civvie pays respects to Cruz... if only out of obligation.
  Civvie: Oorah to ashes, he was a great man. I know nothing about him, except that he's in the Corps and he's commanding and he's a badass, you know like O'Neal? He's like O'Neal. O'Neal's in the Corps. He's like this guy too (Winter), he's a Marine, this chick (Bella) was a Marine who got all the cancer, this guy, the guy from the movie (Hicks) I mean all these fine people have character traits.
  Cruz: Good huntin', marines! OORAH TO ASHES! (all "oorah" with him)
  Civvie: I'm sad to see this guy go even though you know the dropship shouldn't work and the Queen is paying a lot of attention now, before it wouldn't leave ME alone, it always seemed to know where I was and that didn't really... make it a hard boss battle. I just had to sprint some and hit some switches I mean... I mean she wasn't gettin' out of that hangar and we were about to go into space so we coulda just waited like a minute...
• Civvie is also pretty damn fiery about the aforementioned "no player agency" thing with the Queen's death.
  Civvie: Okay so this is gonna sound like nitpicking but hear me out: So you crash this dropship into the hangar, right? Just fly right into it and the dropship in the time you've been knocked out as been able to turn about 180 degrees so it's facing the hole that it came in through, inside this hangar full of all this shit, not to mention this cargo launcher is fine and completely operational after the dropship crashed into it, all this impossible shit was done for the sole purpose of having the player not kill the final boss, and giving this sergeant guy a heroic death because he feels bad about stuff? Is that how it is?! Okay, just makin' sure.
• The game ends with Winter and the gang killing an android duplicate of company owner Michael Weyland (also played by Lance Henriksen, who Civvie reckons should stop doing this kinda thing, with the kind of inbreeding needed to pull this off "would turn them into The Hills Have Eyes people"), Bishop downloading data they can use against Wey-Yu and, when asked how it went, cryptically goes "We got everything." And the game ends on that cliffhangar. "Because you really need to continue this story."
• Remember CV-18's breakout? Well, Civvie holding off on joining him worked out well, as after the DSC's security has subdued 18, they take notice of Civvie remaining in his cell, and AX3 informs him that he's due for a reward for good behavior.
  Civvie: That's what I'm talkin' about! Oorah to ashes, kids! See you next time.

Other/Unsorted

• Every time he goes on a tirade against Randy Pitchford, especially this bit in his first Pro Duke Nukem video.
  • In the last Pro Duke 3D video (The Birth), there's a particularly awesome (and funny) roast to Randy, after Civvie sees a photo of him with a beard.
    Civvie: That's a nice beard, Randy! I got bad news for you though. You think you're Hans Grüber, but you're really Ellis, motherfucker!
• Civvie has a couple of friendly nods to hyperintelligent alien in a person suit John Carmack.
  • The first is in Pro Doom where he points how an older John Carmack is making almost the exact same devious smirk expression in one photo as his younger self in older one.
    Civvie: How does he have that same face?!
  • The second is Civvie making fun of the running gag via an accurate description of a boss in Cruelty Squad:
    Civvie: My target is some kinds of grotesque macrocephalitic psychic soldier. When did John Carmack open a casino?
  • Just any mention of John Carmack is susceptible to make you crack a smile, even more when the man himself is shown Smug Smiling and / or if the designation is based on actual facts.

• "It's the 2nd Biennial Civvie Looks At a Bunch Of Games in One Video... thing!"
  • "It's the 1,000,000th Time Civvie Talks About Shotguns in this Video!"

• During his co-op playthrough of Half Life: Decay with fellow youtuber That Trav Guy, they hit the end of a major plot point... and are dumped into a sewer level, which Civvie immeidately points out with audible disdain. And since it's not his video he's doing the playthrough for, Trav's editor makes sure to ding it for him.