Funny / My Little Pony: Totally Legit Recap

General

• Many of the captions that appear over the videos:
  • That Is My Fetish
    From S6 E1
    Context: the nerdy-looking crowd pony is staring at an elderly pony who has a much younger sounding voice
  • This Is Your Dick
    From S6 E4
    Context: Sweetie Bell snapping a conductor's wand in half out of frustration
  • This is me in the morning
    From S6 E5
    Context: Spike coming into the girls' pancake breakfast with his blanket and plush toy in tow
    Corollary: Because of the plushie
  • CHEETOS AND VASELINE
    From S6 E11
    Context: Fluttershy is getting a hug from her brother and- and that's as far as we're gonna think about it.
    • Also from that episode:
      INTERMISSION!
      Context: Our dear narrator needs a drink after realizing how much like Zephyr he is. He puts up a picture of Berry Punch clinging to the side of Vinyl's Wub-mobile with a wine barrel under her arm.
  • I Like Your Holes
    From S6 E13
    Context: Quibble praises Rainbow Dash for having the correct number of arrow holes on her hat.
• The "Dumb Horse Box"
• The various nicknames DWK has for the characters, such as Twiggy, Ponkers, and Butterball
  • The names he gives to secondary characters also count: Thorax is renamed as Steve, and Gladmane becomes Pelvis (Pony Elvis)
• Anytime he makes Rarity say, "Darling, Bro." Or its variants.
• The fact that Treehugger, the one pony that the entire fandom considers to be a hippie stoner, is DWK's Author Avatar.

