Funny / With This Ring

2010

• Orange Lantern wants to buy some clothes. He decides on biker clothes, so he visits an appropriate looking establishment. It turns out to be the base of a gun and drug smuggling operation, but he doesn't notice! He just buys the clothes and leaves, despite the smugglers actually tripping over their own illegal goods!
  Orange Lantern: Hey, is that icing sugar?
  • The comments for that section are just one long argument over whether OL is Obfuscating Stupidity or just. That. Oblivious. Either way, it's pretty hilarious.
  • The initial incident is at least partially explained by the UK-native OL having pretty much no knowledge of American gun laws beyond the existence of the Second Amendment. And, uh, not knowing what crystal meth looks like.
  • This becomes a Brick Joke MUCH later on when it's revealed that authorities eventually raided the place and arrested the bikers.
• While having dinner with Alan, Diana and her apprentice Donna Troy, whom he's first introduced to here, Donna immediately picks up on the Ho Yay between Paul and Kon because of the way Paul talks about him. As Paul leaves to check on the dessert, he hears this:
  Donna: I guess that explains why he was staring at your armor when you first met.
  Diana: Donna, that's not helpful.
• Orange Lantern honestly (initially) believes that Sportsmaster is Casey Jones, AKA the guy in the hockey mask from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He begins freaking out about the ninja turtles being on Kobra Venom. In all fairness, the Young Justice Sportsmaster really DOES look a lot like Casey Jones and almost nothing like the traditional Sportsmaster.
  • Wally's reaction when he finds out.
  • CHESHIRE'S reaction when she finds out.
• M'gann tells Paul that when he was imagining her in a bikini during telepathy training with Conner, he accidentally sent her an image of the thought.
  Paul: [about Conner not being able to send images via telepathy] I was wondering because it didn't happen when we practised earlier.
  M'gann: [frowns] Yes it did.
  Paul: [internally] What?
  M'gann: And, um, I'm glad you like the way I look, but that bikini was probably a bit too risqué for me.
• When M'gann asks him about the song he was muttering, Paul immediately gives her Never Split the Party reenacted by orange constructs of the team. When the spectacle is finished, he realized their teammates saw it all... and found it hilarious, except for Robin who feels salty about being cast as the thief.
• Orange Lantern is elated when Green Arrow tells him his chili is "okay". However, he's a bit befuddled by Arrow mentioning that he usually serves his chili with crackers (an American tradition born out of soup normally being served with them), while most of the world uses rice.
• After Miss Martian is able to pin Cheshire to a fence, the Renegade suggests that she say Cheshire has a nice arse.
  On the monitor M'gann's lips move. I've no idea what she's saying, but I doubt it's very convincing.
  The Shadow responds by bending slightly and pressing her derrière against the wire of the fence. She makes a circle.
  M'gann jerks back in the air.
• The Renegade tells Artemis that it's preposterous that the other members of the Team would think he's in a relationship with Superboy simply because they're okay with hugging one another. Artemis, who also thought that, hesitantly agrees with him.
  • Then he brings up that what he's doing in Japan is proof that he isn't interested in Superboy.
    Artemis: What have you been doing in Japan?
    Renegade: Ogre sex cult. With orange tentacles.
    [Beat]
    Artemis: You, you what?!
    Renegade: Well… [points out his physique] It's all in proportion, isn't it? There's no way one woman could possibly-
    Artemis: Urrgh! [starts gagging while the Renegade grins]
    Renegade: Funny you should make that expression…
• Paul's thoughts when interrogating Cheshire after she expresses interest in him.
  And now she's smiling and appraising and I'm remembering that I'm sitting across from an athletically attractive Asian woman wearing what is, basically, fetish wear. And she's tied to a chair. I was ignoring these things. Now I'm not.
  Construct strength isn't a problem here.
  Maybe I should have spent more time on the intimacy parts of the Hierarchy.
  My hands have moved together into my preferred meditative posture. My legs from dangling to crossed. I breath out. Her smile grows.
• When he captures Cheshire, he uses massive octopus tentacles. Cheshire tries escaping, so he says:
  "I wouldn't try it. I've seen this movie, and it doesn't end well for the Asian woman."
  • When he tells her exactly what he said at a later time, she finds this hilarious.
• Whenever Orange Lantern zonks out. The first time, he's been drugged and he decides to give Cheshire a 'present' of 'pretty feathers' (arrow constructs). The second time is in Episode 9: Clueless, and he thinks he's dreaming. Long story short, Bialya now has a giant indestructible statue of a naked orange Lantern in their desert. By Episode 15: Inhumanity, this has become a Running Gag of sorts, with the readers taking a great deal of fun at the SI, and author's, expense.
  People are getting a lot of mileage out of that, aren't they?
  We're never going to let him live it down.
  I sighed as I read this and recognised the truth therein.
  -Tiroth, Gore17 and Mr Zoat (the author)
• When visiting Jade in prison for the first time, Paul mentions Artemis. Cheshire asks Paul if it's okay for him to use his teammate's real name, only for Paul to say that it isn't her real name and to rhetorically ask who would name their daughter Artemis. This leads to Cheshire choking on one of the biscuits that Paul had given her earlier.
• Before going out to look for Kent Nelson, Paul offers to clean up Kon before they head out since he's still sweaty from his spar with Donna. The ring won't cooperate at first, because Paul's desire for Kon is increased by seeing him in that state. The orange coloration of the narration and Paul having to force the ring to obey really seals it. Kon's confusion and total obliviousness about the implication just makes it better.
• Orange Lantern does not appreciate the Team's idea of using kinetic force on a creature made of clay (when it had been made abundantly clear that this was not working, yet the team kept. On. Trying).
• When Alan is showing Paul his photo albums from the Justice Society days, his Ho Yay with Kon comes up again, made especially funny by Alan's old fashioned bluntness about it.
  Alan: You know, Donna thinks you're a fruit.
  Paul: [internally] What?
  Alan: You know, it's fine if you are, I'm just saying the way you and Kon are reminds me of Jay's support. Two men can be close without-
  Paul: Alan, Kon is a month old. Even if I was, no.
  Alan: Right, right.
• Paul explains the concept of internship to Sephtian, his reaction:
  Paul: We do it all the time on the surface. Interning, we call it. Most of the time they don’t even get paid.
  Sephtian: Uuuuu, slavery is illegal in Atlantis, but I think I can keep the cost down.
• Whenever Teekl gets mad or annoyed, the author links her growling to a video of an angry cat. The funniest is arguably her reaction to Hal Jordan, which is portrayed by the infamous man-hating cat.
• Troia walking in on Wally and Paul playing baseball with a lab rat that's been enhanced with the Danner Formula.
• Teekl's reaction to getting the designation C01.
  Teekl: Teekl number one? Teekl queen?
  Paul: Teekl, it doesn't work like th- [Teekl nose-boops him with her paw]
• Everyone can see the Ho Yay between Paul and Kon, even Kon and M'gann's classmates after they start high school. When Paul visits the school, they see him and Kon talking on the bleachers, and Kon overhears the conversation and asks Paul what "alternative relationship" means.
• Orange Lantern introducing himself, on occasion, like when he visited Atlantis with John Constantine:
  "Have you confirmed his identity?"
  Alki looks at me for a moment, then back to his superior. "He's glowing orange."
• While training with Guy, Guy tells Paul that Salaak is just the Guardians' secretary. Paul decides to have Guy put his money where his mouth is by contacting Guy but having it look like it's Salaak. Guy only sees through it because Paul's ring can't make the Green Lantern sigil, so the Salaak image has the Orange Lantern sigil instead.
  Guy’s ring blinks twice. He frowns at it. “Oh. Hang on.” He holds it out in front of him. “Yeah?”
  Salaak’s image appears.
  Guy immediately clenches to attention, all humour vanishing from his face. “Lantern Salaak. Got a mission for me, sir? Ohhhh...”
  The image of Salaak has an orange sigil in place of the green one. Curious, I didn’t mean to do that.
  Guy drops his ring down and look at me. “That, was a dick move.”
• At one point, Paul offhandedly brings up Batman as an example of being "productively insane". When Wonder Woman protests calling him insane, Paul points out that Batman DOES fulfill the standards of insanity: childhood trauma which has led to massive aberrant behavior as an adult.
• Paul's thoughts when he sees Hawkwoman tangled up in the Injustice League's vines.
  DontThinkAboutHentaiDontThinkAboutHentai.
• Theodore Adam is trying to boast about his great feats to the gods that give him power. His incredible feat? He once took on the Wisconsin National Guard! And he didn't even win! He just ran away when Captain Marvel showed up. This is especially embarrassing since he's trying to prove that he's a more worthy champion than the original inheritor of the power, Teth Adom, who spent decades as pharaoh of Kahndaq and champion of the Gods and has defeated armies, demons and sorcerers.
  OL: Pppfffffffffffhahahahahah! What, was Maine a bit of a trek? Hawaii too hot for you? Or are you just really lactose intolerant? You're seriously boasting about fighting Wisconsin?
• While loopy from getting his soul tattoos, Paul takes off his shirt to show them off when asked to do so by Zatanna. She and Artemis enjoy the view, while Kid Flash is jealous that Paul is getting the girls' attention.
• When Paul decides to accompany M'gann, Zatanna, and Artemis shopping, all he has to do to convince Kon not to go is remind him about the time M'gann took him shopping for shirts and say that this time there will be three of them and it will last for five hours.
  • On the trip, Paul makes a joke about Superman needing to use special materials for "protection", not body protection. When M'gann says she doesn't get the joke, Paul tries to explain it before Zatanna interrupts him.
• When Paul gets possessed by the Ophidian, he starts seeing the base desires of everyone around him. When he looks at Zatara, he sees that it's John Constantine choking as Zatara squeezes his throat with both hands.
• The giant cake made over New York City.
  • We later find out that when a News helicopter flew by to find out what was happening, he made a platform for them to land on and gave them an interview.
  • While singing and dancing. Apparently, one of the songs he sang was "New York, New York."
  • Months later, people still only remember him as the Cake Guy. Even south of the border. He'll never live it down.
    OL: I remember the cake. The internet remembers the cake. Two hundred years from now, alien civilizations that have never met a Human before will address me as 'The Cake Man'.
  • It gets to the point he's ecstatic that someone (Fire) remembers him for having countless construct eyes spying on everything in the world rather than the cake.
    OL: This is the first time anyone's opened with that!
• Renegade!OL interacting with the Forever People.
  Bear: Don't pretend to be nice. What are you doing on this planet?
  Renegade!OL: Before you got here? I was baking a cake.
  Bear: [eyes narrow] I'm sure it was an evil cake.
• In a conversation with Diana, OL makes a quip about Athena possibly dating outside of her pantheon.
  Diana: I'm not going to try- [suppresses a chuckle] To try and persuade the goddess of wisdom to.. to 'hook up' with a Viking god to satisfy your desire to play musical pantheons!
  Paul: Persuade? Wait. Aphrodite or someone has had a chat with her, right? She does know people don't normally spring fully formed from their fathers' foreheads.
  Diana: [bows her head slightly] I don't- I don't think-
  Paul: Ooh. Right. Amazons. Got it. I think Sekhmet's single. [Diana splutters] You know, if gods aren't her thing. She's got a bit of a temper, but get some beer in her and she's a real pussycat.
  Diana: Haahahahaha!
  • It comes up again later in a conversation with Adom.
    Teth: Before we go, the gods have asked me to pass on a message to you. It is from Sekmet. She tells me that while she appreciates the consideration, she simply isn't interested in Athena in that way.
• The Renegade and Jade are caught off guard when the latter's grandmother asks when their wedding will be.
• After he recovers from merging with the Ophidian, Paul finds out that Kon and M'gann have begun dating. Rather than get jealous, it ends up making both of them more attractive to him, and enforcing the already rather heavy Threesome Subtext. It really doesn't help that Kon and Paul are in the shower when this comes up and Paul is desperately trying to avoid ogling him.
