Funny / The Cinema Snob 2020 Episodes

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2020: Texas Gladiators

• "Can't tell if watching movie, or ninety-minute trailer."
• "This is actress Sabrina Siani, who can be seen in several movies that makes one think 'Uh, was that once a Snob episode?'."
• Because the same team made a film called Endgame, Snob starts a Running Gag about how this film is part of the MCU.
  • Made funnier when he says that Doctor Strange should have predicted what was going to happen, then realises that he actually is there - or, at least, Peter Hooten from the 1978 Made-for-TV Movie is.
• After a scene of random insert shots of a group of bikers and a tank:
  "Thanks for cutting to that shot, that answered none of my questions."
• Snob refers to the bald fascist leader played by Donald O'Brien as 'Kylo Stimpy' and 'Mein Fuhrer Strickland'.

3 on a Meathook

• The Running Gag on the Non-Indicative Title.

God Bless the Broken Road

• The saga of Sailor Jerry, especially after the scene where the disabled soldier stands and salutes.
  Snob: I am truly inspired. Maybe there's hope for Sailor Jerry yet.
  (Cut to Sailor Jerry, who leaps out of his wheelchair as CCR's "Fortunate Son" begins to play)
  Sailor Jerry: (complete with dramatic pose) SOME FOLKS ARE BORN—
  Snob: See? I told you he'd be fine.

Tyler Perry's A Fall from Grace

• Following the scene where Jasmine is given Grace's case by her boss, played by Tyler Perry:
  Jasmine: Grace Waters? I can't do this.
  Rory: Yeah, you can, and you will.
  Snob: This is just how Tyler Perry hands all of his scripts to his actors.
• This scene between Jasmine and her policeman husband:
  Jasmine: Why is [the blood] pooling from the outside in as it looks on the picture?
  Officer Husband: I'd say you're asking the question a good lawyer would.
  Snob: No, she's asking the question a good police officer should!
• This scene, involving one of the Snob's pet peeves:
  Rory: Coffee, coffee, coffee! (Gets handed a mug) What the hell is this?
  Snob: An empty cup?
• Snob's bafflement over the Ass Pull plot twist that comes out if nowhere and causes more problems than it solves.
• "Wow, it's rare that I see a thriller that seems to have gotten its plan from Yosemite Sam trying to con Widow Granny out of her fortune."

Dreamer

• After Brad breaks the Patreon poll win, he begins his Running Gag on how the movie is a Windy City-like bore with 'No one wins with the movie Dreamer! We're all losers!'
  • It later culminates with "This is the lamest movie I've ever watched for this show!"
• A dialogue full of "dream" makes Snob create an even worse version, with mentions to "Dream a Little Dream of Me" and Dream a Little Dream.
• "Harold Nuttingham? OK, I now know why you're called "Dreamer". That sounds like a porn parody of a Stephen King name!"

The Haunting of Sharon Tate

• "Finally, the true story is bravely told that the Tate-Labianca murders were predicted through a series of bad dreams and haunted music recordings, all set inside of a slasher movie universe... wait, WHAT?"
• "The Girl Next Door felt like you were watching real horror happen to real people. This movie is like if you accidentally watched the other Blanche Baker horror film, The Life Zone!"
• "I'm starting to see why the opening credits were embarrassed and hiding in a corner!"
• Roman's Fault!

Ilsa, the Tigress of Siberia

• After Snob recounts the plot of the movie, involving Ilsa going from a gulag commander in 1950s' Siberia to a brothel keeper in 1970s' Montreal using virtual reality as mind control:
  Snob: That's a lot of words for "This is the greatest Ilsa movie ever made!"
• "The actors were clearly told to dress like it could turn into a pirate movie at any minute."
• This exchange:
  Snob: My porn sense is tingling. Then again, I'm a Cinema Snob, so my porn sense is always tingling. Ha, I mean, listen to the next line.
  Prostitute: You like boobs, right?
  Snob: Hehe, yeah, sure, on this show, anything goes!
• Snob describes this movie as being easy to see which Ilsa movie they did the most drugs on and watched the most porn behind the scenes.

Sonic the Vadgehog

• The title card , which features a haunted-looking Sonic simply asking "But why?"
• "You know, I was just thinking the other day 'How come there hasn't been a Sonic the Hedgehog porno spoof?' Which basically means I've seen far too many of these nightmarish porn parodies and eroticism is meaningless to me now."
• This exchange:
  Snob: She has a good plan to take over the world.
  Dr Hoebotnik: Step one: humans will spend their time masturbating to Pornhub, I will take over the world while they're looking at tits.
  Snob: Ha, nice try! Thanks to the sasquatch pornos I've watched, I haven't masturbated in years. Good luck taking over my office.

At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul

• The opening line:
  Snob: It's midnight somewhere in the world, people, which means I now possess your soul. Look, I'm in need of extra souls since I lost mine somewhere around Nukie or To Catch a Yeti.
• When Snob struggles to read the Portuguese title off the poster he points at himself and laughs:
  Snob: Haha, Midwest!
• The return of the fake subtitles.
• Following a scene where a father is fighting with his son:
  Snob: There's drama all around. Geppetto is having a tough time ever since Pinocchio became a real boy.

Friday the 13th (2009)

• His theory that Jason is after the crew in the beginning, because they took his weed.
• After Jason uses a boat to kill a girl in the lake:
  "And then her brother was raised as a girl by their crazy aunt."
• Snob's hatred of Asshole Victim Trent.
• This line from the Snob near the start of the review:
  "Our entire retrospective of the Friday the 13th saga has all led to this. So, let's find out whether or not it was worth it."
  *Beat*
  "It wasn't."

Leprechaun 3

• This exchange:
  Snob: (grumpily) How long before he utters his famous line "I want me gold"?
  Leprechaun: I want me shilling.
  Snob: (taken aback) That's not the line!
• The Running Joke about Scott's indeterminate age.
• Following the introduction of another subplot, this time involving gangsters, Snob blurts out "Didn't this movie used to be about a leprechaun?!"
• This scene, after the Leprechaun has been thrown out of a window and shrugs it off:
  Leprechaun: Next time I'm taking the elevator.
  Snob: You said that to no one!