Equestria Girls

• The first movie:
  • Just because Twilight's a princess now, doesn't mean she's better or more important than any of her friends. Honest!
  • The songs he uses for the intros are great for a chuckle:
    • Part 1 uses "Little Girls" by Oingo Boingo. While inappropriate enough considering the subject matter, what really sells it are the over-the-top expressions that Sunset Shimmer has on her face while it's playing.
    • Sing it with me! ♪You and me baby we ain't nothin' but mammals / so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel...♪
  • Twilight tries to complain about her new life, only for Spike to immediately tell her to shut up because she's got it made now.
    • Then Twilight retaliates by pointing out she only fixed her own mistake, and that she's not exactly the genius everyone thinks she is. Spike, once again, shuts her down. She has to get used to the way things are, because there's no going back. After all, it's not like there's a way for her to go back to being a teenager...
  • This line from Rainbow Dash, after Celestia tells the Mane Six they can't go with Twilight:
    Rainbow: Eat my ass, you cum-colored Christmas ornament!
  • Twilight flipping off Celestia, through the portal to the EG universe.
  • The "Twiggly Wiggle," turning Twilight learning how to walk into some sick dance moves.
  • The part where DWK sees Sunset Shimmer in her human form and immediately starts gushing about how she's the perfect waifu.
  • The part where DWK breaks down discussing Sunset's "plan" to frame Twilight. First he calls Luna retarded, citing her odd belt-placement as evidence of diminished mental capacity. Then when Flash appears with the counter-evidence, he switches gears and proceeds to think out every step that Sunset must've taken, and decides that everyone involved with the situation must have an IQ below 70 and should be put on the short bus.
    DWK: [laughing uncontrollably] Oh my God, no wait wait wait, I was wrong! Everyone is retarded! Everyone involved in this farce of a sabotage, whether intentionally or not, needs to be put on a bus and be sent to the special school across town. Sunset, was this your plan? This was the ace up your sleeve? How did you even do this? You take pictures with a smartphone, and then print them out and cut them up, and what? Use a color copier to combine them together? Or wait, did you use a scanner and then print them again? And then, for the finishing move — the coup-de-fucking-grace — leave the photos in plain sight at the top of a school trash can?! Masterful!
• Rainbow Rocks Shorts:
  • Trixie is short a thousand bucks to buy the guitar she wants, so she gives Vinyl Scratch a thousand dollars worth of random drugs.
  • Vinyl then takes all of those drugs, at the same time. All the shorts but Guitar Centered and some parts of Player Piano are revealed to be her drug-induced hallucinations.
• Rainbow Rocks Movie:
  • DWK starts out speaking in a combination Mysterious Whisper and baritone that perfectly sets the mood for the sirens draining the humans of their life energy... and then when he sees them, he immediately goes back to normal tone and starts sperging out over his three new waifus.
  • Aria complains that getting people to care enough to fight about things in real life is impossible these days. Adagio retorts that if she could figure out a way to absorb negative energy through the Internet, the Sirens could take over the entire multiverse in a day.
    • This exchange comes after Aria earnestly suggests prostitution as a way to make extra money. Adagio must be a true dike because she refuses to even think about taking dick.
    • Sonata seems pretty okay with it though. Hell, she seems disappointed that it isn't their plan.
      Sonata: I'll take dick!
      [later]
      Adagio: None of us are taking any dick, Sonata!
      Sonata: Ya ever think that might be the problem here?
    • Turns out the secret is... waifus. Of course! Mine is better than yours, and you better not even think about touching her! (tearfully) You don't deserve her!
  • Definitely crossing into Black Comedy, but Apple Bloom tells Sunset to slit her throat just so the Crusaders can have some more red paint. Even Scoots is surprised.
  • "Hey slut! Get your fine ass over here, we're doin' arts n' crafts!"
    -Pinkie Pie, 2014 (or 2017, depends on what you go by)
  • DWK constantly goes off on tangents about why he loves Sunset and such, and he also puts a note onscreen every time he does telling himself to shut up and get on with the video
  • The fact that Fluttershy is the one to tell Sunset she's going to have to 'lube up and take it' until the school accepts her.
  • Sunset is worried because apparently her demon form went commando and the entire school might've seen something they weren't supposed to. Pinkie did, and she can confirm that the carpet- er, welcome mat- does indeed match the drapes.
    Pinkie: Fire crotch, fire crotch! Sunny has a fire crotch!
  • DWK totally didn't tear up when they played "Better Than Ever". Nope, totally didn't.
  • Freeze-Frame Bonus time! A picture of Treehugger appears after a brief rant about the musical inaccuracies, with the caption: it's time for a lecture from professor pothead. We'll give you a minute.
  • The thing Sunset seems to regret the most is that she used to date Brad. The girls admit that they're going to give her shit about that for a long time yet to come.
  • When DWK sees the sirens in their "normal" outfits for the first time, he apparently becomes Hoity Toity for a bit because he starts dissecting their clothes, not to undress them with his eyes but because he's rating their styles. Like a one-man judging panel for a fashion show.
    • Sonata he brushes over with a 10/10, she's just right. Pony Rarity pops up to congratulate her.
    • Aria, on the other hand, needs to change her top to something darker. That shade of green should only be used for accents. He even creates a still-image mockup that... actually does look better. Still, she gets a 7.5.
    • And then there's Adagio.
      [hippie horse noises]
      Everything is the same color, her sleeves look like they belong in Victorian England, there's too much poofiness on top of her hair, who the fuck wears pins on their legs, and while having a siren wear a siren suit is clever, that shouldn't have been the basis for her outfit. And her leggings are just tacky.
      DWK: You look like a walking personality disorder.
  • Sunset immediately pegs the sirens as villains, and decides to bash their skulls in with a pipe because she doesn't have magic at the moment.
    • Adagio calms her down by convincing her that this movie is a low-key high school drama, and she's just the new Alpha Bitch.
    • Also, Sonata seems to be the sensible one.
  • The sirens adopt fake personalities to make themselves appealing as waifus. Sonata thinks she needs a quirk in addition to being adorably stupid. Maybe liking tacos?
    Adagio: I dunno, sounds kinda dumb. I don't think it'll catch on.
    • In order to increase hostilities, Adagio insists they keep their characters vague. Then people will start bickering over their various headcanons.
  • DWK is surprised by how sexual the sirens' dancing is, asserting that it's possible to masturbate to the canon material and not need porn.
    • Just to be clear, keep making porn of them.
  • DWK ran a poll before publishing the video to see who was the favorite siren. The winner? "DWK sucks cocks". At 36%, too. Moreover, he was apparently expecting this.
    • In case you were wondering, Sonata was the technical winner with 32% of the vote.
  • The last minute and a half of Part 1 are spent tearing into human Luna. It shouldn't be funny, because they're all legitimate points, but the length for which it goes on and the fact that by now everyone should be used to DWK's depression spaghetti allows us to laugh.
    1. He points out that while Celestia just brushed off the Hu-mane 5 (or 6), Luna is actually treating Sunset horribly.
    2. Then he goes off about how Luna probably wanders around during free times and lunch looking for students to bitch out.
    3. Then he starts showing images of the guy with the recycling pin and talks about how Luna has probably called his parents and complained about him selling pot, which he wasn't, and him being high, which he wasn't (that day).
    4. And then he talks about how his (guy with the pin or DWK? Take your pick) parents erased his porn stash and sent him to counseling. At this point, the Hu-mane characters seem to be getting concerned...
    5. Finally he goes on about the difficulty of getting porn back in the day, and tells Luna to enjoy her slashed tires and coffee laxatives.
  • Snips and Snails saying "nigga" repeatedly in the opening.
  • Fluttershy pulling a Beware the Quiet Ones by repeatedly attempting to suggest that they just shoot the sirens, only for everyone else to either miss it or become freaked out as a result.
  • This exchange between Rarity and Applejack regarding Rarity's "dope" outfit:
    Rarity: Check this out guys. Pretty dope, huh?
    Applejack: Yeah, it definitely makes me think of dope.
    Rarity: Hey, you can appreciate someone's fashion sense without endorsing their drug abuse!
    Applejack: Yeah but it's kinda hard to separate the two when the fashion sense was a result of the drug abuse.
    • Becomes a Brick Joke later when Rarity was explaining to Applejack that some girls up in the catwalk put magnets on her and made her dance like a marionette, to which AJ responds with "I knew it, you're on drugs!"
  • Twilight's reaction to Brad declaring Adagio to be his new waifu, with her saying that's up there with Holocaust denial.
    Brad: Pfft! What Holocaust?
    • Even funnier when AJ goes to console Twilight right before saying Brad's right about the Holocaust.
      Twilight: AJ, what the fuck?!
  • Trixie dropping the absolute best Bring It comeback in this exchange:
    Rainbow: Anyway, suck my dick Trixie!
    Trixie: Whip it out, bitch, I'll make you want to marry me.
  • Rainbow accusing Fluttershy of being a furry. Even funnier when at the end of their argument, Fluttershy mentions that one time with Mr Bun Bun who was having difficulty finding a mate and needed a release.
    • When they and the rest of the Rainbooms get trapped by Trixie, they get into another argument involving being casual and being a nerd, which ends with Fluttershy shouting "REEEEE!" when Rainbow says language changes over time.
      Pinkie Pie: I have no fucking idea what you guys are talking about but I got an opinion on it. Like and subscribe.
  • Adagio telling Trixie that she should make up something about drug abuse, working on her sobriety and coping with childhood trauma in order for her to be absolved of any blame and be allowed to go back on stage, to which Trixie says all the stuff Adagio said is true about her.
    Sonata: Is it really ethical for us to help someone who clearly has a myriad of mental health issues exploit them to dodge responsibility that she not only undeniably did but was very clearly a result of those issues in the first place?
  • "Yo Dash, I got a message for you! You ain't a real fan unless you read the manga".
  • Sonata blowing herself up along with the other Dazzlings when they were on-stage.
    Sonata: Please God, forgive me, but this is the only way.

Season 6

"The Crystalling Part 1"

• Starlight and the others are wondering what the plot of the episode will be. Then Spike comes in.
  Spike: All right you assholes, Cadance just popped her crotch-biscuit and we have to go to the Crystal Empire to help her take care of the kid or whatever.
  • And then Starlight decides that since the conversation has nothing to do with her, she's going to go back to her room, eat ice cream, and masturbate until she's unconscious. See the Page Quote back on the main page.
• Twilight's slow and deliberate exposition of Starlight's history in regards to the main cast, which Twilight forgave her for all of it- but if Starlight questions the Contrived Coincidences that abound in every episode, Twilight will fuck her up.
  • Meanwhile, Starlight is standing there with the most uncomfortable expression on her face.
• Celestia and Luna are only in this episode so the bronies won't get mad.
• Starlight and Sunburst's game of Suspiciously Specific Denial.
  • And then Starlight offers to have sex with him if it means they won't have to talk about their pasts.
• When the Crystal Heart breaks, the other ponies naturally turn to Twilight for a Deus ex Machina. She remarks that, while she has a lot of things up her ass right now, none of them can fix this.

