History Funny / Civvie11

*** And from then on, the Sewer Count is back, but looking more rotten and decayed each time, with a zombie-like groan accompanying its appearances (at least until the ''Wolfenstein (2009)'' review changed its appearance due to an apparent IntegerOverflow).

* Civvie [[EpliepticTrees starts ranting]] about cereal communism after seeing a theatre in Episode 2 showing [[Film/BattleshipPotmekin Spaceship Potemkin]].

** One of the HUD layout options includes character mugshots taken right from ''Doom''. Where this gets funny is that they even included status bar faces for Dog Mode!

---->'''Civvie''': ''[[KickTheSonOfABitch Fuck]]'' [[KickTheSonOfABitch Jerry.]]

* Civvie also takes the time to look over the game's "Legendary" weapons (AKA the guns from the films. Including the Pulse Rifle that has the 95 round magazine like in the film unlike this game's COD-inspired 40 round clip.) Civvie lists off the likes of "Vasquez's Smart Gun, Hicks' Shotgun, Hudson's Pulse Rifle, Frost's Flamethrower and [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Apone]]'s [[DeathGlare Glare]]." Hudson's Pulse Rifle also seems to take different ammo from the normal one despite that really making no sense, and despite being burst fire, is infinitely more useful than the normal Pulse Rifle.

-->'''Civvie:''' Please leave a comment about how I'm a lazy hack who didn't feel like structuring a two hour-long essay about the differences between the rerelease, Playstation version, the Saturn version, the Build version, the Build version in DOS, the Build version in GDX, the Build version in [=PCExhumed=], the RAZE version, the port to the UsefulNotes/WonderSwan, the port to the [=WonderSwan=] Color, the version that ran exclusively on the TI-86, or the one that was on the arcade machine in the 1997 film ''Film/GrossePointeBlank''.

!! Duke Nukem: Zero Hour - 64 BITS OF STEEL

* When criticizing ''Duke 64'''s crude 3D model of the Cycloid Emperor, Civvie once again brings in Beetlejuice. Except this time, he's an equally-crude 3D model, and his crotch honking sound is replaced with the tune of collecting a red coin in ''Super Mario 64''.

* Additionally, the Magma Fields introduce the Magmantis, not just a [[TakeThat Syfy Channel Oryginal Moviy]] the game's poster boy as it's on the Remaster's "front cover" as it were. Unlike most bosses of the "shoot at it until it dies" persuasion, Magmantis is a "shoot at it until it fucks off" type boss as Civvie puts it.

'''Civvie:''' I like to- SEARCH- ''VideoGame/{{Roblox}}''- pornography.\\

*** And from then on, the Sewer Count is back, but looking more rotten and decayed each time, with a zombie-like groan accompanying its appearances.

* This video sees Civvie revisit ''VideoGame/Wolfenstein2009'', a game that he looked down his nose on at back in the day due to it having the "modern military shooter stank" on it...and he actually finds it enjoyable. It helps that Raven Software worked on it and they generally know what they're doing. That said, due to a lot of people asking him to play it, Civvie had to outright pirate the game as due to Zenimax and Bethesda wanting to memory-hole it (and Machine Games likely playing a part in it too), [[KeepCirculatingTheTapes the game is simply unavailable on any sort of official storefront.]] That and retail PC copies of the game run for ridiculous prices and Civvie would rather not put [[CopyProtection SecuROM on his modern bespoke PC.]]

* The last time we saw good ol' William Joseph Blazkowicz was in a [[VideoGame/ReturnToCastleWolfenstein Gray Matter Studios (formerly Xatrix)-helmed adventure]]. While discussing their output, Civvie mentions that one of their works, ''VideoGame/KingpinLifeOfCrime'', become strangely popular in the 2010s to the point of getting a modern day remaster...which happened to bear the mark of Slipgate Ironworks upon it...to less than happy reviews. Which causes Civvie to hop on the ol' soapbox again.

* While discussing Gray Matter being sent to the COD mines by Activision for the crime of not being there already after producing ''Call of Duty: United Offensive'', Civvie references his slow transformation into self-parody...[[FreezeFrameBonus while throwing a last bit of shade.]]

* Before the release of ''Wolf 2009'', id Software, who owned Wolfenstein, got bought out by Zenimax and Bethesda, two companies that aren't fond of Activision. But as Civvie points out, they've put out worse games than Activision on their own, such as ''VideoGame/{{Starfield}}''. Civvie shoots a fiery TakeThat by emphatically stating he would not be re-installing 100+ gigabytes of "sleep aid" for footage of it. Then he pours gasoline on that fire by stating its worse than even ''VideoGame/Fallout76'' since as far as he's concerned, that game has reasons to be terrible, unlike ''Starfield.''

