Walter is thinking of a second choice for a job: a greeter at Wal-Mart.
Jeff: What would be your opening line? Walter: Oh, ahem, "Welcome to Wal-Mart, get your shit and get out! (Beat)Have a nice day!"
"Well, women age like, like fine wine." "...[My wife]'s aging like milk."
Walter is asked questions sent in from the audience. One example:
Letter: "Dear Walter, time and time again, I have filled out this sheet six times. You never answer my question. What gives?" Walter: Let's just skip that one.
And then there's this one:
Letter: "Dear Walter, why is it that I gag when I brush my tongue but not when I give my boyfriend oral sex?" Walter: Well, obviously, your toothbrush is bigger.
A third question was from someone named Nick... who happened to be the "framing and dry-walling guy" he had been talking to earlier on. His response throws a jab at Mike (a medical transportation guy), whose departure to the bathroom had started the conversation in the first place.
Jeff stares at Peanut, off which Peanut starts a staring contest:
Peanut: I will never BLINK!
Peanut's idea of how a business analyst (the job of an audience member named Terry) does their job.
Peanut: How the hell does that work? Go to a business and go, "Mm mm mm mm... you are a business."
Peanut relates a story about the show they did just before in DC. Five minutes into the show, Peanut notices a member of the audience in the front row, facing AWAY from the stage, and waving his hands in front of his face every time Peanut said anything.
Peanut: It was a signer. A SIGNER. Think about this for a second, they brought a bunch of deaf people to see the VENTRILOQUIST!
They follow this by explaining how they then proceeded to mess with the signer (and, by extension, the deaf people) leading Peanut to conclude, "We're going to Hell, aren't we?"
José: And neither did your mother. (the audience goes wild)
In the midst of a conversation between Peanut and José Jalapeño on a Stick (held entirely in Spanish), Jeff interrupts them, claiming to feel left out. Why?
And when José is about to be put back in the box, this happens:
José: Do not drop me, señor. Jeff: I won't drop you, José. José: I would then be José Jalapeño on the Floor. Peanut: Do a little tap dance, we got salsa! Jeff: That's terrible. Peanut:Not with the right kind of chips, it's not. Jeff: Stop it! I'm sorry, José. José: Is okay. Jeff: Okay. José: I kick his ass later.
Even better are the Hilarious Outtakes from other tapings of the show, in which things go wrong and Jeff starts to improv in response to what's happened.
The first case was during Walter's part of the show. Walter's arms become uncrossed, requiring Jeff to stop the show to fix it, after which he completely forgets where he was. An audience member helpfully reminds him, and Walter lets him have it.
Walter: Excuse me. Do the tickets say "Jeff, his friends, and the drunken asshole in the back"? Methinks not! Shut the hell up. Bastard. 300 million sperm, that's the one that got through? [Jeff waves at Walter to get him to stop] Walter: Well, he pissed me off! I know where I am! Jeff: I don't. Walter: Holy crap. Jeff:[trying not to laugh] I have no idea. Your arms fell down. He was trying to help us out and now you pissed him off! Walter: Sorry. [Beat] Jeff: ...Not a clue. Walter: Please sir. Could you tell us again where we were? [Beat] Walter: You should never do crack before the show.
Later, while Peanut is recounting the story of how he messed with the signer (see above), his hair falls out. He offers to sell it to a bald man in the audience.
Spark of Insanity
The very first scene of the special, showing most of Jeff's puppets in bed with him and his then-wife, Paige:
Walter:[in his sleep] Oh, those kids and their hipping and their hopping and, oh... Pull up your damn pants, ya morons! Jeff:[in his sleep] Ooh, second Comedy Central special. It's gonna be great! ...No, Mommy, I don't wanna wear the pink bow! Peanut: He even does this in his sleep. Heh. What a freak! Paige:[annoyed] Would you idiots give it a rest? José:[to Paige] Would you like to see my steek? [Paige screams]
Walter making fun of Jeff owning a blue Prius. Apparently, when it drives past, it goes "Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm gay!"
Walter: Yeah, when it idles, it goes "Homohomohomohomohomohomo."
