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Comic Books
Asami: I have to hand it to you Kuvira, waiting to escape until after Korra left was a smart move.
Kuvira: You fools, this wasn't my doing—
Kuvira: You fools, this wasn't my doing—
Dr. Doom: Dr. Doom, Dr. Doom, Dr. Doom. Why does everyone always suspect that Dr. Doom is the culprit?
Human Torch: Well, it sure isn't Soupy Sales, tin head!
Human Torch: Well, it sure isn't Soupy Sales, tin head!
— The Fantastic Four Roast
Mary Kelly: Does this mean we're alright, me and Liz? Ye won't be doin' to us what ye did to Polly Nichols and Annie Chapman?
Gang Member: Nichols and Chapman? Y'reckon we're daft enough to bring all these rozzers down on us, interruptin' business? We never done 'em... not them two. G'Night.
Fan Works
"I thought it would be so much harder than this. I've fought you before. Many times. You know that. In any of our other fights, by this time, we'd have knocked each other all the way to Metro Airport. What's wrong with you? Did somebody else get to you before I did?"
Focusing, the actor said, "So. It wasn't really you who. Did this to me?"
"Did what to you?"
Focusing, the actor said, "So. It wasn't really you who. Did this to me?"
"Did what to you?"
"Why in the name of heaven above and hell below would I have attempted to murder your wife, Detective? Tell me."
— Ra's Al Ghul, Dance with the Demons
Alphonse: What have we told you about inflicting your taste on other people?
Edward: Aha! See, this time, not me, not even a little bit! I changed absolutely no colors and all the creepass shit - the wallpaper, those freaky hooks, that fuckin’, leg thing, whatever that is - that was all there when I got here.
Edward: Aha! See, this time, not me, not even a little bit! I changed absolutely no colors and all the creepass shit - the wallpaper, those freaky hooks, that fuckin’, leg thing, whatever that is - that was all there when I got here.
— Edward and Alphonse Elric, snipers solve 99% of all problems
Goku: (to Great Ape Gohan) Remember Icarus?
(Flashback of Icarus getting blowed up)
Goku [Vegeta] did it.
Vegeta: Oh that's BULLSHIT! I haven't killed a dammed thing since I've got on this godforsaken planet. Not for lack of trying, mind you.
(Flashback of Icarus getting blowed up)
Goku [Vegeta] did it.
Vegeta: Oh that's BULLSHIT! I haven't killed a dammed thing since I've got on this godforsaken planet. Not for lack of trying, mind you.
Integra: Over the last few years, we've had some... expensive claims.
Alucard: Like what?
Integra: First off, property damage...
*Smash Cut to a large explosion in the middle of a street, and dozens of screaming, running civilians trying to Outrun the Fireball*
Alucard: Good times!
Integra: Dozens of noise complaints...
Alucard: *loud music blaring from a speaker next to Alucard* SORRRRRRRRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUU!
Integra: Killing at least a dozen innocent people...
Alucard: Oh, so did Anthony Hopkins, and he got a fucking Oscar for it!
Integra: ...and all of the sexual harassment.
*Beat*
Alucard: ...I'm not apologizing.
Alucard: Like what?
Integra: First off, property damage...
*Smash Cut to a large explosion in the middle of a street, and dozens of screaming, running civilians trying to Outrun the Fireball*
Alucard: Good times!
Integra: Dozens of noise complaints...
Alucard: *loud music blaring from a speaker next to Alucard* SORRRRRRRRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUU!
Integra: Killing at least a dozen innocent people...
Alucard: Oh, so did Anthony Hopkins, and he got a fucking Oscar for it!
Integra: ...and all of the sexual harassment.
*Beat*
Alucard: ...I'm not apologizing.
— Alucard to Integra, where it's revealed over half of the series later that it's actually Integra who's responsible for the sexual harassment, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged
Integra: What did you do?
Alucard: Alright, but you can't be mad at me.
Integra: What. Did. You. Do?
Alucard: Okay. First... I was minding my own business.
