Funny / Killjoys

BEWARE OF SPOILERS.

Season 1

1 - Bangarang

• This exchange between Johnny and the goon who is torturing him:
  John: That ship was an H-class frigate with top-line sat link security. And yeah, I took that bitch right from under ya. So ask yourself. If I’m that good, would I really be working alone? Or do I have a well-armed team who at any minute are gonna come through that door—
  Scree: Oh, you mean her? (Another goon drags a struggling Dutch in.)
  John: ...Shit.
• A mook threatens to rape Dutch when something starts to rise up from between her legs to everyone's surprise and disgust. Turns out it's a concealed blaster.
  Dutch: My eyes are up here.
• When Johnny is piloting into the Prisoner Intake Facility.
  Lucy: I nag because I care.
• Johnny is acting a little out-of-character, of which Dutch has been expressing her worries to Pree, the bartender. Pree's response? "Dutch, you work together, live together, do everything but sleep together. And you’re worried that he wants a little time apart. Bitch, how charming do you think you are?"
• This exchange between Dutch and Lucy...
  Dutch: Did he just block me?
  Lucy: Affirmative.
  Dutch: Oh, hell no! Lucy, override that. Let me know when you reconnect his com. Tell him I'm coming to kick his ass.
  Lucy: Understood. Ass-kicking imminent.
• Later, at the garden party:
  John: Unless the target is my partner's ass, do me a favor and keep surveilling.
• Johnny thinks finding a rogue Scarback in a crowd of rich Qreshi is going to be easy. Cue the entrance of several Scarbacks.
  John: Aw, hells. Dutch, we got half the church here, you clocking this?
  Dutch: Yep. [...] Tell me when you've ID'd the target.
  John: Using what, my psychic powers?

2 - The Sugar Point Run

• After catching a thief at the start of the episode, Dutch and Johnny are sorting through the thief's gear. Johnny is telling Dutch that she cut it to close, which leads to this exchange:
  Johnny: And bribing me with Sleazoid's gear, that, uh, that's not gonna make up for it.
  Dutch: Copy that: No buying of love.
  [Johnny pulls a plasma blowtorch out of a bag and turns it on. He grins at Dutch.]
  Johnny: Peace torch accepted.
  Dutch: Yeah, I know what you like.
• Our first look at Johnny's relationship with Lucy.
• John is in the middle of a fight with a guy who outweighs him by fifty pounds or more:
  Lucy: John, you sound distressed. May I help?
  • A second later:
  Johnny: Big balls, big target.
• D'Avin starts a fight with a flash grenade that blinds everyone but him (he had special glasses). While he's killing all the gang members by himself, Dutch is able to lead the hostage out, shooting enemy guards the whole way.
  D'Avin: Eyes?
  Dutch: Actually you blinded me; I can see again now. Mostly.
  D'Avin: You memorized the whole layout? Where the hell did you train?
  Dutch: Let's just say I was homeschooled.
  D'Avin: Well you missed a pretty impressive skills display.
  Dutch: It sounded awesome.
• At the end, Johnny pulls a Big Damn Heroes.
  John: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your social director. Those of you not wishing to be blasted into a gooey mist, please step away from your firearms.

3 - The Harvest

• After D'avin takes the Killjoys' oath:
  Johnny: I swore that I wouldn't cry.
  • A second later, D'avin's completely deadpan "Do I outrank you?"
• Dutch's way of stopping a bar brawl.
  Dutch: I have a headache, a badge, and a gun. Behave.
• Johnny has hired a prostitute, and she keeps trying to actually have sex with him while he's uninterested.
  Noa: You know if you just want to talk—
  John: You charge the same, I know. That's good.
• Dutch finds it weird that Johnny is friends with everyone he sleeps with.

4 - Vessel

• Dutch has finished ranting about the Nine being a bunch of "inbred, fascist nobles who think that just because they run The Company they run the Quad" to her partners and handler. Then she notices the expensive perfume coming from Bellus' office.
  Kendry: Forgive me. I may have sprayed it on a bit thick. My sense of smell's a tad...inbred.
• D'avin, seemingly being the obvious choice to persuade the women to cooperate, being handsome, masculine, and well built goes the other way around when the time comes. He marshals his powers as an older sibling as they start squabbling, and to the astonishment of both Dutch and Johnny, they listen. Neither thought he'd take the time to even learn their names, but he learned well enough to big brother at them.

5 - A Glitch in the System

• Early on, John insists that Lucy doesn't play favorites, which Lucy confirms. Later, as Dutch is stuck in an airlock with Lucy insisting that she has to go through quarantine, Dutch says that John will die. Cue the airlock opening.
  Dutch: Favorites, my arse! I'm taking over, you mechanical bitch!

6 - One Blood

• Pawter Simms (the doctor) gets a high ranking Company official drunk so she can access the internal network on his datapad - but it needs biometric authentication. She ends up exasperatedly trying his fingers and eyes, before finally his breath is what works.

7 - Kiss, Kiss, Bye Bye

• The little hate-flirt between Dutch and Kendry while the former is sitting in jail:
  Kendry: I snap and you come.
  Dutch: You must be quite the snapper.
• D'avin and Dutch have just had sex:
  D'avin: We're awesome at this whole sex thing, by the way. (raises hand)
  Dutch: (lifts her hand to slap his) Are you naked high-fiving me right now?
• Johnny is pretty squicked out after he caught his teammates having sex with each other. Why's that funny? Because to him it's as if his brother was banging his sister.

8 - Come the Rain

• Lucy is disabled by a machine built by John, and Dutch and D'avin are forced to answer, truthfully, a series of personal questions. When it gets to the question, "Dutch, do you trust D'avin?", Dutch is stuck because she doesn't know the truth herself. Lucy is slowly drifting into Westerley's atmosphere because she is disabled and they can't bring her back online until Dutch provides a truthful answer to John's question. Until they both decide "screw it" and break the machine instead. Cue Lucy instantly coming back online.

