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"America the Beautiful" Quotes
"There are those who say that we are nothing but a corporation. But we have traditions. We have history. We embody certain ideals, integral to our nations honor."
— Colonel George Howe, The Punisher MAX
"O beautiful for spacious skies,"
"For amber waves of grain,"
"For purple mountain majesties"
"Above the fruited plain!"
"America! America! God shed His grace on thee,"
"And crown thy good with brotherhood"
"From sea to shining sea!"
"For amber waves of grain,"
"For purple mountain majesties"
"Above the fruited plain!"
"America! America! God shed His grace on thee,"
"And crown thy good with brotherhood"
"From sea to shining sea!"
— America the Beautiful, Katharine Lee Bates, 1913
""Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she"
"With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,"
"Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,"
"The wretched refuse of your teeming shore."
"Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,"
"I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
"With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,"
"Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,"
"The wretched refuse of your teeming shore."
"Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,"
"I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
— The New Colossus, Emma Lazarus, 1883
God is an American.
—"I'm Afraid of Americans", David Bowie
We know the strength of America. We our strong. We can regain our unity. We can regain our confidence We are of generations that have survived threats much more powerful and awesome than those that challenge us now. Our fathers and mothers were strong men and women who shaped a new society during the Great Depression, who fought world wars, and who carved out a new charter of peace for the world. We are ourselves are the same Americans who just 10 years ago put a man on the moon. We are the generation that dedicated our society to the pursuit of human rights and equality. And we are the generation that will win the war on the energy problem and in that process rebuild the unity and confidence in America
— Jimmy Carter, "Crisis of Confidence" speech, July 15, 1979
"Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world — "No, you move."
— Captain America, in Amazing Spider-Man#537
Good morning USA:
I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day!
The sun in the sky has a smile on his face
And he's shining a salute to the American race
Oh boy it's swell to say:
Good morning USA!
I've got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day!
The sun in the sky has a smile on his face
And he's shining a salute to the American race
Oh boy it's swell to say:
Good morning USA!
— Stan Smith, singing American Dad!'s theme song.
History began on July 4, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake.
—Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little ass gonna kick some ass in the USA gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna flyyyy on an eagle! I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world gonna kick some ass gonna rise up, kick a little ass... ROCK, FLAG AND EEEEAGLLLLLLLLLLE!
You can get far in North America with laconic grunts. 'Huh,' 'hun,' and 'hi!' in their various modulations, together with 'sure,' 'guess so,' 'that so?' and 'nuts!' will meet almost any contingency.
Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.
You know, the average Chinese factory worker must think Americans are insane. Picture this: you work at a plant that makes Halloween stuff—you know, like, rubber severed heads. And you're all like: Americans decorate their homes with severed heads? These fuckers are savages, man.
—Daniel Suarez, Daemon
I am strongly of the opinion that the great majority of people will always find these are the moving impulses of our life. But it is only those who do not understand our people, who believe that our national life is entirely absorbed by material motives. We make no concealment of the fact that we want wealth, but there are many other things that we want much more. We want peace and honor, and that charity which is so strong an element of all civilization. The chief ideal of the American people is idealism.
Americans like the cowboy...This amazing, romantic character suits me precisely because to be alone has always been part of my style or, if you like, my technique.
— Henry Kissinger, 1972 interview
In America, the professor talks to the mechanic. They are in the same category.
— Noam Chomsky
We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance? note
Yes, she hates EVERYTHING about America. This is the country that gave us Dynasty, Bea Arthur (it's my second Bea Arthur reference of the day, because she is my religion and I have a quota to fill), vaporizer pioneer Bill Amato and Andy Capp's Hot Fries. And yet, she still hates EVERYTHING? I cannot.
— Michael K.
, "Azealia Banks Hates Everything About America"
, "Azealia Banks Hates Everything About America"Princess Voluptua: "Jean! We're in a crisis, and whether you acknowledge it or not, I am your sovereign. You–"
Dr. Jean Poule: "Say what?! I'm an American, you cosmic bimbo! People fought and died so I'd never have to bow to any ?!$&?! royalty! Princesses are good for tabloids and Disney theme parks and that's it!!"
"Let history bear witness that no American ever had to bow to a tyrant!"
