Steven Universe Season 1A / Funny

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Steven showing off his "balanced breakfast".

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"Gem Glow"

Pearl calmly explaining to Steven that he isn't ready to join them on quests while she snaps a Centipeetle's neck with her bare hands. She doesn't even take her eyes off Steven as she does it.
When Steven asks where they got so much of his favorite ice cream, Pearl explains that they knew it was his favorite, so:
Amethyst: We went out and stole a bunch!
Pearl: [annoyed] I went back and paid for them.
"Cookie Cat, he's a pet for your tummy! Cookie Cat, he's super duper yummy! Cookie Cat! HE LEFT HIS FAMILY BEHIND!"
This moment:
Pearl: Calm down, Steven, breathe; don't force it!
Amethyst: [regarding Steven's constipated-looking face] Yeah, and try not to poop yourself either.
Garnet: Please, Don't.
Lars' reaction to Amethyst slicing the dumpster in half behind the Big Donut.
Lars: Again?!
Garnet's speech, which switches from her normal stoic tone to a bit of Large Ham, only to suddenly whip back when she ends with "At least, that's how I do it." Steven's reaction◊ is also chuckle-worthy.
When Steven comes to the conclusion that his powers are summoned by eating ice cream, a concerned Pearl picks up one of the wrappers and eyes it suspiciously.
Pearl: What's in these things?
At the end of the episode:
Amethyst: Are you crying?
Steven: ONLY A LITTLE!
Blink and you'll miss it, but when Steven first enters the house and finds the Gems fighting the Centipeetle horde, a pair of the creatures can be seen watching television.

"Laser Light Cannon"

Steven is told the thing coming from the horizon is a "Red Eye".
Steven: RED EYE?! It's going to infect us all!
Garnet: That's pink eye, Steven.
Pearl's description of the orb approaching Earth can be topped off with a big That's What She Said:
Pearl: Look at the size of it! I had no idea these things were so big!
Pearl tries to sugarcoat why they aren't going to Greg for help. Amethyst... not so much.
Pearl: Greg is... nice, Steven, but I doubt Rose would entrust him with such a powerful weapon.
Amethyst: Your dad's kind of a mess, Steven.
Garnet says they can handle it. She then chucks Amethyst straight into the Red Eye. It fails.
- Later, when Steven points out the Red Eye to Greg, Amethyst suddenly appears out of nowhere and apparently has been chucked into the Red Eye again. Once again, it fails.
  Amethyst: RAAAAGH! *BONG......*
- And again when the action cuts back to the beach.
  Amethyst: [washes up on shore after another failed attempt] Throw me again, I think I cracked it.
Steven's expression while happily bopping along to his dad's old CD, while Greg quietly cringes.
"That thing about pork rinds?" "Hot dogs."
Steven ends up saving Beach City. Mostly — the Red Eye that he destroys shatters into several pieces the size of small cars, causing a lot of wanton property damage.
Amethyst: Steven! You just saved most of Beach City.
Steven: Sorry about that!
Fryman: [some distance away] ...What?
The ending where Greg's van gets washed away by the tides:
Greg: My van!
Steven: Don't worry, Dad. If every pork chop were perfect–
Greg: I LIVE IN THERE!

"Cheeseburger Backpack"

Because the storyboard artist for this episode (Ian Jones-Quartey) has a rather unique style compared to the others, many of the expression characters get throughout this episode are a bit off... and very◊, funny◊.
The Gems are back... with a giant egg.
Garnet: [with feathers in her hair] Hello, Steven.
Pearl: Amethyst, we do not need that! It's not going to fit in the fridge!
Amethyst: What? I got this! [slowly pulls fridge shelf out... then just drops it; shoves the egg in] Look, it fits! [slams refrigerator door; audible cracking noises]
Steven has a toy called a "Mr. Queasy Doll", which he decides will definitely come in handy for the mission and tosses out a first-aid kit to make room for him.
Mr. Queasy: Oh, kid, don't shake me! [gets shaken] Urp... I got a medical condition!
Pearl suggests an intricate plan to get past an entire room of creepy-crawlies... but Steven just throws some bagel sandwiches to lure them away. And it works.
Pearl: ...How did you know that would work...?
Steven: If I were a shrimp, that's what I'd do!
Amethyst: You are a shrimp.
- As they moved on, Pearl added:
  Pearl: I just want everyone to know– My plan would have also worked.
When the gang encounters a current of gushing water they have to cross, they turn to Steven for suggestions. They chant "Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!" until Steven pulls a raft from the pack. "Steven, that's so sensible!" ...He throws the raft in the water, and it gets carried away.
Garnet: [breaks column and creates a bridge to get across] Great idea anyway, Steven.
When they reach the pedestal where the statue should be placed, Steven realizes he left the statue at home. He doesn't give up, however, and suggests they place his doll on the pedestal instead.
Amethyst: Could that work?
Garnet: [makes "I don't know" sound and shrugs]
- The way Mr. Queasy starts to moan in pain as he is violently shaken back and forth and explodes.
Even though Steven messed up, the Sea Spire is destroyed, and they're floating in the middle of an ocean, the Gems try to cheer him up, saying at least 50% of his plans worked. Then the raft comes back, making it 75%.
Steven: WHOO!
- They celebrate,
  Pearl and Amethyst: Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!
  Garnet: It's a 3-hour paddle home.

"Together Breakfast"

Steven trying to tell a joke... to Garnet.
Steven: It's not exactly healthy, but it's in a stack, so I guess you could call it a... balanced breakfast?
Garnet: ...
[cut to Steven making the face at the top of this page]
Garnet's business in the Temple is to burn a scroll (that apparently contains a trapped Eldritch Abomination), of which Steven snaps a pic with his smart phone. Garnet takes his phone, declaring she now needs to burn that, too.
Steven: MY APPS!
- Even funnier, before she burns the phone she breaks it in half.
The background music suddenly switches to dubstep when Steven is placing the strawberry on top of the breakfast. Twice.
- The official name of the song on SoundCloud? "Drop the Strawberry".
All of Steven and Amethyst's interaction are very reminiscent of an older sister and younger brother... and it's hilarious.
Amethyst: You've got something on your shirt.
[Steven looks down]
Amethyst: [spraying him with water gun] DUUUUMB!
- Later:
  Amethyst: You can't outrun me; we both have short legs!
- "I'm hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"
- The Dumb Police.
Amethyst doesn't like her stuff organized:
Amethyst: Isn't it awful? Pearl organized everything.
Steven: Still looks messy to me.
Amethyst: Aw, thanks! I try. [kicking a pile of junk] BOOM!!!
Garnet's absolutely deadpan statement following the possession of the together breakfast.
Garnet: Now it has all the power of a breakfast, we have to destroy it!
Steven and the Gems finally make a together breakfast... then remember that the last one tried to eat THEM and decide on pizza instead.
Garnet: It did try to kill us.

