The Jolly Roger affair, which saw the comical levels of incompetence that plagued early ComStar's ROM and ComGuards in full display. The ROM supplied several groups of pirates with high end 'mechs and aerospace assets, so said pirates could weaken their regional opponents. However, two leaders of said pirate groups, "Black" Jack McGirk and Darleen Dunson fell in love with each other and declared they would unite their outfits into a single unit, one that proved too strong to be controlled. ROM then sent forth a ComGuard Precentor to negotiate a return to ComStar's agenda, who fudged the negotiations so badly that their bodyguards had to shoot their way out of the meeting, killing Dunson in the process. This development made McGirkunderstandably upset and he proceeded to embark on a campaign of extermination on any and all ComStar units he could find, ComStar responded by throwing a full division at him, thinking it would be a roll over. Under most circumstances, it would be, had it not been for the fact that ROM had spent the last 3 years supplying him with roughly a Regiment's worth of high end Battlemechs, which were being driven by skilled pilots, hardened by years of piracy and warfare, and who were baying for blood after their well-liked and respected boss was pointlessly killed. Without the overwhelming tech disparity to hold them back, the pirates managed to inflict horrendous casualties in the ComGuards, who were forced to just overwhelm them with numbers, something they would suceed in doing, but the resulting bodycount would favour the pirates a little over 2 to 1note if we use modern unit sizes to calculate casualties, this would put Comstar losses somewhere around 25% of total committed forces, against an enemy they outnumbered a little over ten to one .
As another part of their inexperience due to their perceived untouchable nature, the Comguards and ROM would also receive a number of rude shocks during the Royal Wedding of Hanse and Melissa, as their inexperience and over-reliance on technology allowed several key persons to smuggle weapons onto Terra, from Justin Allard's prosthetic hand with an integrated laser to Jaime Wolf with Tetsuhara's katana, and a number of spooks were able to infiltrate hidden Comstar facilities while the Wedding event was ongoing. For all their successes in various shadow war misdeeds, Comstar found their training doctrines rather amusingly overstretched during that period.
Maximilian Liao's freakout when Hanse Davion drops his effective declaration of the start of the 4th Succession War at his wedding, by offering the Capellan Confederation to his wife as a wedding present, is a sight to behold. When he takes a closer look at the fancy wedding dinner plates showing territories, he realises that the ones depicting Capellan worlds reveal the targets of Hanse's planned Operation RAT, and panics, screaming insults at Hanse while gathering up the wedding china as 'military intelligence'. This outburst ends up cementing his nickname as 'Mad Max' and was the start of his spiral into madness over the 4th Succession War, cumulating in his being deposed by Romano Liao. For that matter, the fact that Hanse Davion put vital military intelligence on the frelling wedding china!
The writers sometimes get lazy when thinking of planet names. We have:
Butte Hold, the domain of the pirate king Redjack Ryan
Anyone who knows the Magistracy of Canopus would know that that is the only place in the Sphere where you could unironically have planets named "Hardcore" and "Westheimer".
Then there's the Black Comedy element with a dead planet named "Noh-Wan-Hohm"
And in the Periphery, a planet named "Don't". Just "Don't".
On the other hand, sometimes they get creative. The planet known to the Draconis Combine as Dunklewälderdunklerflüssenschattenwelt, and to the locals as Bob. The backstory is that the guy who develops the interstellar maps for the game was talking to the line director, and joked about a planet named Bob. The amused director asked for elaboration, to which the cartographer in question made up a story of a planet that suffered Death by Bureaucracy. The ridiculously long German name was the official name but the inhabitants petitioned to change it to Bob. The petition got declined, and much needed terraforming equipment never arrived, because nobody could find the Bob system.
There is a corporation named Wangker Aerospace.
In the early sourcebook, City Tech, were several amusing stories, including one of a mercenary group that had a couple of skilled technicians who were also inveterate pranksters. The day after a battle, the Mechwarriors were rather upset to find that their stripped armor had been replaced with scrap from delivery trucks, leaving their 'Mechs plastered with messages like "WIDE LOAD", "LARD" and "processed chicken".
One Mechwarrior even went after one of the techs with a wrench!
The A Time of War roleplaying sourcebook provides short quotes and stories all throughout. Due to the quotes being a sentence or two at best, most of them are amusing in a Noodle Incident sort of way, but the quote for the Throwing Weapons skill is comedy gold.
