Funny / Critical Role Swords And Angels

Critical Role's funny moments
Campaign 1 (Vox Machina): 1-23 | 24-38 | 39-83 | 84-99 | 100-115
Campaign 2 (Mighty Nein): 1-25 | 26-47 | 48-69 | 70-91 | 92-112 | 113-141
Campaign 3 (Bell's Hells): 1-22 | 23-38 | 39-51 | 52-64 | 65-80 | 81-
Critical Role One-Shots

Episode 70: Causatum

• Sam's D&D Beyond ad is a radio play, starring Travis as the "Private Dick", Laura and Sam himself doing sound effects. The slide-whistle in particular gets a lot of further mileage over the course of the episode.
  • Sam's complete disregard for the copy D&D Beyond sent him.
  • After this promo, Matt and Marisha promote the new Rook and the Raven notebook. Marisha reveals her last note from the previous session is simply "Fuckin' Yasha".
• Caleb identifies the dagger, but Liam can't actually read what's on the information paper since he's joining in through a video call. Instead, Taliesin reads out what's on the paper... in a German accent.
• During the party's otherwise-tense discussion of what to do next, Nott points out the possibility of simply ignoring The Laughing Hand because the Roc they passed in the Barbed Fields will probably eat it. Bonus points for immediately following with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson puns.
• Said discussion also causes Caduceus to finally lose his cool.
  Caduceus: (With the barest hint of frustration in his tone) I think if we run, that's how you end up in prison. I, I don't... I don't mean to raise my voice, but...
  (The rest of the group cracks up.)
  Fjord: What did I walk into?
• Jester reminding Matt that she had earlier changed the Ready Room's sign to read "Ruddy Poon". He points out that not only is it still there, no-one has noticed yet.
• Jester disguising as "Nancy McFancypants" to get some information out of a few Drow soldiers? Funny. Her rolling high enough on Deception for them to actually believe her? (they simply feel bad for her for having a name like that) Hilarious. Her confiding in Beau later that the first name that came to mind was "Drowy McFancypants"? Even funnier. Her thinking Nancy was the bad part of the name, not "McFancypants", and that she never realized "McFancypants" was an Atrocious Alias until Beau told her? Hysterical.
  • When Matt asks what Caleb wants to do, Caleb reveals he just stood there and listned to Beau and Jester talk, as both of them forgot he was there.
• While Caduceus is in the middle of casting Legend Lore, he's interrupted by an orc man who climbs up the ladder to the Ready Room's dormitory. When he tries to make small talk, Caduceus uses Thaumaturgy to turn his eyes pitch black and very slowly turns towards him with a blank, creepy stare.
  Orc: ...I'm gonna leave you to it. (climbs back down)
• At the end of the day inside the Xhorhause, Jester and Beau leave for their room to "sneakily" discuss what to do in case Dairon visits. Except Caduceus keeps interjecting into the conversation, implying he's simply following them upstairs, much to Jester and Beau's exasperation.
  Beau: There is no privacy in this house! Stupid group.
• Caleb decides to take some brandy with his tea before their journey the next day. Nott misinterprets this as him trying to get drunk, leading to a somewhat heated discussion.
  Caleb: I'm going to have a shot and calm my nerves!
  Caduceus: Seems to be working.
  • Later in the same conversation, an awkward, weirdly tense silence falls.
    Nott: Are you gonna kill us all in our sleep tonight?!
    Caleb: (dryly) I guess maybe trying to do a toast is out of character. Yes, I am going to kill all of you.
    Nott: Well, I'll drink to that!

Episode 71: Family Gathering

• The D&D Beyond promo is the promised "master debate" between Sam and Liam, with questions 'asked' by Ronin Willingham (which prompts an "awww" from everyone at the table). Dani claims to be a fair timekeeper, cutting Liam off precisely at 20 seconds and letting Sam talk on and on while reducing his time remaining by one second every time he asked. Liam was trying to be professional, Sam was going off half-cocked and utterly failing at convincingly incorporating slang into his pitch, and when asked to say something nice about their opponent, Liam said a heartfelt wish to be true friends while Sam took the chance to lob another juvenile insult.
• Beau and Jester can't think of the best place within the Xhorhaus to have a private and clandestine meeting with Dairon, completely forgetting that it has a War Room.
  Jester: Hey! You could go to the hot tub!
  Beau: (serious, to Dairon) ...Is this conversation appropriate to have in a hot tub?
• Luc acting like the kid he is when Nott gave him anything - crossbow, Nugget, etc.
  • He becomes especially enamoured with the crossbow, and the attempts to trade him Nugget for it results in Taliesin describing the situation as the "ultimate divorce simulator".
• Marion informs whether the party has been looking after her Jester:
  Beau: I mean, she's also totally been taking care of, you know, herself and us as well. It's kind of like, you know—
  Jester: A cycle.
  Beau: Reciprocal.
  Marion: Right. It's a cycle that some would call, I don't know... friendship?
  Beau: Oh, I was going to say unhealthy.
• Beau goes through Jester's wardrobe, and groans over a yellow dress; as she hates yellow. Laura, wearing a yellow cardigan, looks momentarily offended.
• Beau tries to prank Essek with scattered ball bearings, but he just glides through them, scattering them. She then pins the prank on Dairon.
• Caleb casts Teleportation Circle back to Yussah's tower... and they forgot to Send a message to him in advance. They also make an effort to avoid mentioning that they've been to Xhorhas in front of him... and as they exit, Matt reminds them they're all still wearing their Xhorhasian clothes.
• The party ordered a cart with two horses for a trip via Essek's Teleport spell, and couldn't even bring them along.
• Calianna's gifts are finally picked up, and Taliesin/Caduceus deliberately tangles as much of Marisha/Beau's hair in her new blue bow as possible, then they engage in an extended pun session with tying the new bow on Beau's bo in a bow.
  Caleb: ...I cast Fireball.
  • Beau reveals she still has the pamphlet from the circus among other trinkets from the journey in what is swiftly dubbed her scrapbooking pouch. The revelation is equal parts funny and sweet.

Episode 72: Clay and Dust

• This week's D&D Beyond skit sees the polls finally open for the Sam vs Liam elections. Sam opts for a speech reflecting on the campaign so far, filled with a few jokes about not being able to remember how many children he has. Liam responds by going on a rant lifted straight out of Network about how ridiculous the sponsor skits have become. He goes as far as getting out of his seat and walking off set, still ranting at the camera, before he's cut off by a We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties card showing Trinket pulling a power cable out of an outlet.
  • Taliesin and Marisha realise that somewhere, parents are having to explain Network to their kids as a result of this.
    Liam: Kids in 2019 love homages to movie from the 70s!
• Taliesin Jaffe, Eldritch Being From Time Immemorial... fears mimes.
• The party is tailed by curious ghosts as they make their way to the Kiln. Naturally, Jester keeps them entertained by loudly reading from one of her porn books. A few of the ghosts actually seem into it, leading Matt to joke that "Ghost Dick" is the sequel to "Tusk Love."
  Jester: (Reading) As he ripped open her bodice..
  Caduceus: That's like five gold to fix!
  • This comes up again later when Jester tries to loan the Dust family "Tusk Love."
    Beau: You know "Ghost Dick"? Same author.
  • Again when Fjord's dreams are once again interrupted.
    Sam: (Chanting) Horny ghost, horny ghost, horny ghost-
    Liam: Ghost diiiiiiick.
    Sam: The ghost of Avantika is back for seconds!
• Caleb's reaction to the ghost by the side of the lake.
  Caleb: It's probably fine. (As Liam) I cast mage armor.
• Beau notices dwarvish runes carved around the forge and Marisha asks if anyone can read dwarvish to interpret them. She then, moments later, triumphantly realizes that Beau speaks dwarvish. Which is the first time one of the languages she studied with the Cobalt Soul has been useful. (She laments that they've never needed Deep Speech)
  • It is absolutely hilarious considering when Marisha realises Beau knows Dwarven, she says it in first person, meaning this entire exchange took place in universe.
• Liam's declaration that "this campaign is so grimdark!" ... as Jester reveals she wrote a "wonderful story" in the margins of Tusk Love about "Petunia" and Captain Tusktooth's adventures on the high seas.
• Caleb's time studying during the night gives him the power to roll history checks "with enthusiasm".
• During Fjord and Jester's conversation Sam and Marisha quietly echo Uk'otoa's name every time Fjord and Jester mention him.
• In a very sweet moment, each member of the party gives Fjord an item to help him defend himself - everyone, that is, except for Beau.
  Beau: I don't have anything to give you other than drugs.
  • Nott then adds "drugs can sometimes make you feel magical."
  • Cadeuceus also chimes in that drugs are the greatest gift of all.
• Fjord comes clean to the party about his permanent power loss. Nott tries hard to not call him weak, to no success. Fjord gets fed up, leading to this exchange:
  Fjord: If you make a comment about my strength, I might just throw you into the lava.
  Nott: Well, you couldn't, but...
• Afterwards, Nott reacts in horror at Fjord saying "Eldritch Blast" in his real accent, and demands he go back to saying it in his Texan one.
  Nott: Well, hell.
• Episode 73 will be a live show airing from GenCon on a Friday instead of the normal Thursday. When Matt gave his signoff, he said Thursday instead of Friday before correcting himself. This wouldn't have been funny... if he hadn't just reminded the viewers about the schedule change in the sentence immediately preceding the sign-off.

