"That's not bad writing; that actually happened."
"I sang it, giving it my best shot, and Rob laughed so hard that when I got to the part about leaving the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, and I'll never have that recipe again, Rob was on the floor. He didn't BELIEVE those lyrics were real. He was SURE his wacky old humor-columnist dad was making them up."
— Dave Barry, on his son's reaction to Bad Song Survey winner "MacArthur Park"
"I'm Nash, and I couldn't make this shit up if I tried."
— Nash, from every single episode of What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?.
"Driven to madness by the incessant basketball-dribbling of a bunch of young African-American fellows, Slim has decided to destroy the public court on which their noisy pastime is played by simulating a meteor strike. Dear God, I wish I had made up a single word of that previous sentence."
— Josh Fruhlinger of The Comics Curmudgeon, on Gasoline Alley
"No, you didn't smoke anything, because that would mean that I would have smoked it, too!"
— The Nostalgia Critic on the eggplant vehicle from the live-action version of Mr. Magoo
"I am dead fucking serious!"
"Oh! Wanna know the best part? I didn't lie. This was real. This happened. This is all I ha... This is what I have to deal with. She matched with me just to call me trans Bob Ross, which was meant to be an insult. I have lost all direction in life and this is it for me. Thank you!"
"So now I'm just gonna show you how the fight ends, and I promise you ahead of time, I didn't edit this, I didn't add any special effects, I did nothing to this footage. People were actually paid to create this. This aired on national television. This was sold in stores."
— Spoony on the final fight scene from Highlander: The Source. True to his word, all he did was add music from The Benny Hill Show, as well as cutting out a brief scene where Duncan and the Guardian stop their fight to exchange banter.
"I did not make a single word of that up. All of these things are happening in this comic!"
"Unable to defeat Doctor Doomnote , an elderly man with no combat training, Batman and Robin were especially at his mercy when he pulled out Trophy #44: an old hand grenade. Since this story was compiled from the mutterings of schizophrenic hobos, Batman survived by hiding behind a tiny building built for him by dwarves. Please allow me to prove that I'm not just typing random words.
"
""This Is Still A True Story"
— An onscreen caption from Pain & Gain during the scene where Paul is barbecuing the severed hands.
"I didn't even edit that!"
— cs188, "Pooping the Charts Vol. 5 - Sex-Crazed Pop Stars", after the Kanye West/Katy Perry song "E.T" uses his created Inherently Funny Word "JoJ"
", after the Kanye West/Katy Perry song "E.T" uses his created Inherently Funny Word "JoJ"(actual line)
— A lot of abridged scripts from The Editing Room.
"I'm not making this up, you know."
— Anna Russell, in her summary of the Ring Cycle, on the fact that Gudrune is the first woman Siegfried has ever met who isn't his aunt.
"THIS IS WHAT SCIENTOLOGISTS ACTUALLY BELIEVE"
— An onscreen caption during the story of Xenu from the infamous South Park episode "Trapped in the Closet"
"Why are you wearing Han's clothes? (to the audience) Seriously, watch the actual movie. Lando is wearing Han's clothes in this scene. It's really weird."
— Brian as Chewbacca, "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side"
"FUCKING SERIOUSLY, ACTUAL VIDEO TITLES. ACTUAL VIDEO TITLES. HOW DOES HE LIVE WITH HIMSELF?!?!"
"Another big change in the Mangaverse is the Punisher, a young woman who loses her parents to a tragic pogo stick accident and fights crime with the powers of BDSM by whipping, tickling, and spanking Korean mafia members. It's at this point that we must point out that absolutely none of the above is a joke."
"I swear to God I didn't make a word of that up."
— Doctor Fluffy, one of the writers for The Conversion Bureau: The Other Side of the Spectrum, explaining The Conversion Bureau series of fanfics on his deviantart account.
"Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon is a stand-alone expansion to Far Cry 3 released in May 2013 for Xbox 360, PS3 and PC. Seemingly originating as an April Fools' joke, Blood Dragon is an homage to 1980s cartoons and action movies, starring Michael Biehn as rebuilt soldier Rex 'Power' Colt who must face down an army of evil cyborg soldiers in the toxic ashes of Vietnam War 2."
