Funny / What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Live

Per wiki policy, this page is Spoilers Off.

2010

• 08/10/2010: We learn not to use tasers on bears.

2011

• 05/09/11: The story of a man who was able to steal a fire truck because the firemen left the truck unlocked with the keys inside. Nash says that if you are a fireman in Florida, and you think only an idiot would steal a fire truck you have to remember that you live in Florida.
  • Nash states that one of the rules of life is "all women are crazy, all men are idiots", and then gets Tara to unwittingly make his point by having her show off her collection of hippo-themed objects. He just sits back and chuckles while Tara goes on about her hippos.
  Tara: These are just the ones that are within reach, people.
  Nash: You are not just making my point, Tara, you are lovingly hand crafting my point!
• Nash's meltdown over the "mystery enema" story in Live WTFIWWY from 05/16/11
  • From the same story, the fan makes a suggestion to the ambiguity of the woman: Enema Fairy.
  • From the end of the show: balloons.
• Nash discussing the "invisible magic penis" in the Live WTFIWWY from 05/30/11.
• 06/06/11: Disembodied Orgasm Hippo vs Space Core!
• 06/13/11: Nash and Tara get excited when one story of naked crazy actually explains how the guy came to be naked.
• 06/20/11: (Booty Call Ninjas) Man Removes Wart From Middle Finger... with Shotgun. That he just happened to find under a hedge.
  JesuOtaku: You just know there's some guy sitting at home watching the evening news and saying "Fuck! That's my shotgun!"
  Nash & Tara: [laughing their respective asses off]
  • Upon learning that the moron in question not only lived in a trailer park but also worked as a tinker, Tara remarks that "Tinkers are not smart people." And once again, JO is very quick to respond:
    They don't tink.
  • The discussion of the variant of Scissors Paper Rock that has gun beating toilet.
  • The whole 'Booty Call Ninjas' story:
    Nash: I can't believe we're having to read a serious news article with the words 'Booty Call Ninjas'.
    Tara: 'Booty Call Ninjas' is gonna be the name of my white girl rap group.
  • Nash's reaction to Tara's Vibrating Purple Disembodied Orgasm Hippo. And Jesu's quote regarding it.
    JesuOtaku: Look into its eyes, Nash! They say that those who do can see the face of God!
• On the 6/27/11 episode, Nash proceeds to "go to plaid" over a story involving a man who hid in the tank of a porta potty so he could get off over it. With open cuts, no less.
  • From the same one: "Radio Dead Air: At least he didn't fuck the horse."
• On 7/11 the live What The Fuck Is Wrong With You (IT'S A BOMB) had a woman die from an allergic reaction... to a German Shepherd's dick. Both Tara and Nash's reactions are golden.
  • Also Tara's open-mouthed gape of shock upon seeing the last story about an Ugandan school using a bomb as a bell.
• From the 7/25/11 Live episode (Don't Mess With the Amish), at a story that the weapons check at the entrance to ComiCon turned up a stiletto dagger, a machete, and an "honest-to-Rambo AR-15":
  Tara: Seriously, guys? I mean, I don't like Twilight either, but...
  • Tara pointing out that if she ever took LSD, it would be bad because all her hippos would come to life. Nash adds that Staring Into Your Soul hippo would turn to her and say "You are not your flesh" and suchlike.
• From the 08/01/11 Live episode (It's Not a Pocket), when Tara shows off her very first hippo plushie Humperdink using a newer version of it:
  Nash: You have two versions of the same...
  Tara: I have four, actually.
• 08/08/11 (I steal pets): Nash and Tara's reaction to a story from Tara's own hometown (a man robbing a convenience store wielding a tree branch).
  Nash: (reading headline) 'Tree-branch wielding man robbed 7-11 store...'
  Tara: This....is really really close to where I grew up.
  Nash: From Central Islip, New York...
  Tara: OH MY GOD, THIS IS WHERE I GREW UP.
  Nash: (dies laughing while pointing at Tara)
  Tara: This is my hometown, I grew up in Central Islip! I TOLD you people I grew up in the hood!
• 08/16/11: Tara activates a hot pink talking hippo.
  Tara: Yeah, but you can't shut it off, she's just gonna talk for like, days now.
  Nash (jokingly): Women, am I right?
  Hippo: Don't make me come over there.
  Nash: (bursts out laughing)
• 8/29/11: Snakes on a Plane initiated in real life.
  • Derek The Bard's near-hysterical laughter at the headline makes it even better.
• 9/19/11 (Eel Spelunking): The eel that swam up a man's penis.
  Tara: This is why the hippo is truly a noble and majestic creature, because no hippo will ever swim up your dick.
• 9/26/11 (They Call Him Flipper): Nash. Meltdown...DOLPHIN FUCKING.
  • Fish are friends, not fuck buddies.
  • Nash breaking down once again when Tara starts making dolphin sounds.
• 9/05/11 (The Junk of Cthulhu): Nash's awed reaction to a story about a man who caused an explosion by pouring gasoline onto a beehive and lighting it on fire. Made even funnier when he expresses his desire to want to try it himself and Tara trying to talk him out of it.
• 10/03/11 (Hummingbird Hell): Tara gives us this little gem:
  "Protip: If you have to tell people you're invisible, you're not invisible."
  • The bit about the effectiveness and morality of The Bible as a weapon.
• 11/07/11 (Red Hot Toowoomba): The story about a woman who was high and wanted police to arrest her mailbox.
  Tara: He just sits there, looking in the windows, and once a day the little flag goes up. The fuckin' perv.
  • The story about a guy wanting to fly over Bagdad in a lawnchair. Made even funnier by Nash's and Tara's genuine surprise and interest in the fact that (apparently) people in Iraq don't have lawnchairs.
  • JesuOtaku singing "Poker Face" in response to a story about three teenagers who branded themselves in the rear with a red-hot poker.
  • Followed by him singing "Ring Of Fire".
• 11/21/11 (Drunk Monkey Taunting) The introduction of flatulent bondage hippo.
• Nash apparently once got drunk at a con and found himself lying on a bench screaming that he was Jesus.
• 12/5/11 (Gooey Hot Pocket): Most of the zingers provided by the guest cohost.
  Nash: I think we've just learned that Doug is more fucked up than me or Tara!
  • "[The culprit in the second story] was dressed all in black with a hooded sweatshirt covering his head...[glances at the camera] Todd..."
  • Doug's reaction to the story about a drunk driver crashing into a "You Booze, You Lose" truck.
    Nash: I don't know what I'm more pissed at him about—the drunk driving, or ruining an '89 Camaro!
    Tara: Being from Long Island, I can't be mad at him ruining an '89 Camaro, because...there are such few things that are good Guido shorthand.
    Doug: Maybe the guy was driving drunk and he was like, "Lord, if you want me to stop, please give me a sign!"
    Nash: (dies laughing)
    • Implying the cop in the image was taking a picture of the wreck with his phone. "They're not gonna believe this shit!"
  • Doug as Dr. Claw and then Batman.
  • The Double Entendres flying between Doug and Tara at the end of the show. Even better? Doug's fiancée was right beside him. The boy has no shame.