One of the few instances where Dunham doesn't use his puppets—relating the story of the small dog his wife and daughter recently adopted. The dog was quite dumb, with the particular incident cited being carrying a stick longer than its body in its mouth lengthwise (it's supposed to be put in there sideways). While running and carrying the stick like this, the dog angled its face toward the ground and wound up pole-vaulting. While his wife and daughter rushed to help, Dunham was laughing his ass off.
Jeff: And then I thought, "Damn, if she'd been going just a little faster, I'd have a new puppet: a chihuahua on a stick!"
The DVD special details another one involving the same dog, this time with a self-retracting leash. Jeff's youngest daughter, nine-year-old Kenna, pushed the leash's retract button and then, "quickly and on purpose", dropped the leash... which then proceeded to chase the dog (who at this point was smart enough to know that when it saw the leash coming was a good time to panic).
And then there's the potty training of his dogs. Jeff says at this point that to him size does matter in a dog's brain.
Bill (a golden retriever) and the first two dogs after him: Ooh, I'm not supposed to crap here! The chihuahua: Ooh, I'm not supposed to crap ever! Jeff during the special: And that's why they shake.
Walter on arguing with his wife:
Walter: Well, my mother always told me, "When you're in a jam and don't know what to do, you should think 'What would Jesus do?'" Jeff: Ah. Walter: So I tried to turn her into a fish. I stood there going, "Begone, Satan! Hello, Shamu!"
There's also the burning followup to that: "Well, at least Shamu has only one blowhole."
Walter complains about them doing a show in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Why?
Walter: Everyone in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida looks exactly like me! I swear it's like one giant nursing home! Jeff: Well, I heard that Ft. Lauderdale is where they tape a lot of those "Girls Gone Wild" videos. Walter: Oh, that's only during Spring Break. The rest of the time, it's "Girls Gone Saggy", then it's "Girls Gone Senile", and then it's just "Girls Gone".
Walter also doesn't like the weather in Ft. Lauderdale, as it was so hot and humid, he swears he grew moss on his butt. And there was also the change in weather while he was on a beach:
Walter: I looked over and go, "Oh, look, a little cloud." 'Bout three minutes later... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! The locals are hangin' onto the palm trees - "WE LOVE IT HERE!" Ya dumbasses! I say leave it to the Cubans and get the hell out!
He also complains about the timing of two other trips, to Green Bay and Phoenix (in February and August respectively).
Walter: (about Green Bay in February) It was negative-20 with a negative-30 wind chill. I get on stage every night and I'd say, "You people are idiots. Did you know the borders are open? Pack up your suburban and get the hell out!" Walter: (a follow-up burn regarding Green Bay, specifically their NFL team this time) Lambeau Field, NO ROOF! Helloooooooooooooooo! How many weekends during football season is good weather in Green Bay? That would be, NOOOOOOOOONE! Note to self: build a frickin' roof! We have the technology. You talk to the locals in Green Bay, what do they say? (mimics shivering) "We love it here! We're a hardy people!" A bunch of frozen dumbasses is what you are. Walter: (about Phoenix) August in Phoenix, Arizona. Your agent is a moron. It was 112 three days in a row! But what do all the locals say? "But it's a dry heat!" Screw you! A bonfire's a dry heat! You don't see my stickin' my ass in one of those, do you? "Your ass is on fire!" It's a dry heat! I was in Florida, gotta burn off the frickin' moss!
About the one thing Walter likes about Florida is the warning residents get when a hurricane's coming, especially compared to Southern California.
Walter: Well, at least with Florida and hurricanes, you got a little notice. Turn on the news, "You have three days to get the hell out!" Well, in L.A., we got earthquakes. We don't know jack. One morning, you could be sittin' on the toilet and suddenly AHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH! There's crap flying around the house - AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAH! WE LOVE IT HERE!
Achmed spelling out his name, after Jeff was unable to pronounce it correctly (lacking the guttural quality of the "ch" sound):
Jeff: How do you, how do you spell your name? Achmed: Oh, let's see, uh, A...C...phlegm...
This line by Achmed (which, fittingly enough, is funny enough to close his act with Achmed). The awkward mid-sentence pause after his realization of what Jeff meant really makes the line work.