The artists can get in on the fun. One of the core rulebooks had an illustration of two 'mechs fighting in a duel. One Mad Cat was pointing to a lump of metal on the ground as if to say to the other mech "You're next!". There was another 'mech with the Nose Art of a cartoonish rabbit and the name "Happy Bunny".
There's more than a few of these in the Technical Readout books too, often in the form of little slogans or custom details on a 'Mech's hull. A prime example being what's written on the blade of the Nightsky'shatchet.
"Insert Hatchet (A) Into Head (B)"
The Technical Readout 3050 Sourcebook (back when the "unseen" were still in their original art) had this joke by Inner Sphere mechwarriors about the Gladiator:
"What weights 95 tons, can run almost 100 kilometers per hour, can jump 120 meters, and carries a Gauss cannon?”
One of the units in Technical Readout: 3145 is the Condottiere assault craft, A small craft that is leased, rather than sold, to customers. In a raid in 3139, a Draconis Combine force raided a Federated Suns world. Both sides had Condottieres as escorts or defenders. When they engaged, the Condottieres on both sides promptly ignored each other to attack the DropShips that they were supposed to defend. You see, there's a mutual non-aggression clause in the Condottiere's lease that prohibits any models on opposite sides of a battle from firing on each other.
The very existence of Experimental Technical Readout: Royal Fantasy Tournament: A listing of customized 'Mechs fighting in a 3146 Solaris IV tournament. Mechs with nicknames like "Snow White", "Cinderella", "Merida", "Aladdin", "Mulan", "Ariel", "Beast" and even "Leia".
The Mechwarrior profiles are even worse. "Leia", for example, is piloted by a mechwarrior named Carolyn Fischer of Team Rebel Alliance, who inherited the machine from her mother, Natalia Portman, fought with the Stormhammers, and witnessed a terrible WMD strike as part of a rebellion. All topped off with a plea to Disney not to sue them.
The sourcebook for the Wars of Reaving, a fight between the Clans over perceived corruption caused by Inner Sphere influences, features a conversation between two young Clan Wolf mechwarriors. In it, one of them assures her friend that she can't have been tainted by Sphereoid influences, as she has never left Clan space. Then they both start to reminiscence about watching the In-universe version of the animated series, a holovid produced in the Inner Sphere, as children.
Speaking of which, the treatment of the Animated Series in official canon. The cartoon is so bizarre, takes so many liberties with setting, tone, character, and design, it seems impossible to integrate it with the established canon. Yet they did. How? Well, the events of the cartoon didn't happen at all like the cartoon depicts, but the cartoon itself exists in the BattleTech, as a "poorly-reviewed propaganda piece" (audiences loved it, and as noted, even got shown in Clan space [by Clans other than Jade Falcon, of course]) produced by the Tharkad Broadcasting Company. All the strangeness, Off-Model 'Mech designs, and unbelievable out-of-character actions of Clan warriors? That's Steiner entertainment executives hard at work educating the youth of the Inner Sphere about why the Clans are bad. It gets funnier:
The real Nikolai Malthus did not appreciate his portrayal in the Animated Series. He wanted to declare a Clan-style Trial of Grievance over his treatment in the show, but the Lyrans only allowed him to take legal action under Lyran laws, and he ended up being repatriated to the Clans via a prisoner exchange. Other Jade Falcon clan members commented that apart from some exaggerations, Nikolai's character was actually surprisingly accurate, if a little uncharitable.
Even funnier? Malthus ended up declaring another Batchall. This time by throwing himself at the judge. Cut to a failed lawsuit, six months in a Lyran prison and a shameful return to the Jade Falcon Occupation Zone.
All this talk of cartoons begs the question, what exactly do the Clans allow their children to watch? Why, The Adventures of Clan Spaniel, of course! It details the adventures of a clan of Funny Animal characters and their ongoing efforts to protect Strana Mechty from the five evil monkey tribes, all with an eye towards instilling good Clan values in its young audience. Yes, the Clans have their own version of Veggie Tales.
The Battlemech games on Noisiel. Imagine the Olympics. Performed by 'Mechs. Now imagine Baseball, rugby, and basketball games. Again, performed by 'Mechs. Now imagine dance constests and an Atlas dressed up like Santa Claus(said Atlas, by the way, won bronze in the costume contest. The medal was indeed to scale, and awarded by another Atlas.).
A Dark-Age variant of the old Inner Sphere Standard Battle Suit called the "Baka" swaps out the suit's jump jets for additional weapons. The suit gets it's name from the message that flashes across the unit's HUD when the pilot tries to activate the removed jump jets.