"The Crystalling Part 2"

• The fact that in this universe the Crystal Heart is a computer that enforces "The Crystal Ban List" which keeps shit-posters from being seen or heard.
  • Sombra changed the password, so Celestia and Luna can't log back in and fix it.
    • Sunburst uses Celestia's old phone, which is still logged into her email, to reset the password. This is still MLP based, right?
  • The princesses can't log in, but they can at least argue with the commenters. That's helpful, right?
    Applejack: Twilight, I know you love Celestia. I mean, we all do, she's a very nice lady and I respect her immensely. But I think she might be a fucking idiot.
• Starlight tries to justify her giving up on friendship with Sunburst as something only adults would understand... only for Spike to inform her that he's technically an adult- dragons just age slower. Then it gets awkward because Starlight once gave him belly rubs.
  Spike: Dude, you think that was weird for you? Turned my dick into a curtain rod and then you just left.
  • Spike mentions that he thinks Sunburst is crying and masturbating now that Starlight's gone. He was right.
• This conversation:
  Starlight: So... what's goin' on?
  "Ponks": You want the long version or the short version?
  Starlight: (hesitantly) The short one, I guess?
  "Ponks": Shit's fucked.
  Starlight: Oh. Well, yeah, that's definitely not an optimal situation.
  Twilight: Dude, wait! I think I can fix this.
  (Flurry Heart blows a hole through her book)
  Twilight: Nope, it's fucked.
• Celestia and Luna have been arguing with the commenters. Celestia remarks that she's running out of meaningful things to say. Luna is surprised, because she's just been posting Bane.

"Gift Of The Maud Pie"

• Maud's flat, depressed voice, which almost sounds like it was synthesized with the standard Windows David voice.
• The fact that Maud has deluded herself into thinking Boulder is her boyfriend. She puts him in her vagina.
• Maud constantly comparing Rarity to herself, causing Rarity to fall into a drunken depression.
• The way Maud deals with the blind date Pinkie set up:
  Maud: You're a sleazy street grifter with obvious hormonal deficiencies who cons people out of things that bring them joy amidst this nightmarish imprisonment in flesh we call existence. There's nothing I could do that would make your life worse, you absolute abortion of a person.

"On Your Marks"

• The CMC are too busy staring at their asses to do anything- DWK remarks that now they know how he feels.
  • That could be taken a couple different ways, all disturbing, all hilarious.
• The (accurate) descriptions given of the CMC's goals:
  DWK: Scootaloo likes being an adrenaline junkie, Sweetie Bell likes finding new and more elaborate ways to be boring, and Apple Bloom likes desperately clinging to her rapidly dissolving childhood.
• He goes on two rants in this episode:
  • About Sweetie B's shitty scarf and how her relentless optimism, positivity, and sense of self-worth is unnatural.
  • And about how the CMC will grow apart and only meet up maybe once a year and get drunk and promise to stay in touch but never will and will feel guilty— or at least, that's his interpretation. Maybe she's thinking something else.
• DWK masturbates in front of people. We don't like it either.
• His assertion that everypony in Equestria having a purpose and the potential for a "fulfilling life" is what really makes it a fantasy world.

"Gauntlet Of Fire"

• DWK goes on a rant about why he loves Rarity for about one and a half minutes... only to realize it's a Spike episode and he just wasted a huge chunk of his time.
• Spike— and by extension, all dragons— is a cell phone.
  • They're also all "fuckin' retarded". (DWK, 2016)
• DWK explains just how stupid Garble is: he sits on a fake rock, and when the "rock" gives way under him, he doesn't seem to notice anything wrong with it. At that point, our narrator has had enough of him, throws off a few insults, and moves on.
  DWK: He sucks dicks and drinks jizz out of solo cups, and that's all that needs to be said.
• He uses Ember's presence to explain his viewpoint on pony anatomy, and dragons too. Apparently, everypony wears "genital cloaking devices" (and so do dragons) and the Dragon Lord Scepter is a dildo. Logically, it has to be modeled after something, right? Therefore, dragons have penises and vaginas.
  • By the way, this explanation goes on for at least another full minute.
• "Thanks for literally saving my life, but I don't like you or anything. (Beat.) Baka."
• Spike and Ember tell Garble that everyone knows he's a faggot and they're just making him act the part.
• In spite of him complaining it was a Spike episode, DWK finishes with a rant about why he admires Spike that's almost as impressive as the one about Rarity.
  DWK: I can never give Spike shit because I'm jealous of him. He looks at his life and says, "Sweet! This is perfect!" I look at my life and say, "Welp. Time to get drunk."

"No Second Prances"

• Starlight considers stepping on Angel Bunny to be a productive morning.
• Twilight showing off her giant bush. Vinyl likes it.
• The exchange when Starlight comes to actually talk about an issue:
  Twilight: You know dude. I don't even fucking care anymore.
  Starlight: Thanks, Twilight, you're an awesome teacher.
  Twilight: I know dude. I know.
• The moral is act crazy and you'll get laid. Sounds legit.

"Newbie Dash"

• Dash justifies taking Scootaloo out drinking with, "Don't worry, they got the little (glasses)!"
  • Scoots later remarks that she woke up in a urinal afterwards. Why? Who knows!
• Fluttershy tells Rainbow that all she has to do is not fuck up. Dash comes back later, announces she fucked up, and all Flutters can say is, "I called it man."
• Rainbow tries to be cool by imitating Michael Jackson and Billy Jean at the same time, winds up in the trash can, and makes Spitfire laugh so hard she has a seizure. Then Fleetfoot triggers Dash's PTSD. Because.
  • When Fleetfoot is nice to Dash later, she can only wonder how many prescription pills her fellow Wonderbolt is carrying around.
• Dash's friends give her careful, thought out advice. Her conclusion? Act like a crazy person!
  • Spitfire thinks that Dash is off her meds.
    Fleetfoot: Liiiithium.
• Spitfire saying that all the Wonderbolts are assholes, it's why they get along.
  Rainbow: You know Twilight, I finally realize something. I am an asshole! But it's okay, because I've found my people.

