The ones listed here don't mingle well with others.
"Miscellaneous" beings who aren't known to be strictly affiliated with any larger group.
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X-ray Skeleton
Tee hee! Watch this, folks!
You have no idea what happened this time... one minute you were looking at your x-ray, and the next you were here.
A cartoonish animated x-ray print of our heroine's skeleton.
- Beware the Silly Ones: Cartoonish and homicidal.
- Dem Bones: Well, she's not Fern's actual skeleton!
- Put on a Bus: It's explained that the reason the X-Ray Skeleton's still not with the Bloodstain when the latter returned to the Hospital is that she went and got herself some completely different guy to be her husband.
- Self-Made Orphan: Well, considering that the X-Ray was 'born' from Fern when she went and X-rayed herself...
- Silent Antagonist: Never says one word.
- Small Role, Big Impact: Appears in a grand total of two pages within the webcomic proper. Her actions serve as the direct catalyst for the extremely lengthy "Inert Vessel" story arc.
- Villainesses Want Heroes: She once dated the Bloodstain, who saved the woman she killed.
Ora the Flesh Door
Insert meat to enter.
Fern: Yes, hello, mouth thing. What do you want.
Ora: Hungry.
Ora: Hungry.
Fern: Of course you are. I suppose you want me to come inside.
Ora: Well... there's probably some pretty good stuff in here.
Another talking door, of the fleshy variety. Ora just loves to dine on sloppy joes, though she is not adverse to eating grey-zoners either.
- Meat Moss: Ora's interior. It looks like it had been a normal room, once upon a time.
- No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Some third party didn't appreciate Ora's betrayal of Fern
. - Picky People Eater: Has a predilection for the sloppy joes from the hospital cafeteria.
- Punny Name: "Ora" as in "oral cavity".
- Schmuck Bait: Gosh, it's such a shame that Fern needs to explore the morgue, considering where its key is located.
- Swallowed Whole: Ora doesn't chew.
Lexis
Ora eats for two.
Lexis: ...I know you're gonna need this nice shiny key if you ever wanna see that kid of yours.
A superficially 'pleasant' tapeworm-person residing on the other side of Ora. She'll nonchalantly provide some exposition while waiting for you to soupefy.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: At first, she seems affable enough, for a Hospital denizen. But the longer Lexis talks, the clearer it is how snidely contemptuous she is of everyone else.Fern: You know, funny thing...Ora said she had no idea what you were.
Lexis: Well, her brain's not what it used to be, not that it was ever stellar... she can't even remember she has a name half the time. About all she used to remember was the cafeteria food, before somebody hilariously trashed the place. It was all she ever talked about. "Lexis, will it ever be Sloppy Joe day again?"... "Mysterious voice with no name I'm aware of, do you think they're having sloppy joes right now?"... "Mom, where are my legs?"... haha, what a big dummy! - Humans Are Morons: Lexis doesn't think much of the human capacity to fathom the local jargon.Fern: WHAT'S a greyzoner? What's a zone?!
Lexis: Oh, that's easy, just describe what an internet meme is to a shoebox full of moths that can only hear nouns and you'll probably come up with an analogy that's at least ironically wrong. - I Have My Ways: Lexis knows an awful lot about the goings-on within the Hospital, for a parasite hooked inside Ora's stomach.Lexis: You shoulda seen the look on your face when the Barbeque kicked you in the keister.
Fern: ...How the hell did you even see that? And why do you remember it if your... friend... doesn't?Lexis: Oh, I remember all kinds of things I shouldn't. Heck, one of the few things I don't know is how I know so much. - I'm a Humanitarian: Makes absolutely no secret of the fact that she looks forward to ingesting Fern, once Ora's stomach acids flood the room and her body is "soupefied".
- Never Found the Body: While Ora ends up very definitely "out of commission", we don't see what befell Lexis, since she disappeared.
- The Nicknamer: "Meatycakes", and most tellingly "soupstuff".
- Punny Name: Lexis' name is derived from "scolex", which are the suckers and hooks a tapeworm uses to attach itself to its host.
- The Symbiote: A parasitic symbiote, naturally enough, since she's basically an anthropomorphic tapeworm.
- You Are Too Late: Upon finding herself trapped in Ora's interior, Fern's first action is to pump Lexis for all the information she can. Lexis is all too happy to cooperate. When Fern's finished, and she turns her attention to escaping Ora... that's when Lexis informs the human of the paralyzing nerve toxin her body's been absorbing this whole while.
