Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series (Season Four) / Funny

Crowning Moments of Funny for Season 4 of Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series. Please list the examples in episodic order. Also, moments pages are Spoilers Off!

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Episode 64 - A New Evil Awises

Rex and Weevil are back...and as gloriously inappropriate and ignorant as ever in their encounter with "Bro."
"Bro" is the episodic villain that Yami Duels. He even admits himself that he wasn't given a name due to his small role.
Dartz's chant to awaken the Leviathan needs to be seen to be believed.
This exchange:
Raphael: Pharaoh! We've got your God cards, and if you want to see them again—
Yugi: Wait, you had the opportunity to take my grandpa hostage, but you took my cards hostage instead?
Raphael: We figured that you had more of an emotional connection to these.
Yugi: You...figured right.
And later, we have Alister demonstrating why Raphael was the one doing the talking.
Alister: Your days are numbered, Pharaoh! ^note
Raphael: Dammit Alister, we agreed that I would do the monologuing.
Alister: Can't I just get the one line?
Raphael: Oh, you and I are gonna have a conversation after this.
Valon: I'm Australian!
- And afterwards.
  Yugi: Did those guys seem kinda...lame to any of you?
  Joey: Yep. Totally lame.
  Téa: Oh, yeah. Super lame.
  Tristan: Definitely lame.
Joey and Valon realizing how similar they sound and spending about 10-15 seconds just going "Yeah?" at each other.
Yami trying to be nice to "Bro" instead of snarking the whole time at him.
Yami: Uh, hey guy, let's have a nice friendly game of Duel Monsters. Uh, get your game on...? Am I doing it right?
Téa: Eh, it's a work in progress.
The whole 'bitch ass' conversation.
When "Bro" shows off the power of the Seal of Orichalcos, the Pharaoh counters that his Millennium Puzzle has powers too. It just lights up a bit. Apparently, he uses it as a reading light and it functions as a mood ring.
Pharaoh: (as the eye of the Puzzle glows red) Right now, it's showing you that my mood is currently pissed off at a bitch-ass duelist.
Joey, Téa and Tristan's long, breathless 'YAAAAAAAAAAY' when Yami sends his Magnet Warrior trio to attack Obelisk. Their faces slowly turn red as the caption [VERY IMPORTANT CHARACTERS] appears on-screen.
Seto Kaiba's press conference.
Newscaster: We go now live to Seto Kaiba, who is holding a press conference.
Kaiba: HOW THE HELL DID YOU PEOPLE GET IN MY HOUSE?!
Yami: I'm not sure I like the Rich Douchebag Channel.
Yami lampshading the unnecessary drawn out tension when Raphael tells him to fight them when he's 'ready':
Yami: Totally prepared man...
Raphael: You'll know when you're ready.
Yami: Dude! I got this! Come down here and fight me!
Raphael: Ugh...let's just walk away awkwardly, guys.
- When he tells them to fight him, the Millennium Puzzle's eye glows red to show his mood.
In an inversion of the Never Say "Die" policy expected from the English dub, the characters state that Yugi apparently killed "Bro", when the original versions established that his soul was taken by the Seal of Orichalcos, so he's not really dead.
This exchange:
Yami: No! Not Rex and Weevil! They are my two favorite people in the entire world!
Raphael: ...is...is that sarcasm?
Yami: Not at all! I really like the joke where they are Beavis and Butt-Head!

Episode 65 - Puzzled Shipping

Rebecca reappears by glomping Yugi:
Yugi: Uh, sorry random fangirl, you must have me mistaken for Bakura. He's the one who enjoys getting assaulted.
- Yugi is apparently oblivious to Rebecca's crush on him. Téa isn't.
  Rebecca: We can discuss our budding relationship on the way!
  Yugi: (as Téa looms over them) Sure! My good pal Téa would be very supportive of that. If there's one thing she likes, it's when people get real friendly with each other.
  Téa: STOP ABUSING THE CONCEPT OF FRIENDSHIP!
- Joey and Tristan's side conversation about how old characters are showing up again.
  Joey: First Rex and Weevil, now this chick. Who we gonna bump into next huh? Freakin' Johnny Steps?
  Tristan: How do you know who that is? ^note
Yugi is thoroughly unimpressed with Professor Hawkins's "discovery" of the Shadow Games from ancient Egypt being the origin of the Duel Monsters card game, that everyone knows about.
Yugi: (sarcastically) Oh my God. This is an eye-opening discovery! You must have spent years researching it. Even though you can find that exact same information on the back of any given Yu-Gi-Oh! DVD! (holds up a DVD case for Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie)
Grandpa is rather concerned by Professor Hawkins' discovery:
Grandpa: Do you know what this means?! This discovery could completely rewrite history!
Yugi: No, it would just mean there would be even more history. Nothing would have to be rewritten; it would just be longer.
Grandpa: History itself is in peril!
- And then the punch line at the end of the episode:
  Yugi: Grandpa, what's going on out here?!
  Grandpa: HISTORY IS BEING REWRITTEN AS WE SPEAK!
  Yugi: Alright, so you're a lost cause.
When Yami and Yugi get taken to the spirit world, they get sucked into a castle and are holding hands to keep from getting separated.
Yami: Aaaaaaaand ship confirmed.
There's a reason the episode is called Puzzled Shipping. The punchline is Yugi and Yami pulling on the sword milked for all the sexual comedy it's worth.
Yami: (referring to pulling out the sword) Let's do it, Yugi!
Yugi: I've been so patient!
(the two pull on the sword while grunting heavily)
Yugi: (grunting) It's pretty tight in there!
Yami: (also grunting) Maybe if we had some manner of lubricant…
Yugi: (still grunting) Try smacking it! I hear that helps!
Dark Magician Girl: (as Yami audibly smacks something offscreen, unnerved) I was not prepared to watch this happen today...
Dartz, as per usual:
Dartz: What the hell, Weviathan? We had an agweement! You agweed to not be a widdle bitch, but now you're being a widdle bitch!
- And, of course, the obvious humor:
  Dartz: Now watch as I wewease the Gweat Weviathawn!
  Raphael: You're... going to release a violin?
  Dartz: Naw, mayn, a Weviathayn!
  Alister: You're going into retirement? But you're so young!
  Dartz: (flatly) A beeg monstuh.
  Henchmen: Ohhhh...

Episode 66 - United Sucks

The intro:
Yami: Yu-Gi-Oh! is filmed in front of an impatient studio audience.
Random fan: Show the episode!
This bit from Yugi's grandpa is the first line of the episode.
Grandpa: Juuust hope nobody ever finds the bodies I buried under here.
Yugi talking about the bond he has with the Pharaoh. This is his answer:
Yami: Clean your room!
Joey attempts to make a wish on the Timaeus card.
Joey: Magical trading card, give me a new TV! (rubs it with his sleeve)
Tristan: (after a couple of seconds, he leaps up and punches Joey in the back of the head) A GHOST!!!
- Tristan's reaction is a Brick Joke referring to this exchange from shortly before, when they were watching another news report.
  Téa: Why are we watching this on a laptop?
  Joey: Last time we tried watching TV together, Tristan punched a hole through it.
  Tristan: I thought it was a ghost.
Yugi's friends flip out when they learn what's in the package Pegasus sent them.
Téa: It says, "Warning: Contains filler plot details."
(beat)
Téa and Tristan: AHHHHH!!
Joey: Oh god! Not another filler arc! The last one took like three years to get through!
Tristan is rather insistent on Pegasus taking Yamcha's soul. The whole joke ends with Rex and Weevil hanging a lampshade on it.
Tristan: Take Yamcha's soul!
Pegasus: No.
Rex: I don't know what this 'Yamcha' is, but it sounds like a reference.
Weevil: Yeah, references suck!
The flashback to who Pegasus is.. set to a Pegasus sung cover of Thrift Shop
Pegasus: I took your grandpa's soul/ I look incredible/ I held this tournament/ Cuz my wife she did asplode.
- Kaiba's version in The Stinger.
Everything regarding the card Pegasus has sent to Yugi:
Pegasus: I've also enclosed a one-of-a-kind Duel Monsters card, which will give you access to my personal compound! By the way, I have a personal compound!
Yugi: eBay!
Pegasus: Whatever you do, don't sell it on eBay!
Yugi: *beep* you, eBay!
Pegasus: No eBay!
Yugi: I'll do what I want with your damn card, right Yami?
Yami: Clean your room!
Yugi: GODDAMMIT YOU NEVER HELP ME EVER!
Tristan: Why isn't anybody killing Yamcha?!
Dartz's latest meeting with his henchmen, as usual, gets weird when he keeps mispronouncing "rank" as...well...
Alister: These meetings get *beep*ing weird!
Kaiba trying to speak with Mokuba on the intercom:
Kaiba: Mokuba, respond!
Mokuba: Seto, I've been standing here for the last five hours!
Kaiba: Shut up, Mokuba! I'm trying to speak to Mokuba.
When the phone rings, Kaiba turns out to be a bit upset about last season…
Kaiba: Ah, this is probably Yugi calling to tell me that I actually won Battle City, and that he owes me, like, all of his trading cards!
Mokuba: You say that every time the phone rings!
Kaiba: Yugi! I knew this day would come.
Kaiba imitates the way Pegasus addresses him.
Pegasus: Kaiba-boy!
Kaiba: PEGASUS MAN!
How did Pegasus gain control of Kaiba Corp.? He was able to buy most of the shares because Kaiba apparently fired all of the other shareholders.
Pegasus: That's right, Kaiba. I'm basically in charge of your company now. Remember in Season One where I was trying to do that and had to resort to kidnapping? It turns out I could have just done this.
- For that matter, the first scene with Kaiba that establishes how the shares were so easy to acquire.
  Kaiba: Tell everybody that even though my company specializes in giant monsters attacking things, we had absolutely nothing to do with these giant monster attacks! Also, fire our PR guy!
  PR guy: Eh, I'm the PR guy, sir.
  Kaiba: Well, good, because you're gonna have lots of public relations when you're out on the street, WITH THE PUBLIC! Because FIRED! (PR guy leaves) God, firing people makes me feel so powerful. I wonder if I can fire people in other companies. (uses intercom) Mokuba, get the CEO of Stark Industries on the phone. Mokuba, respond!
Kaiba gets Pegasus to swear to not flirt with him during their upcoming duel. True to his word, he instead decides to not be subtle about it.
Pegasus: We gonna f**k.
Kaiba: GODDAMN IT, NOOO!
Joey decides to phone up Serenity to let her know about the gang traveling to America...even though Serenity was under the assumption they lived in America.
Joey: We're flying from America to America. Cause that's where we live.
- And then to make matters worse, when Serenity asks for clarification, Joey gives the 4Kids answer: "Somewhere in California".
  Serenity: That's not very helpful.
  Joey: Serenity, how much more specific can I get? (speaking slowly) Somewhere, in California.
  Serenity: But where?
  Joey: Some-where.
  Serenity: (basically pleading) Why won't you tell me where you're going?!
  Joey: I just did! Hey, I wonder how Tristan's getting on? You know, what with his severe phobia of packing.
  Tristan: (while looking at half-packed suitcase) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHH!