"A Hearthswarming Tail"

• He decides Octavia is drunk because she's directing Christmas carolers.
• And then there's him rewinding the show just to make sure the tree-top didn't go up Derpy's ass.
• Starlight discovered the internet; now she's an apathetic Know-Nothing Know-It-All and Twilight undergoes Cuteness Proximity from her naïveté.
  • Then she gets down to business and tells her a story to change her back to normal.
• He describes the Spirit of Hearthswarmings Yet To Come as a "horrifying Eldritch Abomination with the head of a waifu". (because it's Luna)
  • And the bad future is what would happen if people acted like they do on the internet.
• Starlight realizes what every brony already knows; that putting ponies in a story instantly makes it 200% better.

"Saddle Row Review"

• Coco Pommel's cold gets turned into a drug addiction, which she bails on Rarity last minute to get treatment for.
• Rarity's landlord was her supplier, and now he wants the Mane 6 to sell for him. Or else he'll sell his daughter into prostitution.
• Vinyl as much as admits she follows the Mane 6 around Equestria.
• "Dash is organizing potential employees from most to least angular... uh, nobody knows what the fuck Twilight is doing... and Fluttershy's just sitting in the middle of the room sobbing her eyes out and saying, 'I wanna go home' over and over again."
  • Twilight's solution is for them all to take some of the pills, because once they're high they'll have no trouble figuring out what to do next. Amazingly, it works.
• Rarity finds out a week later that her boss was arrested for drug running. When her friends explain what happened, all she can muster up is a quick, "Well that's... fucked."

"Applejack's 'Day' Off"

• It begins when Rarity says she'll use the menstrual blood of an alicorn virgin and a full moon to stop her face from melting. AJ asks if Twilight is a part of her scheme, to which Rarity emphasizes that she needs the blood of an alicorn virgin.
  • And then Aloe comes in and announces that Princess Luna is there to see her.
• AJ is convinced that the Ponyville Spa is evil, and she's right. It's haunted by parasitic ghosts (those things that look like towels, but they're totally not). However, what really convinces the others is the fact that Rainbow Dash is at the spa. She totally wouldn't be there unless she was possessed.
  • Hell, just the concept of using the white towels as ghosts is strangely hilarious.
  • And the washing machines are portals to the ghost dimension or whatever.
  • AJ uses her "southern charms" to banish the ghost, everyone gets a free exorcism massage, and Rarity has to get her soul waxed to rip out the demon she's been hosting.
    • And then Applejack starts complaining about how fucked up their lives have become. Rarity seems to admonish her, only to clarify that she was talking to the pony applying her facial mask. AJ is totally right.

"Flutter Brutter"

• He makes it seem like he's going to end the episode on the happy description of everybody's lives- he even says, "And then nothing bad happened, the end". The freaking theme music starts playing. And then he starts in on the real plot with Zephyr, Fluttershy's 'Lazy Hipster Dipshit' of a brother.
  • He lingers on the idea that at least one of Zephyr's bags is full of laundry that his mom is going to have to do.
  • Flutters tries to get their parents to see reason and they insist that "he's a creative type; he just needs some time". She fires back that he's just going to lay around, smoke pot, drink their wine, jack off, and post on 4chan. Probably all at the same time.
    • Her dad tries to look on the bright side. "At least it's not Reddit!"
  • Zephyr is hitting on Dash so hard DWK had to change the rating to TV-MA instead of TV-Y.
    • And then Dash's disinterest sparks up a new debate about her sexuality, which he's kind of tired of.
    • When Dash kick's Zephyr's ass later, DWK says he probably enjoyed it.
• Every single time DWK stumbles over the plot premise due to its familiarity and (relative) maturity.
  • At one point, he begs for a chance to fight Chrysalis again instead of dealing with the episode's plot.
  • In fact, he can barely finish the episode because he's too depressed over it. He calls out the show for changing and stumbled through the last few lines about how Zephyr fixes his life before ending on a picture of the ponies asking him to come join them in Equestria.
• Zephyr apparently has a Mane Therapy YouTube channel. With a hundred subscribers! And he's got a Patreon!
  Futtershy: You're getting a fucking job!
  • Fluttershy gets Rarity to help out. All Zephyr has to do is not fuck up. Fluttershy tells him, "Don't fuck up." So he fucks up.

"Spice Up Your Life"

• The season 5 finale gets retconned into Twilight searching the space-time continuum for a 9-volt battery after Starlight steals the one that powered the castle.
• The Three Laws of Glim:

  1. Can only appear in an episode if she is integral to the plot
  2. Must display some misconception about social interaction
  3. Must mention how evil she was at least once

  • Actually, we're good on number 3. Spike does it.
• He comments that all the restaurants serving the same shit are in fact serving shit.
• DWK fanboys over Saffron Masala as his next waifu- then slides into berating the animators for making it too easy for the porn artists.
  • He also gets hung up on whether or not Saffron and her dad's designs are racist. Then he decides that he's the racist one for thinking that way.
  • He likes the song... but it still feels racist.
• He freaks out when Zesty Gourmand appears, asserting that DHX has restored his faith, this one's a challenge.
  • He also labels her the illegitimate child of Tilda Swinton and Lord Voldemort, chucked through the portal during the Equestria Girls movie. He calls her Tildamort.
  • But she's something even worse than a dark lord: a professional critic.
  • When Zesty disses the food, Pinkie quotes The Big Lebowksi. You know which quote.
    • Later, when she returns and tells them off for eating at the restaurant:
      Random Pony 1: Well, Rarity said we could like it, and she's kinda famous, so we tried it, and it's fuckin' awesome! So, you know, choke on a dick!
      Random Pony 2: Yeah, if you don't wanna eat here, you can just go eat some dicks!
  • And finally, after the end, he suggests Tildamort X Miss Harshwhinney as a new ship. YMMV on whether that's Les Yay or No Yay.
• Rarity suggests that they just need someone else famous to shill the restaurant. Pinkie realizes something- Rarity's famous in Canterlot. Rarity replies with an absolutely adorable, "I know, right!"

