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Sten: Interesting strategy. Tell me: Do you intend to keep going north until it becomes south, and attack the archdemon from the rear?
Warden: It'll never see this coming.
Sten: Truly. It would surprise me if my enemy counter-attacked by running away and climbing a mountain.

Comic Book Guy: Yes, fianlly I would like to return your quote-unquote "Ultimate Belt".
Raphael: I see. Do you have a receipt, quote-unquote "sir"?
Comic Book Guy: No I do not have a receipt, I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention. Although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average Trekker has no use for a medium-sized belt.
Raphael: Whoa, whoa, a fat sarcastic Star Trek fan. You must be a devil with the ladies.

Robert: Well I suppose I should ask you what you do if I'm to be working with you.
Cecil: For me, Bob. For me. I am Springfields' Chief Hydrological and Hydrodynamical Engineer!
Robert: Hydrological and Hydrodynamical. Talk about running the gamut.
Cecil: Snigger all you like, Bob.
Robert: Thank you, I believe I shall.

If a boss was proving hard I just cast a Jedi mind trick stun thing for a free hit and then keep dodging until I could shake off my magic wanker's cramp and repeat. Meanwhile the game watched uncomfortably from the sidelines, occasionally shouting "Hey, there's all these fancy oils you could be using to get this done about .4 percent more efficiently. Maybe you could craft some from the entire Hanging Gardens of Babylon's worth of random herbs and flowers you've got stuffed down your trousers?"
"Got any upgrades for the basic healing potion?" I shout back.
"Not presently, no," replies the game.
"Then I'll stick with mashing quick attack if it's all the same to you."
"Well, if that's your attitude, your sword just broke again, har har har." Oh, bloody hell.

Leon: Think you can handle this many?
Cloud: Well... Might be tough if one more shows up.
Leon: Then that'll have to be the one I take care of.
Cloud: What, you're fighting too?

Chris: What, you planning to go Metroid on the place?
Rebecca: Yeah! I mean, the place is still filled with T-virus samples.
Chris: But wouldn't that do more harm than good, by releasing the T-virus into the air?
Rebecca: Okay, between the two of us, who has the medical degree...?
Chris: That doesn't automatically make you an expert on toxicology!

Selena: You think you're powerful. I've known power since you were a vodka-fueled question on the tip of your parents' tongues. My name is Selena.
Catherine: I don't know who you are, but no one denigrates vodka like that in my home.
Selena: Your media empire supports Supergirl. Starting today, we put her and everyone she knows to the boot. Including you.
Catherine: [pointing to Selena's footwear] Really? Those boots?
Supergirl (Rebirth), The Girl of No Tomorrow

Nolan: Your orders were to guard and protect this facility and it's cargo. Yet this outpost is grossly unguarded. Where are the rest of your men?
Mayday: Dead. Hexx, Veech and I; we're all that's left.
Nolan: Your failings will be dealt with later. For now I'm in charge here until the cargo is transported.
Mayday: I feel safer already.
Nolan: Look here Clone, You speak to me with respect.
Mayday: In my experience, respect is something to be earned.
Nolan: Yet, The Empire assigned you to this desolate rock. Where you let the majority of your squad get killed.
Mayday: Tell me, Lieutenant, how many missions have you commanded? [Nolan just glowers] That's what I thought. Boys, why don't you help the New Boss get situated.

Alfred Pennyworth: Know your limits, Master Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: Batman has no limits.
Alfred: Well, you do, sir.
Bruce: Well, can't afford to know 'em.
Alfred: And what happens on the day that you find out?
Bruce: Well, we all know how much you love to say "I told you so."
Alfred: On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to. Probably.

Bruce Wayne: That's a brazen costume for a cat burglar.
Selina Kyle: Yeah? Who are you pretending to be?
Bruce Wayne: Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire. Who's your date? [motions to the man Selina was dancing with]
Selina Kyle: His wife's in Ibiza. She left her diamonds behind, though. Worried they might get stolen.
Bruce Wayne: Mm. It's pronounced Ibeetha. You wouldn't want any of these folks realizing you're a crook, not a social climber.
Selina Kyle: You think I care what anyone in this room thinks of me?
Bruce Wayne: I doubt you care what anyone in any room thinks of you.
Selina Kyle: Don't condescend, Mr. Wayne. You don't know a thing about me.
Bruce Wayne: Well, Selina Kyle, I know you came here from your walk-up in Old Town, a modest place for a master jewel thief. Which means that either you're saving for retirement, or you're in deep with the wrong people.
Selina Kyle: You don't get to judge me just because you were born in the master bedroom of Wayne Manor.
Bruce Wayne: Actually, I was born in the Regency Room.
Selina Kyle: I started out doing what I had to. Once you've done what you've had to, they'll never let you do what you want to.
Bruce Wayne: Start fresh.
Selina Kyle: Ugh. There's no fresh start in today's world. Any twelve-year-old with a cell phone could find out what you did. Everything we do is collated and quantified. Everything sticks.
Bruce Wayne: Is that how you justify stealing?
Selina Kyle: I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less.
Bruce Wayne: Robin Hood?
Selina Kyle: I think I do more to help someone than most of the people in this room. Thank you.
Bruce Wayne: I think maybe you're assuming a little too much.