• The Team having to get used to the fact of Captain Marvel's newly revealed status.
  Wally: [about Paul abbreviating Firebrand's name] Y'know, for Oh El that's like second base.
  Billy: What's second base?
  Wally: Uh...
  • Poor Beautia Sivana, who had a romantic interest in Captain Marvel. She ends up finding out who he really is during the demon invasion of Fawcett City, and is absolutely horrified and insanely embarrassed that she's effectively been a sex offender by kissing Captain Marvel.
    Beautia: oH gOd, I'm A pEdOpHiLe.
    • Paul's attempt to comfort her doesn't really help.
      Paul: Your expected lifespan is at least three times that of a normal Human so by the time he's old enough-
      Beautia: Please… Stop.
      Paul: -for it not to be creepy you'll still be a young woman.
    • Made even worse when it's revealed that Dr. Sivana already knew Marvel's real identity, and had let his daughter make a fool of herself on purpose.
  • A later chapter mentions that Captain Marvel/Billy recently had a birthday, and Guy wanted to plan the party, but Paul managed to catch him in time and explained that Marvel was actually turning 11, and that Guy's idea of a party for the guy really wasn't appropriate.
• Before Firebrand eats a slice of Kid Flash's birthday cake, she reveals that as part of Paulphidian improving her body, she now has a sense of taste. The way she tastes it causes Kid Flash's jaw to drop.
  She dips her right index finger into the icing and then pulls it away, a small white blob remaining on the tip. She looks at it for a moment, head slightly tilted to the side. Then she puckers her lips and slowly slides her finger into her mouth. There's a very quiet sucking sound and then she slides the saliva-slicked finger out again, her tongue following it a short way out and giving the tip a farewell lick.
• OL jokes, when first meeting Selina Kyle, that the reason he's in Holly's apartment is to burgle the place. Literally before he can finish the sentence, Catwoman starts relentlessly attacking him until he can get out that he's Orange Lantern and apologizes for his bad joke.
• In an Omake, the League's reactions to the question of whether Paul should join the League.
  Batman: I have been assured that there will be no more statues naked or otherwise.
  Dr. Fate: He made cake... and he danced. Such is the way of chaos.
• Absolutely nobody in the hero community likes John Constantine. In canon, Guy Gardner was up for consideration as part of the Justice League and got a "No. Just… No" Reaction. Here, he actually got reasoned discussion about his possible entrance... but Constantine got a near-unanimous "NO" from the Justice League.
• Artemis catching Paul checking out her mother Paula, restored to her top fitness, when she arrives for Thanksgiving dinner.
  Artemis: Did you just check out my Mom?!
  Paul: She's a very attractive woman!
  Artemis: Seriously! Uuuuurgh!
• Everything about Firebrand working at the Logan animal sanctuary. From Garfield asking her rapid fire questions, to Paul giving her a flower and a kiss for reasons that are not typical to kissing and flower giving.
  Firebrand: I have been told the experience itself has value intrinsic to it beyond pleasure or utility associated to it, and that this is just as important as the extrinsic value. Also, I had nothing better to do today.
  • And then, to test her emotional system, she asks Miss Martian if she would like to try kissing her. Paul's reaction:
    Paul: [internally] Ring, I'm awake, right?
    Ring: [internally] Confirmed.
  • Not to mention Miss Martian's own reaction. She's first too shocked to respond properly, then stammers out that she's dating Kon and she can't kiss other people. Firebrand just shrugs and asks her to tell her if she changes her mind. This gets even funnier if you remember that for all the Les Yay, neither Firebrand nor Miss Martian correspond to human sexuality. Firebrand is a gynoid and her attraction to others is mostly intellectual and emotional (she eventually becomes romantically involved with Marie Logan), while Miss Martian is from a telepathic race who doesn't really make the same physical distinctions as humans, but because HER attraction is mixed up with the traits she has adapted from 1980s TV culture, she's got heteronormativity mixed with a biology that makes no real distinction.
  • How Firebrand ended up becoming involved with Marie: she walked up to her in the nude.
  • During a card game between her, Paul, Alan Scott and Wildcat, she mentions that she moved on to Marie because Paul was "frustratingly slow on the uptake," continuing Paul's history of comically missing romantic cues. Fridge Brilliance if you think about it, she likely resorted to drastic measures with Marie because of how bad Paul was at responding.
• When Paul first meets Jimmy Olsen, Jimmy accidentally reveals that he was in the shower when Paulphidian made construct eyes.
  Jimmy: The hot water was out!
  • When M'gann later asks Paul what Jimmy meant, Firebrand gives a blunt explanation.
    Firebrand: The genitals of Human males shrink in cold conditions. Since a significant amount of the ego of the typical young male is tied up in the condition of their genitals this can be the source of considerable embarrassment.
• Every time Deadshot opens his mouth. And of course, since he keeps mouthing off to Paul, he keeps suffering for it.
• The Green Lanterns' initial disbelief that there's something called Starro the Conqueror.
  • Then Salaak gets in on the fun from the center of the universe. He first tells them that no, Star Conquerors are in fact a thing, and they need to get ready. Then he chews out Paul because whenever he transfers a data file to Green Lantern Rings, he's not doing it right and Salaak needs to go in and fix the data so it is archived properly.
  • During the minor Star Conqueror outbreak on Earth, OL ends up catching them in Gotham, and while talking to Officer Bullock, points out that the name actually refers to the species ability to conquer entire star systems with their mindcontrolling powers and fast breeding, since the idea of stars looking like the stylized five-point design many people use for images of stars is exclusive to Earth, and actual stars look nothing like that. An alien would assume "star-shaped" would refer to a plasma-based life form.
• Paul eventually hires Catwoman to help him track down the Ace of Winchesters, which she had originally sold. She's happy for the chance to put on her costume and get out and about again, as her current accumulation of loot lets her live comfortably with no risk.
  Catwoman: And I notice you're happy to see me walk around in my suit.
  Paul: That's not walking. That's... That's strutting.
• John, Zatanna, OL, and a couple of Atlanteans summon up demons to test the Ace of Winchesters, a gun that can kill them. All the demons know John.
  Tanis: Should I be concerned that he was the third one who could identify you by name? Out of three?
  John: Par for the course, really.
  • Later on, he's actually surprised that there is someone (Sabbac I) who has dealings with demons and doesn't know who John Constantine is.
  • Even Melinoë, a nymph of Hades, knows him in a disdainful manner. OL just thinks it's not surprising.
• Paul gets very annoyed at Red Arrow's insistence that there's a mole despite him personally investigating everybody. So he calls Red Arrow in, turns the lights off... and turns on a Whack-A-Mole game with moles dressed up as the team mates. Artemis cannot help but laugh. And then actually play the game.
  • To get back at him, Red Arrow and Artemis rig the Mountain's speaker system to play the British national anthem any time he sits down, so he'll have to stand at attention.
• Zatanna asks the Renegade to her school's end of year dance. He says he can't because: 1. He's dating Artemis' sister, and 2. He's thirty years old.
  "Yeah. Yeah. Okay." She looks down, covering her face with her right hand. "I'm so embarrassed." She turns to walk away. "I think I'm.. just.. going to go home and try to pretend this never happened."
  I take a step after her. "Zatanna, no, that wasn't-."
  A distortion in the air and she's gone. Darn. I need to give her a little time then.. try mending some bridges there. I should probably have spotted that she was getting… Attached, like that. No wonder Mister Zatara was giving me the evils last time I gave Zatanna her check up.
  • When Zatanna is working up asking him out, the Renegade mistakes her intentions.
    "Oh, right. Need me to help sneak you out to meet your boyfriend, do you?"
    "Nooo…"
    "Ah? Need me to keep an eye on him in case he gets too fresh and needs his legs breaking?"
    "I don't.. actually have a boyfriend."
    "Ah. Well, your father never struck me as the hard line conservative sort. I'm sure that he'd give a girlfriend-."
    "No!" She finally manages to maintain eye contact. I'm really not sure where she's going with this. "No, I... I was wondering if you wanted to come. With me."
  • After Artemis asks the Renegade what their conversation was about and he explains, she laughs out loud.
    "She asked me to be her escort at her school's New Year dance."
    "Ooh." She looks away and then quickly turns back. "Wait, aren't you, like, thirty or something?"
    I nod. "Yesss. And it turns out she didn't know that. Or that I was dating Jade."
    Artemis just stares, then her mouth starts to twist into a smile. "Pfmm. That's… That's not funny."
    I know she just wants to laugh to diffuse social tension. "It's alright, it's just the two of us here. Get it out of your system."
    "Hahahahe! Oh whaw."
• When Paul tells Detective Bullock about the time he helped summon demons so that he and his friends could destroy them with holy fire, the man doesn't believe him. Paul decides to prove it by showing one of the recordings he took. The one Paul picks is Fuckpig.
  I take a screen out of subspace and play the recording of us summoning the Fuckpig. When she saw its genitals Tanis shot it twice, which I thought was a surprisingly visceral reaction given that Eel-folk spawn. "J-esus!" It appears to be having much the same effect on Detective Bullock.
• M'gann mistook Match for Superboy when she went for a kiss. She didn't realize her mistake until after she kissed him, and she did it in front of Kid Flash too. KF later tells the Renegade, who decides to mess with M'gann a bit.
  Renegade: Your boyfriend, his near identical brother…
  M'gann: [eye roll] Wally told you.
  Renegade: It was pretty funny. I thought you were supposed to be telepathic?
  M'gann: I don't scan everyone all the time! And the G-Gnomes made their minds feel similar anyway!
  Renegade: It's nothing to feel embarrassed about. You're young. Curious. Passionate. And I don't know enough about Martian social customs-.
  M'gann: We're monogamous! It was just a mistake!
  Renegade: And now you're thinking about it, aren't you? Are you blushing? I-I can't tell anymore. Hey, maybe we could compare notes on the use of constructs and shapeshifting in intimate-.
  M'gann: Stop! [covers her ears] Stop! I'm not listening!
• The Renegade has a very cynical, though rather hilarious, opinion on what the Justice League does and is about.
  "Quite true. So, if Kal-El was being honest what he'd have said would be something along the lines of… I don't know… 'The Justice League was formed in the aftermath of the Appellaxian attack because that made us painfully aware that some problems couldn't be dealt with by just simply punching them in the face. No, sometimes you need to punch them several times, maybe even from different directions. Even though we won't tell you our real names we're all big fans of truth here, and even though until recently we were all vigilantes we're admirers of justice as well. Investigation and arrest anyway, we don't really care what happens next. I mean, remember Count Vertigo? Liberty's great, along with little league baseball, puppies, kittens and apple pie. Just don't expect us to actually intervene to protect your right to it, because the Illuminati wouldn't like it and that's far more important. So let's have a big hand for Righteous Face Punchers seventeen through twenty. Hooray!'"
• When getting Guy's help to fight the mind controlled Justice League, Barda asks the Renegade in Godspeech why he cares.
  Barda: Why do you care what happens to him?
  Renegade: He's my anger management coach.
  [Barda raises her eyebrows in surprise]
• The Renegade's reaction the first time Tawny talks to him.
  What?
  No, seriously. What?
• Whatever being grabbed Paul out of his universe clearly has a sense of humor, as the Earth -14 version of Paul proves. In the main universe, he has a ring powered by greed, which would be an obvious setup for a super villain, but he becomes a hero. In Earth -14, he gets a ring powered by hope and becomes a villain, although given that it's the Crime Syndicate Universe, that should be expected.

2011

• Kadabra referring to Kobra as Lord 'Snake Snake'.
• Paul being so flippant and nonchalant when apprehending Sportsmaster a second time. He even goes the extra mile to be condescending by calling him Casey Jones to his face.
  Paul: Couple of messages, Casey Jones-.
  Sportsmaster: What did you call me?
  Paul: Casey Jones, because you fight people while wearing a hockey mask and armed with sports equipment. I told Jade about it, she found it hilarious. [shotgun goes off] Your mum says 'hi', your dad's going to carry on pretending you don't exist-.
