Characters / Homestuck: Exiles

Main Cast: Kids, Pre-Scratch; Kids, Post-Scratch; Trolls (Lowbloods, Midbloods, Highbloods, Pre-Scratch); Cherubs Supporting Cast: Guardians & Ancestors; Sprites; Exiles & the Midnight Crew; Agents & Monarchs; The Felt (Leaders); Others Expanded Universe: Post-Canon; Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff; Hiveswap (Troll Call)

During the course of a session, five Carapacians, Dersite or Prospitian, will be exiled by being sent through a Skaian portal. They land on the barren home of the players, and together rebuild a new society, while advising the players of the session via terminals that grew out of the meteors that destroyed the player's homes.

There are three known groups of Exiles: the desert wanderers of Pre-Scratch Earth, the violent gangsters of the Midnight Crew who advised the Troll Session, and the starving Dersites who pester Roxy on Post-Scratch Earth.

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Shared Tropes

• After the End: After abandoning the Incipisphere, their lives take place in the rubble-strewn ruins of the planet of the players they guide.
• Clones Are People, Too: Almost all exiles (those with barcode tatoos on their wrists) are cloned carapacians from the facilities in the Veil.
• Demoted to Extra: Both groups Exiles are major focuses of the early Acts, with the Midnight Crew in particular receiving a whole Intermission to itself. Come Act 6, the Post-Scratch Kids have no proper Exiles and the closest equivalents are given lines, no names, or personalities.
• Flat Character: Only a few Exiles in each group receive much focus. For the wanderers this is WV and PM. For the Midnight Crew, it's Spades Slick. All the others are limited to fairly straightforward gimmicks and receive little development.
• Interspecies Romance: Despite Prospit and Derse being programmed into Sburb as enemies, both Prospitans and Dersites seem to find each other attractive (Spades Slick and Ms. Paint, for example).
• In-Universe Nickname: Jade refers to WV and PM as "Mr. Mayor" and "Miss Mail Lady", while Dave and Karkat simply refer to WV as "The Mayor". Fans extend this to the rest of the exiles.
• Meaningful Rename: Their names change to fit their current roles, while keeping their initials.
• Meanwhile, in the Future…: In the early acts, their segments are depicted as happening concurrently with those of the kids despite happening an unknown amount of time afterwards. This is because the trans-temporal messaging system they use is locked on to the kids' time, advancing at a second per second and preventing them from interacting with whichever part of the timeline they want to.
• The Needless: We don't know exactly how long the exiles wandered the wastelands before joining together, because we don't know when their meteors landed, but it was long enough to wear down and turn all their clothes brown or grey. Yet, in all that time, they seem to have survived without any clear source of food or water. They are still capable of feeling hunger.
• Nominal Importance: Of a sort for the desert wanderers. They don't really have names, they only have initials. They're still important though, WV especially within terms of the game. Averted for the Midnight Crew, though it was played straight back when they were Exiles
• Single-Issue Wonk: Several exiles have odd obsessions with various things, though this dies down as they develop as characters.
• Voice with an Internet Connection: They use various computer terminals planted by Skaia to direct Sburb players.
• Walking the Earth: The Exiles spend most of their time after landing on an endless walkabout of their dead planet.

The Wanderers/Pre-Scratch Exiles

Years in the future, but not many...

"The Wanderers" are the Exiles of the Beta kids, guiding them through terminals as they progress through their session.

General Tropes

• Ascended Fridge Horror: Fans speculated that because the Kid's scratch would reset their Universe, the Exiles we know would die as part of it rebooting. Then Jack Noir himself came and slaughtered them all, leaving just PM and a mortally wounded WV.
• Big, Thin, Short Trio: Minus WQ and WK, we have AR (big), PM (thin) and WV (short).
• Chess Motifs: PM and WV are both Pawns, AR is probably one too. WK and WQ are royalty. PM travelled to the other side of the board and was promoted, AR sacrificed himself early on for John, and WV is a subversion in that he rejects the rules and attacks his own king.
• Demoted to Extra: The Exiles are initially important secondary characters, but after Cascade leaves WV and PM as the only Exiles alive their appearances in the comic diminish greatly. WV is reduced to a background presence and PM has even fewer scenes than WV.
• Five-Man Band: The Wanderers roughly fit this. As a bonus, they have their own album.
• Gender Flip: Flip the genders of all the Exiles and their story becomes a fairly standard following of The Hero's Journey.
• Homage: WV and PM are seen by many to be one to WALL•E. ^note Post-apocalyptic non-humans (one dirty and goofy but endearing Nice Guy and one cute and powerful shiny white girl, both of whom are on Missions they pursue beyond all logic or limit) meet up and develop a relationship. The shiny white girl ends up doing drastic things to save the life of the boy and is ultimately successful. That description could apply to WV and PM or WALL•E and EVE.
• Killed Off for Real: Just before the Exiles can escape the desolate Earth to another universe, the demon who destroyed their kingdoms ambushes and kills the White King, the White Queen, and the Aimless Renegade. Although the narrative then moves on to an alternate universe where versions of each of these three characters should exist, the alternate White King is killed before having a single line of dialogue and the counterpart for the Renegade is never encountered, leaving them as two of the only Homestuck characters without some counterpart living by the ending.
• Official Couple: The White King and Queen, as co-monarchs, are husband and wife.
• Took a Level in Badass: Oh so very much so. Although the WQ and WK actually vaguely stepped down in their badass levels, PM and WV were just normal pawns that are now respectively a Queen destined to become a space warping One-Man Army and the hero of a (failed) revolution.
• Unspoken Plan Guarantee: Subverted. Word of God states they were going to use the teleporters in the bases to escape their universe, and then destroy the bases so no one else could follow them. Then Jack arrived. Needless to say, it failed.

Wayward Vagabond

Wayward Vagabond/Warweary Villein/Wastelandic Vindicator/Wizardly Vassal/The Mayor

^{The Warweary Villein}

Paradox Space Appearances: "Con Faire" | "Indemnity Double Reacharound" | "Can Town In Trouble!" | "Soul-Fraying Games" | "Garbage Day" | "Secret Sufferer" | "Three Out Of Five Hats" | "Spritecon" | "Summerteen Romance"

Years in the future, but not many, a WAYWARD VAGABOND records a stuttering step in the sun-bleached dust.

Exiled to the ruined Earth during the Reckoning, he plants suggestions in John's head using a mysterious terminal he finds in a bunker in a desert where Rose's house used to be. Prior to his exile, he was a simple WARWEARY VILLEIN attempting to eke out a living as a farmer on the battlefields of Skaia. He incited a revolution against the Black King, fulfilling his role as a game concept, but his army was slaughtered by Jack Noir. The fourth playable character introduced.