The Glumdroodler
How'd its pink bow stay so pristine down in there?!
BBQ Girll: Get ready, dadmiser! It's a ripe one!
Because this thing had jammed itself in their meat grinder, the culinary staff of Burgrr, Inc. had no way of making the sloppy joe which Fern so desperately needed at the time. Once Fern had collected the items needed to get it to emerge, she then had to fight this creature to the death alongside BBQ Girll and Harmburger.
- Big "NO!": Appropriately hammy, for a thing that'd lodged itself in a meat grinder.Glumdroodler: TUBE THOUGHT?! NOOOOOO!!!
- Cutscene Boss: Fern's clash against this thing made for an impressive battle. But since Fern wasn't on speaking terms with the Commentators at the time, they had no input in the fight.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Right after the Glumdroodler was vanquished, BBQ Girll joyfully informed Fern that this now freed them up to abduct humans from her world as a meat source. But since she was speaking in her usual technobabble, it all went over the woman's head.BBQ Girll: We thought we might have to delay our next grey-harvest, but you delayered that 'droodler like it was just a nagvolem!
- Non-Standard Character Design: It's a... photograph? Photoshopped?
- Our Monsters Are Weird: We challenge you, dear reader, to describe this creature.
- Weaksauce Weakness: Its enemies thinking about tubes serves as the final nail in its proverbial coffin.
The Magboils
Uh, hi fellas...
Magboil: FOR A HARMED WAY!!! BE GUSHES A SECRET FIND!!?
Pallid, skeletal, naked creatures with eyes full of maggots, and meandering, empty existences. Fern first encounters a talking one outside the "final dungeon" of the Inert Vessel, though she cannot make sense of what it's saying. Her companions encourage her to ignore it, although Maggie insists its presence signifies a "zonal bleed".
While Magboils themselves are no more dangerous than vermin, their presence is a sign of big trouble.
- The Cassandra: Assuming the first Magboil Fern encountered was indeed a Mad Oracle, like the Commentators guessed... it was treated in classic Cassandra style, with Fern's companions immediately urging her to pay the poor thing no mind.
- Canon Welding: Magboils were first featured as characters in Burger Entries, a creepypasta story Bogleech wrote before Awful Hospital, along with all the most iconic employees of Burgrr, Inc.
- Crazy Consumption: They seem to "eat" by sticking bits of carrion into their eyeballs. Where their maggots are.
- Early-Bird Cameo: Magboil heads were available as menu item which Harmburger was willing to serve up when Fern paid the cafeteria a visit. She also used a dead one to defend herself against an attacking bloodbag.
- Intentional Engrish for Funny: The way they talk, based on the not so intentional Engrish on the toys that inspired them.
- In-Universe Nickname: Jay calls them "jellybabies".
- Mad Oracle: They usually serve this role, and Commentators typically try their best to decrypt their quasi-English ramblings.
- No-Sell: Despite their best efforts, the Parliament is unable to get rid of them.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: When one Magboil forces itself out of its usual "Red!"-centric speech patterns to tell Fern about something "GGRRRRR... RRREEEEEEN", it portends a major plot development.
- Our Souls Are Different: They have something, but it isn't a perceptual core like most beings. Whatever it is they have is poorly understood and described by Willis as "gross".
- Outside-Context Problem: The Parliament is starting to suspect that they might have existed separately from the Old Flesh even before it died, and that they may well continue to persist even if they accomplish their plans.
- The Watcher: They just observe humans from nearby. While muttering psychically.
- Weirdness Censor: Most perceptoids seem to have trouble registering them as relevant. They usually respond to magboils with confusion, dismissal, or by describing them as gross.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Old Flesh beings tend to be creeped out by them.
The Rubber Duck
No, no, no! Ixnay on the Ernfay!
Rubber Duck: Oh no! I've fowgotten awl the basic pwincipwes of modewn medicine! Isn't anyone qwawified to expwain them extensively?
A little rubber duck that Fern used to bait Dr. Phage into a box trap.
- Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: We don't yet know enough about the duck to determine whether he's just a naive simpleton or a truly treacherous creature. Nonetheless, the duck screwed over both Fern and Dr. Phage at different points in the webcomic.
- First, he tricked Dr. Phage into get trapped in a box with him for over 100 webcomic pages, wasting all that time explaining basic medicine to him.
