Funny / Valkyria Chronicles 4

Despite being a war game with tragic losses, nightmarish political implications, and player-induced awesomeness, Valkyria Chronicles 4 has lots of funny moments.

Main Game

• The opening scene has Claude losing his pen, with the pen hitting Raz smack on the nose and waking him from his nap.
  • The Imperials open up with artillery. Claude calls up the rest of Squad E. Where were they hiding? In the flowery field. While it's an awesome way to introduce the squad to the player, the implication is that they could have been hiding just about anywhere in plain sight and the Imperials would still fail to get them with tank shells.
• Raz is a source of funny until his untimely demise.
  • His infamous groping of Kai's butt can spark flame-wars, but the funny part is that the aftermath of his groping is ridiculous. He gets beaten senseless by a girl half his size in front of the squad in such a manner that it is implied the higher ups (who were hardly going to ignore such a scuffle) somehow decided to look the other way in the belief that Raz has already been punished enough!
  • During the Squad E, to the Beach! DLC, Raz once again pisses Kai off by grabbing her butt. She retaliates by burying him up to his neck in the sand.
  • And then there's when he sees the buxom Minerva in a bikini.
    Raz: (grins and fist pumps) YES! SO HUUUUUGEE!!
  • Getting into brawls so nasty they have to be censored is another of Raz's "talents."
• Chapter 5: It's finally Squad E's time to take a break from the front, and everyone goes into town. Let's see what happens...
  • Everyone's complaining about the bad weather, to the point that Raz practically asks Claude to predict when the rain halting the supply units will stop. Claude has to remind him that the wind-talking ability is observation of the weather, not psychic future-telling.
  • Despite the obvious lack of trust between the Federate soldiers and most of the Imperial civilians, the battlefield scavenger readily sells tank parts to Claude and muses on the latter's relationship with Riley. Riley and Claude deny being lovers, with really obvious blushing.
  • Raz, Kai, and Miles have no luck finding meat or bread. It's so bad that Kai is ready to kill whomever bought out all the bread in town. Miles finds out that Squad F bought out the food, and then...
  Raz: Damn it! GIVE ME BACK MY MEAT!!
  Kai: Hand over that bread, NOW!
  Big Ball of Violence ensues...
• In Interlude 2: The Other Kai, we get a Flashback Episode where it's described how Leena managed to pass herself off as her brother Kai, despite being obviously female. After the rest of Squad E agrees to keep her secret, they now have to find ways to fool the (thankfully new) drill instructor. But he soon notices that "Kai" has... a feminine chest, despite being listed as male. How does Squad E fool the instructor in this situation? Viola claims that "Kai" snuck into the women's showers the previous day, so as punishment the ladies of Squad E forced "him" into a bra. The instructor responds to this saying that he's "never been more enviou—ER.... more shocked & appalled" at Kai's actions.
• In Chapter 8: The Crystal Sea, the Land vs. Sea cutscene has Raz getting into a brawl with Federation Navy sailors aboard Centurion as described above, with Kai and Riley watching. At first, Riley is worried that the situation may go out of hand while Kai just shrugs it off saying (to paraphrase) "the idiots can use it to let off some steam". Riley isn't sure if they should just let them be... until a mug from the brawl hits her head, to which she decides to take the matter into her own hands. How? By throwing a custom grenade full of chili powder, pepper, and powdered mustard (that she seemingly takes out of nowhere) into the brawl. Everyone's reaction is as hilarious as expected, but what really sells it is the fact that somehow, for whatever reason, Riley has a stash of custom grenades prepared just for THAT occasion (i.e. dealing with idiots).
• In the A Steamy Ceasefire interlude, the story takes a much less belligerent turn after Squad E's core characters and a few grunts get into a skirmish with an Imperial scout party that got lost in a freak blizzard.
  • Just after the shooting starts, Kai outright says nobody can hit anything and Riley finds her mortar frozen. Raz, sick of sitting around, charges at the Imperial soldiers and pulls the trigger on his machine gun. Oops, Raz's machine gun jammed due to the extreme cold, and the Imperials laugh at how Federate gear easily freezes up. An Imperial scout tries to shoot Raz, only to find his rifle has frozen over as well. Heck, everyone's weapons are frozen shut! Raz, frustrated at the situation, throws his frozen gun at the Imperials, who respond by throwing their weapons (and an insult) at Squad E.
  Imperial Lancer: You think the men of the North will lose to a bunch of pansies who prance around with girls!?
  • Minerva gets offended by the above statement and throws her rifle at the Imperials. And then everyone runs out of stuff to throw, so Minerva suggests going in for hand-to-hand combat. Only a countermanding order from Claude and the Imperial squad leader gets everyone to stop the mess, as survival is now the first priority.
  • On the march through the cold, Raz still gets into heated arguments with the Imperials, as though the cold hasn't numbed their nerves or tempers. Minerva accuses Raz of fraternizing with the enemy, but Kai dismisses this as pointless, seeing as they're trying their best to not kill each other.
  • Riley spots a pile of rocks that isn't covered in snow. Heartwarmingly, the Imperials are the first to suggest grenades on that spot and Claude joins in, blowing the rocks away and revealing a hot spring. Raz tries to jump in, only for Riley and Kai to stop him, using the phrase "ladies first." The Imperial soldiers mock Raz for his lack of manners when he protests and they agree to let the girls go first.
  Raz: Goddamned Imps!!
  • Riley gets so pissed by the Imperial troops' dismissive attitude towards her, Kai, and Minerva simply because they're women that she gets out of hot spring to tell them off. Except she forgot she was naked. Minerva tries her damned hardest to cover her up, Riley has a freak out and tells the guys (especially Claude, who is reduced to stammering, and Raz, who has the most lecherous grin on his face) to stop looking, all while Kai quietly ignores them to enjoy herself.
  Imperial Lancer: Federation women are so... different.

