Funny / Grand Theft Auto V

"Some of the government... Some of it is pretty corrupt."

All spoilers are unmarked per wiki policy. Read only at your own risk. You Have Been Warned.

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Trailers

• Near the end of the second trailer.
  Michael: That's Trevor, my best friend. That's Franklin, the son I always wanted.
  Franklin: Yeah, whatever.
  (Franklin and Trevor shake hands.)
  Trevor: Jesus, your therapist has a lot to answer for.
  • Becomes a Brick Joke in Michael's trailer:
    Dr. Friedlander: I think you need a new therapist.
  • The line in its in-game context as part of the third ending is pretty good, too.
    Trevor: Jesus, your therapist has a lot to answer for.
    Michael: I know, I still hate myself. But at least I know the words for it now.
    Trevor: Well, I hate you, and I know the words for it. So does that mean I don't have to go to therapy?
• Trevor's trailer, which shows Ax-Crazy Hair-Trigger Temper Played for Laughs. Especially with "Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way" by Waylon Jennings playing over the video.
  Trevor: Do you want me to get my dick out again?
  Trevor: (to Amanda) (Growls Angrish) - nice new tits, by the way!
• In the Official Trailer, we get this brief outburst from Trevor:
  Trevor: Nobody tells me what I want! (Cut to scene of Trevor bashing his head against pallet of wood)
  • And in the game, we finally find the reason he's bashing his head against a wood pallet: It's just after he's been told to literally throw away a score worth $20,000,000 because it was a fucking nuclear warhead about to be sold to the Chinese, and the entire American government would've delivered a Curb-Stomp Battle to the crew if they didn't get rid of it.
• In the gameplay trailer, Trevor is shown trying (and failing) to flush a severed human leg down the toilet. Doubles as Nightmare Fuel because, well... he's trying to flush a severed human leg down the toilet!
  Gameplay narrator: ...The less said about him, the better.

Gameplay

• If you try to jump a wall and hit it at the wrong angle, you'll simply smack into it and fall down. The first time it happens, it'll catch you completely off guard, and it's hilarious.
  • In fact, if you jump and hit the cancel button ("B" on the 360, "R" key on PC), you'll just faceplant onto the pavement. There's absolutely no reason for this to be in the game, other than to make your character suffer.
  • In fact, the game now let's you exit your vehicle. While it's still moving. At 70 miles per hour. No prizes for guessing what happens to the exiting occupant.
• You know how you can greet people on the street, and they'll respond with generic answers? There's one guy who responds to "What's up?" with a long, angry rant about his life.
• While Michael and Franklin will generally give pedestrians a friendly greeting if you hit the greeting button, Trevor exclusively hurls insults instead. The funniest ones are the ones for specific peds (Gang members or fat people, for example.)
  (To a gang member, imitating them) "I have confused thoughts about other men! That's why I joined a gang of guys, just like me!"
  (To a gang member, imitating them) "I'm in a gang! Uh! I'm really tough! So, but it's okay when I jerk off my buddies!"
  (To a gang member) Well, my my, aren't we all very tough? Oh, I'm so s-c-c-c-c-scared here. Can't you tell?
  (To a gang member) You look real tough. Oh, I'm so frightened! Oh, please don't scowl at me!
  (To a gang member) You're not tough, pal, you're ridiculous! And I think we both know you want me.
  (To a gang member) Hey, hard man - Fuck you! Yeah, I said, fuck you.
  (To a gang member) Stop trying to act hard. You look like a penis.
  (To a gang member) You and your friends seem really sad. Like you all watch too many silly movies.
  (To a gang member) All that posing, not fooling anyone! I bet ya got a tiny pee-pee!
  (To a gang member) The tough guy act is ridiculous! I bet you have a vagina.
  (To a gang member) You don't look tough, pal. You look constipated.
  (To a gang member) Hey, tough man. Yeah, you. You and your friends wanna fight?
  (To a gang member) You don't look tough, sugar! You look like a cunt.
  (To a gang member) You are not fooling anyone! We all know you're a twat.
  You look like you struggle with simple tasks.
  How are you allowed to walk the streets, moron?
  (To a dead body after combat) Now you are as dumb as you look!
  Listen, even your parents can't stand you!
  Listen, nobody likes you.
  You depressing afterthought.
  You hideous mistake!
  (To an overweight pedestrian) Well, you're a big hunk of love, aren't ya? A massive, blubbery ball of hot, sexy, chubby lust! (As pedestrian runs away) Hey, come back here! I was enjoying that thought!
  (To an overweight pedestrian) What's your problem, fatso? I said, what's your problem, fatso?! (As pedestrian runs away) Aw, come on! Where's your sense of humor? DID YA EAT IT?!
  (To an overweight pedestrian) Hey! Porkchop! How's it goin'? I said, how's it going, porkchop?! (As pedestrian runs away) Well that's not very friendly, is it?!
  (To an overweight pedestrian) Have you ever tried exercising, porkchop? And I don't mean just your arm. (As pedestrian runs away) Oh, there you go! See? That's not so bad.
  (To an overweight pedestrian) Food is a drug, and, you're an addict. I mean, for some it's junk, but for yoooou, it's CHEESECAKE!! (As pedestrian runs away) But you all rehab just the same!
  (To a cop) Let's be clear: only an idiot joins the cops. See? You can't even understand simple sentences.
  (To a cop) Aren't you just a great example to us all? Living proof that shit can talk.
  (To a cop) "The police force"! Now that's a bad joke. "Police farce" would be a better one.
  (To a cop) Nice name badge! But, they misspelled "Dick".
  (To a homeless person) You stink. You really stink. It's revolting. (As pedestrian runs away) I mean you really stink! It's not an insult!
• Switch to Trevor after letting him roam on his own for some time, and, given what he's doing when you switch over to him, you get the idea that he's having a much more fun time than when the player's controlling him. Possible activities he could just be finishing are: throwing a guy off a bridge; waking up in the middle of the desert wearing a dress; or waking up surrounded by dead bodies, beer in hand, in his underpants.
  Trevor: The day after the night before...
  (or occasionally)
  Trevor: ...IT WASN'T ME!!!
  • One of the many things you may come across Trevor doing when you switch to him. The scooter brother.
    • For an added level of hilarity, look closely and you'll notice that the license plate for Trevor's scooter is the same as his truck. He didn't just steal a random scooter; he went out and bought a scooter for this express purpose.
  • Trevor has also been spotted waking up on a mountain... in a bloodstained dress. Make of that what you will.
  • Or, better yet, securing a gagged businessman to the underside of a dock while the tide is coming in; the cut-in starts as he says "...and that, in a nutshell, is why trickle-down economics is a load of shit."
  • Sometimes it'll even cut to him filling in a hole in the middle of the desert.
  • Or you might get Trevor being chased by the police after beating up some random person off-screen.
    Trevor: Self-defense, you hear me?! It's his word against mine! Only his power of speech probably went when his tongue came out of his throathole.
  • Or in a police chase following an incident when he showed someone his Johnson.
    Trevor: At the end of the day, it's just a public decency beef! You wanna put all these resources on a dude playing show and tell?! Maybe resisting arrest after that...and some officer assaults inbetween...and a couple of hit and runs, some shootings and a grand theft auto...but at the end of the day, I'm just a guy who likes to get his wang out!
  • Or getting kicked out of a casino.
    Trevor: I wasn't counting cards, I was cheating!
    Trevor: Show me where it says pants are mandatory on the casino floor!
    Trevor: Where's it say no tugjobs under the table?
  • Or getting kicked out of a clothing store while wearing a dress.
    Trevor: Pink doesn't suit me anyway, motherfucker!
    Trevor: Don't you look at me that way! You're probably wearing some under there as well.
    Trevor: It's discrimination! It's my right to try your wares before I buy!
  • Or getting kicked out of a mortuary.
    Trevor: You'll be digging your own grave when I'm done with you!
    Trevor: I was only holding him! It was very respectful!
  • Or chasing some cyclists.
    Trevor: You think you own the road, don't you, you pedaling pricks?! Stupid outfits and arcane technology don't make you better than me! This country was built by and for the motorcar! GO TO FRANCE WITH YOUR BICYCLES!
  • Or waking up on the train tracks as a train is fast approaching.
    Trevor: Go around me, you prick!
    Trevor: Oh no, no, not this again...
    Trevor: Oh, Trevor, when will you learn?
  • Or assaulting a busker with his own guitar.
    Trevor: Learn to play the fucking saxophone!
    Trevor: That wasn't the request...
    Trevor: I don't want your tips. I want you to shut the fuck up!
  • You can also jump to Trevor when he's drunk and flying a stolen police helicopter.
    • Alternatively, you may find him sitting in an empty swimming pool, drunk and rambling about "moments you just don't want to end." Panning the camera around reveals a wrecked police helicopter embedded in a nearby building.
  • Others: Waking up in a dumpster, finding him in the middle of a police chase, flying his plane while saying something about sex and technology...
    • Chasing a burning car through a drainage trench...
      Trevor: I'M SORRY I SHOWED MY THINGY, OKAY?!?!?
  • A mission sees Trevor in a police helicopter alongside a corrupt cop before switching to Franklin. If, immediately after completing the mission, control is switched back to Trevor, he'll still be in the police helicopter. He'll also be alone, and he'll be saying "Hope it was a soft landing!"
    • Note: he'd been threatening to kill the cop because the LSPD is racist and once framed (or "framed", considering it's a GTA protagonist) Franklin for indecent exposure. Trevor may be an amoral sociopath, but he's a non-discriminating amoral sociopath.
  • Waking up in the graveyard, and saying "Okay, so they're all dead..."
• On a related note, Michael can occasionally be found causing traffic jams on the highway for shits and giggles.
  • Sometimes when switching to Michael, you see him sleeping soundly in his bed... then he starts screaming hysterically, waking himself up. Night Terrors much?
    • Especially when he has a gun.
  • Michael can also be found at the marina, mourning the loss of the boat stolen from him early in the game.
  • He can wake up in a car in his driveway. Play your cards right and he'll wake up in a new Bugatti.
  • He can sometimes be playing video games with Jimmy, despite him not being good.
    Michael: Fuck! FUCK! Motherfucking fuck!
    Jimmy: Language, father, there are children present.
    Michael: Screw this shit! Millenial fuckwads!
    Jimmy: And that, Daddy, is the bell chiming...
    Michael: Fuck this shit! Aggh, seriously!
    Jimmy: Uh, that's what we call T-bagging, pop.
• Franklin is often found walking out of weed shops, taking a whiff of the product.
• If you get someone's stolen bike back to them, Trevor may say he hates bullies. One place he may say it is right after a mission where Floyd points out that Trevor forced him to participate in his Merryweather heist.
• During Trevor's hunting minigame, you can send pictures of your kills to anyone in Trevor's contact list with some amusing replies.
  Michael: Could you be any more of a redneck?
  Michael: Thanks, but I'm more of a medium rare kind of guy.
  Michael: Glad to see you have so much time on your hands.
  Franklin: Is there anything you won't shoot?
  Franklin: Why u sending me photos of dead animals?
  Franklin: I hope u gonna eat that.
  Jimmy: Politically correct as ever, Uncle Trevor.
  Lamar: I only smoke homies with 2 legs.
  Tao Cheng: WTF? Is this some kind of threat?
  Dave: That one I can't arrest you for.
  Wade: One for the wall!
  Ron: Y u no take me hunting Trevor?
  Devin Weston: That's not how you alpha-male a vegan.
  Nigel: Now if we could just get a photo of you WITH the dead animal, Jock? Mrs. Thornhill would be so happy.
  Patrica Madrazo: carino you're so unpredictable xx
  Various contacts: Dude, seriously.
  Various contacts: Is that what I think it is?
  Various contacts: What the fuck, Trevor!?
  • Throwing what is certainly an oversight into the mix, characters who get killed over the course of the story (i.e., Devin & Tao Cheng in Ending C, Michael in Ending B) will still respond to the images from the grave.
  • Sending Cletus a picture of a dead person results in some equally funny responses:
    Cletus: Jeessus Trevor that is definitely no elk.
    Cletus: Why are you sending me snuff?
    • Even better, the minigame actually awards you a few points for it!
• Depending which character you use, when in a vehicle with no weapons equipped, your character will spout out road rage dialogue whenever using the "weapon fire" button. Michael's road rage dialogue however has the most hammiest and the most angry variety out of the three characters. It's hilarious as all hell.
  Michael: Why DO YOU EXIST?!?
  • Sometimes, he'll say this little gem....
    Michael: You know what.....you're one nasty fuck.
  • You don't even have to be pushing the button to get some hilarity out of Michael. Several of his quotes after wrecking into somebody are pure comedy gold.
    Michael: HEY! I LIKE THIS CAR!!!
    Michael: OH, YOU SCREWED UP MY CAR!
    Michael: You fool!
    Michael: You entitled piece of shit!
  • Trevor's lines are, if anything, even funnier.
    Trevor: I just hope that BROKE YOUR GODDAMN NECK!!
    Trevor: THAT WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!
    Trevor: YOU HIT ME!
    Trevor: I'm making a personal injury claim!
    Trevor: Well I'll be fucked!
    Trevor: This car is going to be parked outside your house!
    Trevor: (running over an animal) The Apex Predator in action.
    Trevor: You wanna end up in the trunk of this thing?!^note It's even funnier if you're playing Option C after putting Devin in the trunk.
• If you hang out with Michael, Franklin, or Trevor in Story Mode and get yourself into a shootout or even a fistfight, they will get their guns out and start shooting the NPC that started the fight. What makes this funny is that for Trevor, such an action looks completely in-character for him.
• Go to Michael's house as Trevor or Franklin, and fire a couple rockets at it. Seconds later, you'll recieve a call from Michael, yelling, "STOP FIRING ROCKETS AT MY HOUSE!"
• The protagonists struggling to start the vehicle whenever the engine dies and impatiently rant over it can be Hilarity Ensues.