"For emphasis: this is a real game."
Gen. Francis Maynard: Mr. President, for the past seven years, the United States Air Force has been sending teams to other planets by means of an alien device known as a stargate.
President Henry Hayes: (starts laughing) That's funny. That's very funny. My first day. This is a joke, right? I have a great sense of humour. I didn't know that you had one, but this is good because we're finding out about each other. Now I have to call the ex-President of Togo, and when I'm done, apparently the rest of the world is coming to an end.
Maynard: (dead serious) The ex-President of Togo will have to wait, sir. This is not a joke.
President Henry Hayes: (starts laughing) That's funny. That's very funny. My first day. This is a joke, right? I have a great sense of humour. I didn't know that you had one, but this is good because we're finding out about each other. Now I have to call the ex-President of Togo, and when I'm done, apparently the rest of the world is coming to an end.
Maynard: (dead serious) The ex-President of Togo will have to wait, sir. This is not a joke.
"You're not part of the control group, by the way — you get the gel. Last poor sunuvagun got blue paint. Hah! ...All joking aside, that did happen. Broke every bone in his legs. Tragic... but informative! Or, so the lab boys tell me."
— Cave Johnson, Portal 2
"And Yes, That Really Was Donald Trump"
— Ending credits, Ghosts Can't Do It
"[actual 4Kids dialogue]"
— Caption from Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series whenever it uses a silly line exactly as it was spoken in the official dub
"This is what Slavic pagans actually believed."
"A giant, monstrous goldfish is attacking a major urban population. You read that correctly."
— "Revenge of the Flushed," The Secret World
Joyce: Yeah, [Parasaurolophus] has hollow chambers in its crest, just like a bombardier beetle! See, they coexisted with humanity, inspiring our modern myth of dragons!
Alt Text: this was an actual part of my childhood christian education, google this
Alt Text: this was an actual part of my childhood christian education, google this
"Yes, this is canon. Thank you, Rouge Trader."
— If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device explains where they got their characterization of the Custodes.
"In 'Death of a Nation', the latest smirky documentary screed from the fake-historical-news factory of Dinesh D'Souza, there's an astonishing section in which the filmmaker displays the legal statutes of Nazi Germany, all to demonstrate his thesis: that American liberalism was, and is, the Third Reich's ideological sibling. (Yes, he's really saying that. And no, you can't make this s—t up.)"
— Owen Gleiberman on Death of a Nation: Can We Save America a Second Time?
on Death of a Nation: Can We Save America a Second Time?"It will appear a fabulous tale, but to amuse with fiction is not the design of this work."
— Tacitus, The Annals, Book XI, commenting on how the Emperor Claudius' wife Messalina married another man in his absence.
Bub and Bob are dinosaurs who frolic in the nude
And they capture folks in bubbles and then turn them into food
But when their girlfriends are abducted by a penis in a cloak
Bub and Bob begin an epic quest, and it's no frickin' joke
Bubble Bobble (Bubble Bobble)
This game was real (This game was real)
And they capture folks in bubbles and then turn them into food
But when their girlfriends are abducted by a penis in a cloak
Bub and Bob begin an epic quest, and it's no frickin' joke
Bubble Bobble (Bubble Bobble)
This game was real (This game was real)
— Brentalfloss, Bubble Bobble With Lyrics
"No seriously, this is the long bio of the Loyal Subjects 8" vinyl figure."
— TFWiki.net reference for the Nemesis Prime page about a toy bio describing him destroying Santa's workshop
about a toy bio describing him destroying Santa's workshop''"It might be funnier if it wasn't true.'
— Tagline for Truth's "Fair Enough" ad campaign
"To all of our television viewers out there... something unbelievable is happening right here in real life. This is not a special effects program! There is no CG! A giant creature has emerged in Tokyo!!"
