"Cacofonix, the bard. Opinion is divided as to his musical gifts. Cacofonix thinks he's a genius. Everyone else thinks he's unspeakable. But so long as he doesn't speak, let alone sing, everybody likes him…"
— Asterix
"Went uptown to see my cousin
Plays guitar, sounds like a chainsaw buzzin'
In the crowd, I see his mom and dad
I said, 'Hey, hey uncle, man, your son is bad'"
Plays guitar, sounds like a chainsaw buzzin'
In the crowd, I see his mom and dad
I said, 'Hey, hey uncle, man, your son is bad'"
—Huey Lewis and the News, "Bad Is Bad"
"Oh, I write love songs for my favorite girl
And sing them soft and low
But before I get to finish
She says she has to go
She's nice and says, 'Excuse me,
I've got to find a bar
I think I need refreshment
'Fore I hear you play guitar'
And sing them soft and low
But before I get to finish
She says she has to go
She's nice and says, 'Excuse me,
I've got to find a bar
I think I need refreshment
'Fore I hear you play guitar'
— Harry Chapin, "Six-String Orchestra"
Get off that piano. You're hurting its feelings!
— "Jelly Roll" Morton (legendary jazz musician)
Klink: Col. Hogan, I have decided not to play in your prisoners' orchestra. I may, however, do a solo over the loudspeaker system.
Hogan: Well, if I were you, I'd wait until the general leaves, sir.
Klink: Why?
Hogan: I mean, how would it look, a mass escape while he's here?
Hogan: Well, if I were you, I'd wait until the general leaves, sir.
Klink: Why?
Hogan: I mean, how would it look, a mass escape while he's here?
— Hogan's Heroes, Movies Are Your Best Escape
Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Cacofonix: I will now sing a song, if you please...
Fulliautomatix: Oh no, you won't! Oh no, you won't! Oh no, you won't!
Fulliautomatix: Oh no, you won't! Oh no, you won't! Oh no, you won't!
"Just as they did with Sputnik in 1957, the Russian Nerd Program has pulled ahead of the rest of the world. During the Sochi Winter Olympics opening ceremony, the Russian Police Choir sang Daft Punk's "Get Lucky." It was incredible, with individual performances ranging from cranky to grumpy to Steve Urkellian."
Sylvester Stallone can’t sing. At all. Part of the story should be this caterpillar to butterfly aspect where Nick can’t sing but by the time he gets on the big stage he should sound awesome. In Rhinestone when Stallone has his big coming out, he honestly sounds ten times worse than when he started. A medal should be given to Dolly Parton for trying to carry Stallone because you can see her straining to try to drown out Stallone’s grunting but with no luck. I can’t stress to you how painful it actually is to hear the pretty singing of Parton contrasted to the caveman Rocky grunts Stallone forces out as if a melody is something he should hit like a heavy bag. I was so thankful the credits started rolling despite Stallone doing an encore number because it meant I could mercifully shut off the movie at that point.
— Miles Antwiler on
Rhinestone
Rhinestone Garfield: The accordion is the second worst instrument in the history of man!
Squeak: What's the worst instrument?
Garfield: What, you never heard of the bagpipes?
Squeak: What's the worst instrument?
Garfield: What, you never heard of the bagpipes?
— The Garfield Show, Not So Sweet Sound Of Music
"Pardus, I use these eardrums occasionally, please don't make me gouge them out..."
— Tigris, Panthera
"Music usually has a comforting effect, but that depends on who's singing. Luckily, Kirby has only enough energy to sing three songs."
— flavor text for the "Mike" copy ability, Kirby: Planet Robobot
Up on the pallet stage behind me John was tearing away the solo that marks the end of "Camel Holocaust", rapping some impromptu lyrics, all over the cacophonous drums of Head "the entire show is one big drum solo in my mind" Feingold, and the band's thunderous triple-threat bass. I've been to a lot of concerts, everything from garage bands to Pearl Jam. Maybe my opinion is biased, but I would have to say that Three-Arm Sally is the shittiest band I've ever heard.
"That's how you believe you play, sir. That's why, when the Psiren read your mind, he shared your delusion that you are not a ten-thumbed, tone-deaf, talentless noise polluter."
—Kryten, Red Dwarf
"Little survival tip, bud: Never play your guitar in front of a man with a loaded gun."
