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Season 1
Episode 4 - Raising Hell
- Apparently, David Guetta is a vampire.
- Not only does Magnus find a way to bring up the fact that he slept with Michelangelo in a conversation about summoning a demon, but he does it in an attempt to impress/seduce Mr. No-Nonsense himself, Alec. He also does this in front of Alec's friends and siblings, including Magnus blatantly leaning around Jace to make eye contact with Alec.
Episode 5 - Moo Shu to Go
- When Simon calls Jace to rescue him and Clary, he has to figure out where they are being held. Fortunately, he discovers a menu giving their exact location...along with somewhat less relevant information:Simon: I'm at the Jade Wolf Chinese Restaurant on the pier at Greene St. And they have really inexpensive cocktails!
Episode 6 - Of Men and Angels
- Magnus asks Jace to get Alec, resulting in this exchange:Jace: What do you need Alec for?
Magnus: Virgin Shadowhunter energy.
Simon: That explains so much.
Episode 8 - Bad Blood
- When the shadowhunters come looking for Simon, Jace just can't help insulting the one person who knows where he is. To nobody's surprise, Raphael has no problem snarking right back at him.Clary: So I can have Simon back. Alive and breathing?
Isabelle: That's just it. He won't return alive or breathing. He will be a vampire.
Jace: And not the sexed-up, romantic kind. The ugly, blood-sucking, coffin-dwelling kind.
Raphael: That's offensive.
Jace: Really?
Raphael: Coffin implies wooden box. We have caskets now. They're made of 14 karat gold.
Jace: My bad.
Episode 9 - Rise Up
- While the situation is far from funny (and quickly turns dead serious), there is some amusement to be found in Luke and Raphael exchanging punny insults:Raphael: *whistles* Stay. Good dog.
Luke: Bite me.
Raphael: Roll over.
Luke: Play dead.
Simon: Boom! *he and Luke fist bump.*
Episode 10 - This World Inverted
- Simon trying to figure out why Alaric (another werewolf and Luke's NYPD partner) is hostile to him now.Simon: I thought me and Alaric were cool.
Luke: You were.
Simon: (realizes) Then I became Nerdferatu.
Episode 12 - Malac
- Ragnor holds Jace and Magnus in invisible bonds when Clary shows up and it takes her saying she'll do anything to free them.Magnus: Honestly, was that nonsense necessary?Ragnor: Of course. She offered me anything. You were only up to a time-share of your flat in Paris. Yawn.
Season 2
Episode 2 - A Door in the Dark
- Simon is less than impressed with Magnus' pet fire-breathing cobra, although the warlock can't seem to fathom why.Magnus: Oh there you are! And there he is, my baby.
Simon: Your baby?
Magnus: I created him for Camille ages ago. Best gift I ever gave.
Simon: Great. Well then, maybe don't include me on your Christmas list.
Magnus: He didn't scare you, did he?
Simon: No, of course not. I "Encanto'd" him. No biggie. - As they're moseying around Camille's home, Magnus finds a ton of stuff that she never returned after they permanently broke things off. It's downright hilarious, if only due to how indignant Magnus looks throughout the whole scene.Magnus: Hmm, I recognize that. Ming Dynasty. (pause) Of course I recognize it - it's mine!
Simon: Well, unless she's in that vase, she's not here, so come on. You said there are like 62 other rooms we have to search.
Magnus: You go on. I have a few things Camille never returned after one of our many break-ups. (still protectively holding the Ming vase) I wanna find them.
Episode 4 - Day of Wrath
- As per usual, Simon and Raphael start arguing and sniping as soon as they're in the same room. But this time, when they attempt to physically attack each other in Magnus' loft, he shoves himself between the snarling vampires and soundly scolds them like an exasperated parent.Magnus: Hey, hey, hey, boys! Relax. Let's talk this out like civil Downworlders. Anyone for a martini? I'm having a double.