2012

• 1/2/2012 (Facebooks are Forever): A story featuring a Florida man who burned the house that he was renting down because he did not want a woman moving in with him. Unfortunately, the man's dog was killed in the fire and the man willingly knew the dog was inside when he started the fire. Nash loses it and actually plays Gunther's "Ding Dong Song" LIVE in response.
• 1/23/12 (A Deadly Bee Weapon): "Don't say 'fuck' in the Chuck E. Cheese!"
• 2/6/12 (Two Great Tastes): Halfway through talking about political blunders on Facebook, one of Tara's hippos starts randomly making noise. Tara immediately puts on a sultry voice and says, "He's in my lap, that's why he's happy." Nash cracks up.
  • Tara, in response to the antics of the Pants-On-Head Bank Robber: "What. (Nash cracks up) What?"
• 2/25/12 (Hand-Carved Phallus): JO calling the Disneyland security team the 'Disney po-po'.
  • Oancitizen claiming that "Organized basketball is essentially a bunch of rich white men controlling a group of athletic black men and making them fight each other," leading Nash to crack up and JO to remark, "Tonight, on a very intellectual What The Fuck Is Wrong With You?..."
  • During a story on a homophobic builder who left hand-crafted concrete penises on the front doorstep of a gay neighbour, JO idly asks, "I wonder if he took the time to grow moss on the balls."
  • Confusion over the badly written title, "Squatting Naked Man Raymond H Blair Found With Crack In Buttocks In Stuart, Police Say."
    Oancitizen: The buttocks were in Stuart?! [...] How does Stuart feel about that? How did they get the buttocks in Stuart?
  • (Nash, in southern accent) "Picked from the freshest assholes: Martin's Home-Style Crack!"
  • "You're bonding over people shoving things in their butt."
• 2/27/12 (Why is the Rum Gone?): Tara using one of her hippo plush to do a "dramatic reenactment" of a story about a large naked woman stomping out the windshield of a man's car.
• 3/5/12 (Poop-Type Pokemon): The entire story about Hitler Chic (IE: Clothing and memorabilia of pop-culture icons with their faces replaced with Hitler's).
  Tara: Why is Ronald Mcdonald Hitler?
  • The "Overtime Special" from the same episode, where Nash and Tara talk about attending a White Wolf World of Darkness convention in Chicago in what was probably the sketchiest hotel in America at the time. They nicknamed it "Ghetto Con." Find it here
• 3/12/12 (Weekend At Bernie's 3): The story of the man who broke into a woman's house because God told him to.
  Tara: Well, we've heard worse excuses...
  • Nash trying to get back on track... and realizing he doesn't want to:
    Nash: "Back in our wheelhouse. Why is this our wheelhouse? This should be nobody's wheelhouse! Why is this our wheelhouse, Tara?! Cuz you know what I'm going to say, don't you?!"
    Tara: "...something about naked rampage?"
    Nash: "Ayup!"
  • As Nash delivers the setup to the "corpse abuse" case, take a good look at Tara's facial expressions.
  • Nash's shellshocked, thousand-yard stare as Tara recounts the story of the Underfloor Piss Snorkeler.
  • Tara was on a roll for this episode, closing it out by breaking Nash with how she would deal with his body.
• 4/9/12 (Festive Holiday Grenades): Todd gives Tara a run for her money in the "How To Be a Better Criminal" department.
  • He proves himself to be Tara's Spiritual Successor by the end.
• Bare-Breasted Brouhaha: After a story involving a drunken woman calling 911 because of being lost in the woods and not knowing where to take a leak, both Nash and Producer Mike (filling in for Tara) point out the logical problem: when you're lost in the woods, you can pee anywhere. Except on a bear... or on someone's tent... and Mike caps the whole thing with a funny anecdote:
  If you're in the woods and you have to pee, and you're cooking in the woods and you're cooking with something that involves jalapenos, wash your hands before you pee and then wash your hands after you pee. (Beat) My scoutmaster, twenty years ago, twenty-five years ago, learned this lesson. (Beat) We heard the scream from a quarter-mile away.
• 4/16/12 (Walmart Chemical Warfare): The ketchup covered homeless man complaining about tourists.
  Tara: Are the tourists mustard people? Is that the problem?
  Nash: Damn mustards, I hate them mustards! Especially the spicy ones!
  Tara: Is he trying to start some kind of burger topping war?
  Nash: Fuck all them fancy Grey Poupons! Keeping the Heinz man down!
  • Concerning the 2012 Olympic Games organizers' Epic Fail at research:
    Nash: (does a simple Google search) Hey, Olympics people, you owe me money! I'm doing your research for you!
  • Nash's reaction to Tara's explanation that people have weird fetishes regarding tying things to their private parts.
    Nash: Everything you just said made me sad.
  • Nash's and Tara's utter awe about a man who managed to commit 11 felonies in one day while in Nashville. During a 9-hour bus layover.
• (Frequent Foolish Miles) 4/23/12: Tara shows off a hippo candle she has had for years but never lit because she didn't want its behind burnt and make her sad. Nash, however, doesn't share the same opinion.
  Nash: Nah, it wouldn't make me sad. I'd be like burn, burn!
  Tara: That's because you are a bad person with no soul.
  Nash: I am. I really am. Thanks for noticing.
  • Also, the Midnight Nightshirt Police-Camera Shooter:
    Nash: No! Don't call! If you know who that guy is, don't tell him! Nobody snitch! Because I think my world is a little bit more awesome, knowing he's out there!
    Tara: No! No it's not! Do you really want some random old man running around in his jammies shooting things in the middle of the night? That's what makes your world better? That makes my world scarier!
  • A judge (or someone using his computer login) looking at 247 different porn sites, some of which had names that couldn't be published in the article.
• 5/6/12 (Turn Right, Clyde)- The story about a woman who found cocaine in her tampons and Nash's and Tara's reaction to it.
  • Made even funnier by Nash joking about it being a botched terrorist attempt.
    Nash: I'm just picturing Al Qaida with all these different brands of tampons trying to figure out which ones would be best to stuff with Anthrax.
  • Tara claiming that "Anthrax Vagina Attack" would make a good punk band name.
  • The episode begins in mid-conversation as Nash gleefully goes on about how awesome The Incredible Hulk was in The Avengers. "Happy..."
  • "No fucky-fucky".
  • The video at the beginning of the lioness pawing at the enclosure in the zoo while a toddler sat right on the other side. Nash feels sorry for the lion, Tara gets bothered that Nash keeps referring to it as "he".
• 5/14/12 (The Cone of Shame)- Nash and Tara's reaction to the sex offender caught watching porn at a McDonald's and wondering why anyone would be aroused by said restaurant.
  • Also, upon seeing the wide-eyed Slasher Smile on the offender's mugshot...
    Tara: He's lovin' it.
    Nash: (Dies laughing)
  • Tara utterly horrifying Nash by pointing out all the rather intimate things people could do with food.
    Nash: You want me to starve, don't you?
  • The story about the old man who set a retirement home on fire because he hated retirement homes and got aroused by fire.
    Nash: (As an old man) How can I make this place better? Oh, I'll set it on fire! Then I'll get a boner!
• 5/21/12 (Art of Exploding Wangs) - There were a number of funny things, from the giant penis monument (named "Gaia") that was "blown" up in the name of art, to another Florida story where a senior prom was held in the same place as a porn convention, to the "live" coverage of the porn prom, but the funniest was the look on Nash's face when he found out that he forgot to hit the record button and almost lost this session. To think we almost lost the story of the giant wang that exploded.
• 5/28/12 (A Whiter Bajingo)- Nash and JesuOtaku nearly losing it over JewWario's robotic kitty-cat ears.
  • Nash commenting that one day he'll wake up with JO hovering over him wearing the cat ears and saying 'Nyan?'
  • When discussing a blatantly unrepentant arsonist who tried to burn down a Home Depot and claimed he'd do it again if given the chance, JO starts singing:
    We didn't start enough fires/ we need more and more/ we need to burn down the store...
  • "I got a bag of weeeeeed! I've got a bag of weeeeeeed! And guess what's inside it? Weed!"
  • The story about a drunk man who got arrested with a parrot and a zebra in his truck.
  • JewWario and JO's amusement over the story of the moron who pissed himself in the back of a police car, during which JO brings out a comically bad impersonation of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
    JewWario: His neck is as wide around as his head... It's wider! Holy crap!
    [...]
    JO: (giggling) It's like... it's like he was eating a watermelon in summer and never swallowed it all the way down!
    JewWario: He's like a python!
    JO: (In Schwarzenegger voice) It is going to digest in five years time, and I will gain nutrients from it, argh argh argh...
• 6/4/12 (Baby Not On Board): After hearing a story about a deceased cat that was turned into a helicopter by its owner, the sheer absurdity of the event causes everyone to burst out laughing.
  Nash: How do you get — from dead cat to helicopter?
  JO: Oh God!
  Nash: There are some pages missing.
  JO: Oh God! Somebody in the chat said "tape some Poptarts to it and fly a rainbow banner behind its ass!"
  Nash, Tara, JO: *cracks up*
  • Nash's slackjawed "WTF?!" expression while watching the clip was pure gold.
    • This graduates to hyperventilation and screaming incredulity when the kitty-copter is piloted towards a herd of grazing cows, who immediately flee in terror.
  • Tara, inspired by the story about the Japanese chef, expands on her funeral plans for Nash. And this time, JesuOtaku's there to hear it...
  • Tara pointing out how horrifying kids' shows would be if viewed by a person under the influence of drugs.
    Tara: Like, could you imagine watching Phineas and Ferb while high? Candace would become the stuff of nightmares.
  • The anecdote Tara tells about how a LARP game was interrupted by a couple having sex across the street.
• 6/11/12 (You May Now Punch The Bride): Tara giving a rather poor PSA about drug use.
  JesuOtaku: This PSA brought to you by Snowflame!
  • To be specific, she actually said that she encouraged the use of cocaine as opposed to meth. The entire conversation was just wonderful.
  • The story about the man whose private parts were burned by a blast of steam while using the urinal at an Arby's. Also, their reaction to the fact that this incident has happened more than once.
    • Nash getting utterly blindsided by JO and Tara suddenly talking about gloryholes is the best part.
• 6/18/12 (Nudestravaganza): A news story about a man who got caught having sex with a teddy bear in public for a fourth time resulted in Tara asking how one would have sex with a teddy bear. Which resulted in actual suggestions from the audience.
  You've got teddy bear fuckers, Nash.
  • Made better - or worse - by her suggestion that one of them's fucked Teddy Ruxpin because they wanted to hear him talk. "Call me daddy, Teddy Ruxpin, call me daddy!"
  • Not to mention Nash repeatedly going "Get Out!!" as she's talking.
  • Tara and JO latching onto the idea of a cat strip club. Nash's horrified reaction is priceless.
• 6/25/12 (Everything Must Be Flapping): The story about a man making antisemitic comments while dressed as Elmo. Nash's and Tara's reactions were priceless.
  • JesuOtaku's off-screen cameo during a story about a teenager who got his arm caught in a vending machine.
    JesuOtaku: That's how I want to die! With my arm caught in a vending machine! Now I can die happy!
• 7/2/12 (Midget Party Foul)- The story about a man who showed up drunk at a kindergarten graduation and began waving a machete around. Nash's question of whether or not the guy had any clarity over what he was doing makes the whole thing priceless.
  • Nash and Tara's reaction to a video of a naked man going around punching people and getting tazed twice by cops.
  • The story about Michigan State police wanting to implant talking urinal cakes into bathroom stalls to deter drunk driving.
    Nash: (Impersonating a drunk) Toilet's talking to me! The....the toilet's....toilet wants to take me on a ride home...
    • Nash gargling "Don't drink and drive." is just pure hilarity.
    Nash: How much have you had to drink!?
• 7/9/12 (The Contraption): After hearing about a baby who ended up being smuggled through an airport baggage scanner and another baby whose mother went on a drug-fuelled rampage around the hospital (luckily neither kid was hurt), Nash and Obscurus Lupa start joking about the kids will earn "superpowers" and form a superhero team.
  Nash: (dramatic) Bath Salt and the X-Ray! Fighting crime, together!
  • Obscurus Lupa suggesting that someone build a "Party Cannon".
• 7/16/12 (Mr Dick Whittling): Another one of Tara's tangents: Nude marathon for cancer kids.
  • In a story about a guy who swung a samurai sword near the Capitol Building, Nash and Tara point out how, in this age of terrorism, stuff like that is going to get you killed.
    Nash: Of all the places to do this shit...
    Tara: At a state building.
    Nash: Yeah!
    Tara: There's probably going to be authority figures there.
    Nash: They're not going to play! Th-they have no reason to play. Play will not be had.
    Tara: In the age of terrorism, your bladed weapon does not belong anywhere near the government.
    Nash: And they're not gonna go for the stun guns, they're gonna go for the gun guns. The ones that don't just make you maybe dead, the ones that make you really dead. Center mass, bitches.
    Beat
    Nash: ...The gun gun. I-I think I've coined a phrase there.
    Tara: (Sigh) Yeah, and someone already turned it into a Star Wars word.
  • Nash wants to add "dick-whittling" to his vocabulary but doesn't know how. Tara suggests "Jesus Dick-Whittling Christ."
• 7/27/12 (Going Nuclear): Tara suggests that Nestle wanted Kit Kat to be the most popular candy given to kids by paedophiles, so they made Pedobear their mascot.
• 7/31/12 (I Steal Pets): The pet store thief after realizing the cash register is locked, tries to save face by puppy-napping a young pomeranian. Hilarity Ensues. And even better, it's all on video!
  • He does this by stuffing the puppy down his PANTS.
  • When talking about the story about a man who set off a firecracker between his buttocks, Tara points out the double meaning of the word "backfire". Cue Nash and JO's Collective Groan.
  • A man was caught washing his testicles in a drinking fountain and he was arrested for indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, and misuse of a drinking fountain.
• 8/6/12 (Candy Coated Meth): Tara suggesting that people should be allowed throw baseballs at the It's A Small World ride at Disney World.
• 8/13/12 (You Obviously Love Owls): Three words you shouldn't say in public (EVER): bomb, bob, and bong. You call him Robert.
  • Nash's hilarious Take That! towards the YOLO (You Only live Once) meme.
    Nash: I do not obviously love owls!
  • The story about a man who crashed a stolen car and hid in a closet while naked.
    JesuOtaku: (Impersonating a police officer on a megaphone) This is the police! Come out of the closet!
  • "Tokyo Drift! Big Fuckin' Toyota!"
  • A Douchequake-worth story inspires Nash and JO to start singing the Ding Dong Song.
• 8/20/2012 - Unleash The Monkey!
  • Tara admitting, on behalf of women everywhere, that there is nothing more entertaining than making guys perform "Stupid Human Tricks", just to see if they're actually dumb enough to do it.
  • A return to an old WTFIWWY theme: Meat in Your Pants!
    Nash: Here's the part that really skeeves me out: he didn't just put it in his pants: he unwrapped it before putting it in his pants. Y'gonna eat that later?! Really!?
  • And then shortly thereafter:
    Tara: What do you think is in a six-dollar sausage?
    Nash: [Thinks for a moment] ...Really distinguished pig lips.
  • "Always keep your sausage wrapped!"
  • Satan's Penthouse in Hell!
  • 14-year-old boy blows 0.165 BAC driving his drunk 49-year-old father home. More than twice the legal limit to drive in the state of South Dakota.
    Nash: [Applauding] Hats off to you, kid! Holy Shit!
    Tara: Well you'd like to say at least Dad had the presence of mind to get a ride home, cuz his ass is drunk. But then you consider that he got a ride home from his fourteen-year-old, who's also drunk, and all that goes out the window!
    Nash: He was ALL of the drunk! That was every single drunk! There was no more drunk left!
    Tara: And he had an open container in the car, according to the rest of the story. He was still drinkin'! The party was ongoing!
    Nash: I wonder which one of them said "Here, hold my beer." Y'know it was said at some point!
  • Ladies and Gentlemen: The Greatest Story In the History of Ever! Nash has been trying to contain himself through the entire episode, and Tara is clutching her hippo plushie in terror of what he is about to unleash!
    Nash: This is officially 'The Best Thing in The History of Ever'. ... I'm so happy to get to tell you guys about this story. You don't know. You just. You. Don't. Know."
    [Later]
    Nash: "People think I've got the power because I got the monkeys. Nah, nah! I got the power till I let the monkeys loose! They goddamn don't understand that; they goddamn don't understand me! That's alright, that's okay, see, cuz people... they understands monkeys!"
    [Later Still]
    Nash: "If he sez he'll let the monkeys loose, he will let the monkeys loose!" "Saw him get ahold of a dog once..." "oh yeah..."
  • Tara flubs and coins "Marky-Mark and the Monkey Bunch"!
• 8/27/2012 (Our Lord Rhesus Christ):
  • The live broadcast had no sound in the beginning, so when the recording was uploaded to the site, it was edited to look like a silent film. This happens twice.
  • Discussing an elderly woman who vandalized a church fresco:
    Tara: [Jesus looks like a nesting doll.] Oh God, they could have the Twelve Apostles [inside]...
    Nash: [dies laughing]
    Tara: The Twelve Apostles, and the tiniest one would be the Baby Jesus! That would actually be really adorable!
    Nash: And really blasphemous, but...
    Tara: NO, it wouldn't be blasphemous!
  • Tara's hilarious wordless reaction to Nash's comment, "I have never comprehended the entire concept of the orgy," ending with zipping her lips.
  • Following a story about a man who got jealous during an orgy, Nash wonders if he saw the Sesame Street short that taught "sharing is caring", which leads Tara to wonder if there was an orgy etiquette lesson on Sesame Street.
    Tara: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12... PENISES!
  • Nash and Tara keeping their fingers crossed for when they (inevitably) get a story of someone sneaking aboard the space shuttle.
• 9/10/12 (Deja Vu (And Monkeys, Too)):
  • Because of the setup for three people, Nash's screen is in-between Lewis' (Linkara) and Tara's screens. When one of them is talking, he turns his head so that it looks like he is looking at that person. When Linkara and Tara start talking quickly, Nash's head is whipping back and forth between them.
  • Lewis' comments before and during the Slow Loris story.
    • When he brings up that aphrodisiacs do not work like Head-On:
    Tara: Monkey-On! Apply directly to genitals!
  • The volley of Sonic the Hedgehog jokes that result from the second Florida story.
    • They range from "Sonic Unleashed" to claiming that Sonic the Hedgehog owns the Sonic restaurant franchise.
    Nash: Hey Sonic! What do we do if there's a naked guy outside your restaurant?
    Lewis: That's no good!
  • Tara and Lewis have a religious debate... which veers into the topic of child psychology.
  • At the end of the What Have We Learned segment, the three end up trying to one-up one anothers' toy collections.
  • Special mention goes to Lewis' laugh during the chihuahua story.
    • "And Nash thought this would be too blue for me."
• 9/17/12 (A better Love Story than Twilight ):
  • The Stinger: Disembodied Orgasm Hippo doesn't work. Nash is thrilled.
  • The video opens up with everyone admiring JO's new hairstyle, which JO states people have said it resembled Reese's Pieces. Nash, however, doesn't agree.
    Nash: The fuck Reese's Pieces have you people been eating!?
  • In the story about the guy who breaks into people's houses and tell them God sent him to marry their daughters, Nash wonders if that's God's idea of a prank.
    Nash: "Guy. Hey, guy. Um.. Yeah, it's God. I want you to go to 287 Winslow and break in because, guess what? You're getting luck tonight. Go on, there you go... *Turns around, laughing* "Hey, Jesus! He's actually doing it, check this shit out! Where's the Holy Ghost, we gotta show him!"
    JO: Gabriel! Gabriel! *Mimics holding newspaper, in a British accent* "Oh, not this shit again..."
  • Nash and JO's speculations about the "strange noises" the stalker did into the telephone.
  • Three words: Monkey paratrooper rain.
  • The story about the documentary Donkey Love being entered in a film competition and WINNING horrifies everyone, until they find out this was from Australia and Tara thinks it all makes sense. Nash then tries to stop her, fearing he's going to get letters, but when she keeps going, Nash mimes writing a letter:
    Nash: "Dear Nash, I live in Australia, and I resent the idea that my people fuck donkeys. The red-headed woman is making me angry."
• 10/1/12 (More Cushion For the Pushin):
  • Tara makes Nash completely break down during the story about a man making love to an abandoned couch on the street:
    None of this would be a problem if the Invisible Woman wasn't such a bitch and would just own up.
• In one Christmas episode, Nash and JesuOtaku were wearing Santa hats. To keep with the Christmas theme, JO proceeded to drape Christmas lights over himself.
• 10/15/12 (Give Granny a Kiss): Nash's facepalm when Tara starts relaying another hilarious story from her childhood about melting her family's TV. Later, Tara's reaction to Nash's story about his father and dynamite:
  Tara: I'm sorry, and my childhood's fucked up? [...] My father never blew anything up. Yes, he set a dog's ass on fire, but that was an accident.
  • Nash and Tara talk about making a website that regularly updates to indicate where a certain man's penis is stuck that day.
    Today, my penis is stuck in a beagle!
• 10/22/12 (Abercrombie uber Alles): From a story where a man defecated himself during a fight with some cops:
  Nash: I'm imagining him sitting there, going "I should do something", and there's the angel and the devil. One of them goes "shit in your pants!", and the angel goes "...yeah! Shit in your pants!".
  • Also the Halloween special that accompanies the video, "This Is Hookerween." Most of their reactions to the Top Ten Worst Sexy Costumes qualify, but the #1 spot, a giant black inflatable penis costume, takes the cake. The more they look at it the more things they find wrong and offensive about it. Then Nash reads the description and discovers the costumes comes with "four AA batteries." Tara proceeds to ask what is simultaneously the best and worst question ever:
    Tara: Does it vibrate? (Video fades out on one of the most horrified faces that Nash has ever pulled.)
• 11/19/12 (Double-Clicking Your Mouse): A story of a man jerking off at a drive-thru of McDonald's makes Nash wonder why they keep getting stories of McDonalds shenanigans.
  Nash: Why does this keep happening?
  Tara: Grease makes for cheap lube? (The Fridge Horror hits Nash and creeps him the hell out!) And my work here is done!
  • Tara revealing that she knows a surprising amount about Pablo Escobar... because he's the reason that Colombia has a thriving hippo population.
• 11/26/12 (Black Friday Follies): Tara asks the channel to draw her fan art of the Evangelists as the Avengers.
• 12/17/12 (To Kill a Toilet): Before the episode starts, Nash presents a Christmas gift he got from Walmart: Excedrin, which is aspirin. Considering what he discusses on this show...it makes perfect sense.
  Nash: Walmart has realized I buy so much Excedrin, they're sending it to me for Christmas. (Beat) This is what you do to me.
• 12/31/12 (That Doesn't Go There 2012): Two men are wanted for assaulting a man while dressed as Oompa Loompas, Linkara composes a song...
  Linkara: Oompa Loompa without a trace, I am going to punch you in the face.
  JO: What do you get when you're drunk in Norwich? Attacked by two guys who... I don't know, fight like a bitch?
  • From the first story about a collection of items found in places (over the year of 2012) they really shouldn't be:
    • Lewis' reaction to the story when Nash first sends him the story.
    JO (singing): On the first day of Christmas, I jammed this up my butt!