The Stand

• The Snob is hiding in his closet for this episode, but don't worry! He has all the toilet paper he can eat.
• Needing to take his mind off current events, he wonders what the Random Movie Clip Generator will force him to watch. After clips of The Stand (1994) and its super virus play, it cuts back to him utterly bug-eyed.
  Snob: SURE!
• In one scene of the miniseries, Ed Harris' character talks about how people who catch the virus will just mistake it for the ordinary flu, hitting very close to home for Snob:
  Snob: Boy, am I glad this is taking my mind off the news!
• Choosing a tense moment to point out Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's role (as the "Bring out your dead!" guy), and saying that he's either predicting the end of the world or just auditioning for Spamalot across the street.
  Snob: At the end of the day, we can't say that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar didn't try to warn us about Shaq Fu.
  (later)
  Snob: You can stop ringing the bell, we all know we're screwed!
• Snob wondering if there was a secret episode between episodes two and three due to many characters now suddenly being together or even married. He even asks for no one to pair up while he takes a break.
• Snob's reaction to the scene with the glowing energy ball:
  Snob: I am sure something will happen, RANDOMLY!
  [clip of the scene plays]
  Snob: Maybe it's too late to be asking this, but um... What?
• The return of the talking dog.

Corona Zombies

• As the film mostly uses footage from Hell of the Living Dead, Brad reasons that it's alright for him to re-use footage from his review of that film, and the rest of the review does exactly that.
• When Barbie first appears:
  Snob: I'm sorry, is this movie its own porno spoof?
• "Wouldn't it be something if somebody figured out they had the Coronavirus thanks to Corona Zombies explaining the symptoms to them?"
• "Lloyd's Gaming Night with the Kids", consisting of a scene of L.A. Noire describing sexual injuries in detail.
• "Good God, Bruno Mattei is spinning in his grave, which is actually footage of Joe D'Amato spinning in his grave."

Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America

• "This movie takes the avian influenza to give this generation's The Birds . . . 2: Land's End.
• Snob describes the dodgy virus effects as looking more like the opening titles of Corona Zombies.
  Snob: Still, I won't know that something's wrong unless they show it to me with bad special effects.
• This movie contains the most dramatic handshake since Predator.
• "Call me crazy, but I think this movie might be fear-mongering."
• Regarding the choppy editing during one of Stacy Keach's speeches:
  Snob: I didn't add those transitions! The editor really wants to speed through this 84-minute movie!
• "So, they say 'Screw it' and lift the quarantine because come hell or high water we're seeing Wonder Woman 1984 this summer."
• When a song starts playing on the soundtrack, Snob declares that this is not the time, place, or movie for a Randy Newman impersonator.
• "You know what else this movie has an endless supply of? Location title cards. They pop up every time they switch location."
  • This proves a major annoyance to the Snob as the movie keeps insistently putting up title cards for locations the majority of the film takes place in, even if it's five minutes from the end.
  • 'Richmond, Virginia' is the most unnecessarily recurring title card and the Snob starts to get worried for it when it doesn't show up for a while.
• The final line of the review:
  Snob: Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America offers us no answers except it helped me find my box of title cards.
  (The caption A Closet, Illinois appears onscreen.)

The Patriot

• This line, and the Snob's disbelief:
  "In The Patriot, Steven Seagal plays Dr Wes McClaren."
  Beat.
  "Erm... Sure."
• "The good news is this is 1990s Steven Seagal handling this virus. The bad news? It's late '90s Steven Seagal."
• "I know it's hard to believe, but once upon a time Steven Seagal was cool!"
• Upon showing a scene of Steven Seagal destroying multiple computers out of rage:
  Snob: It's getting a little stressful here but I've seen enough Neil Breen movies to know that you're gonna need to destroy a lot more laptops than this to be fully stressed.

The Revelation Road Trilogy

• The whole premise of the series is ridiculous - with it being a post-apocalyptic Christian action movie starring David A.R. White, that the Snob describes as a cross between Mad Max, Left Behind (2000), Jason Bourne, Escape from New York, all told through the eyes of Pure Flix. The Snob doesn't hold back on how awesome/insane it is.
  Snob: Now I believe that the Rapture has happened, because I am in heaven!"
• "Grandma may like Mad Max, but I'd better play it safe and get her the Pure Flix version."
• When the Snob looks over a couple of other films from star David A.R. White's filmography:
  "The David A. R. White rabbit hole is the best rabbit hole!"
• Any time the Snob brings up the cartoonish special effects and bad editing, especially the lightning flashes in the first movie that look like they were created on MS Paint.
• When the Snob assumes the Stranger is actually Jesus, based entirely on how many times the actor (Bruce Marchiano) has played Jesus.
• At the beginning of the second movie, Eric Roberts sums up the first movie "the way Joey Tribbiani sums up season finale cliffhangers on Friends."
• "It's the first Pure Flix series I've seen without a punishing country music soundtrack."
• When he refers to White's character, Josh, as "Jason Born-Again."
• The Snob describes the fight between David A.R. White and the bikers as looking like "watching employees at a Renaissance Fair re-enacting the Sonic the Hedgehog Movie."
• Snob!Josh: "God's not dead but you are... Asshole".
• Kevin Sorbo's performance in the third movie is especially bizarre, complete with wandering accent and Pimp Duds.
  Snob: Sorbo survived God's Not Dead and the Rapture to play his most legendary character: Sorbolemite."

Assassin 33 A.D.

• Snob describes the movie as "Professor Radisson: The College Years."
• Following the opening showing a car driving along a road:
  Snob: This opening is what The Shining would look like if it was made by Pure Flix.
• "Meanwhile - 'cause, yes, it's a 'meanwhile' movie."
• Any time the Snob brings up how mind-bogglingly long the film is, with a two-and-a-half hour runtime.
  Snob: Make a movie like this and its over 90 minutes, you're not just a bad writer - you're an asshole!
• The movie's premise - about high school students going back in time to stop terrorists killing Jesus - especially confuses and annoys the Snob, leading to him describing the movie as Jesus of Nazareth crossed with Timecop, and making Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter look like a documentary.

Corona Zombies 2: Barbie & Kendra Save the Tiger King

• Snob's surprise that another Corona Zombies movie has been made and wondering whether he's passed out for two years, only to discover that there's only a month between movies.
• "Here's how fast the second movie came out: you know what's all happened between the first film and the second one? Well, in the review for the first movie I was sitting down, then before this one I stood up."
• Snob's reaction to Barbie and Kendra squee-ing over each other:
  Snob: (stony-faced) Mmh. This is going to be the longest 72 minutes of my life.

Salem's Lot

• Brad corpses on the line "Could you not? That's the house's dick", then jokingly says that that's the tribute Stephen King would have wanted.

World War III

• The fact that the Snob has been teasing a review of this miniseries throughout the last few reviews but turning it down after seeing the intense title card with its weird, screechy letters deeming it to be "too scary".