  • He goes even further by taunting him over how his family feels about him.
    Paul: Your daughter's comments vary from 'fuck off' to 'fuck off and die'. I think Jade's actually going to make a go of going straight this time. Paula's healed up nicely… Not that she's going to be visiting you. Ever.
• OL trying to explain how the ancestral grooming response works in humans after telling M'gann he spent the night with Zatanna combing her hair to help her fall asleep (due to the stress of losing her father to Nabu). Having no natural body hair, M'gann is utterly confused, since the instinct does not exist in the Martian species.
  Paul: Our distant ancestors came from equatorial Africa. They were covered in hair to keep the sun off. Unfortunately for them, this made them perfect hosts for blood drinking parasites. Since this was before combs were invented they groomed each other. You get the same thing with modern apes.
  M'gann: Parasites?
  Paul: Those aren't so much of an issue these days with modern hygiene but the instincts are all still there.
  • The clash between Earth and Martian intimacy becomes something of a Running Gag, especially later on. DC Martians do not have a hormonal based sexuality like humans do; theirs is heavily telepathic. But because so many Martians adopt human characteristics as a form of rebellion, there's a lot of widespread confusion and misunderstandings. For example, Paul and M'gann technically shared a telepathic exchange during Clueless, which by Martian standards is considered the rough equivalent of a one-night-stand, much to both their embarrassment when they visit Mars and M'gann's parents find out.
• Most scenes involving J'onn J'aarkn.
  • He attempts to get under Paul's skin by turning into a sexier version of Cheshire. When that didn't work, he turned in an older and sexier version of Zatanna.
  • At one point, he tries to escape by shapeshifting down a toilet.
• Zatanna names the Beast, a terrifying creature that has the ability to kill all of humanity, Barney the Dinosaur. The cherry on top is that she actually defeated it by doing so; because it was no longer nameless, the Shadow Dog was able to destroy it.
• This gem when Paul and Kon were deciding on which God they should take as their patrons:
  "And what of you, Paul?" Menalippe appears to be taking my impiety with good grace. "Do you think the gods can offer you useful guidance? Or do you intend to try to convert us to the worship of your giant orange snake?" On the other side of the table Donna screws up her eyes and bites her lip and Doctor Sandsmark develops a sudden cough.
• Paul picking Eris as his patron goddess. And his Munchkin reasons on his suggestions of a patron god to Kon (namely, he's a sun god and doesn't get many worshipers, so he'll be more likely to respond when Kon needs him).
• When introduced to the Amazons, the Ophidian asks Paul if they are new toys.
• How Amazons Orana and Dyctinna try to get gossip out of Paul about Diana's love life. How they want Diana to settle down with a nice girl, or guy if she swings that way. And how Dyctinna was so disappointed that Barda was married.
• Paul convinces Hera, Goddess of Marriage, to get a divorce. Without even realizing who he was talking to. And she was completely ecstatic at the thought of being free of Zeus.
  • Before that, a despondent, drunken Hera wondering how Zeus keeps finding new lovers, despite Hellenism having been basically extinct outside Themyscira for thousands of years. Dr Sandsmark confessed earlier that she didn't know he was THAT Zeus, she thought he was just kidding.
• The Renegade has gone through anti-telepathy training with notorious anti-hero and British government operative Manchester Black, but he doesn't appear much himself. He does have a really great scene in the Renegade storyline after the Renegade blackmails a British official with knowledge that she participated (unwillingly in her case) with other high-ranking officials in the horrible depravities of the Caligula Club. Apparently, other groups eventually find out what the Renegade knows and tries to have Black go after him (without telling him WHY).
  Manchester Black: Have you bin' bein' a naughty boy?
• Ixy being every bit as clueless about societal norms as Kon and M'gann... but more so!
  • She tries to undress in public when Miss Martian points out that her Cadmus-jumpsuit really doesn't work among other people. Miss Martian has to stop her and explain that being dressed is mandatory around humans.
  • And then there's this line:
    Ixy: Hello Grayven! How was your murder?
• When Niko Parish asks who the Renegade and his friends are, the Renegade takes a moment to look at Robin before responding: "Batman's little helpers".
• The Renegade's reaction to Face (THE Face, as he insists). He's an Un-Man Cranius created from a fire-manipulator metahuman who had destroyed most of his original head in a shotgun accident. When Cranius fixed him, he moved all his vital parts to his chest, creating a huge face on his torso.
• The Renegade taunting Kobra by repeatedly calling him Jeff.
• When Paul first shows Sephtian the mithril and orichalcum produced on Themyscira, the Atlantean has trouble saying anything out of shock.
• Hera flirting with Paul, much to his discomfort.
  • He gets her to leave by buying her a suite in Australia, paid for for the next two years; but not before explaining modern contraceptive devices and marital aids.
• When discussing how Zatanna could use the Star Sapphire, Paul and John Constantine mention how this is similar to Sailor Moon. Zatanna wants to disagree with this.
  Paul: You're a teenaged girl who uses magic by shouting nonsense at people. You go to a school that has a uniform policy so; jacket, short skirt.
  Zatanna: It's not that short.
  Paul: Teekl's taken a liking to you so that's the talking cat covered… And now you're getting an alien magic love crystal.
  Zatanna: I've never watched Sailor M-.
• OL, Robin, KF, and Artemis have fun calling one of Green Arrow's hideouts the Arrow Cave.
  Green Arrow: [sighs and facepalms] This is not the Arrow Cave.
  • When OL tries to claim that there is an Arrow Car, Green Arrow refutes this, saying he uses normal cars as they have insurance. Kid Flash agrees that that is a good reason.
    KF: Batman does go through Batmobiles kinda fast. Hey Rob, how many was it last year? Three?
    Robin: The third one wasn't a total write off.
    KF: That's not what Two-Face says.
    Robin: Half the car was fine.
• Paul being oblivious to Dana's advances.
• Zatanna misunderstanding Paul's initial explanation of his encounter with Dana.
  Zatanna: Did I hear a voice when you answered the phone?
  Paul: Probably. I was having breakfast a with woman named Dana Dearden.
  Zatanna: O-oh.
  Paul: I don't know if I told you about it, she was the one who phoned me after the Roanoke interview. Turns out they did fire her.
  Zatanna: Oh. Then, how did..?
  Paul: She somehow found out that I was staying in Metropolis and broke into my room. She ended up spending the night-
  [Zatanna's eyes widen]
  Paul: -tied up on the floor-
  [Zatanna drops her mug into the sink with a crack]
  Paul: -after she triggered one of my entangler traps. I only found her this morning.
  [Zatanna Jaw Drops]
  • Then he recounts his meeting to Zatanna
    Zatanna: You.. booby trapped your room.
    Paul: My passive defences aren't good enough to stop a determined attack if I'm asleep. Obviously the outer defences weren't particularly dangerous. When I found her I just.. felt bad about her losing her internship so invited her to join me for breakfast. Oh, that reminds me; she wants to do interviews with everyone on the team. I said that I wasn't sure if anyone would be up for it but I've got her number if you are.
    Zatanna: You got her number.
    Paul: Yes.
    Zatanna: Did she.. by any chance.. say anything about meeting up later?
    Paul: To continue the interview, yes. Given everything-
    [Zatanna Face Palms]
    Paul: -that's happened in the last seven months we couldn't cover more than a fraction of it in under an hour. What?
  • Zatanna then has to spell out the obvious.
    Zatanna: Paul.
    Paul: Yes?
    Zatanna: She was asking you out.
    Paul: Are you sure, because that wasn't what she-.
    Zatanna: Yes. Do you really not notice?
    Paul: Um.
    Zatanna: I'd understand if you just didn't find me attractive, but Artemis said you didn't pick up on it when she hit on you either. And you actually kissed Danette Reilly.. but then you didn't do anything else… You know… If you're just not into girls, you can tell me, right?
• The Renegade having to find out through a phone call from The Brain that he accidentally killed Queen Bee. This is because he assumed she wouldn't personally go and attack/terrorize the Logans.
• Teth Adom gets lessons about democracy. From Captain Marvel. The entire chapter is filled Adom's righteous snark at the system as Billy explains it. Since Marvel is, you know, 10 years old, he just cheerfully regurgitates the details of democracy like its advantages is self-evident, rather than actually arguing for them. Adom, being a former absolute ruler, sees little good in the chaotic and inefficient aspects of democracy since Marvel forgets to actually point out why they exist at all.
• Paul decides to trick Freddie Freeman and Mary Bromfield into getting better sounding superhero names. He succeeds in getting Mary to change hers to Mary Marvel, who claims that this was always her idea for her codename. Freddie, who knows this isn't true, is interrupted before he can call her out on it.
• A depowered Paul vs. second-rate Captain Marvel villain Ibac. Ibac, similarly to Captain Marvel, can call upon the power of historical and mythological figures, in his case historical conquerors and killers. Problem is, while that power SHOULD be dangerous, Ibac is so dumb, he basically needs to be reminded to blink and swallow.
  OL: I'm sorry, who are you?
  Ibac: I am-! [eyes narrow] Oooooh, a clever one. Trying to outsmart me, hey?
  OL: Worth a try.
  Ibac: You can't trick I-. Me! I'm guided by the spirits-.
  OL: Of Ivan the Terrible, Cesare Borgia, Attila the Hun and Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus.
  Ibac: Who's that last one?
• While massaging Holly's hand, Paul notes that people get weird when he offers to massage them.
• When Holly is asking Karon for permission to invite Paul for a threesome while he's busy in the kitchen, you can read their muffled dialogue if you look closely.
  Karon: Are you serious?
  Holly: You said if-
  Karon: It was a big 'if'!
  Holly: It might not be that big.
• Paul's immediate response to being propositioned for a threesome with two lesbians: ask for some time to think about it and then find Green Arrow to ask for his advice. Why? He's the only guy Paul knows who has ever been in a threesome.
  • Green Arrow asks if he could possibly ask someone else for advice. Paul says no because: Diana is celibate, Alan would just be fine that neither are supervillains, and Guy would rag on the fact that he didn't immediately say yes.
  • As this conversation is going on, Green Arrow keeps looking around, worried that Black Canary will suddenly pop up out of nowhere.
• While Paul is explaining to Lantern Chance that Teekl could kill the latter, the cat decides to act as non-threatening as possible to lower the Green Lantern's wariness.
• Lantern Chance lets the other GLs say their own oaths first so that everyone could hear his own rather funny oath.
  "You who are wicked, evil, and mean,
  I'm the nastiest creep you've ever seen!
  Come one, come all; put up a fight;
  I'll pound your butts with Green Lantern's light.
  Yowza!"
  • Later on, Alan has to say that same oath to recharge his ring from Chance's Lantern. His mortification over it puts it over the top. Chance even has to coach him through the "Yowza" part.
• The thing that really gets the Renegade suspicious after he is let out of jail by Batman is seeing John Stewart with a beard.
  Wait a moment. Beard of evil?
• The Renegade's first thoughts upon learning that he's on Earth 50 with the Justice Lords.
  Holy flashback, Batman! The Justice Lords, like in Justice League Animated?! But their chins look so normal! And… And their shoulders aren't as wide as they are tall! Okay, keep it together Grayven.
• The Renegade trolls Earth-50 Supergirl by hitting on her.
  • He first does this by asking her to marry him. When she refuses, he asks if it's because she's underaged, noting that he doesn't want to look like a pedophile.
  • When making his big debut as the villain for the heroes to defeat, he makes Supergirl put on the costume he made by holding the bystanders hostage.
  • When they fight again, he calls all her attacks "love taps".
• When fighting the Thanagarians, the Renegade decides to have some fun by imitating one of the most famous attacks in video game history.
  "Shoryuken!"
• Karen asks Paul if Kon was cheating on M'gann after seeing another woman hug him and kiss him on the cheek. He has her describe the woman to him, only to reveal that woman as Kon's ''mom''.
• This gem from Kaldur while under the effects of an artificial Fear Elemental.
  Kaldur: You will not take me! I will not be bacon!