Story Mode

• After buying a laced drink at Burger Shot we get this from Jimmy during a father/son moment.
  Jimmy: Ok, Let's bounce.
  Michael: ..."Bounce"? We're "bouncing" now? Is that's what we're doing? Jesus Christ.
  • There's also this gem that follows a father-son bike ride:
    Jimmy: Jeez, Pop, too much more of that and maybe I won't be dead by 35!
• If you make Trevor play tennis against Amanda, then some of the banter is funny.
  Trevor: Winner gets to keep Michael!
• Franklin reprimands Lamar for getting into a car chase that results in the death of a repo target, which Lamar blames on his "Apache blood":
  Franklin: We can't repo assets off a dead man, big sittin' chief asshole!
• The mission where Franklin has to sneak into the DeSanta household has a lot of funny reactions from the family.
  Tracey: Daaadd! Jimmy said I had a massive... Jimmy called me a BITCH!!
  Kyle Chavis, upon seeing Franklin: Help! He's Black! Help!
• In the episode "Marriage Counselling" if you start the mission as Franklin, and you get close enough to Kyle after he jumps out of the window from a furious Michael, he will say "This has got to stop happening to me!". This is hilarious, as this line makes it clear this is far from the first time he has been caught cheating, especially with how easy it is to miss this line, even with subtitles on.
• While robbing a jewelry store, Michael has this to say to the frightened customers:
  Michael: Ladies! Gentlemen! This is your moment. Please don't make me ruin all the great work your plastic surgeons have been doin'!
• During one of the hang outs between Michael and Trevor, Trevor ends up saying to Michael that he represses everything and when he finally bursts, it'll be big. He also calls Michael an emo.
• This conversation between Franklin and Simeon Yetarian:
  Simeon: You tell me exactly what you want, and I will very carefully explain to you why it cannot be.
  Franklin: What?!
• Mr. Raspberry Jam.
  • Late in the game, Trevor's truck permanently gets Mr. Raspberry Jam tied to its grille.
• Trevor's Establishing Character Moment after Michael robs a jewelry store: possibly high and definitely livid at the thought that his best friend faked his death, he gets into a confrontation with the biker boyfriend of the woman he was just fornicating with.
  Johnny K: Trevor! I'm talking to you, motherfucker!
  Trevor: Are you? What're you sayin'?
  Johnny K: Fuckin' my girl, man, it's wrong.
  Trevor: Well, I gotta fuck someone. You want me to fuck you instead, is that the problem here? (in a hushed voice) ...take off your pants, cowboy, alright? Let's...let's fuck...
  Johnny K: You think this is funny?
  Trevor: GET THEM OFF!
• Immediately after Trevor kills Johnny, Trevor goes to "discuss" the matter with Johnny's bikers. Then he "talks" to Johnny - the fragment of brain on his shoe to rub it in. The whole scene is so wildly wrong that it just boomerangs and becomes hilarious.
  Biker: Hey, you seen Ashley? Johnny's looking for her.
  Trevor: You know as a matter of fact I just did, just ten minutes ago. Yeah, I saw her on the end of this penis here.
• In "Crystal Maze", when Trevor's deal with the Chinese fall through due to their preferring to work with the O'Neill brothers as opposed to someone who just threw them in an icebox while shooting the Aztecas, Trevor goes off the rails as he goes to carry out his revenge against his competitors, he's so pissed that most of his dialogue on the way consists of "Arrrghh!".
  • It even gets better: When you get into a vehicle, the radio will be tuned to the rather laid-back The Doobie Brothers song "What a Fool Believes". Trevor is not pleased.
  Trevor: UUUUURGH, THIS MUSIC'S ALL FUCKING WRONG!!! (switches the station to Channel X) THAT'S WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR!
• Trevor meets Wade's cousin Floyd.
  Wade: Floyd, it's me, Wade!
  Floyd: Who?
  Wade: Me, Wade, your cousin!
  Floyd: Who?
  Trevor: (kicks the door in and knocks Floyd over) YOUR COUSIN, fuck! He's come to visit you, you rude fuck, now get up off the floor and get me a fucking drink!
  Floyd: Oh, you, Wade! I heard you was smoking meth somewhere...
  Trevor: No, not somewhere, here. He's gonna smoke meth here. Get me a fucking lighter.
• This moment, as Trevor is planning his heist on Merryweather.
  Floyd: I ain't got a very big penis. Some girls laugh when...when they look at it...
  Trevor: Huh...show me....SHOW ME!
  Floyd: I-I-I-I don' want to...
  Trevor: {sighs exasperatedly and drops his pants) Mine ain't nothing special, but this boy gets the job done. Alright? Now, Wade here says you work at the docks...
  Floyd: (nervously averting his gaze) ...yes...
  Trevor: LOOK AT ME!
  Floyd: ...could you just...put your Johnson away...sir...?
  Trevor ...oh, Jesus... (sighs again and pulls his pants back up)
  • If you look closely, you can actually see Trevor's penis as he squats down to pull up his pants!
  • And then at a later moment, when Floyd is showing reluctance at another one of Trevor's schemes, we get this:
  Trevor: Do you want me to get my dick out again?
• A couple of gems from Trevor's time working with Floyd on the docks.
  Floyd: This ain't a toy, sir, it's heavy machinery!
  Trevor: Thank fuck I'm high as a kite!
  (later)
  Trevor: Hey, whose dick do you have to suck to get this job? Being a stevedor used to be back-breaking work, now you're paid brain surgeon bucks to push an oversized shopping cart.
  Floyd: I did not fellatiate no one to get this job! I was old friends with the...well, with the...
  Trevor: "Urgh, with the...with the..." Say no more, you didn't fellate no one, but Darling Debbie probably did. And she probably enjoyed it.
• This line from the prologue, which only becomes funny after completing the game.
  Michael: Who snitched?
• An early mission involves Franklin using Chop to help him find a rival gangster. Only for Chop to run off and go hump a random dog in mid mission. Franklin's reaction is priceless (especially when he finds out the dog being humped is a male dog). For more hilarity, you can even see this through Chop's eyes in first person.
  Franklin: Gee, Chop you nasty-ass! That's a dude you're fuckin' there!
  • And later, after find the gangster and chasing him down:
    Franklin: Don't hump 'im! Bite his ass, Chop!
• Dialogue between Franklin and Lamar is consistently priceless, with almost everything that comes out of Lamar's mouth being CMOF-worthy.
  • The ending cutscene to the first mission is already undergoing some Memetic Mutation: 20 seconds of fairly standard conversation that ends with a completely unexpected delivery of the word "nigga" by Lamar. Words don't do it justice. It has to be heard to be believed.
  Lamar: Wassup, can a loc come up in your crib?
  Franklin: Man, fuck you. I'll see you at work.
  Lamar: Ah, nigga, don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful, nigga! Maybe if you got rid of that ol' yee-yee-ass haircut you got, you'd get some bitches on your dick. Oh! Better yet — maybe Tanisha'll call your dawg-ass if she ever stops fucking with that brain surgeon or lawyer she fucking with. (leans in; in a sing-song voice) ♪Nigga~♪ [Exit Lamar]
  Franklin: ...What?! (regains composure) Hmph, motherfucker.
  • What's funnier is the fact that the entire roast was entirely uncalled for and only prompted because Franklin said Lamar couldn't come into his house. Basically Disproportionate Retribution in word form.
  • The fact that the roast was used as a way to tell players that Barbershops were unlocked makes it even funnier. Especially considering how Franklin puts a hand on his hair as if that line actually got to him.
  • The voice actors even reprised the scene! Take a look:
  • Or this:
    Lamar: (opening a conversation) Gangsta shit, nigga!
  • Also, near the ending (during the start of Ending C) when Lamar is surrounded, he still turns the serious scene humorous:
    Lamar: I think they see me my nigga. They goin' run up on me! (panicking) SOS, nigga! SOS!
    (Franklin comes to his rescue)
    Franklin: These fools picking on you? It wouldn't be right if I didn't have to save your ass just once.
    Lamar: Save me? Nigga, I just wanted some company.
  • Or this one towards the beginning of the game:
    Lamar: I can take care of my sizelf.
    Franklin: No the fuck you cizan't!
  • Or this exchange that sometimes occurs when chasing D during "Chop":
    Franklin: Hey, Apache blood. You going to be able to trace this nigga if he goes to the ground? I know your ancestors taught you them buffalo tracking skills.
    Lamar: Man, I ain't gonna perform for you like some "injun" in a Wild West show. That's racist, bitch.
    Franklin: You fucking full of shit!
• Chakra Attack, a show on West Coast Talk Radio, deserves notice, because of how off the wall the host Ray de Angelo Harris is.
  Ray: I'm a sleepin' baby. I hate it when people say they "sleep like a baby". Babies sleep like SHIT!!! They need a titty to get through the night!