Oy Vey! My Son is Gay!

• The Running Gag regarding the title.
• Snob points out that the poster looks less like a movie poster and more like a scrapbook a crew member made to pass out at the wrap party.
• Snob describes how he felt going into the movie:
  Snob: Now, at first I wondered if this would be a pretty good movie that just happens to have an extremely riff-able title, but, oh, praise God! the reviews aren't very good either!
• The animated opening looks like a zany '80s movie - too bad it's 2009.
• "This is like watching an SNL movie where the sketch was never made."
• The introduction of flamboyant Camp Gay Uncle Max, who the Snob describes as Gay Harry Knowles:
  Snob: But Dad seems alright; the family's Uncle Max is gay.
  Uncle Max: Marty.
  Marty: Yeah?
  Uncle Max: Why don't you come over here with the real men?
  Snob: Did you not hear the first time? Uncle Max is gaaaay!!
• When Snob finds out Uncle Max is married to a woman:
  Snob: I'm sorry, "wife"? This just became science fiction!
• Snob points out that the only gay song in this universe is 'It's Raining Men'.
• Snob refers to a bearded man at the gay club as Gaybraham Lincoln.
• As the movie often seems to forget about its characters, Snob wonders if Nelson, the title character, will ever return to the movie.
  Snob: This is like The Birdcage crossed with Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, only if they forgot to invite the couple for dinner.
• Snob compares the movie to another gay love story : Moment By Moment.

Angry Asian Murder Hornets

• The opening line:
  Snob: Well, folks, as it turns out I did not need a DVD of Angry Asian Murder Hornets to watch Angry Asian Murder Hornets, because Angry Asian Murder Hornets has lived in here (puts hand on heart) this whole time: a dark, soulless hole that's feasting on me from the inside out.
• Snob's realisation, upon noting that the film is largely filled with Padding and dialogue-less Leave the Camera Running scenes, that this movie makes Corona Zombies look like a masterpiece, and he might have to give them an apology.
• After one character sits down to watch television, Snob calls him the real hero of the movie by sitting down and watching something else.
• "It took putting on a different movie for something to happen."
• This section, when the hornets finally show up:
  Snob: Hey, don't laugh, the Murder Hornets actually show up in this guy's scene. BRACE YOURSELF!
  (Cue terrible, cartoon-looking CGI hornets.)
  Snob: Yep, that's . . . exactly how I thought they would look.
• As the film was shot by the actors themselves whilst social distancing, this makes for some rather shoddy and unconvincing interactions between characters.
  Snob: Some parts I think are supposed to be two characters in the same scene, but they look shot with a different camera - or it could be the wildly different camera set-ups? It's almost as believable as Frank Grillo and Bruce Willis being together in Reprisal.
  (Cue scene from Reprisal where it looks like the two actors weren't even in the same state, let alone appeared on screen together.)
  Snob: Nhaha, ha, ha, that was real.
• A CG hornet about as convincing as the one in the movie showing up in the end.

Stepfather III: Father's Day

• The CG murder hornet from the end of the previous review is still knocking around at the beginning of this one.
• When Andy, a kid who's in a wheelchair, first appears, the Snob second-guesses what's going to happen - by immediately cutting to a clip from Mac and Me in which the kid in the wheelchair falls off a cliff. He later uses clips from Dr. Strangelove and Mr. No Legs.
  • He also claims that Andy, due to being in a wheelchair, has "movie powers" - namely the power of Offscreen Teleportation.
• "I've been in this closet for months: I don't mind masturbating to Stepfather 3."
• The Running Gag about the Stepfather being the only normal person in the movie.
• Snob's constant bafflement over why this film is twenty minutes longer than the previous two instalments.
• This Call-Back:
  Keith/Jerry: Anyway, I don't like working at that nursery with Mr Thompson. I wanna get back to my old job in real estate.
  Snob: Nyeah, I'd also rather watch the first movie.
• The Running Gag about how unintentionally creepy the old priest is.
• Following Father Brennan's death when his car goes over a cliff, Snob laments that he was on his way to bless the Amityville house.
• This exchange:
  Snob: Now Andy and Mom can have a heart-to-heart.
  (Scene shows Andy's mother having a bath whilst he waits outside the open door.)
  Andy: Is there anything you think is strange about Keith?
  Snob: I don't know, kid peeping round the corner on his mom taking a bubble bath.
• At the end, after Andy stands up out of his wheelchair to save his mother from Keith/Jerry:
  Snob (as Andy): Ah, crap, I should have wheeled a lot closer than this. This is gonna be a tough one. Must be why the movie is twenty minutes longer and way more stupid.

365 Days

• His usual running gag of "They bang. Hard." is subverted as the characters are having sex like bunnies.
• After the introduction of the male lead Massimo involves his father being murdered in a mafia hit.
  Snob: This is like if you combined Fifty Shades of Grey with a comic book origin story. Christian Grey is the worst Green Hornet!
• The recurring complaint about the thing being Romanticized Abuse.
• Snob's absolute hatred of the soundtrack. It's so bad he starts to miss the country music soundtrack of the Pure Flix movies.
• This moment:
  Gangster: My question is: how THE FUCK … did it happen?
  Snob: Couldn't pick a tone there, huh?
• Laura interrupts her boyfriend watching action movie establishing shot footage.
• Snob states that Laura and her boyfriend (a bald, goateed man like Snob) should play him and his wife (also named Laura) in their biopic.
• After struggling with the extreme tonal shift between a scene of Laura masturbating and Massimo forcing himself on an air hostess:
  Snob: My dick is more confused than it usually is.
  [a stillshot from The Geek appears]
• After Massimo apparently teleports behind Laura, Snob calls him a murderer with powers like a slasher movie villain.
• This quote:
  Snob: It would be one thing if this was supposed to be a thriller but it's shot like it's supposed to be freakin' hot! It's like if you're the person who watches The Hunchback of Notre Dame and root for Frollo!
• After Laura eats an olive seductively:
  Snob (as Massimo): That's plastic, you idiot.
• Snob states that the movie puts Rocky IV to shame with all its montages.
• "She sorta tells her friend what happened but she paints it as a romantic summer lovin' situation you'd sing about in Grease."
• Snob is so bored of the movie it takes him a long time to realise Laura changes her hair from brunette to platinum blonde right before the climax.
• Regarding the climax with Laura being (apparently) killed on her way to her wedding to Massimo:
  Snob: They're racing to give the movie an On Her Majesty's Secret Service ending, only if there wasn't a single heartbreaking thing about it in the slightest.
• How Snob sums up the movie:
  Snob: God, if Old Fashioned were made for the good angel, this one was made for the bad angel, and neither of them know they're both the bad angel!
• At the end of the review the Snob returns to his comfy chair via stock footage travelling … only to find he's left his jacket behind.