Season 2

1 - Dutch and the Real Girl

• A small sphere rolls down the hall and stops next to some guards...
  Lucy: "Hello. You might want to run in five, four—oops." *bomb explodes*
• Pree's response to Johnny and Dutch's shock that he had a criminal past: "Oh, like you don't have skeletons!"
• Pree and Johnny infiltrate Eulogy as a married couple, and they snipe at each other appropriately. John even gets a heated response from some hardened criminals when he insult's Pree's mother, indeed proving that even bad guys love their mamas.
  Goon: You don't disrespect your man's mother. What's wrong with you?
  • Pree keeps it up after their cover is blown:
  Pree: (during a firefight) I am divorcing you and taking all your imaginary money!
• Dutch's comeback game apparently needs a little work. Even the cyborg she's trying to rescue thinks so...
  Goon: You don't try and rob a thief, lady!
  Dutch: Oh yeah?! You don't try and kill a Killjoy, dick!
  Clara: (completely deadpan) Wow. Your game needs work...

2 - Wild Wild Westerley

• Pree's rap sheet gets projected on the detention wall surrounding Old Town when the team requests access.
  D'avin: On what planet were you a warlord?
• Johnny's reaction to said wall.
  John: Forgive me, I'm aroused.
• The ongoing saga of Gared, Old Town thug who stole Pree's bar. Over the course of the episode he gets his ass kicked by Dutch, Pawter, and Pree, and he never seems to get the message.
• Pawter's complete non-reaction to the horribly-desiccated remains of prisoners that the Killjoys bring to her to examine.
  Pawter: Yesterday I saw someone carrying his own intestines. But if it makes you feel any better: Ew. Mummies. So messed up.

3 - Shaft

• When asked why a Killjoy team would be sent to find the remains of a Scarback monk, Alvis quips that they were very recyclable. The way he delivers his answer just sells it.
• Johnny's description of the mossipedes is...unhelpful, to say the lease.
  John: "Well, for starters, it looks like an angry vagina."

5 - Meet the Parents

• Johnny endures a Qreshi dinner ritual, which involves gongs, flowery oaths, warbling flute music and a very complicated system of sitting and standing at the appropriate time. He gets visibly more irritated every time he messes up.
• D'avin and Khlyen swap bodies, and Luke Macfarlane and Rob Stewart clearly have a ball doing their best impressions.

6 - I Love Lucy

• Pree is talking in another language to one of his contacts:
  Pree: Thanks Mrgly. May you cut off Death's balls.

• Lucy gains an android body, and has a great time kissing Johnny (to 'gather sensory data') and firing a gun for the first time.
  Lucy: [gleefully takes a shot at the pursuing androids] Yay!

• D'avin's reaction to making a photonic crystal float using Plasma.
  D'avin: "I AM A WIZARD."

8 - Full Metal Monk

• Jelco’s response to Pawter coming to free Johnny from the Spring Hill compound.
  Jelco: How sweet. I do love a reunion, it’s like a divorce in reverse.
• Pawter and Johnny go to their meet location, which Pawter insists she can handle. Then she gets startled and leaps back.
  Pawter: That was a *regal* scream.
• Pawter and Johnny analyze the wares of Carl, "King of Contraband" in search of any toxins. They find all the rations contain are vegetables, gluten, and rat meat. Carl promptly vomits in disgust...because of the gluten.
• D'avin is trying to use his influence over the plasma to calm down a centuries-old monk. He's unimpressed with Alvis' spiritual advice.
  Alvis: Be at peace!
  D'avin: He's fighting me!
  Alvis: Well, fight him with peace!
  D'avin: You are terrible at this!
• Jelco visits the Royale and finds Johnny and Pawter, who are under the influence of the wall.
  Jelco: How adorable. Like two demented, helpless little puppies. I could watch them all day.
• The scene itself is a bit of Nightmare Fuel, but also darkly funny is Pawter and Johnny making dopey jokes while everyone around them discusses the evil plan to turn Westerlyns into docile workers.
  John: [loudly whispering] He has a gun!
  Pawter: Heehee, yours is bigger.

9 - Johnny Be Good

• Lucy mixes metaphors, probably on purpose.
  John: Lucy...put on your analysis pants.
  Lucy: I don't wear pants.
  John: I know, I...
  Lucy: I am a spaceship, John.
• Pawter and Dutch are paid a visit by Jelco in his office.
  Jelco: You. Of course it’s you. Cherry on my day.
  Dutch and Pawter, together: I think he means me.

• Later, Johnny tries to bluff a company computer.
  Computer: Hello, I am Julian, the administration matrix for Springhill. You appear to be looking for a way into one of our power generators.
  Johnny: Hey there, little buddy, we're just looking to bypass a blown power conduit.
  Computer: That's odd. I don't see a blown power conduit. [Johnny inserts something into the computer] Oh. There it is.
  Johnny: Yeah, it's probably fastest to turn over all manual controls to me for repairs, huh?
  Computer: That would appear to be the most efficient solution.
  Johnny: [to D'avin] See? Computers love me.
  Computer: Except that Springhill is in the middle of a company mandated, systemwide changeover.
  Johnny: Whoa, whoa, changeover? Since when?
  Computer: So you will need a decaset-encrypted access code if you wish to proceed further. Which you would know if you really belonged here. Unless you think I'm stupid. [Beat] Do you think I'm stupid?

10 - How to Kill Friends and Influence People

• Dutch has just noticed something about the scarback "Bible": The holes don't quite all line up.
  Dutch: [rips out pages] [off Alvis's shocked expression] Sorry. Genocide before iconography.
• D'Avin and Fancy can't stop bickering.
  D'avin: You're a Six, not a ten.
• After being pinned down in a firefight, D'Avin suddenly remembers that Fancy, as a Six, can survive and recover from any injury short of instant brain death. Cue Reluctant Human Shield moment.