Episode 73: Uthodurn

• As is traditional for live shows, the cast have gone all-out with their costumes:
  • Brian Foster is wheeled on stage inside a bodybag by two crewmembers and emerges wearing a black wig and a bodysuit covered in tattoos as a tribute to his favourite, soon-to-end television show.
  • The rest of the cast (save Sam) are all in Goth outfits, complete with copious amounts of eyeliner. Laura goes full Goth Lolita in a cute dress, purple wig and cat ears.
  • Sam's outfit almost defies description, but a close enough attempt is to call him a Rio de Janeiro Carnival dancer. A silver bodysuit with a deep v-neck and shorts, golden wings that light up, a feathered headdress, gold glittery go-go boots and and a glowing orb over this crotch. Oh and he's also carrying bubble-blowing guns. It really needs to be seen to be believed.
    Matt: (sarcastically) So as you can tell, we all agreed to one, singular theme.
• Fjord manages to hit the Remorhaz with his Dagger of Denial, prompting cheers from the audience. He immediately tells them not to get too excited, as the dagger does a whopping 1d4 damage.
• After Caleb turns Jester into a Mammoth, Laura just looks shocked for a moment before breaking out in laughter.
  • Matt Did Not See That Coming and didn't bring a mammoth mini with him to Gen Con forcing him to improvise with a different one.
  • Liam proves to be surprisingly capable of imitating a elephant's trumpeting.
• The monster grapples Beau with its jaw and bites her for so much damage she goes unconscious. Marisha asks Matt to please not kill her at a live show, to laughter of the audience... which quickly turns to horror when Matt follows up with: "...and then it burrows underground." Cue Marisha popping off and promptly imitating Beau getting dragged underneath the table, while Liam-as-Caleb responds with a over-the-top "Nooooooo!"
• Fjord succeeds on numerous strength checks, after repeated jabs from Nott about how weak he is after forsaking Uk’otoa - culminating in Nott failing a strength check of her own & Fjord firing back with a jab of his own.
  • Fjord's attempt to pull an unconscious Beau out of the Remorhaz's mouth results in him taking three points of "stretching damage".
    Fjord: It's almost like being with Avantika again!
• Jester, or more to the point Laura, agonizes over whether to attack the monster (her choice) or heal Beau, who's unconscious with a single death save remaining. She eventually heals Beau, but she's not happy about it.
  Beau: Do I come back to consciousness seeing Jester's face of regret and disdain?
  Jester: I'm glad you're back and stuff!
  Beau: Why aren't you a wizard? Or a sorcerer?
  Jester: I don't know!
• Now revived, Beau runs back in to deliver the monster a few wallops, but its heat aura almost knocks her back down to 0 again. Beau then decides wisely to disengage, despite Liam goading Marisha to keep hitting.
  Matt: Pop pop! (mimics Beau running in the other direction)
• When Fjord dives into the creature's neck-stump to retrieve Caduceus from its stomach, Beau tries to help, though she's still dazed from being knocked out, stumbling and slurring her words. When she realizes that Fjord's entire body went into the worm, making her unable to reach him without taking further damage, she instead just leans against it, spouting words of "wisdom."
  Beau: (slurring) 'S like... kind of ironic 'cause Fjord would suck things into his body, and now he's being sucked into worm's bodies. It kinda feels like everything came full circle! (collapses and passes out)
  • Caleb then sticks two of his Cat's Ire claws into the opening to rip open the creature's esophagus. However, the others interpret this gesture as something else.
    Matt: It's like the worst rectal exam. Just go ahead and roll damage.
    Travis: Yeah, rip open that muscular tunnel.
    Laura: (seductively) Yeah, do some good damage to that muscular tunnel...
    (Travis gives Laura a strange look)
    Laura: What? What did you mean?!
    Sam: Stick your finger into that-
    Liam: That is 20 points of rectal damage.
  • Jester finally manages to grab Fjord and yank him and Caduceus out with a very high Athletics check. Matt describes this event as "like some extremely aggressive birth."
• Beau and Nott race each other up a tree to be the one to do a perception check at the top. Serial Escalation follows:
  • First, they roll acrobatics with Nott rolling 1 point higher. As she slowly gets ahead, Beau responds by hitting Nott with her staff to make her stop.
  • Nott retaliates by casting Mage Hand to grab Beau's hair and try to yank her back, but Beau succeeds the contested check.
  • Beau then decides to throw an unlit firecracker at Nott's face and succeeds with a Natural 20.
  • Nott responds to this by whipping out her gun and shooting Beau in the ass with her single shot, dealing 14 points of damage. Liam yells out that this is what Percy has wrought.
    Sam: (appears to realize what he's doing) I am shooting her with a gun!
    Matt: This isn't with your crossbow? This is with-
    Sam: NO! With! My! GUN!
    Marisha: The one you have one shot for!?
    Sam: IT'S WORTH IT!
  • Despite this, Beau makes it to the top first via Step of the Wind. When Nott reaches the top, her and Beau shake hands, before Beau proceeds to let go and let Nott fall to the bottom.
  • Then, after all of this, Beau proceeds to roll a 9 on her perception check and only sees a couple of shapes in the distance.
  • As if that wasn't enough, they party had been trying to get through the mountains as stealthily as possible after the previous day's battle, and the gunshot alerted the wolves in the wilderness to their presence.
    • Matt sets up the wolf encounter by mimicking distant wolf howls. The audience promptly starts mimicking him.
      Jester: That's a lot of wolves you guys!
• Fjord rolled a Natural 20 to intimidate a giant goat, which caused it to run off, break the fence keeping it penned in, and caused several other goats to follow it.
  • He then blamed Nott for the incident.

Episode 74: Manifold Morals

• We see the aftermath of last week's D&D Beyond election. Namely, Liam and Sam throw a giant party with a lot of alcohol. The morning after, we discover that the Presidency was really for D&D Beyond's Party Planning committee... and their party just blew the year's whole party budget, so they are fired.
• Mica Burton joins the table. The first thing she does? Take out an enormous bag of dice and pour them onto the table. Laura looks like she's found her soulmate. Travis' expression exclaims "Oh God, there's two of them."
  • A moment prior to that which is easily missed is Micas' Stealth Pun:
    Sam: Do you need me to recap you on the D&D campaign?
    Mica: Uh, no. I-I saw your codpiece and that's all I needed, so I-I'm all cod up.
• Because the party neglected to tell Reani their names, she nicknames all of them (Fjord is Green Guy, Caduceus is Pink Guy, and Caleb is Coat Man). When they finally do introduce themselves, Caduceus introduces himself as "Caduceus Pink Guy, apparently", which everyone else mishears as "Caduceus Pink Eye". This prompts Beau to remark that that name sounds like the lead singer of a ska band.
  Taliesin: No, too far! Too far! There's a line on this table and you've finally crossed it!
  Mica: Ska is the line?
  Talisien: Ska is, by gods, always the line!
  • "I cast Conjunctivitis."
• Caleb discovers some hidden magic in a book in the Uthodurn Library, and he wants to study it, so he slips a secret note to Nott to cause a distraction. She does this by going back to one of their old cons (Sam has to flip very far in his binder to find it)—she screams at him for cheating on her, his wife, and draws her crossbow and shoots at the book he keeps under his coat. Then Caleb fails his dexterity roll to make sure the bolt hits the book, so Nott winds up straight-up shooting him. Needless to say, the two of them get banned from the library indefinitely.
  • When Caleb has to go back in to inspect the teleportation circle, he apologizes to the Scribewarden for his "wife"'s actions. What follows is this exchange:
    Scribewarden: How is your rib doing?
    Caleb: We have some very accomplished healers in the group, so...
    Scribewarden: (forced smile) I hope you have very accomplished therapists as well.
• Reani's angelic advisor is named Samliel. Nott (played by Sam Riegel) has a habit of mispronouncing in-game names that sound like the names of real people. You see where this is going.
  Nott: This Samriegel (or however you say it) is very smart and wise, and I know that you can trust him, so put your faith in Samriegel and he'll guide you.
  Liam: The election is over, Sam.
  Sam: This is just for me.
• There is a group associated with the Library called the Woodside Auditors. Matt accidentally pronounces "Auditors" in a way that sounds like "Otters." The players immediately start a running joke about the Woodside Otters.
  Matt: Every DM out there, you understand me. You know this pain.
  [...]
  Liam: Oh, you thought the word "auditors" was safe, didn't you?
  Matt: Keep pushing me, book boy.
• Liam graced us with this gem, in response to Beau purchasing use of the teleportation circle.
  Liam: I hear you have a yeet circle.
• The Mighty Nein and Reani talk Essek into teleporting them to their target's lair, which is a snowy hell as their target is a white dragon. The first words out of the normally unflappable Essek's mouth?
  Essek: You're crazy, but good luck.

Episode 75: Rime and Reason

• Sam pitches merch themed around his characters. A bag of buttons for Nott (buttons sold separately; choking hazard), a Taryon Darrington themed chia pet (contains choking hazard), Scanlan's doll house (complete with vegan kitchen, training pit, sex room and invisible servants) and a cube cock ring, that he also describes as a wanger hanger.
  Sam: Warning; is a choking hazard.
• Liam is away from the table & due to technical issues, unable to skype in. We instead get Marisha playing Caleb in his place, complete with an atrociously inconsistent “Zemnian” accent which draws comparisons to Arnold Schwarzenegger & the Swedish Chef at different points of the episode, as well as Keyleth's attempt to do a dwarven accent in Campaign 1.
  • Marisha's Caleb-impression is so atrocious, it causes Taliesin to slip back into his Percy-voice by accident.
    Taliesin: Too much accent happening here.
  • On top of struggling with the accent, she also struggles to stay in character.
    Marisha!Caleb: I can also always send in... (corpsing) my shitty cat Frumpkin, that fucking fails at everything.
    Nott: Caleb! That's your cat!
    Marisha!Caleb: Oh, I'm sorry, I love him so much.
• After killing several yetis who were worshiping the White Dragon, Nott and Jester come up with a plan to hollow out one of the corpses and wear it to pretend to be a yeti... before realizing they have Polymorph. (Though it turns out Polymorph can't turn them into yetis.)
  • Fjord’s absolute refusal to go along with the plan, and bafflement that Caduceus basically decides to along with it if most of the group agrees to the plan. Especially after he admits that he has no faith in the plan, and just wants to see how spectacular the failure ends up.
• The initial plan to get the iceflex goes sideways, and Nott tries to look on the bright side, saying that things couldn't have gone any better. Caduceus immediately disagrees.
• Travis freaks out when the map of the dragon's lair is revealed.
  Travis: WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?! LEVEL NINE!
  Taliesin: Because someone had a bad breakup!
  • Hilarious in Hindsight when the episode's Talks Machina went up, as it turns out "bad breakup" wasn't far off the mark for Gelidon's backstory.
• As the dragon makes a loud racket attempting to kill Reani and Beau, the remaining Yeti come in...and immediately leave, as described by Matt to throw their hands up and peace out. Smarter than the Nein these Yeti!
• As the party is about to flee Gelidon's lair via Teleportation Circle, Caduceus tosses 7 Platinum pieces at her as an apology.
  • Even better, white dragons generally interpret gifts as insults, as they believe you're suggesting they aren't strong enough to just take the gift from you. Caduceus was unknowingly rubbing the dragon's failure to catch them in its face.

