Critical Role Weird Magic / Funny

Critical Role 's funny moments
Campaign 1 (Vox Machina): 1-23 | 24-38 | 39-83 | 84-99 | 100-115
Campaign 2 (Mighty Nein): 1-25 | 26-47 | 48-69 | 70-91 | 92-112 | 113-141
Campaign 3 (Bell's Hells): 1-22 | 23-38 | 39-51 | 52-64 | 65-80 | 81-
Critical Role One-Shots

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Episode 113: A Heart Grown Cold

Sam's attempt to promote Marvel's Villainous sees him dress as the terrifying supervillain, Boomerang. Absolutely nobody is impressed by his lines, costume, or fake boomerang.
Travis: Did that boomerang have bullet holes in it?
Sam: ... I don't know! I was supposed to bring my boomerang from home, but I didn't, and then Max had to make one.
- Except, of course, for Liam, who might be a little impressed?
  Liam: Hang on to that costume though, cause we'll use it later.
  Matt: Not gonna lie, it is making me miss The Tick show...
This week has Sam wearing a Matt shirt covered in sequins. Matt is dressed as a doctor, because the picture is from a specific themed headshot.
Marisha: Is that my husband? With magic sequins?
Matt: Oh Jesus.
Marisha: That's beautiful.
- During the hiatus between episodes 111 and 112 a conspiracy theory arose that it was because Sam was competing on The Masked Singer as Baby Alien (he wasn't as it turned out). His flask for this episode has a sheet taped to it with emojis of a baby bottle, an alien, a microphone, some musical notes and the shrugging emoji.
The combat from last episode recommences... with Laura asking what crustacean poop is like.
Travis briefly considers Spartan-kicking Avantika over the railing, but realises that would take an action.
Sam: And you'll look real dumb if you fail.
Liam: Sounds like a win-win to me.
Matt reveals that there was a 1 out of 10 chance of the Avantika encounter happening. It is pointed out that Travis rolled the die that led to the encounter.
Sam: (At Travis) You knew this would happen. You wanted this.
Travis: (Laughing) Deep down, I did.
Fjord runs over to the Cloven Crystal to protect it, and-
Laura: Sit down on it!
Travis: (laughing) Get back in me, Cloven Crystal!
Fjord is as smooth as ever when dealing with Avantika.
Fjord: I've thought about you every day since you got your head turned around 180 degrees...
Fjord attempts to even the odds by invoking his Channel Divinity of "Marine Layer" which surrounds him with fog that he can see through and so can his allies... if they're within 5 feet of him. Looks like Fjord make another bad decision in regards to Avantika. Such a moment prompts this gem from someone else very well-versed in hindsight with spells:
Marisha: You’re having a Keyleth moment, I’m so proud of you.
Laura's indecisiveness when taking her turn comes back to bite her when she tries to make fun of Matt for taking a second to think.
Laura: Are you kidding me, Matt? I took 20 minutes on my turn!
Sam: Your turns. You did four of them.
Travis: Ronin went to college!
Liam: (in a British accent for some reason?) Mother, I'm a doctor now!
Caleb, having taken a nasty hit, decides to change things up: he changes into a T-Rex, to the cast's delight. Doubles as Awesome.
Liam: This. Boat. Has. Everything.
- The T-Rex mini proves difficult to balance on the increasing cramped map.
  Matt: Thanks for making a T-Rex on a BOAT, Liam! Goddamn it!
  Liam: Hey man, you Witch Bolted me so hard!
  Matt: Not my fault, enemies did it.
The fog is dispelled, allowing Jester to cast a spell at Avantika. She misses.
Matt: She's really hard to hit.
Sam: She wasn't for Fjord. OH!
Entire Table: Oooohhhhhhhhhhhh!
As the gang decides to chase after Avantika in the form of killer whales, Beau uses a rope pulled by Yasha to water ski, taking Veth along for the ride.
Veth: Oh no... is that- is that a small iceberg in front of us, Beau, shaped like a RAMP????
Beau: Oh no! I think it is! Hold on tight! Whhhhoooooaaaaa...!
- A successful acrobatics check has Beau and Veth perform a perfect jump and barrel roll.
  Beau: Radical!
  Veth: Totally tubular!
  Liam: Officially Jumping the Shark. Critical Role.
  Ashley: I let out a whale, uh, 'Errruhhhuhhh'- Whatever...
  Travis: What-what-what??? What does your killer whale sound like?
  Ashley: -Shut up!
Chasing Avantika in the form of an orange-and-white orca, Caleb gets a ping on Avantika. He calls the other orcas (Fjord and Yasha), referencing Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home as he does.
Caleb: I reference that old Star Trek movie and call the other orcas with *orca noises*
As they get back to the ship, Caleb in orca form nudges Jester and gives her a smile. She pets his tongue. Doubles as Heartwarming.
Matt rules that Caleb had already regurgitated the Deep One mage when he polymorphed back into a human.
Laura realizing after she's back on board that she did the whole underwater battle with Sprinkle still trapped in her hood. The entire cast cracks up and Matt decides for the sake of the narrative that he jumped off before she dived.
Travis has to roll another d10 for the next day's travel. He apparently decides to take a page out of Laura's book and talks directly to his die to get it to roll better.
Liam: Nat 1 is Dashilla!
Matt: Just the Ocean Rogues Gallery coming back!
Travis: (to the die) Listen, motherfucker, if you want to be the only d10 in this dicebox, don't fuck me.
When one of the rolls creates an encounter with a Cetus (a reclusive, plesiosaur-like creature), Caleb flies out to sea to Polymorph into one...and flirt with it. The cast's reactions are pretty priceless.
- When that doesn't work and it turns out the monster is a mother with two babies, he assumes the role of a weird but playful man who just wants to help. The rest of the crew point out the implications of this.
  Travis: What mother doesn't want an erratic man hanging out with their kids?
The Cetus, in return for the Nein giving up their rations, lead them through a few glaciers and cut a day off the trip. Which then gets added back on when Travis rolls again, with Matt ruling that Fjord went down the same ice channel the Cetus tried to guide them away from.
Liam: One more day!

Episode 114: An Open Window

It's the Halloween episode, and once again the cast does not disappoint.
- Travis is Orly, complete with bagpipes (that he cannot play).
- Laura is dressed as the Gentleman, and has brought a wine glass instead of a water bottle. To avoid ruining her blue bodypaint, she drinks her water through a bright pink straw.
  - Completely coincidentally, Mark Hulmes dressed as Jester for the High Rollers Halloween episode.
- Liam is Astrid, featuring Guy Liner and a burn scar made of toilet paper and liquid latex. He apparently received quite a few makeup tips from Marisha and Ashley.
- Sam is Kiri, complete with knife.
- Ashley makes her long-awaited Halloween episode debut as Henry Crabgrass. She looks like a pile of grass with a sign that says "Always ask for consent!"
- Taliesin is Archivist Zeenoth, bringing with him as props a book and a scowl.
- Marisha is Celia, wearing a neck brace and eye bruise from Beau's tackle, and a T-shirt that says "I went to TravelerCon and all I got was humiliated.". And yes, there is a golden dick stuck in her hand, obscured by a plastic box Marisha attached and wrote CENSORED on in black letters to get around the Twitch ToS. She's started a GoFundMe for a Wish spell.
Sam does a NordVPN segment dressed as Kiri, putting on the BlackWillow69 glasses over it. He ropes Matt into his shenanigans this time, and we discover that Marisha may or may not have given him the nickname of Latex Dork (Matt, not Sam).
As Matt is giving the introduction to the town, the rest of the cast is visibly struggling not to laugh.
Matt: You're dealing with the fact that I'm giving this presentation as Artagan?
Laura: And just looking around. Every time I look at Ashley, really.
Liam: So far what I've learned in this episode is "eyebrows, eyebrows, eyebrows..."
Veth, Yasha, and Caduceus meet a butcher, a large female goliath. Veth eventually asks her if she's the Meat Woman. Caduceus makes a joke that the butcher likes.
Caduceus: It's nice to meat you. (Beat) That's a joke, you can use that.
- Caduceus's joke causes the butcher to take a shining to him, and she spends the rest of their time in the shop very blatantly coming onto him. Caduceus doesn't realize he was being hit on until Veth and Yasha spell it out for him after.
- Caduceus tells Veth and Yasha that he wasn't into the butcher because he's not really into anybody, and while he enjoys watching the rest of the Nein fumble through various budding romances and love triangles, it's not something he's interested in. Veth comments that that must free up a lot of time.
  Veth: I mean, I'm pretty set with my hubby but thinking about getting with somebody or coupling, or whatever, must take up a lot of psychic energy. Right, Yasha?
  Yasha: Oh, I imagine it probably does for some people. I imagine it probably takes up every thought in your day!
  Veth: So much stress!
  Yasha: So much stress, probably just like, I can't stop thinking about it.
  Veth: Oh, you can't stop thinking about it? Or are you just speaking hypothetically?
  Yasha: No, no, no, I'm saying like a hypothetical, if someone were in that position, you know, they would, they would think about it all the time, and probably get really weird around the person.
  Veth: Sure, sure.
  Yasha: I imagine.
  Caduceus: See how much fun this is to watch?
- As they reunite with the rest of the Nein, Caduceus excitedly tells them that the butcher was into him.
  Beau: Wait, Caduceus got hit on? And I missed it?!
  Caduceus: I missed it too, if it makes you feel better.
Jester makes a snowman. She attracts an audience. She gets a big, tough guard to help her, just to make sure nothing untoward happens.
Caleb starts building a snowman. He asks Beau if she wants to join him. She knocks it over. This sets off a snowball fight between her, Caleb, and Jester. It climaxes in Caleb using a Telekinesis spell to toss Beau into a snowdrift.
- Jester, being Jester, asks Caleb to do it to her. He obliges, but is gentler with her than he was with Beau.
When Caleb finishes his snowman, he gives it two heads. One with a happy face, one with a frowny face, saying it's him and Beau.
Beau: Wait, which one is-
Jester: Yeah...
(Caleb rubs the smile off and makes a second frown)
Jester: Yeah, that seems right.
Travis discovers the one thing he hates more than shopping episodes: cooking episodes.
When the Nein are beckoned over to Vess' table, Veth makes a big deal about how they should offer to pay for the meal so that Vess can politely decline. When the meal ends, Veth offers to pay for it, and Vess immediately accepts. When she leaves, Veth starts ranting about how Vess is a horrible person. It turns out that the Cerberus Assembly pays for Balenpost, so they didn't have to pay for anything.
As Jester relays what Molly/Lucien said to her while she scryed on him, she remarks that he was hard to understand because his accent was much stronger and much more consistent than before, prompting the others to wonder out loud if it's even the same guy. Taliesin looks extremely offended.
In the Magnificent Mansion, Veth asks Caleb to have Frumpkin bring her some hot chocolate.
Caleb: Frumpkin? Why Frumpkin?
Veth: Well, I don't know the pecking order of your pussies around here.
Jester takes a look at the books in her room. She already read two of them, and out of three she did not, the one in Common is dense with arcane jargon, and the ones for general audiences are in Zemnian, which she cannot read. She calls him out on that the next morning.
Beau's black eye from the battle with Avantika (that Caduceus has apparently refused to heal and Jester can't) is finally starting to settle down. Fjord and Caleb immediately start poking at it and shoving bat guano in her eye.
Caleb: Don't futz with it, and don't argue with me, I'm a doctor.
As Lady Vess has not come down to meet them on the morning of their planned departure, Fjord and Jester go upstairs to investigate, eventually getting into a conversation with a guard. Meanwhile, Sam and Marisha start making wild gestures to each other, eventually leaving Marisha in stitches and distracting the rest of the cast.
Travis: I'm gonna head back downstairs and just be like- [as Fjord] I think we may have a situation in which we need to enter Lady DeRogna's premises.
Beauregard: Whatya- whatya mean?
Sam: Are you talking to Sloth?
Matt: Are you talking to [the guard]?
Travis: Not you FUCKS, keep pantomiming to yourselves.
The Nein have to quickly clean up the scene of a crime, in case anyone looks too closely.
Matt: Whoever's keeping track of the contents of the Bag of Holding, write: 'Bloodied DeRogna remnants'
Sam: We'll dump it in a dumpster on the way out of town.
Marisha: Oh geez, this is dark.
Liam: Not just toss it in the middle of the tundra somewhere.
Sam: Nope!
Laura: This is going in the fire river FOR SURE.
Taliesin: Can't solve all of our problems by throwing them into the fire river.
Laura: Yes, you can, Caduceus. You can.
The Nein go to all sorts of lengths to cover up Vess' death... and then realize that they won't be getting paid.
Travis: Matthew!
Matt: Hey, I'm not the one who was hired to protect her.

Episode 115: Fetching Fables and Frosty Friends

Sam is at it again. He is doing the ad for that night's sponsor, Deck of Many, so he does an ad where he builds a character from a deck he has cultivated for himself. He ends up playing Dr. Pierre Santa-Claus, with the help of some props that he just happened to have on hand.
- After the skit, he pretends to smoke the fake cigarette, which is very fat. He also attached his fake moustache onto it.
  Sam: Marisha says this is called a blunt!
  (Marisha smiles and knowingly taps the tip of her nose.)
Jester and Caduceus use their shields as sleds to catch up with Dagen. Jester rolls a 19 and spins a lot, but makes it down the hill in one piece. Cadcueus rolls a natural 1, goes flying off his shield, and faceplants into the snow.
Yasha: You okay?
Caduceus: No.
- Yasha uses the Skingorger as a snowboard, gets some air by hitting Caduceus's discarded shield like a ramp, then comes to a stop, spraying Caduceus with ice in the process. Doubles as Awesome.
The Nein ask Dagen about the worst people he ever had to escort. He says that it was a group of dwarves who kept singing... and had a halfling with them. Their singing attracted attention, and Dagen was the only survivor.
Yasha: Those mountains look so misty.
Dagen: A trick of the light.
Caleb is uncomfortably cold, so the Nein cover him up in layers.
Matt: Like the younger brother in A Christmas Story.
The Nein ask if Dagen gets close to any of the people he guides. Dagen tries to shut them down, but Jester and Veth spin an elaborate story.
Caleb: Hey Dagen, are we the worst ones yet?
Dagen: Gettin' real close.
Jester takes watch in the middle of the night. She is freezing, and she and Caduceus agree that they should have Caleb make the dome from now on.
Caduceus: I respect the learning experience, but... yeah.
Jester: I feel more mature now.
Caduceus: You seem more mature.
- Even if they are freezing, they still have the energy to throw shade on someone who deserves that.
  Caduceus: Someone once said pain is good for you.
  Jester: Who said that?
  Caduceus: I don't know. They're terrible people.
Matt and Marisha's pet bird is named Dagon. Matt wanted the dwarf's name to be as far from that as possible, but the cast keeps mispronouncing it. This throws it off for Matt.
Matt: The name is just an amorphous blob now. He'll answer to anything close to it.
The Nein come across a buried mystical artifact. Caleb keeps trying to get it loose, but none of his attempts work. He eventually gets fed up and throws a snowball at it.
- Failed attempts cause the item to release a pulse of necromantic energy. Dagen is not impressed.
  Dagen: I warned you!
- As they eventually walk away, he tries one last time with a 6th level Dispel Magic. It doesn't work.
  Caleb: (Muttering) I killed Vokodo.
When they make a deal with the yeti, Jester offers to heal them because she's a healer. The Nein are stunned.
Jester: I cast Cure Wounds at 3rd level...
Marisha: Wow! What?
Taliesin: Wow, we see where we stand.
- What is the funny part? The day before she didn't have it prepared and the party found it out because she was unable to heal them after that Caleb activated a Circle of Death trap twice.
Travis takes a moment to marvel at their decisions.
Travis: (In sheer disbelief) The magical stone, we can't leave it alone. The yeti, we invite 'em to dinner.
The spectral cats are eventually all over the yeti. They aren't quite sure what to make of it.
Veth offers to have Caleb read the yeti a bedtime story. One of them takes Caleb up on it, and they are all asleep within five minutes. The snoring makes the windows shake.
Jester finally receives a message of her own from Lucien (through Cree). Stunned, all she's able to do is ask if they are pooping.
At the end of the episode its revealed that Travis was apparently so stressed out he exploded a stress ball, You know, one of those things designed to be sturdy.

Episode 116: Under Timeless Ice

No one mentions it on camera, but this episode was shot on or around Election Night 2020 in the US. The level of anxiety-fueled chaos energy is off the charts. At several points Marisha and Liam especially are almost unable to speak through their hysterical laughter.
Fandom (the people behind D&D Beyond) are promoting a new game called Cortex. To promote this, Sam uses the rules to create a game based on the scariest thing he can imagine: the IRS!
The Nein half-jokingly try to get Dagen to throw them a funeral if they don't come back within seven days.
The Nein enter the tunnel. Veth initially takes point... only to discover that halflings do not have Darkvision. Goblins do, but not halflings.
Sam: I didn't know they made characters without Darkvision!
Veth tries to use gestures to communicate with the others, like a tactical team. The gestures look, in Travis' words, like directions for a children's choir. Travis is mortified and complains his favorite charity Operation Supply Drop is going to quit returning their calls.
The Nein find a drow corpse. Jester uses a sword to take off the drow's head so that Caduceus can talk to it later. It rolls straight to Fjord's feet.
Fjord: What are you DOING?
Veth uses Beau's goggles to see in the tunnel. She and Frumpkin go scouting. She follows tracks and finds a hole that can be squeezed through. She tries to get Frumpkin to go in the hole. It does not go well.
- Veth, knowing that Caleb is busy, sends a Message to Caduceus... who clearly does not understand his Message actually works and repeatedly interrupts Veth mid-sentence, forcing her to repeat the spell each time. Marisha compares it to not knowing how answering machines work.
When Caleb lights the braziers with Cat's Cradle, Matt has this to say:
Matt: You see the tops of the braziers glow with arcane energy, causing the entities to shiver and quiff--
[cast erupts in laughter]
Marisha: Did he just say queef?
Matt: Quiver and shift. *sigh* It's been a long day.
- This one comment breaks Marisha so badly that she can't stop laughing for the next ten minutes, and her helpless giggles keep infecting the rest of the cast, while Matt looks increasingly exasperated.
- Naturally, this results in a Running Gag that lasts all episode. Literally. This is what Sam has to say when Matt calls the episode.
  Sam: That is what we call in the business, a quiff-hanger.
  Travis: Oh, you've been sitting on that one, haven't you...
At some point, Ashley accidentally turns the volume on her tablet back on. There is much laughter, but it gets better. The tablet was playing a news story about a team of scientists that managed to recreate a mummy's vocal chords with a 3d printer, and used it to make a sound ("AH!") in the mummy's voice. Naturally, later in the episode...
Sam: Scientists have allowed her to make one sound.
Ashley: AH!
When Veth is by herself, at the bottom of an icy pit, facing off against a Black Pudding, all she can think to do is disengage and throw a handful of buttons at it, hoping to distract it.
Sam: I take out a pocketful of buttons, and throw them. And cast Hypnotic Pattern.
Marisha: I like the idea of a pocketful of buttons. That's cool.
Ashley: I gotta- I gotta pocketful of but-tons...
[cast breaks again]
Matt: HAHA, oh my god...
Travis: Comin' apart at the seams.
Matt: Yeah! We are an immensely broken crew tonight.
Once again Beau is caught by Veth's Hypnotic Pattern with a Natural 1. This time she is not charmed out of it and she acts like a very intoxicated Hard-Drinking Party Girl for the whole duration of the spell.
Early into the fight, Caduceus threw a celebone down the pit to try to illuminate the bottom of it. When the oozes have been defeated and the party is investigating the pit, Beau and Caduceus realize the celebone is still going and start dancing.