2013

• 1/21/13 (All Aboard the Windex Express): The story about the cleaning lady who started a train by accident. First, Tara gets all giddy about stealing a train and making RDA Express and then the show devolves into Mr. Tran & The Toy Cack quotes.
  • A man broke into a house and baked a pie while in underwear. The article worded this incorrectly.
    Nash: Now what's wrong with that phrasing?
    Tara: He must have really, really been running a bad fever.
• 1/28/13 (Stop Drop and Jerk): The tie for "worst of the week" to end the episode- both featuring drug induced naked insanity. The first had a man who got high on Lysol, got naked, tried to set his bed on fire, tried to eat coins and taser barbs, growled at people, and finally bent over and spread his anus open and proclaimed "Who wants some?" The other is simply summed up as "violent naked pooping masturbator".
  • Nine words: "Take off your fucking fedora and do some heroin!"
  • Also, the opening to the episode: Tara is wearing fake glasses with hot-pink plastic rims- and pretending not to notice them; Nash is utterly bewildered. After about ten seconds of near-total silence, Nash finally asks, "Must you?"
  • Tara bitching about the friend zone while Nash quotes Airplane!.
    The friend zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the friend zone.
• 2/4/13 (Grand Theft Seabiscuit): Tara revealing the secret to her youth:
  Tara: I sleep in Tupperware filled with this mixture of argon-oil and unicorn blood and the tears of virgins. Works like a charm!
  • Tara has to ask Nash to rephrase the phrase 'comes at you', given the show's content...
• 2/11/13 (Can You Hear Me Now): Disembodied Orgasm Hippo returns. Much to Nash's dismay.
  • The story about a man who tried to hide a phone up his butt and was caught when the phone began ringing. Tara explains that it may be the first case of a "reverse butt-dial".
  • Nash claiming that God is a Troll during the story about a huge colony of flying spiders in Brazil.
• 2/18/13 (The Hard-Packed Snow): Nash and Oancitzen's reaction to the inevitable- a story about a police chase involving a donut truck.
  Oancitizen: (A la Homer Simpson) Mmm, Grand Theft Auto.
  • Kyle tries to come up with a verb that means 'to create a snow penis' and ends up with 'snow-dick'. Nash loses it.
• 2/25/13 (Flight of the SUV): Having recovered from last week's illness, Tara apologizes for not making an appearance, but speculates that trying to present her half of the show through charades wouldn't have been entertaining... whereupon Nash decides to run with it by tugging on his earlobe and making a certain gesture. Tara follows this up by making a hilariously overexaggerated "angry face" and hoisting two middle fingers at the camera. And this ended up being this episodes' thumbnail in the blip tv episode guide!
• 3/18/13 (Secret Canine Jihad): JO and Tara being divas about not having their names in the credits, after Nash plays the opening without the latter's name in it.
  • Tara's epic rant about sex toys and plastic splinters at Spencer Gifts.
• 4/1/13 (The Whizzinator): Space Guy and Linkara comparing their spaceships.
  Space Guy: I have a spaceship too....
  Linkara: (whispering into microphone) Mine's bigger.
  Space Guy: (quietly and defensively) It's not about the size it's how you use it...
  • Much all of what Space Guy says can count as this, but his comment that the Whizzinator should be a hands-free device stands out for making Linkara completely crack up.
  • Linkara's expression when the Dihydrogen Monoxide prank is brought up. Something about the fact that he knows where it's going.
• 4/29/13 (It's Too Damn Big): Nash recites a story title, only to be so utterly baffled at it that he starts trailing off mid-word.
  • One journalist used so many bad puns about the penis song they were writing about that Nash kept interrupting the article with his fervent wishes to kill the author.
  • The very next story's opening line has Nash flip the bird and yell FUCK YOU! The face Nash makes and the voice he says it in make it extra funny.
  • The article about the burglar scared by a cat. "They're not coming to rescue you. They're coming to arrest you."
  • The chat went nuts because a burglar in one of the stories looked eerily like Bennett the Sage.
• 5/12/13 (And Don't Call Me Shirley): The fact that someone stripped naked after claiming to be a monkey.
  • A man called 911 to get Koolaid and drugs (80 times!). Nash's reenactment is hilarious.
• 5/13/13 (Smoke Weed Erryday): The chat beginning a recitation of dozens of nautical-themed euphemisms for masturbating, bringing both Kyle and Nash to raucous laughter, finishing off with one viewer's simple declaration of, "Master Baiter", sending Nash into a fit.
• 5/20/13 (Catch Me If You Can): Tara spells 'hypocritical' as 'hippocritical'.
  • Tara suggests using small children as throwing weapons.
  • In an amazing display of timing, Tara's sound quality goes to 'demonic robot' just as she says that she saw a gif of Mr Hands.
    • It also kicked back in when she said that she wouldn't say Exterminate (and only that one word).
  • Tara springing Disembodied Orgasming Hippo on Nash. The look on his face screamed "I walked right into that one."
  • This exchange just before, in relation to a couple changing their kid's diaper on a table in Starbucks:
    Tara: You wouldn't take a shit on that table!
    Nash: Think about the stories we cover, Tara.
• 5/27/13: Tara went robot again, and it got worse.
  • The story about a group of medical staff who, for some reason, randomly had an orgy while at work. Nash was flabbergasted, to say the least.
• 6/3/13 (Kindergarten Cop 2: Judgement Day): A story about a naked man who starts shouting "nonsense" leads Nash and Tara to ask what nonsense was he shouting, leading the channel to start shouting Take Thats. These include "The Xbox One is a great system", "Michael Bay is a great director", and "Glenn Beck is an intelligent individual".
  • Nash and Tara also take a moment to mourn that it's never an attractive person who decides to get naked.
  • "Did I ever tell you about the time Nathan Fillion kicked my ass with his dick? At a kindergarten graduation?"
• 6/17/13 (How Many Licks): A teacher has his/her students write suicide notes inspired by The Secret Life of Bees. Tara wonders what you do for extra credit?
  • A naked man climbs a power transmission tower. Nash can't comprehend this AT ALL.
  • Tara threatening to ban the entire chatroom if anyone else mentions the fact that "at least he didn't try and put it in his butt" during the same story.
• 6/24/13 (Mushrooms Are Bad For You): A woman was arrested for impersonating a dentist. Even better? She's the wife of someone who attempted the same thing and was covered on the show.
  • Also, Tara was indignant that people kept making "Shock The Monkey" jokes... since she worked so hard to not make them.
• 7/1/13 (Headline Mad-Libs): During the story on a mature porn site that offered Paula Deen six figures to represent them, Tara cracked about how they should make it worth it — a video where Deen is sodomized with a buttered-up drumstick. This breaks everyone, from Nash to the audience to Mike, the producer. She then speculates on a hypothetical BDSM porn film that features Paula Deen punishing Fabio for using margarine.
  • She follows this up with even more outrageous suggestion in the wrap-up, and describes one site she linked Nash to before that showed a guy playing a drum with one hand and masturbating with the other.
    Nash: You're inspiring me to learn how to swallow my own tongue.
  • The last headline: "Homeowner Clubs Burglar with Pottery, Holds Him at Elephantpoint After he Urinates in Basement, Leaves Beer in Washing Machine". Surprisingly, It Makes Sense in Context. It is also a very accurate summary of what exactly happened.
• 7/8/13 (Junk in the Junk): The first story has Florida accidentally banning the internet from the entire state.
  Nash: So, thank you, Florida. I would like to thank you, and I would like to personally thank Governor Rick Scott for removing Florida from the internet!
  Tara: Thank them?! We're out of a job now!
  Nash: *Uproarious laughter*
  • Nash and Tara compare their real-life stories of really bad excuses people made to cover up the fact that they were running brothels.
  • After Nash and Tara get to a story about a woman who was caught having surgically implanted meth into her pelvis, Tara breaks down.
    Tara: I really... I really need people to stop transporting things inside their person. I really need people to stop swallowing things and shoving things in places they don't go and cutting themselves open and giving themselves breast implants full of cocaine! I really need people to stop doing this; my sanity can't take it! I'm starting to make Hitler jokes, for God's sakes! I can't take this shit anymore! (pause while Nash laughs) I saw a hashtag on Twitter, #ifmyvaginawasagun, and my first thought wasn't even, like, a reproductive rights issue, it was, like, 'oh, I remember that story'!
• 7/15/13 (Chronic Ghetto Booty)
  Florida story of the week: Man robs gas station after filling job application.
  A doctor tells his patient her bad back is the result of "ghetto booty."
  • Tara recalls the story of her orthodontist snapping two of her bottom teeth in half. All Nash can do is sit there with a terrified look on his face.
• 7/22/13 (Five-Dollar Foot Longs)
  • A marijuana pipe was found in a Happy Meal. At the end of the show, Nash realizes "Our Happy Meal toys sucked when we were kids!"
• 7/29/13 (The Rare Endangered Dildo): Nash tells the story of how he got accidentally rammed by Anne McCaffrey.
  "There is a Nash shaped dent on the front of her scooter."
  • Nash encourages all his non-white viewers to sign up to the KKK's Neighborhood Watch, just to fuck with their heads.
  • A 20-person fight breaks out at a Chuck E. Cheese. One of the chatters wants to know if the ball pit was involved. Later during the recap of the story, Nash wants to know if alcoholic beverages are served at Chuck E. Cheese. When Producer Mike copy pastes a drink menu as evidence that they do, Nash replies "That's a bad plan."
  • "I AM THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"
• 8/12/13 (Two Bongs Don't Make a Right)
  • The first story where an Australian politician mistakes 'Islam' for a country, the word 'harem' for the Quran and thought Jews worshipped Jesus Christ. The lack of research, it has to be seen, especially as it ended her political career after merely 48 hours.
    Nash: I am amazed at how fast she got ALL THE THINGS WRONG!!!
    Tara: ...
  • A drug dealer calls the cops when his stash is stolen. Nash says we learned that the cops are not your referee.
  • One of the items is about a fish that mistakes your balls for its favorite snack (meaning nuts). Nash says "Fuck you, nature!" ^note Turns out the story was fake.
  • The fact that somewhere out there, there is a summer camp based on The Hunger Games. Apparently not even the journalist could completely believe it.
    This Exists: Summer camp based on the Hunger Games
• 8/19/13: Stick a Fork in 'Im
  • The story about the dog that accidentally took its owner's car on a joyride, one highlight being that it managed to make a U-turn in traffic. Tara is pretty amazed.
• 8/26/13: The Ultimate Getaway Car (with Derek The Bard)
  • Right out the gate, we learn that the English Language is officially broken. The dictionary has been re-written so that the word "literally" also means "figuratively". Nash loudly proclaims "We broke the language."
  • A Winnebago crashes into a tavern in Boring. Of course the headline reads "Winnebago crashes into Boring Tavern." A person in the chatroom proclaims "It's not Boring anymore!"
  • Police chase a perp who got away...wait for it...on a mo-ped.
  • In Swaziland, a new law was passed fining witches on broomsticks, provided they fly higher than 150 meters. Derek says that'll ruin the next Quidditch game.
• 9/2/13: The Booty's Booty
  • Three Words: Screaming. Walk-in. Vagina.
• 9/9/13: That'll Do, Pig
  • A pig went on a drunken rampage. There was much rejoicing.
  • The escalation of nudity under the influence: a naked man jumping on and rolling off a police car's windshield while high on acid, a naked woman attacking several cars while high on coke and bath salts, a naked woman and man possibly under the influence of ecstasy sparking a fight with their local SWAT team.
• 9/16/13: Take Drugs, Fight a Bear
  • A man punches a bear and lives! Tara is worried that her boyfriend might find out.
  • There is an outbreak of herpes-infested monkeys in Florida. Tara says this is nature's way of telling Florida "I'm done with you."
• 9/23/13: The No-Pants Dance
  • In a story about a woman who threw feces at a cop, Nash berates the reporter for opening with a poop pun while unwittingly making several of his own. Tara is pleased.
  • Tara admits that she's never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Nash's eye starts twitching.
    • Someone in the chat then comments "burn the witch!" Being uninitiated, Tara's comment is that such an action wouldn't be a proportionate response, before realizing that it is, in fact, a reference to Holy Grail itself.
  • The story of a man who can make alcohol in his stomach. There were way too many jokes made to write them all here.
• 9/30/13: Naptime at 30,000 Feet
  • The discovery of an inflatable Pet Homosexual. Even more shocking, it's for ages 3 and up
    • Nash's reaction to Tara explaining how a 12 year-old would get pregnant because of it.
    • Tara suggesting that a 'g*y' doll, instead of being a gay doll, could instead be a goy doll.
  • The story of the Saudi Arabian cleric who claimed that women driving could "psychologically" damage the ovaries, cause the pelvis to be pushed upwards, and causes children to have clinical problems. Tara then sarcastically remarks that driving has pushed her ovaries to her back and caused her uterus to split in two.
• 10/7/13: Katamari Dildocy
  • "Each week... the computer won't fucking work properly..."
  • After a story about a company offering dildos to people affected by the government shutdown, Nash and Kyle remark that "the government shut down" could be exploited as the new "the dog ate my homework".
    • Cue Kyle stuttering uncontrollably while trying to come up with a reason for said vibrators...
    Nash: Ladies and gentlemen, our regular cohost has been replaced with Porky Pig!
    Kyle: *as Porky Pig* Th-th-the eh vibra-vibra-the vibra-the di-di-dildos...
  • Kyle trying to create a backstory to a woman who attacked a slushy machine while naked:
    Kyle: Her parents divorced after a terrible fight with a slushy machine... she lost a dog as a child when a slushy machine fell on it... she's not attracted to the slushy machine...
• 10/14/2013: Cop vs Squirrel
  • Nash discovers that in one story involving public masturbation, the town was called 'Beaverton' and the man in question's last name is 'Leatherman'.
  • Brian quoting The Simpsons, specifically Mr Burns saying 'I've never seen someone take to a Turkish prison so quickly.' Nash is both horrified and laughing very hard.
  • The sheer stupidity of the man trying to pass off failing an alcohol test as 'pouring it in his ear to prove Jesus right' caused Brian to get up and walk away after Nash says it's "because science." He then returns a few minutes later:
    Nash: I think we broke him already.
    Brian: *returns wearing goggles* It's because of science!!
• 10/28/13: Real Men Fight the Corn
  • The episode opens with Tara in a Batgirl costume, which Nash mistakes for Misfit, which makes her really sad.
  • Nash and Tara decide on the ultimate test for a man: Being able to fight through the cornstalks of a corn maze.
• 10/28/13: This is Hookerween 2013
  • Adult Robo Chick Robocop Costume
    Nash: Who saw Peter Weller with the helmet off, and with the fucking screwed up bald head welded into the metal bit—
    Tara: Yeah, that I remember; they just kinda fused his face on to a robot head and it was really weird looking, it kinda looked like the Borg Queen... Only not.
    Nash: Who saw that, and said "I want to stick my penis in that thing!" Who saw— WHO DID THAT?!
    Tara: Japan?
    [Beat. Nash acts as if he's going to raise a counter-argument, but thinks for a few seconds]]
    Nash: ...Probably, yeah.
  • Also from the Robocop costume, someone in the chat "I'd buy that for a dollar!"
  • Nash's rant upon seeing the Sexy Hamburgler costume.
    Nash: Robble... fucking robble...
    • Nash and Tara go on a sidetracked discussion on why the Hamburlgar was dressed in a prison uniform. "Maybe he's an escaped Hamburglar."
• 11/04/13: Trauma Llama
  • Summing up the way a pumpkin pie is made as a lead-up to this joke on criminals trying to smuggle cocaine in pumpkins.
    Tara: Man, I don't know what it is, your pumpkin pie's addictive.
  • Their entire reaction to the last story. Just...WHY!? "What happens when you dress as a Boston Marathon victim, and post it on Twitter."
• 12/09/13: Mind Bullets
  • "Do tin-foil hats protect you from imaginary arrows?"
  • Tara states that Microsoft's 'Smart-Bra design is unneeded, stating that bras are already annoying enough without them nagging. Nash responds by asking if it's possible "to have a texting argument with your tits" using the bra.
    • When it's revealed that the bra is designed to prevent stress-related eating, one chat member chimes in with "The MoodBra - calm your tits."
• 12/30/13: Such Money, So Stolen
  • There was a story where a man was high on meth, masturbating, and fought off 15 police officers who were tasing him. Nash and Tara were wondering what would happen if a guy were tased in the dick. You can be sure a story about a guy tasing his dick will come up eventually.
  • The Clerks references are just golden. "He was tackled by fifteen guys... in a row?"
  • A bit of black comedy from Tara at the beginning:
  Nash: That shit [the idea that Shia LeBeouf could become a Senator] is fuckin' plausible.
  Tara: Well, I know, that's why I'm heavily medicated.