Pass Thru

• Snob points out that Neil Breen must have a bigger budget this time around as he has a different picture of himself on the poster. The budget however, does not stretch to the opening titles.
• This exchange:
  Soldier: Clean this smuggler-riven area so the border control don't know where we're at. (Throws money at Neil Breen's character.) Here's your pay.
  Snob: Huh, it was nice of the co-producer to show up. He seems nice.
• Neil Breen still does not know how laptops work.
• During the scene where the immigrants are arguing, Snob cuts in and complains that they're all from Nevada.
• Brad's creaky chair.
• When Thgil is CG'd into a scene next to the tiger Snob refers to it as "Breen-screen".
• When one character talks to Neil Breen's character:
  Character: You're a weird dude.
  Snob: Finally, a character in a Neil Breen movie that truly gets it.
• When Amanda realises that Thgil got his name from a packet of rice and spells it out for the audience:
  Amanda: Your name. Thgil. That's light. L, I, G, H, T.
  Snob: Wrong, it's 'goblin' spelt backwards.
• Thgil demonstrates his amazing piano playing, by sitting at the keyboard whilst a pre-recorded soundtrack plays over.
  Snob: Hey, hey, you can get anything to work as long as you edit music over it. Well, almost anything. (Cue poster for 365 Days''.)
• Snob points out the Thgil might actually be Thanos.
• Snob becomes positive that Neil Breen is playing a cult leader.

Night of the Creeps

• The opening line of the review, which won that week's Patreon poll:
  Snob: As you can see, the winner of this week's Patreon poll is, of course . . . eh, er, Dreamer? What the hell? Again? Oh, wait, I'm looking at the wrong poll.
• When a comet passes over:
  Snob: If that's Nukie I'm gonna be pissed.
• After Until September Snob now just assumes that all romantic moments in movies are going to be creepy.
• Snob refers to JC, the comic relief friend, as Duckie.
  Snob: JC stands for "Jesus Christ, JC!"
• Snob takes objection to any time characters talk badly of resident evil frat boy Brad, assuming they're talking about him.
  Snob: Hashtag NotAllBrads!
• The closing line of the review:
  Snob: (Joyfully) That does it for this episode. I'm the Cinema Snob, I used to hate everything, and now I don't! Haha, I've grown so much! (Suddenly stone-faced) In terms of my taste in movies; height, no. No, not at all. I'm actually shrinking.

The Jerk, Too

• "I'm not staying for The New Show. In fact, I'm not sticking to any other show at all!"
• When Snob first hears Mark Blankfield's Navin voice he states that this film is also a Forrest Gump sequel.
• "I'm not sure it was a good idea to make a spin-off series based on Simple Jack."
• When Navin starts winning at a casino:
  Snob: This is what a Letterboxd reviewer just assumes Rain Man is.
• Snob discovers that one of the actors during a poker scene is Lainie Kazan, the actress who starred in Oy Vey! My Son Is Gay!, a movie Snob had previously reviewed, leading to him resurrecting that review's Running Gag.
  Snob: Oy Vey! My The Jerk Sequel Is Gay!
• Snob states that this version of Navin Johnson is more likely to bang the Opti-Grab not invent it.
• After the scene at the train station:
  Snob: What IS this movie?!
• When Navin plays cards against a biker gang:
  Navin: Look what I got, a full house.
  Snob: No, this is feeling more like Fuller House.
• The Running Gag about how Ray Walston must have lost a bet to explain why he keeps appearing in the movie.
• After Navin causes mayhem when he first arrives at Marie's house:
  Snob: And this is why it was a terrible idea for Jar Jar Binks to star in The Graduate.
• This reveal:
  Snob: You know what this movie needs? A villain.
  (Cut to a shot of Count Marco looking sinister.)
  Snob: I was kidding. Why does this movie need a villain? I just want to see Emmet Walsh shoot at cans, godammit!
• Following the random musical number:
  Snob: WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Eh, 51 minutes into a 90-minute movie, that's not too late to turn into a musical.
• "You know, some people would say this is really stupid, but that would imply that anyone other than me has seen this movie."
• The Running Gag about the characters dying in a hot air balloon explosion due to this film sharing the same director as Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band which featured a balloon, culminating in a hot air balloon actually showing up in the climax.
  Snob: Oh, my God, the hot air balloon, there it is. What's with this director and balloons? I wrote those earlier jokes before knowing the movie actually ends this way. What a weird thing to predict!

Casino Royale (1954)

• Snob points out the inconsistent pronunciation of 'Le Chiffre' and guesses it's actually pronounced 'Villain'.
• At the beginning, when a gunman shoots at Jimmy Bond, his aim is clearly off.
  Snob: Yeah, okay, maybe aim better next time. You were only, like, six feet away.
• Regarding Barry Nelson as 'Jimmy Bond':
  Snob: As you can see Sean Connery wasn't available so we got Flash Thompson instead.
• This Actor Allusion:
  Snob: This whole thing looks like if The Shining ended with Ullman discovering an old picture of himself in the Overlook.
• "Ah, yes, James Bond's famous drink: water."
• "This is only a fifty-minute programme. We have to get to the sex fast!"
• Snob praises Peter Lorre on his excellent Peter Lorre impression.
• The old Wilkins Coffee ads.
• Snob continually fails to understand baccarat ("Or "baccarah" as it's sometimes pronounced").
• His surprise that the movie ends with Bond, in a unique moment for the character, has Le Chiffre at gunpoint... and tells the love interest to call the police.

