Funny / Star Trek: First Contact

• Data's first encounter with Lily.
  Lily: *empties submachinegun at Data, to no effect*
  Data: *casually checks himself over* ... Greetings.
  Lily: *faints*
  • It's hard to tell if she fainted in reaction to Data being Made of Iron or from the theta radiation leak from the damaged rocket, possibly a combination of both.
    Data: (calling up to Picard after catching the fainting Lily) Captain, this woman requires medical attention!
    • Well, she did try to back away before fainting, so it's probably the latter.
• Picard and Data are touching the Phoenix with their hands, and Picard is reflecting on how it makes the ship seem "more real" while Data sees no difference. Troi looks upon them from an upper scaffold:
  Troi: Would you three like to be alone?
• Drunken Troi.
  Deanna: Time line?! This is no! time! to argue! about! time! We don't! have! the time! (Beat) What was I saying?
  Riker: (smirking) You're drunk...
  Deanna: (indignant) I am not!
  Riker: Yes, you are.
  Deanna: Look. He wouldn't even talk to me unless I had a drink with him. And then, it took three shots of something called "tequila" just to find out he was the one we're looking for. And I've spent the last 20 minutes trying to keep his hands off me! So don't go criticising my counselling technique!
  Riker: (chuckling) Sorry!
  Deanna: (Beat) It's a primitive culture... I'm just trying to blend in.
  Riker: You're blended, all right.
  Deanna: I already told him our cover story. He didn't believe me!
  Riker: We're running out of time. Now if we tell him the truth, do you think he'll be able to handle it?
  Deanna: If you're looking for my professional opinion as ship's counselor... he's nuts!
  Riker: I'll be sure to note that in my log.
  (Cochrane restarts the jukebox, blasting music, jolting awake a drunken patron, while Deanna collapses, making Riker facepalm.)
  • What makes it even funnier is that Riker was actually enjoying the music and starting to shimmy to it before Troi faceplants into the table.
  • Her Punctuated Pounding is a very directed poke to his chest, which really just makes the conversation. Riker's expression during it as well, going from "I don't believe this!" to barely-holding back laughter, not-quite-succeeding with his customary grin.
  • According to director (and cast member) Jonathan Frakes, Drunken Troi is worth the price of admission alone.
  • And when Riker's not dealing with Deanna's drunkenness, he's dodging the various objects that Cochrane keeps throwing in his direction.
  • And just before, this part;
    Cochrane: Now this, Deena...
    Troi: De-anna!
    Cochrane: Thisss.. is the good stuff. (pours two shots) To the Phoenix! May she rest in peace.
    Cochrane and Deanna take a drink and immediately start choking and gagging
    Cochrane: Okay, that wasn't so good. *chucks bottle*
  • Words really don't do it justice, see for yourself.
  • During a part of the time that Riker is asking if Cochrane can handle the truth and Troi says that he's nuts, Cochrane is standing right there.
• Cochrane's initial reaction to the situation:
  Cochrane: Hot damn, you're heroic! *laughs*
  • After Cochrane becomes convinced of the truth, Riker goes on to explain how the approaching aliens will detect his warp flight and "land right here."
    Cochrane: Here?
    LaForge: Actually, over there.
• A large portion of Zephram Cochrane's scenes, but especially:
  Geordi: (engages in long spiel about Cochrane's magnificent standing in 24th century history, and the giant, inspirational statue of him that will stand right where he is standing now)
  Cochrane: (Beat) ...I gotta take a leak.
  Geordi: Leak? I'm not detecting any leak.
  Cochrane: Don't you people in the 24th century ever pee?
  • Its also funny as part of Trek's running gag about the TOS Enterprise apparently not having bathrooms.
• Immediately after stunning Cochrane unconscious as he tries to flee overwhelmed by the idea of the future Riker only has one thing to say to Geordi. "You told him about the statue?"
• When Cochrane says that his life's ambition is to make enough money to retire to a tropical island full of naked women, Riker visibly smirks. He can at least appreciate that part.
• The Enterprise-E's EMH (Emergency Medical Hologram) gets probably the funniest "Facing the Bullets" One-Liner ever. "According to Starfleet medical research, Borg implants can cause severe skin irritation."
  • "Perhaps you'd like an analgesic cream?"
  • "I'm a doctor, not a doorstop."
    • Prior to activating the EMH, Beverly mutters to herself that she "swore she'd never use one of these things."
• Lily: Borg? Sounds Swedish...^note As in Bjorn Borg.
  • Later ... "Definitely not Swedish."
• A brief moment when Picard is inside the holochamber:
  Picard: I'm looking for Nicky the Nose.
  Bartender: The Nose? He hasn't been here in months.
  Beat
  Picard: *snaps* This is the wrong chapter.
• Worf's arrival to the bridge gives Riker a couple funny one-liners.
  "Tough little ship." ("Little?")
  "You do remember how to fire phasers?" (*Death Glare*)
• There is something hilarious in Cochrane's motivation speech. Everyone is making him out to be this hero and visionary, and he's just in it for the money. But especially hilarious is when he explains that he really shouldn't be doing this:
  Cochrane: I don't even like to fly!
• Cochrane's exclamation of "SWEET JESUS!" when the Enterprise casts its shadow over the Phoenix.
• Also, Cochrane's hilarious "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH" when the Phoenix finally breaks Warp Factor 1.
  • You can see Geordi and Riker grinning at each other behind him.
• The Defiant Conn officer having a subtle worried glance when Worf states that "Perhaps today is a good day to die," followed by the order to ram the Borg Cube.
  • When the helmsman tells him the Enterprise has arrived, Worf almost looks disappointed that his Heroic Sacrifice has just been preempted by a Gunship Rescue.
• After the Enterprise is ordered to the Neutral Zone, the scene between Picard and Riker is brimming with Sarcasm Mode.
  Riker: We finished our first sensor sweep of the Neutral Zone. (hands Picard a PADD)
  Picard: (reading) Oh, fascinating(!). Twenty particles of space dust per cubic meter, 52 ultraviolet radiation spikes, and a class-2 comet. Well, this is certainly worthy of our attention.
• During the Dénouement, observe the Vulcan's reaction to Cochrane blasting Roy Orbison's "Ooby Dooby". He takes a huge gulp of booze and wears a "What have I gotten myself into?!" look on his face.
  • Even better? While not stated on screen, several writers have supported the idea that the Vulcan captain is Solkar, Spock's great-grandfather. Better get used to this now, Solkar. And ask for some of "the good stuff...''
  • And speaking of everyone's favorite half-Vulcan, he once says "My father's people were spared the dubious benefits of alcohol." Ambassador Soval puts it more bluntly: "Vulcan's don't drink." Apparently, being near humans just has this effect on Vulcans.
• When Data keeps asking questions of the Borg Queen, she asks — with perhaps a touch of exasperation — "Do you always talk this much?"

