History Fanfic / SomeThingsNeverChange

** Know when to quit. Being TheDeterminator won't help you in the long run if you [[DetrimentalDetermination fail to make any real progress with your goals after years and years of trying]]. Continuing to barrel onward will only cause you grief and misery, and your own passion and hobbies will become corrupted into a poison that will galvanize you from the inside, and Squidward realizes that his obsession with surpassing Squilliam when he never had a chance has caused him to wave most of his life. Society and life itself won't cut you slack just because you're the put-upon little guy, and Squilliam is ultimately remembered as a wonderful person while his {{Jerkass}}ery is swept under the rug and Squidward remains in obscurity well into his old age.

* HardTruthAesop:
** Know when to quit. Being TheDeterminator won't help you in the long run if you fail to make any real progress with your goals after years and years of trying. Continuing to barrel onward will only cause you grief and misery, and your own passion and hobbies will become corrupted into a poison that will galvanize you from the inside. Society and life itself won't cut you slack just because you're the put-upon little guy.
** There’s a fine line between optimism and denying reality. Having a fixed belief that you’ll somehow do better next time, even if each “next time” results in the same failure, or that you can keep doing something by just believing in yourself even if you have some debilitating problem that keeps you from continuing on (like being a dancer while your physical skills are naturally deteriorating with advanced age), will get you nowhere at best and will leave you stuck in a vicious cycle that is guaranteed to cause you needless misery at worst.
** Don't obsess about trying to one-up someone. Especially if you're the underdog and they are a highly successful and influential RichBastard celebrity with a [[EvilIsPetty penchant for bullying those less successful than them]]. UnderdogsNeverLose isn't reflective of reality.

* DeadpanSnarker: As usual Squidward lives and breathes this trope... even in his old age.
-->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' Oh, boy, Squidward! What an honor it is to be invited to the annual Fast Food Congress in New Kelp City! You think one day one of us will be worthy to join him on that epic journey?\\
'''Squidward:''' Considering Krabs's "fondness" for sharing, I doubt it.

* WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue: How “Nothing Lasts Forever” ends; Sandy remains a senior scientist at Tree Dome Enterprises (though no longer trying to hide her age), Squidward is the new owner of the Krusty Krab with a more mature [=SpongeBob=] still working as the fry cook, Patrick has completely turned his life around and become a hard-working accountant, Pearl opened up her own boutique, Larry retired from bodybuilding and went back to managing Larry’s Gym, [[Fanfic/ADashOfLogic Karen has entered a relationship with SpongeBob]] and turned the Chum Bucket into a computer shop, Mrs. Puff retired to Florida but went M.I.A, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are together and still bickering in heaven, and Mr. Krabs, Plankton, [[spoiler:Squilliam]], and [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Old Man Jenkins]] have to endure eternal workout in Davy Jones’s locker with the Flying Dutchman as their instructor/drill sergeant.

* DeadpanSnarker: As usual Squidward still lives and breathes this trope... even in his old age.

* DeadpanSnarker: Squidward according to canon... even in his old age.

* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Squidward laughs when [[Spoiler:some of Squilliam's past scandals (such as dating underage girls)]] finally come to light, souring his reputation.

* TookALevelInIdealism: Squidward was already a major cynic in his younger years and has actually mellowed out a bit in his old age, being more composed, rational, and less easily agitated. He's still a committed DeadpanSnarker though.

* ItAmusedMe: The crux of why Squilliam kept on indulging Squidward's "rivalry" with him; other, far superior rivals have tried and given up against him, but Squidward's [[DetrimentalDetermination detrimental pride and envy]] meant that he kept on coming back for more, despite Squilliam being far beyond his weight class in terms of fame, riches, and talent. Squidward learning about this [[HeelRealization ultimately serves as a realization]] for just how much of his life he has wasted tried to one-up Squilliam, and further cements just how much of a {{Jerkass}} Squilliam is.