Season 3

1 - Boondoggie

• Johnny gets a hackmod installed which is essentially a finger-mounted lightsaber. How is that funny? Said mod is called a fingerbanger.
  • Bonus points for the first time he turns it on: a tiny little 2" long beam of light comes out. His response? "I AM THE GREATEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED."
• When Dutch and D'av are attempting to enlist the help of a spoiled Qreshi rich kid...by kidnapping him. Suffice to say his bodyguards have something to say about that...
  Dutch: in response to a knife thrown in her direction by a towel-clad bodyguard) Ew! Where were you hiding that?!
  • Then later, a crowd is gathering around them and D'avin has to play a little "nothing-to-see-here."
  D'avin: Hi. How are ya? New treatment. Very aggressive. Deep muscle...fracking.
• Lucy is asked to relay a message to Dutch and D'avin and she complies...verbatim.
  Lucy: (completely deadpan) Holy crap, I'm the best. I did it. Tell those shitbirds I did it. Wait, don't call them shitbirds. Hey, what's the story with the hot one? The girl hot one...is she seeing anybody?

2 - A Skinner, Darkly

• This exchange between Olli and Niko:
  Niko: You must be Olli. Or is it Clara?
  Olli/Clara: It's "Bitch, you have got to be joking if you think you're gonna take me with that little shit-stick."

3 - The Hullen Have Eyes

• When John is told by his new boss to lose the fingerbanger on his hand:
  John: Oh, you...you mean this one? (gives his boss the fingerbanger)

• John isn't all that impressed with being replaced with Zeph.
  John: I came back to team, not to teach. So if she wants to stay, it'll take some big moves to impress me.
  (cue Zeph suddenly opening up a previously unopenable Hullen ship)
  D'avin: Whoa! What'd you do?
  Zeph: I guess I opened it?
  John: Yay...

4 - The Lion, The Witch & the Warlord

• How does Pree smooth things over with Lachlan? Lots and lots of sex.

5 - Attack the Rack

• Dutch and D'av are hiding in a closet, waiting for the RAC commander they've come to kidnap to finish having sex with a prostitute. They become so uncomfortable with what was happening on the other side of the closet that they quickly decide to cut the fun a little short and bust out with their guns out...only to find that the RAC commander wasn't so much screwing the girl he was with, but rather the girl was screwing him...doggy style.
  • To top it all off, Dutch then tips the girl.
  Dutch: She did all the work!
  Prostitute: Thank you!

6 - Necropolis Now

• Aneela and Seyah Kendry have just finished having sex, when Kendry notices that a servant was in the room with them and has been there the whole time. Watching. Kendry decides she's into it.

• The muzak. Dear god, the muzak.

• After Pawter's death and Kendry's (supposed) death, the rest of the Nine decide a little self-protection is in order and have armed themselves accordingly...with sticks, dessert forks and combs.

7 - The Wolf You Feed

• "I Zephed all over his Jaqobis. I Zephed on it hard."

• Gared likes puppies and their hardcore cuddles. He likes them so much that he even knits little sweaters for them. And what makes that funnier is that he's telling D'avin this as if they're having a moment.

• Zeph again:
  Zeph: I think I get racist when I'm bleeding out...

• This exchange between Dutch and John during a flashback of the day they met...at gunpoint:
  John: Hi. Johnny Jaqobis, lover of ships.
  Dutch: Yala Yardeen, killer of men.
  John: (nonchalantly) Yup. Yours is better. Yeah...

8 - Heist Heist Baby

• Johnny discovers that there is a frequency beyond human perception that can disrupt Hullen ships, and proposes to weaponize this frequency.
  D'avin: You need a giant vibrator.
  Johnny: For Science! Also for pleasure. But science first.
• Dutch, D'av, and Johnny's carefully-crafted plan to steal the sonic is hijacked by Jelco, "the STD of villains".
• Speaking of Jelco, he is now the third wife of a Westerly frontier mayor. Yes. Wife. Not husband. Wife. And he's totally into it.
  D'avin: The way she treats you?
  Jelco: Well, if you think that's bad, you've never seen a Company year-end review. At least with Borna, after the berating and the punching, there's cuddles. And then more punching, the sexy kind.
• Dutch, Johnny and D'avin plan to get a driver somewhere quiet to they can scan his retinas. Dutch tries to seduce him...no dice. John tries to seduce him...still no dice. Turns out the driver is into guns, alright, just not the kind they were thinking of. Cue D'avin and his big gun.
  Driver: Sweet package.
• "You touch my junk, I touch yours!"
• Shortly after a very pregnant Kendry is awakened from stasis and kills a half-dozen Black Root guards, she has this exchange with Aneela. Really, they've only slept together once and already it's like they're a married couple. An expecting couple, at that!
  Kendry: I feel strong...and hungry.
  [...]
  Aneela: Do you want to go and torture Gander for a bit?
  Kendry: Mmm-hmm.
  Aneela: Okay. Let's go and torture Gander for a bit.
  Kendry: Like, a lot of torture.
  Aneela: Oh, as much as you want.
  Kendry: ...And ice cream.

