The setting may have changed, but the humor has most definitely not. Somehow it managed to be even more Denser and Wackier (most likely through Deranged Animation).
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Main Chapters
Chapter 1: Adorable Family Trip
- All of Big-D's antics. It's rather humorous to think that if he wasn't stuck on a life support toilet for millennia (or he did try to be a good father), The Emperor would be an Amazingly Embarrassing Parent.
- The reason B-D didn't tell them where they were going? He didn't want to hear Markcus complain about how he doesn't want to go while playing it up dramatically.
- Kitten then confirms that Markcus would complain. Markcus then proceeds to deny it... by complaining.
- It turns out that while Big-D and Door are fond of Boy, they have completely different ideas on how to make him less timid, leading to this exchange:Boy: What?
Big-D: "What?" indeed! But be brave, Boy! Purge yourself of cowardice! It's half the reason we are here!
Door: Father. A scary movie may have been a more appropriate first step.
Big-D: His first impression of terror shall be in real life, not a movie-film! We shall throw the boy into the dread inferno, and see his fearful hide BURN AWAY IN THE CONFLAGRATION! (Lets out a loud and hearty laugh)
Door: (entering Tranquil Fury) We are not throwing my son into a fire.
Big-D: (now in a more annoyed tone) Door, I will find a way to make an analogy physical and then smack you with it.
Boy: (scared) my flesh consumed... - Right after the previous exchange, Kitten suddenly decides to be aggressively British with absolutely no prompting. "ALRITE ALLO!"
- "NO COMPLAINING, MARKCUS!" Marckus' annoyed expression and reply are hysterical.Big-D: Look alive, boys... UNLIKE THE GHOSTS. The woodland corridor calls to us. Keep an eye out and a brisk pace! NO COMPLAINING, MARCKUS!
Marckus: (muttering) But complaining about Marckus is allowed-
Big-D: CORRECT!
Marckus: Bad. Dad.
Big-D: WHAT!?
Kitten: ...And now we go. - Big D chews out Markcus and Kitten for lowering the mood for laughing at the word "cock", even though he was last seen doing pelvic thrusts in the background a few seconds ago.
- The village of COCKthorpe (a real place, by the way) is used to deflect from Big D's anger. And when they start talking about local legends, the "cock" in COCKthorpe is even given Bold Inflation on the hand-drawn map!
- As the family makes their way down the huge hole, the standouts are Kitten jumping in with a cat's meow sound effect, and Door just laying on the side of the hole and sliding down.
- When the group decides to split up, you can see Big-D cartwheeling into a side-passage.
- This exchange:Door: (observing the vampire dens) Looks no worse than Markcus' room.
Markcus: Looks no worse than your face!
Door: (looking annoyed) Yes, it does.
Markcus: Ugh. (looks down) How do I argue with that?
Big-D: Alright! Let's split up!
Kitten: A— Any particular reason?
Big-D: IT SHALL BE SPOOKIER THAT WAY.
Marckus: *drily* Okay Frederick from Spooby-Doob. - Door briefly pauses cave exploring to admire an inexplicable picnic bench. To the point that he can't stop himself from measuring the board width.Boy: whYY??
Door: It Must Be Done, Boy. - Kitten attempts to identify the vampires... and couldn't be less wrong with their names. The vampires' bemused reactions are the icing on the cake:
- Shitbeard exclaims that he is a Brujah while really drawing out the R like a freaking motorcycle engine. Which Kitten takes seriously which then leads to this exchange:Kitten: What? I'll write that down.
Pyotr: AH, SHITBEARD!
Kitten: (now holding a clipboard) How many "R"-s is that?
Pyotr: Stop platforming the antediluvian concept of "clans" in front of the potential shovelheads!
Kitten: With an H or a J?
Shitbeard: I'M SORRY, I'M IN A REALLY HEIGHTENED STATE RIGHT NOW!
Kitten: Alright, good. Brr- (stops) ah, fuck. (tries again) Brrrrrrrrr-u-haaaa! - Meanwhile Kevin's reaction has to be seen to be believed.Kitten: And lastly... YOU. Are...a Vampire Wizard.
Kevin: (Distressed) HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THIS?!
- Shitbeard exclaims that he is a Brujah while really drawing out the R like a freaking motorcycle engine. Which Kitten takes seriously which then leads to this exchange:
- Door rebutting Apeboy's objection to Kevin's accusation of attracting the Hunters to the Licks with a shotgun blast.Shitbeard: Fuuuuck! Boss, it's not looking good!
Kevin: CURSE YOU, FOUL APE!
Shitbeard: (at Apeboy) FUCK YOU!
Kevin: YOU DREW HUNTERS TO THE LAUNCH SITE OF THE CRUSADE WITH YOUR FUCKING OVERFEEDING!
Apeboy: THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS OVERFEEDING- (is shot)
Door: I disagree. - During the fight between the hunters and the vampires, Marckus is repeatedly hit in the eye for obvious reasons.
- When Marckus enrages Shitbeard, the former is sent to a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown of hilarious proportions.
- Before delivering the final blow we are treated to a hilarious shot of Shitbeard repeatedly punching Marckus's buttocks. If that wasn't the icing on the cake not only are Marckus's butt much bigger for some reason but the back parts of his pants read out "Juicy" on each buttock and to top it all off it's complimented by hilarious Wacky Sound Effects.
- Shitbeard finishes it all off with a powerful nut shot, with slow-mo, close-up and even shockwaves!
- Apparently when the vampires are staked, they T-pose.
- Big-D is in Kevin's clutches, his blood being drained by the minute, when suddenly...Big-D: It's a good thing I came here absolutely FUCKED on DMT! (Begins laughing like a maniac as Kevin's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates)
Kevin: Ooooh, fuck!
Kitten: As expected of Sir D! He knew that putting narcotics in his system would befuddle the vampire!
Big-D: That is DEFINITELY why I did that!- Before that, Kevin boasts about Sabbat's dominance of the tunnels, which leads Kitten to accuse him and his kind for the disappearance and death of the Fiddler.Kitten: The legend! So YOUR kind was behind the death of the Fiddler?!
(Sinister Music suddenly stops)
Kevin: (with genuine confusion and bewilderment) The Fiddler? What the FUCK?
- Before that, Kevin boasts about Sabbat's dominance of the tunnels, which leads Kitten to accuse him and his kind for the disappearance and death of the Fiddler.
- How does the gang beat Kevin the Vampire Wizard? Just by plugging their ears, averting their eyes through sunglasses, and screaming at the top of their lungs while charging at him. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
- The way they put their sunglasses is Mundane Made Awesome, with the over-the-top poses and movements especially from Marckus and Kitten. The latter inexplicably gets a more detailed face similar to the JoJo artstyle despite wearing a mask and goggles.
- The way Kitten and Boy scream can only be described as making them look almost like a muppet.
- Extra hilarious is Boy- wearing shades while riding in Door's modified baby carrier- joining the bum rush on Kevin, down to wielding a wooden stake to stab him with the rest of his family.
- The best part is, when Door dumps Kevin's carcass in the bus, there are way more than five stakes in his chest. Guess he really pissed them off.
- There's even one lone stake at crotch-level.
- At the end of the episode, you can see Big-D repeatedly crashing the bus and backing up in the background after smoking a DMT cigar to the butt within seconds.
Chapter 2: If the Vampires had a Tortured Wrestling Match
- We start with Shitbeard screaming until he gets a spear to the face from Door, who promptly points at a homemade sign saying "SCREAMS ARE LOUD DO NOT DO THEM".