Dr. No

• Snob searches for the VHS tape in his jacket, only to find the 1954 Casino Royale, From Russia with Love, and Zapped Again!, which he can't work out how it got there.
• After Snob states Dr. No’s plan to sabotage an American space launch:
  Snob: Spoiler: we make it to the moon. And so does James Bond!
• The Running Gag of Snob's crotch exploding every time Bond does something cool, as well as during the opening titles.
  Snob: If Moneypenny doesn't sleep with him, me and my charred crotch will!
• Snob's reaction to Sean Connery's introduction:
  Snob: Can Connery really be better than Barry Nelson's CIA agent Jimmy Bond?
  Slyvia Trench: I admire your luck, Mister . . . ?
  James Bond: (Lighting a cigarette) Bond. James Bond.
  (Snob's crotch blows up, again.)
  Snob: (Nonchalantly) Oh, don't worry about that. I was born with twelve balls. I've got plenty to spare.
• When Bond flirts with Moneypenny:
  Snob (as Moneypenny): Look, Mr Draper, just get the Lucky Strike ad on my desk in an hour.
• When Slyvia Trench appears at Bond's flat:
  Snob: Eh, he and Strangways weren't that close. He can kill time with five straight hours of sex.
• "Bond still manages to be the coolest person here, even when sitting in the back seat during a car chase."
• Snob's Sean Connery impression.
• Snob refers to the local police officer as Bullwinkle J. Mussolini.
• The return of the Wilkins Coffee ads.
• Snob states that Dr No's plan is to build the world's most depressing-looking theme park.
• Snob claims that Honey Rider's original name was 'Syrup Reversecowgirl'.
• Snob states that Honey is searching for clams and her real voice, as Ursula Andress was dubbed in the film.

Carrie (1976) and Jennifer

• Carrie (1976):
  • At the start of the review, Snob gets hit on the head by a VHS copy of Bolero.
  • "The moral will always be: don't piss off the isolated girl with telekinesis."
  • Following the opening gym class scene, Snob needs to make sure he didn't accidentally put in Debbie Does Dallas.
  • With all the nudity in the opening scene, Snob points out that he could show more of the first five minutes of ET the Porno than this film.
  • This exchange:
    Snob: It's weird going back this far. Young Michael Myers was far less subtle when following around girls after school.
    Child on bike: Creepy Carrie! Haha!
    (Carrie's abilities cause the child to fall off his bike)
    Snob: Great. Now you got P.J. Soles killed.
  • Snob describes Margaret White as being like if Mommie Dearest was the star of Pureflix movies rather than old Hollywood.
  • When Carrie is locked in the cupboard by her mother, Snob says not to worry, Delbert Grady will let her out.
  • Snob is thrilled to see John Travolta in the movie, even if he is playing an asshole.
    Snob: (Snapping his fingers) Buh buh buh, buh ba ba BASTARD!
  • Snob's constant admiration for William Katt's hair.
  • After Snob points out how well Sissy Spacek transforms from her appearance in the first half of the film to believably pretty-ing up for the second half:
    Snob: Whatever. Wouldn't it be way easier for Carrie to already look like the prom queen like in the 2013 film?
  • Snob wonders when Carrie will fight Jason Voorhees.
  • Snob points out that this movie has one of the only prom scenes on film not to feature Eighties music - because it's 1976.
  • This observation:
    Snob: This movie is so good that if the Razzies were around they would have nominated it for Worst Director.
• Jennifer:
  • Snob states that, though Carrie (1976) may be on loads of 'Best Of . . .' lists, he's sure Jennifer is on a list of films called Jennifer.
  • The film is directed by Brice Mack, who worked as a background artist on Peter Pan and Lady and the Tramp before directing films such as Swap Meet, Rooster: Spurs of Death, and Half a House.
    Snob: (Bewildered) I . . . I love this man's career.
  • "Carrie had a house that looked like it hid dead bodies. This house looks like it actually hides dead bodies."
  • Snob states that this movie has the World's Most Depressing Theme Song.
  • "This looks like an after-school special and sounds like one too."
  • Snob states that Jeff's actor, Bert Convy, has an IMDb photo that looks more like if the 1970s itself had an IMDb page.
  • From the way the characters interact with one another, Snob wonders if they are all having an affair.
  • Snob refers to Sandra's boyfriend as 'Douchebag von Rohypnol'.
  • Snob forgets that Jennifer is actually the title character - the real title character is 1978.
  • When Jennifer's revenge plot starts moving and her backstory involving a cult and snakes is revealed:
    Snob: Well, the movie is finally about Jennifer and is one thousand times more batshit for it!
  • Snob points out that, as the bullies are so sadistic (he states that, like Stephen King bullies, they are potential serial killers), every non-evil character deserves their own revenge story.
  • Snob's absolute glee when the bullies are killed.
  • Snob needs to fix the bend in his glasses after the VHS tape of Bolero fell on him at the start of the review.

Child's Play 2

• "In Child's Play, Chucky was burnt to a crisp, shot repeatedly, limbs missing, but thankfully we can rebuild him, we have the technology and lots of free time."
• When Chucky is being rebuilt, Snob references an old friend:
  Snob: First things first, must check dental records to make sure not Ben Tramer doll.
• When Chucky is being rebuilt:
  Snob: Too bad this sequence is so short. I want to see the "Do we give him a dick?" conversation.
• Snob points out that Andy's new foster parents need to adopt as the mother is played by Jenny Agutter and she keeps losing her children once they turn thirty.
• When the neighbourhood with Andy's new home is shown, Snob says there's something about it that makes him feel they're living in Halloween 4 Haddonfield.
• Andy wears patterned sweaters in the film and Snob says that he's been taken clothes shopping at Danny Torrance's store for horror kids.
• Death does not cure Chucky of his rudeness.
• This movie contains the most perfectly timed storm since Carrie told her mother she was going to prom.
• When Andy's Stern Teacher appears:
  Snob: There's Beth Grant as Mrs Discipline, with extreme That's a paddlin' energy.

The Exterminator and Exterminator 2

• The Exterminator:
  • The Running Gag about the gangsters trying to get their country music song in the soundtrack.
  • Snob describes the main gang, the Ghetto Ghouls, as sounding like villains from a Jack Hill-directed episode of Scooby-Doo.
  • Snob points out that Robert Ginty as John Eastland looks like Paul McCartney and that a warrant is made out for his arrest.
    Snob: This film was advertised as 'The Film John Lennon Doesn't Want You To See'.
  • "You know, maybe it's the whole slowly lowering a man into a meat grinder thing, but I'm starting to think that John is a pissed-off serial killer!"
  • This film has the darkest Will It Fit? episode since Sleepaway Camp.
  • When the Snob introduces the government cover-up storyline:
    Snob: The CIA is not happy about this. They need to open the nation's beaches soon without families worrying a vigilante will eat them. They hatch a scheme to assassinate the Exterminator because a trial would make people too aware that New York was a shithole. What? In 1980? Shocking.
  • This entire exchange when John takes a prostitute to an hotel room:
    Snob: However, I have a question. Hm. You want da sheets?
    Clerk: You want da sheets?
    Prostitute: Yeah.
    Snob: No, answer it like you mean it. You want da sheets?
    Clerk: You want da sheets?
    Snob: Tell me you're a man who wants da sheets.
    John: Oh, yeah, we're gonna have the sheets.
    Snob: Best exchange in the whole movie.
  • Snob states that the gang feel safe because John can't take his meat grinder everywhere.
  • Snob discusses how common the Every Car Is a Pinto trope was in the 1980s.
    Snob: Serves them right for thinking they could survive an '80s car chase. I'm surprised it hasn't exploded from those minor taps.