Integra: (slams hands on top of desk) BULLSHIT!
Alucard: I waaaaas!
Alucard: Alright, but you can't be mad at me.
Integra: What. Did. You. Do?
Alucard: Okay. First... I was minding my own business.
Integra: (slams hands on top of desk) BULLSHIT!
Alucard: I waaaaas!
— Alucard to Integra, on why Alucard killed soldiers who burst into his room unannounced, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged
Goku: Cell... did you destroy South Galaxy?
Cell: There's a South Galaxy?
Goku: Forget you heard that.
Cell: No.
Cell: There's a South Galaxy?
Goku: Forget you heard that.
Cell: No.
Films — Animated
"You really think I'd stir up this much trouble and not make sure you knew it was me?"
— The Joker, Batman: Under the Red Hood
Films — Live-Action
Captain Healy: Dammit, Spartan. I'm sick and tired of this "Demolition Man" shit! You're not supposed to come down here, you're not supposed to apprehend Simon Phoenix single-handedly, and you're not supposed to blow anything up!
John Spartan: It wasn't me this time, he dumped the gas and had the placed rigged to blow.
Captain Healy: Yeah right, like you had nothing to do with it.
John Spartan: It wasn't me this time, he dumped the gas and had the placed rigged to blow.
Captain Healy: Yeah right, like you had nothing to do with it.
Jimmy Ringo: I never killed any Roy Marlowe, I never even heard of him. You must be out of your mind.
Jerry Marlowe: You killed him all right, but you don't even remember it.
Jimmy Ringo: You're crazy to think if I killed someone I wouldn't remember it.
Jerry Marlowe: You killed him all right, but you don't even remember it.
Jimmy Ringo: You're crazy to think if I killed someone I wouldn't remember it.
Gordon: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but we've got a 10-07 on our hands.
Matt Damon: [exasperated and confusing this with a 10-82 (Clear a dead hooker from Ben Affleck's trailer)] Oh Jesus, again Ben?
Ben Affleck: [cocky] No, bullshit, because I wasn't WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!
Matt Damon: [exasperated and confusing this with a 10-82 (Clear a dead hooker from Ben Affleck's trailer)] Oh Jesus, again Ben?
Ben Affleck: [cocky] No, bullshit, because I wasn't WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!
Literature
"There were things Thor did when something went wrong. The first thing he did was ask himself if what had happened was Loki's fault... Thor pondered. He did not believe that even Loki would have dared to steal his hammer. So he did the next thing he did when something went wrong, and he went to ask Loki for advice."
Benedict: Murderer.
Corwin: I don't understand. I haven't murdered anybody lately. Certainly not in Avalon.
Corwin: I don't understand. I haven't murdered anybody lately. Certainly not in Avalon.
Live-Action TV
Poe: My word. We just got here.
Kovacs: I didn't kill him.
Poe: What a refreshing change.
Kovacs: I didn't kill him.
Poe: What a refreshing change.
— Altered Carbon, "Phantom Lady"
"I know you'll find this hard to believe, but for once I mean you no harm."
— The Master, Doctor Who: The Five Doctors
"Accusing America of creating Venezuela's crisis is about as fair as accusing O. J. Simpson of murdering Princess Diana. I'm not saying it would be completely out of character, it just happens to not be true in this particular instance!"
— Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, on the Venezuelan president blaming the United States for the problems the country was facing.
Video Games
Batman: So that's Protocol 10. Poison Gotham. I expected more.
Joker: Protocol 10?! [dramatic gasp] ...Never heard of it.
Joker: Protocol 10?! [dramatic gasp] ...Never heard of it.
Ike: The Black Knight tried to take the medallion from my father, and killed him. Tell me, Sephiran, whose plan was that?! Ashnard's... or yours?!
Sephiran: Sir Ike, I'm afraid your father's death was an unfortunate result of Zelgius's own personal agenda. I did not order Sir Gawain killed.
Sephiran: Sir Ike, I'm afraid your father's death was an unfortunate result of Zelgius's own personal agenda. I did not order Sir Gawain killed.