— Kristin Wells, a time traveller from the future, DC Comics Presents Annual #14 by Elliot S! Maggin
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
— The Gettysburg Address, Abraham Lincoln, November 19, 1863
There is no global anthem, no global currency, no certificate of global citizenship. We pledge allegiance to one flag, and that is the American flag.
Finally, gentlemen, many misinformed Japanese believe that America is a nation divided, isolationist, and that Americans are only interested in enjoying a life of luxury, and are spiritually and morally corrupt. But that is a great mistake. If war becomes inevitable, America would be the most formidable foe that we have ever fought. I've lived in Washington and studied at Harvard, so I know that the Americans are a proud and just people.
—Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto, Tora! Tora! Tora!
"Our parents came to this country, fleeing poverty, oppression, and hunger. Hunger! They were very, very hungry! And they dreamed of a land, filled with hamburger restaurants. And not just one type of hamburger, but hundreds of types, with different sizes, toppings, and condiments. That land was America. America, Harold! America. Now, this is about achieving what our parents set out for. This is about the pursuit of happiness. This night... is about The American Dream."
— Kumar Patel, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
"America the Boorish" Quotes
"Not only are you wrong, but you are belligerently sticking to your guns and insulting me in the process. Robin Scherbatsky, you are an American!"
— Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother, "Duel Citizenship"
Captain America's 25th in the world in math
Captain America's 24th in the world in reading
Don't make him do math, don't make him read books
And leave the science to Singapore and China
Captain America's behind the world in school!
Captain America consumes the second most electricity
Captain America consumes the world's most gasoline
So leave the lights on and hop in the car
But don't try to work 'cos there's nowhere to work
Captain America's 79th in employment!
Captain America's 24th in the world in reading
Don't make him do math, don't make him read books
And leave the science to Singapore and China
Captain America's behind the world in school!
Captain America consumes the second most electricity
Captain America consumes the world's most gasoline
So leave the lights on and hop in the car
But don't try to work 'cos there's nowhere to work
Captain America's 79th in employment!
How I love the life I lead
Cannot think and cannot read
Watch our values slip away
Play the game of USA!
Cannot think and cannot read
Watch our values slip away
Play the game of USA!
— "Let's Play USA", Peter Schilling
Calm-eyed he scoffs at Sword and Crown,
Or, panic-blinded, stabs and slays:
Blatant he bids the world bow down,
Or cringing begs a crust of praise
Or, panic-blinded, stabs and slays:
Blatant he bids the world bow down,
Or cringing begs a crust of praise
— An American by Rudyard Kipling
SCP-50-AE-J is an IMI Desert Eagle, with an American flag print grip. SCP-50-AE-J is unremarkable except for the fact that when fired, an adult bald eagle, designated SCP-50-AE-1, emerges from the barrel and attacks anyone who displays Communist beliefs, Russian ancestry, or unpatriotic leanings. SCP-50-AE-1 differs from a normal bald eagle specimen in that it not only appears to be able to detect sociopolitical beliefs, but also can talk, usually screaming slogans such as 'Better dead than red' and 'Democracy is non-negotiable'. Investigations into the further properties of SCP-50-AE-1 have been stymied by the fact that SCP-50-AE-1 continues to attack Foundation scientists, calling them 'PINKO FUCKS'.
This is a sacred place. Now, you may not believe that and I may not believe that, but, by God, it's a useful hypocrisy.
— Linton Barwick, In the Loop
The Doctor: (to Secret Service agents) You think you can just shoot me?
River Song: They're Americans!!
The Doctor: DON'T SHOOT ME, DEFINITELY DON'T SHOOT ME!
River Song: They're Americans!!
The Doctor: DON'T SHOOT ME, DEFINITELY DON'T SHOOT ME!
— Doctor Who, "The Impossible Astronaut"
When you buy an import, you take a hot meal off a hard working American’s table. (infant cries) There, there. This poor girl is going to starve to death, just because you bought a cheaper, more efficient Maibatsu. Without gross symbols of excess, what will Americans have to look up to? Our great industries are threatened: Cars, pornography, armaments! And they need your help!