Episode 76: Refjorged

• Sam promotes D&D Beyond while dressed as Britney Spears in the "Baby One More Time" video, and uses the opening chords to that song to preface a number of jokes, threatening to do the same during the rest of the game. Matt can only pinch the bridge of his nose in pain.
  Matt: Every time you do that, you will take 2D10 damage.
  Sam: Worth It.
  • Later in the episode he reveals that he wore the full costume, including a cropped top and miniskirt even though the game table hides everything from the waist down. Never doubt Sam's commitment to a bit.
• In order to determine who gets the Dispel Crystal, the Mighty Nein invent beer pong. Nott, Beau, Caduceus and Fjord all try and get a ball into a tankard to determine who is best at throwing, and all four of them miss completely. They decide to just give it to Fjord in the end.
  • As the group is leaving, Caleb — who already knows Dispel Magic and thus didn't participate in the beer pong contest — lags behind a little, pulls out a wad of bat poop and throws it at the tankard... and lands it on his first try. Nobody saw it, but he still looks smug as he walks out.
    Mica: Frumpkin saw it, and that's all that counts.
    Matt: And Frumpkin won't tell anyone.
• 76 episodes in; Caleb still doesn't make eye contact with anyone when he's speaking to them.
  Nott: You did last week! You were very handsome.
  Matt: I agree!
• Jester, Caleb and Reani turn into bats to scope out the manor, and Reani tries asking the local bats for help, with Matt ruling that bats could probably understand simple commands. Reani promises them bread if they help her, and the bats break out into a chorus of "I like bread". Matt even notes that most are just saying it because the others are, and aren't giving any consideration to whether they actually do like bread. Afterwards, since Caleb is Polymorphed into a bat while Reani is Wild-Shaped, he has a bat's Intelligence stat, so he flies to the roof looking for bread.
  • The furious wrist-flailing that Mica, Laura and Liam all do during this segment to simulate flapping their bat-wings. Liam finally reverses Marisha's accidental violence on him by flailing at her.
  • Meanwhile, Beau teaches Nott how to kickflip.
• Caleb's response to sensing necromantic magic coming from a trap in the wardrobe.
  Caleb: That's ...a bad armoire.
• Beau offers to help Fjord with strength-training, he says he tried it once before and "[his] everything hurt", to which Beau reveals she feels like that all the time. When Fjord says she sure doesn't show it, Beau answers with something that we really should have seen coming.
  Beau: Honestly, the pain kind of turns me on.
  • Again, when the party plans for the heist and Jester brings up the time Beau nearly died from a rug:
    Reani: Okay, no carpets for Beau.
    Beau: Well...
    (Everyone cracks up upon realization.)
• Before the heist, Caduceus "casts" Motivational Speech on the party. Matt is confused for a minute, before he realizes this is a real spell: it's from the official Acquisitions Incorporated sourcebook! Doubles as a moment of awesome as well.
• The infiltration goes south when Nott ends up killing a guard, and Crosses the Line Twice humour ensues, especially when Nott suggests making it look like a suicide.
  • Nott Messages Caleb to explain what happened, leading to Caleb casting Invisibility on him and Fjord as they try to enter... only, they can't see each other and have to awkwardly fumble to avoid walking into each other. Matt calls it peak D&D.
• While investigating the bedroom, the gang finds a letter written in invisible ink and with some sort of encryption. Once they manage to decode it, the letter talks about certain aquisitions, and to have patience.
  Jester: This sounds like slavers to me.
  Nott: Or even worse than that.
  Caduceus: ...Antique dealers?
• While everyone else is off involved in the heist, Fjord ends up hanging around awkwardly outside.
• While Reani and Beau's kiss is heartwarming, on a meta level it means Beau has romanced two guest characters right before their exits. She's quickly becoming The Casanova when it comes to guests. Additionally, considering how Keyleth was kissed by Kashaw in Campaign 1, this places Marisha on the opposite side of the scenario.
  Caduceus: Everywhere we go! How does she do that?! Everywhere we go!
  Jester: She gets so much action! Like, my mama could learn something from Beau!
  • At the end of the episode Mica starts getting emotional about her time on the show being over. Laura consoles her with a cheery "You got laid!"
• While Nott jokingly suggests they take Fjord's clothes off while pulling him out of the seaweed, Travis runs with it and demands to know where his shirt went.
• To see if his powers have returned, Fjord jokingly tries to use Mask of Many Faces to turn into Nott. When he does in fact turn into a huge, muscley goblin woman, Nott, Jester, Beau, and Fjord himself all scream in a panic for a few seconds. Then he drops the spell, whereupon everyone stops screaming, and then transforms again, prompting everyone to scream again.
  • Fridge Humor or Fridge Horror, depending on how you look at it, but, as mentioned above, the M9 had taken off Fjord's shirt, he even asks for it later. He just flashed Nott's boobs for the entire party. Though as pointed out later, Disguise Self usually copies clothing as well, so Fjord could have appeared as a clothed Nott.
  • Fjord then decides to try casting Eldritch Blast. Remembering his earlier promise about his accent he looks over at Nott and shouts the spell's name in his Texan accent.
    Nott: Ooh, YEE-HAW!
  • Watch it in all its animated(-ish) glory here!

Episode 77: A Tangled Web

• Sam's ridiculous hacker persona to shill Nord VPN, [e-mail]. The best part comes when he starts reading the copy and is actively shocked at seeing that Critters can get a 75% discount, proving once and for all that no, he does not read these before coming up with the bits.
  • During the bit, Sam says that you can "even block annoying ads!" with NordVPN. Off-camera and not mentioned in the subtitles, Liam asks, "Can it block this ad?"
• Nott attempts to convince Fjord that, as a "holy man", he must take vows of silence and chastity.
  • Which might be because she saw him flash her tatas in the last episode.
• Caleb learns two new Dunamancy spells from Essik. Jester sweettalks her way into being present when he learns them. One of them involves magically binding an object into a fixed point of space, making it immovable so long as the spell is active. Jester is VERY interested in it, and later buys Caleb enough gold dust for a few extra castings... because she has some prank ideas. Matt immediately facepalms.
  Matt: Oh no! I didn't think about that.
  Liam (with a shit-eating grin): We did. We definitely did.
  Matt: What have I done? What have I done?!?
  • Matt decides to text Liam the spells during the break, as the two wizards convene for a lesson.
    Caleb, reading his phone: "Yo Widogast, u up?"
• Fjord helping Caduceus out.
  Fjord: Is there some way I could be of service, perhaps?
  Caduceus: You could... get everyone to calm down, maybe.
  Fjord: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP.
• Beau's "Fuck the Cobalt Soul!" speech was awesome, and Dairon promoting her to Expositor afterwards is both awesome and heartwarming. Beau sheepishly asking "Please don't tell anyone I said 'Fuck the Cobalt Soul'." afterwards wraps around to being funny.
• While Jester being denied by the Gentleman again is very sad, Fjord trying to figure out if she's bullshitting by counting the words the Gentleman used in his alleged reply is absolutely hysterical.
  • The Sending Jester sends to the Gentleman also hilariously goes of the rails immediately.
    Jester: Um... So hi Dad.
    Travis: Oh wow, really? Right out of the fucking gate?
  • Also from that same exchange. After receiving one of Jester's customary rambling Messages, the Gentleman doesn’t bother with any sort of greeting and gets straight to the point. You can almost hear his exasperation.
    The Gentleman: I assume this is Jester.
• The party can't agree on which city they should teleport to in order to travel to Rexxentrum. Most of them think that Nicodranas is the best option, but Sam is convinced that the journey would be shorter if they started from Rosohna or Uthodurn. Travis begrudgingly pulls out their collection of maps and the group spends a couple of minutes carefully arranging them on the table, only to discover that Rexxentrum is almost perfectly equidistant from all three cities.
  Sam: Matt, can you make the world smaller next time?
  Matt: No.
• At the top of the episode, a fly somehow manages to invade the set and keeps floating about the player's heads, distracting them at the worst times. As soon as they bring attention to it, Travis pulls a bug-zapper out of nowhere and stands at the ready.
  Laura: Where did that even come from?
  Travis: Don't ask questions.
  • Nearly two hours later, while Caduceus is concentrating and casting Commune, Travis finally manages to kill the fly. There's a brief silence before the entire table cheers, catching Matt and Taliesin off guard.
    Liam: Dead for a ducat, dead!
    Taliesin: That which is dead cannot die.

Episode 78: Between the Lines

• Sam's "goth" persona. Taliesin is absolutely horrified.
  Matt: Before we begin tonight's episode... we have to figure out why Sam is the way he is.
  • Even Sam himself cannot stop corpsing through his own promo, starting from when he talks before his music cue, and later when he needs three attempts to say the phrase "Infernal God Ba'al".
  • Later, Sam attempts to apologize:
    Sam: I've never met or talked to a goth person. I don't know how they act!
    (Laura gestures at Taliesin, who is sitting right there stunned speechless)
    Sam: But he's normal! I don't know how a real goth person—
    Taliesin: Wow... I mean, after this I feel normal. Let me tell you, this was a dark mirror to stare into. I've gotta re-evaluate things now.
    Sam: I mean, I've never seen you in your goth persona.
    Taliesin: That's true. I have definitely seen whoever this is at a couple of clubs that I then immediately left.
  • What makes it even funnier is that Sam's costume includes jewelry that he borrowed from Taliesin. He then proceeds to lose some of said jewelry by accidentally dropping it into Nott's giant flask during the show.
    Matt: He'll find it later. After it chips his front teeth.
• A moment that also counts as heartwarming: Marion, when seeing Jester and the Mighty Nein off, ambigiously tells Fjord to "take care" of Jester, which flusters him:
  Marion Lavorre: "You're way too easy to spook, each and every one of you. Need to work on that. If I can get to you, imagine what more impressive and imposing figures can!"
  Jester: You're the most impressive and most imposing in the entire universe!"
  Marion: You're right, I forgot. Thank you, Jester- You're fine.
• The Running Gag of someone interrupting awkward moments with a cry of "To Zadash!" CritRoleStats counted 12 instances in total.
• During their stopover in Trostenwald, Beau orders some of the Baumbauchs' wine for old times sake, and finds out the price has been jacked-up due to the Baumbauchs ceasing production for a while. Marisha realizes this must be because of the letter Beau stole early in the campaign implicating them in illicit activities, which they then ratted-out to The Gentleman, and she gleefully yells "Cause and effect!"
• While the thought of Obann and the Laughing Hand being close to Kamordah is terrifying, Jester's messages to Beau's father wrap-around to being funny when Beau explains that he's a very superstitious person and his business was built on the advice of a fortune-teller, so hearing voices in his head from an unknown source probably spooked him. Jester and Beau agree that he kind of deserved it.
• In a Funny Background Event, as Matt describes Baphomet as the Demon Prince of beasts, like Minotaurs, Nott fans herself.
• Beauregard is pleasantly surprised to find out that she's actually well known in the Cobalt Soul since she had left, but is disappointed to hear that her name is used as an example of how not to be.
• Caleb's favourite hobbies: time manipulation, and "Master Debating".
  Matt: You have two favourite hobbies (asking which one Caleb is trying to look up information about).
  Liam: You know which one I mean.
• What should have been a fairly straightforward return trip to Xhorhas for the Mighty Nein, becomes a series of hilariously poor decisions, all because they wanted to bypass the Empire's increased border security by exploiting Caleb's Keen Mind feat to memorize more Teleportation circles.
  • Due to having recently acquired their horses, they really didn't want to part with another set of steeds, so they insisted on riding their horses through the Teleportation circle from Zadash to Rexxentrum, the horses pooping all the way through.
  • Upon arriving at Rexxentrum, rather than wait and announce themselves to the headquarters of a recently attacked organisation, in the capital of an Empire at war, they immediately try to get through the door to Port Damali. Nott tries to pick the lock but Sam rolls a Nat 1 so her thieves tools break as an archivist comes rushing in with several soldiers, the soldiers fire their crossbows at Jester, with one hitting, before everything settles down and the Nein explain themselves.
  • When Beau tries to use her new clout as an Expositor to explain away their actions and try to talk their way out of the situation, she immediately regrets this because she's not actually lying about anything, which would have actually worked out better for them as Beau's Deception modifier is higher than her Persuasion.
  • After verifying their information the archivist says the Nein may leave to Port Damali, but they are banished from the Rexxentrum archive until further notice.
  • One would think that they had learned their lesson, but when they arrive at the Port Damali Archive the Nein promptly repeat the process with the way back to Zadash, banishment and all! The ONLY difference being the location, and Fjord trying to get his horse to kick the door open due to Nott's broken tools.
    Liam: Caleb, in his mind, is just envisioning massive libraries decay and melt into the sea.
    • Jester would not have been shot in the first place if she hadn't been trying to cast spells in a heightened security situation. The spells in question? Enhance Ability so they could try talk their way out of the mess they had just put themselves in!
  • Arriving back at Zadash, an emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausted Archivist Zeenoth tells them to just leave (though does not expressly ban them).
    • As they're leaving, Caleb tells Zeenoth they've decided to just stay in Zadash (or tries to, at least, because Liam starts Corpsing mid sentence). Zeenoth can only stare incredulously, while Matt laughs so hard he nearly starts crying.
  • In conclusion the Mighty Nein's current record for shortest time spent in a place before being kicked out/banished is around half an hour, with special mention for 3 in 1 day.
    Beau: Well, I consider that a huge success.
  • They rode their horses through this whole affair, which leads to several hijinks. Caduceus ends up having to awkwardly hunch over on his horse for 20 minutes because the room isn't tall enough for a firbolg on a horse and there's not enough space to dismount, and when the Nein warp to Port Damali, Nott's horse ends up pooping mid-transit, resulting in a Skyrim-esque physics glitch that sprays horse shit across the entire room.
• Once again a fly menaced the cast, but unlike Travis' protracted battle the week prior, the fly divebombed Marisha's coffee and drowned immediately - seemingly at the wave of a hand from Taliesin. None of the cast members noticed this, but the comment section immediately continued the running gag of Taliesin being an eldritch creature or elder god of some sort.