• Paul is peeved that Fabiana Holguin, a Venezuelan reporter, thinks he's American.
  Fabiana: How come two American superheroes- [Paul shudders] -are in Caracas, anyway?
  OL: Do I sound like an American?
  Fabiana: Ah. Maybe? Are you not American?
  OL: I'm English.
  Fabiana: I've only ever seen you in America.
  OL: I was in England last week! There was this.. fear elemental thing in Cornwall.
  Fabiana: Where?
  OL: J-? Do I call you Mexican?
  Fabiana: Okay, sorry.
• Paul takes a moment to express joy that some members of the Justice League can fight New Gods as equals.
  "Wooo! Fifth World rules!"
• Canis Minor, as a member of the Fourth World pantheon, is utterly flabbergasted by the reveal that Earth still has Old Gods (the Greek Pantheon), which were supposed to have been destroyed upon the creation of New Genesis and Apokolips, yet they're not members of the Justice League. That the divine survivors of the Third World is NOT a part of Earth's superhero team is completely alien to him.
• Canis Minor doesn't realize that Darkseid legitimately wants him dead and thinks he's being tested, despite all of the evidence to the contrary.
  "I was personally trained by his uncle. I fought at the head of his army. And he has shown his favour by sending numerous assassins after me, to ensure that my skills are always at their sharpest. Aero Troopers, Parademons, my own Aunts! Shortly before I liberated you I learned that he had even dispatched Kanto to slay me!" [nods to himself] "I am truly blessed."
  • In his defense though, Apokalips is so over-the-top evil that they have a New God of Child Abuse, so the idea that they would train Canis via assassinations isn't as far-fetched as one might think.
• The reactions to learning that Talia was now Batwoman and engaged Batman.
  OL: [internally] Batman… Getting married… I realize that's a thing people who aren't contractually obliged to be miserable do, it's just… A little weird.
  • When Speedy learns of it, he is in disbelief. Unfortunately, he is also within earshot of Talia.
    Speedy: Who's the Batman cosplayer?
    Robin: Talia al Ghul. My soon-to-be stepmother. [Roy gives Robin an unsure look] Oh, I'm not kidding. I don't think there's anything I could say to make this more weird than it already is.
    Speedy: Batman's marrying-?
    Batwoman: Speedy. Do you have some problem with my marital relations?
    Speedy: Noma'am.
    Paul: [internally] She's totally Batwoman! She's got the voice and the glare off pat!
• The Ophidian's response to being asked if she's ever eaten anyone from Apokolips.
  Yes. They tasted like poop. I spat them out.
• Lois Lane is completely not bothered by the fact that the Trickster tries to throw her off the top of a building. Why? Because villains have done that around 30 times to get Superman's attention. She just wants him to get it over with already so she can go back to her business.
  • And while Superboy (filling in for Superman) catches her, OL tosses the Trickster off the roof, catches him an inch before he hits the ground, then drops him on his face. Then, he grins before using their Brown Note inducing ray guns on the rest of the minions (their plan was essentially make Superman crap himself when he got there... seriously).
    Paul: Ironic punishment time, chaps.
• The Renegade needs to use his yellow ring to cure an old woman who has Alzheimer's Disease. He needs fear to use it, so he has to scare her. While that isn't funny, the execution was:
  Renegade: Hey June! We've never met! I'm big and scary! Rarr!
• When Paul decides that he needs a girlfriend, he starts making moves at Melinoë, a nymph of Hades; she's a complete Tsundere in response.
  Melinoë: [after Paul picks her up with his filaments] Hey! I thought you were going to.. pick me up.
  Paul: [frowns] I have. I mean, do you want me to hold onto-?
  Melinoë: [looks away] No. That's fine. [proceeds to shimmer and float on her own]
• When Paul expresses amazement that Tartarus and Erebos are made from the very Titans they're named after, Melinoë asks why he's disturbed by that and not the fact that she has horns. His response flusters her, as she likely wasn't expecting a sincere compliment about her looks.
  Paul: Yes, and jolly pretty ones they are too. The lighter cream and white contrasts beautifully with your skin. I'll show you a G-Gnome sometime. They have red horns, doesn't work at all.
  Melinoë: [widens eyes slightly] What? No, shut up. I'm not talking to you.
• After Superboy tells Lois and Jimmy that half of his DNA comes from Lex Luthor, Lois immediately tries to change the subject to get the image of Superman/Lex Luthor out of her head.
• One of the Amazons tells Paul why they miss Diana when she isn't on Themyscira.
  Mala: I think we are all a little in love with Diana. Her intelligence, her conviction, her kindness and generosity,-
  Paul: Yes, I've-.
  Mala: -her truly magnificent breasts.
  ...
  Paul: Not.. totally comfortable thinking about my best friend's mother in that way.
• While Paul's trapped in the Queen of Fables' spell, he ends up asking Donna to "spend the Dionysia" (which equates to having sex). Her reaction, and his once the Queen of Fables' spell wears off, sells it for a number of reasons.
• After Tsaritsa's defeat, Clio, one of the Amazon actors, says that they wouldn't be able to recreate what the former did for any future performances, specifically giving herself tentacles for legs.
  Clio: [about taking the role Tsaritsa had] I think not. I cannot think of a way to give myself tentacles in place of my legs.
  Paul: I know a guy-.
  Clio: I do not. And I will continue not to, thank you very much.
• Orange Lantern's dating life in general:
  • When he asks Selina if she wants a date to the wedding, she turns him down on the fact that she's several years older than him, not realizing he's Older Than He Looks. He only has himself to blame.
    OL: Drat, drat and double drat.
  • When Harleen's dating preferences come up and then she suddenly asks if he was seeing Jade and he mentions he's not, there's literally hope coloring her words. He can't catch a clue.
  • He later shoots himself in the foot by bringing up that he once checked out Jade's mother while talking to Jade herself. He silently starts praying to Eris, but then quickly remembers she's the sort of goddess who would want that to happen.
  • And then there's this gem when Guy Gardener asks him to be his wingman on a double date:
    OL: That was Green Lantern Guy Gardner asking me out on a date.
    • Mr Zoat then specifies that Paul was making a joke when he said that.
  • The double date doesn't start out too well, as the person Ice brought along is her best friend Fire, who's not happy with Paul due to being in the shower back when Paulphidian revealed their eye constructs.
    • Just as Paul is reassuring Fire that he doesn't remember seeing her, the memory suddenly comes to mind.
      And suddenly I remember seeing her. Thank you Ophidian.
    • When Fire learns that Paul is making evaluations on members of the League, she immediately changes her tune and tries to compliment him in a blatant attempt to increase her chances of joining the Justice League.
    • After Paul and Fire win a giant plush toy from a shooting game, Fire has Paul carry it. He just puts it in his storage.
      Fire: Hey!
      Paul: It's fine, it's in ring storage. I will forever carry it as a memento of the affection you feel for me.
• The way Paul waits as Jade is released from prison.
  She's wearing grey, tight fitting jeans, plain white t-shirt and a green coat. She takes a moment to look over the area on the other side of the fence and I decide that the correct thing to do is grin manically and wave my arms like I'm trying to guide a jet aircraft down.
  I think I see her sigh.
  • After Paul hugs her, she asks:
    Jade: Did you just sniff my hair?
    Paul: Jade, I'm fifteen centimetres taller than you. That's just where my nose is.
    Jade: I've been using prison conditioner for six months.
    Paul: Was that my cue for a prison shower soap joke?
    Jade: No.
• When the Renegade tries to help Maxima find a suitable mate (her preferred choice being a strong, telepathic male), he shows her the few available telepaths on Earth; Martian Manhunter (not human and doesn't find humans attractive like Miss Martian does), Henry King Jr, aka Brainwave II (too old) and Manchester Black (the most fitting option but the Renegade shows her a picture of Black as drunk and disheveled as possible). He also tries to show her Dr Psycho, but she turns him down before he's even done talking; aside from the fact that Psycho is a sadistic misogynist psychopath, he's also a stunted, dwarf-like man with a ridiculous afro.
  • The Renegade pointing out how ridiculous Maxima's strategy of finding a mate has been, since she's been trying to find one by fighting them. What she actually should look for is a mate that compliments her own leadership skills rather than someone who's the same as she is. Maxima takes this to heart and decides to just marry her current adviser... who incidentally happens to be a woman.
• While spending some time on Themyscira, Paul muses about possibly trying to get Hippolyta and Philippus to stop friendzoning each other.
• The Amazons mention the time Paul entered the public baths as an example for why he wouldn't sing a bawdy song.
  Oh, the baths. The baths. I spent a half hour last month cleaning out Themyscira City's old male public baths for my and Kon's use. Only.. the locals took one look at the place and thought 'ah, someone's put the old baths back into service' and started using it themselves. A few weeks later I walked right in on… Well. I walked right back out again.
• Guy points out that the Sword of Second and Third is a mouthful and asks Paul why he doesn't just call it the Sword of the Fallen.
  Paul: Um.
  Guy: [smirks] Didn't think of it, did ya?
  ...
  Paul: [out loud] No. [internally] Smirk has evolved into Grin. And learned Beam.
• Everyone who learns of the alien pod that crashed on Antartica is dumbfounded that it was full of some seemingly crazy alien's wardrobe.
  • Even funnier, the guy on the recording on the pod adds in the fact that it may also contain radioactive space robo-insects as an afterthought!
• An alternate Paul with a red power ring tells the Teen Titans what they can do if they object to his actions as a Red Lantern:
  Red Lantern Paul: If you wish to register a formal complaint about my conduct, travel to Ysmault, request and complete form seven zero one b and then prove your worth by defeating Senior Lantern Kultonius in single combat. Then submit the form as directed.
• After the Renegade turns down the proposition of one of the members of his old tentacle ogre sex cult, he gives her Guy Gardner's number.
  Renegade: He doesn't look like an Ogre but he can make tentacles just as well as I can.
  Woman: Maybe I could ask him to wear a mask.
  Renegade: I'll.. pass that along.
• When Misa Amane first met the Renegade, she thought that he would kill in exchange for a favor, in this case her body. This is because of the time the Renegade was part of a tentacle ogre sex cult.
• Sunset Shimmer has difficulty in maneuvering her new human body, such as trying to walk on her fingertips and toes, and not knowing how to use her new fingers.
• After the Renegade realizes where Sunset Shimmer comes from, one of his thoughts is:
  !PonyPonyPonyPonyPony!
• As a result of briefly seeing the life of his Red Lantern Alternate Self, Paul knows what sex with that universe's version of Blackfire is like.
• Jade decides to tease Paul after he mentions what he saw his future self doing.
  Jade: [kneels and looks down on Paul from a couch] [about Doctor Blight] And the beautiful supervillainess you rehabilitated? What happened to her?
  Paul: Well, that depends. [leans forward and purses lips]
  Jade: [smiles and sits back down] Good to know.
  ...
  Paul: [internally] Dang.
• The Renegade asks the Light why they made Guardian the way he is.
  Renegade: Look, I have to ask: your people programmed James Harper's brain. Why is he such a vacuous fool?
  Lex: [smiles] Because we needed someone who could convincingly play the role of superhero.
  Renegade: [grins] Makes sense.
• In the Renegade's first official meeting as a member of the Light, he points out that Vandal Savage doesn't bring anything unique to their group (at least as far as he knows). He ends up dismissing the ambitious and immortal supervillain as irrelevant in his mind.
• This gem upon finding that a clone of Hitler was in Brazil, married to a black woman, and had three children:
  OL: [internally] ThE nAzIs ReSuRrEcTeD hItLeR aNd He'S nOt A nAzI!
• Paul learns that Ted ended up giving a chimpanzee increased intelligence, invisibility, and telekinesis.
  OL: What did we say, Ted? What did we say, when we first started this?
  Ted: Ahhhh... No mad science?
  OL: Because our aim is to make people's lives better, improve the lot of the Human species and make enough money that the project is self-funding. What else?
  Ted: You're… Fed up with well meaning scientists creating their own villains?