—Cat, Red Dwarf
"I climbed the crampian mountain
To play among the sheep
Before I even started
The sheep went for the steep
From Thurso down to Glasgow
They sent a telegram
Warning all the highlands
Describing who I am"
To play among the sheep
Before I even started
The sheep went for the steep
From Thurso down to Glasgow
They sent a telegram
Warning all the highlands
Describing who I am"
—Dr. Macdoo, The Mad Piper
A self-proclaimed artist and music lover. Unfortunately for those around him, his love for music doesn't necessarily mean he's any good at it.
— Bestiary description of Don Mole, Dragon Quest VIII
In Anne's opinion, Amelia's rendition of the song was superior musically to Derek's recorded version, but unfortunate in that it made audible the lyrics that were incomprehensible in the original. She wondered what Mr Thrash Metal would think of it. Or Cam, who was often said to be interested in the dividing line between music and pain. Maybe that was Derek's major achievement, uniting people of such different tastes in their opinion of him.
Interestingly, King Tralanhng prides himself on being something of a musician and composer. In fact, the country's national anthem (the Rong Ki) was actually written by him, and whenever it is played, Phaic Tanese will immediately stand and respectfully place one hand over each ear. Regular performances of King Tralanhng's jazz works are held and it is considered an enormous honor to be forced to attend. Sadly, the King's health has declined in recent years, and not long ago, Royal Physicians advised that he should stop playing the saxophone. The date of this pronouncement has since been declared an unofficial national holiday.
Mana: Then, to answer their feelings, one more song! (her teammates cover their ears) THE WORLD IS LIKE A MERRY-GO-ROUND!
(The Suite Pretty Cure ♪ team behind wince and cover their ears)
Hibiki: Th-this is music?!
(The Suite Pretty Cure ♪ team behind wince and cover their ears)
Hibiki: Th-this is music?!
Pretty Cure All Stars: Spring Carnival
Maya: I know! I think {Dina} wants a lullaby!
(Rachel and Clara run away and cover their ears)
Maya: ROCK A BYE DINA, ON THE TREETOP!
Mackenzie: What is that sound?!
Davi: Make it stop!!
Maya: WHEN—
(Dina cries even louder)(Rachel and Clara run away and cover their ears)
Maya: ROCK A BYE DINA, ON THE TREETOP!
Mackenzie: What is that sound?!
Davi: Make it stop!!
Maya: WHEN—
Tyrion: How about a song? One of you must know one. Ser Davos?
Davos: You'll pray for a quick death.
Davos: You'll pray for a quick death.
— Game of Thrones, "A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms"
In the end, it was a Bach motet that shooed me away - choristers weren't damnably bad, but the organist's only hope for salvation was a bullet through the brain.
—Robert Frobisher, Cloud Atlas
"I'm sure a contract will be following very shortly... If anyone knows a hitman..."
—Jack Dee, after Barry Cryer has sung "Hanky Panky" to the tune of "Delilah" in a round of "One Song to the Tune of Another" on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue
He played guitar like a natural disaster...
Trip Shakespeare, "Toolmaster of Brainard"
As I reclined in that position and I heard his composition
The playing of his cittern was out of tune and time
I found his lyrics charming but alas they were alarming
For the syllables were plentiful but the words just didn't rhyme!
The playing of his cittern was out of tune and time
I found his lyrics charming but alas they were alarming
For the syllables were plentiful but the words just didn't rhyme!
The Inept Wooer, the Merry Wives of Windsor
, the Merry Wives of Windsor Plankton: Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.
Squidward: . . . Mediocre . . .?
Squidward: . . . Mediocre . . .?
Yeah, uh, we're with the pet hospital down the street and we understand you have a dying animal on the premises.
—Snail Doctor after hearing Squidward's clarinet playing, Spongebob Squarepants
Narrator: Incredibly, Gagawa takes out a microphone and starts singing.
Gagawa: This is the...♪
love story...♪
of a carp from Ginza...♪
Narrator: He's... bad. Really bad.
Gagawa: This is the...♪
love story...♪
of a carp from Ginza...♪
Narrator: He's... bad. Really bad.
Marvin had started off as a country singer, singing old Conway Twitty and Johnny Cash songs. He had done regular live concerts from San Quentin jail until the Civil Rights people got him under the Cruel and Unusual Punishment clause.
