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Anime and Manga
Tamako: Are you hiding any stray animals without my permission?
Nobita: No! I promise, I'm not hiding any cats or dogs!
[shortly after Tamako left]
Nobita: She's going to freak out if I told her I'm hiding a dinosaur.
Nobita: No! I promise, I'm not hiding any cats or dogs!
[shortly after Tamako left]
Nobita: She's going to freak out if I told her I'm hiding a dinosaur.
"He said your Quirk was shock absorption, not nullification! That means there's a limit to what you can take, right?!"
— All Might, My Hero Academia
All Might: Do you remember how I gave my power to you? What I said that day?
Midoriya: (imitating All Might's face) "EAT THIS!"
All Might: No, not that part!
Midoriya: (imitating All Might's face) "EAT THIS!"
All Might: No, not that part!
[Beerus, having promised to destroy Earth if Goku can't defeat him, fires an energy blast at Earth after Goku loses...and destroys only a single small rock]
Whis: Well look at that, Lord Beerus. You destroyed Earth like you said you would...just not very much of it.
Whis: Well look at that, Lord Beerus. You destroyed Earth like you said you would...just not very much of it.
"How's that? I self-deprecatingly admit I haven't read them, but subtly give the impression that I've read 40%. But I've actually read zero! Zero fits in the expression 'I haven't even read half!' It's a trick you play with words!"
— Sawako Machida, Miss Bernard Said
Shirogane: So you need romantic advice? You've come to the right guy! Not to brag, but I've never once been rejected!
Tsubasanote : That's my kind of leader!
Narrator: He isn't lying, but... that's 'cause he's never asked anyone out.
Tsubasanote : That's my kind of leader!
Narrator: He isn't lying, but... that's 'cause he's never asked anyone out.
Comedy
"I think we take for granted the fact that we have to wear clothes. You see signs on restaurants that say 'No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service'. They don't even mention pants. A guy could walk in there just wearing a shirt and shoes! 'Whew, warm out today. Oh well, gotta play by the rules. Table for one by the window, please. Non-smoking. Smoking disgusts me.'"
— Comedian Roman Danylo
Comic Books
Deadshot: Said to keep Flag from killing Cray. ANY means possible. Exact Words.
Waller: I didn't mean by killing [Cray] yourself!
Deadshot: Shoulda said so. I don't read minds.
Waller: I didn't mean by killing [Cray] yourself!
Deadshot: Shoulda said so. I don't read minds.
"I gave my word I would not come for the girl — Your death, however, is something that is long overdue, Superman."
— Darkseid, The Supergirl from Krypton (2004)
Rhialla: There's no need for threats, Lobo. Besides, Section Nine of your contract forbids you from killing your employer, remember? And we both know you always honor a contract.
Lobo: Contract says nothing about maiming you.
Lobo: Contract says nothing about maiming you.
Stargirl: "But I thought you swore never to wear that uniform again...after the Thanagarian invasion."
Stargirl: "I swore never to wear it again in allegiance to Thanagar, Stargirl."
Stargirl: "I swore never to wear it again in allegiance to Thanagar, Stargirl."
"To get the range, [Vought American]'d stuck fuel tanks every place they could. Includin' one right under the seat. Which woulda been fine, so long as they remembered to make it self-sealin'... an' they did. They put it right at the toppa the list of things to do."
(close-up of pilot being immolated in his burning plane)
"For the Mark Two."
(close-up of pilot being immolated in his burning plane)
"For the Mark Two."
—The Legend, The Boys #19
Yarbro: Aaaaah! Fifty yards...you promised...you...promised!
Cyric: But i didn't come after you, Yarbro. My dagger did. You see, I keep my promises!
Cyric: But i didn't come after you, Yarbro. My dagger did. You see, I keep my promises!
—Forgotten Realms' Avatar #2, Tantras
Fan Works
- I'd rather die you dirty robot! One of the soldiers shouted.
- Johnson! Yelled Alexandre. Shut up !
Without saying anything, XANA turned to its Krabs and one of them shot down the soldier.
- His wish was granted.
- Johnson! Yelled Alexandre. Shut up !
Without saying anything, XANA turned to its Krabs and one of them shot down the soldier.
- His wish was granted.
— Code Lyoko fanfic Un futur d'enfer
Jacob: Hey, Elspeth. Does that look like lunch to you? [points at a restaurant]
Elspeth: That looks like a building to me, but it probably contains something that looks like lunch.
Elspeth: That looks like a building to me, but it probably contains something that looks like lunch.
Asuka: She promised I would feel that way again soon.
Daniel: And have we kept our promises so far?
Asuka: ...Yes. So what are you going to do, hit me with that "echo" again? That would satisfy the letter of your promise.
Daniel: And have we kept our promises so far?
Asuka: ...Yes. So what are you going to do, hit me with that "echo" again? That would satisfy the letter of your promise.
With a cheeky grin, Ghost Junko explained, "You said, and I quote 'get Kyosuke to call you Juzo...kun!' I didn't hear no honorific at the end of your name zombie boy! So...you both lose and I win the bet!"
Brainiac said, "It is finished. Darkseid is defeated."
Kral noted that Brainiac did not say "destroyed."
Kral noted that Brainiac did not say "destroyed."
"HANK!" Jean roared.
Hank gave her an innocent look. "You said to find something that would eat the glue."
Jean vowed she was going to murder Hank McCoy. "Something that won't hurt Joe in the process."
Hank gave her an exasperated expression. "Well you Ms. Grey, should have been more specific"
Hank gave her an innocent look. "You said to find something that would eat the glue."
Jean vowed she was going to murder Hank McCoy. "Something that won't hurt Joe in the process."