9 - Reckoning Ball

• D'avin is looking for a way to implant false memories into the Plasma in order to lay some bait down for Aneela, so he enlists the help of Pippin, the Qreshi who helped the gang back in episode one. Pippin is more than happy to help...and takes D'av to a, quote, "VR circle jerk" for the equipment he needs to do the mnemonic nasty with the green.
  Pippin: Also, technically, it's "circle jack." Also, I wouldn't touch anything.
  • Whats more, the...proprietor thinks Pippin is there for his porn. His BDSM mommy porn.
  Pippin: (to a smirking D'av) Yeah, like you aren't into some weird shit, too.
  • Also, the fact that they're in a porn store getting what they need to implant the false memories means that they're going to be doing it...with a sex toy.
• The look on Pree's face when he finds out the old drunk he'd been serving drinks to all day is his future mother-in-law.
• After D'avin gets rid of their Hullen prisoner (by way of the airlock) and is throwing shade at Pippin for crashing Lucy, knocking her offline and telling said Hullen prisoner what they had planned for her. Lucy comes to Pippin's defense, telling D'av that Pippin asked Lucy to play dead until the others came up with a plan...but let's just say that Pippin doesn't know when to shut up.
  Lucy: And Pippin even continued his ruse by telling the Hullen intruder that if she did kill you and Dutch, he was open to negotiation.
  Pippin: (nervously) Thank you. Lucy, that's fine!
  Lucy: But it was difficult to follow this part, as he was weeping uncontrollably at the time.

10 - Wargasm

• The episode's Punny Name, for starters.

• This also doubles as a Heartwarming Moment, but D'avin (somehow) managed to get his brother two-hundred acres of Leithian farm land...complete with robot goats. Cue excited squee from John at the robot goats.

• While the gang are all aboard Lucy, staring down Aneela's flagship. You know how they say that size doesn't matter? Well...it's something that Dutch and Pippin can agree on, at least.
  Dutch and Pippin: (at the same time) Nobody says that.

• "Sorry. Is this a private party, or are gingers welcome?"

• While Aneela is trying to kill Johnny, Lucy subjects her to some high-pitched warbling which Aneela really doesn't enjoy hearing. And that was "just the tip."

• Delle Seyah and the Jaqobis brothers are riding the space elevator to the Scarback necropolis, where Dutch and Aneela were currently trying to kill each other...cue what is quite possibly the most awkward conversation in the entire series:
  D'avin: (understandably curious about how Delle Seyah is carrying his child) So...we didn't, like, do it, did we?
  Kendry: (very disgusted by the idea) Please. I'd still be washing. And...you'd remember.
  D'avin: So where are you on circumcision?
  John: (feeling uncomfortable with how the conversation is even happening) Please stop...
  D'avin: You thought about names? How do you feel about apostrophes?
  Kendry: Guards...if he keeps talking to me, fry his face.
  D'avin: Fine! Fathers have rights. That's all I'm saying.
  John: Yeah...
  • Then D'avin turns around just in time to see one of Delle Seyah's guards switching on her shock stick.

• This entire scene is probably Turin at his finest:
  Turin: (surrounded by Hullen soldiers) Are you gonna kill me or give me the big green enema? 'Cause if you want to Hullenize me, I'm into it. See what all the fuss is about.
  (Turin puts down his gun, appearing to surrender)
  Turin: I do have a few questions, though. One, does it hurt? Two, do I get to keep my hair? And three...
  (pulls out the genetic bomb from the bag he was carrying)
  Turin: How stupid are you?
  Hullen Soldier: (dripping with sarcasm) Oh, no, watch out! He has a pepper grinder! What next? You toss our salad?
  Turin: I don't think that means quite what you think it means, 'cause this little baby means, "Kiss your ass goodbye!" These are good people here. My people. You messed with the wrong RAC.
  (Turin pulls the trigger on the genetic bomb...and it does absolutely nothing)
  Turin: Ah, shit!

• While bombs are going off around Pree and Gared, Pree's first thought is, "Wait, who's minding the bar?"

• Turin again, while he's trading barbs with Gander:
  Turin: Okay, last question, promise. Do I get my own Hullen name, or do you all go by "Shitbag"?
  Gander: Your sense of humor is the first thing we'll cure.
  Turin: Damn. I was really hoping it'd be the herp. I got a really powerful case. You know how it is.

• Awkward space elevator conversation, round two!
  D'avin: So, about baby names...
  Kendry: (pleading with John) Oh, you need to kill me again, please.
  D'avin: I've always liked, "Michelle." It's bossy, but it means well. Do you have a birthing plan? Doula? I know a guy. What about the sex? Do you even want to know about the sex? I don't want to know about the sex.
  Kendry: Okay. I don't want guns in my house.
  D'avin: How involved will Aneela be as a parent?
  Kendry: Very.
  D'avin: Yeah, I don't know if that's gonna work out very—
  Kendry: That's okay. I don't care.