Episode 67 - Toon Pangs

This episode's intro:
Pharaoh: This episode features a lot of angst and whining. In other words, its a Kaiba episode.
Yugi and friends having a conversation about bridges.
Yami: As pharaoh, I created the original bridge. It was terrible and barely worked, but it was the only one around and everyone loved it.
Yugi: Man, bridges sure have come a long way since then, huh, Yami?
Yami: Nah, they all got replaced by Let's Players.
Kaiba's main motivation for dueling Pegasus again:
"I have to beat Pegasus in a card game so that he'll stop making fun of me. Also to save my company's stock, but mostly the other thing."
As the Kaiba brothers fly to Duelist Kingdom, Mokuba points out that an island-dwelling tribe just noticed Kaiba's dragon-shaped jet and have begun burning everything down to appease it.
Kaiba: Tell them their dragon god demands an offering of trading card booster packs!
Mokuba: Seto, they don't have any radios.
Kaiba: Improvise, Mokuba. Improvise.
Apparently, Kaiba once designed and built the perfect jet...but got bored with it and decided to do the Dragon jet instead.
Even Kaiba has realized how ridiculous his Blue Eyes White Dragon jet is.
Kaiba: Check it out, the head doubles as storage for my briefcase! How useless is that?! I am literally flying around inside an action figure!
Kaiba apparently believes he's adorable.
Kaiba: That's not possible! I'M the adorable one!
Mokuba: Keep telling yourself that.
Pegasus reveals his Evil Plan to Kaiba: turning Kaiba Corp into a company that makes children trading cards...for actual children.
Kaiba: HOW DARE YOU, PEGASUS?!
Kaiba's entire duel with Pegasus (actually Alister in disguise):
- Pegasus's Toon monsters can't be attacked by monsters that aren't Toons.
Kaiba: (actual 4Kids dialogue) I’m not going to let a technicality stop me!
Pegasus: Oh, a technicality like, the rules of the game?
Kaiba: Yeah, those things are annoying.
- Kaiba activates his "Negate Attack" card and because it's a card that hasn't been seen in the series yet, he has to explain how to use it...to its own creator Pegasus. It's not actually Pegasus that he's dueling against, but the effect of "Negate Attack" is still Exactly What It Says on the Tin, so Kaiba's still being ridiculous.
  Pegasus: I don't have to be psychic to know what f*cking Negate Attack does.
  Kaiba: I'll negate your face in a second!
  Pegasus: Not before you're done explaining it to me for three hours.
- There's also a Funny Background Event when Pegasus says this; you can see the Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon laughing at Kaiba.
- Kaiba complaining that Pegasus using the Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon makes a mockery of the Blue-Eyes White Dragon and no one can take it seriously. Pegasus then starts pointing out the various ways that Kaiba's own dragon fetish already does that:
  Pegasus: Didn't you arrive here in a ridiculous dragon-shaped jet plane?
  Kaiba: I don't know what-
  Pegasus: And aren't your bedsheets blue-eyes white dragon themed?
  Kaiba: I can neither confirm nor deny-
  Pegasus: And don't you like to secretly play dress up and call yourself 'Blue Eyes White Dragon Man'?
  Kaiba: It's Kaibaman! And I don't even do that ever, so shut up!
  Pegasus: You may like to pretend to be Kaibaman Kaiba, but you'll always just be Kaiba-boy.
  - Even better, Kaiba tries defending the Blue-Eyes White Jet, which had previously been ridiculed by Kaiba himself as an absurdly expensive toy action figure for him to fly around in.
- Kaiba gets a trump card in the middle of the game and fuses it with a trap card.
  Alister: Wait a moment, did you just fuse a trap card with a monster?
  Kaiba: Yeah, so?
  Alister: That's against the rules, isn't it?
  Kaiba: Screw the rules, I have a DOOM VIRUS DRAGON! (awkward cough in the audience) Oh shoot, did I just kill that joke?
Alister's backstory has to be heard to be believed. Two completely random countries whose names aren't even mentioned go to war just because, his brother died because he wanted to ride a tank, the explosion of the tank causes his testicles to never drop and he literally blamed it on the Kaiba family because they were the first thing he saw.
- Not only that, but the flashback reveals even the country themselves didn't know each other's name; the reason the war couldn't stop was because each one didn't know who was attacking them, so they didn't know who to ask peace to.
Kaiba's mistreatment of Mokuba continues:
Kaiba: At least you had a brother! I don't even know where mine is!
Mokuba: I'm up here, Seto!
Kaiba: Sometimes, I can still hear his shrill, annoying voice…
Mokuba: Seto, I can't find the bathroom!
Kaiba: I miss him so much…
Mokuba: I'm just gonna pee over the edge, okay?!
Kaiba's dragon fetish kicks in when the Dark Magician Girl tells him to become one with the dragon Critias:
Kaiba: Don't mind if I do…
Dark Magician Girl: (as Kaiba has The Grunting Orgasm) Oh, no! No, no - I just - I just meant bond with it! Spiritually! Aw, geez, why does everyone wanna have sex in front of me?!
- Even better, the classic Sexophone of George Michael's Careless Whispers plays through all this.
- Moments afterward, Yugi has his only line of the episode.
Yugi: (Card glows) What the - this thing is a shiny?! I'd better update my online auction!
Kaiba thinks he can use the Fang of Critias to defeat Yugi, but is reminded that it's supposed to be used to save the world. To quote Kaiba: "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…"

Episode 68 - Mad Mai

The opening of the episode, where the driver of the limo Yugi, Tristan, Téa, and Joey are in stops and leaves them at an abandoned gas station, while the four are signing "99 Duel Monsters Cards on the Wall":
Yugi: Hey, hold on. Where is the driver going?
Tristan: Doesn't he know it's rude to drive a bunch of teenagers into the desert? And leave them to die?
Joey: Maybe he went to get us some booze from that gas station.
Yugi: Joey, don't be ridiculous. This is California! He's probably just buying us some weed.
"For some reason, cruising for chicks has caused me to become severely injured!"
Every member of the biker gang that chases down Yugi and Co. have the same voices (including the girls), ride around cities creating smog, and go around announcing that they're bikers, lampshading how they all look alike and have little personality.
We'rebikerswe'rebikerswe'rebikerswe'rebikers
Valon lampshades how stupid the plan to kill the protagonists is:
Valon: It's a good thing we were able to hire that limo driver to betray those kids, and then subsequently hire a bunch of random bikers to kill 'em for us while we watch from a distance!...Why does our plan make absolutely no sense?
Raphael: Anime.
Too many Shout Outs can be a bad thing:
Biker: I am awaited in Valhalla!
Mai: Mediocre, hun.
Biker: WITNESS ME!
Téa: Quick, Joey. The Mad Max references are reaching critical mass! If we make one more, this whole place might explode.
Joey: Get us out of here, Tristan!
Tristan: What a lovely day!
(The gas station explodes as the limo drives off)
Téa: Damn it, Tristan! What did I just say?!
- Even sillier, Tristan's "What a lovely day" isn't delivered even remotely similar to the Fury Road line, but instead seems like he's legitimately commenting on the weather in the middle of all this.
When trying to hitch-hike, Téa glumly expects the guys to suggest using her body to seduce the driver. The Pharaoh replies that he was going to suggest using his body, but whatever works. The pharaoh then comments how it took Téa 4 seasons to stop being The Load.
Referencing the fan-made lyrics to Duke Devlin's "Sexy back" theme music in his rescue of Rex and Weevil.
When the gang is stuck in the Industrial Illusions building, Yami and Yugi thought up of a new rule to add to the game.
Yugi: While we're here, we should tell them about the new rule we thought of. What did you call it, Pharaoh? Pendulum Summoning?
Yami: Eh, it'll never catch on.