Hank gave her an exasperated expression. "Well you Ms. Grey, should have been more specific"
She'd thought of this already, and the answer was disturbing but obvious. There was a card trick where you insisted that you could hand back any card after it was reshuffled into the deck. You just handed the whole deck back.
"I'm sorry for asking this," Perry said, "but I distinctly remember you telling me that you were the last of your kind when you gave me that interview way back then. So either that boy there is a whole lot younger than he looks, or you lied to me."
"Oh, I never lied to you, Perry," she assured him, smiling now. "If I may refresh your memory, my exact words were 'I am the last daughter of Krypton'. I never said anything about sons."
He stopped, thinking back to that day, then groaned. He really should have noticed that very specific wording.
"Oh, I never lied to you, Perry," she assured him, smiling now. "If I may refresh your memory, my exact words were 'I am the last daughter of Krypton'. I never said anything about sons."
He stopped, thinking back to that day, then groaned. He really should have noticed that very specific wording.
"Might as well go home then. She can't say I wasn't here. And there was no word about that I'd have to be the last one to leave."
— Shinji, Long Time No See
Tom's face is very pale. "If I leave him," the yeerk whispers. "You promise you won't kill me?"
"We promise," Marco says.
Tom's body twitches, goes limp. For a second nothing happens, and then suddenly his right hand shoots up to the side of his face. Marco's hand tightens on the dracon beam, but Tom is ripping a grey, slimy mass away from his right ear as it emerges.
<Don't—> Jake's already too late.
Tom has wrapped a fist around the yeerk. He squeezes hard. With a faint pop, the greenish sludge of tissue and blood starts to slide between his fingers.
<We had a deal!> Jake says.
"Deal was between you and him." Tom speaks flat and slurred. He tosses aside the yeerk he just murdered as he climbs to his feet. "Nobody asked me to promise anything."
"We promise," Marco says.
Tom's body twitches, goes limp. For a second nothing happens, and then suddenly his right hand shoots up to the side of his face. Marco's hand tightens on the dracon beam, but Tom is ripping a grey, slimy mass away from his right ear as it emerges.
<Don't—> Jake's already too late.
Tom has wrapped a fist around the yeerk. He squeezes hard. With a faint pop, the greenish sludge of tissue and blood starts to slide between his fingers.
<We had a deal!> Jake says.
"Deal was between you and him." Tom speaks flat and slurred. He tosses aside the yeerk he just murdered as he climbs to his feet. "Nobody asked me to promise anything."
— "What if they saved Jake's family?", All Assorted Animorphs AUs
Alice: Do you know her, Yuuka? Didn't you say so before? That you didn't know any autonomous doll!?
Yuuka: I wasn't lying. This girl is a doll who became a youkai after being thrown out by humans. She's not a doll which was made to be autonomous.
Yuuka: I wasn't lying. This girl is a doll who became a youkai after being thrown out by humans. She's not a doll which was made to be autonomous.
—Omoito Vier
Tyler: No, no. I said no harm would come to Camila… should you succeed, Riley. But you failed. Therefore, the deal is off. Learn to pay attention to what I say before you agree to something, child.
Film—Animation
Buzz #2: What's happening?
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, it's-it's horrible! They're-They're torturing him!
Rex: [gasp] What are we gonna do, Buzz?
Buzz #2: Use Your Head.
[cut to everyone using Rex as a battering ram, charging at the grate]
Rex: BUT I DON'T WANNA USE MY HEAD!
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, it's-it's horrible! They're-They're torturing him!
Rex: [gasp] What are we gonna do, Buzz?
Buzz #2: Use Your Head.
[cut to everyone using Rex as a battering ram, charging at the grate]
Rex: BUT I DON'T WANNA USE MY HEAD!
Nick: I didn't falsely advertise anything.
Judy: You told that mouse the pawpsicle sticks were redwood!
Nick: That's right. [Takes the cherry pawpsicle stick out of his mouth and hands it to her] Red. Wood. With a space in the middle. Wood that is red.
Judy: You told that mouse the pawpsicle sticks were redwood!
Nick: That's right. [Takes the cherry pawpsicle stick out of his mouth and hands it to her] Red. Wood. With a space in the middle. Wood that is red.
— Zootopia
Shrek: Stiltskin! We had a deal! You agreed to free all ogres!
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh yeah. But Fiona isn't all ogre...is she?
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh yeah. But Fiona isn't all ogre...is she?
Hopper: I swear, if I hadn't promised Mother on her deathbed that I wouldn't kill you, I'D KILL YOU!
Molt: And believe me, no one appreciates that more than I do.
Hopper: Shut up! I don't want to hear another word out of you while we're on this island. Do you understand me?
Molt: [Beat]
Hopper: I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Molt: Well, how can I answer? You said I couldn't say another word!
Molt: And believe me, no one appreciates that more than I do.
Hopper: Shut up! I don't want to hear another word out of you while we're on this island. Do you understand me?
Molt: [Beat]
Hopper: I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Molt: Well, how can I answer? You said I couldn't say another word!
Ginger: You lied to them!
Rocky: I didn't lie, I just... omited certain truths. Don't worry, I'll give them exactly what I promised.
Ginger: Which is nothing.
Rocky: Which is what I'll give them.
Rocky: I didn't lie, I just... omited certain truths. Don't worry, I'll give them exactly what I promised.
Ginger: Which is nothing.
Rocky: Which is what I'll give them.
Film—Live-Action
Austin Powers: Mr. Roboto is lying to us.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Tell me something I don't know.
Austin Powers: I open mouth kissed a horse once.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Say what?!
Austin Powers: That's something you don't know.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Tell me something I don't know.
Austin Powers: I open mouth kissed a horse once.
Foxxy Cleopatra: Say what?!
Austin Powers: That's something you don't know.
Hua: [points gun on unlucky mob leader] So, you're pretty careless with the lives of your men.