* Without even leaving the opening train station level in Isenstadt, Civvie is dropped from a scripted sequence into, that's right, a Sewer Level. And the Sewer Count is looking surprisingly fresher this year...and there's a reason for that.

--->'''Civvie:''' Also console stuff...the dreaded regenerating health. The cursed "[[CriticalAnnoyance your screen has some blood on it and turns red]] [[TakeCover until you hide for a few seconds]]" mechanic that I'd trade for a good old percentage any day of the week. At least give me a fucking bar to indicate where my health is on the HUD, but no, you'll only have the vaguest sense of your health for the rest of the game. Which is and will always be dumb bullshit. For those of you in the audience who prefer this mechanic, here you go: ''(cue graphic of a hand jingling keys while a baby laughs.)'' Fuck you.
* The game also introduces the obscure [=Kar98=] to Civvie's arsenal...and it turns out to be one of his favorites. Not just because of how versatile it is and its punchy sound design, but also how it causes some glorious RagdollPhysics laden death animations. Watch as Nazis go flying at its touch!
* While complaining about the awkward turret controls and the turrets' weakness in general, Civvie talks about how such battles woudl be more fun if someone was wiring his nervous system to respond to bad puns. Which it turns out, [=AX3=] very much was.

--->'''Civvie:''' Yeah, good job Raven, that right there is an A+ set piece. And it looks like these Nazis...[[{{Pun}} bought the farm.]] ''([[LamePunReaction cue immediate test of his new implant.]])'' '''''HAARGH!'''''\\

* The game's Black Market is run by the very greasy and weaselly Kriege brothers, Anton and Stefan. As one of their goons states, they're shameless war profiteers hoping the Second World War goes on for a long time, as business has very much boomed since the Nazis stormed in. Don't worry, one of them dies and pays dearly. Stefan in particular may outlive Anton, but for Civvie, he's still going to hell where its nothing but FIREBLU for days.

'''Civvie:''' [[BadassBoast Bitch I blow up half the buildings I go into. I've killed more Nazis than the Tommy Gun. You rat on me, you're gonna be a grease fire nobody remembers.]]

* The subsequent sidequest to retrieve a codebook let's Civvie get a look at the death animation Nazis have when shot in the throat. And Civvie gets a second one right after nailing the first, WITHOUT Veil assistance.

--->'''Civvie:''' Except it's way easier because hey guess what, the mid-2000's is calling! ''(cue phone ringing, which Civvie answers)'' Ahoy-hoy? What's that? The Super Soldier has really obvious weak points that I can shoot to take it down so it actually takes less effort than killing one of the [[SquishyWizard Scribes?]] Wow, that's a little sad. I almost feel bad for them. ''(hangs up on the mid-2000's)''.
* Throughout the game the Nazis, as ever, tamper with supernatural stuff they think they can control without understanding a thing about them, which inevitably goes wrong. This game, its the Black Sun dimension. Given the Nazis are outright speedrunning "fuck around and find out", Civvie outright puts a timer on screen any time the Nazis start meddling with it. One officer who mans the hospital lab only lasts a pitiful six seconds before the scientist he callously sacrifices to the Black Sun returns as a monster and murks him, StarterVillain General Zetta lasts a fair bit longer but even the returning Wilhelm "Deathshead" Strasse doesn't last 15 seconds before his "mine the Black Sun for infinite hell energy" plan blows up in his face, and the treacherous Doctor Alexandrov only makes it to 41 seconds before Deathshead inevitably backstabs him and Hans Grosse blows his head off.

* Wouldn't be a Raven game unless every weapon was damn good. Civvie at one point mentions the Tesla gun as not really appealing to him...and is InstantlyProvenWrong when he uses it to wipe out and stunlock a group of Nazis before finishing off the stunned stragglers.

* The Cannery mission has yet another sewer segment and then makes up for it by giving Civvie the Flammenwerfer...which takes the VideoGameFlamethrowersSuck trope and shits on it thoroughly by having beautifully long range and instantly cooking Nazis into panicking thrashing messes.

* General Zetta greets BJ...who immediately opens fire on him. Granted it doesn't work as Zetta's using the same Black Sun magic powers Blazko's been using but still. Afterward though, Civvie points out that the solution is...to do the same thing with extra steps, as Zetta becomes a Black Sun monster shortly after.

* Deathshead explains the Nazis' plans to use the Black Sun as an infinite energy source...which causes Civvie to have a nasty hit of deja vu.

'''Civvie:''' Wait, no, STOP! Hold on a minute! You're doing the [[VideoGame/Doom2016 Argent Energy plan?!]] You're stealing energy from a Hell dimension?! Oh, okay, sure. ''(cue "fuck around and find out" timer)''. I thought you were smarter than this, Wilhelm.
* Sadly the cutscene ends with Hans shooting Caroline to (what appeared to be) death. Don't worry, she'll be back in ''New Order''...and looking 20 years older.

