I can't believe you could have a heart failure just from being sad. I mean, how are you supposed to treat that?...He's coding. Get me a box of kittens, stat!
— JD, "My House"
Dr. Cox: They hate you, Bob. They hate you from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. Dear god, they hate you good. [exits]
Laverne: [chuckles]
Dr. Kelso: Just what are you laughing at??
Laverne: [still laughing] That hooves and pitchfork thing. [Stops laughing and stares Kelso down] Why?
Dr. Kelso: [gulp] No reason. [flees]
— "My Hero"
Due to lack of funds, I'm shutting down our baby mobile, which means there will no longer be free prenatal care for underprivileged women. Bottom line - if you're thinking about knocking up a homeless gal, I'd do it this weekend.
— Dr. Kelso, "My Jiggly Ball"
JD: Everyone has a human side, Coxy. Even Kelso!
Laverne: The hell he does.
JD: Y'know Laverne, I'm a doctor. So, I'm not gonna take my psychological evaluations from someone who dispenses them between watching "Maury" and eating a corn muffin. [She gives him a dirty look.] [OK, that was too mean. Apologise.] Laverne, I... [Ah, the hell with it, she's not gonna forgive you. Go for broke.] I was watching CNN earlier; apparently the Terror Alert in your armpits has been elevated to Orange. Oh no he didn't, yes Laverne, he did!
— "My Jiggly Ball"
So they say that one out of every three patients admitted to this place will die here, but some days the odds are worse than that. And on days like that, I guess the best you can hope for is that you took something from that. Anything, anything at all. Even if it's just taking the time to lie in the grass and think about all the things you still have left to do.
— JD, "My Old Lady"