Episode 117: The Tortoise and The Dare

Sam does a D&D Beyond ad this week. He mentions that he hasn't done one in a while, possibly because of how... unique... his ads are, so he resolves to remain by-the-book for this one. To make sure that happens, he has Ashley keep him on track. She does so with the use of dog-training tools, which make Sam react like a dog.
Liam decides to get them out of the pit by having Caleb Polymorph into a giant spider. This prompts some conflicting reactions from the other players:
Travis: Why a spider? What is the matter with you?
Laura: That is so cool! I climb on his back.
Travis: There's so many different forms you could choose!
Laura: I'm on the spider!
- Caleb playfully teases Fjord when he's in the giant spider form. Yasha scritches Caleb and tells him that she will eat him.
- Sam attempts to have Veth cast Levitate on the party to help them escape the chamber but on re-reading the spell information he realizes it only works on a single target. So Veth casts it on herself and leaves the others behind.
After they get out of the excavation site, the group finds a bunch of frozen corpses. Caleb investigates them, finding a bunch of money, a diamond worth 250 gp, and a fragment of Threshold Crest, while Caduceus checks to see if they are undead. It turns out they are, but they are paralyzed by ice. One of the corpses wakes up because Caleb is looting them.
Caleb: Oh, hello.
(The corpse gurgles)
Caleb: Yeah. Life is pretty rough.
Matt: He is just looking at you with the one eye.
Caleb: Oh, bubbe. (He pats the corpse's head). You can't use this anymore, thank you.
In the Mansion, Caleb has a bug pie made for Yasha. Beau and Dagen have some of it too. They talk about it in some detail, squicking some of the others.
- This was prompted by Jester requesting a little pie for Sprinkle.
  Caleb: What do weasels eat?
  Jester: Nuts.
  Sam: Do they???
  [cast collapses]
  Travis: They have sharp teeth! What have you been feeding him?
  Taliesin: Just to be safe, Detect Undead.
Right after that, Fjord starts talking about Vess's death... forgetting that Dagen, who doesn't know, is right there.
Travis: Who's got the Modify?!
[Cast absolutely collapses, including Matt.]
Veth's nonchalant attitude towards mofifying Dagen's mind:
Veth: First thing in the morning- Wake up, have your coffee, wipe your memory?
Jester cuddles with some of the cats when she goes to bed.
The next morning Caleb summons a cat to order a huge breakfast made of waffles, pancakes, the scraps from the evening before (a series of pies with many different flavors), and a quiche with lots of eggs, capers and a latticework of bacon to hide the capers. The cat, named Johann, looks at Caleb with a very annoyed expression.
Taliesin: That's the look of a cat who's considering unionizing.
- The cast decides Johann is absolutely the leader of the Fey Cat Union, formed because of the Nein's absurd food requests. They immediately start to theorize if Scanlan's blue people ever did something like that behind the scenes, which ends with Liam imagining them throwing whole Cornish hens inside Grog's mouth while no one else is watching.
  Matt: Put it in the series!
  Travis: We'll write that down.
The party gets attacked by a frost worm, who manages to paralyze the whole party and Dagen during its first turn... except for Jester, who resists it with a Natural 20. However, Jester manages to turn a potential Total Party Kill into one of the funniest battles of the campaign.
- She states that she has a plan to stop the worm. It turns out that the plan is to Polymorph the worm into a snow bunny for an hour and wait for the rest of the group to beat the 20 DC necessary to snap out of the paralysis and leave. However, the bunny is still aggressive, meaning that it will still attack the party.
- The polymorphed frost worm/bunny attacks Fjord. Its attack role is 17... which is Fjord's AC. It quickly becomes, depending on your viewpoint, either less funny or even funnier: while Fjord only takes one point of damage because a rabbit nibbled him, he activated the Star Razor before the fight meaning that its counterattack was triggered by the nibble. Travis rolled a one for one point of radiant damage, but it turns out that the bunnies have exactly one hit point. The bunny dies and it turns into a frost worm again.
  - Gets even worse when you consider that Fjord failed all his saving throw to shake off the stun effect, but he rolled a natural 20... to decide which party member would be attacked by the bunny!worm. And he was the only one with an ability that would trigger a counterattack.
- Liam points out that at the start of the fight, Caleb cast Enlarge on Yasha, which was dropped when he was stunned. Therefore, Yasha grew to massive size and then shrunk back down, and the worm shrunk down and then grew back to massive size all within the span of six seconds.
  Matt: If Lucien's group is watching from a distance, they're like "...what the fuck is happening?"
  Travis: Dagen's just going like "I don't wanna remember this either..."
- Jester Polymorphs the frost worm again; into a tortoise this time. It tries to attack Fjord again, but thankfully it turns out that a tortoise is easier to dodge than a rabbit, especially if it's moving through the snow. Yasha flips it over and starts scratching its belly in a panic, with Jester joining her soon after.
  Yasha: What do we do?!
- Caleb tries to bury the tortoise under the snow so that it would not get up and attack again... But somehow it gets itself free and tries to attack Jester. Yasha decides to move it to prevent it to target the still paralyzed Fjord again.
  Travis: Tune into Critical Role for hard-hitting turtle violence!
- They eventually disengage, leaving the tortoise (who was shrunk to tiny size by Caleb) spinning angrily on its back over a sheet of ice, while Yasha carries the still-stunned Veth in a fireman's carry.
After the fight, once he calms down, Dagen admits that turning the worm into a turtle was pretty funny. Then he asks a question.
Dagen: How long does that last?
Jester: An hour.
Dagen: How long has it been?
Jester: An hour.
Dagen: ...Let's keep going.

Episode 118: Solace Between the Secrets

Sam's ad this week shows off all the new CR merch they are selling at Hot Topic. It's a video showing him using the various things you can find at Hot Topic. Sounds normal so far... but this is Sam. His video involves him in the shower, him trying to work out (using a shirt as short-shorts, because of course he does), and reading Goodnight Moon to a makeshift doll of one of his kids.
- The video comes with a disclaimer: "Professional idiot. Do not attempt."
- Even better: as the episodes are prerecorded, it's hinted that the footage hadn't actually been filmed when they made the episode.
- Laura's merch corner is somewhat disorganised.
  Liam: Boy, think of all the money this company saves on rehearsal!
Fjord assists Caduceus with a sweep of the landscape. Caduceus wasn't doing a sweep of the landscape, so the cast immediately decides that Fjord's "assistance" consists of him grabbing Caduceus by the scruff of the neck and holding him out in front.
- Cadudeus surveys the land, and sees some wolves.
  Caduceus: The wolves are doing their thing.
  Veth: Werewolves?
  Caduceus: There wolves.
- The Nein avoid the encounter by flying off as giant eagles. As they fly away, Caduceus — whose speech can be understood by animals — consoles the wolves by telling them the fight would not have gone in their favor.
Some of the Nein decide to go down the hill via makeshift sled. Veth is one, and the cast remarks that Sam is probably the only one of them who hasn't seen Willow.
Sam: I have seen it. My kids watched it a couple weeks ago.
Sam has branched out in the shirt department. His shirt is of an old headshot of Marisha's.
Marisha: I still lived in Kentucky when that was taken!
Taliesin: I can still see the unbroken dreams.
- It takes Marisha a full five minutes to notice the shirt after Sam reveals it. Laura notices after about a minute and a half and is very clearly waiting for the pin to drop the whole time.
- Later, Marisha directly asks Sam where he found the headshot. He only winks in response. Critters later worked out that he may have gotten it from Marisha's Twitter as she posted that exact image several years ago as a throwback post.
Caduceus, having suffered a lot in the past couple of episodes, casts Death Ward on himself just in case.
Veth uses Beau's magic fan to help her with the sledding. Jester throws in a Guidance. Matt rules that the tap Jester gives Veth is enough to send her down the hill before she's ready. She ends up catching an incredible amount of air, and makes an impressive landing face-first in a snowdrift.
Dagen makes the trip with incredible ease, concluding with an exultant whoop.
Yasha uses the Skingorger as a sled again, and like last time she ends up covering one of her friends with snow as she comes to a stop (Veth this time).
Jester and Caduceus slide down on their sleds. She ends up cutting him off.
Marisha: Oh, she's that guy at go-karts!
Laura: I throw a banana peel behind me!
- Both Laura and Taliesin make bad rolls at the last minute. Caduceus clips a tree and goes flying off his shield, and Jester is so busy laughing at him that she smacks into a different tree and also goes flying.
  Jester: Did I win? Did I beat Caduceus?
  Beau: Nobody won here today!
Caleb uses polymorph to turn himself into a puffin, flying down the hill that way. He lands on Fjord's shoulder and starts pecking him. Annoyed, Fjord puts him on Beau's head.
Fjord: Wha-what is this? What is this...?
Matt: ...roll initiative.
- Caleb immediately shits on Beau's head.
  Taliesin: It'll be cold enough in a minute, you can just crack it right out.
  Liam: Yeah, that's true, good point. It's the best place for me to shit on your head to be honest.
  Marisha: A sentence you said to me, Liam O'Brien.
- Jester, who once polymorphed into a moth and started eating a curtain, says Caleb is really stupid when he polymorphs.
A message to Yeza reveals that Luc has developed a crush on another kid. This leads Beau to reminisce about her early crushes, and how she really should have figured out that she was a lesbian before she had a first boyfriend. Veth asks about him, leading Marisha to go through her notes. She can't quite make out the name she wrote, so she goes with "um... Tony."
Veth: Did you say Matoni?
- The cast are astonished at how deep Marisha's notes go as she furiously flicks through her notebook, but it gives time for Sam to speculate on Beau's boyfriend's name.
  Marisha: His name... hmmm...
  Sam: Yeza! (as Veth) I'll fucking murder you!
  Travis: Dunamancy's real!
  Matt (as Yeza): It just never came up! I didn't know how to bring it- (collapses laughing)
- The party questions whether Luc is even old enough to have a crush^note.
  Beau: Wait- how old is Luc again?
  Veth: It's unclear. Y'know- the halfling aging process is mysterious.
The Nein encounter a brutal storm that really takes the wind out of their sails. They take 2 points of exhaustion the next day, and Dagen gets Caleb to have a cat massage his shoulders. Caleb obliges.
Caleb: I send a Battle-Cat sized cat to Dagen.
Dagen: Ah. The rest of me is horrible, but my shoulders are golden.
- Caleb makes a wonderful breakfast for the Nein and Dagen, to take the edge off of their condition a bit.
  Caleb: Welcome to the International House of Cats.
While traveling, the Nein spot people ahead in the snow. This leads Caleb, Jester, and Dagen to do an extended The Kids in the Hall routine.
The rest of the cast watch the Fjord/Jester scene very intently, and several of them visibly react during the kiss, especially Marisha.
Matt calls the break after that scene, and Travis immediately blushes and hides his face. The others (and the viewers) quickly take notice.
- Just after the camera cuts to Matt, Travis called out "Stop looking at me!" in a comical tone of voice.
During the break, Laura and Travis had an exchange on Twitter.
Laura: Hey, Willingblam. *kiss emoji* #CriticalRoleSpoilers
Travis: You win.
The arcane ritual the Nein stumble on ages Jester by 4-5 years as the price for asking a question. This isn't funny, but the rest of the cast milk the old jokes for all they're worth for the rest of the session. For example...
When Travis announces that Fjord is going to visit Jester's room, Sam pipes in that Jester goes to sleep very early, like an elderly woman.
Sam: She goes to bed at 8 O'Clock now.
Laura: 6 O'Clock!
Travis: She's so old.
Laura: Early, early dinner.
Travis: I hear the Game Show Network inside the room.
Laura: I'm asleep.
After the break, Veth jokes about pills that Jester has to take now. This leads to a conversation about Grape-Nuts.
Matt: There are some things you eat to make amends for something you've done.
When the Nein go to explore A2, they try and figure out their marching order. It very quickly turns into a Who's on First? routine, because of course it does.
Caleb gives some of his boba to the gnome guarding A2, but he warns him about it.
Caleb: Only eat one. They look small, but even two will make you regret it. They will fill your colon like a stone.
Ivar: I place great importance on colon health, so I thank you for the warning.
Jester tries to use Divine Intervention, but fails. Artagan manifests and regretfully says he can't help. Caduceus immediately tries it himself, and it doesn't work. This leads to some verbal sparring between Artagan and Caduceus.
Artagan: (to Jester) Like he thought she could do any better...
Caduceus: (annoyed) Hey! Come on, man.
Artagan: I'm just saying, it seems a bit uncouth to just immediately pray upon her and my capabilities and go "Well I'm certain mine can-"
Caduceus: Well, if you would've taken care of it, I wouldn't have made a point of it.
The Nein find a mysterious box. Not knowing what it is or what's inside it, Caleb begins ritual-casting Identify. However, the rest of the group wants to keep moving, which eventually leads to Yasha and Beau carrying Caleb on their shoulders while he's casting the spell.
Beau: How's it going, wizard?
Caleb: (making complex hand motions) Shush.
Veth: He's doing a Shadow Clone Jutsu right now, hold on.
Veth tries to operate the door mechanism by sitting on the button, which does nothing. Fjord then simply places his hand on the button, which activates the mechanism.
Jester: It needed a hand, not a butt.
Veth: My hand is like my butt in many ways!

Episode 119: Malice and Mystery Below

D&D Beyond is a sponsor tonight, and Sam celebrates them with a D&D Beyond themed Christmas Carol sung to the tune of Silent Night. It's all about how the baby creature from the end of the last episode is going to kill them. Sam corrals the rest of the cast to sing the second half with him (in varying degrees of tune), and it ends with Matt doing a solo, telling them to Roll For Initiative.
This week, Sam wears a Taliesin shirt. It takes Taliesin an hour to notice, and he's pretty chill when he does.
Taliesin: This is what you're doing now? That's like- That's good, 'cause that's one of my least favorite photos. Well done.
Doubles as Awesome: Jester casts Inflict Wounds and rolls a natural 20, dealing a whopping 106 necrotic damage to the creature as the spell tears open a bunch of rotting wounds across its body... but because of the weird magic around Aeor, it also produces a swarm of butterflies. A hilarious juxtaposition, and completely on brand for Jester.
Beau, swallowed by the abomination, drugs it by dumping all of her suude straight into its stomach. This leads both the cast and the viewers to make a lot of jokes about drugging babies.
Liam: I feel like I have to say this: don't give drugs to babies.
Yasha, with help from Veth, gets Beau out of the abomination's stomach. This leads Sam to make a comment.
Sam: They reverse-birthed a baby!
Matt is starting to get sick of Taliesin saying "add a d4" every time he casts Bless.
Matt: It's like being attacked by an army of Clippys.
- He is also annoyed by how the party's special abilities negate the worst of his creatures' special attacks.
  Matt: I never get to have any fun.
Veth Messages Jester to ask if Caduceus can come down to look at the strange trees. Beau and Jester then proceed to talk shit about Caduceus, first by insisting they don't need him to look at the trees because Beau also knows what a tree is, then by suggesting Beau goes down to keep Veth company because Caduceus is, in Beau's words, slow as fuck.
Sam: This is the episode we all turn on eachother.
Like Caduceus, Yasha does not know how the Message spell works. When Veth messages her, she needs to be told that she can reply to the message (even though Veth/Nott has been signing off her Messages with "You can reply to this message" the entire campaign), and then tries to talk to Veth at random points despite there being no Message spell active. She also tries to activate a Message by pulling on her earlobe.
After Veth goes alone into darkness, Beau follows suit, this and Beau's fascinating communication skills lead to the following exchange:
Beau: Veth! You BITCH. I know you're fucking down here you bitch.
Sam: I give her a wet willy.
119 episodes in, 22 from the end of the entire show, and Ashley discovers she has the Light cantrip. Which she has had the entire campaign because Yasha is an aasimar. Or as Flando puts it, "Yasha remembers she's an aasimar".
Taliesin: Where have you been keeping that?
Ashley: (awkwardly mumbling through her teeth) I just realised I had it. Not sure how I missed that this whole campaign.
- Matt gets interrupted before he can finish the thought, but it sounds like he assumed Ashley wasn’t using the Light cantrip on purpose while Yasha was still a fallen aasimar. It would have been the perfect in-character excuse, but Ashley just shrugs and owns it.