* After fighting through the Zeppelin, the game's penultimate level, Civvie would show footage of the Black Sun caves after...except his footage got corrupted so we have to settle for a slideshow. Thankfully, the subsequent Black Sun open field boss fight with Hans Grosse did not lose footage. Mostly to show Hans saying goodbye to Blazko in the FMV...and then saying hello to him in-game for the sake of a MythologyGag.

* Sadly further footage of the boss fight was also corrupted...and what replacement footage Civvie shot was completely fucked anyway with a slideshow frame rate, like his PC also got sucked into the Black Sun dimension. But he still vanquishes Hans Grosse. Just without Grosse crying for his "mutti" this time.
* The game ends with Deathshead's zeppelin crashing into teh castle from earlier, the Thule medallion BJ's been using shorting out into a charred useless hunk of metal and BJ sending the OSA a mission report about the whole thing...while noting that he feels they'll run into Deathshead again in future. [[VideoGame/WolfensteinTheNewOrder Oh boy, do they! In a far more menacing form, no less!]] But that's a tale for another time. In the meantime, Civvie hopes that the 2023-2024 shakeups at Activision means a chance Raven can be freed from the COD mines...and regrets that Microsoft buying that company was one such solution to that problem.

!! [[VideoGame/Wolfenstein2009 THE WOLF THAT TIME FORGOT]]

** ''Dark Forces'' has a sewer level (Anoat) that somehow outshits all over sewer levels Civvie's dealt with thus far, featuring darkened rooms, hard-as-nails Probe Droids, interrogator droids, that little remote that shoots Luke in the ass and incredibly persistent dianogas. How bad is it? It not only raised the Sewer Count by one, it [[BrokeTheRatingScale kept raising the damn count til it hit 137]], that's how bad it is. Only being able to jump through it prevents it from hitting 200.

'''Civvie''': WHY DID YOU SEND ME TO A DOUBLE-MURDER SOUTH-AFRICAN-MASK-CURSE HOUSE, JERRY!?\\
'''Civvie''': JERRY, YOU STUCK ME IN A CURSED MURDER HOUSE AND MADE A CROOKED REAL ESTATE DEAL ON IT!?

** Naturally he has to head the whole two people off asking why he skipped ''Quake 3''. It's a multiplayer game, he's one man and a lot more people ask him about Quake 4 more because it involves Raven Software (hallowed be it's name) developing it rather than id. Why them and not id for ''Quake 4''? Because "Id couldn't ''count'' to 4.'' Also Doom being a somewhat lore driven series rather than Quake going all over the place from a sci-fi Ranger against Lovecraft monsters to fights with asshole aliens to a plotless deathmatch game to going back to the aliens. All this is Civvie's words, by the way.

** Civvie decides to play the game on his brand spanking new Platform/{{Steam}} Deck! One that Father Gaben hand delivered to [REDACTED.] But then [=H4MM3R=] intervenes. He has the Steam Deck in his hand... and a bone to pick with Civvie from that stunt he pulled in the F.E.A.R episode.

'''Civvie:''' Yeah, that was hilarious. (cue [=H4MM3R=] tossing the Steam Deck to the ground, breaking it.) Man, ''COME ON!'' I had to wait like a YEAR for that! I was gonna learn how [[UsefulNotes/{{UNIX}} Linux]] works so I can be one of ''those'' assholes!\\

* The fact the first console game Civvie ever covered on the show was for the UsefulNotes/VirtualBoy of all things.

--->'''Devil!Carmack:''' That's right, John, get rid of them. ALL OF THEM! Then you will be free to realize your dreams of revolutionizing [[VideoGame/Doom3 3D graphics]], or rocketeering, or [[UsefulNotes/OculusRift virtual reality]] or even, ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE!

** Civvie decides to play the game on his brand spanking new [[UsefulNotes/{{Steam}} Steam Deck!]] One that Father Gaben hand delivered to [REDACTED.] But then [=H4MM3R=] intervenes. He has the Steam Deck in his hand... and a bone to pick with Civvie from that stunt he pulled in the F.E.A.R episode.

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' (holding up one particular Deck) [[AC:I put a full [[UsefulNotes/GameBoyAdvance GBA ROM set]] in this one.]]\\

** While bringing up the bit in Apprehension where the HECU jump Gordon, knock him out, strip him of his weapons and toss him in a trash compactor [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim instead of just blowing his head off]], Civvie quickly heads people off about to tell him about the ''Decay'' expansion from the UsefulNotes/PlayStation2 version.

* The very first video Civvie does after the timeline is fixed by [=H4MM3R=] is, of all things, a console shooter, running contrary to Civvie's preference for PC shooters. Specifically the UsefulNotes/{{Playstation}} adaptation of ''Film/AlienResurrection''.