  • The near end of the first segment, where Ray tries to remember his spiritual trip to Tibet... or what he thinks was Tibet.
    Cheryl: Are you sure it was Tibet?
    Ray: I don't know! Some darn place with hills and sheep, and everyone singing in choirs, and all are inbred, and they played a lot of rugby. Things like that. Tibetan stuff, you know.
  • And, of course, this gem:
    Ray: When you put sense and nonsense together, what the hell do you got? You got some bullshit going on in your mind! That's everything mushed together like a goddamn jambalaya! Peanut butter and ice cream, guns and butter - ants in yo damn pants! It all makes sense, 'cause you eat peanut butter ice cream, you gon' get diarrhea! And you're gonna have ants in your pants... [heavily breathing]
    Cheryl: Are they eating the butter?
    Ray: THEY EATIN' THE SHIT!! WHAT YOU THINK THEY EATIN'?! Ants eat your shit, 'cause you done ate that peanut butter and that damn ice cream.
• The ad campaigns for the next Governor of San Andreas.
• Kung Fu Rainbow Lazer Force.
  • "Weazel: Confirming Your Prejudices"
• As if Franklin's conversations with Lamar are funny enough, we get Stretch, who often ends up getting caught up in Volleying Insults between him and Franklin: the best ones are the starting and ending conversations in "The Long Stretch".
• If you make a mistake (going off road, getting turned around, etc.) while chasing the van in the mission "Mr. Philips", this exchange might occur:
  Ron: You think they sabotaged this truck?
  Trevor: (Beat) Shut up, Ron!
• And then there's Franklin's borderline Cloudcuckoolander Aunt Denise, who's obsessed with getting her "femininity" back, and often has crazy meetings with Straw Feminist friends that really dig under Franklin's skin. One notable instance is also seen at the start of "The Long Stretch", where Franklin walks in on a group of his Aunt's friends collectively screeching their heads off, and stopping dead in their tracks when they notice Franklin:
  Franklin: ...... I don't wanna know...
  Denise: Franklin-!
  Franklin: What the fuck?! I mean, what the hell goin' on here?
  Denise: Wait a minute, Franklin, what are you doing here?!
  Franklin: I live here! This half of my house too!
  Denise: So you say? Anyway, Magenta here is reinvigorating my femininity. So make yourself scarce, boy!
  Franklin: (Rolls eyes until they're in the back of his head) With pleasure!
  • And as you walk away you can hear them start chanting "Vulva... vulva..."
  • Even better: Once Franklin walks out of the house, he immediately runs into Lamar and Stretch walking up to his house. His withering look to the camera says it all.
  • Franklin's reaction is good, but Trevor's reaction? Pure gold. When Denise and her friends leave the house, they are chanting "We are women, we are strong" over and over again at the top of their lungs. They walk past Franklin who says nothing. Then they walk into Trevor, and....
    Trevor: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!... thank you.
    • It's even better if Trevor just woke up from a drunken stupor that put him in a lady's dress.
  • Not to mention Trevor's earlier interaction with Denise:
    Denise: (Ranting at Franklin for disobeying her constantly and also for ignoring his gang-banger friends) I say become a doctor, you say become a patient! I say-who is that?
    Trevor: Helloooooo, missy! Franklin, you never told me you had a sister.
    Denise: I'm Denise, Franklin's housemate.
    Franklin: AND aunt, my mother's old dried-up ass sister-
    Denise: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
    Trevor: Yeah, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
    (Franklin flashes an Italian salute at Trevor)
    Trevor: (hands Denise money) Here, darlin'. Why don't you go get yourself somethin' nice, okay?
    Denise: Oh, thank you! (giggles, flips through the money) ...this is seven dollars.
    Trevor: I said something NICE, not something EXPENSIVE. You wanna be a greedy fuckin' cow, huh? No. Now get the fuck outta here, alright?
    Denise: You men are all the same!
• If the police chase in "Hood Safari" continues long enough, Trevor will express a little interest in going back for the fake key of coke. The possibilities are equally likely that he's needling Franklin, or that he huffs housing material in his free time.
  Trevor: Allllright, 'cause that drywall looked, you know, high quality! I mean, we could make a fun night outta that brick.
  Franklin: Man, fuck you.
• Michael's daughter Tracey on "Fame or Shame". Not only is her performance cringeworthy, but the producers think Michael and Trevor are both her fathers. And then Trevor belts a security guy with a folding chair.
  • Right after said beating with the folding chair, Lazlow, the host of the show, hauls ass out of the studio, with Michael and Trevor having to give chase; once they catch up to him, Trevor forces Lazlow to strip down to his drawers and dance if he wants to live. The kicker, Trevor's recording Lazlow dancing just for extra humiliation.
  Trevor: I got it all on camera, you fucking pussy! The world's going to see your shit!
  • Way before that, during the beginning cutscene of said mission, Michael finds Jimmy's weed bag and greets Fabien sarcastically.
    Fabien: You must be Michael, namaste.
    Michael: Na-ma-go fuck yourself.^*Incidentally, that line was a Throw It In! moment from Michael's actor, Ned Luke. Additionally, his real-life wife, Amy Sax, is a yoga instructor.
    • During said mission, you park illegally, and the parking attendant complains that you can't park there. You have the choice to sock him in the face. And doing this is actually a gold requirement called "No, I can park here".
• One mission begins with Michael being unable to watch a movie due to Jimmy loudly trash-talking someone on his game, and getting ignored when he asks him to keep it down. Rather than turning off the TV or the game console, as you'd expect, Michael responds by picking up a chair and smashing the screen (which he most likely paid for).
• Michael comes to a revelation about Trevor later in the game, and it is incredible. The triumph in his voice in the later lines is what really sells it.
  Michael: (after talking about Trevor's dress sense and personality) You... are a hipster!
  Trevor: What?
  Michael: You're a hipster.
  Trevor: I hate hipsters.
  Michael: Classic hipster denial.
  Trevor: I. Abhor. Hipsters. I eat them for fun!
  Michael: (laughs) Hipsters love saying they hate hipsters!
  Trevor: Well, I really fucking do!
  Michael: Self hatred. Common hipster affliction.
  Trevor: Only because I'm living out here away from the Bean Machines, and the bankers?
  Michael: You're gentrifying! Soon the skinny jeans will show up, and then the skinny lattes, and then, the bankers. And you'll be somewhere else starting the cycle all over again. Maybe you're not a classic garden variety hipster, but you are what the hipsters aspire to be! You, Trevor, are the proto-hipster! (laughs)
  Trevor: (calmly) I don't know what you're talking about. I don't agree with what you're saying. You're talking bullshit, and you're trying to wind me up. But I'm very, very angry, and I want this conversation to stop right away.
  Michael: Hipster.
  Trevor: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU, MICHAEL! SAY IT AGAIN!
  Michael: I've made my point. I'm not a sadist.
  • Made ever more hilarious when switching to Trevor in one instance:
    Trevor: I'm a hipster! This is ironic! Come on!
• Another moment that counts is the cutscene after the above conversation, when Michael and Trevor reach the bus stop. Trevor is sitting on the bench, bored out of his mind. What does he do to pass the time? He throws rocks at Michael like a kid in elementary school. Naturally, Michael gets pissed off.
  *Trevor throws a rock at Michael*
  Michael: Come on man, knock it off.
  Trevor: What?
  *Trevor throws another rock*
  Michael: I'm going to break your fucking fingers if you don't knock that shit off.
  Trevor: Well, please, alright. You'd alleviate the boredom.
• Just about every moment that Wade is present. In particular, the scene where Trevor is telling him the story of "Trisha and Michelle."
• When Michael and Trevor set out to steal a couple of cars for Devin, they disguise themselves as police officers. Ironically, of the two, Michael ends up being the bad cop to Trevor's comparatively good cop.
  Trevor: Y'know how fast you were goin'?
  Kid in car: Gee, I dunno, officer. I try to keep it under limit.
  Trevor: Well, you and your boys looked like you were drag-racing from where we were sitting there, so uh...why don't you get yourself out of the car? C'mon.
  Kid in car: Officer, is this really necessary?
  Trevor: "Officer, Officer", yes it is, c'mon. Hands on the car. Let's go, c'mon.
  Michael: Get out of the fucking car! Get out of the fucking car, you pint-sized PRICK!