Episode 5 - Dust and Shadow
- Simon's mother finds out her son is keeping blood in his room, leading to this exchange:Mother: Have you been joining a cult again?
Simon: Oh, for the last time, World of Warcraft isn't a cult!
Episode 6: Iron Sisters
- Alec asks Magnus how many past relationships he's had.Magnus: ...Seventeen.
Alec: That's... (beat) ...Wait, seventeen... hundred?
Magnus: ...
Alec: Seventeen-thousand?! - After Alec and Magnus resolve to try at a relationship and share a tender moment at Magnus' loft, Jace comes in after having been kicked out of the Institute and Magnus and Alec let go of each other looking none-too-pleased.Jace: Sorry to kill the mood... do you have an extra room?
- Cut to a shot of Alec's already wide eyes giving Jace an entirely exasperated look while Magnus just looks annoyed with the prospect that Alec's adopted brother could potentially be ruining all of his moments with Alec in the future.
Episode 7: How Are Thou Fallen?
- Alec and Magnus discuss sushi:Alec: Seriously, why do they call it fatty tuna? I mean, that's a little degrading.
Magnus: I don't think "obese tuna" sounds any better. - We learn the identity of another of Magnus's ex-lovers:Magnus: I haven't had a roommate this brazen since...well, since Casanova and I spent the night in the Doge's palace.
Alec: (in a You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me! tone) Casanova?- Just before that, Magnus and Alec go in for a kiss, but at the last moment they hear Jace and Kaelie having sex in the other room, roll their eyes and sigh simultaneously and in the most exasperated way. It seems that this has happened a few times before.
- Pretty much every interaction between Simon and Jace in this episode.
Episode 8: Love is a Devil
- Alec sweet talks Magnus into hosting a party for Max's Rune Ceremony. At least partly to show Maryse that their relationship is a healthy one. Maryse brings the punch:Maryse (handing Magnus a big bottle of liquor): I hear you like to drink.
- Then Clary thinks she sees Simon and Maia flirting, resulting in her trying to storm over there only to be intercepted by Magnus, who is desperate to keep the party sedate:Magnus: Slow down hotshot!Clary: Get out of my way Magnus!Magnus: Oh no, I'm not letting you make a scene. This is an elegant affair, not an episode of The Real Housewives of Idris.
- Magnus spots Maryse unconscious on the floor in one of the bedrooms and comes in to find Izzy and Jace hunched over her supine form:Magnus: Okay, the sangria may have been too strong.
Episode 9: Bound by Blood
- The Running Gag that every time Alec and Magnus have an intimate moment in his penthouse, somebody (i.e. Clary and/or Jace) comes barging in seeking help, which finally results in an exasperated Magnus demanding to know:Magnus: Don't you people have phones?
Episode 11: Mea Maxima Culpa
- Simon attempting to hug Jace, only to get turned down.
Episode 14: The Fair Folk
- Jace is unsure of Simon joining a meeting with the Seelies.Simon: I was voted eighth-grade class Vice-President and you don't get that without being charming.Jace: This isn't middle school. This is life or death.Simon: Have you been to middle school?
- Later, the Seelie holds Jace and Simon in magical vines and threatens to kill them if Clary doesn't kiss the one she truly loves.Clary: You were wrong, Jace, this is just like middle school.
Episode 19: Hail and Farewell
- Maia mentions how great it is to date a "college boy" like Simon.Simon: Oh my God...college. Classes started last month, my mom already paid for the food plan and I don't eat so she's out three grand...Wait...Are we dating?
- Simon is thrown when the Seelie Queen, previously shown to be ten years old, suddenly shows up before him in public, now looking his own age.Simon: You were a child and now you're...confusing.Queen: Different outfits for different occasions.
Season 3
Episode 2: The Powers That Be
- Jace and Clary end up on a double date with Simon and Maia. Hilarity Ensues.