2014

• 1/20/14: Even if its somewhat tearjerking now in hindsight, this episode was funny as hell.
  • Politician makes statement on immigration, via blackface.
    Justin: And he started the speech by saying "Yo, yo, yo," and ended it by saying "Word."
  • Would be carjackers can't drive a stick.
  • A would-be thief apparently went to Midvale School for the Gifted
  • How nice Canada is when dealing with bomb threats.
    Nash: YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!
  • Anatomically correct Cubs Mascot.
  • Express Checkout beat down!
• 1/28/14:
  • Tara gets a sound board. Hilarity Ensues.
  • A cow farts, causing a barn to blow up. Tara's response:
    Tara: Well, now we can't trust the cows, 'cause Al Qaida.
  • A raccoon causes electrical damage by chomping on wires. Cue cries of "Rocket Raccoon=/=Sly Cooper, no!" in chat.
  • Later, a toilet blows up, because of a defect. Cue Mythbusters jokes in chat.
    • Plus, Nash's idea for a montage of exploding toilets set to the 1812 Overture (or, as Tara suggests, 2001: A Space Odyssey).
  • Florida Man Rips Open Bag With Teeth, Eats Cocaine.
    • SNOWFLAME FEELS NO PAIN!
    Nash: It is our old favorite Florida man. He's back. And, WOW, this is a doozy. (Beat) I don't know how he's still alive.
    • Tara relates a story about one of her mother's patients who had snorted drugs so often that they'd worn a hole through their septum large enough to floss through with a tissue. Nash's reaction is priceless.◊
  • A man is caught dry humping his mailbox in the nude. Nash quickly points out that his mugshot looks like he's going "...why did I do that?"
• 2/16/14
  • It's discovered that a VERY lifelike sculpture of a sleepwalking man dressed only in tightey whities is outside a girls' dorm. Nash is speechless.
  • Upon reading the headline, "Crime Dog Actor Sentenced for Pot, Weapons".
    Nash: I would not think those two things would normally go together...
    Tara: No...
    Nash: Cause when I'm- when you're on pot you don't want weapons.
    Tara: Nice editing.
• 3/17/14: "Have Gun, Will Retweet"
  • The Douchequake manifests in real life, without Nash's prompting!^note The incident in question was a video of a news studio during a recent 4.4-scale earthquake in Los Angeles... just as a story about Chris Brown returning to court over violating parole was scrolling across the news ticker at the bottom of the screen.
• 3/24/14: "The Wonderful World of Arson"
  • Tara finally has the kitten on the show. The chat responds accordingly
• 4/28/14: "The Eight Inch Floppies of the Apocalypse"
  • Tara is repeated distracted by her kitty trying to steal her headphones. At one point, the two have a tug of war on camera while Nash tries valiantly to power through.
  • The last story. Victoria's Secret Compartment done very, very wrong.
• 5/12/14: "The Great Toilet Robbery":
  • While discussing Holocaust deniers and where they think six million people went.
    Tara: *reading a comment*: Ah, there we go, maybe they all went to the bathroom.
    Nash: *happily* Speaking of the bathroom!
    • Tara then laments her terrible superpower of inadvertently giving Nash segues and imagining her as an X-Man on a Segway. Nash notes that someone is drawing that.
• 6/2/14: "The Conductor of the Poop Truck":
  • After Nash mentions that tonights episode will have "horrible shit".
    Tara: I hope you're not talking about literal horrible shit.
    Nash: (Cackles like a cartoon villain).
  • Tara makes Nash walk out of the room with one simple question: "What's StarCraft?" And even after he comes back, the chatroom keeps yelling at her for a while.
• 6/23/14: "Red Bull Gives You Madness":
  • The video opens with Nash apologizing for the worse than usual video quality (due to streaming remotely from Manchester, England) by hitting himself in the head repeatedly with a skillet.
    Nash: Thank you for tuning in each week to watch my fish, now enjoy this week's live penis.
  • On a story about people smuggling human skeletons hidden within teddy bears:
    Tara: I didn't know teddy bears had skeletons...
• 6/30/14: "If You Give a Lion a Cookie":
  • A woman jumps the barrier at a zoo to feed a lion a cookie. Tara says, "Mmm. Dinner brought dessert!"
• 7/21/14: "Serial Pooper Task Force"
  • Nash tells a story about a time a friend's young kid came running up to him, punched him in the junk, and proceeded to claim "I'm Batman!".
  • During the final portion of the show, Tara's kitty Bridget suddenly decides to run around the room like a bat out of hell. At random intervals. Nash loves this.
  • Nash laments that the term "serial pooper" has to exist in society, but Tara finds a silver lining:
    Tara: Although, there's your easy Halloween costume. You know how there's always one guy at the party with a box of Lucky Charms with a knife through it? Now you cant just poop in that Lucky Charms box and carry it around!
    Nash: [makes a horrified expression]
    Tara: Maybe it should be a Cocoa Puffs box.
    Nash: Tara!
• 7/28/14: Allison Pregler and Brad Jones co-host the show from Nash's studio with him and Tara for the 14th anniversary. Brad's barrage of snarky one-liners just brought the house down.
  • Seeing Alison's reactions to past stories like the women who hid guns in their vaginas, and I think Brad has inspiration for his next movies.
• 8/4/14: Tara's webcam mic glitches at the very beginning, causing loud robotic noises to emanate whenever she tries to speak. Nash reacts amazingly, comparing it to the sounds the Zylons make in the vintage Atari game Star Raiders.
  • When further glitches cause Tara's call to be dropped twice, Nash speculates that Bridget the cat is downloading porn.
• 8/11/14: Nash points out that over a million people tuned in to watch the Fish Plays Pokemon stream.
  Tara: You know what that means. We need a fish.
• 8/25/14: "Come on Baby, "Like" my Fire"
  • On the subject of a woman setting a fire so her firefighter friends wouldn't be bored.
    Josh: My friend's a cop. I need to give him more work [does the hand-like-a-gun pose at Jack] bang.
• 9/8/14: "A Link to the Crash"
  • After coving the story where fake links to nude celeb photos crash New Zealand's internet:
    Tara: Wow, those were some lonely Hobbits. I mean, all the elves went into the west, what were they supposed to look at now?
  • Nash's reaction to the crashing is to point at the camera and laugh hysterically.
  • Tara has an amusing Malaproper moment when she mistakenly says focaccia instead of facacta (or farkakte, basically Yiddish for "fucked up").
    Tara: ...it's a little focaccia, you know?
    Beat
    Tara: I don't know why I just said focaccia, that's a kind of bread.
  • At one point Nash brings up the Star Wars prequels, and Tara interrupts him to describe a weird Star Wars dream she had. It begins "There was a bit where me, Padme, and my nieces were on this boat going through this icy river..." and gets weirder from there. Nash just sits there looking bewildered.
    Nash: What the fuck? What is even the fuck? What did you—what just happened?
• 9/15/14: "Super-Size Embalming With Fries":
  • Another great Tara quote:
    Tara: We're the 'can you fuck it' version of Mythbusters.
  • Tara tells a story about her dad's wake where her niece asked why only the top half of the casket was open, and Tara replied, "Oh, because Grandpa's not wearing any pants." This made Tara's mother crack up.
• 9/22/14 - "iDiot": There's a device that allows you attach your iPad to your face to experience virtual reality. It makes you look like this.
  Tara: We're in the wrong line of work, man. We make people look like idiots for free!
  • Tara questions the fact that the photos for the device were taken outside.
    Nash: No, you see, he's got the iPad on his face, he's got the camera app running, *Nash starts cracking up* so he can see the world in virtual reality!'
• 10/06/14: Nash, with Todd filling in for Tara, cover a story about a man who stole a bouncy castle and put it up in his yard.
  Todd: I respect this crime! In fact, if I was to steal a (Beat) *immediately shuts up and grins mischievously*
  Nash: Todd? Todd, are you gonna be on the show next week?
  Todd: No (Beat) Not next week. These things take time.
• 10/20/14: Nash says that given the detail of reporting about the guy who humped a My Little Pony doll, someone was obviously observing this, so he asks why didn't he intervene. Tara asks "would you?", which leaves him quiet and making him seriously contemplate his answer.
• 11/10/14: The Evil Stick. Everyone in the chat was expecting another appearance of it on the Bootlegs Zone.
• 11/17/14: Upon hearing the news that there is a "stupidity virus", Tara realizes that the show could be used for research.
  Nash: Like, the CDC pouring over my archives going: "We have to find Patient Zero! Where is he?!"
  Nash (as other scientist): "Well, apparently he's in Florida somewhere, sir!"
  Tara: We're doing important work! We're tracking the decline! They're gonna make bronze statues of us! (Beat) And then draw dicks on them."
• 12/1/14: Talking about a tendency of bad things to happen over and over:
  Nash: Remember the guy who stole an ambulance?
  Tara: Which one?
  Nash: Exactly.
• 12/22/14: "Shock the Monkey":
  • A man with the same name as Sean Connery's character in Highlander attempts to burn down a church, claiming he is Jesus. Nash and Petros decide that this is something Sean Connery would actually do.
  • Petros telling the story of when he overdosed on medication in Las Vegas on his 24th birthday, and asked a policeman to "take [him] to the boobies".
  • When discussing the titular story (an abandoned pet monkey got hyped up on chocolate in France, and had to be tased), Nash imitates how he thinks the monkey's previous owner acted, producing some kind of accent between Inspector Clouseau and Tommy Wiseau.
    Nash: "Fuck you, monkey! I don't want you anymore!"
  • Nash's recurring tale of getting so drunk he thought he was Jesus is topped by Petros, who has gotten so drunk he woke up in another country. Twice. First Wales, then Scotland.