Rival Mob Leader: Mr. Hua, don't kill me! It... it's a misunderstanding! Please don't kill me! I don't wanna die! No, Mr. Hua, no!
Hua: I won't kill you. Not me.
Rival Mob Leader: Thank you, Mr. Hua. Thank you, thank you, thank... [shot mid-sentence by Hua's right-hand man]
Rival Mob Leader: ...you gave me your word, not to kill me!
Hua: But I didn't. Did I?
Rival Mob Leader: Mr. Hua, don't kill me! It... it's a misunderstanding! Please don't kill me! I don't wanna die! No, Mr. Hua, no!
Hua: I won't kill you. Not me.
Rival Mob Leader: Thank you, Mr. Hua. Thank you, thank you, thank... [shot mid-sentence by Hua's right-hand man]
Rival Mob Leader: ...you gave me your word, not to kill me!
Hua: But I didn't. Did I?
Rival Mob Leader: [dies]
— The scene from Dragons Forever, a rather blatant Scarface (1983) reference
White: It's not about what he said, y'know? It's what he didn't say. "If you attempt to communicate with myself, or the guard, you will be disqualified." He didn't say—
Brown:—we can't speak to each other...
—Exam, Slowly realizing there's much more to the titular Exam than initially thought.
Fletcher: You promised me those men would be decently treated!
US Senator: They were decently treated. They were decently fed, decently clothed, and then they were decently shot. Those men are common outlaws, nothing more.
US Senator: They were decently treated. They were decently fed, decently clothed, and then they were decently shot. Those men are common outlaws, nothing more.
Marian: Oh, Robin, promise me you won't go!
Robin: Very well. I promise you won't go.
Robin: Very well. I promise you won't go.
Skroob:Tell them to comb the desert, do you hear me? Comb the desert!
[Cut to the Spaceballs using oversized combs on desert sand]
Col. Sandurz: Sir... are we being too literal, sir?
Dark Helmet: No, you fool, we're following orders! We were told to "comb the desert", so we're combing it!
[Cut to the Spaceballs using oversized combs on desert sand]
Col. Sandurz: Sir... are we being too literal, sir?
Dark Helmet: No, you fool, we're following orders! We were told to "comb the desert", so we're combing it!
Voice of the Bug: Place... projectile weapon... on the ground.
Edgar: You can have my gun [cocks it] when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Bug: Your proposal is acceptable.
Edgar: You can have my gun [cocks it] when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Bug: Your proposal is acceptable.
The Chechen: Look at what your drugs did to my customers!
The Scarecrow: Buyer beware. I told you my compound would take you places; I never said they'd be places you wanted to go.
The Scarecrow: Buyer beware. I told you my compound would take you places; I never said they'd be places you wanted to go.
Frank Lopez: Tony, don't kill me, please!
Tony Montana: I ain't gonna kill you.
Frank Lopez: Oh Christ, thank you! Thank you!
Tony Montana: 'Manolo, shoot that piece of shit!
[Manolo puts a round into Frank on Tony's orders]
Tony Montana: I ain't gonna kill you.
Frank Lopez: Oh Christ, thank you! Thank you!
Tony Montana: 'Manolo, shoot that piece of shit!
[Manolo puts a round into Frank on Tony's orders]
Margalo: Don't hurt him, Falcon!
Falcon: I won't hurt him. THE SIDEWALK WILL!
Falcon: I won't hurt him. THE SIDEWALK WILL!
— Stuart Little 2
"No, no, not lied at all! No, I never lied! Said she took the poison — she did! — Never said that she died!"
— Mrs. Lovett, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
"I hired Yondu to deliver them to me. It broke the Ravager code, but I compensated him generously and, to ease his conscience, promised I’d never hurt them. Which was true, they never felt a thing..."
Bumblebee: I'll never talk.
Blitzwing: Is that right? Then let's make it official. [rips out Bumblebee's voice box]
Blitzwing: Is that right? Then let's make it official. [rips out Bumblebee's voice box]
Clouseau: Does your dog bite?
Innkeeper: No.
[Clouseau tries to pet the dog, which snaps at him]
Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!
Innkeeper: That is not my dog.
Innkeeper: No.
[Clouseau tries to pet the dog, which snaps at him]
Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!
Innkeeper: That is not my dog.
"Your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement, so I must do nothing."
—Hector Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
"Don't dare impugn me honor, boy! I agreed she go free, but it was you who failed to specify when or where."
—Hector Barbossa, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
"Master Turner, feel free to go ashore...the very next time we make port!"
—Davy Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Delilah: I had your promise.
The Saran of Gaza: No blade has touched his skin. No drop of his blood was shed.
Delilah: You... you played with words to rob him of his eyes!
The Saran of Gaza: No blade has touched his skin. No drop of his blood was shed.
Delilah: You... you played with words to rob him of his eyes!
Knives: Is Scott here?
Wallace: Uh, you know what? (Scott jumps through the window behind him) He just left.
Wallace: Uh, you know what? (Scott jumps through the window behind him) He just left.
Terminator: Why do we stop now?
John Connor: Now you gotta promise you won't kill anyone, right?
Terminator: Right.
John: Swear?
Terminator: What?
John: Just put up your hand and say "I swear I won't kill anyone."
Terminator: (parrots) I swear I will not kill anyone.
John: Alright, let's go.
Security Guard: Visiting hours is ten to four, Monday through Friday-!
(the Terminator shoots the security guard's knee twice)
John: What the hell are you doing!?
Security Guard: You son of a bitch! You shot me! (agonized mumbling)
Terminator: (returns to John on the motorcycle as the gate opens) He'll live.
John Connor: Now you gotta promise you won't kill anyone, right?
Terminator: Right.
John: Swear?
Terminator: What?
