Sick of trying to breed and train your own Serial Killers? Well don't worry, we've got you covered.
Hi, I'm Mark. Mark Defnitleenotavillan, Maker of Monsters and founder of Trope Co..® Our Monsters Are Different. As you try to make your way to the ordinary world, you look to the shadows in your closet or trees standing in the window for Things That Go "Bump" in the Night, only to come to the horrible realization that Humans Are the Real Monsters.
Introducing Our Slashers Are Different™! With Our Slashers Are Different™, your Slasher Movie can become an instant classic and iconic franchise full of sequels, base-breaking remakes, comic books, video games and more!
Our Slashers Are Different™ comes in six unique flavors for added suspense:
- Stock Slasher: Is this your first Slasher Movie? Don't fret, for we have the Stock Slasher. An ideal baddy for beginners, this Badass Normal is the best for the gentle suburbs, cozy arcadias and the open country. Comes with one free knife, a form-fitting jump-suit and burlap mask. Buy the Premium Package for Hockey Mask and Chainsaw.
- Vengeful Ghost: Imported and improved from Our Ghosts Are Different™, the Vengeful Ghost is horrifying to look at, peels paint off the walls, throws furniture around and would very much like to assimilate you into its eternal purgatory. Women in Black in the Haunted Castles of Europe, Women in White crawling down the stairs in Asia, all packaged in the device or can of your choice.
- Nightmare Weaver: The Unholy Beast of Belief. Born from the Abstract Apotheosis of evil, this creature knows what you fear and rubs your face in it like a soiled rug. Whether through dream invasion or urban legends, your belief gives it shape, your fear lures it in and your soul is its lunch.
- The Scourge of God: "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." For a drop of moral complexity, the Scourge of God is the killer of killers. And avaricious leaders, seducers and adulterers, and anyone who has ever bought Froot Loops during the Kelloggs boycott. You have the good, God-fearing Christian taking a warped stance of their views of "sin" and "redemption", adherents to a fringe faith dealing in the Dark Arts, even a Demon of Human Origin that wants nothing more than to share their damnation with the rest of the human race.
- Joke Characters: When you want to sell a gimmick or if parents want to complain, add some levity and shenanigans with a Joke Character! They dress funny, they crack jokes, are really short for some reason and they pull pranks, often with deadly results. We've got your dolls, dummies and puppets brought to life with Hollywood Voodoo, Leprechauns and Monster Clowns from folklore and outer space. You've got Jackass Genies that kills you with your own stupid heart's desires, Toons free to wreak havoc on the real world, sentient cookies that choke you with frosting and killer arcade animatronics that want to make pizza out of you. Includes a free contrived backstory and Weaksauce Weakness.
- Invincible Boogeyman: The Nintendo Hard of bad guys. The Hopeless Boss Fight of Horror. This Perpetual-Motion Monster, this Super-Persistent Predator that can be anywhere, cannot be killed and your best hope is to give up and die or pin it to somebody else, hoping that it will forget you.
May contain Slasher Smiles, Offscreen Teleportation, nuts and gratuitous use of the word "Bitch!" Overuse of Our Slashers Are Different™ may result in Sequelitis. Please keep different breeds of Our Slashers Are Different™ separate lest Crossovers ensue. Trope Co.® is not responsible for any murders, deaths, suicides or Genre Fatigue that may occur when using Our Slashers Are Different™. Final Girl™ not included.
