Fanfic / Some Things Never Change

Some Things Never Change is a one-shot SpongeBob SquarePants fanfic written by WDGHK. It's an introspective (though far from humorless) piece told from the point of view of an aging Squidward as he continues his drab and routine life as the underpaid cashier at the Krusty Krab, alongside his overzealous coworker SpongeBob, the same as it has been for the last 20 years. It defies the show’s use of Comic-Book Time and explores the idea of the world of SpongeBob being subjected to the real-life passage of time, but somehow still finding a way to remain largely stagnant. Until its two sequels come along.

In the first sequel, called Finite, Squidward learns about the passing of his Arch-Enemy Squilliam Fancyson III, and tries to process his death while also reflecting on his own life and coming to terms with his many regrets, while the third story, called Nothing Lasts Forever, involves Mr. Krabs's time finally running out and SpongeBob being forced to accept it.

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Stories provide examples of:

• 15 Minutes of Fame: During their final encounter, Squidward brings up his victories over Squilliam during the events of "Band Geeks", and later "House Fancy", as his one and only trump card. However, Squilliam laughs it off, pointing out how the true measure of fame isn’t gaining it but holding onto it and leaving your mark on society. Squilliam, by this point (and after his death), has had a lifelong career of countless achievements, and has been immortalized by Bikini Bottom as a Renaissance Man. Meanwhile, Squidward's past accomplishments have long been forgotten, only remembered by the very few who even bother to care about him (like Sandy and SpongeBob). This turns out to also be something of a good thing though, as while Squidward's fame might not have lasted, at least his failures and past mistakes can't really haunt him anymore after his epiphany with Sandy. Squilliam's past misdeeds however, end up coming back to damage his reputation severely.
• All for Nothing:
  • Squidward's attempts to defeat his rival Squilliam end up being worth nothing in the end, as he's still ultimately a lowly cashier with only brief flashes of glory and remembered by most as an unpleasant loser and grouch, while Squilliam would go down in history as a Renaissance Man with fame, glory, society forever remembering him for his accomplishments, and all of his negative qualities swept under the rug. What's worse is Squidward realized this far too late in his life, and how much his own ego, envy and jealousy clouded his judgment on the matter until he could no longer change his path.
  • Plankton's ultimate goal of stealing the Krabby Patty Secret Formula is rendered fruitless without him even knowing because the Formula was invented as part of a marketing campaign by Mr. Krabs in order to give his food a mystical quality without actually making the burgers special. It's only further amplified when after yet another failed attempt, Plankton ends up dead from his body degrading due to bugs in his experiments, leaving him a complete failure to the end.
• Anachronism Stew:
  • Played for Laughs during Mr. Krabs's backstory. During his salad days as “Thrifty Jack”, they apparently had things such as ship plumbing, bubble gum, and canned spray (meant to repel sea monsters).
  • Conquistadors were still around during the The Golden Age of Piracy, and The Great Depression was apparently going on in Bikini Bottom in 1950, when Mr. Krabs (after accidentally turning himself into a baby) was adopted by Betsy (granted, this is anthropomorphic sea creature history, not human history).
• Actually Pretty Funny: Squidward laughs when some of Squilliam's past scandals (such as dating underage girls) finally come to light, souring his reputation.
  Squidward (chuckled): Oh, Otto. You were always such a player
• Bait-and-Switch: During the cruise scene at the end of “Nothing Lasts Forever” SpongeBob takes a moment to tell Sandy something very important, as if he’s going to make a Love Confession…but instead, he reveals that he knew all along about Sandy growing weaker with age and getting gray hairs, before adding that he doesn’t think any less of her because of it.
• Bigfoot, Sasquatch, and Yeti: On his final journey to the Fountain of Youth, Mr. Krabs battles a trio of yeti crabs while crossing a frigid mountain range, all while speaking with Squidward over the phone, informing him that he'll be away for one more day. He manages to push one off a cliff and slays the other two with his sword, and turns them into a fur coat which he wears for insulation during the remainder of his journey.
• Bigger on the Inside: Davy Jones’s locker looks like a generic, unassuming storage compartment, on the outside. But on the inside, it houses an endless hall with millions of doors lining both walls, with every one of them leading to a workout room where the damned are forced to endure literal Training from Hell for all eternity.
• Bittersweet Ending:
  • More bitter than sweet, but Finite ends with Squidward visiting Squilliam's grave and admitting to his late rival that the latter has won their feud, while also refusing to mock him at his final resting place, insisting that he's the "bigger man" for admitting defeat and for having a sense of accountability (which Squilliam never had). Squidward is fully aware that he has squandered his life and that there's nothing he can do to change that, but has also learned to move on and is avid about eating humble pie and trying to enjoy what time he has left.
  • The ending of Nothing Lasts Forever is this as well, but much more sweet than bitter. All of the characters end up more accepting of how they've changed and aged, and resolve to live their lives to the best they can with what time they have left. Some lives are better than others:
    • Squidward manages to find some peace in his new job as the boss of the Krusty Krab, giving wise advice to younger hires (even if he expects that they won't listen), and is now on much more amicable terms with Spongebob after so many years. He also gets a last laugh of sorts, as Squilliam's checkered history of dating underage girls (and implied other scandals) ends up being steadily unearthed post-mortem, souring his earthly reputation.
    • Spongebob has finally matured and is now able to speak with his coworker on equal terms and has gotten Karen as a wife. All the while still retaining his child-like love of the things he enjoyed as a younger man.
    • Pearl, in the wake of her father's death, decides to open a boutique using the inheritance money and get her life together, with Spongebob popping in every once in a while to make sure they don't go out of business from being too distracted.
    • Patrick, surprisingly enough, ends up realizing that he's wasted 20 years of his life and has started to take his adult life quite seriously as an accountant, much to everyone's surprise (especially Sandy, who is utterly blindsided by the whole notion).