Episode 69 - Age/Sex/Life Points

"This is a Joey episode. If you're not from Brooklyn we recommend watching with subtitles."
"I know the back of Yugi's cards like I know the back of the last girl I was with."
When Mai points out that she's won plenty of duels, just offscreen:
Joey: Now Mai, ya know the rule. If it didn't happen onscreen, it didn't happen.
Mai: So in other words, since we've never seen your balls drop, we can assume it hasn't happened.
Joey: Hey hang on!
Tristan: Is that true guys? Did Joey's balls not drop yet?
Téa: I've seen no evidence to suggest otherwise so, yeah. Probably.
Tristan: That sucks.
Joey: Why is everyone talkin' about my balls?
The pharaoh claims that souls don't exist, and that he's never seen anything that'd suggest otherwise. When Yugi points out that the pharaoh is standing and talking thousands of years after his death, he claims to just have oodles of stamina.
Joey points out how nonsensical it is that a dragon would be a pet to a harpy. Mai points out how it's less pathetic than three Blue-Eyes White Dragons being owned by Kaiba. Joey snickers at this, which annoys Kaiba...who is miles away in his Blue-Eyes White Dragon Jet.
Kaiba: Mokuba, my douche senses are telling me that Joey is mocking me somewhere.
Mokuba: Should I remind you to tell him to go f*ck himself when we get there?
Kaiba: See that you do.
- When they arrive later, Mokuba indeed reminds Kaiba about it.
Raphael points out how Valon is meant to be cockney, not Australian, which disappoints Valon since he wanted to make a bunch of koala jokes. Actually, just one Pun about koalas.
Mai's story of turning to the Dartz side involves a lot of people insulting Joey. It's integral to the story.
- Dartz calls Joey a rookie and shit, which doesn't offend Joey because Dartz's accent is so incomprehensible that Joey didn't even realize that he was mentioned.
Duke states that Dungeon Dice Monsters isn't like Duel Monsters at all since his game uses dice. Then Joey uses a card that involves rolling a dice, which causes Duke to run away crying.
Joey's first reaction to finding Hermos' sword:
Joey: Hey, a sword. I can stab people with this!
- When he pulls it out, and it frees the Dragon:
Joey: A dragon? I can't stab people with that!
Joey fuses the Claw of Hermos with Time Wizard to form...a really stupid-looking mallet.
When Valon uses his Oricalchos crystal to interrupt the duel:
(subtitles)ANCIENT ATLANTEAN LASER BEAMZ!
Duke tries Hollywood Hacking into the security system to open the closed doors, by which he means distracting it with cybersex.
- When it asks him if he knows any erotic games, he tries suggesting Dungeon Dice Monsters, only for it to compare DDM to Duel Monsters.

Episode 70 - A Convenient Truth

Yami vs. a Door. Turns out he's not the King of Doors after all.
Kaiba: Try believing in the Heart of the Cards.
And then Tristan gets it.
Tristan: Booyah! (the door opens)
Joey: Nice one, Tristan! How'd you get the door open?
Yami: He must've used some manner of dark sorcery!
Tristan: No, I just flipped the card[key] around the other way.
Yami: Quiet, you sorcerer!
Weevil and Rex could film a crappy 90s music video in Pegasus' toon room.
Kaiba: ...Don't look at me, I didn't bring 'em.
A hologram of Pegasus exposits the ins and outs of Dartz, and his plan to amass enough souls to summon the Great Leviathan. Kaiba cares a lot about the fate of the world.
Kaiba: WHO CARES, YUGI.
- Yami surmises that the special card Pegasus has hidden in the room is inside Pot of Greed. Though not for the reason you might think.
  Kaiba: How can you be so sure? Nobody even knows what Pot of Greed does!
  Yami: And neither do I. But I can tell it's that one because it's animated differently than the rest of the stuff in here.
- And Kaiba is reeeally worried about being around hologram!Pegasus.
  Kaiba: I'm just glad this Pegasus hologram can't flirt with me like the real one.
  Pegasus' hologram: I also hid a special surprise for Kaiba-boy somewhere on my person. If he wants it, he has to come get it.
  Kaiba: (gawking) I hope it's another rare card...
  Pegasus' hologram: No. It's my di—
  (Smash Cut to Kaiba flying his BEWD Jet far away from Industrial Illusion headquarters)
  Téa: ...Wow. He did not want to stick around.
Prof. Hawkins doesn't have time for children's card games.
Yugi: (eyes flickering red) The f*ck you say?
Joey is treated as a dog.
Joey:(quickly) Nyeh! Nyeh! Nyeh!
Tristan: What's that, boy? Yugi fell down a well?
(later)
Tristan: No, Bad Joey! Put down that professor of archaeology. Drop him!
(later again)
Tristan: Okay, who let the dog in the fridge again?
Joey:(with a sausage chain in his mouth) Nyeeeeeheheheheeee...
Tristan:(kicks Joey in the head) Bad Joey! I'm a responsible pet owner!
Duke sings a variation of his theme song again...while making a snack.
The constant lampshades about season 4's abuse of Contrived Coincidences to advance the plot.
Yugi has a particular set of skills, skills he acquired during a very long carrer...
Yugi: I'll find those people, and I'll beat them in a card game.

Episode 71 - The Break-Up

"Any minute now!"
At the beginning, Yugi gives a Take That! to Pokémon:
Yugi: The difference between me and Ash Ketchum? I've actually won a tournament or two!
- This was just two months after his infamous loss at the Kalos League, too.
- And then it became Hilarious in Hindsight three years later when Ash won the Alola league in Sun and Moon.
Raphael was anticipating the pharaoh to take him on in an Absurdly High-Stakes Game, undeterred and ready to take anything Yugi can throw at him. At least, until he makes a reckless jump off the canyon and sticks the landing (while his horse plummets into the canyon).
Raphael: Okay, I wasn't ready for that.
This exchange right here:
Yugi: Learned that trick from playing Super Mario World. I always sacrificed Yoshi to jump a few extra inches.
Raphael: Oh yeah? I learned this trick from playing Super Mario Bros.
(Raphael proceeds to destroy the bridge connecting to the mainland using hand axes.)
Yugi: You just took down that whole bridge man. What are you, Youtube?
Raphael takes the nearly unprecedented action of playing Duel Monsters how it's actually supposed to be played, properly announcing his moves and everything. Yami is utterly baffled, since his duels usually consist of wisecracking, Internet references, and then Yami winning.
- When it's Yami's turn, it turns out that he's forgotten how to play Duel Monsters entirely.
  Yugi: (internally) OH GOD, WHAT DO I DO?!
Yami's constant lampshading of Raphael's illogical viewpoint on evil, and how his backstory led him to it.
- Case in point, after Raphael describes how he was rescued by some people after being stranded in the middle of the ocean:
  Raphael: And it was at that moment that I decided that all of humanity was evil and deserved to be punished!
  Yami: Starting to notice one or two holes in your little story...
- After denying being inherently evil, Yami interrupts Raphael’s story to claim the second tidal wave was the same one that killed his family, back for revenge. It brings Raphael to tears.
  Yami: Ok, so, maybe I’m a LITTLE evil.
- Raphael was first contacted by Dartz while on the island. Unfortunately, Raphael had no idea what Dartz was talking about thanks to his ridiculous accent.
When Raphael reveals that the expensive gift his parents gave him on their cruise was a rare trading card, Yugi lampshades how everyone on the show is either a super rich asshole or from a broken home.
- Or Kaiba, who's both.
Joey, Tristan and Duke took a car to the Duel, yet Rex and Weevil got there first by riding a bike. Joey questions how that happened:
Weevil: Rex says it's best not to think about stuff!
Joey: Huh...I'm gonna try that! (beat) Wow, suddenly everything makes perfect sense in this season!''
Tristan: Welcome to my world, child!
- Also, this part of their ride.
  Joey: (while "Sexy Back" is playing) Hey, Duke. I appreciate you giving us a ride to the duel and all, but you could maybe turn your radio down a little? This song gets old real fast.
  Duke: For the last time, the radio isn't even switched on!
Weevil briefly realizes his and Rex's Badass Decay:
Weevil: Hey Rex, remember when we were two of the best duelists in this region?
Rex: Heh heh, you said ''region''!
Weevil: Oh yeah...
(both resume giggling)
Playing five Kuribohs at once turned out to be a bad idea, with all the loud "DOO-DA-LA-LA-LA!" making Yami and Raphael unable to hear each other.
Raphael forces Yami to trade his trading cards!
- While Raphael gives Yami his Seal of Orichalcos card, Yami gives him Watapon.
The running gag of characters dropping items down the ravine - first the horse, then the car, then Yugi himself.
Tristan: Don't worry, he landed on the horse!
Yugi and Yami agree it's best to not play the soul-stealing Seal of Orichalcos card, since there's nothing at stake. At least, until Yugi mentions that Yami will probably lose the card game. The Pharaoh then immediately plays the Seal, much to Yugi's disbelief.
Yami: CURSE YOU, RAPHAEL! You've given me no choice!
Yugi: Wait, what?
Yami: I have to activate the Seal of Orichalcos!
Yugi: NO!! NO, YOU DON'T!
Yami: Too late! It's activated! I hope you're happy, Raphael, the guy who totally made me do this against my will!
- Raphael being shocked when his plan to make Yami evil... turns Yami evil.
  Raphael: (clearly having second thoughts after Yami's horrifying rant) ...well... well, good. I'm... I'm glad this worked out. Yay.
A special note should be made that when Yami played the Seal of Orichalcos, it didn't just make him evil. It made him into Season 0 Evil, complete with morbid jokes worthy of Melvin!
Yugi: Pharaoh, no! You're being evil! Like, Season 0 Evil! You have to snap out of it!
Yami: What's that, Yugi? Okay! Yugi says I should snap you in half.
Yugi: NO!
Yami finally has a Heel Realization as Raphael uses Guardian Eatos:
Yami: No! If only I hadn't discarded so many of my children's trading cards, the most evil thing a person can do! I'm basically Hitler right now!
Tristan insists that Yami will find a way to turn things around at the last second in his duel with Raphael, even as Yami's life points drop to zero.
Tristan: Don't worry, guys! Yugi always finds a way to turn things around at the last second! He'll win this duel any minute now!
(Raphael declares his attack, Guardian Eatos attacks)
Tristan: Any minute now!
(Yami loses)
(Beat)
Tristan: Any minute now!
The show really has fun with Raphael's illogical views on good and evil and the hypocrisy that he thinks he's a good guy in spite of the fact that he works for someone who goes around stealing other people's souls. First, he admonishes Yugi for sacrificing his monsters, in spite of that being the way that Duel Monsters is "supposed" to be played, and then there's what he says after he wins the duel:
Raphael: Game Over, Pharaoh. Thanks to the Seal of Orichalcos, I've now proven that everyone in the world has the potential to be evil, a fact that is common knowledge to anyone over the age of ten. Speaking of ten, thats about how many seconds you've got before the Seal rips the soul from your still-screaming flesh. I love being a good guy.
Partially tearjerking, but it's hard to take Yami's incoherent Inelegant Blubbering seriously at the end of the episode.
"It's time to D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- DIE!"