2015

• 2/3/15: SUMMON THE BEEKEEPER!!
  • This says it all:
    Nash: Gwyneth Paltrow —
    Tara: Oh, God.
  • Tara remarks on the show the week before, the chat dubbed Dan as "Replacement Bridget", right on cue, Bridget attempts to tackle a piece of ribbon, overshoots and tumbles off the bed. Nash stifles his laughter before Tara's next remark of "I don't think Dan's ever going to do that." gets Nash to burst out laughing.
• 2/9/15 (The Hugh Hefner Redemption):
  • On the story of Iggy Azalea's number getting leaked by a Papa John's delivery driver, Tara has a question: If she's "so fancy", why is she ordering from Papa John's?
  • Tara's entire story of how much of a pain it is to get her nephew to do his grammar homework, especially the part where he "accidentally" drew on it.
• 2/16/15 (50 Shades of Blue Cross) - Tara is actually impressed by a drunk driver's plan to pour water on the road to make it look like the damage to his car was caused by ice on the road, at least until she learns he left and came back to get the water when he could have just left and no one would have been the wiser.
  Tara: For hatching a diabolical plan while totally fucked up, that's pretty good. It's simple, it's believeable...
• 3/9/15 (A Dime Bag of Grampa): Nash answers Tara's Skype call only to find himself face to face with Disembodied Orgasm Hippo. His reaction is priceless.
  Nash: Fuck's sake! (facepalm)
  • One story is about a New Hampshire woman who dug up her father's grave while trying to find his "real will". Tara points out the Fridge Logic, making Nash crack up:
    Tara (annoyed): Why is that something you would bury with you, you idiot?! That's the definition of a thing you'd leave behind!
    • Tara also gets a chuckle out of the fact that the family's name is Nash. "Ha ha, it's funny 'cuz it's you."
• 3/30/15: Nash shows an article about a childrens' light-up Spider-Man costume being recalled because using the wrong kind of battery in it could make it explode. Tara questions if that could actually happen; her boyfriend (whom she even calls her expert on exploding things) chimes in from off-screen with "What, batteries exploding? Oh yeah, you can make batteries explode, I'll show you later." Cue wide-eyed Oh, Crap! look from Tara as Nash absolutely dies laughing.
• 4/19/15: (Only God Can Bone A Tree) Since Nash was taking part in the Atop the Fourth Wall movie, this episode has a ton of guests, all of whom help bring the funny.
  • When discussing the mailman who landed a gyrocopter on the White House lawn, Brad Jones quips "Mr. President, you just shot down the old man from Up!"
  • On the subject of a man who got high on bath salts and had sex with a tree while proclaiming himself God, Linkara put on an old man voice and ranted about how When I Was Your Age..., we didn't need fancy new drugs because we had cocaine, prompting Dodger to interject "Shut up, old man Snowflame!"
  • On the subject of a truck full of bees overturning, Tara mentions a book she had as a child where a town dealt with a swarm of bees by making a giant jam sandwich and trapping the bees inside. Linkara's reaction: "...This was Plan A."
  • On the subject of a man who set his house on fire trying to kill a mouse, when the group gets a good look at a photograph of the man, they remark that he looks like Ron Swanson with a shaved head. This prompts reactions like Lewis saying "Why did I burn down my house? I have this permission slip here!" and Nash supplying "Don't tell me what I'm about, son."
    • Then; Brad has this reaction, at the Mug Shot; "Dad!?".
• 5/11/15: Nash shows a video from Thailand where a man has sex with a car. Tara's response? "Well, now we know where Transformers come from..." Nash dies laughing.
  • She then amends her statement with "At least the shitty offensive Michael Bay Transformers."
• 5/25/15: (Grandma vs. Robot) Tara mentions that the Sephora 50 Shades of Grey-branded makeup was all brown. Nash responds, "...You had one job."
  • One southern sex ed teacher shows 50 Shades in her classroom, while a southern math teacher lets students have sex in an empty classroom, even supplying them with condoms. Tara immediately dubs them Redneck Avengers.
• 6/1/15: (Open With The Handy) Nash facepalms at the story of a man who tried to get away from cops by stealing a man's electric wheelchair, as well as his phone. It's a story worthy of a Douchequake... except Nash can't find the song file and has to sing it himself.
• 6/8/15: One story has a man, apparently neither drunk nor high nor mentally ill, climbing onto and dancing on top of a parked police vehicle... to ward off vampires. In the middle of broad daylight. Dan, Tara, and (reluctantly) Nash agree that since no one was attacked by a vampire, it had to have worked.
• 6/15/15: (Five Nights at Realdolls): At the end, instead of doing cute little kitty things, Miracle farts on camera.
• 6/22/15: (Annie, Get Your Gun (Out of There)): A story reminds Tara of a Burger King promotional site called "Subservient Chicken", a chicken in a garter and stockings which will do what you type into a command bar. Someone in the chat finds a copy of the site. Nash becomes very scared of what he sees. Particularly when he tells it to run, it gets down into an Olympic start position before charging full tilt at the camera, making Nash scream.
  Nash: AHHHHHHH!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!
• 6/29/15: (Chicken Slayer Romance): When asked if he was prepared to co-host, ChaosD1 held up a bottle and flask of booze.
• 07/20/15: (My Milkshakes Bring all the Cops to the Yard) Two words: vagina robbery. The article was surprisingly brief on details, as well, so both Nash and Tara couldn't figure out the how or why— especially since, as Tara pointed out, money is potentially covered in germs.
  • The chat also decided "Cocaine Pussy Robbery" would be a good name for a rap song.
  • In another story, a burglar is identified because of a sex toy he left behind. Tara immediately starts speculating about what the sex toy is, up to and including a dildo on a pogo stick. Nash gets up and leaves the room.
• 7/27/15: (The Mysterious Pooper): A man has been pooping on a Norwegian golf course for ten years and Nash and Tara wonder who would possibly do this. Enter Dan, with a roll of toilet paper. Nash's laughter lasts a whole forty seconds.
  • Somewhat before that: the golf course owner said that the mystery pooper "...Must be someone who, for whatever reason, hates the game of golf." Nash's response? "Motherfucker, you don't need a reason to hate the game of golf!"
• 8/3/15: (God Hates Banjos): Tara gleefully admitting she watched the Guardians of the Galaxy porn parody (starring Groin), much to Nash's dismay.
• 8/10/15: (The Bee Train): Tara's face when Nash is reading the story about the man with the cardboard box of bees in a subway station. Especially her grimace when the man offers to demonstrate the box's strength by kicking it.
• 9/7/15: (Buttmunchausen Syndrome): Nash wonders why someone would carve their name into the Alamo. Tara, advocating Do Wrong, Right as usual, suggests carving someone else's name instead.
• 9/28/15: (Half-Cocked) This exchange:
  Nash: So Let Me Get This Straight..., you want to run around your house with a giant dildo bat, killing spiders.
  Tara: It would work.
  • Especially funny if you are familiar with the LP'er Mangaminx, who once killed a spider with a dildo.
• 10/12/15: (Drunk and Naked Science): Tara (inadvertently, as she is wont to do) guesses Airbus' method of getting more people into a plane - by stacking them on top of each other. She's not pleased to realize that her joke is spot-on.
• 10/19/15: (Wheels on 'Exploding' Fire): During a story about a man who drove a van full of live ammunition over a garbage fire to put it out, the chat says it sounds like something Arlo would do. Nash proceeds to explain the thought process in Arlo-ese.
  • Honestly the only way it could have been funnier is if he had added subtitles when he put it up on YouTube.
• 10/26/15: (The Witch Next Door): The show opens with Tara in cracked doll makeup and stroking a cat skeleton saying "Hi, I'm Talking Tara."
  Nash: Goodnight, everyone!
• 12/21/15: (Christmas Goat War): Nash played a parody song "The Most WTF Time of the Week" by M Sipher and David A. Scott JR. It can be listened to here, and it is glorious.
• 12/29/15: (That Doesn't Go There 2015): One of the headlines reads "Man pulls pistol on St. Paul sex shop clerk, demands new penis pump" and the incident occurred on Christmas Day. Tara immediately looks towards Dan and says "You told me you were going out for beer!" Nash absolutely loses it.
  • Further proof that Tara should try stand-up: A story has a man drive a Dodge Challenger through two businesses, a tax accountant and a casket shop. Tara immediately decrees that since the only two certainties in life are "death and taxes", and the man was driving a Challenger, he was literally "challenging life's only certainties". Nash could only stare for a minute with his mouth agape while the whole chat applauded.
  • Recounting the various objects people have inserted into their bodies this past year, Nash gets to a man who inserted a drinking straw into his genitalia while high on meth. Tara claims that her fiancee Dan is off screen doing just that. A moment later, Dan's hand enters the frame to offer her a drinking straw.

2016

• 1/18/16: (Toxic Stupid Syndrome): Things Grady^*Nash's new kitten Likes:
  Nash: Grady likes sleep... he likes food... he likes pooping... he likes the feather toy...
  • Things Grady Hates:
    Nash: Grady doesn't like when I stand up. Grady doesn't like when I walk anywhere in his vicinity. He doesn't like when I sit on the floor anywhere nearby him. Grady doesn't like being picked up.◊ Grady doesn't like when I make any kind of random noise: cough, sneeze, clearing my throat, hates that shit! Grady does not like when I change clothes; he really doesn't like that! Grady does not like when I open the door; Grady does not like when I close the door! Grady doesn't like when a duck farts two miles away!"
  • Also, from Twitter:
    Nash: Tip for cat owners: nothing silences a whining cat like a 12oz. soda belch. I think mine is in shock."
• 2/1/16: (We All Need the D): The episode opens with Nash saying hi to Miracle while Tara scratches her butt...and she grunts back at him.
• 2/15/16: (Hands at 10 and 6): Since Tara and Dan are visiting his family, they're present for the show this week. When Nash narrates a compilation article about sex injury data, he talks about one reported incident where a man got PVC pipe and a horse halter ring stuck on his penis, causing Dan's mom to burst out laughing in the background. Despite her insistence that the show is hysterical, an embarrassed Nash buries his head in his hands.
• 2/22/16: (Drunkey Monkey Knifey): Talking about accents:
  Tara: I don't have an accent! Y'all have an accent!
  Dan (offscreen): You realize you just said "y'all" when talking about....
  Tara: Oh, shut up!
  • Later, discussing a guy who set fire to his house with a blowtorch trying to unfreeze his pipes:
    Tara (to Dan, offscreen): Do you have a blowtorch?
    Dan (after a pause): Yes.
    Tara: SHIT.
• 3/14/16: (Who Peed in Your Cereal?): When discussing the title story (a man peed on Kellog's corn flakes in the factory), Tara has an amazing question.
  Tara: Do you think they go snap, crackle, pop when you pee on them?
• 3/21/16: (This is for Brodie): After a poorly phrased segue from Nash:
  Tara: Hey Dan, did you know I'm a woman?
  Dan (offscreen): Really? I thought I was gay.
  • Also, when talking about a man stealing a video game, Nash makes a joke about the criminal stealing a Pokemon game. Which makes Tara ask if Pokemon is a video game, leaving Nash completely speechless for about a minute.
• 5/9/16 (Al-Gebra): Dan demonstrating how much nail polish Tara has.
  [He comes on screen holding a box, shakes it, and puts it back]
  Tara: (embarrassed) That's my nail polish. That's just the ones I use most often.
  [He shakes another box from just off-screen]
  Tara: It's only a half-hour bit.
  [He shakes another box from just off-screen]
  Tara: And don't bring the rolling cart from upstairs.
  [He shakes another box from just off-screen]
  Dan: There's more.
• 6/27/16 (Price Check on Meat and Two Veg): Nash and Tara reenacting the reactions of the firemen after reading a story of a teenage girl getting stuck in a Barney the Dinosaur head and the fire department having to free her:
  Nash: (fake southern accent) My daughter is stuck inside a dinosaur!
  Tara: (imitating a firefighter) She got stuck in a what, now?
  Nash: (imitating another firefighter) She got stuck in a dinosaur.... (sigh) Ma'am, have you been drinking?!
• 7/11/16 (Bae Interns Get Lit) : Dan apparently engaged in, as Nash put, a weekend-long dick measuring contest with John Rhys-Davies during ConnectiCon, in continuation of a previous argument from New York Comic Con about whether or not Dan's desired psychology degree was A Degree in Useless. Hell, it was the only reason he even went to the con.
  • Dan shares details of the first argument. After several instances of Rhys-Davies telling people going into psychology to get degrees in a real science while looking right at Dan, his joke about the difference between a psychologist and a proctologist prompted Dan to reply "Yes, sir, I know exactly what a proctologist does because I've been looking at an asshole all weekend." Rhys-Davies thought this was Actually Pretty Funny.
  • From the same con, Tara saying she caught a Pikachu, despite not having Pokemon Go.
    Nash: Those were cosplayers, Tara.
• 7/25/16 (Ron's Creamy Surprise) A commenter sums up Dan and Tara's relationship. Note that it also works the other way around.
  Tara (reading): "Tara is one of those people that you can be in love with and terrified of at the same time."
  (Turns around)
  Tara: Dan-
  Dan (offscreen, and pretty much instantly): Yes!
  • McDonald's in New Zealand had a site where you could customize your own burger,which was taken down after it was hijacked by inappropriate suggestions, including "Ron's Creamy Surprise," which was just a pile of mayonnaise. Nash was laughing his ass off.
• 8/1/16 (The Wrath of Dickface Johnson): At the beginning of the show, the special guest, the Rap Critic, told the story of graduating from his college to get a picture of a turtle instead of a diploma, leaving Nash speechless.
  • The titular story, a gentleman who, when arrested, said that he had the alias of 'Dickface Johnson'. Predictably, Nash and RC had a field day.
• 8/22/16 (If This Van is a'Rockin...): A story that cracks Nash up all the way through reading it:
  Nash: Dad mistakenly eats kid's pot brownies. Nebraskan, 53, crawled on floor, called cat a 'bitch'.
• 9/5/16 '(The Naked Candy Bandit): Since the episode was recorded on Grady's birthday, Nash makes him wear a blue party hat (that's completely covering one of his eyes). Grady gives the camera a look that screams "I will murder you in your sleep."
• 9/12/16 (Twin Towers of Savings): A story involving a "school history day", an event which involves children going to school dressed up as famous historical figures. Pretty much almost immediately Tara sees red flags;
  Tara (wary): ... There's a lot of historical people you shouldn't send your kid to school as...?
  Nash: You know what, you're on the right track. Holy shit, are you on the right track.
  Tara (fearing the worst): ... Okay... I'm waiting to see a five-year-old dressed like Hitler...
  Nash: - You know what!?
  (And yes, of course the story is of a child going to school dressed up as Hitler)
• 9/19/16 (The Dread Gazebo):
  • Nash is annoyed that with all the birthday presents he got Grady, the cat's favourite toy is the lid of a fruit cup.
  • As Nash reads a story about a man who stole and crashed a DeLorean, he gets so annoyed by the article's Back to the Future references that he reads the article in a derp voice.
• 9/26/16 (Little Electronic Vajayjays): Tara explaining why drilling a hole in an iPhone won't create a headphone jack... using sexual metaphor. Nash cracks up the whole time.
  • Tara calling Peggie and Dottie whores.
• 10/3/16 (The Acid Evangelical): Linkara's first line pretty much sums up the tone for the night.
  Linkara, blurry, muffled, and wearing a jack-o-lantern on his head: All right, I'm ready for the threeway.^note  Tara is away that night, but Matthew is also guesting at Nash's place.
• 10/11/16 (Snitches Get Hot Pink Stitches): Nash and Tara are talking about a time-honored tradition, a fight breaking out at a Chuck E Cheese during a birthday party. Nash mentions how his 10th birthday party was pretty normal with pizza, Transformers and video games. And then we see just how wise Nash has gotten to Tara's stories.
  Tara: I'd hate to tell you what my 10th birthday party was.
  Nash: Did you just do The Purge or something, your stories are horrible.
  • The best part: she had a Statue of Liberty-themed birthday party.
• 10/17/16 (Gasoline Abhors a vacuum): For Nash's birthday, Mike sent him a novelty Rastafarian hat. He puts it on and looks hilariously miserable. He later puts it on Grady, who is having none of it. Tara thinks Grady's fitting, as "he's white, lazy and culturally insensitive".
  Tara, to the tune of "I Shot the Sheriff": I ate the catnip, but I did not eat the Fancy Feast!
• In the wrap-up for the Halloween 2016 episode, when discussing a man who lit his house on fire while trying to burn away weeds, Tara remarks "The list of things to which fire is the solution is finite." She then immediately looks to her side and says "Shut up." A few seconds later, you can hear her husband Dan responding "It really isn't."
  • Tara's audio went robot for a short while, replacing all her words with beeps.
• 11/21/16 (Playing Chopsticks the Hard Way): A man had an entire neighborhood Citizens Arrest him for menacing them with an air horn. What makes it is the mans mugshot, which has Nash doubled over laughing.
  Tara: This is an Air Horn given human form!
• 12/13/16 (Traffic Blows): The entire intro with Nash's complete befuddlement over Tara's 'majestic Christmas hippo', producer Mike's Santa sweater gift for Dan and then praising Dottie for being the only creature in the house with sense and lauding her attempts to destroy the aforementioned hippo.