    • Mrs. Puff retires due to no longer having to deal with Spongebob's terrible driving and Mr. Krabs' passing...only to end up missing due to implied foul play.
    • Larry the Lobster finally accepts that he's become old, and retires to his personal gym to teach a new generation of bodybuilders.
    • Karen moves on from Plankton and comes to live with her much more loving new husband, Spongebob, even if she is a bit bemused at him still worshiping Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.
    • Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Marion Squarepants, and Betsy Krabs are all revealed to have made it to Heaven, playing Bingo.
    • In a more darkly amusing turn, Mr. Krabs and Plankton are all down in Davy Jones' Locker, being forced to exercise for the rest of eternity for their crimes alive. However, Mr. Krabs and Plankton end up not entirely minding the situation, given that they've continued their rivalry even down there, eagerly trying to outpace each other in their torment (much to the impressed Dutchman's amusement) and have at least made peace on Krabs basically stringing Plankton along with the Krabby Patty Formula for so many years.
    • Squilliam however, is not taking his death so well. On top of his earthly reputation being slowly destroyed by his years of scandals being unearthed, he is utterly miserable in Davy Jones' Locker and begging to know why he's down here, claiming that he had so much of his life left to live. The Flying Dutchman laughs in his face by pointing out that he's been guaranteed a spot down here ever since he was actually 35, and he's done nothing but do awful things afterwards. This is just karma for him thinking he'd get away with it.
• Body Horror: Plankton's death in Finite, as his synthetic body starts deteriorating and shriveling up while he's still alive. It convinced the author to bump up the fic's rating.
• Brilliant, but Lazy: Patrick apparently had it in him to be a responsible, working adult all this time, but spent two decades as a Lazy Bum Manchild because he didn’t want to rush things (growing up and maturing), to the point that he completely lost track of time and didn’t even bother graduating high school until he was in his early 40s. Six months after his long-delayed epiphany, he becomes an accomplished accountant!
• Broad Strokes: How the author approaches the show’s lore, besides diverging from post-2020 canon entirely (when “Some Things Never Change” was written). “Nothing Lasts Forever”, in particular, makes a lot of call backs to “Born Again Krabs” (including the “Harold Flower” joke) but never addresses why in the latter, the Flying Dutchman was willing to give Krabs another chance at life, while here, he has eagerly been waiting to collect Krabs’s soul for centuries and specifically says that he wouldn’t give him a second chance.
• The Cameo:
  • Lord Royal Highness, the ruler of Atlantis, appears as a guest at Squilliam's birthday party in 2017. He doesn't recognize his waiter, who is Squidward, since he only met him once and literally a decade ago.
  • The titular monster from the episode "Yeti Krabs" makes a comeback, as part of a trio.
  • The Abominable Snow Mollusk from “Frozen Face-Off” cameos during Mr. Krabs’s backstory, being seen chasing him and his old crew through the Arctic sea, as a Call-Back to Krabs’s first encounter with the monster from that episode.
• Central Theme: The first two stories explore the complexities of how determination can affect the characters' lives and being in various ways, both subtle and overt, and how the end result can be worthwhile or utterly pointless depending on the reasoning and mindset behind said determination. Tellingly, mindsets driven by envy and jealousy are portrayed in a much more negative light.
  • In Squidward's case, his determination is framed as ultimately detrimental, by showing how his one-sided feud with Squilliam was utterly pointless and fruitless due to the sheer gap in talent, skill, and money between the two, and Squidward's own inability to reflect on his flaws for the longest time.
  • In Plankton's case, it's presented as being simultaneously the only reason he's been able and willing to keep going for so long despite years of failure, but it is also framed as being the reason his life is nothing but miserable failure, as his inability to self-reflect and just realize the pointlessness of trying to repeatedly steal the Krabby Patty Formula has left his life and his marriage in shambles. The former especially quite literally, once his synthetic body gives up the ghost and he dies.
  • Sandy's determination in her backstory and present are presented more positively, as her willingness to fight against the odds coupled together with her smart investments and good use of her skills and intelligence enabled her to achieve her dreams. It's only portrayed more detrimentally when she also acknowledges that her daredevil tendencies ultimately burned out her body, thus leaving her unable to enjoy her favorite hobbies as much as she used to.
  • There is also a theme underlying all of the stories of how nothing lasts forever. Squidward and Sandy are no longer the younger adults they used to be, with their bodies slowly giving out on them due to age and old injuries. Bikini Bottom is noted as being a shell of what it used to be, with many of the old regulars and background characters having long since had grandchildren or died. Even Squilliam has kicked the bucket before Squidward, putting an end to their one-sided rivalry and leaving Squidward to live the last years of his life after moving on. And the final story, the aptly named Nothing Lasts Forever has Mr. Krabs meeting his demise as his prolonged life is finally reaching an end. In a more positive version of this however, it turns out this also applies to good reputations hiding scandalous histories, as Squilliam's checkered past and numerous horrible deeds end up being revealed after his death, much to the amusement of Squidward.
• Cerebus Retcon: The first fic explains why Squidward’s moments of kindness towards SpongeBob seemingly ceased after the third season. Early on, despite his annoyance, Squidward sincerely thought that SpongeBob was just a youngster acting out and would mature over time, only to later realize that this wasn’t the case; SpongeBob was just a delusional Manchild who would never change and/or improve himself. Fortunately, SpongeBob does finally grow and mature at the end of "Nothing Lasts Forever".
• Comically Missing the Point: In “Nothing Lasts Forever”, the Flying Dutchman sarcastically tells Squidward and SpongeBob that they could never guess why Mr. Krabs’s old pirate name was “Thrifty Jack”. SpongeBob says he honestly doesn’t, because he thinks “thrifty” is some nautical term and he’s rusty on his sailor lingo, leaving the Flying Dutchman dumbfounded.