"Stranger Than Fanfiction"

• His intro song is Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train".
  • And when Dash and Quibble start comparing costumes, he plays the first few lines of Bohemian Rhapsody.
  • And then when Quibble compliments her, a love song starts playing as Dash's eyes widen.
• Special mention for a caption: when he gets worked up about how the convention hall is a bit too realistic, it cuts away to Tree Hugger doing her breathing exercises, and reads [hippy horse noises]. With the brackets.
• He describes Dash and Quibble's day as a "whirlwind autism romance".
• In the midst of a rant about waifus and why we should all kill ourselves (so, the usual), DWK gets distracted by the Daring Do bondage pillow and is very distressed that such a thing exists in Equestria.
  DWK: Body pillows are not for people who are loved!
  • He decides that it means the show writers and the fandom are now one and the same. We are My Little Pony. Join us.
• He gets so worked up about how meta the episode is that he offers his soul up if it means this sort of thing will stop happening. Actually, its more like he tries forcing his soul.
• The lesson is that if you obsess over obscure bullshit nobody cares about, you'll go on an adventure with your waifu and find treasure. That is not paraphrased. That is actually what he says.
  DWK: I was going to kill myself after I finished making this video, but now I have hope!

"The Cart Before the Ponies"

• DWK explains the motivations for Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash when they take over the CMC's school project:
  DWK: Rarity wants to fix her childhood, AJ never had a childhood and doesn't think her sister should either, and Rainbow just... has to go fast.
• DWK is distracted by Cheerilee in a cheerleader costume and blowing a trumpet to start the race. He then makes several "horn-y" jokes before wondering if that's enough horn jokes, because he's got plenty more.
  DWK: Oh my goodness. Cheerilee-sensei, what are you trying to do to me?

"28 Pranks Later"

• Predictably, DWK exaggerates the hell out of the whoopie cushion joke.
• Pinkie is convinced to help counter-prank Rainbow Dash when she's told that the latter might be acting Out of Character, and will be reduced to a Flanderized parody of herself.
  Pinkie: May The Old Gods have mercy on our souls...
• Rainbow Dash calls the town out on terrorizing her with the idea that she killed everyone she knew and loved, and tops it off with pointing out that a prank that cruel is Out of Character for them. Everyone promptly has an existential breakdown, followed by the cheerful ending theme.

"The Times They Are a Changeling"

• Starlight gets drunk on the train and proceeds to hit on Spike, adding that Twilight would probably like to watch.
  DWK: And from that day forth, by the mandate of Princess Twilight, the Friendship Express was no longer allowed to serve hard liquor.
• While congratulating Spike on learning the "bros before hoes" lesson, Twilight lets slip some buried frustrations towards Candace.
  Twilight: It's not like you started fucking his brother and didn't tell him about it until the wedding. Now if you did something like that, he'd probably hate you forever, but who would be that much of a tool?

"Buckball Season"

• DWK being deliberately and pointedly vague about the rules of the sport in the episode.
  Applejack: The court is divided into right field and left field. As long as all of your skill at the game comes completely out of left field, you're doing it right.
• Rainbow Dash coaching Fluttershy on meme faces.
  Fluttershy: I refuse because meme faces are cancer.
  Rainbow Dash: Dude, that's nonsense. Does this look like cancer to you? [hold up her smug face from "Stranger Than Fanfiction"]

"The Fault in Our Cutie Marks"

• Upon seeing Gabby, Sweetie Belle suggests going somewhere else, because "griffons are shitty people".
  Apple Bloom: Dude, that's racist.
  Sweetie Belle: It's not racist if it's just fucking true!
• Gabby explains herself:
  Gabby: You ponies spread compassion like it's herpes or something, and I want you to to give me one of your tramp stamps so that I can find my purpose in life.
  Scootaloo: Dude, what kind of operation do you think we're running here? If you want a tattoo, go to a tattoo parlor! If you want a venereal disease, go see Vinyl Scratch.
  Gabby: Sorry dude, I used some bad analogies there, it's from being around griffons all the time, most of us are shitty people.
  Sweetie Belle: I fucking TOLD you Apple Bloom!

"Viva Las Pegasus"

• Applejack and Fluttershy are the most equipped for a mission in Las Pegasus because Rarity would go shopping and try to open a new boutique, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash would end up in the hospital, Twilight is distracted by shiny things, and Starlight's alcoholism would probably kill her.
• DWK is taken aback by how "the world's largest Chuck E. Cheese's" is owned by an Elvis impersonator pony.
  DWK: He's pony Elvis! Or "Pelvis", as I call him.

"Every Little Thing She Does"

• Starlight tries to find out who's Twilight's favorite friend by presenting her with a hypothetical Sadistic Choice of only being able to save one. Twilight insists she'd find a way to save everyone, which Starlight protests by saying that she can't expect the situation to work itself out like that.
  Twilight: Actually, my life works exactly like that, so blow me.
• When everyone is under Starlight's control:
  DWK: Oh, this is great! We have Pinkie Pie and her reality-bending spaghetti powers under the control of Starlight "gives-no-fucks" Glimmer!
• Starlight gives Applejack only one sentence to describe what happened in her family photos:
  Applejack: And so we buried our third sister under the hay pile in the back of the barn, and from that day on, Big Mac always locked his door at night, and never slept on his back again.
  Starlight: Okay, you can have one more sentence, give me some context on that one.
  Applejack: It's exactly what it sounds like.

"P.P.O.V. (Pony Point of View)"

• Pinkie Pie's recollection:
  Pinkie: First Rarity shows up, surrounded by seamen...
  Twilight: Wait, I'm sorry, what?!
  Pinkie: You know, men who sail around the sea, or whatever.
  Twilight: What the fuck are men?!

"Where the Apple Lies"

• "Wait, you tried to take hold of the farm by staging a coup?" "Hey! We don't use words with silent letters in this house!"

"Top Bolt"

• Rainbow Dash starts giving a speech about the difficulty of helping others with their personal problems, when suddenly:
  Misty Fly: Yo Dash, I know you just left, but come quick, Fleetfoot's got her head stuck in in the Dizzitron.
  Rainbow Dash: Don't worry, I'll be right there! We'll get her out!
  Misty Fly: No, I meant come watch, this shit's hilarious.