• Franklin steals a car being used to film a movie. He accidentally abducts an actress with it, who tries to make him crash while studio security tries to shoot him off the road. In the end, Franklin is able to lose the security, and then notices a button he never did before:
  Press (Square/X/Caps Lock) to see what the red button does.
• The dialogue between Trevor and Michael when Trevor reveals that he kidnapped Martin Madrazo's wife after Martin got angry and refused to pay him and Michael for assassinating Javier Madrazo. Michael's reaction and Trevor's utter glee just sells it.
  Michael: (after Trevor pulls up in Madrazo's car) The fuck has happened?! Why do you have his car?!
  Trevor: That piece of turd, huh! No wonder people are stabbing him in the back.
  Michael: What happened?!
  Trevor: Cheap bastard. You know, I really don't know why you mess around with people like that, Mikey. I mean, really I don't...
  Michael: TREVOR!! Answer the fucking question!
  Trevor: I asked for a fair day's pay after a fair day's work. Then he...kindagotalittleangry. So, I'll admit...Ikindagotalittleangry!
  Michael: (Apprehensive) Did you kill him...?
  Trevor: What kind of fucking animal do you take me for?! No, I didn't kill him!
  Michael: Oh, fuck...
  Trevor: But I did kidnap his wife! (opens the tailgate, revealing a gagged and bound Patrica Madrazo)
  Michael: Oh, no! Oh, shit! The FUCK did you do?!
  Trevor: I just told you what I just did.
• When Debra returns to Floyd's home, Trevor has a rambling emotional breakdown in an attempt to make peace with both of them. Combined with Debra's incredibly hammy acting, the scene is priceless.
  Debra: I want you to leave, NOW!
  Trevor: Look, this is all I've got, alright? I've had a tough upbringing! My daddy was not nice to me! Okay? Look, Debra, I love you, and I love you too, Floyd! Why can't we all just be together, huh?! [To Floyd] You can have Mondays through Thursdays, [To Debra] you can have the weekends, alright?! I know that's not normal, but in this crazy, crazy world, is normal so good?! Huh?! Look, Debra! Floyd! Will you marry me?!
  Debra: [Arms flailing] GET OUT OF MY CONDOOOO!!!!
  • Trevor being visibly and genuinely insulted when Debra just refers to him as Floyd's "weird friend".
    Trevor: (growling) You people are not very FUCKING NICE!
  • Debra mentioning Bob seems to be enough for Trevor to do a Double Take and switch off the Obfuscating Insanity.
    Debra: You're not a man at all. Bob's right about you.
    Trevor: Whoa, who's Bob...?
• Michael's rant on sarcasm during the setup mission for the Paleto Score.
  Michael: A few weeks ago, I was happily retired, sulking by my swimming pool. Then my psychotic best friend shows up out of nowhere to torture me over mistakes I made - honest mistakes - I've made over a decade ago! We, our little posse, are flat fuckin' broke! But hey, let's go out and spend two million dollars on a tandem-rotor fuckin' chopper, so I can go steal nerve gas from fuckin' terrorists! Forgive me, you ignorant fuck, but sarcasm is all I've fucking got! Sarcasm, and a room fulla you cunts!
• At the end of Paleto Score Setup there is a section where you play as either Michael or Trevor and race the other back to the hideout. If you play as Michael, whenever Trevor gets close he will continuously flip Michael off.
• At the start of The Paleto Score, when Franklin breaks up an argument between Trevor and Michael:
  Franklin: (angrily) Hey! Hey! Enough! You got me out here! You roped me into your crazy world of bullshit! If it was lies, New Age shit, and arguments about how good life used to be, I could have stayed my ass in Los Santos!
  Lester: (cheerily) Hello, Franklin!
  Franklin (suddenly completely calm): What's up?
  • The argument itself being about Trevor's seemingly illegitimate relationship with Patricia after recently kidnapping her, all while Michael and Trevor walk back-and-forth room to room yelling Like an Old Married Couple.
    Michael: First, you take a hostage against my advice, and then you start some kind of crazy high school romance with her? Are you nuts?
    Trevor: She's...
    Michael: She's a sixty year old housewife!
    Trevor: Ahh, she's fifty-seven!
    • Even better, Trevor then adds, like a high school girl dating a 25 year old creep, that she "thinks I'm mature!"
• The story of Trevor's first score (in context, he's trying to force Franklin to spill the details of his, since Franklin keeps trying to dodge the question).
  Michael: Well, how about you? Why don't you share with the group? I'm here. I'll back the facts.
  Trevor: That checks cashed place? I went in, took 'em for eight grand, walked out.
  Michael: Ah, it was a bit more complicated than that, though, wasn't it, T?
  Trevor: Maybe I knew the guy, maybe he ID'd me...
  Michael: Maybe you did six months.
  Trevor: Maybe I was out in four- and that, children, is why we don't leave witnesses!
  Michael: That, children, is why you don't rob people that you know!
  • Then, after Michael reassures Franklin's first heist couldn't have been much worse than Trevor's Epic Fail of a story, Franklin finally cracks; he was the getaway driver for one of Lamar's store robberies, and he managed to get several thousand dollars... or he WOULD have if a dye pack didn't go off and ruin the money.
  • And from the same mission, the sheriff's reaction when the crew come out of the bank wearing body armor and carrying machine guns (Trevor even has a handheld minigun)!
    Sheriff: Sweet... mother of... shit!
  • Later on during the over-the-top shootout with the cops, Michael tries to remind Trevor, who's busy spouting one-liners, to treat the situation seriously. Trevor is quick to point out the absurdity of the situation.
    Trevor: I've got a minigun, you humorless prick!
• In one mission, Trevor is flying in a helicopter with a camera that can scan peoples' drivers licenses to check their arrest records. The first person he checks is Franklin, who we find out was arrested for... Public Exposure. It leads to this exchange:
  Trevor: Public exposure? What's the deal, my friend?
  Franklin: Oh man, fuck that. I got a high ass, homie. One-Time will pick a brother up for any old shit.
  • Better than that, Trevor acts like the arrest was Disproportionate Retribution, and that This Is Unforgivable!. Considering how many crimes the man is guilty of, this probably WOULD seem not that big of a deal.
    Trevor: You arrested my African-American friend for a minor infraction?! The LSPD disgusts me!
    LSPD helicopter pilot: (utterly terrified) It's not me! I mean, there's some bad apples in the department, but any accusations of a racist culture are...
    Trevor: YOU WANT TO BULLSHIT ME, YOU CAN BULLSHIT THE FREEWAY!
    Pilot: We do community outreach! We have minority quotas!
    Trevor: Yeah yeah. Your nightstick's got a minority quota. I should take...
    Pilot: Look, please. We've come so far in the last few decades!
    Trevor: Oooh, you're lucky I can't work this thing with one hand and fly with the other!
    • Switching to Trevor after the mission reveals that he is still in the helicopter. Alone. What happened to the pilot?
      Trevor: Hope it was a soft landing!
• It's funny enough that the Triad kidnap Michael because they think Michael and Trevor are an item. But then Franklin comes to rescue him and what's their immediate response? "Oh no! Another boyfriend!"
  "Do they have an adopted son?!"
  • Another one that happens on the same mission that's incredibly easy to miss because it requires a huge Violation of Common Sense: watch Michael make his way to the meat grinder instead of switching to Franklin and, on the way, you get this gem:
    Michael: Hey, I ain't even gonna make a tasty hamburger! I only drink ''broccoli juice!''
• One of the last FIB missions, "The Wrap Up", contains what is possibly the most over-the-top Mexican Standoff in recent memory. Let's just say that at some point a gunship gets involved. However in the beginning when Steve Haines enters into another Villainous Breakdown, it comes off as Narmy the way he says it. For example, when Dave Norton tries to point out how the whole situation is "unorthodox"...
  Steve Haines: Un-FUCKING-orthodox?! You ruined my career!
  • It doubles as a Moment of Awesome for Rockstar, considering how many motion-captured actors there are at once in a game where cutscenes usually contain no more than four or five actors at a time.
  • What crimes?:
    Michael: Arrest me for what?
    Steve Haines: For multiple counts of every fucking crime under the fucking sun!
  • FIB Agent: (after a sixth group joins the standoff) Who the FUCK are they?!?
  • And when the shootout begins, after an FIB soldier shoots Haines: "Ah! Same goddamn leg!"
• Despite its Cerebus Syndrome nature, "By The Book" has a single funny moment between Michael and Dave, while they look for a man they need to kill. Once Trevor "gotten some info" from Mr. K who tells you what the man looks like, Michael can spot and kill said man while Dave is talking. Dave's utter disbelief over how fast Michael killed the man while Mike just bemuses it all as a "gut feeling".