• Continuity Nod: The Krusty Krab II from the first movie gets brought up by SpongeBob while Mr. Krabs is trying to deliver the bad news to the former and Squidward, getting a Hand Wave as a failed business venture to expand the Krusty Krab brand.
• Darker and Edgier: Compared to the author's other SpongeBob fic, definitely. Though it's not deprived of humor or absurd moments, especially whenever SpongeBob or Mr. Krabs are present, but they mainly serve as comic relief in between the more mature subject matter concerning Squidward.
• Dead All Along:
  • invokedMermaid Man died almost a decade ago (implied to have been 2012, the same year his voice actor died) and Barnacle Boy passed shortly after, thus explaining their Chuck Cunningham Syndrome. SpongeBob remains completely oblivious about their passing and has been told by the caretakers at Shady Shoals that the two old superheroes simply moved away to a different retirement home but nobody wrote down the address. None of SpongeBob's friends seem to have the heart to tell him the truth either.
  • After Squidward arrives at the cemetery to visit Squilliam’s grave, we learn that SpongeBob's grandma and his uncle Blue are also dead and buried, as is Mr. Krabs' mother.
• Deconstruction Fic: Both stories deconstruct the SpongeBob canon in a meta sense, highlighting just what would really happen if the perpetual yet bizarrely inconsistent nature of the series were applied to the characters for real, and how it would affect them:
  • The town of Bikini Bottom never undergoing any significant changes or growth has resulted in the world seeming even more bleak for many of its citizens. The children of the citizens from early episodes are noted as being crueler, meaner, and more stupid than their predecessors, contributing to the feeling of decay and stagnation in the once lively town.
  • Squidward is still stuck in his dead-end job as a cashier, all of his hopes and dreams long since shattered and crushed, while his rival Squilliam Fancyson has attained all of the glory and achievements that he was never able to accomplish. To make things worse for him, he's long since come to the realization that much of his misery was his own fault for constantly trying to fight against Squilliam, instead of calling it quits while he still had a full life ahead of him. It's again downplayed, as his realization has caused him to reevaluate his life, and he has considerably mellowed out and gained wisdom compared to his younger years.
  • SpongeBob's happy-go-lucky behavior is noted as being less than endearing at 40+ years old compared to being in his 20s. Instead of being seen as a cool eccentric, he's now seen as a complete Manchild in denial of the darker aspects of his reality, still stuck in a dead-end job and being mistaken for something worse than he actually is. To make matters worse, his friends have been keeping him blissfully unaware of the passage of time and the hard reality of death by replacing his snail Gary with numerous successors after the original died, something that Squidward notes can't last forever. It's downplayed somewhat, in that SpongeBob himself is still a genuinely happy person, and it's plainly clear that he loves his job, so in a sense, according to Squidward, he is still a "winner".
  • Plankton is still doggedly trying to get the Krabby Patty Formula, but it's noted that it stems less from any true satisfaction at doing so, and more due to Plankton having no idea or willingness to do anything different. His marriage is also in shambles and his life is basically defined by his sole fixation. At least until his synthetic body finally gives out and he dies in front of Squidward, Sandy, and Spongebob.
  • Despite being a highly successful career woman and scientist who's also achieved her dreams, Sandy admits that her daredevil tendencies have completely burned out her body, making her unable to enjoy her old hobbies as much as she used to anymore.
• Decon-Recon Switch: Despite the more realistic take on the show's setting, Squidward has grown much wiser, being overall more adaptive to his situations compared to his prior obstinate stubbornness. When dealing with Patrick, who broke into his home and pigged out on his food, he instead deftly outmaneuvers him into falling asleep, thus ensuring he can't get in the way. His Heel Realization on how he's wasted his life also pushes him to finally drop his fixation on his past mistakes, choosing to try to live the rest of his remaining life with some degree of joy in his hobbies instead of drowning in envy and depression at his circumstances. Finally, Sandy ends up pointing out to him that for all of his failings compared to Squilliam, the one thing he does have is integrity and the ability to (belatedly) admit his own faults, something that a egotistical narcissist like Squilliam would have never done, thus allowing Squidward to come to terms with his life and finally move on.
• Deliberate Values Dissonance: At the end of “Nothing Lasts Forever”, even in his dying days, Krabs still candidly expresses sexist and bigoted views while talking to Sandy, who is understandably frustrated by it but lets it slide for SpongeBob’s sake and because she now knows that Krabs’s backward beliefs stem from the fact that he’s 410 years old.
• Detrimental Determination: Squidward eventually realizes his past feud with Squilliam only hurt him in the long run. His determination to fight a battle that was badly rigged against him due to Squilliam's money, fame and talent far eclipsing his own ultimately ended up being more poisonous to him than it did to Squilliam. His love for art and music was turned toxic because of his need and desire for fame to one up Squilliam and prove to himself that he was worth something, hollowing them out until he could not find any joy in doing them. In addition, any victories he did manage against his former rival end up being pointless in the long term, since he was never able to turn any of them into long-term achievements, while his rival has remained consistently successful from his youth. Ultimately, his own ego and pride proved to be even more detrimental for him than it did for his rival, who saw him as little more than a persistent bit of amusement for him.
• Deadpan Snarker: As usual Squidward lives and breathes this trope... even in his old age.
  SpongeBob: Oh, boy, Squidward! What an honor it is to be invited to the annual Fast Food Congress in New Kelp City! (bounced with excitement) You think one day one of us will be worthy to join him on that epic journey?
  Squidward: Considering Krabs's "fondness" for sharing, I doubt it.
• Discovering Your Own Dead Body: At the end of "Nothing Lasts Forever", after a rapidly aging Mr. Krabs breaks away from his group to sit down and have a drink, he falls asleep in his chair before being woken up by the fireworks they’ve been anticipating and rejoins the others (without his cane), only to realize that none of them can hear or see him and promptly sees himself still resting in the chair before the others rush towards his lifeless husk trying to wake it up. Cue the Flying Dutchman showing up to finally collect Krabs’s soul and the latter faces his departure with sullen dignity.