Hanse Davion finds out that not one but two Clans are about to launch a massive assault on Luthien, capitol of the Draconis Combine. Hanse had earlier made a non-aggression pact with Theodore Kurita, stating that, as long as the Clans remain a threat, Hanse will not send his troops into Combine space. So, rather than break his word and send FedCom troops into Combine space in what would be a protective invasion or stand back and watch one of his realm's ancient enemies fall to the Clans, Hanse signs off on what may be the biggest single mercenary contract in the history of the Inner Sphere, including the entire force of the Wolf's Dragoons and the Kell Hounds, both of whom have a great deal of bad blood with the Combine in general and Takashi Kurita (ruler of the Combine) in particular. Keep in mind the Combine is known for executing mercenaries. So Hanse doesn't have to send his own forces, he gets to stall the Clan advance, and he gets to epically troll Takashi in the process.
Tex Talks BattleTech: Sheliak lost 84 to 3. I think the Clanners let them have that three out of honor, respect, and. . . pity.
In the House Davion sourcebook on a backwater world called Benedict, the New Avalon Theater group accidentally scared their audience of under educated farmers of their performance of Hamlet. The farmers have never seen holographic projections before, and were freaked out of their seats when they used holo-projections for the ghost of Hamlet's father.
From the novel Malicious Intent, Lyran Alliance Hauptman Caradoc "Doc" Trevena and Wolf's Dragoons Colonel Shelly Brubaker flirting.
Doc: You mercs don't have rules against fraternizing with indig forces? Shelly: You know us, a conquest after every conquest. Besides, you're an officer. With you I wouldn't be fraternizing, I'd be liasing. Doc: That sounds almost respectable. Shelly: I can assure you it would be nothing of the kind.
Critter-TEK, a source book detailing BattleTech in a universe of Funny Animals and a theme of Major League Baseball. It's almost exactly the same as the 2nd edition printout, including Flyer-TEK (AeroTech), Burrow-TEK (CityTech) and TEK-Warrior (MechWarrior roleplaying system). Yes, it's ridiculous. Yes, it sounds funny and yes, you can legitimately play and roleplay with Critter-TEK.
The Equipment section of the BattleMech Manual is chalk full of snark and Shout Outs in the form of little quotes under each piece.
ECM Suite — "Only one man would dare use Somerset jamming techniques on me! ADAM STEINER!" - Nicolai Malthus, The Somerset Strikers series, broadcast 08/12/3052
Actuator Enhancement System — "New from Defiance Industries: the Axman, now with Kung-Fu Grip!"
On the Meta front, is the tale of the Poor Robotech Tactics RPG: in 2014, Palladium Books tried to make a tabletop battle game using the Robotech license. Despite the successful Kickstarter, the game sold rather poorly. On the other hand, several miniature kits sold out quickly. First the Artillery Destroids(which sold out in days), then the regular Destroids, and finally the Veritechs. The Zentraedi Battle Pod packs were nearly untouched to this day. Though it's mostly conjecture, the evidence seems to point to the Kickstarter getting funded primarily by Battletech fans using Palladium just to get new "Unseen" mech models out on the market.
The relationship between future First Prince Julian Davion and Callandre Kell was rather chaotic, and culminated in his exile from the Lyran Alliance when he and Kell piloted a pair of hot wired assault ‘Mechs into the throne room, knocked over the traditional Griffins that stood guard at the throne, and placed in “compromising poses of a vulgar nature”.
The Word of Blake's main propaganda outlet, the Voice of Truth, is so deeply affected by the constant infighting between Blakist factions that televised debates will often break out into open fighting. Just imagine a 31st century version of Memri TV.
An in-universe movie/TV series called "Immortal Warrior" exists, and it is the campiest Cliché StormHollywood Action Hero series possibly imaginable—specific mentions include gratuitous violence, infinite ammo, unnecessary explosions, and shameless merchandising. It's funny enough that it exists, and has done so for something on the order of several dozen seasons, but it's even funnier when you learn that the Bounty Hunter himself watches the series and was notably annoyed after finding out one episode was very loosely inspired by his work. His response to this? Vaguely threaten the valuable lead actor until the directors panicked and rewrote the episode with a 'director's cut' that made the Bounty Hunter the Immortal Warrior's best friend and the true mastermind behind that particular mission. Yes, the Bounty Hunter threatened his way into getting himself Marty Stu'd on the show.
The Circinus Federation is a Bandit Kingdom and they're as rowdy, messy, and chaotic as you'd expect for a nation run by pirates.