** Civvie decides to throw shade at an old, infamous review of the game by Gamespot, who bemoan the game's control scheme of the left analog stick moving the player around with left and right for strafing in those directions instead of turning like in previous shooters and the right stick being used to turn around and look up and down. If that sounds familiar, its the exact same twin stick control scheme adopted by every single console first person shooter since then. As an added bonus, the same review says players are better off waiting for a certain upcoming UsefulNotes/Playstation2 game called... ''VideoGame/AliensColonialMarines''.

* Nightdive does it once again with their 2022 remaster of ''VideoGame/PowerSlave'', so Civvie is naturally not far behind. Also special to this video is that it's a double bill: he'll be doing both the remaster (which uses the much-beloved UsefulNotes/SegaSaturn[=/=]UsefulNotes/PlayStation versions as it's base) and the rather... decently reviewed but largely overlooked Build Engine original (which plays more like a traditional linear boomer shooter compared to its console cousin.)

!!VideoGame/Geist - Meat Suit Riot

--->'''[=AX3=]''': ''What's that noise? Is there a fire?''\\
'''[=H4MM3R=]''': ''Yeah, the show's going down in flames. Let's get out of here!''\\
'''Both robots:''' ''Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]''': ''This is a boomer-ass reference, Civvie.''

--->'''[=AX3=]:''' ''CV-11. Prepare for incoming gift.''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]''': ''[[WhatTheHellHero What the fuck, Civvie?!]]''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''We will stop you, and Earth will be free of your dark tyranny!''\\

** Civvie decides to play the game on his brand spanking new [[UsefulNotes/{{Steam}} Steam Deck!]] One that Father Gaben hand delivered to [REDACTED.] But then [=H4MM3R=] intervenes. He has the Steam Deck in his hand... and a bone to pick with Civvie.
--->'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''Do you remember, Civvie? [[CallBack Do you remember the blood?]]''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''You're already an asshole.''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''I reserved DOZENS of these, Civvie.''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''This is taxpayer money.'' (tosses another one.) ''Hey, Civvie.''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' (holding up one particular Deck) ''I put a full [[UsefulNotes/GameBoyAdvance GBA ROM set]] in this one.''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''Yeah''.\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''Uh huh.''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''Yeah.'' (and away it goes.)\\

'''[=AX3=]''': ''Medical technicians to Level 105. Another inmate has Blum'd.''\\

'''[=AX3=]:''' You would like to volunteer for an electric shock?\\

'''[=H4MMER=]:''' Boy, what kind of show do you think you do?\\

'''[=H4MMER=]:''' Shut up content monkey.\\

---->'''[=AX3=]:''' Actionable pun detected.

---->'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' Fuck you Civvie! You're only profitable because of the demon!

---->'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' I should've killed you years ago!

--->'''[=AX3=]''': ''What is the time, CV-11?''\\

--->'''[=H4MM3R=]''': ''Maybe you shouldn't read from [[Franchise/EvilDead Necronomicons]], asshole.''

--->'''[=AX3=]:''' ''CV-11, please do not anger the copyright holders.''\\

'''[=AX3=]:''' ''The area looks like a sewer.''\\
'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''That's a sewer.'' (count goes up.)\\

'''[=AX3=]:''' ''They're called "dissociative episodes," CV-11.''\\

'''[=H4MM3R=]:''' ''You're not supposed to talk about that, Civvie.''\\
'''[=AX3=]:''' ''The administrator has drafted a memo about metahumor used in videos''.\\

'''[=AX3=]:''' ''CV-18 has started an informational cooking show.''\\

** Civvie describes Randy, his age-old nemesis, as "Randal S. Pitchford II, named after a mythical creature said to inhabit underground grease dumps in Amarillo, Texas." It turns out when he founded Gearbox, Randy pulled in a bunch of guys from the late Rebel Boat Rocker, a company famed for making nothing and having their funding cut by EA, while working on an ambitious project called ''Prax War 2018'' which [[TroubledProduction was taking]] [[JustForPun forever]] and was making no progress. At least ''Prax War'' was mercy killed, right [[VideoGame/DukeNukemForever Duke?]]

--->'''Civvie:''' It's a Godsend. The game might be unplayable without it. It fucks up ''everything''. It's my weapon of choice against hellhounds, stone gargoyles, flesh gargoyles, debt collectors, people who tell me to watch Aaron Sorkin shows, small vermin, the elderly, sexual predators, [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs elderly sexual predators]], [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and loved ones that I buried in the pet cemetary]].

--->'''[=H4MM3R=]''': ''Maybe you shouldn't read from [[Film/EvilDead Necronomicons]], asshole.''