  Dave: What the hell?!
  Michael: That was the guy! I had a feeling. It'll check out.
  Dave: Well... we've... got him. It's done.

  • If Michael doesn't take the shot, he cranks his Deadpan Snarker to weapons-grade lethal, complaining about the vague hints of how the target looks, with the most he gets early on being "He's Azerbaijani."
    Dave: He's Eastern, Michael.
    Michael: Half this town looks Eastern, Davey! You got the fall of the Shah and the collapse of Communism to thank for that!
  • Also hilarious if you attempt to kill anyone before getting enough information or killing the wrong target after getting enough information.
    Dave: Jesus, Michael, what the fuck is wrong with you?!
    Michael: What? I was aiming at a target. Anyone in that building was probably just as evil and corrupt as the guy we're after.
  • Finally, if you stick around to ALL of the information, Michael takes a moment to sum it up...
    Michael: OHHH, now I get it! You're telling me to assassinate a guy because he's got facial hair, a cigarette, AND... he's left-handed!
    Dave: I'm telling you to assassinate a guy because he's a threat to national security. The rest is just details.
    *Michael finds the guy*
    Michael: Oh, I see someone. He fits the profile. Yup - fits it all the way! I got a good feeling... well, good as you can get while clipping a guy who probably don't deserve it.
  • And then there's Dave's reaction if Michael identifies the target and is ready to shoot him... and then shoots someone else.
    Dave: What was that? We had an ID.
    Michael: I was acting on a hunch. That's what us balls to the wall agents do, ain't it?
    Dave: You're an idiot. (to Steve, on the phone) Steve, Michael's an idiot.
  • Earlier in the mission, Steve Haines tells Trevor to show his friend Devin Weston some respect:
    Steve: Let me tell you something, that guy gets more tail than a... than a Tail Catcher! (Laughs at his own stupid joke)
    Trevor: I'll have to fuckin' remember that line.
• After Jimmy's Moment of Awesome (knocking out a Merryweather hitman who was about to kill Michael and likely the rest of his family), he decides add to it by teabagging the hitman, but ends up teabagging Michael by accident.
  • It's also funny the way he held his weapon and free hand up in front of his face. There's no justification for it, other than imitating the common FPS stance.
• The way the Altruist Cult completely screw up Trevor's execution attempt once Trevor's turned in enough people. It has to be seen to be believed.
  • There's also the fact that a loaded, unattended gun is lying on a rock not too far away from where Trevor's standing.
  • It becomes even more hilarious when you realize that Trevor's outfit in the video makes him resemble Hunter S. Thompson.
• Most of Trevor's whirlwind romance with Patricia Madrazo qualifies as hilarious but the kicker has to be when he's returning her home to her husband while Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now" is playing during the car ride and Trevor is blubbering uncontrollably.
  • When they finally get back to her place, we learn that Trevor apparently damaged or tore off Madrazo's ear in a fit of rage during the kidnapping. In contrast to his previous menacing demeanor, he's now absolutely terrified of Trevor, to the point that he's practically grovelling at the sight of him.
• Pretty much everything that comes out of Wade's mouth after Trevor drops him off at the Vanilla Unicorn:
  Every time I try to leave, they just keep giving me another dance.
  I don't know how it's possible, but I think I've become immune to boobies.
  My cousin Floyd says that strip clubs objectify women. But you're not objects, you're people!
  • The last we see of Trevor before going in to "meet" the manager of the Vanilla Unicorn is him closing the door behind himself saying, "Prepare to meet your new 'partner...'" It's as funny as it is dark when you find out Trevor has the man's body sitting in the fridge in his office.
• In Reuniting The Family, Michael hits Fabien (Amanda's yoga instructor who she's been sleeping with) in the head with some woman's laptop (who was writing a screenplay in public and trying to get the others to shut up). Afterwards he goes and picks up Tracey and walks in on Lazlow saying he'll get her back on the show if she gives him a blowjob. Michael then makes him pay and forces him to get her on the show.
  • After this, the De Santa family go to therapy and it quickly turns into Michael and Amanda yelling at one another. Amanda tells him to "find a center" and Michael ends up screaming "HOW ABOUT YOU SUCK MY COCK?!".
• A subtle one: Trevor Phillips Enterprises is never given a completely consistent name. It's also referred to as Trevor Phillips Industries, Trevor Philips Enterprise, Trevor Philips Corporation, TPI Conglomerate, TP Conglomerate, and TP, Inc. Trevor never actually keeping the name consistent is hilariously in-character for him. Michael even points this out.
  Michael: Industries or incorporated? If it's TP Inc., it'd be Trevor Philips Incorporated. Just sayin'.
• In the final session with Dr. Friedlander, he mentions that women used to call him "Pube Head" due to his curly hair. Moments later, when he's running away from an angry Michael, Michael may yell out "PUBE HEAD!" at him.
• The cutscene where Wade tells Trevor he might have located Michael. Plenty of moments, actually:
  Wade: I found two Michael Townsleys in Los Santos; one's eighty-three... and the other's in kindergarten. I asked the teacher to put 'im on the phone, just t' be safe... she threatened t' call the cops! I ain't no molester, Trevor!
  Trevor: Shut up before I molest you, alright?
  • When Wade mentions he did find a "Michael De Santa" fitting the description, married to a woman named Amanda:
    Trevor: (In as proud a tone as he can muster) You're a genius, ya moron! Come on, c'mere! (Wade climbs the fence; Trevor punches him back down) Don't you ever not tell me shit I wanna know!
    Trevor: We're going to Los Santos!... Let's go, Wade! C'mon, I'm drivin'. You can jerk me off if I get bored. I'm joking! You can suck me off.
    Wade: ...We goin' to stop for ice cream?
• Michael, Franklin and Trevor each have their own in-game LifeInvader pages that can be accessed from their phones, and update often after missions. While all three guys have some funny stuff to be found on their pages, Michael's takes the cake for hilarity, due to his family members' comments on his wall. You can also go to Amanda's, Tracey's and Jimmy's pages for even more laughs - Jimmy's page in particular is just hysterical.
• The Pißwasser commercial. The lyrics are especially hilarious.
  Ya oughta speak English, if you like it here so much! Not Spanish, or Chinese, or British, and not fucking Dutch! Fuck the Dutch!
• Franklin, who usually isn't the one to laugh out loud, can't stop himself from laughing hysterically (and the player probably can't either) when Trevor tries to hop his fence and ends up falling over it at the start of "Fresh Meat".
  • This scene actually came about as Trevor's actor genuinely did trip when doing the motion capture, Franklin's voice actor laughing at it and then Trevor improvising most the rest of the scene (hence why he says 'motherfucker' even though he normally hates that word.)
  • And after that scene, Trevor (still pissed off about Michael's "betrayal" in North Yankton) bumps into a CGF homie on his way out:
    Trevor: (As if he heard something) What was that?
    CGF homie: What?
    Trevor: What was that?!
    CGF homie: Uh... nothing.
    (Trevor lays out the CGF homie in one punch, and snarls at him)
    Trevor: Asshole! (screams to the neighborhood) Everybody! Assholes!!! (storms off)
  • One player got a glitch where a random NPC shows up out of nowhere and just starts attacking Trevor repeatedly. The entire cutscene continues as if nothing is wrong, while Trevor gets attacked over and over again, including some perfectly timed hits. And then the other guy who was hanging around the whole time punches Franklin when the cutscene ends.
• Some of the less serious Mission Failed screens are this:
  • If you fail the Yoga mission, the game over screen will read, "Michael did not reach enlightenment."
  • For disrupting the meeting at the start of Three's Company, you get "Trouble was caused at the food court".
  • "Trevor killed innocent people".
• Lamar's Leeroy Jenkins tendencies make it so that if you hang out with him and get yourself into any fight, he will join you and try to beat up your opponents, no matter how low his HP is. Because of this, the Families gangster himself can be beat up and knocked out by people such as old women and even homeless people.
• Lamar's contact picture, which is presumably set by the owner of the phone themselves, is that of Chop, rather than, well, Lamar.
• At the end of Floyd's plot arc, Floyd's overbearing girlfriend Debra comes back from her conference, and tries to make Floyd tell Trevor to get out of her condo. Before it ends the way we all know it's going to end, Trevor does his best to out-and-out Troll Debra into breaking character, and stop saying wussy cuss words like "F-ing" or "G-Damn", and unleash some actual curses like... "Crap". He even lets a Big "YES!" when he gets her to do it!