Corrin: Father...I must ask you something. D-did you give me that sword, knowing this would happen? Was it planned?
Xander: Corrin, I don't think now is the best time to bring that up.
Corrin: No, I must know. For myself, and for the innocent Hoshidans who were killed. Father, please tell me the truth. Did you plan that explosion? Did you raise me as your son/child just to send me with that sword to die in Hoshido?
Garon: That sword is just a sword. I know nothing about this attack of which you speak.
Corrin: But, Father...
Garon: I gave you my answer, boy/girl! I won't say it again.
Xander: Corrin, I don't think now is the best time to bring that up.
Corrin: No, I must know. For myself, and for the innocent Hoshidans who were killed. Father, please tell me the truth. Did you plan that explosion? Did you raise me as your son/child just to send me with that sword to die in Hoshido?
Garon: That sword is just a sword. I know nothing about this attack of which you speak.
Corrin: But, Father...
Garon: I gave you my answer, boy/girl! I won't say it again.
— Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest
Hades: Morning, do-gooders!
Pit: Don't tell me you two are behind this!
Hades: Sadly, no, though I do applaud any and all violence directed at you.
Pit: Don't tell me you two are behind this!
Hades: Sadly, no, though I do applaud any and all violence directed at you.
"Those first two murders have been bothering me... His motives are shaky, and his alibi is rock solid. We closed a lot of loopholes on the basis of his testimony, but that part's still nagging at me..."
— Ryotaro Dojima on the Second Suspect, Persona 4
Carmelita: You crooks are so predictable: you always return to the scene of the crime.
Sly: Crime? I haven't stolen anything... yet.
Sly: Crime? I haven't stolen anything... yet.
Cuttlefish: You put on a weak show, Octavio! Your set list is gettin' old... or maybe it's just you! Seriously, that was too easy. It's like you weren't even usin' the Great Zapfish's power...
DJ Octavio: Mute it, fool! I didn't steal the Zapfish this time!
Cuttlefish: Bwuh? You didn't?! But if it wasn't you, then... who was it?!
DJ Octavio: Mute it, fool! I didn't steal the Zapfish this time!
Cuttlefish: Bwuh? You didn't?! But if it wasn't you, then... who was it?!
Psycho: Hey Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. Mike!
Mike: What?
Psycho: What happened with Jess, Mike?
Mike: You know what happened.
Psycho: No... No... I don't... I got a problem, Mike... I don't remember killing Jess...
Mike: Christ...
Psycho: I mean, like, I feel like I would remember killing her, you know? She's so soft... and she's probably got like a really tight bod...
Mike: What?
Psycho: What happened with Jess, Mike?
Mike: You know what happened.
Psycho: No... No... I don't... I got a problem, Mike... I don't remember killing Jess...
Mike: Christ...
Psycho: I mean, like, I feel like I would remember killing her, you know? She's so soft... and she's probably got like a really tight bod...
Zanzo: Fix the image! I want to see who our test subjects are.
PGR-0101: I'm locked out! It's a hack!
Zanzo: So un-hack it!
Chai: Peppermint, is that you?
Peppermint: For once, I'm not hacking anything!
PGR-0101: I'm locked out! It's a hack!
Zanzo: So un-hack it!
Chai: Peppermint, is that you?
Peppermint: For once, I'm not hacking anything!
Web Animation
Thor: (from offscreen) LOKIIIII!
Loki: I don't think I did anything to warrant that... today.
Loki: I don't think I did anything to warrant that... today.
— Overly Sarcastic Productions, "Legends Summarized: The Poetic Edda"
And you know you've passed through a wormhole when film censorship comes up in proximity with Nazis and they had nothing to do with it. It's kind of like finding Lex Luthor sipping margaritas while someone's shooting the Pacific Ocean with a freeze ray: it's hard to believe that he has nothing to do with it, but he's as confused as anyone here.
— SF Debris, on the making of Metropolis
Webcomics
Dr Wily: Ivo! I can't believe you've been planning on betraying me so soon!
