Funny / Agents Of SHIELD Season Five

Funny Moments from Season Five of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D..

For funny moments from other seasons, go to the appropriate page.

• Season One
• Season Two
• Season Three
• Season Four
• Season Five
• Season Six
• Season Seven

Season Five

Orientation, Part 1

• While the rest of the extraction team is securing Team Coulson, two soldiers wait outside, securing the perimeter. One makes small talk, saying that his wife thinks he's at a friend's house making his fantasy league. He finds it amusing that she doesn't even question that it's the middle of the season. Meanwhile, the other soldier just remains completely quiet.
  • This doubles as a meta joke considering the unusually late start to Season 5.
• When Coulson introdues himself to the people on the station, Vergil introduces himself as part of the welcoming party, greets Coulson with no small amount of reverence, and easily begins answering his questions. Cue Mack coming in and slugging the guy out, as he thought Virgil was threatening Coulson.
  • After he wakes up, Vergil again tries to explain what is going on. Then he's suddenly killed by a Vrellnexian. Coulson notes that he's having trouble getting the man to finish his sentences.
• Yo-Yo is transported onto the space station, when someone wearing a breathing mask grabs her shoulder. So she starts to fight, but it turns out it's Jemma, who thought the air was contaminated when she saw the dead bodies. Also, Jemma is surprisingly okay with the dead bodies.
• Virgil is apparently a fanboy of the team, knowing that Alphonso Mackenzie is called "Mack", reassuring Jemma that the absent Fitz is thinking about her, and even asking if he can call Elena "Yo-Yo", but she's too creeped out by it. One gets the feeling that Coulson now knows how Captain America felt in The Avengers.
• When Mack learns that they're in space, he initially takes it in stride, noting that it's the only thing they haven't done yet. However, as he realizes that he's in space after being a prisoner in the Framework, he declares that he's quitting after all this is over. Coulson points out that he already did.
• Elena is surprised to learn that S.H.I.E.L.D. didn't already have a secret space division, as she had always assumed that they had people on the moon. Yeah, Elena... about that people on the moon thing...
• Mack gets on Coulson for wearing a prosthetic hand without any special gadgets.
  Mack: It’s just a prosthetic without all the cool doodads. I mean, it should’ve been a hook! At least you can stab things with a hook!
  Coulson: I thought I was gonna be arrested!
  Yo-Yo: So, wait. That one doesn’t have the blowtorch or the laser gun or anything?
  Coulson: First of all, I’m not Inspector Gadget! And second of all, the authorities would’ve confiscated it! Prison’s bad enough without being down an appendage!
• Elena theorizes that they're back in the Framework. Everyone immediately groans, because they can't just keep second-guessing their reality every time something strange happens.
• Mack is Genre Savvy as ever and immediately stops the team from splitting up. "That's exactly what they say right before they start getting picked off one by one. And you know who's gonna be first." This leads to them all slowly and awkwardly moving down the hall behind Daisy in battle-ready positions looking like the "Scooby Gang" in a haunted house, while Coulson sarcastically says it's the coolest they've ever looked.
• Mack calling the Kree 'Papa Smurf'. Making it funnier, he does it in Spanish.
• Mack's expression and response when Coulson asks him how hard he punished the perceived threat, i.e. Virgil, "As hard as I could! That's what you do when you hit someone." Then he walks off into the background muttering about how he doesn't throw "half-punches".

Orientation, Part 2

• When Coulson and May realize that they need to create a way back to their own time, they both turn to Jemma.
  Jemma: I'm a biologist, but sure, I can invent time travel, just give me a minute.
• When Coulson, Elena, and Mack are pinned to a wall by their freshly-installed markers, Elena laments that they no longer have the axe they took from the Kree. Coulson and Mack, having experience in that department, immediately protest that line of thinking.
• Tess asks if life on Earth was really that much safer, what with the earthquakes and Sharknados.

A Life Spent

• Daisy slaps Deke as he explains how it is possible that she quaked the Earth apart in an alternate universe.
  Daisy: So which universe did that happen in, mine or yours?
• Daisy does a Ceiling Cling to avoid two Kree guards in an elevator... but it only lasts a few seconds before she slips and they notice her.
  Daisy: I really thought that would work.
• Yo-Yo uses her power to mess with Grill's sensors until he's eventually lured to her thinking her marker is malfunctioning.
• After Mack takes out Zev on the trawler, he gets exasperated that he had to step in, saying that the others all pinned to the wall by their Metrics were "flailing around like Hungry Hungry Hippos". Coulson's reaction sells the whole scene, saying that he thought they looked cooler than that and looking genuinely put out by Mack's comparison.

A Life Earned

• While exploring the lab, May walks over and punches Deke. When asking what she did that, May reveals to Coulson that Daisy has been a prisoner of the Kree since yesterday, and they realize that Deke betrayed Daisy.
  Deke: Okay, well, this is probably the part where I should explain.
  Coulson: No, this is the part where May breaks your face. Explaining? Kind of secondary.
  May: [ominously cracks her knuckles]
  • After fighting off a pair of guards, during which Deke gets a stab wound, Coulson patches him up and asks if he's feeling okay. Once Deke confirms that he'll be okay, Coulson punches him in the face.
    Deke: I really need you people to stop doing that!