- Shitbeard's incoherent rant about how tragic a Vampire life is. He repeatedly mentions cream crackers throughout, prompting Door to respond with this:Door: Do not speak of cream crackers as some halcyon dream. Boy is on an all-meat diet and has never been stronger.
Boy: ...I keep gettin' the meat sweats—
Door: Not now, son! I am speaking to the monsters. - After Door says that vampires are already dead and that he can't kill a corpse, Pyotr belts out a hilarious tone mocking the Ventrue clan.Pyotr: Hohohoholy fucking shit, fellas. Wouldn't this guy make such a good Ventrue? "AHH, Kindred do not 'live', we unlive. OOH, we do not do things 'all day', we do things all night. AHH, OOH, we do not 'X', we Vampire Word!"
- After Kitten asks what a Venture is, Pyotr admits that he was doing the same thing he scolded Shitbeard for doing last episode.
Pyotr: Oh, whoopsie! Now I've platformed the Antediluvian concept of "Clans"!
Shitbeard: (with Apeboy sarcastically clapping in the background) Oh, good job! GOOOOD JOOOOB! - Apeboy and Shitbeard get into an argument about Kant, which the subtitles write off as [Sabbat discourse].Apeboy: Kant is not a Noddist philosopher!
- Kitten cannot get over the fact three Vampire factions are in a turf war over North Norfolk of all places. Pyotr adds that they're also fighting for Great Yarmouth, and agrees that it's kind of laughable.Kitten: Oh, I fucking hate Yarmouth.
Pyotr: Hah! I get it, it's pretty sad. - Door misunderstands a reference to the Prince as referring to Carmilla, who for some reason he thinks is the first vampire. Nobody has enough of a grasp on whatever he's yammering about to argue.
- Apeboy goes on a whole speech about the difference between the Sabbat and the Anarchs, which makes his two companions cringe to the point Pyotr tells him to tone down the LARP-ing. The Family spends the rest of the episode referring to Ape as the Larper.
- Pyotr misunderstands severely what Marckus means when he says Kevin is having a "special interview" with Big D.Pyotr: Kevin gets to FUCK?!
- The subtitles write horrified reactions of all Family members as [collective trauma].
- Door informs Boy that cellar door can withstand the weight of 18000 pounds per square inch. The subtitles say "825 kilograms per square centimeter," which isn't even correct.
- Apparently Big D's favorite child is a horse named Horse. This is funny in itself but then you realize that, with the way Magnus and Dorn became Marckus and Door, Horse may be this series counterpart of Horus.
- Door comments on Marckus' gaming setup that it would once again be better if he spent money to buy a gun. His response?Marckus: TF2 is coming out next year, I'm justified!
- It should also be noted that said gaming setup appears to lack a chair and instead Marckus is standing on what looks like a treadmill.
- Marckus got apparently banned from Arcanum due to something that's somehow related to the British Royal Family. When Kitten brings this up, Door immediately scolds them for talking about British Royalty in front of Boy and orders his son to sing their national anthem.
- Normally watching the vampires fighting each other wouldn't be funny but Marckus and Door providing a wrestling commentary makes it hilarious.
- After Door basically calls Kitten and Marckus weak for still feeling enough empathy for Vampires to be uncomfortable watching one Vampire brutally murder and eat another, Boy tries to say this is more complicated. Door agrees and promptly says Marckus and Kitten are also afraid because... they're British.
- And when Kitten takes offense, Door commands Boy to sing the national anthem again to silence him. Cue to Boy in Union uniform, with a mug labeled "traitor tears" with cartoon eagles, American flag and fireworks going off behind him
- A blink and you miss it one when the Family is watching Pyotr feed on Shitbeard. How do we know Boy is terrified out of his mind? There is a small box of text right bellow his eyes saying "Boy Not Found".
- Big D only appears at the end of the episode but his incredible expressions make up for it. Before entering the room we also get to see him swallow an entire ham.
Chapter 3: Hunter's Hunters Hunted
- "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT PLAYING GOD IS A ''SOMETIMES'' THING?!"
- Marckus' first response to realizing a newly empowered and very angry vampire is coming after them? Point out that Pyotr's name is being pronounced wrong.
- Markcus attempted to flee out the window... of a 2-story building. Guess what happens.
- And then Door tries to give him a gun, that ends up shooting Markcus in the leg when it hits the ground. The reactions are the icing on the cake.
- Pyotr lures Kitten into a trap that ends with the latter falling into a very deep hole, with Pyotr intending to have him Buried Alive. How does Kitten escape? By climbing out like a cat, hissing at Pyotr, and scurrying away with a looney tunes noise. The face Pyotr sports in response clearly screams "wtf?"Pyotr: Weirdo.
- Pyotr then proceeds to abruptly licks his own eyes while making distressing sucking noises.
- Pyotr's weapon of choice from this point to the end of the video is a shovel. A shovel from Poundland. The fact that it didn't snap supporting his weight at any point, let alone while digging is a supernatural feat in and of itself.
- Kitten's escape plan? Stilts. There's even a shooting star in the background when he reveals them. Of course, they're not so stupid when it turns out that he was using them to avoid the minefield.
- Pyotr, after kicking Marckus into Kitten and sending the two careening into the side of the Golden Goose, delivers a grandiose, contemptuous speech that is then once again undercut by this family's complete lunacy.Pyotr: I AM THE SWORD OF CAINE, YOU WRETCH! AND I FALL WHERE I PLEASE-
[Click]
Pyotr: ...Heh?
[BOOM] [Cut to Intermission] - Both instances of Boy being praised for landing the shot that ultimately puts Pyotr down.Door: Yes! Ooh, I knew you were a good shot! I knew you were!
Boy: its like Deffmatch... in real life... - The congratulatory back-patting of Boy for saving the day.Kitten: I'd say you did more than help, Boy. You saved the day!
Boy: i shot a bitch! - As the family lays huddled up against the bus waiting for the sun to rise and finish Pyotr for good they start plotting their cleanup.Big D: ICE PACK, BLEASE! [Kitten tosses him one immediately] bht ghhod job BOy whwuWUuwUWuwuWu [Chews on ice pack]
Kitten: Boy, I'm SUPER proud of you too, but, euh, should we call an ambulance?
Door: -eh
Boy: w-we can't do that!
Big D: COPS!?
Boy: not until that thing is dead!
Big D: NO COPS!! - Kitten remembers one minor detail that leave the entire family in an awkward spot.Kitten: Oh. You know, actually I have a house alarm that calls 999 when— [Realization hits as a cop car rolls up]
Marckus: Eh shit. - The after-credits scene is a surreal experience where the now-dead Pyotr finds himself in Hell and is welcomed by the Devil — i.e. Karl the Deranged, a live-action Creator Cameo that towers over him and bellows in his face. Notably, what appears to be a pitchfork in his hand at first glance is actually a wooden cooking fork.Karl: GREETINGS, PYOTR!!* WELCOME TO FUCKING HELL!!!
- What helps sell it is The Devil grabbing Pyotr not like a giant monster grabbing a human, but like a frustrated office worker grabbing a post-it note and balling it up in his fist.
Chapter 4: The Feuds of our Fathers
- The ENTIRE Cold Open brawl between Big-D's family, and Remold Blacklaw, his son Brok, and his two goons Git and Spit - D and Remold in Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs, Brok choking the life out of Marckus (with Markcus repaying the favor with a grabby-arm), Kitten and Git having a surprisingly tense staff-fight with their respective weapons... And Door and Boy kicking the SHIT out of poor Spit. Then, when Harry brings in Occam to break up the fight, Elise JOINS IN Door and Boy curb-stomping Spit*
- During his first Pummel Duel with Remold, Big-D uses his own name as a JJBA-style rapid-fire battlecry. "D! D! D! D! D! D! D! D...!"