"To Where and Back Again"

• The team is assembling:
  (After learning Chrysalis kidnapped the rest of the cast of MLP to brain wash and start her own sitcom)
  Trixie: Oh god, no wonder this episode about us, there’s no one left!
  DWK: Oh look! Steve's (Thorax) back. And so is Discord.
  Discord: Oh fuck you, I don't feel like helping.
  Starlight: Dude, they stole your Waifu.
  Discord: (Immediately gets ready to go.)
  DWK: Discord you may be a dick, but you've got your priorities in order.
• Rainbow Dash asking what's a lesbian, as the very last line of the first season.

Season 7

"Celestial Advice"

• Discord warns Twilight that Starlight's completed character arc means she'll become The Artifact if she sticks around, or worse, a Flanderized plot device. In other words, Discord himself.
  Discord: It's a Fate Worse than Death!
• Spike solves the episode's problem by flipping the "Who is Smart Today?" switch in Twilight's direction.

"All Bottled Up"

• "It does not surprise me at all that Trixie can cause enough rage and disappointment to fill three people."

"A Flurry of Emotions"

• Baby Flurry Heart's ridiculously deep and demonic voice... which it isn't clear if anypony else can hear or not.
• Spike's "shooting Twilight with milk" scene getting turned into the logical, if disgusting, sex joke.
• The return of the "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Rock Solid Friendship"

• Maud's spiel about marrying Boulder and moving to Autism Chasm to raise their kids
  • Pinky tries to convince her to move to Ponyville and form a real family. Maud replies that their family is full of ponies with horrible personality disorders. It'd be better if she didn't have real kids.
• Maud continues comparing herself and Rarity, much to the latter's liver's distress.
  Rarity: Spike, please tell me you brought some vodka.
• DWK calling Starlight the main character. Doubly so because, well... it might just be... true.
• The fact that he completely cuts out the flashback interaction between Maud and Starlight and dismisses it as a dumb idea.
• Maud questioning if Starlight is a child molester, because kites are a kids' thing and obviously any adult interested in kids stuff is just a sex offender looking for new victims.
• "You wanna help me fly my big, gay kite?" "Fuck yes." (later) "That really is a big, gay kite."
  • "You think this one's big and gay? You should see the ten-foot-wide one I made in the shape of Trixie's ass. I'd show you, but I'm not allowed to fly it within the town limits anymore."
• "Look out guys, a rapist!" BOOM!
• Maud asks Starlight to help her redecorate. Starlight takes it as an invitation for sex, and tries to point out she's in a fairly committed relationship, until Maud bluntly corrects her. Then Starlight's all for it.

"Fluttershy Leans In"

• The opening, with DWK's pony OC acting like a passive episode reviewer. He immediately gets gunned down by Starlight. And his name is Clusterfuck.
  We Hardly Knew Ye, and didn't really want to.

"Forever Filly"

• Because of DWK's irrational hatred of Zipporwhill, after Rarity accidentally punches her in the head, he opts to pretend she died of inner cranial trauma and Apple Bloom and Scootaloo buried her body behind the clubhouse.
  I can't show you where it is, I'm sworn to secrecy.
  • He keeps insisting Zipporwhill died to the point where he completely excises the subplot where Apple Bloom and Scootaloo try to help her out with her dog, saying they were instead taking the day off.
• "Man, I think my sister's having an existential crisis..."
• Sweetie hopes that Scootaloo doesn't have to put up with someone she looks up to being unreasonable while a clip from the next episode totally doesn't play.
  I definitely hope it doesn't happen next week...
  Who's this bitch? (pointing to a "Next On" bumper on screen)
• Apple Bloom's solution for Rarity being unreasonable? Hitting her with a shovel and making her sleep outside. "That's how we do out on the farm."
• "You're not even 30 yet-" "Don't say that number!"
• Sudden location change / Don't ask me why.

"Parental Glideance"

• "Scootaloo, I think Rainbow Dash is rubbing off on you." "Yeah, she tried that once on Margarita Night, but I kicked her real hard, and she stopped."
• DWK acts like Scootaloo's head was cut off with a lawnmower and pretends to end the video early.
  I know I've done this joke before but I can't remember when so it doesn't count.
• Fleetfoot's bizarrely violent threats, including that she would make a suit out of the skin of Bow Hothoof and Windy Whistles, then fuck Rainbow Dash while wearing said suit.
• While Dash yells at her parents, she says "you two are sucking me off so hard, it probably qualifies as incest!"

"Hard to Say Anything"

• "There's only one reason a man would travel that far that many times. Pussy!"
• DWK telling Big Mac he has an obligation to sleep with Sugar Belle "for all of us who can't," turning it into a Rousing Speech to Big Mac.
  DWK: You cannot... no, you MUST not fuck this up! Because if you do, we are all of us damned!
• Sugar Belle after hearing Feather Bangs' song: "You Justin Bieber motherfucker! You must be a goddamn pedophile because no one over 14 would wanna fuck you after hearing that shit!"
• Replaying Sugar Belle's line about "cream pies" over and over prompts DWK to comment that the joke writes itself.

"Honest Apple"

• Applejack points out that even Pinkie Pie thinks Rarity's idea is terrible, which means she must have fucked up.

"A Royal Problem"

• Luna's attempt to do Celestia's role in the day is condensed into a quick montage of Luna's screw-ups, with Luna becoming increasingly frazzled:
  Luna: Dude, this is gonna be so easy! All I have to do is smile and talk to people. [one second later] Oh, fuck, I forgot: I can't smile and I hate people! I - agh - how do scissors work? I can't - I - fuck! Roses!? I - how do I stand in a place? Fuck! Shit! My face doesn't work! FUCK! SHIT!
• Apparently, Celestia was a Hard-Drinking Party Girl in her youth to the point it's become an Old Shame. And Daybreaker is the personification of her old Facebook account that she failed to delete and demands she start being "alpha" again.

"Discordant Harmony"

• "Why would you want a sentient piñata at your party when you're gonna beat it to death with a bat and eat its guts?"

"Fame and Misfortune"

• DWK opening the video with the caption "I fucking hate all of you" over images of Rarity's breakdown, saying that he'll quit forever, then asking the viewer to subscribe to his channel.