"Frybo"

This:
Pearl: Have you seen this crystal shard? It's very important.
Steven: Have you seen my pants? [pans out to show he's in his underwear] They are also very important.
Steven having an internal monologue when Pearl is lecturing him about Gem Shards. He realizes that he's not listening, but doesn't want to tune in mid-lecture.
Steven: [thinking] I can't just start listening now! I'd be lost. Just like my pants...
- The way his eyes abruptly drift into Fish Eyes as he stops paying attention.
- And later, when Pearl frantically asked if he heard what she said, he gives an honest "No!"
  Pearl: Oh Steven.
Steven when he spots his sentient pants: "THAT'S UNUSUAL!"
- Not to mention Steven's line once he finally gets his pants back on:
  Steven: I wear the pants in this relationship!
Pearl, a fearless defender of mankind, is incapacitated for most of the battle by getting ketchup in her eyes.
What does Steven do to defeat Frybo when it turns evil? He animates the clothes on his body so they can attack; leaving him in the nude as they lay the whooping on Frybo and pin it down.
Steven: As soon as I bared my butt, I knew he'd crack!
The fact that the episode ends with Frybo being given a Viking Funeral, with Steven's still-sentient clothes serving as pallbearers.
The face Steven makes at the end of the episode.
"Put your clothes on, Steven."

"Cat Fingers"

Mayor Dewey's reaction to Greg and Steven goofing off on the job: "I'm not paying for father-son bonding here!"
Amethyst doing a spot-on impression of Mordecai in her bluejay form.
Amethyst using her shape-shifting to tease Pearl.
Amethyst: [as Pearl] Of course I can [shape-shift], I'm perfect! [slaps her own butt] WOMP WOMP!
- In a meta sense, there's something delightfully humorous about a show as progressive and dramatic as Steven Universe not being above making butt jokes.
As mean as it was, Lars' insult to Steven and the ridiculous face he made were pretty funny.
Sadie: Oh, I'm sure [the cat finger] just wants to play.
Steven: You're right! And he doesn't have any friends.
Lars: Oh my gosh. It's just like you, Steven.
Steven goes to the fry stand, and Peedee is there to take his order. Steven asks for fry bits, while Peedee insists Steven order from the menu. Steven wants his bits, and then Fryman comes by and tells Peedee they should just give Steven the bits.
"I'M AN ADORABLE CAT MONSTER!!!"
Amethyst complete agrees with Pearl that this whole mess was her fault, and that Steven shouldn't listen to her.
Steven's hurricane of cat puns at the end; Lame Pun Reactions abound. Not even Garnet can take it.
Garnet: Okay, that's enough.
Steven: Wait, I've been coming up with cat jokes all morning! You guys, I'm feline fine! Everything's purr-fect! Aw, c'mon, I'm just kitten around...

"Bubble Buddies"

Steven showing off his bike to impress Connie. Which doesn't exactly work cause he tries riding it through sand.
- When that doesn't work, he parks the bike near her and starts bragging about the bike. Looking over his shoulder each time with a goofy face to see if he got her attention. He then tries riding the bike. It proceeds to fall over, getting Connie to look in his direction. He runs off in panic and embarrassment.
Pearl acting like an enthusiastic mother whose child has their first crush. She even tries to plan out a playdate between Steven and Connie.
Connie says her parents don't let her eat donuts because of trans fats.
Steven: Whaaat?
Steven enlisting Lars and Sadie's help to try and burst his bubble. The results are exactly as helpful as you'd expect.
- Lars licking the bubble.
- Steven referring to Lars as his BFF.
- After a short absence, Sadie comes charging out of the store with a stool, which shatters pointlessly on the shield. It's delightfully sudden.
Trying to tell Onion to get a harpoon gun, Steven draws a complicated diagram on the surface of the bubble. Onion doesn't get it. Then Connie comes over and writes "harpoon gun" (backwards, so it will appear forwards to Onion) instead.
Connie: It just made more sense.
- The harpoon gun deflects of the bubble harmlessly and sinks a boat. Onion just gives a thumbs up, as if he thinks that's what was supposed to happen.
Steven having the idea to let a rollercoaster car ram into them to break the shield.
Connie: What happens after it hits us?!
Steven: We'll be free!
[Connie just stares into space with an "Is he serious?" expression]
Connie: Steven, this is a bad idea.
Garnet keeping Amethyst and Pearl from C-Blocking Steven.
Garnet: Hey! Don't mess with his funky flow!
Connie: "Funky flow"?
- She then picks up Pearl and Amethyst up by the scruffs of their necks and carries them off, like a mommy cat and her kittens.
- What makes things funnier is that earlier in the episode, Steven had told the Gems not to watch because it would mess up his funky flow. Garnet remembered, and took the comment seriously. And from Steven's reaction it might have embarrassed him more than anything the other two had said.

"Serious Steven"

After landing in a patch of strawberries, which gets strawberry juice all over him, Steven is swarmed by a bunch of butterflies. The way Steven starts screaming about this is so reminiscent of a certain meme, one can't help but be amused by the hilarious parallels.
Steven riding the teacups with Garnet. That image alone is worthy of a chuckle.
Amethyst and Pearl are in one of the teacups, with Amethyst fast asleep and Pearl holding a teapot.
Pearl: I misunderstood the point of this ride.
Mr. Smiley struggling to keep a smile in the aftermath of the teacup incident. He then picks up Steven, laughing all the while when suddenly–
STEVEN! YOU ARE BANNED FROM ALL THE RIDES! FOREVER!
While Pearl puzzles over the structure of the pyramid to Garnet, Amethyst can be seen running into doorways one after the other in the background, only to emerge from a completely different one seconds later with some evidence of a previous mishap on her. The last one has her pop out in a cube of ice, prompting Pearl to run over and start breaking her out of it with her spear.
Pearl becoming so embarrassed after Garnet corrects her ("Steven already figured that out!"), this happens with her hologram.
After falling, the Gems are seen landing one by one on their feet in a rather badass crouch... then Steven plummets down and slams into the ground stomach-first.