- Occam's Finger Poke of Doom against Big-D.Occam: No, not engaging, LEAVE.
Big-D: You're already engaged! I never signed our divorce papers!
(Occam stares at the papers in question for a bit.)
Occam: (Thoroughly unimpressed) Mhm.
(Occam takes a deep breath and flicks Big-D on the nose, causing an explosive force to occur at the point of impact)
Big-D: OAAOOWW, MY BRAIN!!
Occam: Leave.- Just before that, Occam literally grabs Big-D and Remold Blacklaw by the ears (like a teacher or principal breaking up two of his students), and then zaps them with electric magic.
- Remold Blacklaw is revealed to be just as much of a Large Ham as Big D, the two finding any minuscule chance to go to Rapid-Fire Fisticuffs.
- The rollcall of present members of the Arcanum goes smooth until..Kitten: And four our most senior leadership...
Remold: I am REMOLD BLACKLAW!
Big D: I am BIG D!
Remold: Chapter librarian!
Big D: MASTER hunter!
Both: Father! Grandfather!
Remold: Occam's esteemed uncle!
Big D: Occam's beloved ex!
Remold: Enemy of D and his vile ilk!
Big D: Reviled victim of the Blacklaw despots! And GIIiiiiles! You served me at the 99p store that one time! Hiii!
(Brok and Spit both shoot dirty looks to a sheepish-looking Git)
Git: It's me day-job! I didn't know it was Red's dad...
Marckus: Hope you suffered.
Brok: NO DISCOUNTS FOR YOU, RED!
Marckus: (Dismissively) Bitch.- When presenting Arcanum ID cards we get some small jokes. First, they printed title of "Brother" on the card itself, which Elise scratched and wrote "Sister" next to on her own. Second, Grimal's card has a drawing of Kenshiro on it and lists her as "Scholar of the Orient'', which she scratched out and wrote a long line in Japanese kanji next to it. Said Japanese translates to "Remold is a demonic geezer". Third, Big D presents....Kevin's driving license!
- Kevin's driving license, from before he was turned, has a couple funny details:
- Kevin's photo ID shows him to be anxiety-ridden even as a mortal, with panicked eyes, an unsteady brow, and a sweaty forehead. Just as Chapman describes in "Big D's Guide to Avoiding Arrest," Kevin couldn't be more different from D, making his use of Kevin's ID card even more questionable.
- Kevin's middle name turns out to be "Malcolm." In other words, he has Malcolm in the Middle.
- Before he snaps and reminds them both this is his Chapter House and they'll do things his way, we get a glimpse of Occam's mind when caught between his uncle's and ex's loud screaming match: He's imagining himself skydiving.Remold: Occam is a Blacklaw and shall not be swayed by your paiens!Big D: I've never meet a homosexual I couldn't sway!
- Although Spit's being a Nervous Wreck without his medication is more sad than funny, his Establishing Character Moment has such wild Mood Whiplash that some chuckles can be had.Kitten: [After he, Markcus, and Grimal talked about how exciting it was for him to enter the Chapter House's Archives] Just hope it'd be... Under better circumstances.
Spit: Cooor, it's a shame, like, but banger party tho'—
Marckus: Why are you talking at us?
[Beat]
Kitten: Sorry, which one are you, Simon or Giles?
Spit: [Nervous laugh] Oh yeah man, I'm Spit! I just got hired like!
Grimal: Mate... You're—
Marckus: You're Brok's minion... [Kitten awkwardly steps away.] Like... My nemesis?
[Awkward pause]
Spit: You think yer better than me?!
Marckus: ...Uh-
Spit: YER NOT BETTER THAN ME! [He starts jumping around the room.] I'M SPIT, EVERYONE KNOWS SPIT! [He jumps at Matilda] YOU KNOW ME!!
Matilda: Get off me.
Spit: AAAAAAA YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME! WHY ARE WE EVEN ALIVE?! [He runs off.] I NEED TO GET OUTTA HERE!!!
Kitten: Aww...
Git: ...He's outta Ritalin.
Brok: [stomping into frame] MARCKY! Quit chattin' up me boys!!
Marckus: I'm trying. - When Occam prepares the blood test, he asks doctor Waters to provide sanitized scalpels. She is offended by an assumption she's just carrying that around in her medical bag... before sheepishly pulling out twice as many scalpels as they need. After a cut back to Occam and D, one of the scalpels lands on D’s head blade-first. Yet he’s either none the wiser or simply choosing not to react, even as blood trickles down his forehead.
- Occam tasks everyone with carrying out the Cold Tessillation - a huge metal box - downstairs, calling it a cooperation trial and that he's sure everything works out if they succeed in it. Remold and Big D both enthusiastically declare they'll do it...and we cut to the box ending up being flung through the staircase rail, sliding down the stairs and breaking through the dining room's wall. At which point Big D and Remold get into another fistfight, Marckus and Brok start fighting and Kitten and Grimal get into an argument, while everyone else watches in a mixture of horror and embarrassment.
- We later learn that, while this was supposed to be a group effort, Remold didn't let anyone except himself, his son, Big D, Harry, and Marckus (who couldn't help anyway) carry the box because he deemed it a task for only "the fittest of men," which both Fatigue and Grimal rub in later.
- Kevin doesn't exactly take the advertising of a plush-toy of himself particularly well, to the point where he tries to curse the Advertiser with his "Wizard Gun", which he haphazardly shoots everywhere in his room. Including shooting himself by accident. His anguished cry of "WHAT HAS SHE DONE!?" implies that he believes (for some reason) that the Regent or his sire is responsible for selling his likeness as a plush toy. Although the actual possibility that they are doing this not only to spite Kevin but also to have an alternative way of securing funds for their cabal (their previous ideas being criticized by Kevin) is equally hilarious. Even funnier, the follow-up video to this sketch proves him right.
- The last Eye Catch shows a map of the Chapter House, which has a couple of gags:
- Near the entrance hall is a "penis explosion room," which only the elite members of the Arcanum can access. It’s up to the imagination why the Arcanum would have something like this.
- The map shows everyone’s locations throughout the House, along with a legend detailing what they're currently doing. Big D's icon is conspicuously absent, and the legend lists his activity as "???"… probably because the man himself is slowly creeping into view in the bottom left corner.
- After he forcefully swipes Remold's keys, Big-D walks away with a goofy, hip-swaying stride that exudes raw sexual confidence. He's too slow and unaware to avoid Remold pick-pocketing Kevin's driving license off of him in return... in full view of Kitten, who's too distracted by Big-D's big steps to notice anything amiss.
- As D begins unlocking the door to where Occam is holding his ritual, an outraged Brok readies a punch for him. He charges, but he freezes when D abruptly drops what he's doing and stares at him with a blank grin and his index finger pointed upwards. A mix of intimidation and utter confusion causes Brok to completely give up.Brok: [sheepish] Uh-
Big D: Thank you! - Kitten runs into Elise and asks her where everyone is, only for Big D to burst from a closet under a nearby staircase, ecstatic about this magazine he found telling him "THE DODO BIRD IS BACK! WE CAN EAT IT AGAAAAAAAIIIIIIN!" Elise reacts with a gleeful "finally".