Episode 79: Through the Trees

• After having to teleport the Mighty Nein twice in quick succession due to a misunderstanding Essek finally has enough and just flies away.
• Caduceus asks for directions and a fly lands on his face, taking that as a sign he says to follow that fly only for it to be eaten by a nearby toad.
• Sam's attempt to promote Dwarven Forge as Matt pulls out a second map gets... dark.
  Sam: If you don't go to that fucking website, I'll kill you.

Episode 80: The Folding Halls

• When Fjord twice notices that the Nein are being scryed on, he is extremely obvious about "Oh, we're going to Rexxentrum", probably fooling nobody.
  • Laura's pop and lock while trying to fool whoever is scrying on them into believing they're having a party. Taliesin begs her to stop.
• Jester singing that Essek "floats really good" at the end of her Sending. Matt reminds Laura that no, she does not have to use all 25 words.
• Nott's shopping list of components.
• When Allura teleports into Yussa's tower, the Nein hear the magic and realize that they really didn't need to jump all at once to fake announcing their presence after once again forgetting to cast Sending in advance.
• The collective freakout as everyone starts realising the arcanist in the tower is Allura. Liam seems to transform into Kermit the Frog.
  Matt: She seems to be in her mid-fifties...
  Marisha: IT CHECKS OUT!
• Caduceus makes an Insight check on Allura, and Caduceus being who he is, he earns himself a whisper. On the following episode of Talks Machina, Taliesin reveals that he decided to make faces while getting the whisper specifically to mess with Travis and Marisha, which makes rewatching that scene incredibly amusing.
  Travis: He's saying "Don't Insight check Allura, motherfucker!"
  Sam: It turns out Allura was evil this whole time and was just playing the long game.
• When the "heart" clue is stressed to Beau, Marisha is still for a moment while Travis shakes her in glee and Laura crows triumphantly that she knew it and had so told Travis that it was in the Happy Fun Ball.
• Sam is so focused on writing down the description of Yussa's ally that he is the last one to realize it's Allura.
• Allura's sass is still on-point after 20 years.
  Allura: It's also known as the Archmage Bane. It's in the damn name, Yussa, you fool.
• And minutes later, making only a very brief attempt at being tactful regarding her old friend in front of complete strangers:
  Caleb: Was he reckless to go in, then, if you are so wary...?
  Allura: (pained expression) Yes, I would say so. But, you know, some folks can't help themselves when the shiny red button is before them...
  Jester: (to Fjord) Shiny red button! That's what you pushed.
  Fjord: (raises hand) I pushed a shiny red button.
  Allura: Don't...do that again, please?
• When traveling between the Diamond Entrance to the Garden, the Nein are thrown through the portal with quite a bit of force, and have to make acrobatics checks. Everyone rolls high... except for Caduceus, who rolls a natural one. How this manifests is that everyone tucks and rolls to land seamlessly, followed by Caduceus faceplanting into the dirt and skidding several feet.
  Travis: Get down with that nature, yo.
• As the group comes upon a waterfall, Jester suggests checking behind it, as she's read in her porn novels that there's always a cave behind the waterfall where the couple would go... do stuff. Nott immediately suggests Jester and Fjord should go, only for Caduceus to cut in and explain that it's better for all of them to go, since it's safer. He does catch on eventually.
• As Nott walks across the surface of the pond towards the waterfall, Travis jokes that a monster appears from underneath and swallows her whole. Sure enough, a froghemoth does exactly that.
  • Travis is so shocked he forgets to roll initiative.
• The cast making a running gag of their characters being unable to remember the name of... Alissa? Amira? Aloha? Well, it's not like she's important.
• Nott climbs a cliff to find an exit to the jungle room, rolling a Natural 1 at the last handhold and falling. Right after this, the party realizes Beau, as a Monk, can scale vertical surfaces effortlessly. Then, Sam remembers Nott has Spider Climb.

Episode 81: From Door to Door

• Sam dressed as a member of the Blue Man Group. He uses spirit gum, and then tries to remove it with acid. Shockingly, this is a mistake.
  Matt: Thank you, D&D Beyond for... encouraging him.
  • After the show the Blue Man Group retweeted a picture of Sam in costume to jokingly point out that he'd missed a spot on his lips.
  • During it, Marisha, Travis, Liam, and Matt all threw jumbo marshmallows at Sam to catch in his mouth. When Travis is amazed at how many he can do, Matt comments that "when you have a mouth as big as Sam's anything is possible".
    • After the intro, Travis, Sam, and Liam decide to have a marshmallow fight.
    Matt: *patiently* "Children..."
    *Sam, Liam, and Travis all stop but grin*
• Sam's flask, meanwhile, bears a picture of Matt in his Undeadwood garb, captioned "It's hiiiiiiiiiiigh swoon." Upon seeing it, our tortured dungeon master can only sigh.
• Though the golem situation is tense, there is something absolutely hilarious that the golem's major weakness ends up being the humble first level "Command" spell. It's used five times against it and it only succeeds once on its saving throw...with advantage.
  • What's better is that it's Caduceus casting the spell, so the tone of voice he uses for the command is more akin to reprimanding a dog for chewing on furniture.
• When estimating whether or not it's possible to use the odd gravity to vault to the floating island with the next door, Jester begins to goad Nott into jumping as she is the smallest and lightest. Nott argues against it. Eventually Jester just throws Nott into the abyss.
  Nott: You want me to jump into an abyss of DOOM???
  Jester: So we can see how far you go! Go, try to-!
  Nott: As an experiment???
  Jester: Nott!
  Nott: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
  [Sam leans over the table as if he's being thrown]
  Sam: Alright. She's gonna toss me over the edge.
• Allura's extremely helpful and timely advice on golem combat:
  Allura: There is actually one kind of secret failsafe to these entities. I would recommend staying away.
• The party finds a circlet that sets your Int to 19. Liam, not Caleb, wonders out loud what Caduceus would be like with that kind of power.
  Taliesin: I would start wearing sweater vests and have a pipe. Other than that, no change.
• Beau, wearing the circlet, remarks that gravity was first discovered by a Xhorhasian mage named "I'saac Nu'taan". Matt hangs his head in exasperation.
• When the group calls Allura again, they ask her if she wants a "souvenir" from the Folding Halls. After taking a few moments to process the bizarre question, she admits that she would love one.
• The group find instructions for making a small golem personal servant. Beau wonders if Caleb would like one, as it'd be better than Frumpkin. Caleb's response?
  Caleb: Nothing is better than Frumpkin, I thought that thing made you smarter.
  • Caleb isn't above the idea of adding a chest cavity so Frumpkin can pilot the golem as a Mini-Mecha, though.
  • Caleb names the golem William, AKA "Little Willy". As Jester points out that he's given the golem a dick's name, Caleb asks:
  Caleb: Ja, what's your point, you love dicks.

Episode 82: The Beat of the Permaheart

• Sam briefly forgets his character's gender when he and Marisha are tied for the top of initiative.
  Sam: Ladies first—oh wait, I'm a lady.
  Sam (as Nott): I'M A LADY!
• Fjord grows tired of erudite Beau and promptly gives her a dope slap. Marisha and Travis act out a pitch perfect "Jock vs. Nerd" interaction.
  Fjord: Where is that jewel on the circlet?
  Beau: [leaning her head over] It's folded in right here-
  [Travis pantomimes slapping her on the head]
  Beau: oooooooooOOOOOOWWWWWuuhhhhh
• Marisha uses her combat Catchphrase "I will... fuck it" again, prompting the others to take this literally and say you probably shouldn't fuck this thing (a Halas-like abomination with 6 arms and multiple mouths)... and Matt jokingly telling them not to kink-shame, since it could be somebody's fetish.
• Nott/Sam tries to come up with a creative use of the Dagger of Denial, sealing the creature's mouth shut, as it's technically an "opening".
  Matt: One, it doesn't work that way. Two, you're in its mouth, you wouldn't want that to happen anyway.
• Sam and Travis make a bid to be cast in the next Planet of the Apes movie.
  Sam: Andy Serkis better be watching.
• The Mighty Nein's shenanigans reaches new heights. After find out where Yussa is being kept, they decide a path, either go back through the rooms they went in, or go into a "dreadnought room." After discussing, Travis and Sam's curiosities got the better of them and they took a look inside the chamber, everyone promising to only take a peek and then leave after they see what's there. They then see a massive creature which is chained and bound. Caleb realizes that this is an Astral Dreadnought, and eventually, after checking levers and such, realizes that the live Dreadnought itself could be a part of the Sphere, as its mouth is an extraplanar door in itself. The party then decides to go into the dreadnought's mouth, resulting in them being off the map altogether.
  • To be a bit more specific, Caleb has Frumpkin be the first to enter the Dreadnought's mouth to test if it was another plane of existence. Travis then convinces everyone at the table except Sam to also go in, going one-by-one asking the group to "speak their truth" as Sam becomes more and more bewildered that this is actually being considered. Ultimately, Nott gets dragged along anyway because everybody had constructed a human chain.
    Sam: WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
  • While in the void where the Astral Dreadnaught is, the M9's speed is "three times their Intelligence modifier. So Caleb and Beau move in this space can travel quicker than anybody, and Cadeuceus is holding up the caboose. The cabooseus."
• On a meta level:
  Jester: Can you scry something you've never seen?
  Allura: I can certainly try.