"Tiger Millionaire"

Steven imitates Pearl and Garnet. It's as hilarious as you'd expect. Their leitmotifs can even be heard as he does this. When he's imitating Garnet, he even shoves his hair forward so it resembles hers and does a fairly spot-on impression of her accent.
Steven: [imitating Pearl] Oh Steven, I told you before not to bring peanut butter on missions!
Steven: [imitating Garnet] I'm not going to say anything, but I expect you to understand that was wrong.
The titular wrestling alter-ego of Steven is basically a parody of "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase; especially his creative back story. His biggest fan? Lars.
One of the wrestlers Amethyst fights blinds her by shoving a traffic cone on her head.
Mr. Smiley: What a gross misuse of safety equipment — and your tax dollars.
Garnet's attempt at Kayfabe. She reacts to a pretend hit by falling over backwards like a felled tree. And her attempt at improvising a heel motivation is So Bad, It's Good.
- Pearl, on the other hand, really gets into her role as The Heel, with a dorky sneering laugh and over-reacting to Steven's mock blows.
Tiger Millionaire loses Lars's favor, so he brings a sign to the match that says "TIGER IS A JERK". When Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma pull a Heel–Face Turn to fight the "Order of Wrestling Haters" (Garnet and Pearl), Lars gets on his side again, hastily altering his sign with a marker to say "TIGER IS not A JERK".
Lars' assertion that people hate Tiger Millionaire because he hurt him specifically.
The ending.
Sadie: [clapping along with the crowd, but looking utterly lost] Lars, I'm really confused.
Lars: [in sudden detailed close-up] I love you, Tiger Millionaire.

"Steven's Lion"

After Pearl tells Steven it would be safer to stand as opposed to crawling...
Steven: [apparently exhausted and dehydrated] You don't understand... This is how you're supposed to act in the desert.
Steven's ridiculously inept attempt at pretending he taught the lion to say "I love you". And the fact that Amethyst not only buys it hook, line and sinker, but appears to be genuinely touched.
Amethyst and Steven deciding to use the Desert Glass as a pillow-fort garnish of all things.
Ronaldo's reaction when Steven mentions he's getting a pizza for two.
Ronaldo: Steven's pregnant!?
- Steven's response to that is, "I don't think so", like he was genuinely unsure about it.
When Steven comes into the Pizzeria to brag about his Lion...
Kiki: You're not lion, are you?
...
Kiki: Steven was LION ...Sorry for using the same pun twice.
Steven ordered a large pizza for him and Lion to share, only for Lion to walk out on him.
Steven: You left me at the pizza place, I looked like a fool! I had to eat a whole pizza by myself.
- Apparently, he never thought of takeout.
Lion blows Amethyst into a wall with its roar and she, not even bothering to open her eyes, has nothing to say but "Keep it down, Steven."
Amethyst's response to Pearl asking why she didn't Bubblize the Desert Glass.
Amethyst: Welcome to Shrug City, P.
...
Pearl: [bubbling the Desert Glass] We should have done this in the first place.
Amethyst: In my defense, I forgot.
The Gems letting Steven keep his lion.
Pearl: Are we really going to let him keep that?
Garnet: We kept Amethyst.
- And Pearl's hysterical laughter afterward.
- Although after watching "On the Run", both are a lot less funny.

"Arcade Mania"

Earlier in the episode when Garnet pulls Amethyst out of a hole in the ground and she cheerfully mentions that she swallowed a rock.
When Pearl is first introduced to the arcade:
Pearl: Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.
When made to play a driving game by Steven:
Pearl: Which one of these buttons is my turn signal?
Steven: None of them. Have fun!
When the game begins:
Game: VROOM VROOM! KILL THE ROAD!
Pearl: [raises an eyebrow] Okaaaay...
- YOU'RE HORRIBLE!
- As soon as Steven drags Pearl away from the game, the car explodes and the game says YOU'RE FANTASTIC!
Onion gets enough tickets to win a moped.
- A few episodes later, we see him prying open the machine with with a screwdriver, meaning that he was hacking into the machine and cheating to win the tickets the whole time.
Amethyst cheating at skeeball. While making fart sounds with her mouth.
Amethyst: IMMA WIN A AIRPLANE!
Steven introduces Garnet to a fighting game. He tries to remember a complicated combo for a special move, but when he can't, he tells her to just punch. Naturally, she takes it too literally. Made even funnier by the fact that she proudly proclaims, "I did it." afterward.
Steven combs the beach with a dog-shaped metal detector, and finds another dog-shaped metal detector.
He also finds a silver dollar while combing the beach for quarters, calls it "useless" and throws it away. A dollar coin is worth four quarters. This becomes even funnier when you consider Steven might just have naïvely thrown away a rare dollar coin whose value today is in the thousands or tens of thousands...
Steven says he hopes the next mission for the Gems is fighting a "giant foot".
Pearl and Amethyst discussing the Crystal Gems' chain of command:
Amethyst: Garnet's the boss!
Pearl: Well... we're all a team. Garnet just has heightened perception that guides us towards our mission objective.
Amethyst: Yeah. She's the boss!
Amethyst plays a harmless but still funny prank on Steven.
Amethyst: Oh wait, Steven! I just remembered, Garnet had a special mission for you!
Steven: [eating cereal] Really?!
Amethyst: Yeah! She says, um, you have to slam your face into that bowl of cereal.
Steven: Okay. [dunks head into cereal bowl with a hilarious wet slapping noise]
Amethyst: Good job, Steven! You stopped the foot!
Pearl: [frustrated] There is no foot!!
Steven: [face dripping with milk] Not anymore!
The whole "giant foot" sequence becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when you consider that two of the enemies the Gems had to do battle with (Peridot's ship and one of the Cluster Prototypes) were giant hands.
The Meat Beat Mania game is constantly spewing out meat-related puns. The one it chooses for the moment Steven knocks off Garnet's glasses, revealing her third eye? "That's rare!"
- The mere sight of Garnet wildly waving two large hams around.
The fact that the game is called "Meat Beat Mania".