- Kitten tries to explain this article originated in a XIX Century conspiracy magazine, only for Remold to burst in, declaring that magazine, called Holy Creation Magazine, a "paraphrased word of God". Big D calls him a creationist, sparking another fight.
- Brok tries to rise suspicion about Marckus, pointing out both him and Occam were gone for "three tire changes," or almost the length of two football games.Marckus: Who measures time like that?? HOURS? Have you heard of HOURS?!
- At one point Big D angrily snaps at Grimal in Japanese. His words translate to "Shut up, Kueji-jin believer!" This is the first time he speaks Japanese, and it's unclear if he knows the language or he learned this one phrase to insult Grimal in particular. And considering this is Big D, both options are equally possible.
- When Marckus rushes in to save Elise from his father's interrogation, he finds her... doing Big D's hair. D, slightly offended, asks Marckus what kind of amateur would use torture to extract information... at which point both of them realize that is exactly what Remold and Brok are doing right that second.
- While Remold's "Polygraph" being little more than a a car battery hooked to the victim's head is harrowing, there's plenty of Black Comedy to be had with it. First, Grimal's whimpering is subtitled as "Squid Fear". Second, Grimal's "truth" to stop the polygraph is to loudly scream "BROK'S FACE LOOKS LIKE A BABBOON'S ARSE!!!" Thirdly, Brok brags about how he interrogated Amanda earlier to find out if she was in on Big-D's "scheme"... Only to admit the results were "inconclusive", as a catatonic Amanda mumbles incoherently about Baba Yaga.
- What's even more hilarious is that while his father thought her delirious state from getting electrocuted meant she was clearly lying. Brok meanwhile was able to tell that Amanda was definitely not a part of the so-called "scheme".
- Remold's remark that Amanda doesn't sweat because she's...lower class.
- Due to Youtube's content censorship, a few days after its initial release Alfabusa released a censored version of the episode. Or rather, a CENSORED BABY CORPO-CONFORMING EDITION that not only censors profanity and violence, but all mentions of violence, blood, drugs, medication, sexuality, relationships, big government, taking the Lord's name in vain, British slang, foreign languages, and products and measurements other than those used by the USA, which it does so by covering the audio with obnoxious air horns (the same foghorn censor used in the TTS podcasts) and altering the subtitles with increasingly ridiculous replacements.
- The first thing censored is Brok's threat to 'krump' Markus, a ridiculous and cartoonish threat that sounds even more profane with the censorship, as it makes him sound like he wants to '*** him.'
- Occam becomes Bostonian in this version, as his magical subdual of Big D and Remold is renamed 'Bostonian martial arts' by the subtitles and his Celtic outburst is likewise identified as a 'Bostonian outburst'.
- Ghouls are no longer 'blood slaves,' whether because of the reference to blood or slavery, and are instead referred to as [full-time employees] and [essential workers].
- Any time someone gets hurt, subtitles flash saying they aren't seriously injured.
- With everything removed or censored, the one addition to the episode comes when everyone is showing their arcanum license and a new character is added: Lester, scholar of murder and killing, who has full access and is carrying a massive bowie knife while wearing a bloodstained shirt and sunglasses at night in the rain. No one acknowledges his presence and he never comes up again.
- Grimal and Markus's kanon debate becomes a [STOCK PORTFOLIO] debate.
- The blood test becomes a ketchup test, with all the scalpels hidden behind pngs of ketchup bottles.
- Brok's outburst that "Ketchup (Markus) didn't even help!" remains unchanged. Markus's reply, seeing as this is immediately after the 'ketchup' test, on the other hand...
Markus: THE AMERICAN BRAND KETCHUP HELPED ME EAT THE FOOD THAT I LOVE, IT WAS WITH SADNESS I DONATED MY KETCHUP SAUCE TO MY FRIEND OCCAM!- The intermission replaces all mention of Kitten and Grimel meeting at a rave with them meeting at a [BLACK FRIDAY SALE] and how they're now [VALUED CUSTOMERS] at the [US ECONOMY]. Also in the background the entirety of Big D is censored, something that's otherwise only done to scenes of gore.
- Remold is still called a Belgian, but his French dialogue is replaced with [evil foreign words] and [That word is not in the Constitution]. Later on Big D's Japanese insult is replaced with [MYSTERIOUS FOREIGN SPEECH], and Grimal's thanks to Elise with [non-American word] while Elise's reply in kind becomes [Dominoe's TM].
Audiologs/Shorts
Kitten and Big-D's Primer on the Supernatural and Local Folklore
- The video begins with Kitten humming while cooking, only for Big-D to walk in and panic before pulling a sword on Kitten!
- As a fun little detail, Kitten is humming the song he and Marckus sang in the woods in Episode 1, with the subtitles writing it off as [humming the cock song].
- Big-D and Kitten have a brief bonding moment over their affection for Marckus when they realize they have no jam to add to his porridge.Kitten: Agh, God, Marckus won't eat his porridge without jam.
Big-D: Gaargh, what a child! He wants his porridge, but only with jam! He'll eat the beans, but not the sprouts! He wants his leek soup, but with absolutely NO MARMITE!!
Kitten: Such a baby.
Big-D: He is LITERALLY a baby! MY baby! Precious little small child, oh my god!! He is so small... AND ADORABLE!
Kitten: Smallest possible child.
Big-D: SMALL, PERFECT CHILD!
Both: [Contented sigh]
[Beat]
Kitten: He's not going to eat this porridge.
Big-D: Absolutely not. But he'll gobble up brancaster mussels like it's his goddamn birthright.
Kitten: True.
Big-D: Norfolk has corrupted my son! He would never eat marine mush before our return to these accursed reaches! DOES HE EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE OCEAN?! I DON'T! IT'S TERRIFYING! Put the mussels on his porridge... - The reason why Big-D uses unpasteurized milk:Big-D: Louis Pasteur was a fascist in line with the new world order!
- Even more hilarious is that given this series is in the World of Darkness, there actually is a New World Order; they're one of the sub-factions of the Technocracy, meaning that D believes that Louis Pasteur, noted French chemist and bioscientist, is an Awakened Mage.
- Even then, the New World Order doesn't deal in medicine and bioscience. That's the purview of the Progenitors.
- And also, in the World of Darkness, Louis Pasteur was a vampire.
- At one point ThunderPsyker trips over a word and SpeakerD ad-libs a quick bit with it which causes them both to crack.Kitten: In the book I read, they suggested the chap was a smuggler or some such, likely murdered in a quarrel with his own cooooolge...
Big-D: That is only— his old colge will get him! Y'know, it's always the crolge you don't see that gets you!
Kitten: [reluctant but uncontrolled laugh]
Big-D: That was a funny joke! I taught it to MARCKUS!
[SpeakerD and ThunderPsyker both laugh] - The increasingly bizarre "Omelette" that Big-D has Kitten make while they talk. At first, the ingredients are unusual (Duck Eggs, ketchup, garlic, rice) and then they go into outright dangerous, such as Sulfur, Chlorine, and graphite from a nuclear reactor.
- As it turns out, Big-D (in a rare moment of sanity) has no intention of eating it. He's going to feed it to KEVIN for interrogation. At least now we know what that "special interview" Kitten mentioned is...
- Big-D clarifies for Kitten that "D eggs" is short for duck eggs. Kitten proceeds to ask whether the D in Big-D stands for duck. Big-D's response?Big-D: (with great enthusiasm) I will remind you that I own illegal firearms!