• In "Blitz Play", when the three protagonists are told that some of the government is corrupt, all three give a variation of a "Holy shit, I did NOT know that!" expression.
  • The expressions they make are See, Speak, and Hear no Evil◊. Except in the reverse order.
  • Also, in the same cutscene, Trevor's "I will keep my eyes peeled, GENERAL!" followed by a salute.
  • After Franklin and Trevor leave, Michael sarcastically talks to himself, bitter that the other two didn't compliment him for coming up with the idea.
    Michael: (As one of the other guys) "Thank you, Michael." (As himself) "Hey, no problem, really!"
    • After Trevor leaves, he gets a conference call from Michael and Franklin, for some additional items they'll need^*Boiler suits, masks, a garbage truck, a tow truck, and a getaway vehicle.
      Franklin: A'ight, man. I got you, dog.
      Trevor: What? Huh? I missed that. Maybe shout a little louder?
      Michael: Bite me.
• Late in the game, Tracey actually makes it into the finals of Fame or Shame due to Michael threatening Lazlow, and she performs a song called "Daddy Issues" that you can watch. Not only is it not very good, but the lyrics are hilarious. Lazlow's parting words to the judges are just icing on the cake of hilarity as he practically begs the judges to vote for her.
  Lazlow: Seriously, guys, vote the right way 'cause some maniac's gonna fucking kill me.
  • Alas, in another CMOF, she loses to... "Three Masturbating Monkeys"!
• Fame or Shame in general is just a barrel of laughs.
  • First off, there's Hugh Harrison, a not-so-subtle parody of Simon Cowell who uses all of his screentime to insult, embarrass, or even harm Lazlow. Just look at his "Great Moment Montage".
    Hugh: You are absolutely awful. Almost as bad as Lazlow. (cut) That was like having my balls sucked by an elderly orang-utan... and I'm not Lazlow, so that wouldn't be a lot of fun for me, would it? (cut) I hope, I really hope and pray that you die a painful death... immediately after Lazlow.
  • There's also the fact that he isn't even British.
    Lazlow: You're not even fucking British!
    Hugh (in nasally American accent): I'm totally British! (back to British) I am so, mate!
  • Then there's William Angio, a rock singer and contestant who sings the incredibly silly "This is a Power Ballad" and tries to convince everyone to let him through to the finals with a tragic backstory (no doubt a jab at contestants who do the same on real talent shows). Then after Hugh gives him a Fame and puts him through, he proceeds to punch Lazlow twice... because Hugh told him to.
  • Some of the other competing acts include Mimes on Fire, the Most Racist Man in America, and Beating a Dead Horse. All of them are exactly what they say on the tin.
  • Even the Viewer Polls at the bottom of the screen make several jabs towards Lazlow. These include, but are not limited to:
    Vote now! Is Lazlow really a turd?
    Text us now! Is Lazlow just metrosexual or is he really in the closet?
    Viewers Poll: Did Lazlow finger Siobhan O'Day?
  • Like most talent shows, the grand prize for the winning act is a whopping one million dollars. Unlike most talent shows, however, the sum is paid to the winner in 26 bi-annual installments. Also, the voting fees? $14.00 for calls and $21.99 for texts. No wonder the ratings have gone down the toilet!
• When you go steal the Z-type with Trevor:
  Trevor: So who's gonna be at the airstrip? That dick who won't pay us 'til we get all the cars or (lustful) Molly.
  Franklin: I don't know dog. Both, I think. Molly and Devin.
  Trevor: Oh. Well when you see her, tell I said Hi.
  Franklin: What? No.
  Trevor: Oh come on!" I thought is was just about time to settle down.
  Franklin: (laughs) Man, you gon' need a lion tamer or something. Molly might have balls but you is something else.
  Trevor: Just put in a good word for me.
  Franklin: Man, I ain't hitting on no one for your ass.
  Trevor: (mock anger) What!? After everything I've done for you. You're just like Michael.
• Trevor's response to one of the crew members you can hire:
  "Y'know, it really irks me when people refer to my lifestyle choice as a game."
• As horrific as the torture scene is, it does have its moments of gallows humor, and Trevor and Steve Haines work surprisingly well together.
  Steve: Bzzzt! Sorry, you're out of time. Trevor, show our contestant what he's won today!
  • Likewise, Trevor has some characteristically Laughably Evil lines when selecting the torture instruments:
    (When going for the water-boarding implements): "If my mother waterboarded me as a kid, I wouldn't be the murdering psychopath you see now!"
    "They're going to be doing this in elementary schools in no time!"
    (After yanking out one of Mr. K's teeth with pliers) "The best way to get a man to talk, is to make him stop talking!"
• If Molly's death by Turbine Blender isn't Nightmare Fuel, then it's Bloody Hilarious, especially considering how sudden and out of the blue it is. Things are even more darkly funny when you later find out that the film she was trying so desperately to keep out of Michael's hands has plenty of digital copies in storage, making the entire chase and her resulting death completely pointless.
• Speaking of Bloody Hilarious, the death of LifeInvader CEO Jay Norris. Especially funny in that you trigger it from home while watching his keynote, and his reaction when his phone starts ringing unexpectedly.
• "Monkey Business" finds Michael going on a diving mission for the FIB, with David Norton and Steve Haines. The dialogue in the mission is often hilarious, especially between Michael and Steve.
  Michael: (After Steve brings up a useless fact about the Oxy-Hydro cutter he's using) So, you got any more little facts for me from the instruction manual?
  Steve: Thought you'd want some intel on the equipment we sourced using your hard-won funds.
  Michael: Ah, I figured it was all gonna go on a wardrobe full of windbreakers... oh, and maybe some nipple clamps.
  • A little later...
    Michael: (As they're swimming up an underwater tunnel) Ah, I feel like I'm giving a colonoscopy to the Statue of Happiness!
    Steve: Nice change from being up Trevor Phillips' ass all day.
    David: You feel that? Water's getting warmer.
    Michael: You wet your pants, Davy?
    Steve: This is a cooling tunnel. Of course it's getting warmer. No one urinated.
    Michael: Uh... I know for a fact that that ain't true.
  • At the end of the mission, Steve shoots himself in the leg to let Michael and Dave escape with the toxin and hide his involvement by making it look like he tried to stop them to the approaching IIA agents. As Trevor's flying them all away in the Cargobob, he has this to say:
    Trevor: What happened back there? Where's Agent Haines? Don't tell me we suffered casualties!
• Jimmy's explanation of "trolling" to Michael in "Parenting 101". It must be heard to be believed.
• One of the Gold requirements for the "Derailed" mission, where Michael and Trevor rob a train is "Better Than CJ", a hilarious nod to the infamous mission with Big Smoke from San Andreas.
• The beginning of "Surveying the Score" has Trevor drunkenly stumbling into his office at the Vanilla Unicorn, opening the refrigerator for a beer, and shoving the rotten corpse of the club's previous owner back inside. Just as he shuts the door, Michael walks in.
  Trevor: Before you ask, the fridge is broken.
  • As Michael and Franklin finish surveying the façade of the Union Depository, the game cuts back to Trevor pissing at the side of the road.
• When Hao first challenges Franklin to a race, he openly claims he's getting first place. However, the game doesn't change the scripting of vehicle activity for when he pulls out of his alley, so it's possible that - as he's done smack-talking you - he plows right into someone's car.
• The movie Meltdown. Just, the whole thing.
  • If you see the movie during a friend activity with Michael, he may comment that the talking monkey was his idea. Who'd have known?
• An unintentional example: if the player quickly switches characters from one who's in a diving suit (easily gained by exiting the submarine underwater) and starts a mission that stars the previous character, they'll play through the mission still in the full wetsuit with a rebreather in their mouth.
• Trevor´s weed trip, where he begins imagining an army of evil, dancing clowns trying to kill him. From the clowns attacking to the priceless sounds (including squeaky shoes) and Trevor´s remarks about the clowns not being funny, it´s simply HILARIOUS.
• When driving through Chamberlain on the TV crime exposé The Underbelly of Paradise:
  Steve Haines: (Obviously nervous) H-hey... you guys stay out of trouble, now.
  Balla: Suck my dick, Steve fucking Haines!
  (Steve goes quiet, uneasily glances at the camera)
• Some of the NPC dialogue is just terribly weird.
  Families Gangster: Hey. You like potato salad? 'Cause I like potato salad, nigga.
  Other Gangster: Hey, that's the game.
  