"Giant Woman"

The opening scene with Pearl and Amethyst playing "high stakes checkers". The stakes being that whoever loses gets pelted with water balloons.
Amethyst describes Opal as herself and Pearl "mashed together", which leads to:
Pearl: Is water just hydrogen and oxygen "mashed together"?
Amethyst and Steven: Uhh...
Pearl: Analogy wasted.
When Garnet returns from a mission:
Steven: [excited] Garnet! What did ya bring me? [Garnet holds out his gift.] Whoa– a rock! Thanks, Garnet!
- He then proceeds to spend the rest of the conversation chewing on it.
Pearl being a Grammar Nazi towards Amethyst.
Amethyst: Well I'm going with Not-Pearl.
Pearl: That's perfect because I don't want to go with grammatically incorrect people anyway.
Steven: [still chewing on his rock] Is her talking about me?
The montage during Steven singing "Giant Woman" features scenes of Pearl and Amethyst messing with one another in some silly ways, one of which includes Amethyst turning into a shark and scaring Pearl as she tries to cross a shallow river.
- Heck, the song "Giant Woman" itself is as hilarious as it is catchy and heartwarming.
Pearl and Amethyst have a small but amusing row when it turns out the Heaven Beetle is missing.
Pearl: I can't believe your attitude, Amethyst. And now you're just slouching over here doing nothing!
Amethyst: Hey! It's not my fault the Beetle isn't there. Why do you have to make things worse by squawking at me?
Pearl: I don't squawk!
Amethyst: Yeah, you're squawking and commenting on my posture!
Pearl: [speaking over Amethyst] No, no. This is squawking. SQUAWK! SQUAWK!
The gang comes across a mountain goat which Steven decides to "adopt" and names it "Steven Jr.". After it gets eaten by the bird:
Steven: [gasp] My son!
When Pearl and Amethyst first attempt a Fusion Dance, Pearl does an elegant ballet, but Amethyst instead does club dancing. If you listen closely, you can hear Pearl groan "Oh, brother."
Steven mentioning that something terrible will happen if Pearl and Amethyst don't turn into Opal, including him not getting to see their awesome Fusion, or getting eaten by a giant bird. Guess what happens not two seconds after he mentions the second possibility.
While trapped in the giant bird's belly, Steven discovers Steven Jr. has found the Heaven Beetle... and is trying to eat it.
Steven: Be a good goat and give me the magic bug! [...] Bad goat! You're no son of mine!
Debriefing.
Garnet: I see you also helped your teammates fuse.
Steven: And all I had to do was get eaten by a giant bird!
Garnet: Nice work.

"So Many Birthdays"

The Gems track down the source of a foul smell that's been stinking up the whole temple.
Pearl: What manner of magical alloy is this?!
Garnet: It's a burrito.
Amethyst eating a moldy 5-year-old tuna burrito like it was nothing, and then a few moments later clenching her stomach and doubling over.
The old painting◊ of the Gems in a boat and period clothing: it's a parody of Watson and the Shark, except instead of spearing the shark, Garnet is punching it out of the water.
Garnet: The hard part was getting the shark to pose.
Steven's futile attempts to introduce the Gems to how fun birthdays can be, special mention has to be given to the entirety Pearl's mock birthday, as well as the scene in Amethyst's where she repeatedly beats Garnet with a bat while attempting to hit a pinata.
Steven: [telling a joke] Why did Pearl throw butter out the window?
Amethyst: [to Pearl] You did WHAT?
Steven: To see a "butterfly"!
Pearl: [genuinely hurt] I never did that! Steven...! Are you telling lies?!
Pearl asks if they are too "mature" for birthday parties. Then Amethyst "boops" Pearl's nose with a party hat on her nose and they start fighting.
Amethyst joyfully accepting Steven's "present", the bat meant for the piñata, while she and Pearl are fighting.
Amethyst: Awwwww, thanks Steven! I'll use it all the time! [turns to Pearl and raises the bat with a gleefully evil grin]
Amethyst tries to hit a piñata while she's blindfolded, but just smacks Garnet in the face with the bat. Her reply? "Higher."
Steven revealing that he didn't paint his hair clown-multicolor, he put on a wig over his identically shaped hair, which then poofs back out when he takes it off.
At Garnet's birthday party, Steven introduces the Gems to the concept of "Kazoo Racing".
Pearl: I think this is why aging makes humans die.
Amethyst shapeshifting into a baby to fit in the tiny car.
Amethyst: Which way to the baby war?! Eat tread, dirtbags!!
Steven sees Onion at the arcade and is reminded of the innocence of youth. As soon as he walks away, Onion pulls out a screwdriver and pops the ticket roll out of the skeeball machine.
"A boy on the cusp of manhood can't spend his whole day wackering."
A young-adult Steven deciding to get his life together and get a job. He walks into a T-shirt store with a Help Wanted sign... and he looks around the T-Shirt selections for a "job" and decides on the "Professional Beach Hunk" shirt.
- As Steven is selecting shirts, he briefly considers a career as a "Love Doctor", before dismissing it because he's "too squeamish".
  - Becomes Hilarious in Hindsight when he develops healing spit.
A middle-aged Steven's woefully venting the possibility of eating sugar-free oatmeal when he's old.
Steven, realizing he's aged himself up significantly by accident, devises a plan to turn himself back and quickly asks a very confused Lars and Sadie who do not recognize him to "help him into his birthday suit". This leads to Sadie angrily chasing him out of the Donut Shop. With a stool.
We cut back to the Gems cleaning up the birthday party and Garnet is still wearing the cape and crown from earlier.
Garnet: It makes me feel... important.
Pearl trying to cheer up Steven by dressing up as a CLOWN and smashing a pie in her own face. Every line is delivered with utmost pain and horror, unable to hide her grief over Steven's potential death. It's simultaneously hilarious and heartbreaking.
Amethyst: Pearl, get over here!
Pearl: I can't!
Amethyst: For Steven! [picks up Pearl in clown costume with a pie and drops her in front of Steven]
Pearl: [tearing up with every word] Oh, look... I have what– um– what appears to be a delicious pie. I... sincerely hope nothing... happens... to– [cries] OH, STEVEN! [shoves pie in face, sobs in pie]
Amethyst: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL HIM FASTER!?
Pearl: [face of utter despair◊]
The humor is pitch black, but Garnet's reasoning behind shaking Steven near the end (and Amethyst and Pearl's reactions to it) are pretty funny.
Garnet: I thought violence would be the answer.
The Gems remind Steven of how he's "Sweet and considerate and only occasionally obnoxious!", causing him to change back and affirm what they say in a shamelessly self-congratulatory tone.
Steven: I am pretty great.

"Lars and the Cool Kids"

When Steven gets too close to the moss, Garnet's solution is to throw a huge boulder at the rock he's standing on with enough force to seesaw him into the air.
Steven: [lands in Pearl's arms] Steven's here!
Pearl's solution to the moss problem: A roll of police tape to block off the area. She summons the roll with a indescribably ridiculous little ritual.
Sour Cream's completely serious expression when he scolds Lars with "There's nothing 'lame' about seatbelt safety."
The overheard snippet of Mayor Dewey's speech:
Mayor Dewey: Another reason you should re-elect me: I love babies– [glances over in feigned surprise at a stern-looking assistant holding a baby] Oh would ya look at that– a baby! GONNA KISS IT! [slowly advances towards baby]
- He then begins kissing it while making very loud, drawn-out smooching noises◊. The baby just glances around, looking confused.
Things look grim at the episode's climax when the moss overwhelms Lars and Steven. Lars only has a precious few seconds left to talk:
Lars: Steven?
Steven: Yeah?
Lars: ...THIS SUCKS!
After regaining consciousness from being engulfed by killer moss, Sour Cream nonchalantly guesses that "I think I died."