Season 4

1 - The Warrior Princess Bride

• When you realise that the episode is literally a Killjoys version of The Princess Bride.
• Khlyen is narrating the story to Dutch, and gets to a part where the warrior and her thief (that would be Dutch and Johnny, respectively) were about to meet the home they would fight for, and that they loved it immediately. He's soon proven wrong, as five minutes after landing on Westerley, John already hates the place.
• John protests Lucy's treatment of him for trying to steal her, telling her that it had been months since he stole her. Lucy's response?
  Lucy: Attempted to steal me. You failed. You are a failure.
  John: Thanks, Mom.
  • And seconds later...
  Lucy: I'm watching you, John Jaqobis.
  John: Not creepy at all!
• Pree's Porn Stache. Enough said.
• Dutch's Oh, Crap! moment when a scam Johnny is running suddenly becomes a three-on-one bar brawl.
• Dutch and John's first encounter with a Killjoy. Big Joe flashes his badge and tries to arrest them...right before Dutch kneecaps him.
  Big Joe: (flashing his RAC badge) You know what this is?
  Dutch: No. But I know what this is! (pulls her gun and shoots him in the knee)
• John is hooked into a high tech lie detector while Big Joe is interrogating him. The first thing that comes out of Johnny's mouth? "Check, check. Testes, testes."
  • When Joe points out that Dutch shot him, a RAC agent in a room full of witnesses. Johnny's response? "That's fake news." (BUZZ)
• Dutch is hooked into the same lie detector and is asked what she does for a living. She answers, "Debutante." (DING) "Space cowboy." (DING) "Carrot." (DING)
  Big Joe: So much for unbeatable tech.
• Dutch and Johnny pretending to be Killjoys when kicking down the door of a lead. What makes it funny is that clearly both of them are trying too hard, and are acting like characters out of a cheesy 80s cop show.
  Dutch: (hamming it up) Don't move! Don't move, you scumbags!
• They then question a fellow named Ian, and they both keep calling him "Larry" because that's the name on his shirt.
  John: (after Dutch broke Ian's arm) You're super gonna wanna ice that, Larry.
  Ian: It's Ian!
• Khlyen calling John a molester of ships.
• John and Dutch infiltrate a Qreshi sex retreat as a married couple, and they snipe at each other appropriately and to the point where John goes, "God, you are the worst wife ever! I already want to fake-divorce you!"
• At the retreat, a Qreshi noble is encouraging John not to let a woman like Dutch slip past him...moments before checking out her ass and frantically clicking his hook-up bracelet in her direction.
  • Also, there is the Qreshi woman standing next to the noble, who is clicking her own bracelet at John...while he's standing right in front of them. And he's telling both of them to simmer down.
• John has to defend herself from an assassin, and he's fighting her off...with a vibrator.

2 - Johnny Dangerously

• John, Delle Seyah, and D'avin going from Teeth-Clenched Teamwork to realizing that they're gonna be around each other a lot in the future, and having no idea how to deal with it.
  • D'avin explaining why they're helping Delle Seyah:
  "Well, you know what they say: the pregnant enemy of my enemy is...my...alien baby mama.
  • Delle Seyah trying to explain the situation with the Jaqobi Brothers:
  “We are not a family. I mean, they’re brothers. And one of them is the baby’s genetic father. And my girlfriend is the sort of sister/mother of their girlfriend, but we do not get along. There’s lots of murders and evil plots for domination and… oh gods, we are a family.”
  • John:
  “Holidays are gonna suck!"
• Pippin complaining about the plums Zeph gave him to eat, then doing a total 180 when Zeph gives him a Death Glare.
• Zeph trying to get a reaction out of a Hullen soldier by throwing stones at his head, and Pippin shitting his pants when the Hullen begins to open fire out of reflex.
• The Comedic Sociopathy of a Hullenised John Jaqobis. Like, all of it.
• Gared getting defensive because he knew someone who knew their way around the Scarback Necropolis. He knows people! And that someone Gared knows? Her name is Fairuza...and she's a former Scarback turned Dominatrix.
  Patron: (whip crack) Praise the trees!
• Gared acting like an excited little puppy in Fairuza's presence.
  Fairuza: Sit.
  Gared: Yes, ma'am!
  • Gared asking Pree if they could...worship...after he was done recruiting her for the Necropolis mission.
    Pree: (Beat) Oh, what the hells? I haven't been that good.
• Johnny getting electrocuted and then thrown across the room after tampering with a prisoner's tracking device...then getting back up, exclaiming: "All part of the plan. Whoo! That was hot."
• Pippin calling Fairuza the Scarback of his sexual nightmares.
• Pippin Comically Missing the Point after Zeph explains that her experimental portal onto the Necropolis might crush him with about six million cubic pounds of pressure. All he got from that was that he might need a bigger helmet.
• Delle Seyah is asking John where she should put the thing he says would rescue them all: "And if you say 'Up my ass,' I will knock you on yours."
• Zeph describing the Plasma as, quote, "Hullen spunk."
• So, how did John, D'avin and Delle Seyah pass the time in a floating space elevator with no hope of rescue?
  • Well, D'av spent it working out...and farting and snoring in his sleep.
  • John spent it by playing dice with Delle Seyah...and farting and snoring in his sleep.
  • And Delle Seyah, when not gambling with Johnny (and cheating), spent her time basically as a family therapist...though she neither farted nor snored in her sleep, she did threaten to kill both brothers if they kept farting and snoring. At gunpoint.
• D'av promises John that he would "cure the shit" of his Hullenisation...to which John asks if he would do it like he cured Sabine. Sabine was de-Hullenised right after D'av had sex with her, so it's pretty clear what John meant.
  • Not only that but Johnny even acts like he'd be into it. Then again, he has become a Hullen, so...
• Turin using the word "Goddamn" three times in one sentence. It was a short sentence.
• Johnny has D'av knocked out and handcuffed to a truck. Perfect time for a selfie!

3 - Bro'd Trip

• The running gag about Hullen Johnny acting as the annoying little brother and the brothers handcuffing each other.
• The warden of a debtor colony has re-captured an escaping detainee and Delle Seyah.
  Juno Clay: No chip implant, swanky clothes, what’s a class act like you doing with a paid of murderous Killjoys?
  Delle Seyah: Oh I should have checked their references, but then a hint of murder is what you want in a bodyguard.
• Zeph and Pip ‘restarted’ a Hullen doll and is trying to get the soldier to fly the armada when Turin bursts in with his gun drawn. Pree comes in right after.
  Pree: Couldn’t stop His Hairiness from flipping his wig!
• After Delle Seyah outwits the warden
  Juno Clay: We are not through!
  Delle Seyah: Don’t villainsplain me, honey, I’m the master

4 - What To Expect When You're Expecting...An Alien Parasite

• D’avin is summarizing everything that’s happening to a comatose Dutch.
  D'avin: Turin controls the Armada, Hullen have taken over the RAC, Pip and Pree are deputized Killjoys now, which is about as annoying as it sounds and also eight percent adorable. Delle Seyah is about to give birth any second now, which I guess means I’m about to be a dad. She seems to be taking it well. [Cut to chaos in another room as everyone scrambles to prepare for the birth]