Dr Eggman: What? How did you figure that out?
Dr Wily: Because Metal Sonic kidnapped my family.
Dr Eggman: Oh... I had nothing to do with this.
Dr Eggman: What? How did you figure that out?
Dr Wily: Because Metal Sonic kidnapped my family.
Dr Eggman: Oh... I had nothing to do with this.
Bunnigus: Sergeant Schlock, retrieve Officer Libretti's weapon. And be careful with it.
Schlock: On it.
<sudden explosion>
Schlock: You saw me. I didn't even leave the room. That wasn't my fault.
Schlock: On it.
<sudden explosion>
Schlock: You saw me. I didn't even leave the room. That wasn't my fault.
Western Animation
"Fool! You have disrupted that order! For, are you ready for this, I have committed no recent crime!"
— Ice King, Adventure Time, "What Have You Done?"
"You gotta believe me! For once I'm actually innocent!"
— Grunkle Stan, Gravity Falls, "Not What He Seems"
Zim: WHAT!? Something's broken and it's not your fault!?
GIR: I know. I'm scared, too.
GIR: I know. I'm scared, too.
— Invader ZIM, "Planet Jackers"
"Don't get me wrong, I love what you've done with the place. But I couldn't possibly take responsibility. I'm reformed. Remember?"
— Discord, though he sort of was..., My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
Blossom: What kind of evil have you disturbed upon our sister?
Mojo Jojo: You've got to be kidding. I'm wet, I'm naked, your sister is wearing my clothes, and this is all part of some evil plot to RULE THE WORLD AS A SOGGY CHIMP IN MY BIRTHDAY SUIT!?
Blossom: Buttercup, I don't think Mojo's behind this one. That bonk to Bubbles' head must have led her to believe that she is Mojo Jojo.
Mojo Jojo: No really? Do you think?
Mojo Jojo: You've got to be kidding. I'm wet, I'm naked, your sister is wearing my clothes, and this is all part of some evil plot to RULE THE WORLD AS A SOGGY CHIMP IN MY BIRTHDAY SUIT!?
Blossom: Buttercup, I don't think Mojo's behind this one. That bonk to Bubbles' head must have led her to believe that she is Mojo Jojo.
Mojo Jojo: No really? Do you think?
— The Powerpuff Girls (1998), "Los Dos Mojos"
Bill: I just finished cleaning the whole house, and then you go and wreck the place?!
Cricket: What are you talkin' about? I didn't do nothin'!
Bill: I've heard that one before!
Tilly: Pardon me, Papa? It was actually me who was responsible. I gave Melissa a mud bath, and then I brought her inside for tap dance lessons. I now realize I should have swapped those two items on our itinerary.
Bill: Tilly, you did this?! But—but I thought you were an angel!
Tilly: I am!
Bill: Cricket's always the troublemaker! I suppose I have no choice but to send you to your room, Cricket— oops, reflex. I meant, Cricket—darn it! Come on, stop fighting it! T—Till—Till— Cricket! Cricket! Cricket! Gaah!!! T—Tilly, I just cleaned the house and you know dirty animals aren't allowed inside! Therefore, you're being punished.
Tilly: I've never been punished before!
Bill: Now, go to your room!
Cricket: What are you talkin' about? I didn't do nothin'!
Bill: I've heard that one before!
Tilly: Pardon me, Papa? It was actually me who was responsible. I gave Melissa a mud bath, and then I brought her inside for tap dance lessons. I now realize I should have swapped those two items on our itinerary.
Bill: Tilly, you did this?! But—but I thought you were an angel!
Tilly: I am!
Bill: Cricket's always the troublemaker! I suppose I have no choice but to send you to your room, Cricket— oops, reflex. I meant, Cricket—darn it! Come on, stop fighting it! T—Till—Till— Cricket! Cricket! Cricket! Gaah!!! T—Tilly, I just cleaned the house and you know dirty animals aren't allowed inside! Therefore, you're being punished.
Tilly: I've never been punished before!
Bill: Now, go to your room!