John: Just put up your hand and say "I swear I won't kill anyone."
Terminator: (parrots) I swear I will not kill anyone.
John: Alright, let's go.
Security Guard: Visiting hours is ten to four, Monday through Friday-!
(the Terminator shoots the security guard's knee twice)
John: What the hell are you doing!?
Security Guard: You son of a bitch! You shot me! (agonized mumbling)
Terminator: (returns to John on the motorcycle as the gate opens) He'll live.
Persian Envoy: If you value your lives over complete annihilation, listen carefully, Leonidas. Xerxes conquers and controls everything he rests his eyes upon. He leads an army so massive it shakes the ground with its march, so vast it drinks the rivers dry. All the God-King Xerxes requires is this: a simple offering of earth and water. A token of Sparta's submission to the will of Xerxes.
King Leonidas I: ... Submission... Well, that's a bit of a problem. See rumor has it, the Athenians have already turned you down. And if those philosophers and... "boy-lovers" have found that kind of nerve...
Theron: We must be diplomatic—
Leonidas: (cutting him off) And, of course, Spartans... have their reputation to consider.
Envoy: Choose your next words carefully, Leonidas. They may be your last, as king.
(Leonidas turns and ponders the offer. He observes his beloved country and his people meaningfully, to finally focus on Queen Gorgo)
Leonidas: (internally) Earth and water...
(having made up his mind, he draws his sword on the Persian envoy, whose back is to a large well. Artemis and his Spartan Soldiers follow suit and draw their swords on the envoy's guards, disarming and arresting them)
Envoy: Madman... You're a madman!
Leonidas: Earth and water... You'll find plenty of both down there.
Envoy: (frantic) No man, Persian or Greek, no man threatens a messenger!
Leonidas: You bring the crowned heads of conquered kings to my city's steps! You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same.
Envoy: This is blasphemy! THIS IS MADNESS!
(Leonidas lowers his sword, seemingly repentant after nearly committing this taboo, he looks back to his wife, who after a pause reverse nods, giving him her blessing for what's to come)
Leonidas: (facing the envoy) Madness? THIS! IS! SPAR-TA!!!
(Leonias kicks the Persian messenger straight in the solar plexus sending him flying into the near bottomless depths of the well)
King Leonidas I: ... Submission... Well, that's a bit of a problem. See rumor has it, the Athenians have already turned you down. And if those philosophers and... "boy-lovers" have found that kind of nerve...
Theron: We must be diplomatic—
Leonidas: (cutting him off) And, of course, Spartans... have their reputation to consider.
Envoy: Choose your next words carefully, Leonidas. They may be your last, as king.
(Leonidas turns and ponders the offer. He observes his beloved country and his people meaningfully, to finally focus on Queen Gorgo)
Leonidas: (internally) Earth and water...
(having made up his mind, he draws his sword on the Persian envoy, whose back is to a large well. Artemis and his Spartan Soldiers follow suit and draw their swords on the envoy's guards, disarming and arresting them)
Envoy: Madman... You're a madman!
Leonidas: Earth and water... You'll find plenty of both down there.
Envoy: (frantic) No man, Persian or Greek, no man threatens a messenger!
Leonidas: You bring the crowned heads of conquered kings to my city's steps! You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same.
Envoy: This is blasphemy! THIS IS MADNESS!
(Leonidas lowers his sword, seemingly repentant after nearly committing this taboo, he looks back to his wife, who after a pause reverse nods, giving him her blessing for what's to come)
Leonidas: (facing the envoy) Madness? THIS! IS! SPAR-TA!!!
(Leonias kicks the Persian messenger straight in the solar plexus sending him flying into the near bottomless depths of the well)
—The iconic "This Is Sparta!" scene, 300
"I said I'd help you find him, not catch him. There's a difference."
— Black Widow, Captain America: Civil War
Cindy: What did you do to Sully?
Matrix: I let him go. [said after dropping Sully off a cliff to his death]
Matrix: I let him go. [said after dropping Sully off a cliff to his death]
— Commando
"I don't want to see you die... which is why I'm going to leave the room."
Piter De Vries: If the Duke’s son lives...
Baron Vladimir Harkonnen: No Atreides will live.
Piter De Vries: My lord, you gave your word to the witch. She sees too much!
Baron Vladimir Harkonnen: I said I would not harm them. And I shall not. But Arrakis is Arrakis. And the desert takes the weak. My desert. My Arrakis. My Dune.
Baron Vladimir Harkonnen: No Atreides will live.
Piter De Vries: My lord, you gave your word to the witch. She sees too much!
Baron Vladimir Harkonnen: I said I would not harm them. And I shall not. But Arrakis is Arrakis. And the desert takes the weak. My desert. My Arrakis. My Dune.
Literature
"Don't worry. A violent death is the last thing that'll happen to you."
"Titania has already laid down the law. We've obeyed it. Not our fault if what she decreed was not what she wanted."
— Lily, The Dresden Files: Proven Guilty
"Remember your promise? Remember the exact words? You vow to put your clan above everything else you want? Your mother, father, mate, kits, and leader! From that one promise, I could take everything precious to you!"
— Mapleshade, Warrior Cats
"The Emperor wants the thaumaturge alive; everyone else can die," Berne said simply.
This particular instruction had been carefully planned; he had to be able to say truthfully to Ma'elKoth that he didn't order a massacre.
This particular instruction had been carefully planned; he had to be able to say truthfully to Ma'elKoth that he didn't order a massacre.
Wit: What of you, Prince Renarin? Your father wishes me to leave you alone. If you can speak and yet say nothing ridiculous, I will leave you alone for the rest of the week.
[Beat]
Renarin: Nothing ridiculous.
[Beat]
Renarin: Nothing ridiculous.