• Drill Sergeant Nasty: The Flying Dutchman serves this role for all those who are sentenced to Davy Jones's locker.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: As his backstory shows, Mr. Krabs was anything but a good person, but he did genuinely love his adopted mother Betsy and adopted daughter Pearl, and saw SpongeBob as the son he never had (and truly regrets not having been a better father figure to him in life) and Squidward as a friend (despite them rarely seeing eye to eye). He also regrets his fallout with his old best friend Plankton and how he strung the latter along for years in order to market his brand (using Plankton’s many failed attempts at stealing his non-existent Krabby Patty formula to further boost its mystique).
• Evil Colonialist: Between his time as a cutthroat pirate captain and his modern occupation as a Corrupt Corporate Executive, Mr. Krabs spent decades being this, including driving indigenous people and wildlife from their homes and grave-robbing ancient temples.
• Foil: Several are present in the story:
  • Squidward and Squilliam ends up being the most prominent for much of the second story. Squidward being a hapless middling sour Jerk with a Heart of Gold, surrounded by co-workers and friends who he could barely tolerate, and who ultimately ended up squandering most of his life trying to win a futile feud. By contrast, Squilliam is a cruel, selfish, and pompous Rich Bastard who rose to fame and has been successful for most of his life, surrounded by sycophants who lavished him with praise for his achievements and eagerly allowed Squidward to ruin his own life for his own amusement. By the end of the story however, this turns around for Squidward somewhat, as he manages to become Older and Wiser, leading the rest of his life in a modestly successful position of leadership as the new boss of the Krusty Krab, and is now on amicable terms with the people who once annoyed him due to them all becoming more mature. Squilliam is not so lucky, his horrible behavior in life being steadily unveiled after his death, and said actions having guaranteed him a place in Davy Jones' Locker.
  • Mr. Krabs turns out to be this for Squilliam as well as of the final story. Mr. Krabs has spent his entire life as a cheapskate and was willing to go to horrific lengths to obtain wealth over his centuries long career of theft and cheating others for money, as well as being fairly abusive to his employees (especially Squidward) and stringing his eternal rival Plankton along about the secret Krabby Patty Formula that never existed. Squilliam had a legitimate rise to fame from his own talents and a lucky break, going from Rags to Riches and being a lavish spender who flaunted his wealth for all to see and envy, and always being willing to rub his success in Squidwards face, stringing him along for his own sadistic amusement.
    However, by the end of Nothing Lasts Forever, Mr. Krabs ends up recognizing that he's not been a particularly good person and deserves to be condemned to Davy Jones' Locker for his past atrocities and does feel remorse for not treating his employees better for so long, actively considering Spongebob a son and Squidward a good friend despite their issues. He manages to at least patch things up with the two and treats them to an all expenses paid cruise, spending his final days with his friends and loved ones before passing on in some degree of dignity. Even his funeral is solemn and dignified, with all of his characteristics portrayed on his tombstone, good and bad. And he's at least not alone in the afterlife, reunited with his eternal rival Plankton to deal with the torment together. Squilliam however, ends up dying very unexpectedly on the toilet and alone, having learned absolutely nothing and still being the Smug Snake he always was, and his image is dragged through the coals after death due to various scandals and crimes resurfacing. He does not take his death and condemnation to Davy Jones' Locker very well, believing there has to be some mistake and overall being a whiny little loser about it, much to the gleeful amusement of the Flying Dutchman.
• The Grim Reaper: Like in "Born Again Krabs", the Flying Dutchman plays this role in the third story and aims to take Krabs to Davy Jones's locker for the latter's many past sins.
• Happily Adopted: After accidentally tripping into the Fountain of Youth in 1950 and turning himself into a baby, Mr. Krabs was forced to find himself an adopted family until he grew up again and could resume his exploits. He found Betsy Krabs in Bikini Bottom (who happened to have the same common surname for crustaceans) and she took him in. Despite Bikini Bottom going through an economic depression at the time and two living in poverty, they were happy together and Krabs grew to genuinely love his adoptive mother.
• Hard Truth Aesop: The bittersweet conclusion of Squidward's rivalry with the late Squilliam comes with a few of these:
  • Know when to quit. Being The Determinator won't help you in the long run if you fail to make any real progress with your goals after years and years of trying. Continuing to barrel onward will only cause you grief and misery, and your own passion and hobbies will become corrupted into a poison that will galvanize you from the inside, and Squidward realizes that his obsession with surpassing Squilliam when he never had a chance has caused him to waste most of his life. Society and life itself won't cut you slack just because you're the put-upon little guy, and Squilliam is ultimately remembered as a wonderful person while his Jerkassery is swept under the rug and Squidward remains in obscurity well into his old age.
  • There's a fine line between optimism and denying reality. Having a fixed belief that you'll somehow do better next time, even if each "next time" results in the same failure, or that you can keep doing something by just believing in yourself even if you have some debilitating problem that keeps you from continuing on (like being a dancer while your physical skills are naturally deteriorating with advanced age), will get you nowhere at best and will leave you stuck in a vicious cycle that is guaranteed to cause you needless misery at worst. By the end, Squidward is forced to accept his dreams of becoming a famous clarinet player and showing up Squilliam were nothing but a pipe dream, and he never had a real chance.
  • Don't obsess about trying to one-up someone. Especially if, in the case of Squidward and Squilliam, you're the underdog and they are a highly successful and influential Rich Bastard celebrity with a penchant for bullying those less successful than them. Underdogs Never Lose isn't reflective of reality. Squidward's true ultimate victory over Squilliam comes from recognizing he should just put his rivalry to rest because the deck was stacked against him from the start, and all he did was provide Squilliam with an endless source of amusement.
• Hate Sink: Squilliam only appears for one (albeit lengthy) flashback scene, but he milks it for all it's worth and makes sure to remind us just what a massive dick he was in life.