- Special mention to this bit:Maia: Anyway, I don't know that I'd want my body covered in tattoos.Jace: Says the girl with the butterfly tattoo.Maia: [Death Glare at Jace]Clary: Butterfly tattoo?Jace: [Oh, Crap! expression]Simon: How do you know about that? It's pretty well-hidden.Jace: [even worse Oh, Crap! expression]Clary: You... saw it after one of her transformations? Or?Jace: Not exactly.
- This leads to Simon's utterly priceless line:
Simon: It's only a matter of time before I sleep with Jace, I guess. - Special mention to this bit:
- Earlier, Jace is calling up Simon to ask for suggestions on where to go on a date.Simon: How did you get my number?
- Also, when they show up, Jace realizes he had no idea you had to make a reservation for such places.
- The date begins with Maia saying "this doesn't have to be weird." Cue the most awkward small talk and silences imaginable.
- Jace sees Simon pouring a bottle on his tacos.
Jace: Ketchup on fish, that's disgusting.Simon: It's not ketchup.Jace: That's more disgusting.Simon: Gotta go down somehow, chief.- Clary presses Maia on what happens to her clothes when she transforms and "have you considered spandex?" The idea of a wolf in spandex causes Maia to crack up.
- At Lorenzo's party, there are quite a few funny moments, including Magnus starting to turn and run the other way when Lorenzo spots him, only to have Alec catch his arm and turn him around. After a brief conversation with Lorenzo however, Alec is starting to empathize:
- Alec: Who appointed him?Magnus: Nobody. There was a vote, and Lorenzo can be very charming, as long as you're into phony, no taste, egomaniacal pieces of sh-Alec: [spotting Madzie, under his breath] Language!
- Alec has to distract warlock Lorenzo so Magnus can investigate his home. Alec claims to be an art fan and Lorenzo wants to show him his collection of Fabergé eggs. Hiding behind the couch, Magnus gives a "what are you doing?!" look at Alec, who shrugs.
- Almost everything about that sequence is hilarious, including Magnus' cartoony sneaking around and hand gestures towards Alec, and Alec pretending to know anything about art:Lorenzo: Needless to say, growing up in Toledo during the Siglo de Oro was quite the experience.Alec: [clearly clueless] Needless to say...
- When Magnus gets thrown into a wall by some haywire magic downstairs, producing a very loud bang you can clearly hear upstairs, Alec just pretends he didn't hear anything.
- Almost everything about that sequence is hilarious, including Magnus' cartoony sneaking around and hand gestures towards Alec, and Alec pretending to know anything about art:
- The revelation Magnus uses magical shampoo.
Episode 3 - What Lies Beneath
- Just the idea that this monstrous, murderous Owl...is beaten by a regular human with a can of pepper spray.
- Izzy explains that their mother is "dropping in" for a "simple family dinner."Magnus: That's a lot of air quotes.
- Alec is cooking something for the dinner and letting Magnus have a sip. He nods but as soon as Alex goes to answer the phone, Magnus lets out a hysterical look, spits the food out and uses a spell to make it edible. When his mom talks of how Alec's stew was always horrible, he fires a knowing look at Magnus.
- And then, in an effort to calm down a tense Alec, Magnus hands him a glass of wine... which Alec promptly downs in one gulp. Magnus just stares at the glass, incredulously.
- Magnus claims Truman Capote was a "closet warlock" and does a great impression of him.
Episode 9 - Familia Ante Omnia
- It turns out that not even death has been able to destroy Valentine's dark sense of humor. When Clary accuses him of being behind Lilith's return, he dryly points out "I have a rather decent alibi."
Episode 12 - Original Sin
- Magnus and Alec do some sparring together with Magnus boasting of having trained with a legendary grand master.Alec: Is that where you got your black belt in name dropping?
- They end up making out against the wall in the middle of the training room until Magnus tries to pull Alec's shirt off.Alec: Hold that thought... bedroom.
- He turns and walks away without another word. Magnus stares, and then just... sprints after him.
