Funny / Rush Hour 2

• While driving in Hong Kong, Carter tries to invite some Chinese girls to party with him and Lee, but his butchery of the language makes them drive off laughing at him.
  Carter: All I did was invite them to have a drink.
  Lee: You invited them to "get naked and sacrifice a small goat".
  (beat)
  Carter: Which word was "goat"?
  • And that's not the only time...
    Carter: What did I just say?
    Lee: You just asked everybody to pick up their samurai swords and shave your butt!
• This exchange at the karaoke party:
  Lee: In Hong Kong, I am Michael Jackson! You are Toto!
  Carter: You mean Tito! Toto is what we ate last night for dinner!
  • Before that, Carter was singing "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" and did it in a hilariously impressionable manner that it attracted a good number of girls to the dance floor with him. Which is amusingly ironic when Lee told him about the later aforementioned line.
  • And way before that, a generic Chinese man on the stage tried singing to the same song, but his hilariously awful and tuneless performance outrages Carter, leading to this exchange:
  Carter: What in the world is going on in here? Am I the only one listening to this?! The man's destroying a classic!
• When the triads and Lee climb up the scaffolding, Carter trails behind:
  Carter: Lee! I'm comin'!
  [Carter climbs all of 3 feet when a mook falls right in front of him]
  Carter: [beat] Oh hell no. [climbs down] Lee! I'm taking the stairs!
• When Lee and Carter are hanging on a bamboo in Literal Cliffhanger-like situation:
  Lee: Don't worry, Chinese bamboo... is very strong!
  (cue the bamboo begins to tear apart)
  Carter: Ahhhhh! You sure man!?
  Lee: (hopelessly) I'm sure!
  (and the bamboo tears apart in two and the duo falls)
  Carter: (while holding on Lee's legs for dear life) I can't believe I flew 10,000 miles for this shit!
  • The aforementioned line was used again but Lee says it this time after him and Carter escapes from Hu-Li carrying a ticking bomb.
• At the massage parlor, Heaven on Earth, Carter's reaction to the beautiful masseuses is priceless. Even Lee is telling Carter to hurry up while he's picking a good portion of them.
  Carter: (to Lee) Man, what's wrong with you? You don't jump in front of a black man in a buffet line, calm down!
  Hostess: (to Carter) Your friend has big appetite!
  • When Carter demands Ricky Tan's attention, he grabs his laptop and repeatedly stomps on it. After his goons surround Carter, he IMMEDIATELY changes his temper:
  Carter: Look little man, you coming with-(Cue Ricky Tan's goons IMMEDIATELY surrounding Carter and Lee) Oh, my Lord. I would like to pay you for that laptop. I think I should do that.
  Ricky: No problem.
  Carter: I seen it on the Internet, with a DVD player. That's an old model.
  • During the parlor fight, Carter yanks off the towel of a gangster while we're treated with his behind showing, and takes a quick glance down below:
  Carter: No wonder you mad! (and then he proceeds by slapping the gangster's crotch with a towel)
  • What happens after the fight: Lee and Carter are thrown out of a car on a busy freeway... buttnaked.
• Carter and the overeager butcher with the background people's confused expressions.
  Carter: Put the blade down and let the bird go, lady, right now!
• When Carter meets Isabella in the Red Dragon yacht, he tries to flirt with her as acting like the captain of his hilariously made-up yacht name: The S.S. Minnow Johnson.
  Carter: You must know my good friend Pedro Morales Magonzales Morotto Molasso Mondustos.
  • After some bad flirting:
  Isabella: ...Funny, the name of the side says "Red Dragon". You see, this is my friend's boat, and this is his party.
  Carter: I must've got on the wrong boat! All these boats look alike.
• Carter's conversation to Lee about "following the rich white man" while flying to Los Angeles.
  • Even funnier, when Carter's scream about how white people react to gunfights, Lee tells Carter he sounds like that every time.
• Lee and Carter spies on Isabella from the building across the street. Lee, in particular, is checking her out the most while she's getting undressed and Carter notices she has a tattoo that looks like Snoopy. Lee immediately comments: "I love Snoopy." and grabs the binoculars.
  Lee: Ahhhhhhhh, slow down baby!