"Triple Threat"

• A caption relating to Starlight's Only Sane Man tendencies in this episode:
  "I hate to say it, but you know shit's bad when Little Miss Mind Rapist is the most reasonable person in our outfit."
• DWK updates his Running Gag of the "sane switch" between Twilight and Spike by adding Starlight, calling it a "Three-Way Axis of Retardation." After struggling to come up with a way of visually representing it, he finally puts all of their faces on a fidget spinner.
• As Starlight is explaining the differences between her cutie mark and Twilight's, she adds "did you know that sometimes a flash can come in the end of a sparkle?" Twilight immediately declares that she hates Starlight and is never letting her near the mirror again. Before the next scene, there's a quick image overlay of Sunset Shimmer with the caption "Revenge Complete."
• Steve says that Ember reminds him of his mom: confident, intimidating, and... sexy. Ember is immediately grossed out.

"To Change a Changeling"

• The musical number, which coincides with Starlight and Trixie going on a meth high.
  You guys asked for more music
  This is your fault
  Don't do meth BTW.

"Daring Done?"

• Aside from Rainbow Dash setting a terrible example for fans when it comes to fan/creator relationships, she also accidentally clues in A.K. Yearling on the fact that she bought a Daring Do body pillow.
  Rainbow Dash: I only own it ironically, and snuggle it sarcastically.
  A.K. Yearling: And what, hump it facetiously?
• Either way, DWK looks at A.K. Yearling's life, and realizes that Rainbow Dash, a Loony Fan who she sees a few times a year, is her closest friend.

"It Isn't the Mane Thing About You"

• The lesson Rarity tries to teach is undercut by her breaking Davenport's legs.
  Rarity: It's part of the lesson. Self-actualization, healthy relationships, and sometimes, breaking people's legs.

"A Health of Information"

• Twilight is out of the loop on how lethal swamp AIDs is, but when she does learn, she fixes the problem in the most bee-lethal way possible.

"Secrets and Pies"

• The conversation between Pinkie and Gummy, especially the voice DWK gave the latter.

"Uncommon Bond"

• Sunburst blowing off Starlight to hang out with Twilight also has him adding that Twilight is a more developed version of Starlight.
• Maud explains that when her anxiety is too much for her and she feels like choking the life out of the next person she sees, she uses the mirror pool. Then she advises Starlight to not throw the bodies back in when she's done.
  Maud: Wraiths are hard to kill.

Season 8

"The Maud Couple"

• "Everything about him makes me happy." —Maud Pie
  Category: Things no woman will ever say about you, 1000 points.
• After Limestone's epic "Reason You Suck" Speech to Pinkie, the main thing Pinkie learns is that Limestone is a 35-year-old virgin.

"Fake It 'Til You Make It"

• Rarity's murder of Zipporwhill comes back to bite her in the form of a gypsy hex that uses possessed clothing to drag customers down to Tartarus if the shop closes before 6:00 PM (or 4:30 PM on Sundays).
• As DWK puts it, Fluttershy makes a Deal with the Devil's Prada and uses the possessed clothing to get past her shyness and run the boutique.
• The raccoons watch in horror as the possessed fedora makes Fluttershy speak in the demonic tongues known as Valley Girl.

"The Parent Map"

• DWK begins his usual waifu lust when he sees Stellar Flare, and then she starts talking and he realizes she's just like his own mother.
• When the friendship problem is finally resolved, Starlight and Sunburst bail with the promise of seeing their parents again during Hearthswarming.
  Stellar Flare: Don't expect gifts.

"The Mean 6"

• DWK does not hide his joy over Chrysalis having her own episode.
• When Chrysalis talks to the trees with pictures of the Mane Six on them, DWK welcomes her to the brony club.
• Mean Twilight points out that since Chrysalis didn't make a Mean Starlight, that must mean Chrysalis herself is the Starlight of their group.

"Horse Play"

• The episode is done in rap. Enough said.

"A Matter of Principals"

• By pairing Gallus and Silverstream, Twilight ends up looking like a racist and the Mane Six are forced to go to sensitivity training.
• DWK wonders how long it would take anyone to notice that Starlight with a shoddily worn Twilight wig isn't actually Twilight.
• In a blatant show of nepotism, Starlight uses her government connections to get Trixie out of jail and gives her a cushy teaching job.

"On the Road to Friendship"

• "Stixie is a way better name than 'Startrix'. It sounds cooler and - just like the ferry that carries the dead across the river Styx - this ship always goes to hell."
• Granny Smith nearly dies from one of Trixie's shows, which causes the Apple family to sue her and get her another prison charge. Thus, this episode is about Trixie and Starlight going on the run.
  • In the end, Trixie would rather be in prison than fight with Starlight, so she agrees to go to jail on criminal negligence. Also kidnapping, when she realizes that the old stallion is still in her trunk.

"A Rockhoof and a Hard Place"

• DWK solves the problem by having Twilight explain to Professor Fossil that Rockhoof should be allowed to keep his stuff from his own house that he just dug up. And then, just like in "Flutter Brutter", the rest of the episode happens.
• DWK explains that Yona by herself makes up for his grievances with the Young Six's existence, but he'd like it if the show would stop trying to kill her.

"Sounds of Silence"

• Applejack is confused by the Kirin being called a group.
  Applejack: A group? Like a musical group?
  Twilight: No.
  Applejack: A news group?
  Twilight: No.
  Applejack: A financial group?
  Twilight: No, dude, look—
  Applejack: A performance arts group?
  Twilight: Look, I'm just trying not to say the word "Race", okay? It's not PC enough anymore.
  Applejack: So an ethnic group.
• Upon entering the Kirin village:
  Applejack: What up sluts, we of the pony master race have graced your primitive society with our presence, so that we may alleviate any social problems that your inferior brains are unable to solve.
• Instead of a vow of silence, the Kirin forgot how to speak because they spent too much time on the internet. Also, when they flame each other online, they catch on fire in real life. Rain Shine tried to unplug the router when this became apparent, but there were too many wires, so she couldn't figure out the right one.