* LegacyCharacter: In-universe example. Since snails are the underwater equivalent of cats, they share the same short lifespan, and the first conversation between Squidward and Sandy reveals that "Gary" was in fact multiple different snails that all eventually died and got replaced by a new one by [=SpongeBob=]'s friends and family without the former’s knowledge, with Sandy insisting that he still isn't ready to face the topic of death, despite being middle-aged now, and enters the story bringing the newest "Gary" to [=SpongeBob=] after making him think that his pet went on another vacation to Uncle Blue's farm ([[DeadAllAlong despite the latter also being deceased]]). Squidward was the one burdened with the task of burying all the previous Garys and tells Sandy that he won't do it again, while also chastising her for enabling [=SpongeBob=] to continue to live in his delusional bubble. [[spoiler: Though it turns out that Spongebob was aware of this all along, but was so deep in denial because he couldn't face the truth of his loved ones dying, and chose to pretend things were fine as a coping mechanism. Squidward is unamused, since he was the one who had to keep burying the Garies.]]

** Plankton's ultimate goal of stealing the Krabby Patty Secret Formula is rendered fruitless without him even knowing because [[spoiler:the Formula was invented as part of a marketing campaign by Mr. Krabs in order to give his food a mystical quality without actually doing anything to the burger.]] It's only further amplified when after yet another failed attempt, [[spoiler:Plankton ends up dead from his body degrading due to bugs in his experiments, leaving him a complete failure to the end.]]

--->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' Oh, boy, Squidward! What an honor it is to be invited to the annual Fast Food Congress in New Kelp City! You think one day one of us will be worthy to join him on that epic journey?\\

* DiscoveringYourOwnDeadBody: At the end of “Nothing Lasts Forever”, after a rapidly aging Mr. Krabs broke away from his group to sit down and have a drink, [[PassedInTheirSleep he falls asleep in his chair]] before being woken up by the fireworks they’ve been anticipating and rejoins the others ([[{{Foreshadowing}} without his cane]]), only to realize that none of them can hear or see him and promptly sees himself still resting in the chair before the others rush towards his lifeless husk [[PleaseWakeUp trying to wake it up]]. Cue the Flying Dutchman showing up to finally collect Krabs’s soul and the latter [[FaceDeathWithDignity faces his departure with sullen dignity]].

* LegacyCharacter: In-universe example. Since snails are the underwater equivalent of cats, they share the same short lifespan, and the first conversation between Squidward and Sandy reveals that "Gary" was in fact multiple different snails that all eventually died and got replaced by a new one by [=SpongeBob=]'s friends and family without the former’s knowledge, with Sandy insisting that he still isn't ready to face the topic of death, despite being middle-aged now, and enters the story bringing the newest "Gary" to [=SpongeBob=] after making him think that his pet went on another vacation to Uncle Blue's farm ([[DeadAllAlong despite the latter also being deceased]]). Squidward was the one burdened with the task of burying all the previous Garys and tells Sandy that he won't do it again, while also chastising her for enabling [=SpongeBob=] to continue to live in his delusional bubble. [[spoiler: Though it turns out that Spongebob was aware of this all along, but was so deep in denial because he couldn't face the truth of his loved ones dying, and chose to pretend things were fine as a coping mechanism. Squidward is somewhat not amused, since he was the one who had to keep burying the Garies.]]

* NothingIsTheSameAnymore: While the first story's focus is on how stagnant things have become, the sequels are the exact opposite, having dramatic changes that completely shakes up the status qup:

* RidiculousProcrastinator: Unlike his workaholic (though equally immature) best friend, Patrick spent the last 20 years trying [[TheSlacker not to be in a rush and]] [[MellowFellow worry too much about growing up and finding work]], so much so that he completely lost sight of the passage of time, until the others accidentally give him an epiphany during their vacation, which causes Patrick to quickly turn his life around become a responsible adult and an accountant.

* TemptingFate: In ''Finite'', Mr. Krabs was looking forward to being rejuvenated at the FountainOfYouth again, and possibly dragging his employees into it so as to keep them young and working for him forever. In the direct sequel, it's revealed that his three-century-long exploitation of the fabled spring has finally sapped it dry, leaving him as a mortal old man, aging rapidly and with the Flying Dutchman gunning to finally collect the former's soul.