- Magnus is adjusting to life as a mortal, which includes feeling "exhausted walking everywhere without portals."
Episode 13 - Beati Bellicosi
- Magnus utterly unable to handle a computer.
- Simon is totally blase about meeting Cain. "Weird dude, kind of unapproachable..."
Episode 16 - Stay With Me
- The Seelie Queen is told Jonathan is coming for a visit. She decides to "slip into something more comfortable." When Jonathan shows up, the Queen now appears to be his own age. As usual, she treats her older form as just an outfit to wear like it's normal.
- Simon can't believe that Izzy, veteran Shadowhunter, expert in magic and various creatures...has no idea what a pinky swear is.
Episode 18 - The Beast Within
- Simon's sister, Becky, drops by to celebrate Halloween. She immediately asks "where's your coffin?" and blabs about Clary working with the "Shadow Slayers."
- At a club, Becky mocks the "bad makeup" of people with horns, tattoos or other strange looks. Smiling, Simon informs here all these people are warlocks, werewolves or others who are taking advantage of Halloween to lower their glamours and be themselves in public. Becky thinks it's the coolest thing ever.
- Becky meets Maia and actually wonders why her brother would be such an idiot to break up with a werewolf.
- A drunk werewolf. That's all.
- Made even better by Becky's reaction:Becky: Your girlfriend turns into this?
- Made even better by Becky's reaction:
- Isabelle has to laugh at the "mundane" belief in vampires wearing capes. She also has no idea who "Count Von Count" is, and believe Simon is making this up.
- It takes Becky five seconds to realize Simon has a thing for Isabelle.Simon: We're just friends.Becky: Oh, like that ever stopped you before.
- And like any self-respecting meddlesome little sister, she insists the two go hunting together and gives Simon a hug while whispering "don't screw this up."
Episode 20 - City of Glass
- Magnus' reaction when Lorenzo is turned into a lizard.Magnus: Well, that should make for a quiet roommate.
- Simon astounded when Clary moves the mansion to Shadowhunters headquarter as "you barely have your driver's license!"
- Magnus Bane making his Big Damn Heroes entrance to fight the invading demons.Magnus: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was hell.
- Helen and Aline's horrible explanation that they were in the same bedroom "doing research" when the attack happens. Alec and Izzy can only smile at each other.
Episode 21 - Alliance
- Clary's wonderfully goofy smile when she learns Simon and Izzy kissed.
- Everyone handling getting new powers by Clary's linking ceremony.Meliorn (smirking): You'll learn my true powers the next time you take your lover to bed.
- The gang going to the underworld.Jace: Wearing a leather jacket to Hell. Yeah, that was a great idea.
- Also Jace's annoyance that he can't lie with Seelie powers. Meaning he immediately admits being terrified by Edom when asked by Meliorn, and confesses to Isabelle he actually always kinda admired Simon despite constantly belittling him.
- Which then leads to Meliorn taking advantage on this to ask all sorts of questions Jace has no choice but to answer truthfully.
Meliorn: Wait, one more: on a scale from 1 to 10, how pretty do you think I am?Jace (very annoyed): ... Like a 9.
- Also Jace's annoyance that he can't lie with Seelie powers. Meaning he immediately admits being terrified by Edom when asked by Meliorn, and confesses to Isabelle he actually always kinda admired Simon despite constantly belittling him.
- As they are being attacked by demons, Jace, unable to use his runes, asks Meliorn if he has any fae spell that might be useful:Meliorn: I am afraid faeric magic has very little influence in this realm.Jace: What the hell does that mean?Meliorn: It means there are very few plants!
- Clary and Simon have a Heartwarming discussion about their change, with Clary admitting she wouldn't trade she Shadow World for anything. Cue her Horror Hunger from Simon's vampire powers kicking in, forcing her to drink blood, much to her disgust.Simon: Still wouldn't trade the Shadow World for anything?