Jeff: What do you think of Bush? Achmed: Oh, I love Bu—oh, you mean the president! I'm sorry...
Melvin on Catwoman:
Melvin: You know, I used to date Catwoman. Jeff: Really? Melvin: Oh yeah, but she gave me something I had to take medicine to get rid of. And boy, does it itch! AND NOW IT BURNS WHEN I FLY!
Immediately followed by him demonstrating his point by singing a strained "Da-da-da-daahh!" while tilting...and his plastic hairpiece falling off, to the delight of the audience.
Melvin:(realizing what happened) It's the terrorists, I tell you! I look like Lex Luthor!
Peanut's use of the "Jeff-fa-fa DunHAM dot com" gag in Spark of Insanity, after he asks Jeff "Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?"
Peanut: You know, the weird part is, I am actually pissing him off. And he would like to kill me! But he will not because that would be a form of suicide!
Peanut's point about how all of his puppets have slept with Jeff's wife. When Jeff's wacky and having a good time, that's Peanut; when Jeff's pissed off and regretting marrying her, that's Walter; when he's so angry that he wants to kill her, that's Achmed. Jeff's also a sick man for asking what José Jalapeño on a Stick is.
Peanut's ruthless and insensitive racism towards José over how the latter pronounces Jeff's first name:
Jeff: It's all the same! Peanut: Wha- Didn't you watch Sesame Street?! "Jeff" is "Jeff", "Heff" is "Heff", and "(guttural sound)-eff" is "(guttural sound)-eff"! ♫ (to the tune of "One of These Things") One of these things just doesn't belong here! ♫
Peanut keeps bugging Jeff to make sure José is in fact legal, much to the irritation of Jeff, who asks Peanut why he is so concerned about it and why Jeff should be concerned about it.
Peanut: [José] works for you! Some of those laws pass and he's not legal, you're gonna get your ass thrown in jail! And trust me,you would not do well in prison. Jeff: Why not? Peanut: Ha! "C'mere, puppet boy! Make your daddy talk!"
Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special
Achmed recalls that he once got drunk, but couldn't throw up because he doesn't have a stomach. All he could do was release dusty heaves.
Achmed:[tries to make a retching sound, but fails] POOF.
Everything between Achmed, Jeff and Guitar Guy, with the latter trying not to laugh, and Jeff accidentally combining scoliosis and polio due to a slip of the tongue.
Achmed: What the fuck is poliosis?! "Help, I'm twisted and I can't get up!"
Funnily enough, "Poliosis" is an actual disease, though it has nothing to do with scoliosis or polio.
The "Jingle Bombs" song.
Achmed: I used to be a man / But every time I cough / Thanks to Uncle Sam / My nuts keep falling off [music stops as Jeff and Guitar Guy stare at Achmed, and try to have a look for themselves] Achmed: Stop looking, you perverts!
The ending to the song, too:
Achmed: Oh jingle bombs, jingle bombs / I think I got screwed / Don't laugh at me because I'm dead / Or I keel you!
Jeff asks José what he wants for Christmas. Before he can answer, Peanut butts in:
Peanut: I think he needs a bigger stick. José: That's not what your mother said!
Peanut: You know how else I know you do drugs? Because you're looking me in the eye and you think I'm actually looking back.
Peanut on Jeff and Guitar Guy: "You are so cute!"
Peanut: Seriously, which one of you's the girl? Let me guess: the one with the guitar, or the one who has the dolls?
The ending, in which Jeff tries to read "'Twas the Night Before Christmas", in spite of constant interruptions from Peanut. Example:
Jeff: "The stockings were hung by the chimney with care—" Peanut: And believe me, the room could use some fresh air. [Jeff stares] Peanut: Seriously, how the hell did that tradition start? Jeff: What? Peanut: Hanging up dirty laundry, hoping Santa would fill it with goodies? Ewwww!! "I'd like to suck on this candy cane, but it smells like dad's feet!" Good thing the tradition wasn't jockstraps. "Sally, what's in yours?" "Nuts. And mommy says they're magically delicious!" Jeff: You are ruining this story! Peanut: Well, you're the pervert eating out of your own jockstrap!
