Then, with the Spanish alliance, we can massacre both the Swiss and the French by dividing their forces into two! Preferably their top halves from their bottom halves!
It is 1492. With kingdoms all over Europe joining forces and waging wars with each other, England needs to find a new ally quickly. The best way of doing this, of course, is through an Arranged Marriage. Unfortunately, the heir to the throne, Prince Harry, has already been engaged to several princesses (and one prince). With no way to forge a new alliance, all hope seems lost for the House of York...
Wait, the king has another son?!
With another prince, another alliance is made possible. The royal officials quickly make plans for wedding between Edmund and the Spanish Infanta, who has arrived at court. Only as it turns out, the deal might not be as beneficial to Edmund as it seemed...
Tropes
- Abhorrent Admirer: The Infanta isn't exactly what the tales made her out to be, to say the least.
- All for Nothing: Baldrick succeeds in bedding the Infanta ... except it turns out she already wasn't a virgin, and anyway, only one virgin (ie. Edmund) is required for the marriage to be valid.
- The king's plan to attack England's Swiss allies by getting Lord Wessex to disguise his army as Germans when they pillage Geneva also counts, as we later hear from the messenger that Lord Wessex has died, and that Spain has made peace with the Swiss, leaving England with no allies in Europe.
- Altar Diplomacy: King Richard's attempts at diplomacy via political marriage drive the plot. Edmund is forced to marry the Infanta, and later Princess Leia of Hungary, in order to secure key alliances. Harry's multiple engagements likely exist for similar reasons.
- Altar the Speed: Edmund attempts to marry a peasant woman to get out of the marriage, only for her to be already married to an Ax-Crazy farmer.
- Analogy Backfire:Percy: They say, my Lord, that the Infanta's eyes are more beautiful than the famous stone of Galveston.
Edmund: The what?
Percy: The famous stone of Galveston, my Lord?
Edmund: What's that?
Percy: Well, it's a famous blue stone, and it comes... from Galveston.
Edmund: I see. And have you ever seen this stone, Percy?
Percy: No, my Lord, but I know several people who have, and they say it's very blue indeed!
Edmund: Have these people seen the Infanta's eyes?
Percy: No, my Lord.
Edmund: And neither have you.
Percy: No, my Lord.
Edmund: So what you're telling me, Percy, is that something you have never seen is a shade less blue than something else... you have never seen.
Percy: (after a Beat) Yes, that's right.
Edmund: Percy, in the end you are about as much use to me as a hole in the head. A condition with which you would be familiar, never having actually had a brain. - Arranged Marriage: Edmund and the Infanta, then Edmund and Leia. Oh, and Harry and nearly every other princess (and one prince) in Europe.
- Bait-and-Switch Comparison: A variant:King Richard: [pointing at Harry's genitals to teach him about diplomacy] What's that for?
Harry: Well, a couple of things.
King Richard: Correct, and one of those things is?
Harry: Best not mentioned, really.
King Richard: Right, and the other is fornication! - Bed Trick: Baldrick is sent to the Infanta's bedroom (letting her believe that he's Edmund), in order to ensure that she is not a virgin on her wedding day.
- Bestiality Is Depraved: The Queen reveals an embarrassing habit of Englishmen while chatting with the Infanta."Well, they spend most of their time with animals, you know, and with other men."
- Beware of Vicious Dog: At the start of the episode, Edmund is pushed off the ramparts by a woman he was trying to seduce; she's disgusted, because she mistook him for his brother, and a violent dog attacks him. He tries passing off the resulting bite marks on his neck as love bites to Baldrick and Percy until they haul the truth out of him.
- Brick Joke: When trying to get out of his arranged marriage to the Infanta, Blackadder takes Baldrick's suggestion that he pretend to "prefer the company of men" ... like, for example, the Earl of Doncaster. He does this by dressing up and acting Camp Gay. Later, his father sees him like this and greets him with "Morning, Doncaster!". Even the peasant whose wife he tries to marry tells his wife that Edmund isn't the Prince, he's the Earl of Doncaster.
- A bit of a meta-joke, as BRIAN BLESSED is from Doncaster.
- But Not Too Bi: At least one of the European nobles Harry is engaged to for political reasons is a man, Jeremy of Estonia. Even Harry is a little confused, as he thinks he's (also) engaged to Bernard of Saxe-Coburg, not Bertha.
- Camp Gay: The Earl of Doncaster, apparently.
- The Casanova: Harry. Mostly because the King has betrothed virtually every eligible princess (and one Duke) in Europe to him, but his wives-to-be don't seem to mind it too much. After all these are purely political marriages without any personal factor.
- Comically Missing the Point: During the wedding ceremony the Archbishop gets annoyed by Don Speekingleesh's loudly translating the vows into Spanish, and yells at him to shut up. Speekingleesh then turns around and yells "Silencio!" at the crowd.