Episode 72 - Rex & Weevil Do Atlantica

Yami is still crying over the loss of Yugi in the intro. The card scroll even gets updated with all the cards being Pharaoh crying or sad-looking dogs and cats from those ASPCA commercials that guilt-trip you into donating.
In a darkly funny kind of way, the dull tone of Yami's voice as he says "Giddy-up" to his horse as they return to the trailer.
Yami questions why Professor Hawkins is already safe while the reason he went to duel Raphael was because the Professor was kidnapped.
Yami: So this whole traumatic experience could've been completely avoided if I hadn't arbitrarily left in the middle of the night?
Prof. Hawkins: Turns out yes!
Yami: Okay everyone! I'm going to go scream into a pillow for the next five minutes!
- He really does too, you can hear his muffled screaming while Prof. Hawkins explains his studies on Atlantis to the others.
Yami's depression over his loss.
Yami: Now I'm just a super talented, devastatingly handsome loser with magical powers. I might as well be Joey!
Joey: (grabs Yami) I'll show you who's handsome! (cue punch)
- The scene then freeze-frames on the punch as Yami narrates: "Yup. That's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation."
Yami's Don't You Dare Pity Me! attitude is completely ignored by everyone else while they focus on mistaking Rebecca's talk about Atlantis for Kingdom Hearts Fanfic.
Téa admonishing Joey for punching Yami, because kids might see it and imitate it. Joey tells her that no one copies stuff they see on television. Cut to Tristan strangling Duke.
Duke: Tristan...why...are you...choking me?!
Tristan: Joey made this seem really cool!
The entirety of Rex and Weevil's scene with Dartz and/or his motorcycle-riding henchmen.
- Rex and Weevil giggling over the word "cockpit".
- Dartz explaining to Rex and Weevil about what their cult is all about. Again, his thick Cajun accent makes "duel" sound like "do."
  Dartz: We just like duein' people, mang! Valon wants to due Mai Valentine actually...
  Valon: (agreeing with both "do" and "duel") Yep.
  Dartz: Alister tried and failed to due Seto Kaiba.
  Alister: Happens to one in five men?
  Dartz: And I just watch Raphael duew Yugi Moto...the wrong guy!
  Raphael: I've just given up arguing at this point.
- Rex and Weevil think the Orichalcos shards are meth.
  Rex: These oral Costco dudes are hardcore!
The Call-Back to Season 3 (and Call-Forward to The Dark Side of Dimensions) when it turns out the reason Kaiba wants to build a space elevator is because he's still traumatized from having to walk up the massive staircase back in the Virtual World.
- Also how Kaiba is so much of a Bad Boss that it Crosses the Line Twice into being hilarious.
  Kaiba: Are you telling me that we can't build an elevator into space? Because that sounds like something a guy who doesn't want to keep his job would say.
Kaiba being furious over Yami losing the card game against Raphael and treats it like Yami cheated on him.
- Made so much better by Kaiba's reaction to the whole thing.
  Kaiba: YUGI LOST A CARD GAAAAAAAAAAME?! I thought we had something special Yugi! What, is our rivalry just one big JOKE to you?! (Kaiba slams his hands onto his desk) I committed to beating you in a (Slams desk) card game, and I thought I could rely on YOU (Slams desk) to be true to me as your most hated enemy! But I guess I was wrong!
  Yami: Kaiba, It's Not What It Looks Like.
  Kaiba: I bet you say that to all the duelists! If I (Slams desk) had parents, they would've said you were no good for me! And one last thing! All those times I got angry and said I'd have my vengeance on you?! I WAS FAKING! (Dramatically slams phone down in disgust)
After Professor Hawkins reveals he sent his research to Florida:
Tristan: It seems to me that in order to stop these guys, we first have to go to Florida...
Yami : ...did Tristan just contribute to the plot?
Tristan: (slams hand onto table) So we could visit Mickey Mouse at Disney World!
Yami: Annnnnd there it is.

Episode 73 - Throw Haga From The Train

Yami may not have been in the new movie all that much, but he did get paid more than Kaiba did.
Kaiba: It's bullcrap!
The Running Gag of Yami and company's train getting delayed repeatedly for the most inane reasons like a playing card lying on the track and Yami hitting the wall with his fist somehow adding 2 hours to the delay. Doubles as one huge Take That! toward Amtrak and their on-time performance.
- By the end, they announce that since a train was hurled violently off the tracks and fell off a cliff, the delay is now 4.5 years. Only a month of which was actually due to said cliff-fall.
Joey, Tristain and Tea are confused as to just how everyone else on the train disappeared...
Téa: There better be a good explanation for this...
(Cut to the Temple of Oricalchos)
Raphael: (approaching a kneeling Dartz from behind) Master Dartz, how did you manage to make all the passengers on that train disappear?
Dartz: (Dramatic music suddenly cuts out) Magic.
Raphael:...th-that's it? I was kinda hoping there'd more to it than th—
Dartz: Nope! Magic!
Rafel:...well, where did they go?
Dartz: (quickly) Magiclaynd.
Raphael: I was gonna ask why your hair isn't changing color anymore, but I'm guessing it was magic?
Dartz: (Dramatic music cues back up) Nah, mayn; I just washed the dye out of it. I am a natuwal ter-qua-zee!
When the train decouples with Yami on the wrong side as the others:
Téa: Oh no! Pharaoh!
Yami: Don't worry, Téa! Just throw me Joey's deck and I'll take care of this! (Téa jumps across the gap) Or you can just jump across, I suppose.
Tristan: Just f**k already!
Yami: What's that? I couldn't hear you over the train!
Tristan: I said, just fu—(cut off by train sounds)
There's the scene where Téa's thrown backwards by the Seal of Orichalcos being activated, and she lands against the camera backside first.
Yami: Téa! Did you make sure the viewers saw your butt when you fell?
Téa: Yeah?
Yami: Thank goodness for that, it was vitally necessary!
Another running gag comes from Tristan constantly reminding Joey that the loser of the duel loses their soul. It culminates in a pretty hilarious Take That! against 4Kids and their censorship:
Tristan: *Runs over to Rex* Rex! If you lose the duel, you lose your—! *Holding Rex, eyes open in a blank, soulless stare*
Joey: I think he knows, Tristan!
Tristan: Oh no! *Still holding Rex, but this time with eyes shut as in the 4Kids dub* Apparently the Seal of Orichalcos also makes a five-year-old Photoshop your eyes closed!
- Joey is hesitant to duel Rex, as he doesn't know if he can justify taking Rex's soul...until Rex starts making dinosaur puns.
  Rex: By the way, I memorized several dozen dinosaur puns just so I could use them in this duel. So, I hope you're ready for the mammoth beating you're about to receive Wheeler, because Jurrassic's mine!
  Joey: ...
  Rex: Get it. It's like your ass is mine except-
  Joey: Okay, yeah. Let's do this.
Yami rubbing in how much Weevil sucked back in the day. Seriously, he put Mushroom Man in their deck and still beat Weevil with it. He also mocks Weevil on how he just threw Yugi's Exodia cards overboard back in season 1 rather than, you know, KEEPING them like any sane duelist would have done. Weevil doesn't understand the problem.
"The fusion you have performed is an illegal operation. Deal with it."^noteAs a Genius Bonus, this is true in the TCG, where the Eye can only be used on Dark Magicians.
Yami: No! The two monsters that don't fuse with each other didn't fuse! My bullshit main character powers have failed me!
- It also serves as a Call-Back to Yugi's encountering Cell at the Cell Games.
- Even funnier is that apparently Joey has those powers, and HIS powers are working just fine during his duel with Rex.
  Joey: This is like the easiest duel I ever played! I love having bullshit main character powers!
Rex flashback about his and Weevil's fall from grace as their popularity waned.
Bystander: Hey, it's those guys who are based on a '90s cartoon!
Other Bystander: I LOVE REFERENCES LIFTED DIRECTLY FROM OTHER MEDIA!!
- Rex and Weevil getting beaten up in the alley, with the only thing Joey taking away from Rex's heartfelt story is that a dog peed on him.
  Joey: Come on, Rex, you should be proud! That was the first genuine laugh your character has produced on this show!
For Yami using Berserker Soul to overkill Weevil, LittleKuriboh takes the original Japanese dialogue. In other words: "DORŌ! MONSUTAA KAADO!"
- His various cards contains a cat, a dog and marshmallows. The first card he draws is Watapon, followed by Mushroom Man and he even has a Jerry Beans Man as well.
- After Téa stops him from inflicting further harm on Weevil, Yami briefly agrees...and then goes right back to beating on Weevil.
  Yami: At the end of the day, this is just a game. It doesn't matter if I win, lose or DORŌ! MONSUTAA KAADO!
  - As a bonus, remember the card Yami almost sent to the Graveyard before Téa calms him down in the original. Yami just resumed the overkill with the Dark Magician Girl!
- Hell, just Téa running up to stop him, as LittleKuriboh continues to roll with the Japanese dialogue.
  Yami: And oh, what a surprise, this next one's a...
  Téa: Mou yamete,Yugi!^*"Cut it out already, Yugi!" *Grabs Yami's arm*
  Yami: HANASE!^*"Let go of me!"
- Then when the train they are in falls off the rails:
  Téa: WE'RE FALLIIIINNNG!!!!
  Yami: FOR THE RECORD, I DREW ANOTHER MONSTER CAAARRRRRD!!!!