Another example:
Jeff: "As I drew in my head and was turning around, / Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound." Peanut: He fell down? Jeff: Yes. Peanut: Doesn't it say his face was all red? Jeff: Yeah. Peanut: Why does no one ever see this? He is drunk off his ass! This is a horrible, horrible story!
Bubba J:(dressed as a security guard) Whoa! Is that a hybrid? Achmed: It's the Achmedmobile, you idiot! Just be careful parking it, or I KEEL YOU! (He arrogantly tosses the keys through the air; it hits Bubba J on the head, before falling on the ground) Bubba J:(after being hit) Didn't hurt. Achmed: And whatever you do, don't touch the red button! Bubba J:(clearly not heard Achmed, seeing a Big Red Button on the electronic keyless-entry fob on Achmed's keyring) Got it, touch the red button! Achmed:(not hearing Bubba J) Yes... (Bubba J gleefully jams his finger on the button, which causes the Achmedmobile to explode) Achmed:(realizing that Bubba J has indeed pressed the self-destruct button)NOOOOOOO!! (The explosion sends flaming car parts and raging fireballs flying in all directions; the skull-scoop sails in a tumbling motion towards the camera, and the title "Controlled Chaos" appears)
Even before all of this happens, Jeff is sitting around in the dressing room, aching with worry:
Jeff: I can't believe the show starts in half-an-hour, and Achmed's late! Walter: Maybe he drowned trying to visit Bin Laden's grave. (laughs)
Jeff relives his childhood through several photographs. "I must have gone to the store and said, 'Do you have any pants that don't even go with themselves?'"
Walter learns, much to his delight, that Jeff is now divorced:
Walter: You know, Jeff, I never thought I'd say this to you, but (sniff) you're my hero!
And as Jeff feels sad about his divorce, Walter tries to cheer him up:
Walter: You can leave your toilet seat up all the time! I'd hot-glue mine open, for God's sake! And then shit in the backyard! Just because I could!
It leads to this:
Jeff: Walter, divorce is painful! Walter: Oh yeah, like a deep tissue massage!
Walter goes on and on about how houses in Africa are made out of poo (cow dung, granted, but still...).
Walter: Oh, come on, they build their houses out of poo! It's like the fourth little pig that no-one talks about. "This little pig built his house out of bricks, this one out of sticks, and this one out of straw, but the fourth little pig built his house out of poo-poo!" Yeah, Disney never told you about him. And The Big Bad Wolf said, "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll— Oh my god! I got shit in my nose!"
When Achmed's son A.J. (Achmed Jr.) is brought out, this causes no small amount of frustration on Achmed's part, as he tries to figure out who his mother is.
Achmed: I don't remember a woman who was all bulgy-eyed like you! Jeff: Bulgy-eyed? Achmed: Well, look at him! A.J.: Well, you're not exactly squinting! Achmed: At least my face is balanced! You manage to look asleep and terrified all at the same time!
When Jeff scolds Achmed for repeatedly insulting his son, we get this gem of a line:
Achmed: Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and apparently this one got run over by a fucking lawnmower!
Marnell using duct tape to hold Achmed's repeatedly dislocated leg in place.
Achmed:Marnell! Come back! [Beat] My arm is stuck in my pelvis, you asshole!
Towards the end of Achmed's scene, there this exchange:
Jeff:(to Achmed, about A.J.) You have no idea why he's here? Achmed: To start his training as a terrorist! A.J.: No, father, that's just it, I don't want to be a terrorist. Achmed:(gasps) But I want you to be just like me! A.J.: Well, I'm not, and I won't be. Jeff: Achmed, can you accept that? Achmed: I guess I can try. Jeff: And A.J., what if he doesn't accept it? A.J.:I kill you. Achmed:(gasps)That's my boy!
Storm clouds gather, darkness prowls The moon shines full as specters howl This scary house, this lonely road Revenge is coming and best served cold Revenge on Jeff, who plays with dolls Revenge on Walter, who moans and scowls Peanut, José shall know their place Like my awful father, who scarred my face One by one, they'll learn they're damned To minding the monsters with Jeff Dun-Ham! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
The puppets all dress up as the thing they fear the most (save for Bubba J, who dresses as a vampire, because he, like vampires, hang out with people who have red necks, and Peanut and José, who are parodies of Batman and Robin, called Batnut and Ruben). Walter is a parody of Frankenstein's monster, called Crankenstein, and Achmed is an American woman. That is all.