"Onion Trade"

"I... lost something. Something precious." [gasp] Your innocence?!"
"C'mon, Dave Guy! Is this all you have to offer me, a bunch of paperwork? Answer me!"
Steven freaking out over Onion throwing away a hamburger. "Not the tomatoes!"
The major conflict of the episode is because Steven trades a wand that can duplicate anything any number of times for "Ranger Guy", a single plastic toy. Pearl brings up the painfully obvious:
Pearl: Why didn't you just replicate Ranger Guy?!
Steven: [Beat] Dang it!
While Garnet and Pearl leap up to stop Onion, Amethyst falls and gets stuck in the pile of toys. Moments later, she sees a bulge moving near her, from which Greg pops out.
Greg: Oh my gosh, I just wanted some ice cream!
Greg and Amethyst are wading through the toys when the former notes that at least it isn't raining toys anymore. Cue a falling car.
Amethyst: RICH DUCK! [pushes herself and Greg under]
After Onion is stopped, Garnet destroys the duplicator wand. Is it because it's too dangerous to keep? No.
Garnet: I'm not cleaning this up.
At one point, Amethyst mentions she used the wand to dump a bunch of garbage in Pearl's room. Later...
Amethyst: So everything that was duplicated by the wand got turned into nothing?
Pearl: That's right.
Amethyst: Rats.
"Now we have new memories! Horrible, horrible memories."

"Steven the Sword Fighter"

What we see of the Lonely Blade movies points to them being almost pitch-perfect parodies of overwrought Jidaigeki or Wuxia movies, right down to some atrocious dubbing. Every time a character opens their mouth, Large Ham is served.
The Gems are all watching a movie together and the Big Bad turns out to be the janitor. Steven is shocked by this. Pearl points out that he was in the background of every fight scene and is even on the box cover with an Obviously Evil expression.
Pearl then starts griping about the inaccuracies in the sword fight, prompting Garnet and Amethyst to shush her.
When Pearl first mentions she'll need a sparring partner, Steven tries to raise his hand, only for Garnet to gently push it back down before he's even a quarter of the way through.
Pearl vs. Holo-Pearl:
Holo-Pearl: YOU'VE ALREADY MADE A MISTAKE BY CHALLENGING ME!
Pearl: Haha! We shall let our swords decide!
Amethyst: NERRRRRD!
Garnet and Steven: SHHH!
It may have been a horrible accident, but Pearl's Major Injury Underreaction to getting stabbed through the gut was some of the funniest Black Comedy this show has offered.
Pearl: Whoopsy-Daisy!
Amethyst eating a cloud. Which renders her floating and puffy for the rest of the episode. Made much more funnier that Garnet of all people is totally okay with it.
Amethyst: I'm gonna do it!
Garnet: Go on then.
When Garnet accidentally lets go of Amethyst, leaving her floating in the air (and she didn't let go for an important reason either, just because she wanted to cross her arms), her only reaction is a "hm".
Holo-Pearl chops down Pearl's favorite tree with a balloon sword.
Once Garnet drags Amethyst back, her explanation of what happened is hilarious.
Pearl: [seeing Amethyst is still inflated] I don't even want to know what happened to you.
Amethyst: [in a faux-Southern accent] I got hit by a airplane!
Steven greets the reformed Pearl, who is confused about what's happened while she was out, by tying his shirt around his head like a headband and marching around banging a frying pan with a wooden spoon.

"Lion 2: The Movie"

Dogcopter, period. The concept is so profoundly ridiculous that it becomes awesome. THEN we find out that this is the third in a series. THEN Steven tells us it's Connie's favorite film franchise, probably surprising many. THEN she says she hopes it's faithful to the book. Then the viewer doubles over laughing.
At the beginning of the episode, the Gems warp in while Connie and Steven are in the room, with some... interesting poses. According to Word of God, they knew Connie was there and were trying to make a cool entrance. Except Pearl looks like she's trying too hard, Garnet looks fairly uncomfortable, and Amethyst does a goofy pose instead.
After seeing the Dogcopter trailer, Amethyst morphs into the title character and shortly transforms her head into a stereo. Garnet casually starts nodding to the beat, while Pearl grumbles and makes a face.
"The most exciting thing in my life is tennis practice..."
Connie: Forehand! Backhand! Overhead Death Strike!
Steven: Woah, tennis is rad!
Connie: Well, I made up that last one...
Steven's reaction to Lion's new powers:
Steven: Why don't you tell me you can do these things you do?!
When Steven's hand gets stuck to the controls of the cave they're in, Connie casually states they might have to cut it off. Cue an enormous collection of swords appearing and Steven's ensuing Oh, Crap! expression followed by a Big "NO!"
- This is followed by Steven and Connie trying to see what they can do by poking Steven in various ways.
Steven and Connie find a giant penny in the cave.
Connie: Does... that mean it's worth more than a regular penny?
Steven: Well, that would make cents. [pulls a cheese-eating grin]
"I'm so much more... less interesting than you!"
"Oh no! It's the robot shooty-thing!" Even funnier is that according to some production art for this episode, the Crewniverse officially refers to it as the Robot Shooty-Thing.
After they've beaten the robot, Connie and Steven buy tickets to the movie. The ticket girl is thus treated to the sight of two battered kids holding a BFS and their massive pink lion.
Steven: Two kids and one lion for Dogcopter 3, please.
Lion: Rawr.
- Somehow, she's only slightly fazed by the sight and simply asks if they have a rewards card.
- Special mention goes to her eyes following a burning tire that rolls behind them.
- Extra special mention goes to her voice actress being Pearl's.
The theatre has 3D glasses in Lion's size, which he's wearing to watch the movie. The episode then ends on a parody of the famous MGM logo with Lion as, well, the lion. Wearing 3D glasses.