5 - Greening Pains

• The rivalry between Zeph and Johnny continues as they look at the not-baby’s charts.
  Zeph: His biology is way beyond me.
  Johnny: Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself.
  Zeph: And if it’s beyond me, then Johnny doesn’t have a chance.
  Johnny: I take it back
• Gared is delighted to see Fancy in his bar, Fancy remains stoic as ever, then starts threatening customers to find information about missing kids.
• Team Awesome Force is having an argument, Pip keeps interrupting to ask them questions.
• Pip used to run with some unsavory characters, and brings the team to Utopia to meet the guy. They try to get pass the receptionist, who comms Kravn to ask if he knows a ‘Pippin Foster’.
  Kravn: (voiceover) Brown hair, thin lips, face you want to punch repeatedly? Never heard of him, now piss off.
• The team plays out a monologue about how the plan will go, including a repeat shot of D’avin with and without a mask, while Johnny and Dutch give a thumbs up as they kidnap Kravn.
• Later, locked in a room filling up with nerve gas, Dutch tells Johnny to remove his jacket.
  Kravn: Stripping this young thing has no effect on me! I am free of such temptations! Impressive musculature, though.
• D’avin faces the receptionist and bodyguard, both of them take stimulants to fight so D’avin does the same. The side effects include constant laughter, and the cheery music playing during the fight scene is worth a few laughs.
• Turin realizes the Hullen dolls are all gone, he shouts out orders but ends up walking alone into a room full of them.
  Turin: What a stupid way to die.
• Gared and Fancy investigating the missing kids case together, Gared is good at talking to people, but keeps underestimating or ruining Fancy’s plans.
• Johnny had to work really hard to convince Lucy to accept another AI, then Kravn gets uploaded and starts flirting with Lucy, much to Johnny’s displeasure.

6 - Baby, Face Killer

• Johnny sees the woman that Khlyen had falsely placed in Dutch’s memory, he declares he would have let such as assassin beat him.
• Delle Seyah describes her grandfather as a man renewed by the Nine for his “cunning greed and never being formally implicated in the Westerlyn Breadline Massacre.”
• She still isn’t used to hugs, even from the child she bore.
• Pree is being petty with Fancy, not serving him drinks and declaring “Never send a Killjoy to do a Warlord’s job!”
• When Dutch says she was invoking an assassin’s code to talk, Johnny eagerly asks if they have a secret handshake. They don’t, but when she meets with the assassin, they do make elaborate hand gestures.
• After Lucy has to inform the team several different times that various characters are sneaking off ship.
  Johnny: I love you girl, but we really need to talk about monitoring entrances and exits!
• When the assassin had fired at Dutch in one bar, the patrons all scream and run. When he gets into a knife fight with her in another bar, the patrons move out of the way and start watching.

7 - O Mother, Where Art Thou

• Pree gets into a fight with some Old Towners, he’s wearing a micro-camera in one eye and back on the armada, Turin and Weej starts laughing and betting on the fight.
• After finding the people Khlyen wanted her to find, Dutch introduces herself as his daughter. When they decide to show her something:
  Johnny: Do not follow the bad men with the pointy sticks!
• Later, the men bring Dutch inside a cave and tells her that they can’t go any further. She can’t help snarking, “Did you forget the key? Guys, you had one job.”
• After Hullen soldier Weej figures out a way to override the system, Turin claps him on the shoulder and declares it a good job. Weej continues staring at his shoulder even as Turin continues to talk to Pree.
• Gared and Pree are trying to escape the RAC when they run into Weej, still in his Hullen soldier uniform, who tries to tell them to come with him.
  Pree: Let me think, no!
  Weej: Turin is my guy.
  Pree: If you’re going to kill me, kill me, but don’t insult my intelligence.
  Weej: Come with me, please.
  Gared: Oh, so you can string us up and bleed us dry? Hells no!
  Weej: (Imitating Turin) Goddamnit!
  Pree: Oh, he’s with Turin.
  Gared: Yeah, that’s definitely him.
  Weej: (Big grin, but still repeating Turin’s words) You are my guys.

8 - It Takes A Pillage

• Apparently, Johnny wants to look good for his return to Telen, his home planet. He seriously asks Dutch which boots look best, and she responds that the steel-toed ones are best for kicking his brother’s ass.
• After Jaq keeps complaining, D’avin complains that they stopped his aging at teenager-stage.
• D’avin father describes how two thaws ago, he woke up drunk to D’avin but D’avin was a silver-haired scientist experimenting on him. D’avin uncomfortably tries to dismiss it, knowing full well it was when Khlyen visited.
• In the middle of a serious conversation about the mysterious spore-weapon, Zeph asks why Dutch is chasing after D’avin again. Dutch snarks if they were now talking about boys. Zeph backtracks and claims she would rather drink her own sick.
  • Later, Dutch can’t help teasing Zeph about Pip, but Zeph just looks at her blankly. Dutch complains she needs work on her dirty jokes game.
• D’avin asks what he could say to Dutch in apology, Johnny’s response?
  “Boy, you look pretty. Also, I super-messed up, and I want to make it right, so here are three to five very expensive gifts.”