Episode 74 - Right in the Feels

The beginning of the episode:
Narrator (Kaiba): Previously, on Yu-Gi-Oh!!
Téa: WE'RE FALLING!!
Yami: There's absolutely no plausible way we could survive this!
Narrator: This time, On Yu-Gi-Oh!!
(Beat)
Yami: Holy crap! We survived!
Yami and Téa wake up in a tent, and both had some weird dreams:
- Yami dreamed that people played card games using virtual reality instead of holograms, and they called it VRAINS.
  Yami: I don't even think that's a word!
- Téa's dream was an explanation for how they survived the train crash. She begins to explain, only to get attacked by a wolf.
  Yami: EGYPTIAN JESUS!
After Yami and Téa meet Chris and find out she's a bit friend-happy like Téa, Yami concludes they both died and woke up in one of Téa's fanfics which Téa admits is likely as they woke up in the same bed. Then Téa gets attacked by Sky the wolf again.
Yami: REGULAR JESUS!
- Yami's response to when Chris first appears
  Yami: Who are you, and why are we suddenly in the Alpha & Omega franchise?
The many, many take thats to this season:
- Yami giving the Eye of Timaeus to Ironheart while pointing out how while he might not be worthy of Timaeus, a random old man he just met, yep, totally.
- They point how the season (well, the dub) completely ignores what happened to Weevil after they fell off the train.
- Yugi more or less pointing how separating the two of them and then having them duel each other is kinda pointless as they're going to do this again next season.
- Yami isn't crazy about meeting Ironheart, because the last thing this new season needs is another mysterious side character.
- The lampshading that the Pharaoh playing the Seal makes no sense, but the fandom will come up for an excuse for it.
Raphael goes to find Yami and only finds an empty train. He then says that he was too late and he's the new King of Games. Yami, offscreen no less, disagrees as his voice echos. All According to Plan, as Raphael says, "Found you."
Yami apologizes to Yugi for losing his soul, but Yugi's not so mad about that. No, he's more pissed that the Pharaoh tried to sacrifice Dark Magician Girl!
Yugi: Nobody treats my trading card waifu like that!
When Yugi materializes a Duel Disk, Yami wonders where he got it from.
Yugi: I summoned it from the Spirit Realm!
Yami: Does this mean Duel Disks have souls as well? What, is Kaiba sacrificing virgins to make these things?
- When Yugi tries give a "Reason You Suck" Speech to Yami, Yami comes to the conclusion that Yugi is a virgin.
  Yugi: Seems to me, the only one with a history of sacrificing people is you Pharaoh.
  Yami: So you're a virgin.
  Yugi: ...is that seriously what you got from that?
Yugi saying that by winning a card game, Yami has atoned from losing Yugi's soul just because he wanted to win.
Lets just say Téa's Yaoi Fangirl side had a blast seeing Yugi and Yami at the same time.
Téa: God I hope they make out.
Ironheart: Téa!
Téa Sorry I mean I hope they make UP...by putting their tongues down each others' throats!
Yami being haunted by the spirits of powerful duelists he's fought in the past...and also, Arkana is there.
Arkana: Dark Energy Discs!
Yami being forced to activate his Trap Card when Yugi uses Catapult Turtle to launch Dark Magician Girl at him
Yami: *Thinking* This is it, Pharaoh. If I lose this, I lose everything. Yugi, my soul... but if there's one thing I refuse to lose, it's my dignity! *Screams aloud in the most forced and over the top way possible* WRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHH!!!
* Yami activates Divine Wind. The attack bounces off the card, punctuated by the Sonic spring sound effect*
Yugi: You did it, Pharaoh! Divine Wind... that Trap Card turns my attack back on me and doubles its power! You've figured out how to beat the Seal of Orichalcos! This is super special *takes the reflected attack* AAAHHH!!
This is immediately followed up by Yami rushing to Yugi's side
Yami: YUGI! Don't go into the light, Yugi! It's probably just Swords of Revealing Light and it'll make you unable to attack for three turns!
The ending of the original episode is a Tear Jerker when Yugi's spirit vanishes. The Abridged version, however...
Yami: *Fighting back tears* Yugi... don't go...
Yugi: It'll be alright, Pharaoh. And hey, at least we definitely won't have another duel and be separated again next season. That'd just make this whole character arc feel completely superfluous, wouldn't it? *Vanishes*
Yami: Uh... ghh... WHAT THE F**K EVEN IS THIS SEASON?!?!
- And then the episode just ends with the English Shaman King theme.

Episode 75 - Valley of the Duels

Ironheart is completely oblivious to Yami's continued despair.
Ironheart: It's a good thing we moved in here so he could move beyond his pain.
Yami: I'M STILL IN SO MUCH PAIN!!
Ironheart: Now he no longer needs to dwell on the loss of his partner.
Yami: I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YUGI!!
Ironheart: His mind will be bereft of distraction and instead be focused on the task of saving the world.
Yami: WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE FETCH ME SOME ICE CREAM?!
Téa: Are you sure you're a licensed spiritual therapist?
Ironheart: I'm old and I hold a stick. That automatically makes me the wisest person in the valley.
Téa: There's only like four people here!
Ironheart: And only one of them is old and holding a stick. Guess who it is? It's me.
The giant Raphael summons can, as Yami notes, probably cut him in half in one swing or simply crush him. Instead, it challenges him to a children's card game, because of course it does.
- To make matters worse, it clearly has no idea how to play the game.
- For some reason, Yami expects the magical monster to adhere to the rules of the game, and asks the (non-existent) judges for a timeout when the giant attacks him.
  Yami: Ah, so you wanna do this the season 1 style, eh?
Despite the Pharaoh's attempts to engage in verbal combat, his opponent can't speak English.
Dartz uses "unnecessary magical powers" to put a business suit on. Apparently, the last time he tried this, he ended up without any pants.
Dartz: Oh, gweat Wevaiathan, I beseech thee, mayn! Awwow me to wendah judgment upon the laynd! Allow me, cast your will upon the—(the phone rings)...cast your will upon the—(the phone rings again)...castyourwilluponthe—(the phone keeps ringing)—gad dangit, mayn, hang on! It's pwobabwy Raphael with news of the phawowow...the phawowo...the Egyptian King.
(Cut to Dartz' high rise, with the phone still ringing)
Dartz: Oh, it never fayls. Ya start worshiping an elder gawd from the dawk dimension and the phone starts winging. I bettah put mah business suit on using unnecessary maygical powuhz!
(Dartz walks through a mirror into his office. When he does, his occult robes turn into his suit)
Dartz: Oh willy, well howbout that, the pants are on this time!
Dartz's repeated insistence that Raphael is too stupid understand what's he's talking about. Raphael, obviously, disagrees.
Raphael: Uh, dude, I've been using dark magic to steal people's souls this whole time. Why do you suddenly think I wouldn't understand what a ghost is?
When Raphael - understandably - asks Dartz to stop insulting him, Dartz responds by mocking him like a small child while crossing his eyes.
Ironheart and Téa get into a disagreement over whether the monster Yami is fighting is more dangerous than an earthquake.
Téa: Earthquakes have leveled entire cities!
Ironheart: Yeah, but this guy is like really scary.
Yami continues to insert Egyptian things into modern phrases, e.g. "By the holy tank-top of Tutankhamen!"
Raphael finds the whole thing to be extremely dull.
Raphael: You know, you'd think that watching someone fight the exact same monster over and over again would be really, really boring. And you'd be right.
Ironheart rushes down the mountain to get Timaeus to Yami, and claims it's a good thing he played so much Assassin's Creed. When Téa complains that playing a video game shouldn't make a decrepit old man good at parkour, his granddaughter rushes after him on her wolf, which she credits to Banjo-Kazooie.
Téa: That makes even less sense!!
Ironheart: I'm coming, Pharaoh, and I've only had five heart attacks on the way here!
Yugi: Oh, good. Here come the judges.
Dartz: You have diswupted mah pwans for da last time, old man! And now, you well suffah dwe-vine wetriboo—[lip smacking sounds] wetriboot—[more lip smacking sounds] we—wow...yow-yow...wetwi—ah...come on, come on...—wa-twi-pow—[raises hand] okayf*ckitI'mjustdoingthis.
[Ironheart screams as he's hit by lightning]
Pharaoh: BY THE BUTT-CLEAVAGE OF OSIRIS!
Dartz: Yeh! I can do that! Game-changer!
After Ironheart is stuck by lightning and Chris ends up being the one who has to bring Timaeus to Yami, Yami assures her that nothing bad can happen to her, as 4Kids wouldn't let a child getting gravely injured being shown (in reference to 4Kids' censorship), only for Chris to also get stuck by lightning. Rather than lament her plight, Yami complains about how inconsistent that is.
When Yami does lament the loss of Ironheart and Chris after Dartz strikes them with lightning:
Yami: NO! They're gone! And I'd gotten to know them so well after the two-and-a-half conversations I had with them!
Chris of all people lampshading the unnecessary drama of the Pharaoh needing the Eye of Timaeus to save him when he just gave it to Ironheart the last episode, and if he had just kept the card with him for a few more hours, he would have avoided this mess.
Raphael lampshading that he just leaves the Pharaoh alone when he's weak after searching for him and disappearing for 10 episodes.
Looks like LittleKuriboh isn't a fan of the new Yu-Gi-Oh! series:
- When the Pharaoh can't reach Ironheart due to the Seal, he blames Link Summoning for ruining the game.
- The end of the episode text says Link Summoning caused the episode to come out slow.
Both Ironheart and Chris's voices can be heard saying "bubbles" repeatedly as they disintegrate into, well, bubbles.
Tristan denies having ever said "in a few hours, the sun will rise", much to Joey's confusion. He also suggests that Joey is thinking of Kaiba.
As things turn for the worse in his duel, Yami has a vision of all the friends he's fighting for. Nearly EVERYONE is there, including a random Kuriboh, except for Bakura.