— "Buy American" radio advert, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
In America everybody is of the opinion that he has no social superiors, since all men are equal, but he does not admit that he has no social inferiors, for, from the time of Jefferson onward, the doctrine that all men are equal applies only upwards, not downwards.
Americans have a severe disease — worse than AIDS. It's called the winner's complex.
The United States is the only country except for tiny Liechtenstein—a tax haven—that has more lawyers than farmers.
— Charles Maechling, VQR
, VQRStephen Fry: What's the right word for someone who's from the USA?
Johnny Vegas: Obese?
Graeme Garden: Is it 'burger-eating invasion monkey'?
Johnny Vegas: Obese?
Graeme Garden: Is it 'burger-eating invasion monkey'?
— QIf
'I'm going to sell copies of my wand at an enormous markup,' Harry said, 'and you can buy one like everyone else.' Voldemort had been defeated.
'He hated us for our freedom,' Ron said.
'No, Ron," Harry said. 'He hated us for our free markets.'
'He hated us for our freedom,' Ron said.
'No, Ron," Harry said. 'He hated us for our free markets.'
In my more cynical moments, I'll claim the TV ad spot is the US's only quintessential form of narrative storytelling.
— Soda Pop Art, "I Don't Buy It — Commercials as Narrative and Social Entropy"
, "I Don't Buy It — Commercials as Narrative and Social Entropy"I don't understand a word you just said. Try speaking American. It's the only language I understand.
— Bandit Keith, Yugioh The Abridged Series
Y'know there are
pirates and emperors but they're really the same thing
Even the ones who say they just wanna let freedom ring.
Well they do it big
or they do it small
But only one goes down when they break the law
While the Big One claims "This really don't apply to me".
pirates and emperors but they're really the same thing
Even the ones who say they just wanna let freedom ring.
Well they do it big
or they do it small
But only one goes down when they break the law
While the Big One claims "This really don't apply to me".
Freddie Mercury: MTV banned our video. The youth of America, we helped give birth to MTV!
Traveling abroad can be a wonderful experience, but it's even better when you're prepared. Here are some tips to help make your next trip a safe and enjoyable one:
* Get foreign TV schedules in advance to decide exactly what shows you want to watch.
* Always bellow, "I'm an American, you filthy foreign barbarians!" to ensure top-quality service while abroad.
* If you bend over to close your suitcase and hear a "Zwip! Thump!" sound, then discover a knife wobbling in the wall behind you, it could mean you've unintentionally become entangled in a web of international espionage and intrigue.
* Carrying cash is unwise when traveling abroad; be sure to purchase plenty of McDonald's gift certificates before you leave.
* Before leaving home, take your pets to local humane society and have them put to sleep; get new pets when you come back.
* Many people in foreign countries do not speak English; you may need to speak louder and/or slower in order to make yourself understood.
* When traveling through Europe, remind everyone you encounter that, if not for America, they would all be speaking German. (Note: Does not work in Germany.)
* Do not treat foreign waiters with the slightest shred of human dignity; a friendly attitude will only earn their disrespect.
* When traveling through Italy, be sure to get a load of the racks on some of those Ginas.
* If you see Karl Malden ominously narrating before a camera while you are checking into a hotel, keep an extra-close eye on your credit cards; a commercial may be being filmed with you as the subject/victim.
* When in Great Britain, remember to follow local customs and eat with a pair of tweezers.
* When reentering U.S., remove heroin-filled condoms from stomach immediately.
* Foreigners have lots of colorful local customs and ways; many of them will not mind if you ask them to shoot bananas out of their vaginas, blow smoke rings with their anuses, or perform fellatio on mules. Live it up a little! It can't hurt to ask.
* Get foreign TV schedules in advance to decide exactly what shows you want to watch.
* Always bellow, "I'm an American, you filthy foreign barbarians!" to ensure top-quality service while abroad.
* If you bend over to close your suitcase and hear a "Zwip! Thump!" sound, then discover a knife wobbling in the wall behind you, it could mean you've unintentionally become entangled in a web of international espionage and intrigue.
* Carrying cash is unwise when traveling abroad; be sure to purchase plenty of McDonald's gift certificates before you leave.
* Before leaving home, take your pets to local humane society and have them put to sleep; get new pets when you come back.
* Many people in foreign countries do not speak English; you may need to speak louder and/or slower in order to make yourself understood.