The Circinian "military" is a loose collection of pirates, mercenaries, and house units with no standardized uniforms. The only requirement is that they wear the nation's emblem somewhere above the waist. The "above the waist" rule was instituted when the Fighting Shamrocks were found wearing their nation's symbol on their butts.
The story of Fake Ultimate Hero Ju Tang, an engineer who made a minor contribution to her planet's defenses and got elevated to national hero status by Capellan propaganda. During a FWL invasion, an offhand remark from her companion causes her to start buying her own hype. In burst of religious and Patriotic Fervor, she grabs what she thinks is a missile launcher and fires it at an invading Mech. Turns out it's just a fire extinguisher and she gets fried by a laser.
In the 'custom variants' page for the Fireball Battlemech, someone let slip that there are illegal Humongous Mecha racing circuits. The fandom found the concept to be hilarious, pleasantly lighthearted, and entirely probable, and latched on to this as a form of Wacky Racing. Emphasis on wacky.
During the Fourth Succession War, Janos Marik was perfectly willing for the Free Worlds League to sit the war out and abandon his allies in the Kapteyn Accords, since his enemy-turned-'ally' Maximilian Liao instigated the League's civil war thirteen years prior by aiding Anton Marik's rebellion, and he was only convinced to unwillingly sign on to Kapteyn at the negotiations by Takashi Kurita. When Liao insultingly pushes Marik to honor their alliance and help the Capellan Confederation, the League's ruler happily sends him one shipload's worth of "military" supplies - supplies with Capellan ID codes, recovered from his treasonous brother's stronghold after the civil war. Amongst the items the "care package" included were expired Capellan rations (dated back to 3015, from Anton's rebellion), old CCAF bandages and tires found in Anton's stockpiles, some rolls of toilet paper, a single bottle of Prozac (with instructions that it is to be handed personally to Chancellor Liao...), .22 bullets and air gun pellets, and ''a pair of adult entertainment dollsof Hanse and Melissa'', no, not even the good ones that were made in Canopus.
Sometimes, even the machines themselves have amusing stories. An example is that of the Alacorn. The treads have to be at a specific tension to prevent damage while driving. The tanks are shipped with a particular tool that shows the minimum and maximum threshold. But the tool is easily lost. That’s when technicians got creative. You see, there is a brand of beer called Pharoah that comes in a pyramid can. Coincidentally, that can’s dimensions precisely match those thresholds for the tread tension. But only a freshly opened can matches the specs, as the change in pressure deforms the can quickly. Needless to say, Alacorn techs are very diligent in their track maintenance.
This bit of Flavor Text from the Battletech CCG for the "Think Tank" card:
Lock them in a room, slide a couple of pizzas under the door and they'll work wonders.
The CCG had a few pieces of pretty good flavor text.
For the "Long Tom Artillery Cannon":
The first rule of jungle warfare, obviously, is to eliminate the jungle.
The Nova Cats' defection to the Inner Sphere was disguised in a series of show trials where token challenges were offered by the Inner Sphere against the Nova Cats. The 'show trials' got a little weird.
Infamously, a Heads, Tails, Edge situation came up where the decision was by coin flip, and the defending Nova Cat commander called edge. When asked why, she stated she knew she would likely lose, but secretly enjoyed the eternal glory she would have to her name had she won, particularly as the Nova Cats pride themselves on being a Clan of seers as much as warriors.
Another 'battle' involved an extended video game tournament between the two forces that went on for several hours. No mention of what the game was, but apparently it featured rounds of combat, heavily implying it was a fighting game. If so, given the brevity of fighting game matches, the several-hour runtime also implies that all of the prospective combatants were compelled to participate in the tournament.
At least one planet was turned over after a game of Absurdly High StakesPoker. One wonders how the betting and call portion went.
Another planet was intended to follow the above Poker example, but at the last minute the Inner Sphere officer went a bit off the rails and challenged his Clan counterpart to a full round at the local miniature golf course. After a moment of utter bafflement, all parties agreed and an hour of tense putting ensued. It should be noted this was done in dress uniforms.
The notoriously paranoid Secret Police of the Draconis Combine are hard at work attempting to penetrate the Tai Dai Cult of "dead heads" believing them to be some kind of strange messianic healing cult, apparently unaware that they are wasting millions of C-Bills in government resources investigating a far-future fan club for The Grateful Dead.
◊ features an instructor who Drives Like Crazy piloting a 'Mech, with a rookie pilot in the rumble seat behind him. The instructor has a Slasher Smile. The horrified trainee looks like he is in dire need of fresh trousers.