Rewind

• Fitz posted angry football rants in a magazine to get Hunter's attention. The army couldn't find any secret messages because there wasn't one—Fitz just knew Hunter would recognize his ranting. When Hunter shows up to save Fitz, they spend a few minutes arguing about football before working on their escape.
• Fitz tells Hunter he has an escape plan: Hunter will visit him three times a week for a month, smuggling in items that can be assembled into a device that Fitz can use to break out. Hunter carefully tells Fitz to move over a few meters, and then the wall explodes.
  Fitz: WHAT! THE BLOODY HELL?!
  Hunter: Your coded message didn't have an escape plan, so I had to come up with one on my own. Come on!
• Hunter tells Fitz that he has his friend Rusty flying a helicopter—he's the best pilot money can buy. Rusty promptly crashes the helicopter while performing a routine maneuver, and Hunter admits he was just the best pilot his money could buy.
  • Possibly a reference to how his Most Wanted series pilot failed to air.
• While they were driving away, Fitz filled in Hunter on everything Team Coulson went through since he and Bobbi left, including the misadventures with the Darkhold that happened in Season 4. Unlike the rest of Team Coulson, he doesn't spend time trying to rationalize Ghost Rider, and instead focuses on AIDA.
  Hunter: Just his head lit on fire? Nothing else?
  Fitz: Um, no.
  Hunter: That's the strangest thing I've ever heard. Except for the sexy robot you made that became human and wanted you to stick the old floppy in her love drive.
• Hunter says that since they left S.H.I.E.L.D., he and Bobbi almost got remarried, but the wedding was interrupted. By Ninjas. Hilarious enough, but since this is the MCU, one has to wonder if the ninjas were members of the Hand, and what it was that Hunter did to piss them off so much. Better part? Fitz doesn't even look surprised by the ninjas.
• When Fitz and Hunter finally track down Enoch, they sneak up on him when he's getting a drink from his fridge. Without turning around, Enoch says that he's been expecting them, causing Hunter to get upset because they're supposed to surprise him, even demanding Enoch to "act surprised".
• After Enoch informs Fitz he has to go back to the prison he was being held at, Fitz seems like he's about to ask something like, "What the Hell?" Instead, he just goes along with it, since he wants to do whatever he can to get Jemma and the rest of his team back. Enoch's expression afterward is pretty funny. Just a confused, "Wow, that was easy", sort of look.
• When sneaking back onto the base, Fitz and Hunter take out two large, long metal boxes, and Fitz warns that they are volatile, liable to take off a hand if they're not careful. What's in the boxes? Ferrets that will run around the base and set off alarms.
  Hunter: Release the ferrets!
• The confused look on Hunter's face as he sees Fitz take down an entire squad of soldiers with nothing but a pair of ICERs.
• As Fitz is about to go into cryostasis, Hunter says the only thing that can be said at that point:
  Hunter: I love you.
  Fitz: I know.

Fun and Games

• Enoch discussing the backstory he came up with for Fitz, saying how it was fun forming it. As if it's some sort of scholarly diversion instead of a life-or-death cover story.
  • While Enoch is describing the brooch that Fitz is wearing to symbolize his kill count, Fitz is wiping some dirt off the gemstones. Enoch then explains that they aren't gemstones, they're larva. Fitz immediately stops shining the brooch and wipes his hand on Enoch's sleeve.
  • When Fitz first sees Jemma, he is briefly left speechless, and Enoch offers to broker an introduction. Fitz asks why he would need someone to introduce him to his One True Love, and Enoch says that it's "Marauder protocol". Fitz looks like he's about lost his patience with Enoch.
• When he manages to sneak up to Jemma when no one is looking, Fitz gives a romantic, heartfelt speech about how their love is stronger than whatever curse the universe is throwing at them, topped off by a proposal... and Jemma doesn't react, because Kasius has disabled her hearing. The scene is a "laugh or you'll cry" moment as it's the epitome of FitzSimmons horrible romantic luck.
  • At the end of the episode, once they've escaped, Jemma proposes to Fitz, who readily accepts. As they leave, Fitz tries to explain that he tried to propose when her hearing was disabled, and Jemma responds with "Of course you did" as though reassuring his ego.
  • While they're leaving, FitzSimmons have to help carry out a semi-conscious Daisy (their most prominent Shipper on Deck), who can't celebrate the good news.^note Though a cut line would have had Daisy saying "It's about time."
• When trying to get May and Ben's match ended without either dying, Fitz says that he came to see the Destroyer of Worlds fight, "not some ancient has-been". May gives Fitz an offended look that says "Was that really necessary?"
• After Flint has undergone Terrigenesis, he wonders why his powers haven't activated yet. Elena tells him that she didn't learn what her powers were until three weeks after eating the fish tacos, and Flint's line reveals that Jed Whedon and Maurissa Tancharoen have created a Bad Future that rivals any created by the writers of the X-Men.
  Flint: What are tacos?
  Coulson: [scoffs]
  Mack: [sounding horrified] What the hell kind of future is this?!
• After hearing that Elena isn't the only Inhuman Team Coulson has, Flint asks if it's Mack, to which Elena responds, "Nah, he's just cool." It gets Mack to smile for a moment.
• Daisy and Jemma get a moment to discuss Fitz's sudden appearance and apparent Took a Level in Badass
  Daisy: How is Fitz even here?
  Jemma: I don't know! He just showed up out of nowhere with his own space ship.
  Daisy: It's a baller move. Not to mention the whole Bounty Hunter look he's rocking.
  Jemma: I still prefer him in cardigans.
• When Daisy and Jemma are discussing what to do to help Fitz, Jemma pulls out a butter knife that she managed to swipe.
  Jemma: I have a knife.
  Daisy: ... we can do better.
  Jemma: [defensively] Well, there was limited cutlery to choose from.
  Daisy: No, with our plan.
• After defeating Sinara, Fitz shoots a guest and Jemma slashes Kasius' throat, allowing Fitz to deactivate the energy shield protecting the guests. Daisy quakes herself to their level, raises her hands for an asskicking... and Faulnak hits her inhibitor, causing her to fall to the floor. Talk about Anti-Climax.
• After FitzSimmons dramatic escape, Sinara begins to regain consciousness, only for Fitz to ICE her as an afterthought.
• Enoch in The Stinger, disguised as a Kree, passing a Kree guard and heading toward the surface.
  Enoch: Hello, friend.
  Guard: Who are you?
  Enoch: I am a Kree, as I have always been, brother.