— The Way of Kings (2010) (first book of The Stormlight Archive)
What harm was one more day? He turned away from the rapidly-dissolving exit and crunched up the drive to 220.
One more night of that pinball smile.
Just one.
He couldn't leave them on Christmas Eve.
But of course, in Bedford Falls, it was always Christmas Eve...
— Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers
"An Aes Sedai never lies, but the truth she speaks may not be the truth you think you hear."
— Tam al'Thor, The Wheel of Time
"I have helped a few murderers in my time... not helped them commit the murderer, you understand."
Live-Action TV
Lawyer: Can you describe your job?
Veronica: Yes.
Lawyer: How would you describe your job?
Veronica: Cleverly.
Veronica: Yes.
Lawyer: How would you describe your job?
Veronica: Cleverly.
Donna: You're kidding. Don't tell me the TARDIS is gone.
The Doctor: Okay.
Donna: Where is it, then?
The Doctor: ...you told me not to tell you.
Donna: Oi, don't get clever in Latin!
The Doctor: Okay.
Donna: Where is it, then?
The Doctor: ...you told me not to tell you.
Donna: Oi, don't get clever in Latin!
"Natasha Lyonne"note : I quit smoking today.
Ru Paul: Oh, really? Well, what are you smoking?
"Natasha": A cigarette. Yeah, I didn't say it was going well.
Ru Paul: Oh, really? Well, what are you smoking?
"Natasha": A cigarette. Yeah, I didn't say it was going well.
— RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars
General Wellesley: Sharpe, I can make you a Captain, but I cannot keep you a Captain. There is talk of an Imperial Eagle, Sharpe. There is talk of a promise made to the late Major Lennox. Tell me, on oath, that the talk is just idle gossip, Sharpe. Or by God sir, I promise you will walk out of that door a Lieutenant!
Richard Sharpe: I swear on oath...that no-one heard me make any promise with respect to an Imperial Eagle to Major Lennox, sir.
General Wellesley (after a beat and a Death Glare): Colonel Lawford!
Colonel Lawford: Sir.
General Wellesley: You may escort Captain Sharpe to the door, Colonel Lawford.
Richard Sharpe: I swear on oath...that no-one heard me make any promise with respect to an Imperial Eagle to Major Lennox, sir.
General Wellesley (after a beat and a Death Glare): Colonel Lawford!
Colonel Lawford: Sir.
General Wellesley: You may escort Captain Sharpe to the door, Colonel Lawford.
Sir Humphrey: This is the first and only brief containing possible questions from the committee with the appropriate answers, all carefully presented to give the department's position.
Hacker: Is it absolutely accurate?
Sir Humphrey: (beat) They are all carefully presented to give the department's position.
Hacker: You said yourself how important these select committees are, I cannot be seen to mislead them.
Sir Humphrey: You will not be seen to mislead them.
Hacker: Is it the truth?
Sir Humphrey: The truth and nothing but the truth.
Hacker: The whole truth?
Sir Humphrey: Of course not.
Hacker: Is it absolutely accurate?
Sir Humphrey: (beat) They are all carefully presented to give the department's position.
Hacker: You said yourself how important these select committees are, I cannot be seen to mislead them.
Sir Humphrey: You will not be seen to mislead them.
Hacker: Is it the truth?
Sir Humphrey: The truth and nothing but the truth.
Hacker: The whole truth?
Sir Humphrey: Of course not.
Theatre
And be these juggling fiends no more believed,
That palter with us in a double sense,
That keep the word of promise to our ear,
And break it to our hope.
That palter with us in a double sense,
That keep the word of promise to our ear,
And break it to our hope.
— Macbeth, Macbeth
Todd: You lied to me.
Mrs. Lovett: No, no, not lied at all. No, I never lied. Said she took the poison - she did! - never said that she died.
Mrs. Lovett: No, no, not lied at all. No, I never lied. Said she took the poison - she did! - never said that she died.
— Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, "Final Sequence"
Video Games
Malcolm Corley: Ripburger, you're dumber than dirt!
Adrian Ripburger: Mr. Corley, if you'd only listen to my plan, my vision...
Malcolm Corley: I know your plan, Ripburger. You're waiting for me to die so you can take over my company!
Adrian Ripburger: Sir, that's horrible! I am not waiting for you to die!
Adrian Ripburger: Mr. Corley, if you'd only listen to my plan, my vision...
Malcolm Corley: I know your plan, Ripburger. You're waiting for me to die so you can take over my company!
Adrian Ripburger: Sir, that's horrible! I am not waiting for you to die!
Olgierd: O'Dimm. What do you want?
O'Dimm: What do you mean, "what?" Your soul.
Olgierd: You forget. The pact states you can only take it once you've fulfilled three wishes and-
O'Dimm: -and we stand together on the Moon. ...Well, what do you know.... [makes a gesture at the ground, and the dirt blows away to reveal a moon mosaic]
Olgierd: What? No. We... had a pact. The moon is there. [points to the sky] THERE! Not... here....
O'Dimm: I gave you what you wished for. Here, on the moon, our contract you fulfill.
Olgierd: You... whoreson. You cheated me!
O'Dimm: I never cheat.
O'Dimm: What do you mean, "what?" Your soul.
Olgierd: You forget. The pact states you can only take it once you've fulfilled three wishes and-
O'Dimm: -and we stand together on the Moon. ...Well, what do you know.... [makes a gesture at the ground, and the dirt blows away to reveal a moon mosaic]
Olgierd: What? No. We... had a pact. The moon is there. [points to the sky] THERE! Not... here....
O'Dimm: I gave you what you wished for. Here, on the moon, our contract you fulfill.
Olgierd: You... whoreson. You cheated me!
O'Dimm: I never cheat.
— The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt, Hearts of Stone expansion
Manuel Noriega: The slums are a warzone. I must be allowed to protect myself. Give me a weapon.