Episode 120: Contentious Company

For this week's ad segment, the sponsor is Cortex. They've done some build-your-own-game style games, which have been advertised before. They rejected Sam's tax code themed game, but he is not deterred. Instead, he has created Tea & Tea (T&T for short). Yes, it's a game about tea. He gives an example of how it is played. The round will take 4 minutes, due to his roll. Matt has something to say.
Matt: Thanks, Sam. I look forward to running a game through the entirety of 2021.
Beau takes Yasha aside, and asks her out on a date. It is adorable, and also hilariously awkward.
- When they rejoin the others, they have to come up with an excuse for why they hung back. They settle on Beau needing to let out a nasty fart, and Yasha staying with her because she can't smell it for some reason.
- Caduceus, because of his ridiculously high passive perception, definitely heard them talking and seems very amused about the whole thing.
As Caleb is checking around the room, Caduceus sees the two orbs flash with his Detect Magic. He tries to alert the Nein, but describes it as the orbs having a "magic moment." Taliesin immediately cringes as he realizes what he just said, while the rest of the cast cracks up.
Liam: You were still thinking about Beau and Yasha.
Sam's shirt this week is of Ashley from when she played Annie, complete with the curls.
- Matt has this to say when the cast notices:
  Matt: Yes, let you all suffer as I've suffered for years.
- Marisha has this to say:
  Marisha: Young Ashley looks like Billy Boyd!
  Ashley: It's true. I want to be an elf, but I'm a hobbit.
- Several viewers joked that the way the photograph was angled made it look like Young Ashley was staring up at Adult Ashley for the entire game.
Fjord triggers another Wild Magic effect... and gets the butterflies again.
- Caleb also triggers it, but nothing happens because the automaton they're fighting can't be Polymorphed. If it could, Caleb's Cat's Ire would have punched the automaton so hard it turned into a sheep.
Taliesin: We could have sheared it and run.
Marisha: If you would have punched it into a sheep.
(Everybody bursts into laughter)
Liam: Caleb would have been like, (in Caleb's voice) "Oh, I'm the greatest wizard ever!"
After the fight, Veth wants to celebrate with Yasha the next night... which is when Yasha and Beau have their date planned. Yasha turns her down, but doesn't want to say why so she's evasive.
- Meanwhile, Beau and Caduceus talk about the forest. After they're done, he congratulates her and tells her that he won't tell anyone. Beau is confused.
As the group leaves, Jester lights the sentient forest on fire behind them. Caleb is more than a little enamored.
As the Nein exit, they find the wedged door again. Jester and Yasha, the two strongest members, roll shitty and can't get the door to budge. The next two to try are Fjord and Caleb, the two squishiest members... and they manage to lift the door back into its mooring. Matt points out to Veth specifically how statuesque Fjord looks in that moment.
Yasha: Clearly we loosened it for you, but you know...
Jester: I'm saving that mental image for my sketchbook later.
- Fjord then turns around and says that he thinks he gave himself a new hernia. Caleb immediately punches it back into place.
When they meet back up with Iver, Caduceus lies and tells him they didn't find what they were looking for, but think they'll find it at the next site. The rest of the cast marvels at the fact that this is the first time they've ever seen Caduceus make a Deception check, and start talking about how they're probably a bad influence. Taliesin immediately rolls a 9.
- The Nein explain that they found the bodies of Iver's group, and that they were killed by the baby-like creature. Given that he's already caught them in a lie once, Matt has Jester make a persuasion check... which she rolls a natural 1 on.
  Veth: We didn't kill your friends, it was a large baby. Believe us!
- Later, Caduceus decides to be honest when dealing with Lucien and co.
  Caduceus: I dipped my toe in the world of deceit and ill intention, and it did not turn out well.
After Ivar cuts the rope, Fjord casts Fly and goes after him. He makes him stop with a threatening speech. Dagen appears, axe at the ready, and tells Ivar to listen to Fjord. Ivar sits down, and the snow around him turns yellow.
- Moments later, Veth appears and starts the exact same speech.
Jester casts Charm Person on Iver to ensure he won't stab them in their sleep. However, Charm Person only lasts an hour, and the target will know they've been charmed afterwards. This leads to Jester petting a very confused Iver's back and singing to him to get him to fall asleep before the spell runs out.
Travis: He's not Ronin!
In the dome, Veth sidles up to Beau and tells Beau that she and Yasha are going to hang out the next night, but wants suggestions from Beau as to what Yasha likes to do. Beau is suspicious, and tries to turn it into a Mighty Nein family night... at a later date. Veth doesn't get the hint, and agrees, saying that she and Yasha will hang the next night and the Nein will have their night later.
There's something a little funny about the Nein being very cautious about avoiding the Tomb Takers, only for Caduceus to poke his head out of the dome the next morning to find Lucien literally right outside, calmly waiting for them to wake up.
- As they're talking strategy, Laura reminds the group that the dome isn't soundproof. Matt rules that while it's not soundproof, the dome is mostly covered in snow, except where Lucien and Caduceus have been leaned against it/poking through it making "Taliesin-angels".
- Beau and Veth decide to start speaking Halfling to avoid tipping off Lucien to their plans, before realizing they don't actually know if Lucien speaks Halfling. They test it by having Veth loudly tell a joke in Halfling. Lucien doesn't react... but they do hear a groan from one of the other Tomb Takers somewhere on the other side of the dome.
Jester has not gotten her spells back after Lucien interrupted their long rest, so she can't modify Iver's memory. Yasha suggests trading the Threshold Crest for two more hours of sleep.
Sam: Let us sleep for an hour and 55 minutes, and we'll give you everything you want.
Taliesin: There have been times in my life where I would have been like "Fair point! Take it!"
After the end of the episode, Taliesin excitedly points out that if they're getting two more hours of sleep and a meal before traveling with Lucien, they'll technically be having brunch with the devil.

Episode 121: Ice and Fire

This episode is the first episode of 2021. Sam's ad is themed around 2021 being better than 2020... complete with eating a picture of a kitten and ripping the head off of a teddy bear.
Sam's shirt this week is a picture of Liam. Of course, because it's Liam, it's a very flattering picture. Matt has this to say.
Matt: That man is never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around.
Matt/Ashley: And desert you.
- For his part, Liam jokes that the picture was taken in 2019, then points at his face.
  Liam: 2019 to 2021 was rough.
Dagen remains hidden under the snow the entire time, and whispers to the Nein in Thieves' Cant that he'll follow at a safe distance. Beau wonders why he's even still following, only for Dagen to explain that he wants the other half of his pay.
Taliesin: I feel like the phrase "I want the other half of my money" is probably just three syllables in Thieves' Cant.
Veth strikes up a conversation with Otis, the halfling Tomb Taker. It turns to the hygiene habits of taller people.
Veth: They forget we're down here smelling crotches and butts.
Otis glances at one of their companions
Otis: Yeah.
Sam's flask has a Christmas tree on it... covered in cobwebs because he keeps it up for a long time. He has to explain that the white on it is supposed to be cobwebs.
Matt: The joke is funnier when you have to explain it.
When Lucien flicks his toothpick away, Travis doesn't miss a beat.
Fjord: Ow.
Lucien: ...Sorry. You're a bit broader than I expected.
Fjord: (clutching his eye) 'S okay.
The Nein and Lucien talk a bit about why the Nein are in Eiselcross. The talk turns to Molly, as he is a huge part of why they are there. Then it gets weird.
Jester: We've seen you with food on your penis.
(the other Tomb Takers burst out laughing)
Beau: You tried to pass it off as the plague. It was real gross, and a real bad idea, to be totally honest.
Lucien: That wasn't me. That was an abberation.
Beau: Same dick.
Lucien: (chuckles) Well, I guess there are some secrets I don't have to introduce at some point, right?
Fjord tells Caduceus to pay attention before asking Lucien if he needs them outside of obtaining the Threshold Crest. Taliesin rolls a natural 1, and decides that Caduceus didn't know what Fjord was talking about and instead paid very close attention to what Fjord was doing.
Caduceus: (nodding) You seem to believe what you're saying...
Beau and Yasha step aside afterwards, deciding to push their date back until things are more normal. When they return, Veth takes Yasha aside. She reveals that she wrote Yasha a poem. It's really sweet, but Sam deliberately echoes as much of Beau's dialogue as he can throughout the entire thing.
Laura: You're such a dick.
Matt: You fuckin' troll.
- On the next episode of Talks, Marisha revealed that she expected Sam to pull something. She would find his behaviour infuriating if it wasn't so hilarious.
- Veth's poem itself is as hilarious as it is sweet:
Veth: Big, bold, brave Yasha
Hair so long like yummy pasta,
Sturdy as the Cauldron of Tasha
If you're dirty, we will wash ya
If you cross her, it will cost ya!
We'd be sad if we ever lost ya.
While talking to Fjord during their watch, Beau repeatedly smacks a sleeping Caduceus with her flailing limbs. It's a funny image by itself but hilarious when you remember that Marisha used to do the exact same thing to Liam when they were sitting together pre-COVID.
Some of the Nein roll badly on their Acrobatics checks while crossing the lava river. Caduceus is one of them. Caleb, in the form of a giant owl, goes to save him.
Liam: I go for the healer.
Taliesin: I'm like a living do-over.
Sam rolls a Natural 1 on a Dexterity check. As a halfling, he has the option to use Halfling Luck to do a reroll, but chooses not to. Later, when Jester tries to grab Otis, Matt rolls a 1. Sam reminds him about Halfling Luck, like the troll that he is, and Matt uses it. The reroll allows Otis to break free.
Due to a cloud of ice fog and some low survival checks, the group spends most of the day thoroughly lost.
Beau: Lucien, are you sure you know where you're going?
Lucien: You know, these lands are a bit strange. And I think we're all trying to guide eachother in a very incorrect direction.
Beau: No. No, we're all following you as the de facto leader. We are not all following eachother, we're following you.
Lucien: I don't know. Seems like quite a bit of you are making your own paths as well.
(Beau gives him a look)
Lucien: YES, I'M LOST, ALRIGHT?! You don't have to be a dick about it.
Marisha: (delighted gasp) I out-douchebagged Lucien!
- The others immediately start ribbing on Lucien as well, to his ever-growing irritation.
  Lucien: (irritated) Well, we've all had a day. Let's go ahead and bed down.
  Fjord: Do you need help finding your bed or should we...?
  Lucien: (Death Glare)
  Fjord: ...Just kidding. Little humor between friends! (nervous laughter)
In a lull in the conversation, a sound like a fart is clearly heard from Travis. Laura asks him about it, and he shamefacedly admits that he broke another stress ball and his chair is now all wet.
Veth does an impression of Lucien. Sam uses his first episode Nott voice.
The party is very dismayed when Lucien dispels Caleb's Tower.
Caduceus: I was gonna have a hot meal.
Yasha: I was gonna have a...
Sam/Veth: ...a hot meal?
- Yasha is not thrilled about having to use the dome, for obvious reasons.
  Yasha: (deadpan) Okay. Let's just spend another night in the see-through dome all together.
Matt mentions that the veneer of patience that Lucien has been projecting is starting to waver a bit more with each conversation.
Fjord: We have that effect on people...

Episode 122: Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

NordVPN is the sponsor again, so once more we are treated to the adventures of BlackWillow69 and CryptonicOverride. The internet has been quiet, so they decide to take the rest of the cast into the internet. That's right: the cast of Critical Role jacks on camera. Things go well at first, but then Travis' brain is fried by the Ultra Kodex... who turns out to be Matt in a ridiculous helmet. And yes, the cast has to jack off in order to escape the internet.
Sam's shirt is of Laura tonight. He spends some time subtly trying to get her to notice.
Fjord tells the Tomb Takers about Uk'otoa, and is relieved to not be near the water. Then he asks if they are near the water. Lucien reassures him that they currently aren't. Travis pulls out the map of Eiselcross and takes a look.
Fjord: I knew that.
Sam's flask has a [picture of Matt on a merry-go-round (with a fake goatee)] + [a picture of Travis] = [a picture of Travis as "Lord Carnal," the villain of an unreleased live-action movie Travis and Laura starred in]. Laura recognizes the pictures immediately while Ashley puts her glasses on to get a better look at the image.
Marisha: Well now I'm distracted by another thing. What the fuck is that?
Lucien talks to the Nein about their goals. Jester says hers with a straight face.
Jester: I want to domesticate unicorns.
- Back at the dome, Jester is asked about that. She's a little confused.
  Jester: What do you guys think I talk about all the time, fake stuff?
  Mighty Nein: Uhh...
- Caduceus doesn't believe that unicorns exist.
  Caduceus: Fairies is one thing, but a protruding growth on the head of a horse, that's just madness.
  Beau: It's a horn. It's a horn, Caduceus.
  Caduceus: It's just weird. I don't think that's possible. Neither man or nature.
Lucien tries to ask Caleb what his goals are, but Liam reminds Matt that Caleb isn't there. Matt plays it off by claiming that Lucien asked Frumpkin that question.
The Nein talk about their theories of Lucien and Molly. Caleb starts to psychoanalyze Lucien.
Caleb: Sometimes a tiefling is just a tiefling.
Caduceus compares Lucien to a squirrel in the Blooming Grove who got rabies; in that something got into him and made him something else.
Yasha: So Lucien is Molly's rabies?
Caduceus: I think Nonagon is Lucien's rabies.
Sam: What a crazy phrase!
- Sam, being Sam, gives this a beautiful Call-Back with some Perverse Sexual Lust.
  Veth: I want Nonagon to be my rabies.
  Liam: Alright, My Chemical Romance.
Jester's approach to finding out when Lucien became the Nonagon.
Jester (via Sending): Were you born as a baby Nonagon? Or were you baby Lucien and Nonagon came in? Just wondering how it works.
Caleb has Frumpkin help him on his watch. He holds Frumpkin out, and jokes that he is "peris-cating" Matt jokes that it probably doesn't mean what he thinks it means. Cue jokes about what it actually means. Cue someone joking about fan art.
Matt: No!
The next day's journey requires a group survival check. Several of the Nein roll a Natural 1, and the Tomb Takers also make terrible rolls. This adds another day to their trip.
Yasha: Whose tracks are these?
- Beau attempts to convince Lucien that they should break for the day and save their strength once the fog rolls in, prompting the following exchange
  Caduceus: He's going to say that we move. Patience isn't one of his strong suits.
  Lucien: (immediately afterwards) I think we can do this. I feel it. This way!
- Lucien is very snippy at the end of the day, clearly embarrassed about getting them lost for a second day in a row.
Lucien engages in some outstanding flirting with Caleb in the tower.
Caleb: If you're a good boy, we can do this every night.
Lucien: I like it when you're condescending; it's attractive.
Caduceus: He's always condescending.
Veth: He's always attractive!
Lucien: That's dangerous.
Veth trolls Otis into making a blessing over the food. He does so in Deep Speech, and it turns his eyes black. Matt's delivery is brilliant.
- Since she's the only one that can understand Deep Speech among the party, Beau ends up being the only person at the table that actually knows what Otis just said. She's pretty disturbed.
The cats continue their trend of not really liking the more... complex orders the Nein make.
Beau asks Cree where she's from. The Nein kind of prod her to be nice, and she repeats the question in a manner like Wednesday Addams from Addams Family Values when she's trying to smile. Cree replies in the same tone.
Veth gets the idea of getting the cats to meow to make sure that the Tomb Takers can't overhear them. Caleb loves with the idea and goes along with it, getting them to do so in the key of G (more or less).
- Fjord uses the Star-Razor to See Invisibility, which reveals a scrying orb. Busted, Caleb dismisses the cats. All stop, except one... who is wailing to Memory from Cats.
The Nein bunk down together in Yasha's room. The sleeping arrangements are compared to those of the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Matt has to stifle an angry rant about how Grandpa Joe is actually the worst.
Jester polymorphs herself and Lucien into cats and takes them through the tower. Travis worries that Lucien will be able to access their room. Liam reassures him.
Liam: No, it won't. There's a lock on the inside of the door. I'm not Scanlan Shorthalt.
Sam: *grins creepily*
Matt: Oh, The beard makes it creepier!
- Jester is gone for thirty minutes. The group speculates that maybe her all-pastry and milk diet results in enormous shits, and Caleb has Frumpkin put out an APB for her.
  Sam: An All Pussy Bulletin?
  Liam: That's Scanlan's house!
After learning that Lucien is still wandering around as a cat, Caleb tells Frumpkin to "clog the arteries on 5". What this means is that the entire central tower becomes filled with cats, from floor to ceiling, including the service tunnels. It's as effective as it is ridiculous.
Caduceus: I've had this dream...
Caleb finds an eye on Beau's hand, but nothing on him. It turned out to have manifested on his shoulder, but there was a concern that the eye might have manifested somewhere else (on his anus).
Right as the episode ends, the last words heard after Matt says "Is it Thursday yet?" are...
Travis: What did you two DO?!?!?!

Episode 123: Fair-weather Faith

Yasha takes Beau's hand and starts rubbing it, even though she knows the eye won't come off.
Yasha: I go over to Beau and take her hand, even though I know I can't rub it out.
(cast bursts out laughing)
Ashley: Just gonna rub one out real quick.
(Matt double-facepalms)
- Veth using acid on it shouldn't even be funny at all, but:
  Veth: Do you need something to bite down on?
  (Marisha actually biting down on a pencil)
  Fjord: Oww! OWW!!
  Veth: I give you a crossbow bolt!
  (Marisha re-bites down on the same pencil)
  Veth: (to Fjord) I'll heal you later!
Caleb tries to cast Identify on Beau's hand.
Taliesin: I would advise against that. You might discover where it's been.
Beau and Caleb try to figure out if they are mentally joined now.
Caleb: You want to punch me in the nose right now.
Beau: No, I was thinking I wanted waffles.
Caleb: You don't want to punch me in the nose?
Beau: No, I want waffles. Beat Now I kinda wanna punch you in the nose.
Sam's shirt is of Travis, completing the set. It is a picture of Travis from Marisha's episode of Narrative Telephone, where he's miming vomiting (in a closet, no less). Matt is delighted.
Matt: After years of this shit, now you all know what it's like.
The Gelidon encounter wasn't planned. Ashley rolled a dragon on the random encounter table. It was possibly Liam's fault.
Ashley: I'm the roll?
Taliesin: Oh yes.
Liam: Bring that wisdom save power!
- As soon as Gelidon enters the battlefield, Ashley holds her notebook over her head and tries to hide under her table.
  Ashley: I ROLLED A DRAGON! I'M SORRY!
- At the end of the battle, the Nein have successfully scared off Gelidon, and everyone is prepared to just let her fly away... except Ashley.
  Ashley: I summoned this bitch, we're gonna end her!
Whilst Marisha's perched on her chair rolling for Beau, Travis quietly texts her to let her know her shirt has gotten a little cleavage-tacular.
When Fjord draws Gelidon away, Veth takes the opportunity to make a Sneak Attack on Gelidon. She uses a Cataclysm Bolt, which sounds impressive even though she doesn't remember exactly what it does. The attack lands, and Sam quickly looks it up. It turns out that the Cataclysm Bolt does additional damages from a type you have to roll. Sam rolled ice damage. At least it did the normal damage, plus the Sneak Attack damage.
Fjord takes 72 damage from Gelidon's icy breath.
Sam: Don't you have anything that can help?
Travis: No, I only have a Ring of Fire Resistance!
As Caduceus gets ready to cast a Harm spell, Laura cheers and shouts "Live it up, Caduceus!" Liam immediately mutters "Worked for Molly", then has to hold back a Spit Take as a horrified Travis starts frantically shushing him.
Laura tries to compliment Taliesin's dice.
Laura: At my angle, your dice are very sparkly.
Taliesin: (distracted) Yeah, yeah...
(everyone laughs)
Sam: I think he just told you to fuck off!
Taliesin: I was doing math, man! This is- this is 14d6!
Sam: Why would they ever do that? Why not just do like... 10d8?
Taliesin: (pointedly) Why do you never roll Luck?
Veth and Otis both decide to hide behind Fjord. They have to stack themselves carefully, like Tetris pieces.
Veth: Get your hands off my tits!
The players keep getting Gelidon's pronouns wrong.
Sam: Matt, can you just change it to a boy?
Matt: No! She is the Nightmare in Ivory and you respect that!
Jester actually uses Heal on Fjord, healing 70 hit points.
Matt: Jester's heart grew three sizes that day.
- The other players react with faux-shock to Jester healing someone.
  Marisha: I like to imagine that even Gelidon is like, "oh shit!"
  Matt: Gelidon is like "I wish there was someone who cared for me like that".
In order to get some privacy for Jester to send a message to Dagen, they pretend she has to pee. Caleb casts Wall of Fire around her for privacy... which startles the shit out of the Tomb Takers, as it looks like he just incinerated one of his friends.
That night in the tower, Veth gives Jester the last vial of aphrodisiac she got from the merchant in Rosohna. Crosses over with Heartwarming, because she wants Jester's first time to be special. Unfortunately, Veth doesn't remember if it is designed to be drank or applied topically. She later suggests asking the Traveler during Jester's Commune.
Jester: That's a pretty big difference!
Lucien attacks Beau through his Brand of Castigation. Reactions to the damage are predictable.
Matt: You take 69 points of psychic damage.
Liam and Ashley: Nice.
- When Lucien tries to do the same to Caduceus, Laura points out that Taliesin may be getting killed by his own character.
  Liam: That is a man going down on himself.
Cree uses Slow on the group, but Fjord counterspells it. Otis counterspells the counterspell, so the group (Matt included) waits for Liam to come back from the bathroom, anticipating he would do the same. They are overjoyed when he does.
Liam: I've been thinking Counterspell for a fucking hour.
Afterwards, they realize that Otis palmed the Bag of Holding while they hid behind Fjord... and the Tomb Takers snuck out of the tower right after dinner.
Veth: They Mighty Nein-ed us!
Sam's hatred for Otis only grows throughout this episode, and it peaks when he is forced to choose between attacking Otis or Cree (in the hopes of breaking concentration on her Slow spell). He chooses Cree, but it's a very close decision.