Together or Not at All

• In the beginning of the episode, Daisy calls out Fitz on his whole "fight to the death" suggestion.
  Daisy: By the way, "fight to the death"? Really?
  Fitz: Yeah, well, I had to make a splashy entrance.
  Daisy: Yeah, well, you could have jumped into the octagon yourself, then.
  Fitz: Well, wouldn't be fair. I do push-ups now. Double digits.
• Fitz and Simmons are ambivalent towards Deke when he first shows up and are more focused on Fitz's injury and getting out. Then Daisy reveals that he was the one who sold her out to Kasius.
  Simmons: Oh, kill him, he's a snake.
  Fitz: I'm going to cut his throat—[stands up, aggravating his wound] open!
  • Becomes either Hilarious in Hindsight or Harsher in Hindsight when it's revealed that Deke's mom was FitzSimmons' daughter, meaning that FitzSimmons wanted to kill their own grandson.
• The rest of the team finds out about Fitz's arrival, and since he needs to get a bullet out of his gut, Simmons says that story can wait until later. Mack replies "Not when it involves time travel!"
• After Flint uses his rock manipulating abilities to barricade the door, Coulson says that will buy the team some time. Cue Maston-Dar using a weapon to begin punching holes in a wall to plant grenades in. Coulson then revises his assessment.
  • As this is going on, Mack chews Flint out for exposing himself to the Kree, and Flint argues that he had to prevent any further deaths like Tess, saying that the Kree are after him. Daisy then pipes in that the Kree are also after her, as does Jemma, when Elena speaks her mind.
    Mack: This isn't your problem to fix.
    Flint: It is my problem! They're after me!
    Daisy: And me.
    Jemma: And me.
    Elena: I don't think they're gonna be picky about who they kill!
  • As Maston-Dar continues to punch holes in the wall, Team Coulson tries to figure out what to do.
    Coulson: Come on. A room full of secret agents, scientists, and superheroes. Someone give me something.
    Elena: We stand our ground and fight.
    Fitz: With what? Rocks and rubbish?
    Flint: I can fight with rocks.
  • Deke suggests going up a chute that leads near the trawler. Then is about to show how his anti-gravity device works. Just before he goes up, Coulson and Daisy give off Rapid Fire Nos and pull him out of the chute. Daisy then takes it from him and says he's going last.
  • As FitzSimmons head up the chute, they take a moment to remind everyone that they're Whovians:
    Fitz: Once more unto the breach.
    Jemma: Allons-y.
• Fitz reveals he hid some weapons in a wall in the Lighthouse...which turns out to be on the level now filled with roaches, getting him a bunch of reproachful looks.
  Fitz: How was I supposed to...I feel like I'm not getting enough credit here!
• Since no one knows how to fly the trawler, Coulson takes it upon himself to serve as pilot, reasoning that since he had a Flying Car, it shouldn't be too different. Cue the trawler being damaged mid flight and plummeting toward the surface, where upon Coulson admits that it's much more different.
  Coulson: Okay! So not exactly like a flying car!
  Deke: We are so stupid!
  Daisy: So much for smooth sailing!
  • Also, what directly preceded the loss of control? FitzSimmons trying to share a kiss. If there is a curse, it really doesn't like to be underestimated.

The Last Day

• Mack reuniting with his true love, the shotgun-axe. Flint questions the practicality of the almighty shotgun-axe, but Mack isn't having any of it.
  Mack: Helloooo, gorgeous.
  Flint: I don't get it. Doesn't the axe make it harder to shoot?
  Mack: [defensively] Makes it easier to chop heads off!
  • And then Flint is converted to the path of righteousness once he sees Mack doing just that.
    Flint: Shotgun-axe. I get it now.
• Flint is staring in awe after Elena has just killed a half-dozen roaches in under a second. Mack tells him to dial it back.
• Mack dubs Flint "Pebbles" during this episode. This means that the human race was spared the ultimate fate of being roach food by the Super Team composed of Turtle Man, Yo-Yo and Pebbles.
• Daisy tells Deke that her relationship with her father "had a rocky start, but it worked out."
• When Enoch unhelpfully boasts that patience is a Chronicom's greatest tool, Coulson and May are less than impressed. Coulson points out that he and May have limited lifespan, not only because they are humans but also because of the pressing issues with the Kree.