"Beach Party"

At the beginning of the episode, Garnet comes rocketing down from the sky to attack the giant pufferfish, only to get sent flying into the distance.
The fact the Gems absolutely don't give a damn about being banned from Fish Stew Pizza.
Pearl: Oh uh... that's okay.
Amethyst: That pizza wasn't even good.
Steven: Aren't you guys upset about this?
Garnet: [nonchalant] Not at all.
Kofi is yelling at Steven, but it has its problems.
Jenny: Daaaaaad, pipe down!
Kofi: Oh, did I interrupt your beauty sleep?
Jenny: [yawns] I don't need to sleep to look pretty.
Kofi: Now you listen here young woman!
Nanefua: Kofi, you're going to wake the fish from the dead with all of the noise you're keeping. [shakes fish] Uup, too late. [speaking as fish] Kofi, you so loud. Ahhhhhhhh! [stick tongue out]
The Gems' over-the-top introduction/outfit change sequence when Steven introduces them to the Pizzas.
At Steven's barbecue:
Nanefua: Aren't you girls hungry? You barely touched your food.
Garnet: We don't need to eat.
Nanefua: Oh, you young people and your experimental diets.
Garnet: I am much older than you.
Highlights from the volleyball match:
Kofi: JENNIFER IF YOU TOUCH THAT BALL YOU'RE GROUNDED!
Jenny: [misses the ball] Woah! Daddy, you cheatin'!

Pearl: [clones holograms] Over here Amethyst, over here!

Kofi: [serves ball] KOFI TIME!
Jenny: Jenny Time!
Kofi: YOU CAN'T USE THE CAR FOR A MONTH!
Jenny: [misses] Daddyyyy!
- Which devolves into a shouting match.
  Kofi: EVERYONE IS GROUNDED HERE!
As a part of defeating the pufferfish, Nana asks Pearl to hit Amethyst (who's turned into a volleyball) into the air as hard as she can. Cue her cracking her knuckles and smiling deviously.
Pearl: With pleasure.
- Garnet's reaction to being told to spike Amethyst into the sand is... somewhat different.
  Amethyst: ...be gentle.
  Garnet: I'll try.
After the Gems get unbanned from the store.
Steven: We really appreciate it. Right, guys?
Garnet: [indifferently] Yeah, thanks.
Pearl: What were we banned from again?

"Rose's Room"

Early on, when Steven is trying to get the Gems to join him for Mini Golf, he pulls out a pair of his dad's old, and quite frankly enormous-assed, golf pants. Steven mentions they're too big for him, but Garnet can wear them just fine. Even Pearl thinks this is funny, as she is quickly seen snickering about it.
- Even more hilariously, Garnet IS wearing them at the end.
- Before that, the close-ups of Garnet immediately when Steven tells her about the pants, followed by a shot of her leaving without saying a word.
Steven running down the list of things that make minigolf fun. "There's castles, and windmills, and I like it..."
So, Steven has a room that can generate anything he wants in the world. What's the first thing he wishes up? A tiny whale to give him some fin.
Greg's advice while in Rose's room is half creepy and half hilarious as he starts saying things that don't remotely respond to what Steven is telling him.
Steven: Uh, Dad? Your advice is making less sense than usual.
Greg: Well, the important thing is family and friendship, honesty, values, and no one got arrested. [Air Guitar]
Garnet is right up against the door when Steven falls out of it, causing him to slam into her butt-first and send them both flying backward.
To make sure he's back in the real world, Steven bites Garnet's arm to see if she's real.
Garnet: [in complete monotone] Ow.
- Then Amethyst bites Pearl just because. In contrast to Garnet, Pearl responds with a sound that could best be put phonetically as "AYEUUUGH!!"
  - Pearl is then seen rubbing her arm with a disgruntled expression. But about a few seconds later, upon learning that Steven caused Rose's room to stimulate an entire town, she elbows Amethyst in the face out of shock. One has to wonder if it was completely an accident or partly getting payback for being bitten.
At the end of the episode:
Steven: I get it now. Things can't always go how I want.
Garnet: But guess what? We have time to hang out now.
Steven: [gasp]
[the Gems are at the mini golf course]
Steven: I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT!
"IT'S NOT FAIR! I can't go mini-golfing, I can't play my game, I can't stop going to the bathroom because I ate all that creamed corn... So much corn..."

"Coach Steven"

Sugilite being defeated by her own wrecking ball. Complete with comical "Thud!" sound.
When Pearl points out to Amethyst that trying to destroy all the pillars in the Gem communication hub would take all day:
Amethyst: [groans] I hate it when you're right, you get this look on your face. [looks over to see Pearl's dorky smug grin] Yeah that's the one.
Amethyst's insanely happy spazzing when Garnet tells her they're going to fuse. Then Steven finds out, and they both start shrieking at the tops of their lungs in excitement.
After returning from the mission, Steven, with half his head wrapped in cloth, goes to Big Donut to show off his "battle damage" from earlier to Sadie and Lars. Steven dramatically pulls away the wrapping to reveal... a small scratch on his forehead suitable for a tiny Band-Aid. Lars and Sadie, who before were curious/worried, immediately break down laughing.
- Lars starts boasting about his "awesome six-pack" while struggling to open a jar... and then just has Sadie open it, which she does with very little effort.
- And then after that, inspiration strikes Steven...
  Steven: That's it! We all need a workout. Let's do it! Let's work out together! [points to Sadie] You can beat up Lars...
  [Sadie looks sheepish, but also lovestruck and absolutely delighted]
  Steven: [points to Lars] And you don't have to starve to death if Sadie divorces you!
  Lars: We're not married!!
Tubby Greg builds Steven, Lars and Sadie a very ramshackle "gym", and then offers to join them for a workout.
Greg: Well, I might join you kids. Show you how it's done. I been slackin' on my workout routine for a few weeks. [frowns] Months... Years... [Beat, coughs sheepishly] Decades...
When Greg starts working out, he asks Pearl if she was here to "check out some buff studs". She glances him over and gives the flattest "no" you will ever hear.
When Sugilite returns to the beach angrily stomping around, just as Greg's first response to seeing her is "What the hey is that?!", Lars immediately falls off the bars taking one with him.
Pearl hugs Amethyst and Garnet after Sugilite finally comes apart, forgetting that they're in tons of pain from all the energy they used up.
Pearl gets so riled up at the end from defeating Sugilite she starts clamoring to go on another mission.
Amethyst: [pained voice] How long is she going to keep this up?
Garnet: We deserve it. Take it like a Gem.
The first lyrics to "Strong in the Real Way", on Steven and Sugilite: "Why do you have to look up to her? Aside from in a literal sense."
- Pearl's Freudian Slip in the song.
  Can't you see that she's out of control and overzealous?
  I'm telling you for your own good and not because I'm–
  [Pearl realizes what she's about to say, and quickly closes the blinds while blushing]
Garnet's reason for why they need Sugilite: "We don't need to be careful, we just need to be huge."