However, many of the puppets wanted to dress as something else, but couldn't for various reasons. For example, Walter originally wanted to dress as a Catholic priest but decided against it because "everybody gets mad when [he] offend[s] the Mexicans." Bubba J originally wanted to dress as a ghost, but decided not to when someone backstage told him that a redneck in a white sheetwas not a good idea. And José originally wanted to dress as "an ugly whore" but couldn't because he "could not find a mask that looks like [Peanut's] sister."
Jeff compliments Walter for his costume, but Walter himself is not so sure...
Walter: I look like a cross between Hillary Clinton and the Hulk! (beat) No offense, Hulk. Jeff: Alright. (beat) You don't look like either one of them! Walter: Ah, then I look like Gumby in a nursing home. How about that? Ha! That makes you Pokey! (laughs) Get it? You're an ass!
For Walter, the scariest movie he ever saw was a home movie of his wedding.
Walter: But if I'm depressed, I watch it backwards. (looks out at the audience) You get it? She walks away!
When Jeff reminds Walter how much he loves his wife, Walter replies...
Walter: And at our wedding, when she came walking down the aisle, with that giant hair and all that makeup, I felt like yelling, "It's alive! IT'S ALIVE!"
Jeff then asks Walter how the service went. Walter replies...
Walter: Well, the worst part was when the minister asked if anyone objected, and no one would listen to me. Jeff: Maybe they couldn't hear you. Walter: Hey, you're right — you weren't there!
After the wedding, Walter says, his wife started eating cake. Nonstop. For 45 years!
Walter: You know what scares me now? Jeff: What? Walter: When my wife says, "Does this thong make my ass look fat?" Jeff: You didn't answer that, right? Walter: I guess I shouldn't have. Jeff: What'd you say? Walter: I asked her if it was a thong or if her ass grew over her panties. Jeff: That's terrible! Walter: Yeah, I probably should've stopped there. Jeff: What else did you say? Walter: I said, "No, the thong doesn't make your ass look fat, your fat ass makes your fat ass look fat! The thong is the victim!"
Jeff learns that Peanut and José, as the superhero duo of Batnut and Ruben, have an archenemy (it is Little (Ugly-Ass) Jeff in a Riddler-type green body suit with the letter L instead of question marks all over it; he is called The Loser), and asks them if he can see him. This leads to a lot of confusion and the puppets Comically Missing the Point:
Peanut: You see him every day. Jeff:[confused] What? José:[loudly] He said, "You see him every day"! Jeff: I heard him. José: Then why did you say "what?" Jeff: What? Peanut:[yelling] HE SAID, "WHY DID YOU SAY 'WHAT?'"! Jeff: Why are you yelling? Peanut: Because you keep saying "what"!
The puppets then spend a long time talking about why Jeff is saying "what" so much:
Peanut: He's getting old. Jeff: What? Peanut:[to José] See? José: He said "what" again. Peanut: It's downhill after 50. José: He's been farting more now, too. Peanut: I know, old guys do that. Jeff: Excuse me! José: I think he farted again. Peanut: At least he's polite. Jeff: You guys! Peanut:[loudly] YES, JEFF? José: IT'S OKAY TO GET OLD, SEÑOR! Peanut: IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE! José: UNLESS YOU DIE FIRST!
Even though the Loser is the archenemy of Batnut and Ruben, it turns out that the Loser has an archenemy of his own, too: the evil, the ruthless, Al E. Mony!
Little Jeff: And there's only one superhero who can save me from Al E. Mony. Jeff: Who's that? Peanut: He's strong but stupid, wealthy but easily manipulated! Jeff: And that is...? Little Jeff: New Husbandman! Peanut: But she's not that stupid, right? Jeff: Well... legally, per the agreement, I'm not allowed to talk about this. Peanut: But we can? Jeff:Yeah, you're good. Peanut: To be continued!
All Over the Map
When Jeff and Achmed do a show in the United Arab Emirates:
Achmed: Greetings, Abu Dhabi infid—I mean, folks!