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• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!:
  "Perhaps one day you will find something new to bear. A burden befitting of the peasant you truly are.
  Oh my what's that shiny thing in the water."
• Audience Surrogate: He provides the all-caps directions that John hears in Act 2 after the meteor destroys John's suggestion box.
• Authority in Name Only: "The glorious founder and mayor of CAN TOWN. A number of rather civic-minded CITIZEN CANS offer adulation to their fair and magnanimous leader."
• Badass Adorable: He may be a cute little space case, but remember that he managed to merge the black and white armies and stand up against the Black King all in mere moments.
• Berserk Button: KINGS. He's okay with WQ, though — she's a Queen (and then she abdicates anyway).
• The Chosen One: Subverted. Word of God says that WQ privately chose him to wield the ring. It doesn't happen.
• Cloudcuckoolander: Fortunately for him, his grasp on reality is pretty tenuous.
• Contrived Coincidence: Jack Noir was able to slaughter all the Exiles, escape into the trolls' session, and kill Bilious Slick... because WV hit the Caps Lock key at the wrong time.
• The Cuckoolander Was Right: Several times, most notably saying John was the apprentice of a thief.
• Dangerous Deserter: Zig-zagged. WV deserted the Black Army to be a farmer, but none of his superiors seem to care — at least until he got fed up and raised an army to overthrow them. Then, the only one to act on it was an usurper who left him alone alive to see the ruination of his dreams.
• Dark Is Not Evil: Despite being a Dersite, he's one of the nicer people in the series; his earlier rudeness to John was simply because he didn't know about human etiquette. He was even able to lead an army of both Prospitians and Dersites against the Black King.
• Decoy Protagonist: Zig zags around. He was built up for some time as the central Exile, seemingly destined to be the one who faced Jack even as PM took a more proactive role. Then Jack punched a hole through his stomach, and PM got the ring anyway. But he still ends up much more important to the main characters directly, while PM remains more distant.
• Dramatic Irony: To him, the rebellion was a failure and because of this he was nothing but a fool for believing that he could be a leader. To what was left of his former army, he was a great hero who gave them hope in the bleakest of times, despite the tragic ending of the rebellion.
• Earn Your Happy Ending: Though nearly all the main heroes have done this in Act 7, none earned it more than WV did. After all the trauma he went through, he finally gets to be the mayor of a beautiful, real version of Can Town with his dear friend PM right by his side.
• Everybody's Dead, Dave: Yeah...
  Everyone is dead.
  Everyone except you.
• Ensemble Dark Horse: In-Universe. The kids and trolls on the meteor become huge fans of him, even as their own social groups break down.
• Extreme Omnivore: In addition to haven eaten a pumpkin, a potted plant, several pieces of chalk, a chunk of uranium, and a cyborg bunny's eye, he learned proper human etiquette by eating a book on it. It seems like he'll eat anything as long as it's green, or if it had been green at some point in time. Doesn't matter if it's edible or not. The one exception to this is paradox ghost slime, which he describes as "unappetizing sludge."
• Flanderization: The Can Town thing was something WV did while bored and trapped in his Command Station. Largely due to being Demoted to Extra, the bulk of his appearances in Act 6 involve him being "The Mayor of Can Town" and building can cities with the kids on the Meteor.
• Foil: He mirrors Jack Noir pretty well. They're both male Dersites who detest their leaders and start to rebel, but unlike Jack Noir, WV is more silly than actively malicious. And of course, they're literally counterparts in eliminating members of the Black Royalty.
• Foreshadowing: Nannasprite's exposition to John and WV's interruptions hinted WV's true role long before it was actually revealed, especially his response of "ME??" when she says that the war continued forever until 'you' showed up — it's initially played as a joke, but in fact he did break the stalemate, explaining why he initially thought she was talking to him.
• Genius Ditz: He wastes lots of time doing strange things like playing with cans, but the Wayward Vagabond seems to be remarkably adept with computers (even bizarre alien computers he has never seen before) as well as being able to think very fast on his feet and having "an uncanny knack for tracking precise distances [he has] already traversed, in whatever units [he chooses]." That he is, in essence, a living chess piece who spent his life on a battlefield may go some way toward explain his talents.
  • And despite the way he blames himself for his failure, his rebellion against the Black King nearly succeeded before Jack Noir intervened, something over which he had no control. This implies that's actually good at tactics, leadership, and inspiring others. Keep in mind that Black winning the war by default is supposed to be a universal constant in the setting, yet the WV nearly overthrew the Black King with no help from the kids.
  • In the Alternate Continuity of the sequel; he apparently set up a functioning government that somehow managed to keep the peace between the three kingdoms on Earth-C until the main characters show up and ruin everything and the events of the comic begin.
• The Hero: For the Exiles as a whole.
• Heroic BSoD: Seeing the armies he led into rebellion getting brutally, mercilessly slaughtered may well account for his eccentricities.
• Heroic Self-Deprecation: He calls himself an idiot and starts bonking himself on the head when he mistakes an appearafier for a deappearafier. It starts out hilarious until you find out that he's got major self-esteem issues from his failed rebellion.
• Hidden Depths: Among other things, while his responses play up how unimportant he thinks the queen's ring is, when he falls asleep he has a dream of himself turning into Jack, implying that he might (at least subconsciously) know what it does and refuses to put it on because he fears becoming a monster like Jack.
• Hilarity Ensues: Pretty much everything WV does. Including going on a road trip in the middle of a battlefield. Except his backstory, that's not hilarious at all. At least until he meets up with John. Then it's hilarious again.
• I Have Many Names: More so than the rest. As of Act 6, most characters just call him "the Mayor".
• Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Jack really wanted that uranium.
• Informed Attractiveness: It's sort of hard for us to see the intricacies of chess people hotness, but apparently he had quite the gaggle of admirers at one point.
• Ingesting Knowledge: He learns the intricacies of human etiquette by eating a book on the subject.
• Instant Fan Club:
  • His planetary army is revealed to be basically this. He is apparently also attractive and has numerous fan girls.
  • Dave gushes over him in particular, but it seems to be the consensus aboard the meteor that the Mayor is the coolest guy around.
• Jerkass: He comes off as very pushy and critical first, but only because he didn't know human customs.
• Leitmotif: Vagabounce, a silly and dreamy tune that first plays when WV is messing around in his exile station.
• Mayor of a Ghost Town: Deems himself the mayor of Can Town, a group of cans he randomly assembled.
• My Greatest Failure: His unsuccessful rebellion, and the murder of everyone under his command by Jack Noir.
• No Indoor Voice: Initially, he communicates with John in ALL CAPS, UNTIL HE ACCIDENTally hits the capslock key.
• #1 Dime: A MAYOR DOES NOT RELINQUISH HIS MAYORAL SASH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER PERIOD.
• Please Wake Up: He types JOHN. RISE UP. after he sees him being stabbed by Jack.
• Plucky Comic Relief: He is a Cloudcuckoolander to the extreme, and even being on a Trauma Conga Line barely manages to faze him. Nevertheless, virtually everything he does is humorous and while he does still have plot importance, it is fairly minor.
• Pokémon Speak: The first part of his leitmoif, "Mayor Maynot," features a computerized voice repeating the word "mayor" numerous times.
• Psychic Dreams for Everyone: Normally only players (not Carapacians) get the psychic dreams. However, WV has repeatedly show the ability to dream in dreambubbles regardless; Vriska was even once able to communicate with him through one.
• Red Herring: There were a number of hints that he would put on the White Queen's Ring. The ring ultimately went to PM, who was already a white queen.
• Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Raised a planetary army in response to constant warfare burning down his farm.
• Shell-Shocked Veteran: His barcode reminds him of the war. He also paints his exile station to represent the Incipisphere.
• Sidequest Sidestory: In an ordinary session, WV functions as a backdoor means to eliminate the Black King, although it is seemingly extremely difficult to do so. It didn't happen in the Kids' session because of Jack. This fact is never outright stated in story, but was confirmed on Hussie's old Formspring.
• Supporting Protagonist: In terms of story, PM is the hero of the Exiles, but he is the one we focus on the most and was introduced first. This was subverted later, with WV becoming much more directly important to the protagonists.
• Survivor's Guilt: Oh yeah. He has a ton of guilt over being the only survivor of Jack's massacre.
• Take a Third Option: Opted to attack BOTH the White King and the Black King, he and his army simply attacked the Black King first.
• Trademark Favorite Food:
  • He compulsively eats anything green, and he sometimes doesn't even seem aware that he does so. He also describes green text and buttons as "attractive" and tells John not to die in the "tasty fire" when he's surrounded by green flames.
  • He's obsessed with Tab — purely because it's drinkable.
• Transformation Sequence: He has an extended one in his dreams where he transforms into Bec Noir.
• Trauma Conga Line: His farm burns down, his army is slaughtered, his mission from John is a failure, he's exiled and wanders Earth alone for several hundred years, watches as Jack murders John, he has a horrific nightmare about Jack, and just as things are looking up for him, Jack comes in, rips uranium out of his stomach, and leaves him to bleed to death.
• Uncertain Doom: The last we see of his Game Over iteration, Dave left him on LOHAC, which would later be destroyed when the Condesce bashed it against another planet Aranea was throwing around. John lampshades this when he's told that everyone is dead, and asks if this includes "the little mayor guy Dave loves so much". He, and by extension the reader, never gets an answer to that question. Fortunately, if he did die, the retcon undid it.
• Your Size May Vary: In sprite mode, he towers over the kids. However, in guest art and Hero Mode, he's either the same size as the kids or the size of a small child.