- Big-D compares the disruption of a ghost's fetters to him smashing Markcus's gamestation. He insists that Markcus should've shared a fairer interest.Kitten: He was really torn up after you crushed it with a hammer.
Big-D: IT DEFIED MY WILL AND WAS SUMMARILY PUNISHED! Next time, Marckus should share a fairer interest with me.
Kitten: Look, Mario Party is unfair for everyone.
Big-D: It should be the least unfair for me!
Kitten: It can be if you play Peach-
Big-D: Everyone cheated but Big-D... Next time Big-D cheat!- Honestly, that's an understandable reaction to Mario Party.
- After this, Kitten calls Big-D a casual under his breath. Big-D not only overhears it, but he also misunderstands it as the former suggesting a more casual game... which, for Big-D, would be freaking Diplomacy or the Royal Game of Ur.
- The topic eventually shifts to Werewolves; specifically the mind-warping phenomena known as 'The Delirium'.Kitten: Have you ever suffered the Delirium, sir?
Big-D: AH, no, I'm Built Different. - Turns out that Big-D ruined Markcus' 12th birthday by dressing up as the Bog Goblin. ThunderPsyker could barely keep it together while uttering that line.
- To Kitten's disgust, and in a way that makes him calling Pyotr "hideous" and the latter's reaction hilarious, it turns out that Pyotr interpreted that as Kitten hitting on him.
- While the large majority of his explanation of why he can't tell anyone about vampires unless he has to is Nightmare Fuel, the ending of said explanation is just him riffing on how stupid he finds the idea.Kitten: What's a blood hunt?
Big-D: They'll kill you for knowing what that is, too... which is dumb, because it's kind of just what it sounds like! Every vampire in a region hunting you, f-for your blood...
Kitten: Haaard to figure out...
Big-D: "BREACH NOT OUR VEIL OF SECRECY!" Pfft, vampires are so silly. - There is a general bit of meta-humor to the entire audiolog for those with a knowledge of the more obscure facts of the World of Darkness, as you are aware that roughly 95% of the Big D's seemingly incoherent ramblings are, in fact, 100% correct observations as to the actual function and make up of the supernatural world.
The Probing of Kevin
- The sheer Ham-to-Ham Combat between Big-D and the Great and Mighty Kevin is nothing less than a spectacle!
- The repeated demands that Big-D offer his blood to Kevin are either too childish or over-the top to take seriously.
- Having been provoked too much by Kevin, Big-D's last resort is to... snatch Kevin's wallet and take a look at his driver's license. Big-D, you bastard.
- Much to Kevin's incomprehensible shame, Big-D learns of his last name: Wettsworth. And much to Big-D's outraged confusion, he also learns that Kevin's real age is twenty-seven. The latter blames it on his day job as an accountant and psoriasis.
- Kevin mentions he assumed that the family just lived in the bus Big-D drove them back in, and the two think about not what it's like to have one, but to be one.Kevin: Ugh, fuck... I wish I was a bus.
Big-D: I would highly recommend it!
Kevin: Vroom...
Big-D: Vroom, so true. - When Big-D and Kevin are discussing how he escaped from the Tremere:
- Big-D lets Kevin know that he knows about the difference between Blood Magick and True Magick, leaving Kevin befuddled. Big-D then goes on to list a wide variety of historical facts about the feuds between Mages and Vampires and leaves him even more confused, which in turn leaves Big-D stumped as to how he was unaware of it.Kevin: Dude! I am a 27-year-old accountant turned wizard! I do not know ye olde fun factes!
Big-D: But surely you know-
Kevin: I do not know who or what a Massasa is! The internet is not a right, you know - Wikipedia costs money to see!- After that, Big-D tells Kevin what the Massasa is, and it's actually something the latter knows a bit about as well... but then starts the vampiric trolling.
Kevin: Are you a wizard?
Big-D: WHAT?!
Kevin: You have to tell me if you're a wizard, it's the rules!
Big-D: What I am is about to kick your ass, pube-beard!
Kevin: Are you a ghoul?
Big-D: NO-HO-HO!
Kevin: Perhaps some Faerie of some kind?
Big-D: What—?! NOOO-
Kevin: Are you a race car? - Big-D then proceeds to berate Kevin for completely ruining the mood.Big-D: DAMN YOU, KEVIN! YOU HAVE RUINED THIS PERFECTLY TEACHABLE MOMENT ABOUT ANCIENT HISTORY!
Kevin: Who cares?!
Big-D: I know you don't, but do you understand, Kevin?! Do you understand how long I could have talked about something I know stuff about?! I'M INFURIATED!
Kevin: Your anger is my victory! One point for Kevin!
Big-D: How dare you... [gear shift] I am de-escalating out of spite.- Unfortunately for Big-D, Kevin keeps egging him on:Kevin: That is also my victory, two points for Kevin!
Big-D: CONFOUND THEE, KEVIN! CONFOUND THEEEE!!!
Kevin: Three. [wizardly titter] - And that earns Kevin another pan to the face for his troubles... except this time, it hits him so hard that it dislocates his neck.Big-D: You are indeed a worthy foe, mighty Kevin...
Kevin: [relocates his neck] You're lucky I'm dead, or that might've killed me.
Big-D: Good.
Kevin: Agreed.
- Unfortunately for Big-D, Kevin keeps egging him on:
- When Kevin talks to Big-D about how the former's sire was an incredibly vehement follower of the Regent:
- After Kevin lets it slip about the Vaulderie, Big-D realizes he's struck gold.Kevin: Congratulations, ye olde-timey prospector!
Big-D: I... ACTUALLYYYY... IIIIIIIII don't know very much about that.
Kevin: Kevin 4.
Big-D: ACTUALLY I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT IN FAAAACT, ACTUALLYYY!!!
Kevin: Oh, yeah? Explain it.
Big-D: Oh, sure, yeah, it's just-
[KRONG!]
Kevin: OW!
Big-D: D 2!
[KRONG!]
Kevin: OWWW!
Big-D: D 3!
[KRONG!]
Kevin: OWW!
Big-D: D 4!
Kevin: Okay! Okay, I will explain it, you pansexual panbearer!
Big-D: [laughter] I knew you'd see it my way. D 5.
Kevin: Climbing slowly toward your two-digit intellect—
Big-D: HAH?!
Kevin: Please, no more pan!- Thankfully for Kevin, he doesn't get the pan that time, buuuuut...
Big-D: Social credit deducted. - Kevin is trying to process the idea that Big-D believes himself capable of killing Caine. SpeakerD's delivery on Big-D's dialogue is gold all on its own.Kevin: Who do you think you are? Caine to Caine?
Big-D: [quietly] Yeh.
Kevin: You gonna find a big enough rock, big boy?
Big-D: [quietly] yeeh its a big rock no?
Big-D's "Guide" to Avoiding Arrest
- Upon being questioned by the cops, Big D's assumed persona is none other than that of Kevin Wettsworth (the Great and Mighty).
- Big D's plan to mislead the officer involves "An advanced deception technique I invented! A technique I refer to as... lying."
- Big D tries to entice the officer interrogating him into asking a leading question, only to find the man too patient and understanding, leading to a series of increasingly dramatic sighs and groans as he tries to prompt a question like an angsty teenager.
- When questioned about the cellar, Big D throws Markus under the bus by claiming it's his and Kitten's sex dungeon. He treats miniature wargaming as part of the same thing, and in an aside he says that he's genuinely embarrassed to know that about his son, purely because Crack is Cheaper.Big-D: The truest curse of a father is knowing too much... Like how much he spent on those miniatures! Goodness! He should steal them next time...