Episode 83: Dark Bargains

• For Halloween, everyone turns up as a character they've voiced. Matt is McCree and Liam is Gaara.
  Liam: Did you know you're dressed as a cowboy?
  Matt: Did you know you're dressed as a sand village weeaboo?
  • Laura is Kait Diaz. She gets asked if she made it herself, causing her to awkwardly try to say she did before giving up and revealing a friend at Microsoft got it for her.
  • Marisha is "Soldier B", a tribute to the many terrible bit-part roles that paid her rent as a young actress.
    Marisha: With such classic and infamous lines as "Sniper, right up ahead" or "Grenade, 6 O'Clock!" or, everyone's other favourite, "Grenade, 8 O'Clock!"
    Travis: Or.
    Marisha: Or "Grenade, 12 O'Clock!"
  • Sam only shows up halfway through the recap, but he's dressed as Phoenix Wright, wearing a wig that can only be described as "not Phoenix". Not even Hobo Phoenix. It has a ponytail.
    Matt: Phoenix Wright hasn't been the same since the divorce.
    • Later on, Sam claims Tara Strong is responsible for the wig. We're not sure if he's joking or not.
• As Sam is absent for the opening, Liam takes over the D&D Beyond spot. He takes a moment to cite how much Sam's unique character and charm brings to the ads, and proposes a toast... and then spends almost a full minute pouring wine through an aerator while staring at the camera.
  Travis: It... it sounds like a weak fart.
  [Liam continues pouring for 50 seconds]
  Liam: -So thank you, Sam! And thank you, D&D Beyond! Cheers, dears...
  Travis: All in one, all in one!
  Liam: [takes a meager sip] Nope. Goooooooooooo fuckyourselves.
• Beau investigates some runes, and thanks to her decent roll and newly acquired intelligence boost, can describe them better to Caleb.
  Beau: From kinda sneaking into your spellbooks and reading them when I've been bored-
  Caleb: -Excuse me?
• Nott casts Spider Climb on Caleb so he can climb up a pillar and investigate the glyph on the ceiling.
  Matt: Like a hobo Spider-man, Caleb-
  Liam: I'm clean now!
  Matt: I know, but the long coat...
  Liam: But I'm fancy purple robes now! I've got a pretty jacket!
  Matt: Like a well-dressed hobo Spider-man...
• When Halas finds out just how long he's been trapped in the Archmage Bane:
  Beau: It's 836 PD.
  Halas: Well based on the fact that we are now working through time in a different era than I am familiar with, ummm... Not really knowing what "PD" refers to... and 800- Wow... yeah... it's been-
  Travis: AHAHAHA!
  Halas: That is very problematic... It's- Oh no...
  Travis: When the gem wizard says "Wow", shit's fucked up.
• Beau interrogates Halas about his golems... specifically; whether he's built any specifically for sex.
• Jester and Fjord propose giving Halas to Allura or Yussa to protect. Nott's response is a blunt "No offense, but we gave Yussa the Happy Fun Ball for him to protect and he got lost in it for eternity."
• The cast is delighted both in and out of character when Allura offhandedly mentions that their call woke her wife, whom she is currently in bed with. Jester promptly makes it weird.
  Jester: Aww, can we see her?
  Allura: ...No.
• Having just learned that Allura is married, Jester for no apparent reason chooses to sign off their mirror call with "Farewell...my beautiful wizard." Allura and Nott have identical silent "WTF?" reactions before Allura awkwardly deactivates the mirror.
• Jester jokingly tries to convince Yussa it's been 35 years since he entered the Halls. Laura immediately rolls a natural 1 on her deception check.
  Yussa: [eyebrow raise] Well then, I appreciate you taking your sweet time.
• Yussa uses Sending to contact Allura, and gets right to the point. Jester chides him for not using all twenty-five words the spell allows, like she does.
• Upon the Nein returning to the material plane, the first thing Allura does is express her relief at their safety and respect for their skills and courage. The second thing she does is take the transmission mirror away from Jester.

Episode 84: Titles and Tattoos

• Sam's DnD Beyond cheer spot. He definitely doesn't punch Laura and Taliesin in the face.
• Sam puts on the new blanket that Laura pulls out for the merch spot, declaring that he "can do anything under there". Laura confesses to already having stolen several.
  Taliesin: Anything we make is mostly so that we get one.
• Sam pulls out his over-sized flask during one of Matt's expositions, and the DM stops dead and has a wheezing laugh. The attached picture is a reaction shot of Marisha from the Undeadwood game, compared to a picture of a turtle retreating into its shell, with the caption, "Spot the difference"
  Marisha: ...you fucking motherfucker...
  • Sam immediately tries to say that Brian Foster put him up to it, but Marisha shuts him down.
    Marisha: Don't you put this on him. I know Brian's brand of payback and this ain't it.
• Matt describes how acolytes of Tharizdun remove their own eyes as a show of faith. Travis immediately Face Palms in horror and exhaustion.
  Fjord: I don't want to play anymore, I'm leaving now. Taking a fishing boat—
  • A little bit later, Matt explains the effects of the Chained Oblivion's influence, such as uncontrollable hunger, uncharacteristic aggression and eventually violent mania.
    Fjord: Who wants to join that fishing boat with me? Anyone? The mackerel's biting this time of year.
• The players have repeated trouble pronouncing "Tharizdun", until Matt corrects them yet again, then says in character as Allura, "That's how I learned to pronounce it, at least... In my training..." He then looks directly into the camera with a beleaguered look.
• Allura decides that she needs to ask the Council of Tal'Dorei for help. The Mighty Nein asks about the Council's membership. She teleports away before they complete the request. This sparks a Running Gag throughout the episode of the Nein asking knowledgeable people about the makeup of the Council.
• Nott uses the gem to talk to Halas again, asking him about changing her body. The rest of the Mighty Nein gets worried about it, and Caduceus casts Silence while Beau snatches the gem away. Nott spends a couple of minutes silently swearing at them, complete with gesticulation.
• The Nein receive a sack of platinum, and after having been "D&D-Poor" for so long, everyone looks like cartoon characters with dollar signs in their eyes.
  Travis: I'm Sam Riegel-rich!
• The (current) ladies of the Mighty Nein decide to get Orly's magical tattoos. Fjord totally isn't horrified by the prospect of watching it, so he goes off for fish and chips. Caleb and Caduceus agree, and the ladies quickly get down with the prospect of girl time, almost forcing the guys away.
  • Thanks to some bad CON saves, all three of them pass out during the tattooing process. Beau's first words after waking up are "I didn't pass out."
  • Matt tries to "cut" to the guys returning after the process is over, only for Liam to sternly demand that they get to roleplay the fish and chips.
    Liam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. *I* wanna roleplay fish and chips. Back it up.
    Taliesin: I roll for vinegar.
    Marisha: They were out.
• Meanwhile, the guys have a deep discussion about everything they are going through. Caduceus compares the Mighty Nein to a garden. Their bond feeds on their bullshit like the flowers feed on manure.
  • Later, they reiterate their distaste for tattoos, and have a big reaction to the girls' tattoos.
  • Nott's tattoo. Beautiful in design, but then she had to deal with the swelling the comes after. Her tattoo was put on her face on her eyelids, so she couldn't see much that night.
  • Beau shows off her tattoo to Fjord and tells him not to touch it as it's still sore... so he immediately taps the area in question. Beau turns around and punches him on the shoulder which, due to some high rolls, sends him flying across the deck of the Ball Eater.
• Caleb is against going to see Oremid Hass, so Jester suggests a disguise and a different accent. Caleb's attempts quickly remind the Nein that Caleb is dreadful at accents.
  Caduceus: Fjord, your old accent is so weird.
• Fjord and Jester have a conversation on the way to Oremid Hass. After it's over, Beau pulls Nott aside... just to ask her "what do you think they're talking about?" Nott is still a Shipper on Deck for Fjord and Jester, and the two have a conversation that ends up getting surprisingly personal for Beau (about how she's only just learning to be herself), which shocks both Nott and Sam.
  Nott: Boy! How did we get here?!
  Taliesin: Can we make a "therapy" character class, by the way? [...] As a Bard subclass?
  Nott: What just happened?!
  Travis: Can I lean over to Jester and go [As Fjord] "What do you think they're talking about?"
  • Taliesin then takes the opportunity to remind everyone that Caduceus has been with the group the whole time, watching them split into pairs and whisper to each other, and probably hearing every word.
• Oremid Hass has a stern demeanour, but it crumbles instantly when he is presented with Frumpkin and Sprinkle.
  • As the Mighty Nein leave, Jester asks him a couple of questions about Sprinkle. He gives Jester even more information than she wanted.
• After the break ends, Matt tries to throw a piece of paper in the air. It immediately circles back and hits him in the nose.
  Travis: Are you okay? No papercut?
  Matt: Not physically. Emotionally: deeply. I can always count on the universe to humble me, every waking moment of every day.
• Jester asks the date. Matt, without missing a beat, responds in-character as Pumat Sol "Let me get that from Crit Role Stats."