Peregrine Mendicant

Peregrine Mendicant/Parcel Mistress/Prospitian Monarch

^{The Parcel Mistress}

^Prototyped

Paradox Space Appearances: "Fetch Quest" | "Can Town In Trouble!" | "Spritecon"

Minutes in the future, though perhaps not as few as implied by circumstance, a PEREGRINE MENDICANT trundles precious cargo beneath the gleam of the celestially ominous.

Like the Wayward Vagabond, a wandering soul living in the future who, while wheeling around a collection of mailboxes, stumbles across a Sburb capsule. Prior to the Reckoning, she was a simple PARCEL MISTRESS on a quest to deliver a very important package. The sixth playable character.

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• Action Girl: That sword sure ain't there just to look nice. What does she do when she sees that Bec Noir is attacking AR and WV? Leaps at him with her sword. When that fails? Prototypes herself with WQ's ring, giving her powers equal to him, grabs WV's wounded body, and confronts Bec Noir directly. That this is only the second time we have ever seen a genuine Oh, Crap! moment on his part should tell you everything you need to know.^note Discovering his "misstep" in the pseudo-intermission between Acts 4 and 5 was the first.
• Almighty Janitor: From postal worker to monarch in no time at all.
• The Aloner: After she sends WV and Serenity to Karkat and the others, she's essentially completely alone.
  Maybe simple things are the key to the heart of a lady. You do not know because you do not know anything about ladies really. They are a riddle draped in a mystery wrapped in post-apocalyptic shroudwear.
• Awesome Moment of Crowning: When she puts on the Queen's ring and defiantly stands against Jack.
• Berserk Button: Don't mess with the mail. No, seriously. Do not mess with the mail.
• Beware the Nice Ones: After he attacks her and steals away the White King's scepter, PM beheads the Hegemonic Brute.
  • Jack Noir killed WQ, WK, AR, and severely wounded WV. PM is PISSED.
  • During Collide, Jade attempted to get between her and Bec Noir. PM simply punched Jade out before continuing the fight.
• Big Good: For the Exiles as a whole, especially after ascending.
• The Big Guy: PM is quite adept with her REGISWORD, making her this in the Exiles' Five-Man Band.
• Break the Cutie: Averted; all of the traumatic events she's gone through have only strengthened her resolve.
• Character Development: Originally a peaceful, pacifistic and duty-bound Pawn, eventually developed into a courageous, able-bodied, and determined Queen.
• Chess Motifs: She starts as a pawn, and gets promoted to Queen.
• Cool Sword: One of the main reasons for being an Ensemble Darkhorse.◊
• The Determinator: The mail. Will. Be. Delivered. She ends up pretty mad at John, but it is delivered.
  • And after prototyping herself, she's been chasing after Jack non-stop for two years. And reality shattering around her only distracted her for a brief moment before she just picked back up again.
    Her delivery is justice, and, as you know all too well, nothing stops the mail.
  • Her determination is strong enough to punch Jade aside (as she couldn't kill her) when she tries to stop the fight between her and Bec Noir, regardless of the Undying Loyalty to Jade programmed into the prototyping.
• Early-Bird Cameo: Sort of. We've already met Peregrine Mendicant, but Dream Jade gives us an early look at Parcel Mistress.
• Enemy Mine: During [S] Game Over, she briefly teams up with Bec Noir to kill Dave, who they both mistakenly perceive as a threat to (the already dead) Jade.
• The Everyman: More so than the rest of the Exiles, but changes a fair amount as she becomes Queen.
• Face–Heel Turn: She suddenly turns on Dave alongside Jack in [S]Game Over. It's possible this was all just a horrific misunderstanding, as Dave was chasing them for absconding with Jade's body.
• Foil: While WV parallel's Jack Noir, PM is his opposite in every way. This refers back to the larger Chess Motifs.
• Good Counterpart: To Jack, after putting on the White Queen's Ring.
• Handicapped Badass: Like Jack, she loses an arm to the ring's prototyping.
• Implacable Man: She chased Jack through the Furthest Ring for the three years. When the universe itself shatters around them, she glances at it for a few seconds and then goes right back to pursuing him. Jack, who hadn't been the least bit threatened since his final prototyping, eventually starts to get freaked out by her determination.
• Informed Attractiveness: Like with WV, it's bit hard for us to tell, but both WV and AR say how cute she is.
• The Juggernaut: Nothing will stop her from delivering the mail. Or her revenge on Jack.
• Mama Bear: Having gained Bec's loyalty, she seems to have become this toward Jade. Granted, unlike Jack, she'd probably act like this anyway, seeing that she was friends with Dream Jade.
• Meaningful Name: PM = Private Message or Postman.
• Mundane Made Awesome: Her devotion to the postal service gets a whole dramatic monologue. It even causes her to shed a Single Tear.
• Non-Human Head: After putting on the White Queen's ring, she develops a wolflike head with a scar over one eye.
• Physical God: When she inherits the White Queen's ring, she gains the powers of a First Guardian and all that comes with it.
• Roaring Rampage of Revenge: Put on the WQ's ring and followed Jack into the troll's session to enact one. He looked positively terrified about it, but it turns out that he was actually lovestruck instead. She, on the other hand, has fallen into kismesissitude for him.
• Samus Is a Girl: Her gender is unspecified for quite a while and long after her combat skills are established.
• Shout-Out: The Postman, a movie about someone clinging to the symbolism of mail delivery as a bastion of civilization in a post-apocalyptic setting.
• Spanner in the Works: Towards Jack Noir; she's the one thing that ever threatens to stop him after his Ascension.
• Stealth Pun: Her Roaring Rampage of Revenge. She went postal.
• Trauma Conga Line: Prospit's destruction, the deaths of the Exiles, everything really.
• Undying Loyalty: She inherited this from Bec via prototyping as the instant she and Jack see that Jade is dead they stop fighting and abscond with her body. When Dave confronts them, they both immediately kill him, thinking he's a threat to Jade. This extends to the fight in [S] Collide, where she can't kill Jade when she blocks both her and Bec Noir in their fight, though her resolve to get revenge allows her to knock her out of the way nonlethally by punching her in the face.
• Unstoppable Mailman: The mail is life. The mail is the very fabric of civilization.