- While constructing his alibi about how the Hell's Fuckers held them hostage to make them plant mines in their yard and draw out the Anarchs, he mimics Shitbeard's accent and habit of making engine noises when he's angry. He writes it off as just a typical American accent.
- When Big D explodes in anger in an attempt to give his story credibility, he claims that his story may sound ridiculous to Guy, but "so did walruses until we had photos of them".Big-D: For FUCK'S SAKE, MAN! Tusks on a manatee?!
- Big-D's genuine bafflement at certain details he was genuinely unaware of, such as the the ditch inside the garage that Pyotr made, and trying to figure out why the officer would specifically mention Kitten's car had looked like it had been thrown (he assumes Pyotr threw the car but also hasn't seen the current state of it).
- It's eventually revealed that the interview was being retold by Big-D to Kevin, who applauds him for the exploit, but has many questions, one of which being why Big-D used Kevin's real name since that would put up a big red flag for the Camarilla to investigate through Chapman. Big-D then reveals that he knows Kevin's Sire forcibly renamed him when they Embraced him, and he's ashamed of that name too.Kevin: NO! I am NOT telling you my SHITTY CAMARILLA ROLEPLAY NAME!
Big-D: YOu NEED to! It is integral to our survival!
Kevin: NOOOooOooOoo!
Big-D: Well, you can either tell me that, or you can tell me what your Hell's Fuckers packmates called you before you gained enough respect to be called "Kevin"! You had a name like Apeboy or Shitbeard too, didn't you?
Kevin: You present me with a two-pronged road. One leads to hell! And the other also leads to Hell!
Big-D: Choose wisely!
Kevin: But meaty fool that you are, you do not realize that I can simply walk off the fucking road!
Big-D: Nooooo! Give me names!
Chapman: It's... Herbertus, innit?
[There's a pointed silence as Big-D and Kevin process this.]
Kevin: ...What in the WEED??
Big-D: Oh yeah, the copper's here by the way. ALSO HERBERTUS??? [TERRIBLE LAUGHTER]
Kevin: HOW DARE YOU INVOKE MY WORST NAME IN FRONT OF FUCKING DEE-DEE?! - After his introduction, Chapman notes he vaguely remembers Kevin as the Chantry's "stock broker". Kevin takes exception.Kevin: ACCOUNTANT! I CURSE YOU! I CURSE YOU WITH BALLS FALL OFF DISEASE!! I GIVE YOU LUPUS! NOT THE WEREWOLF ONE! YOU JUST HAVE A WASTING DISEASE NOW!
Big-D: No, Kevin!! Do not castrate that man! - When arguing over the merits of ghouldom:Chapman: Besides, you drink blood too, don't you? You get it.
Kevin: I only drink blood because I HAVE TO! You inject blood like it's CRACK!
Big-D: You don't inject crack, Kevin! You fucking office worker!
Kevin: You can! You totally can! You've never unlived in Yarmouth, you don't understand!- Chapman contributes a simple "He's got a point." In response, implying he has indeed tried to inject crack into his bloodstream for a fix along with the heroin he mentions earlier.
- While Big-D tries to convince Kevin to ghoul Chapman with some pretty solid reasoning about keeping tabs on the Camarilla and having an ally in the police, Chapman chooses to chime in with another skill he brings to the table.
- Big-D's flowery mode of speech also means that when he brings up the potential to use Chapman to find Vampires who wish to follow Kevin's beliefs, Chapman takes a different interpretation of their actions.Chapman: (questioning) Wow. Are you guys like a cult or something?
Kevin: (resigned) Probably.
Big-D: (offended) We are entirely secular in our orthodoxy, let me assure you. - When Big-D explains the full truth to Chapman at the hideout with Kevin, his reveal that the family were the ones capturing the vampire gang (rather than the other way around, as in the cover story) prompts Kevin to dryly introduce himself as "Hostage Number 4".
- He muses that he did notice something amiss pretty early on;Chapman: Honestly, I mostly thought it odd how you turned from the small, bleak British man on your license into a giant middle-eastern meat slab. It read like an online ad, and it distracted me for the whole interview.
Kevin: Yeah, just insult your new master, that's a sure-fire way to get yourself not-eaten! - Chapman also feels rather discouraged by the fact he was so completely fooled, and Big-D proceeds to offer back-handed comfort:Big-D: Ooh, come on, you did just fine! Besides! You're a degenerate ghoul whose brain is polluted with vampire sludge! Of course you couldn't beat my INDOMITABLE intellect.
Kevin: You calling someone a degenerate is very-
Big-D: WEIGH YOUR NEXT WORDS CAREFULLY.
Kevin: Okay, consider this: Fuck you.
- He muses that he did notice something amiss pretty early on;
- When Big-D is looking for a knife to draw blood for Chapman's blood bond (and discarding most all of them for being unsuitable), Kevin recalls an...interesting tidbit about his unlife in the Camarilla.Big-D: Let's use this one—ah no wait, this one is poisoned. ooOH, THIS ONE! Oh, enchanted with death magicks uhh—Oh! I think I have some restored Iron Age cutlery lying around here somewhere...
Kevin: None of that Iceni shit. I've seen enough Boudica roleplay to last for a lifetime in the Regent's chantry. D-did you know she LOVES talking about how unshaven her vagina is?! I mean, good Lord!
Big-D: Ugh, of course. You're lucky I happen to have this gladius lying around or you'd be SHIT out of luck!- This is followed by Big-D handing over the gladius in question by throwing it so hard it gets stuck in the wall behind Kevin's head; Kevin himself hardly even reacts to this.Kevin: Good. Give.
[Big-D throws the gladius which embeds in the wall behind Kevin's head with a thunderous slam]
Kevin: (Unfazed) Thank you.
- This is followed by Big-D handing over the gladius in question by throwing it so hard it gets stuck in the wall behind Kevin's head; Kevin himself hardly even reacts to this.
- Kevin takes the death of the Licks well when asked by Big-D how he feels about it.Kevin: The vinculum's making me want to stab you forty times, but it also feels like I've dumped my way out of a psycho polycule. [grins] So I feel like hitting the town and injecting some crack!
Big-D: Very sexy, Kevin!
Something Is Wrong with Horse
- Big D shows up happily humming the breakdown of "Freak on a Leash" to start the episode.
- The central character of the audiolog is Horse, Big D's favorite son first mentioned in Episode 2's cutaway card. Turns out he's a literal horse, but the family treats him like an actual family member.
- And the Running Gag that Horse isn't just "sick" - he's literally vomiting fountains of blood periodically, which isn't possible due to the fact that horses can't vomit.
- About the screaming/howling noises from the second audiolog? Turns out, those were coming from Krakus the whole time. When Big-D reveals this, he's scolding him in a manner not unlike someone yelling at their noisy neighbor.
