Funny / Star Trek: Insurrection

"Smooth as an android's bottom, eh, Data?"

• One of the best opening lines.
  Riker: Our guests have arrived. They are eating the floral arrangements on the banquet tables.
  Crusher: I guess they don't believe in cocktails before dinner.
  Troi: Oh, my God. Are they vegetarian? That's not in there!
  Picard: Perhaps we should have the chef whip up a light balsamic vinaigrette— Something that goes well with chrysanthemums.
• Picard needs to get real, or get a new neck.
  Crusher: You either need a new uniform or a new neck.
  Picard (practicing a greeting in a foreign language) Euchene Chefaw. My collar size is exactly as it was at the Academy.
  Crusher: Of course it is.
• In the event of a water landing, Data has been designed to serve as a flotation device.
• How do Picard and Worf distract a crazy android? By singing, complete with Follow the Bouncing Ball.
  Picard: Mr. Worf, do you know Gilbert and Sullivan?
  Worf: (Beat) No sir. I have not had a chance to meet all the new crew members since I have been back.
  Picard: (look of dismay) They're composers, Worf, from the 19th century. Data was rehearsing a production of H.M.S. Pinafore just before he left... Sing, Worf, sing.
  Worf: (shaking his head)
  • What sells the scene is Worf's expression going from "WTF?" to near-panic and shaking his head "NO!" before finally joining in with an expression of "This Cannot Be!"
  • When Data is reactivated and Picard asks him what is the last thing he remembers, Data immediately picks the song up where he left off.
    • "I seem to be missing several memory engrams." (Geordi presents Data with a handful of said components) "...There they are."
    • The funniest thing is that Geordi doesn't bat an eyelash at any of it. He's dealt with FAR weirder when treating Data.
• There's a really good bit when the bad guys decide to give up:
  Lieutenant: Sir, Ru'afo's ship is hailing us.
  Picard and Riker: On screen. (they exchange looks)
  Worf: (from the enemy ship) Captain, the Son'a crew would like to negotiate a cease-fire. It may have something to do with the fact that we have three minutes of air left.
  Picard: We have plenty over here, Mr. Worf. Prepare to beam aboard.
• "Have you noticed that your boobs have started to firm up?" - Data to Worf (Data had overheard Beverly and Deanna discussing the effects of the planet on them)
• "Definitely feeling aggressive tendencies, sir!"
• The moments between Data and Artim that aren't heartwarming - heck, even the funny moments are heartwarming!
  Data: I have to go home now.
  Artim: Bye.
  Data: Bye.
• After Deanna shaves off his beard, Riker meets up with Data and Picard on the way to the turbolift. At Data's startled look Riker remarks, to his clear consternation:
  Riker: Smooth as an android's bottom, eh, Data?
  • But what really sells it is a few minutes later, after they've finished catching up on current events, when Data asks to touch Riker's newly-shaved face - and then just shakes his head dismissively, and walks off.
  • According to Michael Piller, Brent Spiner ad-libbed that. Everyone, including Piller, admitted it was much funnier than what was in the script.
• When the Son'a who are chasing the Enterprise hail them, Riker tries to bluff by saying that the transceiver is malfunctioning - and the Son'a call his bluff by firing a photon torpedo.
  Riker: Isn't that the universal greeting when communications are down?
  Geordi: I think it's the universal greeting when you don't like someone.
• Riker getting all horny for Troi, and her willing to accomodate him. . . to a point.
  Troi: Yuck!
  Riker: Yuck?
  Troi: I never kissed you with a beard before.
  Riker: I kiss you and you say "yuck?"
  Troi: (closes her cabin door in his face)
  • The entire scene is hilarious, from the moment Riker steps into Troi's quarters.
    Riker: I need a little counseling.
    Troi: Well, there's a first time for everything.
    Riker: I think I'm having a midlife crisis.
    Troi: I believe you.
  • Riker and Troi eventually decide to shave the beard—by taking a bath together—which is then interrupted by Worf relaying a message from Admiral Dougherty. Fortunately for Riker and Troi, it's audio only.
• When Worf greets Picard and Data in the transporter room, Picard notices a mark on Worf's nose and asks if he's been in a fight. Worf explains that it is a gorch.
  Picard: Gorch?
  Data: (whispering) Pimple, sir.
  (Beat)
  Picard: (awkwardly) Oh, well... it's hardly noticeable.
  • When Riker arrives to brief Picard, he notices the gorch and comments "Klingons never do anything small, do you?". Worf has a pained look that says "Fighting Jem'Hadar would be preferable to this".
• The Enterprise, piloted by a Riker on youth radiation, penetrates the shields of the enemy ship by flying about a dozen meters from its surface.
  Enterprise E: (Flying on a collision course for the enemy ship)
  Enemy Offficer: ''He wouldn't!''
  Worf: Yes. He would.