"Joking Victim"

After Lars slips in the soda Steven spilled.
Lars: Ugh, Steven, who do you think has to clean up this mess? Sadie, clean up this mess.
Sadie: No way, it's your turn. I cleaned the last five Stevens.
Sadie reveals they don't make their own donuts ever since "The Incident", with the camera scrolling to a corner of the room covered in black marks with the silhouette of a person within it. Additional black comedy is introduced through the use of increasingly dramatic music which gets cut off halfway when the scene switches.
Amethyst spending the episode doing absolutely nothing, and trying to get credit for it.
Amethyst: We make a pretty good team.
Steven: You were absolutely no help whatsoever.
[begin Iris Out on Amethyst]
Amethyst: [shrugging] Eh.
Mayor Dewey unveiling the largest bowl of ice cream in Beach County.. which Lars ends up melting with his flame breath.
Mayor Dewey: [makes a call on his cellphone] Yeah, it melted, Gary. Well, you should've said that at the meeting!
The incredibly cheesy 80's video about how to run the donut store. It's made even funnier by Sadie's reactions to the video, implying that the video's length is way too long and detailed.
Sadie and Steven discussing the VHS tape:
Steven: What is it?
Sadie: It's like a DVD shaped like a box.
- Especially funny as in "Steven the Sword Fighter", the two Lonely Blade movies Steven watches are clearly depicted by their boxes as VHS tapes.
"I know how to burn people!"
This exchange:
Sadie: After all I do for you, you lie to me so you can sneak off with some other girl?
Steven: AND OTHER BOYS!

"Steven and the Stevens"

When Steven's about to be hit by an enormous wave of water in the flooding temple, Pearl breaks into hysterical panicked nervous laughter.
After their escape from the Sea Shrine, Garnet bluntly informs Pearl "You have a lobster on your butt." Pearl lets out a hilarious shriek of horror.
- In the background, Amethyst emerges with a fish in her mouth, which she swallows.
The premise that when Steven is presented with a powerful time-travelling artifact, instead of going back in time to fix his initial mistake (like properly warning Greg about the boat/fire etc.), he instead decides to form a rock band with himself.
- It's especially hilarious if you've watched the pilot and know how the time-thing was used to save the day in that episode, but used for such a trivial and idiotic purpose here.
Amethyst counting the number of Stevens during the climax.
- Her nonchalant counting is made better by Garnet and Pearl standing next to her, staring with their mouths hanging open in complete shock.
Pearl's face when Steven sings "I accidentally created an alternate timeline!" in the closing song
- "I learned to stay true to myself by watching myself die!"
The Epic Fail that results when Steven tries to stop the boat from getting stuck in the carwash. The Boat ends up hitting a powerline when it backs up, setting the carwash on fire. Steven decides that it being stuck was better.
Who do the Stevens get to replace Steven as their drummer after they rebel against him? Amethyst.
"I'm down for whatever."
Steven's banter with himself:
Steven 4: Okey-dokey, artichokey!
Steven 1: Steven 4, what are you doing? You're not the funny one, Steven 3 is!
Steven 3: Well, we're all the same person, so we're all equally prone to being hilarious.
Steven 1: No, no, that's too smart an observation for you, Three! You're the funny one!
Steven 2: Wait, which one am I again?
Steven 1: [irritated] DANG IT, Number Two, you're the smart one!!
Steven 4: Hey... If Steven 1 is the handsome one, does that mean the rest of us aren't good-looking?
Steven 3: No way! We're all extremely attractive!
Steven 2: Let's go get jobs as models!
Steven 1: Hey! None of you are the handsome one! I'm the handsome one! [Stevens 2 through 4 look sad] Ah, no... I didn't mean... We decided... Ugh... Let's take five.
Stevens 2 through 4: THERE'S A FIFTH STEVEN!?
Steven 1: [irritated] NO, I MEAN A FIVE MINUTE BREAK!!
Stevens 2 through 4: Haha, we know!
- Which results in:
  Steven 1: I can't believe it. I'm so... annoying!
During the penultimate scene, Hoodie!Steven not knowing what the hell is going on and generally freaking out.
- Meanwhile, off to the side, the Gems are observing this whole ordeal in even worse confusion.
Among the big dramatic brawl between Stevens there's one switch to one Steven crying while holding his shoulder, while the Stevens around him look in concern.
- Steven 1 poses a question to the rest: "When Steven fights Steven, who is the winner? What have we become?!" The crowd of Stevens murmur among themselves, and one in the back, who's lost track of what's going on, pipes up asking: "What have we become?"
- Someone edited the episode so it's from the perspective of Prime Timeline!Steven, so you can join in his confusion!
- Hoodie Steven's shock at the end after the last future him fades away. Cue water crashing in as he's left with a bewildered expression.
- When the Crystal Gems performing at the Beach-a-Palooza with Steven, he incorporates the lesson he learned from this whole debacle into the song. When he mentions the alternate timeline, Pearl looks at him with concern.

"Monster Buddies"

Steven taming the Centipeetle, with chips.
In a bit of Black Comedy, they find a skeletal spelunker deep in the cave... and the Centipeetle just charges right through it.
When Steven shows off the Centipeetle's "spit-acid-on-command" trick. One of them hits and melts a picture of Pearl, changing the picture's expression from happy to furious. The next one hits Amethyst's sandwich.
Amethyst: NOOOOOOOOO!! MI TORTAAAAAAAA!!!
Amethyst spazzing out every time Garnet overrules Pearl.
Even though it was a serious Tear Jerker moment, this line said by Steven at the climax of the episode:
Steven: You have to remember! THIS ALL HAPPENED TODAY!