  Hispanic NPC: [To Trevor] You're that guy from Midget Fuckers 22! I know it!
  
  Redneck NPC: Man, that toilet cleaner's got me real messed up!
  Other Redneck: You're acting like I'm interested, which I ain't.
  
  Lifeguard NPC: I had to punch a dude that was drowning yesterday.
  Other Lifeguard: You have anything interesting to say?
  
  Hispanic NPC: [After crashing into the protagonist.] Is it wrong how turned on I am?
  Hispanic NPC: [After protagonist crashes into them.] You're a dick without a dick!
  
  German NPC: HALLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
  
  Hipster Girl: [chatting to other pedestrian] My new thing is 1930s Bulgarian cinema.
  Rebel Girl: [responding to Hipster] Yeah, whatever.
  
• In the PS4, Xbox One, and PC ports of the game, there are minigames involving the players taking Peyote trips, and they don't just trip balls; they turn into animals! Here's the full list:
  • Franklin
    • One of the best ones for Franklin is where he turns into not just any dog, but Chop! He immediately has an existential crisis and starts arguing with himself on whether or not he's Franklin or Chop.
    John van Capel: First peyote plant I got, I immediately turned into Chop. It took me completely off guard and I spent the next 10 minutes laughing my ass off and trying to find Lamar so I could bite him.
  • Michael
  • Trevor
• Some of the PA announcements at the airport and in the Metro stations can be quite funny.
  "First time flying? Why not unwind at the airport bar before your flight?"
  "A crowded train is not an excuse for inappropriate touching, no matter how tempting."
  "Please mind the gap. That's the space between the train and the edge of the platform."
• During one mission for the cab company after you buy it, Franklin is told to pick up a specific passenger who wants to go to the docks. On the way there, the guy wants him to help sort out some gangsters messing with his daughter.
  Franklin: So you think because I'm a black guy I'd be cool with this shit?
  Walter: So you're not cool with it?
  Franklin: No, for sure, I am. -beat- That's not the point though.
• A minor one at the end of Ending C. After Franklin and Michael drive off, Trevor realizes that he drove to the meeting spot in Devin's car (which is now in the ocean) and the final shot as the credits roll is Trevor awkwardly walking off screen.
• Moments before has the final conversation between Michael, Franklin, and Trevor. It's funny not only in just how casually they carry it, but that after a game of unhinged, rage-fueled dialogue, Trevor is at his absolute calmest.
  Trevor: So now what?
  Michael: Now we keep a low profile and get on with our lives.
  Trevor: As friends.
  Michael: What? Do I have a choice?
  Trevor: Nah. Not really.
  Michael: Alright then, as uh... flawed, awful, totally uncomfortable, and poorly mismatched friends. Absolutely.
  Trevor: Well that's perfect. Then we can get back to the kind of capitalism we practice.
  Franklin: Shit. I don't know how much more better than is than Devin's kind.
  Michael: Hypocrisy, Franklin. Civilization's greatest virtue.
  Trevor: Jesus, your therapist has a lot to answer for.
  Michael: I know. I still hate myself... but hey, at least I know the words for it now.
  Trevor: Yeah, but I hate you and I know the words for it. So does that mean I don't have to go to therapy?
  Franklin: Look man, you two motherfuckers terrify me of that middle age. I'm good.
  Michael: You're right to be afraid, Franklin! Be very afraid, Franklin!
  (Franklin drives away)
  Michael: I'll tell you one thing, T. I'm getting too old for this nonsense. (Gets in his car and drives away)
• The next-gen releases added an interesting new feature. Characters will headbang depending on the song playing on the radio. If it's a calm and smooth song, the character will simply bob his head around, but, if it's something fast and with loads of beats, the character will headbang so violently to it, you can use it as a new way to justify why you crash a lot.
• If you choose the roof entry option for "The Bureau Raid" and then pick a low-skilled gunman, when the team parachutes in, the gunman will have picked a bright rainbow chute that basically sticks out for miles around. Michael is not impressed.
  Michael: I guess you didn't hear that this is a stealth mission!
  • Also, if you choose that option of the heist, a helicopter will crash into the building, with Michael and Franklin finding the copter and its pilot:
  Michael: Fuck! Well, he didn't make it.
  Franklin: You sure, man? 'Cause he might be ali—
  (the ground shifts and the helicopter falls from the building)
  Michael: Nope, he didn't make it.
• The completely out-of-nowhere nature of this exchange between Michael and Trevor in "Caida Libre":
  Michael: When the time comes, he'll do the right thing. If he don't, please, let me handle it.
  Trevor: You don't get a wife like that without being rich and an asshole, right?
  Michael: The fuck?!
• This gem that happens on Fly Lo FM:
  Flying Lotus: Yeah, let's get to the phones real quick!
  Caller: Yeah, I'm calling to request, uh, any music...that ain't this. (slowly getting angrier) Stop playing everything you've been playing because your music sounds like a dumpster rolling down five flights of stairs!
  • Even funnier when you realise the caller is Carl Brutananadilewski.
• Lead the cops on a car chase for long enough, and their warnings over the loudspeaker will become increasingly angry and profane. It's pretty funny to hear for yourself just how much you're getting under their skin.
  "Stop your vehicle, you fucking piece of shit!"
  "What don't you understand about STOPPING THE FUCKING CAR?!"
  "Can't we just drop a missile on this moron?!"
• At the beginning of the "subtle" version of "The Big Score", you see Lester looking at some of the strippers at the Vanilla Unicorn, who are busy discussing filing taxes.
• One of the game's billboards have this◊ on it. It's spetacularly funny to see it in-game while going around causing chaos with a tank.
• At the endgame's start for Ending C, Michael, Franklin and Trevor ask Lester to find their worst enemies so they can kill them to avoid being hunted down in the future. Lester is a bit surprised when Trevor asks him to find "Stretch", until Franklin quickly adds in that his real name is Harold Joseph.
• Steve Haines likes to think of himself as a larger-than-life hero, and gets very angry when others refuse to acknowledge his "greatness". When you assassinate him as he's filming an episode of The Underbelly of Paradise in Ending C, his cameraman can't even remember Haines' name.
  Cameraman: My god! The guy, what's-his-name, they've shot him! Jesus fucking Christ!
• Also from Ending C, the banter between Trevor and Devin as the former drives the latter out of the city to put an end to his life.
  Devin: You know, you're a-you're a resourceful guy, getting past those trained killers. I need someone like you, in my organization!
  Trevor: The CEO position's gonna be vacant real soon, slick!
  Devin: I got nothing against you, apart from the obvious hygiene issues. Michael caused me problems, so Michael had to go!
  Trevor: You're looking at it rationally - there are people useful to you, and people who ain't, so people who ain't gotta go! Me? I'm not rational, I don't care if you're useful, or not. I feel like taking you out, Devo, so that's what I'm doing.
  Devin: This is a serious offer! Work for me, you'll have everything you ever wanted!
  Trevor: All I ever wanted is to see you drift in and out of consciousness as you're slowly disemboweled!
  Devin: Yes! Yes! That's the kind of creativity I need on my team! Come on, come on! Let me out of here!
  Trevor: Look, I got my own company - Trevor Phillips Industries!
  Devin: Ohh, yeah, a-a-a-a fellow entrepreneur! Uh, let me buy a stake, uh, give you money to grow!
  Trevor: I don't know if you heard, but I'm kinda gold rich right now, so you got precisely nothing to offer. Prepare for the end, my friend.
  Devin: YOU CREEPY BUM!! You're fucked! FUCKED!
  Trevor: My friends won't be happy if I empty a clip into the trunk!
  Devin: LET ME OUT OF THIS TRUUUUUUUUUUNK!
  Trevor: Find a happy place, ya zen cock!
  Devin: Name your price...!
  Trevor: This is why the people I put in my trunk are usually dead!
  Devin: Get me out of here!
  Trevor: This is why people want to kill you! You won't shut up!
  • Speaking of trunks, because the game will speed up the clock prior to a cutscene, Trevor most likely Bound and Gagged him just to shut him up after reaching his destination, since the man was begging his ass off the whole ride.
  • To top all this off, if the player turns on the radio in Devin's car during this scene, it will always be tuned to play 'I Wouldn't Want To Be Like You" by The Alan Parsons Project. It's absolutely a hilariously satisfying way to Earn Your Happy Ending.
  • After the main trio push Devin to his death, the overturned car suddenly explodes after a Beat, which may remind players of the older games that this somehow happened with every car if turned over.
• The obscure sound effects for when the protagonists get shot with the stun gun. Michael and Franklin sound relatively normal, but then, when it gets to Trevor...
• If you choose the quiet option for the jewelry store heist, one of the pre-heist quests is to steal a Bugstars van. If you choose to sneak into the warehouse, you can overhear one of the workers going through a checklist of things like infested sheets, pregnant bugs, etc.
• In "Pack Man", Trevor and Lamar have a conversation about Michael after Trevor found out the truth about him and left him to the triads:
  Lamar: [Michael] was a killer, a thief, a liar, and irritable as shit.
  Trevor: Yeah. A liar. Above all else, a fucking liar.
  Lamar: Homie, you sound like some bitch he ain't called. like, [imitates female voice] ooohh, he lied to me!
  Trevor: I am some bitch he didn't call! For ten years!
• After Ending C, Michael can call Solomon Richards who drops another movie quote for Michael to answer: "We forget thousands of things every day, can't we just make this one of them?", to which Michael happily replies it's from a movie called "Arthur Penny's Sanitorium". The tone of the quote implies it was used in a Let Us Never Speak of This Again scenario while Michael kept trying to use it as his own Catchphrase, which pretty much sums up his whole experience since using it got him in the whole mess in the first place.