Best Laid Plans

• The show acknowledges that the explanation for how Flint could put the Monolith back together could only ever be so much technobabble, as Coulson starts to explain but then gives up and says it's because his power involves rocks. Even better, it sounds like FitzSimmons knows and explained it, but Coulson had no way of repeating it in a way that makes sense.
  Enoch: This Inhuman boy, Flint. You say his geokinesis is the key to constructing a new monolith for your returning home?
  Coulson: Technically, Robin said it to May, but yeah, that's the idea.
  Enoch: And how exactly will that work?
  Coulson: We have a Monolith shard. FitzSimmons says that it has a unique crystalline structure that he can... [sighs] it's a rock. Flint controls rocks. I don't know.
• After finding out that May was Robin's adoptive mother in the original timeline, Daisy makes a crack about how May would be a strict, hard-ass mom. May is not amused. Daisy then adds that her reaction proves the point.
  • Later on, Coulson asks May with all seriousness if she can pilot the Zephyr in a gravity storm, and her look is priceless. Daisy pointedly calls it another "mom face".
• Enoch is once again The Comically Serious, making several references to his own Bizarre Alien Biology:
  • May calls him "Metal Man", causing him to retort that he is technically made of plastic. May then calls him "Plastic" and tells him to make himself useful.
    Enoch: Plastic is quite useful, if often unappreciated.
  • And when the Zephyr is trying to take off in the middle of a powerful gravity storm:
    Enoch: If I had a stomach, the vomiting would begin now!
• Deke pulls an impressive Big Damn Heroes moment when he shows up to help Daisy fight Sinara, and then immediately realizes how outclassed he is when he has to face a highly-trained Kree assassin in hand-to-hand combat. For starters, he just about breaks his hand trying to punch her in the face.
  Deke: Okay, okay! That is quite a jaw you have! Consider me impressed! [is promptly laid out by Sinara]
• Deke's utter lack of bedside manner in response to Coulson's head injury.
  Deke: Wow, that is definitely getting infected.

Past Life

• Now that Deke has a weapon for the first time in his life, he says that only good people should be trusted with them.
  Deke: Guns, man, it's like cheating! You shouldn't give these to anyone who's not a really, really good person!
  May: Yeah, there ought to be a law.
  • Later, when he rescues Enoch by killing a Kree:
    Deke: [admiring the handgun] Where has this been all my life, right?
    Enoch: Level 3. Hidden in a wall cavity.
    Deke: Yeah, now you tell me.

All the Comforts of Home

• Patrick Warburton as General Rick Stoner, a 1970s S.H.I.E.L.D. agent acting as a tour guide for the Lighthouse.
  "You'll think the 1980s came early!"
• Deke experiencing the present:
  • Upon realizing that he's in the past before the world was quaked apart, the first thing Deke does is hug a tree. It's incredibly heartwarming to the audience watching... but very weird for the lady walking her dog, who assumes he's high.
  • Deke walks into a bar and tries a real beer. Then he realizes that beer tastes terrible, and asks the bartender if he has something with alcohol that tastes delicious. The bartender gives him a Zima. Cue a montage of Deke drinking Zima, eating a hamburger, and getting so drunk he passes out.
    • And when Daisy comes to bail him out of jail, he goes on about how great Zima is for a few minutes. The Product Placement is so over-the-top and deliberately ridiculous, it's hilarious.
    • Just the fact that the show is obviously taking a few minutes aside to shill Zima booze...by having Deke get get absolutely shitfaced drunk and then try unsuccessfully to leave without paying. You have to wonder whether the writers were subtly working out their issues with the advertising department there.
  • Since Deke doesn't have any money to pay for all the food and Zima he got, and his future Metric obviously doesn't work, he's arrested. Daisy is forced to go and bail him out, posing as a social worker who is assigned to oversee Deke on a day trip. While explaining his issues to the police, Daisy has some revenge on Deke for selling her to Kasius, claiming that he has low IQ, poor motor skills, etc.
    • And the alias Daisy uses? "Sinara Smith". Deke chuckles under his breath.
  • After returning to the present Lighthouse, Deke sees the computers, and when Daisy starts to explain, Deke defensively says he knows what computers are... then sheepishly asks if those are computers.
• Team Coulson is forced to steal a van to get to where Fitz and Hunter stashed the Zephyr One outside of town. And Elena knows her man well enough to know that Mack will insist on returning it afterwards.
  Elena: Here comes the catch.
  Mack: But there's a catch.
  May: Really? We're spies.
  Jemma: I think it's quite admirable.
  • When the team leaves the van, there is a little handwritten sign on the dashboard that reads "Return to John Nickel," the man the van belongs to.
• While driving through town, Team Coulson say that driving an uncomfortable van is not as bad as some of the situations they've been in.
  Jemma: We could be enslaved by an alien sociopath in a dystopian future.
  Mack: Or trapped in a virtual-reality fascist state.
  Elena: Or fighting a crazy robot lady.
  Fitz: Or stuck in the bottom of the ocean.
  Jemma: Or falling out of a plane.
  Mack: Or fighting Daisy's mom.
  Coulson: Or fighting Daisy's dad.
  May: Or dancing.
  • Just the disgusted way May says "dancing" is hilarious.
  • Also, pay attention to Simmons at that last comment. It's not clear if it's Jemma finding it Actually Pretty Funny or Elizabeth Henstridge failing to keep a straight face.
• Shortly after returning to the correct time, May and Fitz meet Noah, another Chronicom and colleague of Enoch who is observing Earth for potential extinction events. Fitz and May are able to predict his speech based on how Enoch talked.
  • While explaining the potential threats bearing observation, Noah says that S.H.I.E.L.D. is mentioned frequently. May says that they "have a small but active fanbase".
  • Daisy sets up a security alert to check on any flags of the team getting sighted. Noah realizes she's using his keyboard, which does not bother him.
  • When Daisy says that Noah needs to go and bail Deke out of jail, Noah says that it would be interfering in the course of human development. When Daisy points out that they kidnapped them, Noah says that was Enoch, who is "quite reckless".
  • When Daisy and Deke return, Noah introduces himself to Deke by saying he disagreed with bailing Deke out.
• On a rewatch, knowing that Ruby, the Phoneaholic Teenager with a penchant for skipping class who was introduced at the opening of the episode, is actually a trained assassin hellbent on killing Daisy is darkly funny. Dove Cameron's performance really helps sell the disconnect between these two aspects of the character.

