William and Hamish reconnect as grown men via a dick-measuring "test of manhood" by throwing rocks at each other; Hamish goes for a well-sized boulder that William easily sidesteps. William takes a pebble and successfully tags Hamish in the forehead with a perfect throw.
William: You alright? You look a wee bit shaky. Hamish: [dazed] I shoulda remembered the rocks. William: Aye, you shoulda.
When Murron goes with William on a horseback ride in the driving rain despite her parents' protests, her mother glares at Murron's father and says, "She takes after you, y'know?"
After MacClannough tells William he cannot court Murron ("No?" "No!" "......No?" "NO!"), it goes to a Gilligan Cut of William pelting her window with rocks like a lovelorn teenager. She also opens the window and nearly takes a rock to the face.
After Wallace and the townsfolk slaughter the English after Murron's execution, they tend to Campbell's chest wound via cauterization, but not without much hesitation.
Campbell: What'you waiting for, boy? [laughs] [Hamish quickly hands the poker to Morrison] Hamish: Here, you can do it, I'll hold him down. [Morrison looks at it, and quickly passes it off to the nearest man] Morrison: Here, you can do it, I'll hold him down.
After Campbell is cauterized, he fights off the searing pain the only way a tough old Scot can; punch him back in retaliation in a screaming rage.
Campbell: [pain wearing off] That'll wake you up in the morning, boy!
Nobleman: "I have dispatched a hundred soldiers to Lannock! They should be returning now! Wallace: Were they dressed like this? ...Actually, it was more like fifty.
An English force runs into a canyon chasing a couple Scots and ends up surrounded by Wallace's army. The commander then gets pinged in the helmet by a rock. Cue Wallace smiling down from probably 200 yards away and Hamish waving hello at him.
When Faudron kneels in front of Wallace: "Stand up, man, I'm not the Pope."
Stephen the Irishman is full of these:
Stephen (to Wallace): The Lord tells me he can get me out of this mess, but he's pretty sure: you're fucked.
Cue the laugh that makes him sound fucking bonkers.
Hamish: "Is your father a ghost, or do ye converse with The Almighty?" Stephen: "In order to find his equal an Irishman is forced to talk to God! Yes, Father! The Almighty says 'Don't change the subject, just answer the fooking question!'"
And his introduction, after initially asking if he'd get to kill Englishmen and riling everyone into a small Mexican Standoff with knives.
William: [Campbell]'s my friend, Irishman, and the answer to your question is yes; you fight for me, you get to kill the English.
Stephen:[a beat, then cheerfully] EXCELLENT! [stands down, smiling] Stephen is my name! I'm the most wanted man on my island! Except I'm not on my island, yes. More's the pity! Hamish: Your island? Don't you mean Ireland? Stephen: Aye. It's mine. *crazy eyes* Hamish:...You're a madman.
And then after Stephen kills Faudron before he can assassinate Wallace, he delivers this gem:
Cue an upward glance from Wallace that basically says "Well played, God."
The Princess's servant is explaining that the Englishmen keep telling her secrets in bed.
Englishmen don't know what a tongue is for.
Even while giving a Rousing Speech to his fellow Scots, Wallace can't help but make a sassy joke in response to his own naysayers. Afterwards, they can't help but laugh.
(to him being "7 feet tall") Yes, I've heard. Kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here, he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes, and bolts of lightning from his arse!
At the Battle of Stirling Bridge, after the futile meeting to "discuss terms", the Scottish army begins to rally. Suddenly, one of the Scottish steps forward, and flashes the English, followed by all the other Scottish soldiers, including William Wallace himself. After the first volley of arrows, the Scottish soldiers moon the English.
When Cheltham is trying to deliver the king's terms, Wallace circles him closely on horseback in a troll-like manner, constantly throwing off Cheltham speaking.
After Wallace is knighted, he and Hamish exchange a "What the hell?" look.
The scene where Longshanks throws his son's lover out the window. If you press rewind, he flies back up again!
Especially when the wall sentries approach the poor guy's corpse, look up to see which window he came out of, and then quicklyreturn to their posts.
When Wallace meets the Princess for the first time in her tent, the look on the Princess's lady-in-waiting is priceless.
"Musta made an impression... I din'na think you were in the tent that long."
At the battle of Falkirk, the Scottish army and Longshanks's Irish soldiers are charging at each other, but just before they're about to fight, they stop and greet one another, much to Longshanks's annoyance.
"Lovely to see you this morning!"
And Longshanks's comment before that: "No, arrows cost money. Use up the Irish - the dead cost nothing."