Hudson: Give him what he wants, Mason. That's an order. Hudson out.
Mason: Dammit. *takes out his sidearm, removes the magazine and chambered round, and offers it to Noriega*
Noriega: What are you doing?
Mason: You asked for a weapon. You didn't say anything about ammo.
Hudson: Give him what he wants, Mason. That's an order. Hudson out.
Mason: Dammit. *takes out his sidearm, removes the magazine and chambered round, and offers it to Noriega*
Noriega: What are you doing?
Mason: You asked for a weapon. You didn't say anything about ammo.
"It's time for my special attack. Are you ready? Here goes nothing." [Beat] "Yep. That's right. It's literally nothing."
— Sans, Undertale
CHECK
1 ATK 1 DEF
The easiest enemy.
Can only deal 1 damage.
1 ATK 1 DEF
The easiest enemy.
Can only deal 1 damage.
— Examine Text for Sans the Skeleton, Undertale
Papyrus: SANS! PLEASE PICK UP YOUR SOCK!
Sans: ok.
Papyrus: DON'T PUT IT BACK DOWN! MOVE IT!
Sans: ok.
Papyrus: YOU MOVED IT TWO INCHES! MOVE IT TO YOUR ROOM!
Sans: ok.
Papyrus: AND DON'T BRING IT BACK!
Sans: ok.
Papyrus: IT'S STILL HERE!
Sans: didn't you just say not to bring it back to my room?
Papyrus: FORGET IT!
Sans: ok.
Papyrus: DON'T PUT IT BACK DOWN! MOVE IT!
Sans: ok.
Papyrus: YOU MOVED IT TWO INCHES! MOVE IT TO YOUR ROOM!
Sans: ok.
Papyrus: AND DON'T BRING IT BACK!
Sans: ok.
Papyrus: IT'S STILL HERE!
Sans: didn't you just say not to bring it back to my room?
Papyrus: FORGET IT!
The Judge: ...Um, wh-who are you?
Godot: I am Godot. Legendary prosecutor. I've never lost a case.
Maya Fey: Ah! He's the one that Detective Atmey was talking about...
The Judge: Yes, your reputation precedes you. What kind of cases have you dealt with so far?
Godot: Ha...! None.
The Judge: What did you say...?
Godot: I've never prosecuted a case before.
The Judge: N-Never? But you said you've never lost before.
Godot: ...Exactly. I've never lost. I've never won before either.
Godot: I am Godot. Legendary prosecutor. I've never lost a case.
Maya Fey: Ah! He's the one that Detective Atmey was talking about...
The Judge: Yes, your reputation precedes you. What kind of cases have you dealt with so far?
Godot: Ha...! None.
The Judge: What did you say...?
Godot: I've never prosecuted a case before.
The Judge: N-Never? But you said you've never lost before.
Godot: ...Exactly. I've never lost. I've never won before either.
— Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Trials and Tribulations, "Episode 2: The Stolen Turnabout"
Darkseid: Brainiac is no more. Tremble before the power of...
Superman: [surprisingly shocked] Darkseid!
Darkseid: Greetings, Superman.
Batman: You tricked Brainiac into freeing you from your extra-dimensional prison.
Darkseid: I promised him he would unleash power beyond imagining. I fulfilled our bargain. To the letter.
Zatanna: Yeah, and he was also promised great knowledge.
Darkseid: And I delivered. What higher lesson is there than this: Never trust Darkseid.
Superman: [surprisingly shocked] Darkseid!
Darkseid: Greetings, Superman.
Batman: You tricked Brainiac into freeing you from your extra-dimensional prison.
Darkseid: I promised him he would unleash power beyond imagining. I fulfilled our bargain. To the letter.
Zatanna: Yeah, and he was also promised great knowledge.
Darkseid: And I delivered. What higher lesson is there than this: Never trust Darkseid.
"I said my sword was a tool of justice. Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now... Now I'm not so sure. And besides... This isn't my sword."
— Raiden, Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
Harvey Dent: Say hi, Bruce.
Bruce Wayne: "Hi, Bruce."
(The guests chuckle)
Harvey Dent: Well, I tee them up and he knocks them down.
Bruce Wayne: "Hi, Bruce."
(The guests chuckle)
Harvey Dent: Well, I tee them up and he knocks them down.
"I speak for the Traveler. I never said it spoke to me."
— The Speaker, Destiny 2
"'It is possible.' The falsehood begins there. It is possible that something would prevent this old power from calling in its IOUs. But Fires would not be so eager to sell this debt on unless it were afraid. 'The debts are very old': another falsehood through truth. Age, in the Neath, does not mean toothlessness. Something that has refused to die for millennia can be a serious threat.
And then 'as long as you do not encourage my workers...' Another hole, large enough to pass a GHR engine through. Furnace's daily life is an encouragement to unionise. Simply by existing, she sends a message."
And then 'as long as you do not encourage my workers...' Another hole, large enough to pass a GHR engine through. Furnace's daily life is an encouragement to unionise. Simply by existing, she sends a message."
— Possibilities storylet, Fallen London
Pagan: I distinctly remember staying stop the bus. Yes, stop the bus. Not shoot the bus. I'm very particular with my words. Stop. Shoot. STOP. Shoot. Do those words sound the same?
Soldier: But it got out of control.
Pagan: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What did you say?
Soldier: It got out of control...
Pagan: Out of control... I hate when things get out of control. [stabs him in the throat] You had one fucking job and you couldn't fucking do that!
Soldier: But it got out of control.
Pagan: I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What did you say?
Soldier: It got out of control...
Pagan: Out of control... I hate when things get out of control. [stabs him in the throat] You had one fucking job and you couldn't fucking do that!
Neku: You...you tricked me! All that about letting me out of the Game— that was all a lie!