Aimless Renegade

Aimless Renegade/Authority Regulator/Armaments Regent

^{The Authority Regulator}

Paradox Space Appearances: "Can Town In Trouble!"

Years in the future, which is to say, THE PRESENT MOMENT PRECISELY, an AIMLESS RENEGADE prepares for company.

The third future wanderer, who is investigating the Frog Temple and is covered in yellow police tape. Prior to his exile, he was an AUTHORITY REGULATOR tasked with the enforcement of the law in the kingdom of Derse. The eighth playable character.

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• all lowercase letters: His first and last time communicating with Dave has him type in all lowercase.
• Ambidextrous Sprite: The scope mount goes on the left side of the weapon, not the right. The bolt handle is also absent from its normal position.
• Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: Backfires on AR; he hesitates destroying the final terminal because WV is still inside it, and Jack decapitates him.
• BFG: He's got what looks like an AK-47 with a scope and tactical polymer furniture attached for Rule of Cool.
• Captain Ersatz: Appearance aside, his personality and actions are very similar to Judge Dredd.
• Dark Is Not Evil: Despite being a Dersite (and obsessed with law and order) he also seems to be a good guy, especially when he saves John's life. "Another public servant makes a sacrifice. A citizen's safety, secured."
• The Ditz: Even before being Exiled, AR is still ditzy enough to abandon his job to do some sweet tricks on a rocket skateboard.
• Hanging Judge: Similar to WV and PM's obsessions with democracy and mail, he's obsessed with the law, fashioning a courtroom and judge outfit from weapon parts and punishing misdemeanors with judicious use of heavy artillery.
• Heroic Sacrifice:
  • He saves John by strapping him to a rocket board, which is, seemingly, the only means of escaping from an Earth-bound meteor. But he obviously survives, as we had already seen his future self.
  • He pulls this again in the End of Act 5, where he refuses to kill WV despite the threat of Jack Noir.
• I Am the Trope: Be the law.
• Impossibly Cool Clothes: The other "desert" characters (WV and PM) are dressed in grey or beige-colored robes. AR wears yellow caution tape fashioned into wrappings. He also has a judge's wig made out of bullets. Complete with a gavel made out of a grenade and a bayonet.
• Judge, Jury, and Executioner: With Derse gone, the Renegade takes justice and Derse's laws into his own hands.
• Juggling Loaded Guns: He uses an impaled grenade as a gavel at one point. Given, its shape implies it's not an explosive grenade, but it's still dangerous.
• The Lancer: AR acts as this to WV's Hero.
• Large Ham: He's very dramatic and does his whole justice spiel in all caps.
• Meaningful Name: AR = Assault Rifle
• More Dakka: He's lugged a full-size arsenal up to that temple.
• Not So Above It All: "You fail to resist the urge to ride Bro's rocket board. Shit this flagrant should be illegal."
• Off with His Head!: His final fate as delivered by Jack Noir.
• One-Steve Limit: His initials, AR, are the same as Dirk's Auto Responder in Act 6.
• Passing the Torch: Played for Laughs. Soon after Dave finds Bro dead, AR attempts to do this with Dave. He encourages Dave to enact justice and be rid of Jack and his crew, but due to the command console and Dave's grief making him susceptible to suggestion, he just ends up repeating what's being said without any clue as to what was going on and ultimately ignores it.
• Punny Name: See Small Name, Big Ego. He's the Aimless Renegade.
• Satellite Character: Doesn't really do a whole bunch aside from shout at people about the law.
• Stealth Pun: He doesn't get his name from lack of purpose alone.
• Small Name, Big Ego: He believes his aim is impeccable. From what we've seen, Stormtroopers would find his marksmanship lacking.

Windswept Questant

Windswept Questant/White Queen

^{The White Queen}

Paradox Space Appearances: "Fetch Quest" | "Can Town In Trouble!"

A WINDSWEPT QUESTANT suddenly appears.

The fourth exile, who suddenly appeared out of an egg-shaped Sburbcraft. Communicated with Rose through her Sburb device. Prior to her exile, she was the WHITE QUEEN, adored sovereign of Prospit, who abdicated her throne in order to help PM on her quest. After PM becomes the Prospitian Monarch, she is appointed as her royal adviser.

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• The Chessmaster: One of the few people who seems to actually understand everything that's going on aside from being unaware of the Trolls.
• Flat Character: She does little other than advance the plot, and her character beyond that is virtually unknown.
• Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: Just after the death of her husband.
• Meaningful Name: A "Questant" is one who undertakes a quest.
• Noble Fugitive: WQ is the most composed Exile even after renouncing her monarchy.
• Official Couple: With the Writ Keeper/White King, as they're married.
• Oh, Crap!: When Jack suddenly emerges from the lotus capsule, she can only watch in shock as he slaughters the Writ Keeper.
• Out-Gambitted: WQ's plan to escape their universe and blow up the stations fell apart due to Jack and his newfound First Guardian powers.
• Shoot the Shaggy Dog: Thanks to Jack, everything she did and sacrificed was literally All for Nothing.
• The Smart Guy: WQ makes a plan to help the Exiles escape the dying universe and restart civilization elsewhere.
• The Stoic: She's proven to be completely unflappable even during the destruction of Prospit. She's justifiably terrified when Jack shows up and murders her husband. And even then her expression doesn't really change; the only way you can tell she's terrified is through her body posture.
• Team Mom: She advises the other Exiles and comforts PM regarding her responsibilities as the new Queen.