• Historical Hero Upgrade: The immediate news reports and articles Squidward finds about Squilliam's passing already make it clear that the latter will be remembered as a great and brilliant Renaissance Man by future generations, with all of his Jerkass and Smug Snake qualities getting swept under the rug. Though the ending of “Nothing Lasts Forever” shows that scandals about his unsavory actions in life are starting to come to light, suggesting that he’ll be remembered for what he truly was after all.
• Identical Grandson: Many of the local townsfolk like Fred, Nat, and Sadie have been succeeded by their identical-looking children and/or grandchildren, explaining why the recurring fish characters seemingly didn't age, and why they Took a Level in Jerkass, with some of their children being shown to be far more selfish, ornery and/or judgmental than their predecessors, as seen with Sadie's daughter.
• Immortality Seeker: Besides Mr. Krab using the Fountain of Youth to cheat death, his Arch-Enemy Plankton has also been trying to extend his lifespan by transferring his consciousness into a synthetic body. Unfortunately for him, he hasn't perfected it and it starts to break down immediately after he gets caught by Squidward, SpongeBob, and Sandy trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula for the umpteenth time, resulting in his gruesome death.
• Ink-Suit Actor: Downplayed. Once Spongebob starts to accept the realism and ugliness of reality when Mr. Krabs' upcoming death is a finality, he switches to wearing glasses and stops talking in a high-pitched tone, making him resemble his voice actor, Tom Kenny.
• I Reject Your Reality: This is implied to be Spongebob's attitude towards the realities of life around him. He is still the perpetual Manchild that he was when he was in his 20s, generally blissfully ignoring the ravages of time and how it's taking away the people he cares for (Gary, Uncle Blue). This ends up being taken to the extreme in Nothing Lasts Forever, as despite seeing Plankton literally die in front of him back in Finite, he still acts like Plankton is alive and up to his old schemes, which vexes Squidward. But once they learn that Mr. Krabs is finally dying and that there’s nothing they can do to stop it, SpongeBob breaks down in tears and reveals that he’s known all along how all of his loved ones have passed away and he’s been in willful denial for years as a coping mechanism.
• It Amused Me: The crux of why Squilliam kept on indulging Squidward's "rivalry" with him; other, far superior rivals have tried and given up against him, but Squidward's detrimental pride and envy meant that he kept on coming back for more, despite Squilliam being far beyond his weight class in terms of fame, riches, and talent. Squidward learns about this ultimately serves as a realization for just how much of his life he has wasted trying to one-up Squilliam, and further cement just how much of a Jerkass Squilliam is.
• Jerkass Has a Point: Squilliam was a Smug Snake Jerk with a Heart of Jerk Rich Bastard for sure, but during his last encounter with Squidward at the former's birthday party in 2017, where Squidward was forced to cater as part of Mr. Krabs' "Krusty Katering" operation, Squilliam rubbed his success in his long-time rival's nose one last time, while also giving him a passive-aggressive dressing down which nonetheless, made Squidward realize that his obsessive quest to beat Squilliam, despite the latter always having had a massive and unfair advantage that Squidward could do nothing about, had ultimately led to nothing but pain and humiliation and Squidward's refusal to admit defeat and move on only needlessly prolonged their rivalry and caused him much more anguish while offering Squilliam continued free entertainment.
• Karma Houdini Warranty:
  • After staving off going to Davy Jones’s locker for 300 years and committing various crimes and atrocities beyond his original career in piracy, Mr. Krabs’s time finally runs out in “Nothing Lasts Forever”, after using up the last drop of the Fountain of Youth with his annual visits. It's downplayed, in that while he's very much stuck in Davy Jones' Locker forever, he at least isn't there alone, having reunited (and enjoying a much friendlier feud) with his eternal rival Plankton.
  • By the end of Finite, Squilliam may have died an Undignified Death but goes down in history as a beloved Renaissance Man, with all his negative qualities forgotten. But he suffers this in the epilogue of the sequel fic Nothing Lasts Forever, as not only has he been sent to Davy Jones' locker to suffer eternal Training from Hell, but his legacy in the land of the living is also starting to get tarnished as scandals about his past affairs come to light, with the narration stating this might encourage more people he has crossed in life to publicly speak out about his Jerkass, Smug Snake behavior and debauchery, which ultimately renders him trumping Squidward in their feud rather hollow.
• Know When to Fold 'Em:
  • Defied by Squidward for decades, both in his rivalry with Squilliam and in his personal quest for glory, and he ultimately realizes that this attitude of his has caused him so much pain and made him squander his life. He only finally relents in Finite, after Squilliam has already died, and explains to his grave how he is deciding to let go of their rivalry for the rest of his life.
  • After spending so much of his life evading Davy Jones' locker and the Flying Dutchman, Krabs has finally accepted that he cannot evade his own death any longer, and (after a bit of finagling on Squidward and Spongebob's part), decides to spend his last month of life getting his affairs in order and actually deciding not to be a cheapskate for once in his life, by giving his employees a proper cruise vacation.
• Legacy Character: In-universe example. Since snails are the underwater equivalent of cats, they share the same short lifespan, and the first conversation between Squidward and Sandy reveals that "Gary" was in fact multiple different snails that all eventually died and got replaced by a new one by SpongeBob's friends and family without the former’s knowledge, with Sandy insisting that he still isn't ready to face the topic of death, despite being middle-aged now, and enters the story bringing the newest "Gary" to SpongeBob after making him think that his pet went on another vacation to Uncle Blue's farm (despite the latter also being deceased). Squidward is the one burdened with the task of burying all the previous Garys and tells Sandy that he won't do it again, while also chastising her for enabling SpongeBob to continue to live in his delusional bubble. It turns out that Spongebob was aware of this all along, but was so deep in denial about the truth of his loved ones dying that he chose to pretend things were fine as a coping mechanism. Squidward is unamused about having to bury dead snails in secret for the past twenty years for nothing.