* When traveling through Europe, remind everyone you encounter that, if not for America, they would all be speaking German. (Note: Does not work in Germany.)
* Do not treat foreign waiters with the slightest shred of human dignity; a friendly attitude will only earn their disrespect.
* When traveling through Italy, be sure to get a load of the racks on some of those Ginas.
* If you see Karl Malden ominously narrating before a camera while you are checking into a hotel, keep an extra-close eye on your credit cards; a commercial may be being filmed with you as the subject/victim.
* When in Great Britain, remember to follow local customs and eat with a pair of tweezers.
* When reentering U.S., remove heroin-filled condoms from stomach immediately.
* Foreigners have lots of colorful local customs and ways; many of them will not mind if you ask them to shoot bananas out of their vaginas, blow smoke rings with their anuses, or perform fellatio on mules. Live it up a little! It can't hurt to ask.
I love those fat Americans. You know they're so obnoxious! They're always eating burgers. They're always holding shotguns.
— Your Favorite Martian, "The Stereotype Song"
"A true story about fortune cookies. They look Chinese. They sound... Chinese. But they're actually an American invention. Which is why they're hollow, full of lies, and leave a bad taste in the mouth."
—The Mandarin, Iron Man 3
When you want a taste of America
Then we've got a culinary treat for ya
Americanized Beef is the way to go
If you take a bite into our ribeye steak
You'll no longer feel like a special snowflake
Americanized Beef
Make America Taste Great Again
Then we've got a culinary treat for ya
Americanized Beef is the way to go
If you take a bite into our ribeye steak
You'll no longer feel like a special snowflake
Americanized Beef
Make America Taste Great Again
— Commercial for Omega Mart
Wherever there is injustice, America will show up six months later and bomb the country next to where it happened.
—P.J. O'Rourke
Take this alleged masterpiece, The Handmaid's Tale. A foolish book, it depicts Hell as imagined by an anglo-Canadian mandarin: America ruled by savage uncultured Christians who not only repress all intellectual freedoms but would probably cut funding for genteel novelists.
—John Dolan, The eXile, Issue #23, November 2000
Don't care, buy American
Think less if it hurts more, baby
Livе, laugh, like I always say
When it breaks, we'll get the whole thing replaced
When it breaks, we'll get the whole thing replaced
Think less if it hurts more, baby
Livе, laugh, like I always say
When it breaks, we'll get the whole thing replaced
When it breaks, we'll get the whole thing replaced
— Joywave, "Buy American"
Mixed Flavor Quotes
Well, I say America is nothing! Without its ideals — its commitment to the freedom of all men, America is a piece of trash!
A nation is nothing! A flag is a piece of cloth!
I fought Adolf Hitler not because America was great, but because it was fragile! I knew that liberty could be snuffed out here as in Nazi Germany! As a people, we were no different than them!
When I returned, I saw that you nearly did turn American into nothing!
And the only reason you're not less than nothing —
— is that it's still possible for you to bring freedom back to America!
A nation is nothing! A flag is a piece of cloth!
I fought Adolf Hitler not because America was great, but because it was fragile! I knew that liberty could be snuffed out here as in Nazi Germany! As a people, we were no different than them!
When I returned, I saw that you nearly did turn American into nothing!
And the only reason you're not less than nothing —
— is that it's still possible for you to bring freedom back to America!
America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.
—Abraham Lincoln
"Coca-Cola, sometimes war"
—"Amerika", Rammstein
"From the big church to the big river,
And out to the shining sea,
This is the land of opportunity,
And there's a monkey trial on TV!"
And out to the shining sea,
This is the land of opportunity,
And there's a monkey trial on TV!"
—"Help Save the Youth of America", Billy Bragg
"Yet she's only as rich as the poorest of the poor,
Only as free as a padlocked prison door,
Only as strong as our faith in this land,
Only as tall as we stand."
Only as free as a padlocked prison door,
Only as strong as our faith in this land,
Only as tall as we stand."
—"Power and Glory", Phil Ochs
Skyscrapers bloom in America
Cadillacs zoom in America
Industry boom in America
Twelve to a room in America!
Cadillacs zoom in America
Industry boom in America
Twelve to a room in America!