Writ Keeper

White King/Writ Keeper

Soon the WRIT KEEPER will awaken and serve his new queen. It is then that her work may begin.

The former King of Prospit, who hid inside the time capsule in the Frog Temple to survive and become the Writ Keeper on the future Earth.

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• Badass Bookworm: He's been shown to be completely engrossed in Rose's novel and on Skaia he led armies.
• Chekhov's Gun: When he appears as the Writ Keeper, he is seen reading Complacency of the Learned, a story written by Rose. The story is nominally about wizards, but Word of God has said that it represents Rose's subconscious mind about the creation of the universe — specifically the Trolls' game of Sgrub. Unfortunately, we never know what he learns because he's immediately killed.
• Flat Character: He has appeared very few times, so his personality as of yet is still more or less an unknown.
• Official Couple: With WQ, as they are husband and wife.
• Off with His Head!: Bec Noir beheads him only ten seconds after he arrived on Earth.
• Red Herring: As the Writ Keeper, he seemed to be built up as having an important role in the lives of the exiles... and then Jack kills him within twenty seconds of his appearance on Earth.
• Sixth Ranger: He's technically an Exile, but he never meets the others before Jack kills him and WQ.
• We Hardly Knew Ye: Almost immediately after emerging from the seed, Jack kills him before he can do anything at all.

The Midnight Crew/Troll Exiles

The Midnight Crew were originally non-canonical characters from Problem Sleuth, wherein they were Team Sleuth's Psycho Ranger counterparts, waging grand warfare against the protagonists through donation-funded commands. In the Homestuck universe, they were apparently so popular that the MS Paint Adventures site that the characters visit features a Midnight Crew adventure as the followup to Problem Sleuth, something which Andrew Hussie apparently considered in real life after abandoning the all-Flash version of Homestuck.

The Midnight Crew featured in an intermission between Acts 3 and 4 of Homestuck, wherein they invaded the mansion home of their rival gang the Felt with the aim of ending their gang war once and for all. They later out to be part of the Homestuck canon after all, existing in the distant post-apocalyptic future of Alternia (612 Alternian years in the future, to be exact) in much the same capacity as Earth's exiles, taking Mutually Fictional to another level.

For tropes pertaining to other iterations of these four, see Homestuck: Agents & Monarchs. For their counterparts in Problem Sleuth, see its character page. For information on the fifth exile Snowman, see Homestuck: The Felt.

General Tropes

• Adaptation Species Change: In Problem Sleuth, there was no reason to believe they weren't just stylized humans like most of the cast. Here, they're part of the humanoid Carapacian race.
• Adaptational Badass: In the original donation strips, The Midnight Crew never did anything other than inconvenience Team Sleuth. In Homestuck, they actually have a body count to their name.
• Adaptational Wimp: Very downplayed, but they lack their Casting a Shadow powers from the Problem Sleuth donation commands.
• A Lighter Shade of Black: The Midnight Crew aren't very nice people, but when faced against Omnicidal Maniacs like Lord English they're downright heroic in comparison.
• Anti-Hero: Type V. They're only considered heroes during "Operation Regisurp" in the Trolls' session, due to their alliance with the protagonists. In the kid's session, they are definitely evil, and their leader is the primary antagonist. Later in story, they're only considered heroic at all because Lord English and the Felt are worse. They still casually murder people and given half the chance would become just as dangerous as Jack Noir and the agents under him in the Kid's session.
• Canon Immigrant: The Midnight Crew was originally a four-man Psycho Rangers group created for a donation request during Problem Sleuth that spent most of their time having non-canonical skirmishes with the main characters. However, in Homestuck they actually play a more relevant role in the plot.
• Death Dealer: An odd case, since all of them store their weapons in the form of cards. Throw a card at somebody, and it will turn back into a bomb/axe/knife/etc before it hits them.
• Evil Counterpart: They can possibly be considered this to the Problem Sleuth detectives: While they are paper-white heroic detectives, the Midnight Crew are black-shelled criminal gangsters.
• Evil Versus Oblivion: Subverted, as they don't really care about the fact that Lord English is an Omnicidal Maniac— Slick just wants revenge for the casino.
• Face Framed in Shadow: Justified as they're former citizens-slash-Agents of Derse, and therefore have shiny black carapaces.
• Film Noir: The Midnight Crew is a parody of this genre, with their internal narration and faces framed in shadow.
• Killed Off for Real: The Intermission ends with only Spades Slick alive, after traveling to a timeline where the other three are dead. Later on, he attacks his alternate self and is decapitated by Dave.
• Leitmotif: The Midnight Crew does not have identifiable themes, though they are all associated with dark jazz. They do however have instruments, seen rather than heard.
  • Spades Slick is associated with pianos.
  • Diamonds Droog is associated with saxophones.
  • Clubs Deuce is associated with oboes.
  • Hearts Boxcars is associated with cellos.
• Meaningful Rename: Like other Prospitians and Dersites, their "names" are simply frank descriptors of who they are and what they do.
• Nominal Hero: They're violent criminals, but the only thing that keeps them from being outright villains is that they're trying to stop Lord English. And even then, they're not even in it for the well-being of the universe.
• Perpetual Frowner: All except Clubs Deuce, who has no mouth.
• Playing Card Motifs: All of them are themed after a suit of cards.
• Porn Stash: Each of them has his own unique stash. This is played for comedy, as none of the things they hoard would normally be considered porn.
• Quirky Miniboss Squad: By default, their role is to serve as mid-level enemies during Sburb sessions, menacing the players and opposing their plans before the Black regents are tackled.
• Trademark Favorite Food: Each one has a favorite candy, and keeps a couple pieces of it in his hat.

Spades Slick

♠ Spades Slick ♠/Scurrilous Straggler

^{As a cyborg:}

Paradox Space Appearances: "Con Faire"

Your name is SPADES SLICK. You are the leader of a notoriously vicious gang of mobsters called the MIDNIGHT CREW. A rival gang known as THE FELT recently knocked over one of your favorite casinos. Your long quest of revenge has finally taken you through the front door of the mansion belonging to their loathsome boss, LORD ENGLISH.