Episode 124: A Walk to Warmer Welcomes

Sam's ad this week is for Twisted Taverns, a 5e compatable product that gives pre-made taverns and menus for any campaign. Sam's ad starts normally, but does not end that way. The company behind the product is named Eldermancy, and Sam creates a... cocktail... with one ingredient for each letter of Eldermancy (Elderberry, Lemon juice, Dry vermouth, Espresso, Rum, Mezcal, Absinthe, Newcastle Brown Ale, a Cherry, and Yogurt). The cast is horrified, and he's not much less so.
Sam: That's actual absinthe! I thought they were going to use coloured water!
Marisha: We don't have time for that!
Sam (later): This actually isn't that bad.
Travis: That's just the shock.
- This sets off a Running Gag about the cocktail that lasts throughout the entire episode.
- When Matt calls for the break he comments that it'll be enough time for Sam to finish off his cocktail.
  Taliesin: Or for it to finish him off.
Fleeing for their lives, the Mighty Nein take to the skies to shake off their pursuers while Jester has ideas about weight distribution. ...at Yasha's expense.
- A bad roll and some roleplaying leads to hilarious confusion when the Nein try to even out their various burdens.
Yasha (who doesn't know why she was dropped): What the hell? Why did she drop me?
About a half-hour into the game proper, Sam realizes that he could have used opaque containers for the various ingredients of his cocktail, so he didn't have to use the real things.
Sam's flask has a picture of Matt as Bernie Sanders from the Biden Presidential Inauguration, complete with the mittens.
- Even better, after taking a sip off of his flask, he immediately replaces Matt's head with a sticker of Marisha's.
After their night's rest, Jester casts Locate Object to see if the stone they buried is still there. Matt pauses before he reveals that it is.
Matt: That adds like three or four weeks to my lifespan every time I do that.
Marisha: And takes three or four weeks off of ours!
As they head off, Taliesin rolls the dice for an encounter. He initially rolls a 14, but has to reroll because Matt forgot to take that result off of the chart. He gets a 12.
Taliesin: Let me guess, Gelidon?
Travis: Mecha-Gelidon!
* the cast bursts out laughing*
After Caleb casts a teleportation spell on the stone in their possession, Matt has him roll a d100 and two d10s. The stone vanishes, seemingly without issue. Then, this happens.
Matt: *silently takes a drink*
Sam: Don't you take a drink, you motherfucker. Where did it go?
Matt: *responds with a smug smirk and a shrug*
When they reunite with Essek, Jester immediately gives him a hug. He is taken aback by the public display of affection. Doubles as Heartwarming.
Caduceus reveals that the Nein have the capacity to make hot cocoa. The drow soldiers become very interested.
Matt: You are now the belle of the ball.
The Nein bombards Essek with questions, and he answers in the negative. Somewhat haltingly, because of the sheer number. Half the cast asks to make an Insight check.
The party re-iterates that they like Essek because, just like them, he's a good person who did some shitty things.
Matt: He did some really shitty things.
Taliesin/Caduceus: There's no-one here who isn't a little embarrassed by something.
Matt: War crimes? Meh.
Jester thinks that Caleb should show Essek his eye. Her phrasing is... unique.
Jester: Caleb! You should get naked!
The Nein eventually reveal that Vess was killed by Lucien. Alone. Essek is terrified.
Essek: Is that cocoa ready?
Beau: Would you like some whisky with that cocoa?
Essek: Certainly!
- Essek reiterates that a member of the Cerberus Assembly was last seen with the Nein, killed in the dead of night, and the Nein then lost her body and came straight to Essek, who likely already has Imperial assassins on his tail. When the Nein sheepishly admit that yeah, that is pretty much what happened, Essek just begins chugging his alcoholic cocoa.
Because Otis made off with Fjord's bag of holding, the party has to re-assess what they actually have on hand to deal with the Tomb Takers. It's... less than comforting.
Laura: I got a fuckton of Chuckle Dust and Oops Stones.
Matt: Heeeelll YEA. Look out, Lucien!
Jester tries to use Divine Intervention. It fails, but Artagan shows up with a Mai Tai in his hand and has a delightfully hilarious conversation with the Nein.
- After Jester's failed attempt, Caduceus gives it a try. The rest of the Nein begin semi-jokingly whooping and hollering to hype him up... and then Caduceus's head snaps backwards as his eyes glow with divine light and he begins to float as his Divine Intervention actually works. Doubles as Awesome.
The Nein's needling aggravates Caduceus to the point where he reveals that growing up with siblings means he knows exactly how to take revenge on people.
Caduceus: I love you like family.
Fjord: Oh, that's not comforting at all.
Caduceus: You're in such trouble.
The wind that blew through the room during Caduceus's Divine Intervention seriously messed up his hair. Jester sits him down and tries to brush it out for him, but has to stop because Caduceus immediately starts falling asleep.
Near the end of the episode, Laura abruptly starts giggling at the sight of Sam's mustache.
Sam: I love it when a woman I respect laughs at me for no reason.
Beau and Dagen swap retirement plans. Beau says that she thinks she'll retire to Rumblecusp because she's got a bar named after her there. Dagen's reply?
Dagen: You don't have to bullshit me. You're young. You have plenty of time to figure it out.
As they take their leave of Dagen, Caduceus slips him one of the cocoa balls. However, Dagen thinks he's supposed to eat it, so he does.

Episode 125: The Neverending Day

Sam does an ad for the Tales of Xadia game. He does it by creating yet another completely normal RPG: Cyberpunk 1977, which is an homage to the flawless and very well received Cyberpunk 2077.
- Sam, being Sam, does the ad in a fake handlebar moustache and a spandex... garment... that reveals a lot of skin.
Yussa gives the Nein some items for their next trip to Aeor. One is a scepter that grants resistance to fire and lightning. It requires attunement, though. Travis doesn't want to give up his ring of fire resistance, but is told that the scepter is an upgrade.
Marisha floats the idea of using Halas's ruby to trick Lucien.
Matt: Yes, let's give Halas the powers of the Nonagon!
Taliesin: I think putting Voldemort in Skeletor is not necessarily the best idea.
Yussa leads the Nein into a part of his tower that they've never before seen.
Liam: Is this the Adult section?
Matt: There's an older, heavier balding man waving you through saying "yeah, it's okay."
Jester draws a ritual circle within Yussa's amplification chamber. It is dick-themed, because it's Jester. Yussa finds it very curious.
Caduceus: It's her way.
- The spell builds up pressure, like Jester has to use the bathroom, but she pushes through it. Ironically enough, Laura is the only cast member whose mind doesn't go straight to Toilet Humor.
This week, Sam's flask says "Otis' Tears."
When they find out that they can go visit Allura in Emon, the Nein ask all kinds of questions about the city. They don't know anything about it.
The party once more has a revelation about the real endgame Big Bad. Clearly, it's been that sneaky bastard Allura Vysoren this entire time!
Allura identifies the Star Razor as Vestige and tells Fjord that if people find out he has it they will try to take it. Caduceus apologizes for putting another target on his back.
Cauceus: Sorry about one more target on your back. I mean, I don't even know where you'd fit it.
Caleb: That's three.
Veth: Four! *makes an "I'm watching you" gesture*
Allura, while obviously conflicted and apologetic, explains that she wants to help them...but she's not as young as she used to be, Aeor destroys arcanists, and much as she wants to come with the Nein the truth is that she'll likely be of far more help to them in Emon, preparing a second line of defense in case they fail to stop Lucien in time. She offers to go to the Council to gather knowledge and resources, and set plans in motion as a backstop—
Jester: Who all is on the Council?
Jester mentions Artagan, the Traveler, to Allura. Allura has never met Artagan, but she knows people who have. Her reaction to the name is subtle, but not subtle enough.
Veth: Are you a follower of the Traveler—?
Allura: By. No. Means.
- Later, Jester mentions that Artagan's cult fell apart.
  Allura: Well that's par for the course.
Jester asks if Allura and Kima can come with them. Some of the others point out that they seem like homebodies, because Kima went upstairs when she found out that Lucien was scrying on them. Kima comes back, fully armoured, and with her Holy Avenger.
- Veth and Kima have a bonding moment, halfling to halfling. Fjord is chastized.
When Allura and Kima excuse themselves, the Nein looks at the carpet on the floor. It was magical in Campaign 1.
Matt: It's like the sequel to a video game when things are changed.
Kima is incensed at the combined nerve and stupidity of the Mighty Nein for showing up at the crack of dawn, barging into the tower, and not even bothering to check first to see if they were being scried on first—meaning that whoever is after the group now knows that Allura's helping them. When she returns fully-armored and openly furious, Allura calms her by quietly explaining that the party is on the verge of an incredibly dangerous mission with world-ending implications and desperately needs all the help they can get, much like another group of assholes they know.
Kima: Oh. I...I'm sorry. I thought you were just a bunch of yahoos who ruined our morning to sleep in.
Beau: I mean, they're not mutually exclusive, yeah.
Kima: And I also respect you accepting the truth.
Allura graciously lends the party her staff of power; Rather than using a personalized weapon card, Matt informs them that they can add "Allura's Staff Of Power" to their inventory through D&D Beyond. Briefly impressed, they ask whether there's a specific item by that name they should be looking up, and he clarifies.
Matt: No, no, the magical item is just called "Staff of Power." Just, you know, to be clear, this shit belongs to Allura.
- Caduceus takes the staff, and can be seen playing with it in the background for the rest of the conversation.
Yasha offers Kima either the Magician's Judge or Skingorger as collateral for the Holy Avenger.
Kima: Skingorger? Really?
Yasha: I didn't name it!
- What stops Kima taking Skingorger over Magician's Judge? Allura doesn't want Skingorger in the house.
- The reason Kima wanted Skingorger in the first place was not due to its stats or not valuing the incredibly useful Dispel Magic ability of the Judge—it was because Skingorger looks really cool.
- Before this, Caduceus tried a similar gesture when Allura lent the party her staff of power. Stunned at the gesture, he offered her his own staff in return; and, while she laughed at the idea initially, Allura was gracious enough to accept what was clearly an earnest attempt at showing respect. Just as the staff is about to change hands:
Jester: Yeah, be careful, a lot of beetles live in his.
Allura: [without missing a beat] I'm good, thank you.
Caleb leaves a cellobone in Allura's tower.
Sam tries to inject some levity into Beau's meeting with Yudala Fon, sending her a message just as Yudala reveals that Zeenoth has been arrested. Veth tells her to curse to signal that she's safe; anything else will be taken as a cry for help.
Beau: Well, fuck.
Beau's conversation with Yudala Fon is so heavy, she forgets to mention the threshold crest.
Veth: So how'd they take the news about the crest?
Beau: ... Fuck!
- Instead, she tells Dairon about the threshold crest. Dairon is not happy.
When discussing the arcane field generator and its limitations in-character, Jester asks how long it takes to activate the field. Matt responds reflexively...and forgets to drop the character voice first, resulting in Allura Vysoren confidently informing the party that it takes "an action" to activate the device.
Veth: What the fuck is an 'action'?!
Jester casts Command on Veth to make her drop the dagger. Sam rolls a 1 on the save. However, he uses Halfling Luck to reroll. Sam has repeatedly stated in the past that he dislikes the feat and would avoid using it, so he finally deploys it to troll everyone. And he still fails!
Matt: You're such a dick! I love it.
While most of Yudala's conversation with Beau is extremely emotional and serious, they can't help but laugh reflexively when Beau describes her "forced tutelage" under Zeenoth.
Beau: I gave him a lot of shit, a really hard time, if that makes, you know, you all feel any better. He did have to deal with me, so he reaped a little bit of what he sowed.
Yudala: That is good to know.
After Fjord removes his Ring of Fire Resistance, Jester asks if she can have it. Literally minutes later, Jester is asked if she has any less than optimal magic items equipped.
Jester: Well, I have this Ring of Fire Resistance...
- Subsequently when Jester tries to return the ring, the rest of the group start acting like it’s a high school breakup. When Fjord/Travis jokingly asks for his letterman jacket back Veth/Sam replies that Beau is wearing it because Marisha is in fact wearing the licensed Cobalt Soul letterman jacket.
Beau pulls Caleb aside and talks him into lending her and Yasha the use of the tower for the next night's date (minus the 8th floor). She has a few requests, though.
Beau: Can the cats be ninjas? Just five of them. Not all of them.
Caleb: There's a few ways to interpret that....Do you want cat ninjas, or do you want ninjas instead of cats? 'Cause I can do it...
Beau: Well I don't want to feel like I'm...punting the cat. I just want to have fun fighting some ninjas.
As Matt ends the episode, Liam has an observation.
Liam: This episode has everything!

Episode 126: Worth Fighting For

This episode is sponsored by NordVPN, which means that BlackWillow69 and CryptonicOverride continue their battle with Ultra Kodex, who froze Travis last time. His demands? He wants to do the NordVPN ads going forward.
BlackWillow69: Our sponsors would never hire such an unhinged spokesman!
Ultra Kodex: They hired you, didn't they?
BlackWillow69: ...ice cold. Ice cold.
- This leads to a hack off between our two heroes and the villain. Ultra Kodex defeats CryptonicOverride, freezing her in place and sucking away all of her colour.
  BlackWillow69: Oh, no! Not the only woman I've ever loved!... You're still frozen, right Travis?
  Travis is still frozen, but now looks furious.
When Caduceus tells the Nein about his bad dream, Beau immediately checks his armpit for eyes. There's just a birthmark there, one Caduceus admits he should probably have looked at.
Fjord tells the others about the brand Lucien left on him.
Jester: Ah! Take your shirt off!
Travis pretends to rip his shirt off. The cast reacts in awe... mostly.
Veth: Ah! So skinny!
Fjord: Not anymore! I've been lifting!
Jester tries to Dispel the mark. Laura rolls a 1 on her check. Naturally, it doesn't work, but Matt and Travis have a bit of fun with it.
Matt: As you place your hands on his chest—
Fjord: On my pecs! On my rock hard pecs!
Matt: As she places her hands on your chest...
Caduceus has Jester send a Message to his father. They figure out what to say before she sends it. Travis starts his countdown before the Message even begins.
Laura: Stop it! That doesn't count!
- Once Jester starts sending the message proper, she phrases things very poorly.
  Matt: Sounds like you're trying to tell his parents you're getting involved with their son, there.
Fjord asks if Caleb and Beau can make things with their minds. As a joke, Jester unobtrusively paints a hat and slips it onto Beau. It is a Napoleon hat.
Matt: The hat of the great Steve Napoleon appears on Beau's head.
And whilst all of the above is going on, Caleb occasionally slaps Fjord on the "tits" just above where his newly found scar is, causing him to squeal out in pain.
When they go shopping, Matt gives the cast an idea of what they can and can't get right now. Taliesin has a request.
Taliesin: A 250 gold forked metal rod attuned to this plane of existence would be smokin'. ...I say. As Taliesin. In Clay's voice. He would never say "smokin'" and it came out of my mouth.
Sam's flask has a wanted poster for the missing threshold crest.
Yasha buys an oil that renders one immune to scrying after application. She talks the vendor down from 1500 gold to 1000, which everyone agrees still seems high for something that only has a few doses. The cast immediately makes jokes about Vex'ahlia freaking out somewhere and not knowing why.
Veth goes out and buys crossbow bolts, a little hat with antlers for Luc, a white flower... and the components to make a new Fluffernutter.
Matt: Just a singular Fluffernutter?
Sam: Maybe I should get enough for two, in case I fuck one up when I make it.
Taliesin: You fuck one up when you make it, you won't be around to make a second.
Beau and Veth get into a little squabble with a shop keeper.
Beau: I thought the customer was always right.
- Beau reveals that she and Yasha are hopefully going on a date soon. Veth asks some embarrassing questions, proving that Sam is determined to troll even when being supportive. Crosses over with Heartwarming, because Veth is actually being very supporting when not being slightly inappropriate.
Caleb buys a couple of books. Very happy with his purchases, he pays a full gold when the vendor asked for 4 silver. Overjoyed, the vendor throws in a copy of his 'zine.
Caleb: Zemnian punk rock!
Caleb bumps into Beau as he leaves the shop. She gives him a list of the modifications she requires for the tower for the date. One item on the list bothers him.
Caleb: That's good, that's good, tha- (stares at Beau) Why?
Beau: Because. You fucking know why. They’re magic! It’s not going to last. It’s not going to be forever.
Caleb: I will do it, but it's a lot, Beauregard.
Beau: How out of all the things on the list is that a lot?
Caleb: You wouldn't understand. (As Liam) And then I walk away.
The cast laughs.
Ashley: I am so nervous. (Beat) And so excited.
- According to Marisha on Talks Machina, it was the request to temporarily turn the spectral cat servants into dogs for the night that upset Caleb the most. In real life, Liam wasn't much happier about it.
Jester and Fjord try to get the Ring of Fire Resistance appraised. Jester pretends that it was a gift from her fiancé, who was lost at sea. The vendor she finds initially offers her 400 gold for it, but that is before that she hears it is enchanted. She leaves to get her cousin, who is more knowledgeable about such things. She returns with a man she introduces as her brother, who seems very nervous. He seems to do something magical, and sadly tells Jester that the ring only has a very minor enchantment. Jester refuses to sell them the ring, but relatively kindly. She tells them the ways to improve their scam. As she leaves...
Brother/Cousin: Am I still getting paid?
Vendor: No!
- She reconvenes with Fjord, and tells him that she got 500 gold for it. Fjord is not happy.
The shopping ends, and the Nein gather at the dance hall. They describe their disguises. Caleb heads off to the washroom to cast Fortune's Favor. There are some jokes.
Sam: You can cast that anywhere on your person.
Liam: Matt's red!
The implication sinks in. The cast bursts out laughing
Matt: I'm just picturing you doing this. (He makes a show of looking around, and placing the pearl over his penis)
- After Caleb returns to the dance floor, Matt describes the guys who have tried to talk up Jester. One is nervous, but the other is douchey.
  Jester: Piss off, kid!
As the Nein leave the dance hall, Jester drops an oops stone in order to deter would-be followers. There are two guys who have been eyeing Jester, positioning themselves to ask for a dance.
Matt: As you leave, they share a look.
Jester: I look at them and wink.
Jester casts Commune. Artagan is initially unseen to the Nein, but Jester asks them if they have any questions for Artagan. He slaps Fjord's tit and appears.
Fjord: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Artagan: What? All the cool kids were doing it!
Neither Beau nor Yasha were ready for their date at that particular moment, so they have to spend a couple of moments readying themselves as best they can, which mostly consists of Beau putting on her bowtie and Yasha smoothing her hair.
Beau: I kind of smell.
Yasha: So do I, but it's okay. I love the smell. I'm Xhorhassian.
Sam points at himself and grins as the rest of the cast stifles their laughter
- They both agree that they thought this would take place in Nicodranas, where everybody else could have a good night. They speculate that maybe Jester and Fjord would "go bone somewhere". Travis and Laura immediately turn to each other and nod.
Both Beau and Yasha are delighted by the dachshunds. They want to ask Caleb to bring them into the mix permanently.
Beau: Cats and dogs living together in harmony.
Liam: Traitors. Traitors, both of you.
Right after the kiss, Frumpkin reappears. He has a placard on his neck that says "Drei," but it falls off to reveal one that says "Die!" The ninjas Beau requested are attacking! They have Doberman Pinscher heads and everything.
Beau: (dramatically) Sorry babe... Gotta handle these ninjas.
- After she takes out four of them, five more come running towards them.
  Beau: (in the exact same tone of voice) Babe... I might need help with these ninjas. (corpses)
- The ninjas explode into glittering dust as Beau hits them. She smears it all over her, until Laura and Ashley point out that glitter is the herpes of the craft world. Beau immediately panics and starts trying to dig it out of her ear.
Matt calls the episode, and the rest of the cast quickly start talking about trying to sleep in their unpleasant room. Veth slaps Fjord on the tit.
The last thing we hear as the episode closes is Travis yelling "Yay, y'all hooked up!"