2017

• 1/3/17 (Samurai Donut Shop): Before the episode started, something went wrong with the audio on Tara, turning all of her speech into unrecognizable (yet musical) beeps. The chat instantly made comparisons to Daft Punk.
• 1/9/17 (WiFi Proof Underwear): Right when Nash is introducing the CES stories, Dan suddenly walks on-screen with a box with Peggy in it and puts it on the kitten tower. And then she proceeds to claw at Tara anytime her hand comes near.
• 2/6/17 (Really High Mass): It's finally official: after White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer's antics have shown up on the show three weeks in a row, the show's getting a 'This Week in Spicer' segment, detailing whatever nonsense he's been getting up to (this week it was a rambling statement seemingly implying that Spicer thought Frederick Douglass was still alive). Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight, as Spicer wouldn't do anything else to appear on the show for over a year.
  • In the previous episode, it was revealed that Tara got Grady (Nash's cat) a treat-toy, that you fill with treats and give to the cat, whereupon they knock over the toy to shake the treats out of. In this episode, we learn that Grady Took a Third Option and simply decapitated the toy and ate all of the treats inside. It was nearly two months before Nash found the toy's head.
  • When reading an article, Nash flubs a line slightly: instead of saying a man was wearing a balaclava^note a face mask, he was wearing a baklava^note a pastry, though he notes that the latter would've made just as much sense.
• 3/20/17 (One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Butt Fish): Upon finding out Tara has never seen The Goonies, Nash expresses disappointment at her never having seen 'an American cultural touchstone'. And then this conversation takes place.
  Tara: I've seen Gremlins, isn't that the same thing?
  Nash: *facepalm*
  Dan: *laughs*
  Nash: It's Spielberg!
  Tara: Oooooh, so was Kingdom of the Crystal Skull!
  • Tara, at one point, turns off-screen and yells 'oh, you're not gonna make that, oh no'. Which then leads to an amazing quote and insane laughter from Nash.
    Tara: Dottie just Gandalf'd off the other tower. ^note Dottie tried to jump to another level of the cat tower that had a blanket on it. She jumped, grabbed the blanket and then slid off the tower.
• 4/24/17 (Thousand Pound Bra): Nash demonstrates what he does when he has no good segue.
  Nash: Now let's talk about boobs.
• 5/1/17 (Shave and a Haircut, Two Clips): Discussing the Amazon Echo Look camera, built to rate your outfit, and the inevitability of it being hacked, Nash and Tara already know what hackers are gonna see.
  Nash, with Grady in his lap: The only furry little dick you're gonna see is this thing.
• 5/29/17 (Midnight (Pigeon) Express):
  • Nash and Tara are discussing the story of 3 people who got busted for having a threesome in a closed restaurant. As they begin to move on, Tara spots a truly special comment. For the first time in the show's history, someone in the chat revealed that they had a direct connection to someone in a story. In this case, a viewer went to high school with one of the perps.
  • In the same story, Nash commits a beautifully unintentional Double Entendre:
    Nash: Three people from three completely different states came together - well, we don't know if they did or they didn't - [Tara cracks up] but they joined together...
  • While discussing the story of a neighborhood jackass who unplugged a bouncy castle at a toddler's birthday party, Tara points out the paradox of the asshole wanting to stop the noise from the party - only to get more noise from all the terrified children and police sirens. She also ponders what might have happened if the plug happened to be connected to say, grandma's oxygen.
    Tara: Don't just pull random plugs! Especially in Florida, it's heaven's waiting room! [Beat] Or, alternatively, you could blow up their meth lab! You don't know-
    Nash: [dies laughing]
• 6/12/17 (911 Is A Joke In Your Town): Sunny Jim makes a guest appearance. Their first story has a mother bear and her cubs take over Dracula's castle. Tara suggests that one of those bear cubs is Lyanna Mormont, while Jim declares:
  This blood is too positive, this blood is too negative...
  • Apparently, in her LARP - ing days, Tara wanted a Ghoul Hippo, while in his LARP - ing days, Nash had a friend who employed a Ghoul Raccoon.
  • In the coda:
    Jim: We haven't had a celebratory nude food thing, have we?
    Nash: No.
    Jim: *mimes throwing off a shirt* This quiche was amazing!!
• 8/22/17 (The One That Didn't Get Away): Nash as a drunk Ariel. Just all of it.
• 8/28/17 (Everybody's Free To Wear Sunscreen): Nash, Tara and Dan get into a discussion about why men would want fake guns.
  Nash: It's the same reason men stuff socks down the front of their shorts, Tara.
  Dan: *gestures to the screen in agreement*
  Tara: *pointing at Dan* He told me that was cause they were absorbent.
  Nash: *bursts out laughing*
  Dan: *laughing* Well done. I'm not even mad. Well done.
  Tara: *grins*
• 9/18/17 (The Hamburger): Tara was off for two weeks. She makes up for lost time by utterly breaking Nash... before the show proper starts. She did so by telling him about Puppetry of the Penis. She is then astonished that people have to be told that the site is NSFW.
• 10/2/17 (He Let the Monkeys Loose): Nash has trouble believing a spokesman for a bank taken over by racoons is named Mark Hamill.
  • When Nash brings up a story about a suspect being lured out of a tree after being promised a taco, Tara says that would absolutely work on Dan. Dan agrees.
• 10/9/17 (Sobriety Not Guaranteed): When discussing a story about a pumpkin spice air freshener causing a school evacuation, Tara mentions that now would be a good time to have Dan on (who was elsewhere that night) because he could tell everyone if there were poison gases that smelled like pumpkin spice. However, he was watching since he texted Tara within 30 seconds to confirm that there are indeed no poison gases that smell like pumpkin spice.
• 11/20/17 (Goin' Up To The Phallus In The Sky): Nash opens the show by singing a penis-themed parody of Spirit In The Sky (for which the episode is named), then admits he'd actually choose a penis in the sky if it was an available afterlife. This turns out to be inspired by a Navy pilot skywriting a dick.
• 12/4/17 (Drunk Possum Hero): The discussion concerning a Florida opossum breaking into a liquor store and getting drunk on bourbon.
• 12/11/17 (Murderbush): Tara was off for a week. She makes up for lost time by utterly breaking Nash before the show proper starts...again. This time, she did so by telling him about her and Dan's trip to Uranus, Missouri. Basically, all the Uranus Is Showing and Deep South stereotypes you could ever think of all rolled into one.
• 12/19/17 (Free Liver Inscription): Grady interrupts the show to wave his tail in Nash's face.

2018

• 01/10/18 (There's Something on the Wing of the Plane): When the show starts with a chainsaw story, you know that the episode is filled with crazy. To elaborate, the stories are:
  • A man with a chainsaw yelling racial slurs at his neighbor.
  • A man breaking into a pharmacy with a backhoe.
  • A Russian man stealing a tank and smashing it into an open supermarket to steal a single bottle of wine.
  • A man leaving through the emergency exit of his plane and climbing onto the wing because he was getting fed up with waiting to disembark.
  • A flight being diverted because someone vandalized no less than two bathrooms and tried to flush his shirt.
  • A man overdosing on Herbal Viagra before running around naked through an airport and throwing his own poop at people.
• 2/19/18 (Yes, Australia is a Country): Nash picking up Grady, holding him like a baby and trying to keep a conversation with Tara going while Grady paws and bites at his hand. And then when he puts him down, Grady spends a good half minute thwapping Nash with his tail, almost as revenge.
• 3/26/18 (The Limits of Duct Tape): In a story about a lawyer showing a dissatisfied client a picture of his testicles after cancer surgery, Nash breaks out into "Look at this photograph!". This would be funny enough on a normal night, but standing in for Tara is Luke from Rocked, who did a Regretting the Past review of that album, a video that Nash himself was in.
• 9/10/18 (Stop Shooting the Ghost): The last story features a magical story about a naked man who got drunk and high off his ass at 9 in the morning, tried to make cookies on his George Foreman Grill, tried to put out the resulting fire with dry towels, and when the police showed up to investigate, he simply opened his door, said "I'm sorry," and closed the door again like nothing happened. Both Nash and Dan had trouble keeping a straight face just reading the story.
• 11/19/18 (The Testimatic): Luke, who doesn't swear, tries to diplomatically paraphrase a quote from the "Suspicious Dart Farts" story by saying "crap" instead of "shit". Nash has none of it.
  • Luke ends up doing sports-style commentary on the darts match in which the farting happened, specifically covering the farting.
• 12/24/18 (Flamethrower vs Angel):
  • Would-be shoplifters choose to go in while a Shop with a Cop event is going on. They are naturally busted.
  • Midway into the show, Loki begins constantly barking, which an offscreen Sarah points out it's due to Christmas fireworks outside, to which Nash indignantly reacts to the idea of fireworks on Christmas (which likewise prompts an equally-annoyed Dan, of all people, to throw his hands up at the idea and Tara to complain the fireworks in their area are likewise frightening Simba). It gets better. When Nash tries to start the next story, he can't get past the first few words of the article as he keeps getting interrupted from another firework from going off and therefore freaking poor Loki out once again, to a point it almost seems like it's perfectly timed JUST to interrupt Nash's attempts to read the story. This goes on for about 5 minutes, prompting laughter from everyone at the absurd timing each time.
  • The last story, which involves a metal band that Dan listens to. Before reading the headline and outlining the stupidity, Nash bets Dan on how much the story will surprise the latter. And does it?
    Headline: Tampa death metal rocker had flamethrowers, warned of 'rapture', officials say.
    Dan: Alright, I am surprised.

2019

• 1/7/19 (Karate for Beginners): The title story has a woman managing to escape her would-be kidnapper before running into a nearby karate studio for help. When the kidnapper follows her into the studio, the head karate instructor, still in his karate garb, politely asks the man to leave. Not only does the man refuse to leave, he then tries to take a swing at the instructor. No prizes for guessing what happens next, as the suspect later needed to be carried out on a stretcher following his arrest (not that it stopped him from also trying to assault the police arresting him). Even the article's title called it a bad move on the kidnapper's part.
• 2/11/19 (Octogenarian Battle Royale): While discussing the titular story, about a brawl breaking out in an old folks home over a bingo dispute, Tara relays a story about her doing some help at a bingo game. When saying that 'not picking the right balls' has become a motif in her life...well, Dan's reaction has to be seen to be believed.
• 4/2/19 (Wa Wa What?) Nash has been diagnosed with dangerously low levels of Vitamin D, for which his doctor has given him high-dose supplements.
  Tara: You could hang out in the sun...?
  (Beat)
  Nash: So I'm taking these pills.
• 5/20/19 (Someone is WRONG on the Internet) takes its title to its logical conclusion.
  Nash: Have you ever had a moment online, when the need to prove someone wrong has outweighed your own self-preservation instincts?
  (Dan raises his hand in the background)
• 6/3/19 (Propane Accessories (After the Fact)) In one of the stories, a man lead police on a car chase and tried to jump the bridge. He then fled the vehicle. He left his prosthetic leg behind. He escaped.
• 6/17/19 (Grand Theft Amish) where the first story has Nash considering renaming the show to "It Happened Again" because of the amount of stories that keep happening.
• 9/2/19 (If You Give a Bear a Timbit) The last story itself is hilarious on its own, but guest host Zenith puts the Title Drop as such:
  Zenith: If you give a moose a muffin, it'll probably want some jam. If you give a bear a Timbit, it's gonna eat your arm!
• 12/9/19 (Let It Snow): During the opening, Tara reveals an ornament she'd had for a while (it used to be of Santa pulling a sleigh with a hippo in it, but due to being dropped/mauled by cats, it now is just the hippo, minus a few limbs). It had a speaker that originally played "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" inside, but after years of abuse and dying batteries, it now just sounds like it's rhythmically farting.
  • And as a cap-off to 12/30/19's Rectalspective, Tara duets the farting ornament and the singing one. It Makes Sense in Context.

2020

• 1/7/20 (Ready, Aim, Selfie!): Nash's opening narration about how trying to get the floorboards out of his house for a contractor to replace the floors keeps getting worse. It ends with a muddy soaked cold plumber screaming obscenities from underneath their house.
• 5/11/20 (Red Red Wine): The last story is about a man who pulled off some Mad Max-worthy stunts, leaping onto a moving truck to... drink the wine out of it. Nash and Tara are baffled at how the act seemingly took a lot of planning and was so stupid at the same time.
• 6/1/20 (We All Live in a Stupid Submarine): Nash giving a Civil War lesson for the ages as he tells the story of the ill-fated H. L. Hunley. In particular, the fact that this horrible excuse for a prototype submarine did more casualties to the Confederates over two test runs and its launch than the Union, including its designer.
  Tara: How did they find a second set of people willing to do this?
• 9/14/20 (A Challenge for the Rinse Cycle): Tara points behind her and tells the story of how they don't have cat towers with toys because the 'big fella back here' ^note Simba, sitting next to Dan keeps eating the string and pooping it out. And then as Nash introduces the next story, Tara mentions 3 simple words from the chat.
  Tara: 'Dan or Simba?'
  • There's also the end, where Grady lays in his basket and Nash plays with him. In a strange reversal of roles, while Tara is talking like a normal person, Nash is giving Grady belly rubs and making strange noises while getting his hand gnawed on.
• 10/13/20: In a weird re-run, we once again have a story involving a threesome in an inappropriate place where someone knows one of the people involved. This time around was a case where a priest had a threeway on an altar and filmed it. For bonus, the other two participants were dominatrixes. For double bonus, the person who knew her was Dan.
• 10/26/20: Appropriately for the show's content half the time, Nash's Halloween costume this year is Launchpad McQuack.
• 11/23/20 (DoorDash, The Hard Way): During the wrap-up, when talking about a story of a man firing a flamethrower on top of a New York City bus, this exchange happens:

  Tara: Could you have a flamethrower? Yes. Should you have a flamethrower?

  Dan: Yes.

  Tara: No!

2021

• 1/19/21 (Scent of a Woman): Nash and Tara mention how they're looking forward to having regular weirdness (i.e. not involving the Trump administration) on the show. They the hit the ground running with stories about a vagina-scented candle explosion, a car thief mouthing off to his victim about leaving her child unattended, a serial toilet thief and a man whose first day at work involved injecting bath salts and fentanyl (at the same time, no less) before going on a drug-fueled rampage.
  • From Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina-scented candle incident:
    Nash: "The candle exploded and emitted huge flames with bits flying everywhere." So, a lot like having sex with Gwyneth Paltrow.
    Tara: I was gonna say, I guess Tony didn't really cure Extremis, did he?
    [Nash and Dan crack up laughing]
• 2/23/21 (THEY'RE GREAT): The opening story is about the seizure of frosted flakes coated with cocaine. Tara starts off wondering how they'd get the coke off the cereal, then speculates they were going to sell the flakes as is for "breakfast with a kick" and declares the idea sounds more appealing the more the she talks.
• 5/3/21 (Three Coins in an Engine): Tara starts the episode gleefully showing off her new round plushie, which she named "Steve the Stingray." The chat soon points out how unfortunate of a name choice that is. Tara's reaction is priceless.
• 5/10/21 (Quit Playing with your Dinghy):
  • The boat. THE BOAT. Note that "boat" is used in the loosest sense possible. Comprised of Home Depot buckets, a pair of kiddie pools, a particle board, duct tape, and protruding three-inch screws, it's shocking to believe the pair of men who made and rode this into sea were sober.
  • A story about a student and her mother getting charged with a felony for rigging a school election so that she could become homecoming queen leaves Tara and the live audience confused, until Nash reveals that they'd hacked into the school's student accounts to generate hundreds of artificial votes.
• 12/20/21 (And That's Terrible): A naked thief happens to be named Richard Blose. Nash marvels at the coincidence.