Episode 85: The Threads Converge

• Brick and Sorty. Liam has some absolutely stellar one-liners, but Taliesin and Matt sum it up beautifully.
  Brick: Make it fast Sorty, my life expectancy is shorter than your pubes.
  Brick: DNA was a major discovery. Nuclear fusion was a major discovery. Another Rick and Morty promo is more like an unexpected taco burp. Momentarily pleasurable, but about as rare as Matt Mercer dropping the words "toothy maw" into a tabletop game.
  Taliesin: This is the amusement park Rick and Morty.
  Matt: The bad, hire-able birthday actors' Rick and Morty!
• The battle with Jourrael is a tense affair, but still manages a few moments of levity thanks to Laura rolling horribly, Taliesin asking on the off-chance that the assassin is "part magic plant or something" and the beautiful return of Nott's Hideous Laughter dad jokes.
• After the battle, Pumat becomes worried about Jourrael knowing where he works now. Nott suggests burning down the store and starting anew, but Pumat says that that should be saved for a worst-case scenario. Caleb promptly kills the flame he was holding in his hand.
• Beau gives Jester very good, practical, gentle, compassionate advice about building a relationship with her birth father slowly over time if that's something she wants. Jester listens, tearful and attentive, nods in agreement as Caduceus says it's really good advice, then immediately announces "I'm just going to go in there as my mom."
  Beau: Okay, are we still missing the overall point that you can't trick your dad into a relationship by pretending to be your mom?!
• Beau and Nott pull Jester aside so they can persuade her to drop her idea of tricking the Gentleman by impersonating her mother. Caduceus eventually wanders over to them and surprises them, which is odd given his large size.
• They all link arms when they go to the Gentleman's base, drawing a few funny looks.
• As Matt is whispering to Taliesin about Cad's 25 Insight check on the Gentleman, on which Nott rolled a 4 as well, Liam comments about what this scene has to look like:
  Liam: Nott is out front, just going like *does a very good impression of Nott's excited grunting while leaning forward* and Cadeuceus is ten feet back going 'yeah...'.
  • Due to Caduceus's ridiculously high Insight, Taliesin receives a frankly absurd amount of whispers this episode.
    Liam: (to Matt) Just DM from his lap!
• The Gentleman describes a particular wine making family as the Addams Family of Beau's hometown. Taliesin immediately does the iconic *snap-snap.*
• Beau asks the Gentleman if he knows who is on the Tal'Dorei Council. Taliesin tosses Marisha a few dollars, saying that she earned it.
  • The Gentleman replies that he does indeed know. Then he returns to his paperwork.
• As The Gentleman offers the Nein sanctuary, Caduceus warns him of Jourrael's intangibility. His response is a very cheery "Then you're fucked!"
• After Caleb spits up the spoiled milk he ordered at the Gentleman's bar, Travis makes a joke that Frumpkin comes up to start lapping up the milk, only to instantly take too much damage and FOOMPF away. The whole table cracks up.
• Beau and Nott have another honest conversation. Nott reveals that she was briefly attracted to Caleb when they first met. Beau reveals that she has a little crush on Jester. Cue the Big "WHAT?!".
  • Nott also claims that Caleb is the only man she's looked at that way aside from her husband. Cue Laura and Taliesin miming horns as a call back to Ulumon the Minotaur from Asarius who Nott was openly attracted to.
  • After Beau admits that she has a crush on someone, there's a Beat while Nott thinks about it before she thinks Beau has a crush on her.
    Nott: ...ME?!
    Beau: NOOO!
    [Laura collapses into her arms laughing; Taliesin claps his hands and leans on her affectionately]
    Nott: OHHHH, IT'S MEEEEEE!! I-IT'S YOUR WAY OF TELLING MEEEEEEEEE!
  • While assuring Beau as Nott that she's trustworthy, Sam gets a giant tooth-bearing smile and points at it while saying "look at this face!", just to emphasize how much of an unsettling Cheshire Cat Grin a goblin like Nott would have. Laura, Taliesin and Liam all crack up again.
  • While Beau is explaining why she's attracted to Jester, Travis flexes his arms and points to it while staring at the rest of the cast.
  • During this sequence, Matt gets a delighted look on his face. It screams "the DM will remember this." He's trying very hard not to cry from laughing.
  • Nott offers to help Beau with the situation. Cue the Big "NO!" from Beau, and the rest of the cast bursts out laughing.
  • Marisha apologises to Liam for invading his personal space by flailing during "secret time". She protests that she was never going to punch him though; she's not that lacking in self-awareness. Liam simply stares into the camera.
    • In response, someone made a video compilation of all the times Marisha has invaded Liam's personal space in Campaign 2.
• Nott and Jester remember that they have Astrid's package waiting at the Pillow Trove. They tell the party, who eventually decide to send Caleb in to retrieve it as he cannot be scryed. In order to make the voices match because he cannot do accents, they record Jester's voice on a magic stone and Caleb uses Disguise Self to look like Jester. He goes in and uses the stone, but he has to mouth along with it. Reality Subtext kicks in when one remembers that they have all dubbed anime, so they are used to doing something very much like this. Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when one remembers that Liam had to do exactly this for one of Sam's D&D Beyond spots.
  • Even better that Jester's natural rambling Motor Mouth tendencies place a lot of extra verbal asides into what is supposed to be a succinct conversation. This leads to a lot of awkwardness as the clerk keeps responding to what Jester/Caleb is saying, prolonging the tense encounter. The rest of the cast fall apart watching this happen.
• Matt indulges in a bit of DM trolling as Pumat Sol is slow to answer his door, slow enough to make the whole cast worry about Pumat's safety. Everyone breaks character to yell at Matt.
• Pumat Prime reacts to Jester!Caleb as though he is one of Jester's Duplicates.
  Pumat Sol: Oh! Never, uh, heard this one talk before.
  Caleb: [appearing as Jester] Yes, I'm learning.
• Caduceus tries to spot Obann and co. from the roof of the Cobalt Soul's monastery when the party teleports to Rexxentrum. He has advantage on the roll. After an entire episode of rolling well for Perception and Insight, Taliesin rolls double ones. That gets him an end result of 13, but still...

Episode 86: The Cathedral

• Caleb uses the Cat's Ire to cheat movement into the room and (very awesomely) incinerates 5 people at once. He then tries to hop down off the paw, rolls a 7, and faceplants into some shattered glass and takes 2 points of damage. Glass that Caleb himself shattered. Immediately after that:
• Caleb McClane.
  Taliesin: "Now I got a fire spell. Ho ho ho."
  Caleb: Yippee-ay-oh-ki-ay, motherfuckers!
• This exchange between Ashley and Travis when Ashley sits down at the table.
  Travis: Please be out of practice.
  Ashley: When am I not out of practice? Every time I sit at this table, I'm like "What's D&D?"
• Ashley's first Raging, Reckless attack against the party? Double natural ones of course.
  Matt: You had one job!
• Fjord summons a Vrock to fight the airborne Obann. His spell? "It's time to Vrock!"
  • Liam was delighted, and asked Travis to say that every time he summons a Vrock from now on.
    Taliesin: We'll have to add a d4 for Pun damage.
    Liam: Yeah, but that goes to Matt.
• The following exchange when Pumat Sol casts Tenser's Transformation:
  Taliesin: Do we want to say it together? (points at Liam) Ready? Three, two, one.
  Taliesin, Ashley, and Liam: Pumat Swole.
  • What makes it funnier is that some viewers in the chat beat them to the name by a few seconds.
• When Pumat Sol becomes Pumat Swole, he speaks in an even deeper voice than usual.
  • After Pumat demands the party go on without him to pursue Obann, and they close off the way behind them, Sam pretends to be Pumat for the rest of the session, occasionally crying out in pain or fear, begging the players to help. Laura does not find it funny at all, given how beloved Pumat is.
• The Nein are investigating a crypt while following Obann, so naturally Jester takes a moment to graffiti the statue of Pelor in the centre of the crypt.
  • Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when you remember that Vex, Laura's character in Campaign 1, became Pelor's Champion.
• While trying to get to Obann, Beau runs across the room, parkours off the obelisk, rolls a bad Athletics check, falls flat on her face, and quickly gets up while hoping nobody saw.
  Jester: I saw it.
  Caduceus: Everybody saw it.
  Matt: Everybody saw it.
• When Matt, at the end of the episode, brings out the mini of Obann the Punished, most of the cast reacts with appropriate levels of disgust and fear... apart from Travis, who just goes:
  Travis: I ate that in Japan once.

Episode 87: Punishment and Politics

• At the top of the show, Sam makes another one of his... completely restrained and utterly boring ads. Taliesin looks straight at the camera and mouths "help" a couple of times before tapping out S.O.S. in Morse Code.
  • Laura likewise spends most of the bit looking as though she's trying to act like she does not know Sam.
• As the Caedogeist is released from Obann's control and sees the eldritch abomination he has now become, her first reaction is to run. Caduceus sees this and shouts "Come on, really?!" Matt actually has Taliesin roll a Persuasion check with disadvantage, and when he rolls badly, describes the Caedogast flipping off the party as she runs up the stairs.
• Immediately after Obann the Punished has performed a wide area tentacle attack, followed by swallowing Caleb whole...
  Marisha: Watch him whip... watch him nom nom.
  Laura: Hahahaha! Stupid.
• Once again, Laura has a great idea for Jester that is foiled by a bad dice roll. This leads to a joke about cleansing her dice.
  Taliesin: We need an old priest and a young priest. An old priest and a young priest.
• As the Caedogeist, Matt scores the HDYWTDT against Obann the Punished. Sam decides to have a little fun with the situation.
  Matt: How do I want to do this?
  Sam: Matt, please describe how you would like to kill yourself.
  • Matt is quite unhappy it ended up being the Caedogeist that got the kill - he remonstrates with Travis (the previous person to score a hit) that his last attack has left Obann with 3 hitpoints.
  • Matt really didn't want to do it.
    Matt: (Visibly struggles to say it.)
    Everyone: Say it. Say it, say it, say it!
    Matt: ...How do I want to do this?
    (Everyone cheers while Matt pinches the bridge of his nose in shame.)
• The first thing that Caduceus does after being saved from Obann the Punished's maw, while still covered in blood, slime and viscera? He holds his arms out and asks the Caedogeist for a hug.
  Caedogeist: Not my type of... interaction.
• Beau, who is covered in viscera and has only just been brought back from the brink of unconsciousness, demands Caleb in ape form (Capeleb) carry her. In true animal fasion, Caleb picks her up, sniffs her, then sneezes loudly.
  • What could have been a cute moment of Jester healing Beau while she's being held in Caleb's arm is ruined when Caleb switches to holding her upside-down by one ankle.
    Beau: (woozily) ...alright, you're gonna make me black out again, dude. What blood I have left is rushing to my hea- oh god.
• Pumat tells the Nein about how he laid waste to a room full of cultists and demons.
  Pumat: It's been a while since I've had to flex the old Pu-Muscles.
  • The Nein quickly point out how that can be taken.
• Jester manages to convince the Cobalt Soul monks investigating the lower chambers of the chantry that the dick she drew in the last episode was added there by Angel of Irons cult.
• Fjord goes to investigate the Laughing Hand's corpse, but his touch causes it to crumble into dust. He immediately acts as if it was at the Wildmother's bidding.
  Fjord: Wildmother be up in here.
  • Even better? Caduceus reacts as if Fjord was actually being profound when he said that.
• The gang catches Yasha up on what's been going on, especially regarding the "Angel of Irons".
  Nott: And we've been chasing that entity because of [Beau's] mission from the Cobalt Soul, right?
  Beau: Absolutely. Got approval from day one.
• Yasha asks Fjord about his different accent. Nott quickly spins a story about Fjord having been kicked in the head by a donkey and having to relearn how to talk. Then Travis between laughter says that he thinks he knew a guy in Texas that that happened to.
  • Matt took a drink just as Nott said that, and narrowly avoids a Spit Take.
• Yasha asks Caleb why he is so nervous. The others quickly try to change the subject by claiming that he's trying to hold in a massive fart. Fjord jokes about how maybe something else has come out and talks about looking at Caleb's backside for evidence.
  Caleb: Don't look at my Pu-Muscles.
• The Nein discusses what they should be worried about, politically, at the moment.
  Caduceus: Is it also just possible that we did a good thing, and good things are now going to happen?
  Fjord: Certainly.
  Beau: No.
• Beau attempts to explain why she is talking with the Bright Queen to the king by way of the Mighty Nein.
  Beau: Luckily, traveling with a band of misfits and goblins and half-orcs and... Caduceus...
  Caduceus: That's fair.
• Before their audience with King Dwendal, they have to leave all weapons with the guards, and Jester asks if she's allowed to keep Sprinkle with her. The cast immediately starts snarking that Sprinkle desperately wants the guards to get him away from her.
  Taliesin: "My name is Toby! Call my parents!"
• Caduceus lays out his theory ("educated guess") about how the Cult of Tharizdun used mind control to cause the assault on Rexxentrum. The king tells him that he does not look very educated. Caduceus thanks him.
• Ashley continuing the Running Gag of the Mighty Nein trying to find out who the Tal’Dorei council is... in the middle of their audience with King Dwendel, before pointing out that Yasha genuinely doesn’t know who the council are.
• During what is a rather tense conversation with King Dwendel, Ludinus steps forward to suggest using the Mighty Nein to help end the war due to their revealed positive relationship with the Bright Queen. But he was a bit confused over their punny name.
  Ludinus: Using these nine... (does a quick headcount) ...seven.
  Jester: And Sprinkle. (pulls out the weasel)
  Ludinus: (Beat) Seven and a half.