Strangers And Freaks

• When first finding the Minute Men, Steve Ogg voicing the confused Trevor, who can't understand what Josef is saying, is just hilarious. Plus Josef is seen doing a Nazi salute before correcting himself, Trevor even commenting on the second part later on.
• Trevor's first interaction with Maude, the woman in charge of bounties.
  Maude: How've ya been?
  Trevor: Oh, simply wonderful. And you?
  Maude: Somewhere stuck between 'joyful' and 'peachy'.
• Trevor's bicycle race with Mary Ann is hilarious from start to finish. See for yourself.
  Trevor: Just think of all the angry revenge sex!
  Mary Ann: I am not having sex with you! Get that through your thick head!
  Trevor: Okay, then jack me off into a cup. Slap me around. We got options, baby!
• Michael's interactions with Barry, the marijuana-legalization activist.
  Barry:: I smoke this all day and I'm fine! (Lights one up for Michael) Just a pure... mellow high...
  Michael: (Inhales deeply from the bunt)
  Barry: ...But I do get concerned about the monsters... (Michael's trip starts; Barry's voice slowly gets more distorted) Yeah... I mean, I'm sure they're nothing serious but, uh... I never let them get too near...
  Michael: (look of utter disbelief) WHOOOAA!!! Da... fuck... is that?!
• Then Michael ends up having a Mushroom Samba of shooting up Aliens (yeah, those Aliens!) with a gatling gun!)
  • Then when his trip ends:
    Barry: ...so I take it I can count on your support?
    *Beat*
    Michael: ...the fuck just happened?!
    Barry: W-What're ya talkin' about? We discussed globalization, the state...
    Michael: ...stay the fuck away from me! (storms off)
    Barry: Wha... But it's for a good cause...!
  • You can take Trevor to the same location. He gets clowns.
  • Trevor's interactions with him are just as funny.
    Barry: Can I get a signature, sir?
    Trevor: For what?
    Barry: The most important fight of all!
    Trevor: Poverty?
    Barry: Er, no, another most important fight.
    Trevor: ...The AIDS?
    Barry: No, no, another one.
    Trevor: Animal Welfare?
    Barry: Legalization! Here, sign! ...Shit, where's my pen? Where's my pen?
    Trevor: Legalization of what?
    Barry: Of things our founding fathers took as a right! To consume medicinal plants!
    Trevor: Legalize smoke? You fucking kidding me?! I make a shitload of money selling that, alright?! The last thing I can handle is legalization, now fuck off!
    • Trevor's reaction after the high is pure gold.
  • And Franklin too! Absolutely nothing happens. In fact, he even makes fun of how light-weight the weed actually is!
    Barry: Can't you see the aliens?
    [Beat]
    Franklin: Man, what else are you takin'?
    • And after Franklin calls out how shitty his weed is, Barry just deflates against a wall, defeated by Franklin's endurance towards his product compared to Trevor and Michael.
• In the Epsilon mission series:
  • Michael's first interaction with Marine and her Insane Troll Logic:
    Michael: (as he walks into the warehouse) Hello? (after the door closes, it opens again and Marnie walks in)
    Marnie: Kifflom! You have come this far, but the journey has only begun. You've waited years for this moment. You're exactly in the right place. I was lost. I sold myself. I took drugs. I was in conflict. Then, I discovered an incredible truth; a truth so incredible, that if I told it to you now, you would melt into nothingness! (she waves her hand downward in front of Michael) You are ready, but you are not ready.
    Michael: Oh, I'm not ready.
    Marnie: Then, you're ready!
  • Michael's reaction to buying the official Epsilon robes.
    Michael: Twenty-five grand?! Jesus! I mean, Kraff!
  • Michael has to fly a plane to an actor who is most certainly not Tom Cruise. After taking off, he gets a call and they have this exchange:
    Jimmy Boston: Did you get the top secret plane from the top secret location?
    Michael: Yes, I'm in the top secret baby blue plane.
  • The more you do the Epsilon missions, the more seemingly-brainwashed Michael appears. Almost all he says in the later missions is "Kifflom." Of course, his true state depends on how you do the last Epsilon mission.
    Cris Formage: (after Michael double crosses the Epsilonists) You fucking traitor! After all we done for you?! You can consider your enlightenment revoked, you son of a bitch!
    Michael: And you can consider this my refund.
    Cris: Don't you realize how powerful I am?! I can make or break Vinewood careers! I will destroy you!
    Michael: Got to go, brother-brother. Kifflom!
    Cris: You are unsaveable! You will be the fertilizer of the 10th Paradigm!
• Every Rampage mission results in a priceless Oh, Crap! reaction from the people berserk buttons on Trevor Phillips (Calling him a motherfucker, mocking his accent) one time too many, and their initial reactions can be summarized as "run the fuck away from the crazy motherfucker I pissed off!".
  • Rampage 2: Trevor gets both his buttons pressed two Vagos members just asking him where he's from and gets into a pushing match with them before he takes one of their guns.
    Trevor: It's none of your business, okay! Hey, it's a slight accent alright!? Fuck you! Hey, so I grew up in Canada, huh!? What's the big fucking deal, YOU FUCKING RACIST! AND BEFORE YOU FUCKING ASK, NO, I'M NOT A MOTHERFUCKER!
  • Rampage 3 starts with a Ballas gangster calling him a motherfucker practically every time he opens his mouth.
    Balla: Hey hey, yo yo, who the fuck is this motherfucker? Hey, what's cracking homie? What you doing right here man?
    Trevor: Me?
    Balla:Yeah, you motherfucker! You!
    Trevor: What?
    Balla: I'm talking to you motherfucker, who else you think I'm talking to, homeboy?
    Trevor: I'm getting bored of this... I..
    Balla: What?
    Trevor: ... it's not legally fucking, if you do not penetrate.
  • Special mentions to Rampage 4, where the Army soldiers mock him with hilariously fake Canadian accents, causing Trevor to pull out a Grenade Launcher.
  • And Rampage 5, where Trevor chews out a hipster for wearing a "Yes, you ARE a motherfucker" T-shirt. Words can't describe, so just... just watch...
  • What makes the rampages even more funny is Trevor's random dialogue which are unique to each rampage with such gems like
    • Rampage 1: Rednecks
      I try to be a good neighbor and this is what I get!
      You insult me in my hometown?!
      Old man?! Well, how's this for an old man?!
    • Rampage 2: Los Santos Vagos
      You are mocking my accent!?
      SHOW SOME FUCKING TOLERANCE!!!
      Yeah, try and smack-talk me now, "ese"!
    • Rampage 3: Ballas Gangsters
      Look at you girls in matching colors!
      Come on, homies! There's only one of me!!!
      When're you gonna send some real gangsters?!
    • Rampage 4: The U.S. Army
      This is why we don't win wars anymore!
      I DON'T EVEN SOUND THAT CANADIAN!!!
      A TANK?! REALLY?! FOR ONE CANADIAN?!
      THE MOOSE REALLY IS LOOSE NOW!
    • Rampage 5: Killer Hipsters
      Now you're posthumously ironic!!
      You ruined everything, for everyone!!!
      It's true what they say: HIPSTERS! ARE!! DEAD!!!
• Franklin finds a dog barking at the entrance of a park. Turns out he can talk to it: the dog tells him that there's a man stuck in a tree. Franklin starts running after the dog...
  Franklin: I've officially lost my damn mind.
  Dog: Woof.
  Franklin: What, boy? He just jumped out of a fucking helicopter?
  Dog: Woof.
  Franklin: His parachute failed to open?
  Dog: Woof.
  Franklin: And now you kind of wish he'd missed the tree?
  Dog: Woof.
  Franklin: But morality is a human construct and you're not hardwired to think that way? I can't believe I'm getting smart-talked by a fucking dog.
  Dog: Woof.
  Franklin: Say what?
  Dog: Woof.
  Franklin: Wait, you talkin' about my kind of bitches or yours?
  Dog: Woof.
  Franklin: This shit is getting weird now, man.
  • It's worth noting that the dog disappears right after Franklin gets to the guy, meaning that Franklin wasn't just getting smart-talked by a dog... he may have been getting smart-talked by an angel pretending to be a dog.
• In Fair Game, the first time Trevor uses the elk whistle, his comment: "Sounds like someone strangling a clarinet player. And I talk from experience".
• The cutscene that introduces Trevor to Nigel and Mrs. Thornhill, an elderly British couple obsessed with collecting celebrity "memorabilia," in which the two mistake Trevor for former stuntman and governor runner-up Jock Cranley, and ask to take a picture. Trevor, playing along, poses for the picture as if he's choking Nigel, but, Trevor being Trevor, quickly descends into strangling Nigel proper until Mrs. Thornhill hits Trevor with her purse, then the couple carry their conversation on as if nothing happened.
  • The entire series of missions with the pair contain some of Trevor's funniest dialogue in the game; despite his initial misgivings, he's clearly having a ball victimizing the rich and famous for petty reasons (especially when driving Al Di Napoli out to the train tracks to murder him in spectacular fashion), and eventually grows rather fond of the old dingbats for being even more deranged than he is.
    Al Di Napoli: (from inside the trunk of Nigel's car) Hello?! Hey! Hello?! What's happening?! Who are you?!
    Trevor: I'm the man getting you from A to B. "A" being the trunk of this car, and "B" being a horrific scenario of my choosing.
    Al: Oh, God! Please no! I have money on me! Lots of money!
    Trevor: Good to know, Al! Good to know. I'll be sure to grab that after we're done.
    Al: Oh Shit! Shit! Just...please let me go!
    Trevor: I thought you were a big tough action movie guy!
    Al: (after Trevor leaves the Los Santos city limits) Please! Please! I'll do anything!
    Trevor: See! You can act! Don't listen to all those movie critics.
    Al: Are those crazy old Brits with you?!
    Trevor: Just me and you, honeybun. Did you have fun with those two? They're harmless, aren't they?
    Al: They are not harmless! Those fucked up parlor games! The things that woman made me do to her feet!
    Trevor: You lucky boy! Older women are to be cherished, like a fine cheese. Sometimes the rind is the best bit.
    Al: What do you want?! Cars?! Drugs?! What about art?! I got shitloads of art! No, you wouldn't want that. Fuck!
    Trevor: You barely know me Al, and you're already judging my cultural standing. I find that very offensive!
    Al: (as Trevor drives closer to the train tracks) There must be something you want!
    Trevor: Other than a cheeseburger, a cold beer, and you shutting the hell up, I'm all good.
    Al: Whatever they're paying you, I'll double it!
    Trevor: They're not paying me anything!
    Al: Then why are you doing this?!
    Trevor: Well, one, I'm a bad person. Two, I understand that love takes many forms. And three, most importantly, you've seen all our faces. I made the mistake of not tying up loose ends once before.^note In his first job, as a matter of fact.
• In a post 100% completion mission, Franklin heads into the woods and ends up hunting down a Sasquatch. Except it's not really a Sasquatch: it's a Furry! Outside of the surreality of the mission on it's own, it also ends up as a hilarious parody of a certain mission from Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare, complete with an Identical Great-Grandson of The Hunter, and a spoofing of the final dialogue between the player character and Sasquatch.
  Sasquatch: Shoot me, human...
  Franklin: I just did...
  Sasquatch: Shoot me, human! Make it stop!
  Franklin: I just shot your ass! It's stopped!
  Sasquatch: I'm the last of my kind.
  Franklin: Yeah, evolution is a bitch!
  Sasquatch: We've lived in these woods... a thousand years.
  Franklin: Man, wait a second... Is this a fuckin' mask?
  (Franklin yanks off the mask, revealing a completely normal guy under it. There's a loooong pause after this.)
  Sasquatch: ...Make it stop, human!
  Franklin: Man, shut the fuck up with that bullshit! What the hell is wrong with you? Running around the woods in a costume?!
  Sasquatch: I'm the last of my kind!
  Franklin: Man, you fucking freak!
  Sasquatch: Hey, I'm no freak! (the man slowly returns to normal voice) It's perfectly normal to admit to being aroused role playing as a fantastical beast! (Suddenly starts making dog barks)
  Franklin: What the fuck was that?!
  Sasquatch: What do you want it to be? (Woof!)
  Franklin: (As "Sasquatch" continues to bark like a dog) Man, go fuck yo' self, man.

Other

• When Hudson Mohawke released his contribution to the soundtrack, "100HM", on his Soundcloud, it came with this song artwork.
• The three main cast members were in an interview with IGN, when Ned Luke is asked by the reporter how it feels to be... Franklin. Without missing a beat, Ned does a passable imitation of Franklin's accent.
• Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest Atomic F-Bomb ever recorded, courtesy of Steven Ogg (Trevor's voice actor)
• Fans of Hardcore Punk will get a few giggles out of listening to the DJ's snarky commentary on Channel X, since he's voiced by Keith Morris, who sang/sings for Black Flag, the Circle Jerks, and OFF! - all three of which are bands that are on the Channel X rotation (however the Black Flag song on the list comes from the Henry Rollins era).
  • A couple of good examples - for context, remember that Keith was the first (out of a total of five, as of 2015) vocalists for Black Flag, and he isn't on good terms with Greg Ginn, their guitarist/sole remaining original member:
    Keith: Black Flag - 'My War'...I know these guys! You're not my friend!
    Keith: When do you look around and say "it just might be the day to quit a band you started"? It happens all the time! Then you get to watch a chicken run around without a head!
• Taking the easy way out with the interaction menu means that you're going to shoot yourself with a pistol (or alternatively, swallow a cyanide pill). However, since you're shooting yourself in the head, that means that the bullet can go through your head and possibly hit a nearby wall, or a friend.
• The television advert for Mystaspot claims that it has the ability to "strip a newborn baby to the bone in less than an hour". In a brief moment, you can see the phrase "Great for newborns and infants!" appear in bright purple.
• If you drive around, you can see a billboard for a website called "Stop Paying Your Mortgage". If you try and go there... it's been shut down for failing to pay their web hosting bills.
• As part of the After Hours DLC, every time you pass out drunk in a Night Club (better when you pass out after only 1 MacBeth Whisky shot) you spawn randomly somewhere else. Like your bed, the bathroom Toilet, outside the Bar, in a fountain in the middle of the city, at the top of Mount Chiliad in your underwear or even at the top of the Epsilon Program building wearing a Kifflom shirt.. That is some good quality booze.
• In your Nightclub, just Lazlow being Lazlow, you can find him with some glowsticks, riding a toy horse or dancing in place of one of your dancers.
• Ever wish you could see Shawn Fonteno and Slink Johnson do the "yee yee ass haircut" scene shot for shot in real life? Wish granted.

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