    Snob: That car would have blown up even if it was parked.
  • "Now, we have one opportunity to get in there and arrest John Eastland before all is forgiven and he's able to go about his merry way in Extermintor 2. This is why John drives away. He knows that if they don't arrest him after five minutes the statute of limitations will be up."
• Exterminator 2:
  • #ReleaseTheBuntzmanCut.
  • Although this film replaces the country music theme song of the first one, Snob declares the new theme to be "too shenanigans-y".
  • Snob is completely baffled about what type of film this movie wants to be, as it is widely inconsistent due to a Troubled Production being botched in editing.
    Snob:The real fight in this movie is the fight between a revenge film and a dance film!
  • This summary of the film:
    Snob: This movie is like the fake world that Freddy Krueger would have put the Exterminator in if he fell asleep.
  • Snob refers to X, the main villain, played by Mario Van Peebles, as Culture Clubber Lang.
  • Snob's VHS box for the film turns out to instead hold a copy of Cabaret.

From Russia With Love

• Snob almost gets shot in the opening gun barrel sequence.
• When the fake Bond gets killed in the training ground at the beginning, the Snob laments that Barry Nelson (star of the 1954 Casino Royale) has been killed.
• Snob's penis blows up again after Sean Connery appears.
  Snob: It's okay, I'm wearing radioactive-proof underwear.
• Bond and his driver don't realise they're being followed by one of Alan Arkin's disguises from Wait Until Dark.
• The Folger's Coffee ads.
• "Look, you don't need to explain this to me. He's Robert Shaw, I know he's evil."
• "This was back in the day when only half of movie extras made it out alive."

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

• Constantly pointing out how the events of the movie take place late at night when people are asleep.
• Snob mixes up his Audience Participation list with that of The Room (2003).
  Snob: Now I'm stuck with two hundred of these damn spoons!
• During the Time Warp, Snob describes the scene as what Robin turns Wayne Manor into the second Bruce is out of town.
• "Finally, a movie I'm watching where someone looks at the camera and it's supposed to happen."
• When Meatloaf bursts through the wall on a motorcycle, Snob states that he hopes it goes unexplained.
• Snob describes the creation of Rocky Horror as an origin for the Condiment King or Nuclear Man.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

• Snob is only 60% sure he pronounces writer Terrance Zdunich's name correctly.
• Snob describes every character as being a Conjuring Universe villain.
• "It's about time we got the future promised to us by Nygma Tech and our god Edward Nygma."
• Snob describes the theatre scene at the end when Amber Sweet's face falls off as the best Paris Hilton concert.
• This exchange, from the opera scene:
  Luigi Largo: KILL HIM!
  Snob: Oh, sure, but when I did this at opening night of Fault In Our Stars I got shushed.
• Snob produces a can of Billy Beer from his jacket at the end.

Phantom of the Paradise

• From the start of the review:
  Snob: Since the very first year of doing Musical March in September, I've gotten this film requested more often than any other entry for Musical Month; which must mean it's a totally normal movie and nothing like snorting a line of Gary Glitter.
• After the Juicy Fruits perform:
  Snob: Er, I don't know, is this a good audition?
  (Cut to a pair of white-gloved hands clapping.)
  Snob: Oh, must be, Leopold likes it.
• When Jessica Harper appears:
  Snob: Dammit, Janet - it's Second Janet!
• "Here we meet Swan, played by the great Paul Williams. He's like if James Bond made a mistake and hunted Phil Spector."
• Snob describes Swan as looking like a man whose every sentence somehow manages to produce a new porno film.

Little Shop of Horrors

• Snob starts calling for a musical version of Jennifer.
• Snob hails the appearance of a "Christopher Guest Star".
• "Seymour tells a story about how he bought the plant from an old Chinese man after he almost bought a Mogwai."
• When Audrey returns home, Snob describes it as Selina Kyle's apartment.
• Snob is a huge fan of Steve Martin in this film.
  • Snob describes him as "a cross between Elvis Presley and Henry Bowers from IT".
  • "I didn't know you could award someone with the funniest domestic abuser put to film, but there you go."

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

• "And don't forget about the big giveaway at 9.00. It's a copy of Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3! 'Cos I hate kids!"
• The Running Gag of the repetitive Silver Shamrock theme song.
  Eight more days 'til Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Eight more days 'til Halloween! Silver Shamrock!
• Snob's admiration for Dan O'Herlihy as the awesome villain Conal Cochran and his insane plan.

Night of the Demons

• The Snob mentions that the film went through different titles during production - Halloween Party and Demon Boogie.
  Snob: Now you're talking my language!
• "You know you're watching my show when you get a movie starring the pizza man from Poochinski and the sexy dancer nurse from Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo."
• Snob's admiration for Rog, who is one of the few Slasher Movie characters to have any survival instincts as well as subverting Black Dude Dies First.
• Snob reckons that Goth Girl Angela will be defeated at the end by Claire Standish giving her a makeover.

The Witches (1990)

• The Snob comments on how good the makeup team's work is when it comes to Beauty Inversion applied to Anjelica Huston when she's supposed to be in her true form as the Grand High Witch... only to admit he's still attracted to her in full makeup.

The Craft

• "As you can see the movie is also costarring The 90s. Just, The 90s. Everything 90s."
• Snob noting that him saying "Holy shit, it's Seth Green!" for Breckin Meyer and vice versa is overplayed.
• "Hey, Chris..." "Jesus, man!"