Episode 127: Sarsaparilla, Licorice, and Red Hot

This week's sponsor is Idle Champions, who is promoting a new web series. Their gimmick is that the audience will get to vote on what the cast does within the game. To reflect this, Sam has the CR cast vote on how he reads the rest of the ad. They vote for him to first read it while pinning clothespins to his face, their second vote is for him to sing the line, and their last vote results in Liam and Ashley shooting him with Nerf guns while he finishes the ad.
- Ashley shoots Sam before the last vote is tallied. She claimed she did it to get one in in case the vote went for something else, but the look on her face after it happened implied otherwise.
The Nein go into the tower for breakfast, loudly letting Beau and Yasha know that they are there. Veth is horrified at the cats being dogs, but Jester and Caduceus are delighted by the waterslides over the hot tub.
- The two of them join with Beau and Yasha in asking Caleb to keep the hot tub. He gives in, changing the tower so that the hot tub will come out whenever they want it.
When Beau and Yasha come downstairs, they are not subtle about the fact that they were fucking.
Caleb: Guten morgen, are you rested?
Beau: (Beat) ...Yeah. Yeah.
Veth: Gross, gross. Just say yes like a normal person!
Caleb ignominiously dispels the tower just after the Nein finish breakfast. They land on the inn floor.
After Caleb meets with Astrid, the watching Nein scatters to follow without being noticed. Jester's walk is deliberately eye-catching, leading the cast to joke.
Matt: Like a young Barbra Streisand on mushrooms.
Matt has actual maps to represent the maps that Astrid gave Caleb. Veth asks Caleb if the two of them took a drafting class in school because of how good the maps are. This leads Matt to thank Dungeon Scrawl, who made the program Matt used to make the maps.
Fjord reveals that his 6th level warlock bonus spell is Arcane Gate. Half of the Nein immediately wants to know when he was first able to start doing it.
Fjord: Look, my dreams are usually private, and you people pry like a son of a bitch.
Veth tells Yasha that there are huge bags under her eyes, like she didn't get any sleep at all the night before. Beau immediately takes umbrage.
Beau: Well I think she looks glowing and radiant.
Yasha: Thank you.
(later) Veth: Beau, you look the same as always.
Caleb: I don't think that was a compliment.
Beau: Well, fuck you.
Beau is surprised that Caduceus knows so much about the structure of the asylum.
Caduceus: Have you seen where I live? I had to rebuild that thing four times!
Veth proposes Caduceus be the distraction by walking to the gate and applying for a job as gardener.
Caduceus: But I don't want to apply for a job.
Veth: I know, you'd be lying.
Caduceus: I think we've established I'm very bad at that.
Veth: Then just talk about how lovely the gardens are!
Caduceus: That I can do. Actually, I'd love a tour, to be honest.
The Nein try to figure out code words for when the away team is in the asylum.
Jester: If it's going bad, we'll say "oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck."
Fjord: It's a code word, like a singular-
Jester: Fuck!
Caduceus: Maybe something you don't use as a comma.
- They settle on: sarsaparilla for when things are good, red hot for if they have to get out in a hurry, and licorice as the code word for when things go bad. Liam and Laura agree that nobody likes licorice. Matt raises his hand in disagreement.
  Liam: Well, you can't be perfect.
As the Nein plan, Liam asks them to keep doing it for another 60 seconds because he needs to use the washroom. Laura reveals that she does as well. This leads Matt to call an early break.
Matt has Laura roll to see how well Jester's painting goes.
Laura: I hate having to roll for this.
Sam: You hate the rules of the game you've been playing for six years?
Liam: What's that, Mister Natural 1?
Jester successfully charms a guard with a spell... and then reads what the specifics of the spell are.
Jester: Okay now that I've cast it lemme see what it does...
Travis: NOW a warning???
- Jester legitimately hits it off with the guard she charmed. They talk about various things, and he reveals that he was hired for the job by a guard in the very next room. There were two guards in that room. Caleb and Veth dispatched them in a very bloody fashion.
The entire trek through the basement is one long exercise in Black Comedy, as Caleb and Veth alone are able to vastly overwhelm the much weaker guards. Caleb in particular uses Gravity Sinkhole, Lightning Bolt, and Fireball to leave a trail of shattered and incinerated bodies in his wake. The entire escapade is repeatedly likened to a horror movie, with the Nein as the homicidal monsters.
Veth casts Hypnotic Pattern in the room where Caleb is being attacked. Unfortunately, the room isn't big enough for her to do so and not risk hitting Caleb. She barely avoids possibly hypnotizing herself. Luckily Caleb makes his save.
Jester rolls the two crushed guard bodies into a side room, which Matt compares to making the worst snowman. She's gagging the entire time.
Taliesin: It takes three guards to make a snowman. Just think about that.
Veth comes across a mage who tries to charm her but fails. She begs him not to attack her.
Veth: Please don't attack! I'm traveling with a murderer!
- Matt makes Sam roll a Persuasion roll at disadvantage. Sam rolls a 1. Combat ensues.
The end result of that combat sets off a glyph that causes a rumble. That rumble wakes up the guard that was sleeping near Beau. She sneaks up behind him, and in one move pours her vials of acid down his throat.
Travis: We are the baddies!
As all this is going on, Yasha is hidden and making daisy-chains.
Matt brings out another map, and Sam does his typical Dwarven Forge commentary. This is how he ends it.
Sam: If you like murder, Dwarven Forge.

Episode 128: Cat and Mouse

Hit Point Press is the sponsor tonight, and Sam advises everyone to check them out. You know who else gives good advice? Gail. Ashley gives advice in character as Gail, eighties lingo and all.
As Beau leaps over the iron fence, Matt reveals that he calls the spikes at the tops of wrought-iron fences "poodle 'palers", because that's what his mother calls them.
Matt: It's fucked up. My mom's dark.
When she rejoins the rest of Team Outtie, Beau confesses that she killed a guy in an unusually brutal manner.
Caduceus: Par for the course, really.
Team Firestorm talks about how they have to get rid of an attuned object to attune the Amulets.
Travis: Now, you're going to have to get rid of the ring.
Laura: I didn't attune the ring.
Travis: Don't fucking say that!
- Fjord isn't there to see this, so Laura decides that Jester is having this conversation with Fjord in her head.
Jester doesn't want to say out loud where Caduceus's Word of Recall beacon is, for fear of Trent scrying on them. Veth tells her to write it out in baby carrots.
Jester: I think he could still see that.
Caleb: Yeah, I don't think baby carrots are immune to that spell.
Taliesin: Everyone knows you can only scry on adult carrots.
Beau tells the Nein about how she killed the guard on the roof. She did this after Fjord and Veth asked how she handled the guard (Travis and Sam were trolling her hard).
Fjord: He was sleeping?
After they deal with the scrying beacon, Caleb starts to have a breakdown. Veth doesn't help.
Veth: Which part are you not okay with? The Trent talking to you part? Or the killing people part? Or the endangering Essek part? The endangering my family part, what?
Jester realizes that she can use this to send her mother to Zadash and the Gentleman. She and Veth are excited for the Parent Trapping.
Before she goes to talk to Yasha, Jester reveals that she was French Braiding Fjord's hair.
Fjord: Is it okay? This feels like it's going to hurt.
The Nein discuss sending Marion and the Brenattos to the Gentleman. Caduceus says that it's a bad idea because someone knows about that connection. The Nein realize that he's talking about Cree. Caduceus says no, he was talking about the Eyes of Nine. He/Taliesin immediately realizes what he said.
Matt: Wow, you're really roleplaying that low Intelligence!
Caduceus: Is there alcohol in (the drink Beau gave him)?
Beau: Sorry, I might have accidentally switched out your virgin drink.
In a lighter moment, Liam reveals that he accidentally FaceTimed the cast with his butt that morning.
Travis: Twice! We were all eager to talk to your butt, but your butt wasn't there.
Fjord, in disguise, is confronted by one of the staff members at the Lavish Chateau.
Carlo: You can't just walk in here, bussing tables and taking things. Who do you think you are, Steven Spielberg?
- He gets thrown out. A disguised Caduceus sees this. He tells Beau and Yasha when he goes back upstairs.
- On a related note, the cast spends much of the rest of the session making fun of Fjord for assuming that was a good idea as a disguise. Even Caduceus is aware that said "disguise" would be the person most people are paying attention to, negating any effectiveness it could have regarding keeping under the radar.
Laura tries for Divine Intervention with the Traveler. Divine Intervention is rolled on a percentile die, a D100, where lower numbers are better rolls. She rolls a 99.
Sam: Your god dies.
Veth makes a very sweet, emotional declaration of her devotion to her family, saying this scare has shown that she cannot have both an adventuring career and a family because she'll be making them a target, so once this mission is over she's coming home to them for good. She opens this conversation by telling her husband that he's an idiot.
- She then tries to pitch the evacuation plan. It does not get better.
  Veth: It's a nasty, seedy bar, but it's also run by a criminal. But it's really, it's very safe. We think?
  Yeza: ...We're taking Luc?!
As soon as Caduceus mentions there are two suspicious figures downstairs, Jester tries to peek over the railing. Caduceus and Beau drag her backwards by her collar.
Caduceus puts his foot down.
Veth: Let's just go fuck 'em up!
Caduceus: Let's not fuck anybody up right now.
Veth: ...I'll call out my son!
Caduceus: (sternly) We are not starting a fight in [Jester's] mom's house.
Liam sums up the first half of the session.
Liam: We've been playing this for years! This is make-believe! I'M SO SCARED!
Taliesin: My cardiovascular system disagrees!
Taliesin has an incredible face journey as the idea to hide some of their number in the Happy Fun Ball pops into his head. He suddenly gasps and sits bolt upright with a look of shock on his face, whispers "oh no", then winces hard as the resignation sets in. Even while putting the idea in front of the group, he looks like he's in physical pain.
The Nein plans to split up, but they have to decide who goes where.
Veth: If Jester comes with us (and Caduceus doesn't), we won't have a healer. (Beat) Just kidding.

Episode 129: Between a Ball and a Hot Place

This weeks ad is for a new game from Ravensburger. It is cat themed, so naturally Sam ropes Travis into reading most of the ad. Travis is allergic to cats. There are props.
Laura: Please don't kill my husband.
The next Critical Role comic will cover Yasha's origins. Sam is confused.
Sam: She doesn't even know her origins!
Yasha investigates a door in the Happy Fun Ball, checking it for traps. Ashley rolls Investigation. A natural 19 results in a 25. Doubles as Awesome.
Ashley: I've been sleepin' on my snoopin'!
- They remember that the door in question resulted in a fireball last time. Fjord is initially relieved because Yasha can dispel it... but that ability is tied to the Magician's Judge, which she traded to Kima for the Holy Avenger.
  Fjord: FUCK!
- They then start discussing how they can handle the fire. Beau asks Fjord if he still has the Ring of Fire Resistance.
  Fjord: No, I gave it to Jester. (Beat) The one fucking time!
Matt asks them what they're going to do, summing up the Mighty Nein Experience.
Travis: Plan? Who said there was a fucking plan?
Team Happy Fun Ball ends up in the study. Fjord and Beau fill in Yasha, and Travis asks if there have been any changes.
Matt: Make a Perception check.
Travis: Fucking Mercer!
Fjord uses Armour of Agathys to activate the glyphs in the ball. The first one goes fine, but he forgets to recast it for the second and headbutts the glyph.
Fjord: It's fine, this one needs blood magic!
When we switch back to Team Plane Shift, Matt describes the chamber they appear in.
Matt: There is a river of lava snaking its way through.
Sam: (singing) Snaking its way downtown.
The cast bursts into laughter as Matt facepalms.
Travis: (laughing) Asshole.
Matt: I'll take my 7d6 psychic damage.
Veth has to reassure Yeza about where they are (and keep Luc from touching anything dangerous).
Yeza: Okay. Please don't pay attention to my trousers. They'll dry soon.
- And of course Veth's extremely maternal summary of what appears to be the elemental plane of fire:
  Veth: Yes, this is like one of those field trips like to a museum, where we look with our eyes and not our hands, okay?
  Luc: Whooooa, is that lava?
  Veth: Yes, that's real lava! Don't touch anything.
Veth goes scouting. She sees a light in the distance. Laura compares the scenario to The Descent.
Sam: I've never seen The Descent. I'll go ahead.
Matt: Make sure you watch the UK version, not the shitty U.S. version.
- Liam makes a note on his phone to watch The Descent.
As Caduceus is keeping watch, Luc creeps up next to him. The two hit it off immediately. Doubles as Heartwarming.
Caduceus: See anything?
Luc: Yeah.
Caduceus: What do you see?
Luc: ...I dunno.
Caduceus: Me neither. It's worrisome.
Luc: Yeah.
Caduceus: What do you smell?
Luc: It smells like farts.
Caduceus: It does.
Luc: Is that you?
Caduceus: I mean, probably, yeah.
Luc: Cool.
Caduceus: Yeah. Thank you.
Luc: I like your face.
Caduceus: Oh, thank you! I like how tall you are. ...What do you hear?
Luc: ...Farts.
Caduceus: Try to just listen for one at a time. That's the trick. (as Taliesin) I gently let one go.
Combat breaks out. Initiative is rolled. 25 to 21? No. 20 to 16? No. 15 to 11? No. All of the PCs had an initiative of less than 10.
Matt: What? The NPCs are all going before you!
Laura: Has this ever happened before?
Travis: (to Sam) Your 4 year old son is going to hit before you do!
- CritRoleStats quickly confirmed that yes, this is the first time in the history of the show that all of the PCs had an initiative of less than 10.
Jester Sends to Fjord while he is still in the Happy Fun Ball. He hears her Sending at super-speed, and she hears his very slowly.
Jester: They are being tortured.
Right before they leave, Laura expresses her concerns about the timing of them leaving the Elemental Plane of Fire and the other team leaving the Happy Fun Ball and Marisha provides some beautiful imagery...
Laura: (While giggling nervously) I'm so afraid, 'cause I know where they actually are! Like what if they bamf out while we're teleporting...?
Liam: We'll be quicker and leaner without 'em. A brand new fighting force!
Marisha: ...like throwing a slurpee out a car window, just... (demonstrates the team turning to liquid as they bamf out)
The entire table collapses laughing.
Travis: OH MY GOD!!! HOLY SHIT! How did you get to that imagery so fast?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!
When the team in the Happy Fun Ball make their way back to the Material Plane, they make a point to tell everyone what an awful ordeal they went through, needing to run away from a golem and everything. Keep in mind that the Plane Shift team seemingly literally went to Fire and Brimstone Hell, and Luc, well...
Luc: I died!
Veth: Family tradition. We all gotta die once.
Yasha: Is that like a euphemism in your family?
Caleb: Well, you know, it's like that saying, 'I've killed my whole family, I'll throw you under a bridge.'
Luc takes a shining to Caduceus after the whole resurrection thing, holding his pinkie as they walk down the street.
Luc: You're really cool.
Caduceus: You smell like farts.
Jester Sends to the Gentleman, letting him know that the Nein are on their way with the Brenattos and Marion.
The Gentleman: (After a long pause) Oh. Boy. Well. *sigh*
- When they arrive at his base, they find that it is being cleaned, and he greets them with a visibly nervous grin.
In the original airing, the break had a particularly hilarious bit of Mood Whiplash. With Luc dead, Marion burned, Jester's leg fried to a crisp, and everyone exhausted and near death, Matt calls for the break on a Cliffhanger....and an adorable, cheerful ad for Pusheen's Purrfect Pick card game rolls.