It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be a sound and became some sort of invasive presence.
There had been plenty of singers whose high notes could smash a glass, but Nanny's high C could clean it.
There had been plenty of singers whose high notes could smash a glass, but Nanny's high C could clean it.
...but the last time a video of mine got flagged by a bot for breaching community standards, which was me singing Happy Birthday to SumitoMedia, Youtube decided it was a hate crime, and deleted the video and gave me a community strike.
— LazerPig on why he's cut singing segments from his videos, A perfectly sober discussion on WW1 French Tanks
Swagmaster: Ahem, anyway. You guys are in detention. Go write "Swag is best" one bajillion times on the board then you can leave.
Meggy: And if we don't?
Swagmaster: ....I'm gonna start yodelling.
[Meggy and SMG4 both don 'Oh, Crap!' faces and run to the board to start writing]
Meggy: And if we don't?
Swagmaster: ....I'm gonna start yodelling.
[Meggy and SMG4 both don 'Oh, Crap!' faces and run to the board to start writing]
Taylor Blackwell: How do I get the ability to summon birds on demand?
David Nuttail: Carry food in your hands. It works all the time, so long as the birds can see the food. Just make sure they don’t leave some, uh, leavings, on the food.
Taylor: Retcon: How do I get the ability to summon birds on demand that are not out to steal my food or kill me ^^
DTIBA: Learn to sing like Snow White.
Taylor: Tried singing, summoned Cthulhu, need help.
David Nuttail: Carry food in your hands. It works all the time, so long as the birds can see the food. Just make sure they don’t leave some, uh, leavings, on the food.
Taylor: Retcon: How do I get the ability to summon birds on demand that are not out to steal my food or kill me ^^
DTIBA: Learn to sing like Snow White.
Taylor: Tried singing, summoned Cthulhu, need help.
— Found in the comments of this page of Twin Dragons
of Twin DragonsWe've played in the West
We've played in the East
We've heard the most
But you're the least!
Rivka: Have you brought...offering?
Olympia: Yes. I prepared a song. [singing] Here I aaam, in the heart of the wooorld-
Rivka: Baby Genius agrees to help if you do not sing.
Olympia: Oh. O-Okay.
Olympia: Yes. I prepared a song. [singing] Here I aaam, in the heart of the wooorld-
Rivka: Baby Genius agrees to help if you do not sing.
Olympia: Oh. O-Okay.
Orla: So be it. A band broke up. Is it really the end of the world?
Oprah: Yes! There's something about Soundcheck most people don't know. They're the only ones who can stop this very dangerous villain group. [turns on the screen behind her] The Villain People. My least favorite band. Their songs are very annoying, but they also have the power to create major oddness.
Narrator: The Big O was right. The Villain People's music wasn't just bad, it was evil. And they wanted to use it to Take Over the World.
Oprah: Yes! There's something about Soundcheck most people don't know. They're the only ones who can stop this very dangerous villain group. [turns on the screen behind her] The Villain People. My least favorite band. Their songs are very annoying, but they also have the power to create major oddness.
Narrator: The Big O was right. The Villain People's music wasn't just bad, it was evil. And they wanted to use it to Take Over the World.
— Odd Squad, "Music of Sound"
To describe the young haremaid's voice as akin to a frog trapped beneath a hot stone would be a great insult to both frog and stone.
— The narration on Dotti, Lord Brocktree
Ibuki Mioda: Alright, it’s time for the next song! It’s called, “You Are Cute And I Am Angry!” Ibuki wrote it because cute people are the bane of her existence, and –
Kazuichi Souda: NOOOO! NO - MORE - SONGS!
Mahiru Koizumi: It…might be better if we did things more like a traditional summer festival from here, Ibuki-chan. I think our ears need a little time to recover…
Kazuichi Souda: NOOOO! NO - MORE - SONGS!
Mahiru Koizumi: It…might be better if we did things more like a traditional summer festival from here, Ibuki-chan. I think our ears need a little time to recover…
—System Restore, Chapter 12
"Sometimes, when they're in a pleasant mood, the Pikmin will start to sing a little tune. Feeling inspired, I tried to join in...until they went noticeably silent. I suppose my singing doesn't appeal to their musical tastes."
—Captain Olimar blissfully unaware of his terrible singing voice, Pikmin 4