1980 in Film

This is a 2-hour-plus episode, so an abundance of funny moments was inevitable:

• Any time the Snob mentions King Frat.
• On Fatso (a Dom De Luise vehicle about an obese man struggling with his diet): "Great, we had to go back to 1980 for the Brad Tries... biography!"
• On Foxes: "I feel like I'm falling on deaf ears saying this, but don't be weird, Randy Quaid."
• The Snob snarks that the Caligula trailer shows the title character’s death scene because it was the only climax the trailer could show.
• On the fact that Caligula, Cruising, and Mad Max all came out on the same day:
  Snob: It didn’t matter what you saw on February 15th, it was gonna contain a lot of leather.
• The Don't Answer the Phone! trailer's poor color quality inspires the quip "It's a purple band trailer too, so it's Grimace approved!"
• The video trailer the Snob finds to represent When Time Ran Out... turns out to be openly sarcastic towards the Disaster Movie. "Why even Cinema Snob this when the trailer guy is doing it?"
  • As it turns out, several trailers have similarly snarky voiceovers, and the Snob begins arguing with his "rival" as a Running Gag.
• During the Where the Buffalo Roam segment:
  Snob: The film was criticized for mainly being a series of sketches, [the scene changes to a woman pulling down the curtain to reveal a man standing outside her window] and The Baltimore Bullet continually sneaking into girls' rooms.
• As a dancer in Fame insists on their talent, Snob replies "Sir, this is Suspiria. We just need to know if your guts look good on camera."
  • The segue into The Long Riders.
    Snob: Every dad at the time was thinking: [speaking in a gruff manly voice] "Egh! None of that gay dancing mumbo jumbo, Tom Horn is no longer in theaters and I'm still craving something manly. Ahh, yes, Walter Hill's The Long Riders will do."
• The Empire Strikes Back is introduced as Star Wars 2: The Wrath of Wampas.
  • As the trailer begins, Snob explains it came out back in a time when it was fun to love Star Wars.
  • The segue to the next trailer.
    Snob: The Empire Strikes Back was the highest domestic and worldwide hit of 1980. That is, until...
    Trailer: Jodie Foster... Gary Busey... Robbie Robertson... Carny!
    Snob: Until Carny came along and obviously dominated The Empire Strikes Back.
• On Carny, a drama film that revolves around a runaway girl who joins a circus and ends up developing a relationship with two of the carnies there, causing a rift between the two partners.
  Snob: Bros before bearded hoes.
  • The fact that the trailer makes it seem like a horror film.
  • During the The Hollywood Knights trailer, Snob makes this comment:
    "The Gary Busey clown is jerking off in the men's room, isn't he?"
  • Snob mentions that Bronco Billy is a film for people who thought that Carny would haunt their dreams.
• As the Peanuts gang gets tossed en masse onto a landing by an escalator, Snob guesses the title of their new movie is It's a Lawsuit, Charlie Brown!
  • To answer the question posed by the TV special that picks up from the ending of this movie, What Have We Learned, Charlie Brown?: "We learned you had to go to France to beat the hell out of Peppermint Patty for ruining Thanksgiving, and have dogs get drunk off of root beer and drive cars, and first understand what the adults are saying!"
• The segue from The Mountain Men to The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood.
  Snob: This was 1980, though. If you are upset by a movie, just get yourself a hooker. A Happy Hooker, that is. There's at least one in Hollywood.
• Since, Snob already covered The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood in the 42nd Street Forever Vol. 3 episode, he just uses one comment from that video.
  2014 Snob: Also, I don't need to hear Adam West saying "Bouncy! Bouncy!" Even if he is just talking about a ball.
  2020 Snob: Oh, I miss my hair.
• One scene in Galaxina, where the titular character kisses a man and effects go off.
  Snob: See, she'll even blow up your dick.
• The Snob's reaction to a questionable exchange in Up the Academy.
  Guy: Do you like it when a gentleman ties you up?
  Girl: What?
  Guy: You know with rope?
  Snob: Stop kidnapping people 1980!
  • The segue into Urban Cowboy:
    Snob: The month of June is quite the softcore month. We've had softcore sex romps and now we've got a movie based on softcore country.
• His description for Urban Cowboy.
  Snob: Urban Cowboy is what happens when you spill a warm cup of Coors Light onto the script of Saturday Night Fever.
  • "If you're the trailer guy from Up the Academy and thought Saturday Night Fever was too gay, this is for you, ironically a way more homoerotic movie."
• On Roadie:
  • "Even though we're still in June, it's never too late to start planning a Musical March in September."
  • "Even Alice Cooper is there! It's gonna have Sgt. Pepper-quality jokes!"
• The Blues Brothers stars everyone, even the explosions from The Island (1980).
  • With Caddyshack also indulging in pyro, Snob notes that the comedies of 1980 were using explosions more than the action movies were. When the family drama The Earthling has a vehicle go over a cliff to Ricky Schroder's despair, that the resultant destruction isn't depicted onscreen leads Snob to snark "Cheech and Chong would have showed that explosion!"
• Snob claims Cloris Leachman and Harvey Korman signed on to Herbie Goes Bananas because they weren't asked to be among the loads of cameos in Wholly Moses!
• Snob introduces The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu with a comparison to Adam Sandler:
  Anyway, remember Being There, the critically-acclaimed Peter Sellers film which got Sellers a [Oscar] nomination for Best Actor? Well, if that was his Uncut Gems, meet his Hubie Halloween!
• He describes Battle Beyond the Stars as "Battlefield Earth re-enacted by the aliens from Galaxy Quest".
• On Kagemusha:
  Snob: As we're getting ever deeper into Oscar season, how about something for the foreign film market?
  Title card: George Lucas and Francis Ford Coppola present.
  Snob: Mm, my blockbuster sense is tingling ...
  Title card: A film by Akira Kurosawa.
  Snob: And my Cinema Snob sense is tingling ...
  Title card: Kagemusha: The Shadow Warrior.
  Snob: Ne-ver heard of it.
• "Merry Christmas! Here's Ken Russell's Altered States!" Snob can't get enough of this one actually being released on Christmas Day:
  "They're stressing out their audience more than the in-laws!"
  "Hallmark Christmas movies back then were dark!"

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning

• Snob refers to his '1980 in Film' video as being over 22 hours long.
• "It sounds like a slasher film where the team that made it would've themselves been characters in a slasher film."
• "It only rains Henry Manfredini music in a Friday the 13th movie."
• Snob describes the halfway house as a home that assembles slasher victims.
• "This dude looks like he's not really a coke-head but he's trying to be more hip with the students in his American History class."
• Snob is completely baffled by who took the picture of Jason Voorhees for the newspaper at the end of the movie.

Goldfinger

• After Goldfinger breaks a pencil, Snob goes 'That's gonna be on your hotel bill!'
• This gem after Bond manages to outsmart Goldfinger and his cheating during their golf game.
  Snob: "He'll just go on Twitter and claim he won anyway."