Squad Stories

• A Prayer for the Broken
  • Nico decides to make Godwin happy. By following him around constantly and offering her help. Even when she has to crawl through the mud or follow him into a battle. And it works.
• Love and Logic
  • Jascha attempts to tell Aoife about his feelings. He is bad at it. Really, really bad.
  • Riley's description of Aoife at the end story.
  Riley: This unintentional seductress may be the scariest woman on the squad.
  • At the end, Riley notices some chemistry between Jascha and Hanna, and suggests that they should get together with each other. Both of them are unamused with the idea. They get married in their Epilogue.
• Gambler's Ruin:
  • Teresa decides that the best way to deal with Jester's debts is to cut him open and sell one of his kidneys. Connor suggests they take both kidneys because it would make a good plot twist.
  • At the end of the story, Teresa admits she wasn't serious about the kidney thing and was just trying to get Jester to take his debts seriously. And then Connor reveals that he was entirely serious about murdering Jester, and gets childishly disappointed about the lack of murder.
  • Connor decides to write the story of the squad's women, and plans to hide cameras in their tents. He quickly walks that plan back.
  • Jester gets the point, but Teresa says that organ extraction is still on the table if Jester tries to cheat on his gambling debts again. And then Connor says he'll be there when it happens!
• Mischief Makers:
  • Simon, Viola, and Emmy get in trouble for horrible teamwork. How? Simon jumps into the fight prematurely, ruining Claude's ambush plan, Viola breaks formation to get him back (upsetting the command structure even further), and Emmy conveniently forgot to warn people about the exploding boobytraps she just set. Claude's reaction sells it, as though he were in charge of a crummy team in a massive multiplayer online game.
  Claude: Oh. My. God...
  • Emmy's 'no fucks given' attitude in general. Everything she says is in perpetual monotone, or dry wit. She's the only one who doesn't reform by the end of their squad story. The only reason she goes along with Simon and Viola is because she says they make good meat shields^note Said because Simon and Viola are both trigger-happy and so eager to rack up their respective body counts that they charge headlong at the enemy to get 'first dibs'. So Emmy uses them to soak enemy fire, while she racks up kills unnoticed.
  • The end of the story shows that the three troublesome shock-troopers are now ready to get back into action. Said action happens to be yet another Imperial assault, with Simon and Viola charging to the front to start killing as much as possible and Emmy contemplating defection if this operation fails. Yikes.
• A Chivalrous Heart:
  • Christel's squad story repeatedly lampshades the fact that she's in love with Minerva and how badly she wants to jump her bones. She's so overt with her feelings that it's a wonder how Minerva is the only one who hasn't noticed. Christel and Raz all but say it right in front of her and Minerva still fails to take the hint:
  Christel: (indignantly) Insolent curs! I'll have you know Lieutenant Victor doesn't merely have a hard ass! It is soft in ALL THE RIGHT PLACES!
  Minerva: (shocked and confused) W-What??
  Raz: (nonchalant diss) No Accounting for Taste, I guess.
  • Ronald is happy to join Squad F, believing that Minerva will be an excellent CO. Cut to after he gets settled in, where Minerva is still obsessed with beating Claude and Christel is egging her on. Unsurprisingly, Ronald seems much less enthusiastic about his assignment.
• Soul of the Navy
  • When the officers aboard Centurion, while on break in the mess hall, discuss Squad E and its apparent lack of discipline, André brings up Captain Morgen's days as a dreaded drill master. Morgen (who, should be noted, almost never leaves the bridge to begin with) shows up right behind them.

Mess Hall

• One order is inspired by Raz gluing 200 kilos of tank armor onto himself. Claude gets the idea to Fortify Armor after having to rip all the armor plates off Raz's body.
• Riley goes totally bananas with making the first aid kits more effective. She notes that once the limiter of a Ragnaid dispenser is removed, it has a chance of exploding.
• One of the Mess Hall event has Minerva and Ronald being extremely frustrated with, of all things, rock-hard bread. Which Claude has to break apart with a wrench. This gets him inspired for Fortify All Armor order, to boot.
  Ronald: No weaknesses... This roll has better defenses than the Federation itself.
• Yet another mess hall event with Minerva involves Raz audibly suffering from food poisoning. Minerva brews up a traditional antidote her family concocted generations ago. Raz drinks the whole cup, suffers pain for a bit, totally snaps at Minerva, and then realizes that his stomach ache is totally gone. Claude gets the idea to create the Antidote Order after witnessing this incident.

Other

• Every party member that can die has a Tragic Keepsake they leave behind when they die. Almost all of them are a sad reminder of who didn't make it to the end of the war. The exception is Odin's notebook full of information about his "dark powers". The description outright calls it embarrassing.
• Very rarely, one of the Enemy Chatter line you can hear in combat is a soldier lamenting being hit by an arrow to the knee.