Episode 76 - Becky With The Good Deck

Yami gets attacked by a vulture while climbing up a cliff wall, and decides he has to climb back down to challenge it to a card game. Téa tries to convince him not to, but fails when she mentions that the vulture actually has a duel disk on its wing.
- In the end, there is a message that the vulture is a better villain than anyone this season.
Rebecca mentions to Duke that she has played Dungeon Dice Monsters, and it's her favorite board game.
Duke: Okay Rebecca, I know I've said this to a lot of people before, especially Joey's sister, but this time, I mean it. I think I might love you.
- During the duel against Valon, Rebecca's grandfather who is knocked out in the trailer is woken up twice by the fighting. The first time, Rebecca yells at him to go back to sleep. The second time its from her screaming in pain. He responds the same both times.
- When it seems that Valon is going to activate the Seal of Orichalcos:
  Rebecca: Oh no, he's going to use the Seal of Orichalcos!
  Duke: That means if we lose: He'll take my mojo! I won't be able to make it with a woman.
  Rebecca: No, Duke, it takes peoples' souls.
  Duke: Oh...Well, that doesn't seem nearly as bad. Why is everyone freaking out?
Kaiba doesn't know why he owns his own airline company since he can't make the planes look like dragons.
Kaiba: Design flaws, my ass.
- Alister, who is piloting Kaiba's plane, distracts him from anything suspicious with a 12-hour marathon of Dragon Tales.
  Kaiba: THANKS, THAT SOUNDS GREAT, I'M GONNA WATCH IT!
  - The theme song to Dragon Tales then plays during the credits.
Valon keeps trying to entice Mai into a workplace romance. She is having none of it. First he tries "lover". Then "duelists with benefits". Finally, just "f*ckbuddies", at which point she threatens him with violence.
The episode opens with a 'Previously on Card Games' message again, only this time parodying Supernatural. However, Tristan's doing the voiceover
Tristan: Previously, on Duel Masters!
Tristan: This time, on Pokémon: Johto Journeys!
Valon questions Mai on why she's only interested in Joey:
Valon: Tell me, Mai, what's he got what I haven't got? Is it his dashing good looks? His exotic accent? His ability to be calm under pressure?
Mai: ...Have you...met Joey?
(scene cuts to Tristan and Joey)
Joey: Tristan, you gotta get me that pizza, man! I am freaking out!
Tristan: OK, Joey, I'm going to level with you — I may have lied about the pizza.
Joey: Whatthefuckin'hellyoutalkin'aboutTristanyou'rethekindaguywho'dgetmeapizzayoukeptbringingupyouliedaboutthepizzaapepperoniNYEEEEH!
Tristan: Joey, control yourself! The power of crust compels you! The power of crust com—
(cuts back to Valon and Mai)
Valon: Only briefly. Why?
Mai: No reason.
Valon activates Armored Gravitation, which equips him with his Armor cards. All set to the original Sailor Moon transformation music.
Rebecca: I can't tell if this is taking a while because it's Yu-Gi-Oh! or because it's an anime transformation sequence.
And after defeating them, Valon gives a message for them in a low voice that's supposed to be threatening, but comes off as flirtatious:
Valon: I got a message for your mate, Joey Wheeler. Tell him I'm gonna shove my well-oiled robot fist right up his ass. Only make it sound less sexual.
Duke: Can't promise that, dude.

Episode 77 - Loopy In The Sky With Duel Disks

The episode starts off with a hilarious Take That! at Season 4.
Alister: Thank you for flying Orichalcos Airlines, If you look out the Window, you'll see one of the many plotholes in Season 4...Oh sorry, that's the Grand Canyon.
Yami referring to Joey and Tristan as his slaves...and Téa as a hand maiden, "Which is something completely different."
- Turns out they are. Tristan signed their lives away to Yami in Season 1 and Joey had no idea.
Joey and Tristan meet a snake in front of them. Turns out the snake is Cornelius Jr. and he just wants to play basketball.
Joey: [shouting] You can talk to snakes?!
Tristan: [shouting] Do you know anything about me?
The latest villain is really shaking up the formula.
Mokuba: Oh no, the crew has mysteriously disappeared!
Kaiba: Whoever did this doesn't play by the rules. Usually my enemies just kidnap you, but this guy? He kidnapped everyone except you.
Mokuba: We are through the looking-glass...
Kaiba: Mokuba, remind me to dock the flight crew's pay for the hours they missed while being magically abducted.
The many jabs as how the Orichalcos can just about do anything from stealing souls, making monsters real and creating illusions.
Kaiba: Welcome to Season 4. The show where the magical powers are made up and the plot doesn't matter!
Alister's and Kaiba's first words before the duel:
Alister: I still haven't forgiven you for being related to someone who was vaguely associated with the death of my brother, Kaiba! Let's duel!
Kaiba: In the interest of safety, there is absolutely no smoking during this duel, all Duel Disks must be set to Airplane mode, and in the likely event that I completely own your ass at card games, emergency lighting will illuminate the way to the exit so you can get the hell out of my life!
Seto talking to one of the memory children:
Kid: Excuse me mister, how did you get into our secret hideout?
Kaiba: Oh, I'm not really here. This is just some illusion created by some Orichalcos punk in the hopes it will somehow make me feel some sort of responsibility for how bad his life was. Let me guess, you're supposed to remind me of Mokuba?
Kid: Mo-kuba? No, mister, my name is Eric-
Kaiba: I'm gonna call you "Nokuba". And our relationship is going to be nothing like the one between me and my brother.
Kid: Okay mister!
Kaiba: Shut up, Nokuba.
Alister summons his best monsters, which turns out to be a giant air battleship filled with lots and lots of cannons, and states its aiming right at Kaiba. Kaiba then snarkily answers that, given that thing has cannons pointing in every direction, there is hardly anything it isn't aimed at.
Alister: My Ziggurat is the ultimate weapon, Kaiba, and it's aimed squarely at you.
Kaiba: Are you kidding!? There's guns all over the damn thing! What isn't it aiming at?!
The exchange after Kaiba swears to Alister that he never kept any of the weapons his company made under Gozaburo.
Kaiba: I swear on my life that we didn't keep a single flying war machine of death.
Kaiba Corp War Machine One: This is Kaiba Corp War machine one on rescue approach with death squadron. How may we assist you, Mister Kaiba?
Mokuba: Hey Seto, I called the war machines of death to come save us!
Alister: YOU LIED TO ME!
Kaiba: Good job Mokuba, real big help.
Mokuba: Yay! Go team Kaiba!
After Kaiba keeps mocking him and his backstory, Alister decides that since he can't beat Kaiba, he'll just pull a Screw This, I'm Out of Here! and leave Kaiba to die in the plane crash.
Kaiba: Oh no no no no, wait, don't go, you gotta keep playing.
Alister: Why?
Kaiba: Because...you're doing so well! Look, you've got three monsters and I've only got one. You're a shoo-in!
Alister: I don't know...seems kinda like you're goading me...
Kaiba: Trust me, out of all the bad guy duelists I've faced, you're definitely the most likely to wipe the floor with me.
Alister: Alright then, I end my turn!
(one card-based ass-kicking later)
Kaiba: I should probably mention, Alister, you weren't even close to beating me.
Alister: But you said—
Kaiba: That you were most likely to win? That's right. (smirking) All my other opponents had a zero-percent chance of beating me. You had a zero-point-one. But it was a biiig point-one percent. Huge, really. Be proud of that.
Alister starts hallucinating after being defeated by Kaiba:
Mokuba: Alister! Are you alright?
Alister: (weakly) Mikey? Is that really you? (goes into his Imagine Spot where he sees Mokuba as Mikey) It is! Mikey, we've been reunited. (hands Mikey his action figure, Mikey smiles at him) And it's all thanks to the power of the Orichal—
(Smash Cut back to reality where Alister lies face down and unmoving on the floor)
Mokuba: Yeah. He's dead. (picks up Alister's action figure) Dibs on his crappy broken stuff!
The end of the episode where the plane is about to crash and Kaiba has the best moment of his life:
Kaiba: This is just like that Recurring Dream I have. Except in the dream, I'm always saved at the last second by magical dragons and it's the best day of my- (Duel Disk starts glowing) oh my god yes. It's actually happening!
Kaiba is so happy about the dragons that he screams yes at the top of his lungs so much so that Téa thinks he's having the biggest orgasm ever.
Yami: Téa, do you see what I'm seeing?
Kaiba: [as the dragons save his plane] YES! YEEEESSSS! YEEEEEEEEEEE—
Téa: That depends, do you see three Legendary Dragons helping a plane land while Seto Kaiba has what sounds like the biggest orgasm of his life?
Kaiba: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—
Yami: Okay, good. So I wasn't imagining that.
Joey and Tristan just so happen to find Yami and Téa, right in the same forest clearing where Kaiba's plane lands.
Joey: Oh, hey guys. I guess we found each other.
Tristan: Weren't we all in the middle of the desert, like, five minutes ago?
Joey: A plane just landed right where we all were with the help of three Legendary Dragons, and that is the Plothole you're focusing on?
The ending, just...the ending.
Kaiba: [while carrying Alister] I AM NOW A MEMBER OF THE MILE-HIGH CLUB! [notices everyone else looking at him weird] Why're you all looking at me like that?
Yami: Kaiba, what do you think the Mile-High Club is?
Kaiba: Isn't it where you beat someone in a duel while you're on a plane?
Yami: Actually...[Kaiba just kind of looks at Yugi] ...No, yes, you're right, that's exactly what that is.
Kaiba: MILE-HIGH CLUB!