  OL: Completely fed up, Ted. Completely fed up.
  • On top of that, the chimpanzee even has Powered Armor. Paul was only half serious when he asked Ted if the latter did just that.
• While Paul and Donna are on the way to Erebus, Donna mentions with embarrassment how happy the Amazons were when Diana first brought her to the island, because they assumed Diana had taken a teenaged lover as per ancient tradition. Tying into that is the Amazons' increasing frustration that their beloved princess has remained celibate despite being well into her 80s, immortality or not.
  • When they come across Thana, Paul acts affectionate with her, even sharing a kiss, because Eris asked him to. Before she can even finish asking what that was about, Donna remembers Artemis warning her about Paul's obliviousness, which Artemis felt was necessary.
    "No, wait, Artemis warned me about this. Where did the strange fruit in the Temple of Demeter come from?"
  • Donna then reveals that the Themyscirans assumed Paul was a botanophile due to his closeness with Euanthe, and the fact that after they spent some time together, a new fruit grew in the temple of Demeter.
• Jade is more than a little upset that Paul decided to invite Harleen to Bruce Wayne's wedding. At least until Paul mentions it was her, or Jade's mother. Her reaction:
  "Doctor Quinzel!" Jade pulls away and strides towards my car. "How are you?"
• Eris interrupts Paul's date with Harley Quinzel just as she's about to invite him in for "coffee", and does so dressed up in full dominatrix gear, partly because she's annoyed with Paul for being about to just go with the flow for a sexual encounter being offered rather than making an aggressive decision to pursue someone.
  • Eris helps Paul meet Shivering Jemmy, a Princess of Chaos, who agrees to help him take down Klarion. Why? Jemmy, who takes the form of a small girl just as Klarion appears as a small boy, and even though both are eldritch abominations of chaos magic, hates Klarion for pulling her pigtails and pushing her off the swings.
    "̵Kl̸ar͝iòn ̢p͡u̸ll͏e͜d͝ ͜I's͟ ha͡i҉r and ̷p̛us͜he̵d͠ ͏I͠ of́f̧ th͞e̶ swi̷ng͡s̀.̷ ͏Yo͠u̸ ͞c̷a͘n hav͟e ͟I͢'̵s҉ fi̛sh҉."
• Satanus jibs on Paul's naming conventions.
  Satanus: Did you like the Polyhedrite?
  Paul: I was just calling it 'Ball Demon'.
  Satanus: Yes, and you call the sublime work of alchemy which gives mortal Humans a taste of demonic power 'Devil Jizz'. I fear that naming things is not your strength.
• Nylor Truggs returns with his need to monologue.
  Truggs: Ah, hello? I got a monologue to do here? A little.. professional.. hero-villain courtesy too much ta ask?
• The Penguin makes it clear he's far more terrified of Paul than Robin.
  Richard smiles faintly. "He's scarier than me? I think I'm offended."
  Mister Cobblepot nods nervously. "Call me again when you've set a Demon on fire on national television. Even his baking is more intimidating than some sort of.. circus acrobat like you."
• Paul decides to monologue once he captures Klarion. He's learned from Truggs.
  Paul: One thing I learned from Mister Truggs; if you're going to monologue, make sure that you're not going to be interrupted. And you're not going to interrupt me.
• Much to his embarrassment, Paul's first real sexual experience is with the Queen of the local Spider Guild during his time in the Vega Systems. Due to him misunderstanding her biology, they technically got to third base. His other alien allies get a lot of mileage out of this incident.
  • His second time, or first official time, is with Cheshire after he returns to Earth and takes her up on a previous offer. However, due to his ring-enhanced abilities, she ends up passing out after two hours or so. Especially funny since she assumed she'd have to do most of the work.
• While working on liberating Tamaran, as well as afterwards, Paul drops several lines about the Tamaraneans' role as Green-Skinned Space Babe in the DC Verse, much to the Tamaraneans' confusion.
• Paul visits Korugar, homeworld of Sinestro, in the hopes of recruiting Soranik Natu for the Orange Lantern Corps. Due to the planet's hatred of Lanterns, he didn't want to risk using the ring's translator initially, and instead had to rely on a much less sophisticated universal translator, which turned all his speech into stunted You No Take Candle dialogue, much to Soranik's bafflement. She's especially confused when he tries to explain the concept of a "headhunter" to her, as in the business term.
• Paul being offended when he learns he's not the most significant hero in the time period when a time traveler tries to kill Superman for street credit.
  Empathic vision reveals… Someone with a lot to prove and who came back in time to kill the most significant historical hero in order to do it.
  Well, fuck you, future historians.
• Mandated!Paul and Jade Yifei being mistaken for a couple because of their interactions.
  Jade shakes her head. "It's no good; I still can't fight properly like this. Blindfold me."
  I look around in mock astonishment as she turns away from me. "Ah… In.. public..?"
  She freezes, and Prince Kassam bursts out laughing.
• Paul giving his understanding of Christianity and Christmas to his adoptive family and the Amazons on Themyscira on Christmas Eve. It's as unflattering and insulting as you would expect from him. Reactions range from shock to amusement to resignation.
• Almost every conversation involving Joseph Hamill. He is clearly uncomfortable with his new body and just wants his old one back.
  • He honestly thinks women always wear lingerie under their clothing.
  • When he dries himself off, he shoves the towel up his cleavage.
  • When he finally transforms back, he checks himself.
  • Just for context, said Gender Bender was caused by accidental use of the Hero Dial from Dial H for Hero, which transforms the user into a randomized superbeing, and Hamill just happened to get the body of a superpowered babe.
  • Paul uses the Dial to give Clayface a human body again, which was really pure luck, since not all the Dials transformations are human, and some are even more alien than Clayface.

2012

• Paul convinces Hinon to come to Earth with him to check on some things. She agrees and then asks if Alan Scott will be there. This leads to a humorous conversation between them.
  Paul: You like younger men, do you?
  Hinon: I… Beg your pardon?
  Paul: Well… There's nothing wrong with that. You're both single adults, and I'm sure he's a fascinating case study on the results of long term light exposure in a high magic environment.
  Hinon: Are you implying that I wish to mate with him or that I wish to study him in detail?
  Paul: Is there a difference for a Maltusian?
  Hinon: Yes there most certainly-. [stops and frowns more deeply] Hm. There used to be. I admit that as I am now, a really thorough investigation would most likely represent the most intimate thing I've done since… [looks up] Since I checked your tattoos. Yes, that was it.
  Paul: Abandoned for an older man.
• Zatana ends up under the effects of mind-altering gas in Episode 81: Hoard. Paul's reaction to her argument with the Star Sapphire is worth a chuckle or two.
  Zatana: [to the Star Sapphire] No, I'm not going to freeze him in a giant block of crystal! How can he marry me if he can't speak to the priest?
  Paul: [internally] Oh no, she's gone full Silver Age. Ring, armour.
• When Paul asks Hawkwoman if she and her husband would like to accompany him on his trip to their homeworld, she isn't keen on it due to her animosity towards him. When he then asks if she's fine with him being on her homeworld unsupervised, she just goes blank for a moment before immediately changing her tune.
  "KATAR! WE'RE VISITING HOME!"
• The Renegade tries to help Magnificus get over his depression by getting Sunset to talk to the young man. His reasoning for doing so is hilarious.
  "Sunset, this is Magnificus. He's depressed because he feels like an underachiever due to his IQ being a mere two hundred rather than two twenty. Magnificus, this is Sunset Shimmer. After her superlative display of magic talent in early childhood attracted the demigoddess ruler of her nation to select her as her personal acolyte, she got so annoyed about the focus of the curriculum that she decided that she would rather storm off to a parallel universe with just the fur on her back rather than put up with it for a couple of years, graduate and then study whatever she wanted."
  "I feel that the two of you have a great deal in common, and I'm going to leave you to talk about it. Have fun."
• When Circe and Queen Morgan have a pissing match via their command over the local mana fields, the Renegade expresses that he thinks that this isn't conductive for their conversation, no matter how arousing he finds it. After he explains why he finds what they're doing arousing, the two immediately stop.
  I look down at my crotch. "Sorry, chum."
• Black Manta has a conversation with the Renegade about how he is uncomfortable with Queen Clea coming on to him.
  Renegade: [internally] His face remains calm, but I can feel how uncomfortable he is telling me that. Big tough male supervillain making a sexual harassment complaint. But, if she's making him uncomfortable…
  • The conversation is later derailed by Adom asking for help in his and Circe's battle with Oggar. The Renegade has this to say:
    Renegade: By Apokoliptian standards, this is a perfect date for you and Circe and I'd be a heel to involve myself.
    Adom: Da.. te..? I…
    Renegade: She wasn't exactly being subtle, Adom. Hunky super powered god-king like you seems to be just her type.
    Adom: That… I will.. consider your words.
• While discussing with the Renegade, Sunset reveals that she tried going around naked as is normal on Equestria. She didn't like it because, as she put it:
  "I tried that with Circe, and it was just… Awkward. And it makes my teats uncomfortable."
• Kara 50 having breakfast with the Renegade and the various children in his care. She is clearly out of her element and uncomfortable, which amuses the Renegade.
  • When Nightwing interrupts and their conversation side tracks to how Superman 50 can have a child with an Apokoliptian (Lashina), the Renegade explains that they could have used technology, while making a side note that humans have the ability to bypass incompatibility issues. The Renegade says the latter while fabricating a pack of kryptonian oral contraception tablets for Supergirl. She snatches them as quickly as possible, no questions asked.
• When Paul goes to Magnificus to ask about the Sheeda Mind Killer, the latter seems distracted throughout the conversation. It's only as he's about to leave does Paul acknowledge Nyssa's presence underneath Magnificus' desk.
• After getting blasted by Mister Atom, Superman notes how thankful he is that Batman gave him super tough underwear, else he'd be fighting the robot naked.
  • Guy's reaction to seeing Superman fight in his underwear is feel a need to work out more.
  • After the fight, although he is curious about how Superman's underwear stayed intact, Paul didn't really feel like investigating if the world had some sort of "Censor Physics".
• Paul gives an orange ring to Ghia'ta, who usually wears a violet ring. She is uncomfortable using it and points out that Paul would struggle with a violet ring just as much as she does with orange. She doesn't even manage to finish speaking, and Paul is already asking for her ring.
  Ghia'ta: You intend to use it?
  Paul: Don’t know. I haven't ever tried using another colour ring before. [...]
  Ghia'ta: You haven't tried a green ring?
  Paul: No. I asked Guy once and he looked at me as if I'd asked to borrow his testicles. Offered him my ring in return and he jerked his hand back.
• While different versions of Paul ended up in different fictional realities, each of them lost the memory of the particular world they ended up in. They do, however, remember the other's worlds, which leads to some funny moments when several different Pauls meet.
  • Red Lantern Paul is disturbed to realize that his universe is a cartoon for kids.
    Red: Wait, what was the target age group?
    Indigo: Early teens.
    Red: I- Really? I've been... ripping people's skulls out! That... can't be okay.
  • When Indigo Lantern Paul sympathizes with Red Lantern's struggles, Red bluntly reminds him that Indigo himself is stuck in a Crapsack World.
    Indigo: You said that you know my Earth? What's it from?
    Red: A Garth Ennis comic called 'The Boys'.
    Indigo: They're the main characters? A CIA black operations squad?
    Red: A Garth Ennis comic called 'The Boys'.
    Indigo: Ah. Yes, that... Would explain a few things.
• When Red Lantern Paul ends up in Sunnydale looking for Black Lantern Paul, he gets attacked by Glory, who's looking for a way home. He retaliates with his plasma vomit; it doesn't harm her, though it does end up bleaching her hair and leaving her naked. He finds this so hilarious, he actually loses the rage to use his ring for a second.
• Basically every scene involving Lantern-Lord Manga Khan is hilarious.
  • He introduces himself by broadcasting a telepathic message to every person on Earth, declaring that the company he represents, ClusterCorp will provide all of their interstellar purchasing needs from now on.