"Best Gift Ever"

• Upon seeing Flim and Flam's dolls, Applejack goes on a rant about corporations sucking the life out of holidays by exploiting emotions and traditions. She and Fluttershy are then represented with their toy counterparts and feel some cognitive dissonance.
• Not even Derpy/Muffins knows why she's the one running the post office. She's never seen anyone else work there.
• Twilight's infamous pudding face is treated as a sneeze, and a symptom of cancer.
• The reindeer use datamining to find the best gift for everyone, which means they know everyone's search history. And so, on Pinkie Pie's request, Alice goes to check Twilight's...
  Alice: What's a human penis?
• The meme pudding is defeated by alcohol, because alcohol is acidic, and the memes are basic, thus they cancel each other out. It's science!

"School Raze"

• DWK spends all of part one hoping that Cozy Glow is secretly Chrysalis in disguise.
• Chancellor Neighsay is not only racist, he's attracted to dragons. When Cozy deposes him, she leaves a picture of Ember for him to stare at.
• Cozy Glow has Out-Gambitted everyone and pretty much won, but makes the mistake of shit-talking the Tree of Harmony. As revealed in "The Mean Six" and "What Lies Beneath", the Tree will respond horribly if you piss it off, and thus it completely ruins her plans in a second. It could have done so at any time, but only cared enough when Cozy insulted it.
• Cozy Glow's tragic backstory: she doesn't have a tragic backstory. She's evil, has no real reason to be, and is painfully aware of it.
  Cozy Glow: So I decided that if the world wouldn't give me a tragic backstory, I'll make my own.

Season 9

"The Beginning of the End"

• The royal sister's retirement totally has nothing to do with Luna finally getting her own throne. Also, Celestia's incompetence has always been to test Twilight's ability to handle threats to the kingdom. Totally.
• Rainbow Dash overthrows DWK's top five ponies (Rarity, Sunset, Starlight, Luna, and Twilight) when she points out that Celestia and Luna have rarely helped the Mane Six save Equestria.
• Sombra's Camp Gay lisp. Sure, he could easily use a baritone, but he feels inauthentic whenever he does.
• Grogar is a goat, because when it comes to villains, he's the Greatest Of All Time.
• Grogar's explanation for why the villains always get defeated has one too many dick metaphors.
  Grogar: One dick can't defeat six chicks! We need to put our dicks together!
  Sombra: This sounds like a few parties I've been to.
• Pinkie Pie suggests that Celestia is giving Twilight her throne before Twilight gets sick of her and decides to take it herself.
• Discord's explanation for how Sombra defeated him: He's been yeeted.
  Discord: It's internal yeeting! I think my liver's failing. Look how yellow my eyes are.
  • And then Celesita reminds Twilight that "Acute Liver Yeetosis" is not a thing.

"Sparkle's Seven"

• The Crown of the Goodest Boy: the reason why Twilight is OCD, fears disappointing her authority figures, and hasn't had chicken tenders in over ten years.
• "Nuggies are for the dishonored!" —Twilight Sparkle
• Zephyr gets off of Rainbow Dash's case by concluding she's a lesbian. Rainbow accepts it to get rid of him, but complains to Rarity later.
  Rainbow Dash: Do I have gay hair or something?
• Spike finally wins the crown... which makes Twilight and Shining realize how juvenile the competition is. If you're a younger sibling, you're probably very much relating to Spike at that moment.
  Spike: I finally win, and suddenly, it doesn't even matter.

"Common Ground"

• "The cruelest lie you can tell a child is that their feelings matter." —Rainbow Dash
• Rainbow Dash agrees to help Quibble Pants, on the condition that he admits that the new Daring Do books are good.
  • Quibble gets her back when he cons her out on a bet, and demands 40% interest when she can't pay him right away. This is what gets Wind Sprint to like him. And then he says that the new Daring Do books suck anyway.

"She's All Yak"

• Yona approaches Rarity for advice:
  Yona: Rarity, you're the best pony, right?
  Rarity: [smug face] Well, I don't like to brag or anything...
  Yona: Teach me, Senpai.
  Rarity: Teach you what?
  Yona: I'm going to the dance, how do I not humiliate myself?
  Rarity: Darling, famididoodad, just be yourself. It'll be fine.
  Yona: With a date.
  Rarity: Oh god no, you can't be yourself!
• Rarity's plan is to turn Yona into good waifu material. Yona is uncomfortable, because she's only fifteen.
  Applejack: That's when we marry 'em off on the farm!
  Yona: Why aren't you married, then?
  Applejack: I run too fast and I kick too hard.
  Pinkie Pie: I'm never gonna get married. That would be dumb!
  [fade to silence, followed by an omen of the old gods destroying everyone's headcanons]

"Student Counsel"

• Starlight worries that Trixie will be a bad influence of the students. One thing leads to another, and Starlight believes Silverstream went to find a cockatrice to get stoned.
• Mudbriar being turned to stone is the best thing to happen to his and Maud's sex life.

"Going to Seed"

• The Great Seedling is called the chupapplecabra in DWK's continuity.
• The running gag of everyone but Applejack being able to see through her Transparent Closet.
• Applejack checks the internet for information on the chupapplecabra, and finds more than she bargained for.
  Applejack: You guys, I am so sorry I didn't believe you. The chupapplecabra is real.
  Granny Smith:: Wait, hold on just a second.
  Applejack: Not only that. The government is covering it up, the internet says so.
  Granny Smith: Applejack, our point was that Apple Bloom should have fun, not that this shit's actually real. Also, aren't you best friends with, like, the government?
  Applejack: It's not just that. I kept reading, and I learnt other true shit, too. The Wonderbolts are spraying chemicals in the atmosphere, Celestia and Luna are actually lizard ponies, the Earth is flat, the cake is a lie, and our entire reality, even our thoughts and voices, is an animated simulation created by interdimensional puppeteers called Canadians!
• "Dear Princess Celestia,
  This week, I learned that conspiracy theories are like fairy tales for adults. They can be a lot of fun, but don't take them too seriously, or your geriatric relative might step in a steel jaw trap, shatter her leg, and almost bleed to death overnight.
  Also, people can just go on the internet and lie. Can you do something about that?
  Your humble subject, Applejack.
  PS: You're not a lizard, right?"
  Luna: Which one's Applejack again?
  Celestia: Cowboy hat, says lots of words wrong.
  Luna: Oh right. You know, she dreams about fucking the rainbow one a lot.