9 - The Kids Are Alright

• Team Awesome Force is getting welcomed back to the armada with applause, Turin just snaps they’re late. Pip is worried because his last meeting with them involved headbutting, Zeph reminds him that if they didn’t want him there the master assassin Dutch would have gotten rid of him already.
  Pip: Yes, assassins, so fun, lovely people. I tell you what, um, I am going to leave you two to catch up, hang out, do all that fun lady stuff that you do and in the meantime I am going to find myself a new identity and a new face. Okay?
• Fancy introduces Weej, and Johnny tells him it must be hard for a younger, cuter model to come along.
• After a heartwarming moment where Turin tells Dutch that the RAC made her a hero, and that it was time to give someone else a shot.
  Dutch: The RAC mostly just yelled at me.
  Turin: Some things never change.
  Dutch: I want to kiss you on your forehead right now.
  Turin: I will kick you in the box.
• D’avin and Dutch are told to infiltrate a cult, they guess what the worse possibilities could be, but the real answer is Rebirthers, also known as hippies. They still think it’s bad.
• As they’re about to take the RAC back, Pip gets overly excited about insulting the Hullen and Johnny is the same about hijacking the Hullen shield.
• D’avin and Fancy compete with Hullen kill counts and continue snarking at each other.

10 - Sporemageddon

• Pree approaches Dutch and well-intentionally tries to tell her to pace herself. Given that it’s actually Aneela, who gets a little too happy at seeing him, the Jaqobis brothers panic and drag her away, trying to tell Pree she’s drunk. Later, when Gared asks if everything is okay, Pree’s response is “With that crew, who knows?”
• D’avin doesn’t believe it when Aneela says she switched bodies with Dutch, Aneela reminds him the same thing already happened with him and Khlyen.
• Turin complains that he prefers regular bitchy Dutch to creepy nice Dutch, he’s actually been talking to Aneela.
• Everyone is in a standoff, the Jaqobis brothers have their guns on Turin, Turin has his gun on Aneela, and she’s paying too much attention to Zeph.
  D’avin: Okay, everybody stay cool!
  Aneela: Oh, this is all very exciting.
  Turin: Glad somebody’s having fun, won’t be much longer.
  Johnny: Oh, like shit it will, Turin. If you shoot her, you kill Dutch, trust me.
  Turin: After you bullshitted your way in here? Not a chance.
  Zeph: Has the testosterone made you guys all into raging assholes, or did I just miss something?
  Aneela: Men need to fight, it gives them meaning, and us entertainment.
  Zeph: Well, I am not entertained. Wait, if you’re Aneela in Dutch’s body how can you physically bring anyone into the green?
  Turin: Hey, we’re having a standoff over here.
  Aneela: It has nothing to do with the physical properties. The plasma operates on a subatomic frequency more akin to radio waves.
  Zeph: That makes no sense, radio waves don’t exist on a subatomic frequency.
  Johnny: Guys, seriously, lot of guns here.
• And once everyone lowered their guns, Zeph tells them “You guys seriously all need therapy.”
• On the comms with Zeph about the spreading plague and missing supplies, Turin is getting progressively more upset and a man keeps trying to interrupt them.
  Turin: Next time, Zeph, you try negotiating with these Qreshi assholes!
  Faresh: And here I thought you liked me, Turin.
  Man: Seyon Faresh of Land Faresh docked ten minutes ago.

Season 5

1 - Run Yala Run

• Brainwashed!Zeph is caught trying to sneak into the plant, and tries to claim that she's a prostitute. The guard is... dubious about her ability to land a client.
  "I would sex-destroy you!"
• Brainwashed!Johnny tries to hold Brainwashed!D'Av at gunpoint, and fails miserably. First he forgets to remove the safety. Then he manages to drop the cartridge. D'Av takes the gun away from him, complaining that beating him up is going to be like beating up a toddler.
• Brainwashed!Zeph burns her finger on a console, then says that it smells like ham. She then decides to taste it.
• Brainwashed!Zeph has none of Normal!Zeph's hang-ups around sex or physical affection. She's also really into Dutch.
  "Wow, you are really beautiful up close. Do you just, like, not have pores?"
  "Bye, new friend! Please come back... because I have no friends and you are super hot..."
  "You're her fail-safe, which I really hope is code for 'booty call'..."

2 - Blame It On the Rain

• Dutch manages to clean Zeph's wound, but doesn't know how to sew it up, and thus decides to duct-tape Zeph's wound shut instead.
• Dutch picks Fancy's pocket but he thinks its his partner grabbing his ass. He's annoyed at first but gets properly offended when his partner says he's not his type.
  Fancy: I'm everybody's type!

3 - Three Killjoys and a Lady

• The Lady tortures Team Awesome Force in different, creative ways: For Dutch, she tries both physical and psychological manipulation. For Johnny, it's good old-fashioned repeated beatings. For D'avin? Paralyzing and making him sit completely still for hours while he has an itchy nose.

4 - Ship Outta Luck

• Johnny and D'avin try to explain the entire wild mess to the Warden. It goes as well as expected...
  Johnny: Let me enlighten you.
  Warden: Good. I love it when men explain things to me.
  D'avin: You might be trapped in a false memory. Have you been experiencing loss of time, nose bleeds, things you can't explain?
  Warden: Besides this conversation?
• Zeph leaving a message for herself claiming the process to restore memories is totally safe...and admitting "I can no longer taste cheese."
• Zeph stabbing Turin with the device, claiming "this is not insubordination!"
  • Turin's immediate response is to wonder who he's "going to write up for this crap."
• Turin can't believe how Pree was head of the RAC.
  Pree: Oh chipmunk...I hate how good I was at it.