Uzuki: Like, that is so rude! I do not lie. If I erased you, that's still letting you out of the Game!
Uzuki: Like, that is so rude! I do not lie. If I erased you, that's still letting you out of the Game!
Black Canary: You said "Girls' night out", Harley.
Harley Quinn: Well, we're out, ain't we?
Black Canary: This isn't what's meant by "doing shots".
Harley Quinn: Well, we're out, ain't we?
Black Canary: This isn't what's meant by "doing shots".
Black Canary: You were a jerk to Bruce.
Aquaman: You will address me as royalty!
Black Canary: You were a jerk to Bruce, Your Highness.
Aquaman: You will address me as royalty!
Black Canary: You were a jerk to Bruce, Your Highness.
Wonder Woman: Say good night, Harley.
Harley Quinn: Good night, Harley!
Harley Quinn: Good night, Harley!
"I told them I wouldn't kill you, I didn't say anything about cutting your tongue out."
—Trevor Philips to Devin Weston, Grand Theft Auto V, "The Third Way"
"Did I say you could take down the enemy? Throw anyone who disobeys into solitary."
—Colonel D. McKinsey, Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown, "444"
"No aliens were harmed in the creation of this park. They were all harmed after the park was created."
— Dr. Eggman, Sonic Colors
Webcomics
"[Coyote] may never lie, but he also does not tell the truth!"
— Loup, Gunnerkrigg Court, #2230
"Huh. I know he said to defend the door, but I really think the spirit of his request was to not let anyone inside, even through the window."
— Death Worm, The Order of the Stick, #1166
Web Original
Dave Lang: Listen, you paid us $25,000 to put you in the game. We put you in the game. You never specified anything else...
Alex Jebailey: Well, I did say "Keits, I need to be able to win my own tournaments," and I don't know if that's going to happen or not.
Adam "Keits" Heart: You specifically said, "Make me a badass." So I made you bad and I made you ass.
Alex Jebailey: Well, I did say "Keits, I need to be able to win my own tournaments," and I don't know if that's going to happen or not.
Adam "Keits" Heart: You specifically said, "Make me a badass." So I made you bad and I made you ass.
12. Self-appointed prophets who deliver elliptically-worded warnings will be politely asked to phrase their utterances in plainer terms. If said prophet refuses the request, a five-year-old child will be asked to explain the meaning of the prophecy.
— The list Things I Will Do If I Ever Become A Hero
list Things I Will Do If I Ever Become A HeroSmith: Simon, Simon, spell... spell "innocent" backwards, Simon.
Simon Lane: Erm, I-N-N-O-C-E-N-T B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S.
Smith: He's not taking it seriously, he's not taking it seriously!
Ross: Murder him!
Simon Lane: Erm, I-N-N-O-C-E-N-T B-A-C-K-W-A-R-D-S.
Smith: He's not taking it seriously, he's not taking it seriously!
Ross: Murder him!
Krillin: Little Green, wish our friend Piccolo back to life, and then with our next wish, bring him to Namek.
Piccolo: Hold on a minute, don't do that! That is a terrible i—(is resurrected and brought to Namek)—dea!
[Piccolo can be heard screaming in the distance.]
Dende: He is on Namek.
Gohan: Wait, where is he?
Dende: On Namek.
Piccolo: (in the distance) You dumbass!
Krillin: Why didn't it bring him here?
Dende: You must be specific.
Piccolo: Hold on a minute, don't do that! That is a terrible i—(is resurrected and brought to Namek)—dea!
[Piccolo can be heard screaming in the distance.]
Dende: He is on Namek.
Gohan: Wait, where is he?
Dende: On Namek.
Piccolo: (in the distance) You dumbass!
Krillin: Why didn't it bring him here?
Dende: You must be specific.
"Yeah, thanks for specifying on EARTH, by the way! Yamcha! YOU ASSHOLE!"
— King Kai, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
There exists an algorithm which transforms names and can be reversed losslessly. (Yes, yes, you can do it if your algorithm returns the input. You get a gold star.)
Kate Abdo: Okay, so I want to shift gears now to...Real. With Ronaldo gone, who would you say is the best player in Madrid?
[Beat as the Real Madrid players think about it]
Antoine Griezmann: Moi.
[Cut to Griezmann, who is sitting with Atletico Madrid teammate Diego Costa]
Just as a hypothetical, let's say we have rifle A, shoots a one-inch group when it's cold and a three-inch group when it's hot. Rifle B goes from two-inch to four-inch. Well, one way you could report that is, "Rifle A, when it got hot, shot a three-inch group, rifle B shot a four-inch group, therefore rifle A is the better one". You could be still 100% perfectly accurate and say, "Rifle A's group size tripled when it got hot, rifle B's group size doubled when it got hot". That makes rifle B sound like the better one.
Player 1: Yo! Second place!
Player 2: What's up?
Player 1: What kind of item do you have?
Player 2: Uhh... why do you need to know?
Player 1: I just want to make sure you don't have a red shell or anything.
Player 2: Ah, nah nah man, I don't have a red shell. You're good.
Player 1: Okay, cool! Thanks.
Player 2: Yeah, no problem. [Pulls out a blue shell]
— Bismix: Some Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Players...
You know, you should always like and share every one of these pages. If you do that, you have a chance to change the world. (0% is a chance) appears on screen.
— Welcome to..., Welcome To Facebook
Norman: I wish for immortality!
Genie: Your wish is my command! (wish granted)
(Norman attempts to jump off a cliff, but dies)
Redstone Ned: Hey, you didn't grant his wish!
Genie: Yes I did! He wished for immortality, but he didn't say who he wanted to become immortal.