Shinji: Hey, why the sour face? Forget to drink your prune juice this morning?
Asuka: No, just wondering how this country ever became important when it's filled with morons like you.
Shinji: Oh, you wound me. And I think you got a little collateral damage on you there.
Asuka: I'm a quarter Japanese, and I was raised in Germany. I think I took minimal splash.
Shinji: Ah, so the Übermensch German sides overwhelm the barbarian Japanese side?
Asuka: Can you cut it out with the Nazi jokes?
Shinji: But they're so easy! Come on, throw an Imperial Japan joke. Hell, I haven't even tried to throw out any weird German fetish jokes cause I know you'll have way too much tentacle demon material to work with.
Asuka: Oh? You know about German porn do you? Pervert.
Shinji: I walked into that one.
Asuka: You set yourself up for that one.
Shinji: I see no contradiction between our statements.

Dalek Thay: Identify yourself!
Cyberman: You will identify first.
Dalek Thay: State your identity!
Cyberman: You will identify first.
Dalek Thay: IDENTIFY!
Mickey: [to Rose] It's like Stephen Hawking meets the speaking clock...
Cyberman: ...and illogical, you will modify.
Dalek Thay: Daleks do not take orders!
Cyberman: You have identified as Daleks.
[...]
Cyberman: Our species are similar, though your design is inelegant.
Dalek Thay: Daleks have no concept of elegance!
Cyberman: This is obvious.
[...]
Cyber Leader: Daleks be warned. You have declared war upon the Cybermen.
Dalek Sec: This is not war, this is PEST CONTROL!
Cyber Leader: We have five million Cybermen. How many are you?
Dalek Sec: ...Four.
Cyber Leader: You would destroy the Cybermen with four Daleks?
Dalek Sec: WE WOULD DESTROY THE CYBERMEN WITH ONE DALEK! You are superior in only one respect!
Cyber Leader: What is that?
Dalek Sec: YOU ARE BETTER AT DYING!

Dev-Em: Oh, Sheol. What a headache. El, tell me. Was that another one of your unending parade of people who want you dead?
Superman: As a matter of fact, it was, Dev. I can lend you a few, if you'd like to take them home with you.

Shantotto: They forgot that since I'm on your team, we'll foil their crude scheme.
Ultimecia: You think to keep the gate from being prised open?
Shantotto: You've both the garb of a jester and the wit of one! I could laugh at you for days before being done. Now, be good boys and girls and lay your heads down to rest. Leave opening the gate to one who can do it with zest.
Ultimecia: You wish to swoop in and steal our thunder?
Shantotto: I'm saying I've made it my mission to bring your failed plan to fruition.
Ultimecia: You're so full of yourself, you're bursting at the seams. It's no wonder everyone gives you a wide berth.
[Tidus and Firion exchange looks]
Shantotto: Confusing yourself with others now, are we? I can't fathom how wretched your life must be.
[Kefka and Exdeath shift impatiently]
Ultimecia: My condolences on the loss of your hearing, but such is old age.
Shantotto: More like your mind is so infantile that even listening proves a trial.
Ultimecia: Is that so? Now I want those cavalier lips of yours kissing dirt.
Shantotto: In due time you shall come to rue, biting off more than you can chew.
Ultimecia: Or you will rue misjudging me!
Dissidia Final Fantasy NT, "Sorcerous Mudslinging"

Trevor: Eat shit and die.
Alucard: Yes, fuck you.

Beatrice: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick: nobody marks you.
Benedick: What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
Beatrice: Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence.
Benedick: Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none.
Beatrice: A dear happiness to women: they would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.
Benedick: God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate scratched face.
Beatrice: Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such a face as yours were.
Benedick: Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.
Beatrice: A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
Benedick: I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's name; I have done.
Beatrice: You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

The Doctor: We've got to find a way to turn this ship around.
EMH Mark Two: [smirks] How? Waltz onto the bridge and take over the helm?
The Doctor: Refresh my memory. Which of us has the terrible bedside manner?
EMH Mark Two: You're not my patient.
The Doctor: My first bit of good news.

Calvin: If I could just learn to ride that bicycle, I could go all sorts of places. I could cover miles in no time at all! I could go anywhere! I could...
[A screaming Calvin is chased by his bike, Calvin appears mangled in the final panel]
Calvin: I could go to heaven.
Hobbes: You? I doubt it.

Hiram Blythe: Black holes, did you see that?!
The Unplanned Variable: The big ball of fire? No, totally missed it.
Hiram Blythe: Look, there's not enough room in this tower for two sarcastic hullheads. So one of us has to knock it off.