Episode 78 - Binary Sunseto

The opening, where Kaiba carries Alister's unconscious body out of the helicopter.
Kaiba: I HAVE MADE LOVE TO THIS MAN!!
Yami: Huh.
Kaiba: I MEAN WE PLAYED A CARD GAME!!
Yami: Oh right right.
Kaiba lampshading that his two henchmen Hans and Gruber aren't Those Wacky Nazis anymore because that gag was just stupid. Cue Yami adding: "Then why are we doing any of this?"
- Even funnier is a later scene implying this change only applied to one of them.
Yami pointing out what a crappy boss Kaiba is and dares him to name even one of his employees.
Kaiba: That's easy, Mokuba!
Mokuba: Yay, I'm an employee!
Yami: Okay, name another.
Kaiba: Uhhhhhhh...[Hans and Gruber look at him] Uhhhhhhhhhh...[the pilot looks at him]...Seto Kaiba?
Yami talking about how convenient computers are, and how back in his day, if he wanted an image of something, he had to order his slaves to carve it on a wall.
Joey: These days, most artists expect to get paid, pharaoh.
Yami: I did pay them! In exposure!
Joey: Attention isn't the same as money.
Yami: Nnnnnnno! I mean, actual exposure! They'd be out there in the desert for hours just drawing for me. The sun is a cold and yet also very hot mistress.
"I also am glad we're not going to Florida, as it means we're not going to Florida."
The reason Kaiba requires his own supercomputer to enhance the images is a big Take That! to people who illegally download stuff, like Tristan.
Kaiba: We have to go to Kaibacorp, it's the only place to enhance these images!
Yami: Come one now, surely it's not the only place we can do that?
Kaiba: Oh, like I'm sure any of you unemployed, middle-class high-schoolers has access to Adobe Photoshop...
Tristan: [enthusiastically] I do!
Kaiba: ...legally.
Tristan: (Beat) I mean, I know people who do.
Tristan delivers another Take That! to America's judicial system, saying "This is America! Everyone knows the justice system is super effective here!" to a Laugh Track background.
Yami wonders why Professor Hopkins doesn't have any photos of the Egyptian carvings even though he's the one who found them, and concludes it's because he's old and technology scares him.
Hopkins: Are you one of those video games the kids are always talking about?
Yami has already forgotten who Professor Hopkins and Rebecca are.
Joey lampshading the fact that they seemingly just left Weevil's soulless, catatonic body in the desert.
Joey: So are we just...never gonna talk about the fact that we left Weevil Underwood's body in the middle of the desert? No remorse for that whatsoever? [Beat] Okay then.
Duke apparently generates a powerful broadband signal with his theme music. And then there's his "I'm bringing 4G back" version of it.
Téa trying to explain what's going on to two police officers, only for them to be skeptical because of all the enormous plot holes of the story.
Cop: I mean don't get me wrong it's exciting, but when you really examine any part of her story for more than a minute it all just kind of, falls apart.
Téa: Okay but wait, I'm almost at the part where we met two ghosts in the middle of the California desert who just happened to be related to the guy we're fighting...Oh God you're right, it's all just bullshit isn't it?
Kaiba escaping a stuck elevator...by smashing the control panel.
Kaiba: BREAKING STUFF WILL FIX IT!!
"That's definitely what hacking looks like, a bunch of zeroes and ones."
Kaiba's computer identifies him by his personality:
"Passive-aggression detected. Douchey scowl acknowledged. Seto Kaiba identified. Welcome back asshole."
Kaiba and Yami Chewing the Scenery:
Yami: ATLANTIS! It makes perfect sense!
Kaiba: Wait, didn't we know about Atlantis this whole time? Isn't that why you guys wanted to check out the museum in the first place? How is this new information in any way?
Yami: Kaiba, sometimes I just like to blow off steam by reacting to obvious statements that everyone already knew about as though they were massive plot twists. Why don't you give it a whirl?
Kaiba: Okay, I guess that could be fun... hang on... that insignia on the carvings... it's the same insignia used by the secret Illuminati-style organization that bought out my company!
Yami: I thought Dartz was the one who did that...
Kaiba: And now I'm going to reveal who is in charge of that organization!
Yami: I mean it's obviously going to be Dartz.
Kaiba: Oh no! Yugi! The man in charge of the organization that has taken over my company...*(severely Off-Model)* IT'S DARTZ! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT A TWIST THIS IS!
(Beat)
Kaiba: ...Too much?
Yami: Way too much.

Episode 79 - YGO Kiwami

[Actual 4Kids "Dialogue" "Tristan, you must chill!"
After commandeering a sports car, Kaiba writes up a cheque to the salesman. The amount? "All of Joey Wheeler's money".
Car Dealer: ... I don't know what this means.
The nun telling Falon, "You mustn't become an evil little shithead."
After Valon reveals that he's out to destroy humanity not because he agrees with his teammates that humanity is evil or anything, but because he just hates people.
Joey: I am mad at you both for activating the Seal of Orichalcos and for having the most reasonable motive for being evil so far!
Téa lampshading the existence of Miho Nosaka, and how she disappeared in the second anime because, in her words, the creators felt one girl in the main cast was enough.
Mai taking the time to narrate her "dramatic hairflip" before yelling angrily at Valon.

Episode 80 - Roof Raph

Pretty much anytime the GY (the abbreviation for the Graveyard) is mentioned.
Our heroes have found Joey, his soul torn from his body:
Yami: solemn The Orichalcos claims yet another victim. I can only imagine the trouble Kaiba must be having.
Cut to Kaiba, blowing shit up
Kaiba: YES! TAKE 'EM ALL DOWN, MY BLUE EYES! his dragon mows down a line of monsters Oh man, first I get a free car, and now I can summon a real Blue-Eyes to fight on my behalf even when I'm not playing a card game. The only way this day can get any better is if Joey Wheeler somehow lost his soul.
"You know what they say: If at first you don't succeed, then you're probably not Seto Fucking Kaiba!
Early in the episode, Yami ditches Tristan and Téa instead of helping them carry Joey's soulless body. Téa reacts with shocked indignation...but two-and-a-half minutes later, we get this exchange between her and Tristan in which her Lovable Sex Maniac side acts up again.
Téa: When we catch up to the Pharaoh, I'm gonna give him a piece of my ass!
Tristan: Don't you mind "my mind"?
Téa: I know what I said, Tristan!
An amusingly Badbutt line from the 4Kids Kaiba, "Just my luck, dorkfest continues."
The Kuriboh brothers are in fine comedy form this episode.
Kuriboh Brothers: (spinning around to the tune of 'Entry of the Gladiators (circus music)') Do-da-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! (the white Kuriboh brother starts eating the rest in sequence, with Pac-Man sound effects)
Raphael: -The hell am I even watching...?]
Kuribabylon: Do-da-la-la-la-la-SATAN.
Raphael: Okay, now I see why you don't respect your cards, most of them are f*cking ridiculous.
Kuribandit: Do-da-arrgh-arrgh-arrgh-arrgh-arrgh.
Yami: And with that, I'm fairly sure we've exhausted every variation on that joke.
Raphael's increasingly desperate attempts to lie that he doesn't see Eatos as his mother despite his many slips.
Raphael: MOMMY, NO!
Kaiba, strangely enough, shows the slightest bit of concern for the soulless Joey. Nobody really cares or notices, but that doesn't stop Kaiba from acting like everybody is getting on his case for it.
The return of Raphael's family:
Raphael: You know, I'm just glad that my family wasn't here to see me join a cult that tried to murder everybody.
Little Girl: Raphael!
Little Boy: We saw everything.
Raphael: Oh dear...
Little Girl: But don't worry, we won't judge you.
Little Boy: We'll leave that to God!
The flashback to a young Raphael's first meeting with Dartz. Unfortunately, this was before he relearned to speak after the island, so he's still saying "Zug zug".
- Raphael's insistence that Dartz treated him with dignity and respect, even as we watch Past!Dartz force him to dig a huge hole in the ground with his bare hands while calling him a dog. He eventually uncovers his personal Duel Disc, which Yugi lampshades, because the Duel Discs weren't invented by Kaiba until season 2, and the flashback is clearly set years before that.
  Yami: Why are there just a bunch of random-ass duel discs buried in this random-ass graveyard?
  Raphael: Random-ass GY.
  Yami: Don't you start!
Combined with Moment of Awesome when Yami calls out Raphael for sacrificing all his monsters after lecturing him for doing the same thing.
Yami: This whole duel you've been adamant that you'll protect all your monsters. But I get rid of one of them and suddenly you do a 180 and decide to kill all of them yourself?
Raphael: Eh, plans change.
Yami: "Plans change"!? You spent all our previous duel telling me what an awful person I was because I was willing to sacrifice my monsters. How is this any different?
Raphael: Look, not everything is so black and whi-
Yami: Because I didn't realize that Orichalcos was Latin for giant f*cking hypocrite.
After Téa makes yet another speech about friendship, the building inexplicably starts to collapse, prompting an outburst from Kaiba.
Kaiba: "GODDAMMIT! I KNEW THAT GIRL'S FRIENDSHIP SPEECHES WERE GONNA KILL ME ONE DAY!"
After Raphael seemingly falls to his death, we see it was a Disney Death not even a minute later.
Raphael: It's a good thing I'm so buff, or that fall might have killed me.
Raphael and Kaiba treating Magical Pigeons as if it were like Exodia.