Episode 130: The Calm Before The Storm

This week's NordVPN skit features the entire cast getting in on the action! BlackWillow69 sacrifices himself to defeat Ultra Kodex and save CryptonicOverride, turning into a gleaming cube in the process. On being released from stasis CryptonicOverride calls BlackWillow69 "the only man I've ever loved", much to Travis' visible confusion.
Matt: We love you, Sam Riegel.
- The "frozen" Travis badly corpsing through it.
- Matt's confusion at Marisha being on Sam's team.
Matt: But... You're my wife.
During the introduction:
Matt: You all gathered yourselves in Zadash, where you had, very last minute, let the Gentleman know that you were arriving with some people who needed to stay there. One of which being the Ruby of the Sea, who has an old history with the Gentleman.
Laura: (as Jester) I'm the old history!
The reunion between Marion and the Gentleman - and his goons - is awkward all around.
Jester: She's just as nervous as you.
Gentleman: Whatever for?
The Gentleman confronts Jester about being reunited with Marion.
Jester: What, do you think I would just bring her here all willy-nilly?
Gentleman: Yes!
The Gentleman's lair has been very hastily cleaned up for the arrival of Marion and the Brennatos, and the people who stand around as bouncers or guards most of the time are now working as waiters. They seem pretty embarrassed about it.
- One of the Gentleman's henchmen starts pouring out drinks for Marion, Yeza, and starts pouring one for Luc... before realizing he's trying to serve alcohol to a four year-old. He very quickly takes Luc's glass away, chugs it, and asks for milk instead. The bartender holds up the milk container and says they have cheese, so one of the goons runs out to buy something else non-alcoholic.
To keep Luc occupied, Caleb ties a feather to a string, rubs some catnip on it, hands it to Luc, then summons Frumpkin, who attacks the string with what Matt describes as "feral demon energy."
Beau: Why is he making that howling noise?
Veth and Yeza abruptly realize they left Nugget behind in Nicodranas. Laura looks extremely embarrassed.
- Apparently Nugget isn't pooping in the Brennatos' house as much anymore. He's pooping in the homes of their neighbors as well now. Yeza has had a lot of explaining to do.
  Yasha: Maybe the neighbors are giving him food!
  Yeza: If not, he's taking it.
The team resupplies in Zadash, but decide that it's wise to go out in disguise. Naturally, they go disguised as the Spice Girls
Matt: Yeah, sure- the famous adventuring party out of Marquet, The Spice Girls.
- Despite the wisdom of their plan, it's foiled by the simple fact that Pumat Sol can see past their illusions and - with a customer in the shop - blows their cover.
  - Based on Matt's reaction this was actually a mistake — he genuinely forgot the group was in disguise. He was about to correct himself, but when everyone else immediately assumed that Pumat has Truesight, he just shut up and nodded along.
- Caduceus pulls Beau aside to ask her to misdirect the nosy customer. Beau asks what accent Caduceus is doing. He goes from the Spice Girls' manager straight into Forrest Gump.
The burning question is: Who is better at accents - Cadeuceus (with his awful Spice Girls accent) or Caleb (with his Cadeuceus accent)? Answer: Cadeuceus, by leaps and bounds.
Veth and Yeza create two "Fluffernutters" for the upcoming battle in a private room where they also have some alone time. One is just a normal explosive...
Veth: That was refreshing!
- ...the other is a Fluffernutter "with an asterisk."
  Laura: [The asterisk] means you got pregnant!
Caduceus sincerely tells Veth that she doesn't owe him anything, and that he's happy to be there for her whenever she needs him. The only thing he asks in return is for her to not blow him up again.
Veth: Okay. I'll aim for someone else.
Caduceus: Fjord's looking flammable.
Veth: (wistfully) He always does...
Taliesin attempts to speed things along by casting Exposition at 3rd level...
Marisha: Counterspell.
Caduceus has a very raw, emotional scene with Calliope at the spring, during which he tells her he may not come back, and that it's her job to protect the Grove if he fails. She hugs him tightly, holds him at arm's length as she solemnly nods... and then kicks him into the spring.
Caduceus: ...Yeah, I had that coming.
Caduceus apologizes to everyone for storming out of the house.
Jester: (deadpan) Apology not accepted, it looks like we can't travel together any further.
Caduceus: (equally deadpan) A blood feud it is then, excellent.
Marisha attempts to commune with Ioun in the grove but gets Lucien instead.
Beau: If I'd known you were at this party I wouldn't've come.
Lucien: You don't have to be so rude about it!
Beau: ...So, what are you guys up to?
At the end of the episode, Taliesin confessed that when the Nein went to the Blooming Grove, he really wanted everyone to "get high and find their god."
Taliesin: (to Ashley) I said not to eat the plants too!
Ashley: Did you?
Taliesin: (laughing) Just the ones I was eating! Some of them are really weird!
Ashley: Well, you said it, and I feel like for Yasha, she'd be like "Oh, that's how you connect to a god!"
Taliesin: Oh no, this is the plot of Gremlins!

Episode 131: Into the Eye

For this week's ad spot Sam brings out a "map" of his head with numbers corresponding to different parts of his hair and beard. He then proceeds to shave off sections based on the numbers the other castmembers select. Despite their initial protests they quickly get into it. On introducing the second sponsor Matt begins by stating he won't be shaving anything.
- To be specific: Marisha is delighted, Taliesin amused. Liam, Laura and Matt are horrified. Travis and Ashley cycle through all three emotional states twice in 90 seconds.
When doing the recap, Matt accidentally refers to the Mighty Nein as Vox Machina.
The episode begins with Yasha fighting a group of Elementals controlled by the other players to their glee. Sam starts his attack round controlling the lightning elemental with an important question:
Sam: What's my backstory? How did I become a storm?
Matt: You became a storm roughly ten seconds ago.
Marisha feels very guilty about having to fight against Yasha/Ashley. Her first strike? A Natural 1.
Liam: I am not feeling your commitment!
Sam gets a little too into character.
Matt: Sam, you're up.
Sam: Please don't address me as Sam. My name is Tempest Cloudburst. (Takes on an over-the-top accent) Also, I'm Italian.
- Tempest experiences Potty Failure as Yasha's Rage Beyond Death kicks in.
- Sam's naming himself starts a trend. Travis' elemental is named Cyclone, Marisha's is Low Barometric Pressure (Barry for short), and Liam's is Shock Hudson. Laura and Taliesin were knocked out of the fight before the naming started.
Yasha keeps peeking over at the Stormlord to make sure he's watching.
Matt: He's checking his Twitter!
Jester contacts Wensforth before she goes to bed.
Jester: I'll do it at 4th level. I'm all out of thirds.
Matt: Yeah, and it is late. But when has that ever stopped you?
Jester had stuff she wanted to do before bed. She had to take care of it before Yasha's vision, leading to some quick retconning.
Matt: Sure. Dani has to recap it. I don't give a shit.
- Jester scries on Vandren. He's reading Tusk Love.
- When Jester admits this to Fjord, he has many emotions... including sheer bemusement that he is reading Tusk Love.
  Jester: It's a really good book!
The Nein take a dip in the hot spring first thing in the morning. Taliesin has them all roll a d6. It turns out that the hot spring is fed by seperate streams of warm and freezing cold water, and everyone except Caduceus and Beau ends up jumping into a bit of the spring that is not fed by the warm water.
Taliesin: It is fucking cold.
Fjord: FUCK THIS!
Caleb: (shivering) I deserve this frigidity.
Jester Sends a message to Essek. Travis holds up his hands to do his count, but his muscles flex as he does. Laura immediately forgets what she was about to say.
Matt: To be fair, I think we were all hypnotized.
As they make their final preparations, Caduceus yells out to Calliope asking for help in an uncharacteristically obnoxious fashion.
Caduceus: Are you up, or do I have to keep yelling?
As they leave, Caduceus offers to show his family Caleb's mansion the next time they come back.
Clarabelle: The one with the tree on top of it?
Caduceus: No, this is a different one. It's crazy.
Clarabelle: You have TWO houses?
Just as they Teleport to Eiselcross, Sam attempts to ask Liam if he has cast Fortune's Favor on himself. He also appears to have forgotten the name, and ends up asking about Fate/Stay Night.
Liam: Name some more anime. More anime. Boys Be, come on, K.O. Beast.
Sam: Gurren Lagann.
Travis: Wolf's Rain, Big O.
Sam: Death Note.
In the second Polymorph, Marisha asks if the storm sounds Italian. Matt replies that it sounds more Austrian, leading to everyone doing Arnold impressions, culminating in Travis saying this:
Travis: It's not a Tomb Taker!
Essek has just about seen it all when it comes to the Nein.
Caleb: Things are considerably more complicated than when we left you, I'm afraid.
Essek: (gestures to his deadpan expression) This is my look of surprise.
The asexual Caduceus asks Essek to remove his shirt so they can check if he has any extra eyeball marks in an awkward way.
Caduceus: I have an odd request: will you take your shirt off?
- Some of the Nein help Caduceus with this request. Veth does so by taking her shirt off. Sam makes a point of miming extremely large and saggy breasts being taken out and put back into her clothing.
  Sam: That's how girls do it, right?
The Nein try to figure out a way to contact Astrid without tipping anybody off. The process goes about as well as you would expect for such a competent group.
Astrid: I'm so very confused. What did you say?
- Matt is once again reminded of how dangerous the Jester-Sending spell combination really is.

Episode 132: Aeor

As usual, the advert for Skillshare, which this time saw Sam getting in a love triangle with...plants. One sounded like Laura, one sounded like Travis, and one sounded like Liam.
- Afterwards, Ashley asked him how his mind took that ad and went there. His answer?
  Sam: From Skillshare to me having a three-way sexual relationship with plants? It seemed natural.
- Sam then compliments Matt on the efficiency of his own ad read.
  Matt: It's no plant fucking, but y'know, I do what I can.
The normally-serious Fjord has an unusual reaction to Essek's offer to add some camouflage for the wintry landscape of Eiselcross...
Fjord: Winter mode, activate! Shooom! ...What, did I say the sound effect?
Essek: ...Yes, you just made the sound effect.
- This leads some of the Nein to try and use reverse psychology to make Essek cast more spells. It doesn't work.
Jester manages to dispel the mark Lucien placed on Fjord. Sam, being Sam, remembers their Running Gag from the episode where they started trying to do that.
Veth: I use Mage Hand and slap him on the tit.
Fjord: AH! It's cold! That makes it worse!
- Before this, Fjord explains that he was going to do something about the mark, but he forgot it was there.
  Yasha: You, Fjord, or Travis?
  Fjord: Both?
Essek gets the full Mighty Nein experience for a few hours.
Essek: I'm not going to lie. Traveling with you is... not what I expected.
Caduceus: We get that a lot.
For Veth's first turn against the Frost Giants, Sam decides to have Veth copy the shot from the opening credits of Nott running up a giant's arm and shooting it in the head. After hyping up the table he rolls a 2 on the Acrobatics check. Luckily Reliable Talent brings the result up to a 10, saving the moment from being a total fail.
Essek is unfortunately in a bad position with the Frost Giants, so he awkwardly floats into a corner with his fists held up.
Beau uses Slow Fall to scale the wall safely. Marisha vows to do that all the time from now on, to make up for Campaign 1's Keyfish incident.
Dagen and the rangers are called in by Essek to take the Polymorphed giant very far away from the Nein's current location. Right when Caleb is instructing them not to hurt the sloth he has turned it into, Jester hears that it's a sloth now and goes full Cuteness Proximity.
Jester: Is it a sloth?!
Caleb: No! This is a large rat!
Jester: (delighted gasp) Oh my god, I love rats!
Caleb: This one has a bad personality! (to Dagen) Will you take this and go please? Quickly?
While the group is recovering from the battle against the giants, Caduceus spots a snow bunny. He is immediately suspicious.
Caduceus: Anyone sees a bunny, shoot on sight.
Liam: Where's Percy when you need him?
Taliesin: Percy is thinking "Ooh, new hat!"
As Matt describes the group pushing into the ruin through a "tight space", Laura collapses laughing.
Yasha and Veth team up to investigate a ruined house... which Yasha collapses by pulling on a silk robe too hard.
- The others, who are still at the top of the cavern, just hear a loud rumbling sound.
  Caduceus: Oh no, get the diamonds ready.

Episode 133: Hunter and the Hunted

As usual, the advert for Hitpoint Press started with a disclaimer from Critical Role's lawyers. After this, Ashley blindfolds herself and picks up a bow, while Sam puts an orange on his head.
Matt: Oh hey we're out of time! I'll just read the copy for you! Ashley put down the bow!
After realizing that Essek was injured in the battle against the two lizard creatures, Caleb (in giant ape form) picks him up by the torso, holds him out to the clerics, and shakes him back and forth as if demanding they fix it. When both Jester and Caduceus gently tell him they need to get to a safer place first, Capeleb just puts Essek on his back. Essek makes some very undignified sounds during the entire debacle.
Jester: He doesn't think clearly when he's an animal.
Essek: (clinging to Caleb's neck) Evidently!
Beau: You look really cool up there though.
Essek: ...Thanks?!
Jester climbs up to the ceiling to draw her Pain Symbol.
Caleb: What does the glyph look like?
Jester: Take a wild guess.
- Jester sets a password so the Nein can pass by her Pain symbol without triggering it, and she naturally settles on "dick". Ashley and/or Yasha misheard it as "thick", which leads to a more-intense-than-expected discussion on whether the code should be "thick dick", or whether they should just say "thick dick" anyway since it'll include the password regardless.
- With Jester's penchant for drawing colorful dicks, the gang jokes that they should get a sponsorship deal with Bad Dragon.
  Liam: Yes guys, we know about Bad Dragon. We have for years.
The party's exchange over how to use their Intuit Charges, i.e. booby traps, or "boobies", is such a gem out-of-context that the official Youtube channel gave it its own video.
Though it was certainly very tense in the moment, Essek referring to Caleb as "young man" becomes much funnier when one remembers that, by the standards of the Dynasty, Essek is barely into adulthood.
In contrast to other party members who've used the spell in the past, Jester's Heroes' Feast is a random hodgepodge of whatever foods she can think of. The least balanced meal imaginable but it works for the spell nonetheless. And then Laura rolls two 1s for its temporary hitpoint bonus.
After Matt explains that Essek, as an elf, only needs 4 hours for a full long rest, most of the cast wonders why they've never played a full-blooded elf and that there'll probably be a lot more next campaign.
At long, long last, Veth gets to kill Otis.
Beau: And I go ahead and finish Otis...
Veth: WAIT! Leave Otis for me.

Episode 134: The Streets of the Forgotten

This episode's sponsor is NordVPN, so we open on a eulogy for Sam (a.k.a. BlackWillow69@AOL.com). So, naturally, Travis takes a bite out of the gleaming cube that Sam was turned into because he thinks it's a birthday cake. It turns out that Travis absorbs Sam's l33t h4xx0r p0wrs by doing so, becoming Number Two, a figure out of legend. He will be trained by Taliesin, a.k.a. Morpheus.
Once the rocks are cleared, Marisha has Beau "Naruto run" across a ledge. Sam decides to one-up her.
Sam: I will Boruto run across.
The Nein come across some petrified trees. Matt exposits a bit.
Matt: They are petrified. (Beat) That word does not mean what I thought it meant for most of my life. I learned that from Twitter.
Taliesin: Forced learning.
When Caduceus fails his final Deception Check when using Speak With Dead on Tyffial's head, she begins to go Laughing Mad. Cad immediately casts Decompose.
- Afterwards Jester compliments Caduceus on lying so convincingly to Tyffial when he's usually so honest. He explains that he took a different approach this time.
  Caduceus: I was thinking instead of lying I was going to try acting, which is kind of, I mean, they're different but it feels different. So I was feeling pretty good about that.
  Yasha: Maybe you were shipped to the ampitheater.
  Caduceus: You know, I was thinking about making some improv if all of this works out.
  Yasha: Oh, fun! I'd like to join.
  Caduceus: I should meet some new people. You're all great, but I should probably meet some new people, too.
  Yasha: Well, yeah.
This week, Sam's flask has Veth's To-Do list. It reads: KILL OTIS, Save The World, Get Caleb Laid, Make Pancakes. The first is checked off. On the back, it reads: "This Is Not The Real Sam," with an arrow pointing down at "Sam."
Veth and Beau discover two recently killed creatures, large ape-like creatures with dog-like faces. They retreat, and Beau hears a grunting noise in the distance (where the bodies lay). They immediately began speculating on how sex-positive the creatures were. Matt is incredibly confused, eventually asking Beau to make a medicine check, which reveals that she didn't notice any kind of sex organs on the creatures. She and Veth still maintain the sex monster theory.
- Meanwhile, Caleb examines the robe Yasha found last episode. It is not magical, leading the Nein to wonder how it lasted that long if it's not magical. Caleb finds a tag saying that its 90% polyesther.
- When Veth and Beau return, they fill the others in. Veth says that she thinks Cree did most of the killing, with her blades. Lucien has the blades.
  Veth: I only focused on Otis. I don't know what any of the others do.
  - As pointed out by the others, Veth should really know what Lucien's signature weapons are, since they are the same as Molly's. You know, the guy she fought alongside for months?
- They continue to discuss their next move, with Veth and Beau fixated on the whole sex-monster bit. Matt waits throughout, becoming more and more exasperated.
  Matt: (sigh) Make a Stealth check, please.
- They end up actually fighting one of the ape-like creatures, which Veth gets the killing blow on while protecting Caleb.
  Veth: (barely holding back laughter) You can't have sex with my friend!
- "That telekinetic watermelon bear is not fucking around."
After Fjord is forced to roll on the Wild Magic table for Aeor the party notices that some hair appears to be coming out from his face (aside from his beard), but on further examination it's actually that his hair is falling out completely. Cue everyone trying to tell Fjord that it doesn't look too bad or that Jester could try and draw over the missing bits with her magic paints before he finally accepts his fate and wipes all of his hair off, resulting in Fjord going as bald as an egg and missing his eyebrows to boot. Once again, Travis Willingham is playing a completely hairless character.
The Mighty Nein stumble upon an automaton that is still slightly functional. When they learn that he can't remember his name, they offer several ideas.
Jester: Doty?
Veth: That's a stupid name.
- The Aeormaton, dubbed Charlie by Caduceus (because he likes C-names), is still pretty significantly damaged. This has made him... slightly loopy.
  Caleb: Charlie, are you familiar with this entire city?
  Charlie: This is Aeor!
  Caleb: Yes, do you know it backwards and forwards?
  Charlie: (head jerking) T- T- T- I have an internal map of (garbled speech) of Aeor.
  Caduceus: Well, we're letting the high kid guide us, I suppose. So this'll at least be an adventure.
  Jester: Is it possible for you to talk very quietly?
  Charlie: I can speak very QUIET- (sparking) lyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-
  (Yasha smacks him in the chest)
  Charlie: Hello, I'm Charlie!
- Charlie is missing both of his legs. Jester carries him on his back "like Chewbacca carried C3PO".
  Charlie: I do not understand this reference, but certainly.
  Fjord: Neither does anyone else.

Episode 135: The Genesis Ward

The ad this week was for Ghostfire Games, specifically a supplement for Grim Hollow that allows DMs to modify monster stats. Naturally, Sam takes on the role of a long haul trucker who has to get the supplement to the company. There is much 70s trucker lingo. It is as buckwild as it sounds, involving running away from the cops and running over an alien who tried to abduct him.
Caleb and Beau have new eyes. Caleb strips naked, only to find that the eye showed up on the palm of his left hand.
Fjord uses an illusion to make it appear that his hair has returned. Veth tries to use Silent Image to make him look bald again, but his magic is stronger than hers this time.
- The best part is that he tries to deny that it is an illusion, and reacts... poorly to their accusations.
Veth: You created an illusion?
Fjord: What? No! I am a powerful practitioner of the - don't touch it!
Weird wild magic affects Caleb in such a way that he smells the scent of one of his very few happy memories (his mother's home made apple tarts). Others also smell the scent. for a few moments they share a moment of peace and happiness during a very stressful event. It's a soft sweet moment that he doesn't get very often... Caduceus's response?
Caduceus: Ugh, so much butter!
As Jester is trying to take a closer look at the chamber below, she asks Fjord to hold on to her so she can see better (and get advantage on the Perception check). Fjord assumes he's holding onto her waist. Jester clarifies she wants him to hold onto her ankles.
Caduceus: This went from picturesqe to awkward very quickly.
After being restored, Charlie/Devexian takes on a much more serious and confident demeanor with a deep, smooth voice. Veth finds this "charming".
Veth: Devexian, I guess Vex for short, I know we only just met, but I won't ever forget you. And I know with confidence you'll never forget me, and there's some comfort in that.
Jester: She's horny.
Devexian: I gathered.
Veth finds a crossbow and tries to test it out by shooting it at one of the corpses. The rest of the Nein stop her because they want to loot them first.
Veth: It's not gonna explode or anything!
Beau: ...Says the woman who killed Caduceus with an exploding arrow.
Fjord runs into the rejuvenation cylinder in an attempt to get his hair back. Sam's theory about what'll happen:
Sam: "What if he steps out and he's like "My name is Devexian.""
- While locked in the cylinder, Fjord and Jester press their hands against the clear door and reenact 2 classic movie scenes.
Jester: "I love you."
Fjord: "I know."
Matt: "Oh god, this is some Spock shit, no!"
As the rejuvenation chamber cycles down, everything is silent for a second, and then Travis mimes Fjord exploding inside the chamber. Everyone laughs (except Taliesin), then Cad comments stoically before this is confirmed as a joke:
Caduceus: "I have theories."
Essek gives Veth a bead of lightning and tries to explain to her how to use it. She has no idea what to do with it.
Essek: Aim and focus.
Veth: AIM WHAT?!
In a fight against a monster with Too Many Mouths, Jester decides to use her Wand of Smiles on it. Everyone (including Matt) is hoping for it to work, but the monster makes its save, so Matt just has a couple of the snarling mouths start giggling before the other mouths snarl them back into line.