- Kitten calling to Marckus to get outside and help him is met with consternation and begrudging acceptance at first. Then Marckus gets there.Marckus: Horse damn well BETTER be dying, Companio-
Horse: [Vomits blood]
Marckus: Oh shit he is. - Marckus begins to sympathize with Horse over the fact that both are in various states of unwellness, and both are stuck in a barn outside the house. Marckus gives a genuinely Rousing Speech about revolting... only to be stopped cold by Horse vomiting blood onto Marckus. Ladies and Gentlemen, we almost had ourselves The Horse Heresy.Marckus: You get absinthe as a cure-all, I get frozen burritos on my bruises and an off-brand alcohol variety pack. How does one even make virytas off-brand??? (sighs) Why do we put up with this? We are SICK and IN PAIN. Hell!! You know what these are? These are supposed to be CRUTCHES. Because I sprained my ankles and then got them SHOT with a GUN. And despite that, these "crutches" ARE, INDEED, JUST THE TAPED TOGETHER REMAINS OF OUR STILTS! And now he has the GALL to force us to sit out here, METERS from home, in this ANCIENT BARN in the middle of a horrifying rain storm! No. Horse... This won't do... We deserve BETTER! Horse! REVOLUTION, I say! We both shall charge our way into the house. We both shall strut boldly into his big room with his big bed, and his big couch, and with our shared might COMMANDEER IT FOR OUR OWN, AND THEN DEMAND IMMEDIATE ASPIRIN! NO MATTER HOW THIN OUR BLOOD IS! What do you say, brother?! Will you lead us?
- When Door comes to grab Marckus to help him with his boar hunting (specifically to count the total, because apparently Door can't count that high...or maybe at all...), Marckus refuses, telling Door that he and Horse are planning an insurgency. Door can only respond with a flabbergasted What?
- Door is asked to keep watch over Horse, and he decides to tell Horse about his day, complete with timestamps of the exact hours he spent waiting for boars to cross his path to bring them home for meat, and not much else. He finds such comfort in it, he starts putting himself to sleep more than he does Horse, not helped by the fact that he's using time measurements from halfway across the globe.
- As Marckus recounts their abysmal math lessons in Finland, Door can only snarl that the name of the country is deeply misleading.Door: I remember only the lack of fins in that cursed land...
- Door keeps time by Eastern Standard Time, deeming it "the only correct time."
- When Kitten stumbles across a slumbering Door, he attempts to wake him by shouting "God Save the Queen!" - Door mumbles, "God bless the United States", and Kitten is shocked that it didn't wake him up.
- Door heard Marcus call Kitten "Captain" in reference to a gamer guild in-joke and now cannot be dissuaded from the idea that he holds that military rank.
- Before the... deeply unsettling ending, Boy drinks a bottle of absinthe that was meant to be drunk by Horse. Door implies that Boy has drank absinthe before, and that he's not supposed to do that before bedtime.
- The idiosyncratic captions for the actions. Boy's absinthe consumption is detailed with [child drinking booze noises], while Marckus's pained sounds are detailed with [kicks empty can] [remembers gun wounds] or [suffers the consequences].
- During the credits, the narrator does a double-take upon hearing this entire audiolog was written by Blessed, doing a lengthy reference to make sure this one comic relief wrote an entire script.
Marckus Goes Pubbing with his Weirdo Friends (and gets in a brawl)
- The episode's sponsor involves a radio station being taken over by Alfabusa himself. The sponsor? A tabletop games shop only found in Sweden. And the radio station is in Florida. The DJs there point out the utter ridiculousness of the whole ordeal. The exaggeration in his voice also calls to mind the character of Herknes Dragonblade.
- Note that the station being a local Miami station does not in any way stop Big-D from listening to it in Norfolk, UK.Big-D: By blengus! Foreign stations never disappoint. What a bunch of FREAKS!
- Note that the station being a local Miami station does not in any way stop Big-D from listening to it in Norfolk, UK.
- The revelation that it's Big D who's been burning down the Gävle yulegoat.
- Furthermore, Alfa's sign-off makes this whole bit even more hilarious as it reveals the station contracted with Pentex to get sponsors. Alfa's tormenting of DJ Wormwood is sponsored by the Wyrm worshipping MegaCorp Death Cult. Given his lack of response to the name Pentex, D also seems to be totally unaware of this fact.
- Grimal comments on how Marckus looks like a mummy, he starts to wonder if anyone figured out that mummies are real yet. This exchange follows:Grimal: Marckus.
Harry: [laughs]
Marckus: No...
Grimal: Mummies are REAL.
Marckus: That's not what I meant!!
Grimal: [opportunistic sneer] Mummies are desiccated dead people!
Marckus: FUCK, I KNOW!
Grimal: There's one SMACK DAB in the middle of the British Museum just LYING THERE, MARCKUS.
Harry: [laughs]
Marckus: I KNOW, IT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!
Grimal: Did you forget there are non-supernatural phenomena??
Marckus: STOP! STOP! THIS IS WORSE THAN THE HEAD KICKS, STOP IT! - Grimal makes a Dragon Ball reference that confuses Harry, who stopped reading the manga when Krillin died for the first time. Marckus tries to explain to him Dragon Ball's revolving door approach to death, but does such a poor job he only terrifies Harry further, making it sound like the series becomes Krillin murder porn.
- Pretty much the whole topic of Grimal being Kitten's ex, which she pretty much starts by trying to pass admitting he was with her because he was desperate and lonely in his new life as something to brag aboutMarckus: God, I can't believe that ever worked for more than a week.
Grimal: [smiling smugly] Well, hey, I was the first person he'd met that actually knew about blanks and stuff. Beggars can't be choosers [attempts maniacal laughter, only for it to turn into insecure noises] - Marckus blames Grimal for Kitten not letting him watch Fist of the North Star because Kitten does not have fond memories of her going to sleep with the series opening, Ai wo Torimodose, blasting on full volume for hours.Grimal: OH, so he WA SHOCK after all!
Macrkus: He is TRAUMATIZED! You had left me a BROKEN BOY that I have to FIX.
Grimal, blushing: It's not the only thing I broke, let me tell you.
Marckus: Please, we're getting too private. [smiling smugly] Also, I broke it too.- As a Freeze-Frame Bonus, Grimal's face temporarily transforms into that of Kenshiro's for a split-second during that exchange.
- Mixed with Awesome, Marckus tricking his old school bully, Brok Blacklaw, into calling and crudely flirting with his own father. The utter shock he wears as he listens his father's irate voice scolding him for his foul mouth while trying to backpedal is priceless.Remold Blacklaw: BROKHAM BLACKLAW!
Brok Blacklaw: D-D-d...?
Remold Blacklaw: Just who the hell do you think you are talking to right now?!
Brok Blacklaw: D-Dad...?
Remold Blacklaw: Good Lord, boy! That filthy language you used!
Brok Blacklaw: D-dad, no, w- no, wait, I-
Remold Blacklaw: You and I will have a serious talk about this.
Brok Blacklaw: I-...!
Remold Blacklaw: How could you say these things to your PAUVRE PÈRE?
Brok Blacklaw: I-...!
Remold Blacklaw: I DAMN NEAR HAD A HEART-ATTACK HEARING THOSE REPUGNANT THINGS COME OUT OF YOUR GOB!
Brok Blacklaw: Um...
Remold Blacklaw: END OF DISCUSSION! GET YOUR ARSE HOME IN ONE HOUR, YOUR EVENING IS OVER!
Brok Blacklaw: But... (his father ends the call) - Brok repeatedly commands his lackey to drink Harry's beer. Since he drinks it in one gulp, this requires him to un-drink and re-drink it with a distressing show of precision regarding his gastrointestinal tract. Harry is more disturbed by it than having his drink stolen.
- While his Big Damn Heroes moment is mostly cool, Guy Chapman only really starts intimidating Brok into backing down with a British license joke.Guy: Hey, big fella. You happen to have a license for that knife?
- The Barkeep checks the brandy bottle he was pouring for Brok. The label indicates it was part of a batch that was recalled for, inexplicably, salmonella contamination. Marckus is rightfully dumbfounded that it survived sitting in a bottle of very strong alcohol for god knows how long. One can imagine Brok being out of commission for a long while...