Episode 81 - Rocks Fall, Everyone Duels

Yami's frustration over having to overcome massive obstacles to finally find the location of Dartz, only for the U.S army to just show up on the way there, meaning they could have skipped this whole thing.
Kaiba's incessant mocking of the US military for failing to do what some card-playing teenagers could. The commanding officer cries because of it.
- The radar operator is terrified of storms.
Upon seeing Dartz's snake-themed decoration, Mokuba figures they took the wrong path and ended up in the Chambers of Secrets. Which prompts Kaiba to get mad at the idea Dartz is trying to replace his Dragon with a snake as the new symbol of Kaiba Corp.
When they finally come face-to-face with Dartz, Yami refers to him as "the most evil and threatening villain we've ever faced". Cue Dartz welcoming them in a perfectly friendly tone with his utterly ridiculous accent.
Despite Kaiba's protests Yami has decided to fight alongside him to defeat Dartz once and for all and throughout the duel, these two rivals are able to play off each other as if it were natural...except the real reason they wanted to team up is to try out some combos they came up with together.
Yugi: Hey Kaiba, we should totes duel him together and use all those sweet combo moves we've been practicing in secret every weekend at your place.
Kaiba: Okay, but I don't want everyone to know about that so you'd better make it seem like we didn't plan this and we're just naturally really good at playing off each other.
Yugi: Okay, cool.
- Téa sees right through this, but Tristan does not.
After Kaiba agrees to team up with Yugi for the duel:
Dartz: By aww means, mayn. I awways wanted to twy dewing two guys at once.
Téa: Same.
At the start of their duel, Yami starts questioning how likely it is that Dartz will summon the Seal of Orichalcos earlier on in the duel. Cue Dartz doing it on his first turn.
Yami: Apparently the Heart of the Cards is a huge dick in this season!
Dartz revealing that he's behind every single bad thing that's happened so far. Regardless of how little he had to gain from it. Yes, that includes the tidal wave that killed Raphael's family and stranded him on the island. Raphael snaps from these revelations.
Raphael: So... many... plot contrivances... Can't... make sense... of any of it!
Yugi: Raphael! Stop trying to analyze the plot. It’ll drive you crazy! Just focus on how cool these action set pieces have been. It’s the only way to-
Raphael: AAAGGGGGH! I’M GONNA KILL THIS WHOLE F***ING SEASON!
Tristan: Hey Téa, are you following any of this?
Téa: Oh, I gave up trying to figure out any of this sh*t since Duelist Kingdom.
Raphael: RAAGGGHHHHH-bleh. (Falls down)
Seto couldn't care less about silly details like the entire history of the series' setting, and just wants to play a children's card game already.
When Yami mentions the expression of "flying too close to the sun", Kaiba decides he will build a Blue-Eyes Spaceship that can fly through the sun just to prove whoever said that wrong.
Dartz reveals the true cause of the downfall of Atlantis:
Dartz: (sounding genuinely sad) Nah, mayn, our civilization was destroyed...by people turning into furries!
Yami: ...ah. (clears throat) What?
Dartz's backstory involved the Oricalchamalos turning his wife into a bat-monster. He then decided to use it. Yeah...
Yami: Remember in Infinity War when you realized that maybe what Thanos was doing kinda made sense? Yeah, this is the exact opposite of that.
- Also, the completely pointless revalation that Ironheart was Dartz's father.
  Yami: Wait! Ironheart was your dad?! How does that factor into all of this?
  Dartz: Well... It really doesn't matter. The dude is dead, man.
  Yami: I was just hanging out with him!
  Dartz: That's weird. 'Cause, you know, he's dead.
  Yami: This whole freaking thing is weird! So how is Chris related to you?
  Dartz: Wh-who the hell is Chris?
  Yami: The little girl! The one Ironheart was hanging out with!
  Dartz: I have no idea who that is. You are talking f*cking crazy right now, man. Are you okay? Do you need water? How long were you in the desert for?
- But why did he take the duel into space?
  Yami: Did we really have to go to space for you to have a flashback?
Dartz plays Orichalcos Deuteros, which appears as a second spinning ring around the initial Seal. It also lets him do some "slick-ass record-scratching", and the ring turns back and forth with accompanying music.
Dartz: How do you like these sick-ass beats, BOYOS!
Dartz's monsters include an idol called "Hentai" that can produce smaller monsters called "Yaoi" and "Yuri", as well as a serpent with 8 attack points. No, wait. Infinite attack points.
- Oh, and this serpent's name? Cornelius.
Dartz reveals the Pharaoh's name: Atem. Problem is, as usual his accent completely mangles it so Yami still has no idea what his name used to be and just thinks Dartz is making up gibberish to save face.
Dartz reveals his Mirror Knights have the souls and faces of Yugi and his friends...which promptly results in Kaiba trying to attack Joey.
Dartz tests Yugi's loyalty to Yami by commanding him to attack his wife points directly:
Yugi: (Struggling to prevent himself from attacking)
Yami: Yugi, if you hit me with that sword and kill me, there will be no Nintendo after 9:00 PM for you for a month. I mean it, Buster Brown! (Yugi still struggling) Ah bup bup!
Abridged Kaiba's take on one of 4Kids Kaiba's most famous jokes:
Kaiba: Do you seriously think I won't take out your Mirror Knights?
Dartz: Onwy if destwoying an innocent soul concerns you.
Kaiba: Nah, as a teenager with unlimited access to the Internet, I get to do that every day.
And let's not forget Dartz's take on Kaiba's most famous Catchphrase:
Kaiba: Wait a minute, did you just summon a bunch of monsters in one turn?!
Dartz: Yew, so?
Yami: Kaiba, don't...
Kaiba: That's against the rules, isn't it?
Dartz: Scwew the weuwules, I have the Shiibaldahhhbaladoobalabadah!
(Beat)
Kaiba: ...The hell did he just say?
Yami: I don't know, but they're gonna make a shirt of it!
- They made a shirt out of it.
"Well, that checks out."
Dartz promises he'll steal the remaining characters' souls and names off the cast in his usual near-incomprehensible dialogue, with the exception of Kaiba's name, which he pronounces perfectly clear. It's that last name the rest of the cast aren't able to make out.
Raphael somehow managed to get to Dartz's fortress by riding his motorcycle across the ocean. And even he managed to easily get past that storm the US military couldn't reach.
Kaiba: God, the US military is so lame...
Dartz's Villainous Breakdown; aside from the sheer hilarity of his dialogues due to his accent, there's the fact he's baffled that Yami defeats him using even bigger Ass Pulls than he does.
Dartz (after seeing Yami repel the Seal of Orichalcos): WHAT?! What kindaw bullshit magical pawer could possibly out-bullshit the most bullshit magical pawer that I bwing to you with the Orichalcamalos??!
- Said bullshit includes Yami activating the "Thiefshipping Card", which allows him to do all kind of game-breaking nonsense in exchange for making Thiefshipping canon.
- When Critias blocks Hentai's attack:
Dartz: VHAT DAH HELL, DID YAH -?! HOW DID YOU BLOCK MAY ATTACK??!!
Yami: Let me guess, you think it's against the rules?
Dartz: I nevew sayd dat!
Yami: Give it to him, Critias!
Critias: Screweth yon rules, I hath chivalry! (throws the attack back at Dartz)
Dartz: I NEVEW SAYD ANYTHING ABOUT THE WULES! COME ON, MAYN!
Timaeus: A fine blow well delivered, Critias!
Critias: Thanks, Tim.
Hermos: Yeah, way to go, man!
Critias: Shut up, Hermos!
Hermos: Aww, Ye Olde jeez...
- This culminates into Dartz's utterly confused face as Yami blocks Cornelius' infinite attack, then reflects it back between his three Legendary Knights until they fuse into a monster with an attack beyond infinity. Somehow.
  - Bastion showing up just to point out how that's mathematically impossible.
Yami’s Oh, My Gods! is starting to become quite brutal.
Yami: By the whitewashed cast of the film Gods of Egypt!
Yami summons the three Legendary Dragons in their true form as "fanfiction self-insert bullshit characters", completed with an introduction for each:
Timaeus: I am Sir Timaeus, but there are some who call me Tim!
Critias: And I am Sir Critias, and my mom says I look just like a dragon in this armor!
Hermos: And I am Sir Hermos, and I am the knight who says "Nyeh"!
- "Destiny has brought these three together for the sole purpose of appearing briefly as holographic monsters in a card game! As always, Destiny is fucking weird!"

Episode 82 - Bullseye

While recovering the God Cards, Yugi points out how strange it is that these cards are fine with being constantly stolen, but will resort to literal Divine Retribution when someone tries to make copies of them.
The group wonders how to get to the now-floating Atlantis, and decide to hope that there's a convenient magical portal inside the ruins...while completely ignoring the helicopter right next to them, much to the repeated annoyance of Roland.
When Dartz appears as the ceiling, Yami reveals he dueled his ceiling once. Apparently, it ended with him sending it to the Shadow Realm, and he has had trouble sleeping ever since because the rain keeps getting in.
Dartz attacks the protagonists with Combat Tentacles:
Dartz: I'm sure you've seen enough hentai to know where this is goin'!
Kaiba: The joke's on you, Dartz, because I haven't seen any hentai!
Joey: Kaiba, I know we're all about to die, but I feel especially bad for you right now. Like wow!
- Also when Joey gets groped by the black tentacles:
Joey: But I don't wanna be a Symbiote!
The Great Leviathan causes the three protagonists' negative emotions to intensify, resulting in them remembering all their bad experiences. This quickly devolves into Kaiba and Joey essentially insulting each other by remembering all the times they annoyed each other.
When Dartz makes his final attack, Yami believes that they are now fighting on a conceptual level, and as long as he believes in the goodness of humanity, Dartz will have no power over him. He is immediately and painfully proven wrong.
Yami: AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!! YUGI! I (BEEP)ED UP! I DON'T THINK ANY OF THIS IS A METAPHOR! OH (BEEP) IT HURTS! (BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP)
Yugi: Pharaoh! Do something! Summon Dark Magician!
Yami: DOES IT (BEEP)ING LOOK LIKE I CAN SUMMON (BEEP)ING DARK MAGICIAN RIGHT NOW?!?
"Did you really think the knights prophesized to defeat me could defeat me?!"
After Yami leaves the puzzle to battle Dartz in the sky, Kaiba, Yugi and Joey complain about being left behind on the floating island after all the trouble they went through to reach it. And then that they can't see the epic battle above the clouds.
- How does Yami win the ensuing Beam-O-War? By asking Dartz if he is saying "Do" or "Duel", confusing him enough that he gets distracted and forgets to attack for a moment.
The fact Dartz's accent turns out to have been a side effect of the Seal of Orichalcos. Once restored to his normal personality, he speaks with a normal British accent.
- Also, he doesn't know how to pronounce "Orichalcos" anymore.
Dartz's motive for being evil turns out to be so stupid that even Dartz himself is confused by it once he is reverted to his good self.
Alister awakens in the hospital apparently one room away from where Rex and Weevil are (who are now back to their normal selves). As their childish giggling reminds Alister of more innocent times, he wonders aloud which country he's supposed to be from. Cue Rex.
Rex: He said cu- (scene changes)

Funny / Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series (Season Four)

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