Episode 136: Hell or High Water

As part of the ad, Sam runs an "auction" of various horrifying items. He claims that it is in support of their charitable foundation, in spite of Ashley (the president of said foundation) continually denying their involvement.
Ashley: I will sue your ass, Riegel!
- The first item is a bag of hair from the head-shaving skit a few weeks earlier. Despite the reasonable price of $10 nobody goes for it. Sam ups the ante by adding that the bag also contains hair that isn't from his head. Liam immediately bids on it.
  Sam: Sold, to the creep who loves me!
- During the auction, Matt places a bid, and is then outbid by Marisha. He raises the bid, then she points out that, since they live together, they can just share the item. He then raises the bid again.
  Sam: Sold, to the man who doesn't understand how auctions work!
- Sam also tries to auction off a bite guard, which Liam is confused by since it doesn't appear on his list of items. Sam confesses he stole it off Travis's bedside table.
  Travis: That was you?!
  Laura: How did you even get in our house?
  Sam: Through the vents! You should really clean them out, by the way.
  - Taliesin immediately bids on it.
    Sam: Sold, to the 30.000 year old man!
    Travis: Why do you even want that?
    Taliesin: I have my reasons.
When Beau and Caleb realize that they have some form of True Sight, they have Fjord make himself look like Caduceus. They can see Fjord's face under the illusion. When the party discusses it, Fjord trolls Cad by repeating everything he says.
Caleb reveals that Sprinkle has been talking to Jester when she casts Commune. This leads to The Reveal that Artagan has been Sprinkle the whole time.
Yasha: Didn't I bathe you that one time?
Artagan: Yes.
Yasha: You scratched me though!
Artagan: Yes.
- Beau is relieved to learn that Professor Thaddeus was just a dickish owl.
After weeks of joking with eachother that the eyes would allow Beau and Caleb to hear eachothers' thoughts, the two of them try it... and it actually works.
- Yasha asks Beau to try to project her thoughts into her head. Veth quietly casts Message at the same time. Yasha hears two voices.
  Yasha: Wait, wait, wait! You have two voices in your head and one of them sounds like Veth?!
Sam's flask has a message for Devexian in binary. It reads "Dear Devexian: Step On Me, (kiss emoji) Veth."
The Nein pass a room whose arcane lights are only just showing signs of dying after over 1000 years. Matt comments that they were made before wizards practiced planned obsolescence.
One of the Nein's classic flawlessly brilliant impromptu planning sessions leads the players to ask a question.
Liam: This is like if we, us... not the characters, us, were trying to save the world.
Marisha: How have we run a company successfully?
Taliesin: Pure luck.
A bit later the Nein walk into a trap of intuit charges and Travis recognises them from the description alone, but needs a moment to realize that that is really bad. Seeing his face go from "Oh I know what this is." to "Oh no, I know what this is." definitely qualifies.
Due to a wild magic roll, Veth - who was already small - shrinks one size category. She is now a foot tall. Sam makes her voice even higher pitched.
Caleb uses Teleport to get past the water elemental. He has to make a wild magic roll. The spell works, but he polymorphs into a sheep.
Sam: You sheep-shifted!
- Sheepleb then immediately turns, jumps through the portal, and begins slowly floating in astral space, something he probably thought was a great idea.
  Liam: Yep, Intelligence 2! Baaaaaaa-ye!
  Travis: In space, no-one can hear you bleat.
- Veth, who is still shrunken down, starts screaming that Caleb has turned into a GIGANTIC sheep.
- This conversation late in the fight.
  Matt: Moving on to Caleb. You... are a sheep.
  Caleb: Baaaah.
  Matt: Alright, Fjord, it's your turn.
- The best part might be that someone compared Caleb's normal stats with the statblock of a sheep and Caleb actaully gained strength while he was a sheep.
After a long, dangerous trek through the city of Aeor, and a tense fight with a behemoth Water Elemental, the Mighty Nein find themselves adrift in the Astral Sea, the shifting horror of the Cognouza Ward before them.
Taliesin: [Beat] Oh man, I can't wait to go shopping.
Sam: Shopping episode?
Taliesin: Shopping episode! Do you have any healing potions? [makes horrible gagging sounds]
Matt: Just vomits into a jar and- [mimes holding it out]
Fjord takes the Tough feat upon levelling up, making him truly Fjord Tough.

Episode 137: Welcome to Cognouza

The sponsor this week is Skillshare, and Sam decided to show off the photography skills he picked up after a few classes. What follows is a hilarious sequence that can only be described as an Epic Fail, culminating in a shirtless Sam practically sticking his head into his toilet while throwing up.
Matt throws a joke into the recap, while describing the escape through the gate.
Matt: Some make it through a bit injured, others a bit sheepish.
Matt made a mistake when describing the movement in the Astral Sea. He said it was three times their Intelligence modifier, when it was really three times their Intelligence score. A sheepish Matt ruled that the initial low movement rate was due to them getting the hang of it.
Jester tells Sheepleb to visualize himself as Caleb again, as the laws of this dimension appead to be thought based. Sheepleb proceeds to visualize grass and hay, and is disappointed when none appear.
Sam's flask this week still has the "This Is Not Sam" on the back. On the front? Sheepleb.
Caduceus takes initiative and hits Sheepleb with his staff, turning him back into Caleb.
Jester: Thanks, Caduceus!
Caduceus: I'm learning from you guys. If it's a real problem you just smack it.
Matt has one of the Cognouza residents reply to Caleb with a bloodcurdling scream. The scream came out of nowhere, surprising the cast. After the exchange...
Liam: I thought Matt was gonna open his jaw and just keep going and going...
Taliesin: And another Matt was gonna be inside!
Veth uses Hideous Laughter on one the attacking Cognouzans. Her joke?
Veth: What do you get when you cross Beauregard with two bowls of Bran cereal? Monk shit!
Beau is left confused by a flesh horror's screams and (with a roll of 7 on a d8) in her momentary muddled state she attacks her nearest ally... Yasha.
Laura: Why do you two always attack each other?
As the Nein investigate the house, they find something that seems to be made of metal. Matt asks if Veth wants to touch it. She does. Shortly afterward...
Sam: I love it when Matt asks if I want to touch something.
A house with its insides made of flesh, its floor feeling like tongue, and an odourless saliva-like substance dripping from the ceiling? Horrifying. Jester catching some of the liquid in a phial, labelling it "Un-Stinky House Drool" and giving it to Veth, who promptly throws it away? Hilarious.
Entering yet another dark area, Taliesin is getting quite fed up with being the only person who can't see.
Taliesin: Two games without darkvision, just saying...
Matt: You had it briefly.
Taliesin: (Death Glare)

Episode 138: Where There Is A Will...

We get another installment of the Nordverse Chronicles! Number Two (Travis) is having trouble with his l337 hacking training. His trainer Morpheus (Taliesin) gets him to admit that it's because he's afraid of turning into a gleaming cube of cake. Morpheus, pleased that he's come clean, gets Travis to start hacking with The Power of Love. Matt continues to be thoroughly bemused by the whole thing.
While preparing for the battle with Cree, the Nein hide in several creases in the flesh walls, described by Matt as "folds." The amount of innuendos immediately shoot through the roof.
- Veth tries to hide, but all of the folds are already occupied. She instead hides behind a stalachmite that is apparently rather phallic looking.
  Sam: I'll hide behind the penis.
  Matt: ...what?
The players describe the Cognouza battle maps as the more disturbing version of "The Floor Is Lava": "The Floor is Flesh."
The Nein steamroller Cree, leading Sam to feel guilty about maybe finishing her off. His two attacks both just miss.
Sam: Maybe it was unintentionally deliberate!
Cree's corpse becomes something horrible after Yasha kills her. Matt pulls out a new mini for her, and points out that at least she is still under the Hexblade's Curse.
Marisha (weakly): And it still can't lie for ten minutes!
The aftermath of the Cree fight has several of the Nein gaining red eyes of their own, including one on Fjord's hand and one on Veth's forehead. Then Travis makes Fjord touch Veth's forehead...
Travis and Sam: (agonized screaming)
Matt: I need you both to- no.
- And then Travis and Sam pretend that the act caused a "Freaky Friday" Flip.
Caduceus gives a rousing speech to the Nein, which he ends with "let's put this thing fucking down." Essek is inspired to go with their risky plan... and surprised that Caduceus cursed.
Caduceus: Me too! This place is getting to me...
As the group is discussing whether to unattune from their necklaces, Sam jokes about Trent suddenly bursting in, riding Uk'otoa.
The accellerated rest Essek and Caleb pulled off caused some temporary time weirdness, as Veth is described as suddenly speaking backwards for a few seconds. When Travis makes a fart sound, Sam immediately makes the sound of the fart reversing back into his butthole, sending everyone into hysterics.
- Marisha describes Beau finding a quiet corner to meditate and try to connect with Cognouza to find Yussa. The rest of the table is trying and failing to hold in their giggles as Travis keeps making fart and reverse-fart sounds.

Episode 139: Rebirth

Sam didn't prepare a bit for this week's ad, so he has a crew member feed him lines through an earpiece. It goes as well as you think.
Jester casts Heroes Feast, and gives the Nein their favourite foods. She goes to give Essek soup, and he says that he doesn't like soup. At first it seems like Matt forgot that whole conversation, but Sam quickly becomes suspicious and makes an Insight check on Essek.
Matt: Essek... (dramatic pause) ...was making a joke.
Artagan takes control of Sprinkle, telling Jester that he'll be here for her. Heartwarming, right? Well... the cast starts joking about how horrified Sprinkle must be about the whole thing.
Essek creates a bead with a stored Haste spell, and hands it to Yasha. Caleb immediately tries to convince her that to activate it she has to eat it "like a jawbreaker." Essek has to actively stop her from putting it in her mouth.
As the feast winds down, Veth makes an admission.
Veth: I've stolen from all of you!
Everyone Else: We know.
Beau asks Caduceus what happens to Grave clerics when they die.
Caduceus: Same thing that happens to everything else.
- Travis is both aghast and appalled that Taliesin references that movie.
Veth tries to go through a list of jokes she wouldn't be able to use because Lucien would be immune to charm. After the joke about Yasha's favorite basketball team, Liam has this to say:
Liam: Thank god I'm immune to psychic damage.
- It ends with Essek quietly begging Veth not to tell anymore of the jokes she had.
Caleb summons Frumpkin and addresses the Mighty Nein, now actually with nine members. Jester points out that Sprinkle counts as well, making them the Mighty Ten. Caleb unsummons Frumpkin.
As they go to face Lucien, Jester wills that the city makes a fart noise every time one of them passes by.
Matt brings out his miniature of Lucien in his boss form, and the others are immediately stunned at what they see... before they start making note of Lucien's huge junk.
Taliesin: You've seen it before, I mean come on.
Laura: Long may he reign!
Sam: Long and girthy may he reign!
- The tendrils with the eyes of the Somnovem that sprout from his back also look rather phallic. The cast immediately begins joking about covering those in egg too.
Fjord's ring of fire resistance FINALLY comes in handy, protecting Jester from the full force of one of Lucien's attacks.
Travis: SAVED MY BITCH! (screams in vindication)
Essek shoots some magic at Lucien, nods in confidence, and then quickly darts behind the nearest building to hide from view.
Although a charmed Yasha attacking Beau (again) and failing with two Nat 1s is equal parts awesome, terrifying and heartwarming, it wraps back around to funny when Marisha jokes that Beau distracted her by flashing her boobs. Matt didn't deny this being in-game canon, either.
- Essek follows this up with a Dispel Magic on Yasha, ridding her of the charm effect. Beau and Yasha immediately kiss.
  Essek: (smiling) Aww... (panics and hides behind a building)
  Veth: I'm so confused! Beau's showing her tits and getting kisses in the middle of the fight?!
Everyone else yelling something heartfelt and emotional about their memories of Molly. Veth on the other hand...
Veth: Molly, I know you're in there somewhere! You owe me five gold pieces!!
When Beau successfully blindsides Lucien by asking if he intends to pay back Molly's debt to Gustav, Marisha suggests simply chanting Gustav's name in order to defeat him.
Taliesin: From deep within my subconscious, Molly thinks we're all assholes and we're going to die.
Beau deals a ridiculous amount of damage on one turn (two natural 20's, Flurry of Blows, advantage on all attacks and a Holy Weapon will do that). She spends her turn beating the shit out of Lucien while chanting Molly's name.
Beau: I'm beating Molly out of him!
Veth is hit with a massive Necrotic attack and fails her saving throw. Then Sam is reminded Veth was in range of Yasha's war cry, so she has advantage. Sam takes advantage of the cast's tendency to call out good rolls for the ultimate troll move.
Sam: Natural Twelve!!
Essek (temporarily under the effect of a Charm Person spell Lucien placed on him) starts casting a spell at Fjord, who's currently hiding in a nearby tower. Caleb quickly dispels the charm, snapping Essek out of it just in time to stop his attack before it can hurt Fjord.
Travis: Don't stop casting it, but point it at him!!
Marisha makes a terrible pun and is laughing at it when this happens:
Marisha: Kill me now!
Matt: That's the plan.
- Liam's follow up to Marisha's pun.
  Liam: You hear Lucien sing, "I'm gonna end you".
Fjord attempting to call out to Molly by recalling when they both shared a room and asks whether or not he'll put a necktie on the doorknob next time. But because he's still hiding in the tower, the words aren't very effective and instead it notifies Lucien on Fjord's current location.
As Veth shoots another bolt at Lucien, it lodges into his side which he swats at in annoyance. He then flexes his abs and dislodges the bolts. Veth is noticeably turned on by this.
Lucien attempts to put a Charm on Caduceus, but he saves and is unaffected. Caduceus's reaction is to give Lucien the disappointed parent stare.
Caduceus is drawn in by Lucien's illusion, so Matt places his mini on the base of Lucien's. This puts Caduceus's head right at crotch-level, making it look like he's staring directly at Lucien's junk.
Taliesin: What spell does that eye cast?
- When it comes around to Caduceus's turn he moves around Lucien, both to get out of range of the anti-magic cone, and because he really doesn't like the view.
  Travis: (mimes reaching out to touch it) ...No, I shouldn't. I don't wanna find the other eye.
  Marisha: (laughing hysterically) "Uk'otoa, what are you doing here?!"
  Travis: "Consume-" Nope! Nope!

Episode 140: Long May He Reign

Sam's ad where's he's dressed as a D20 and further along in the skit, Ashely asks him if she's being scammed.
Just before the fight begins, Sam asks Matt if there are any magic shops or potion dealers in sight. Matt makes him roll for it.
Matt: You don't see anything.
The cast realizes that the entire map is covered in eyes, and Travis asks Matt if he just glued tiny googly eyes to everything. Matt replies that, yeah pretty much.
Liam: "What are you doing in there, Matt?" "NOTHING!"
Marisha: Uh-huh.
Matt: Yeah, it was a lot of that.
During a very tense moment, Caduceus runs forward to revive Jester. When Matt leans forward to move his figure, he accidentally knocks over several pieces of the map.
Taliesin: ...and with my imagination I send the entire city crumbling down!
- When Caduceus does get to cast Revivify on Jester, Matt fucks with the players.
  Matt: You wonder... why it didn't seem to work. (everyone looks shocked) ...until she inhales.
  Travis: Fuckin'... MATT!
- To give some idea of how the Critters reacted to this: trending on Twitter moments later was "MATTHEW MERCER", in all caps.
Jester creating a giant dick with eggs on it and willing it to fall forward to smack Lucien in the face.
Jester: This is a really good costume you've got going on, Molly! But nothing will ever be as good as your egg dick!
- The others' response to this outside of clapping with joy.
  Travis: That's my child's mother.
  Taliesin: This is how my parents said I'd die.
Fjord really trying to make the moment he shared with Molly mean something. He attempts to call out to the other asking if they should share some fruit salad next time.
Matt: I'm on the cusp of giving you disadvantage for that one.
Taliesin: I'm on the cusp of agreeing.
Caleb tries to free himself from the rubble by attempting to use his rocket boots to propel himself out. He fails the roll and Matt makes sputtering sounds.
Fjord: Is something burning?
Fjord uses Marine Layer to Sam's vindication.
Fjord: Veth, keep your clothes on, and with my bonus action I will cast Marine Layer!
Veth: The greatest spell in history!!
- Perhaps the funniest thing is that Marine Layer actually ends up being incredibly useful in this fight, since all of the Somnovem except Ira require direct line of sight with their target, making this Fjord's second Lethal Joke Item of the arc.
As Jester and Caduceus revive Caleb, he looks around and asks if it's over.
Jester: You did it!
Caleb: (weakly) Insight check...
Fjord attempts to look for his Bag of Holding, but doesn't see it. Jester manages to will it to come to them, causing Fjord to immediately run over and slide as he grabs the bag.
When the reviving ceremony doesn't work, Caduceus offers to bury Molly in his grove. Jester lightly jokes that it would be a perfect place for Molly to rest, since his name Tealeaf is "Asking to be buried and be made into tea."
After the crushing failure of the resurrection ritual, Caduceus tries Divine Intervention just for shits and giggles... and it works. Matt re-rolls the resurrection die and rolls a 12, high enough to beat the DC. The rest of the cast is struggling.
Marisha: (sighing) I can't deal with the emotional whiplash.
Ashley: I mean, my god! I'm exhausted!
Molly is brought back to life, waking up in a bed of flowers surrounded by his friends... and immediately jumps up and tries to make a run for it. While still completely naked.
- Veth tries to make things easier on Molly's muddled brain by casting an illusion on herself so she looks like a goblin again. This startles him so hard he jumps a foot in the air.
- Molly goes around the group, calling them by the names of the tarot cards he made of them. Everyone is absolutely overjoyed... except Beau, who flips him off. The fact that she's only just stopped crying makes it better.
- As Fjord casts Cure Wounds on Molly, he uses Minor Illusion to create the image of a fruit salad in his hand, which he offers at the same time. Molly looks confused at the offering, then becomes more confused when his hand passes right through it.
Everyone giggling and looking at Taliesin expectantly when Yasha insists Caduceus introduce himself to Molly. The look Taliesin gives her is gold in and of itself.
Taliesin: The following accents I will not be responsible for.
- The conversation they do end up having is not exactly stellar, given Molly doesn't know who Caduceus is and currently has a vocabulary of about ten words.
  Caduceus: Uh... Mollymauk, I guess? Mr. Tealeaf? Hello. How are you feeling?
  Molly: (confused) ...Empty?
  (Beat)
  Caduceus: Yeah, he's as riveting as you all said.
There's a round of healing done after everything settles down, and the cast is reminded that the newly-resurrected Molly has 1 hit point. Cue Veth, yelling at everyone to check out this cool explosive crossbow bolt she has loaded.
Before they leave, Veth suggests that Jester draw a dick in the area, which she happily does and adds Fjord's captain character into the mix. Matt takes the opportunity to get equally silly with his description of the event.
Matt: It's unique to be able to just fly up, will yourself around it, and kind of paint freeform as you coast around - an untethered free spirit of art and expression. And within a few moments, you have... masterfully shaded it to look like a big ol' donger.
Caduceus musing that all of the Nein will die one day and he hopes they would be buried in his grove, saying it would make him very happy. Fjord understands the sentimentality, but isn't that comforted.
Jester prepares to teleport everyone and cheerfully notes that they finally have nine people. She then adds in Sprinkle, leading Taliesin to say that maybe Sprinkle should be left behind to make them nine.
Matt: Sprinkle is considered an accessory.
Travis: (In his Sprinkle voice) An accessory? The fuck did you just say, bitch?
The last few minutes of the stream can be summarized with this quote:
Liam: Congratulations, Taliesin’s character saved Taliesin’s character!
The cast joke that Ashly Burch is officially off the hook for Molly's death.
The last words of the stream are Travis' ecstatic screech of "WE'RE ALIVE!"