  • Within a few short sentences, he causes Lex to will himself into not reacting when he realizes that, yes, this new Orange Lantern is really weird.
  • When talking with Paul and Lex, Manga Khan seems unable to say the word "Reach". His secretary then gives him the equivalent of an inhaler, which he breaths out of. After a few puffs, he then repeatedly says "Reach" in varying levels of loudness to see if the impediment is gone.
  • Not to mention that his name is complete nonsense; Khan just chooses a name at random based on the local majority language. He chose Manga because of it's popular entertainment recognition (and yes, he refers to actual Manga), and Khan, because it's heavily associated with the concept of conquest and power. He also refers to himself as a "Lord-Lantern" which makes even less sense, since the only Orange Lanterns with any sort of authority are Vril Dox and Paul.
• When the League and Paul are discussing things with the UN about Manga Khan, Paul spends a few moments banging his head on a table. Keep in mind that this was televised.
• While talking with some Amazons, Paul is interrupted by a call from Koriand'r. The call is interrupted by a daughter of the Spider Guild Queen in Vega, who calls Paul her father. This comes right as he was talking to them about his reputation as "Arachneros", due to his encounter with the Guild Queen being a very popular source of gossip on Themiscyra. Of course, Princess, as she's been dubbed by the local Guild, isn't Paul's daughter at all, for obvious reasons. Humans aren't compatible with the Spider Guild race, and even if they were, the Queen herself is a genetically engineered construct who isn't capable of reproduction, even with other Spiders. The Queen created her for the purpose of her maturing into an ideal Orange Lantern, so she considers Paul her "daddy" in the sense that he's the ideal template for her to emulate.
• While showing Koriand'r around Earth, people are constantly distracted by how beautiful she is.
  • When Koriand'r scolds two young men for their grafitti, the two are too distracted by her body to pay attention.
  • When she and Paul are visiting a Russian military base as part of an investigation, the commander gives her an overcoat so as to not further distract the soldiers, who have been cooped in a same-sex base for months on end.
• The thought that Persephone is acting like an overprotective mother for Melinoë due to Paul is kinda funny. She went so far as to make her son chaperone them while they are interacting.
• Lady Aeres, a Sheeda Highborn, is saying that Paul has no chance. The thing is, she thinks he's Hal Jordan.
  OL: I'm going to pretend that you didn't say that.
  Lady Aeres: Do you fear me? Does the knowledge that none of your vaulted skills will matter against me threaten to unman you less you block it from your mind?
  OL: No, it's just this thing where people from the future have no idea who I am. It's getting a bit annoying.
  Lady Aeres: Because we Sheeda have superior intelligence and know your most closely-guarded secrets!
  OL: Because I'm not Harold Jordan. I am, however, mildly annoyed.
• When Lantern Coutara expresses her desire to be a Jack of All Trades, Paul expresses how happy he is (due to her foresight of looking for what a Sector Lantern needs outside of the war with the Reach) by hugging her. She's startled, because in her culture, only her husband should be allowed to touch her intimately.
  Paul: That's wonderful! Those are just the skills that a Sector Lantern-
  Coutara: Ah, my Lord?
  Paul: -needs, and I'm glad that some Lanterns are looking beyond the current war.
  Coutara: You embraced me.
  Paul: Yes. Is that a problem?
  Coutara: It is-. Where I am from, it is-. It was unusual for a man to embrace a woman he was not… 'Attached' to.
  Paul: But you understand that wasn't what-
  Coutara: Yes! Yes.
  Paul: -I meant by-. Good. Not that you're unappealing, but I'm unavailable. Of course, if you're looking, humans are humanoid and don't have any problem with the idea of being involved with aliens.
  • When Coutara mentions that her country has no divorce, meaning she will forever be married to a man she doesn't love, Paul brings up that they have literally killed their god.
    Coutara: I, um. I am still legally married.
    Paul: Oh, I thought-?
    Coutara: We are not 'together', but my… In my country, we don't have divorce.
    Paul: Maltus does. And since I literally killed your country's god, I'm pretty sure I have the authority to divorce you myself.
    Coutara: I don't think that Jerrd would agree to that.
    Paul: Okay, this sounds like a cultural difference we should probably talk about at length…
• It's somewhat amusing to hear Paul call Dox's obsession with being in control of everything and analyzing literally everything around him with this ring as Dox being a "data junkie", especially after he inadvertently incapacitates himself from trying to analyze Grayven's Godspeech.
• Paul decides to help Captain Comet find a girlfriend since his standards are somewhat hard to meet. His first suggestion is Mother of Mercy.
  Paul: So you're looking for a mature woman with a varied life experience, intelligence in your league and an adventurous spirit?
  Captain Comet: I know, I don't ask for much, do I?
  Paul: Humanoid?
  Captain Comet: Preferably? Did you have someone in mind?
  Paul: Mother of Mercy can ramp up her intellect to any level you want, and she's certainly unique.
  Captain Comet: I'm sure she's a very nice plant-planet, but when I say I'm not just looking for a 'good time', I don't mean that I'm completely disinterested in a.. physical relationship.
  Paul: What a man and his 'plant-planet' get up to in the privacy of their own geosphere is their business.
  • After Captain Comet says he prefers a humanoid, Paul then suggests Hera. This leads to Paul pitching the idea to the goddess herself, who finds it interesting enough to try. She also uses this opportunity to force Paul to gossip about his own love life.
    ♥"You are sworn to the Olympians and acting within my domain. Speak with me."♥
• Paul has fun trolling a few q'ardajin when pretending to be Kalmin's Robot Soldier.
• Red Lantern Paul goes to the Teen Titans to ask Starfire for advice on why Blackfire has been acting strangely. After he describes the symptoms, Starfire is ecstatic, as those are the signs that Blackfire is pregnant.
  • Beast Boy later asks how that's possible, leading Red Lantern Paul to make a joke on America's sex education. Then Beast Boy specifies he meant the fact that they're different species, which leads Red Lantern Paul to point out that Raven's parents are a human woman and a hundred metre-tall four-eyed demon.
    Red Lantern: [gestures at Raven] This is Raven. [makes an image of Raven's mother] This is Angela Roth, her mother. The hundred metre-tall four-eyed demon we all saw last week was her father. How did you think that worked?
    Beast Boy: I dunno. [tilts his head] And honestly? I kinda wish I wasn't trying to picture it right now.
    Raven: [squeezes her eyes shut] Magic. It was magic.
    Cyborg: [shrugs] I dunno. Ah mean, he could change his size-.
    Raven: [glares at Cyborg] It. Was. Magic.
  • Starfire offers to give her explanation of how reproduction works, as Tamaraneans are far more open about such things.
• Even though he's in a relationship with her, Red Lantern Paul internally admits that Komand'r's a bitch.
  Komand'r is the woman I love, but even inside my head 'one-sided bitchathon' feels more honest.
  • Which of course makes it even funnier when they meet for the first time since Komand'r became pregnant... and due to the hormones messing with her, is now just as excuberant and joyful as her sister. Cue the two sisters squeeing as they hug mid-air.
    Raven: Now there's two of them. Great.
  • And then there's the flashback to exactly how Komand'r got knocked up in the first place; she didn't believe Red Lantern when he told her about humanity's tendency to create the occasional Half-Human Hybrid, no matter how little biological sense it made, even after he told her about a medieval french cult that somehow managed to produce half-elemental offspring, which shouldn't even be physically possible! So, she asked him to skip the condoms one time, and that was that. Be careful with humans, they'll get in there!
• Red Lantern Paul and Komand'r visit Zamaron as they're interested in having their wedding there. One of the Zamarons reacts rather intensely when the Guardians are mentioned. When RL!Paul asks if she had a bad break up, she suddenly screams that she's fine. One of the other Zamarons nonverbally tells RL!Paul not to ask more.
  "I'm perfectly fine! Why does EVERYONE say I'm not?!"
• Paul reveals to Arisia that he's aware that she's attracted to Lantern Jordan, explaining that to be the reason for why he gave her books on human intimate relations.
  • Arisia tells Paul that Ghia'ta advised that, since Lantern Jordan doesn't feel the same way, she should try to slowly change his mind.
• Georgia explains why she's so interested in Dox.
  "There's a certain type of young male super scientist who prefers to build their own partner. Or mind control some cheerleader they fixated on."
  • Upon hearing that explanation, Paul starts to ask if she's referring to Junior, only for her to be repulsed and reply in the negative, before going over a possible reason for why he didn't do so, much to her brother's displeasure.
    She frowns, then looks at her brother- "Oh!" -and shudders slightly. "No. I'm not sure if it's a matter of standards exactly-"
    "It was too."
    "-but Junior never did anything like that. Though that might have been because we were pre-pubescent when we left normal school."
• Before Paul brings Junior and Georgia to Maltus, Junior once again dismisses social science as a soft subject. However, Paul brings up the fact that their father's experiment in raising them to be supervillains used social science as a factor.
  Paul: You-? You're both aware that Doctor Sivana selected your genes-.
  Junior: With the aim of making us as brilliant as possible. Of course we are. We checked his work.
  Paul: Yes, but part of that for him was the socialisation aspect. You were supposed to have a less easy time getting along with people compared to your older siblings and so not have an alternative to science.
  Junior: And?
  Paul: That's social science, isn't it?
  Junior: S-oooof…
  [Thaddeus freezes. Georgia grins.]
  Junior: T.
  Georgia: Hah! Proven wrong by Father.
• Paul and Georgia have a short conversation after the latter meets Lantern Ratchet.
  Georgia: Why did he want to touch me?
  Paul: He's a social deviant from a zero tactility culture. He really likes touching people.
  Georgia: And you indulge him.
  Paul: Yes. It's harmless and it makes him happy.
  Georgia: Is that..? [frowns] You have a girlfriend, don’t you?
  Paul: Letting people touch you isn't cheating. It's fulfilling a basic psychological need we get from our monkey ancestors.
  Georgia: I don't think our primate ancestors would have found being grasped by tentacles fulfilling to their grooming requirements.
• Dox and Georgia's first face to face meeting is just as awkward as you would expect it to be.
  Paul: [internally] I think I need to get out of here before they start holding hands or something.
• When asked if he has any other angel body parts laying around, the Renegade thinks about the barrel in John Constantine's shed that's labelled 'angel semen'.
• The Renegade tries to get Luna to admit her interest in starting a sexual relationship.
  • Afterwards, he thinks about reading up on how it would actually work.
    Assuming that she was going where I think she was going, I need to find out more about how Equestrians handle intimate relations, both now and a thousand years ago. And… Probably some literature on horse mating, both from Earth and from…
    I wonder how awkward I can make it for Sunset?
• When going to Melinoë to ask if she is free to accompany him on a mission to outer space, Paul runs into two minor goddesses, Gaudia and Aporia, who proposition him in exchange for power rings. He gives them a Blunt "No".
  • When Paul gives Gaudia and Aporia technological protection, as they will accompany Melinoë as her maids, Melinoë gets miffed despite just refusing a similar offer.
• When Aporia, Greek Goddess of Desire, briefly mentions a man who was fixated on a white whale, Paul briefly tries to remember if Captain Ahab was ever shown in DC Comics and wonders if he actually existed in the past of the universe he's in, or if she's just referencing the book.
• When Melinoë starts being belligerent with the Titans who rule Minosyss, Paul threatens to reprimand her, which he can only do due to her being weakened from being so far from her place of power.
  [in response to Melinoë saying that her goals aren't his goals] "I'm not assuming that, but I am assuming that your reduced strength in the material universe means that I could -for example- stick you in the corner of the room with a construct gag on."
• Paul telling one of the Titans that he "serves at the gods' will" actually causes Melinoë to let out a laugh. When Paul turns to look at her however, she passes the blame onto Gaudia by giving the latter a Death Glare.
• After Sparta is taken care of, Paul goes to look for Melinoë. He is able to get a message to her through the men she left incapacitated with nightmares. While the two are talking, one of the people whose mind she came out of ends up running as soon as he can as if he's being chased by a monster.