• Like a Son to Me: Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob that he views him as the son he never had after being given an extra month to live by the Flying Dutchman.
• Manchild:
  • SpongeBob has the demeanor of a child even into his forties. Sandy and Squidward don't even feel he's emotionally mature enough to face the concept of death. He finally faces reality and shows a degree of maturity in Nothing Lasts Forever.
  • Pearl and her friends from high school are in their 30s now but still act like ditzy, responsibility-shirking teenagers. At the end, when Pearl opens up her own boutique and employs her friends, SpongeBob has to stop by and give them pointers so they won’t go out of business immediately due to chatting on the phone more than attending to customers.
• Meaningful Name: Or rather, meaningful original name. Squilliam was originally called Otto Mantelmeyer, taking on his Stage Name in order to sound more classy. Otto Mantelmeyer is both this and a Punny Name referring to the Ottoman Empire, his rise to prosperity and fame mirroring the Empire's golden age, while his eventual death and the reveal of the scandals and horrible things he did while famous signaling the end of his benevolent image.
• Mistaken for Gay: A mother fish (Sadie's daughter) sees SpongeBob glomping Squidward after working hours, gives them a scornful glare and walks off while telling her son that they "don't associate with such people." Squidward promptly laments about him and SpongeBob constantly ending up in compromising positions in public.
• No Historical Figures Were Harmed: Julio Pez de León, the conquistador captain that helped Krabs discover the Fountain of Youth, is basically a fish version of Juan Ponce de León, albeit much nicer and much more gullible (which costs him his life).
• Nostalgia Filter: Norm (Nat's son), one of the Krusty Krab current regulars, knew SpongeBob from back when he was a little kid, and because the latter was an eccentric Friend to All Children, Norm and his peers saw the jolly and eccentric Mr. Squarepants as very cool. But now as an adult, SpongeBob's Manchild antics come across as weird and more than a little creepy to Norm, and he makes a mental note to find a new diner to take his wife and kids to in the future.
• Nothing Is the Same Anymore: While the first story's focus is on how stagnant things have become, the sequels are the exact opposite, having dramatic changes that completely shakes up the status quo:
  • In Finite, Squilliam ends up dying from a heart attack, causing Squidward to have to come to terms with his complicated relation with his Rich Bastard of a rival, his own wasted years trying to one up the man, and also surprisingly finding common ground with Sandy Cheeks on their history. Oh, and Plankton also dies due to his synthetic body failing.
  • In Nothing Lasts Forever, Mr. Krabs is revealed to have been keeping himself alive through a Fountain of Youth...except the fountain in question has dried up, and his own death is coming soon. Spongebob is forced to face reality that he had been avoiding for years, which leads to a series of talks that result in Squidward, Spongebob, and Mr. Krabs patching things up. Squidward becomes the boss of the Krusty Krab, now finally able to be proper adult friends with Spongebob and Sandy, while the rest of Bikini Bottom begins to change slightly in the wake of Mr. Krabs' death, mostly for the better.
• Of Corsets Funny: It's mentioned in the epilogue that Larry the Lobster (who is in his 50s in the present) wore a corset to hide his growing paunch, before coming to terms with his age and retiring from bodybuilding to run Larry's Gym once more.
• The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything:
  • Invoked and averted with Mr. Krabs and his original crew, as they were full-fledged cutthroat corsairs who robbed other ships and are outright shown to have caused death and destruction during their pillaging. SpongeBob is shocked to learn this, as he always thought pirates were merely treasure-hunting adventurers sailing the high seas.
  • Played straight with the conquistadors who saved Mr. Krabs, as we only ever see them searching for the Fountain of Youth, instead of conquering and exploiting new, uncharted territories (though Krabs himself ends up doing that in his never-ending quest for riches).
• Rags to Riches:
  • Squilliam started off as middle class, much like Squidward, but eventually rose to unfathomable fame and riches after being discovered during a high school talent show. It explains why he and Squidward went to the same public school during their teen years.
  • Zigzagged with Mr. Krabs, as it’s shown that over his 400-year lifespan, he struck it rich several times but lost his past fortunes due to his many other money-making schemes going south, and in 1950, he accidentally turned himself into a baby and thus couldn’t lay claim to any money he had left at the time, and ended up being adopted by Betsy during an economic depression, leading to a second childhood spent in squalor (until he invented the Krabby Patty).
• Really 700 Years Old: Mr. Krabs is ultimately revealed to be around four centuries old, and has stayed alive after discovering the fabled Fountain of Youth (which somehow exists at the bottom of the ocean, but that's nothing unusual for this show), which he visits once every year in order to rejuvenate himself. The cover story he gives Squidward and SpongeBob each time before embarking on his perilous quest is that he's going to a fast-food convention in New Kelp City. Squidward knows his boss isn't being truthful but he doesn't press on.
• Retired Monster: Compared to his past crimes (like piracy, land theft, and even murder), Mr. Krabs’s modern occupation as a Bad Boss restaurant proprietor and grifter makes him pretty benign by comparison. Even his occasional law-breaking tends to hurt him and his employees more than anyone else.
• Ridiculous Procrastinator: Unlike his workaholic (though equally immature) best friend, Patrick spent the last 20 years trying not to be in a rush and worry too much about growing up and finding work, so much so that he completely lost sight of the passage of time. Once his friends accidentally give him an epiphany during their vacation, Patrick quickly turns his life around and becomes a responsible adult and accountant.
• Scare the Dog: In "Finite", Mr. Krabs does this to a lionfish (like the one from "Spongicus") that is blocking his path to the Fountain of Youth by roaring back at it, and the beast swims away meowing like a kitten.
• Self-Made Woman: Sandy rose to become a high-ranking scientist at Tree Dome Enterprises over the years and entirely on her own, without anyone's assistance and despite her parents not caring much for her ambitions. Squidward grows to admire her for it.