The leader of the Midnight Crew. Armed, dangerous, and extremely violent. He and Diamonds Droog are probably the smartest members of the crew. Notably, Spades "made this town what it is." "Wasn't nothing but a bunch of dust and rocks before [he] got here." Long before the Midnight Crew, he was the Jack Noir present in the trolls' session, who allied with the trolls to overthrow and exile the Black Queen but was exiled himself in revenge. He wandered the post-apocalyptic Alternian desert for years as the Scurrilous Straggler before founding the Midnight Crew and returning civilization to the planet.

Though it seemed he died in the destruction of the Troll Universe, Andrew Hussie (in comic that is) swooped in and saved him. He was badly hurt and had to be turned into a cyborg.

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• all lowercase letters: Uses no capitalization or punctuation when communicating through his exile station, though this may be due to him having lost his arm at the time.
• Ambidextrous Sprite: Exploited when he needs to use the barcode tattoo on his arm after it got cut off. To get around this he flips his own sprite so that the tattoo appears on his other arm.
• Antihero: Sburb gave him an ambitious, ruthless personality so that he'd help the players take out his boss, the Black Queen, before the Reckoning. In the Trolls' session he performs his task as he's meant to and assists them in banishing the Queen. In the kids' session, this backfires spectacularly.
• Artificial Limbs: By the time we get back to him at Doc Scratch's apartment, he has picked up a robo-arm to replace the one Snowman took off.
• Ascended Extra: Even more so than his fellow Midnight Crew members. Even if the end of the Intermission heavily implied that the Crew was more important than they seemed at first, Slick himself definitely proved his relevance to the story when he showed up at Doc Scratch' home in Act 5 Act 2.
• Badass Normal: He fights the Felt and does pretty well. Though, to be fair, some of their 'powers' are straight-up disadvantages. Even when he becomes a Cyborg, he manages to not only fend off against two God Tier players, but also manages to stand on equal footing with Jack English, who has the power to destroy the fabric of reality.
• Bond One-Liner: "Time travel sure can be a... DOUBLE EDGED SWORD."
• Carry a Big Stick: Welcomed into a home, Slick wields a simple staff while attacking Doc Scratch, Dragon to Lord English of the Felt, the Midnight Crew's Arch-Enemy. Later begins to carry Lord English's Golden Cuestaff after he leaves it behind.
• Complexity Addiction: His heists seem more convoluted than they really have to be.
• Conflict Ball: There's no actual reason for Slick to oppose the heroes during Collide, except wanting to be the one to kill Jack English, but he still not only saves Jack English twice, he also spends more time attacking Dirk, Terezi and Dave than he does his target.
• Cyborg: As of Act 6 Intermission 2 he's starting to resemble the Bunny: he's got one Electronic Eye and an Eyepatch of Power, both arms are robotic, and metal plates cover the top of his face.
• The Determinator: Make no mistake, pissing off Spades Slick is the last thing you'd ever want. He essentially destroyed the crime syndicate of a time-travelling demon, survived the destruction of the Troll Universe, and becoming a full fledged cyborg, just because his casino was destroyed by them.
• Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu?: Did You Just Beat Cthulhu Over The Head With A Club? Yes, yes you did. For several minutes, in fact.
• Disney Death: A page showing all the dead characters has a question mark next to him, making his fate ambiguous. Hussie's tumblr also stated that he's taking care of Slick. This seemed like a case of Trolling Creator, until it was remarkably confirmed at the beginning of Act 6 Intermission 2.
• Driven to Suicide: Word of God is that Slick was trying to do this by killing Snowman. It failed.
• Dropped a Bridge on Him: Slick is ultimately killed with little fanfare, after going through Hell and back to kill Lord English. He's decapitated alongside his Jack English incarnation who was nothing more than a snarling monster to be slain.
• Disproportionate Retribution: Over the course of the story, Slick has killed the entirety of the Felt, has destroyed the Troll Universe, has lost all the members of the Midnight Crew, and has vowed to kill Lord English, who is an indestructable demon who could vaporise him. Why does he want to kill the LE and the Felt in general? Because they blew up his casino.
• Evil Counterpart: Word of God says he is one to Problem Sleuth.
• Eyepatch of Power: After his other eye is injured. He keeps even after the robotics because he thought it looked cool.
• Eye Scream: When Snowman stabs him in the eye with her cigarette holder.
• Exact Words: He's fond of saying that he "made this town"; when Dies uses his Juju doll to shift to a world where Slick was dead all along, he discovers that this is literally true, ending up in a barren, boring, empty wasteland.
• Get A Hold Of Yourself Man: When Karkat doesn't calm down after Sollux dies, Jack eventually starts slapping him.
• Good Scars, Evil Scars: He gets one across his eye after his encounter with Snowman.
• Hero Killer: He manages to be the cause of Dirk's death twice. It's only due to Dave, Terezi and Jane that neither death sticks.
• Heroic Sacrifice: While it's doubtful this is what he actually intended, Slick chokeholding Lord Jack gives Dave the chance to decapitate him, at the cost of his own life, ending an extremely dangerous foe.
• Hidden Depths: His interactions with Ms. Paint imply that he can be rather gentlemanly when he wants to be.
• Idiot Ball: He sees Jack English flying through the sky, comes to the conclusion that the stranger who looks exactly like him but with flashing eyes and a pegleg is Lord English and chases after him. Then he fights against Dave, Dirk and Terezi for no other reason other than the fact that he wants to be the one to kill Lord English. This is the reason he dies.
• More Dakka: Averted, we have never seen and probably will never see what Spade Slick's gun is, if he even has one.
• Named Weapons: He's got OCCAM'S RAZOR, a DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD, a BUTTERFLY EFFECT KNIFE, BAIT AND SWITCHBLADE, and his very own RAPIER WIT. There's something of a theme to these names...
• Never Found the Body: Although he's caught in an exploding universe in Cascade, we never see him die. Eventually we find that Hussie saved him somehow. The same thing happens when he is decapitated by Dave, as even though he is clearly decapitated, we never found out where his body went.
• New Powers as the Plot Demands: Played for Laughs; at the end of Act 6, Spades Slick suddenly has a rocket ass and an actual, functioning cybernetic eye. The narration is pretty incredulous to these sudden developments, and notes how they actually spit in the face of Homestuck canon.
• Not in This for Your Revolution: He's firmly against Lord English for his own personal reasons; he's only there to fight Jack English in Collide for revenge, not for the kids' greater plans, and has no qualms hitting Dirk, Dave, or Terezi out of the way during the fight.
• Not So Above It All: Here and here, as a Mythology Gag. Characters in Problem Sleuth did stuff like this all the time.
• Official Couple: With Ms. Paint, after Andrew declared their ship canon in-universe.
• Off with His Head!: In [S] Collide, Dave slices off his head along with those of Dirk (who gets better thanks to Jane) and Jack English. Seeing as Hussie was busy fighting Vriska in a Dreambubble and Jack English's own head explodes and vaporizes about 90% of the planet they're on, it seems unlikely that Slick's coming back this time.
• Only the Author Can Save Them Now: In-Universe. The author himself personally rescues him from the destruction of his universe.
• Percussive Therapy: Nothing rankles him like Lord English's "stupid" obsession with clocks. Spades will smash any clock—even a laptop readout.
• Perpetual Frowner: Frowns by default and only smiles upon coming closer to killing Lord English.
• Pet the Dog:
  • Showing Karkat his blood is "candy-red" too during the Hivebent intermission to calm him down.
  • And again, he tries to console Karkat after Sollux died.
    There, there, you blubbering goddamn pansy.
  • And all of his interactions with Ms. Paint. For example, his reaction when he finds out that Lord English hit her:
    You say he did WHAT, why I oughta!
• Porn Stash: All the Midnight Crew members carry one. Spades's is Terrier Fancy. Which becomes pretty funny once you consider his counterpart's final prototyping.
• Punny Name: Not him, but his weapons all fall into this category, being puns on various terms that double as weapons - OCCAM'S RAZOR, DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD, BUTTERFLY EFFECT KNIFE, BAIT AND SWITCHBLADE, and RAPIER WIT.
• Psycho Knife Nut: He's a version of Jack Noir, and as such shares the Jack's universal obsession with knives and predeliction for knife-based violence.
  GC: K4RK4T, H3S 4 J3RK!
  GC: H3 H4S ST4BB3D YOU ON MOR3 TH4N ON3 OCC4S1ON!
  CG: SOME OF THOSE STABBINGS WERE ACCIDENTAL!
• Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red to both Snowman and Droog's blue — with Snowman, it's even color-correct (by blood color, that is).
• Revenge Before Reason: For destroying one casino, Spades goes on a revenge quest against Lord English which involves losing an eye, an arm, three friends, his whole universe, half of his organic body, and his head. Its quite apparent Spades's had a whole city of his own besides the Casino and it helps that he never even meets Lord English in his whole life.
• Rule of Cool: Spades Slick doesn't let Andrew repair his other eye because the eyepatch looks cooler.
• The Starscream: To the Black Queen's Megatron. She gets him back, though.
• Sole Survivor: He is the last member of the Midnight Crew by the end of the Act 1 intermission, carrying out his revenge quest on Lord English by himself. He later recruits the Felt to help him, but he himself is the only true Midnight Crew member.
• Suicide by Cop: In an incredibly roundabout way. However, he still survives.
• Surrounded by Idiots:
  • During the troll arc. Although it was Spades Slick from the intermission that remarked on this, as he was communicating from the future.
  • Again later during the Act 6 Intermission 5, when he takes over the Felt after Lord English kills Hussie.
• Sweet Tooth: When offered sweets from a candy bowl, pockets a few handfuls, then dumps the whole bowl into his hat.
• Tempting Fate: "She'll have to pry this thing from your rigid severed arm if she wants it back." Snowman promptly tears off the arm in question.
• This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: COUNT SOME SHEEP BITCH
• Took a Level in Badass: Is now a super strong, super fast cyborg, owns Lord English's Golden Cuestaff, and has taken command of The Felt (sans Snowman, since shifting to a world where she never died would presumably result in massively-confusing Weird Time Shit).
• Trademark Favorite Food: Licorice Scottie Dogs.
• Ungrateful Bastard: After getting fixed up by Andrew, he starts stabbing him. Might be more attributed to the Ax-Crazy Psycho Knife Nut mentality of the Jack Noirs.
• Unstoppable Rage: Spades Slick is motivated by his pure, unfiltered hatred for the Felt and Lord English. Even the destruction of both the Midnight Crew and an entire universe couldn't keep him down. Unfortunately, this leads to a Revenge Before Reason mentality, and it is this quality that leads to his untimely death.
• Villain Protagonist: He's the main protagonist during the Intermission. He's very much a violent mobster, but happens to be set against a worse villain's lackeys.
• Wild Card: Slick had been working his own agenda ever since the Intermission ended, generally doing whatever he pleased. The only reason he gets involved in the final fight is because he wants to get revenge on Lord English, and Lord Jack is the closest thing to him getting that revenge. As such, despite both him, the Striders and Terezi all wanting to defeat LJ, he instead attacks both sides so that he may take care of the alternate, not caring if he has to kill the third group in the fight to do so.