We're all stickin' together
in the fields where we don't belong
in the fields where we don't belong
—"America", Heaven's Gate
There's only four things we do better than anyone else: music, movies, microcode, high-speed pizza delivery.
—Hiro, Snow Crash
Did you know 90% of the country believes in ghosts? less than a third in evolution? 35% can correctly identify Homer Simpson's fictional town in which he resides, less than 1% knows the name Thurgood Marshall. But. When you put 12 Americans together in a jury and you ask for justice? Something just South of brilliance happens. Often as not, they get it right.
This is the only country in the world that worries about what it is... The rest of them know what they are. No one ever needs to go searching for the heart of Norway. Or looks for the soul of Mozambique. They know what they are.
— Mr. Wednesday, American Gods
The Frog: You think I'm just going to roll over for you hegemonic, Mickey Mouse-loving Americans?
Marvin: (decks him) Leave Mickey out of it!
Marvin: (decks him) Leave Mickey out of it!
Baseball is our national sport—Our national pastime: Joining together as men to reward the act of running around in a circle. I will thank you not to take its name in vain, Chavez.
—Alex Shrub, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. Try not to hold it against me.
Ken: I'll try not to. Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.
Jimmy: Yeah. Try not to hold it against me.
Ken: I'll try not to. Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.
We're [Americans are] dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate — and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves ... because pussies are only an inch and half away from assholes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
—Gary, Team America: World Police
The myth of America: That simple, honest men born of her great plains and woods and skies have made a nation of her, and will prove worthy of her when the time is right. Under harsh light, it is false. But a good myth to live up to, all the same.
— Gunther Hahn, former Nazi spy, Preacher
You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing after everything else has been tried.
They look at you and see who they want to be. They look at me and see what they are.
The most profound breach in this country is not between the rich and the poor, but between the people and the intellectuals.
—Ayn Rand, Apollo and Dionysus
I have come to believe that our natures are so predetermined that Nixon could do no other than be his uneasy self, committed to mischief, acting and talking like a sleepwalker in a surreal dream: 'American troops have just entered Cambodia. This is not an invasion.' More to the point, the fact that so few Americans ever noted the chasm between his words and deeds was always proof to me that he was, in a curious way, the quintessential American, indifferent to — when aware of — cause and effect, acting only to further his own career, which meant that he was sometimes capable of doing the right thing for the wrong reasons.
I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted a fireman, a policeman, a doctor, even president it seemed, and for the first time in the history of mankind something new called an astronaut. But like many kids growing up on a steady diet of westerns I always wanted to be the cowboy hero that lone voice in the wilderness fighting corruption and evil wherever I found it, and standing for freedom, truth, and justice. And in my heart of hearts I still track the remnants of that dream wherever I go in my never ending ride into the setting sun.
—Bill Hicks, Revelations
The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?
—P.J. O'Rourke
America isn't all that bad. Just a bit of a frat boy.
This country’s sure got problems,
Corruption, crime, and drugs.
And though we try to fix the world,
The world just hates our guts.
But for all our woes and troubles,
I still love the US,
‘Cause compared to the rest of the world,
America sucks less.
Corruption, crime, and drugs.
And though we try to fix the world,
The world just hates our guts.
But for all our woes and troubles,
I still love the US,
‘Cause compared to the rest of the world,
America sucks less.
—CollegeHumor, "America Sucks Less"
This is Bond in America. Sure, he’s visited the country before, but this film represents Bond’s first feature-length adventure in the home of the brave. Perhaps this also accounts for the excess. To the British, America has always seemed ridiculously over-the-top, fanciful and absurd. It’s a land of fast-talking conmen, near-incessant advertising, bright lights and comforts. Particularly coming out of the sixties, the era of sexual liberation and counter-culture, the country must have looked like one big cartoon to the more reserved Britons.
In essence, Sylvester Stallone is America, personified in flesh and bone. He beats up evil Russians, blows up evil Asians, and gains the love of his son by winning an arm wrestling tournament with a bunch of truck drivers, all while wearing red, white and blue undies.