The Real Deal

• In the opening, Fitz reveals that the rift has caused a forest to appear on Level 27. When Team Coulson learn that the rift is linked to a "fear dimension" where someone's deepest fears can manifest, everyone is confused about how a beautiful forest by a lake would be scary. Then Deke describes the horrors of little creepy crawlies in wide open spaces getting into someone. Despite hugging a tree in "All the Comforts of Home", Deke is agoraphobic.
• Fitz mentions that someone might have to sacrifice themselves to seal the rift, and then he immediately turns to Deke. Deke then rants about how he already "did the heroic sacrifice thing" to get the team back to the present. Fitz then mentions he just wanted Deke's belt buckle.
• With help from Mike Peterson, Coulson is able to use the device to contain the rift... and the blowback of sealing it causes Coulson to land in Mike's lap.
  Coulson: You're uh... you're real, right? Please tell me you're real.
  Mike: Would that make this any less awkward?
  Coulson: Yes.
  Mike: Good.
• Since Deke isn't in any government database, Coulson sends him out to get some things. While the primary part of the mission was contacting Mike Peterson and any other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents he could find, his other job was collecting odds and ends for the FitzSimmons wedding.
  • Among the things he was sent to get, Deke was sent to buy a bottle of Haig so that May and Coulson could finally have a drink. Unfortunately, he couldn't find any, but found something better: Zima.
  • While riding down the elevator, Fitz says that they got incredibly lucky that they got exactly who they needed at the end. While he was obviously refering to Mike Peterson, Deke assumes that it was him manning up to go into a meadow to wait for the Quinjet carrying Mike, Davis, and the other agents. Coulson and Fitz just share a look and agree to let Deke get it out of his system before telling him who they were talking about.
• The entire FitzSimmons wedding is filled with both heartwarming and hilarity:
  • Coulson officiating is just utterly meta with regards to Lampshading their status as Star-Crossed Lovers, saying that any potential delays would be "playing with fire".
  • In a Call-Back to Jemma's need for preparation, she wrote down her vows.
  • Deke and Mike making awkward small talk at the wedding:
    Deke: So, you full cyborg? Or...?
    Mike: Yeah.
    Deke: Cool.
  • While talking with Mike, Deke explains that he got the rings, and it was a little hard to find one for Fitz with his "little boy fingers". He also picked out Jemma's ring because it reminded him of a ring his mother used to wear, which supposedly belonged to her mother. Which is because Deke's mom was FitzSimmons' daughter.
  • In a deleted scene from the episode (starts at 4:40) Koenig (or a Koenig) delivers an encrypted video message to the agents, mainly to congratulate FitzSimmons on their wedding.