Clubs Deuce

♣ Clubs Deuce ♣

^{As the Courtyard Droll}

Everybody out of the god damn way. You got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty.

What can be said about Clubs Deuce? He's very small and quite foolish. Nevertheless, he is skilled with explosives and should not be underestimated.

---

• Ambiguously Gay: His porn stash is called Black Inches and his race is literally black. There's also the matter of the BULL PENIS CANE.
• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: He spends more time admiring clocks, cleaning his inventory and tracing his own steps to focus on killing the Felt.
• Beware the Nice Ones: He sticks a time bomb under Doze's hat. While this was ordered by Diamonds Droog, he didn't seem too sorry about it, considering how he was 'interrogating' Doze previously.
• Beware the Silly Ones: Courtyard Droll/Clubs Deuce is an idiotic goofball. He's also killed the most (that we see) of the whole Midnight Crew, with his body count including the majority of the Felt.
• Cloudcuckoolander: He's not all there, and his lack of intelligence leads him to do odd things.
• The Ditz: He's even described as having "a head full of empty."
• Felony Misdemeanor: He interrogates Doze by lightly tapping him on the knee and swapping hats with him.
• Fish Eyes: He's the dimmest of the Midnight Crew, and has very wide-set eyes.
• Improbable Weapon User: He has a BULL PENIS CANE.
• More Dakka: Averted, his gun is a dinky little pistol, which looks downright pathetic in the shootout scene where on his team HB and DD are using a freaking minigun and dual assault rifles respectively while on the felt side Stitch, Crowbar, and Sawbuck are using a full size Uzi, an overlarge tommy gun, and a shotgun respectively.
• No Indoor Voice: His (very brief) communications with an irate Sollux are written in all caps.
• No Mouth: Like how people from Derse and Prospit are typically portrayed, but he stands out from the other members of the Midnight Crew, who do have mouths.
• Poke in the Third Eye: Sollux Captor blows up his exile station because he was tired of his commands.
• Porn Stash: Black Inches, which originally appeared in previous adventures.
• Psychopathic Manchild: He's weird and ditzy, but he's also a member of a gang of dangerous criminals.
• Spider Tank: The place where he communicates with Dream Sollux.
• Throw Down the Bomblet: Though rather than being Ax-Crazy or a pyro, he's just a ditz.
• Trademark Favorite Food: Licorice gummy bears.

Diamonds Droog

♦ Diamonds Droog ♦

Paradox Space Appearances: "Con Faire"

You suddenly remember you are Diamonds Droog. Whoever took your hat is about to discover he's the unluckiest man on earth. He better hope you find him dead. What you're gonna do to him will be much less painful that way.