• Shoo Out the Clowns: The somber final chapter of Finite is all about Squidward visiting Squilliam's grave to have one final conversation with the latter. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs are all absent.
• Snooty Haute Cuisine: During Squilliam's birthday party in 2017, the waiters are stated to serve caviar and shrimp, which a shrimp waiter takes note of.
• Stage Names: Squidward reveals to Sandy that Squilliam's real name was Otto Mantelmeyer and that he hadn't publicly used it since the '70s, upon the suggestion of the talent agent whose eye he caught after winning a high school talent show during his sophomore year, which kicked off his career. And he wasn't a "third" either, as his father's name was Thaddeus (a reference to Squidward's German dub name).
• Stay in the Kitchen: Sandy reveals to Squidward that her parents (who are very old-fashioned) cared little about her many academic and athletic achievements or her ambitions to be a career-woman, and instead pressured her to settle down with a guy and make them a lot of grandkids. But Sandy said, "Nuts to that!" and continued pursuing her dream anyway, eventually becoming a senior scientist at Tree Dome Enterprise Limited. Squidward gains a newfound admiration for her, as she succeeded at what he failed to do (accomplish her dream despite all odds), and the two further bond over both having unsupportive parents, as Squidward's mother never supported his dreams either.
• Take Me Instead: In Nothing Lasts Forever, SpongeBob tries offering himself in exchange for the Flying Dutchman sparing Mr. Krabs. His offer immediately gets shot down, because SpongeBob is too wholesome to go to Davy Jones’s locker, and the Flying Dutchman considers SpongeBob's Annoying Laugh and nonstop chatting a Fate Worse than Death that not even the most wicked of souls deserve to be subjected to.
• Taught by Experience: Squidward has actually grown wiser from some of his past experience (and many humiliations), as he has not only quit his futile pursuit of fame and fortune (which he now views as a ridiculous pipe-dream) and makes an active effort to find enjoyment in his hobbies (art and music) instead of using them as a means to achieve the former, but he has also gotten better at handling SpongeBob and Patrick's idiocy, by using more subtle manipulation and their own shortcomings against them, in order to make their meddling more tolerable. Exemplified during the scene where he finds Patrick trespassing into his home again and looting his fridge. Instead of getting angry and trying to kick him out (which he knows won't pan out well for him), Squidward instead exploits his Big Eater nature by offering him a big glass of warm milk and a cooked turkey, which promptly knocks Patrick out cold while he's watching TV and Squidward just leaves him there while continuing on with his regular routine, knowing that having a sleeping Patrick in his home, who is known to stay asleep for days, is much more preferable than having him there while he's awake.
• Tempting Fate: In Finite, Mr. Krabs is looking forward to being rejuvenated at the Fountain of Youth again, and possibly dragging his employees into it so as to keep them young and working for him forever. In the direct sequel, it's revealed that Krabs' three-century-long exploitation of the fabled spring has finally sapped it dry, leaving him as a mortal old man, aging rapidly and with the Flying Dutchman gunning to finally collect his soul.
• Throw the Dog a Bone:
  • After abusing both of his employees for so long, Mr. Krabs ends up feeling remorse for his cruelty (among other things) near the end of his life, acknowledging his fondness for SpongeBob and Squidward by giving them (and Patrick and Sandy) an all-expenses paid vacation cruise, choosing to spend his last days of life among his friends.
  • Squidward also gets one after suffering in quiet misery for the past two stories. Upon Mr. Krabs' passing, he becomes the boss of the Krusty Krab for the rest of his days, resolving to be a better boss than Eugene ever was. He's also finally able to speak with SpongeBob and Sandy on equal terms, the former having finally matured enough to act like an adult (while still retaining his cheerful personality) and Squidward having formed a strong mutual respect for the latter. To add the cherry on top, Squilliam's scandals and past behavior have been recently brought to light, ensuring that his reputation is raked over the coals.
• Til Murder Do Us Part: The epilogue of “Nothing Lasts Forever” heavily implies that Karen did hear Plankton pleading to be let inside the Chum Bucket as his synthetic body was falling apart in “Finite” but chose not to unlock the door, so she could finally be free of her unhappy marriage.
• Took a Level in Idealism: Squidward was already a major cynic in his younger years and has actually mellowed out a bit in his old age, being more composed, rational, and less easily agitated. That said a he's still a committed Deadpan Snarker though.
• Together in Death: Twofold in the epilogue of "Nothing Lasts Forever":
  • Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are shown to be together in this universe’s equivalent of heaven, still bickering Like an Old Married Couple, though MM is now free of his dementia and just acts out to mess with his grouchy sidekick
  • Krabs and Plankton share the same workout room in Davy Jones’s locker and have seemingly buried the hatchet, now acting like Vitriolic Best Buds trying to best each other, with a whining and sorrowful Squilliam sharing their room.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: Sandy notices that Bikini Bottom as a whole seems to have become more unpleasant over the years, with the newer generation of citizens, in general, being more greedy, unpleasant, ornery, and judgmental, and the discrimination Sandy's been subjected to only got worse over the years.
• Training from Hell: What eternal punishment in the SpongeBob universe is, as those taken to Davy Jones' locker are subjected to hellish workout forever, with the Flying Dutchman as their hardass instructor. Krabs and Plankton take it in strides, being more concerned about besting each other as Vitriolic Best Buds, but the pampered Rich Bastard Squilliam Fancyson does not.
• Undignified Death:
  • Squilliam dies from a heart attack while sitting on a toilet on his 60th birthday (though he claimed it was his 35th and the media reports it as such).
  • Plankton also goes out on a whimper in chapter 3, after his synthetic body starts to deteriorate. He only has enough time to say how he regrets "everything" before withering and crumbling to dust.