— News Broadcaster, Kaiju Girl Caramelise
Fafa: Mister Ron told people to buy this because you put meat in it, set the timer, and then forget about your dinner!
Mario: ...Did he really say that? That is dangerous!
Fafa: Yeah! Watch this!
Infomercial: Set it! And forget it!
Mario: Wow. Crazy!
Mario: ...Did he really say that? That is dangerous!
Fafa: Yeah! Watch this!
Infomercial: Set it! And forget it!
Mario: Wow. Crazy!
— Glove and Boots Product Testing: Ronco Rotisserie Oven
"Right, so, between you and me, I caught meself a sea monster today. Swear to God, may he strike me down."
— Paddy Barrett, Grabbers
"All you have to do is take out all of the targets in the mission with your buddy [Pixy], who was on Are You Afraid of the Dark? Season 1, Episode 1 as the youngest child. I'm serious, look it up."
(footage from the episode plays with a caption reading "Yes. That is actually him.")
(footage from the episode plays with a caption reading "Yes. That is actually him.")
[REAL IN-GAME DIALOGUE]
Boomstick: Hey, (Shadow)'s pretty beat up about (killing Ryuko), too! Do you know what he said when he was asked what his favorite anime is?
Shadow (Twitter Takeover 3): I like the one with the edgy girl and the scissor blade.
Wiz: It's canon. N-No, no really.
Shadow (Twitter Takeover 3): I like the one with the edgy girl and the scissor blade.
Wiz: It's canon. N-No, no really.
"[Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden] is set in a dystopian 2053. Basketball is outlawed after Charles Barkley accidentally dunked so hard that it destroyed New York City, killing 15 million people. That is not our joke description. That's actually the plot of the game."
"The plot for De:vadasy revolves around alien creatures that have invaded the earth and can only be combated with special Mecha units. These Mechs are piloted by naked couples using their sexual energy to power it. No don’t worry you didn’t read that incorrectly."
Wiz: While his application is different, we can gauge the level of ki Jon has at his disposal by factoring Anakaris sinking all of Egypt.
Boomstick: So the only logical thing to do was measure the total weight of Ancient Egypt. No, really. We did that.
Boomstick: So the only logical thing to do was measure the total weight of Ancient Egypt. No, really. We did that.
"I have to give myself a little credit for not falling back on the 'kill a badguy with a magic artifact and take his treasure' cliché, but... Well, this game takes place at the Stone Giants, which is a cluster of stone statues that extend deep underground, all the way to the center of the planet. You've got to find the statue that has a hole in it, extending all the way down, and drop some special leaves in it. This will neutralize a magic spell that the creator of evil has cast to dissolve the Stone Giants, thereby causing a massive earthquake that will split the planet in half, killing everything.
See, I'm tempted to say, 'I couldn't make up a plot that crazy,' except, I did."
See, I'm tempted to say, 'I couldn't make up a plot that crazy,' except, I did."
— The Early Years, from the introduction to Save Crewshade!
"Viewers may like to know that all the names in the following sketch are genuine Victorian names. Good day."
— Horrible Histories on a sketch about names in the Victorian era.
"So the divine figures of Christianity and Buddhism share an apartment together. That's not a joke, that's the premise of the whole series. And it's just as awesome as it sounds."
"Cloud Strife and Aya Brea join forces with Goofy and Mickey. We’re not kidding."
— IGN covering the announcement of Square and Disney collaborating on a then-untitled RPG at PlayStation Festival 2000
of Square and Disney collaborating on a then-untitled RPG at PlayStation Festival 2000"He literally demands that not just me, but everyone, call him Elf Monster! I couldn't make this shit up — I couldn't make this shit up if I tried — I'm sad that I lack the talent to make this shit up!"
"The crazy thing is, you think I'm making this up. It's actually real. I am playing Doom on a calculator!"
"'No contractor or subcontractor contracting for any part of the contract work' — that's a real line..."
— Brian David Gilbert reading the United States OSHA legislation
"Got pneumonia, moved back to Cuba, and spent most of his spare time on his boat. ...Tracking Nazi U-boats with a machine gun and a pile of hand grenades! I am NOT making this shit up!"