(cue a rabbit swimming in a lava pool unharmed)
"Volatile: If a Pyrovore is slain by a Wound that inflicted Instant Death, every unit suffers a Strength 3 AP- hit for each model (excluding Pyrovores) within D6" of the slain Pyrovore (resolve damage before removing the Pyrovore as a casualty)."
Presumably what they wanted to write was that each model within D6" suffers a S3 AP- hit. Meaning that for a squad of 10 Guardsmen next to the Pyrovore, they suffer 10 hits. What they instead wrote means that every unit on the board suffers 10 hits.
Presumably what they wanted to write was that each model within D6" suffers a S3 AP- hit. Meaning that for a squad of 10 Guardsmen next to the Pyrovore, they suffer 10 hits. What they instead wrote means that every unit on the board suffers 10 hits.
—1d4chan on Warhammer 40,000's Pyrovore's design flaws
's design flaws"I loved my father as much as he loved this city and all of its inhabitants."
— Rufus Shinra's official statement in the wake of his father's death, Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged
Western Animation
Dylan: There were no other smells at the crime scene.
Diesel: Apart from the rubbery one.
Dylan: The WHAT!?
Diesel: There was a rubbery smell!
Dylan: What!? Why didn't you tell me!?
Diesel: You asked who was there, the night of the crime, not what!
Cluemaster: Bonus round! Stop Cluemaster and they go free!
Batman: Well that doesn't seem fair? Is there anything the great Arthur Brown doesn't know?
Cluemaster: (Mockingly) You'll find out...
Batman: What can I ask you about?
Cluemaster: Anything!
Batman: No topic is off limits?
Cluemaster: History, science, literature...
Batman: Music, biology... current events...
Cluemaster: ANYTHING! Let's go already!
Batman: Okay. Name the true identity of... The Batman.
Cluemaster: (Visually shocked before getting angry) Trick question! Ask another!
Batman: You said I can ask anything.
Cluemaster: NO FAIR!
— The Batman, "Q&A"
Timmy: [having just been reverted to his normal height] Hey, what gives?
Wanda: Well, you just wanted to play until you got the money for your V-Cube, remember?
Timmy: You gotta make me freakishly huge again! Tonight's the big game!
Cosmo: Uh, Timmy, we can't. Remember? [turns his head into Timmy's] "I wish I was freakishly huge and talented at basketball. Ow. At least until I make enough money for a new V-Cube, then I never want to be this freakishly huge again."
Timmy: I have got to be less specific with these wishes.
Zog: The delegation from Bentwood arrives any moment. Take off those common clothes and come down looking like a princess!
Bean: As you wish, Father. [gleefully strips off her shirt and walks out of the throne room topless]
Bean: As you wish, Father. [gleefully strips off her shirt and walks out of the throne room topless]
"Ah, Starscream. How fitting to have you by my side as I finally take my revenge on the one responsible for my fifty stellar cycles of helplessness and humiliation." (points his gun at Optimus Prime, then punches Starscream through the chest)
— Megatron, Transformers: Animated
Hawk Moth: The future bird catches the worm. This time, the Miraculous are mine!
Timetagger: You're right on the first count, but not on the second. The Miraculous are not for you.
Hawk Moth: What?!
Timetagger: [Evil Laugh] I said I was sent by the Hawk Moth of the future, but I never said the Hawk Moth of the future was you!
Timetagger: You're right on the first count, but not on the second. The Miraculous are not for you.
Hawk Moth: What?!
Timetagger: [Evil Laugh] I said I was sent by the Hawk Moth of the future, but I never said the Hawk Moth of the future was you!
Darwin: [upon seeing Gumball indiscriminately spraying weed killer] What are you doing?
Gumball: I'm killing the weeds.
Darwin: Are you kidding me?! [Tobias] explained six times that he wanted the grass taken care of, not taken out!
Gumball: Well, he never specifically said the grass had to grow back.
[beat]
Quetzal: Why did you hit your sister, Max?
Max: She said I could pitch!
Emmy: I never said that!
Max: Did so! I asked you before we left home, and you said, "okay."
Emmy: I said, "Okay, let's go." I didn't hear you ask to pitch.
Max: She said I could pitch!
Emmy: I never said that!
Max: Did so! I asked you before we left home, and you said, "okay."
Emmy: I said, "Okay, let's go." I didn't hear you ask to pitch.
— Dragon Tales, "No Hitter"
Marge: Why do you have so many bowling balls?
Homer: Oh! I'm not going to lie to you, Marge...
(Beat)
Homer: So long!
Homer: Oh! I'm not going to lie to you, Marge...
(Beat)
Homer: So long!
Real Life
"I gave a reply that wasn't untrue but was clearly misleading. I apologise."
— British politician Simon Hughes
"It depends on what the meaning of the word is is."
"People should really avoid relying on semantics in this game. If I say, 'I thought you said we were good to the end.' And you justify it by saying, 'I said final four, not the end.' That’s as damaging as lying. Actually, it might be better just to say, 'I Lied.'"
— Survivor columnist Gordon Holmes
The plaintiff’s claims regarding the "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign are premised on his interpretation that the sign is an unconditional and unlimited warranty of satisfaction to the customer, as determined solely by the customer, without regard to the facts or to any notion of reasonableness. The plaintiff confirmed at trial that in his view, if a customer brings in an item of clothing to be dry cleaned, and the dry cleaner remembers the item, and the customer then claims that the item is not his when the dry cleaner presents it back to the customer after it has been cleaned, the cleaner must pay the customer whatever the customer claims the item is worth if there is a "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign in the store, even if the dry cleaner knows the customer is mistaken or lying.
Nothing in the law supports that position.
Nothing in the law supports that position.
— Findings of Fact and Conclusions of Law for Pearson v. Chung
Tell the truth and so puzzle and confound your adversaries.
Sir Henry Wotton, 17th century diplomat