- Then, when Dr. Phage finally realized he was trapped, the duck reminds him that he stopped being "coherent" when Fern arrived in the Hospital... and then perplexes him back into even greater insanity just as the doctor is about to remember what he really needed to do.
- Worst of all, Phage's insanity is directed entirely upon Fern, and would result in her very final demise should he succeed in implementing the "treatment" he has in mind for her.
- Cute Is Evil: Unlike most of Bogleech's creations, this duck is conventionally cute, so it should be no surprise that it turns out to have something to do with Phage's madness.
- Demonic Possession: It is implied to be the projection of a parasite that has attached itself to Dr. Phage and is driving him mad. And at one point, Dr. Phage's attitude suddenly changes, and his speech bubble's background matches the background of the duck's, implying that it can sometimes take direct control of him.
- Elmuh Fudd Syndwome: The widdle duckwing speaks awl his diawogue in this unbewievabwy pwecocious mannew.
- Imaginary Friend: When Fern picked it up, the duck was a lifeless object. Despite this, Dr. Phage perceives it as a living, thinking being.
- Little Jimmy: The duck's begging for some expert to come over and explain medical principles to him was what lured Dr. Phage into Fern's trap in the first place.
- Plant Person: The Rubber Duck's actual personhood is open to question. What's unquestionable is that it grew like a plant outside Dr. Man's office.You decide not to think about the fact that a new rubber duck appears to be growing in the old one's place.
- Ridiculously Cute Critter: Goodness, yes! And in a very conventional sense of the trope, (instead of Bogleech's usual preference for
Ugly Cute creatures,) which is a great rarity for this webcomic! - Troll: Reminds Dr. Phage about Fern and how he needs to help her, and then drives him insane again while taunting Fern's helpless buzzers with a smug smile.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: The Rubber Duck inexplicably vanished right after Dr. Phage freed himself from Fern's box trap. Who knows if we'll ever see him again or not?
The White Stains
Just think: The Parliament would be much closer to their goals if they replaced every light source throughout the Hospital with black lights...
Phantom Stain: iT cAn ssSSsseeeeSSSS usSSSS
Mystery Stain: iFff it CaN sssssEEEEssss uSSS wE cAn EaTssSSSsss iT
Phantom Stain: ....SeEEEssss uSSssSSS....
Mystery Stain: ....EatSSssSSSSss it....
Peculiar Stain: uhh not to ruin the ambience and all but I'm pretty sure it can hear us as long as that thing's on too
Mystery Stain: ...fffffffffffff....udge. ....Do over?
Stains from a variety of nasty fluids which spatter every inch of the Hospital's interior. Invisible under normal lighting, they appear white whenever ultraviolet light is shone upon them. Doing this is not recommended, since they are as vicious and carnivorous as piranhas.
- Artifact of Death: The blacklight Fern bought from the Spine. Surprisingly, it's as mundane and un-supernatural as any sold in hardware stores on Earth. But since turning it on allows Fern to see the White Stains...
- Evil Is Not a Toy: During combat, the blacklight can be utilized as a weapon against enemies. Typically, however, half the White Stains discovered in a room will attack the light-shiner's enemies while the other half attack the light-shiner.
- Horde of Alien Locusts: What the White Stains amount to. They'll try to eat anybody who can see them.
- Invisibility with Drawbacks: For some reason, unless their prey is capable of seeing them, the White Stains are incapable of touching them. This is in line with the setting's jargon about entities needing to be perceived to be considered real to someone.
- Invisible Monsters: In an unusual twist on this trope, as long as they remain invisible, they're perfectly safe to be around.
- Our Ghosts Are Different: For how they behave and function, the White Stains might as well be extremely malicious ghosts in some haunted mansion.
- Villain Ball: Their habit of attacking the very people who effectively bring them into existence.
- Vulgar Humor: Yes, yes, white stains revealed by a blacklight. Go ahead and chuckle.Bogleech: I know what you filthy filthers are thinking but there are a very great deal of different nasty fluids that show up like this so what you're thinking would only be SOME of them, pervoz... others may be all sorts of things, including if not especially fluids we aren't familiar with.
The More Maggots Fairy
The Perception Range would be a lot less wriggly without her!
More Maggots Fairy: Did somebody say "More Maggots?!"
A fairy who magically appears to anybody desiring a larger quantity of maggots.