The continent that was supposedly discovered by Christopher Columbus is named for a decidedly second-rate Johnny-come-lately of an explorer named Amerigo Vespucci. Like Columbus, Vespucci was an Italian who sailed on occasion under the flag of Spain. But unlike Columbus, Vespucci was more at home in a counting house than a sailing ship. (Even Ralph Waldo Emerson, normally a booster of all things American, dismissed him as a mere “pickle dealer.”) What Vespucci did have, according to Felipe Fernández-Armesto’s wonderfully idiosyncratic and intelligent new biography of the explorer, was a gift for chicanery and self-promotion, along with an aching need to be remembered. As it turns out, America — this nation of notorious hucksters, dreamers and spin doctors — was named for just the right guy.
—Nathaniel Philbrick, "God Bless Amerigo"
, "God Bless Amerigo"Welcome to America, land of dreams and opportunity and the only place where someone decided that it would be a good idea to make a cake out of pizza. Because just regular pizza isn't enough. It's broken. You need to fix it so that each bite threatens to give you a stroke. Because what good is dinner if it's not Russian roulette?
We should know by now that America's freedom needs to be celebrated with the most life-threatening devices we're able to build. To hell with a few dumbasses firecracking their fingers off. Do you think Abraham Lincoln would have put up with British taxes just to keep you with the correct number of fingers on your dumbass hand? The Terminator killed hundreds of people, but did the future ban Terminators? No, it gave them cool sunglasses and sent them on adventures through time. Why are we such pussies?
Bill Arnot: When I see (The Lincoln Memorial) I see our forefathers fighting to make this country what it is.
Mays Gilliam: When I see that I think about the guys who got to scrub Lincoln's balls for minimum wage.
Mays Gilliam: When I see that I think about the guys who got to scrub Lincoln's balls for minimum wage.
"I may not make an honest buck, but I'm 100% American, and I don't work for no two-bit Nazi."
— Eddie Valentine, The Rocketeer
New York's the greatest if you get someone to pay the rent
Wahoo, North America!
And it's the furthest you can live from the government
Some fat American Christians might disagree
Here in North America
But New York's the only place we're keepin' them off the street
Now we can't have parties like in Spain where they go all night
Shut down in North America
Or like Berlin where they go another night
You see, I love this place that I have grown to know
Alright, North America
And yeah, I know you wouldn't touch us with a ten-foot pole
Cause we're North Americans
We are North American scum!
Wahoo, North America!
And it's the furthest you can live from the government
Some fat American Christians might disagree
Here in North America
But New York's the only place we're keepin' them off the street
Now we can't have parties like in Spain where they go all night
Shut down in North America
Or like Berlin where they go another night
You see, I love this place that I have grown to know
Alright, North America
And yeah, I know you wouldn't touch us with a ten-foot pole
Cause we're North Americans
We are North American scum!
— LCD Soundsystem, "North American Scum"
"I know that I, like many other Americans, have behaved like a total buffoon. But we Americans are England's children. I know we don't call as often as we should and we aren't as well-behaved as our goody two-shoes brother Canada, who by the way has never had a girlfriend. I'm just saying."
— Homer Simpson, The Simpsons, "The Regina Monologues"
The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful.
— Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
We're all very different people. We're not Watusi. We're not Spartans. We're Americans with a capital "A," huh? You know what that means? Do you? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We're the underdog. We're mutts. Here's proof. His nose is cold. But there's no animal that's more faithful, that's more loyal, more loveable than the mutt. Who saw Old Yeller? Who cried when Old Yeller got shot at the end? Nobody cried when Old Yeller got shot? I'm sure. I cried my eyes out. Yeah. So we're all dogfaces. We're all very different. But there is one thing that we all have in common. We were all stupid enough to enlist in the army.
— John Winger, Stripes
"More American than an eagle firing a m16 on a shotgun in a beer."
—Honest Trailers when describing Far Cry 5
"Lemme tell you the problem with America, okay? This could be the greatest place on Earth. It really could. You got all these different people comin' here to get away from oppression an' poverty. All lookin' for a better life. But what do they do? They hang on to all the things that got 'em into trouble in the first place. They wanna go on fightin' the same wars an' hatin' the same people they did in the old world. They all wanna be Italian or Greek, or Irish or Polish or Russian, or African or Vietnamese or Cambodian of whatever... so they hang onto alla that. They stick to their own kind, an' everyone stays suspicious of everyone else an' for what...? Culture? History? What the hell is that, a bunch of stuff your folks said you hadda believe in all your life? Does that make it real? But you, man. You showed 'em how it's done. You're the classic immigrant guy who comes to the States an' joins the meltin' pot. It's like you're sayin' — okay, I'm from planet Krypton or wherever, but that's all in the past. I'm startin' over. I'm American. What can I do to help?"