- Deus ex Machina: Just as Edmund and the Infanta are about to be pronounced man and wife, the messenger bursts in, announcing that Spain has already made peace with the Swiss and allied with France, leaving England without allies in Europe, unless they make an immediate pact with Hungary.
- Fake-Out Make-Out: Edmund tries to feign homosexuality, with predictable results.
- False Flag Operation: When Richard IV learns that the Swiss have invaded France, he orders Lord Wessex to invade Geneva in their absence. Upon being reminded that the Swiss are their allies, he tells Wessex to dress his men up as Germans. It backfires anyway, because the messenger reports that Lord Wessex has died later on.
- The Ghost: The Earl of Doncaster is never seen, although the king mistakes Edmund for him at one point. Likewise Jeremy of Estonia, who Percy initially assumes Don Speekeengleesh to be.
- Hidden Depths: Normally Richard IV is a bellowing, drunken Blood Knight, but here we see him either creating or describing numerous complicated diplomatic and military plans. Most of which involve backstabbing his allies.
- Informed Attractiveness: Played for laughs. Edmund is repeatedly told how attractive the Infanta is, when in fact she's so unappealing that given the choice, Edmund would probably have married Don Speekingleesh over her.
- The Loins Sleep Tonight: In the prologue, Edmund's attempt at a romantic encounter on the castle ramparts doesn't go as he'd hoped:Lady: O noble prince, your secret note of love has won my heart. The castle of my body is yours by right of conquest. Come, let your tongue dive into the moat of my mouth and let your hands take possession of the ramparts of my plumpies, for I'm yours [removes her hood, revealing herself to be a beautiful woman] and yours alone!Edmund: [removes his hood, revealing himself] And I'm yours!Lady: [suddenly disgusted] Ugh, Prince Edmund! I thought you your brother! [pushes Edmund off the ramparts; dogs are subsequently heard attacking him]
- May–December Romance: Edmund ends up with Princess Leia (no, not that Leia!) of Hungary, who is supposedly very young and beautiful. Unfortunately for him, by "young", they meant eight years old, though no one means this to romance, it's just a political marriage and Edmund seems to view Leia as a younger sister and not a wife (he recognises that he has to take her tanquam soror vel tanquam frater until she is developed enough to consummate their marriage without fear that childbirth will damage her body).
- Morality Pet: Edmund is noticeably nicer towards Leia than he is towards anyone else; he can't bear a grudge against a sweet-natured child. Edmund knows that she is too young for him to bed, so he spends their wedding night reading bedtime stories to her about bears, elves and fairies.
- Old Man Marrying a Child: Edmund is a good twenty years older than Leia. Played for Laughs, as Leia seems more accepting and eager to get married than he is, and leads him to the altar, with a little skip in her step. Also doubles as a Pet the Dog moment for Edmund, as he is genuinely kind to her. And very much Truth in Television at the time, as royal marriages were typically made for political benefits first, and all other considerations far down the list; one or both royals being pre-pubsescent was not considered a problem (although the consummation of such a marriage would have to wait until both parties were pubescent at the very least).
- Pet the Dog: Edmund reading a bedtime story to Princess Leia at the end. On their wedding night, no less.
- Punny Name: Don Speekingleesh, the translator, has a name that sounds like "don't speak English" in his own peculiar accent.
- Running Gag: As is standard for anything by Richard Curtis, there's someone called Bernard — although in this case, he is only referred to (in the list of various foreign royals who Harry's engaged to), not seen.
- Sexless Marriage: Edmund's Arranged Marriage with Princess Leia of Hungary ends up being one of these as it turns out Leia is still a child, and he ends up assuming a kind of quasi-paternal role to her instead, reading her a bedtime story on their wedding night (one of his very few Pet the Dog moments in the series).
- Skip to the End: The Infanta urges the priest to hurry the ceremony.
- Sleeping Single: Edmund and Princess Leia, quite sensibly.
- Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace: Twice. Once, when Edmund tries to marry another woman to get out of marrying the Infanta, and her husband objects at the right moment. Then, at his wedding to the Infanta, no one objects.
- The Stinger: Edmund’s new bride requests a glass of water, much to his annoyance.
- Suddenly Shouting: Prince Harry has even less patience for the irritating messenger than his father or brother, and lets him know this as soon as he gets the first chance.'Messenger: My Lord-
Harry: WILL YOU GET AWAY FROM ME?! - Translator Buddy: Don Speekingleesh is this to the Infanta, to the point where he's already in the Infanta's bedroom when she gets a nocturnal visitor, and goes on to translate the Infanta's pillow talk to "Edmund" (actually Baldrick), and her lover's agonized cries for help.Don Speekingleesh: Again, please!
- What the Hell Is That Accent?: Jim Broadbent later confessed that he had no idea at the time what a Spanish accent should sound like, and improvised with "a very bad cod Italian accent" - which turned out in the end to be a very successful comedic strategy. Richard Curtis remarked that it was an "astonishing technical feat, to get the rhythms of the English language so completely wrong."