  Data: (Beat, while he thinks about it.) Not always... but often.

  • Thinking about it, it's also a pretty awesome moment - Data's babble managed to get under the skin of a collective of techno-organic emotionless zombies. That takes SKILL.
• Picard being snogged by a ditzy blonde in his Dixon Hill holodeck program, making you wonder what he really gets up to when he's not being the upright Starfleet captain.
  • There's also the scene where he touches the Phoenix. The rest of the Enterprise crew geeking out over working with Zephram Cochrane is one thing, but a mature, sensible career man like Picard...
• Picard, Worf, and Crusher briefly note the Enterprise's short life after the activation of the self-destruct and wonder whether there will be another..... Then Picard points out there are plenty of letters left in the alphabet.
• Data revealing to Picard exactly how long he considered the Borg Queen's proposal: 0.68 seconds. Even if it is "almost an eternity" to an android...
• First contact itself. The Vulcan gives the "V" salute, Cochrane attempts to, then goes in with a handshake instead. Cochrane's verbal reply is both funny and heartwarming:
  Vulcan: Live long and prosper.
  Cochrane: Thanks!
  • Bonus points because as mentioned over on the Heartwarming page, the Vulcans are going through the equivalent of finding a culture who greets people by open-mouth kissing them and taking it in stride. Makes you wonder if Kirk's habit of Boldly Coming is just a human thing...
• Lily gets a hold of a phaser and warns Picard that if she doesn't start getting answers, she'll start pushing buttons. Later, Picard finally manages to talk her down and gets the phaser away from her.
  Picard: Maximum setting. If you'd have fired this, you would have vaporized me.
  Lily: (meekly) It's my first ray gun.
  • The original script had a funny inversion, also used in the novelization.
    Picard: Minimum setting. If you'd have fired this, you'd have given me a skin rash.
• Picard, Lily in tow, finally reunites with the others, including Worf. Lily's been traumatized enough by everything that's happened to her, and seeing a Rubber-Forehead Alien is yet another shock — and Worf's reaction is so matter-of-fact Worf.
  Worf: (seeing Lily's slightly-panicked stare) I am a Klingon.
• Reginald Barclay's Adorkable fanboying over shaking Cochrane's hand...
  LaForge: Reg!
  Barclay: I mean, meeting the man who invented warp drive...
  LaForge: Reg!
  • Five minutes later Geordie is doing the same thing.
• Lily tells Picard to get her off the ship, not realizing where she actually is. So Picard opens the porthole and shows her, pointing out the various features of Earth...
  Picard: Montana will be up soon, but you may want to hold your breath. It's a long way down.
• The interaction between Lily and Picard is generally very serious and tense, but it's easy to get a giggle out her half-snarky, half-bitter response to Picard's smashing the glass on his display of model ships, sending them toppling.
  Lily: You broke your little ships.
• This movie features the only true Title Drop the franchise may ever get ("You're all astronauts, on some kind of star trek!"), coming straight from Zefram Cochrane, the man who, in universe, makes it all possible.
• Jonathan Frakes even gets in a few meta moments in his director's commentary on the film's DVD release. For example, during the first scene on the Enterprise bridge when he openly lampshades one of the tropes that Star Trek itself created:
  Frakes: Now, keep an eye on Lt. Hawk there. After all, this is Star Trek and he is wearing the extra red shirt.
• The combination Oh, Crap! and This Is Gonna Suck look on Worf’s face the moment he realizes that Picard is suggesting that they don the environment suits and go take a walk across the ship’s hull in zero-g.
• When Picard guns down the Borg in the holodeck, pay close attention to the holograms in the background. While the other partygoers panic and run away from the gunfire, Nicky the Nose simply stays at the table, casually smokes his cigar, and watches the chaos unfold.
  • Before this, when Lily and Picard are approaching, Nicky lights a match for his cigar by striking it against the nostril of his false metal nose.

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