Chief Bogo: We have some new recruits with us this morning, including our first fox. Who cares?
Nick Wilde: Ha. You should have your own line of inspirational greeting cards, sir.
Bogo: Shut your mouth, Wilde.

Batman: You're going to go and meet with him, aren't you?
Superman: You know me too well. I can't just stand back and do nothing.
Batman: Well, when it all goes south, don't count on me to save you.
Superman: I won't. I know you pretty well, too.

Alan: Uh, how many merits does an eagle scout get for seducing a brownie?
Terry: I don't know, you'll have to check that in your boy scout manual, under "Things to Do in the Woods".
Alan: Clever girl.

Mercedes Harbont: Why don't we just take a picture?
Paul: Oh, sure, let's drop it off at Jiffy Photo when we land, Einstein!
Mercedes: Ever heard of e-mail, dick-wad?

Christine Everheart: You must be the famous Pepper Potts.
Pepper Potts: Indeed I am.
Christine: After all these years, Tony still has you picking up the dry cleaning.
Pepper: I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including occasionally taking out the trash. Will that be all?

Tony Stark: Am I making you uncomfortable?
Pepper Potts: Oh, no, I always forget to wear deodorant and dance with my boss in a room full of people I work with in a dress with no back.
Tony: Well, you look great, you smell great. But I could fire you if that would take the edge off.
Pepper: I don't think you could tie your shoes without me.
Tony: I'd make it a week.
Pepper: A week, really? What's your social security number?
Tony: Five...
Pepper: "Five?" You're missing just a couple of digits.
Tony: Right, the other eight. Well, I have you for the other eight.

Phil Coulson: Good luck. We need you.
Tony Stark: More than you know.
Coulson: Not that much.

Bucky Barnes: Don't do anything stupid until I come back.
Steve Rogers: How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.

Steve Rogers: You want to keep staring at the wall, or do you want to go to work? I mean, it's a pretty interesting wall.
Natasha Romanoff: I thought you and Tony were still gazing into each other's eyes. How do we look?

Loki: I left him right here.
Thor: You mean on the pavement outside, or actually in the building currently being demolished?
Loki: How was I supposed to know? I can't see into the future, I'm not a witch!
Thor: Well, you're dressed like one.

Radio: Astro Gate toll will be deducted from your account.
Jet: I'm gonna take a piss in transit. Wanna charge me for that, too?
Radio: We already do, Bebop. Read the fine print.

Jack Walsh: Can I get my money first?
Eddie Moscone: Of course. What, do you think I was gonna try to stiff you?
Jack: You? Never. You would never try to stiff me.
Eddie: Do I detect some kind of sarcasm here?
Jack: Never.

Leon: You wanna die? There's easier ways to kill yourself!
Red Hood: Yeah, like yelling at the guy who's holding the AK-47.

Bobby Chicago: You know, sometimes you border on competent.
Jericho Cane: I know, it's scary isn't it?

Frasier: Just excellent, Niles. Only thing missing is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head.
Niles: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, I was distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.

Lilith: I'm almost done defrosting.
Niles: And the turkey?
Lilith: Might I suggest you stuff it?

Dorien: Well, let's face it, Melanie — that maroon and cream stripe does smack somewhat of the local Indian takeaway.
Melanie: Oh. Style notes from the woman whose home is decorated like a Parisian brothel!

Dorien: Leather is very fashionable again this year.
Sharon: Yeah, a lot of old cows wouldn't be seen in anything else.
Dorien: Well, Sharon, rest assured — should you ever wish to dress your ample figure in leather — somewhere, someplace, there's a herd with your name on it.

Sharon: Oh, look, it's... it's... it's our ex-neighbour. You 'ave no idea how good that sounds.
Dorien: Didn't notice you there, Sharon. Not easy to pick you out in a room full of so many of the larger mammals.

Bruno: Hey; I'm an old man who's had too much to eat. I get gas. Deal with it.
Stefanie: Yeah, well, I'm a nineteen year old girl. I get periods. Deal with it.

Jailer: Here's yer bread. An' here's yer water. There, I'm spoiling you, aren't I?
Lurcio: Yes, you are. Aren't I fortunate? Breakfast in Bed!
Jailer: Well, make yerself at home.

Phoenix Wright: Let it go, Mr. Edgeworth. It's clear you don't know much about flowers. It's not like you have anyone you'd actually give any to, after all. But maybe you should study up on them, just in case the opportunity presents itself.
Miles Edgeworth: Nngoooh! This is from the man who only knows the names of three types of flowers!
Phoenix: Th-That's hardly relevant to the case at hand!
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Spirit of Justice, Case 6-DLC: "Turnabout Time Traveler"

Watson: Do you suppose Lestrade is ever going to be done [with his lecture]?
Holmes: Perhaps he literally can't stop. Is that medically possible?
Watson: Doubtful.
Holmes: I believe I shall do a monograph on the subject. "Upon the Various and Sundry Methods of Driving Consulting Detectives to Suicidal Madness -"
Watson: That's no drive, it's a short putt in your case.
221B, "Barber II"

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