2022

• 2/22/22 (Barenaked Lawyers): After the latest stuck-in-chimney story, Nash suggests that humans need whiskers to keep them from getting stuck in holes. Tara points out that if working whiskers were invented, the Furry Fandom would be all over it, causing Nash to break for a few seconds before he moves on to the next story.
• 3/17/22 (Breaking Sad): The police advertise a free service for testing the authenticity of illegal drugs.
• 5/16/22 (Rolling Turducken):
  • A high man calls 911 to ask that El Chapo be replaced in prison with Biden. Tara says that all the anti-drug PSAs she ever got pointed out that drugs make you think you're smarter than you really are, which gets brought up repeatedly through the rest of the episode.
  • A man calls 911 to report a stolen truck. The thing is, this was the second time that truck had been stolen, with the first theft being committed by the man who called 911.
  • The title story is about an SUV being crammed into a stolen U-Haul with its back hanging out, which Tara calls "a Turducken with wheels". Nash points out that the person would have had to climb out the back after getting the SUV in.
  • Someone shot the Johnny Cash water tower mural in such a way that the resulting leak looks like Cash is urinating on his hometown.
• 5/23/22 (A Large McMess to Go):
  • Nash opens by asking Tara if she's ever been propositioned with a horse (referencing the Elon Musk scandal).
  • A toddler ordered 31 cheeseburgers by finding DoorDash on his mom's phone.
• 6/20/22 (When in Rome)
  • The ancient Romans and us aren't that different as evidenced by old graffiti depicting a dick with writing that roughly translates to "Secundinus, the shitter."
  • And when the next story is about a naked man yelling and defecating all over the place, Nash and Tara could only conclude that he is a descendent of Secundinus.
• 8/1/22 (Home Rhinoplasty)
  • The statue on the grave of 99-year-old Catarina Orduña Pérez, requested by the woman herself: A giant penis. The images are glorious.
• 8/15/22 (Please Exit the Teddy Bear)
  • A man attempted to evade cops by stuffing himself up the butt of a giant teddy bear.
  • Cops chase down a man escaping in a stolen excavator - and by "chase down", the article means "walk leisurely after".
• 8/29/22 (Brother, Can You Spare a Thumb?):
  • For once, it's Nash advocating for Do Wrong, Right in an instance that doesn't involve masks, as he suggests that a woman who wanted to sneak meth through airport security could have made meth lollipops and disguised them as regular lollipops.
  • In the midst of a very serious story about Catholic Charities hiring a man to pretend to conduct a mass shooting on their office building, the revelation that the man was on bail for sexually assaulting a child prompted Tara to quip that that was why the Catholics hired him. She then says she can say that because she was raised Catholic.
• 9/6/2022 (I Will Turn This Plane Around): A man decided to try to fish money out of a bank's night deposit box, receiving no money and some jail time.
• 9/12/2022 (Never Forget ... The Savings!):
  • The title story is about a Virginian restaurant's attempt to commemorate the tragedy of 9/11 by making themed menu items... such as the oven-baked First Responder Shrimp Flatbread. The menu quickly got rebranded as Seafood Sunday after the backlash.
  • Nash gets up and walks away after the show when Tara points out the 9/11 oysters actually only number six. The episode ends right there.
• 9/19/2022 (Ooh, Piece of Candy): A truck crashed and spilled its load of sex toys, and the reporter realized what it was on air (although managing to not actually say it).
• 11/8/2022 (Operation "Met and Two Veg"): Thieves bring two getaway cars to a clothing store and crash them into each other while attempting to escape.
• 11/28/22 (Breaking Buddha):
  • A woman is described as making a "several-point turn" as she flees the scene of her vehicular assault attempt. Nash loves this phrasing.
  • The title story is about an entire Buddhist temple in Thailand being defrocked for meth use. Tara initially questions if meth is actually banned, but Nash reads a comment pointing out that all intoxicants are forbidden by a basic precept of Buddhism. This leaves Tara incredulous at how bad the monks in the temple were at being monks.
• 12/5/2022 (Orange Cat Problems):
  • A drunk Newark man makes 68 calls to emergency services telling them he's lost and asking them to bring him more beer. Nash is laughing so hard Tara has to finish reading the story for him.
  • Another would-be shoplifter strikes while the Shop with a Cop event is going on and is promptly arrested.
• 12/26/2022 (That Doesn't Go There 2022): Tara's gone, so Nash brings in Dom and Luke because he needs two people to make up for her.
  • Several drunk Santas get their hands on a tank and drive around causing a disturbance. Dom and Luke call out the article writer for several mistakes, including not caring about how the Santas got the tank and using Santa instead of the local British term, Father Christmas.
  • An article's title: "'Buffoon' exposed himself trying to pay for alcohol with penis". Cue jokes about how little the man's dick would go for.
  • The last story is an early preview of the Rectalspective, with a man having to have a giant unexploded World War I artillery shell removed from his rectum.
  • Luke asks for the cats to serve as a palate cleanser before the Rectalspective reaches the anus.
  • Dom and Luke take apart the numerous claims of people accidentally getting something stuck up their butt by pointing out exactly what the sequence of events would have to be to result in that.

2023

• 1/2/23 (I Didn't Know a Walrus Could Do That): The last story talks about a fireworks show being cancelled so Thor the walrus isn't frightened. It mentions Thor's past "playful behavior", so Nash digs up exactly what that incident was: the walrus was caught publicly masturbating.
• 1/9/23 (This New Years Party Is Lit):
  • A pair of would-be arsonists are caught on camera accidentally setting themselves on fire while trying to burn down an immigration center.
  • Burglars try to call cops to move their belongings out of a place they were burglarizing and give them a ride to the airport. The cops give them a ride to the jail instead.
• 1/16/23 (It Belongs In A Museum!): After Nash explains VTubing and the attempt at making an AI VTuber on Twitch, Tara correctly guesses in one attempt that whatever went wrong involved Nazis. Nash confirms that people got the AI to deny the Holocaust.
• 1/23/23 (Freaking War Thunder Again):
  • War Thunder players have now leaked classified or restricted documents so many times Nash and Tara have lost track, saying the incidents covered this week were the third and fourth times it had happened when it was actually the fifth and sixth (although Nash and Tara didn't cover the fourth incident, making these the fourth and fifth times the leaks have made the show).
  • Two different thieves pooped in the places they were robbing, and one of them also logged into his Apple account on the stolen device. Commenters dub the incidents "Ocean's Number Two".
  • A man tries to bring an anti-tank gun through TSA security. Tara's response: "Of course this happened in Texas."
  • A thief who stole a statue of the Archangel Michael tripped, fell, and was severely injured by Michael's sword. He was only saved because a good Samaritan called medical assistance for him. Tara finds this very on-brand for Michael, while Nash says it was very deserved.
• 1/30/23 ("Never Been Kissed" LARPing): When a man fakes his death so he can reveal himself at his funeral, Tara says he might have ended up getting killed for real by a zombie movie fan, while Nash says it's possible someone might have decided to deliberately kill him and continue the funeral.
• 2/13/23 (Single Player Bumper Cards):
  • Nash mentions that his old Best Buy manager stole fifty thousand dollars worth of gift cards. Luke points out how difficult it would be to spend them.
  • A McDonald's ad for a McCrispy "burger" had to be pulled after it was placed right next to a crematorium sign.
  • In response to a break-in at a bingo hall, Luke points out that not only would this not get much profit, it would inspire the bingo players to take vengeance.
  • Nash and Luke question how an animal thief intended to take a leopard from the zoo without getting mauled or caught.
• 2/27/23 (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles): Nash repeatedly replays the video of a train smashing through a semi that had gotten stuck on the tracks after trying to rush past the closing gate. Tara then points out that the driver was talking on the phone at the time and had to be told to run for it.
• 3/6/23 (Working at the Car Wash): The title story is about a would-be shoplifter getting stranded and arrested because his getaway driver went to the car wash and got stuck in line.
• 3/27/23 (Your Dad Is My Dad Too): During a story about a naked man climbing onto a fire truck, Tara once again breaks Nash with this gem:

  Tara: Look at me. I am the fire hose now.

• 4/10/23 (The Forbidden Ballpit): Ordinarily, Nash will curse out journalists who make puns in their stories. In this case, he and guest co-host Gretchen are making numerous ball jokes about the title story, in which a man gets stuck in a structure colloquially referred to as the Talus Balls.

  Nash: You know, if I was covered in balls, I would panic too.