Will: [America's] not the greatest country in the world, Professor, that's my answer.
Moderator: You're saying-
Will: Yes.
Moderator: Let's talk about-
Will: Fine. [to Sharon] Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck, but he gets to hit you with it any time he wants. It doesn't cost money, it costs votes; it costs airtime, column inches. You know why people don't like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so goddamn always?
Sharon: Hey!
Will: [to Lewis] And with a straight face, you're gonna tell students that America's so star-spangled awesome, that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom. Japan has freedom. The UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, BELGIUM has freedom. So 207 sovereign states in the world, like a hundred and eighty of them have freedom.
Moderator: Alright–
Will: And yeah, you, sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth, there's some things you should know, and one of them is, there's absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, number 4 in labor force, and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only 3 categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined. 25 of whom are allies. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student. But you, nonetheless, are without a doubt a member of the worst period generation period ever period. So when you ask, "What makes us the greatest country in the world?" I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! Yosemite?!
[pause]
Will: It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbours, we put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chests. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, we explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world's greatest artists and the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars. Acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn't belittle it, it didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election, and we... we didn't scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world any more.
[Beat]
Will: [to moderator] Enough?
Moderator: You're saying-
Will: Yes.
Moderator: Let's talk about-
Will: Fine. [to Sharon] Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck, but he gets to hit you with it any time he wants. It doesn't cost money, it costs votes; it costs airtime, column inches. You know why people don't like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so goddamn always?
Sharon: Hey!
Will: [to Lewis] And with a straight face, you're gonna tell students that America's so star-spangled awesome, that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom. Japan has freedom. The UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, BELGIUM has freedom. So 207 sovereign states in the world, like a hundred and eighty of them have freedom.
Moderator: Alright–
Will: And yeah, you, sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth, there's some things you should know, and one of them is, there's absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, number 4 in labor force, and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only 3 categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined. 25 of whom are allies. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student. But you, nonetheless, are without a doubt a member of the worst period generation period ever period. So when you ask, "What makes us the greatest country in the world?" I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! Yosemite?!
[pause]
Will: It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbours, we put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chests. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, we explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world's greatest artists and the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars. Acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn't belittle it, it didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election, and we... we didn't scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world any more.
[Beat]
Will: [to moderator] Enough?
Herr Starr: Typical American hero. Brash, loud, crudely simplistic approach to any given situation...
Featherstone: Always wins...
Herr Starr: A detail, Featherstone.
Featherstone: Always wins...
Herr Starr: A detail, Featherstone.
— Preacher
"Dude number two is a walking personification of the state of Texas by the name of Quincey P. Morris, which coincidentally is also when we readers learn that Mr. Bram Stoker has never spoken to an American in his life."
—Red of Overly Sarcastic Productions describing a character from Dracula
”Yes, indeed. [What Madness is This?] is a world where everything that could go wrong in America did. [A More Perfect Union] is a world where the United States has been enlightened and everything that could go wrong didn’t. OTL is a world where some very bad people had their way, but some very good ones did too, putting everything at an equilibrium.”
—He X, author of A More Perfect Union, AlternateHistory.com
Jay: I don't understand what's happening here. What country is this?
Tina: This is America.
Jay: This is not the America I know. When I came here with my family we had nothing, and we struggled, but we built a life here and we were welcome here. For years, my dad kept this little picture of Ronald Reagan above our kitchen table, with these quotes from him about immigrants: "The families came here to work. They came to build. They brought with them courage, ambition, and the values of family". That is the America I know. I am an immigrant. I am the child of immigrants. We were welcome here.