Principia

• In an effort to track down Gravitonium to seal the rift to the Fear Dimension, Team Coulson discover that all the scientists who worked under Ian Quinn are dead, but their death certificates were all signed by the same doctor: Murray Jacobson, who also has a number of aliases. Tracking him down, Team Coulson get into a Mexican Standoff with Jacobson... until Mack recognizes him as Tony Caine, his old friend from the S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy. One tense situation easily resolved.
  • When they first see each other, Mack refers to Tony as "Candy Man", his nickname due to his ability to get anyone anything at the Academy. Mack's own nickname was "Mack Hammer", as he made the mistake of revealing that he was a huge fan of MC Hammer in high school. Mack declares that this is to never leave the Zephyr One.
  • Since they're looking at the Academy's photographs, Daisy looks up Mack's class photo. Even May says she "can't unsee it".
  • Once S.H.I.E.L.D. finds the Principia floating in the air, Tony stares in absolute awe. However, this barely even fazes Team Coulson.
  • When Mack is trying to secure the Gravitonium, Coulson gives a "can't touch this" joke.
    Coulson: Hey, Mack Hammer. Can't touch this.
    Mack: Now is not the time.
    Coulson: Sorry. Couldn't resist.
• May is not happy to have been left on the Zephyr One while Coulson, Daisy, and Mack head over to the Principia. Coulson says that he wants May on the Zephyr in the event of a high altitude rescue, as he doesn't trust Davis is a skilled enough pilot to pull it off. Davis, who is on the comms, tells Coulson that he can hear them... and he agrees with Coulson's assessment.
• Deke looks upon a picture of the ocean in absolute awe, and when learning that the region they're looking at is five miles deep, he asks what it's like. Unfortunately, he asked FitzSimmons, who have less than ideal experiences regarding the subject.
• While going through the supplies of the Lighthouse, Deke discovers a new joy of the present day: Twinkies.
  Deke: I need to meet the chef who made this.
• Now that they're married, Jemma suggests that she and Fitz should hyphenate their last names. Fitz jokes that "Simmons-Fitz" would just "roll off the tongue".
• Mack is trying to take Fitz's recently vacated throne of "World's Best Boyfriend" by getting Elena two things: a beer, and one of General Hale's Sleeper Mechs so that Fitz can use the components to fashion a new pair of cybernetic arms for Elena. You know a guy is a keeper when he'll bring you the bodies of his kills.
  • When Mack first tells her to guess what he brought, Elena's response is "I'm stumped". She's reached the point where she can joke about losing her arms now.

The Devil Complex

• The Fear Dimension summons the astronaut waaay back from Maveth... then cut to FitzSimmons reminiscing about their days at the academy after Fitz loudly moans about being hungry for "proper British junk food."
• Deke and Jemma has a touching heart-to-heart where he reveals that he is her grandson. Immediately after Jemma makes this connection, she turns and vomits. Poor Deke.

Rise and Shine

• Coulson being held prisoner by General Hale is worth a few laughs.
  • When Coulson has the bag over his head taken off, he tells Hale that of all the bags that have been put over his head, that was one of the more comfortable ones.
  • When Coulson wakes up, he goes to the cafeteria like Werner and Talbot did, but says that the place is a C-. Then he sees a box of "Oops! All Berries", and bumps it up to a C+.
  • When Ruby comes in and ignores Coulson like she did with Strucker and Talbot, Coulson says that Hale can come and talk to him when she's done playing games. When Hale comes to talk to him in his room, Coulson asks if Ruby is the one who cut off Elena's arms.
    Hale: She's my daughter.
    [Beat]
    Coulson: Gotta say, you're making a poor case for homeschooling.
  • Hale mentions the long-dead Daniel Whitehall, and Coulson's response is hilariously petty.
    Coulson: Yeah, and I buried him, so... go team.
  • Also, Ruby's surprised reaction when Coulson just walks off after she ignores him. It's like she's thinking "Wait, what just happened?"
• After reviewing their intelligence on Hale and concluding she is HYDRA, Daisy makes a "Hale/Hail HYDRA" pun. Even she looks disgusted, and May can't help but crack a smile.
• Jemma reveals to Fitz that Deke is their grandson... and Fitz responds with "But he's the worst!"
  Jemma: I think he's perfect. Plus his existence proves that you and I make it to the Lighthouse and live long enough to raise a daughter! Do you see what this means?
  Fitz: Yeah, I do...it means our daughter is obviously going to marry some belligerent space goon if she's going to give birth to a 'Deke'!
  • Fitz's face when he says his name. His appalled and aghast expressions after he finds out are priceless.
• Talbot is back. And he's as hilarious as ever:
  • Talbot finds a box of Cap'n Crunch in the breakfast room, helps himself, and then playfully growls "I still outrank you" at it. Then he's trying to talk to Ruby with his mouth full of cereal.
  • While inspecting the alien device that Hale shows to him, Talbot, despite not wearing a uniform or any kind of formal clothing, insists on maintaining his cool, formality, and a sense of superiority towards Hale, with Reverse Armfold.
  • Calling HYDRA "squidbillies" is worth the price of admission alone.
  • Talbot's insults towards Hale are gold— not least because you can't be sure how much is because of his brain-injury-induced lack of filter, and how much is just Talbot being Talbot.
    (Referencing the octopus logo of HYDRA) "I would rather die on my two legs than slither on eight with you."
    (Referencing Ruby) "Crossfit Tinkerbell's your daughter?"
    (Rejecting Hale's offer of an alliance) "You filthy calamari Mata Hari."

