Funny / Carry On Jack

• CPT Fearless taking Howett's "throw the book at [Albert]" seriously.
  CPT Fearless: Well, I don't normally condone brutality, but... [picks up a rule book and throws it at Albert's head]
• Howett's mutiny on Fearless features crew members sploshing themselves with red paint and laying about on the floor as the unsuspecting wander past. The terrified Fearless comes across two "corpses" with Walter, but Walter shakes it off.
  Walter Sweetly: Oh, don't worry about them. They're only dead.
  [CPT Fearless shrieks]
  • Let's not forget Walter pointing out that it looks like jam.
• Stranded in the ocean with only a lifeboat to lay on and Fearless' foot to worry about, the Captain tries to see the brighter side of his and the gang's situation.
  CPT Fearless: Now, come on, everyone. All we've got to do is not think about the fact that we're in the middle of the ocean, at least 3,000 miles away from England with no food and no supplies, and then we'll be fine. ... [eyes widen] ... [starts to scream] HELP US!! SOMEONE HELP US!!
• Walter launching Albert into the crow's nest by jumping on the edge of the plank that Albert's standing on.
• Upon seeing Albert and Sally-in-drag:
  CPT Fearless: I said I wanted a happy ship, but this is ridiculous!
  • Then after Sally comes out of her disguise and kisses Albert again:
    Walter Sweetly: [crossly] Cor!! And all I get is the scrubbing.
• This:
  CPT Fearless: I don't feel comfortable leaving Emma [the cow] here.
  Albert Poop-Decker: Don't worry. She'll be fine with the bulls.
  CPT Fearless: [confused] What?
  Albert Poop-Decker: [clearly] "Bull".
  CPT Fearless: Well, if you say so.
  Walter Sweetly: She'd be a stupid cow if she didn't.