• Hinon acts incredulous when Paul reveals that he didn't recruit any of the Karrakanians for the OLC.
• Paul repeatedly confuses Dana in their talk about how the timeline "should" be.
• Kara reveals that Superman's costume is actually Kryptonian pajamas.
• A second Kara shows up, later named Kara Zor-L by the author, and it is determined that she comes from another universe. However, the way she acts is reminiscent of Silver Age comics, which leads to some hilarious conversations.
  • The moment she learns that Overgirl is a Nazi she tries to attack her. She's only stopped because Superman is there to literally grab her head before she can rush Overgirl.
  • She attempts to find Truggs after seeing a picture of him by using her superior vision to locate him across the planet. She fails due to his defenses, and she just ends up getting an innocent man who has a passing resemblance to Truggs.
• Noriel unleashes her flames at Kara after gold kryptonite shuts down the latter's powers. Since she has Dana's magic coins, she's unharmed. However, her clothes aren't as lucky.
• In order to not lose the magic coins she stole from Dana, Kara stuffed them inside herself.
  • They later get vacuumed out of her after Dana uses the H-Dial to turn into a vacuum person.
  • When Dana later gets them back from Paul, she stuffs the pouch containing them down her cleavage, but not before checking with Paul that they were cleaned first.
• After Paul traps Kara with construct chains and a straightjacket, she calls it kinky. This causes Paul to create some underwear for her as well.
• On the Fallout Earth, Krono has to deal with an AI (originally designed for a dating sim and matchmaking contests, left running since the Great War) who leads a robot army finding out that he's single. She has her robot followers kidnap various women to compete in a gameshow to be his girlfriend. Even worse, she has it televised.
  Krono: [via telepathy to the unwilling contestants] I promise that this wasn't my idea.
  • The winner ends up being Tears-In-Rain, who has to explain to her father, Chief Balm-Upon-Wounds (he and most of the tribals of Utah are nominally Mormons) that she is not married, Krono didn't so much as touch her, and ARGOS had no matchmaking authority at all. How did her tribe even know about it? New Canaan still had some old television sets (still working after 200 years) that picked up the broadcast.
  • Balm-Upon-Wounds quickly picks up on the fact that, while his daughter might not be married to Krono, she very much wants to be.
• Paul and Superman are forced to deal with the first real consequences of Themiscyra rejoining the rest of the world - Medina, an Amazon who's been part of a lesbian polycule for literal milennia, went to New York and hooked up with a man so she could carry a child, but didn't think to tell the guy about it, as she was still doing things the way they did things back on Old Themiscyra when they still had men, and didn't think this guy might want to do more than pump and dumb. He thought they were dating, and didn't realize he was a glorified sperm donor.
  • Tryphene, one of Medina's lovers, is rather captivated by Superman, and asks if she can pick him when it's "her turn", impressed by his ability to fly.
• After Paul and Jade decide to take a month off, Jade has to constantly remind Paul not to work because they're on holiday.
• Paul video calls Bleez because he and Jade are planning on visiting Havania during their vacation. She answers in the middle of, or just after, taking a bath and is just putting on a towel.
  "Hi there Paul! I-." [spots Jade] "I'll just go and put some clothes on. Be right back!"
  • Jade naturally questions Paul about this. He explains why Bleez does this, though he takes a while to do it fully.
    Jade: Are you ready to explain the towel?
    Paul: It's like a sheet, but designed for absorbency.
    Jade: [leans back into her seat slightly] Bleed fracture pulse communication has caller ID. She knew that you were calling.
    Paul: Almost certainly. Though she might have been expecting a call from someone else and not checked before answering.
    Jade: Does she answer you wearing a towel often?
    Paul: Yes. Something like that. Sometimes it's a sweaty minimalistic exercise outfit. Sometimes she just covers herself in her wings, which steadily relax as the conversation carries on. Or one of her performance outfits. That was actually so relatively modest I'm wondering if she was really in the shower this time.
• Bleez reveals that she's been doing sexy poses so often that she now does them subconsciously, even when she doesn't want to.
  Bleez: 'Posing'? [sags after checking her stance] Uhr, I've been doing that so long it's just automatic now. … I'm pressing my boobs together with my upper arms, aren't I?
  Paul: I hadn't notic-
  Jade: Yes.
  Paul: -ed.
• Luna attempts to surprise the Renegade by visiting him while he's asleep. Unfortunately for her, she has difficulty adapting to her new human body and ends up on the floor of his room when he wakes up.
• When Paul and Supergirl III go after some low level villains, the former takes care of the civilians while the latter goes after the criminals. The problem is that every time she goes after them, she is almost immediately gets bounced back onto the street. She keeps trying, thinking that going even faster or increasing her mass by lifting a car, only for the same result to happen.
• When Paul first meets Lady Mazikeen, the former consort of Lucifer Morningstar, she calls him father. Mammon's reaction to this is to stay out of it.
  Without turning his head, Mammon eyes me for a second and then takes a step away.
  • She then explains that the Ophidian is basically her father, and the fact that Paul and the Ophidian are so intertwined means that she sees no real distinction between them.
    "The Ophidian granted my mother a small portion of its power to quicken me, so I call it my father. And since you are the Ophidian made flesh, I may as well address you in that fashion."
    "Ah… I'm going to need a little while to explain that logic to my girlfriend. And I suppose that I'm going to need to know when your birthday is. Um."
    I approach her and slightly awkwardly open my arms for a hug, waiting for some sort of indication that she's actually interested in-.
    "You offer your affection freely?"
    "Familial relationships are reciprocal. I offer to start such a relationship freely." I shrug. "I can't deny that I sometimes forget that the Ophidian and I are separate beings, and I accept that for better or worse. And if you're on board with Mammon's plans then you can't be all that bad."
    She looks up at Mammon. "I believe that we can rule out him being the Morningstar. Though he does sound like someone the Morningstar may have left in my path."
    "So is..? Is that a 'no' on the hug..?"
    Ignoring me, she walks around the ritual space until she's standing on the opposite side of the summoning pit. I lower my arms, shrugging. I've got no idea how old she is but she's clearly an adult. I'll ask Angelica about her background later.
• When Paul and Canis go to Erebos to meet Hecate, they find a few Amazons having fun in a waterpark. One of the Amazons asks if they are concubines.
  • Eris is there as well and decides to meet up with Paul completely in the nude.
• While speaking with Hera, she gives Paul permission to think of Stacy's Mom due to knowing the effect she has on people who like women.
• Paul is able to unnerve several Greco-Roman deities by stating that the power ring he just gave for Hephaestus to use, which will be utilized to make him strong enough to fight Zeus, is basically training wheels for the children of beings much older and stronger than them.
  Paul: The Green Lantern Corps is a interstellar policing organisation. Maltus is the name of the homeworld of the species who run it. That ring was made by one of them. The Orange Lantern Corps is an organisation to help egotists make themselves useful, and it's run by members of the same species. Members of both organisations are commonly referred to as 'Lanterns'.
  Hecate: I see. [looks at the power ring] Do they have experience with titans?
  Paul: Probably. They're pretty old.
  Hera: [lets out a short burst of laughter and then covers her mouth with her right fist] Paul, I'm something like fifteen thousand years old.
  Paul: I apologise. They're extremely old. A million plus years each. They use rings like that to help their children learn to control their exotic abilities. It's like stabilisers on a child's first bicycle for them.
  [the assembled divines look at each other a little awkwardly]
• Unsurprisingly, Zeus does not take Paul helping Hephaestus overthrow him and take his throne as King of Olympus gracefully. When Paul seeks him out in the aftermath to help Captain Marvel regain his ability to transform, this is his response:
  Zeus: Ah, to do that you must perform an epic quest worthy of the Elysian Fields. First, enter the gateway into the Dream in Erebos, and pass into that eldritch place to retrieve a single petal from each of the strange flowers that bloom in Morpheus's own garden. Next, to Tartarus, and steal a single tear from each of the beings bound there. These you will need to quench the fires which burn beneath Mount Othrys, that you may take the remaining fragments of the bones of Uranus from their vaults. Then you must travel unto the hallowed halls of Harvard University, whereupon you may suck my cock.
• While looking for Uncle Sam, Paul enlists the aid of the embodiment of American Freedom, which takes on the form of a talking eagle. Paul's interactions with the eagle are humorous for multiple reasons.
  • Because not everyone can hear Eagle talk, Paul realizes that all the people watching him think he's talking to a bird.
  • Eagle performs tricks for a tourist while in a conversation with Paul simply because he enjoys performing them.
• Avenger Orange Lantern is able to stun the Enchantress and Skurge simply by mentioning that he's dating Hela.
  She blinks. And Skurge nearly drops his axe on his foot.
• While travelling in the Dream, Paul stops a bunch of zombies from attacking him and his allies by treating them like people, something that surprises Doctor Mist.
  Doctor Mist: You are so disruptive that your discordant nature spreads to the Dream.
• Pull has a frank discussion with Jack on what exactly the latter wants out of his relationship with Arcee. Even funnier, they're doing this while inside of Knock Out, who finds the conversation both disgusting and fascinating.
  Oh this is just filth. Horrible, appealing filth.
  • When the conversation goes into physical intimacy, Knock Out has a snide thought about it.
    Knock Out knows how it works. Knock Out is painfully aware of how it works. Humans, combiner pistons aren't that interesting. They don't need to take up 4% of your entire noosphere.
• When the Riddler learns that Paul promised to kill Sportsmaster if he ever saw the man again and asks why he would do that, Paul simply says that he's Sportsmaster's nemesis. When Sportsmaster disagrees, Paul gives a detailed explanation as for why this is the case.
  "No, no, seriously. Classically, a nemesis is a countervailing force that comes into being in response to the actions of the primary actor. Your harshness and criminality have alienated everyone in your life, while my heroism is why I'm dating your eldest daughter, and have a better relationship than you with your younger daughter, ex-wife, mother, father, brother, nephews and ex-mother-in-law." I smile insolently. "It's a matter of contrast; by existing I repudiate your entire personal philosophy."
  • After the Riddler shows his amusement at this, Sportsmaster points out that by this logic, the former isn't Batman's nemesis, something that Paul agrees with, as that title obviously belongs to the Joker.
    Sportsmaster: So who is Riddler's nemesis?
    Paul: I'm honestly not sure that he has one.
    Sportsmaster: Hear that, Eddy? Aren't you lucky.

2013

• Paul asks Pamela Isley if she's in a relationship with Euanthe. When she says that they aren't and that she's unsure if Euanthe is even interested in such a thing, he offers to act as her wingman.
• After proposing to Rogue, X-Man!OL goes on to blow the minds of Kurt Wagner, Magneto, Havok, Polaris, Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch by revealing to them the existence of their previously unknown family members.
• Paul turns himself into a woman in an attempt to distract the Citizenry by challenging them.
• After Parallax is dealt with, Paul realizes that he never told the Lantern stationed at the planet they mistakenly thought the Fear Entity would target that Parallax attacked a different planet. We get to see that Lantern's POV when Paul informs them of this.
  The great yellow demon could arrive at any moment, and the Illustres isn't here. I don't know what could have delayed him-.
  I run through his mental exercises once more and check the position of the fleet around Sereaven. My home.
  And I will die before I let him touch-.
  My ring glimmers as the Illustres finally sends me a message, and I view it at once!
  "Oh."
• The Renegade makes Guy uncomfortable when he reveals that plenty of people have drawn pictures of himself and Princess Luna, enough to cause Guy to use a construct hand to stop the Renegade from saying more on the subject.
• While the other members of the Young Offenders say they have no idea on how to prevent infighting among the Syndicate as a whole, Mary Mayhem has a very simple one.
  "Why not let them fight it out, and kill the survivors we don’t like?" Mary smiles as the rest stare. "What? That's more than you idiots managed."
  • It's later revealed that they decided on Ultraboy's idea: an award ceremony.