Inside Voices

• Since Fitz and Simmons in the Lighthouse's original timeline have changed their real names, Deke only knew them as Bobo and Nana, respectively.
• While mentioning to both Fitz-Simmons that Daisy has "become a hard-ass" since taking command, Deke apologizes to Daisy and May for being late for the departure of the Zephyr One.
  May: [after Deke walks off] Was he late?
  Daisy: I'm not even sure.
• In trying to get Elena to help them let Fitz out, Jemma tells Elena that Deke is their grandson. Elena's reaction? Express her sympathies.
  Elena: Wow... [to Fitz] I'm so sorry.
  Fitz: Thank you.
• Hale has taken Coulson's cot, chair, and Cap'n Crunch. Coulson considers the last one a bridge too far.
• Coulson tells Creel that he has a choice to make. Suddenly, one of the robotic guards knocks on the door, and Creel walks offscreen. Cue a punching sound and ripping metal, and the robot's sparking head rolling into the doorway.
  Coulson: That's a choice.
• After Coulson is able to convince Creel that Talbot is a prisoner of Hale, they head off to rescue him. Once they find him, their attempts to escape are hindered by Talbot's loss of volume control. Just like in the previous episode, it's hard to tell if it's because of the brain damage or just because he's Talbot.
  Coulson: You need to use your inside voice.
  Talbot: THIS IS MY INSIDE VOICE!
  Coulson: Then you need to use your softer, quieter inside voice.
• When they're making their escape, only to be cut off by Ruby:
  Coulson: [dragging Talbot away] If you're thinking of blonde jokes, now's not the time.
  Talbot: I've got plenty!
• Coulson and Talbot are able to use Hale's teleportation device to escape her base. While they were teleported to a location on Earth, it was also in a frozen forest.
  Talbot: Maybe next time, you teleport us to a place with white sandy beaches and palm trees.
  Coulson: That's not really my thing anymore.
  • Before that, Coulson is just randomly inputting coordinates into the machine. Talbot points out that 70% of the Earth is water.

The Honeymoon

• After Elena uses her new prosthetics to break open a locked gate, Fitz comments that getting your arms chopped off may not be such a bad thing. He then realizes how insensitive this statement is, and immediately tries a Verbal Backspace, only for Jemma to tell them they should keep going.
• May and Coulson get into an argument about whether Daisy is ready to replace him, and the argument further extends to Coulson having resigned himself to dying. As the argument gets more heated, May finally admits that she loves Coulson... partly because she "thought that would shut you up". May then walks off while a still-stunned Coulson tries to process what just happened.
• Completely drugged out of his mind by morphine, Deke starts ranting about how much he wants to kiss Daisy, much to Piper and Mack's bemusement.
  Piper: I mean, she's not my type, but I can see it...
  • Then he goes on about how cool he thinks Mack is, and asks if he should shave his head to match. At this point, Mack ups the morphine drip to knock him out.
    Deke: Oooo, my brain is falling...
  • When Daisy walks in moments later, Mack and Piper quietly agree not to mention any of the above.
• Even under siege, Jemma tells Fitz that it's a great honeymoon. "I'm protecting England from evil robots with the man I love".
• FitzSimmons do an epic slow-mo shootout with several mechs... then Simmons' gun jams, ruining the moment.
  Simmons: What were we thinking?!
  • Pinned down by the mechs, Simmons asks Fitz to reiterate the scientific logic behind how time can't be changed (thus proving that they won't die here) in order to calm her down, but ultimately tells him it's not working and to stop.

All Roads Lead...

• Coulson tries to talk to May about her Love Confession in the previous episode, but May brushes him off by saying that they have a meeting to get to.
  Coulson: Good talk, Phil.
• After Fitz convinces Ruby that he needs Jemma's help to repair the particle infusion chamber, Fitz-Simmons hug each other in relief. Ruby then says what everyone is thinking:
  Ruby: Aw, you two are adorable. I ship it, I really do.
• Deke seeking Coulson and Mack's help on love advice.
  • When Deke continues heaping praise on Daisy, Mack says he loves Daisy. Deke tries to deny it, and Coulson flatly says "That was convincing. I believe him".
  • Mack then tells Coulson about Deke's drug-induced Love Confession from the previous episode. Deke tries to pass it off as not how he actually feels, but Coulson says that he had figured it out a while ago. Deke then tries to dismiss it by saying that it doesn't matter, since Daisy hates him.
    Coulson: Most definitely.
    Mack: Yeah.
  • Deke then tries to ask for advice, but given Coulson and Mack's current respective issues with May and Elena, it goes nowhere.
    Deke: Like, you have a good thing going.
    Mack: Don't look at me. Last time I saw Yo-Yo, she lied to me, locked me up, and ran off.
    Deke: Coulson?
    Coulson: Sorry, bro. Apparently, I'm incapable of expressing my feelings or letting people take care of me.
    Deke: You guys are useless.
  • Deke then decides to leave a lemon on Daisy's bunk, which in the future is the customary method of letting someone know you've got a crush on them. Noticing that Coulson and Mack seem confused, Deke asks if that's not what people do in the present. After a Beat, they tell him yes, it definitely is what people do in the present and he should definitely do that.
  • After getting an update from May and Daisy, who tell Coulson and Mack to stay in place and review Robin's drawings, Deke responds with this:
    Deke: Women, am I right?
    [Beat]
    Mack: Shut up, Lemons.