"An Indirect Kiss"

Poor Pearl spends half the episode about one step from going off the deep end. The ridiculous facial expressions are killer.
- Included in the above is this bit of Hypocritical Humor.
  Pearl: Now, now! Let's keep it together! [fearfully clings onto one of Garnet's arms] Our memories of Rose can't be tainted by some overgrown brambles! [chuckles] Look at them. They're a mess without her guidance. Directionless, pathetic, clinging things. [grabs Garnet by both of her arms] It's going to be okay, Garnet!
  Garnet: [nonchalantly shrugs] Sure.
  Pearl: Y-you really think so?
Steven really does not want to tell the story. What really sells the scene is Steven's pained expression.
Connie: C'mon, tell me the rest!
Steven: I don't wanna...
Connie: [concerned] Steven?
Steven: [looks away]
Connie: [lovingly] Steven...♥
Steven: [groans]
Connie: [frustrated] Steven!
Steven only agreeing to tell Connie what happened if she lets him wear her glasses. The horrible squinty face she makes really sells the scene.
Steven: [wearing her glasses] So, how do I look?
Connie: I have no idea.
The power... to heal.◊
Pearl chastising the brambles for being annoying and clingy...while barely holding onto her sanity and sticking to Garnet like glue. Though that it related to Pearl no longer having Rose around to guide her also makes it a bit sad.
Garnet calmly shushing Crazy Pearl...and then punching a huge rock through the brambles.
Garnet: I needed that.
- Pearl's response:
  Pearl: [on edge, smiling] We could've probably gotten in without hurdling a giant rock (laughs) into Rose's most precious sanctuary, but if you're okay with it, I'M FINE, TOO!
Amethyst speaking backwards.
Steven has magic spit.
It leads up to some serious Body Horror, but Amethyst falling off the cliff is much funnier than it sounds.
Amethyst: [facepalming] This is so embarrassing. [CRACK]
Connie's expression on finding out that Steven's backwash healed her vision is about on par with what anyone else would be in that situation. Totally squicked out.
Despite the significant Body Horror, most of Amethyst's bodily malfunctions are hilarious. Especially when she starts talking in reverse.
Garnet: We have no choice. We'll have to take her to Rose's healing spring.
Amethyst: Guys, relax! I'm not gonna get any WOOOOOORRRRRRR– [POP!] ?hcaeb eht no gniod uoy era tahW !syug yeH^note
Amethyst teasing Steven and pretending to almost fall off the cliff.
"Whaaaat, you care about me or something?"
"YES."◊
Steven saying that he's too tough to cry.
Pearl: Just today you were crying about snakes.
Steven: [teary-eyed] They don't have any arms!
The fake-out when it's revealed that Steven's tears actually didn't make the fountain work again.
Steven: You don't think my crying was... a little related to that?
Pearl: [sweetly] Oh, Steven, you don't have healing tears. You'll never have any real magic powers, and we don't want anything more to do with you.
(cut back to the present)
Connie: She didn't really say that.
Steven: No, but that's what it felt like.

"Mirror Gem"/"Ocean Gem"

Pearl tells Steven that the mirror will tell him all he could ever want to know about Gem culture and history. So when he looks in it and sees his reflection...
Steven: I must be incredibly important to Gem culture! [pulls ridiculous face]
Even in the mirror, Lapis shows off her Deadpan Snarker side:
Steven: You work! This is so cool! What's it like being a mirror?
Mirror: [as Steven] You work!
Steven hijacking Mayor Dewey's speech with fart jokes:
Mayor Dewey: A warm summer breeze wafts through the air...
Steven: pfrrrrrrt
Dewey: We all look forward to the sounds of the summer season...
Mirror: [as Steven] pfrrrrrrt
Dewey: The smells of the busy boardwalk, [pfrrrrrrt] the hot, wet, ocean wind, [pfrrrrrrt] the time to take that pressure that's built up all year and just let it out! [pfrrrrrrt]
- Don't forget: that's Lapis in the mirror making fart jokes at Mayor Dewey.
- Also sort of funny is that Kofi is laughing along. He's such a serious guy, it's nice seeing him genuinely laugh.
Amethyst tormenting Pearl, who was trying to make the pile of school stuff symmetrical. How? She tries to place a teddy bear onto the pile, only for it to be violently skewered by a frazzled-looking Pearl. The pile of other such damaged items show this had been going on for a while.
- "You don't understand! Symmetrical means both sides HAVE TO BE THE SAME!"
After the uber scary sight of an angry Garnet minus her glasses, we get this.
Garnet: That little boy is in big trouble.
- Followed by a hysterical Pearl.
  Pearl: Garnet, wait! I'M SURE HE DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS DOING!
After the shocking revelation in "Mirror Gem" that there are other Gems than the main four in existence, and not all of them are benevolent, the tension is diffused a little by this line:
Garnet: Steven, you're grounded.
- In the following episode, "Ocean Gem", Amethyst threatens to bury Steven alive until he "learns his lesson", which leads Steven to anxiously explain "That's not how grounding works!" Even when punishing Steven, the Gems can't quite grasp how Earth parenting works.
After learning that the ocean is gone and that the Crystal Gems, along with Greg, Lion, and Connie, have gone after Lapis Lazuli, we see Mayor Dewey crying by what used to be the shoreline, while holding a running hose.
The mirror communicates with Steven via Mad Libs Dialogue, leading to a lot of hilariously awkward sentences and repeated voice clips.
While riding in Greg's van, Greg puts on a CD, saying it was Rose's favorite. The grimaces from Pearl and Amethyst are quite amusing, but this exchange sells it.
Greg: So, what do you think, Garnet?
Garnet: [jumps out of the van and rolls away◊]
[cut to Garnet riding on the roof]
Amethyst lacks subtlety when delivering what happens to be one of the biggest Wham Lines in the show so far.
Steven: Gems shouldn't fight each other...
Pearl: [in somber tone] We're always fighting Gems, actually.
Steven: What!?
Pearl: Oh, how do I put this? All Gems aren't necessarily... good, and–
Amethyst: [suddenly wakes up happy and is excited] All-those-monsters-we-fight-used-to-be-just-LIKE-US!!! [eyes widen even more] Right Pearl?
When Greg sees the giant water pillar made out of the ocean.
Greg: Guys, I just got the best idea for my next album cover.
"Revenge!" "Revenge!"◊
- Steven then tries to fight a clone of himself made entirely out of water... with a squirt gun.
"Lapis, I'm coming up to see you. So please don't drown me!"
When the water comes back, Lars rejoices because it means there will be beach babes. Sadie finally gets fed up and shoves him in.
The downright awkward exchange between Steven and Lapis after he heals her. It's the last thing you'd expect after such an emotional scene, making it even funnier.
Lapis Lazuli: Thank you, Steven!
Steven: No prob, Bob.
Lapis Lazuli: [Beat] It's Lapis...
Steven: [beat] ...Yeah.
Lapis Lazuli: [beat] Okay, bye.
- The 'ew!' look on Lapis' face when she feels Steven's spit-covered hand come in contact with her gem (which is on her back). It's pretty clear she was expecting something less... gross than healing spit.
Pearl's neurosis, "Well, what's that you say about the pork chops and the hot dogs?" towards Greg, who's currently in shock over the destroyed state of his van/house.

Funny / Steven Universe Season 1A

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