• When affected by the red light, Jade reveals that one of the things that makes her mad is how Paul always tries to talk his way out of problems even when it seems inappropriate. Paul's response to continue doing so in order to help Jade.
• In order to test out his 'sense of humor' program, Mister Atom contacts Robin and asks if the latter would like to talk about the benefits of Batman improving his time management by improving how he mates with Batwoman, to Robin's horror.
  Mister Atom: Batwoman is already working on him.
  Robin: Oh, ew. I don’t need to know-.
  Mister Atom: Not sexually. Most humans respond well to the physical presence of people they trust. Simply by being close to him, Batwoman is making it easier for him to get rest.
  Robin: Oh.
  Mister Atom: Though you make a good point. I will raise the issue of their mating behavior with her later. I do not have a good understanding of the psychological effects of human mating. In fact, it may be best if we discuss Batman management as a group.
  Robin: [internally] No. No.
  Mister Atom: When can you return to the Batcave?
  Robin: [internally] Double-no. [outloud] Whenever you're planning on having that talk?
  Mister Atom: Good. I-.
  Robin: After that.
  Mister Atom: That is awkward. If you are not present, the resulting plan may require your absence from particular rooms or buildings at times not convenient to you.
  Robin: I'll cope.
• When Kid Flash gets Canis so that they can go out on an assignment, he notices that Canis seems unusually happy and sweaty. He briefly thinks on why this is before forcing himself to think of something else.
  Did I just catch him j-? No. Not thinking it. Not thinking it.
• Lantern B'dg looking up Paul's file on the Green Lantern database leads to some humorous comments on what exactly was written about him.
  B'dg: Why is there a note on your file telling me to avoid thinking about anything that you do?
  Paul: Because my actions tend to be strange and I have little regard for the mental equanimity of the people around me.
• When Paul learns that the name of the Forever People's vehicle is The Whiz Wagon, he internally decides to keep calling it the name he made up for it: The Forevercar.
• Paul explains to his companions that the Lantern from Qualar IV is completely insane.
  Bear: Would a world of cowards call a brave man insane?
  Paul: Yes, but I mean, the reason why he doesn't faint is because he hallucinates that there's no threat to him. He once beat a war fleet while firmly believing that the ships were some sort of biting fly.
• Kon and Paul talk about the possibility of a cat goddess becoming more popular, and thus more powerful, due to the appeal of Cat Girls in Japanese media.
• Once Paul meets Sekhmet, the latter immediately attacks him because she's insulted about the time he jokingly suggested that she get together with Athena.
• Paol's first assumption upon seeing Grand Countess Emmanuelle von Liebwitz was that she was a prostitute. This is due to her Stripperific outfit.
  Seriously? Someone as rich as her should be able to pay someone to attach a drawstring to her skirt. Or advise her that a woman her age shouldn’t show that much upper thigh in public. But I float in front of the railing she's leaning against and bow politely.
• Paul gives Kon the short version of Kahndaq's creation myth.
  "It was wanked into existence."
  He blinks, mildly stunned. "What?"
  "It's a fairly self-explanatory description. Ra 'took himself in hand', caught his own semen, took it into his mouth and then-"
  Kon gurns in disgust. "Aw."
  "-he spat it out." I smile. "It was funny, because when I was in secondary school, we read about creation myths in English. But the sheet we got on Kahndaq didn't actually have the creation myth on it. I wondered why at the time, and it wasn't for years that I heard what the actual myth was."
• In order to get support for one of his projects, Paol must help a man eat his own head.
  I envelop his head in an orange glow. If I remove it piece by piece and replace it with a copy… I'll have to fake doing that to his brain, obviously, but that should be well within my abilities.
  "Would your highness like a mirror?" I numb his nerves and then detach a portion of his neck while using constructs to maintain blood and air flow. "You may find this educational to watch."
  He grins even more broadly, before pointing at a flunky as I slot the removed portion of his neck into a construct head mould.
  "MIRROR!"
• In order to camouflage Superboy for a mission, Miss Martian is forced to basically vore him.
• When Superman says he needs the advice of both Green Arrow and Orange Lantern, Paul makes a construct halo and wings for Ollie and a trident and horns for himself. Superman is simply amused at the sight.
  Superman: I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. But you do certainly have a unique perspective.
  • When Ollie asks why Superman wants his opinion of all people, the latter responds that Ollie is the most normal guy on the Justice League.
• When Peter Wynne offers to check and make sure Terry's semen wasn't affected by his brief time spliced with bat DNA, Bruce says he'll get it checked.
  Bruce: It's not a complicated test. I'll give you a cup when we get back to the cave.
  Terry: How's a cup gunna test-? [Mr. Wayne glowers at him] Oh. I shoulda stayed a bat.
• The Renegade makes Sunset uncomfortable when he starts talking about the possibility of some of the species on Equestria being the result of Interspecies Romance.
• Tangseid reveals to Artemis that M'gann copied her human like appearance from a pornographic film loosely inspired by Martian Manhunter's older cases.
  Tangseid: 'Innocent barely legal schoolgirl' requires a different body type.
  Artemis: Ew. Based on Martian Manhunter's cases?
  Tangseid: Very, very loosely. She kept the shape but expanded her costume to actually cover her body.
• The Renegade questions Richard Simpson while the latter is strapped to a table and the former is in the process of breaking the latter's bones.
  Richard: I wasn't sure I'd like having another man do it, but-.
  Renegade: Don't… Make this weirder than it is already.
• Mister Atom joins the Justice League in an attempt to perfect his understanding of human social dynamics in his bid to Take Over the World. However, after Paul points out that he's basically already achieved his goal by simply joining the Justice League, Mister Atom needs a moment to process the fact.
  Mister Atom: Have I..? Taken over the world by accident? Was it always this simple?
  • Mister Atom then reveals that after taking over, he planned on making a golden throne that he could sit on.
    Green Arrow: Seriously? 'Sit on a golden throne'? That was it?
    Mister Atom: Since the job 'ruler of the world' does not have a description, my conception of it was… Limited.
    Green Arrow: Now I see what Paul meant about you being young.
• Zagreus reveals that he believes Paul seduced his sister.
  Paul: I haven't seduced Melinoë. Last time I saw her I nearly got her killed.
  Zagreus: She talks about you as a person. You have brought her domain to the masses, who for some reason are grateful-.
  Paul: They were pretty unusual people anyway.
  Zagreus: And she speaks of you as a maiden interested in courting a man speaks of one who has her interest.
• The juxtaposition of Paul's usual pragmatism and the goofiness of Power Rangers setting is worth a few laughs.
  • When he first appears, Rita's minions ask him whether he's evil, and Paul goes on a tangent regarding what actually defines "evil". Then they tell him they need his help to conquer Earth, and Paul asks for some proof they're actually capable of ruling it properly first, including asking for their Curriculum Vitae.
  • After seeing the ranger's base of operations, Paul wonders why their enemies never discovered something so obvious. Then he remembers what kind of idiotic minions usually work for Rita and immediately withdraws the question.
  • Paul asks the rangers why they never attacked Rita's base directly. After getting a reasonable explanation (if they did, they would be stuck in enemy territory, surrounded by monsters and all kinds of traps and defenses), Paul suggests using nukes.
  • Paul's reaction when he first realizes that he's dealing with Power Rangers, of all things, is a very eloquent "The... Fuck...?"
• Future Renegade telling his new allies what his plans are for Earth is interrupted by Luna dropping by for a visit to see how he's doing in that universe.
  Luna: We thought that We would bare witness to your latest-
  Renegade: A-hah!
  Luna: -bout of foolishness. [turns to Nathaniel Adam] Doth your silver knight have some comment that he wishes to share?
  Nathaniel Adam: You married a talking horse?
  Renegade: [frowns at Nathaniel Adam] Not every intelligent species in the universe is bipedal, Captain Adam. And no. I married a pony.
• When Future Renegade admits that he actually planned on losing to Earth, some of the people he admits this to are dumbfounded.
  Renegade: I was expecting Physician and A-. Atom to be conflicted at first, and then betray me once they got over the shock of what was happening. I planned on losing to provide the impetus to encourage Earth's superheroes to get their arses in gear.
  Aquaman: You planned on losing?
  Renegade: I planned to win using a strategy that I expected to cause me to lose. Only I didn't fully appreciate how filled with scum most of the Earth's governments were, so now I've got to actually do it. Luna finds this all hilarious, of course.
  Lois: Of… Course. I'm sorry, I'm just having trouble getting my head around the idea that-.
• When Future OL accompanies Azula during the latter's visit to her homeworld, one of the locals mistakes her for Future OL's girlfriend, much to the former's amusement and the latter's annoyance.
  Azula has similar attitudes towards personal decay that I do, her eighty-five year old body looking perhaps a third of that. She only started allowing her hair to grey in places when people assuming that she was a lot younger than her true age began to irritate her. I on the other hand have far more experience with looking like the old man I have allowed myself to become; a slightly more withered version of the face I wore when I first met her.

In Praise of Eros

• Paul tells Catwoman about the time Holly stabbed Bruce before the latter decided on becoming Batman. She never realized that the "drifter" that Holly stabbed and she fought from back then was him.
• The Team's reaction to learning Paul's age and the fact that he's dating Catwoman
  • When some of them express their concerns, Paul rebuts that Batman dated her while she was still an active thief.
  • When Paul tries to explain to Zatanna, who has locked herself in her room, it just makes this even worse, until she finally yells at him to go away.

Others

• It turns out, Belle Reve used to have a telepath on staff. The reason they don't anymore is because it was J'onn J'arrkn. It's actually one of the reasons he was being deported back to Mars.
  • It's later explained that J'onn J'onzz aided in arresting him and getting him deported after the 'Martian Womanhunter' series was released.
• The ladies of Aichi still call the Renegade 'King Tentacle Ogre'.
• In 2015, the Renegade will play a game of Never Have I Ever, with one of the things asked being never having slept with sisters. When he drinks, everyone looks at Artemis.
• While Guy and OL are taking down an Ice Fortress, Fatty is stuck outside with his tongue frozen to one of the freeze rays.
• When Hela learned that Avenger!OL used a Norn Stone to dip directly into the Plane of Avarice, she slapped him for doing something so stupid before forging him a lantern-shaped regulator.
• After watching a sex-ed video her uncle gave her, M'gann apparently tried looking up Martian-Human relationships on the internet. She ended up getting an eyeful.
• When Paul and Danni went to the Gotham Police Station, Detective Montoya started checking her out when she thought Danni wasn't looking.
• Mr Zoat says that the Renegade isn't a jackass, he's an SOB, and he uses a dictionary description to prove it.
• When an attractive female porn star didn't distract OL, she called for an attractive male porn star.
• Helios' reaction to Kon choosing him as his patron is to panic at not knowing what to do.
• One thing Eris likes about Paul is that he's hot and not her brother.
• Hera's dating profile: Mature goddess seeks male partner serious relationship. Gods and demigods preferred, but sufficiently comely heroic mortals will be considered.
• Paulphidian destroyed Superman's underwear.
• If the Renegade ever found out about the leprechauns, he'd double over with laughter.
• Games Workshop is hesitant to sue Zatanna for using Sororitas armor.
• Hawkgirl accidentally flashes the Renegade.
• Steppenwolf solved the problem of Canis Minor being more interested in the arts than standard Apokoliptian practices by teaching him the Art of Babykicking.
• The fact that Paul keeps offering people superpowers and they keep refusing. To quote one reader:
  OL is like a superhero drug-dealer/smuggler. "Maybe you are feeling like adding some power-armoured goodness in your day? Hm? You don't like all this fancy equipment? Well, what about a bit of Ye Olde Superstrength? Too mainstream? Well good thing I've got just the right super speed formula for you!"
• Mr Zoat explains why Gaia wouldn't be annoyed by Constantine.
• Mr Zoat explains the Latin tapestry in the Crocks' house.
• If the Renegade were to meet Gaia from Captain Planet and the Planeteers, he'd frame a request to her with sexual innuendo.

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