Episode 141: Fond Farewells

To celebrate the last episode of Campaign 2, Sam incorporates a poem into his ad spot. However, Sam being Sam, he makes sure to get to the specifics of the ad before the poem gets too sappy.
Ashley gives an ad for their charity supporting a writer's room in a high school, and she is praised for how well she did.
Ashley: Well, you know, I may as well get it right one of these days.
At the start of the episode everyone levels up to level 16... And Molly levels up to 6!
Veth suggests that they teach Molly to talk the way they did with Kiri.
Jester: Hey, Molly! Go fuck yourself!
Molly: (bright smile)
Jester brings Molly some food, and he immediately grabs it with his bare hands and scarfs it all down. She's relieved he remembers how to eat.
Matt: (contemplating) But does he remember how to poop...?
Sam takes off his sweater to reveal a shirt with Matt's face, his hair removed to make him look bald.
Travis: See, it sucks when they Photoshop you bald, man.
- As soon as Sam reveals the shirt, Matt writes something down.
  Marisha: Did you just make a note?
  Matt: (unconvincingly) No.
  Sam: He's going to kill my character.
Jester Sends messages to Marion and Yeza to let them know everyone is alive. However, in the message to Yeza, Veth insists Jester tries to imitate her voice. Jester gives a performance that can best be described as "Jester after swallowing about a pound of gravel."
- She rolls a 17 on the deception check. Yeza is not convinced, but rolls with it.
- The others then suggest Caleb, Caduceus and Molly each try to imitate Veth. Caleb's is so atrocious he manages to mispronounce Veth's name, Caduceus says one word and immediately hurts his throat, and Molly remains blissfully asleep.
Jester insists she wants to let Molly sleep instead of waking him up to have breakfast with everyone else. She gently kisses him on the cheek, and casts Greater Restoration on him, just in case. Molly proceeds to have several years worth of memories shoved back into his brain at once and wakes up screaming bloody murder.
Yasha steps out of the house to find Molly/Kingsley up and talking in full sentences.
Veth: We just taught him Common. While you stepped out for a second, we taught him Common.
Molly/Kingsley: She's utterly full of shit.
The first thing Kingsley does after establishing his new identity is the exact same thing his two predecessors did: flirt with Caleb. Apparently it's a tradition.
Kingsley: Oh you're cute, magic man. (bites lip)
Jester running up to where her father's room was and being noisy as she continuously knocks on the door. As Marionne gets dressed, it's clear Jester had just interrupted some quiet time between her parents.
Nugget is fine! When Jester scratches him in the right spot he gets so excited he poofs away.
Veth reuniting with her family, with the guard knocking on the door where they're staying and opening it when he doesn't get a response. Luc shoots a wooden bolt at his eye.
Guard: AGH! Son of a-!
Veth: Son of a what?
Guard: ...Of a wonderful woman!
Luc showing off his stolen trinkets to his mother who's more than proud of him. From copper coins to buttons that looked freshly cut off of clothes. Matt notes a lot of the guards had been wondering why their clothes keep falling off. Like mother like son.
Veth giving Luc the ring that let her walk on water.
Veth: It's a magic ring. It makes you not sink to the fucking bottom- I'm sorry, I've been around the others for a while.
- Later on as Luc shows his father what he got.
  Luc: Dad, look! I won't sink to the fucking bottom!
  Yeza: (grunts in pain)
- As Luc is outside in the bar, he asks to have a lot of water to the confusion of the staff.
  Staff: How much do you need? What do you need it for?!
  Luc: I need to not fucking sink!
Veth asks Yeza how he liked his time at the Evening Nip. He can't think of anything nice to say, and Matt describes it as a Thousand-Yard Stare.
Jester creating a parasol for Essek, with Fjord asking what that was and being confused when he does see.
Fjord: It's just an umbrella. A duvet is just a blanket!
- Later on she even makes cute gloves for Essek to wear to help the Clays out when planting.
After Jester learns that Caleb released Frumpkin, she tells Sprinkle that he's stuck with her.
Travis as Sprinkle: Please, no.
Jester offers Kingsley Molly's cloak, which he doesn't seem to approve of.
Kingsley: Seems kinda gaudy.
- As the Nein come together to try and figure out a new outfit for Kingsley, the outfit he now has on keeps shifting with each of their suggestions. Think of the Sleeping Beauty scene with the dress colors.
Trent's proteges announce their presence by counterspelling Caleb. Veth excitedly takes this as Astrid and Caleb having a romantic moment.
Veth: It's a Meet Cute! They're falling in love!
Beau: (Groans)
While travelling to the Evening Nip may have been traumatic, and Marion was clearly uncertain about the wisdom of using her old lover's operation as a hideout, by the time the Nein return from Cognouza she has the entire underground crime syndicate wrapped around her pinkie finger and is shamelessly milking it for all it's worth.
- After kindly declining Jester's...generous...offer to take her severely agoraphobic mother on a camping trip in a distant cemetery surrounded by strangers, she demonstrates exactly why she's much more comfortable in the now-familiar Evening Nip. Smirking openly and without breaking eye contact with her daughter, she whistles, holds out her hand, and immediately has it filled with a glass of early-morning sherry.
- In general, the degree to which the Gentleman's goons are clearly under orders to attend her hand and foot and are openly terrified of doing anything that might cause her even mild displeasure.
- The staff of the Nip have been having almost as bad a time as Yeza. In addition to the only woman their boss has ever loved, they're playing host to a random civilian and an eight-year-old child...and are expected to behave accordingly, in large part because Marion's presence and Jester's friendship mean that any rudeness or discomfort caused to Luc and Yeza will make the Gentleman look bad to people he's already desperately trying to make amends with. They're at the end of their rope and absolutely no one is sympathetic.
After Beau leaps into the air to reach Trent (who’s flying via magic boots) and manages to slap the silencing collar Caleb acquired onto him, Caleb temporarily dispels the magic on the boots. As Matt describes how Beau and Trent start falling, Marisha mimes riding a bull in a rodeo and Travis puts in his two cents...
Travis: Might as well ride him down like Dr. Strangelove!
- Trent tries to Dimension Door out, but Fjord counterspells with a bit of Southern flavor. Doubles as Awesome.
  Travis: (Southern accent) Well, I see Beau get up there and just start ridin'. Solid eight seconds, one hand up! And I see Trent start to conjure... (as Fjord) Naaah. She rides bareback real solid.
  Marisha: Texblade is back!
- The sound Matt makes to describe Trent's Dimension Door failing.
  Laura: "Pleh..." (also Southern) Like a turtle tryin'a fuck!
Jester drawing a really terrible dick on Trent's palms with the Sovereign Glue and pressing them together, binding his hands permanently (save for using a Wish spell or Universal Solvent to get rid of it).
Caduceus threatens Eodwulf into helping put out the burning house. Matt looks at Eodwulf's spell list to see what he can do... Turns out it's not much.
Matt: He begins to... What can he do?
Travis: (petulantly) What can you do, Eodwulf? I Control Water from the pond — Look what I'm doing!
Matt: He looks at that, looks over to [Caduceus]. (as Eodwulf) ...Do you have a bucket?
As Astrid and Eodwulf are leaving, they pass Kingsley on his way back from a walk around the Grove. There's some intense side-eyeing.
Kingsley returns from a walk to find the grove a complete mess, everyone injured, the house on fire, and a strange man sitting on the ground with his hands glued together. Poor guy nearly has a panic attack.
Kingsley: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! I left for like an hour and a half! Who were those people?!
Beau: (deadpan) Oh, we had a coming home party for you, but you missed it. We party hard here.
Kingsley: (stares around in shock) Who were those- (points at Trent) Who's THAT person?! Who are YOU people?! I don't even know your bloody names!! What is WRONG with you?!
Jester: That's right, we never introduced ourse- I'm Jester!
Kingsley: ...I need a drink.
- Kingsley spends the next minute or so grumbling to himself and digging through the heavily burned remains of the temple looking for booze. Taliesin rolls to check, but admits he kind of expected no alcohol to be in the Clay's home. Marisha and Liam joke that they probably only had strong Kombucha.
- He later approaches Jester to apologize for being rude... and to ask if she has any booze on her. She points him to Veth, who gives him her flask of infinite rose and tells him to keep it. Kingsley takes a few swigs, declares that Veth is now the best friend he's ever had, and walks off while chugging from the flask like his life depends on it.
  - Kingsley doesn't know anyone's names yet, so Jester describes Veth to him as "the little one with the giant tots."
- This scene happens directly after a scene featuring Caduceus. Before switching characters, Taliesin apologizes for dual-wielding.
An angered Caduceus tries to use Command on Trent to get him to "empathize" with his pain, Trent keeps rolling saves while Caduceus continues to repeat "empathize". After the fifth "empathize" command Veth walks off to find her family.
Travis: Got to give him credit, he's a stubborn bastard.
Liam: Yes, he's an asshole.
- Even with help from Fjord, Trent is unaffected.
  Caduceus: Don't worry, we'll try it again tomorrow.
A couple days later Astrid and Eodwulf return. When Fjord comes into the room not knowing they're there he stares at Eodwulf for a long time, before nodding and telling them to continue with Beau's interview.
- Caduceus on the other hand isn't as welcoming. He "kindly" asks them to help with the damages they made and Jester gives them wide brimmed hats and gloves to protect them from the sun... But they send them out when it's clearly nighttime.
While the Grove is being repaired and Trent's victims are being interviewed, Trent himself stays bound and silenced in a corner, guarded by Yasha and occasionally Kingsley, and spoonfed things like quinoa and mushy peas to keep him alive. According to Matt, he mostly maintains his shitty grin, but gets a little bitchy around feeding time.
Caleb: (twirls the spoon through the air towards Trent's mouth) Here comes the dragon attack!
- Caduceus has been coming by and dropping his "empathize" commands on him every day. The spell eventually does take hold... but apparently Trent is such a complete piece of shit that, even when magically compelled to try, he is completely unable to empathize with another person's pain.
Kingsley admits that he kind of wants a weapon, since he feels defenseless without one. Fjord offers him a sledgehammer which he incredulously turns down ("Look at me!"), and Yasha offers him Skingorger, which is as tall as he is and too heavy for him to even lift.
As Veth and Caduceus are saying their goodbyes, Caduceus calls her "the second best mother [he knows]".
Veth: So your mother is the best.
Caduceus: She's also within earshot, so...
Beau calling Essek "Hot Boi".
As Essek decides to leave the party he mentions maybe going to see Reani and Jester happily says he would look amazing in a floral crown. Essek looks at her in confusion and she just says to not worry about it.
The Nein bidding farewell to Caduceus as they strip Trent of whatever items he may have on him.
Caduceus: I'm going to miss this process.
Jester snuggles up to Fjord and spontaneously confesses her love to him. She immediately gets embarrassed, panics, and casts Modify Memory- or would have, if she weren't out of spell slots or had it prepared. Marisha likens it to a spontaneous text gone wrong.
Marisha: Wait! Don't send, don't send!
The Nein (minus Caduceus) decide to spend a night in Nicodranas to drop off Veth and the Brenattos. However, they have to take Trent with them. They soon think of an upside.
Beau: We'll take a bunch of pictures with him, Weekend At Bernie’s style!
- The group then starts discussing different ways to transport Trent without drawing too much attention to themselves. They end up stuffing him into a large wicker basket with a lid, carrying him through Nicodranas and Rexxentrum, and dumping him out on the floor of Yudala Fon's office.
As they walk back through the streets of Nicodranas, the Nein have a brief encounter with the bandits they’d met early on in their journey. They apologize when they see Kingsley in particular and immediately scurry off.
- Kingsley (who has no idea who these people are) goes along with pretending to recognize them.
  Kingsley: How dare you show your faces around here after what you’ve done! (turns to the Nein) Am I doing it right?
  Beau: Yeah, yeah.
As Kinglsey takes his leave, he calls Caleb "Magic Man". He then gives him a slap on the back and then on the ass as he goes. Liam notes that Caleb liked that.
Artagan telling Jester he won't be going anywhere and neither will Sprinkle. She can try. He assures her he'll reappear by at least the next day.
As Jester leaves, Artagan muses on what he'll do next.
Artagan: There's so much of Exandria left to fuck with.
Kingsley overhears Fjord talking about setting out on the sea, and immediately asks Fjord if the Nein own a ship.
Kingsley: So... quick confession. For most of my life, I've wanted to be a pirate.
Fjord: (raises an eyebrow; deadpan) Most of your life.
Kingsley: ...Since I heard you had a ship.
- Fjord tries to assess Kingsley's qualities.
  Fjord: Have you any experience?
  Kingsley: (Beat) ...Yes.
  Fjord: Have you courage?
  Kingsley: Probably. Don't hit me.
- After a few years, Kingsley convinces Fjord to give him a ship, which he christens the Mollymauk, and runs off shortly thereafter to join the Revelry, leaving Fjord a note to express his gratitude and say that he is forever his servant... But he's never giving the ship back.

Campaign Wrap-Up

Marisha states that they're going to start the wrap-up at the beginning of the campaign, but Liam has other priorities. He slams the table so hard his dice fly up like they're in a cartoon, and Matt lets out a hilariously faux-panicked yelp.
Liam: SCREW THAT!! WHO'S ON THE TAL'DOREI COUNCIL?!?!
Sam going through Veth's fake names with Liam and Matt admitting they were wondering why Sam chose "Bren" of all the fake names. Sam had no idea about Caleb's real name at the time. He used "Veth", "Bren", and "Atto", which make, "Veth Brenatto".
Marisha: You dick! I hate how smart you are. It pisses me off.
Matt: You're the worst.
Veth's name starts with a V because Sam was following up on his "promise" to call a new character Vix (because of the twins Vex and Vax) from the last campaign.
Sam: If I ever have to roll a new character, I'm calling him "Vix".
Matt: I will cut you.
Brian constantly referring to each guest as "undoubtedly" the cast and fan favorite. Ashly Burch retorted that she's not sure she would be a fan favorite, after what happened with Keg and Molly.
- Taliesin then recalling a text he had with Ashly who said she saw a Mollymauk cosplayer on the subway and wasn't sure what to do, asking if she should just leave or apologize.
Travis' main reason for not releasing Uk'otoa? He didn't like that he was constantly puking up sea water.
Travis: If I could have kept it tucked under, I would have let that bitch out.
Matt's reveal of why Beau's bluff with the Cobalt Soul worked so well on the Plank King, which he admits he partially made up on the spot: the Plank King has a strange "para-social relationship" with the Cobalt Soul. He likes to consider himself an intellectual and reads up on the political structures of the Empire. With his surface knowledge of the Cobalt Soul, he came to the conclusion that they and The Revelry are not so different. After all, they became pirates to get back at the corrupt Clovis Concord, and the Cobalt Soul roots out corruption in the Empire, and so if they met up, he's sure they'd team up and do great things together.
Marisha asks Matt about Essek's younger brother Verin; Matt describes him as the himbo of the family.
Mica Burton's interview has her claiming that her biggest accomplishment in the campaign was having Reani sleep with Beau. Ashley Burch mentioned the same thing with her character, Keg.
Many have found it hilarious that out of the entire Nein, it's Jester who ends up with the most nemeses by the end of the story and afterwards.
- Laura wants Jester to have an art gallery and a bunch of rich clients she messes with for fun. Matt improvs that one of these is Celia, who still has the gold dick stuck to her hand, but has sharpened it into a shiv and come for revenge.
Matt explaining to the others what would have happened if they ended up getting nine eyes in total. If this ended up happening, the characters would have become NPC's under Matt's control. Travis then admits to Marisha and Liam that he and the others had a secret group text where they were discussing how to take Beau and Caleb out if they ended up getting nine eyes.
Sam admitting that as Veth he didn't want Caleb to do the time traveling and adding that he even put that in Veth's letter to Luc.
Matt explains that he basically intended Sprinkle to be Artagan's connection to Jester from the get-go.
Matt: 'Cause crimson weasels don't exist in D&D lore, so-
Laura: Wait! What if we didn't buy him???
Matt: Oh- you were gonna buy him!
Laura: You just knew?
Matt: I knew. And even if you hadn't you would've found he just stowed away like a day later.
Laura: Ugh, godd.... Such a waste of money...
[cast cracks up]
Marisha and Ashley had a long text discussion of Beau and Yasha's future together. They agree that they would eventually adopt children, Yasha hoping to make up for her time as the Orphanmaker by giving orphans a home. Sam jokes that this makes her the Orphantaker.
- Laura and Travis panic slightly as they have had zero discussions about what Jester and Fjord did post-epilogue. Travis points out that they actually live together.
The final interview they had of everyone's favorite guest party member: Chris Perkins as Spurt. His interview segment lasted about as long as Spurt's appearance in the campaign itself.
Laura says that Jester would go to visit Henry Crabgrass every now and then, with Matt adding in that Henry's lifespan would be short, but she ends up visiting the long line of Henry Crabgrasses. The others start joking that Jester sort of becomes a god in their eyes since she basically gave Henry sentience.
Matt reveals that among the Tal'Dorei Council is its Master of Commerce: Coinmistress Vex'ahlia de Rolo. Liam jokes that she's swimming in gold, and Matt sings this to the tune of the theme song:
Matt: Thirty years later, they're still both fuckin' in their gold! Coin bin!

Funny / Critical Role Weird Magic

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