Tina: And today you probably wouldn't be. This is America. It expands and contracts, advances and recedes, opens and closes. This is a country birthed in freedom and built on slavery. Separating families? They separated Black families in America for 250 years. What makes this feel so bad, now, is that we expect more. And that's a good thing, this pain is progress. But, do not forget who we are and where we came from. I do not forget where I came from. I grew up in West Baltimore, around the corner from where Justice Marshall grew up... he knew my father, he stood in my living room. The elementary school I went to, Mount Royal, I went to because of him. I am here because of him. He was the grandson of a slave and he changed American law. He changed the very idea of the Constitution, he made a document that considered him three fifths of a man a document of liberation. This is the America I know! A beacon and a curse, light and darkness, hope and despair. This is America right now. But, America never ends.
Tina: This is America.
Jay: This is not the America I know. When I came here with my family we had nothing, and we struggled, but we built a life here and we were welcome here. For years, my dad kept this little picture of Ronald Reagan above our kitchen table, with these quotes from him about immigrants: "The families came here to work. They came to build. They brought with them courage, ambition, and the values of family". That is the America I know. I am an immigrant. I am the child of immigrants. We were welcome here.
Tina: And today you probably wouldn't be. This is America. It expands and contracts, advances and recedes, opens and closes. This is a country birthed in freedom and built on slavery. Separating families? They separated Black families in America for 250 years. What makes this feel so bad, now, is that we expect more. And that's a good thing, this pain is progress. But, do not forget who we are and where we came from. I do not forget where I came from. I grew up in West Baltimore, around the corner from where Justice Marshall
grew up... he knew my father, he stood in my living room. The elementary school I went to, Mount Royal, I went to because of him. I am here because of him. He was the grandson of a slave and he changed American law. He changed the very idea of the Constitution, he made a document that considered him three fifths of a man a document of liberation. This is the America I know! A beacon and a curse, light and darkness, hope and despair. This is America right now. But, America never ends.Edgar: Alright, one question: How are we gonna stop a load of kids from beating the crap outta each other?
Jimmy Hopkins: It's America! We go in there with threats and bribes until we get what we want. If all else fails we beat the crap out of everyone!
Russel: Russell likes to hurt people, for peace!
Jimmy Hopkins: It's America! We go in there with threats and bribes until we get what we want. If all else fails we beat the crap out of everyone!
Russel: Russell likes to hurt people, for peace!
— Bully (2006)
Be the American Japan/China thinks you are!
—Common refrain on Reddit
"There is an element of absurdity in American culture, of outrageousness. Of freedom-loving flag-humping eagle-hugging football-watching gun-toting beer-guzzling hamburger-stuffing patriotic fervor. There's an element of the ridiculous in American culture and the truth is we all love it. I remember my first time tailgating a college football game, and watching a bunch of fat middle-aged freaks getting piss-drunk on cheap beer, slurring along to John Denver's 'Country Roads', waving both glitzy flags and drizzled wieners in each other's faces, shoving greasy grilled cheeseburgers and hot dogs down their choked throats, watching in odd astonishment and thinking to myself, 'What a god-dang country, god bless America.'
"And that's Senator Armstrong. Despite being created by a Japanese company, this guy is quintessentially American. Senator Armstrong is the politician that every American male politician wishes they could be. Senator Armstrong is the tough-guy muscle-man football-playing action politician caricature that people who are obsessed with Donald Trump think Donald Trump is. If Senator Armstrong was a real person, he would get votes. The American people would love this guy. Would love the grandstanding, the showboating, the self-aware absurdity, the machismo, the shameless outrageous hyper-nationalism, the open talk of warfare and the obsession with masculine strength. And they'd love Armstrong even more because behind all his rambling, long-winded speeches, beneath all the bluster and the goofiness and the cheesy lines, there's a core of truth."
I come from the land of Ben Franklin
Twain and Poe and Walt Whitman
Otis Redding, Ellington,
The country that I love
But it's a land of the slaves and the Ku Klux Klan
Haymarket Riot and the Great Depression
Joe McCarthy, Vietnam
The sickest joke I know
Twain and Poe and Walt Whitman
Otis Redding, Ellington,
The country that I love
But it's a land of the slaves and the Ku Klux Klan
Haymarket Riot and the Great Depression
Joe McCarthy, Vietnam
The sickest joke I know
— Descendents, "'Merican"