Spades Slick's right hand man. Probably the most intelligent member of the Midnight Crew, Diamonds Droog has fine taste in suits and makes for one cold-blooded killer.

---

• Awesomeness by Analysis: He's able to observe his surroundings in order to use the Felt's own time powers against them.
• Badass in a Nice Suit: Although all the members of the Midnight Crew are well-dressed, Droog takes particular pride in his classy outfit.
• The Chessmaster: He was able to, using the forensics evidence of some destroyed clocks and a single lost tooth, figure out exactly when Fin was going to try and bite him from the past, and fill him full of lead instead. Meanwhile, he used knowledge of The Felt's temporal abilities, Clubs Deuce, and a time bomb to redirect Trace, who was attacking from the future, and kill off both him and Doze at the same time. Pretty safe to say that Droog is the smartest and the best planner.
• Crazy-Prepared: His BRAWLSOLEUM has multiple BACKUP HATS, several tasteful suits, and a shitload of guns and cards. He eventually subdued and captured Stitch as well, just in case.
• The Evil Genius: Downplayed; Droog isn't Einstein by any means, but he is the most reserved and sensible member of the Crew by far.
• Guns Akimbo: His weapons of choice are an AK-47 and a second assault rifle of a different type. Note that instead of two SMGs or pistols he's wielding full sized assault rifles.
• The Lancer: To Spades Slick.
• More Dakka: The inevitable result of Dual Wielding assault rifles.
• Not So Stoic: He flails around with his Ultraviolence Cuestick when Trace punches his past trail and he also had to resist the urge to scream "Oh yeah" when Cans crashes in through the wall.
• Only Sane Man: He seems to be this, compared to Slick and Boxcar's hot tempers and Deuce...being Deuce.
• Porn Stash: Grey Ladies, which he keeps inside a newspaper.
• Punny Name: His name derives from the phonetic transliteration of the Russian word for friend (друг), and thus his name is also derived from the saying, "Diamonds are a girl's best friend."
• Shout-Out: His name refers to the Nadsat word for "bro" from A Clockwork Orange, and his theme is called Carbon Nadsat.
• So Proud of You: His treatment of Aradia, to whom he is an exile guide, is peppered with this. In his one shown conversation he used phrases like "Atta girl" and "That's what I like to hear". Aradia however seems to resent it.
  • Though it's implied that is not all there is to it, considering Droog has a fetish for grey women, and Trolls and Aradia specifically are grey. His Porn Stash was in his hands at the same time as his comments above. Plus, even if he is genuinely praising Aradia, he usually says the above sentences after she's killed someone.
• The Stoic: Even when he's angry, he doesn't show it. He also smiles a grand total of once, praising Aradia for utterly demolishing Vriska.
• Trademark Favorite Food: Swedish Fish.

Hearts Boxcars

♥ Hearts Boxcars ♥

You stop not being Hearts Boxcars. You have made your way to the Felt's SECRET VAULT. It's bigger than you were expecting. You doubt you will be able to rely on your usual safe-cracking method, which is prying it from the wall with your bare hands. You'll have to think of something else.

Hearts Boxcars is the muscle of the Midnight Crew. If you need to crack a safe by yanking it out of the wall, he's your man. He hates time travel and is quite an aggressive Shipper on Deck.

---

• Big Eater: Literally.
• Brick Joke: At one point in the first intermission, he is "clocked" into a Horse Calendar by Cans. Come Act 6 Intermission 3, Meenah finds a horse calender that Hearts Boxcars is "still farming."
• The Brute: He has his strength, and not much else.
• Brutish Character, Brutish Weapon: Hearts Boxcars is a towering brute notable more for his inhuman strength than for any particularly cleverness, and serves as the Midnight Crew's muscle in missions requiring the application of liberal amounts of brute force. Fittingly, he uses an assortment of battleaxes, warhammers, and morningstars as weapons.
• Butt-Monkey: His encounters with Eggs, Biscuits and Cans make him this.
  Narration: YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL...
• Evil Counterpart: Hearts Boxcars is pretty similar to the Hired Muscle that was paid to work with Team Sleuth until his eventual death.
• Funetik Aksent: When communicating with Tavros, he pronounces "you're" and "your" as "yer" and "for" as "fer".
• Gatling Good: His gun of choice is a minigun. It's probably the weapon counterpart of the wax lips.
• I'm a Humanitarian: Defeats Eggs by biting off his head.
• The Matchmaker: Quite possibly among the most inept matchmakers in the history of fiction, but a spirited attempt none the less.
• Meaningful Name: The thing about Hearts Boxcars is HE ALWAYS ROLLS BOXCARS (double sixes on dice).
• More Dakka: He has a damned minigun; that's an awful lot of lead for a gangster.
• No Indoor Voice: Communicates with Tavros in rancorous allcaps.
• Perpetual Frowner: His default emotion seems to be anger.
• Porn Stash: His Red Cheeks magazine. His heart beats to it regularly.
• Shipper on Deck: Vriska/Tavros, very aggressively so.
• Super-Strength: His preferred method of safe-cracking is to yank the safe out of the wall that's holding it.
• Trademark Favorite Food: Wax lips.

Snowman

Snowman

Although not a member of the Midnight Crew, she is the fifth Exile of the Troll Session. See her own section for more details.

Post-Scratch Exiles

Post-Scratch Exiles

Carapacians

Sure are a lot of them today. They must be getting more desperate.

A bunch of "Exiles", taken from the Post-Scratch Session by the Condesce to form the backbone of her new empire. They mostly live on floating cities that resemble chessboards, which according to Dirk are essentially slums. Roxy lives in one of these cities, and was raised by them. On occasion some of the Carapacians sneak into her lab to hunt her cats. None of them have names or distinct appearances, with exception to one who led a hunting party into Roxy's lab, who is still nameless.

---

• Artifact Title: Calling them Exiles is a little inaccurate, as they still live under the Black Queen and don't instruct Sburb players like the other Exiles
• Call-Back: A lot of them almost look like known exiles like the Midnight Crew, but none of them are exactly identical to them. Most notably, the apparent leader of the hunting party looks sort of like a cross between Jack Noir and WV, and uses a crowbar. The ones that most closely resemble PM have one of their eyes covered by their robes. Their apparent leader does as well.
• Faceless Masses: Most of their designs aren't particularly distinct.
• Reduced to Ratburgers: Roxy tries to avoid thinking about how they're probably breaking into her lab to eat her mutant cats.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Their apparent leader has a unique design and a noticeable crowbar. None of the original crowd has appeared since their debut and shortly afterwards.
• You All Look Familiar: Aside from their apparent leader, all of them share their appearance with another exile in their group, including robes, though this might be Andrew simply copying sprites, as it didn't seem to be the case with their drawn crowd shot. Of course, there's only so many ways to draw random, nameless Dersites without them looking somewhat like a named character, especially since the Dersites are all canonically clones.

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