- Big Brother Is Watching You: According to her, she's "Aaalways watchin!"
- Crippling Overspecialization: If you have any other wishes you'd like granted besides "more maggots," the More Maggots Fairy is not the girl to turn to. And please don't overlook the "More" part of her name: if you do not already have some maggots in your possession, it seems she cannot bestow you with any of hers.
- Exactly What It Says on the Tin: The More Maggots Fairy lives up to her name spectacularly!
- Fairy Godmother: She is this to anyone in need of extra maggots.
- Magic Wand: No surprise◊ what's on the end of hers!
- Our Fairies Are Different: Have you ever seen a fairy quite like her?!
- Single Specimen Species: According to her, she's the one and only fairy that actually exists, and calls it "childish" to believe otherwise. Fern is skeptical.Fern: ...Then why aren't you called "The Fairy?"More Maggots Fairy: (does not answer her)
- We Hardly Knew Ye: POOF! The More Maggots Fairy suddenly appears to give Magdolene more maggots. POOF! She's disappeared in the next webpage.
The Masked Rabbit
In Hospital, white rabbit follows YOU!
Fern: I think the buzzers keep asking about some kind of... "bunny?"
Marcy: A WHAT?
Fern: Like a white... "rabbity thing?" Not sure I've personally seen...
Marcy: FERN. STAY AWAY FROM HER. SHE'S...
A mysterious rabbit wearing a surgical mask that has been observing Fern for reasons unknown. She is implied to be enemies with the Parliament, but is also a threat to Fern's own well being.
- Anthropomorphic Personification: She is somehow related to the concept of Motherhood.
- Chameleon Camouflage: It is impossible for anyone to see the Rabbit on Page 935 from the webcomic itself, because she blends so seamlessly into the white background. You need to download the picture and view it on a non-white background.◊
- Cute Is Evil: Unsurprisingly for a conventionally cute character in this story, the first character to describe her implies her to be extremely dangerous and warns Fern to stay away from her.
- Early-Bird Cameo: She is first seen as a cartoon cheerfully running away from a cartoon exvironator.
- Eldritch Abomination: She is implied to be one of the first things that separated from the first thing, the Old Flesh.
- Mysterious Watcher:
- At one point, she watches Fern through the Burgrr Zone's television monitors.
- She also spies on Fern's conversation with Marcy from outside the comic's panels.
- Time Abyss: She was one of the first things to separate from the Old Flesh.
Harold
A mysterious fragment of the original thing taking the appearance of a cloth doll. He is implied to be a former member of the Parliament, and has a devoted obsession with the Masked Rabbit.
- Cannot Keep a Secret: He repeatedly broadcasts what attack he's planning to use next, allowing Fern's Buzzers to determine an appropriate counterattack. He eventually blocks his mouth shut, suggesting that he is aware and it's involuntary.
- Early-Bird Cameo: He is first seen as a seemingly ordinary cloth doll in Jay's possession. Jay used Harold for various forms of stress relief, talking to Harold at first and later using Harold as a punching bag.
- Eldritch Abomination: He is a pure and original fragment of the first thing, the Old Flesh.
- The Exile: He is a former member of the Parliament, who got kicked out due to philosophical differences.
- Fake Special Attack: When he decides to show Fern and company what he can do himself, a concerned Staph warns everyone to brace themselves since they do not know what an original fleshbeing like him can do. The attack is a slap, ending with him being shocked that Fern was able to resist his "secret weapon".
- Sanity Slippage: His journal shows him gradually recovering coherence only to eventually devolve again into rambling madness.
- Tactical Rock–Paper–Scissors: How his bossfight works. Every turn, he picks a slob to attack Fern, and Fern needs to likewise attack and absorb the characteristics of the perfect slob to counter that slob.
- Talkative Loon: He speaks in hysterical stream-of-consciousness that mixes pertinent information with nonsense phrases.
- The Unintelligible: While the individual words he speaks make sense, the way he strings them together does not.
Fil O'Fish
A giant fish merchant operating in the Plank Maze.
- Punny Name: His full name is Filbert Ayden O'Fish. In short, Fil A. O'Fish. Try saying that five times fast. It's "fillet o'fish."
- Worthless Yellow Rocks: When Fern rhetorically asks why everybody outside the grayzone sells what is considered to be garbage back on Earth, Fil's reply is "The Grey Zone's trash is objectively treasure, they're just that stupid!"