  • After Lee and Carter mistakes the package Hu-Li gives Isabella for a bomb, they immediately run to her apartment to grab it and she's NOT amused.
  Carter: I said she was the bomb!
  Lee: (confused) She was the bomb?
• While Isabella was talking to Lee and Carter about the fake cash situation, they both get distracted by her opening her robe midway with her cleavage showing.
  Isabella: Say Carter, this is your city right?
  Carter: (distracted) Yeah this is my titty, I mean my city.
• Lee and Carter are bickering over Isabella. Carter refers to Lee as 'third world ugly".
  Lee: I'm not third world ugly, women like me. They think I'm cute like Snoopy.
  Carter: Lee, Snoopy is six inches taller than you!
• Kenny joking with Lee about calling Carter "7-11" because he never closes his mouth.
  • The whole interaction with Kenny is just full of fun moments, starting with Carter barging in with his Motor Mouth.
    Carter: [Busts in to the gambling room] Oh now I know I don't see what I know I see what I'm thinking!
  • When Kenny calls out Carter for getting his ass kicked in Hong Kong, and embarrassing him in front of his friends.
    Carter: Kenny, you embarrass yourself. You're a black man with a Chinese restaurant on Crenshaw!
  • When the conversations comes to blows and Carter threatens to shoot Kenny.
    Carter: Don't make me shoot ya, Kenny!
    Kenny: [In fighting stance] Come on!
    Carter: I'll shoot you, and say you fell in the kitchen!
• "I'll... bitch-slap you back to Africa!"^note A call back to an earlier line where Carter says to Lee: "I'll bitch-slap you back to Bangkok!"
  • Lee manages to get free of the ropes and starts biting Carter's off.
    Carter: Use them tiger teeth! Bite it like a little monkey!
• After Hu-Li tells her mook she'll bury Isabella next to Lee and Carter after she's done, Isabella calls Hu-Li out and after she gives her an apple while holding a small knife and throws it right to the apple. She gives her an disappointed look.
  Hu-Li: Some apple?
  Isabella: I'd put that knife away, bitch, before you have an accident.
• The Camp Gay employee in "Gianni Versace", (played by Jeremy Piven), who mistakes Lee and Carter for a couple. He's also calls Carter "Lil' Kim" when he tries to check his waist.
  Lee: I think he likes you.
  Carter: I'm not shopping with you no more.
• Carter's distraction in the casino, particularly the part where he winds up spinning in place with faux-outrage as he berates the employees.
• Lee's infiltration into the count room starts off pretty cool, with him hiding on top of a cash crate as it's moved into the restricted area, then he seamlessly gets off by holding himself in between the walls of a narrow hallway... Only to find his face inches from a security camera.
• This scene after Carter saves Lee from the pinball-sized but powerful bomb in his mouth:
  Carter: Why the hell you didn't tell me there was a bomb in your mouth?!
  Lee: I did!
  Carter: No, you didn't!
  Lee: I said Mmmmm!
  Carter: What the hell is Mmmmmmm?!
  Lee: Mmmmm, boom!
• Carter prepares to fight Hu-Li so that Lee can go after Ricky Tan. However, Carter can't help being mesmerized by Hu-Li's good looks and flirting with her:
  Carter: I'm gonna pretend you're a man... A very beautiful man with a great body that I'd like to take to the movies.
  • After Carter finally knocks Hu-Li out:
  Carter: We could have been a couple, we could have something special... but you are one crazy-ass bitch!
• Ricky Tan's Bond One-Liner when he kills off his co-conspirator is darkly hilarious:
  Tan: I enjoyed that little story you told about the Dragon and the treasure [...] Do you know the moral of that story, Mr. Reign?
  Reign: Greed will imprison us all.
  Tan: [stabs Reign] I hate that fortune cookie shit.
• After Lee ultimately kills Ricky Tan by kicking him through Steven Reign's penthouse window and falls all the way down to a cab, Lee says to Carter it was an accident. Carter reassures Lee, telling him that they can say the man tried to catch a cab.
• Lee's reaction after Isabella kisses him good-bye in the airport.
• The Hilarious Outtakes, naturally, are a ripe source of silly moments.
  [Ricky Tan falls to his death]
  Carter: Damn!... He ain't gonna be in Rush Hour 3.