Option Two

• When the Lighthouse's systems register the Confederacy ship over it, a hologram of General Stoner brings up a menu of options to deal with the situation. Coulson decides to select Option Two: Nuclear Attack before learning that Option Three is Alien Invasion. This causes the Lighthouse to enter an automated lockdown to protect those inside from nuclear fallout. For fifteen years.
  May: Did he just say "fifteen years"?!
  Coulson: How was I supposed to know that there would be an "alien invasion" option?!
  May: You always listen to the whole menu! Always!
  • While announcing the lockdown, Coulson says that they'll be trapped inside due to a "technical malfunction" for "fifteen years...ish".
  • When Qovas demands that S.H.I.E.L.D. hands over the Gravitonium, Coulson uses the lockdown to tell Qovas that they can withstand a siege with enough air, water, and food for fifteen years.
    Agent Kim: [to May] Is that true?
    May: Not good food.
  • Finally, at the end of the episode, after Talbot uses his new Gravitonium powers to breach the Lighthouse and take Coulson to the spaceship, everyone in the control room is staring in horrified awe when the hologram of General Stoner reappears, and says that there is no harmful radiation in the atmosphere, ending with "The world is safe again".
• While preparing to defend the lab, Davis told Piper how he managed to survive going toe-to-toe with AIDA. Piper asks if the others were as impressed, and Davis says that he thinks they didn't care.
• As Team Coulson begin preparing to hold out in the control room, Coulson laments that his robotic hand won't be much use with the Remorath's EMP field, so Mack gives Coulson his beloved Shotgun-Axe to use instead. Coulson's reaction is one of surprised glee, as if Captain America himself just gave Coulson his shield to use.
  • Additionally, Deke tells Fitz that he will keep the Gravitonium safe, ending it with calling Fitz "Gramps". Fitz says that if they get through this, no matter what else happens... Deke is to never refer to Fitz as "Gramps" again.
  • After the Remorath have broken into the control room, Coulson tries to tell May that he loves her, only for May to cut him off.
    Coulson: Look, May, this probably isn't the best time—
    May: It's not!
• It’s pretty humorous realizing that the reason that Coulson and the team are unaware of the events of Avengers: Infinty War is simply because… they haven’t had the time to look at the news.

The One Who Will Save Us All

• Daisy returned to her room but isn't in a good mood due to recent events. She's bewildered by a bunch of lemons on her bed and tells Deke that someone seems to have pranked her. Deke realizes that he's been tricked by Coulson and Mack earlier, and awkwardly claims that Fitz must have done it.
• Talbot's description of the voices within the gravitonium is funny in context. Ian Quinn and Franklin Hall have driven both Creel and Ruby into screaming insanity and there was nothing they or anyone else could do about it. Talbot basically told them to shut up; "a bunch of dead losers making a ruckus; they needed a general to keep them in line."
• Deke asks Daisy what's in the bag she has been carrying around. It's the absolutely casual delivery of both of them that sells it:
  Daisy: My mom.
  Deke: Ah.
• Talbot gets annoyed with the Confederacy's use of tradition, and says they're like "a bunch of Democrats".

The Force of Gravity

• Yet again, Davis explains to someone how he survived Aida's rampage, but entirely offscreen (though it's implied he had some...thing that helped with it). Agent Kim's remark similarly implies he heard Davis' story multiple times, too.
  Deke: That's the most incredible story I've ever heard, and I'm the same age as my grandparents!
• As May and Coulson are about to try and escape, their cell door opens. Their savior is Deke. But instead of the tall-standing, confident rescuer image any of the other agents would cut, Deke is hunched over and panting, holding a blunt object as he gripes that the Remorath are really hard to beat up.
• Deke getting the third degree from Coulson and May for barely being able to read any of the alien writing which was also on the Lighthouse in the future.
  Deke: Well, they don't teach you the language. I can count to five.
  Coulson: You lived there for decades and you know five numbers?!
  Deke: [defensively] I also know "zero", so no, I know six numbers!
• May and Coulson finally have their Big Damn Kiss... while hiding behind the energy shield in his robot hand as a Remorath shoots at them.
  • Daisy runs up, apparently having heard the gunshots, and pauses to stare slack-jawed at the kiss for several seconds before remembering to go fight the Remorath. Afterwards, she smirks happily at the couple.
    Coulson: Not a word, Agent Johnson. That's an Order!.
    Daisy: Copy that.... Hot Lips.
  • After Daisy subdues the Remorath, Deke walks in just as Coulson and May finish their kiss, leaving Deke the one with a Jaw Drop at the sight. As he follows May to the bridge, he eyes Coulson with a look that says "that must have been some lemon".
  • Later, as Daisy is patching up Coulson on the Zephyr:
    Daisy: So... you made out with May.
    Coulson [innocently] Did I?
  • And Coulson explains his reasoning to May:
    Coulson: I thought that would shut you up.
• May and Qovas have an epic and intense fight scene...while Deke is rolling under their blades and mostly just trying not to freak out or get killed.
• While running around the alien's ship, May lampshades either the show's limited budget or how shows often reuse sets.
  May: All these hallways look the same.

The End

• At the end of the episode, Coulson goes to the real Tahiti to spend what time he has left with May. She asks if there is anything else on his bucket list, and he tells that there is "Just one".
  May: Parasailing?
  Coulson: Always wanted to try it.
• For a bit of Grave Humor, Coulson's memorial plaque says:
  In remembrance of our fearless leader
  Phillip J. Coulson
  He gave us his wisdom, his love, and his life
  (A couple of times)