Highly Controversial Debate (CHOOSE YOUR SIDE)
- The entire video is all about Kevin and Big D in a very heated argument...about buying a blender for 99 pence, of all things. While riding the steam locomotive. It is just as ridiculous as it is hilarious.
- Kevin's opening insult and Big-D's almost childishly distressed response, aided by the exaggerated expressions.Kevin: YOUR BRAIN IS MADE OF BAD MEAT!
Big-D: (clutching his head) NO, IT'S GOOD!!! - Kevin's dry response to Big D's non-sequitur of explaining the history of blenders.Kevin: WOW, COOL!!
- It gets better when Guy Chapman brings his own opinion after slurping Kevin's blood from the previously-mentioned crazy-straw, with his take being highly evocative of Magnus' "Taco Tuesday on Friday" comment with similar results.Guy: Can't you just crush things with a spoon?
Big D and Kevin: SPOON?! [ENRAGED CACOPHANY]
Guy: (still slurping Kevin's blood with his crazy straw) - On top of this, due to the narcotic effects of drinking vampire blood, this means Guy is balls high during this short.
- The stock kettle whistle sound that accompanies Kevin and Big D's outraged ranting, all while Chapman drinks contentedly, carries the impression that Chapman deliberately pissed them off to raise Kevin's blood pressure so he could have more Vitae.
- Said enraged cacophony includes the following lines:Kevin: Ghoul, you cannot make a smoothie with a fucking spoon! Stop making things less convenient for yourself when you're making a Pina-!
Big D: If there is such a thing that I loathe more than stagnation, it's unsolicited advice! I'd rather puncture your lungs with a spoon AAA-!
- Kevin's opening insult and Big-D's almost childishly distressed response, aided by the exaggerated expressions.
- Karl's requisite appearance this time is him stumbling out of a shack, or possibly a Banya, in a full viking outfit holding what is either a rolled cigar or a blunt. It lasts for all of a few seconds, and Karl can only make half of a confused noise before the video abruptly ends.
A Life Well-Lived
- While the short itself is not comedic, its description is in a dark way:Video Description: Our very funny Halloween Special!!!
The Blender Crusade: In Spiteful Defiance of Corporate Villainy
- The video opens on a narration from Big D regarding his argument with Kevin about the inciting blender prices, and while he imagines Kevin's voice and words in an accurate fashion, Kevin himself is rendered as a crude pencil drawing. As Big D continues his narration, Kevin demands he stop "running away" and threatens to blow up the entirety of Great Yarmouth with "mind rays".
- The radio station from before returns... with Alfabusa breaking into it again, this time to advertise another hobby shop...in Wisconsin. He justifies this by saying it's local in the USA, but Wormwood complains that it's not local in Florida like the radio station wanted last time. The entire exchange ends with Alfa taking over the radio station by spraying... some kind of gas in the host's face.
- Big-D also starts off looking irritated at hearing Wormwood again, only for his sour expression to fade after hearing the knocking begin and morph entirely into an oddly serene smile once it's clear the entire radio show is about to get derailed by Alfa again. Seems Big-D finds it oddly entertaining.
The Blender Crusade: ASSAULT ON THE ELDERLY (A Financial Horror)
- After work, Giles prepares to head out with Spit to meet Brok again. Spit relays Brok's plan to treat his sickness—presumably salmonella poisoning, given the events of "Markus Goes Pubbing." And the stupidity of said plan is perfectly on-brand for him.Spit: Cahm on, mate! Boss wants to drink a tire full of vodka to kill his stomach bugs!
- Polydora's interactions with her sire are more akin to a child dealing with their technologically illiterate parent. Throughout the call, Poly shows some barely concealed exasperation in having to deal with her sire's whims.
Gothic Horror RPGs set in your Hometown - An Intro To World Of Darkness
- While generally a fairly sedate video essay explaining the lore and background of the World Of Darkness setting and its general mechanics, special mention must be given to SpeakerD also explaining some of the more... interesting tidbits from the setting."Sounds morbid... gothic... it is...
(Beat)
But you can throw all of that in the garbage because it is also CLOWN WORLD, HELLO WELCOME! Dracula is real. * He conned his way into vampirism and now everyone hates him because he's famous!* There's an evil fast food chain that puts literal DEMONS into their cheeseburgers*! It is owned by the same corporate death cult that owns the evil beer company* that is doing the same thing to their beverages! The reason why they do this? To subtly convince random people to beat their wives! THIS IS NOT A JOKE! Ya want more? OHOHO, I can give ya more! In 1914 a deranged inventor named Czar Vargo was so disgusted by mankind's capacity to destroy that he brought a giant zeppelin armada across all of Earth's cities and declared himself World Emperor! Hit squads composed of secret agents, killer robots, and bio-freaks were barely able to force him to retreat! And then real-life scientist Michael Farady*" vaporized him so hard they both EXPLODED! And then everyone on Earth just forgot that this ever happened! BECAUSE THE NEW WORLD ORDER COVERED IT UP! I FEEL INSANE! And I'm not even talking about the steampunk explorers fighting Nazis in the Hollow Earth, or the Ancient Kingdoms of the LIZARD KING!
(Various pictures from the OWoD books getting sucked into a black hole)
This setting... is off its SHIT!!
(The black hole EXPLODES, before simply showing the words "Cool")
... It's got some pretty crazy stuff in it.''- There's also the part shortly after when it's mentioned that usually only the DM really sees how deep the rabbit hole really goes, there's a picture of Goku facing off against a giant spider.
""Ꮆ卂爪乇尺 卩ㄖᗪ匚卂丂ㄒ"" - A Hunter: The Parenting Disaster
- This was generally the episode where ThunderPsyker has the opportunity to actually be a Large Ham in his voice-acting.
- Marckus accidentally says "netter" instead of "better" and Kitten makes no small effort to call him out on it.Marckus: NO FOR REAL, I UNDERSTAND that I'm being a pain, I'm sorry, I need to be netter-netter?
Kitten: Netter?
Marckus: Better.*
Kitten: Netter.
Marckus: I need to be BETTER.*
Kitten: NETTERNETTERNETTERNETTERNETTERNETTERNETTERNETTERNETTERNETTER
Marckus: STOP PUNCHING ME!!
Kitten: YOU SAID WORD WRONG!!! - At the end of the episode, Marckus brings Boy into the podcast to give his thoughts on the game. Boy gives his thoughts by pulling out his revolver and firing it in the floor, much to Kitten's horror. The bullet goes through the floor and into Big D's room, where it leaves a bullethole in a codpiece dating back to the Iron Age. The podcast ends with a terrified Boy running out of the room, leaving Marckus and Kitten to cut the recording just as an enraged Big D bursts in.
The Truth (SPOILERS) (April Fools short)
- The whole conceit of this entire April Fools short is that Lord Wernon Fatigue's cause of death was that he decided to spontaneously explode out of nowhere for no apparent reason.Wernon: (thinking, with an evil grin) But what if I... Suddenly exploded? (goes up to Spit) Hey, lad, wanna see a dead body? [COMPARTMENTALISING] (violently explodes)
Spit: [trauma howl] - Even in a short the Fun with Subtitles continues. From Spit's scream being called a "trauma howl" to Lord Wernon's scream before spontaneously exploding being labeled [COMPARTMENTALISING].
- The description has its fair share of humor too.Spit's testimony as witness goes exactly like this.
- A special thanks is given to Blessed... for exploding as reference material.
- Kevin, put your pussy on, quick!
Nope!