6 - Three Mutineers

• A mood killer that can only work on this show: After some banter and playfulness, Aneela and Kendry kiss...then pull back in disgust.
  Aneela: You're human?
  Kendry: You're still Hullen?
  • Also Jaq having to handle the most bizarre "my two moms" situation of all time.
• D'avin has to bring Sylas to find Evi, his collar shocking constantly.
  D'avin: It's a role I'm used to.
  Sylas: Why did my sister even give that to you? Oh, God, you're not one her sex slaves, are you? Although I can see it, you have Daddy's eyes...
  D'avin: She wanted me to kill you.
  Sylas: What? How dare she? I'm an Qreshi.
  D'avin: She said you were plotting to kill her.
  Sylas: I would never. Not recently.
  D'avin: Well, here she is.
  (they pull back the cloak to show Evi hiding in a bin)
  Evi: You had one job!
  (D'avin gives a "what can you do?" wave of his hands)
  • This leads to the two bickering non-stop on how each has been trying to kill the other since they were kids while D'avin just sits as he realizes his relationship with Johnny isn't so bad after all.
• Johnny and the Warden have a beautiful banter.
  Warden: This wasn't my first job.
  Johnny: Don't tell me. You clearly like authority, uniforms, yelling...gym teacher?
  Warden: Psychiatrist.
  • Later, she finds Dutch and Johnny arguing and "as a former psychiatrist, I urge you two to work your shit out."
• Zeph uses a spray on Fancy to restore his old self but just wipes out his memories.
  Pree: Maybe you can be a Killjoy too.
  Fancy: Whatever I do, I'm pretty sure I work for a living, son.
  Pree: Well, Zeph, he may not know who he is but he's still an asshole.
• Sylas and Evi find out another relative is behind the squad ready to wipe them out.
  D'Avin: What is wrong with you people? Is anyone in your family not trying to kill each other?
  Evi: I'm sorry have, you never had a family dispute?
  Sylas: Seriously.
  D'avin: I've never tried to kill my brother!...Intentionally...
• "Did you just throw forest filth at me?"
  • Followed by "Please, go away. I'm going to be sexual with your mother now."

7 - Cherchez Le Bitch

• Pree and Zeph hiking together. All of it.
  Pree: I think I have something.
  Zeph: Is it scurvy? I think it's scurvy...why does my foot have a heartbeat. I had a good run. There was sexy and dairy and science...Go! Be free, you beautiful space butterfly!
• Zeph on Pree's back.
  Zeph: If we die on the way, don't tell me.
  Pree: Fine, my fragile ballerina princess.
• Pree's attitude:
  Pree: I've lived longer in more worlds. I have seen shit, done shit, caused shit but I refuse to eat shit and spent my possible last days afraid of some lady bitch with a bad case of PMS.
• "You're the smart one. I'm just eye candy."
• "My brainy brawn. Your brawny brain? My money is still on us."
• Turin shows a hatchling box.
  Zeph: Oh bag of shit tits!
  Pree: Why would you bring that here, you sicko?!
  Turin: So Zeph can make friends with it, teach it our human ways, find some common ground for peace...
  Zeph: Awww....
  Turin: So Zeph can study it, genius, tear it apart, see how it works!
• The recruitment drive:
  • The first is a guy who seems promising but turns out to be a cannibal.
  D'avin: Wait, good people, bad people...
  Cannibal: Just...all people in general.
  Johnny: Okay, we'll have to pass.
  Cannibal: Ah, I get it, it's fair.
  • The second is Kalvert, a nutjob who loves being outdoors.
• The glorious You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me! reaction when they realize that, because of budget cuts, this elite secret base also happens to be basically a theme park with plenty of tourists in what's called "mili-tainment."
  Johnny: How are we supposed to fit in with happy, normal people?
  D'avin: This might be our greatest undercover challenge yet.
• D'avin on the open demonstration of weapons: "It's like someone took everything I believed in and peed on it."
• Kalvert defends the system.
  Kalvert: Why do you think I turned to crime?
  Dutch: Because you have the morals of a small braised cabbage.
  Kalvert: Why braised? I mean, I'm not angry, I'm just hungry now.
• Zeph plans to drop a small camera into the box with the hatchling.
  Pree: No, and hell no and no again. What if it breaks?
  Zeph: Then we scream, run and die.
  Turin: Next time, I make the plans!
  Pree: If this thing jumps out and latches onto my face, I want you to...
  Zeph: Mercy kill you.
  Pree: Fight for me!
• The trio then have absolutely no idea what the hell they're looking at, twisting the screen around and craning heads to figure it out.
• D'avin and Dutch's horrible attempt at improvising a history presentation.
• Johnny can't believe the complicated handshakes and formations the planet has.
  Kalvert: Ah, less wars, you have more time to come up with stuff. You should see our parades.
• Zeph, Pree and Turin come into a completely empty quad.
  Zeph: Really need to fear-pee now.
  Turin: I may join you on that.

Episode 8 - Don't Stop Beweaving

• The entire opening of Johnny almost literally dancing around the ship with Lucy back.
  D'Avin: Lucy will always be the only other woman in (Johnny's) life.
  Warden: That explains why he's still single.
• Dutch and Zeph infiltrate Zeph's farming pacifist home.
  Dutch: Why do farmers always wear white?
  Zeph: Why do you think I left? Every day is laundry day.
• Dutch: The Great Mother, the Lady...Why are all the boss bitches never called "Alice" or "Gretchen?"
• D'Avin finds a dead body during a "fighting game."
  D'avin: You have a murderer on your team.
  Johnny: So what, you got three on yours.

Episode 9 - Terraformance Anxiety

• The crew turn to the Robbel for weapons.
  Sylas: Why would you think we have anything like that?
  Kendry: Because the Robbel clan is known for two things: Being a bunch of grasping little parvenus...
  Evi: Why, thank you!
  Kendry: And for being perfectly happy to sell weapons to anyone who has the joy and few scruples to spend it.
• Johnny consistently botches fishing metaphors, leading Fancy to ask if he's ever fished in his life.
• The team hold Khlyen at gunpoint and talk of how "we now have some big-ass missiles."
  Khlyen: Why am I not surprised that you of all people think the size of your missiles is proof of the power you have?
  Johnny: Did...Khylen just make a dick joke?

Episode 10 - Last Dance

• Before the big battle, Dutch offers a salute...then they all go in for a huge group hug.
  Turin: This is how cold sores are spread.