Black Christmas (2006)

• The opening line of the review:
  Snob: While the original 1974 Black Christmas is a classic, the 2006 version still serves a purpose by allowing all people to come together during the holidays to say "Eh, at least it's better than the 2019 one".
• This exchange:
  Snob: Now let's see who brought us this severed eyeball as a replacement for coal in our stockings.
  (The logo for Dimension Films appears.)
  Snob: Nnh, NO SHIT!
• Due to Lacey Chabert appearing in this dark, sleazy Christmas movie, Snob continually refers to her numerous Hallmark Christmas movies.
• Snob describes this as another episode of killing time until A Wrestling Christmas Miracle comes out.

A Wrestling Christmas Miracle

• Snob points out that the name of the main kid character in the film, Case Gabriel, sounds more like a character Martin Kove would have played in an Eighties action movie.
• Somehow Gilbert Gottfried's name in the credits is not the weirdest thing in the movie.
• Snob refers to Kenneth del Vecchio as "Peaked in High School".
• Snob's complete bafflement over the plot.

Christmas in the Rockies

• Snob continually raises the fact that the supposedly badly-injured father does not look injured at all.
  Katie: My father almost died.
  Snob: Yeah, he was nearly exaggerated to death.
• This part, when Snob looks into the names behind the movie:
  Snob: So, Katie appears to be interested in a paramedic named - Harrison Brock? Why is it that whenever a movie like this tries to give a character an ultra-straight, masculine name it ends up sounding like a gay porn? Who directed this anyway?
  (Snob looks at the IMDb page showing the directors: "Amy Force" and "Justin G. Dyck".)
  Snob: Amy Force? Justin D- er, is this a porn? Let's ask the executive producer -
  (Snob checks out the opening credits and sees the executive producer: "Doug Butts".)
  Snob: Er, WHAT?!
• Snob points out the blurry, out-of-focus, green-screened Rockies.
• This exchange, regarding the baffling randomness of the dialogue:
  Grandfather: This is evil. You're baiting me with a bait-fish.
  Snob: This is a whole movie comprised of sentences that have never been spoken!
• "This movie's run out of so much budget it can't even light a tree without post-production effects - in a scene that already features a lit tree."
• Since the movie was produced by Fox News, Snob keeps expecting it to turn into a "War on Christmas" movie any minute. He also points out how the Fox News anchors who guest star are clearly just reciting some lines on the sets of their own shows and probably don't even know what the movie is about.

A Recipe for Seduction

• "The movie feels like a Wood Rocket spoof in which they forgot to film the porn."
• The villainous boyfriend goes from zero to ten on the Billy Zane Scale.

Happy Birthday to Me

• "Settle down, Silent Night (2012). I'll get to you, soon."
• When the Snob looks up the plot summary on IMDb:
  Snob: Personally, I don't even need to know what this movie's about: the plot starts with "At the snobby Crawford Academy" - my alma mater. I was kicked out for being too snobby! I gave Lawrence of Arabia an A and not an A+. One point off for not enough drunk faces.
• Snob noting the contrast between the big, flashy Columbia logo,^note This movie is actually the last to use Columbia's famed "Sunburst" logo. and the significantly more minimalist opening credits that tell you...
  Snob: Yup, definitely an '80s slasher film!
• Pretty much every comment from the opening kill scene:
  Snob: This was back when it was safe to walk around on campus without the fear of a Bruceploitation actor jumping out, out of nowhere.
  Snob: (scene shows a girl getting into a car, only to be grabbed by the killer) This is Bernadette, who unfortunately is stuck in the car with the writers, who are for sure going to kill her off.
  Snob: (Bernadette escapes) Perhaps this stranger can help her. (the stranger opens a straight razor and slashes her throat) Oops, unfortunately that person was Pamela Voorhees.
  Snob: Poor Bernadette, even the opening credits lived longer than she did.
• Upon seeing Melissa Sue Anderson, he introduces her as being Melissa Gilbert Ingalls from Little House on the Michael Landon.
• Snob regarding Alfred:
  "I've got a bad feeling about Alfred. He's played by Jack Blum, whose IMDB photo (a picture of the actor with white liquid running down his face) suggests he visited the Caligula set on the wrong day."
• He edits in "Let's Dance" by Chris Montez during a scene where the main characters are running from a bar after pulling a prank and then Blues Brothers soundtrack when the characters are jumping over a bascule bridge with their cars. During the former, he claims his doing so makes the movie seem like it takes place in Animal House rather than King Frat.
• When one of Ginny's guy friends asks to walk her home in a creepy manner:
  Snob: We still want to make sure that it includes rapey villains that you would probably find in one of the Bronson movies.^note The director of this movie is J. Lee Thompson, who is also known for directing gritty action thrillers with Charles Bronson as the main lead, usually playing the role of a Cowboy Cop or Vigilante Man hunting really nasty villains.
  • Shortly after, when the same guy peeps on her and flees after she screams:
    Snob: Don't you worry about him. Charles Bronson will shoot him in the head in about five minutes.
• Stating that Ginny is having flashbacks to The Exorcist II flashbacks.
• Regarding veteran actor Glenn Ford appearing in the movie:
  Snob: Unfortunately, she confides in psychiatrist Glenn Ford. He'll be the Mel Ferrer of the movie. Glenn went the full Richard Burton; in that it's been foretold he was quite drunk and hard to get along with on the movie. He looks a little disheveled, like he went out partying in this outfit the night before.
  • Also, Ford has an aura of "I was just in Superman, Goddammit!"
• During the creepy guy's murder:
  Snob: To get to the bottom of this mystery, clearly we need to retrace the steps from the first Exorcist and giving the peeping tom here the old Pet Sematary Two.
• It's an "Oh, It's You!" movie.

Silent Night

• Snob claims that the Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise is so extensive that by the second installment it had its own clip show.
• Aubrey's dad might be the actual Santa.
• Snob states that the foul-mouthed, bratty kid speaks only in "end of episode stinger lines" and is the second-best character in the movie (after Malcolm McDowell, of course).
• Snob points out that the entire film is already populated by creepy characters before the killer even shows up.
  Snob: This is the land where, if they're not the killer in in this movie, they're still a killer.
• The town has a YouTuber as their Santa.
  Snob: He's gonna make kids cry with a vulgarity-ridden rant over The Christmas Chronicles 2.
• Malcolm McDowell is the most normal person in this town.
• "It's funny how similar most horror films of this era looked. This was back during a time when even if your movie wasn't made by Platinum Dunes, it still looked like it was produced by Michael Bay."
• Snob plays the narration from Fun in Balloon Land over the parade.

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