Walter is shocked to learn that, in Iceland, the average life expectancy of a woman is 90-100 years.
Walter: Send my wife home immediately!
As Jeff and Achmed do a show in Norway, Achmed asks Jeff if they can go to IKEA, but Jeff tells him they're in Norway and that IKEA is in Sweden.
Achmed: Too bad. I wanted to give IKEA a new advertising slogan. Jeff: What's that? Achmed:IKEA'll you!
Throughout the special, Achmed answers audience questions like Walter did in Arguing with Myself. In Scotland, one of the questions is from a 'Jackie'. Achmed calls out for Jackie... and a man's voice answers.
Achmed: Jackie! Lay off the testosterone! You sound like a fucking guy!
In Malaysia, Jeff was told that he couldn't use Achmed the Dead Terrorist during the show for cultural reasons. He relates this message to the audience, saying he would like to keep his word to the Cultural Ministry, but he also wants to give them their money's worth; enter Achmed's "brother" Jacques Merde, the French Terrorist (Achmed with a beret and moustache speaking Gratuitous French). Oh, and "Jacques Merde"? French for "Jack Shit."
And his cover is blown when Jeff reads out a question as "Dear Achmed" rather than a more generic opening.
Achmed: It has been nice knowing you. [laughter] Kumbaya...
Beside Myself
During Peanut's skit, Jeff accidentally loses his grip and flings Peanut across the stage. The exchange afterward is hilarious.
Peanut: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?! (to the laughing audience) IT'S NOT FUNNY! (to Jeff) AND WHY?! ARE YOU HIGH?! Jeff: No. Peanut: Then you should practice more often! This is not that hard! Just move your hand and hang on!
Miscellaneous Appearances
During a live show in South Dakota, Jeff's routine kept getting interrupted by planes flying overhead, prompting this outburst:
A similar (unrecorded) event occured during a live show at the New York State Fair in Syracuse, where the show was interrupted by multiple trains running on the CSX/Amtrak line behind the grandstand. Many jokes were made about it throughout the performance as a result.
Bubba J taking a gun safety course: "Got it. Don't aim it at anyone that you like."
Jeff introduces a new puppet: himself, named Little Jeff. Inspired by Peanut's puppet, Little Ugly-Ass Jeff, though he can't do the same voice, so he does a Brooklyn accent instead.
Jeff: I promise you, there've been a handful of audiences I've done that joke and they don't get it. They sit there and look at each other and go, "Oh yeah, he can't do the same voice Peanut can."
The callback to the gag from Arguing With Myself about Jeff being unable to speak Spanish whilst José can. It starts with José telling Jeff that he wants to leave the show, with Jeff naturally being surprised by this, before Peanut interjects with his own commentary.
Peanut: Hold on, I think I know what he means! I think he means (leans in close and yells into the mike) he wants to leave the show. (turns to audience) José would have said that in Spanish, but out of all three of us, only José knows that language. I am not kidding! José can speak Spanish but Jeff cannot! It's the weirdest fucking thing! Jeff: Language! Peanut: Oh, sorry. It's the weirdest el fucking thingo!
During his Seriously?! show in London, Ontario, Jeff opens the night by lampshading the near-constant delays the show had to deal with.note The original date was in March of 2020, but due to the Covid-19 pandemic, the London show got delayed 6 times before finally taking place in November 2022.
Achmed leading the audience in an impromptu performance of "Without You", complete with the audience waving their phone lights in the air like it's a rock concert.
Edna: Hey! What's the big deal scarin' my fri— Walter: Who are you?! Edna: Well... I was gonna say, "Trick or Treat", but you seem like a good treat to me! Walter:[looks shocked] Edna: Hubba hubba! Walter:[screams and faints] Edna: Yup. I still got it.
, with the particular incident cited being carrying a stick longer than its body in its mouth lengthwise (it's supposed to be put in there sideways). While running and carrying the stick like this, the dog angled its face toward the ground and wound up pole-vaulting. While his wife and daughter rushed to help, Dunham was laughing his ass off.Jeff: And then I thought, "Damn, if she'd been going just a little faster, I'd have a new puppet: a chihuahua on a stick!"