"Had a file opened on him by J. Edgar Hoover. Left a bunch of shit in a safe in Cuba and moved to Idaho, paranoid that the feds were following him. Which they were, because he spent most of the 1940s working for the KGB! AGAIN, not making this shit up!"
"There are six coffins - we have one shot to guess this correctly, and if we fail and uncover a mummy instead, Nei dies. No pressure. I literally just chose at random a coffin to open. I couldn't figure out any other method of locating Nei. I tried to read more hieroglyphs or look for some kind of sign of a coffin being opened recently, but there was just nothing to go on, so I guessed. I picked the one on the lower left, and what do you know? I was right. I'm dead serious, it was just a lucky guess, I was completely shocked."
— Marsh recounting saving Nei Ichikawa in his playthrough of Peret em Heru: For the Prisoners, The Peret em Heru Experience
And there, under that frosted fir tree, Kirito spotted the big man himself. Streaking through the snowy sky, on a sleigh full of Christmas cheer, the patron saint of prostitutes... [smash to live action] Look it up. [back to animation] Old Saint Nic-
— Sir Jack Dapper, Sword Art Online Abridged
(After Homer says his marketing strategy for the Bowling Alley was firing a gun in the air and screaming "Bowling! Get your bowling here!")
Lisa: Mom, make Dad tell the story right!
Marge: (dejectedly) That's what really happened.
Lisa: Oh...
Lisa: Mom, make Dad tell the story right!
Marge: (dejectedly) That's what really happened.
Lisa: Oh...
—The Simpsons, "And Maggie Makes Three"
"And the Friday debate, where townsfolk throw birdseed at the candidate they like most. At the end, they release a "Freedom Eagle", who will fly to the candidate covered in more seed, and bestow a birdly kiss upon him, and making him mayor. I couldn't make this up if I wanted to."
— Dipper Pines, Gravity Falls
There's an evil fast food chain that puts literal demons into their cheeseburgers! It is owned by the same corporate death cult that owns the evil beer companies doing the same thing to their beverages! The reason they do this? To subtly convince random people to beat their wives! THIS IS NOT A JOKE.
— SpeakerD describing one of a few examples for how crazy the Old World of Darkness could get, Gothic Horror RPGs set in your Hometown – An Intro To World Of Darkness
"[The levels are] interspersed with trips to the police station where we can either go straight to the next actually-fun part of the game, or pause for some suffocatingly pointless sidequest where RoboCop goes around getting everyone to sign a 'Get Well Soon' card, and that's not the facetious exaggerated example it sounds like."
— Yahtzee on RoboCop: Rogue City, Fully Ramblomatic
Hi folks, I'm Graham Stark, and this is a real thing that happened to me. This so completely mirrors the real-life scenario that now, as then, I have no exit strategy.
— Graham Stark at the end of Crapshots Episode 740.
. So, the challenge reads, "[my wife] would like to know if you'll tell the full story behind this Crapshot." So here's the thing. Um...you saw it. That's not a joke!...All of that is what this guy said! Yes, he used the word "Krugerrands"! The only person I've ever heard in my life use the word Krugerrands is Johnny, who immediately knew I wouldn't fucking say that. I was baffled to hear that word. So I get home and I'm like "hey Kathleen, funny thing just happened..." and I dispense that whole story, and she's like "write this down!"
— Graham Stark elaborating on the above video during Desert Bus 2023.
on the above video during Desert Bus 2023.Schaffrillas: Megamind tries to tell [the Doom Syndicate regarding his attempt to stop] them "It's just a prank, bro!". And did you think that that was just my casual, nonchalant way of expressing what happens through a vintage meme quote? No, THAT'S ACTUALLY WHAT HE SAYS IN THE GODDAMN MOVIE!
Megamind: It's a prank, bros!
Megamind: It's a prank, bros!
— Schaffrillas Productions, "Why Megamind 2 is a Cinematic Disaster"