• 4/17/23 (The War of Southern Regression):
  • The title story, in which a middle school teacher gets in trouble for celebrating Confederate History Month, has Nash and Luke get into some mocking of the Confederate States of America's defeat.
    Nash: (waves white handkerchief) "Hey. Hey, Luke. What's this?"
    Luke: "Um, that's the actual flag of the Confederacy." (both laugh) "They came in last place in a two-man race. That's pretty bad, pretty bad. Lost on their home ground, too.
  • After a man gets busted for applying for a job at Rent-A-Hitman dot com, Luke references the old adage "You do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life", then goes on to say "He never will work a day in his life again, he's going to jail."
• 5/8/23 (Literal Creepypaste):
  • Someone mowed a giant dick into the Royal Crescent in response to King Charles III's coronation.
  • The title story refers to the mysterious dumping of 500 pounds of pasta by a New Jersey brook. As it turns out, the pasta belonged to a recently deceased hoarder whose son was attempting to dispose of it.
  • Tara says the only acceptable reason to put food near Auschwitz is if it's kosher.
• 5/15/23 (Can't Blame It On The Dog):
  • The title story is about a man who, upon being pulled over for speeding and suspected drunk driving, tried to switch seats with his dog and claim the dog had been driving. In full view of the officer.
    Tara: "You want your lies to be believable."
  • When Tara says that the pranksters who played Hitler speeches over the PA system of an Austrian train should have done a Rick Roll instead, Nash proceeds to sing the start of the chorus in Hitler's accent before saying I'm Going to Hell for This.
• 5/29/23 (A Fool For A Client):
  • Nash has acquired a video camera for the purpose of recording and displaying feline shenanigans. He shares a recording of a neighbor's cat attempting to steal his catnip and bolting upon being discovered.
  • The title story doesn't really fit the title; instead of being about the pitfalls of representing yourself in court, it's about a lawyer who used ChatGPT to do his research, used it again to double-check it, and ended up citing six completely bogus cases.
  • A bear stole sixty cupcakes. That's as many as six tens. And That's Terrible.
  • An Indian official stands accused of abusing his authority by draining all the water in a dam in order to retrieve his phone, which was already destroyed by the water when he finally got it.
• 6/5/23 (Not-So-Solid Snake):
  • The title story has a man putting a box on his head to disguise himself before robbing a store he frequented, then raising the box during the robbery and completely defeating the purpose of having it. Tara suggests he should have cut a hole in the box.
  • A man awaiting trial for stealing a police squad car stole another squad car and somehow ended up in a garbage can.
  • Some teenagers managed to cause hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage at a Jurassic World exhibit. Nash and Tara theorize that they damaged animatronics, while a commenter suggests it was a fossil they broke. Tara also says that if she'd done that, she'd have still been locked in her room when her parents moved out.
• 6/12/2023 (We Did Start the Fire, Actually)
  • A man input the wrong GPS coordinates and found himself at the Canadian border, where he was busted for possession of weed and drug money.
  • A landlord tried committing an arson insurance scam. The firefighters arrived to hear Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" blasting from the landlord's room.
• 6/19/2023 (The Circle K Omertà):
  • A Florida man is accused of stealing an electric scooter and attempting to escape on it, only to be arrested while assembling it. The sheriff dubbed him "dumb criminal of the week", and since this is Florida, there must have been a lot of competition.
  • The third story is about a Sonic customer finding a bag of cocaine on her hot dog. Tara happens to have gotten a hot dog from her local Sonic two days ago. When going over what they've learned from it, Tara says "Check your hot dogs like Halloween candy?", which causes Nash to break out in laughter.
  • A gas station clerk is arrested for asking a friend to arrange a robbery on his station so he can go home early.
• 6/26/2023 (Vince Gilligan's Island):
  • When briefly mentioning the Wagner Group rebellion, Nash makes sure to stress that the leader was a former hot dog vendor.
  • Florida people decide to found their own village on an island that quickly gets called Meth Island. At the very end of the episode, a commenter deems it Vince Gilligan's Island, after the Breaking Bad showrunner and Gilligan's Island.
  • An airport parking valet is busted for taking a car from the park for a joyride because the dashcam was on.
  • Tara mentions how an old coworker and his girlfriend were busted for stealing credit cards from hospital patients because he used his employee discount with the stolen cards. Tara is confused as to why he'd try to save money that wasn't his.
  • A Florida man is arrested after running into multiple cars at high speed. When the story says the drugs he had were marijuana, Nash is very doubtful that was the only thing he was on.
• 7/5/2023 (Ant-Man(hood)):
  • Tara is bemused by the Discord comments of "TREE LAW" after the first story involves tree law, having not encountered the internet's fascination with it before.
  • The title story is about a Thai man sticking his dick in a fire ant nest in an attempt to enlarge it. The resulting Groin Attack went viral. Tara suggests this idea could be used in an Ant-Man porn parody.
• 7/10/23 (Free Candy):
  • After the first story mixes the Native American equivalent of blackface with a Fourth of July parade, Nash gives a hypothetical involving a racist named Brad, only to discover that there actually was a Brad involved in the story.
  • When a Canadian TikToker starts making up fake crimes to draw the FBI's attention (including the stunt that gives the episode its name), Tara points out the obvious flaw: they don't have jurisdiction.
• 7/17/23 (Great Balls of Firepower):
  • Luke quips at the beginning that Tara's doctor told her to avoid headaches while recovering from surgery and the show counts.
  • For the first time, we get something (in this case, a bullet) being smuggled behind a man's testicles rather than inside an orifice. And of course it was in Florida. The title was obvious at this point. For bonus points, the article was on a site called "the smoking gun".
  • A man crashed his car while driving drunk, setting off the airbag. He then stuck his head out the window like a dog in order to see past the airbag and kept driving, resulting in another accident.
• 7/24/23 (The North Korea Hokey Pokey): A woman steals a firetruck and claims to be a volunteer firefighter. It's a pity Tara's still recovering, as with her father having been a fire chief, she would have had a lot to say.
• 7/31/23 (Exploding Bathrooms of Freedom):
  • Somehow a group of young teens managed to absolutely destroy a bathroom building at their sports complex with fireworks. Nash shows an image of the collapsed building with an intact one behind it.
  • Nash is astounded that a man managed to survive wedging his sports car under an eighteen-wheeler during a high-speed chase.
• 8/7/23 (Real Fake Doors):
  • A bear being transported in a plane's cargo hold escapes in the airport, causing the flight to be delayed.
  • A Google Streetview driver gets caught up in a police chase. When Tara points out how much Google knows, Nash explains how AI websites are flooding the search results with gibberish and you have to go to Reddit for proper answers.
• 8/14/23 (The Chlorine Gas Cocktail):
  • Developers for a card game who had come to Gen Con to show off their game are accused of stealing $300,000 worth of Magic: the Gathering cards while wearing their own game's shirts, which made it easy to identify them.
  • After yet another Floridian meth story, Tara suggests changing the show's title to What The Meth Is Wrong With You.
  • A newly hired driving instructor managed to crash his car into his school.
• 8/21/23 (Raccoons On A Bender):
  • The show begins with Simba attacking Tara's webcam light.
  • Nash introduces a story by saying it's better than monkeys. It turns out raccoons have been breaking into houses to steal beer.
  • Nash is tripped up when reading the names of a family accused of drug smuggling and realizing two of them have the exact same name. Tara points out that given the ages, the two are probably father and son.
  • Yet another cop is fired for stealing Pokemon cards. Nash actually had to look up the dates to confirm it wasn't the same story he covered earlier.
• 8/28/23 (Grand Theft Starfield): Two men are arrested for allegedly taking turns shooting each other while wearing a bulletproof vest. They try to claim they were shot by a would-be robber, but they get turned in by one of their wives.
• 9/4/23 (A Carload of Bull): A man apparently converted half his car into a bull corral and drove a bull down a highway. He also put another bull's horns on the front of his car, which a commenter called out as insensitive.
• 9/11/23 (Bowling Ball Brawl):
  • A Florida man is arrested for trying to cross the Atlantic Ocean in a giant hamster wheel for the third time.
  • A robbery suspect steals numerous vehicles during his getaway, including cars, bikes, sailboats, paddleboats, and a kayak. He is arrested anyway.
• 9/18/23 (Just Plane Stupid):
  • When Nash brings up Lauren Boebert's misadventures at a Beetlejuice performance, Tara makes sure to emphasize that Boebert isn't her district's representative.
  • The US somehow managed to lose an F-35 plane after its pilot ejected.
  • Tara says that a woman who ranted about being 'Instagram famous' looks like someone bought Kim Kardashian from Wish, causing Nash to break out in laughter.
  • An article about a bear in Disney World manages to repeatedly lose the thread of the story.
• 9/25/23 (Oops, All Hornets!):
  • A ten-year-old boy and his eleven-year-old sister stole their parents' car and attempted to run away from Florida to California because the girl was upset her electronics had been confiscated. They made it four hours up I-75 before being pulled over by police.
  • What's the first thing you do if you find your hotel's front desk abandoned? In this case, it was take over running the desk and post on TikTok about it.
  • Someone stole a vacuum cleaner from a pickup truck, only to discover that it was full of live hornets because its owner relocates and removes bees for a living. The owner proceeded to post to Facebook taunting the thief.
    Owner: "To the poor soul who lifted the shop vac out of the back of my truck, I wanted to give you a heads up... The vacuum was there because it was filled with European hornet queens, the largest social stinging insects in the eastern United States. I performed the removal of their nest late yesterday afternoon. Those girls should be full of life and extra spicy. I anxiously await your unboxing video."
• 10/2/23 (Appetite for Destruction):
  • "Shirtless suspect leads LA police on bizarre slow-speed chase in golf cart with dog in lap."
  • After an argument between spouses, the husband gets on top of their car, only for the wife to drive off with him still on the hood.
  • A man smashes his car through a police station wall while blaring "Welcome to the Jungle" on the radio, then proceeds to get out and celebrate even as he's being arrested. Nash is disappointed that journalists didn't bother to try and find out why.
• 10/9/23 (I've Got A Brand New Combine Harvester):
  • We begin with Nash having had to bring Luke in at the last minute. Luke complains that some of Nash's Discord members were saying to flash the poo signal to bring Luke in.^note While the explanation was cut from the episode, Nash forgot that Tara was on vacation.
  • A man riding a tractor is arrested for drunk driving twice in one night, with the second arrest coming 17 minutes after his first release.
  • The obligatory poop story Luke has to deal with is a woman who tried to bring back giraffe poop from Kenya to have it made into a necklace, only for it to get confiscated by airport security.
  • The mugshot of a man accused of joyriding a stolen ambulance shows a tattoo of a tiger's mouth seeming to devour him. Luke actually has to call his wife Gretchen (a tattoo expert and tiger fan) over to look at it. Sadly, Gretchen's face doesn't actually appear on the screen, but Luke's description of her disgusted reaction speaks volumes.
• 10/23/23 (The Battle of Céline Dion):
  • Nash forgets a simple fact about social media experience.
    Nash: That’s one of those situations where someone who is so wrong, but they are determined they are correct—have you met that person?
    Tara: Oh yeah, I’m on Twitter.
  • A man's absurd plan to rob a store was to pose as one of the mannequins in the store window. Evidently, no one questioned it, as he was left in the store and able to go through with his plan... all caught on camera, of course. The reporter is short on wordcount after finishing talking about the story, so the second half of the article is devoted entirely to the Dunning-Krueger effect.
  • Residents of a New Zealand town have been having “speaker battles” where they strap loudspeakers to their car and compete to have the best sound while playing music, and some of them have been playing only half the song and adding other effects, resulting in a cacophony.
• 10/30/23 (Fighting Fired With Fire): A heist is conducted to steal bull semen. Nash is left to imagine the absurdity of the planning process.
• 11/6/23 (This Sucker Is Nuclear):
  • Someone found a human skull among some Halloween decorations that were for sale at a thrift store.
  • The victim of a burglary was the one sent to jail because he called the alleged burglar’s lawyer a “fuckwit” (and, though the headline didn’t mention this, threw a water jug at him) after the lawyer brought up how his girlfriend cheated on him with the defendant.
• 11/13/23 (No Windows, No Problem!):
  • Several would-be carjackers in Washington, DC wound up targeting an unmarked Secret Service SUV watching over President Biden’s granddaughter and were promptly driven off by the Secret Service.
  • A man decides the appropriate way to protest the noise from a wedding venue is to launch fireworks at the helicopter carrying newlyweds.
  • An orthodontist decided to offer a free Glock-19 to people who got an Invisalign treatment from him. Align Technology was not amused. Tara is shocked that there is a worse orthodontist out there than the one who snapped her front teeth in half.
• 11/20/23 (Eastbound and Dumb):
  • Several people break into a disused jail and manage to lock themselves in. They have to call the cops to free themselves, which promptly gets them arrested and sent to an operational jail.
  • Tara is bewildered that someone on Youtube asked her how she knows that prison isn’t fun, saying this is something that should be obvious. She answers it anyway, saying that her mother was a social worker for a jail.
  • During a story, Tara notices a related story: “Florida man caught defecating on possum in full view of motoring public during busy traffic hours.” Nash said he’d seen it but decided he didn’t want to dig deep into it.
  • An AI girlfriend service went down because the CEO set his apartment on fire.
• 11/27/23 (Chicken and Mushroom Meltdown):
  • Nash begins the episode by saying that he was unable to find any instance of Black Friday shopping violence, for which he is thankful.
  • Someone tries to smuggle a knife through airport security by hiding it in a loaf of bread. Tara says they might have misinterpreted a suggestion to put the knife in lead to hide it from scanners.
• 12/4/23 (Chop, Chop!):
  • A twelve-year-old boy stole a construction forklift and was chased by police.
  • An escaped kangaroo punches a police officer in the face.
  • A lawyer’s best defense for throwing a Pringle can filled with his poop into the parking lot of a victim advocate he was about to face in court was that he does this all the time and didn’t mean anything by it.
  • Another story from the smoking gun about a gun-related incident, this time featuring a man smuggling a gun inside his anus.
• 12/11/23 (Toasted Bunches of Car):
  • Nash runs into a paywall while trying to show a story, which he has to get around.
  • In the actual story, Tara suggests that the airplane staff could have said “No ticket” while arresting a woman who ran down the runway.
  • When describing how lithium is Made of Incendium, Nash says that burning is like lithium’s kink.
• 12/18/23 (It’s Like Rain On Your Wedding Day):
  • Nash’s old line that “the old drugs still work” comes back to haunt him when the first three stories are all about people high on the old drugs (cocaine, alcohol, and shrooms respectively).
  • Bank robbers leave their getaway car (which they might have stolen) empty, only for it to be stolen from them while they were carrying out the robbery, leading to most of them being caught by police while trying to flee on foot.
• 12/25/23 (Santa’s Loaded On His Sleigh):
  • The Gävle Goat has been skeletonized by jackdaws, leaving people unsure how to handle it. Even Wikipedia (at time of recording) listed it in yellow, as opposed to the green of “survived” or the red of “destroyed/stolen”.
    • Past methods of destruction include kicking the goat in and stealing it with a helicopter.
  • A Florida man resorts to gunfire and arson in a standoff over stolen cigarettes.
• 1/1/2024 (That Doesn't Go There 2023): A woman's entire driveway was stolen.

2024

• 1/8/2024 (Time to Make the Donuts):
  • A naked man on drugs decided to jump into the Bass Pro Shop aquarium, come out to argue with cops, and then jump back in. Tara suggests that the aquarium could have prevented this by putting piranhas in the tank.
  • After a man tries and fails to use an Uber as a getaway vehicle, Nash suggests criminals need a thieves’ guild to pass on institutional knowledge.
  • Tara questions how a Dunkin’ toilet exploded, saying that if bad cleaning could cause a toilet explosion, every frat house would have suffered one.
• 1/15/2024 (My Love Is Like A Red, Red Flag):
  • A pair of women get caught trying to scam a car dealership with false personal information... after successfully scamming the same dealership and getting away with the car only a few days earlier.
  • A man fails to fix his broken front door lock and finds a firefighter sleeping in his house.
  • Over a hundred Indian men were scammed by offers to have a job impregnating women. Nash and Tara point out that just paying for sex would have left them better off.
  • Tara regarding a man who tried suing 27 women for defamation for calling him "clingy and psycho" online.
    Tara: Bro, it's not defamation if it's true.
• 1/22/2024 (The Stanley Cup Parable):
  • Nash’s weathers got so cold, his Internet wires broke.
  • A young man was taping fishes to ATMs for some reason.
  • A robber got busted because of the sounds from the porn he was watching in a stolen car parked in a Waffle House.
  • After reading a story where copper thieves cause $500K in damage to get $100 worth of copper, Nash proceeds to get out his phone and google the price of copper live on air.
• 2/5/2024 (Hinder Surprise):
  • Nash and Tara are confused by a repeat convict committing another crime and calling the police on himself immediately after being released.
  • A luxury car dealership was less conscientious about security than a jewelry store.
  • After a man threatens to commit revenge porn over a woman locking him out of her Netflix account, Tara says that she had Google AI ask what’s on Netflix in Ireland worth going to jail, and even the AI said there were no results.
  • In protest over a poor-quality kitchen installation, a man drives a tank to the store and parks it outside. Even more amusing, Nash and Tara partly side with the man when they learn that a cabinet door fell and nearly hurt his dog.
• 2/13/2024 (I Can’t Believe It’s Not Felonies):
  • A man drove his truck into the sea and said “It’s not my fault the truck don’t surf!”, which Tara says would make a good title for a bad country song.
  • After a man steals 22 tubs of butter, some commenters suggest he might have wanted to stick it up his ass, which prompts Tara to go on a rant about how physically impossible that is while Nash attempts to change the subject to the next story.
  • A man is arrested for shining a laser in a deputy’s face. Tara says deputies are not cats and will not react cutely.
  • While a police officer panicking out of belief he was shot and recklessly firing an entire clip without aiming at anything is decidedly not funny, there's something darkly hilarious about it happening because an acorn fell on his vehicle, a la Chicken Little style.
• 2/20/2024 (Damn Near Killed ’Im):
  • ChatGPT is breaking down and producing Spanglish gibberish.
  • A man decided the best way to win his ex-girlfriend back was to steal someone else’s statues and give them to her.
  • A man called the cops to react to a burglary in his business, only to be arrested for the meth lab and other drug manufacturing he was running there.
  • A man steals a truck hauling Corvettes to get a ride home after being released from prison. Commenters point out the irony in his surname being Walker.
  • A man wearing a kilt was sticking antiques inside his anus before placing them back on the shelves.
    Tara: I don’t like to kinkshame, but what the fuck is this?
• 2/26/2024 (Graveyard Grand Prix):
  • A woman got busted for faking injuries on her insurance claim after she won a Christmas tree-throwing competition that made national news.
  • Yet another pilot decides to make a dick-shaped flight path, with the addition of a “see ya” in cursive.
• 3/4/24 (The Spybot Who Loved Me):
  • As the show proper is starting, Tara yells at the chat for using her and Nash’s discussion of Dune: Part Two as an excuse to post pictures of the sandworms.
  • A retired Air Force lieutenant colonel fell for the laziest catfish and gave away classified intel as a result. Tara says that Dan would be so horrified that he’s probably rising from his urn right now.
  • A man tried to steal a self-driving car, only for it to stay in place while cops came to arrest him.
  • Nash claims to have been engaging in Correction Bait for a decade straight in order to increase engagement.
  • At the end of the episode, Tara once again questions why men call women too emotional while thinking with their dicks, asking “Any Greeks go to war because one guy was really hot?” and then realizing the answer was probably yes.
• 3/20/24 (A Leg and a Leg): A witness for the prosecution in a racketeering trial admits that he's high while testifying.

  Tara: Sitting through court is boring enough. Why would you do downers?

• 4/1/24 (LET THEM FIGHT):
  • Monkey gang battles in Thailand have led to police involvement, with one gang leader having been arrested. And this is the first story!
  • A man accused of arson towards his tenants is named Ronald Frisbie III, which leaves Nash and Tara questioning why that name was used three different times.
  • Police facilicate the desire of store employees who had a frontloader stolen from them to confront the thief in another frontloader. And it was actually Crazy Enough to Work, leading to the thief’s arrest.
• 4/8/24 (We Can’t Take You NOWHERE):
  • A kid steals his parents’ car so he can make it to school on time. He’d almost made it before he collided with a cop.
  • Nash suggests that a Floridian jury might theoretically try to give a man the death penalty for insulting a kid at Disney World.
  • A man pulls a gun on a Burger King employee for not fixing the price on his order… despite the fact that he was paying less than what he had expected to!
  • One of Tara’s ex-boyfriends had a plan to fake his own death if it ever became necessary. For some reason, it involved going to Haiti.
• 4/15/24 (Total Eclipse of Uranus):
  • A troll submitted footage of his own testicles eclipsing the sun to a local news outlet claiming it was a video of the eclipse; they didn’t catch it until they’d already aired the footage.
  • A man manages to secure free room, board, and utilities at the New Yorker Hotel thanks to a legal loophole and the hotel’s lawyers not showing up, only to spoil it by claiming to own the entire hotel building on city records and attempting to charge another tenant rent, getting himself arrested for fraud.
• 4/22/24 (Why Did It Have To Be SNAKES):
  • An Australian hospital has had to warn people not to try and bring the snakes that bit them to the hospital for identification.
  • Yet again, someone calls the cops because her drugs weren’t at the quality she expected. And then someone in the chat recognizes her as someone they used to live with!
  • A man decided that the best course of action after his car broke down on I-93 was to fire a gun to get people to help.

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