  • Mr. Krabs almost gets subjected to this after the Flying Dutchman comes for his soul now that his Fountain of Youth has dried up, but due to The Dutchman having a combination of pity for Spongebob's denial of death and Squidward noting that things weren't going anywhere so long as the former keeps trying to save Mr. Krabs, he agrees to allow Mr. Krabs time to properly settle his affairs, on the absolute condition that Mr. Krabs will be dead in a month. Ultimately, Mr. Krabs ends up facing his death with some level of dignity and comfort.
• Unreliable Voiceover: When Mr. Krabs reveals his backstory in the third story, his narration greatly downplays and whitewashes all the atrocities he has committed in the past, like pillage and plunder, grave-robbing, land theft, Black Comedy murder, and being a massive cheapskate of a pirate captain who didn't share his loot with his crew and refused to pay for proper ship maintenance.
• The Un-Reveal: In Nothing Lasts Forever, SpongeBob (desperately trying to stall) asks Mr. Krabs why he adopted Pearl, to which the latter simply says that Pearl would do a better job explaining why than he could, before getting interrupted by an impatient Flying Dutchman, who tries to rip Krabs’s soul out of his body.
• Vague Age: Averted. SpongeBob and Patrick are confirmed to be 43 years old in the present (2020), Sandy is 46, and Squidward is 59 (with his 60th birthday right around the corner), with Squilliam being the same age as his former classmate. This would mean that at the start of the series (1999), they were 22, 25, and 38/39 respectively. The same ages apply in A Dash of Logic, another fic by the author.
• Vengeance Feels Empty: Squidward can't find any real joy in Squilliam's passing, despite hating his guts, which vexes him to no end. After some soul-searching and his conversation with Sandy, he starts to understand why.
• Villain Respect:
  • Very downplayed. Squilliam admitted that he admired Squidward's moxie, as he was Squilliam's only rival who kept coming back and kept trying to one-up him, despite being at a massive disadvantage, something many other more powerful and successful rivals of his never did. But that means little in the end, as Squidward's unflinching determination only encouraged Squilliam to continue to seek him out for the sole purpose of bullying and humiliating him, which only prolonged their rivalry and caused Squidward a lot more misery. It's the final nail in the coffin that made Squidward start to realize that he was the architect of his own misery in this very one-sided rivalry.
  • Mutual example. Once they get reunited in Davy Jones’s locker, Plankton is seen ranting to Krabs about how the latter ruined his whole life without a shred of guilt (due to the Krabby Patty formula being sham) just to fill his pockets, before promptly laughing and commending his old rival for being Eviler than Thou, and two patch things up as Vitriolic Best Buds.
  • The Flying Dutchman, despite being understandably irritated at Mr. Krabs evading death for so long, ends up having slightly more respect for him after Krabs settles his affairs and leaves for Davy Jones' Locker with some level of dignity, as well as taking his punishment in the afterlife relatively well thanks to being more focused on his rival Plankton. The same cannot be said for Squilliam, as his whining and pain about his deserved afterlife only earns the Dutchman's scorn.
• Villain with Good Publicity:
  • A large part of what drove Squidward's feelings of anger and envy towards Squilliam is that he was very much this. Recognized as a brilliant man with many achievements during his life meant that Squilliam's many terrible qualities were brushed aside, seemingly ensuring that he'd remain untouchable for all of history, with only Squidward and the others tormented and silenced by Squilliam knowing and caring about his true character. This becomes subverted after Squilliam's death however, with the truth about his past scandals and evil acts rising up to tarnish his once stellar reputation, much to Squidward's quiet satisfaction.
  • A complicated case with Mr. Krabs. In parallel to Squilliam, Mr. Krabs at first only gives the impression of being an skinflint restaurant proprieter who treats his employees badly, but otherwise sells excellent food. His actual backstory however reveals he was not only a pirate, but was also a colonizer and murderer in the pursuit of wealth for centuries. It's downplayed by the simple fact that unlike Squilliam, Mr. Krabs did genuinely come to regret some of his past behavior, especially how poorly he treated his employees, and ultimately passes on to Davy Jones' Locker with some measure of dignity, with the truth about who he is being revealed at his funeral, the good, the bad and everything in between.
• Vocal Evolution: Towards the end of "Nothing Lasts Forever", after finally accepting his employer's mortality and the inevitable passage of time, SpongeBob's voice drops, going from childishly high-pitched to a more mature-sounding tenor (specifically described as sounding like Tom Kenny's natural speaking voice).
• "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue: How "Nothing Lasts Forever" ends; Sandy remains a senior scientist at Tree Dome Enterprises (though no longer trying to hide her age), Squidward is the new owner of the Krusty Krab with a more mature SpongeBob still working as the fry cook, Patrick has completely turned his life around and become a hard-working accountant, Pearl opened up her own boutique, Larry retired from bodybuilding and went back to managing Larry’s Gym, Karen has entered a relationship with SpongeBob and turned the Chum Bucket into a computer shop, Mrs. Puff retired to Florida but went M.I.A, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are together and still bickering in heaven, and Mr. Krabs, Plankton, Squilliam, and Old Man Jenkins have to endure an eternal workout in Davy Jones’s locker with the Flying Dutchman as their instructor/drill sergeant.
• You Are Better Than You Think You Are: What Sandy tells Squidward during their heart-to-heart conversation, telling him that while he might not have found success, at least he's strong enough to admit his own shortcomings and own up to them, unlike Squilliam. Sandy is of the opinion that "strength of character" is much more admirable than having fame and money. Squidward takes it to heart and echoes her words while visiting Squilliam's grave.
• Your Days Are Numbered: Following his departure in the first story, in Nothing Lasts Forever, Mr. Krabs returns to Bikini Bottom looking noticeably paler and weaker and tries to break some very bad news to his two employees, struggling to find the right way to tell them until the Flying Dutchman crashes the party to collect Krabs’s soul, gleefully revealing that Krabs has finally wrung the Fountain of Youth dry with his annual visits to it (which have been going on for three centuries) and can no longer prolong his lifespan.

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