** After abusing both of his employees for so long, Mr. Krabs near the end of his life ends up feeling remorse for his cruelty (among other things), acknowledging his fondness for Spongebob and Squidward by giving them (and Patrick and Sandy) an all-expenses paid vacation cruise, choosing to spend his last days of life among his friends.
** Squidward also gets one after suffering in quiet misery for the past two stories. [[PassingTheTorch Upon Mr. Krabs' passing]], he becomes the boss of the Krusty Krab for the rest of his days, resolving to [[BenevolentBoss be a better boss than Eugene ever was.]] He's also ''finally'' able to speak with Spongebob and Sandy on equal terms, the former having finally matured enough to act like an adult (while still retaining his cheerful personality) and Squidward having formed a strong mutual respect for the latter. To add the cherry on top, [[spoiler:Squilliam's scandals and past behavior have been recently brought to light, ensuring that his reputation is raked over the coals]].

* TogetherInDeath: Twofold in the epilogue of “Nothing Lasts Forever”, as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are shown to be together in this universe’s equivalent of heaven, still bickering LikeAnOldMarriedCouple, though MM is now free of his dementia and [[TheGadfly just acts out to mess with his grouchy sidekick]], while Krabs and Plankton share the same workout room in Davy Jones’s locker and have seemingly buried the hatchet and now act like VitriolicBestBuds trying to best each other, with a whining and sorrowful [[spoiler: Squilliam]] sharing their room.

* UnreliableVoiceover: When Mr. Krabs reveals his backstory in the third story, his narration greatly downplays and whitewashes all the atrocities he has committed in the past, like pillage and plunder, grave-robbing, land theft, and straight-up BlackComedy murder, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking as well as being a massive cheapskate during his time as a pirate captain, who didn’t share his loot with his crew and refused to pay for proper ship maintenance]].

** [[VillainousFriendship Mutual example]]. Once they get reunited in Davy Jones’s locker, Plankton is seen ranting to Krabs about how the latter ruined his whole life without a shred of guilt (due to the Krabby Patty formula being sham) just to fill his pockets, before promptly laughing and ''commending'' his old rival for being EvilerThanThou, and two patch things up as VitriolicBestBuds.
** Even the Flying Dutchman, despite being understandably irritated at Mr. Krabs evading death for so long, ends up having slightly more respect for him after he settles his affairs and leaves for Davy Jones' Locker with some level of dignity, as well as taking his punishment in the afterlife relatively well thanks to being more focused on his rival Plankton. [[spoiler: The same cannot be said for Squilliam, as his whining and pain about his deserved afterlife only earns the Dutchman's scorn.]]

--->'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, boy, Squidward! What an honor it is to be invited to the annual Fast Food Congress in New Kelp City! You think one day one of us will be worthy to join him on that epic journey?\\

* DrillSergeantNasty: The Flying Dutchman's performs this for all those who are sentenced to Davy Jones's Lockser.
--->'''The Flying Dutchman's (blew his whistle):''' Faster, ye scurvy dogs! Me grand-mommy runs faster than that!\\
'''Old Man Jenkins (running on his treadmill): ''' My little legs weren't made for this.\\
'''Squilliam (wept pathetically as they struggle to keep running on their treadmill): ''' Please, this has to be some sort of mistake! I don't belong here! I have so many more years ahead of me!\\
'''The Flying Dutchman's (leaned down at him with glee): ''' HAH! Ye've earned yer place here back when ye actually turned 35, Mantelmeyer! Ye jus' kept addin' more skeletons t' yer closet after that!\\
'''Squilliam:''' But…but…I was still so-\\
'''The Dutchman Flying (barked a Laugh):''' Fool, death is a like an iggly wiggly lil'spider! It creeps up on ye on when ye least expect it! (blew his whistle again, so loud that it nearly ruptured Squilliam's eardrums and motivated him to run faster) Now put some muscle into it, ye sissy! Run faster! FASTER!

---> '''The Flying Dutchman's (blew his whistle):''' Faster, ye scurvy dogs! Me grand-mommy runs faster than that!\\

'"Squilliam:''' But…but…I was still so-\\
"' The Dutchman The Dutchman Flying (barked a Laugh): ''' Fool, death is a like an iggly wiggly lil'spider! It creeps up on ye on when ye least expect it! (blew his whistle again, so loud that it nearly ruptured Squilliam's eardrums and motivated him to run faster) Now put some muscle into it, ye sissy! Run faster! FASTER!