Episode 88: Unwanted Reunions

• Whilst making the announcements at the start of the show, Matt plugs the release of Vox Machina Origins #4 in the coming week. Upon seeing the cover, Taliesin realises the issue features the only Vox Machina lore that the majority of the group still don’t know - what happened in Grog’s encounter with Nahla the nymph.
  • Also, Marisha announces that she and Matt will join Travis and Brian in playing Super Smash Bros. for the season finale of Travis Willingham's Yee-Haw Game Ranch. Matt's face lights up with unholy glee, and he giddily says that he can't wait to destroy them all. Taliesin tells us that this is a thing he does when playing fighting games.
• Caleb is asked about the various wards of Rexxentrum, as it is basically his hometown. Matt has Liam roll a History check. Liam rolls a 1. Caleb knows next to nothing about his hometown.
• The Nein ask an elderly gentleman for directions to a shop. A not very great Persuasion roll has the man almost run away from the battered-looking band of misfits, telling them that he has no money to give.
• As the Nein are talking to the tavernkeeper, Caduceus asks her if she has a place where they can get cleaned up, since all of them are splattered with blood, and Caduceus specifically is still covered from head to toe in Obann the Punished's remains.
  Caduceus: (picking at his clothes) I just learned a new word: ichor. Is that what this is? I've had to learn new words for what happens to me now.
• The Nein are escorted to their (very fancy) rooms by the proprietor's teenaged grandsons, who start acting like punk teenagers as soon as they are out of earshot. They immediately take a liking to Beau, who, to quote Marisha, "speak[s] punk-ass kid."
• Laura was initially absent, as she was attending the Video Game Awards — she'd been nominated for her work in Gears 5. A joke on Twitter about Sam using her dice caused her to return to the studio to make sure he wasn't.
  • Just to be clear: Laura left the awards ceremony before her category's winner had been announced. The rest of the cast joked that had she won, she would have to record her acceptance speech live during the streaming session.
  • It turns out Laura lost, and Sam (as Nott) immediately started commenting about how Jester had just been robbed by "some mad man!"
  • The Twitter thread that caused Laura to leave the awards. Her reply to it was a Flat "What".
• Caduceus takes a harsh stance on how they should deal with Trent if he moves against Caleb. That harshness rubs off on the others as they discuss what might happen with the Martinet the next day. Caduceus is quick to regret it.
• Beau is very excited when one of the proprietor's grandsons sneaks her some of his grandmother's best liquor. She pays him back by giving him a couple of her throwing stars. He is over the moon... and then almost immediately accidentally jabs himself with one.
  Taliesin: If we come back, the other kid is going to have an eyepatch.
• Caduceus uses a botany metaphor to try to make a serious point about how the Empire and Xhorhas may need to be handled. The others immediately take the metaphor and run away with it, to comedic results.
• As Yasha sleeps, Jester takes it upon herself to add some smut to the back of the stat-boosting book Fjord gave to Yasha. These books are ancient relics from the Age of Arcanum. Matt quickly compares it to the naughty doodles that some monks drew in the margins of ancient Christian texts.
• In their meeting with the Martinet, Jester asks him if there can be pastries and/or chocolate at future meetings. He is taken aback, but agrees out of sheer befuddlement.
• Immediately after Nott asks if the Martinet if he knows who the members of the Tal’Dorei council are, Caduceus asks if the Martinet can explain to him what the Tal’Dorei Council is, as he’s not entirely sure.
• The Nein makes a number of suggestions for the meeting place between representatives of the Empire and Xhorhas. One of their suggestions is their ship, the Ball-Eater. Nott quickly explains how the ship got its name, and who named it.
  Ludinus: (looking at Jester) I am beginning to understand exactly who it is I am dealing with.
  • Their other suggestions are met with similar scepticism.
    Ludinus: You've recommended... a volcano and... Darktow.
• Travis suggests that the Mighty Nein go shopping. Everyone else at the table promptly drinks, due to Travis’ well-known dislike of shopping episodes.
  • This is the first time of the night Sam has pulled his flask out, and Laura really struggles not to laugh at the "Poo-muscles" emojis on it.
• Their entire interaction with Keona the Keen is hilarious. She is a very creepy half-elf with interesting tastes, and the players fall in love with her after they adjust to the creepiness, especially Taliesin.

Episode 89: Lingering Wounds

• Sam plugs Backblaze with help from an "old, lost script" for an anime remake of Gale Force 5. Hilarity Ensues.
  Matt: I can't wait for the Kojima remake of that in 20 years.
• Yasha finds a garden near the cottage to study her book. She is occasionally interrupted by the sound of Caduceus playing his bone flute, which sounds like screams.
  • The sound Taliesin makes is best described as emulating a goat's scream into his cupped hands.
• Jester sends out a few messages... to the Plank King, Beau's dad, and the Inevitable End. Matt admits that he didn't think of the full possibilities of the Sending spell in the wrong hands until they were in the wrong hands (namely Laura).
  • In case you were wondering, yes, most of her messages used the full 25 words, even if she had to ask if the recipient (the Plank King) was pooping.
• Beau has a list of things she wants to research, but she doesn't want to "Caleb" it.
• Caduceus practices his flute playing all day, and it can be heard periodically through a heart-to-heart between Jester and Beau.
• Beau is very caught off guard by the fact that Jester has been messaging her dad, and tries to have a talk with her about this pattern of her randomly contacting people connected to the traumatic pasts of her friends, like with the letter she sent to Astrid.
  Jester: I thought it was to help Caleb, 'cause he missed her so much.
  Beau: No, I get the intent-
  Jester: And your dad was really bad to you, so I was just trying to make him... suffer.
• Jester and Beau get into a hilarious discussion of tarot cards and Molly. Taliesin's reactions are priceless.
  Jester: Those tarot card readers know what they're doing, think of Molly, he was so smart!
  Beau: They're, they're... suggestions, they're not- they're things that can—
  Jester: Beau, Molly KNEW things, Molly KNEW things! He said, when I asked him- I asked him "I am searching for something", and he's like "You already know about it", and we already DID! He KNEW the Gentleman was my dad!
  (Taliesin wheezes, then makes a jacking-off motion while whispering "Wank")
  Beau: ...I don't think tarot cards told him that though. I think he was just Molly, and if you, like, shotgun blast things into the air, saying you think you know things, then you're bound to hit one of 'em!
  (Taliesin nods while staring directly into the camera)
  • Jester's insistence that Molly was smart causes laughs around the entire table, since Molly had the lowest INT stat of the whole group (excluding Caduceus), and was very self-aware about the fact that he knew basically nothing. Travis himself laughs so hard that he ends up doing a Spit Take.
    Taliesin: That was not spit-worthy, motherfucker.
  • Beau's reaction to Jester telling her that Molly was basically a god is to bluntly tell her that no, none of them are gods. The rest of the table immediately cracks up, undoubtedly remembering that in the previous campaign, Marisha as Keyleth leapt off a 1000 foot high cliff with the justification of "We're basically gods", hit rocks, and died instantly.
• Jester's new obsession with Tarot cards leads Matt to charge Taliesin to getting Laura the perfect set. He accepts, resigned to his fate.
  Taliesin: This is what happened to my Christmas break, it's okay. I didn't need a break anyway...
  • Jester goes to the Cobalt Soul library to learn about tarot cards. She does not do this by taking out books, but instead decides to just look at the cards, see what they mean to her, and make up the rules on the spot.
    Sam: (imitating Jester) Oh, I am self-taught.
    Jester: The cards, they speak to me.
    Taliesin: (raspy voice) "Help. Heeeeeelp."
• A lot of jokes are cracked about Nott getting training bolts for her son to practice.
  Travis: You'll put your eye out.
• The Nein try to get Kella's grandsons to tell them about local fighting pits. A bad Persuasion roll from Nott completely freaks him out even though she offers him booze.
  • As he leaves, Jester asks him if he wants some candy, making him scurry from the room.
• While Fjord and Yasha negotiate with the butcher shop's owner for the pit fighting, Jester uses her magic paints to paint googly eyes on the animal heads. It doesn't turn out quite as well as she expected. The butcher notices just after they leave, making them bolt.
• Laura's wild conspiracy theories about Astrid; particularly the belief she's Trent Ikithon in disguise.
  Liam: You can't un-Redford your face.
• A discussion about libraries leads the cast to go on a tangent, culminating in Laura talking about the Mariko Aoki effect, wherein some people have an urge to defecate when they go into a bookstore.
• With Beau busy at the library, Jester helps Fjord work out. Travis rolls a Natural 1, leading Fjord to get a hernia after 3 push-ups.
  • During the scene, Jester tries to tell Fjord that the Traveler and the Wildmother hang out all the time, and even go out on dates. Fjord rolls a religion check to see if it's true, leading to Matt explaining that Melora is (1) already in a long-term relationship, and (2) that relationship is with a female deity.
• Beau fights an older half-elven man. Marisha uses her trademark "pop-pop" when attacking him, leading to Sam joking that his grandchildren call him Pop-Pop. The cast runs with it, periodically pretending to be his grandkids.
  • Beau uses Extract Aspects, though she's not sure how much that's going to tell her about an old man.
    Matt: He is analyzed. He has-
    Travis: He has gingivitis.
    Liam: His pockets are full of Werther's butterscotch candy.
    Matt: [laughing] He's resistant to very good scotch.
    [entire table falls apart laughing]
    Liam: Fiscally conservative.
    Sam: He's part of the Greatest Generation.
    Marisha: Will give me socks for Christmas.
  • A couple of lucky Stunning Strikes leads to Beau absolutely demolishing the poor man. It was so bad even Beau (and Marisha herself) felt horrible about it.
  • Beau then accidentally lets slip that she illegally bet on herself, and she ends up giving 100 gold from those winnings to him to keep him from turning her in.
• The fight between Fjord and his opponent is similarly quick, though... not that successful for Fjord. Fjord manages to do 50 points of damage with Armor of Agathys, but never actually gets to hit him. Darrow, his opponent, is able to do 92 points of damage on one hit thanks to a lucky crit roll on Matt's part, and quickly finishes him off. The announcer is shocked at how quick both fights were.
  • Immediately after this Travis rolled his dice with a huge flourish, only to reveal he did an entire 3 radiant damage in return.
  • He also did periodic radiant damage in the 2's to 4's every time he got hit. The only damage Fjord ever dealt in their fight was through getting hit.
  • Caduceus has the opportunity to cancel Matt's nat 20 due to proximity.
  Taliesin: Nah.
• Nott disappeared before the fight began. After it ended, Sam revealed that she ducked out to rob a nearby hat store. She stole a hat for each of her friends. Jester got a doll's hat, Caduceus got a fez, Yasha got a yellow beanie (i.e. the hat Ashley was wearing at the table), Caleb got a "weird Bavarian hat," Nott herself got a top hat, Beau got a baseball hat, and Fjord got a clerk's visor, which she quickly replaces with a cowboy hat once the players say they thought it would have been a cowboy hat.

Episode 90: Bathhouses and Bastions

• Baby Fuckin' Yoda plugs Skillshare, in what immediately becomes Laura's least favourite bit of all time. Ashley is pretty excited about the "Ewok to Remember" pitch though.
  Travis: Why does it look like you dunked your face in an airplane toilet?
  Sam: I was told this would look green. I may have been misinformed.
• The party has not one, but two in-character Seinfeldian Conversations at the start of the episode, one about the phrase "lick my wounds" the other about morning routines. Eventually, Liam lampshades how ridiculous this is:
  Liam: Can you hear all this dragging of heels to get to the actual story?
• While discussing the origins of the beacons, Jester comes up with four theories on what they might be: something grown out of the land, something that fell from the sky, something that someone made a long time ago... and god poop.
  Jester: That's why each one is sort of different!
  Fjord: Like one day they had a lot of meat, the next day they had a lot of veggies?
  [Matt double facepalms]
  Sam: DM, DM... when I closely looked at the last one... Did I see little bits of corn?
  [Lengthy beat as Matt contemplates his life choices.]
  Matt: ... No.
• A discussion of Jester's additions to Yasha's Manual of Gainful Exercise leads to a discussion of a real life health technique that the cast has brought to Exandria: Sunning the perineum. What is the perineum? The region between the genitals and the anus.
  Beau: This was discovered by an elven woman named Gwy'neth Pal'trow.
• Nott commissions two throwing stars. She has each one engraved with the word "pop." It's pointed out that, if seen upside down, they will read "bob."
  • Matt points out that the only reason they do so is because the engraving was poorly done and the P's are backwards.
• Early in the game, Travis pronounces "sea snake" as "snee snake." Later on, Marisha mispronounces a word when Beau is comforting Jester, and Travis lightly razzes her for it. Laura immediately throws the snee snake bit right back in his face. Travis is mortified.
• The entire first half of the episode Nott is aching to finally leave Rexxentrum, reminding the group multiple times. This comes to a head when they decide to waste yet more time with a spa visit, where they are joined by Darrow Allocke.
  Nott: (Barges in on the group from her 'mud pit') I was just contacted telepathically by the Bright Queen. She wants us to go to Xhorhas right away!
  Laura: You're not saying that out loud, right?
  Sam: No, no, no, just to you guys. Darrow is gone.
  Darrow: Wait, what's going on?
  Nott: Nothing. Fuck off.
• When the Nein part with Darrow at the spa, Jester tells him that she will keep in touch. Darrow jokes that it sounds ominous. The audience knows that she means with Sending, which means that Darrow has no idea.
• The Nein decides to teleport to Xhorhas straight from the spa. When they arrive, they are still in their spa robes, and little slippers, and some of them have spa mud all over them. They get many, many looks from everyone.
  • It's pointed out that Caduceus' robe just barely covers "the dangle," and Matt says that he's Peter-Panning it pretty hard.
  • Fjord is the only one to change into his normal clothes. Caleb casts Seeming, making everyone else look like they got changed into their normal clothes but making Fjord look like he's still in the robe. Fjord is not impressed when he notices.
    Fjord: Which one of you fuckers did this?
  • Caleb keeps the spell going all the way until they meet up with Essek, who finds the whole thing amusing.
• Fjord has to go to a prison cell as Vance to get information from the drow who stole the beacons and traded them away. However, Travis completely forgets the entire reason he's down there, which is to find out what this prisoner traded away the beacons for. When Fjord does ask, it's said with all the charisma and delivery of a wooden standee of a poorly-painted shrub.
• Fjord keeps in character as he's taken away from the prison cell. Unfortunately, he goes a bit too far to stay in character.
  Fjord: Ow, you bastard! You're so strong.
  Essek: Shh. You're overselling it.
  Fjord: You'll never take me alive!
  Essek: (sing-song) You're overselling it.
  Fjord: You floating fuck!
  Essek: (gets right in Fjord's face; coldly) What was that?
  Fjord: No, I take it back. I'm sorry.
  (Beat)
  Essek: Don't oversell it.
• A comment about Sprinkle segues into a conversation about Sprinkle being dead this whole time. Laura wasn't too amused, but everyone else thought it was hilarious.
  Jester: (pokes at Sprinkle) Move, show them. (Beat) Move!
  Travis: (laughing hysterically) "Show them you're fine!"
  Yasha: Did he move?
  Jester: He did, he bit my finger, okay?! He's fine!
  Travis: Rigor mortis is a bitch. [...]
  Liam: She's just Weekend at Bernie's-ing him at this point. (as Jester) Oh, he bit me! Ow, that's very naughty, Sprinkle!
  • Yasha has a better idea.
    Yasha: Maybe we could, y'know, if we can find a very beautiful place, we could let him go into a forest.
    Nott: Are you talking about the prisoner or Sprinkle?
  • Taliesin can't participate in the conversation because he's Cry Laughing so hard he almost passes out.
    Matt: (laughing) Ah, we broke Taliesin.
• The party realizes that they don't know much about Essek as a person. Jester naturally casts Sending, because of course she does. Mind you, Essek had just left.
• Caleb and Nott have a serious conversation about Essek, which ends when Nott asks Caleb for cotton to stuff in her ears, and Beau walks over handing out "shots."
  Beau: Shots, shots, shots. Get ready for this! Shots, shots, shots...
  Fjord: (looking at his shotglass suspiciously) What even is this?
  Beau: (nonchalant) It's... I found it under the sink.
  Jester: This is cleaner...
• When the Nein return to the Xhorhaus after their meeting with the Bright Queen, Jester, Caduceus and Yasha stage an impromptu concert. The Performance rolls aren't that great, and Matt has loads of fun with the description.
  Matt: Back when we were young... They don't do this anymore, I don't think, but every now and then, there'd be like a day of school in elementary school where they would pass out recorders. And that first moment any kid in that class got a recorder, it was about 30 seconds of (imitates recorders squealing) before the teacher had to shut everyone up. This is a grand orchestra of that.
  • Frumpkin joins in on the... "music", though it isn't clear if he's trying to sing along or just complaining because of the noise. Hilariously, he actually rolls the highest Performance roll of all of the musicians (though still only a 13).

Episode 91: Stone to Clay

• Sam does another NordVPN ad as BlackWillow73, and this time he's joined by Laura as his nemesis Cryptonic Override. At first they engage in Ham-to-Ham Combat, but they are forced to pull an Enemy Mine to face a greater threat. What threat? We'll find out next time... if there is a next time.
  [after an incredibly long and detailed advert bit]
  Liam: Do we have any time left to play D&D, though?
  Matt: We'll try and squeeze it in.
  • When Matt motions to Sam to begin, you can hear his soul leave his body.
• Essek comes over to the Xhorhouse. He initially talks about a noise complaint, but he asks to stay for dinner. He comes in, and takes off his mantle. The cast immediately start joking about what he wears underneath, because they've never seen him without it.
• As Caduceus brings out the appetizers, Beau asks if he needs any help in the kitchen.
  Caduceus: I'll be just a minute, I'm fine.
  Fjord: That's a "stay the fuck out of the kitchen."
  Beau: Yeah, I got that.
  Caduceus: I'll cut you.
  Beau: Wow, this is where Caduceus gets violent!
• Essek asks them their opinions about the war. We get the following exchange:
  Fjord: What is it good for?
  Nott: Nothing, that's what.
  Caduceus: Say it again.
  Travis: That was fast.
• Jester talks to Essek about the Traveler, and her description continues the Running Gag about her being in a cult. It ends with her giving Essek a brochure for Traveler Con.
• Essek admits that he occasionally scryed on them at the Bright Queen's orders. The Nein ask him if he scryed on them while they were naked and/or changing. Essek denies it, but the Nein keep on the subject. Essek changes the subject very quickly.
  • The conversation eventually devolves into trying to get Essek to say if he likes any of them more than the others, and Jester casts Zone of Truth. Matt does a short spiel about the Epic High Fantasy of Dungeons & Dragons being used to find out if a character likes someone else.
  • Essek is interested in seeing the hot tub, though not in getting in. A high persuasion roll from Jester convinces him to at least dip his feet in. The Nein immediately get way too fixated on what Essek's feet look like, and pester Matt about it until he tells them. Matt is then baffled at the fact that Travis is actually writing his description of Essek's feet down in his notes.
• After they escort Essek home, Beau tells Caleb how weird it is that Essek is committed to floating. It's kind of like faking an accent for years and years.
• Jester plaintively asks why she's so bad at talking to people about the Traveler. Nott's reply?
  Nott: It's kind of a hard sell.
  • Fjord helps her roleplay a missionary scenario. He pretends that he's a guy named Jeff (or Fjeff as the chat dubs him). It goes swimmingly, and Jeff is sold... right up until Jester tells him about Traveler Con being at a volcano.
  • Both Caleb and Caduceus give Jester in-game buffs for making her pitch better (and it barely helps as she keeps floundering).
    Caduceus: Guidance.... more Guidance...
• While Yasha's conversation with Caduceus is mostly a tearjerker, when she asks to sleep in his room Caduceus warns her that his previous roommates have told him that he snores. He then repeatedly insists he doesn't snore, and doesn't know why they think that.
  • Yasha stays up a bit longer to read more of her book, and discovers that Caduceus does, in fact, snore.
• Yasha finishes reading her book, bringing her Strength up to 19. She looks bigger as a result.
  Ashley: [mimicking muscles exploding out] BOOF, BOOF
  Travis: Uh huh! Delts! Traps! Triceps, Biceps... Lats, Quads... Glutes... Hamstrings... ... ...Romboids
  Sam: Coccyx!
  Travis: .....Sphincter! Yo my sphincter is swole.
  [Marisha dies laughing]
  [later, as Yasha greets the rest of the party]
  Nott: Yasha, if you're awake, let's go get your braceys...
  Ashley: [affecting a deep voice and moving like she's the Hulk] OOO-KAY.
  Nott: You talk that way now??? Oh my god.
  Caduceus: We should check the house. We might have a spider problem.
  • When Fjord asks her if she smells any different, specifically if her BO got worse, Yasha says she "smells like a crayon". This immediately breaks the entire cast, and despite Liam's efforts to stay in character, he ends up keeling over onto the table along with Laura and Taliesin.
• Caleb makes headway in figuring out a transmutation for Nott. He goes into full Doc Brown mode.
  Caleb: 1.21 gigaNotts!
• Essek takes Caleb and Nott aside to do some research. They are gone for a long while, because they are finishing the spell to transform Nott back into a halfling. The others don't know why they left, and speculate that they are having a threesome. The trio are very happy when they come back, and are asked some questions about what they were up to.There's an initial misunderstanding.
  • Made even funnier when Caleb and Essek, euphoric from their breakthrough, note that they’ve lost track of time and should probably get back to the others. Nott remarks that the rest of the Mighty Nein was probably whiling away the time....by having an orgy.
• The Mighty Nein getting bored quickly while Caleb, Essek, and Nott research and snooping through Essek’s Big Fancy House.
• While getting ready for the ritual, most of the Nein aren't sure what it will entail and think that the clay might be used in the construction of a new body for Nott. It quickly devolves into a conversation about boobs, and Nott selects Beau to shape them for her due to her having the most experience which causes Yasha to pipe up in response thanks to having plenty of experience of her own.
  Nott: Do tell!
  Taliesin: Her name was Crayola.